Suburban Girl Part Seven
I just posted chapter seven of my story, Suburban Girl, to storiesonline.net. It usually takes about 24 hours before submissions appear on the site but once it shows up you'll be able to find it by clicking here (make sure you're logged into SOL.net first). I'll add the chapter to my stories section on this site shortly after it appears on SOL.net, too.
In the meantime I want to talk a little bit about this story in general and this latest chapter in particular. A lot of people like to bug me about both this story and my other unfinished one, Trailer Trash Teen. I'm constantly asked via chat or e-mail why it takes me so long to post updates. Some people have even suggested that I not post anything unless the story is completely finished. While there is a certain logic to that, for me part of the fun of writing something as long as SG or TTT is the constant feedback I get after posting new chapters. Also, finishing a chapter is extremely difficult and time consuming and it sort of recharges my batteries when I can post something new for all of you to read.
But why does it take so long for me to finish these things? Simple: I want them to be good. Or, at least, as good as they can be. Take this latest chapter of SG, for example. I actually could have posted it quite a while ago. If I had, though, it would have been a disaster. I basically re-wrote the entire thing over the holiday weekend and trust me, it's a lot better now.
That being said, let me tell you something about chapter seven. It's not great. I mean, it's good enough to post and I'm satisfied enough to move on to chapter eight but I have to admit that chapter seven of SG is not my best work. I'll be interested to hear every one's opinion about it, but I just wanted to warn you that I'm not 100% satisfied with the final result.
Why am I posting it, then? Simple. Writing a story like SG is like taking a cross-country trip. Say you start in South Carolina and want to drive to Oregon. Now, a lot of the trip is going to be fun and scenic, right? At the same time, though, there will be big boring stretches (Nebraska, anyone? :P) you'll have to drive through, too. Chapter seven is one of those necessary but not exactly amazing stretches. Now, I understand that an extremely gifted writer can avoid a stretch like SG Ch.7. I'm not at that level yet, though, sorry! :(
Anyway, is it boring? I think probably a little. Is it erotic? I hope so! You let me know... thanks!
//Update: Wow, Ch.7 is already on SOL.net! That was quick. What's most interesting to me, though, is that SG is now my longest story according SOL.net. Trailer Trash Teen (still incomplete after 11 chapters) is "only" 458kb in size; Suburban Girl, after posting Ch. 7, now shows as being 477kb in size. Interesting...!
In the meantime I want to talk a little bit about this story in general and this latest chapter in particular. A lot of people like to bug me about both this story and my other unfinished one, Trailer Trash Teen. I'm constantly asked via chat or e-mail why it takes me so long to post updates. Some people have even suggested that I not post anything unless the story is completely finished. While there is a certain logic to that, for me part of the fun of writing something as long as SG or TTT is the constant feedback I get after posting new chapters. Also, finishing a chapter is extremely difficult and time consuming and it sort of recharges my batteries when I can post something new for all of you to read.
But why does it take so long for me to finish these things? Simple: I want them to be good. Or, at least, as good as they can be. Take this latest chapter of SG, for example. I actually could have posted it quite a while ago. If I had, though, it would have been a disaster. I basically re-wrote the entire thing over the holiday weekend and trust me, it's a lot better now.
That being said, let me tell you something about chapter seven. It's not great. I mean, it's good enough to post and I'm satisfied enough to move on to chapter eight but I have to admit that chapter seven of SG is not my best work. I'll be interested to hear every one's opinion about it, but I just wanted to warn you that I'm not 100% satisfied with the final result.
Why am I posting it, then? Simple. Writing a story like SG is like taking a cross-country trip. Say you start in South Carolina and want to drive to Oregon. Now, a lot of the trip is going to be fun and scenic, right? At the same time, though, there will be big boring stretches (Nebraska, anyone? :P) you'll have to drive through, too. Chapter seven is one of those necessary but not exactly amazing stretches. Now, I understand that an extremely gifted writer can avoid a stretch like SG Ch.7. I'm not at that level yet, though, sorry! :(
Anyway, is it boring? I think probably a little. Is it erotic? I hope so! You let me know... thanks!
//Update: Wow, Ch.7 is already on SOL.net! That was quick. What's most interesting to me, though, is that SG is now my longest story according SOL.net. Trailer Trash Teen (still incomplete after 11 chapters) is "only" 458kb in size; Suburban Girl, after posting Ch. 7, now shows as being 477kb in size. Interesting...!
Labels: Suburban Girl
posted by Shannon at 12:39 PM
7 Comments:
Hi, the link you posted to "stories online" is mispellt. :)
Just wanted to say in general I have enjoyed your stories very very much over the years. SG was awesome from the start with the dogs and the dad, so good with Big-Dana ad the church being involved was a brilliant choice...
When the gang guys broke in...the entire story derailed for me...actually another girl I chat with and whom shares a passion for online erotica agreed as well. The gang angle detracts so much that it feels more like 2 different stories...the good one before the gang and the unremarkable one since the gang.
I only write this as feedback that it seemed you were asking for, and I am a huge fan of other work, especially the pot smoker one you started a while back...there were so many great places to go with that one...and this one as well seemed so rich with possibilities...now it seems well...deflated.
One thing that my smut-friends all remarked in the positive about this story though, was we all liked the carbon-foot print perspective of the gang-banger, while at the same time we grimace at yet another monster cocked black guy of unrealistic proportions.
Anyway, thanks for the effort and I hope this is received in the vein it was written...
Crow
Hey Shannon,
Well, I was very excited to see that Chapter 7 was posted and I jumped into it immedimediately, though with some trepidation, as I knew where Chapter 6 left off. Having finished it, and having read your blog about how you went about writing it, I have to say that it was extremely well written, though the subject matter didn't appeal to me...OK, you said that this was a transitional chapter. I'm still looking forward to what's going to happen at home. Hope you can get the next chapter(s) up soon.
Richard
Anonymous-- Thanks for the catch! I fixed the link...
Crow-- A lot of people are sending me e-mails saying pretty much what you just wrote. I want to mention a couple things in response, though. First, while I know the whole gang thing won't appeal to everyone, it's always been one of my personal fantasies. In the original version of TTT Ch.3, for instance, I had Tina go through something very similar. In that story, though, it just didn't work. I don't know if it works here that well but, dammit, I just had to write it eventually! :P Anyway, the second thing is you said, "we grimace at yet another monster cocked black guy of unrealistic proportions". Do you mean "yet another" as opposed to other erotic stories, or mine? Because I've always been realistic in everything I've written about the size of guys' cocks. When I make them big I always keep them realistically big. Look back at TTT, SG, FH, ATSS. Name me one time I ever went crazy with the size of a guy's cock... I haven't. Until now. Besides, the largest cock I've ever seen and been with in real life was a black man's. Of course, I'm making Lee's bigger than that, but to call it unrealistic is sort of silly... I mean, trust me, while rare as Hell there are gigantic men like that out there. Shrugs... I guess I'm just saying it's something I've always wanted to write about and I feel I can be forgiven because I've always been realistic in the past. Besides, when I'm unrealistic about certain other things regarding my female characters no one ever complains...! :P
Rich-- I think you're going to like chapter eight...!
Hi Shannon
I didn't think this Chapter was erotic, but you are a gifted writer. You can teach people the technical aspects of writing a story, but you can't teach them how to tell a good story, so it has power. I'm not a critic, but technically I think you are good, but your gift is that your stories have power, they are compelling. That is a rare thing. Your stories transcend the sex story genre. I don't know if you have written anything besides what is posted to stories online, if you haven't, it is kind of amazing to me how good you are. I think if you ever write something in mainstream fiction you won't have any trouble getting published.
I'm always excited when I see you've posted another chapter of SG, and I wasn't disappointed by this one, though it's true it wasn't what I expected...
Dramatically, I thought it was well-done; you wind together Becky realizing she's free from her master with her realizing she might be in REAL danger-- sort of an "out of the frying pan into the fire" dynamic-- with her finding her power. For most of the chapter, I couldn't tell how dark it was going to get, and the suspense worked for me.
Erotically, it was just fine. Not as explosive as some of the dog scenes, but I didn't get the feeling it was supposed to be... Becky can sort of coast on the sexual energy she's already discovered because hey, nine dicks! Hooray! I loved the points where you contrasted her with Destiny, not because I liked Destiny being unhappy but because I loved the idea that Becky was surrounded by guys who were used to getting sex whenever they wanted it... but for whom a girl that LIKED IT was still an amazing treat.
Technically... it's not nearly as bad as you made it sound. :) I see what you mean about Nebraska-- some of the exposition feels a little rough, like you just had to get through it so you could get through it. But mostly it works. If you got Becky into the gangbang by the end of page 1, it would feel like a cartoon; the pacing is overall good. Still, a lot of the paragraphs in the middle could use an editor with a sharp knife to shorten them. That's a hard thing to do yourself, and I'm not dissing you for not having done it-- just a little (hopefully) constructive criticism. If you want me to give specific examples, I will.
Keep up the good work! I'm intensely looking forward to reading what comes next, whether it's another SG chapter or a short story.
I loved the chapter. The read is realistic and entertaining... not that I am a gang member or anything, but I felt that it read the way i would think life would go given that his is a fictional story made up for erotic entertainment. Basically, like all of your stories, i love the character development and the plot twists.
A good read, erotic, characters I feel I know... what is to complain about. I think youre one of the best Shannon.
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