Big News

Okay, so I was supposed to work tonight but at practically the last minute I decided I wanted the night off. So I called in and said I was sick. Yes it was a lie, but one of the coolest things about this stipper job is that I can basically make my own schedule (although I do have to schedule two weeks in advance and I don't always get what I want). But calling off isn't like calling off work at any other job I've ever had. When I called, the floor manager just took my name, briefly tried to make me want to work, and then said, "Alright, see you tomorrow then."

Anyway, my friend Matt came over at around 8pm with the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". This is the same Matt from last Sunday, who I played cards with. I'm pretty sure he's trying to hook up with me, which is strange because we have a weird history (we've had sex a bunch of times in the past but have never dated). But anyway, we're sitting on the couch watching this movie on this awesome widescreen plasma TV of Paul's, and I'm thinking, "Maybe Matt and I could be a serious thing...". And just then, guess what happens?

Just guess. Give up?

Paul comes home. He was supposed to be out with his girlfriend pretty much all night, like he usually is, so it was a total surprise. I could totally tell that he was *pissed*, too. He went straight to his room without even saying hello, really.

Well, when the movie ended I got Matt to leave (felt bad about it, but oh well) and then went to Paul's bedroom. He reluctantly answered the door and let me in, and we started talking.

Guess what? He and his girlfriend broke up! Yep, just tonight. He and I talked about it for a long time (until about an hour ago, actually). Apparently things haven't been good between the two lately, and he's been getting paranoid because she's been hanging out with people from her new job who he doesn't even know. Anyway, earlier tonight he confronted her about his worries. And she started crying, which was a pretty good sign that his worries weren't unfounded. And then she admitted that they weren't.

Apparently she's been feeling "smothered" by him, which is total bullshit since she's been the super-control-freak the entire time they've been together. But anyway, she admitted she's been "sort of" dating other people. How can you "sort of" date other people? Shrugs!

After she admitted all this they argued for a while before he finally told her to go to Hell and he left. On the way back here she called him and the bitch *actually* said that *she* was breaking up with *him*!!! Can you believe that?

God. Anyway, while the two of us talked his cell went off many times, all calls from her, and he ignored them. But she also sent some texts and shared them with me: she was demanding he give her back all the things she'd left over here or she'd sue. ??? She's left, what? Some tampons and fucking People magazines? Whatever.

Didn't I always say she was a stupid slut?

So, okay. Paul went to sleep and no I'm on here. I'm not quite sure how to process all this. Obviously, I've been interested in Paul ever since he let me move in with him, so there's that part of me that wants to "swoop in" right away and try to replace the SS. But I know that my role now is to be the good friend... he's upset. The poor guy really liked her. I need to be there for him. So that's what I'll do.

This is a situation I have to be very careful about... and I will be. But I feel so bad because I'm so happy that he and her are through, you know? I hated that bitch. And just because I have a real reason to hate her now (she cheated on my friend) doesn't make up for the fact that I hated her before, simply because she was dating him and I wasn't. You know?

This is a totally interesting development. I'll keep you all updated...

-shannon-

Writing Frustrations

There are times when I'm working on Trailer Trash Teen that the story seems to write itself. This usually happens when I'm working on the first draft of a chapter, and the ideas just flow through me. Then there are the times, like right now, where I have to struggle with every sentence. It gets really frustrating.

The absolute hardest chapters I've written, the ones that got so bad that I nearly gave up several times, were chapters three, seven, and ten. And now chapter 12 can be added to the list. God it's taking forever! I thought I had it done, but then realized that the ending wasn't that great. I figured a simple re-write would make it perfect. I never expected it would take me this long to get it right.

And I'm still not done. Argh! I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever manage to finish it.

Anyway, I'm basically writing this blog entry as a distraction from TTT12. There's nothing else new to report. But, I guess I've wasted enough time... wish me luck!

-shannon-

More on Everything

This past weekend was frustrating, fun, and infuriating!

Oh, wait. Before I get into that, I meant to clarify a few things I left out in my last entry. First, the reason I got fired from that "real" job. It's pretty simple, actually. Basically on that Wednesday my boss told me he needed me to work that coming Friday. Well, I had plans for that Friday-- a friend of mine from out of town was coming, and she and I had planned to hang out all day. Well, when I was given my original schedule for this place, I wasn't scheduled to work Friday, which is why I made my plans. My boss didn't care that I had plans now: he "needed" me to work. I protested, he got mad, I got weepy and frustrated, and then just walked out. Shrugs.

The second thing I need to clarify is about the new stripclub I work at. Let's call it "Paradise Club" just to make things easier. Paradise Club is a pretty nice place, especially when compared to the one I did the amateur night at (the one Star works at). But based on some of the comments to my last post, I think a lot of you are assuming this place is like... really up-scale. There were a couple comments made suggesting I put together a dancer's portfolio, and do all this crazy stuff like that. Maybe at really ritzy places the girls do that, but see, there are two reasons I won't be doing that: 1.) None of the other dancers at Paradise Club do anything like that, and 2.) I'm not taking this new line of work too seriously.

I should elaborate on this second point. Basically, I don't plan on doing this for too long. Maybe six months or so, enough time to save up some money to get me back into school and pay down some debt. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with stripping, it's just I don't think it's me. You know? I don't want to make it a career. By this Fall I hope to have the kind of job I'm more accustomed to, be re-enrolled in school, etc. Because that's me. I need to go back to school and finish up my Bachelor's... and I will.

That being said, the stripping is going pretty well. I'm making money and growing comfortable with myself, and I'm finally starting to fit in.

See, from what I've observed there seems to be four "classes" of dancers at the club. The lowest class is "new girl" one. None of the other girls take the new girls too seriously. Apparently there's a high turnover rate-- lots of girls start, last a few shifts, and then are never heard from again. Until this weekend I was in this class. It sucks because you don't know anyone, and it's like no one wants to know you... or, at least, no one takes you seriously enough to try getting to know you.

The next class up are what I'll call the "regular girls". These are the dancers who've been doing it for a little while; they know the in's and out's of the club and have friends amoung the dancers and the clientile. This past weekend I think I moved into this class somewhat... it finally seems like I'm getting to know my co-workers; I have a much better understanding of how things work; and I'm starting to remember the regular clients of the club (there are some guys who come in several times a week).

Next is what I'll call the "old-timer" class. These are the women who've been dancing for years and years, either at this club exclusively or at several during their career. One of these women told me she's 37-years-old and has been dancing since she was 19. Crazy! Anyway, the old-timers are definitely the nicest people at the club. They've been around, seen it all, and know that they can't compete with the younger girls-- so they don't try. They have their niche and they work it well, but they don't expect to be the most popular girl at the club. Unlike the girls from...

...the "snob-class". Okay. I call these girls the snob-class because they're extremely beautiful (huge breasts, flawless skin, model-worthy height, etc)... and they know it. These women don't even try when they're onstage. They just sort of walk around and shake a bit. They know they're going to get tips, and they do; they know they're going to be asked for dances, and they are. Most of the "regular girls" will never be in this class; all of the old-timers have outlived their chance to be in this class. It's the most exclusive class of all. And I hate them!!!

Pretty much everybody hates these girls. They are so fucking mean! Not just mean, but impolite. Rude. They use what little charm they have on clients but share none of it with their co-workers. They think they're better than everybody else... argh! I get angry just thinking about them.

I'll never be in that class, but that's okay. I knew going into this that I would never be the most gorgeous girl at the club. I mean, I don't have the chest size or height for it; I don't have the manequine-esq made-up face for it. But I'm content with being in the "regular girl" class. We're the real girls I think!

Anyway, this Friday I was working and things started off horribly. My first time on stage I slipped and fell right on my butt hard. It hurt like a bitch! One of the old-timers, who I'll call Lilly, was so nice: she took over for me onstage so I could go into the back and recover. At first I seriously thought I might have broken my tailbone, but after popping a couple Advil I felt better and went back on the floor. The rest of the night went a lot better; somehow getting humiliated onstage (customers were laughing their asses off when I fell) endeared me to a lot of the regular girls and old-timers alike. I ended up getting to know a bunch of them that night, which was nice.

I was supposed to hang out with Star after work on Friday, but she never called like she was supposed to. I called her a few times, but she doesn't seem to be returning my calls. I think she's pissed off that I went to work at Club Paradise... oh well. I spent Friday night online posting on the forums and working on TTT, then slept until noon the next day.

When I did wake up Saturday, I had a nice chat with Paul about me living with him for a while longer. Now that I can pay my share of the rent (yay!) he seems less insistant that I leave. He said, for example, that I can definitely stay until March. This is good, because I was totally dreading moving again. At least for the time being I've got a reliable place to live.

Later on Saturday I worked again, from 3pm until roughly 10:30. I'd never worked this shift before and it was sort of weird. The customers who come in during the afternoon are a lot different-- older, less enthusiastic, and fewer in number. I didn't start making any real money until about 9pm. But that was okay-- live and learn.

The thing that sucked was that I was stood up again on Saturday. My friend Laura had invited me to go with her and some of out friends to this dance-club, and I was really looking forward to it. But by the time I tipped-out, changed, and got myself home via a cab, it was already 11:30pm and Laura and her friends had already left. But she hadn't bothered to call and let me know this until well past midnight, though I'd tried calling her cell-phone about a billion times. Argh... that put me in a foul mood, to be alone (Paul was with Stupidslut) on a Saturday night.

Yesterday I didn't work at all. I spent most of the day doing laundry before going out with Laura to the mall to do a little shopping. Later that evening my friend Matt picked me up, and I went over to his place to play a little poker. I hadn't played in years but I didn't want to be alone for yet another night, and nothing else was going on anyway. It turned out to be pretty fun. They don't take their game too seriously, and they didn't mind teaching me Texas Hold'em (which I guess is the most popular poker game right now... all I knew was 5-card stud!). By midnight we'd stopped playing and just sort of hung around; his friends are nice, as is his new girlfriend. I need to hang out with them more often, I've decided.

That was my weekend. Pretty mundane, really, but I thought I'd update you all on how the club is going, at least.

Oh, one last thing before I sign off! For those of you growing impatient, please know that I am working my butt off on TTT12 and the next newsletter. You can expect the latter by later this week. As to the former... it's coming along.

I thought I had TTT12 all squared away, but then I asked people on the forum for help with editing it. See, I knew something wasn't quite right with it, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong by myself. With the help of a few of you (most notably DogMeat, Steve, and Sean-- thank you guys!!!), I've discovered the problem. There's one scene that just doesn't work. I'm in the process of trying to fix it... but it's being a stubborn fucking scene! Argh... it'll get done. Soon, hopefully...

-shannon-

I Confess

Here's what's going on. I had a new job, a new "real" job, briefly. I started Monday and was fired on Wednesday. I should mention that if I hadn't been fired then, I would have forgotten the 2-year anniversary of this site! I knew it was the 12th but I had been scheduled to work all day, and it wasn't until I got home after being fired that I remembered the anniversary-- for some reason I had thought the two year anniversary of this site was today, Friday. Anyway. Good thing I got fired...!

This article is interesting. It also makes for a great lead-in to what I'm about to say.

As a woman with a skinny, toned body, I've realized I can make good cash working at stripclubs. Those of you who have followed this blog for awhile (esp. since my "amateur night" back in November) know this. Some of you even encouraged me to strip, since it obviously provides such a lucrative lifestyle. Some of you said I shouldn't since it'd lead to drugs, bad-things, etc. I initially agreed with those of you in this latter group.

That changed a few weeks ago. I hate to say this, but when I was talking about my new job and all, I left out the fact that I would actually be working two. It's complicated and confusing... basically, a couple weeks ago I went to a more high-class "titty bar" than the one I did amateur night at, just to see how it was. It was a lot nicer! Just the place... I mean, it felt like an upscale restaruant as opposed to a low-class diner. I asked Star about the place and she got defensive and said it was dumb, stupid, it was a ripoff... but then I realized she might just be mad that she couldn't work there. After all, back when I met Star she had told me how 'limited' she'd been because of the fact she'd had a baby... I never did, and still do not, see any evidence of her pregancny on her body. But she always blames her baby's birth for her not getting farther in the stripping business. I blame her drug habit and her trashy tattooes... anyway.

I did do an "amateur night" at her work (the trashy joing), as you all may recall. It was fine and paid well but I felt it was stupid and beneath me. That's me being honest. But this club, this other one? I visited it and I actually liked it.

I have known about this club ever since I knew Sta, but until about mid-December I had never gone there. And I only went with my friends Paul (who I live with) and Chad, because it was Chad's birthday and that's where he wanted to go... I mean, I was the one who suggested this place, but no had to agree with me...

Long story short, I realized this new place was better than the place Star worked at. And I realized that Star hated this place because they'd never let her strip there. But guess what? They let me!

Yep, they let me. I've been working there since Monday. Since that day I've earned nearly $400-- that's $80 a day for the week and I only worked Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday-- or $133 per day worked!

So who cares that I lost that other job?

Anyway... I didn't work tonight. But I will tomorrow, my first weekend shift. Wish me luck.

-shannon-
~too honest right now to be sober~

This is a test... I'm trying out this new-fangled Hello.com software, which claims it can post images to my blog. Let's see if it works! :P

Things Reviewed

First of all, has anyone else followed this story? Isn't that screwed up? I know it's kind of old news by now, but I just saw this article and thought I'd pass it along.

Next week (starting tomorrow) my life begins to change. I'm starting an honest-to-God full-time job. I'm hoping it will only be temporary, because the pay really sucks and the schedule is infrequent (mostly days, which is good, but some weekends). It will be good, though, to have a real job again. It's been months since I've worked. I have done a few side things, like some under-the-table clerical work for a friend of mine at the university, but that doesn't really count. This will be a real job with W-2 forms and everything! Whoo-hoo. After 90-days I'll be insured again, too, although I sort of hope to have found something better by then.

The last week has been pretty good, I'd say. Maybe it's the whole "It's a new year!" mentality, but I feel like I'm making some smart decisions about what I'm going to do with my life. I'm almost 23 after all... I need to get on some sort of track soon! I hope to enroll in at least one class come Spring and get back to the whole school-thing, by the way. That will depend on finances though.

I'm officially moving out of Paul's soon. He's been so great letting me stay here, rent-free for so long, but it's time to move on. His stupidslut girlfriend has become a huge pain in the butt... I think she's jealous that I live with her man. Oh, well. No one can say I didn't see that coming! Besides, I'm tired of feeling like a leech. Once I start making some money I'll start buying Paul all those X-Box games he always talks about. Maybe eventually it'll make up for all the food and stuff I mooched from him these past few months.

I'm either going to be moving to a place really close by, or to a place a good forty minutes away. That's still up in the air. It's good to have options, though. By the end of this month, with my new job and all, I should have enough cash for at least a deposit on wherever I'm going. Both of the two places I'm considering involve friends so there won't be a credit check, thank God. It'll work out either way.

Leo and I are officially over, by the way. So ends that sordid chapter of my life. For roughly the last month or so we'd been hooking up infrequently-- usually after hanging out with Frank and Star, but sometimes just whenever he stopped by. The sex was still okay, but it just didn't feel right. It was making me feel used in a sick, sad sort of way, you know? There was no excitement anymore. I didn't mind the fact that he was obviously seeing other people, esepcially since (as you might remember) I never, ever wanted a serious relationship with him. Still, he stopped being cool and... exciting, I guess, a long time ago.

I mishandled that whole situation, I'll be the first to admit it. From the first time I had sex with Leo, right on through all the other ups and downs, I was pretty dumb. And the thing is, I was always aware of my stupidity, I just sort of didn't care. Anyway, I care now, and so Leo is gone.

He came over late Friday (actually, early Saturday morning) at around 3:30am, drunk and wanting to get laid. And you know, I just told him. I said I didn't think we worked well together, that I was feeling used, etc. He tried to argue at first, but then just made a sort-of angry comment about it being my loss, and he left. Star called me yesterday afternoon and asked about it, and I was honest with her, too. Her biggest concern, I think, is whether or not I'll still want to hang out with her and her boyfriend if Leo comes along (Leo is Frank's brother, remember). We'll have to see about that one.

I always end up rambliing! Sorry. I'll end this now. Wish me luck at the new job!

-shannon-

A New Year!

Shannon's New Year Resolutions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.) I resolve to update my blog at least once a week.
2.) I resolve to send out a newsletter for the site at least twice a month.
3.) I resolve to actually finish Trailer Trash Teen, which is pushing two years in production!!!
4.) I resolve to find a decent paying job with decent benefits.
5.) I resolve to move out of Paul's, because the guilt-trips are getting unbearable.
6.) I resolve to drink less. Booze, I mean.
7.) I resolve to have the heart-to-heart with my younger cousin Stephanie I've been meaning to have for years, because it's almost too late to do so when it could help her avoid the mistakes I've made.
8.) I resolve to start having sex for fun again, instead of using sex to feel needed... in case no one noticed, my sex life lately has been pretty... well, not sad, but sort of... depressing? Ugly? Not fun and exciting the way it used to be. I resolve to change that.
9.) I resolve to keep at least three of these resolutions.

There... that's all for now! I'll post another update later!

-shannon-