Beth

I've been meaning to make this post for a while now, but for a variety of reasons I keep ending up hesitant after I start to write. I guess the main problem is that during the five years I've had this website I have assured fan after fan, e-mailer after e-mailer, and IMer after IMer that I am indeed a straight, 20-something female woman. I've always rejected the notion that I might be bisexual or a lesbian, even though it has been repeatedly suggested by people that I must be. I remember one of my first online "fans" told me that I "had to be a dyke" because of the stories I write (and love). I got mad at that fan because, for me, the idea of being a lesbian has always been... well, to be honest, it's always made me feel sick.

Now, this isn't to say I've never had lesbian experiences in the past. I have had several, especially while I was (briefly) in college. I've written about some of those experiences here on this site. But even though I went through that, and even though I enjoyed them, I never thought I could actually have a "relationship" with another woman. After all, fans of this site will know this: I love cock. No, that's not right... I don't just "love" cock. I adore it. I always have and I know I always will.

Take, for example, the porn I masturbate to. At least one cock is always involved. I don't think I've ever gotten off on lesbian porn (except for the exceptions). But then people always point out how I seem to obsess over beautiful women, and they take this to mean I must be at least bisexual. And I have always rejected that notion because, you know, a straight woman can at the very least acknowledge another woman's beauty without being gay. Right?

Right.

Sigh. So now we come to the crux of the matter. The reason for this post. And even as I type I find myself wondering if I can actually write about this. And it's not because I'm ashamed, or embarrassed. It's because I just feel so... foreign. Not-like-myself. Odd. But here it goes anyway.

I am in love with a hot, teenage girl.

Yay, I know you're thinking. I know that most fans of this site would think this is a cause for celebration. But please keep in mind, the "teenage girl" in question is a 19-year-old woman who is an out-and-out lesbian. And she loves me. And guess what? I'm really in love with her, too.

Wow... I cannot believe how serious I am about that. Let me say it again, just because it feels good to say: I am in love!

I never thought this would happen. To fall in love with another woman, I mean. But it has happened. I always thought I would always need a cock in the picture in order to be in love. I really did. Then I met Beth...

It started last year, in the Fall. I'll never forget it: I came home from work and one of my roommates was in the common area with this really cute girl. He introduced her to me as his sister. Then he asked if I'd let her sleep in my room that night. See, she was visiting in advance of actually attending the college we live near. I still remember the feeling of her hand when I shook it that first time... shudder. Anyway, Beth's brother (my roommate) was having her over for the weekend, and she was either going to sleep on the couch in the common area or she was going to sleep in his room, on the floor. But that was kind of strange... you know, a brother and sister sleeping in the same room? Awkward! Anyway, I happily told them that she could sleep in mine.

The rest, I guess, is history. Beth slept with me that night, and not on the floor. She shared my bed. And ever since... sigh.

She attends the college I used to attend, now. And she embraces and loves me so much I don't even know what to say. I mean, after all the men I've been with, all the broken hearts and all that, I thought I knew what heartache was. But now, to be away from her for even a few hours... it's excruciating. It's worse than any break-up. It's worse than any un-reciprocated love. Lol, how fucked up is that?!? To be away from her for only a few hours is more painful than any rejection, any ignorance... sigh. That's how much I need her. It is so fucking silly and dumb, but it's true.

Beth is an open, out-of-the-closet lesbian. I don't think I can ever be that, because (and I tell her this constantly) I still love cock. But she accepts me for who I am, good and bad. I have no fucking idea why I deserve to be so lucky as to have her. But like she told me last night, I do have her, so I should just get used to it.

So... well. That's me and Beth. In a nutshell. I don't know what else to say.

-shannon-

About the Forbidden Forum

Hey everyone! This post is all about the Forbidden Forum: the rules, the who, what, when, and why of it. Oh, and the where. :P

In short, the Forbidden Forum is a forum dedicated to this site. It is run by me but was created by an old friend of this site, many years ago, named Spencer. The forum is powered by Rapidforum, a Germany based (Spencer, creator of the forum, was German) free-with-ads, $$$-without-ads forum company.

In order to view the forum or post on it you must register for a free account. This wasn't always so. But making it a "members only" forum cut down on bandwidth and has also cut down on spam.

Now to answer some questions...

Q1.) Why do I get pop-ups when I visit the forum?
A1.) Firefox users receive very few pop-ups. IE users receive some, and yes, they are anoying. In the past we've always been able to pay a small fee to Rapidforum to remove the pop-ups, but right now (as of February 2008) we're unable to communicate with Rapidforum for some reason. Many users have tried contacting them, offering to pay to remove the pop-ups. But they haven't been responding. So as of right now, the pop-ups are here to stay. Sorry! It sucks, but they're really not all that bad (especially if you use Firefox!).


Q2.) Do you, Shannon, receive any money from the pop-up ads?
A2.) Absolutely not! Rapidforum is in no way affiliated with me or ASSTR.org (which hosts my site). I've never made a dime off of any Rapidforum ad or pop-up.


Q3.) If Rapidforum is so annoying, why not find a new forum host?
A3.) We might have to, frankly! But for right now there are two huge reasons to stick with Rapidforum. First, they've always allowed us to do our thing! Second, the forum has nearly five years of history, now. It would so suck to lose all the posts accumulated in that time, you know?


Q4.) If I register for your forum, will I get inundated with spam?
A4.) I doubt it! I mean, even *I* had to register for it, and I never got any spam as a result. Then again, I use GMail, so I get about one spam in my inbox a month.

Q5.) I'm still nervous about registering with your forum.
A5.) Shrugs! If you're really paranoid, just create a fake e-mail account first.


Q6.) How do I close a Rapidforum pop-up?
A6.) Good question! A friend recently told me that clicking on the "x" in the pop-up window (my friend uses IE) only opens up a new site. Maybe it's a German thing, but anyway I accessed my forum via IE recently and learned that clicking the square will close the pop-up. Observe:



Q7.) What are the forum rules?
A8.) You have to be 21 to join. Nothing illegal, by United States standards and common sense, is allowed. Anything else goes.

Q8.) Ha! Bullshit. I bet your forum has a disclaimer.
A8.) Got me! Here it is: This forum contains and/or links to sites that may contain visual, audio, and/or textual depictions of nudity and heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual, underage and/or transsexual sexual situations. Persons under twenty-one years of age and persons who may be offended by such depictions may not directly or indirectly download, acquire, view, read, listen to, or possess any photograph, video file, sound file, textual material, advertisement, or other communication, message or other content at, in, or through this forum, nor place any order for any goods or services at, in, or through connection to or from, this forum.If you are under the age of twenty-one years or offended by such materials, you are not authorized to download any materials from this forum or to register an account here.

Q9.) Ha, but I have this fantasy about my underage cousin I wanted to talk about...
A9.) Go ahead and post! I suggest the Your Forbidden Fantasies area.

Q10.) Huh. Well, I mean, I wanted to share non-nude pictures of this cousin... she's only 14!
A10.) Great, I suggest the Porn Posting Fun area (basically the "catch-all" area for any images or movies related to fantasy).

Q11.) Wow. So even that's okay. Well, I want to post naked pictures of her sucking me off.
A11.) You will get banned for that because that is illegal (see Q7). She's 14! That's CP.

Q12.) What does being banned mean?
A12.) It means your account is deleted, your posts are deleted, and your IP address is blocked.

Q13.) Ok. I can post "legal" pix of minors. I can talk about minors and dirty fantasies with them. But what if my fantasy is illegal, though? What if I want to post a legal picture of that cousin and then talk about how I so want to fuck her cute, barely pubescent face? What if I go into gory details about it?!? Will I get banned for that?
A13.) Talk is protected speech, and it's legal. You will only ever get banned for one of two things: posting something that is illegal, or posting something that suggests you are under the age of 21. That's it. Oh wait... if you spam the board to promote pay-for sites, you will be warned, but not banned outright. If it continues, though, you will be banned.

In Summary
The Forbidden Forum is a place for reasonably intelligent adults to congregate and discuss some of the darker fantasies we have all had. It is a place where debate about issues as divergent as political affiliation to matters of incest laws is not only tolerated but encouraged. It is a place where you can feel free to post links to your most favorite and depraved stories. It is a place where you can feel free to post pictures and movies that, while legal, also question the conventional wisdom of what is acceptable. It is a place where you can ask questions about some of your own most darkest fantasies.

In short, the forum is about Forbidden Fantasies.

The Action Plan

So, I'm not very good at this sort of intra-blogging support thingy... but I recently received an e-mail from a long-time fan of this site asking if I would participate in what... well, let me let him describe it:

I'm playing this blogging game with some of my bloggy friends and I was
wondering if you would like to play. It involves filling in a questionaire... I
thought that sounded quite cool, so I was wondering if you wanted to play at
doing one with me? ...My 'questionaire' is one about ambitions and what you want
to achieve in the future. The plan is that you fill it in, post it to your blog
and include a link to my blog. On my blog, I include a link to YOUR blog saying
'check out Shannon's response to this questionaire.' Ideally, we all share
our lovely readers, get tons of hits, it's all a lot of fun and then we go home
and have tea and biscuits.

Well, since I love... well, actually I'm not a big fan of either tea or biscuits. Hmm. But, becuase I love it when fans of this site engage me in unique ways? And because I have promised for some time now to share more about me and my life? I will now respond to this questionaire. :)

The Action Plan

1: Name three things about yourself you would like to improve:
I need a better hairstyle, I need a better job, I need a better credit record.

2: Name something you would like to achieve...
a) Within 1 year:
A better job!

b) Within 5 years:
A degree, if only a bachelor's...!

c) Within 10 years:
A family!

3: Name something you would like to help achieve for somebody else:
Help get Barack Obama elected the 44th President of the United States! :)

4: Name one place you haven’t been, but you’d like to go:
Hawaii.

5: Name one person you haven’t met, but would like to:
Hmm... either Barack Obama or my girlfriend's parents.

6: Name three material things you would like:
a) an iPhone!
b) a Vera Wang wedding dress. Aww! :)
c) a car... any car. Any kind of automobile since my last one is... a wreck. :(

-shannon-

A Solemn Promise

Jason made an interesting comment to my last post:

How about an alternative: if Obama becomes President, we get a picture [of you]?
Encourages us to go actually volenteer and do more than just vote? :).

I like that! I like all the comments, and always do, but Jason's suggestion has really inspired me. So, here we go: if the 44th president of the United States ends up being Barack Obama, I will post a picture of myself to this blog. And I'll tell you what else: the day he becomes the Democratic nominee (or the day it becomes clear he will become the nominee) I'll post all the drafts of Trailer Trash Teen Chapter 12 I've written so far for your reading pleasure. Trust me, it'll be a lot to read... some good, some bad, but all pretty hot, I think...! :P

Now it's in your best interest to support Obama. So... go and support him!!! Texas? Ohio? Maryland? I'm looking at you!!! :P

-shannon-

Barack and Roll! Kinda...

Okay! So I'm happy right now b/c Obama wasn't crushed tonight... it's disappointing he didn't pull off any major upsets (in, say, NY or CA or MA) but at least his head is still above water and no one can claim that Hillary is now the presumptave nominee. So... yay! :P

True to my word I'm going through the comments on my previous thread. There ended up being 40 comments, but remember that for a comment to count it had to include the state you live in and a promise to vote for Obama. If 20 of those comments meet that criteria, I will post a picture of myself on this blog. A real picture of me. Right here. For the first time ever.

So let's go through the comments and see if you guys did it! (I'm writing this list in order, as I read the comments... oh, there was also the criteria that the comment had to have been made before 8pm eastern time!). So let's see whose comments qualified:

1.) Jason
2.) Anonymous 1
3.) Jim (swearing on the holiest document of all!)
4.) Austin (forgot to swear but his state, CT, was a big upset for Obama so I'll give it to him...)
5.) Pierce
6.) Rick
7.) RJ (almost disqualified but a Google search for "jayhawk" revealed that it's the mascot for the University of Kansas... so I guess that counts! :)
8.) Bethany
9.) ET (his second post saved his first from not counting!)
10.) Todd D. (he didn't swear but... close enough!)
11.) Murph (wife's vote didn't count b/c she didn't promise or swear!)
12.) Anonymous 2
13.) Justin
14.) Robert (Ooooo! Sorry, Robert's comment came in at 8:03pm so it doesn't count! ...but, Missouri did swing back to Barack at the last minute in the race so... yeah, I'll count it!)

Even with Robert's late vote being counted, though, we still ended up six votes shy of the margin needed for me to post a pic of myself. So my anonymity remains safe! Unless someone can audit these results and prove to me that I made a mistake or something? Shrugs... I'm too lazy to audit it myself so go ahead, make your case!

-shannon-
~relieved... about Obama not being crushed, and that I don't have to fulfill my promise! :P~

p.s. Here's a consolation prize in case no one can prove my initial review of the comments wrong:

Will You Vote?

It's Super Tuesday!!!

Will you vote? And if so, will you vote for Barack Obama in the Democratic primary? You can if you live in one of the following Super Tuesday states:

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado,
Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Kansas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah.

And if you do, and swear to me here via a comment to this post that you did or are going to, I will make the following unprecedented promise: I will post a picture of myself. To this blog. For all to see.

But I have to receive at least 20 such comments by 8pm Tuesday night, eastern time. And for a comment to count it has to include which state you are from and a promise, on whatever Bible you believe in, that you're telling the truth.

Get up and vote!!! My life doesn't have to be the life of future generations. We can aspire to more. Vote Barack in 2008!

/rant

-shannon-

Why I Love ASSTR.org

I've been reading erotica for a long time. A very long time. Almost the majority of my life, in fact, has been spent reading the works of Réage, Nabokov, Alexander, and the less haughty yet more viceral online works of writers such as Dark Dreamer, Dr. Wu, and Emerson Laken-Palmer. This latter group, the online-only authors, are the ones this post is about.

A little website called ASSTR.org introduced me to them. I was reading erotica before discovering ASSTR, but it wasn't until finding that website some time in my 16th year of age that I really began to realize how good amateur writers could be. ASSTR collected their stories and provided personal webpages for them to dissiminate their works. I don't think more than a week has gone by since the first time I discovered ASSTR that I didn't visit it.

Fans of this site will know that I became obsessed with a certain collector on that site, a young woman a couple years older than me who ran a collection/review site. After she disappeared and took her site with her, I remained an avid ASSTR fan. After some time had passed I set out to pick up her fallen torch and create my own collection and review site. I decided to call it "Forbidden Fantasies" and I knew there was but one place to host it. ASSTR.

Just over five years have passed since then and I have never regretted my decision to be a part of the ASSTR.org community. It's true that I made a couple attempts to make my own site, with my own domain, a site that would be for-profit. Both of those attempts failed. And when I went crawling back to ASSTR they welcomed me back with open arms.

In recent posts to this blog I wondered whether or not ASSTR was going away. I feared in a very public manner that ASSTR would soon disappear and with it, this website. That was all paranoia, people!! ASSTR.org is here to stay. And we are all very, very lucky that this is true! Fans of erotica around the world should unite in celebration that the brave and humble administors of the non-profit erotica collection site that is ASSTR are more than just alive. They are strong. And they are as determined as ever that their site should continue on well into the future.

I've come to this conclusion after a series of e-mails from the site's administrators. They have assured me that ASSTR is alive and well. Theirs is not a forgotten website staring into the abyss. No, they work almost daily to keep it up, keep it moving, keep it evolving. I was stupid to think otherwise. I know that now! And I am so, so sorry that I ever questioned them about that!

They can do even more with your help.

ASSTR has supported my little site for years. And as I've said many times before, by supporting them you are supporting me. I won't receive any cash or other form of compensation, of course. ASSTR is a not-for-profit orgainization. But the money you give them, no matter the amount, helps to pay their expenses to run their site ad-free. It helps them to upgrade equipment and provide more resources for contributors such as myself.

When you donate to ASSTR.org you are, in a sense, donating directly to me. Because without ASSTR.org there would be no Forbidden Fantasies. And without Forbidden Fantasies, well... we've already determined that I need this blog. This page. This site!

Please support ASSTR.org. Donate here, today, right now. They take donations online or via postal mail. And tell them Shannon sent you when you do! Just to make me look cool... :P

And please post your testimonials below about why you also love asstr, or why you donated, at least. If I don't get ten comments by Wednesday I'm going to cry, cry, cry! :(

-shannon-