Mails Have All the Fun

What follows is a sampling of the kind of fan-mail and hate-mail I get on a regular basis... each entry starts with an explanation of what warranted the email in question, proceeds to show the letter itself (unedited), then offers my response. This might be entertaining for you but if it isn't feel free to contact me! :P

1- Fan Mail?: Over the weekend I posted a message on SOL about how I was looking for an editor to help me with my latest story. Here was one of the responses I received.

From: Gama B*** <*****@gmail.com>
Date: October 3, 2007
Subject: Editor Request for Suburban Girl
Message: I was a technical writer for three years. I love erotic literature. I would have possible introduced Amy before their first sexual encounter, setting the stage for her being "bad girl" in town a bit more. I'm glad that Amy did not invite Elissa over to play with Becky yet... It's a good segue into a new chapter later. Have you thought about Becky loving very large cocks, or extreme penetration? One notion would be that she has cervical penetration, and a lover cums straight in her womb, getting her pregnant. That would lead into even more chapters, just from that one event.

My Response: Uhmm... a would-be editor who can't finish a sentence without making a dozen grammatical mistakes (not to mention the physiological ones)? How could I refuse! And yet I did. I must be crazy.

2- Hate Mail: Suburban Girl Part One.

From: Lucius <*****@yahoo.com>
Date: September 30, 2007
Subject: from a fan
Message: god will svea u if u ask him. what u write is poysin to beliefers and ur fingers shuld be cut away but that turns u on? omg the lowset place in hell is for u.

My Response: Yes, losing my fingers would be so hot! In fact I must, I must, I... shudder. Okay, somehow I resisted the impulse to find a knife. Whew! I need my fingers... :P

3- Hate Mail?: Trailer Trash Teen Ch. 10.

From: Never Pulsed <*****@***.com>
Date: September 30, 2007
Subject: hottest thing ever read
Message: OMG you made her cum! You have to haeve to do a squel to this! yOu made a gril come with her unkel fucking her how sik is that? worst thing is you must haev fuked yourself while riting it. did you ever fuck unkel? I am one and my neices stay away from me. one is 14 and I want her here. sHe is so hot and I want to fuck her. what if i MADE her? Advise?!?

My Response: The best advice I can give you is this: slit your wrists. Right now, slit them. Open up your veins and die! Because if you can even consider raping your neice (and yes, it would be rape by any definition), that's what you should do first. Die, I mean. Die first, rape later, that's my motto. And in response to your question? No I never fucked my uncle. I never ever even once fucked him. He fucked me. There is a difference. So go to Hell and die, sicko! This site might be based on forbidden fantasies but it was never meant to justify your illegal and immoral ones. So there.

....

Lol! Okay, sorry for copying-and-pasting you all to death! Here's another video you might like. Consider it my apology for publicly smashing the assholes who wrote the letters above.