Tag Alina: Instrument of Revenge almost all posted (and some info about the whole porn movie thing)

Chapters 1-7 of my new story Tag Alina: Instrument of Revenge are now posted! I know I said that I would have the entire story posted by now but that was, admittedly, an overly optimistic statement. Truth is it's taking me more time to polish the chapters than I thought it would. The good news is I only have three more chapters to proof/polish so the whole story should be up soon. Probably by Tuesday. Maybe. No more promises, I hate having to break them!

On to other things: I'm getting a lot of e-mails about the porn "movie" I did (mentioned in my last post) and in retrospect that shouldn't have been surprising but to be honest, at first I was like, "Holy crap, why are so many people interested in this?!?". I mean, there's so much porn out there, what's the whole fascination of seeing me in a porn movie?

Now I realize that if one of my favorite writers or bloggers said they did a porno-scene but refused to say for what site I'd be curious as hell, too! So it's fair. And it's my fault, too, and sort of makes me a cock-tease. I didn't mean to be! If I could go back I wouldn't have said anything. But I did so please allow me to go into a bit more detail about the whole situation... but please know that I'm not announcing the name of the site here. I never will do that on this blog. Ain't gonna happen, sorry.

Okay. First off, the video in question has not been posted to the site in question yet as of this post. I think it's going to be up soon, but right now I couldn't send you a link even if I wanted to or was willing to. Even I haven't even seen the final, edited cut of the vid.

Second: the reason I can't tell you the name of the site in question is because the owner (at least I think he was the owner... he was definitely the director/head-hauncho-on-set) freaked out when he saw this blog. When we first spoke I told him all about it and he was thrilled. He had all these ideas about tying in this site with the movie. He offered link-backs from his site (because as you all know I love getting a lot of traffic because it earns me so much money... last year this site earned me zero dollars! What's a million times zero again? 'cause that's what those link-banks would have earned me, I think), he wanted me to use the name "Shannon" as my actress name, he wanted me to talk about being an erotica/porn writer, etc. I think he saw how much traffic this site gets (which, while not a ton, is at least a decent number) and he saw dollar signs for himself. But then he actually read through the blog and like I said, he freaked.

After a bunch of near-cancellation moments he said I could still do the scene if I signed this ridiculously long (three pages, 12pt. font, single-spaced) document. There's a lot of miscellaneous crap in there but what it boils down to is that I had to promise to never associate this blog/site with his site in any way, shape, or form.

Why the huge paranoia on his part? From what I've heard the FBI has been up his ass for years because of one of the first scenes he ever directed. I don't know all the details but apparently they're always asking him for 18 USC 2257 documentation whenever his site adds a video; apparently this is unusual, but they have it out for him. Or so he thinks so, anyway. This is all rumor and maybe hogwash, to be honest, but what I can confirm 100% is that he wants the scene I did to have absolutely nothing to do with my site because of all the stories I link to that involve underage sex.

Which is fine. When I decided I wanted to do the scene it's not like I was thinking, "Oh wow, I can't wait to post this to my Forbidden Fantasies blog!".

Which leads me to point three: why did I do it? Well, like I said in the last post, I was in a pretty bad depression. I mean really bad. Suicidal thoughts and all. Don't worry, I never got close to doing something stupid like harming myself, but the depression was deep-deep-deep. For a while I only did two things each day: my daily run and my daily masturbation session. I showered infrequently, didn't buy groceries regularly, and only ate when I realized I really, really had to. I slept all the time. I stopped talking with friends. I was a total mess. It was so bad that when this "opportunity" to do this scene came up I thought, "What the hell?". The normal me wouldn't have done that, I don't think.

But I did do it. Not for the money but for the experience. I mean, you only live once, right? As it turns out it wasn't that great of an experience, but hey, at least I know that now. I won't die someday thinking, "Wow, I wonder what it would have been like doing that scene for 'XXX Site'." I really think it's better to regret something you have done than something that you never even tried.

Wow this post is getting long. Sorry.

Okay, final thing: will I ever let you, my beloved readers/fans/friends see the scene in question? The answer is maybe.

After I finally get to see it, I might (might) try to figure out a way to share it with all of you in a manner that does not breach the ridiculous contract I had to sign. Maybe I'll e-mail a link to all interested parties. Maybe I'll give a ton of clues (which I've sort of been doing, come to think of it!). Maybe I'll post a thread on the SOL.net group. I don't know.

What I do know is that if you see the scene (again: it's not online yet so you literally have no chance of finding it!!!) and think it's me (because, depending on how they edit it? It might be obvious for long-time fans of this site), go ahead and guess. Email a guess, comment and guess, etc. I will always deny if it's not me. I won't confirm if it is me, though... get it?

I think that might be my sneaky way of getting around this contract thing.

Oh, but I reserve the right to deny everything anyway. If the vid makes me look bad (which I am so nervous about... like I said in my original post, I think my acting was terrible, plus I was having a really bad hair day, due to the weather) I'll never admit to you that it's me. Ever.

Sorry!

New Story + Hey I'm Alive!

So I have a new story on SOL! And yes, this one is finished! Yay!

I haven't posted all the chapters yet but that's just because I'm proof-reading each chapter first. Trust me, though, by this time next week, and probably even sooner than that, the entire story will be available. I swear!

Will I post it to ASSTR? Probably not. It's too much of a pain in the butt to post stories to ASSTR. SOL is free and easy to post to so that's my outlet of choice. So just register already. It's free, after all. Please stop begging me to provide my stories in your preferred format/site/whatever. I'm not going to do it when SOL is free and easy.

If SOL ever starts to demand money to view my stories I'll so post them to ASSM or ASSTR. Or right here, on this blog. I swear. But they don't and it takes like two minutes to register for the site.

Anyway, what is my new story? It's called "Tag Alina: Instrument of Revenge". It was inspired by Rachael Ross' awesome Tag: The Game series. I e-mailed her to ask for permission to write a story based in her "Tag" world and she said yes and this story was born. Basically it's a silly, very unrealistic story about a girl who has to play in a "game" at school that involves having sex with as many fellow students as possible in a fifteen-day time frame. Just read my story or read some of Rache's and you'll get the idea...!

As for me? I've been okay. Pretty good, actually! I went through a huge depressive period about two months ago and ended up quitting my job, but then I got it back. So I'm still dancing, which is good. While I was "unemployed" I did something stupid, though: I performed in a porn-movie, just one scene, and that was pretty... dumb.

I mean, first of all, I was playing a teenager in the scene. I am so not a teenager. I'm close to turning 28. But I had to pretend to be 19 in the scene so that alone was very awkward.

Second, I had to act as though I'd never had anal sex or any kind of rough sex before. Long time readers of this site will know how ridiculous that is. And it turns out I'm not a very good actress. I am positive that I came across as a total liar. Argh.

Third, I am not allowed to mention the site I did the shoot for on this blog. Why? Because this blog covers topics (like incest and bestiality) that might make the XXX site that features women getting facials, smacked and abused, paid to do DP, stuff like that... seem... degrading? Illegal? Something. It's so funny.

But I only did that one scene and to tell the truth it did sort of snapped me out of my depression. After going through all that I actually went back to my regular job and started taking some online classes, too. I am determined, now, to get my life back on track. I can't dance forever, you know? Nor can I be expected to realistically play a 19-year-old in movies anymore. Ugh.

So, yeah. Read my new story. Let me know what you think! I'll have it all posted by this time next week, I promise!

Blowjob Girl

First of all, a quick update about my life: a few weeks ago I quit dancing. I'd been wanting to do that for quite a while but it took a rather bad experience to finally make me realize I had to stop or else end up hating myself for all time. So I stopped. Since then I've been looking for mainstream work. I've had a few job interviews but nothing has panned out yet. Good thing is that I have enough money in the bank right now to pay all my bills until at least next February, assuming I adhere to a strict budget (which I have so far). Also, I still meet up with my "personal clients" once in a while (just saw one late last night) for extra cash. Every little bit helps!

The reason for this particular post, though, is because I had a very surreal experience about two hours ago.

It started when I woke up, a lot more energetic than I thought I would (I had a late, tiring night). I made coffee, had a bowl of cereal, then took my daily jog. This was at around 11am or so. Anyway, I did my miles and was coming back by my usual route when I passed my neighbors' house at the corner of the street I live on. To my surprise the man who lives there (I'll call him "Charles") was there, raking leaves. It was surprising because I usually only see him on weekends. He waved at me and I used that as an excuse to stop and catch my breath (to be polite).

Turns out he was home from work because his office building had a small fire last night; nothing major but no one could work while the city inspected the building, things were fixed, et cetera. I asked after "Darlene", his wife, and he told me that she was chaperoning a field trip for their daughter.

I should point this out: I know Darlene a lot better than I know Charles. I see her all the time and we're very friendly. By her request I've even babysat their 11-year-old daughter a few times, usually for just short periods where she needs to go do something and doesn't want to take her kid with her. She and I have the sort of relationship where she can just call me whenever and ask for a favor; ditto for me (I literally borrowed sugar from her once!). She's not the nicest woman in the world (I sort of think she might be racist) but she's a typical mother-figure: prim and proper, 40-something, and generally kind. Charles, by the way, is older than her (I'd guess he's around 50) and much more laid back. Both are cool, I've always thought since I moved here, but like I said I barely know him.

So we were chatting; I told him about how I was looking for work, he gossiped about politics, etc. Just when I figured it was time to finish the last short length of my jog, though, he invited me inside for tea.

Yes, tea. I rarely drink tea (this is America, dammit! We drink coffee!) but the idea of something warm to drink was impossible to ignore (chilly day).

While the tea brewed and I sat in his kitchen we chatted about work (both he and his wife had thought I was a waitress, so I had to lie a bit) and stuff like that. After pouring me the tea, though, he shocked me with this question: "Can I ask you a question about sex? I don't want to sound creepy but you're probably the only woman I know I can ask this about..."

Stunned, I said, "Why?" (I was sort of afraid he might know about my "Shannon" persona, or that I stripped, or something).

"I don't have any female friends," he admitted. "And I can't ask my wife, because it's about her. I can't ask my sisters either because, well, that'd be awkward. But I really need the advice of a woman..."

Suddenly I was very interested. What did mild-mannered 50-something Charles want to ask about? I had to know. So I told him, "Sure, ask away!"

"Is it wrong to ask your wife to do something she really detests?" he replied. "I mean, from a woman's point of view... would you get upset if your significant other kept asking for something that you kept rejecting?"

Intrigued, now, I said, "Well, what were you asking for?"

He was literally blushing while he sipped his tea. "Just... only just a blowjob," he told me. With that suddenly out in the open he started to gush. "When I was much younger than you, it was my favorite thing, sexually speaking. Better than actual sex. Then I went and fell in love with a woman who *hated* doing that. For a while, though, she would do it from time to time-- on my birthday, on anniversaries, that kind of thing. Only special occasions, though. But last Friday was our 19th anniversary and she absolutely refused to do it. She says she hates it. I don't want to start a big fight over it but I keep thinking there has to be a way I can get her to do it without being an asshole about it."

He was totally embarrassed at this point, and stirred more sugar into his tea, totally not looking at me. What I said, though, surprised us both.

I said, "What you need, I think, is a blowjob girl. Someone to do for you what your wife clearly doesn't want to do."

Note: I was never attracted to him before. He's large, sorta fat (not obese or anything, just pudgy), and balding. I honestly never was attracted to him until he told me all this, but suddenly I was. I guess you can never guess with me what will turn me on: hearing a married man tell me about wishing he could get blowjobs did just that. I was literally wet upon hearing those words.

"In nineteen years I've never cheated!" he snapped at me. "I would never, ever do that."

"How is it cheating?" I asked. "'Cheating' would be doing something with another woman that your wife already does for you. If she won't blow you, I think it's perfectly fine for you to find a woman who will. Don't you deserve it?"

He shook his head. "Darlene is the love of my life. I could never betray her. Besides, where would I find a 'blowjob girl'?"

That's when I slid out of my chair and crawled over to him. This is when it all got so surreal: I felt sort of detached from myself. I just looked up at him and said (I literally said this, verbatim): "I can be your blowjob girl, Mr. Charles."

He did nothing to resist me while I unzipped his pants. He said not a word while I sucked his cock which, btw, was decent in size but incredibly hairy (when I deepthroated his thing I literally got his pubes caught in my teeth). He didn't touch me at all, except to pat my head from time to time, and after ten or so minutes he came inside my mouth.

After that I got up, took a sip of tea, and I said I needed to get home. He said to me, "You won't tell Darlene about this, will you?"

The last thing I said to him before leaving (swear to God) was this: "I can keep a secret if you can. I want to be your blowjob girl, Mr. Charles."

It was a very strange experience... but even right now, as I type this, and remember all of that, I can't help but wish I was sucking him off again. I even went outside just a few minutes ago and got sad that his wife's minivan was in their driveway.

Ugh.

Stupid Question

I'm going on a date on Saturday with a guy I met totally randomly at a bookstore near my house. I was killing time after a jog and I *love* how the huge store allows people to read books without buying them, so I bought a cup of iced coffee and sat down and started reading "From Hell" in the store's cafe area.

Anyway, this random stranger came up to me and said, "Oh, you like Alan Moore?"

I had no idea who Alan Moore was! But this guy was so cute and obviously flirting, so I said, "Sure do!"

We talked for nearly an hour with me neatly deflecting all questions about Moore away. Finally he asked if I wanted to "get together" on Saturday. He joked that we could talk about the "Watchmen" movie.

I've never seen it. But I lied, during our conversation, and said I had.

So now I sort of have a problem! Except for the trailers I've recently watched online, I know *nothing* about the movie. I was only reading "From Hell" in the cafe because it had been left on the table! But now this guy thinks I'm all into Alan Moore. Ugh!

Basically I either need to keep up my lies, which I'm not sure I can do, or come clean with him and admit that I know nothing about comic books/graphic novels/whatever.

After he left, btw, I went and bought the Watchmen graphic novel (it was on sale at the store!). I'm about a third of the way through, and it's pretty entertaining! That was my plan for knowing what to talk about on Saturday, though... my entire plan. The problem is, I just did some searches on the Internet, and it turns out the movie is a LOT different.

So here's my stupid question: can anyone tell me what's different from the movie versus the book? Better yet, is there anyway I can download this movie now so I can actually watch it first? It's no longer playing anywhere near me (I just checked) and the DVD doesn't come out until July.

Please don't tell me that I should just tell him the truth. I already know that I should. But it's too early in our relationship for "truth". :P

-shannon-

~really likes this guy~

Lapdances and Orgasms

Hey everyone! First of all, thanks for all the nice/concerned e-mails regarding my last post. In case I didn't write you back, and for those of you who didn't write in the first place, everything worked out for the best. I'm free and in no danger of being sent to the loony-hospital again, plus Beth has stopped her little quest to ruin my life. She sort of had to since (thanks to the advice of one of my friends from this site) I got a personal protection order against her. Yay law! :P

Also, I'm feeling very good lately. I started running again, and for the past few weeks I've been running about ninety minutes a day. I've lost four pounds so far, which wasn't exactly my intent, but still it's always nice to see on the scale! More important is the fact that both my ass and breasts are looking firmer than they have in a while. Again, this wasn't the goal: I only started running again because the weather suddenly got really nice and I missed being outdoors. Now, I'm hooked! I can't believe I didn't discover how awesome a good jog is years ago. Shrugs... 

So anyway, the reason I'm posting this morning is to ask a question: is it just a local phenomenon, or have handjobs and blowjobs at stripclubs become the norm nationwide?

Let me explain. Ever since I've been dancing, I've known that orgasms in the VIP room (aka "champaign room") are just part of the job. In fact, whenever a new dancer asks for advice I tell her that her goal while giving lapdances should be to get the guy off. It doesn't usually happen, of course-- most guys get hard as a rock from a good dance/grinding-session, but are unable to climax through such maneuvers. Still, my goal as a dancer is to get them off because by attempting to do so they're much more likely to continue asking for dances. A lame no-contact dance may result in just one $20 song while a full ass/crotch grind could result in eight or nine songs. You do the math!

Anyway, yeah, so that's always been the norm. You try your hardest, and sometimes they cum. Usually they're embarrassed if they do, which has never made sense to me. I mean, sometimes I get off from such dances, too! It's just how it is, something you can't really control. I guess guys get embarrassed for cumming in their pants, but whatever.

Here's the thing, though. Ever since I've been dancing, I've known that some girls are willing to do a lot more than just a simple dance to get a guy off. Like, they'll offer to jerk the customer off in exchange for a promise of a certain number of dances. That's always code, btw: the dancer says, "Stay for six dances and I'll stroke you off" means "Pay me $120 and I'll give you a handjob". Some dancers even offer blowjobs, and occaissionaly out-and-out sex for larger fees. This is just the reality of the job, a job that while I obviously don't look down on at all does manage to attract some really... uhm, let's just say, depraved girls. That's life.

It's also always very rare, until recently. Official policy at the club I've been working at now for more than two years is that lapdances are to involve little physical contact, and absolutely no direct contact. It used to be that the club would dismiss dancers caught breaking this rule. The bouncers in the VIP room would sometimes even interrupt such acts, kicking out both the dancer and the customer. The reason? Liquour license. The club couldn't afford to risk losing it by contracting with dancers (remember, we're not employees; we're independent contractors) who prostitute themselves.

In the past I've even gotten several girls dismissed by ratting them out. Why? Because it's not fair! I mean, I'm going to lose customers if the ones I'm dancing for notice that some other girl is going down on her client. He's going to wonder why he's paying me the same amount the guy across from us is paying while, but he's only receiving a grind/dance. Heck, I've even had customers tell me they didn't want anymore dances, only to later see them receiving more dances from the slutty/prostitute girl in question.

Lately, things have changed. Handjobs and even blowjobs are no longer the exception, they're basically the rule. Over the last few months I've learned that unless I want each dance to only last one song I have to at least hint I'll do more than just grind. Also, to actually get a bunch of dances I have to promise handjobs. And I do them, too.

Which, by the way, isn't as humiliating/trashy as it sounds. All I do is unzip the guy's fly, pull his cock out, and jerk him off. In some ways it's actually a lot easier than doing a full lapdance, and it definitely pays more. Lol, maybe it's been too long since I've had a regular boyfriend or something, but jerking off a guy I'm straddling usually gets me off, too. Yes, I let them touch me, that's sort of the unspoken rule (not every guy does, though, which is sort of weird/awkward).

So why have things at the club changed so drastically? Part of the explanation lies, I think, in what the club's manager told me the last time I complained a girl was giving BJ's in the VIP room. This was about three months ago or so, and I hadn't started joining the new trend yet. He said, "Shannon, look. She's willing to do it and the cops aren't raiding anymore. I can't fire every girl who does that in an environment like this, or you'll be the only dancer I have left."

Key point: the cops aren't raiding anymore!

The county sheriffs have raided us before, in the past. I've been through two of them at this club, and two more at the other club I worked at (the one I started at). Basically they send in undercover cops who basically hint during a lapdance that they want more than just a dance. Thankfully, I've never agreed. I always just said what I usually say, "Aww, sorry honey! We can still have fun, right?". Not all girls I've worked with have done the same, though. They've suggested that a payment of, say, $150 would get them a blowjob. Once the money exchanges hands, the guy pulls out his badge and the whole club ends up being shutdown (not literally, but who wants to go to a stripclub whose parking lot has cop cars in it? Business basically dies for the night). 

My manager was right, though. That just doesn't happen anymore. There hasn't been a raid in at least a year. Now new dancers, especially, are offering to do more than just simple lapdances because they have no reason to think there will be consequences. That's forcing me, a veteran, to do more, too. 

So is this just a local thing, or is this happening nationwide? Is it the newly elected sherriff's fault for not running sting operations, or is prostitution being accepted all over all of a sudden?

One last thing before I end this rather long post. Years ago, when I was still in college, I worked with a woman I'll call Samantha who was a total fucking bitch. She was older than me, though not by a lot, and I think she resented the fact that I was younger and in better shape than her. The men in the office we worked in took an immediate liking to me, and I think she hated that. Anyway, she always treated me like dirt. When someone stole some money out of the petty cash once (I think I blogged about this back then, but I might be wrong!) she not only blamed me, she made it her personal mission in life to get me fired for it. I was innocent by the way. I swear!

Anyway, you can see why I wouldn't much care for this person. And I've had absolutely no contact with her since I left that company. In fact, I'd barely thought about her in years. Then, about a week ago, one of the people who also worked at that office, who I'm still (sort of) friends with, sent me an e-mail about her. It read, in part:

"Not sure you're gonna wanna see this but I thought it was funny at least. [NAME REMOVED BY ME!] forwarded me this link. It's a NSFW video of that bitch we used to work with at [COMPANY NAME REMOVED BY ME!]. Serious can you believe this? Of all people, who knew?"

Here's the video my friend sent me. And seriously, this is definitely my old co-worker, the uptight bitch who made my life hell!!!

Anyway, I thought it was funny. Seeing her, after all these years, getting spanked and treated like shit by some guy who supposedly doesn't know her. What I'd like to know is whether or not she's been in more movies? I mean, has she become a professional actress, or was this something she did just the one time? Shrugs... if any of you out there have any info on that, I'd definitely appreciate hearing about it!

Also... felt kind of weird fingering myself while watching my old nemesis. Sigh. I so, so need to find a man.

Later!

-shannon-

p.s. The video says her name is "Cate"... that's not her real name!

Boobies and Speeches

Whenever I post anything about politics I usually get about two dozen or so hate/angry e-mails within the first 24-hours. In addition, I also get at least twenty or so condescending, "Let me explain to you why you're wrong, little girl" e-mails, too. It's enough to keep me from making blog posts on this topic most of the time. Besides, this isn't a political blog, it's an erotica blog. But occasionally there are exceptions.

Tonight was one of them.

At around 8:30pm I was at work, hating my life for not being able to get out of work on this, the night of our president's first address to a joint-session of Congress. I knew that the first thing I would do when I got home was watch it, but still, not watching it live would suck. So an idea struck me: why not ask the shift-manager if we could turn down the annoying music for once and turn the TV's (that usually only show sports games or ESPN on mute) to one of the major networks?

For a variety of reasons, I have some pull with him. But he was skeptical. I finally convinced him by pointing out that our clientele are mostly blue-collar men who are depressed as hell about the state of the economy. I promised him that Obama would cheer them up. He decided (almost at the last minute) to do it.

The result was the most surreal sight I've ever seen. The smoke-filled dark club I work at became a totally different place at 9pm (EST) when the DJ announced we'd be watching "our president's State of the Union speech" (it wasn't an official SOTU, but whatever). For the next hour or so there was no music, no dancing. Everyone in the bar, probably about three dozen people including the girls, gave their undivided attention to our 44th president and his address.

It was something else. Not only the speech, which was amazing, but the customers' reaction to it. Also, the dancers' (including me) reaction to it. There were tears, there were bursts of applause, and immediately following the speech's end the room erupted in a chant of "OBAMA! OBAMA!". 

I live in a place that has been devastated by this recession. President Obama's optimistic, bold, and empathic speech resonated well, here. Hell, I spent the speech on the lap of a man who told me at its start that he had voted for McCain. At the end he was shaking his head and saying, "Goddamn, this guy can do it. He can do it." He sounded in awe. Imagine a dark room full of half-naked women and blue-collar men watching the speech like it was the Superbowl of Superbowls and you'll get sort of close to understanding how weird the sight was... sigh!

Anyway, as soon as the speech was over the music began again and our DJ for the night (btw? He's the only DJ there who I *hate* with a passion!!!) called me to the stage and everything became normal at work again. But for that one hour or so my little club was this like... argh, I don't have the words! It's like, it became this place where suddenly tits and ass weren't the end all, be all, you know? People cared more about President Obama's words than my tits! That's a good thing.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I still made out pretty well, money-wise. After the speech was over, people were happy. Happy people tip more. After the speech was over, people felt more confident. Confident people spend more. :)

I do have a lingering concern that the shift manager might get into trouble for putting that speech on the monitors, though... I know for a *fact* that his boss would not have approved. Hopefully no alcohol revenues were lost during that. Eh. Business has been so bad lately that I doubt he'd notice, though, unless he looked at the hourly receipts... shrugs.

Even if some of us get in trouble for that, though, I think it was a wonderful experience, and well worth any "punishment" (short of being fired) down the road.

How cool is it that we have a president who can garner more attention that naked tits?! Pretty darn cool, if you ask me. :P

-shannon-

Moving and Stories and Sick Boyfriends

First of all, thanks to everyone who sent me "Rache sucks, you should have won!" e-mails after I lost in my writer's showdown against her the other day. While I vehemently disagree with the whole "Rache sucks" thing, getting angry e-mails from fans who think I was cheated made me smile. I especially loved the conspiracy theory e-mails. I dusted off my tin-foil hat after reading one in particular... (you know who you are... and yes, They are watching us)!

Incidentally, you can see me and Rache's entries for "Bush Fires" over at SOL.net in the Showdown Universe. I turned off voting for my story because I posted the original, no-edit/never proofread version that I submitted. I'll turn on voting for my "author's preferred edition" if and when I post it...

Thanks, also, to those of you who took the time to post your comments and/or send me e-mails regarding my disaster of a Valentine's Day date. Just to clarify a couple of things, he's older than me and owns his own condo. The reason I drove him to his parents' house was because he was *really*, *really* sick. I was the one who suggested he not be alone, actually. As it turns out he ended up staying with his parents until just today when he finally stopped puking his brains out. He told me on the phone today that he wants a redo in regards to our date, so that should be fun!

He also worried that I might have caught his bug. I laughed and said, "No, I'm fine! See, there's this thing called flu-shots...". :P

Oh! One other interesting piece of news. My landlord asked me the other day if I'd be interested in moving into a smaller apartment. It's about $100 a month cheaper than what I'm currently paying and it's in the same house, so I said, "Fuck yeah!". I don't need a lot of space. I start the moving process tomorrow, though, and there is one big hiccup: that apartment doesn't have cable wired to it yet. The cable company said they'll have a guy out here soon to do the installation but until then I'll be without the Internet. Oh noes!!!

Well, I'll let you all get back to doing what you do. Later!

-shannon-

My Valentine's Day Massacre

I had a date tonight. A real and honest date with a good man I really like. I took off Valentine's Day for him. What did I get?

Halfway through our dinner he had to excuse himself to go vomit. 

He was sick. I had to drive him, in his car, back to his parents' house. Forty minutes out of my way. The guy lives a twenty minute walk from where I live but I had to drive him all the way to his parents'.  His dad ended up driving me back home. That was uncomfortable, to say the least.

...

I don't blame him. He warned me he was "under the weather". Still, that really, really sucked. 

Also, I lost my competition with Rache. Not only lost, actually: I was crushed. Not one of the judges voted for my story. I learned about that earlier in the day.

Apparently I'm a horrible writer who induces vomit from her courtiers. 

-shannon-

~feeling sorry for herself~

O

Barack H. Obama is now President Barack H. Obama.

There really are no words to describe how that makes me feel. I've watched live coverage of the inauguration all day at a party that was just amazing to attend (a friend of mine threw an open "Inauguration Party" at his house and I met a ton of cool people there). I have seen pundit after pundit, historian after historian, and politico after politico try to sum up this moment, this feeling, this energy. 

But I haven't seen, heard, or read anything that's gotten close to describing what this is like. My meager ability at prose doesn't stand a chance when some of the giants of American political discourse fail to succinctly capture the moment, so I won't even try. Let me just say, though, that it was because of moments like these that I fell in love with American History when I was a sad and abused and scared little girl. It was because of moments like these that I proudly identify myself as a Civics dork. It's because of moments like these that I can say with a straight face that America is the greatest nation on Earth, if not for what it is but for what it wants to be, an aspiring and ambitious young nation that always recognizes when it has fucked up and promptly corrects its course afterwards.

President Obama (just typing that makes me teary eyed!) will end up becoming one of the greatest presidents in United States history. I make that declaration with a somber (if not quite sober) mind that also recognizes the great challenges he will face. That we all will face. In fact, it's because of these challenges we face that I know he will end up being remembered as one of the greatest presidents our country has ever seen. 

I believe he will either join the ranks of Washington, Lincoln, F. Roosevelt and Kennedy, or he will end up being remembered as something far more jarring and far less acceptable to my sense of human history: as the last President of the United States.

That's how bad it is here. Either he rights the ship or it goes down. There is no middle ground. Few people have been given that burden before. W wasn't given that burden. Clinton wasn't either, though times were tough. H.W. inherited the world's first sole superpower. His predecessor, Reagan, received a ship in choppy waters. Carter took the reigns of an enfeebled workhorse.

But only three presidents, now four, have ever taken the helm in truly dire times. Washington, our nation's father, had to set the tone and ultimately it was his example that made the peaceful transfer of power a tradition burned into our national conscience. Lincoln took office when state after southern state was saying it could leave our Union, trying to divide us for all time. F. D. Roosevelt, a disabled man whom Adolf Hitler would laughed off as a "cripple", came to power during an economic crisis that was so deep, so horrible, that Communism became a mainstream desire in this nation. FDR said shortly after being elected, "My job is to save Capitalism from the capitalists." And he did.

Now we have President Obama. In an age of terrorism and petty tyrants who are "on the wrong side of history", he doesn't call them evil. He doesn't rattle the saber of America's might. Instead he offers an "extended hand if they are willing to unclench their fists." (paraphrasing from memory). His words today on the steps of the Capitol building remind me so much of some of the words that first made me care about such things... JFK, saying, "We will not negotiate out of fear, but we will never fear to negotiate." and "We all live on the same small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all value our children's futures. And we are all mortal."

President Barack Obama has to succeed, otherwise America will fall. As a student of history I truly don't think the latter is possible. Logic dictates that he therefore shall succeed in leading the greatest experient in human history toward a new triumph. He will help perfect our union. Our government of the people, and by the people, and for the people, cannot perish from this earth.

To all you naysayers who will undoubtably disagree with me, let me say this: Today is not a day to be cynical. I'm turning off comments for this post, the first time I've ever done this, because I'm tired of naysayers. Today is not a day for angry right-left fights. Today is a day to realize that the promise of our nation, the United States of America, is forever perfecting itself. 

God bless (and this comes from an atheist but I just can't help myself!!) President Barack Obama!

Love and best wishes for all time,

-shannon-

~oh, and here's the pic I promised... yes, I'm in there. Pic will be up for three days~

Twitter is such a filthy word

As in: "Debra is such a slut! I heard that half the boys in school have twittered her..."

Lol, anyway, by request, I made a Twitter account. Don't expect me to update it often because I over-update my RL Twitter account and I'm *not* going to let myself become addicted to two Twitters (seriously, doesn't that sound dirty!?). ANYway, add me as a friend there. 

Oh, part four of "Daddy's Firm" will be posted tomorrow (as promised!).

-shannon-

Barack Obama

Doubt this man at your own peril!

On February 7th of this year I did just that when I promised everyone that if Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, I would post a picture of myself to this blog. I also promised that if he became the Democratic Party's nominee, I'd post rough drafts of TTT Ch.12 (honestly, I forgot about that latter promise! And since no one seems to care that I broke it, I'll spare you the terrible mess that is the current draft of said chapter! :P ). 

I honestly didn't think he would win. Otherwise I would never have made such a promise! I totally underestimated him. I'm glad I was wrong but, well, long time fans of this site know how much I value my privacy, and some of you know all about the troubles I've gone through the few times I've let my guard down before. 

Like many others, I underestimated Obama's chances. I mean, I've always loved him! But I never thought that a black man could win this nation's highest office. Even though he inspired me so much, even though I loved his pragmatic vision for this country, even though I thought he was the best person to lead us... I never truly believed he had a chance to win.

And then, on Tuesday, November 4th, at a victory party near where I live, it was announced that Obama had won Ohio. Game over. I don't think I stopped crying until several days later. Hell, I'm starting to tear up again right now, just from the memory! Sigh... what a new world!

Anyway...! I made two promises. I already broke one (which I will remedy if enough people ask for that rough draft... but be careful what you ask for!). I don't want to break the second. On the other hand, I don't want to post my real picture to this blog. What's a girl to do?

Beth, actually, ended up giving me the answer. We're not on really good terms anymore (she moved away and we rarely talk) but we chat online, still, from time to time. Last night she pointed out that I never promised to post a recent photo of me. She suggested that I find a baby picture of myself and post that. But I thought that was cheesy (and knowing some ppl on this site, probaly icky!). Her suggestion did give me a good idea for what picture I will post, though...!

That leads me to the promise, which was: "if the 44th president of the United States ends up being Barack Obama, I will post a picture of myself to this blog." Guess what? He's not the 44th president. He's not! He's the President elect! He won't become the 44th until he's sworn in on January 20th, 2009. :P

Technically I have some time. So maybe I'll go have pictures of me taken in costume in the meanwhile. More likely, I'll just post older pictures of me that some of you probably already have. That was my original idea. Beth's more nuanced approach about the exact wording of my promise made me realize I could really be lame about this, but I don't want to be lame. If and when I post a pic, it will be a fairly recent one. No costume. No covered in a blanket. But it will be a pic that lets me feel... safe, still. 

Well, that's all. Stick around with this blog and I promise there will be a (real) picture of me posted of me here after Obama is sworn in as the 44th President. Remember, though, I never said I'd leave the picture up forever. I hate to be all lawyer like but, hey, if you want a pic of me bad enough to call me out in my own comments section of these posts, you'll make the time to be ready to capture it once it's posted.

January 20th, 2009. After he's sworn in as the 44th president of the USA, I promise to leave whichever pic I choose up for at least three days. 

Oh, and the TTT draft? If you flood me with comments for it, I'll post them. But like I said, be careful what you wish for...!

-shannon-

~in peril~

//UPDATE! I am sick and tired of the nasty, mean-spirited comments that keep getting made to this blog. Not all of you do it; in fact, I see only about 10-20% of the total comments over the last month have been mean and/or rude. Still, they hurt. I mean, this site is my home! Imagine someone coming into your home and saying mean things about it and/or you. 

The good news is that I've noticed the vast majority of the nasty comments come from anonymous posters, so I don't have to turn off comments completely. There's a setting in Blogger that can turn off anonymous posts. So I just did that. From now on you'll have to be registered to comment.

To those of you who posted anonymously but were nice or at least civil: I'm sorry! A few bad apples spoiled the bunch. :( On the Internet as a whole this is not uncommon but here, at my home, it's pretty sad since in the long history of this site the forum members/commenters have always been nice. Even the vast majority of the e-mail I get is either nice or constructive, not mean spirited and ugly. 

Just another reminder why I have to be careful of keeping my identity secret, though. I mean, for every posting mean/nasty anonymous person out there, how many mean/nasty lurkers are there, waiting for me to slip up and reveal my location? I don't want to be stalked again, people, and some of these rude/cruel anons scare me...

Even so, for the record, I do plan on keeping my promise on both counts, as laid out in the original post. But it will be on my terms, not yours. This is my site at the end of the day and I have to do what I feel is best! So SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP COMING HERE if you don't like that! For that matter, if you don't like Obama, STFU and remember the first sentence of this post! :P

Stay tuned...!

I hate you! (except you)

With everything going on in my life right now (more on that at the end of this post!) it's hard for me to find the time to work on any of my stories. I'm not a prolific writer anyway, so when the muse does hit I try to make the time to focus on the stories I care about. Like Suburban Girl, or Trailer Trash Teen (yes, I swear, I haven't given up on that one!). You know, the stories I started, got you all excited about, and then never finished? Yeah, those! :P

But anyway, this damned election keeps distracting me from my writing! Now that I have Internet access again (yes, I was briefly without it... it was horrifying) whenever I try to write about Tina or Becky I end up going over to my favorite news sites and blogs, you know, just to check out the headlines. And then I end up just having to read one, maybe two articles. Then three. Soon, I'm up to four and thirty and I'm lost in it and it's just... argh!!! 

I'm a junkie when it comes to politics. Especially this year, with the stakes so high and the election so close, you know? Longtime fans of this site will know this. But this year... I mean, I never thought Obama would win the primaries. And he did! I'm still stunned by that. The fact that it's very, very possible he'll win the general election too, well... I can't help but focus on each and every poll or event in the election. It really is like a drug for me. It's sort of sick...! Grr.

So anyway. I'm a nervous wreck about this election and I know that I will be until it's over. November 4th... my god, it's so close! And things are looking so good for Obama right now. The polls are trending in his direction, McCain is looking like the angry old fool that he is, the Republican VP candidate is dropping like a rock as people get to know her, Obama solidly won the first Prez debate, etc. Yet I'm still really nervous. Why? One word: racism (and this guy, btw, makes a pretty good case about it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QIGJTHdH50).

I don't think a lot of people understand just how big an issue that is. Racism, I mean. Obama should be dominating in the polls by a huge margin given the current state of our nation. Yet he isn't! Why? Fucking racist assholes, that's why! Oh, and ignorant fucking Fox News watching morons (most of whom are also racist assholes).

What really pisses me off is that so many of you (fans of this site) have made it clear to me that you're racist, too. After my last blog post (and especially after this one) I was shocked to learn how many of my readers are racist. It became clear via some emails, comments to this blog, and chat messages. I would like to think that most of you aren't, but dammit!!! If the majority of my readers aren't idiotic racist assholes then you're a silent majority... I mean, for every five racist or pro-Republican e-mails I get, I also recieve maybe, maybe one tolerant, Democratic one. Argh. Why is it that my fanbase is so unlike *me*?!?

Oh, and I want to make a quick point about my last post. In the comments and emails I received about that fucking retarded, lie of an ad that so pissed me off, many of you claimed that McCain was telling the truth. That Obama really did want to teach Kindergartners what sex was because of that vote he made as an Illinois state senator. Hell, even McCain still claims the ad was true so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But I have two points on that:

First: THINK FUCKING LOGICALLY!!!! Do you really think that someone in this country could rise to national prominence politically if he truly supported the teaching of the use of cocks and pussies to 6-year-old kids?!? I mean, if you're a Republican and really hate Democrats and think they're crazy, I get that. I can step into your shoes on some issues and understand your point of view. But do you really believe that any presidential hopeful, Dem or Repub, could make it far by advocating such a clusterfuck-crazy-point-of-view like sex-ed for Kindergartners?!? Does that make any sense?! Put aside for a second the fact that you disagree with Obama on a lot of things. Do you really think that he, a father of two little girls, wants to teach sex-ed to them?! Even worse, have the government teach it to them? Do you really believe that? If so, WHY? WHY would he want that? WHAT COULD HIS MOTIVATION POSSIBLY BE?!? Did he wake up one morning and say to himself, "Gee, you know who doesn't know enough about sex? My daughters. I'm going to introduce a bill in the state legislator to fix that." Do you really, really think that's the case here?!? If so you are FUCKING STUPID BEYOND BELIEF!!!! Arghhh!!!!!

Sigh. Anyway, Second: http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/off_base_on_sex_ed.html

Okay, I'm done ranting... I just... argh. I cannot believe how close this election is. Why are so many Americans so dumb? Oh, and if you're a Republican... well, shoot, I won't lie. I'm talking about you, specifically. :P

-shannon-

P.S. I almost forgot: I promised I'd tell you about what's going on in my life right now. Basically, I'm living in a new place near the old one. That means, duh, that Beth and I aren't together anymore. I fucked up the relationship and got dumped and rightly so I guess. Sigh. Oh, and now I'm dancing full time and sort of getting back into the "escort" thing, too. Maybe I'll write more about that in my next post. I promise to let you know every last dirty detail, anyway, if you promise to vote for Obama. You racist jerks! :D

Inspiration and Such

So the whole thing about Suburban Girl Chapter 7 sort of had a backlash-- after I posted about how most of the responses I was getting were from racist readers, I got a ton of positive responses from people who (rightly!!) think those people are morons! So yay, it turns out my reading audience isn't entirely made up of ignorant assholes...! :P

Moving on, I spent the last few days on yet another quasi-vacation with Beth. It went well, for the most part, except that she tried to force me to write whenever we were bored. She'd say, "Write for the next thirty minutes; get me hot; I'll be back soon." And I *know* I could have done that very, very easily except one of her rules was that I had to be adding to a story (either posted or not) I was already working on. Argh.

In the end it sort of worked. I made some progress with SG8, among other things. Still, I kept telling her that if she *really*! wanted me to make headway with these "projects" she'd let me spend my time browsing for some raunchy porn first. That *always* inspires me, you see? But she was, as always, against it, for two reasons. First, she believes that her sexiness should be all the inspiration I need when we're alone and on vacation together. Shrugs. Second, she pays the one credit card I just recently acquired (to help "build up" my credit), and one of the rules is that I can't spend anything on porn sites. And she gets the bills... grrr.

Which sucks! But then again, I see her point.

Anyway, she suggested I use my free time (i.e. time not spent with her... like right now!) to do my searching for free-porn/inspiration. So I am. But since I'm too tired to *really* try, I'm just asking all of you! Again, this was sort of her suggestion, I guess, but... argh! I hate homework assignments.

What I'm looking for is a site with videos like FacialAbuse.com. Or GirlsBoardingSchool.com. Or YoungPorn.net. Not those sites exactly, mind you... if you read my forum, you know I've been there, done that! In fact, some awesome fans of this site (you know who you are by now!) have kept me hooked up with some of those sites... but unfortunately, sites like that rarely update (how dare they?!? :P), and I've seen most of the vids on them by now.

I really need some good recommendations for other good, hard-core sites! You know... either raunchier than FacialAbuse, or less annoying than YoungPorn, or less pretentious than GirlsBoardingSchool... if you know this site and my stories, you know what I'm looking for, I think!

I so, so, so hate begging like this. For porn, I mean. Long time fans of this site will know this. But still... if you have any recommendations, or any ideas; any suggestions or any thoughts along this topic, I'd appreciate it if you let me know. Please keep in mind when you contact me that my budget, as laid out by Beth (mixed thoughts on that, here, btw), precludes me paying for a site. I mean, don't let that stop you from saying, "Wow, you would love this awesome, nasty, hard-core site, if you could afford it!"... but I would really rather you could both suggest it and provide me access to it for free.

Darn it!

I feel like such a whore making this post. This is not the first time but darn it again... I hate feeling this way. Sort of begging for free stuff. I hate that. I hate charity. It comes up constantly in my fights with Beth... I'll say no more right now. But you get the idea. Sigh....

Oh, one last thing. Beth is no longer my only regular lover. A man I will call "Simon" hooks up with me on a regular basis, now, too. This is a recent development, and I would talk more about it but I am so tired. I will let you know three things, though: Beth knows about him; she introduced me to him; and he knows *nothing* about this site. I don't give that information freely.

Sometimes I wish I'd never given that information to her. I know she'll read this, but she'll understand. The point of this site was so that I could just talk about my dark side, my nasty side, my embarrassing side. Letting her know about all this... part of me wants to cry.

Argh.

<--- me crying right now. Sort of. Kind of. I love her, though, I really do!

It's just sex with him, btw. The sex is great, I won't lie... he makes me feel young again, the way he treats me... I feel like a little girl again. Maybe I make myself feel that way with him. I've been with guys his age before (I think) but... shudder. He's just so cool about it.

Enough for now. Oh, except to say that yes, I still dance; yes, I still want to go back to school if I can ever get my act together; and yes, I'm still working on TTT and SG and a ton of other things. I've been writing a TON lately. It's the sex-scenes that keep killing me. Whenever I re-read them they just aren't hot. Orgasms in real life are so, so much different than orgasms received via porn. I guess that's why I've always loved and needed certain inspirations...! :P

At the same time... and I don't care if Beth reads this since I know she will... he satisfies me with something no woman ever could. It doesn't mean I love her less. It doesn't! I really do love her! If I wanted to cheat on her with someone, believe me, I could! Given my job, my online "Shannon" persona, etc... I could so do it. But she let me hook up with him.

I've never lied to her. About all that. I won't say I haven't lied to you, Beth... I can't say that. Argh.

I only ever lie to the people I love.

-shannon-

P.S. If you want to read a good sex-story, check out Rache's "Girl Fag" on SOL.net. I would never have recommended it before (even though I love her writing!) except that she's been re posting the whole thing just recently... and now it's a lot better!

P.P.S. I love Beth. I really do, with all my heart and in more ways than I can ever communicate via text like this. I say this not because I know you will read this tomorrow but because it really is true.

"Beth", you knew how fucked up I was when we first got together.

Suburban Girl Part Six

Yep, I posted it over at http://www.storiesonline.net/. For those of you who don't know about that site, click here (or just take my word when I say that I'm just a member of that site; I don't run it, receive any money from it, etc.). I'll post it here, too, once I get motivated enough. :P

Oh, and for those of you wondering about me and my last post, let's just say I'm not going to any of those meetings anymore. I've been too busy doing this with with Beth:

Two Young Girls Practice Kissing on Each Other

Looks like you've got kissing down. Now go do your math homework.

Get humor videos at NothingToxic


:) Btw, no, that's not really me and her (if you even had to ask!).

My First SA Meeting

If you don't know what 'Sexaholics Anonymous' is you should read this first.

I went to my first meeting last week at the urging of Beth, my first honest-to-God girlfriend. After she made me her sub. How crazy is that? I mean, I was totally willing to be submissive. And I have been. Now, though, I'm being punished in a way I never imagined. I have to go to these meetings that tell me my very *submission* is wrong and unhealthy. Every day, every day, I do this. They teach me... or, at least, all I'm learning... is that I'm not supposed to be with a person like her. And *she* sent me there! And I love her. That is not healthy for me, you know?

Is this her way of breaking up with me?

When I read the twelve steps (which we do, every fucking day at the meetings) all I can see in the end is me... you know, realizing that I have to push her away. Give her up. Yet she makes me go. Does she want me to give her up?

At my first meeting I sat at a "first step" table. I listened to all these people who, frankly, were big-time druggies and such. Losers, etc. Former hookers and former inmates. But they judged *me*, you know? They talked down to me, told me I needed to realize what my addiction was. Like me being in a healthy if strange relationship is unhealthy. And them, most of whom admitted they have STDs, aren't. It was horrible. I could barely bite my tongue to keep from telling them off.

They don't know me! I'm a mess, sure, I've done wrong things! But compare me to them, you know!!! Grr....

And then Beth picks me up afterwards and she tells me she's "proud" I was there. And she does that every time since. She tells me how proud she is of me, for going to these BS meetings. What am I supposed to do? She's the one who wants me there. Yet it is such BS. Such fucking bullshit. Argh!

Anyway, I can't genuinely get past the second step. So maybe this will be over soon. Maybe it will even involve losing Beth. At this point, I'm not sure I care. Because, as a part-time stripper and an all-time lover of all things sexual? The very idea of giving up 'lust' is... incomprehensible to me. Especially when the person who wants me to go to these meetings (my beloved Dom) is the very same person who keeps me sexualized... well, always.

I don't get what's going on. Sorry for rambling, btw.

shannon

So You Want to Chat with Shannon...

When I'm in the mood to chat online I usually go onto Yahoo Instant Messenger (despite my solemn oath never to login to YIM again a while back, I still do from time to time... sigh!). I still prefer GTalk, but logging into YIM pretty much guarantees I'll find someone to chat with; my friends list there is literally hundreds long whilst my GTalk friends list is a paltry 50-something (and my Hello list is even more pathetic!). :( I guess YIM is just the Instant Messenger of choice for fans of this site! Shrugs.

Anywho, lately I've been in sort of a chatting frenzy on YIM. Chalk it up to boredom, trying to impress Beth with my quasi-online "fame", or whatever, but I've been logging in there a lot the last couple of weeks. And do you know what I've learned?

Guys on YIM have not changed since I last swore it off!!!

Oh, there have been exceptions. I have made a few new friends there, otherwise I wouldn't keep logging in. But that being said, the vast majority of IM's I get are still frustrating, annoying, and downright lame! So, in an effort to cut down on these time-wasting IM's, I decided to write this blog post. Without further ado...

How to Chat with Shannon (a primer)
***************************************
1.) Do not ask, "Who are you again?" or any variation thereof.
If I'm on your contact list it's because you added me. Trust me. Asking who I am, or how you met me, etc. just annoys me. Besides, the link to my website is on my YIM profile. If in doubt, read that first. Mystery solved!

2.) Do not ask, "Is that pic in your profile really you?" or "Can I see a pic of you?" or any variation thereof.
If you've read this site for any length of time you already know: I no longer share real pictures of myself with people I meet online! Especially people I've only just met. There are about a billion reasons for this and I won't waste any time explaining them to you. Just know: there is no faster way to get on my ignore list than by pestering me for photos of myself!!!

3.) Do not accuse me of not really being female.
I admit, I've fallen for this line more than a few times. In the past I would either argue for a long time or seek to "prove" myself. But that was when I was a younger, more naive Shannon! The older, more experienced Shannon now knows:

:P In other words, I'm not going to fall for the line "Send me your pic or I'll think you're a guy" line ever again. Nor will I be baited into a long, pointless argument about my gender. If you try either, you go directly to my ignore list.

4.) Do not try and convert me to your religion.
If you're so religious, why were you on a website called "Forbidden Fantasies" anyway? :P

5.) Do not send me a picture of your penis.
I've written about this before but, sadly, this phenomenon persists. If I want to see your penis I will politely ask, but trust me, sending it to me out of nowhere will only get you onto my ignore list.

6.) Do not harass me.
By harass I mean the following: sending me a "BUZZ!!", sending me a flood of messages, talking to me IN ALL CAPS, etc. This usually starts to happen when I haven't replied to a message within 60 seconds, but look! If I'm still online, and haven't put you on my ignore list, I'll probably end up replying. Just because I do not reply right away doesn't mean I don't want to chat anymore!!! Sometimes it's just because I had to go to the bathroom, or answer a phone call, etc.

7.) Do not send me porn unsolicited!
If I'm in the mood to trade pix, URL's, etc. I will tell you. Just make sure to ask first, okay? Otherwise I might think you're a spam-bot and put you on my ignore list accidentally! :)

8.) Do treat me with respect!
Just because I run the site I run doesn't mean I want to be treated like some slutty whore. Saying things like "hey slut tell me how you'd suck my cock" is both a.) unoriginal and b.) insulting. Unless, of course, we're role-playing or cybering. But then I would have already given permission to be talked to in that way... I guess the bottom line is, just be nice unless I specifically mention otherwise, okay? :P

9.) Do feel free to bring up any subject at all to chat about!
I'm not always on YIM or GTalk because I'm horny and looking for porn, etc. Sometimes I just feel like meeting new people and chatting about whatever. Dark fantasies, politics, personal problems, etc., trust me! These are the things that end making a random IMer an online friend.

To sum up: Look, I've met and have become good friends with a lot of people through this site. And most of those friendships started through the magic of IMing. But for every good friend I've met and have had fun with, about a thousand people have so annoyed me that I ended up shunning chatting for weeks or even longer. So please, don't be one of those thousands! Be one of the few, the proud, the cool guys! If you do I bet you'll end up enjoying our friendship as much as me. Thanks!

-shannon-

The Action Plan

So, I'm not very good at this sort of intra-blogging support thingy... but I recently received an e-mail from a long-time fan of this site asking if I would participate in what... well, let me let him describe it:

I'm playing this blogging game with some of my bloggy friends and I was
wondering if you would like to play. It involves filling in a questionaire... I
thought that sounded quite cool, so I was wondering if you wanted to play at
doing one with me? ...My 'questionaire' is one about ambitions and what you want
to achieve in the future. The plan is that you fill it in, post it to your blog
and include a link to my blog. On my blog, I include a link to YOUR blog saying
'check out Shannon's response to this questionaire.' Ideally, we all share
our lovely readers, get tons of hits, it's all a lot of fun and then we go home
and have tea and biscuits.

Well, since I love... well, actually I'm not a big fan of either tea or biscuits. Hmm. But, becuase I love it when fans of this site engage me in unique ways? And because I have promised for some time now to share more about me and my life? I will now respond to this questionaire. :)

The Action Plan

1: Name three things about yourself you would like to improve:
I need a better hairstyle, I need a better job, I need a better credit record.

2: Name something you would like to achieve...
a) Within 1 year:
A better job!

b) Within 5 years:
A degree, if only a bachelor's...!

c) Within 10 years:
A family!

3: Name something you would like to help achieve for somebody else:
Help get Barack Obama elected the 44th President of the United States! :)

4: Name one place you haven’t been, but you’d like to go:
Hawaii.

5: Name one person you haven’t met, but would like to:
Hmm... either Barack Obama or my girlfriend's parents.

6: Name three material things you would like:
a) an iPhone!
b) a Vera Wang wedding dress. Aww! :)
c) a car... any car. Any kind of automobile since my last one is... a wreck. :(

-shannon-

A Solemn Promise

Jason made an interesting comment to my last post:

How about an alternative: if Obama becomes President, we get a picture [of you]?
Encourages us to go actually volenteer and do more than just vote? :).

I like that! I like all the comments, and always do, but Jason's suggestion has really inspired me. So, here we go: if the 44th president of the United States ends up being Barack Obama, I will post a picture of myself to this blog. And I'll tell you what else: the day he becomes the Democratic nominee (or the day it becomes clear he will become the nominee) I'll post all the drafts of Trailer Trash Teen Chapter 12 I've written so far for your reading pleasure. Trust me, it'll be a lot to read... some good, some bad, but all pretty hot, I think...! :P

Now it's in your best interest to support Obama. So... go and support him!!! Texas? Ohio? Maryland? I'm looking at you!!! :P

-shannon-

Contacting Me

It's not complicated!

Email: punkygirl04 (at) gmail (dot) com
Chat: punkygirl04 (Google chat only) or punky_girl04 (Yahoo! only)
Trade: punkygirl04 (Hello only)

That's it! Simple as that. Just keep in mind that I'm on GTalk a lot more than YIM, and that I *never* check my Yahoo e-mail account anymore (i.e. if you want to e-mail me, send it to my GMail account!).

-shannon-

Your Penis

Dear friend of my website:

Please stop sending me pictures of your cock. Seriously. I'm not trying to be rude! I like the attention. And I know that you spent a lot of time getting hard (pun intended) and all, and snapping a pic of your thing, and even more time transferring that image to your computer and sending it on to me. I know that it was hard work (pun not intended) and that I should be grateful. But honestly? I'm not.

Look. I've seen cocks. I've seen tons of cocks in my day. Big and small, black and white. I've even seen uncircumcised ones! There is no way you can impress me or surprise me with your cock. Unless, of course, you have a star of David tattooed above an uncut dick, but I'd laugh so hard (pun intended) at that that I'd probably forget to become sexually aroused.

And yes, guys, cocks do arouse me. They do. This isn't about me being a carpet-munching Femanazi who hates the sight of a good hard dick. I like dick. I really do. But your dick? Not so much.

The problem, you see, is that your dick is boring. Even if it's huge, even if it's jerking off, even if it's jerking off onto a love letter you wrote to me... it's boring. There's nothing you can do to make it exciting short of becoming uncircumcised and proving you're one of the chosen people with aforementioned tattoo. Now that I think of it, even that wouldn't be exciting. It would just be weird and funny.

Gentlemen, let me explain something to you: your dick is not like my tits. Sorry, it just isn't. Men can't get enough of tits, but us women can get bored with cock. Truly.

Let me put it to you this way: what color are my eyes? Can't answer that, can you? Well, duh, it makes sense that you can't answer that question about me (hopefully). But try answering the same question about your girlfriend. Or your wife. Or, lacking either, that chick you dig who doesn't know you exist (yet!). Do you know her eye color?

Now let me ask you: aren't you pretty sure you know her breast size? Lol, yes, you can probably guess, at least.

Look, guys. I see your cock and its size the way you see my eye-color. I barely notice anything about it except to think, 'Good, he has a cock'. You see my eyes and think, 'Wow, she has eyes!' Sending pictures to me of your thing will not turn me on anymore than if I sent you closeups of my eyes. Spamming me with your pictures will only piss me off.

I know it's hard (pun intended) to resist, guys, but seriously? The next time you feel tempted to send me a picture of your cock, think about this: "Cocks are not snowflakes, they are not inherently unique. 95% of them are exactly alike. And Shannon has seen them all, including the other 5%. Her GMail inbox borders near its 6gb capacity because of pix from people who so love their cocks they just had to share pix of them with her, but that is folly. FOLLY!"

(dramatic enough? yeah, i thought so, too!)

...all that being said, a cock that penetrates something biological is not boring. That's porn! Self pix of your cock... boring. Boring and a waste of my time and yours. Strange how thin the difference is, isn't it? But it's true.

Sincerely,
shannon

OMG, I wrote that?!

Ugghh!!! I was just rereading chapter six of "A Teen Slut's Saga". I liked it at first but then I got to chapter seven and had to stop.

IT IS SO BAD. I mean, chapter six is so horribly written that I am at a loss to explain why I ever posted it. And chapter seven? Even worse.

I've written worse things but I never posted them! Why did I post this crap? Ughhhhh.

I write all the time, you see. I just don't post CRAP like this. Is it possible I actually thought at one time that chapters six and seven of ATSS were good? Shudder! I so hope not. Could I have been that fucking dumb?

I am utterly embarrassed to realize how bad my writing can be.

Not the End

This isn't really the end of my life. But it's fun to pretend.

Is that sick? There are people out there right now who are really dying. And they don't want to. But I envy them. Because, in truth I hope for a disease. One that wasn't my fault. But not something too painful for me or too expensive for my family or survivors. You know, cheap enough so that I could be buried somewhere, and not in a pauper's grave. And not something genetic, because then my nieces and nephews would have to worry about it the rest of their lives. I'd want something rare, a 1 in 1,000,000,000 kind of death sentence. Something that was like... I dunno... a "Wow, she got THAT? Only two people on the entire planet get that every decade! Thankfully it doesn't hurt!" ...that kind of disease.

Something sudden. Maybe something exotic. In my imaginings I would go into a clinic one day for a simple sore throat. After paying the $120 bill, I'd walk out with the disturbing knowledge that I'd just been diagnosed with Mystoompatia Legaro Disorder. It's a rare and unpreventable malady, not genetic or contagious but totally lethal (and b4 some1 can say, yeah, it's made up, too). The doctor would have told me that I have six months to live.

And ah, what a six months they would be. I'm sure they'd fly by but right now they seem like an eternity. Six months of receiving sympathy. From everyone. I mean, everyone! Forget family and friends. Even the people who hate me would suddenly feel sorry for me. Because I'm about to die, don't forget. How can you hate someone with a terminal illness? I'd be the center of attention wherever I went. Did I mention that this "disorder" doesn't leave you bedridden until your final day? So I'd go to the bars and the coffee shops, I'd be able to visit all my friends and family. I'd look totally healthy. But everyone would know: "Shannon has Mystoompatia Legaro, she's a goner!"

Out of the woodwork, the people who have always hated me would appear. They'd ask for forgiveness. Except for the mega-assholes. Certain incarcerated jerks would revel in my pain. But their insults would roll off of me. I'm going to die, right? Why waste time enduring their pain when suddenly I'm receiving so much love?

The love would be there. It wouldn't be like my suicide attempts. With those it was like, "Oh gosh, she tried again? What's wrong with her?" With this it would be like, "Wow, that's the most horrible thing I ever heard! Poor Shannon! Is there any way I can help her?" No one wants to help you after you have tried to kill yourself. They just want to make sure that they weren't the reason why you tried.

Everyone would finally understand my fatalistic view. They'd have to. I'm dying, remember? I only have six months. I would no longer have to endure the "Things will get better" messages, or the "Hang in there, babe, you'll forget all this eventually" crowd. No one would dare talk about a future they knew I couldn't participate in. They would acknowledge, finally, that my life has been short and hard. The only thing that wouldn't have changed is that they'd still want to fuck me. But maybe I'd finally be willing to do that with everyone and anyone I met, even online, since I'm dying anyway. But then there would be the Shadows and the Dolemite's urging me not to make that my legacy. "Do something constructive with the time you have left," they would say. "Do something positive, Love."

I guess I would want to. But I'm dying in my perfect death scenario. And yet I don't have a perfect ending to it.

Except for a painless death, of course. That really would be nice.

For the record, I'm not dying. I'm actually very healthy. Not quite sane obviously, but very healthy! And I'm not suicidal, either. I'm too old to be suicidal. Last time I got busted for that... well, look. If you're going to try and commit suicide, you have to do it when you're young (teens). If you do it when you're older (20's) it's just a bad scene. Unless you really mean it, and die. But since I'm typing this right now, obviously I never really meant it. Except for that one time. Fucking roommates. But that's a long story I prolly already wrote about in my archives. Shrugs.

Sorry for the ramble. I prolly should have been writing more of Suburban Girl, and I was, actually. And for some reason, this all just came up.

-shannon-

Triumphant Return?

Okay so maybe I jumped the gun a little when I said I needed to kill this website... I mean, where else am I going to be able to post new stories? :P

Maybe I'll go into more detail later about my failed attempt to try something new in order to make money (which had been my main reason for leaving this site). Right now I really don't want to talk about it. What I do want to talk about is my newest story, something I've been working on for a couple weeks and that I'm so excited about I actually decided to post it to the masses. It's called Suburban Girl and... well, I might as well just copy and paste my intro to the story I used for my post to ASSM. Here it is!

Author's Note: This story is heavily inspired by my personal favorite UseNet story of all time, "Farm Girl" by Dark Dreamer. It's not a retelling of that awesome tale, nor is it a sequel or anything like that. Rather it's sort of a re-imagining of Dark Dreamer's classic character, Becky, as told in my own words. I hope no one is going to consider this plagiarism. I have loved "Farm Girl" for more than a decade now, having first read it when I was a shy 13-year-old girl who knew little about erotica but became instantly hooked. I hope that this story serves as a tribute to Dark Dreamer's work.

Synopsis: In the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio a young girl discovers that masturbation is a sin. But when she breaks a promise to God to stop her immoral actions she begins to see the Bible's list of sexual restrictions as her most basic and carnal desires. Because for this 13-year-old suburban girl, sin and her wanton sexual needs go hand in hand as she struggles to endure a body built for sex, abuse, and constant orgasm.

So where can you go to read this story? Well, I've only posted part one so far, but never fear part two is coming soon. And part three is almost done. That leaves four unwritten parts, I know, but I'm enjoying writing this so much I have every confidence I'll actually get it done! Uhm... don't look at me like that. Trailer Trash Teen is still in progress, too... argh. Anyway, to read this story simply mosey on over to my stories section. It should be posted there eventually (I've uploaded the files but ASSTR.org has very slow servers). You could also try searching for it on alt.sex.stories.moderated... again, I posted it there but the process of having new submissions show up is something like 48-hours. But do you want to know where you can get it right now?

Where you can read it at this very moment?

Where doing so would also be doing me a HUGE favor? :P

Head on over to www.storiesonline.net. If you haven't already, register for the site (it's free, and it's worth doing for more than just my stories... SOL.net hosts a TON of great works!). Then either do a "Quick Search" for "Suburban Girl" or just go to the author's link at the top of the main page, find my name (first click on the link "P" as in "Punky_Girl"), scroll down to my name (Punky_Girl!) then click on the link for "3 Stories" (because I have three stories hosted there right now). Sounds easy, right? It is, I just make it sound complicated... sorry!

"But Shannon!" I can hear you asking, "How does reading any of your stories on SOL.net help you?"

Simple. Because I can trust you, my loyal readers, to give my stories there good scores. At the end of every story SOL.net asks you to rate what you just read. But a lot of people don't like the genres I write in and so they give any stories that deal with themes such as incest or non-consensual sex pathetically low scores, generally 1's and 2's. The reason I know for a fact this is going on is because I get a lot of hate-mail through SOL.net, as have many other authors I've chatted with who post there. The hate mails are usually like, "dad fux his sleppin kid that sik i hope u die i gave it 1" (for the record, A Teen Slut's Saga still brings in the most hate mail... grr). Shrugs. Anyway, it'd be nice for a change if I had a story on there get a rating over 8.12 (that's what TTT has right now; A Teen Slut's Saga has a paltry 6.39).

So please! Even if you read my newest story somewhere else, do me a favor and go over to SOL.net and give it a 10! Better yet, do the advanced ratings option and give it a 10 in each category! Better still, after you've done that with Suburban Girl, head on over to my other two stories and try to prop their scores up a bit! I'm dying here, I'm dying!!! I just can't take the fact that my stories, while definitely not perfect, suffer these miserably low scores while pieces of shit, poorly written cookie cutter stories constantly score in the 9 to 10 range! It kills me, it kills me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sorry. Anyway, vote early and often. And as always, use the forum to discuss my newest story, or post a comment here, or if you're not feeling shy at all drop me an e-mail. Or just do all three. You'll make my day. Thanks!!!!!!

-shannon-

The End

I need to kill this website.

Wow... that was a lot harder to type than I thought it would be. Seriously! I mean, I've been so wanting to type those words for months... years, maybe... but only now I was actually able to do so. You have no idea how hard it was to type them. Gosh.

Sigh. Here's the thing, everyone... this site has been such a huge part of my life, it's hard to even relate. I mean, yeah, I'm not "active" all the time, but it's always with me, you know? I may not post a lot, but I'm always thinking about it. I lurk on the forum *constantly*. I exchange emails with certain ppl from the site a lot, and when things get really bad in my life... well, especially when things get bad in my life... I come on here, share the details, and somehow feel *better* as a result. This site, and all of you who have made it what it is (Shadow, Neo, Spencer, Dolemite, Sphere, PT, etc) have become, in some ways, more a family to me than my actual family. If that makes sense.

But I still need to kill it. The website, I mean. I need to, and that's why I'm writing this.

This is my goodbye letter, to all of you. I'm actually crying as I type right now, grr! Okay. That's really lame.

I need to move on. I'm 25 years old now... not exactly young, for a stripper, at least not in these parts. What I really need to do, now, is make as much money as I can and use it to go back to school. I can't get anymore student loans so I'll need to have cash to pay this time. And there's only one way for a girl like me to make that kind of money.... no, not prostitution. But close.

In order to move into what I need to move into, though, I need to totally distance myself from this site. I know, I know, I'm totally selling out. Maybe when I'm older and it doesn't matter as much I'll be back, but right now, well... sigh. Argh. I'm running out of time. If I'm to have a chance in hell of earning big and spending wisely I need to do so right now! I'm nearly all used up...

I sort of always knew that this day would come. Spence, Jack, Neo... I told you about this. Ally and Tasha, I'm not changing my phone, and Tory, you have my MySpace! Lauren, Josh, Pat... well, lol! Basically, if you have a way to get a hold of me outside of this website (IM, e-mails, phone, etc) then don't worry, I'm not going to disappear on you!!

For the rest, though... I'm sorry. But I do have to leave. There are so many reasons for this...

I will miss you all.

shannon
~me~

We Are the Champions!

No time, for losers, because we are the champions... of the world!

I couldn't be happier. I really could not. This is just too much!

-shannon-
~overwhelmed~