Regulars
I know it's been a while since I posted here or showed up on the forum or made my presence known at all, but you're just going to have to forgive me for that. Things have been crazy! Read on to know why.
In early February I decided I was in love with Matt. Then I found out from a mutual friend that not only had he not dumped his supposed quasi-girlfriend, he had actually made plans with her to go to Florida for vacation. Obviously I tried to confront him on this since the two of us had been fucking for a couple of weeks, but another mutual friend let him know that I knew he was still all about that girl. He wouldn't return my phone calls and I haven't seen him since.
I felt really dumb about all this, obviously. I mean... God! I totally trusted him and believed him. Turns out he was just using me for sex. He figured I was easy... and he figured right. He had me convinced he wanted me to be his girlfriend when, in fact, all he cared about was getting into my pants. And I even knew he had a girlfriend... but I bought all his bullshit about her being nothing, someone he hardly talked to, a girl who'd become obsessed with him for no reason. Nope.
The worst thing is that his real girlfriend is awesome. She's in grad school, she's hot, she comes from money, and she's all about him in a totally mature way. Part of me wanted to tell her about him and I, but he really did play his cards right. How?
A couple weeks after the last time I saw him, I was pretty angry and getting to the point that I was going to rat him out to his gf, just for that sweet feeling of revenge. Laura and a few of my other friends told me I should. I remember that I was at the club, dancing on stage more energetically than ever, and only because the thoughts of revenge kept swimming in my head. I even felt happy, in a sick, vengeful sort of way, at the idea of Matt getting dumped by the girl who was so much better than me that he would choose her instead of yours truly...
But on that very night, guess who came into the club? Matt? Yep. His girlfriend? Yep. About six of his closest friends, all of whom I knew? Yep.
Imagine having to dance naked in front of people like that. Matt. His gf. His friends. I couldn't do it. When their eyes locked on me I came offstage and went into the back.
They left soon after, and I went back to work. But I knew, then, that I couldn't rat him out to his girlfriend anymore. After all, she'd seen me doing my thing. She'd seen me naked, thrusting my ass out for wrinkled dollar bills. She would never believe me over him, not after seeing me like that.
Turns out they'd come there because it was one of Matt's friend's birthday, and he'd insisted. I had thought it was a coincidence that they came to my club at first. After all, I had never told Matt I was a stripper.
Turns out I was screwed again. Paul, my former roommmate and the guy I'd previously thought I loved, had told him where I worked. How did I know it was Paul who told him? Because Paul is the only person who knows both of us who knew, at that point anyway.
I realized all this shortly after. That Paul had told Matt about me, I mean. Paul had come home drunk one night, fucking lit I should say, and he got all touchy-feely with me on the couch as I watched Gone With the Wind on his nice big plasma TV. I was in a depressed, sad mood that night (hence the choice of film), so I told him to quit it. He got mad, but I didn't take it personally because he was drunk.
But one thing he said during his drunken rant had to do with me and Matt. So... yeah. Shortly after that I get Matt and his posse at my work. You connect the dots. I did. And when I got home that night I screamed at Paul and said a bunch of things I probably shouldn't have said. The next day I moved out.
So Matt and Paul sort of both betrayed me. Lol... so many ppl write me asking why my characters in TTT are always betrayed, always screwed, always hurt. To all of you: Do you get it now? I write what I know.
Well... Matt definitely betrayed me. Maybe with Paul, though, I... I don't know. Maybe I jumped the gun, maybe I over-reacted. Initially, at least. In the end, though, had he been a real friend, well, I wouldn't have had to move away with less than $200 to my name.
The first night out of Paul's I slept at Laura's. But I knew that couldn't go on long; Laura hates chaos. I have to hide my chaos from her, and when I can't, she crumbles. And anyway, she didn't have the room for the two of us.
So two days after staying with her I went to stay with Star. After all this time, and even though she didn't really like me anymore, she let me move in. That was... well, unexpected and totally awesome. You might remember that Star and I sort of drifted apart after I took a job at the "snobby" strip club, after she gave so much time and effort preparing me to work at her, less classy one. Well, God bless her she didn't hold anything against me but took me in since I had nowhere else to go.
A few days after living with her and her kid, I quit my job and began working at the club she worked at instead. I mean, it was close enough that I could walk to it and back. Plus... well, why not. Why not. I'm going to strip naked somewhere, might as well be at the place my new roommate does.
I've been living at Star's ever since. Until yesterday I've had no internet access, because she doesn't even have a computer. So that's my excuse for not being around. But even though I do have high speed internet now, I'm not promising I'll be around a lot. Things are just too weird.
I'm going to just come right out and say this. No, I'm not. I'm going to blab on for a bit first. I can't just say this. I wish I could but I cannot. God, how lame am I?!? This site is supposed to let me vent about the things in my life I can't vent to to anyone else. Or at least, to admit things I can't admit to anyone else. Yet since I feel I know you all so well, I'm totally fucking scared you're going to hate me if I tell you what I really want and need to tell you; the only reason I even started posting this, besides the fact I now have internet access, is because... I've been trying to avoid this, to avoid telling this, because if you know this you'll fucking hate me or at least think less of me, I mean, okay... everytime I tell something about me that's bad or sick or perverted I get mixed e-mails, I get ones in support of me as me, but I also get the ones I hate, the ones that are probably more true, the ones that tell me I'm a slut and that I should just bend over and take it because that's what I am, and you know, I know I'm not a slut, I mean, maybe I am, perhaps I am! but does that matter? I love sex, but maybe worse is when some of you write to me saying that I'm self destructive, because that's probably true but frankly I just don't want to fucking hear it. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.
Through Star's club, my new work, I've become a prostitute.
There.
It started on my second night there. This guy asked for a dance and after three began kneading my tits as I dry-humped him. Okay. No biggie. But then he kissed them. At the other club, that's a big no-no. At this one I had noticed it going on a lot.
So I let him. Then he touched me, under my thong. He finger-fucked me for two more songs.
And on that night, I let another guy do the same thing. The next night, I made out with a guy, french kissed him, and slid my hand under his pants to feel his cock. I did this all night long.
I gave many a hand job before I went further. I had many men cum in my hand before I realized... shit. Why not go further? Why not do... whatever.
This is how it is now: At the end of every shift, I make a call. If no one answers, I call someone else. I keep calling until someone agrees to pick me up. Who are these guys? Clients, from throughout the night. Men who've promised me the moon and given a number in return for...
I wait outside the club and they pick me up and we sometimes go to their place; sometimes we go to a motel; sometimes we just drive to a quiet spot. But I fuck them, or suck them, and they pay me good money to do so.
I've totally become a prostitute and a whore. I've been so ashamed of myself that I haven't spoken to any of my real friends in weeks. Laura-- no. Jack-- no. And there are at least five others, people I should but can't because it breaks my heart to mention.
On the bright side, I have a lot of money right now. Cash, good hard cash. And living with Star isn't that bad. I just hate dealing with children!!!
Didn't you all see this coming, btw? Me... well. Next I'll be doing porn.
-shannon-
In early February I decided I was in love with Matt. Then I found out from a mutual friend that not only had he not dumped his supposed quasi-girlfriend, he had actually made plans with her to go to Florida for vacation. Obviously I tried to confront him on this since the two of us had been fucking for a couple of weeks, but another mutual friend let him know that I knew he was still all about that girl. He wouldn't return my phone calls and I haven't seen him since.
I felt really dumb about all this, obviously. I mean... God! I totally trusted him and believed him. Turns out he was just using me for sex. He figured I was easy... and he figured right. He had me convinced he wanted me to be his girlfriend when, in fact, all he cared about was getting into my pants. And I even knew he had a girlfriend... but I bought all his bullshit about her being nothing, someone he hardly talked to, a girl who'd become obsessed with him for no reason. Nope.
The worst thing is that his real girlfriend is awesome. She's in grad school, she's hot, she comes from money, and she's all about him in a totally mature way. Part of me wanted to tell her about him and I, but he really did play his cards right. How?
A couple weeks after the last time I saw him, I was pretty angry and getting to the point that I was going to rat him out to his gf, just for that sweet feeling of revenge. Laura and a few of my other friends told me I should. I remember that I was at the club, dancing on stage more energetically than ever, and only because the thoughts of revenge kept swimming in my head. I even felt happy, in a sick, vengeful sort of way, at the idea of Matt getting dumped by the girl who was so much better than me that he would choose her instead of yours truly...
But on that very night, guess who came into the club? Matt? Yep. His girlfriend? Yep. About six of his closest friends, all of whom I knew? Yep.
Imagine having to dance naked in front of people like that. Matt. His gf. His friends. I couldn't do it. When their eyes locked on me I came offstage and went into the back.
They left soon after, and I went back to work. But I knew, then, that I couldn't rat him out to his girlfriend anymore. After all, she'd seen me doing my thing. She'd seen me naked, thrusting my ass out for wrinkled dollar bills. She would never believe me over him, not after seeing me like that.
Turns out they'd come there because it was one of Matt's friend's birthday, and he'd insisted. I had thought it was a coincidence that they came to my club at first. After all, I had never told Matt I was a stripper.
Turns out I was screwed again. Paul, my former roommmate and the guy I'd previously thought I loved, had told him where I worked. How did I know it was Paul who told him? Because Paul is the only person who knows both of us who knew, at that point anyway.
I realized all this shortly after. That Paul had told Matt about me, I mean. Paul had come home drunk one night, fucking lit I should say, and he got all touchy-feely with me on the couch as I watched Gone With the Wind on his nice big plasma TV. I was in a depressed, sad mood that night (hence the choice of film), so I told him to quit it. He got mad, but I didn't take it personally because he was drunk.
But one thing he said during his drunken rant had to do with me and Matt. So... yeah. Shortly after that I get Matt and his posse at my work. You connect the dots. I did. And when I got home that night I screamed at Paul and said a bunch of things I probably shouldn't have said. The next day I moved out.
So Matt and Paul sort of both betrayed me. Lol... so many ppl write me asking why my characters in TTT are always betrayed, always screwed, always hurt. To all of you: Do you get it now? I write what I know.
Well... Matt definitely betrayed me. Maybe with Paul, though, I... I don't know. Maybe I jumped the gun, maybe I over-reacted. Initially, at least. In the end, though, had he been a real friend, well, I wouldn't have had to move away with less than $200 to my name.
The first night out of Paul's I slept at Laura's. But I knew that couldn't go on long; Laura hates chaos. I have to hide my chaos from her, and when I can't, she crumbles. And anyway, she didn't have the room for the two of us.
So two days after staying with her I went to stay with Star. After all this time, and even though she didn't really like me anymore, she let me move in. That was... well, unexpected and totally awesome. You might remember that Star and I sort of drifted apart after I took a job at the "snobby" strip club, after she gave so much time and effort preparing me to work at her, less classy one. Well, God bless her she didn't hold anything against me but took me in since I had nowhere else to go.
A few days after living with her and her kid, I quit my job and began working at the club she worked at instead. I mean, it was close enough that I could walk to it and back. Plus... well, why not. Why not. I'm going to strip naked somewhere, might as well be at the place my new roommate does.
I've been living at Star's ever since. Until yesterday I've had no internet access, because she doesn't even have a computer. So that's my excuse for not being around. But even though I do have high speed internet now, I'm not promising I'll be around a lot. Things are just too weird.
I'm going to just come right out and say this. No, I'm not. I'm going to blab on for a bit first. I can't just say this. I wish I could but I cannot. God, how lame am I?!? This site is supposed to let me vent about the things in my life I can't vent to to anyone else. Or at least, to admit things I can't admit to anyone else. Yet since I feel I know you all so well, I'm totally fucking scared you're going to hate me if I tell you what I really want and need to tell you; the only reason I even started posting this, besides the fact I now have internet access, is because... I've been trying to avoid this, to avoid telling this, because if you know this you'll fucking hate me or at least think less of me, I mean, okay... everytime I tell something about me that's bad or sick or perverted I get mixed e-mails, I get ones in support of me as me, but I also get the ones I hate, the ones that are probably more true, the ones that tell me I'm a slut and that I should just bend over and take it because that's what I am, and you know, I know I'm not a slut, I mean, maybe I am, perhaps I am! but does that matter? I love sex, but maybe worse is when some of you write to me saying that I'm self destructive, because that's probably true but frankly I just don't want to fucking hear it. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.
Through Star's club, my new work, I've become a prostitute.
There.
It started on my second night there. This guy asked for a dance and after three began kneading my tits as I dry-humped him. Okay. No biggie. But then he kissed them. At the other club, that's a big no-no. At this one I had noticed it going on a lot.
So I let him. Then he touched me, under my thong. He finger-fucked me for two more songs.
And on that night, I let another guy do the same thing. The next night, I made out with a guy, french kissed him, and slid my hand under his pants to feel his cock. I did this all night long.
I gave many a hand job before I went further. I had many men cum in my hand before I realized... shit. Why not go further? Why not do... whatever.
This is how it is now: At the end of every shift, I make a call. If no one answers, I call someone else. I keep calling until someone agrees to pick me up. Who are these guys? Clients, from throughout the night. Men who've promised me the moon and given a number in return for...
I wait outside the club and they pick me up and we sometimes go to their place; sometimes we go to a motel; sometimes we just drive to a quiet spot. But I fuck them, or suck them, and they pay me good money to do so.
I've totally become a prostitute and a whore. I've been so ashamed of myself that I haven't spoken to any of my real friends in weeks. Laura-- no. Jack-- no. And there are at least five others, people I should but can't because it breaks my heart to mention.
On the bright side, I have a lot of money right now. Cash, good hard cash. And living with Star isn't that bad. I just hate dealing with children!!!
Didn't you all see this coming, btw? Me... well. Next I'll be doing porn.
-shannon-
Labels: stuff about me
posted by Shannon at 12:11 AM
62 Comments:
well that is your choice shannon, its just good to hear from you again.
hope your choas settles down in your favor sooner or later and lets hope the haters just learn to shut up, its not their life now is it? Your choice. -Michael
The people that support you do so because they realize you are smart and capable, and want to help you get the will power to pull yourself out of these ruts. Most probably don't like what you're doing, but its not hurting anyone so its not unethical.
In my humble opinion, you overwelm yourself. Your entries are the same story: a problem, getting stressed, setting a bar you won't go past, and then finally caving because its all to much. You are fighter, which is why people like you, but you deal with way to much.
I'd recomend that you set three goals - (1) a definate, (2) high hopes to acheive, (3) would be nice, but no commitments. Then block the rest out, meaning don't partake. You'll miss out on a lot of fun in life, but you'll acheive something. And when you let everything else go, its not as stressful. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll keep fighting to many battles and losing.
Easy to say, hard to do.
Well, all I have to say is - when are you going to send me your paypal address so I can beam you the payments you're owed from the site...?
Granted, it's not much compared to other... uh... revenue streams you've developed, but it's still something...
As always,
Your former StoryMaster
As long as you are being safe, screw the negative comments! Those people have never had to make the hard choices in their lives. You've had to make tough decisions, and had people betray you and take your trust and hurt you. I'm just glad to hear from you.
Keep your head held high, and take care of yourself.
Do you enjoy it or do you just feel guilty?
You should think out of the box. You are a good writer, like sex and are young. Each of these individually is easy to find, collectively hard. If you want to do this for real and you enjoy it to boot. Why not apply some marketing to it.
With the help of marketing they have convinced us to pay a couple of bucks for coffee that used to be 0.25c and for even for water that is still free.
Try to do the escort bit – set up a site like http://www.indianmistress.com/shiv_main.html. Maybe become her friend.
I'm just glad that you're back. It took guts to post that.
But how DO you feel? Are you trying to lose yourself in sex?
RAB
Everyone has an opinion....but... I'd try to get enough money to get out of this as quick as possible. It's a spiral affect and many people get lost.
I'd take all that cash you have, open up a bank account and throw it in there. I'd then look at the colleges and figure out exactly how much money you need for the next year of school. Get that money saved up and re-enroll in the spring. You can always still dance to make more money, but you'd have the money for college all saved up for a year.
Most importantly, be safe. You do not want to meet the wrong person and end up in a bad state.
Shannon - I don't think that fucking for money is something you should be ashamed of. Like any other service, doctor, lawyer, accountant, plumber whatever, what matters is whether or not you provide good service and based on your writing I'm sure it is. Unfortunately, many in America looks down on those engaged in prostitution. What that truely is is hypocrasy.
You are a fine women. Be proud of who and what you are. No one can take away your dignity, one can only allow others to take it.
Shannon, this is the first time I've ever decided to actually contribute and/or comment on this site. I've been frequenting your wonderfully honest and open site for many months now with great curiousity. In my humble opion, and for whatever it's worth, I find that the content on the site and your personal confessions are a breath of fresh air. In fact, I believe this (your blog/site) is more of an accurate description of the human (sexual) condition than any other.
We have all become afraid of our sexuality and perhaps been influenced primarily by religion in ways we don't even realize. They call us civilized and this, as is seemingly suggested, means we can't express ourselves sexually... We're made to hold back.
My belief is that in a society in which sexuality is a more accepted aspect of life, prostitution simply would not exist. Promiscuity would be more common as it generally is in the animal kingdom and the human species wouldn't be induced to acquire sex by paying for it. Instead, we would use the good old fashioned means of physical attraction as it exists between us all.
So don't fall victim to the status quo. Be different, embrace your needs, wants, and desires, and most importantly, don't feel guilty because you chose to be different. You must rise above all that and just be a natural human. Your civilty and intelligence will help guide you in a direction that works for you, but only if you accept this as something that is natural and acceptable, not something that is shameful, which it is not.
Be good to yourself, and don't preclude your goals based on some false assumption that you're making poor decisions. That itself is false.
Keep us informed and just be open. I (and I think I speak for many others) look forward to joining you on your journey.
hey Brewster girl,
only got a couple things to say, well no, but I'll just write a couple here.
Nothing is set in stone, the future hold more chaos in its designs then even with your life you can imagine. Anything can happen and no path taken can entrap you, they maybe hard to find but there other paths around to take when you want to. Keep your head up.
Shannon, really, don't feel bad about it. It's entirely your life, and you shouldn't feel like anyone else has the right to judge you. You have a place to vent your feelings, and if people want to talk bad about you, then fuck em, just delete their goddamn comments, and to hell with them. You aren't a slut, and if you enjoy what you do, then fine.
On a side note, if you like stripping, but not fucking your clients, then take that cold hard cash of yours and get yourself a tight ass motorcycle. It's cheap, and it'll get you around without you having to wait for a ride all the time. Plus, you'll look good doing it.
Anyway, that's my advice. Good luck out there! And try to keep in touch, we all love you and want to know you're ok.
like some have said here, fuck the people who give you a hard time...if you like the sex and can get enough to make you happy while making some money then fuck away
Reading that brought tears to my eyes. I wish there was some way I could help you. I feel your pain.
hey shannon. I stubled across your site a few months ago, and found it so real and honest that I kept comming back. The main reason that I come here is to read your blog. You seem like a great person, and at some point I started to care about you. It is nice to hear someone grip about real problems. The school that I am attending is filled with really rich kids that dont know that value of money or education. And it is nice to hear from someone else that is also putting themselves through life, and does not rely on mom and dad.
I realize that my opinion has no impact on you, and it shouldnt. But I just felt the need to give you my two cents.
Yes, prostitution is an old trade, and one that should be viewed differently then it is. But, I also feel that you have so much more to offer then some guy your body. You are obviously really smart and have the ability to do so much. I think that you are selling yourself short. You are worth so much more then what you get to have sex with someone. You deserve respect.
Aside from the ethical dilema of the situation, there is the safety. There are alot of assholes out there. You may think that you have the ability to pick someone safe, but you never know. When a guy pays for sex, he is on a power trip, and respect for the person that he is with is the last thing on his mind. Because he pays for you, he feels that he can do whatever it is that he wants. And while that turns on some people (my gf, for example, gets off on the idea of me doing what ever i want to her, but it is safe becaus I will never hurt her), when there is no personal connection that guy has no concern for your safety. Most guys maybe fine but it only takes one to hurt you. And if you continue this then he will come.
I have rambled on for a long time. Sorry. What ever you do, just think hard about it. And remember: you deserve the best.
Cant wait to hear more.
skifree108
hey shannon. I stubled across your site a few months ago, and found it so real and honest that I kept comming back. The main reason that I come here is to read your blog. You seem like a great person, and at some point I started to care about you. It is nice to hear someone grip about real problems. The school that I am attending is filled with really rich kids that dont know that value of money or education. And it is nice to hear from someone else that is also putting themselves through life, and does not rely on mom and dad.
I realize that my opinion has no impact on you, and it shouldnt. But I just felt the need to give you my two cents.
Yes, prostitution is an old trade, and one that should be viewed differently then it is. But, I also feel that you have so much more to offer then some guy your body. You are obviously really smart and have the ability to do so much. I think that you are selling yourself short. You are worth so much more then what you get to have sex with someone. You deserve respect.
Aside from the ethical dilema of the situation, there is the safety. There are alot of assholes out there. You may think that you have the ability to pick someone safe, but you never know. When a guy pays for sex, he is on a power trip, and respect for the person that he is with is the last thing on his mind. Because he pays for you, he feels that he can do whatever it is that he wants. And while that turns on some people (my gf, for example, gets off on the idea of me doing what ever i want to her, but it is safe becaus I will never hurt her), when there is no personal connection, some guys have no concern for your safety. Most guys may be fine but it only takes one to hurt you. And if you continue this then he will come.
I have rambled on for a long time. Sorry. What ever you do, just think hard about it. And remember: you deserve the best.
Keep us posted.
skifree108
Shannon,
Girl it's a hard road you've chosen. But all roads have intersections and come to an end. Take some of the money and see a professional who can help guide you down a smoother path. I live near a college town and know that a lot of the strippers use thier job to pay for their education.
Go back to the upscale club. You can make good money and continue your education. If you need to prostitute yourself go on the internet and look at some of the sites like petitesweets.com and check out what they get for their services. Good luck to you and I hope that you can work things out for the best. You also might want to get a book by Louise Hay and read it. Take care. I have been down some hard roads myself and was hurt and devistated by a dancer.
No judgements just a concern and hope that you stay true to yourself. BTW I am a republican and a male. Just for your information. Enjoy life it's over to soon to worry about people not worth it.
everything has already been said by earlier posters...I believe I can understand your struggle, but let me say this: you rock!
I getting to belive it is more like this after reading alot of this
http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=249
Hm, s'pose it's time for me to show a little support too, even if it's from some stranger.
Nothing I say hasn't been said already, but I'll go ahead and say it again anyway. Stay safe, alright? That spiral effect thing is pretty damned true. As long as you don't get mixed up with the drug aspect (supposedly a problem among strip clubs, though you've probably more experience than I in that matter) and you can keep a mature goal in mind then you'll pull through this.
You wanted to finish college right? Great, now make enough money to help Star with the rent and to keep your butt alive while the rest goes into the bank. Hell, indulge once a week if you can. If you're making good money, regardless of how you're making it, then do something with it or you'll never get to where you want to be. Bank it, make money off of it, and if you enjoy sex as much as you do why not do what was suggested earlier? Escort services are generally viewed better than most other similar services, so that's one way to salvage any dignity you might feel you've lost.
In short, take advantage of what you have. You're making up, so to speak, with an old friend, and you're making money that you've been wanting for a long time. If it's the "wrongness" factor that's bothering you, um, are you forgetting about a certain site you and StoryMaster have? From what it sounds like, the only thing 'self-destructive' you might have done is happen to involve yourself with people who screwed you over; no fault of yours there.
Anyway, just stay safe and keep a goal in mind. And that's it from me.
-Void
Hey Shannon. People have said what I wanted to say mostly already: save your money and have a goal.
Besides that, there are better ways to make money off sexwork. If you have high speed internet and some privacy, invest in a webcam. On the iFriends website, men pay women $2-5/min (that's $120-300/hour) to watch them play with themselves.
You can also try phone sex, if you have a nice voice. Either of these options is safer than actual hooking, and pays just as well.
-Aurum
Didn't sleep much last night.
I think that I'd rather that you were doing porn. At least they have contracts and lawyers and stuff, rather than meeting strangers in motel rooms.
Stay safe.
RAB
Shannon, it is always great to hear from you.
Matt is such a shit. What more can be said? Paul, too, maybe. Perhaps not. Why do guys have to be such assholes?
Star sounds like a real friend.
I have no problems with dancing or prostitution. Two things about prostitution. Stay away from pimps or boyfriends who want to be pimps and want you to support them. Please try to do safe sex as much as humanly possible. Condoms do make a huge difference in staying healthy.
If you have immense problems with guilt as a prostitute, it may be possible the profession isn't best for you. Other people commenting here have made suggestions about alternative occupations.
As always, I continue to find so much to admire in the person who is Shannon.
Woodsbunny
Don't listen to these sensitive guys trying to give you "life advice" to "set goals" and shit... You are a hot, horny bitch. Make some money doing what you like.
And start a pay site.
I've never posted a comment but I felt compelled to echo the sentiments of others here. Don't listen to the haters and live your life the way you want/have to. I think the best thing you can do is to use this time to make the money you can, and enjoy the sex at the sametime. Just please don't get reckless.
Shannon, good to hear you voice again, and find that it is to the point, as always....
Shannon - I am not one to give advice, but see if this fits:
Fuck everyone, literally and figuratively.
Have to be a prostitute to live? Be the best prostitute out there, make them line up for more! Better to be the best prostitute than a mediocre bureaucrat/nurse/cop...
For all of the judgemental assholes out there, fuck 'em - they have never had to make survival decisions.
My Dad once said that 5% of people are your friends, 5% are enemies, 40% are critics and 40% can't be bothered - so that rules out 95% of the planet right there.
Friends pick you up, dust you off and take care of you - without judgement. If they can't do that, they are NOT your friends,
Take pride in your ability to survive, you do what you have to do! You are honest and caring, trust me, most people I know have never earned those merit badges.
Stop worrying and enjoy your life for a change.
Steve
I know you don't know me, but I have been reading your site for a long time.. and well.. While I am shocked you chose this path..
You know.. I don't think it's bad at all.
While some others may say stuff like "fuck everyone" "make tons of money"
I really can't agree with that...
I think you could use this as a good thing, you could make enough money to get settled somewhere and start over.
I really hope you don't feel like you're now trapped doing this, you don't have to be at all, the amount of money you're making might be a lot and it'd be hard to give up, but... there's always the risk of running into a bad person who could hurt you, beat you.. or worse when you both are alone.
People can totally change personalities sometimes, especially when they get alone with you.
A lot of what I'm saying has been said before but...
You've got friends here, don't you?
I know I certainly missed you a lot the whole time you were gone, I know the others must feel the same.
I don't want to come back to this site one day and to find you missing, and no-one knows where you are.
Please, stay safe, and don't leave us.
To hell with everyone else. I vote for your personal destruction! Downward spiral, baby, and just wait till someone gives you some seriously hardcore drugs to get hooked on. It's going to be a great ride, like a shooting star!
Wow, nice way to show some humanity there, a**h****.
Shannon, as always
...(whoops) you have to take all these comments and decide where the truth lies for you. I suspect that, while you appreciate our support, the fact is that turning to prostitution does mean something very specific to you, and no one saying "it's okay" (or, at the other extreme, what my Brainiac predecessor said) is going to change that.
You're also an extremely intelligent woman with (if I remember correctly) one or two psychology courses under her belt, so I don't have to tell you what's pretty obvious from your blog entry -- juxtaposing Matt's little soiree at the club and Paul's apparent betrayal of you (regardless of his motives) against your move back to Star's club and other extracurricular activities just screams with significance.
I don't know what I can say that will help, S, though of course I want to desperately. Should you be looked down upon? Of course not. But should we pretend this is an exciting new career opportunity?
Y'know, one thing I like about you Shannon is that it's apparent from your writing that you have a great capacity to see the humanity in all people, and you try to understand and even give a break to those people in your life who disappoint you.
I wish for you that you will try to give that same understanding to yourself, cut yourself some slack, and give yourself whatever you might wish for a friend in your position (whether they felt they deserved it or not).
Tell Matt's GF, hi, you may not recognize me with my clothes on but Matt figured I was easy because I was a stripper and wanted to find out if he could get away with fucking me under your nose. Here is when we did it, here are the people who were at the super bowl party, revenge is still possible.
If you do it love it, if you don't love it, don't do it. My only fear is that you hate yourself more now than you did before.
The reason people disapoint you is because you don't hold them accountable. Paul fucked with you and you gave him the easy way out. You left, he now doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. You let him off easy. You let Matt off easy, you should have walked right up to him in the club and kissed him on the lips, squeezed his cock, and asked him if he wanted to go for that threesome he had been tlaking to you about with his GF the last time you two had sex.
But you won't do this, not until you expect more of yourself.
the above is mine
Kodiak
Shannon, i've sent an email, stuff i wanted to say that was private. But i'm going to openly say here that i am so sorry i couldn't be of any help to you.
I feel the responsibility of this, that i hadn't helped, i honestly don't know what i could have done, but i am sorry.
There is nothing wrong with the route you have chosen, but, as has been said, get a goal and get your ass moving towards where it shuld be. Passing your college courses and then on to help other folk.
Shannon~
Well...I just dont know how to put my feelings to words right now.
Its your life, And I would never presume to Judge...their is no judge in heaven or earth higher than the one in your own heart. If I had to sum up everything in my brain and boil it down to a single word, it would be Fear. Fear for your life, fear for your future. Fear that you will lose the ability to view yourself with honor and pride.
And on a terribly selfish note, fear that a girl I know, with striking similarities and 'past experiences' to you, might follow a similr path, and I would be powerless to change it.
Just...do your best to stay safe, and really go somewhere with your life. Please. You have so much potential...the ability to change and impact the lives of others in such a huge way. Dont let that future slip away from you.
Cuchullain
I'm just piping in to help you remember that there are tons of great people out there. People reading your site who are rooting for you, people who you're going to meet, and people you've already met. Obviously you've had to deal with some of the "not so great people," but please take heart from the support you get. Whatever you do, try to keep it as safe as possible.
Oh, and don't fret about Matt+GF, she'll find out eventually so it's a question of whether you'd enjoy telling her or not.
Shannon,
It is good to hear from you. I am glad that you are safe for I started to fear for you with your long absence.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, life's road has lead you down a path. But do not forget that no path continues on without seeing a fork. When you find that fork, take it back to another path on the road and continue on to the future.
You have so much talent and so much to offer the world. These experiences will make you a stronger person I am sure (though already you were one of the strongest people I have ever come to know.)
Being someone who has followed your site nearly from its beginning I am glad to see it continuing and to know that you are well. Please stay in good cheer and good health, and to your own heart be true.
los
Shannon,
I feel like I've come to know you over the last, what, year or so? And though you and I have had our differences, I have never lost respect for you, and this is still true. Getting paid for sex is NOT a bad thing, hell I did it a couple of times in my days as a stripper.
What worries me, and I'm obviously not alone in this, are your safety and happiness.
Please, PLEASE, be safe! Use condoms, but more importantly use some good judgement! Pick your customers carefully, and make sure you charge whatever the market will bear!
One suggestion? If you continue making the calls at the end of your shift the way you describe, leave the guy's name and phone number in your locker at the club before you leave, or somewhere it would be found if, God forbid, anything should happen to you. Then, if you're ever threatened, TELL HIM YOU'VE DONE SO. Hell, practice a speech ahead of time, EVEN IF YOU DON'T do it! Have the "scene" ready to perform, it might just save your life.
Anyway, I agree with the many others here who've advised you to save your money wisely and work towards going back to school. I live near a couple of major universities, and have helped finance the education of several girls who have chosen the same "oldest profession" as a part-time job.
Be safe, try to love yourself, and keep us posted from time to time.
Regards,
Hedonism
Long time reader, first time comment poster. I certainly don't hate you (for this posting or any other reasons) and think that anyone who comments on your blog, especially if they offer advice, is demonstrating that they care for you and hence don't hate you.
I my opinion there is no problem with being a prostitute from an ethical perspective.
That said, if the way you personally view prostitution, and yourself as a prostitute, is the way you describe in that post, then you personally should not be a prostitute. You may not want to hear that, but you ought to hear that. Friends (even the internet reader kind) don't let friends hurt themselves without trying to stop it.
If the way you felt about your being a prostitute was more like "Readers, I have great news (even though some of you will not like it). I now get to get paid for something I love to do! I'm a prostitute. I only sleep with guys I choose, I feel happy and would do it for free, but I'll take extra money for it too! I haven't figured out how to tell my friends yet, but I'm enjoying having more money and time to hang out with them of late" then I'd be all for you being a prostitute. But from the tone of your post it sounds more like:
1 - You needed the money, and were doing it primarily for the money and not for the sex.
2 - You are feeling guilty about it (not coming out and telling us and avoiding your friends).
Those are warning signs that prostitution isn't for you (at least at your current place in your life).
So I'd strongly urge you to consider other ways to make money and other ways for you to get sex.
That covers your emotional health. If you do continue to trick I have concerns about your physical health and safety. You've already shared that you don't always use condoms in sex (I'm thinking of the drunken party post), which will up your risk factor even more in this new environment.
In addition, the points others have raised about going where people don't know where you are and where guys can take advantage of you is a real risk.
I really don't want to dump on you and be harsh, but I am very concerned. Consider the following facts:
1 - Your style of writing (both blog and TTT) is often of the form where events happen to you/Tina in a way where you didn't feel in total control. Things happen, and then you react. Not you actively making things happen. I think this is a subtle warning side that you either need to improve in how good you are about figuring our the consequences of your actions or else improve at how good you are at making tough decisions based on these perceived outcomes.
2 - Your track record at judging guys is not very good. Think about it, you are judging guys you don't know very well to be your john's, and these guys will have a lot of control and influence over your safety. How good was your judging of Paul and Matt, two guys you should have had even more insight into?
3 - As someone else pointed out the power dynamics in a prostitute-client relationship is different than in a regular sex relationship. So a greater percentage of guys than usual will have no respect for you and treat you badly, and potentially dangerously (not the majority of johns, but even if it as few as 1/10 or 1/20, it only takes 1). Think about it, once Matt thought you were easy (and may or may not have found out you were a stripper) how did he treat you? How did Paul treat you given he knew that? How will the very worst of the johns treat you when they are worse than Matt and Paul to begin with, have less of a connection to you, and know you are a prostitute?
I'm really not trying to rain on your parade, but if a friend is playing russian roulette, even if they are enjoying it, I'm going to try and point out that it might not be a good idea.
Long time reader, first time comment poster. I certainly don't hate you (for this posting or any other reasons) and think that anyone who comments on your blog, especially if they offer advice, is demonstrating that they care for you and hence don't hate you.
I my opinion there is no problem with being a prostitute from an ethical perspective.
That said, if the way you personally view prostitution, and yourself as a prostitute, is the way you describe in that post, then you personally should not be a prostitute. You may not want to hear that, but you ought to hear that. Friends (even the internet reader kind) don't let friends hurt themselves without trying to stop it.
If the way you felt about your being a prostitute was more like "Readers, I have great news (even though some of you will not like it). I now get to get paid for something I love to do! I'm a prostitute. I only sleep with guys I choose, I feel happy and would do it for free, but I'll take extra money for it too! I haven't figured out how to tell my friends yet, but I'm enjoying having more money and time to hang out with them of late" then I'd be all for you being a prostitute. But from the tone of your post it sounds more like:
1 - You needed the money, and were doing it primarily for the money and not for the sex.
2 - You are feeling guilty about it (not coming out and telling us and avoiding your friends).
Those are warning signs that prostitution isn't for you (at least at your current place in your life).
So I'd strongly urge you to consider other ways to make money and other ways for you to get sex.
That covers your emotional health. If you do continue to trick I have concerns about your physical health and safety. You've already shared that you don't always use condoms in sex (I'm thinking of the drunken party post), which will up your risk factor even more in this new environment.
In addition, the points others have raised about going where people don't know where you are and where guys can take advantage of you is a real risk.
I really don't want to dump on you and be harsh, but I am very concerned. Consider the following facts:
1 - Your style of writing (both blog and TTT) is often of the form where events happen to you/Tina in a way where you didn't feel in total control. Things happen, and then you react. Not you actively making things happen. I think this is a subtle warning side that you either need to improve in how good you are about figuring our the consequences of your actions or else improve at how good you are at making tough decisions based on these perceived outcomes.
2 - Your track record at judging guys is not very good. Think about it, you are judging guys you don't know very well to be your john's, and these guys will have a lot of control and influence over your safety. How good was your judging of Paul and Matt, two guys you should have had even more insight into?
3 - As someone else pointed out the power dynamics in a prostitute-client relationship is different than in a regular sex relationship. So a greater percentage of guys than usual will have no respect for you and treat you badly, and potentially dangerously (not the majority of johns, but even if it as few as 1/10 or 1/20, it only takes 1). Think about it, once Matt thought you were easy (and may or may not have found out you were a stripper) how did he treat you? How did Paul treat you given he knew that? How will the very worst of the johns treat you when they are worse than Matt and Paul to begin with, have less of a connection to you, and know you are a prostitute?
I'm really not trying to rain on your parade, but if a friend is playing russian roulette, even if they are enjoying it, I'm going to try and point out that it might not be a good idea.
Shannon, I've always admired your bravery. Even through the veil of anonymity, it takes guts to be as open as you. Just so you know, I don't hate you, or even like you less. And I haven't lost respect for you. You're neither the first nor the last to make the choices you have, and it takes enormous fortitude to do so. I have never felt disrespect for people who do what they have to do. I just hope that whatever you do, that you're safe.
-Tsuba
Shannon,
I usually stay in the shadows, but I think some advice would be helpfull.
First, as everyone else has said, Be SAFE.
I would recommend making a list of goals that you want to reach. The list is for yourself and nobody else.
When you get up every morning, look at that list and try to make the goals happen, or come closer to happening.
I went through some bad shit earlier in my life, and this helped me get out of the rut i had put myself in.
Lastly, do what, YOU are comfortable with, be it whatever...
You are an inteligent, smart person, with great writing skills, life can be shitty, but thier is always hope.
A. (Howly)
Howly9852@yahoo.com
Hi -
I think you should tell Matt's girlfriend he was cheating on her. If you liked her, she deserves to know that she is also being deceived. And if she is bright, she won't have such an irrational prejudice as you think against dancers. If she does, screw her, she deserves to be with the idiot. Just tell her the truth, not to get revenge (at least not on her, as she's done nothing), but just to be honest, and let her do with it what she will.
On other things, please be safe, and know that if you are not happy, there is help.
You need to get out of the sex business! It will become too hurtful for you.
What I want to know: If Matt just wanted to get into your pants, what did you want? If not sex, what? Can you name it or describe it? I think you need to deal with this question.
As far as prositution goes, if you're good at it or find it satisfying, fine. But you seem to hate it. Or hate yourself and that's no good, that's the road to
disaster.
I do feel sorry for you, but you really are developing a victim personality. Why not do something about that?
OK, I'll ask the questions that all these pussies are scared to... how much are you charging? Email your rates to longdoogan@yahoo.com. Do you speak Greek? If so, how much?
We are not asking her how much she charges or trying to purchase her services because we care about her as a friend, not because we are 'pussies!' I personally have no interest in hooking up with Shannon for a trick, and you should be ashamed of yourself for attempting to do so on her blog. Must be nice to not only be anon because this is the internet, but also that you didn't even sign with a handle.
los
zoomed in here from metafilter. fantastic read. didn't even bother with the mamby pamby i'm a fucking bambi comments.
by which i mean to say i think its great. fantastic. do your thing.
i got only plusses for you. and gold stars.
embrace yourself. when you are down because of who you are, hold yourself up. believe me, there are plenty of folks who have it in for you (and they ain't even paying).
sorry for the terrible joke. i didn't mean it that way. but it's true? don't give 'nothing away for free, except love.
i suspect your trouble might be where you should draw the line draw the line.
by which i mean that's the very thing you are figuring out here. don't sweat a thing.
Girl, just run yourself a nice hot tub of water, put on some soothing music, get a glass of your favorite wine, light a couple of candles, then climb in. Once you're nice and relaxed, open a vein in each wrist and drift off peacefully. It will do us all good. Sweet dreams, hon.
Yea. You and more than half the "women" out there. Nobody cares.
Reaper,
Thanks for the giving your 2 cents on what Shannon should do. Now why don't you take your own advise and do the same. If you have read Shannon's site for long you would know she has had suicidal moments in the past, and it is not appreciated by any of us who care about her wellbeing for you to suggest she kill herself.
And to the poster after Reaper. You say 'Nobody cares.' Well I care, and reading a number of the other responses others do too. And you cared enough to make your post entry, so you do too.
los
> Yet since I feel I know you all so well,
> I'm totally fucking scared you're going
> to hate me if I tell you what I really
> want and need to tell you;
Sorry to inform you this, Shannon, but ...
You don't know me. This is the great big Internet, and not everyone that reads your site has a clue who you are.
Just to make that worse, your site has been linked from a major aggregator.
You are probably in for some serious trolling, both now and in the future.
(At least you'll now know where some of it is coming from.)
hey shannon....no biggie. if i had tits i would be making money that way too. as long as you find some guy willing to pay for it, and you aren't seeing anybody anyway, AND you like fucking, why not? No harm, no foul....
Matt is my hero and here's why.
Matt apparently likes fucking and you're a whore. Whores fuck, it's what they do. Matt fucked a whore. You got fucked.
Unless there's a difference between getting fucked emotionally and just plain fucked. But I doubt that. Why would a whore consent to being fucked emotionally?
Unless they're just plain fucking crazy to begin with. But no, there's nothing crazy about being a whore. Whores are to be treated with respect. Not like johns who take advantage of whores.
Go Matt! Keep on fucking! Fuck yeah!
Dear Reaper
I'm curious, why would you say something like that? Do you have something personal against Shannon? If so, why? What has she ever done to you? It's not her fault if you're a sad bastard who can't even get laid with money. If the good-looking girls at school ignore you or laugh at you, again that's got nothing to do with Shannon.
Maybe you're just going through the ravages of puberty, and find it stimulating to provoke people with tasteless comments, just to get a buzz over all the irate responses you get. This would suggest that you're not getting as much attention as you'd like, and probably feel like you deserve. But if people don't want to talk to you, perhaps YOU are the one who needs to change. I can see from your lack of social antennaes that you have a hard time making friends, and have developed - publicly, at least - a reclusive personality. Privately, however, you still wish to make an impact on your fellow man, and you're getting desperate. Hence the malevolence. If you don't want to remain alone for the rest of your life you'll have to start turning yourself around. It's not too late.
Yours truly and sincerely,
Tsuba.
PS, Reaper: You'll probably dismiss my comment as an elaborate way of saying "fuck you, jerk-off", and it is. However, I do not lie. What I've said is my honest - and as objective as humanly possible - assessment of you.
Look Shannon, you do what you do and its fair enough that you do that. Being fair I was always turned on by TTT so the fact that you're matching your creation I suppose isn't that muhc of a surprise. However, have you ever thought of trying to reach a certain amount of money..and then moving completely away...to a different state or something and then starting all again? Something to think about?
Steve
FWIW - I concur with Steve. Do this until you can accumulate a decent stash and then start things anew in another part of the country.
Good luck to you!
at the cost of sounding insensitive, apathetic, whatever...
are you going to keep updating the site now?
Shannon,
I have been reading your site for a while and i have been quiet. I love your stories, they are well written, and they are engaging. I wish you the best and as others have done i'd like to say a few things on this post:
1) Please be safe, first and foremost, I hope you will be around a long time.
2) Do what you want, don't let others sway you.. if you like this life do it but if you don't like it then find the help you need to get your life back up and going.
3) Please don't get hooked on drugs, I don't think that you are that type of person but it's possible so I ask again please don't get hooked, or even start. =)
4) I hope you'll be updating more, because I miss your stories and I wish you the best no matter what you do.=)
HUGS and best wishes to you,
Fenris.
I'm not really a regular visitor of this site but I have read a couple of diary entries of yours in the past. Your last few entries have been a little sad but I thought they still indicated that you are coping, I could advise you to go back to school as that is the easy advice one gives in this situation but I think what you are doing right now is what you are comfortable with, we all shape our lives and shut out as many things and people as we need to in order to find life manageable at times and right now I think what your doing makes you feel in some way safer than going back to school.
What you are doing is finding ways to cope, but you are also beating up on yourself and using these things to make value judgements about yourself. You shouldn't.
We all do things were not proud of and retreat from life until we can bear it, it's called survival and a lot of what you may consider to be self-destructive choices may be more subconscious forms of protection and the more beset you feel by the pressures and uncertainty's of school, finding a job, and friends you can't trust the more you do the things that you need to feel safe, but at the same time feel bad about.
You have to stop apologizing for who you are and what you've done. You're not the first person to screw up on the way to figuring out who the hell they are. You've got to own your choices and realize why you made them and get some strength from them."
You definitely need to update the site. And I, for one, am absolutely interested in your rates.
Post a Comment
<< Home