Your Penis
Dear friend of my website:
Please stop sending me pictures of your cock. Seriously. I'm not trying to be rude! I like the attention. And I know that you spent a lot of time getting hard (pun intended) and all, and snapping a pic of your thing, and even more time transferring that image to your computer and sending it on to me. I know that it was hard work (pun not intended) and that I should be grateful. But honestly? I'm not.
Look. I've seen cocks. I've seen tons of cocks in my day. Big and small, black and white. I've even seen uncircumcised ones! There is no way you can impress me or surprise me with your cock. Unless, of course, you have a star of David tattooed above an uncut dick, but I'd laugh so hard (pun intended) at that that I'd probably forget to become sexually aroused.
And yes, guys, cocks do arouse me. They do. This isn't about me being a carpet-munching Femanazi who hates the sight of a good hard dick. I like dick. I really do. But your dick? Not so much.
The problem, you see, is that your dick is boring. Even if it's huge, even if it's jerking off, even if it's jerking off onto a love letter you wrote to me... it's boring. There's nothing you can do to make it exciting short of becoming uncircumcised and proving you're one of the chosen people with aforementioned tattoo. Now that I think of it, even that wouldn't be exciting. It would just be weird and funny.
Gentlemen, let me explain something to you: your dick is not like my tits. Sorry, it just isn't. Men can't get enough of tits, but us women can get bored with cock. Truly.
Let me put it to you this way: what color are my eyes? Can't answer that, can you? Well, duh, it makes sense that you can't answer that question about me (hopefully). But try answering the same question about your girlfriend. Or your wife. Or, lacking either, that chick you dig who doesn't know you exist (yet!). Do you know her eye color?
Now let me ask you: aren't you pretty sure you know her breast size? Lol, yes, you can probably guess, at least.
Look, guys. I see your cock and its size the way you see my eye-color. I barely notice anything about it except to think, 'Good, he has a cock'. You see my eyes and think, 'Wow, she has eyes!' Sending pictures to me of your thing will not turn me on anymore than if I sent you closeups of my eyes. Spamming me with your pictures will only piss me off.
I know it's hard (pun intended) to resist, guys, but seriously? The next time you feel tempted to send me a picture of your cock, think about this: "Cocks are not snowflakes, they are not inherently unique. 95% of them are exactly alike. And Shannon has seen them all, including the other 5%. Her GMail inbox borders near its 6gb capacity because of pix from people who so love their cocks they just had to share pix of them with her, but that is folly. FOLLY!"
(dramatic enough? yeah, i thought so, too!)
...all that being said, a cock that penetrates something biological is not boring. That's porn! Self pix of your cock... boring. Boring and a waste of my time and yours. Strange how thin the difference is, isn't it? But it's true.
Sincerely,
shannon
Please stop sending me pictures of your cock. Seriously. I'm not trying to be rude! I like the attention. And I know that you spent a lot of time getting hard (pun intended) and all, and snapping a pic of your thing, and even more time transferring that image to your computer and sending it on to me. I know that it was hard work (pun not intended) and that I should be grateful. But honestly? I'm not.
Look. I've seen cocks. I've seen tons of cocks in my day. Big and small, black and white. I've even seen uncircumcised ones! There is no way you can impress me or surprise me with your cock. Unless, of course, you have a star of David tattooed above an uncut dick, but I'd laugh so hard (pun intended) at that that I'd probably forget to become sexually aroused.
And yes, guys, cocks do arouse me. They do. This isn't about me being a carpet-munching Femanazi who hates the sight of a good hard dick. I like dick. I really do. But your dick? Not so much.
The problem, you see, is that your dick is boring. Even if it's huge, even if it's jerking off, even if it's jerking off onto a love letter you wrote to me... it's boring. There's nothing you can do to make it exciting short of becoming uncircumcised and proving you're one of the chosen people with aforementioned tattoo. Now that I think of it, even that wouldn't be exciting. It would just be weird and funny.
Gentlemen, let me explain something to you: your dick is not like my tits. Sorry, it just isn't. Men can't get enough of tits, but us women can get bored with cock. Truly.
Let me put it to you this way: what color are my eyes? Can't answer that, can you? Well, duh, it makes sense that you can't answer that question about me (hopefully). But try answering the same question about your girlfriend. Or your wife. Or, lacking either, that chick you dig who doesn't know you exist (yet!). Do you know her eye color?
Now let me ask you: aren't you pretty sure you know her breast size? Lol, yes, you can probably guess, at least.
Look, guys. I see your cock and its size the way you see my eye-color. I barely notice anything about it except to think, 'Good, he has a cock'. You see my eyes and think, 'Wow, she has eyes!' Sending pictures to me of your thing will not turn me on anymore than if I sent you closeups of my eyes. Spamming me with your pictures will only piss me off.
I know it's hard (pun intended) to resist, guys, but seriously? The next time you feel tempted to send me a picture of your cock, think about this: "Cocks are not snowflakes, they are not inherently unique. 95% of them are exactly alike. And Shannon has seen them all, including the other 5%. Her GMail inbox borders near its 6gb capacity because of pix from people who so love their cocks they just had to share pix of them with her, but that is folly. FOLLY!"
(dramatic enough? yeah, i thought so, too!)
...all that being said, a cock that penetrates something biological is not boring. That's porn! Self pix of your cock... boring. Boring and a waste of my time and yours. Strange how thin the difference is, isn't it? But it's true.
Sincerely,
shannon
Labels: fan mail, humor, stuff about me
posted by Shannon at 1:05 AM
21 Comments:
...and who says you need a book on writing?
BwAhahahahahaha! Now that is funny, I had no idea people seriously did that.
Oh wow...I don't know what to think about this...
Quote. "Let me put it to you this way: what color are my eyes? Can't answer that, can you?" End quote
Blue. I win.
On a serious note. I laughed. I started laughing from the moment I saw the title of this entry.
My ex Brown
The chick who doesn't know I exist is blue
Eyes are the windows of the soul. I'm rather fond of them.
Arvid
Y'know, I'm not sure I can let that comment about tits pass unchallenged. Post a picture of yours, and we'll tell you if they're boring or not. I'm betting not, of course, but we have to be scientifically rigorous about this!
Also, I'm worried that your whole "all cocks look too much alike to be interesting" argument, while perfectly sound, might backfire in really unpleasant ways. At least now all you're getting is pictures of normal cocks. Do you really want people to start sending you pictures of diseased, deformed or otherwise "remarkable" cocks?
Wow...now that's pretty funny, (and slightly disturbing)
Hmm, as a chosen person, now the thoughts of a tatoo'd star of david on someone's junk is floating through my head...damn you!
But you also have 1 slight problem w/ that, tattoo's are against the religion so its a bit of a catch 22 for someone to get a tattoo of a star of david, cut or not...
Howly
I for one would like to see a picture of your "blue" eyes ;)
Bah, cut? No way. Leave it the way god intended it to be. Not that I'm religious or anything >.>
Haha. Hilarious!
People actually do that? I have thought about it but never done it. Guess I better send a quick click of my dick so you don't think I was ignoring you
hehe, brilliant. Being male myself, I almost feel ashamed. What must life be like, when you have the need to be essentially a "web flasher".
I'll have to agree with a fellow anon and say i feel rather ashamed. I should pay more attention to eyes...
I find this kind of speech hateful. And you're entirely wrong about all cocks being the same. They're no more the same than all breasts are the same or all eyes or all faces. I know you thought you were being funny with your post, but it wasn't. And how dare you speak on behalf of all women with your comments. Why should a man's genitals be any less beautiful, erotic or special than a woman's? How would it sound to you if a man were to say that all cunts look alike? It sounds crude, and hateful and objectifying. Just like you sounded.
I ran across this post randomly, and yes, I know this isn't exactly a scientific forum, but I thought you'd be amused to know that one of your premises -- that men will stare at your tits and ignore your eyes -- is contradicted by research. A study published in the peer-reviewed journal "Hormones and Behavior" recently reported that when hetero men look at erotic photos, they tend to look first and look longest at a woman's face. After that they look at genitals, then at the female body (in terms of amount of time staring at each area). In contrast, normal-cycling hetero women (those not on hormonal contraceptives) tend to stare at genitals first and longest -- longer than men do -- then focus on the female body, then on the female face. Women on contraceptives had similar-order results to the NC women, but spent relatively more time looking at accessory clothing and background scenery. No group focused on the male body (apart from genitalia) very long, and the women, on average, didn't spend as long looking at the male faces as they do the female faces.
Take from that whatever you will. I find it pretty interesting, but I'm a research nerd.
-d.d-
Ruff, H.A. & Wallen, K. (2007). Sex differences in viewing sexual stimuli: An eye-tracking study in men and women. Hormones and Behavior, 51(4), 524-533. Available at www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/Rupp_HB_2007.pdf
Whats so special seeing a uncircumcised cock? In Sweden noone is circumcised. Is it the other way around in USA?
Good Girl....you nailed it.....you can speak for me any day(LOL)....it is what it is
ok how about a pic of me fucking myself with my cock? would that be boring?
lol only kidding. I have no idea what my girlfriends breast size is. Honestly I don't think I could even guess accurately. Her left eye is blue her right eye is green. I have a face fetish. I may be the only one. I see a face (an interesting one) I am imediately get hard. My girlfriend has the most interesting face I have ever seen. Absolutely nothing turns me on more than making out with her while I gaze into her eyes. If given a choice between making out with my girlfriend or being given a harem of 1000 supermodels obsessed with keeping my naked body continually licked all over, I honestly would have to choose kissing my girlfriend. It is not just because of love, I truly am turned on more by looking into her eyes than any other sexual activity I have ever experienced bar none.
There isn't anything wrong in a guy (or a gal, for that matter)having a tattoo displaid on their genitalia. Depending upon the workable surface area of aforementioned or aforeskinned genitalia and, if one employs some careful thought to the matter (ahem) in hand, it is quite possible to achieve a very attractive art form.
A 'Star of David' is quite simple really, very basic.
As an ex-sailor, I saw one guy in the showers with a tattooed picture of a 'Fly' on his 'bell-end' (that must have hurt a lot... and besides, what girl would want a 'Fly' in her mouth?).
I myself have 'SWAN' (not a picture of a Swan... but the text) in large, uppercase lettering, down the length of my dick. It is very satisfying (in more ways than one)to see a woman's astonishment, her wide-eyed wonder... as she massages me to firmness and 'SWAN' becomes 'SASKATCHEWAN'... it practically encourages Deepthroat!!
:-D
medicinebass.
I think the main point of the article has been overlooked again, the issue here is not necessarily about cock's or pictures of cocks, I think everybody has an inherent need to reach out to communicate even in this slightly odd fashion, and maybe it's natural for a large percentage of people who read these articles and threads to do so, but in reality you don't find it amusing, you feel it would be better to communicate the emotion of arousal in a different fashion once you prove the understanding of it? Good post though and I hope everybody pauses to appreciate some of the inferred deeper meanings, sex without emotion (and it is possible) is nothing.Point proved but I think this post will only encourage whoever it is to keep at it, I doubt he'll read this anyway, not enough mention of "your" tits
lol!!!
a non e mouse: Your post made me remember this post (I'd forgotten all about it!) and read through its comments for the first time.
Hilarious stuff! I cannot *believe* so many people took the post so seriously... lol (again!).
Anyway, the post did work! I just checked and since posting it I've only received two pictures of penises via e-mail. Or maybe it just went out of fashion? Shrugs.
The comments in this thread almost make me want to start allowing anonymous comments again. Almost...!
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