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The Urinal — Part 2 Chapters 23 and 24 |
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23. It was useless for Val to try to sleep. His mind was running wildly like a chainsaw, barely in control. He'd done everything he could and he had absolutely nothing to show for it. Saturday night, a week after Em disappeared, all he had were his darkest imaginings -- the chainsaw -- and a monumental sense of failure. He'd failed Em and Megan. The person he thought he was consisted solely of a two dimensional facade covering the person he didn't want to see. He could do nothing. He'd tried to be angry. He'd driven by Club's tattoo parlor a thousand times, sure that Club had taken Em. Last night the parlor was open as usual but only one car was parked out front. Tonight it was closed, not inexplicably. Studying Club's, Val realized how little business Club did. He must be just hanging on. Club for all his bluster and bravado was a failure. It was humbling for Val to accept Club into the fraternity of failures. It was doubly humbling to realize Club was a mirror; Val was like Club in more ways than he wanted to admit. Club probably didn't have Em. His suspicion now centered on Bob for the insane reason that Jerry had called at five while Val was sitting in his car at a rest stop forty miles north on the highway. "Val?" Jerry had said. "Yes. Jerry?" "This is Jerry. The game is on for tomorrow night. Seven at Rudy's. Bring your pennies." "What made you change your minds?" "Sammy wanted to get out of the house. We're all bored. No other reason." "None of you have seen the girl?" "Nothing. Bob's not upset. Easy come easy go was what he said." "It's a bit more than easy come easy go for me, Jerry." "Is there anything I can do?" Val thought for a moment. "Just keep your eyes and ears open." "We're already doing that. Are you coming tomorrow?" "I'll be there." "Good." "Jerry?" "What?" "No surprises, okay? If you have the girl, I'd rather you told me now." "No surprises. Just a simple poker game. Val, if we had the girl, we'd tell you. Believe me." "I believe you, Jerry. I'm not so sure about Bob and Frank." "They're your friends, Val." "I know." "We'll see you tomorrow." "Thanks." Jerry hung up and Val started the car and drove back to town. Town was a place with a half a million souls, too large for one person to search. Then there was the state, region and country. Em could literally be almost anywhere. Val knew where she wasn't. Val sat up, turned on the room light and checked the clock. Almost four. He'd been stewing in his juices four hours. A fifth of cheap scotch sat on the dresser. He poured an inch into a plastic cup and carried it back to bed. Last weekend he'd collapsed and been asleep by this time and Em might already have been gone. Val wished he could pray. He said prayers but he didn't think anyone listened. He prayed he would become a better person. He prayed he wouldn't be burned when he played with fire. He prayed Megan would understand and not force him with ultimatums. His prayers did as much as if he prayed for the characters in a movie. The script was already written, the film shot and in the can. His prayers could change nothing. He prayed Em and Megan were happy. Safe was a relative term. Neither had been safe with him by most standards. He wanted Em to laugh and laugh. He wanted to watch her face light up but that was probably never going to happen. He had seen it, knowing Em had changed him. Not made him better, that wasn't possible. The scotch was awful and left a sour aftertaste. He finished the cup, set in on the table and reached for the light switch. There was a knock on the door. Urgent. Again, louder. He froze for a second, jumped up and wrapped a towel around himself. It was a cheap tiny bath towel and the ends didn't even meet. A woman stood in the doorway. "I'm cold. Could I stay here for a while." She was short, had a square face with a broad nose, brushed her hair from her face in a jerky movement with the hand holding a cigarette. He let her in. She sat on the corner of the bed. "I saw your light on. It's too cold out there, you know?" She smiled, was missing a tooth in front. Val got his clothes and dressed in the bathroom. When he came out she was dropping ashes into the ashtray by the TV. "Is it okay if I stay for a while? We can do it if you want." "What's the matter?" She carried the ashtray back to the bed. "Roger has a whore from The Rocking Horse with him so I have to wait out there until they're done. It wouldn't be so bad but it's cold tonight." She glanced at Val. "Roger and me go back a ways, understand each other. He wants a piece of ass that looks better than me, that's okay." She shrugged. "We live in a room across the," she couldn't find the word. "Over there. Okay if I look out your curtains? I can go back when she leaves." "Sure." Val saw her lift the curtain, drop it, light another cigarette. "He opens the window when I can go back. I'd do anything to get high." She turned to him and smiled. "You're not bad looking." "Thanks." He poured her an inch of scotch and handed her the plastic cup. "Let me warm up for a moment and I'll give you a great blowjob." She drank the scotch, handed him the cup and went back by the window. "You don't need to do anything." He gave her the cup with another inch of scotch. "Aren't you joining me?" "I had mine just before you knocked." "It's not friendly to let someone drink alone." She smiled when he poured scotch into his cup. "Cheers," he said. "Cheers to you too. I'm warm now." "Good. But really I'm happy. I've been holding a wake tonight. A blowjob wouldn't be proper." "A wake? What's that?" "When someone passes people stay up, talk and drink. In their memory." "Someone you know die?" "Not die. Two friends have left to go on to do other things. You know how it is." "Roger's the only one who's stood by me. I don't know what I'd do if he left me." "You love him?" "I'm not sure it's that. It's just that we were made for each other. That may be love. I wouldn't know. Could I have another?" Val poured an inch in her cup. "You see me sometime, remind me I owe you." She grinned, her tongue pushing through the gap in her teeth. "I mean it. No one else would have opened their door here and I didn't feel like standing out on the street, you know?" She checked the curtain. "I think the whore is leaving." She turned to him. "You've been here a few days." "A week. I was looking for a girl." "For fifteen fun minutes, you found her." Again the grin. She lit a cigarette. "I would have died without these." "A woman was here with me last weekend. She disappeared." "The window's open. I can go back. Thanks." She dropped the curtain. Val dug a flyer out of his bag. "Maybe you've seen her?" She looked, shook her head. "Sorry. I hope you find her. Is she the one we're holding the wake for?" He nodded, tossed the flyer on the bed. "Did you see anything last Saturday night?" "Here?" She stood by the door. "Late Saturday night. Say around six, earlier or maybe later in the morning." "I did see someone. Roger was mad at me, nearly gave me a black eye. I couldn't help it. Sometimes I do okay, sometimes I don't, you know?" She stared at him. "So I was under the staircase over there, waiting for him to cool off. He'll be in a good mood after the whore." "Doesn't it make you jealous?" She shook her head. "Why should it? If I were prettier we wouldn't be staying here. It's not his fault." "What did you see?" "I saw someone walk away to the street, carrying a bag. They looked funny, like their skin was blotchy. I don't think it was clothes." "Was she alone?" "She was alone. She got a ride I think. I didn't think it was important." "It may not have been. What time?" "The sun was coming up. I think it was Saturday night. I better go." "Take the bottle. You and Roger have a good time. Thanks for joining me in my wake." She held the bottle, stood in the open door. "I didn't want to make you cry, mister." He smiled. "I have terrible allergies." She stared at him for a moment. "Thanks for the bottle. You'll remember?" "I'll remember." "Good." She shut the door. 24. Val won the last game because they cheated. He knew enough about poker now to see that they were cheating. That didn't make any difference. The bit about the men's room having plumbing problems -- he needed to use the little heifers as Bob put it with his grin -- let him know they were setting him up again. He didn't think they had Em, he was sure she was gone. But he couldn't be absolutely sure about anything anymore. Dave's right hand was bandaged and there was an in joke, they were all making asides to one another like a bunch of little kids. Everyone deferred to Sammy who was the runt of the group. That was different. Usually Bob and Frank pretty much ran everything. "You won again," Dave said. "You're a lucky guy." Val looked at their grinning faces. "I don't think luck has anything to do with it." "Three of a kind. Highest hand of the game," Jerry said. His bald head was shiny in the dim light. Val let that pass. "Do you think Tommy D. will let us have another?" "He'd better." Bob went to the bar, came back with several beers. Tommy D. brought the rest, pulled up a chair and joined them. Val took a drink. "Okay. What's going on?" "You know our tradition? About the urinal?" Sammy said. "You won it again." "Don't lose it this time," Bob said. "It wasn't his fault," Jerry said. "Besides, he knows better." Frank stood. "Sit down," Sammy said. Bob grinned at Dave. "We need to talk a little first." "I really, really need to take a piss, sir," Bob said. "So do I," Frank said. Sammy looked around the table, said, "Oh, go ahead. Jerry, you stay here." Bob led the rush. "I can't do this," Val said. "You have to," Jerry said. "Shut up, Jerry." Sammy turned to Val. "We're in a little predicament due to Jerry here doing someone a favor. Dave and I can't take her home with us. Bob and Frank will be going overseas in two weeks and while they'd like to help, they can't. Jerry has his girlfriend. That leaves you." "You have another." Val said it as a statement, not a question. "Couldn't you keep her in the garage? Pretend you're tinkering on the car." "The thought passed my mind," Sammy said. "But, no." "This one's a little more complicated." Jerry finished his beer. "Complicated is a pretty good word for it." "No." "She needs a place to stay. She had problems with her boyfriend." "Pimp," Jerry said. "And needs a place to stay. She's willing to clean house, cook." "Fuck your socks off." "Multi-talented." "She's pretty," Jerry said. "I'm going to get another, you two want a beer?" "We're okay," Sammy said. "Jerry couldn't say no. If not you then this guy is willing to take her but he's a bit rough. Dave had to slap him down. At least take a look at her." "I can't, Sammy." Val rose to his feet. "Please don't do me any favors." He walked toward the door. Jerry took his arm. "Wait at minute. Sammy is checking with them. We need to work something out." "Let go," Val said. "Don't talk that way to me, Val." "Let go." Jerry released his arm. Val started his car, heard a thump, and turned it off. Three of them leaned on the hood. The rest stood behind the car. Bob winked at him. Val got out. "Sammy said you can't leave yet." Frank looked to Jerry. "This is sorta a life and death situation," Jerry said. "You don't get a choice." "You get a choice," Bob said grinning. "We're just helping you make it, Val." They escorted him back to Rudy's. Everyone got a beer but him and they all went to the men's room. She wore a collar like Em's, no tattoos, knelt in the basin, chains from the floor locked to the collar. She gave him a tentative smile, wiped a strand of dark hair from her face showing a bruised cheek. Sammy pushed her hand down. "Going to talk?" Sammy asked. Val nodded. Sammy shook her head. "Don't say anything stupid." He let go of her hair. "Everyone out." "Can't I just one more time?" Bob said in a plaintive voice. "Out." Sammy followed them not looking back. She opened her mouth, stuck out her tongue at him. "I thought it was to be condoms only," Val said. "It is. Except for you if you want." "I went in Friday to get tested. I won't know for sure for a while." "That's okay, Val." "What do I call you?" "I've been known by two names. Megan and Cunt. Anything you want." "You know I don't want to do this." "I don't know anything else to do." She gave a quick, nervous smile. "You didn't have to leave. I tried calling you." "I know." "And still?" "It had to be this way." "No it doesn't." "I think it did and does." She relaxed, settled back on her heels, hands open on her legs. "Any luck?" He shrugged. "She's gone." "I'm here." "Congratulations." "I got my numbers up. Aren't you proud?" "Tremendously. With my friends even." "They're good friends, Val. I called Jerry. I told him what I wanted. They've given me that. They sold me to Club, for use of my ass and cunt." She touched her cheek. "Nice bruise." "Isn't it? It'll go wonderfully with your decor. I'll fit right in -- used, only slightly bruised." "Club hit you?" "After paying them five hundred dollars." "Was it worth it?" "For me, yes, it was worth it. For him, I'm not so sure. Your friends didn't like me getting hit. Sammy broke just about every finger in Club's hand. He won't be doing tattoos for a while." "And if I say no." "I go to the highest bidder. Bob knows some people near Boston who accept such merchandise." "Trust Bob to know." "I trust Bob. I trust all of them. I trust you." "What about your thesis?" "You care?" "Not really, Megan." "Not Cunt?" He shook his head. He was assaulted by intense emotions which clouded his thinking. He wanted to leave, he wanted to stay and talk with her. He wanted to install her in his apartment; he wanted nothing to do with her. "Too bad, Val. I think I would have been good for you, as you were good for me." "I wasn't good for you." "Say Cunt. Just once. For old times sake." He shook his head. "We could have great sex, great arguments. I'll let you win now and again." She grinned. "I can't help but remember our dinner at Chi Chi's. How young you are." "Not that much younger than you, Val. I remember you telling me to take my underwear off. I hadn't worn panties for years. Like O." "I'm not René or Sir Stephen." "Better." He shook his head. "That night in your bathtub, my nipples chained to the faucets. You were the first to know what I wanted." He shook his head. "You won't take me?" He shrugged. "What do I have to do to make that a nod, Val? Anything. Just tell me or make me. I'll do anything." "Em is gone. I can't go back." "Neither of us can. She's gone and we have to figure out a way to do this without her. Not in spite of her. In her absence we have to survive." "You need to finish your thesis." "Okay." "No more chains, this stuff." He waved his hand at her. She shook her head. He turned and walked to the row of sinks. He ran cold water, splashed his face. In the mirror he could see her looking at him. "Say Cunt, Val. Call me by the name you gave me. Please." He shook his head. "I won't go away, Val. Em was tied to an act, not to people. Not to any one person. She was tied to being a particular person. I'm not like her. I'm tied to you, willing to be tied by you. You can do what you want with me or to me. You can keep me or you can abandon me. I think you love me. I love you. I won't be easy to lose unless you want me gone. Say Cunt." He shook his head, turned to her. He opened his mouth to speak, couldn't. He'd loved Em and lost her. He knew he'd lose Megan, he'd already lost her. She was so beautiful, there, on her knees, waiting for him to say something. He knew her body, was beginning to know the convolutions to her thinking. She smiled at him. It hurt to love. It must be killing her not to talk right now. He smiled back. It hurt. "Cunt has been good. It's time to go home."
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