Paul jumped, she was going for the other inside leg! His boxers were rising at the side again. He leaned to compensate, but his mother smacked him on the bottom "Stand straight!" just as the head of his penis became exposed. Mrs Harper carried on anyway, as if she hadn't noticed, except! Except one of her fingers had caught in the material and was now inside the leg of his boxers. This had two dire consequences: One being that he was being exposed far more than would otherwise be the case; two being that her finger was now stroking his penis. Paul froze, went completely still. His mouth dried and his heart pumped. What was she doing?
His mother was oblivious to this. Being behind Paul she couldn't see. But Mrs Harper, whose face was merely inches away from his increasingly naked pike, could not have failed to notice. There was little to be thankful for, but he was thankful in any case. The experience was so far from erotic, in fact antipodean, there was no risk of an erection.
Finally she stood and wrapped the tape-measure around his waist. She tutted, pushed the waistband of his boxers down a little then measured again.
"Yes, I think we have his size" said Mrs Harper.
"With room to grow in" said Paul's mother.
"Oh, does he grow?" said Mrs Harper, in surprise.
'Let me the hell out of here!' Paul screamed in his head.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Margaret rang the doorbell while the rest of the family hung back. Keith stood beside but a little behind her, wearing an open necked shirt. Margaret had wanted to dress more formally but he had dissuaded her. He couldn't imagine a Saturday afternoon get together being a formal affair, not just to meet the neighbours.
Ben wore dark blue trousers (so as not to show any dirt he might get on them) and a new light blue shirt whose collar irritated his neck. He also wore his school shoes which he'd even been made to polish. His mother had picked his clothes out for him. Amy had picked her own clothes, a light dress in her favourite reddy pink colour with frills. She was the only one who was smiling cheerfully; the others were all smiling nervously.
Diane answered the door. "Margaret! Lovely to see you."
"This is my husband, Keith" said Margaret.
"Hello Keith!" said Diane extending a hand.
"Diane isn't it?" he said shaking it.
"This is Ben" said Margaret sounding a little embarrassed.
"I've been hearing all about you" said Diane, and Ben's expression turned from Sunday best politeness to fear 'What had she been hearing?' and 'From whom?'
Diane surprised him by leaning towards him and giving him a hug and a kiss. "He's a handsome boy" she said.
Ben blushed and looked at the floor. He wished adults didn't talk like that.
"And this is Amy" said Margaret.
"What a little darling" said Diane, giving Amy a hug and a kiss too.
"Hello, Mrs Weaver" said Amy brightly.
"Well come on in and meet everyone. Ben, Amy, the other kids are in the back garden trying to avoid us boring oldies, why don't you go and join them?" said Diane.
"And behave yourself, Ben" said Margaret.
Ben and Amy followed Diane's instructions and headed gardenwards.
"It's only Ben that has to behave himself?" asked Diane with a smile.
"No, Amy's always as good as gold. She doesn't need to be told. Ben on the other hand...." said Margaret.
"He's at a difficult age" said Diane sympathetically "Boys can get quite unruly when they become teenagers if they're not carefully controlled."
"Isn't your Alison his girlfriend" asked Keith. Margaret surreptitiously stepped on his toe.
Diane stared at him blankly "Alison?" she asked "A boyfriend? She hasn't said anything to me."
"Probably just childish, I can't imagine it means anything" said Margaret.
"She seems a lovely girl though" said Keith.
"Seems, maybe. Not so lovely when you get to know her better" said Diane.
"Doesn't seem the sort to get into any serious trouble" said Keith.
"You should see her when she's got a temper" said Diane.
"Well I can't see it doing Ben any harm" said Keith.
"You have to excuse my husband" said Margaret "He's at a difficult age"
"And have been since I was a teenager" said Keith with a broad grin.
"Well perhaps someone should have taken you in hand" suggested Diane, with an equally broad grin.
Victoria sat at the patio table shielded by an umbrella, sipping coke from a tall glass full of ice. With a big grin on her face, she watched Emily squirming. She had been caught by a boy who was the same age as Emily but who stood a good hand shorter. He was talking enthusiastically with his eyes fixed on her breasts.
"And you've got minions that follow you round and do stuff for you. But you've got magic and stuff as well, and you can fight yourself if you want" the boy said.
"Sounds awful" said Emily, looking very bored.
"No" said the boy shocked anyone should think such a thing "The graphics are great, there's butterflies and flowers in it, when you wander round the countryside. And sheep. You spend a lot of time killing sheep. You get power from them, you need that to create minions, only there's different kinds of minion and you need different kinds of power for them..."
"Hi" said Paul, sitting next to Victoria.
"Hi" said Victoria giving him the biggest of smiles. She wanted to put her arms round him and give him a big kiss, but she couldn't. Not here.
"I missed you" she said.
"I missed you too" he replied.
"How was shopping?" she asked.
"Don't ask" he replied.
Victoria studied his face carefully. "Free this evening?" she asked.
"Hope so" he said "So what's been happening?"
"A lot!" said Victoria "We can't talk here, but let's just say I got to set up my camera and we've got a little badger under surveillance."
Paul paused a moment for thought, and then nodded slowly "Okay" he said "You can fill me in later"
"And you can fill me in later too" she said with a grin and a wink. Paul couldn't help but start to stiffen.
The French Windows in the lounge were open, and Ben and Amy ignored the adults in the room as they weaved their way through them and out into the garden. Several of the adults looked up in surprise at this unexpected rudeness.
Ben saw Victoria first, and then Paul, who was sat beside her. He rushed over "Hi" he said. Amy followed at her more sedate pace.
"Hello, sweety" said Victoria "Come and sit down we need to have a little chat."
Ben was old and wise enough to have learned that the phrase 'little chat' was code for a telling off and he frowned, sitting reluctantly.
"Now I've already talked to Alison" said Victoria looking at Ben seriously "So now I'm telling you. No open displays of affection. You can talk to each other and be normal, but no hand holding or kissing or anything like that. And no discussions of the den, or the gang, or sex. Okay?"
Ben nodded.
"Can't imagine Alison wanting anything to do with him after this morning" said Amy.
"Have they had a falling out?" asked Victoria, wondering if that explained why Alison was a bit offish earlier.
"He was very rude" said Amy.
Victoria looked at Ben and shook her head "I thought you two were getting on like a house on fire."
"Yeh, in the den" he said.
"Ssshhh" said Victoria urgently "What did I just say!?"
"Oh yeh, sorry" said Ben.
"Mum and dad know they're boyfriend and girlfriend anyway" said Amy.
"Why? What's been said?" asked Victoria.
"Alison told dad" said Amy.
"What was she thinking!?" said Victoria beginning to get cross.
"It was dad's fault" said Amy "He suggested it, and she must have thought Ben had told him, so she just agreed" said Amy.
"I didn't say anything" said Ben worriedly.
"Alright, we'll just play it down. Make out it's nothing" said Victoria.
"Is that Emily's boyfriend?" asked Amy.
"I'm just not explaining it very well" said the boy "But it's really great! Do you want to come round and see it some time?" his eyes pleaded with Emily, desperate for her to say yes.
"Urm... doesn't sound like my kind of thing" said Emily "Sounds a bit violent"
"Is that because your mum was a nurse?" said the boy, trying to keep her talking.
"Just look closely at the front of his trousers" suggested Victoria.
"Oh, it's lumpy Dave" said Amy.
Emily managed to escape, leaving lumpy Dave to stand feeling foolish on his own.
She rolled her eyes at the gang and sat down wearily.
"Looks like you two were getting on well" said Victoria sarcastically.
"You make a great couple" said Paul.
"Don't you start" said Emily.
"He is kind of cute" said Victoria.
"He's all yours" said Emily generously.
"It's been a stressful time, what with the move, new job, and all the work to be done on the house" said Keith.
The Reverend St.John-Moncrieff nodded sympathetically.
They stood at one side of the room. Keith held a glass of beer, and the Reverend sipped a dry sherry.
"Yes change is always difficult. That's why I draw such comfort from God" he said "To have one solid unchangeable thing in your life, that no matter what else happens, remains solid, is, well quite literally a 'Godsend'" he ended with a laugh.
"You're very lucky" said Keith.
"You're not a believer?" said the Reverend.
"No, no time for religion, I'm afraid" said Keith with an apologetic smile.
"But you said I was lucky so you must wish it were otherwise" said the Reverend.
"Well yes, I suppose so" said Keith.
"Come to church tomorrow. We'll all be glad to see you there" said the Reverend.
Keith looked pained. He liked the Reverend well enough, but he didn't have any liking for religion or the church. It all felt rather silly and pointless to him.
"I'll have to talk to Margaret. See what she thinks" he said abdicating responsibility.
"I've been through some pretty harsh times myself" said the Reverend "Two years ago I nearly lost my faith" he added, a tear coming to his eye "But God didn't let me go. He made sure it all turned out right in the end, and now my faith is stronger than ever"
Keith nodded politely.
The Reverend had enough sense to know when he was boring someone, and he wasn't offended, he knew these things took time.
"How are things going with the house?" he asked.
"Oh, not too bad. The kitchen's done, which is a relief. That's been driving Margaret up the wall. The bathroom's next but that's going to be chaos. We've got a toilet downstairs, but we won't be able to have a shower or a bath until that's been sorted" said Keith.
"You'll be welcome at the Vicarage" said the Reverend "If you want a shower or bath just come round"
"That's very kind, but..." said Keith.
"Don't be silly, you won't be putting us out, and if we can't offer a charitable hand what kind of example would we be setting?" said the Reverend "No strings" he said with a smile "You won't be expected to turn up at the church in exchange"
"Well that's very kind. Thanks. I'll mention it to Margaret" said Keith abdicating again "Then there's the extension, but that's hit a snag. Bloody council's refused planning permission."
The Reverend cast his mind back and looked thoughtful. "Oh dear" he said "I'm afraid the 'Bloody Council' might include me"
"You?" said Keith surprised.
"I'm on the planning committee. I think I remember the application. It was rejected because the committee felt it wasn't in keeping with the tone of the village" said the Reverend.
"Oh!" said Keith "I didn't mean any disrespect, I'm sure it's all very complicated"
"I'll see if we can take another look, these things can be very subjective" said the Reverend.
"It must be very difficult though, so many applications, so many different considerations..." said Keith feeling embarrassed.
"Oh here's my son, Giles" said the Reverend "Giles" he called.
Giles was dressed in a sober suit, looking scrubbed from top to bottom.
"Giles, this is Mr Davison" said the Reverend.
"Pleased to meet you, Mr Davison" said Giles holding out his hand. Keith shook it.
"Hello, Giles" said Keith.
"Giles is top of his class at school and a scout patrol leader. Aren't you Giles?" said the Reverend.
"Yes, father" said Giles proudly.
"Sounds... wonderful" said Keith "If only my two were as conscientious"
"I understand your parenting methods are... rather liberal" said the Reverend.
"I wouldn't say liberal" said Keith defensively "We're strict enough with Ben and Amy, our methods are just more... modern"
"What do you think about modern methods Giles?" asked the Reverend.
"Well I wouldn't presume to contradict Mr Davison, father, but I see it all the time at school, and in the scouts. Children who have a modern upbringing are the ones who are always in trouble. They lack respect and self-discipline. They're more likely to be involved in smoking, and drinking, and... girls, and drugs, and join gangs, and end up in trouble with the police" said Giles.
"Some might" said Keith "But I don't think they all do"
"Of course not" said the Reverend "Some manage to stay more or less on the right path. But how do we know which ones will and which ones won't? Do we really want to leave it to chance?"
"With respect, father, I think they actually all do. It's just that some of them don't go quite as far as others, and some just don't get caught" said Giles.
"I defer to Giles' greater experience of his peers" said the Reverend, smiling at Giles. Giles filled with joy and beamed back.
"I'm not arguing that discipline isn't important" said Keith feeling battered "Just that corporal punishment is not a suitable form of punishment"
"Why on earth not?" asked the Reverend.
"I just don't think violence is right. It's not the way to solve problems. I prefer to explain things to my children, reasonably and teach them right from wrong in other ways" Keith said, feeling a little more confident again.
"I agree with you" said the Reverend. Keith looked at him a little surprised.
"You do?" asked Keith.
"I'm a man of the cloth. I preach peace and kindness to all men" he said with a smile.
"So how can you..." began Keith.
"Advocate corporal punishment?" asked the Reverend.
Keith nodded.
"Of course violence is wrong, but I'm not advocating violence. Violence is unjust, rooted in selfishness, anger, and... other motivations which we won't mention in front of the children" said the Reverend glancing briefly towards Giles "I am in complete agreement that first comes reason and explanation. If a father can't sit down with his children and talk to them about these things then he's not done a very good job as a father. But there's a time when the talking is done, and if the children still disobey there must be punishment, you've implied as much yourself."
Keith nodded again "Of course" he said.
"Well then, I'm just saying that when properly sanctioned by an appropriate authority, physical chastisement is a perfectly proper instrument of discipline and in my view the best one" said the Reverend.
"Well..." said Keith.
"For example, the Government sanctions physical methods all the time. When there's a riot you don't reason with the mob. When there's a gang of drug dealers to be arrested the police go in armed and prepared to shoot. When a drunkard is brawling in the streets on a Saturday night, or molests... is being disrespectful to a lady, the police might wrestle him to the ground and even use truncheons" said the Reverend.
"That is..." began Keith.
"And ultimately the Government can send our sons to war" said the Reverend.
"And look at the mess that's got us into" said Keith, happy for something to latch onto.
"That might be the case in Iraq" said the Reverend "I'm not saying that the Government is infallible, no more so than the planning committee, just that they rightly have and exercise the authority to sanction these acts. In the same way that in the home the parents have the same properly sanctioned authority to use physical punishment on their children."
Keith pondered, it sounded reasonable the way the Reverend put it.
"Of course it should be done in a loving way. The child should never believe that corporal punishment is an indication that their parents don't love them. And believe me, it is hard as a father sometimes, but it's a duty to do your best for your children, and make sacrifices if necessary" said the Reverend.
Keith looked uncertain.
"Added to which, it works more effectively than any other method" said the Reverend.
"Ben and Amy wouldn't tolerate it, they'd hate us for it" said Keith.
"They'd learn, and they'd know it was a sign of your love for them. Why don't we ask Giles what he thinks?" the Reverend looked at Giles.
"I can't deny that's it painful and embarrassing, Mr Davison, but I know that my parents only want what's best for me, and are doing it for my own good. I still love them dearly. The thing is, I actually prefer it" said Giles.
"Prefer it?" said Keith with surprise.
"Yes. You see it's over and done with quickly. If I've done wrong I always feel guilty, and upset. And if the punishment is long and drawn out, like being grounded, or having my pocket money stopped I feel bad for ages. With a spanking it's immediate, usually, and then father, or mother, can forgive me and I feel better" said Giles.
"And" said the reverend "If you grounded the poor souls they'll be under your feet, and are bound to get into more trouble even if they don't mean to be. It creates a bad atmosphere with everyone being upset at each other, a dark cloud descends. The quicker the punishment the quicker everyone can be friends again and the sooner domestic bliss can be returned."
"Domestic bliss?" said Keith jokingly "What's that?"
"Perhaps you should find out for yourself" suggested the Reverend.
"I'm still not convinced" said Keith "The problem is that you're teaching your children that viole... physical chastisement is the way to solve problems. It encourages them to deal with their own problems the same way. Ben and Amy would spend all their time hitting each other."
"This is a specious argument" said the Reverend "If what you say is true, and by spanking your children you encourage them to hit others, then why, by the same argument, when you ground your children, give them extra chores, take their pocket money away from them, do they not do that to each other too, since that's the way you've taught them to deal with problems?"
"I... I guess I never thought of that" said Keith confused.
"The answer is that you're not teaching them that" said the Reverend "The point is that children are quite capable of understanding that the discipline you administer is properly sanctioned and it is your authority as parents that gives you that right. They are well aware that they do not have that right, and so have no legitimate excuse to use these methods themselves."
Keith nodded slowly, thinking that perhaps he was just being daft after all.
"It's too late now" said Keith "You can't spring that on them for the first time at their ages."
"On the contrary, it's never too late to do the right thing" said the Reverend "True, it's better to start young, the sooner the better. But they're not so old. If you can catch them before their teenage years it will be a lot easier than afterwards."
"Why teenage years especially?" asked Keith.
"Spankings must always be administered on the bare bottom" said the Reverend "When they start puberty that becomes more embarrassing for them. So if you can get them used to it before then it won't be so difficult."
"Why must it always be on the bare bottom?" asked Keith.
"Firstly you need to keep any eye on what you're doing, you don't want to inadvertently do any serious damage, and you want to monitor the effect. The child will soon learn that if they make a fuss and cry you'll stop, so you need a more objective, more trustworthy measure. Secondly, precisely for the embarrassment factor. You need to use the two things together. If you don't make use of your ability to embarrass them, you're restricted just to the pain, and that means the spankings need to be more severe."
"I don't know what Amy would do, but Ben would go spare" said Keith.
"So, would it be an effective deterrent?" asked the Reverend.
"He'd never misbehave again" said Keith.
"Well there you have it" said the Reverend.
"It just sounds a bit, if you'll forgive me" said Keith "Perverse"
"Well that's in the mind of the beholder" said the Reverend "I suspect there are probably parents out there who use these methods for their own... gratification, but it doesn't follow from that that all parents who employ these methods do it for any reason but the love of their children and the desire for their successful and happy upbringing. After all, such parents could use bath-time, or bed-time, or giving their children a hug or cuddle, or many other things for the same purposes and we can hardly prohibit all interaction with our children for fear of what other people might do, or even think."
"True enough, I suppose" said Keith.
"It also clearly demonstrates to the child who is in charge, and that they have no secrets from you. They'll soon learn that you and your wife are in charge and they are at your mercy. That domestic bliss you were dreaming of may not be as far off as you imagined."
"I just can't imagine Amy... I couldn't... she's going to be a young woman in a few years" Keith said.
"Yes, and that's a good point. Boys are going to be a temptation, and you don't want her getting into any kind of trouble" said the Reverend "If you're worried about your own feelings, not to put too fine a point on it... Giles go and see if your mother wants you, please" he paused.
"Yes, father" said Giles "Nice to meet you, Mr Davison" he said extending his hand again.
Keith shook it "Nice to meet you too, Giles." Giles turned with a smile and moved away.
"It's quite understandable, and responsible of you" said the Reverend in a quieter voice "To wonder if you might get certain feelings. Having a teenage girl naked over your lap is probably something you've not experienced before..." said the reverend
Keith did not feel this was the time for confessions.
"... but please don't concern yourself with that. I can assure you that those feelings will not arise. Amy is your daughter, and you'll feel completely the opposite. In fact, even if you were to spank one of the other girls it wouldn't arise. The context is what's important. Administering discipline is a grave and difficult responsibility, you won't find any thoughts of that kind occurring to you. But, if in the unlikely event that you do, leave Amy for your wife to deal with" said the Reverend.
Keith blushed at the implication he might feel any kind of attraction for his daughter, and stood a little uncomfortably "What other girls?" he asked eventually.
"Some of the parents, actually many of the parents, generally give other parents the authority to spank their children" said the Reverend.
"I can't see us..." began Keith.
"You'll get to know the neighbours over time, and I expect your children will be spending time with the other children, sometimes at your house, sometimes at theirs. If there's any bad behaviour it's easier to let whichever parents are in charge deal with it. Of course, such permission is only granted between people who trust each other" said the Reverend.
"It's a lot to think about" said Keith with a sigh.
"I'll give you my telephone number" said the Reverend "If you have any questions, or anything you want to discuss, you are always welcome to call. No preaching, I promise" said the Reverend with a smile "You'll come to God in your own time."
"This is Grace, the Reverend's wife" said Diane, before she skipped off to check on the sausage rolls in the oven.
"Hello, Grace" said Margaret, assessing the woman as she offered her hand. She was short, thin, and pale. She looked the neurotic type, and Margaret suspected she was ill a lot. Her expression wasn't warm, and her whole demeanour was somehow chilling. "I'm Margaret Davison" she said trying to sound friendly - mustn't judge a book by its cover
"I know who you are" said Grace, not raising her hand to meet Margaret's.
"Oh" said Margaret, lowering her hand again in embarrassment.
"Diane has told me. You're our guest of honour" she said coldly. "Though why we'd want to honour such irresponsible parents is beyond me. Sends all the wrong messages, to my mind" she said.
Margaret began to get angry "What on earth are you on about?" she asked.
"You know what I'm talking about. Improper methods of discipline. Wild and unruly children. And you're to blame!" said Grace.
"My children are not wild or unruly, and I don't see it's any of your business if they are!" said Margaret.
"Both of your children stormed through this room without one iota of acknowledgement to any of the adults present. Such disrespect!" Grace crowned this with a disapproving tut.
Margaret boiled. 'Okay' she conceded to herself 'Ben probably was a bit wild, and certainly unruly, but Amy!'
"My children are well behaved and well brought up" said Margaret.
"You may think so. They'll be a bad influence. We will all have to suffer" said Grace.
Margaret took a deep breath, this was outrageous "I think we'll have to agree to disagree" she said.
"I don't think I have to do anything of the sort" said Grace.
At that moment Giles glided over like olive oil in a hot pan "Is there anything I can do for you mother?" he asked, smiling at Margaret.
"I would like a cup of tea, if it's not too much trouble" she said, ignoring Margaret.
"Hello, I'm Margaret" said Margaret, mostly to annoy Grace, she extended her hand more forcefully this time. Giles shook it
"How do you do, Mrs Davison, I'm Giles" he said.
"Please, call me Margaret" she said with a smile.
"You'll address her as Mrs Davison, if you must address her at all" said Grace.
"Yes, mother" said Giles respectfully.
"And you are to stay away from her children. Only evil can come from playing with them" said Grace "I'll have my tea now."
Giles moved away swiftly without a word or smile for Margaret.
"That's my son, Giles" said Grace "He's a good boy"
Margaret did not know what to say. She turned away from Grace looking for Keith, but he seemed to be deep in conversation with the Reverend. Instead, completely ignoring Grace, she stormed off to the kitchen.
Diane was arranging sausage rolls onto a serving platter, occasionally pulling her fingers back rapidly with a sharp intake of breath. She looked up and smiled when Margaret stormed in. Giles was stood by the boiling kettle, watching the children at play in the garden.
Seeing Giles, Margaret nearly turned volte-face, but instead slowed her pace and approached Diane.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" said Margaret.
"You could empty those big bags of crisps into bowls, if you don't mind?" suggested Diane.
Margaret dispelled some of her frustration in heavy handed packet ripping and crisp emptying.
"That new boy just stuck two fingers up" said Giles, with a feigned air of shock.
"What new boy?" asked Diane in surprise, and then "Oh! You mean..." she didn't finish.
"Not Ben?" said Margaret still well stocked with frustration "You don't mean Ben." She crossed to the window "It had better not be Ben!"
"The boy sat next to Paul" said Giles pointing.
Margaret recognised Paul, and there was only one boy sat near him - it was Ben. There was no evidence of a crime in progress, but Ben was talking animatedly. He couldn't even behave himself for half an hour! As the kettle boiled and clicked off, Margaret snapped.
"I'll kill him!" she said, storming out of the kitchen. Giles wanted to follow, but he had a higher calling. He poured boiling water into a warmed tea-pot keeping half an eye out of the window. Diane did follow, wiping her hands on her apron.
Continued in Chapter Thirty