Matt 1, Paul 0
Things are starting to get a little complicated in my social life.
Okay, you might remember Matt, an old friend of mine. I've mentioned him many times in this blog, and even before in my old diary. We used to be "fuck-buddies", basically, when neither of us were dating anyone else. I've known him since I started college, and he's a really good guy, a close friend and nutty enough in his own right to be friends with me. Our friendship is sort of weird, though-- sometimes months will go by without us talking or hanging out, and then *wham!*, there he is, all the time.
Well, this is one of those times. We've been hanging out a lot, sometimes in groups and sometimes just the two of us. He sort of has a girlfriend right now, but it's not serious thing and he seems like he pretty much wants out of it. In fact, he hasn't spoken with this girl in over a week (as of last night, at least).
On Friday I had plans to meet him at a party after I got done with work. I had to close, which always sucks, but he really wanted me to come and promised the party would go late (he doesn't know I strip, by the way... he thinks I waitress at the stripclub). Anyway, by the time everything was said and done the taxi had me at the party at around 2:45am. I could already tell it was totally winding down.
I knew most of the people there, either by name or by face, and I spent the first twenty minutes or so with my friend Laura, who was so drunk she kept crying over the fact she won't be able to graduate this semester. When I had her calmed down I started hanging with Matt and his friends-- they were all completely wasted. I was the most sober person there! I'd had a couple drinks at the club but these guys had been drinking all night.
Well, long story short, Matt and I ended up making out in this big saucer-chair thing. It just sort of happened. I mean, he was drunk and all touchy-feely, and I was just... well, let's just say it's been a while since I got any. Not since Leo, actually. I've been busy with work, which has sort of strained my social life. See, everyone I know does whatever they do at night. But I work at night! During the day I just sort of sit around here, at Paul's, working on the site or watching movies or doing my aerobics (something I've been doing a lot more of since working at Paradise!).
With Paul single again, I've been sort of confused over my feelings toward him. And toward Matt. I think I mentioned before that he's been making it pretty obvious to me lately that he wants to hook up (despite the fact he technically is seeing somebody else). Before Paul and SS broke up, I was thinking along the same lines as Matt, but now...
Well, it didn't matter to me Friday night (technically Saturday morning). I got pretty worked up making out with Matt, and had the dirtiest thoughts immaginable going through my head. For instance, I kept thinking about what would happen if I just started going down on him, right there in the middle of the room, with everyone watching. But making out in public is one thing; blowing a guy in public exceeds the limits of acceptable PDA. If it hadn't been Matt, someone I know so well, I think I might have though, anyway. But such slutty behavior can only be done, I've found, with strangers or people you don't care about. And I care about Matt, not to mention the people who would have been witness to my display.
GOD though, did I think dirty thoughts!
But all we did that night was make-out. On Saturday I had to work again, and though we talked on the phone for a while we didn't see each other. Paul, on the other hand, I did see. We ended up hanging out a little, but all we did was watch TV. He's still really bummed about breaking up with SS... it's like he has no motivation right now to do anything, you know? He didn't want to go anywhere, etc. Oh well...
Last night. Last night I hung out at Matt's actual house. His roommates were having a little Superbowl party, but neither Matt or I were much interested in watching the game. But we did make it through the first quarter before sneaking up to his bedroom, where we both seemed to explode sexually.
Before I was even undressed I was sucking his cock as though I hadn't seen one in years. After he came I undressed for him, and we sort of fooled around in his bed until he was worked up enough again to fuck me.
For the rest of the night that's all we did, too. Either we were just fooling around, touching each other under the sheets, or he was pummelling me from behind or on top, however he fancied it. It was really, really good sex-- I can't stress that enough! I never wanted it to end. It was so incredible to have sex with a guy who a.) knew my body from past experience and b.) actually cared about making me feel good. Leo, the last guy I had sex with, never learned my body and he never cared about making me feel good.
Knowing that Matt wouldn't have the couarge to ask, I offered to leave at around... well, it was right when the game finished because when I went downstairs I saw them presenting the trophy on the television set. I was embarrassed to ask because I knew how I looked, and it felt weird, but I got Laura to give me a ride home.
I'm working again tonight, but Matt and I are hanging out again tomorrow. What I need to figure out right now, I think, is this: are we just fuck-buddies again? That would sort of be a relief. But what if Matt thinks we're more, suddenly? We haven't exactly discussed it.
And then there's Paul. Argh...!!!
-shannon-
Okay, you might remember Matt, an old friend of mine. I've mentioned him many times in this blog, and even before in my old diary. We used to be "fuck-buddies", basically, when neither of us were dating anyone else. I've known him since I started college, and he's a really good guy, a close friend and nutty enough in his own right to be friends with me. Our friendship is sort of weird, though-- sometimes months will go by without us talking or hanging out, and then *wham!*, there he is, all the time.
Well, this is one of those times. We've been hanging out a lot, sometimes in groups and sometimes just the two of us. He sort of has a girlfriend right now, but it's not serious thing and he seems like he pretty much wants out of it. In fact, he hasn't spoken with this girl in over a week (as of last night, at least).
On Friday I had plans to meet him at a party after I got done with work. I had to close, which always sucks, but he really wanted me to come and promised the party would go late (he doesn't know I strip, by the way... he thinks I waitress at the stripclub). Anyway, by the time everything was said and done the taxi had me at the party at around 2:45am. I could already tell it was totally winding down.
I knew most of the people there, either by name or by face, and I spent the first twenty minutes or so with my friend Laura, who was so drunk she kept crying over the fact she won't be able to graduate this semester. When I had her calmed down I started hanging with Matt and his friends-- they were all completely wasted. I was the most sober person there! I'd had a couple drinks at the club but these guys had been drinking all night.
Well, long story short, Matt and I ended up making out in this big saucer-chair thing. It just sort of happened. I mean, he was drunk and all touchy-feely, and I was just... well, let's just say it's been a while since I got any. Not since Leo, actually. I've been busy with work, which has sort of strained my social life. See, everyone I know does whatever they do at night. But I work at night! During the day I just sort of sit around here, at Paul's, working on the site or watching movies or doing my aerobics (something I've been doing a lot more of since working at Paradise!).
With Paul single again, I've been sort of confused over my feelings toward him. And toward Matt. I think I mentioned before that he's been making it pretty obvious to me lately that he wants to hook up (despite the fact he technically is seeing somebody else). Before Paul and SS broke up, I was thinking along the same lines as Matt, but now...
Well, it didn't matter to me Friday night (technically Saturday morning). I got pretty worked up making out with Matt, and had the dirtiest thoughts immaginable going through my head. For instance, I kept thinking about what would happen if I just started going down on him, right there in the middle of the room, with everyone watching. But making out in public is one thing; blowing a guy in public exceeds the limits of acceptable PDA. If it hadn't been Matt, someone I know so well, I think I might have though, anyway. But such slutty behavior can only be done, I've found, with strangers or people you don't care about. And I care about Matt, not to mention the people who would have been witness to my display.
GOD though, did I think dirty thoughts!
But all we did that night was make-out. On Saturday I had to work again, and though we talked on the phone for a while we didn't see each other. Paul, on the other hand, I did see. We ended up hanging out a little, but all we did was watch TV. He's still really bummed about breaking up with SS... it's like he has no motivation right now to do anything, you know? He didn't want to go anywhere, etc. Oh well...
Last night. Last night I hung out at Matt's actual house. His roommates were having a little Superbowl party, but neither Matt or I were much interested in watching the game. But we did make it through the first quarter before sneaking up to his bedroom, where we both seemed to explode sexually.
Before I was even undressed I was sucking his cock as though I hadn't seen one in years. After he came I undressed for him, and we sort of fooled around in his bed until he was worked up enough again to fuck me.
For the rest of the night that's all we did, too. Either we were just fooling around, touching each other under the sheets, or he was pummelling me from behind or on top, however he fancied it. It was really, really good sex-- I can't stress that enough! I never wanted it to end. It was so incredible to have sex with a guy who a.) knew my body from past experience and b.) actually cared about making me feel good. Leo, the last guy I had sex with, never learned my body and he never cared about making me feel good.
Knowing that Matt wouldn't have the couarge to ask, I offered to leave at around... well, it was right when the game finished because when I went downstairs I saw them presenting the trophy on the television set. I was embarrassed to ask because I knew how I looked, and it felt weird, but I got Laura to give me a ride home.
I'm working again tonight, but Matt and I are hanging out again tomorrow. What I need to figure out right now, I think, is this: are we just fuck-buddies again? That would sort of be a relief. But what if Matt thinks we're more, suddenly? We haven't exactly discussed it.
And then there's Paul. Argh...!!!
-shannon-
Labels: stuff about me
posted by Shannon at 4:51 PM
9 Comments:
Just when you thought it couldn't get more complicated...LOL. I am sure you'll figure it out Shannon.
ViCorp
Please, be delicate with Paul...But I'm also sure that you will do the right thing, whatever it is...
Shannon, this is Beans. I think ultimately you need to find a boyfriend who is willing to have an open relationship. I knew a perfectly happy couple in college that were together for the entire three years I knew them until they graduated who would both sleep with other people on the understanding that it was a mutually open relationship. They just used protection and took care with who else they slept with. While probably the majority of guys would prefer that their girl be monogamous, I'm sure there are a number of guys who are fine with that as long as they understand that it is a mutual understanding where they can sleep around too and have you as their official girlfriend.
I know monogamy isn't the only issue at hand, but just a thought.
-Beans
Shannon,
It's a week later and of course I have to wonder about Matt and Paul and you. I think Beans is right about establishing an open relationship with whoever you are with. Is that something you are comfortable with? Is that something Matt or Paul could be comfortable with? It isn't easy to be in an open relationship but it is easier than having to deal with jealousy. Somehow, knowing the relationship is open makes jealousy less a monster (though still an issue).
Relationships are a lot of work and bother (and sometimes pain and suffering). Are you sure you wouldn't be happier footloose and fancy free? Had to ask.
Woodsbunny
Again she disappears and the site goes un-updated. D'oh.
so how do you keep morons in suspense.:)
Read the next post.
Read the previous post.
Silence, once again...
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