Suburban Girl Part Six

Yep, I posted it over at http://www.storiesonline.net/. For those of you who don't know about that site, click here (or just take my word when I say that I'm just a member of that site; I don't run it, receive any money from it, etc.). I'll post it here, too, once I get motivated enough. :P

Oh, and for those of you wondering about me and my last post, let's just say I'm not going to any of those meetings anymore. I've been too busy doing this with with Beth:

Two Young Girls Practice Kissing on Each Other

Looks like you've got kissing down. Now go do your math homework.

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:) Btw, no, that's not really me and her (if you even had to ask!).

My First SA Meeting

If you don't know what 'Sexaholics Anonymous' is you should read this first.

I went to my first meeting last week at the urging of Beth, my first honest-to-God girlfriend. After she made me her sub. How crazy is that? I mean, I was totally willing to be submissive. And I have been. Now, though, I'm being punished in a way I never imagined. I have to go to these meetings that tell me my very *submission* is wrong and unhealthy. Every day, every day, I do this. They teach me... or, at least, all I'm learning... is that I'm not supposed to be with a person like her. And *she* sent me there! And I love her. That is not healthy for me, you know?

Is this her way of breaking up with me?

When I read the twelve steps (which we do, every fucking day at the meetings) all I can see in the end is me... you know, realizing that I have to push her away. Give her up. Yet she makes me go. Does she want me to give her up?

At my first meeting I sat at a "first step" table. I listened to all these people who, frankly, were big-time druggies and such. Losers, etc. Former hookers and former inmates. But they judged *me*, you know? They talked down to me, told me I needed to realize what my addiction was. Like me being in a healthy if strange relationship is unhealthy. And them, most of whom admitted they have STDs, aren't. It was horrible. I could barely bite my tongue to keep from telling them off.

They don't know me! I'm a mess, sure, I've done wrong things! But compare me to them, you know!!! Grr....

And then Beth picks me up afterwards and she tells me she's "proud" I was there. And she does that every time since. She tells me how proud she is of me, for going to these BS meetings. What am I supposed to do? She's the one who wants me there. Yet it is such BS. Such fucking bullshit. Argh!

Anyway, I can't genuinely get past the second step. So maybe this will be over soon. Maybe it will even involve losing Beth. At this point, I'm not sure I care. Because, as a part-time stripper and an all-time lover of all things sexual? The very idea of giving up 'lust' is... incomprehensible to me. Especially when the person who wants me to go to these meetings (my beloved Dom) is the very same person who keeps me sexualized... well, always.

I don't get what's going on. Sorry for rambling, btw.

shannon