3 April 2003

I don't have much time right now, but I really wanted to post a new diary entry because a couple big things happened in the last three days... so here it is, though it's going to be short (sorry!).

Okay, first of all: my date for this Friday. On Tuesday after classes I took a nap, then went out in the evening with one of my good friends, "Laura". We decided to go up to this coffee place we know to study, because both of us are getting slammed on Monday with tests (argh!!). Anyway, at around 10pm when the place was shutting down, in walks "Tim", the guy I'm supposed to go on a date this Friday with. Well, he grabbed a coffee and the three of us went outside and just chilled (it was REALLY nice out!) for a while before Laura had to go home. Then Tim asked if I wanted to go over to his place for a while to study some more (that's why he was grabbing some coffee: he was planning on pulling an all-nighter). I said sure.

We got to his place at around 11, and we studied for about thirty minutes or so. My mind wasn't much into it, though, since I was tired, wired from coffee, and agitated (worried about work and school). If all that sounds confusing, believe me, I know it is: my mind is so weird/chaotic most of the time! But I was having fun, just listening to good music, smoking, chatting, and I even did study a little...

Long story short, we decided to take a break and watch some TV. He'd just bought the new "8 Mile" DVD, a movie I hadn't seen, so we watched it, but we mostly just chatted. Remember, I hardly know the guy except that he's in one of my classes. Well anyway, he ended up kissing me about forty minutes into the movie. I don't recall giving him any big sign that I wanted that, but it was entirely welcome... he was so sudden yet, nice, about it, you know? I kissed him back after I recovered from the surprise and we made out for about ten minutes. Then my stupid cell phone went off! Argh!!

When I was done with the call (it was one of my roommates, boring) the mood was sort of broken. I was really heated up, not totally like "horny", but just excited that this really smart, cute, nice guy was being so cool! Unfortunately, like I said, the mood was wrecked. Things might have recovered but his roommate returned from wherever he'd been, and that was that.

I don't know how interesting that is... but it was so great for me! I walked home light as a feather, and it really made me feel good for the first time in a while... I literally have butterflies in my tummy even as I type this!

I'm not falling in love. I don't even know the guy... but I like him! I liked being with him. And kissing him... it was so sweet! *flutters*

Okay, sorry! The other big thing... work yesterday. SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED. Okay. At first it went alright. James (the manager guy, remember?) was being really nice, and wasn't even flirting or anything like that. Even better, he posted the new schedule and my hours are back up, plus I get the Saturday off for that week (schedules are posted a week and a half beforehand, roughly). Here's the bad part, though: he kept me on all night shifts. And another thing? I noticed that he's scheduled himself for the EXACT SAME SHIFTS.

That got me worried. Normally in a week I may work with him twice, and usually our shifts overlap. But this new schedule? Every day I work he's going to be there the whole time (except, I think, that Friday... I forget). So I was really sort of worried and relieved, by all this: relieved because I'm getting the better hours again, but worried because it's just weird he wants me to work only with him. I mean... that's not a good sign, you know?

ARGH I'm so going to be late... but I need to finish! So, okay. Things got bad near closing. Really bad, actually... and now I'm at the point where I'm thinking of quitting or something, I don't know. Okay: I'm closing up last night, and he asks me to help do the cash. I used to do this every night I closed, until he got pissed at me recently and made sure I got the shittier jobs. So I was glad to do it again (another sign I was back in his "good graces"), until I got into the office and he suddenly went WAY into his whole perverted self. I mean, big-time: he made a comment about how he wished skirts were allowed in the company dress-code because he'd "like to sneak a peak"... that was blatant even for him to say, but I managed to laugh it off. Then he mentions that he "really" likes working with me, since I "help out" so much, and that I make sure he's always "presentable". He was obviously referring to the whole dust/pants incident the other night... argh.

By now I felt very awkward and uncomfortable, but I was determined to remain cool about it. I didn't want him pissed at me again, you know? So then, he hands me the cash bag, I sign off on it, then put it in the safe. While I'm doing that he comes up behind me and says that he likes my pants... I say, "Thanks" just as he grabs my ass.

I literally spun around in shock. I know what you're thinking as you read this: "You stupid slut, what could be shocking?! Of COURSE he'd do something like that after you rubbed his dick the other night!!!" You're right, too, I guess. I'm so fucking stupid.

But anyway, as I tried to figure something out to say (I'm facing him and standing, now) he just sorta grins and asks, "What?"

How do I respond? What do I say? All I could think was: don't fuck this up, just be cool, all he did was touch you, blah blah blah. So I just sort of nervously smiled and said, "Nothing, why?"

That's when he totally invaded my "personal bubble"... you know, stepped way too close to me? And looking all serious he said, "You've really got a nice ass, Shannon."

OMG, I was so blushing after he said that. What do you say to that?! I felt frozen. All I did was continue to stare up into his eyes with this stupid, forced smile on my face. I didn't say anything.

And then he began to press "it" against me. I swear to God, he just sort of pressed forward closer to me and I could feel his thing against my left hip, and I swear it was totally intentional. For a moment I thought he was going to start like, dry humping me right there, but instead he reached past me to grab his jacket which was hanging on the wall. Then he just stepped back, pulled on his jacket, and walked out of the room like nothing had happened.

I followed him out and headed to the lounge where two of my coworkers were already punching out. I did the same, grabbed my shit, and we all headed to the front of the store. After the alarm was set, we left together, but James stopped me while we were all yelling our goodbyes.

He asked me if I wanted to go get a drink. I told him that I couldn't because I wasn't 21 yet, and he said, "Oh yeah, but your birthday is soon...". I agreed and tried to think of a way to get away without being rude or make him mad at all, when he said, "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night!"

And that was it. I walked home. There was beer in the fridge when I got there, so I got drunk. Then I passed out at around 2:30am and got to classes late this morning (and I'm really pushing being late for work now!).

Shit shit shit. Okay, look: no matter what you think of me, no matter what you might think you can predict about what I may do, I am NOT going to fuck/blow/jerk-off/etc James. I won't! If it comes to that, I'll tell him off and quit. Although it's shitty and uncomfortable, I think I can put up with this "touching" and stuff he seems to get off on as long as he doesn't try to do more. Because I will not let it go further than that!

And I think I'll start looking for a new job, because I have a sinking feeling that he is going to try more. Thankfully he isn't closing tonight, so I'll only see him the first couple hours I work today... I just need to make sure I keep this job until I have another ready. If it comes to that, you know?

I cannot wait for Friday! I work during the day, which will suck because I think James will be there, but in the evening it's all about Tim! The one thing I look forward to in my life right now... arrrr.

Gotta go!