People care, but
...they don't want to help!
It's okay. It is. I have people out here who do care, and can help. So trust me, when I have begged for donations online here (in this blog and on the regular site!), it has only been because... well.
Shoot!
Okay. Things aren't going well for me right now. I have been so desperate lately, that I've actually begun begging for money online. How stupid is that? I want to run a free website, but I want people to give me money? Dumb.
Here's the latest. I'm living with a "friend" of mine, who offered to take me in (thank God). Had he not done so, I literally knew of a house downtown where people squat. What other choice would I have had? Thank God he offered me this place.
And now, duh, I'm in love with him. Seriously, he's so great. So great. Yet I'm all alone... you know? I feel like I'm such a burden. When can I ever have the chance to not be the burden? For once, I'd love to not be the chore!
We aren't fucking, him and I. I've tried, but he's... well, he put it like this: "Shannon, I love you. I love you so much that I can't let my dreams of you occur whilst you're in such a state."
I know what he means. He doesn't believe that I love him back... he thinks I only say that because of the situation I'm in right now.
Maybe he's right, even. God, I don't know.
Anyway... I'm sort of back online. But only through the charity of Him. I am worth nothing right now, and if he kicked me out, I'd be fucked. Can you blame him for doubting my love for him? Can you blame me for doubting myself?
-shannon-
It's okay. It is. I have people out here who do care, and can help. So trust me, when I have begged for donations online here (in this blog and on the regular site!), it has only been because... well.
Shoot!
Okay. Things aren't going well for me right now. I have been so desperate lately, that I've actually begun begging for money online. How stupid is that? I want to run a free website, but I want people to give me money? Dumb.
Here's the latest. I'm living with a "friend" of mine, who offered to take me in (thank God). Had he not done so, I literally knew of a house downtown where people squat. What other choice would I have had? Thank God he offered me this place.
And now, duh, I'm in love with him. Seriously, he's so great. So great. Yet I'm all alone... you know? I feel like I'm such a burden. When can I ever have the chance to not be the burden? For once, I'd love to not be the chore!
We aren't fucking, him and I. I've tried, but he's... well, he put it like this: "Shannon, I love you. I love you so much that I can't let my dreams of you occur whilst you're in such a state."
I know what he means. He doesn't believe that I love him back... he thinks I only say that because of the situation I'm in right now.
Maybe he's right, even. God, I don't know.
Anyway... I'm sort of back online. But only through the charity of Him. I am worth nothing right now, and if he kicked me out, I'd be fucked. Can you blame him for doubting my love for him? Can you blame me for doubting myself?
-shannon-
Labels: stuff about me
posted by Shannon at 10:55 PM
6 Comments:
Have you thought about selling a paper blog? I.e. http://www.merchbitch.com/PaperBlog.html
If you don't like begging for money, you have plenty of adoring voyeurs who would pay for such a thing.
Maybe some personal coming-of-age stories, "Shannon's flashbacks" type stuff, etc...
Should be cheap and easy.
There are TONS of things that voyeurs would buy from you. Hell, even a grainy close-up of your snatch would likely fetch a pretty penny ;)
Shannon - touch base with me - you've got some donations we need to review!
The StoryMaster
fyi all - when you send a PayPal payment, I handle it for Shannon's anonymity preservation!
Shannon, having been where you are and having fought my way out of it, I have to say, the only person you ahve is yourself, not in a cynical way, but in an optimistic one. You know you can count on yourself, you know that your life is yours, no one else's. I am glad this guy who gave you a place to stay is a man, and not some little boy. He is willing to be good to you, and not expect anyhting in return. This is what being human is all about. If we can't be good to other people who need help then we lose something of ourselves. If you are really into this guy, and who knows you may be, wait until you are on your feet, and then do something random and wonderful for him, not to say thank you, just to do it. Having been down in the cellar I know that the best thing in the world is some one who will give you a break when you need it, and the only way to pay them back is to do the same, help some one else who needs it, when they can't help themselves. This is getting long and rambling, and as some one who likes you site I say this in all seriousness. Forget about us, take care of yourself, do everything you can for yourself until you are set up again. Only then can you have the strength and courage to face the rest of the world.
Well, you really should let things sit for a bit before you try to get romantic with this guy. Not really a good time or place to start fucking each other. What if it doesn't work out for some reason and it becomes unccomfotable for him to have you around in his place, then you really wouldn't have any where to go.
That is a real man talking to you there. Let your life get straightened out, let him help. If he wanted to take advantage of you, he would have. You are never a burden to a true friend.
When your life is in the crapper (having been down there too many times) doubting yourself is the hardest part to get out of your brain.
I'm glad that you are able to get back online with us, but even without that, you'd never be alone(especially with true friends, like the guy helping you out).
He sound like a real gentleman, he want to be sure that u meditate on ur feelings to see if they are truthfull and if they are, go ahead full speed capt.
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