Just Another Day
I'm only really making this entry because I haven't made one in a while...
See, I need to make a decision. Do I update this blog even when absolutely nothing interesting is going on, or do I wait to make updates when things are crazy? With me, it doesn't usually take long for crazy things to happen. But there are slumps.
I guess it'd be easier to know the answer if more of you would comment on my entries!!! (hint-hint)!
Anyway, I am in a slump right now. Things are pretty calm. Paul is still with Stupidslut, and I'm still unemployed. My goal right now is to secure some financial aid so that I can take at least a few classes come January, but the clock is ticking and I have a feeling I'll be sitting out yet another semester.
It sucks not working. I keep getting these leads on these jobs, and they just fizzle out. If I don't have something that pays decent by December 1st, I've decided that I will start stripping.
Oh, I should update you all on that! I did meet with the manager at the club, and a.) he was creepy and b.) he was sort of mean and intimidating. Basically he told me that if I won't commit myself to four shifts a week, he doesn't need me there. That's why I balked, and haven't called him back yet. Four shifts a week may not sound like much, but like... I sort of told myself that if I started doing it, it would only be a once in a while sort of thing. You know? Star had pretty much told me I could get that sort of agreement, that I could promise as little as one shift a week... but she was wrong. The manager was clear he wanted more. That's why I gave myself the Dec 1 deadline to find something else though... I have to make a decision sometime.
Why wouldn't I do it? I could make some good money. Or at least, some decent money. I just... I guess I'm just so embarrassed about it. You know, "embarrassed" isn't the right word! The right word is... depressed. Or maybe that's the wrong word, too. I think I'm just worried that if I start doing it full-time, that it will consume my life or something.
I hung out with Chris, Leo, and Star Friday night. She wasn't working so we all went to a club. God I'd forgotten how much I love to dance! Of course, I had no money, so I had to rely on a.) Leo and b.) strangers for drinks and stuff like that. It was a fun time, but you know what the kicker was? Leo left with someone else. I got a ride home from Star and Chris. I'm pretty sure at this point that Leo is either a.) tired of waiting for me to officially become his girlfriend; b.) pissed that I haven't fucked him in a while and that I rarely answer his calls, or c.) just bored with me. Whatever.
Things could be worse; they often are! As my therapist used to say, Live and Let Be. I never really understood what that meant but I'm sure it's inspirational.
I miss therapy, by the way! Only six weeks without it and I feel like... I've lost a good friend, or more, you know? Sigh!
I should go. I'm busy working on TTT12 and... more. Stay tuned! :)
-shannon-
See, I need to make a decision. Do I update this blog even when absolutely nothing interesting is going on, or do I wait to make updates when things are crazy? With me, it doesn't usually take long for crazy things to happen. But there are slumps.
I guess it'd be easier to know the answer if more of you would comment on my entries!!! (hint-hint)!
Anyway, I am in a slump right now. Things are pretty calm. Paul is still with Stupidslut, and I'm still unemployed. My goal right now is to secure some financial aid so that I can take at least a few classes come January, but the clock is ticking and I have a feeling I'll be sitting out yet another semester.
It sucks not working. I keep getting these leads on these jobs, and they just fizzle out. If I don't have something that pays decent by December 1st, I've decided that I will start stripping.
Oh, I should update you all on that! I did meet with the manager at the club, and a.) he was creepy and b.) he was sort of mean and intimidating. Basically he told me that if I won't commit myself to four shifts a week, he doesn't need me there. That's why I balked, and haven't called him back yet. Four shifts a week may not sound like much, but like... I sort of told myself that if I started doing it, it would only be a once in a while sort of thing. You know? Star had pretty much told me I could get that sort of agreement, that I could promise as little as one shift a week... but she was wrong. The manager was clear he wanted more. That's why I gave myself the Dec 1 deadline to find something else though... I have to make a decision sometime.
Why wouldn't I do it? I could make some good money. Or at least, some decent money. I just... I guess I'm just so embarrassed about it. You know, "embarrassed" isn't the right word! The right word is... depressed. Or maybe that's the wrong word, too. I think I'm just worried that if I start doing it full-time, that it will consume my life or something.
I hung out with Chris, Leo, and Star Friday night. She wasn't working so we all went to a club. God I'd forgotten how much I love to dance! Of course, I had no money, so I had to rely on a.) Leo and b.) strangers for drinks and stuff like that. It was a fun time, but you know what the kicker was? Leo left with someone else. I got a ride home from Star and Chris. I'm pretty sure at this point that Leo is either a.) tired of waiting for me to officially become his girlfriend; b.) pissed that I haven't fucked him in a while and that I rarely answer his calls, or c.) just bored with me. Whatever.
Things could be worse; they often are! As my therapist used to say, Live and Let Be. I never really understood what that meant but I'm sure it's inspirational.
I miss therapy, by the way! Only six weeks without it and I feel like... I've lost a good friend, or more, you know? Sigh!
I should go. I'm busy working on TTT12 and... more. Stay tuned! :)
-shannon-
Labels: stuff about me
posted by Shannon at 1:07 AM
14 Comments:
afraid it would consumer your life, well that is a legitimate fear. I always tell people its good that they at least have a plan, of any sort.
i wouldnt mind even hearing about your slump days. as you say their so rare that makes them interesting in their own right.
Shannon;
If you look at stripping as a job and just a job you will be fine. Having been in the Law Enforcement business for over 31 years I have seen a lot including employees of the adult industry. Here in Tampa, Florida we have a giant adult entertainment industry. Some girls do great at and support them and their children in a comfortable style. Others put theirselves through medical or law school and then become highly paid professionals. What I have observed with the sucessful ones over the years is that they try to treat it as you would any other job. What they don't do is get involved personally with the others they work with, in other words what happens at work stays at work. They also do not party on their breaks, they usually study. Another piece of advice from the sucessful ones is to not use drugs or you will find you will be broke financially quickly as all your money goes up in smoke or up your nose.
So do the stripping, but stay focused on your educational goals. Yes, jobs are hard to find, my wife recently had to seek new employment and it was not an easy task to find something other than flipping burgers.
Shannon, what can I say. I still think some short story submissions, trying to sell your writing is a better option. As for Financial Aid, go back to the school's financial aid office and tell them what you need. Tell them your situation, kick some ass darlin' they will take care of you.
I am much more interested in your day to day stuff than the crazy stuff, mostly because as I have said elsewhere I have been in lust with your brain for a couple of years now, (when did I first discover FF? I remember reading about your 19th b-day some where shortly after I joined, three years then?)
December first isn't much of a deadline, and honestly no one hires this time of year unless it is holiday only. Every one who pays what you are looking for will be hiring again after the first of the year when their new budget is availible. Sad truth of the business world.
If the manager is creepy and kind of an asshole, go work at another club. You are hot, and as I've said before have a devious, delicious sensuality that gets inside people and takes control. You can work in a much better club and not have to put up with the bullshit this guy is serving. He is finding out how far he can push you, playing power games, discovering if he can get a blow job or an ass fuck in exchange for a better shift. An aquaintance of mine used to strip in a roadhouse club because she got off on it, she was submissive and felt cheap and used every time she danced which made her more turned on which made her happy, in some strange way. But in the end she finished her schooling and got a job.
Take the previous comment's advice, treat it like a job. If this were a straight job you wouldn't just take the first one that came along would you? You would interview at half a dozen or more places, and take the one that felt right. Treat stripping the same way.
Leo, because I do like you I am only going to say this. He is an asshole and a rapist, let him go.
Kody
~tried har dnot to me the voice on your shoulder~
Having worked at Strip Clubs(even I won't call those places "Gentlemen's Clubs"), the commitment to a specific number of days/week has more to do with setting up a schedule with all the dancers than with your convenience. Like the other folks have said, treat it as a job, and you'll do fine.
Forget about Leo, you deserve better!
This is the best time of year to hit the Financial Aide office. People are much more likely to help out before the Holidays hit, so go and see what you can get.
As far as therapy goes, Blog's seem to be a lot more interesting and helpful than any therapy I have been to(which is to say more than the average person!).
Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
Shannon,
First off screw Leo! Wait...I meant forgt about him. Even if you guys hadn't been that close lately, that was a real loser move to do on his part. Second, if the manager creeped you out then find another club to work at. But I would try to get a job as seasonal help first. Hey, it might just be for a few weeks but you don't have to get pressed into a situation that you hate. If you do end up stripping, I agree with the others: Treat it as a job, don't party on your breaks and keep work seperate from your private life. Lastly, go to the Financial Aid office and don't leave until they help you.
Vicorp - would also be interestd in reading more of your "average" day to day life.
Thanks for posting it good to hear from you as often as possible, even if it is just boring updates ;)
Plus look at all the advice you get from varying backgrounds and view points!
Shannnon, I'm not in your position, but if you feel that you want to do it, then do it, but I am in total agreement with the others, treat it as a job. While having the customers buy you drinks is part of what you have to do, I'm sure the place would be more then willing to water them down to almost nothing, and stay away from any drugs... period. Just treat it as a job. I also agree that wanting you to commit to 4 sessions a week is just the mgrs. power play, for scheduling, he could just as easlily schedule you in a couple times a week, as it would not mess up that. An don't be afraid to try a different, more upscale place... you're not locked in there just because STar is there. The only thing I've got to say about Leo, is no loss, you deserve to be treated so much better, and that goes for Paul too. Try some people from school to hang with, just for a change.
Shannon
what can I say that you haven't already heard. Well here goes, unemployment sucks and sometimes even if you don't want to you just gotta suck it up and take a crappy job until you can find a better one. I know this is harsh but that's just the way life works. Take it from someone whose had to work at alot of those crappy jobs. As for relationships can't give you much advice in that area because pretty much every one I've had has ended badly. I like to picture myself as the hero kneeling over a ticking bomb with the counter getting closer and closer to zero. The only thing standing in the way of me surviving and getting the girl is one tiny choice, do I cut the red wire, or the blue wire. Simple right, wrong, kaboom!! every time. As for therapy it was fun, but it didn't really help me. You might feel better if you vented your frustrations here on a daily basis. Beside I love reading your stuff you make me laugh sometimes. Well from Me to you good luck. I look forward to reading more of your writings.
Gotta go, wish me luck I've got a bomb to defuse.
Shannon,
1. I would rather read your account of doing your laundry or surfing the web than most other blogs I've seen! Keep us posted on your day-to-day thoughts and feelings especially. There are those of us who've come to care for you. I want you to post as often as possible, and I agree with those who say that this can be, if not therapy, at least some catharsis.
2. I think Leo is a jerk, and you're better off without him. That being said, if you can get laid every once in a while, and he treats you well and buys you things, there's nothing wrong with keeping him around, but only on YOUR terms!
3. The previous poster hit it on the head. Unemployment sucks, and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and take just about whatever work you can get. At one point in my life I was in middle management making 50K+ with a company car. I got laid off, couldn't find a comparable position, with unemployment running out I went down to my local Goodyear and got a job mounting tires on cars. (Within a week I was behind the counter as an assistant manager, but that's neither here nor there. I knew I had to eat, and I did whatever I had to do...)
So, if stripping is all that's available, do it with gusto, but do it as a JOB! Avoid, (on the job at least), the drugs, the booze, and keep the men on a "professional" level.
Fondly,
Hedonism
Three comments.
First, anything you say, Shannon, usually turns out to be interesting. But it would probably be most interesting to me as a reader if you thought it was interesting to tell. So, post whenever you feel comfortable.
Second, about jobs. Some of my most productive time has been between jobs. And for me, that time was months and months (and months and months). I took up a project that I could really spend some time on and went at it. Writing is good. Reading is good. Doing anything creative is great. For the past ten years or so I've been self-employed and busy as hell and I miss those out-of-work moments. Still, it's great having money coming in.
Third, about stripping. People who survive and prosper as strippers have long and short-term goals. Asia Carrera put aside $1000 a week into savings that she wouldn't touch, no matter what. I think, in the end, she put away more than that. She hated stripping though, at least that's the way her website makes it sound. One woman I know who danced had an asshole of a boss and if she wanted to keep dancing at the club, she had to put out to him. Yeeech. That's not unusual. Don't sell yourself too cheaply. Stay away from alcohol (it's not easy, I know) and drugs.
If stripping stands in the way of your long-term goal of college and graduate school it might be worth thinking twice or three times before doing it.
It's your everyday stuff that I come to this site for. If you were to only write stuff that was "worthy" I'd feel like I was reading one of your stories rather than a real experience with you. That's what's so interesting about your blog.
Speaking as one who is regularly accused of whoring himself (long story), my only observation is that it's easy to justify any action to yourself. Once you tally up enough pros to balance the cons, you'll have fun doing whatever you do and wake up fine the next morning.
The real bitch is how your attitude towards the customers affects the rest of your life. I've never met a writer who isn't jaded about the publishing industry, a commercial actor who doesn't disrespect the advertising industry on some level, and I've never met a stripper who doesn't eventually begin to feel that men generally are (pick one) A). children, B). oversexed, C). morons, and/or D). pitiable.
Most of the advice below is good and fairly sound, but I'd be remiss if I didn't underscore what a slippery slope some jobs/professions are.
Shannon, you're a wonderfully creative, sensual, incredibly intelligent person, and you deserve every good thing in life. If you really want to strip, go for it -- and be the Best Damn Stripper in the Southeastern USA because you strive to deserve that title.
But know what you deserve before you make your choice.
Yep, it's possible he's just power playing, which is bad to give into. Decide how many hours/sessions you want to contribute and state them, don't be swayed by demands to work more than you want to.
I think you should update whenever you feel like it. As the above comments have shown people are interested in the minutaie of your life as well - not every entry has to be ground breaking and pivotal - life's not like that. :-) Be careful of burnout though of course, you don't want to spend all your time moderating comments/posting entries. Regardless, it's always interesting to 'hear' from you.
On the stripping side, I'll echo the sentiments of other commenters - it's a job. It may be a very casual job, a part-time or a full-time job to a person; but it is a job. Most of the strippers I've heard from (documentaries etc) tend to run into problems a) if they begin to take drugs (as other's commented) or b) [much more common] they get greedy. This last point is where they go into it to pay off some bills and are compelled by the allure of a continual good income, a car, nice things. But they aren't really happy to be doing it longer than they wanted to, it ceases being a means to an end and becomes consuming. As long as you don't lose yourself in it it should be fine.
Incidentally, you should know that when someone clicks on any of the Donate buttons on the FF Why Donate page at the moment it goes to a PP page with the message 'Error Detected - This recipient is currently unable to receive money.'
-whitehorse
absolutely. more content more often. The main reason that I decided not to donate is because of the inconsistency of updates.
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