Scary

Why have I been gone for so long? Why am I finally back?

Scientoligists will love this.

I've been gone the last few days because the State had me incarcerated in a mental hospital.

I saw awful things there. Terrible, awful things. My roommate was a middle-aged woman named Sherry and, while clearly fucked up mentally, did *not* deserve the rough treatment she received by the orderlies who would drag her down, inject her with God-knows-what, and escort her limp body to some room the rest of us there tried desperately never to see. Her offense? Not wanting to take the meds being given to her.

Sometimes she bit, too. Still, to see four or five well-grown men pinning her to the floor, injecting her with some unknown drug? I'd have bit, too.

...

I hadn't been in a state-run hospital in years. This was my first experience as an adult, actually. It all began with a stupid comment to someone I thought was my friend, about how I'd rather not be alive if God had ever given me the choice. I was high at the time I made that comment. Even so, I never meant to sound suicidal.

The police showed up, though, just the same. Sgt. James (remember, duh, I fake names for privacy's' sake) was really nice. He asked me to go to the station, and I agreed. BIG, HUGE mistake. I ended up sitting in a small, ugly little room for four hours before I saw a Detective. He promptly told me that I was a danger to myself.

I spent the night in jail. All of this on the account of a man I had shot down. So I thought.

In court the next day, guess who was there?

Just guess.

...

?

Yes, Beth. I'd thought the whole thing was about a recent guy. How on Earth would I have expected that BETH, from hundreds of miles away, would show up? I'd barely talked to her the night before.

So now I had to admit I'd had a gay relationship with her. Without a lawyer, btw. It was a mess. Beth told the court I was a danger to myself, too, and even though she cried during her BS statement I know, I just know!, that she's trying to hurt me.

Anyway. Yeah. I ended up in a fucking insanely bad nut-house for *THREE* days. I'm home, thank God, now, but all I want to do is cry and scream and yell and mourn.

...

I'm crying as I type. Part of me wants to hurt her, Beth. Part of me wants to prove how evil she has become. This is no longer business, or pursonal, this is her trying to just hurt me and discredit me. But I can hurt and discredit her, too. I can.

I can.

-shannon-