A View On Writing Erotica - tenyari's Voice

Words and thoughts from the mind of an online writer of erotic fiction - what I have to say about life and what I do.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

We can't do no grammar fix'n less you tells us.

Now that I've written up a short piece on dialog, it seems only right to follow that up with a simple request to my readers.

If you see grammar errors in my writing, let me know.

Most writers want to know what they've done wrong. Those that don't, well, probably shouldn't be writing...

Sure, some grammar errors are going to be intentional, like a bit of dialog saying something like: (bear with me while I search my stories for a good example - or you could always bare with me...)
"We getting together?" I asked.
And:
One them calling out "Aunt Nessy! Momma wanna know if Tisha can sit Wednesday."

In perfect grammar these might be:
"Are we getting together?" I asked.
And:
One them calling out "Aunt Nessy! Momma wants to know if Tisha can sit Wednesday."
But outside of dialog and 'thought bubbles', grammar should be good or if not good, bad for what is obviously a style choice in the given story. Style choices to use bad grammar are common in poetry, and sometimes seen in fiction. Writers should keep in mind though that a style choice for a slant on grammar needs its own internal grammar system, such as using Creole grammar, or it will just look like bad writing.


Also, don't always trust Word to deliver the best grammar for you. According to Word, all of these are good sentences:
Sometimes you are tripping.
Some tripping you is.
Tripping is some you.
Tripping you some is.
Tripping you some.
Tripping you some is not.
I don't know about you, but there's got to be something wrong with a few of those...

At least it did catch: Got wrong be they to done.
But it likes: They done got to be wrong.

So the words of the day are, tell us when you find grammar errors. We ain't done gonna be able to fix it no other ways (Hey, Word likes that sentence too...).

We can't do no fix'n less we knows? (Ok, finally got me something Word didn't like... maybe I'll change it into a title for this post).

Which just goes to say, Word is -very- generous. Probably far more so than an editor should be.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Dialog

Do I write good, or at least decent dialog? I don't know, but like any critic I've begun to get a little full of myself with the notion of what should be in good dialog.

I think we all know that porn is the last place one would ever find good dialog. The same is often true in the 'stroke' variety of erotica.

When I first started writing I read a few guides on dialog, and the best bits of advice I came away with were:
  • Listen. Pay attention to the conversations around you. Takes notes if you have to, being discreet of course, but keep your ears open. Pay attention to how people really talk.
  • Don't do monologues. Conversations are a two way street, and keep it alive. Don't let a character ramble off with a long speach. It really looks artificial. Even when someone is giving an actual speach, punctuate it with side comments or gestures and other reactions.
  • Break grammer. Perfect sentences are not how people talk. But don't fly off the handle either.
  • Limit slang and colloquials. Don't overdo them. Don't misspell just to capture an accent - readers from that background will be offended.
  • Your character often lives in how she says what she says. Don't let all your characters talk the same way, or say the same things, or express identical opinions on a subject. Give each of them a different angle on what is going on.
  • Avoid certain words that you would use in a fourth grade essay to start a paragraph. Words like 'anyway', 'finally', 'also', etc. Joiners like this are rarely how people talk. When they do use them, they don't use them the same way.
  • Avoid overuse of 'um' and 'like' unless you are really trying to drive home some particular (probably humorous) point. Yes, people do use these a lot in conversation, but in dialog they get cluttered.
  • Conversation is jumbled, it can drift off point, go on tangents, and get confused. Use this, but don't abuse it. Dialog is like conversation, but not the same. Dialog is a tool to tell a story, conversation is a tool to get laid. While you should throw in the occaisional off topic note, you should do so constructively, such as to break up a very long idea, or put in something that only seems to be off-topic (but hints at a metaphor), and so on.
  • Limit what is said to what a given character could reasonably know, given their place in the story, their education, age, social class, culture, and so on. I have seen so many erotica stories fail when the 14 year old boy begins talking particle physics that I just want to, well... ack!
  • Attribute speach. Always start each speaker as a new paragraph, and tell us who said it. One of my dialog books goes so far as to say every quote should end or begin with '[name] said', and not even anything other than 'said'. I won't go that far here, but you must tell us who it was. That particular book was making the point that you don't tell us 'Jane asked', you show us that Jane asked something by what she said.
  • Intersperse actions into the dialog. Have a character look here go there, touch this, take that, etc. Use a mix of dialog and action to show us what is happening without telling us what is happening. Show the action unfolding, don't just describe what happened. Dialog is a tool to show, but it can very easily be abused into a tool to describe.
  • Listen. Yeah, I did this one already, but it all comes back to listening. You really need to pay attention to how people around you talk. Go to a freaking coffee shop for a few hours or something.


And like any writing, a lot of reading helps. Think about what it was you liked in the dialog of the writers you enjoy. Take notes on it.


Helpful?

Maybe next time I'll try to type out an example of what I think is good dialog, and then the same conversation written as bad dialog.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Legalizing prostitution (in the American context)?

Gut reaction, yes or no?

Given who is likely to be my readership here I suspect most of you went through something like;

'Heck yeah, then I could bang those chicks and get away with it!' (at which point I have a mental image of 'Glen Quagmire' from Family Guy saying 'giggity giggity'...

You're then probably going to have 'moral second thoughts' at some later point in time when you 'think about it'.

So, think about this;

In my city earlier this year the police broke up some 17 brothels - all of which were using women trafficked in from Asian countries and held against their will. Some of these brothels are found in 'the usual places' like massage parlors, the back end of a strip club or bar, etc. But some of them have been found in residential homes sitting in those 'nice quiet family neighborhoods' where the locals just don't ever pay any mind to all the people coming in and out all day long...

I myself have lived in places where women were forced into sexual bondage to pay off the debts of themselves or their male family members. In other places women might be kidnapped right off the street and then quietly shoved away to some other country. This is rarely the thing you see on a TV special with some middle class white woman from a first world nation. It is almost always a victim from the third world, trafficked to some other place in the third world or into the major first world cities such as Tokyo, San Francisco, New York, Jeruselum, etc...

So should it be legal now? The answer there I guess revolves around whether or not creating a 'legal market' would wipe out the 'illegal market'.

But we can go further, one of the major issues with prostitutes is that they have nowhere they can go for help. With an illegal lifestyle, if you experience medical problems or become a victim of crime you have no recourse to protection. These health and security of the men and women who work in the sex trade is unprotected. This makes then a nexus for problems like AIDS, and we know of the major factors spreading AIDS around the world is people who carry it between sites of illegal prostitution.

By contrast in places with legal prostitution, such as the Netherlands and parts of Nevada, the workers get regular health checks and there is security there to force the clients into agreeing to use protection, as well as preventing predators from killing or otherwise maiming these workers. I'll leave that comment on the note that two of the people I know with involvment in the sex trade have lost people to such violence - one of them doused in flames and burned alive while others were forced to watch in order to teach those others an obediance lesson, the other 'purchased' from her handlers for the express purpose of 'sex with razor blades'. You can claim those are just 'friends of friends' stories, and that might be right - I can't prove them, but they do fit a pattern that does exist in crime reports.


So that might support the idea that legalizing it would at least 'turn on the lights' and let us make sure both the workers and the 'johns' are safe and not spreading disease. This is the real world I'm writing about after all, not the world of NiS - we don't have magic cures for many of these diseases. Even if you think the lives of sex workers and johns should be worth nothing, they both then spread it on to innocent third parties. Many women in Asian and African countries have aquired AIDS after their husbands went on business trips, and I suspect the same is true in the USA after seeing American men and how they behaved when travelling to sites of 'sexual slavery and tourism'. Sometimes these women victims do not discover it until after they have passed it on to their children.

Next there is the idea that it is a victimless crime. What business does the state have criminalizing something with no victims? This is countered by the notion that the families of johns become victims. But in chapter 4 of Alandra I wrote in a reply to that:
     "And do you think there are negative consequences?" Ms. Magante said.

     "I'll let the class make up their own minds on that. On the surface, sure; she should be able to use her body as she wants. It's long been said that prostitution is a victimless activity."

     A girl I didn't know raised her hand and said "But what about the families? Of the guys I mean. What about his wife?"

     "If you think the government cares about the family, why is adultery legal?" Mrs. Jacobs said.
I'll return to that in a moment...

A final more radical idea, because you know an erotica writer has to have a radical theory in her bag of tricks somewhere, comes in the notion of 'economic control'. I put this idea out there in my Alandra NiS story, though I don't think anyone noticed me doing it. The idea here is that sex has economic value. We all know this even though we try to deny it. Outlawing prostitution puts the economic control of a woman's body in the hands of men. She is either denied the ability to make profit on her property, or she is pimped out and denied the ability to keep the profits of the use of that property. this of course also extends to male prostitutes.

In Alandra, chapter 3, I put it like this:

     The second half of the reading talked about prostitution, both male and female. Mrs. Jacobs put in notes about several states overturning prostitution laws in the last few years – many of those also put strict health rules, but that was breaking down with all the STD and AIDS vaccines. Some of them even regulated pimping and brothels – allowing companies that sold sex. Pa would say it was just a way men could ensure a hold on the money. He said prostitution was the original form of female empowerment – giving girl's economic control over their sexuality. Pa said it'd been illegal for so long not because anyone was hurt by it, but because men wanted control over sex. But that was Pa – but I imagine Ms. Lippmann and Ms. Magante would agree with him.

     I didn't see myself ever selling a fuck, so I'd never really given it much thought. Way I saw it, with all this Program shit the cost of a fuck was gonna go down pretty fast. Maybe that's why they were legalizing it – now that it really wasn't worth all that much. Or whatever.

. . .

     Mrs. Jacobs ended it by saying the Supreme Court was looking at a woman in a state where prostitution was illegal saying she had a fundamental right to freely employ her own body. It was something about freedom of religion, privacy, and contract. Mrs. Jacobs wanted us to think about that, if we thought she'd win. If she did, prostitution would be legal in the whole country.


This final radical idea simply put, is that who has a right to control and gain wealth of a person's body? That person or someone else? Should not a person be able to use their body as they like? Outlawing it 'locks it down'. It gives the power to control sex and sexuality to men or to the state, who each control access to sex. A woman, or even a man, is not allowed to trade access for their own gain - they must either grant it freely (previously illegal under fornication and adultry laws), or grant it and consent to a loss of freedom in exchange for 'security' (marriage) and legal recognition of 'kinship' (not sure how to describe the benefit spouses get in things like ability to visit in a hospital, etc).

And I said I would return to chapter 4 again, so look at this longer quote from chapter 4:
She filled us in on that woman who was suing her state for the right to use her body as she wanted. How it got to the Supreme Court on appeal, and how we'd know the result by summer, if not sooner. The woman had claimed her right as an extension of privacy, property, and something called 'liberty of contract' that Mrs. Jacobs said used to be a big thing after the Civil War, but was mostly not used anymore.

     "It makes a lot of sense when you put it that way." Kevin said.

      "Yeah..." A girl in the back said.

     "But," she started, and I noticed Magante sit up "People often ignore the larger consequences of the choices that support their side." Mrs. Jacobs looked at Ms. Magante.

     "And do you think there are negative consequences?" Ms. Magante said.

     "I'll let the class make up their own minds on that. On the surface, sure; she should be able to use her body as she wants. It's long been said that prostitution is a victimless activity."

     A girl I didn't know raised her hand and said "But what about the families? Of the guys I mean. What about his wife?"

     "If you think the government cares about the family, why is adultery legal?" Mrs. Jacobs said.

     "Uh... Hmm..." the girl said. She didn't have an answer for that, nor did I actually, I don't think I'd ever thought of that.

     "No, prostitution has traditionally been illegal because it represents economic power in something women have that men don't, something they want. Men have been trying to control pussy since the day they realized they didn't have one. It's power over them." Mrs. Jacobs said. Ms. Magante smiled at that, and it left me thinking, but I could see Kevin frown. "You might say adultery gives men power over the sexual relationship, as a converse."

     "What about wives who cheat?" I asked.

     "That still gives a man sex without making an investment." She said. Maybe if I thought about it I could answer that, but I didn't have any ideas just then.



Prostitution puts sex in the 'supply and demand' model. If a person believes in 'the free market', that should be a desirable goal.

So there's your 'radical theory'. Pack that in with the ones over safety, victimless crime, ending slavery, etc...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Happy endings or tragedy?

Something that's been bugging me lately as I sit there wanting to write and not having time...

In my Alandra story I've been working on over the last few years, which is now on its last legs, from day one I've envisioned a very tragic ending.

The protagonist Alandra ends her experience searching for something she knows she will never find, something she lost through her own misadventure. Something she put no value in until its loss made her realize the full meaning of the experience she's been through.

Readers of my tale have at times commented that they are unsure just what is going on, and the explanation for that in my plan has largely rested in the unfolded of the above truths behind this tragedy in the last two scenes. The desired effect being 'oh, I get it now'.

But...

I've had this mental note in my head for about half the length of my writing to end not on tragedy, but to work through all of that tragedy and then, in the last few lines of the tale, have her search come to a successful end, leaving readers hanging.

There's a certain 'American sense of satisfaction' in such a happy ending, but I also wonder if it takes a (in my dreams) poetically sad ending and turns it into a 'Lifetime movie channel formulaic package'.


It is of course, hard for me to say just what I'm getting at here without giving away the ball for an as yet unpublished chapter, but based on the above, I'm wondering if there are any thoughts.

I suppose I can say this - the difference in two hinges on 'finding love' or 'finding an inability to ever love'.

Still have no idea how I'll go on this. Maybe I'll know when that last line is there for me to write...