2 February 2004

Okay, I was going to do a diary entry about my experience at the rave but I decided I'd rather write up in here... it's easier than doing an update, plus I can get some feedback! I'll prolly post it to the diary later, anyway... but for now, it's just here! (Originally, this post was in the forum... now it's here, too!)

Anyway! If you read my last diary entry, you know that on this past Saturday I went to a rave with my new friend, Dennis. I won't bore you with the details of that day-- basically, I spent it in preparation. I went and bought a new outfit, got my hair cut, etc. At around 8 I went over to Dennis' place.

I was immediately sort of disappointed because Dennis told me no one else could go. Not Katie, or Cita, or Matt. It would be just the two of us-- which is fine (I love Dennis!) but I was worried about what would happen (I ended up being right).

Okay, for those of you who don't know, a rave is like a *huge* party...usually illegal, always loud, and (in my experience anyway!) always held in a shitty building of some kind. I've been to raves before, back where I grew up, and I think I sort of doubted Dennis when he promised this would be extreme. I mean, the city I was in back in the day when I went to raves was *huge*! The city this one was in is big, too, but I think I thought it'd be... I dunno... less intense, maybe?

Well, I was wrong. This rave was much bigger than any I'd been to before. In fact, now I sort of doubt I ever really went to a rave! Because nothing from when I was younger could match the size, intensity, and craziness of this one.

So... we got there at about 9:30pm. We had to get there early in order to get a parking spot, Dennis told me. It cost to park, too! Then we had to wait in line for about ten minutes before we got in (and we were searched thoroughly at the door). It cost to get in, btw (Dennis paid for me).

It was being held in an old warehouse of some kind, and Dennis had been there before. In fact, he knew a bunch of people in line, even! Once we were inside, I was blown away by the sounds: LOUD doesn't even begin to describe the music. The DJ who was spinning when we entered was this tall (taaalllll!) black guy, probably only 18 or so I think. But Dennis immediately made his way over to him, leaving me trapped near the "stage" around a bunch of dancing ravers.

Dennis knew the guy, it turns out. When he came back, he took my hand and led me through the mob waaaay across the building. Unlike the club from the previous weekend, there were no tables or chairs here. However, there were these cheap benches along the wall at the back, set up near an area where they were selling bottled water (for a piece!!!).

This far back wasn't nearly so crowded as the front (at first). We sat on the bench, and Dennis immediately took my money to go find some E (I gave him ). At this point, I have to admit, I was beginning to feel really uncomfortable. Like, alone, you know? I'd been worried that Dennis would know everybody (which he seemed to) and end up leaving me by myself.

Plus... God! If you haven't been to a rave like this one, it's really hard to describe. Even this far back, the music was incredibly loud (and there were speakers back here, too). The *intense* techno music sort of swam around you, and alternated between explosive intensity and a low, throbbing tempo. The dance floor was already filling up, but I could tell that the party hadn't even begun yet.

By the time Dennis got back (about... fifteen minutes, maybe) I was feeling really out-of-place. But when he returned, he gave me two pills, and seemed very pleased. He said it was really good E...

For a brief moment I thought of not taking it. Then I figured, "Oh, well!" and took one, and saved the other for later. Dennis sat down on the floor in front of me, and we talked as best we could over the throbbing music. I was already feeling better, having him there to explain the place to me. For instance, he pointed out these guys in neon-yellow shirts (BIG guys!) who he said were security. He pointed out the bathrooms, not far from where we were, and suggested I buy some water before the lines got really long.

Basically, for about an hour, we just talked about it. I told him about the other raves I'd been to, and how this one seemed much more... organized. And popular! Within that hour I bet another hundred people came in (the ppl who run these things must make a fortune).

I also commented on the ages of the people here. It seemed to me that most of the people were *younger* than us! He agreed to a certain extent, saying that the bouncers at the door don't care how old you are as long as you're able to pay. Of course, that meant that these kids were generally from very wealthy (or at least well-off) families-- I mean, how else does a 15-year-old have money for all this?!?

Okay, but I don't want to give you all the impression that this place was packed tight with junior-high kids or whatever. No, there were plenty of people my age, too-- and some a LOT older. Occasionally I'd spot this one guy, for instance, who looked like he was in his 50's! ...and he was prolly dancing a lot more than the kids half his age, too...!

After about an hour, though, I suddenly just started rolling. REALLY, really hard-- it hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was like I didn't notice at first. One moment I felt totally sober, the next I realized I had been spacing out, feeling incredibly relaxed and good all over my body and mind. That's when I knew I was on some really, really strong Ecstasy.

Dennis started at around the same time. He was rocking in place, a slight smile on his face. I suddenly didn't want to be on the bench anymore, so I slid down to the floor in front of him.

I can't even explain the images, thoughts, and powerful emotions that went through my head. They were amazingly intense. When Dennis took my hands, I felt anchored back into reality, and we sort of sat there, holding hands, together but in our own little worlds.

By the time I cared enough to focus on my surroundings again, the place had really filled up. The lines at the "water station" were long, and people had packed the bench behind Dennis and I. The bathrooms also looked crowded.

And I suddenly wanted to get up! So I did. Dennis did, too, and asked if I wanted to dance. I didn't really want to just yet, as I was fixated on the bathrooms (I really had to go!) so we went our separate ways, with vague promises of meeting back at the same spot "soon".

I made my way to the bathrooms-- two doors next to each other, people sort of gathered around them talking. I couldn't make out which was the girls' room at first, so I asked someone. He told me he wasn't sure, but that it didn't matter. Turns out both were being used interchangeably by both sexes.

I went into one, and had to literally press myself through a throng of people (which, btw, actually felt really good!). In the main area of the bathroom, it was less congested-- and I immediately realized that it was the men's room, because there were urinals. But, since no one else seemed to care, I went for a stall.

One stall had a line of about six people, all guys. The other two each had one girl waiting. I got behind one girl, who immediately started chatting with me. She must have been tripping out on something, because she was going a mile a minute! I smiled, feeling intense love for the girl, who was probably a little older than me. I got so caught up in talking with her, actually, that neither of us noticed when the stall we were waiting for was vacated. Someone else cut in front of us, but we didn't care.

But then, the craziest thing happened. The stall with the line of boys opened up, and this guy came out. I watched as a girl who looked to be 16 or 17 followed from behind him, took the hand of the next guy in line, and led him back into the stall!

My jaw dropped, literally. I asked my new friend (Gloria, or something like that) what was going on. She said that the girl in the stall must be a prostitute. She didn't even seem dazed by this.

I, on the other hand, became obsessed with it. I mean, this girl hadn't looked *anything* like a prostitute! She was young, cute, almost innocent looking in a raver-girl type of way. And she was having sex for money in that stall? Why?

I couldn't get my mind around it. Although I was rolling really hard still, and feeling really good, my brain seemed stuck on this thing. Eventually I did use the bathroom, and Gloria and I went our separate ways. And the line of guys, meanwhile, had grown to about ten-- half of whom, I should say, were prolly in their late 20's, early 30's.

So when I exited the bathroom I was like, really, really crazy feeling: rolling, sweating (my heart was pounding), obsessed, and *thirsty*! I got in line for water next, and made a new friend in line: an older guy, probably 25 or so, and black. He was very, very friendly, and we chatted as we waited our turn to be ripped off for bottled water.

We even started dancing in line (at least, he sort of danced against me!). He was rolling, too, he explained.

You know, I really shouldn't get into details of everyone I met that night. I met *SO* many people! It was like, everyone I stood next to immediately became my best friend. That's what it's like when you're on Ecstasy... I could fill pages with details about all these people. Instead, I'll focus on the big ones from now on. Okay...

So, I bought three bottles of water (3 for was the discount!), immediately chugged down one, then put the other two in my purse and went looking for Dennis.

I was walking on cloud-nine as I made my way to the dance floor, the alleged prostitute all but forgotten. When I got to the dancers, I became swept up in the deep, intense music being spun on the stage, and started dancing. I danced with anyone I got near--- guys, girls, men and women. It was mostly very innocent-- an occasional guy would grab my butt, or dry hump me, and one even boldly cupped both my breasts as we danced together. However, those were HUGE exceptions to the general rule. Unlike clubs, most of the people dancing here weren't perverts or creeps. Most just wanted to dance.

Glow sticks swirled around in the strobed darkness as I danced and danced around with literally dozens of people. It was amazing-- probably the best time of the night for me (maybe).

But I did get really thirsty again, and headed back to find Dennis (having realized I was supposed to wait for him near the bench). When I got there, I suddenly felt weak, and my rolling mind wanted nothing better then to sit down and relax! So I found a space and did just that.

With shaking hands I drank more water, and went into a looong, internal roll where, like earlier, my mind just spaced out. When I came out of that, I realized I had drank my last two bottles, and so I went to get more.

While waiting in line, this girl came up to the guy behind me and asked if he knew where she could score some good Ecstasy. He said, "No." I looked over. Can you guess who the girl was?

It was the supposed prostitute from the bathroom.

Immediately I told her that I had some good E I could sell her. She got next to me and, all business like, produced some rumpled bills from a small, glittery handbag. I asked her her name. She said it was Misty.

She asked a lot of questions about the E, and I told her I was on it right now and really rolling hard. She seemed satisfied. She gave me , and I gave her the pill. But she didn't leave then-- she stayed next to me, and I realized she wanted some water, too.

We both got some water (I did the 3-for- deal again) and then I followed her to a less crowded area away from the bench, water, etc. She took the pill and we began talking.

I came to realize from what she was saying that she was here by herself. She was very friendly, now, no longer serious and business like. We sat down together, and I found out that she was actually 19 years old, although I *swear* she looks more like 16.

Cute, skinny, but a little out of shape-- that "soft" body look, not fat at all but probably in need of some time in the gym. She was taller than me, but not by much, and had her short hair up in these little, bundled spikes that actually made her seem even cuter.

Anyway, Misty and I talked and talked. I didn't broach the subject of what she'd been doing in the bathroom-- in fact, at this point I was no longer sure it was the same girl. Then she began rolling.

"Oh, wow," she said when it began.

A long period passed where we sort of talked, sort of just rolled, drank our water, smoked some cigarettes. Eventually she wanted a back rub, and I gave her one, and it seemed to go on forever. Then she did the same for me, until eventually we just sat against the wall again, holding hands, enjoying our rolls.

After this long period of time, I finally had to ask. I said, "Were you the girl in the bathroom earlier?"

Her lazy smile didn't go away. She just nodded, knowing what I meant.

Still, I had to have confirmation. Stupidly I asked, "What were you doing with those guys in the stall?"

"Oh," she said nonchalantly, "just making some money", as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Obviously, she was rolling really hard, harder than me, now. But I pressed on for details just the same, my mind once again obsessed with how she could do something like that.

She explained it simply. She didn't have a real place to live. She had a job, but not enough money to go to two raves a week (which is her standard amount). So about three months ago she began offering blowjobs for cash.

The first time, she said, was just because a guy offered her some E if she blew him. She had no money for it, so she did. It went on from there.

"It's cool," she said to me. "It's not like real prostitution-- I charge for ten minutes. Have to, since a lot of guys can't come or just take a reallly long time."

I asked her if she ever had sex in there.

"Only if I like the guy," she said. "And then it's for ten minutes."

How much money she made a night?

"If I do it for like, three full hours, around 0," she said. "Sometimes more."

She'd only made about this night, but she explained that the night before she'd gone to a rave and done nothing but that, and had walked away with 0.

I was obviously enthralled, amazed, shocked. I could tell that this poor girl (woman!) had been through a lot. Yet she seemed so innocent, so "pure", that it was like... a tragedy she did this, somehow. Yet she didn't mind at all.

"It's like giving a massage," she explained. "A lot of the guys are rolling so hard, they can't even get hard. They just like the feeling of it."

I also found out she didn't really have a home. She stayed with various friends, none of whom knew what she did on the weekends. It was like she had two lives...

Sort of like me!

Well, while we were in the middle of this conversation, suddenly the lights came up. And I mean suddenly! The bouncers/security guys came around, yelling for people to leave. Dazed, confused, I took Misty's hand and she led me out, which took forever.

"Got busted," she giggled when we noticed the cops.

The sight of them scared the SHIT out of me!!! If Misty hadn't been there, I probably would have really freaked out. But she assured me that once in a while, it happened: the cops came and busted up the parties. But they never arrested anyone.

"Too bad," she observed. "I was having fun!"

We found ourselves out in the parking lot. My heart was still racing. I found out that it was almost 3:30am. Misty waited with me at Dennis' car.

I gave her my cell-phone number, and she promised to call, just before Dennis got there. He offered to give her a ride but she said she didn't need one, that she would take a cab. But Dennis insisted he at least drive her to a "safer" area of the city. She said okay.

We dropped her off at a gas-station. She was obviously still rolling REALLY hard (probably peaking, actually), but she seemed confident she was safe. So Dennis and I left her behind.

Turns out Dennis spent the night either dancing or hanging out with the DJ's... but he had looked for me several times, he said. I felt bad because I should have stayed at our meeting place, but he seemed fine with it.

Anyway, we went back to his house and enjoyed what little remained of our rolls. There was lots of conversation, but no sex or anything sensual at all, actually.

Sunday I woke up at around 4pm. And that was basically it!

Misty hasn't called-- I sort of doubt she will. But... wow. Crazy night. Lots of fun, but really insane!