Inspiration and Such

So the whole thing about Suburban Girl Chapter 7 sort of had a backlash-- after I posted about how most of the responses I was getting were from racist readers, I got a ton of positive responses from people who (rightly!!) think those people are morons! So yay, it turns out my reading audience isn't entirely made up of ignorant assholes...! :P

Moving on, I spent the last few days on yet another quasi-vacation with Beth. It went well, for the most part, except that she tried to force me to write whenever we were bored. She'd say, "Write for the next thirty minutes; get me hot; I'll be back soon." And I *know* I could have done that very, very easily except one of her rules was that I had to be adding to a story (either posted or not) I was already working on. Argh.

In the end it sort of worked. I made some progress with SG8, among other things. Still, I kept telling her that if she *really*! wanted me to make headway with these "projects" she'd let me spend my time browsing for some raunchy porn first. That *always* inspires me, you see? But she was, as always, against it, for two reasons. First, she believes that her sexiness should be all the inspiration I need when we're alone and on vacation together. Shrugs. Second, she pays the one credit card I just recently acquired (to help "build up" my credit), and one of the rules is that I can't spend anything on porn sites. And she gets the bills... grrr.

Which sucks! But then again, I see her point.

Anyway, she suggested I use my free time (i.e. time not spent with her... like right now!) to do my searching for free-porn/inspiration. So I am. But since I'm too tired to *really* try, I'm just asking all of you! Again, this was sort of her suggestion, I guess, but... argh! I hate homework assignments.

What I'm looking for is a site with videos like FacialAbuse.com. Or GirlsBoardingSchool.com. Or YoungPorn.net. Not those sites exactly, mind you... if you read my forum, you know I've been there, done that! In fact, some awesome fans of this site (you know who you are by now!) have kept me hooked up with some of those sites... but unfortunately, sites like that rarely update (how dare they?!? :P), and I've seen most of the vids on them by now.

I really need some good recommendations for other good, hard-core sites! You know... either raunchier than FacialAbuse, or less annoying than YoungPorn, or less pretentious than GirlsBoardingSchool... if you know this site and my stories, you know what I'm looking for, I think!

I so, so, so hate begging like this. For porn, I mean. Long time fans of this site will know this. But still... if you have any recommendations, or any ideas; any suggestions or any thoughts along this topic, I'd appreciate it if you let me know. Please keep in mind when you contact me that my budget, as laid out by Beth (mixed thoughts on that, here, btw), precludes me paying for a site. I mean, don't let that stop you from saying, "Wow, you would love this awesome, nasty, hard-core site, if you could afford it!"... but I would really rather you could both suggest it and provide me access to it for free.

Darn it!

I feel like such a whore making this post. This is not the first time but darn it again... I hate feeling this way. Sort of begging for free stuff. I hate that. I hate charity. It comes up constantly in my fights with Beth... I'll say no more right now. But you get the idea. Sigh....

Oh, one last thing. Beth is no longer my only regular lover. A man I will call "Simon" hooks up with me on a regular basis, now, too. This is a recent development, and I would talk more about it but I am so tired. I will let you know three things, though: Beth knows about him; she introduced me to him; and he knows *nothing* about this site. I don't give that information freely.

Sometimes I wish I'd never given that information to her. I know she'll read this, but she'll understand. The point of this site was so that I could just talk about my dark side, my nasty side, my embarrassing side. Letting her know about all this... part of me wants to cry.

Argh.

<--- me crying right now. Sort of. Kind of. I love her, though, I really do!

It's just sex with him, btw. The sex is great, I won't lie... he makes me feel young again, the way he treats me... I feel like a little girl again. Maybe I make myself feel that way with him. I've been with guys his age before (I think) but... shudder. He's just so cool about it.

Enough for now. Oh, except to say that yes, I still dance; yes, I still want to go back to school if I can ever get my act together; and yes, I'm still working on TTT and SG and a ton of other things. I've been writing a TON lately. It's the sex-scenes that keep killing me. Whenever I re-read them they just aren't hot. Orgasms in real life are so, so much different than orgasms received via porn. I guess that's why I've always loved and needed certain inspirations...! :P

At the same time... and I don't care if Beth reads this since I know she will... he satisfies me with something no woman ever could. It doesn't mean I love her less. It doesn't! I really do love her! If I wanted to cheat on her with someone, believe me, I could! Given my job, my online "Shannon" persona, etc... I could so do it. But she let me hook up with him.

I've never lied to her. About all that. I won't say I haven't lied to you, Beth... I can't say that. Argh.

I only ever lie to the people I love.

-shannon-

P.S. If you want to read a good sex-story, check out Rache's "Girl Fag" on SOL.net. I would never have recommended it before (even though I love her writing!) except that she's been re posting the whole thing just recently... and now it's a lot better!

P.P.S. I love Beth. I really do, with all my heart and in more ways than I can ever communicate via text like this. I say this not because I know you will read this tomorrow but because it really is true.

"Beth", you knew how fucked up I was when we first got together.