dcs

Hawk Boy
Memoirs of a Child Porn Star
by Trevor Hawk, with Hubert Z. Fletchly

My first week – Part 3, cont.

Chapter 34
Yvgenia

Trevor and Linda take their ten-minute break. Trevor is led to a break room in the clinic, where he meets a sad looking naked girl named Yvgenia. He learns about her health problems and decides to try to cheer her up. She helps him decide on his housing too.

The snacks they had in the clinic cafeteria weren't what I was used to calling snacks. There were carrots, apples, granola bars, orange juice, skim milk, peanut butter, and whole grain bread with no toaster. No sweets, no fizzy drinks, and no crisps. (That's what people in the UK call potato chips.) I decided to take some peanut butter and dip a carrot in it. I liked peanut butter, but most of the kids I knew thought it was nasty. I didn't know what a carrot would taste like with peanut butter, but nothing else looked interesting. I also took some orange juice.

There was a naked girl with glittery pink and blue armbands sitting at a table by herself, slowly gnawing on a carrot. I decided to introduce myself. I had always felt comfortable around girls. "Hi," I said. "My name's Trevor. I'm eight, almost nine. Do you mind if I join you?"

"I guess," she said softly, without a hint of a smile. Something seemed to be upsetting her.

"Your armbands are really pretty," I said. She didn't respond. After waiting in silence, I asked, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said softly, forcing a bite from her carrot.

I dipped my own carrot into my peanut butter and had a bite. It wasn't bad really. The carrot was surprisingly juicy, and the flavor was very sweet. "What's your name?" I asked.

"Yvgenia," she said softly. "I'm nine." "Do you like carrots?" I asked. "I suppose I do," she said, "but I don't like anything right now."

"They taste good with peanut butter," I said. "Try some." I offered her my little plastic cup of peanut butter.

"Thanks," she said, dipping her carrot into it. After tasting it, she said, "That's lovely. I think the food here is horrible. Maybe I should have more peanut butter."

"I just tried it because nothing else looked good," I said.

"The food in the dining halls is much better," she said. "But I can't eat the same food as everybody else now. They told me a few weeks ago that I have diabetes, so now I have to come to the clinic every day, and I can't eat what I want to eat. I get too much sugar in my blood, and I need shots all the time, every day, for the rest of my life. It's horrible!"

"Oh, how sad," I said. "I would hate that. I don't like shots. It sounds awful." "It is," she said. "They're making me take time away from working here. I can't act or fluff or anything, and they won't tell me when I can start again."

"Why would they make you stop working?" I asked.

"Because they say I am having emotional problems now because of my diabetes."

"I didn't know diabetes caused that too," I said. "I had a friend at my old school who had diabetes too, and she said it just makes your blood sugar high, and sometimes low, and that when you get old it can cause all sorts of problems, but she didn't say it could cause emotional problems too."

"I don't like having it," she explained, "and I hate it, and I want it to go away! They say that's what's causing my emotional problem. I don't get it."

"That doesn't sound right," I said. "Of course you hate it. It must be horrible to have so many shots. I would hate it and want it to go away too."

We both dipped our carrots in the peanut butter and had another bite. "Your name is Yvgenia? That sounds Greek or something. Are you Greek?" I asked.

She almost giggled, but not quite, and answered, "No. Yvgenia is a Russian name. I was born in Russia, but we moved to London when I was three."

"Oh, I have two friends from Russia," I said, "Boris and Sebastian, and they're lovely!"

"You know Sebastian?" she asked, perking up a bit. I smiled and nodded. "Oh yes, he is lovely, and so very sweet! We talk a lot when we are on the set. He's a nice friend to have."

"You sound as if you could really use friends right now," I said. "Cheerful friends. Sebastian is the most cheerful person I know."

She looked at me with a smile and said, "Well you're pretty cheerful too, Trevor. Are you in residence here?"

"In residence?" I asked. "Oh, you mean do I live here?" She nodded. "Not yet, but I'll probably be moving in to one of the apartments or a dorm very soon. Do you live here?"

"Yes I do," she said. "I live in one of the big mixed dorm rooms with eight beds, but three of them are empty now because two of the boys went home for summer holidays and one girl named Jillian turned sixteen and moved to an adult apartment. She could have stayed if she wanted because she was already living there, but when you turn sixteen you're allowed to live with the adults. The two boys who went home are brothers, and they were talking about getting an apartment together too. It's brilliant when we have eight people living there! You always have a friend. We're like brothers and sisters, only we don't fight as much." "I have to decide whether to have an apartment or live in the dorms," I said. "The apartments are so nice, and so big!"

"I lived in an apartment when I first moved in here," she said, "and I loved it! But then I spent so much time alone. I like to listen to music and dance by myself, and I was learning to cook, but not many kids came to visit me. I always had to go to the dorms to visit them. I don't know why Jillian wanted a stupid apartment. Maybe if I'd had a roommate in the apartment it would have been better, but it was just too big and lonely for me. I started here last fall, and over the Christmas holidays they switched me to a dormitory. I wanted a big one, and the one that had an empty bed was the eight-bed boys and girls mixed room I'm in now. It's much better."

"Maybe I should move into a dorm room too," I said. "I saw the apartments first, and of course I wanted one straight away, but then after seeing the dorms, I wondered if the apartments might feel a bit lonely, and I need friends. I've never really had many friends, but I have loads of friends here already, and it's only my third day!"

"Would you like to be my friend?" she asked. "I think you're sweet, and you're right. I need friends too. A lot of my friends are away for summer holidays. You've cheered me up by chatting with me."

"Oh yes please!" I said with a smile. "I'd like to be friends with you!" We kissed happily, as new friends. She seemed sad about being sick with diabetes, but there was something sweet and happy about her when she talked about living in the dorm with her roommates. "Can you tell me which room you live in?" I asked. "Only I'd like to ask for Jillian's bed if I decide to live in the dorms – if that's ok."

She lit up and said, "Of course it's ok, you silly boy! We're friends now! I live in room 46. It's on the fourth floor. And by the way, I love your outfit. You're a very pretty boy, and very sexy too."

"Oh, thanks!" I said, blushing. "I think you're pretty as well." Should I have told her she was sexy? She probably is sexy, for a girl. She didn't seem to mind that I hadn't said it. But Randy had said that sex is about making the other person feel good, and I wanted to make Yvgenia feel good. "And sexy," I added. She smiled a big, genuine smile for the first time since I'd met her.

Maybe she just needed to feel sexy, since they wouldn't let her do scenes or anything anymore. I didn't like not feeling sexy when I was with Nurse Amanda.

I wondered where Adrian and Robbie lived.

Chapter 35
Betrayal and Loss

Therapy with Linda resumes. Trevor still doesn't know what to make of her, or how to show her that he'll be ok working in child porn, and if he gives her the wrong answers to her questions, she could take everything away from him. He gets scared again. The thought of losing everything has become a constant source of anxiety for Trevor. Who knew that success could be so hard to deal with?

Linda collected me from the cafeteria and led me back to her office. I was full of thoughts about moving into a room full of new friends, and how I might use my room in the accessory tower building.

"You look cheerful after our break," Linda said with a broad smile.

"Uh huh," I said. "I've made a new friend, and I think I've decided where I want to live – in a great big dormitory room with lots of friends."

"Oh, that does sound exciting, Trevor," she said. "I'm afraid we must press on with our business though. There are still so many things we must discuss, and less than an hour to finish. Now I'd like to take up where we left off. I had expressed a concern about the reasons for your decisions to make child pornography films." I nodded. I was feeling better about talking to Linda after spending a little time with Yvgenia. I thought it was curious that I'd cheered her up somehow, but I felt cheered up as well. "I would like to ask you directly, Trevor. Why do you want to make films that show you having sex?"

There were so many reasons, and suddenly I couldn't think of any! What if I said the wrong reason? "Well, I guess 'cause I like it," I said, knowing she wouldn't be satisfied with this answer.

"Oh yes, Trevor," she said, "making child pornography can certainly be enjoyable for some children." She paused. It was quiet for a long time. Was I supposed to talk?

"Why do other kids want to make child porn?" I asked, looking for a clue.

"I'm sorry, Trevor," she said with a sympathetic smile. "Right now we need to talk about you and your reasons. You've said you liked it, but I want to know the reasons why you like it. What makes you happy about making child porn?"

"I really like making the movies and having sex and all, but all this other stuff is no fun," I protested. "I don't know what I am supposed to say, and I'm afraid I might say the wrong answer. I love my new life a lot, and all day I've been frightened of losing it if one doctor or another spots a problem that I don't know about. What makes it ok for me to like this? I don't know what answers are ok."

She tilted her head to the side and, I think she was trying to look understanding. "Yes, I expect that is frightening when you suddenly have so much more than you've ever had before, and then someone like me asks you questions that make it sound as if I might take it all away from you," she said. "That is very common among children when they are new to this work."

"Well… then how am I supposed to answer?" "Why don't you tell me what you are frightened of losing? Let's try a role-play. I want you to pretend I am rotten old Linda Nasty-Face, and it's my job to destroy children's dreams. I am going to take away your new career in child porn. I think that would hurt a lot. But what would hurt about it?"

"I've met so many wonderful people who would go away. I would have to go back to stupid Preston Primary. I would have to move back to Mum's stupid flat. I'd have no one to have sex with anymore, you stupid nasty-face!" I was getting angry again, but she told me to shout if I was honest about how I felt, and I felt like shouting! "I finally know how pretty I am! I know I've always been cute and sexy! Everybody else in my family and at school hates me, and they say I'm ugly, but I'm not! I can make people bloody happy!" Surely she would scold me for my language, I thought. "I'm shouting because I'm angry with you, you bloody rotten nasty-face! It's the best feeling in the world to know that others are watching me have sex, with me all naked and stuff, and watching me being fucked makes them feel good! Why would you want to take that from them? I mean something now! I have found where I belong! I have something people want, and you want to stop me sharing it with people? And I'm really good! I've learned so many new skills. What is the bloody answer that won't get me the bloody sack? Why won't you bloody tell me? And why aren't you bloody listening instead of bloody typing!"

I sat there, catching my breath, not sure what I had just done. "Trevor," she said in a calm voice, "thank you once again for sharing your honest feelings with me. I've tried my best to write down everything you've just said because it's important for me to understand these things. I'm not sure you realize that you've just answered my question, and it was your own answer, not what I wanted to hear."

I was for it. She probably wouldn't even let me do the live show now. I had ten quid, which was more than I usually had, but that's hardly the £40,000 that I would have made in just that afternoon. My contract said all three of these doctors had to clear me or else I couldn't work. I was tired of crying for the day, so I didn't. I didn't really feel anything.

"I would like to read back the things you've just shared with me. Will you please tell me if I've got anything wrong?" I nodded. "I am re-stating what you said as reasons why you want to make child porn, so make sure to tell me if anything is untrue." I never answered that question. I'd lost my job, and now she wants to mess up my head?

"Ok, Trevor," she said, "first you told me that you'd met many wonderful people. Then you said that you no longer have to attend your primary school, which you don't like."

"Preston Primary," I said.

"Thank you," she said. "Then you said you won't have to live in your mum's flat. And you now have plenty of people to have sex with. You've learned that you are pretty, and you feel pretty? Is that right?" I nodded. "You've also learned that you've been cute and sexy all your life, and you truly believe that, even though nobody told you so before you began making child pornography. You make people happy, and you said it was 'the best feeling in the world' to know people were seeing you naked and receiving anal sex, and that it made them feel good. You feel you have meaning. You feel as if you belong. It feels good to have something people want, and to be able to share it with them, did I get that right, Trevor?"

Had I really said all that? "It's true, but I didn't say all that."

"You said it in your own words, Trevor. I am trying to make sure the words I typed down mean the same things as the words you used." I nodded. I was confused, but I nodded. "I believe you also said that you were really good at this, and I think you meant that it makes you feel good to be really good at something? Is that right?" I nodded. I was certain I hadn't said it made me feel good to be good at something, but what she said was true. "And you have learned many skills, which pleases you. Is that also true?"

"I swear I didn't say those things." I'd forgotten that I was getting the sack.

"You did. Do you realize you have just given me at least fourteen reasons why you want to make child pornography?"

"I didn't say that! You tricked me!"

"I used a technique to help you say something that seemed to be stuck inside you," she said. "I asked what you were frightened of losing. You can attend school here if you are making child porn, which is a good thing. It means you won't be attending Preston Primary anymore. That is one reason why you want to be here making child porn. You don't want to lose that, but another way of saying you don't want to lose something is to say that you want to have it and keep it."

"I didn't know," I said. "I just know I gave you all the wrong answers, I shouted at you and used foul language, and I'm going to get the sack now, aren't I?" I knew I didn't need to ask. This was the darkest moment since I'd met Randy and the boys. My new life was too good to be true. It was like when I'd shouted at Randy the night before, only much worse. Linda made the decisions.

"Not just yet, Trevor," she said with her well-practiced grin. "This assessment is going quite well." Her words flew past me. "During our first hour, I told you that I wanted to hear your feelings, honestly, and if you were angry, I want you to be honest with that too." Was she mocking me? "I want to point two things out to you, Trevor. First, though you've become angry twice today, truly angry, and you shouted both times, you've not said anything abusive or offensive to me. You have not attacked me with your words. You attacked Rotten Old Linda Nasty-Face, but that's called a role play. You attacked a pretend person with your words, not me, and I'll bet it felt good to have someone to shout at when you were angry. You've used language that is not acceptable everywhere, but you didn't use it to try to hurt me. I never once thought you even wanted to hurt me. That was a very responsible way to express your anger, and young boys usually don't learn how to be so responsible with their anger until they are much older." I tilted my head this time. She sounded as if she meant what she was saying.

"The other important thing that I want to point out appears in your list of reasons why you want to make child pornography. Rather, it is a thing that is missing from your list. Your family has been of limited means for a long time." I think I looked confused. "Some people would say your family is poor, but I don't like to use that word because it means too many different things, and some of them can be offensive. I mean that your family has not had much money, but two days ago you earned £1,200. Yesterday you earned £6,500. As I understand, this afternoon you are scheduled to earn £43,000. If a boy who is eight, nearly nine, has never had money, and his family has had very little money, and that boy earns more than £50,000 in three days, that money simply must be meaningful, but when you were shouting and angry, you were telling me the things that you felt strongly about, but you didn't tell me about the money. You didn't say how it would feel if Rotten Old Linda Nasty-face took the money away. I am certain that the money is important to you, but I find it remarkable that it wasn't the first thing you'd miss. What you told me about were the feelings of other people, and how you wanted to make them feel good. You are a very unusual boy, in a very good way. I hope you will understand that soon."

"So you're not going to tell them to sack me?"

"No," she said, smiling and shaking her head. "This assessment is not finished yet, but what I have seen so far indicates that you are a lovely boy with a very kind heart, and your greatest pleasure comes from giving pleasure to other people." I actually smiled again. My chest relaxed, and I didn't even know it had been tight. "First, we must discuss how you are coping with wealth and success, and then we must discuss your home life with your mum." The relief that had just filled my body suddenly became tension again as I remembered how I'd shouted horrible things at Randy when he told me he'd written a report for Linda about Mum and her drinking. Randy forgave me, but I still felt bad. "As you are not going back home to your mother, we shall discuss that issue last. If we don't get to it before our time is up for today, I will not consider that a reason to hold your clearance to work here."

I smiled again with some relief that we didn't have to talk about Mum. "Thanks," I said. I wasn't afraid of talking about being successful and having money. Those were good things, but Randy said some kids have problems.

"When we began this second session, after we'd returned from the snack room," she said, "you were having difficulty describing your reasons for making child porn. Then you became emotional when I asked you to tell me what it would be like if you'd lost your career. Your feelings were very strong, and that's perfectly understandable. When you suddenly get nearly everything you've wanted, then you've also got a tremendous amount to lose. A person who has no money cannot lose any money, but a boy who makes £50,000 in three days suddenly has £50,000 to lose. How would you feel if you lost that money, Trevor?"

"I dunno," I said. "Bad, I guess." It seemed like a silly question to me. Of course I would feel bad.

"It's something you've never experienced," she said. "Your vest and matching undies and boots are very pretty. How would you feel if they were taken from you?"

I suddenly felt a rush of horrible feelings. I hadn't even had them for one day, and they were super-expensive! I look so sexy and so pretty in them! "I would be horrified! I would be angry! I would be frightened! I think I would be a lot of things, and I would cry a lot! I just bought them and they are so pretty and sexy on me!" "Do you remember how much they cost?"

"Yes I do!" I said. "The knickers were £600, the vest was £1,000, and the boots were £1,200."

"Could you go back to the same store and buy them again if you had that much money?" she asked.

"Well yes, I think so," I said.

"I want to point something out to you, Trevor," she said. "When I asked you how you would feel about losing £50,000, you didn't seem to have very many feelings right away. You said you would feel bad, and I'm sure you would. You spoke of it calmly though, as if it would be a simple loss. But when I asked you how you would feel if these pretty things were taken from you, the look I saw on your face told me you were anxious, and you told me with your words that you would be horrified, angry, and frightened, and you told me you would cry a lot, and how much they meant to you. But you could buy them again, as soon as you leave here today, for only £1,800. What I am showing you is how easy it is to lose your perspective." "My persept… I'm sorry, that thing?" "Per-spec-tive," she said slowly. "It's what we say if you are not seeing problems for what they really are. You become emotional when you think of one problem, and you don't become emotional at all when you consider another problem that is really much worse." She'd lost me again. "Until two days ago, you'd never had thousands of pounds before, had you, Trevor?" I shook my head. "Ten thousand pounds seems like a fantastic sum when you've never even seen a hundred pounds. Fifty thousand pounds also seems like a fantastic sum. They are both fantastic sums, so they can seem the same to someone who's never had wealth." Something she said made sense. One crazy amount of money feels almost the same as another crazy amount, only I know the numbers are different. I'd never own that much. Or so I thought. "When you suddenly own something that doesn't seem real, how can you look after it?"

"It doesn't seem real. I spent six hundred quid on a pair of knickers yesterday. How could I do that? Why? It's so much money, but considering what I will be earning today, it seems like nothing. How can something so huge seem like nothing at all?"

"That," she said, "is what I mean by a lack of perspective. It becomes difficult to tell the difference between small and large. It takes time to adjust to something like this. This can happen in many other ways too. Can you think of anything else that is real but doesn't seem real?"

"Oh loads of things," I said. "Everything. I mean everything! A moment ago I became convinced that you'd tricked me into losing everything. Last night I thought the same thing about my agent Randy. I shouted at him too, and I'm afraid I wasn't as respectful with him as I was with you."

"Tell me more about that please, Trevor," she said. "When you say it's everything that doesn't seem real, what are you talking about, and what happens when you think it isn't real?" "Well, it's just everything. Everything that's happened these three days. Meeting Randy, meeting Boris and Sebastian, having a lot of sex, making child porn, feeling pretty, feeling sexy, having a pack of money, being free from my school… everything in my life! It's all unbelievable sometimes. All of that seems unreal, but it is real."

"Go on," she said. "What happens when you think it isn't real? Or what sort of thing might make you think it isn't real?"

"I guess it's like it's all a great big wind-up," I said. "It's like you said. I've never lost anything this important because I've never had anything this important. Boys like me don't suddenly become important and rich and famous. So maybe it is real, or it could be real, but when it feels like it's not real, it feels like someone's killed me or something. I mean, I got this whole dream that came true, but some bloody bastard's ruined it all! I'm sorry, that's bad language. But I wanted to hurt Randy last night. And maybe I didn't hurt you with my words today, but I wanted to hurt you when I thought you were taking my whole world from me. I'm sorry. But I might think someone's hurting me or trying to ruin my new life when they're not, and I might want to hurt them, but you're here trying to look after me, and Randy loves me so much and he's given me so much, why would I think you wanted to take everything away? I don't want to think like that. It hurts a lot. And it hurts people I love! It hurt Randy. I know because he cried too. I don't ever want to hurt him again!" My eyes were watering again. So many times in one day, and it wasn't even lunch yet.

"Trevor, I want to tell you about your problem from an adult's point of view. Sometimes I will help the adult psychologist by doing intake assessments on our adult actors, and they have the same exact problem you've just described, but I've never heard a single one of them describe it so clearly. You have to understand a thing before you can describe it well, and you understand your problem very well, far better than most adult actors I've assessed. This problem affects everyone who is new to wealth and fame. Perhaps adults struggle even more than children. As the pediatric psychologist, I have to watch children closely if they don't understand this problem, and that means a lot of work, and a lot of very sad children every autumn when the new ones come in.

"But that's not our concern today. What do you think you can do to make this problem better?" "Not hurt anyone anymore," I said. "Do you remember what you felt like just before you lashed out at Randy last night, or just before you lashed out at Rotten Old Linda Nasty-Pants?"

I thought for a moment. "I guess it was like there was an alarm in my head, and I was frightened. That only lasted a few seconds. Then I became angry. I mean really angry, like I wanted to hurt someone because they were suffocating me, and if I didn't hurt someone, then the world would end and I would die or something horrible. Like when you told me I had answered your question a bunch of times, that was like an alarm. I was afraid that you'd tricked me into giving you the wrong answers and that you were just going to take everything away. Then a few seconds later, I was convinced that really was what you were doing, and I was angry. I wanted to hurl you out of the window so you couldn't make a bad report about me and I wouldn't lose my new child porn job. I think that's what happened."

"Trevor," she said, "I'm afraid it's time for us to end. We both need lunch. But I'm afraid I must give you a second assignment." Ugh. "In addition to asking Annie if he fears doing something that might ruin things between the two of you, I want you to think about the alarm you just described to me. When you hear a fire alarm in school, everybody has a plan. You all leave the building in an orderly manner, and you gather at a certain place so your teacher can make sure you are all there. I want you to make up your own plan for your fear-of-losing-everything alarm. I want you to write down how you know when the alarm is going off, and I want you to write certain steps to stay safe and to keep the people you love safe from your outbursts, in case they might be hurtful. I will give a note to your agent Randy with this assignment, and if you like, you can ask him for help, because he's been through this with you already. If you like, you can also drop by the school when you have time and ask one of the tutors for help. Remember, recognizing the alarm is most important. If you don't come up with much of a plan, that's ok. We'll talk next week."

"Ok," I mumbled. Homework!

"Trevor, you are a very bright, sensitive, and insightful boy," she said with a tender smile. I would have to remember that last word and ask Randy what it meant. "It's been wonderful meeting you, and I'm looking forward to our next session in one week. Randy will schedule that for you as your work schedule comes available."

"Thanks," I said, thinking that homework wasn't such a big problem. Maybe I was getting perspective? "It was nice meeting you too, and I'll try not to be so horrible to you next week."

"You haven't been horrible," she chuckled, standing up. "You've been a true delight, and you will never hear me lie in this room. I will also sign your release to work and give Randy his copy. I think child pornography might well be your calling, Trevor, but still we must proceed cautiously. I do hope you continue to take as much joy in this work as time passes. This studio and fans of its work have almost as much to benefit from your experiences here as you do." She offered me her hand and led me back to the reception desk to find someone to take me to the actors' dining area.

Chapter 36
Baron

Trevor meets an old friend of Sebastian's who goes by the stage name of Baron Gargantua, and for good reason. Trevor and the gang take a break from lunch to see Sebastian put on a demonstration of his oral and anal prowess with a man whose cock is the size of Trevor's lower leg.

Upon reaching the dining area, I immediately spotted Boris and Sebastian having a lively conversation over drinks at a dining table with a very tall, large, and muscular man with long, bushy black hair and olive skin. When the man leaned back in his chair, I saw the one person who would make me smile more than anybody else in the world. It was Annie. All four of them were laughing about something… it didn't matter to me what it was about. Annie had noticed me, and he got up from his chair, ran to me, and threw his arms around me. "Trevor!" he said with a smile that seemed to reflect my own mood at seeing him. We kissed, and the world disappeared.

"Trevor Boy!" said a distant voice, probably belonging to Boris. "Come sit for table!" Annie and I broke our kiss, though we held our gaze for some time. Then we had a minor giggle fit and went to the table to join the others.

I hugged and kissed Boris first, then Sebasian. "Trevor Boy, this Baron Gargantua," said Sebastian. "Want for meet you. Do scene in morning."

The giant man smiled brightly and offered me a surprisingly tender handshake. I could barely reach around his index finger. He seemed very kind and quite gentle, so I didn't think twice about kissing him. "I am delighted to meet you, Trevor!" he said in an unexpectedly soft voice. "I have heard so much about you over these two days, and I can see the rumors have not been exaggerated. You really are very, very sexy, and quite pretty. Maybe one day you will be as flexible as Sebastian, and we could do a scene together?"

"He IS sexy and very pretty!" said Annie, giving me another quick kiss and a hug. "Oh yes," I said politely, "That would be lovely. Doing a scene, I mean." Annie told Baron Gargantua that I AM sexy and very pretty! I'm not sure how to describe how that felt, but it was very strong. It wasn't because Baron Gargantua thought I was sexy and pretty. It wasn't even because Annie said I was sexy and pretty. What made me feel so incredibly special and loved was that Annie had proudly boasted to Baron Gargantua that I, his boyfriend, WAS sexy and very pretty, and he was going to make bloody well certain that Baron Gargantua knew it. I felt my body melt into Annie's, and we were the same person for a brief moment, because no single person could feel as happy and as loved as I did. I needed Annie's help to hold such strong feelings. The two of us sat next to each other.

The baron laughed and said, "No worries, dear boy. Very few adults, let alone littles, can open wide enough for me. I have met only two men who can give me a proper blowjob, and I'm not very fond of sex with men, truth be told. Having a cock like mine is not very fun, to be honest." I had some difficulty believing this, and I must have given him a quizzical look. I wonder what a quizzical look looks like? "If you have trouble believing that, and lots of people do, imagine how difficult it might be to get a decent blowjob by somebody you're attracted to. I get lots of work, of course, but it's all man-man work or scenes with women who can't really take me in, and they pretend they are getting off when they try. Sebastian here is the only boy who has ever been able to get me inside his ass, and he gets it all in! Besides, he's sexy-sizzling hot! It is a special treat when I get to work with Sebastian. You boys are my favorite, and Sebastian really does it for me."

Annie and I held hands under the table. He was leaning into my shoulder.

I looked at Sebastian and the baron and asked, "You guys had a scene this morning, right? How come you're here so early?"

"When you work with a boy like Sebastian," said the baron, "a real professional, you finish work early. Our scene wrapped twenty minutes ago."

"Boris?" I asked, "no ladyboy fluff work?"

"No," said Boris, "but is possible have part for next ladyboy movie, so happy now," he said with a smile.

I looked at Annie, and he said, "I was off for the morning. I came in a little early to relax a bit before my afternoon scene. It's a stupid scene where a bunch of littles are confused about me being a boy so they tie me up and suck me and stick things in me and try to fuck me. I don't even cum in the scene; only the littles do, or pretend they do. They leave me tied up, and that's the end. I don't know who wants to buy a film of little boys being brats, but Randy says this director is someone I should develop a relationship with."

"Trevor Boy want see for Baron G in Sebastian ass?" I was quite surprised at this question. "Sebastian thought you might enjoy a demonstration in the bath hall." said the baron. Annie sat straight upright and squeezed my hand. Sebastian was grinning excitedly. "Trevor Boy love for see this!" he said. "Annie too. Is one year for Baron G visit for London. Annie no see Baron G before, I think."

Annie looked at me with his mouth hanging open, and we had another giggle fit. "Are you the Baron G with the fourteen-inch cock?" he asked.

The baron chuckled and said, "You'll see soon enough if you like."

We placed our lunch orders with a server, and the others left their drinks at the table as we walked to the bath hall. The baron was carrying a small bag, which later turned out to contain lube, a small towel, vibrators of various sizes, and a first aid kit. He sat on a bench between the Jacuzzis and the showers, and Sebastian called me over to them as he pulled the baron's underpants down.

I had never seen such a thing in my life! I reached out and touched it, and it began to uncoil. I took it in my hands, and it was as big as my lower leg! Annie also put both of his hands around it. We were fascinated by it. "Take for mouth, Trevor Boy," Sebastian said. He giggled mischievously as I tried. I could not open my mouth wide enough to get his cock head inside. "Show for you," said Sebastian. He knelt in front of the baron, with Annie and me on either side, and easily took half of the length of the gigantic, fully erect cock into his throat. He moved it in and out, and he eventually got a little more into his throat, but not much.

"Now for real ass fun!" said Sebastian. He took the lube and the towel form the baron's bag on the bench and used nearly half the lube to cover the enormous, unnatural-seeming cock. Then he inserted three fingers into his own ass to smear more inside himself. He climbed onto the bench, straddling the baron and facing him, and slowly lowered his ass onto the monstrous cock. He was holding the baron's shoulders when he asked, "Annie, Trevor Boy, please pull for cheeks away?"

We did, and that gave me a very close look as his ass first opened to accept the baseball-sized cock head, and then slowly, but without stopping, Sebastian slid down the cock. He leaned to his right a little, and in seconds he was sitting in the baron's lap with a leg-size penis up his ass. The baron grunted and then laughed and said, "Boy, you are amazing! I can never get a good fuck like this from a woman, let alone any kid," he said as he kissed Sebastian, who was smiling proudly. A few actors began to gather to watch.

Sebastian pivoted around the great post he was sitting on so he could face the rest of us. The giant baron wrapped his massive arms around the tiny boy and began thrusting in and out. Sebastian closed his eyes, wearing a blissful smile. "Trevor Boy, you no know," he said. "Feel much, much good for ass, have huge baron cock inside," he said.

"Must also eat," said Boris, who had moved behind me and put his arms around me. "Can cum soon or wait other time?"

"With this boy's ass," the baron grunted, "I'll be there in no time."

He held Sebastian's tiny body tight to his chest with his muscular arms and began fucking the boy in earnest. Instead of screaming in protest like he'd done in the Polynesian scene two days before, Sebastian moaned softly and got a boner. He was barely able to stroke himself because the baron was holding the boy's arms into his body tightly as he held him firmly in place. A small crowd of adults and kids had gathered. I noticed the whole lower-left part of his belly was stretching outward as the giant cock pressed out against it. Soft moaning became urgent gasping as Sebastian's body responded to the massive sexual stimulus. The baron growled as he increased his pace. Sebastian suddenly yelped as his hand left his cock. His body began to wiggle and writhe, but the baron held him tightly in place. Sebastian shrieked and stiffened his torso. He clenched his little legs around the baron's giant, muscular thighs and wailed. This seemed to set off the baron, as he let out a great roar, then several gasps and jerking thrusts. He came to a stop fully inside Sebastian's ass, still holding him tight. The gathered onlookers cheered and applauded. The baron had cum, but since it wasn't being filmed, he didn't have to pull out and squirt for everyone to see, and the audience knew that, being actors themselves. (It's a porn industry secret that all porn actors everywhere hate the pull-it-out-and-squirt money shot, but porn films are a visual medium, and the viewers need to see the cum. It makes it real for them.) Sebastian turned his head back and gave the baron a loving kiss. "Love my baron," he said. "Want sit for cock all day." Then he noticed my boner stretching my sexy purple paisley bikini knickers and said, "Think Trevor Boy want turn also." He giggled as my eyes widened. Annie looked at my boner too, only he said nothing. He just looked into my eyes with a soft, inviting smile that told me he was mine when I was ready.

I winked at Annie. Then I put my hand on the place where the baron's cock met Sebastian's anus, and I rubbed from huge balls to little balls. "How?" I asked. "How?" Sebastian's skin seemed to be stretched so tight it was near tearing. "I can't," I said. "I mustn't. I have my live performance with Boris and Randy in an hour or so. I can't."

"I'll be around," said the baron. "If anyone can teach you how to work up to my size, it's our Sebastian here. I would love to learn that there is one more cute boy in the world who could take me in and not get hurt. It's like a dream of mine to be able to have sex with someone without causing them pain. You can see why little Sebastian here means so much to me."

"Is good idea for Trevor Boy stay from baron cock now," said Boris. "First live show very important, have Boris, have Randy cock for ass. Stretch no more now, I think."

The baron held Sebastian in place as he rose from the bench and dropped to his knees, allowing Sebastian to stand. He released Sebastian and backed slowly away, pulling his soft, but still incredibly huge cock slowly out of Sebastian's ass. I knelt beside them as he did this, and I grinned to Annie, who was also watching closely from the other side. I've said it before; I love watching a huge cock slowly emerge from a small ass and contemplating how deep it had been inside. Sebastian had told me that sometimes the directors like him to hold his ass open afterwards so the camera can see inside his stretched-open hole, but he never liked doing that, so with no cameras on him, he just closed normally. "Back for dining lunch, I think?"

***

Our lunch arrived at 12:20, and we had an excellent chat. Unfortunately, Boris and I had to eat quickly and excuse ourselves to get into our St. Felix costumes for the shoot. Annie joined me. We got to my dressing room at about 12:40, and there was the usual bucket of freshly iced root beer, and my costume was on a hanger near the door. I opened a root beer and handed it to Annie, then I took one for myself. With Annie's help, I hurried through my costume change, leaving my super-sexy purple silk knickers with gold and black paisley on, but removing everything else, including my jewelry and the fishnets, and left them on the makeup table for the laundry staff. Annie reminded me that I had to remove my pretty makeup too. Well, I thought, acting in films means pretending to be somebody I'm not, so I made myself look… ordinary.

I watched Annie for any signs of disappointment at my not looking pretty anymore, but he showed none. I told him about my ATM during the live performance. "What if I get sick?" I said.

"Just remember," he said, "that if you need to stop the action, for any reason, tap your partner twice, or anyone else if it's a group scene."

"But what if I see brown on his cock when he comes for my mouth?"

"Aw sweets!" he said. "That's nasty to think about, but it never hurt anyone. You can always tap out and call the stage manager over, and they will clean him off for you, and you can try again. Or not. You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You will still get a lot of money from this performance."

"I guess so," I said, but I wanted to do it. I always wanted to dare myself to do things. It got me off! But I wasn't about to swallow my own poop.

Then I felt embarrassed. What a stupid thing to be talking about with my boyfriend! I was going to gross him out for sure! He looked so pretty, and he acted so patient. I thought about my assignment for Linda, the psychologist. That would be for another time. I kissed Annie as sweetly as I could, and we went back to the dining area.

***

We met the others at the same table at about 12:50 and waited for Randy. I asked Boris about the lube he was going to use with me, and he showed me a tube that looked similar to the strawberry stuff at Randy's house, only it was cherry flavor. "Trevor Boy like cherry?"

I unscrewed the cap and took a taste on my finger. It was a little tart, but delicious. "I like this stuff," I said to Boris.

"Trevor Boy have ATM for Boris, first time, very much bonus for live show," Sebastian explained to the baron.

"Oh wonderful!" said the baron. "To be a kid again… there are so many things you get to try for the first time, and so much money to be made. Usually they don't let you do these things during live performances though. ATM… that's a lot of money!" he said.

"My agent says it's £12,000 because it's my first time plus the regular K & F bonus."

"Outstanding!" said the baron. "And don't you worry one bit. As long as you're clean, it'll be just like any other blowjob."

"I think I should be clean," I said. "I saw Dr. Gupta this morning."

"Oh they are very thorough in the Rectum Center," he said. "You'll be fine until tomorrow. They use special formulas."

Annie put both arms around me and pulled me into a hug, whispering, "You didn't tell me you were cleaned out at the Rectum Center! You won't see brown, and nobody will even smell brown either. This will be the easiest twelve thousand you'll ever make! I wish I were in your shoes!" He gave me a passionate snog that made everyone disappear.

Chapter 37
Live

Trevor finally performs live in front of an audience of worldwide child porn executives. He struggles with a little performance anxiety, but he is also made dizzy at how quickly his money adds up during, and especially after, such live events. His biggest fear is still doing ATM in the scene, but his confidence is increasing.

"Trevor? Trevor, come on" I felt a tapping on my shoulder, and I knew it was time to say goodbye to Annie, at least until tea. We stood up and resumed our passionate snog for another ten seconds or so before having to say goodbye.

Randy stood over me wearing a suit with open academic robes and a mortarboard. "Sorry Randy," I said as the three of us made our way toward the theater in the office building. "It's just, when I'm with Annie, it's like there isn't anything else anywhere. D'you know what I mean?"

Randy grinned, and Boris laughed, saying with an impossibly wide smile, "Trevor Boy fall for love to Annie!"

"No I'm not!" I insisted. "I'm only eight!" "Almost for nine?" That felt embarrassing, but it was a good kind of embarrassing. "Enjoy this feeling, Hawk," said Randy. "It's probably too early to tell if it's real love, and there's no need to hurry into love. I heard someone say on a television show, 'Nothing makes us more vulnerable than when we love someone. We can be hurt very easily.' Being in love with someone can bring more joy than anything else in life, but we have to be patient. If it's true love, it will become obvious in time. For now, I think you should enjoy it for what it is. You feel extremely happy when you are with Annie, so happy that it might not feel real sometimes." I remembered my session with Linda again. That was a frightening thought. If something feels unreal, will I push it away to make it seem more normal to me, even if it makes me lonely?

"I feel really super-extremely happy with him, and yeah it is real!" I did not shout this. I simply stated it with emphasis, and with a big smile.

***

There was one very large dressing room attached to a room they called the green room, and the three of us, Randy, Boris, and me, had gathered in the green room. Randy had brought copies of our script again to make sure we all knew what to do and when. A man knocked on the open green room door and announced, "Thirty minutes, we are at thirty minutes please."

"Thirty minutes, thank you," called Randy and I. Randy told me that in a case where there was one person in charge when someone knocked on the door with a time call, only the person in charge had to respond. There were different rules for everything, it seemed.

"Are you a little nervous, Hawk?" Randy asked me. I nodded. The truth was that I was worried I might get sick in the green room before we went out on stage.

I crawled onto his lap. "What if I can't go through with this?" I asked Randy.

"Then you can't go through with it, Hawk. Everyone in the audience, including Mr. Eastman, knows there are certain risks when children are involved, especially during live performances. But you know what? Mr. Eastman really knows what he is doing, and I know you, Hawk. Of course you have a few nerves, but you will be fine. We have seen really cute, sexy young boys come and go. You are not the only sexy cutie we've seen. But you have something far beyond cuteness and sexiness. You love the thrill of pleasing people, of pushing your own limits to bring people pleasure. That's all you're doing here, something you already love." He gave me a kiss and held me in his arms.

There was another knock on the open door. It was a man whom Randy introduced to me as Rick, the stage manager for this performance. Randy chatted with Rick for a minute, then Rick went away and Randy picked me up and put me on his lap again.

"Hawk," he said, "they have another offer. It's a request from one of the audience members, and it could make you another £20,000 for this scene. I think you'll find this very easy too." I stared at him wide-eyed. How much money did these people have? "Eastman told some of the foreign distributors about the fun little film we made last night. He told them about your ability to deep throat. Do you think you could do that again for this performance?" he asked. "I think so," I said, "but how's that worth £20,000?"

"It's not," he said. "Deep throat qualifies you for K & F bonus of £1,000 normally, but for the live show that means you will get £4,000 for doing it on Boris."

"Can I practice on him first? I mean, without losing the ATM bonuses?"

"Sure, if Boris doesn't mind." Randy winked at Boris. I moved to get up, but Randy held me in place. "There's more," he said. Remember, you are getting £4,000 for the kink and fetish bonus for doing ATM with Boris, and another £8,000 for doing it for the first time, plus the £4,000 K & F bonus for deep throating him. That's a total of £16,000 in bonus money for ATM and deep throating Boris. But if you do the same with me, you will earn another £16,000."

Linda was right. This much money wasn't very meaningful. "So, how do we…"

"While Boris is face-fucking you, he will cum in your mouth," Randy said. "If you haven't cum already by then, I will tell Boris to suck you off until you do cum. Then when I am nearly ready, I will pull out and stand up, you will get on your knees, and you will deep throat me until I cum in your mouth. Remember to swallow too."

"But I can't deep throat you, Randy," I said with the nervousness returning fully.

"Of course you can!" he said. "You did last night! You didn't get my full length into your throat, but you did get me down into your throat. That's all they want. You should definitely get everything you can into your throat though. Try as hard as you can, ok, Hawk?"

I agreed to give it a go. I climbed down from Randy's lap and knelt in front of Boris. I pulled his shorts and black satin bikini undies down. "Trevor Boy do great for throat. Is no worry." I sucked on his cock. I went deep quickly because, as Randy had told me, we can't let Boris cum right before the show. I pushed his cock hard into the back of my throat. Nothing happened. Then I gagged, but left it in place. I pulled his ass into my face with my mouth open wide, but there was no movement, and this time I gagged twice.

"Hawk," said Randy, "You're too tense. You're giving Boris a deep throat blowjob. He's your friend, and he loves you. Relax, and you'll be fine."

I pulled his ass toward my relaxed throat, experienced one minor gag, and then it popped into my throat. I kept it there, moving Boris' cock in and out just a bit, then removing it completely and going all the way down my throat in one motion. "Can I try it on you?" I asked Randy.

"Sure Hawk," he said, just as the fifteen minute call came. "We've got time." I pulled Boris' black satin bikini undies up, and then his shorts. He smiled at me and kissed me when I stood up.

Randy had already lowered his trousers when I knelt in front of him. I pulled his boring boxer shorts down and kissed the cock that I loved so much! I took it into my mouth and sucked it until it got hard. Then I opened my throat the best I could, and I pulled his ass hard into me. His cock went right through into my throat without any hesitation. Already I was deeper than I had gotten the previous night.

Today I know that Randy has a nice cock, and it was huge when I was eight, nearly nine, but compared to other men, his cock isn't bigger than most. In fact, it's rather average. In porn, that normally means small, but a man with a rather average cock can find a lot of work in child porn because men with bigger cocks simply can't fit into the smaller holes in the little actor. It looks amazing when an average size man fucks a little ass - much better than when a huge cock only gets as deep as its head. I'm telling you this now because it puts what happened next into perspective.

Randy's cock had gone in deeper than ever, but it was stuck again. I backed off and said, "You push it in, Randy. Hold my head and push it in hard. I can't get it all the way."

He smiled at me and said, "Ok Hawk, but tap out if this hurts. Sometimes having a little help can be all you need." I relaxed as much as I could, which was much easier when I let Randy do the work. Already I could feel it going in much deeper. Soon I felt Randy's belly against my nose, then my upper lip. He stopped thrusting and remained still. "Hawk," he said, "do you see this? I am all the way inside you, balls deep. Congratulations!" So that was the secret, to relax while he did the work. Boris grabbed his cell phone and filmed a close-up of my mouth as Randy slowly and dramatically backed his big man cock out. I kept my mouth wide open, and he made sure he moved slowly. I love that clip that Boris took that day. The video record of the first time I completely deep throated a man at age eight almost nine is something I treasure.

***

"Five minutes please, five minutes." Randy and Boris were both back in costume, and I had a real surprise waiting for Mr. Eastman and the rest of the audience! For the first time all day, I wasn't worried about how things would go. In fact, I was excited about everything!

Boris and Randy thought it would be a good idea to open me up before the scene so Boris could be rougher with me as the scene started. I agreed, and Boris pulled down my shorts and worked one finger, and then two into my ass. There were plenty of dildos around, and he grabbed a soft one that was slightly larger than Randy's cock and inserted it in me.

Just then, another knock at the door announced the arrival of the hair and makeup woman. "Clarice!" said Randy, kissing her. She was a black woman with a heavy Caribbean accent. Her hair was done up in a very complex style that made her look a bit like a tulip. "It's been a long time! You know Boris, of course," he said as she kissed Boris, "and here is our new star, Trevor Hawk."

"Oh, in a world of goodness and beauty! Look at de bwah!" she said, leaning down hungrily to kiss me. I didn't quite know what to think of this strange woman who, in a second, had my cap off and was brushing my hair while I had a big dildo in my ass. "Such pretty hair, such lovely eyes has he! Mah sweet bwah," she said, "Clarice gwine to give you a little eye makeup. You look so beautiful, and me want Mr. Eastman and all of his hoity-toity friends to see such lovely eyes." I could have used my own eye makeup, but Clarice was the professional, so I stood in silence. "What de matter wit de bwah, Randy? De big cat has eaten him tongue?"

"Oh, no Ma'am," I said, "It's just, I've got a… I mean, Boris was getting me ready for the scene."

"Ma'am?" she said, backing off slightly. "Ma'am is someting you call de queen! My name is Clarice, you sweet bwah!"

"I'm sorry, Clarice," I said.

"Me know my coming on strong," she said, "but you little bwahs make my smile, and me forget myself. There," she said, finishing with her mascara and just a small amount of eyeliner, "You not only beautiful now. You angel-perfect!" She leaned in and kissed me before moving on to Boris to brush his hair.

I was not expecting the odd sensation I felt the moment Clarice had kissed me. She was a very pretty black woman, as pretty as any woman could be, I suppose (no woman could ever be pretty like my Annie), and like so many black people I'd met from Caribbean or African families, she had large, full lips. That was not at all unusual to me, and she used her big, yummy lips to make herself look even prettier, adding a dark cherry sort of glossy lipstick. But it was only then that I realized I had never kissed a black person who had such full lips. They were far softer than I'd expected. They completely covered my own lips, even with her mouth closed as it was. I liked her soft lips. It was as if my lips were snuggling into a pillow. I decided I would try to find more black boys to kiss and play with. I wondered if their full, soft lips would feel better on my cock too. Maybe, since I was getting good at opening my ass, I could go with Sebastian to America some time and work in BBC (big black cock) scenes. Imagine if I could deep throat and do extreme anal like Sebastian - the work I could get, and the fun I could have! When I bottomed, I always felt the best when the boy's or man's cock was as big as I could get inside me. I thought of the ass orgasm a BBC would give me! Then I thought of Baron Gargantua, and my thoughts settled a bit. I didn't know if I would ever like that.

"You de older bwah in dis scene," she said to Boris, "a bit mean me tink. No sweet eyes for you, bwah," she said, kissing him. She added a sort of thin layer of black powder around his eyes, which had the effect of making him more dark and shadowy, and a little more scary to me. He was the mean big kid in the scene, so I thought that looked like a good idea. I knew what a sweetie Boris really was.

She threw a large towel around Randy's neck to cover his robe before dabbing powder over his face. "What my be tellin you bout dat oily skin of yours Randy! You never listen to poor Clarice!" She quickly added lines to his forehead and sharp, angled peaks to his eyebrows. "De nasty ol schoolmaster! Now you look de part!" She took off his mortarboard and gave his hair a good going-over before kissing him. Then she went around all of us and cleaned her lipstick off our lips before saying goodbye, and "break a leg, but not one of your own! You listen to Clarice now!"

***

"Places please! We are at places," said Rick's voice as he knocked on the open door. We filed out of the green room, and I felt a rush of excitement. A live audience, a new trick for me to do for extra money, a live audience, enough money to buy the whole Gold Boys of Chelsea store, getting fucked in front of a live audience, getting to play with Boris and Randy for the first time at Frenetic, and having a live audience to cheer us on! I knew everything would be just fine.

Stage hands met us with flashlights and guided us across the darkened stage. The curtain was down. It was a thrust stage, which meant that there was a whole stage area behind the curtain, and there was a portion of the stage that jutted out into the audience seating area. This stage was very low, maybe two feet above the floor, so the audience members could see all of the action. There were only three rows of seats rising up at a steep angle. Behind the curtain was the corridor set from St. Felix Academy that Adrian and I had shot my first scene in.

I took my place at stage center, behind the curtain, holding my satchel. Randy stood in the wing (which is the area just offstage), stage right, and Boris was in the wing, stage left.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a voice announced through the house speaker system as the lights dimmed halfway, "Philip Eastman and Frenetic Studios welcome you to the Alain Emery Thrust Theater in the Frenetic Studio Complex for today's performance. We are presenting a scene that will showcase the setting and unusual atmosphere featured in our upcoming release, St. Felix Academy, a special school in Dingwall, as you will soon discover. We believe this release will spawn its own franchise of sequels, merchandising, and promotional events. But we know that's not why you really came from around the world to see this performance!" There was a brief yet energetic round of applause. "Our young friend is waiting behind the curtain, eager to show you his talents and special skills. He is a London boy, eight years of age, and he would insist that I point out that he is nearly nine. Do try to remember that as you watch his performance. You have all seen previews of some of his work, but he has capabilities that you have certainly not seen in those previews, some of which will be on display for you this afternoon. You know who he is, so without any further ado, let us please give a warm welcome to Boris Boomboy, age twelve, and Frenetic's exciting new talent, Trevor Hawk!" The room erupted with applause, and nobody heard Randy's introduction.

Dreary baroque music soon replaced the raucous applause, the house lights faded out completely, the curtain rose, and I stepped out onto my spot in the middle of the thrust, which was indicated by tape on the stage floor that glowed in the dark. I felt an odd sensation in my ears when the curtain went up. I couldn't see it properly because of the darkness, but I could tell when it lifted above my head because the silence suddenly seemed much bigger. It was as if the big room was announcing its presence to me, perhaps warning me that there were a whole bunch of real people waiting to see me perform, and they all wanted me! I felt like I might explode. The whole room felt like it might explode.

Five seconds later, three spotlights slowly lit up on me as I stood with my head slightly bowed and leaning to the side, as if in deep thought. Then the audience actually did explode - with cheers and applause. My heart exploded with the audience, but I couldn't let them see my feelings. (They call that "breaking character," and it sort of ruins the drama.) I let my heart do somersaults, but I kept my eyes down, staring at the floor, just in front of the first row. When the applause died down, I could hear my voice over the speakers. This was my cue to begin wandering around the thrust portion of the stage in a circle. My recorded voice said, "I'm Trevor Hawk, and I attend the School of St. Felix, the Curious. There are many great things to say about the school. The teachers here are mostly fantastic. Mostly. And a boy can have as much sex as he likes." There was a brief round of applause as the stage lights slowly began to light the rest of the stage. "But there are some bad things to say too. First, these bloody short trousers are so embarrassing." I stroked my thighs slowly, drawing a few more cheers. "And then there are the upperclassmen." Boris peeked his head in from stage left. "They can have their way with underclassmen if they like." Boris began to cross down and center. "Most don't, but some do. And I suppose I've had my way with a few underclassmen myself. Like Adrian…" My voice echoed off, and we began our live dialog.

"Hello, Trevor," said Boris, with an evil grin. He had memorized his lines, so he could again speak good English, though he still had an obvious Russian accent. "I've been looking for you."

"What… what for?" I asked, remembering what it was like when the bullies found me at Preston Primary.

"I think you know," he said as he began to circle me slowly.

Then I heard my recorded voice through the speakers again. "There are kids from all over the world at St. Felix. Boris is from Russia. He's three years above me, and he likes cute little boys. He was right. I did know what he wanted."

Boris handed me his satchel, so I had two to carry. He grabbed my hair below my cap, and I moved in to kiss him in a way that made it look like he was pulling me in. We tongue kissed for about a half-minute as he reached down to stroke my cock through my shorts. The energy in the audience was building again. "You cutie little boys make me horny. I need service, little boy." Again, I made it look as if he'd shoved me to my knees. I set the satchels aside, and through the speakers we heard Boris' loud, thundrous voice shout, "Suck me, little boy!"

We were stage center, right at the curtain line where the thrust begins. That was a position where most of the audience would have a clear view of my mouth and his cock. I unfastened his belt and fly, then pulled his uniform shorts down, revealing his very sexy black satin bikini undies. I reached up to pull them down too, but, as we'd planned, Boris swatted my hand to stop me. "Suck it first," he said sternly.

I tried to look miserable, but it wasn't easy. It was strange because I couldn't see the audience well at all through the stage lights. I was very comfortable, and I LOVED having all kinds of sex with Boris! I held the backs of his soft thighs and leaned forward to munch on his cock through his sexy satin undies. He still seemed horny from the deep throat in the green room, and he got hard right away. I sucked his long, satin-covered cock into my mouth, which caused the bill of my cap to push against his belly and settle back down crooked. We'd discussed things like this with Randy. He said that if something falls or if my clothes get messed up during a scene that I should let it be, so I did. I moved my hands up to Boris' ass cheeks. I caressed them and squeezed them. I didn't have to act to show how much I was into Boris, but I had to be careful in this scene. I had to remember that he was a bully and I was afraid of not pleasing him. Boris pushed me back and swatted my cap off. "Pull them down and take it!" he ordered. I nodded. "What?" he demanded in a loud, angry voice.

"I mean, yes, Sir," I said. I pulled his cock out over the top of his sexy black bikini undies and took it into my mouth. I sucked it about halfway down as I slowly lowered his sexy black undies, caressing his ass cheeks and legs all the way down. This drew an excited round of ooh's and aah's from the audience, who were dying for some action.

Boris swatted my head and said, "Deeper!" I went deeper, but not into my throat. Randy said I should save that for last, after the ATM. We rotated a bit to the left, then a bit to the right, making sure everybody got a nice look at the action.

I heard my recorded voice over the speakers again, saying, "Boris didn't have to be so mean. I thought he was incredibly sexy, and I would do anything he wanted without all the yelling and hitting. I wish he knew how I felt about him."

Boris began removing the rest of his clothes. When he was naked, he pushed me to the floor on my back. Then he ripped open my shirt and pulled off my tie. The buttons on the shirt were sewn on in such a way that they would easily fly off when the shirt was pulled open. It looked pretty exciting, and the audience cheered. He removed my belt roughly and ripped my tear-away shorts apart. The audience cheered a little louder. Then I heard my voice again, saying, "Great. Now I'll have to explain to the school's laundry service how my uniform became so badly torn. Again!"

Boris put his hand on the bulge in my sexy purple silk knickers with gold and black paisley and squeezed my cock roughly, looking in my eye. He straddled me and sat on my chest, his back toward my head and his front toward the audience. He pulled my legs wide apart and waved his hand in front of my crotch, as if showing off a beautiful prize. The audience cheered as Boris began rubbing my cock and caressing my thigh. I was hard already when he'd torn my shorts off. Then he pulled my legs together and lifted them, with my help, straight up and pulled my dear knickers off gently. He slid back to put his cock in my mouth, and then he took my cock into his mouth. The audience couldn't see me, so I deep throated him the whole time. I gagged a couple times, but that made it sound as if he was really treating me rough.

Then Boris did something I wasn't expecting. He bit my cock! It only hurt a little, but it surprised me! Both of my legs shot into the air, and he said, "Suck me proper!" The audience erupted again. I knew what he meant. He did not want to be deep throated, and that was his way of telling me. He did not want to cum yet.

Boris dismounted me and dragged me by the legs to the center of the thrust. He sat me up and tore the rest of my clothing off, all except my right shoe and sock. Then he lay sideways on his back, and I climbed on top of him, and we resumed sucking each other. The music has resumed at some point, but I only realized it then. I think it's nice to have music playing during sex. This went on for about three minutes when Boris pushed me off and shouted "Fuck you!"

I got on all fours, there in the center of the thrust, facing the middle of the audience. I lowered my head and my shoulders to the floor and pointed my ass up. This way Boris would be pointing his cock downward to slide it into my ass, which would give everybody a nice view of his entry. Before kneeling behind me, Boris picked up his satchel and retrieved from it the bottle of cherry lube and a soft towel from the laundry service. I had a few towels in my satchel as well.

He squirted a generous amount of lube onto his right hand and smeared it all over his cock. Then he shoved some of his lube-covered fingers into my mouth. We hadn't talked about this, but I was grateful to get a taste again before the actual ATM. After that he proved again what a showman he was. He smeared the rest of his slimy hand all over the right side of my face and in my hair. The audience went wild! He squirted another blob of lube onto his hand and roughly inserted two of his fingers into my hole and massaged all around. I arched my back and made a squeaking noise so they might think he was hurting me with his fingers. Again, he shoved his fingers into my mouth to suck the lube off, which I did. The crowd's explosion made me realize what had just happened. Boris had just given me my first taste of ATM! It wasn't with his cock, though that would come. There was no taste other than the cherry lube either. All would be well. This time he smeared the lube over the left side of my face and into my hair. I must have looked a fright.

Pow! Boris pounded his way in, balls deep, with no soft, slow entry. The crowd was cheering almost constantly now. It was no big deal to me because I was still relaxed from a few minutes ago, when Boris had opened me up with the dildo. He was also a professional. Although he looked mean and rough, he had been feeling for tension in my sphincter muscles when he lubed me to make sure I would be ok with a quick entry. He knew what the audience wanted, but more importantly, he knew what I could handle without feeling pain.

I made a show of yelping and protesting, trying to crawl away as Boris held me back by the hips. Boris' voice could be heard over the speakers, laughing menacingly. I whimpered and squealed and slapped my hands on the stage floor for effect a few times, but not too loudly. Everything had to blend together to make a good show. I sobbed out, "It's too big!" After about five minutes of this, a haunting theme played over the speakers as Randy entered up stage right and crossed to center stage.

"Boris!" he shouted, "Come to me and bring your toy."

"Yes Sir," said Boris. He grabbed my sticky hair and the two of us made a good show of him dragging me forcefully to Randy.

"Fuck your toy so I can watch while you SUCK MY COCK!" these last words were greatly amplified through the speakers and echoed throughout the theater. Boris positioned me behind the curtain line facing stage left and shoved his cock back inside my ass, and it felt like it belonged there. I didn't like having to pretend I hated something that was so wonderful. I assumed the same position, with my head and shoulders on the floor, and Randy stood astride my shoulders. I couldn't see what was happening, but I felt Randy's trousers fall onto my back. The script said Boris was supposed to pull Randy's trousers and underpants down and begin sucking him while Randy removed his shirt, tie, suit coat, and academic robe, leaving only his shoes, socks, and mortarboard in place. I had my face turned toward the audience, but I could hear items of clothing falling to the floor upstage. A deep moan and some slurping sounds told me that Boris was sucking Randy's cock on cue as he continued to fuck me. My voice could be heard again, saying, "But every upperclassman has his own upperclassman, and Boris was humiliated when Professor Christianson came by to order him about in front of a little underclassman. I didn't mind what was to come because it meant that Boris had been put in his place."

"Your toy is mine," said Randy. "Get away." Boris pulled out slowly, and Randy stepped toward my ass. Randy knelt behind me and put his cock into my ass. He pressed in slowly, though he could have gone much more quickly. I gasped and winced and tensed up. I yelped and gave every sign that I was in agony, though it was Randy, and I loved him! It felt wonderful! The crowd was cheering nearly constantly now.

Boris walked around to my face. The moment had come. I lifted the front of my body up so I was on all fours. He slapped his cock across my sticky face a few times and said, "Open." I did. He fed his tart, cherry-flavored cock into my mouth, just my mouth, and I sucked it in. £12,000 bonus money right there! The crowd's cheering swelled. To them, this was my real accomplishment. The program for the performance hinted that I might do ATM, so they were mostly expecting it. They had no idea what was still to come!

I loved the sweet and tart lube, and when I had sucked it all off, his cock was perfectly clean. He leaned forward and tongue-kissed with Randy while thrusting his cock fairly deep into my mouth. I lowered my ass a bit, and Randy adjusted so I could reach around Boris' ass to show my first surprise of the afternoon to the crowd. I pulled Boris' cock from my mouth and jacked him off for a few seconds while I looked around the crowd with a sly grin. They chuckled uneasily, seeing that I had broken character. (This time it was planned as part of the script for me to break character, so it was ok.) Then I opened my mouth, took Boris' cock inside, and pulled on his ass until his cock suddenly slid into my throat, all at once. The crowd went nuts! Another £4,000 bonus! I pulled Boris in deep, and only let him take short strokes. He was ready to cum right away, but I let him take hold of my head and control me so he could pace himself and stretch it out. The moment arrived in just a few minutes. He released my head and pulled his cock out all the way, very slowly and jacked off for just a few seconds. Then I opened up as he shot his cum into my mouth, and of course, onto my face and hair. I turned my head and stuck my tongue out to show the cum to the audience before swallowing it. This was going so well! Boris fed his cock back inside me, still inflated but losing stiffness, and he plunged it back down into my throat so I could clean it for him.

Then Randy's arm shoved Boris away from me. He said, "Your toy has some nice, deep holes. You've never been able to do that for me. It's my turn." He slid slowly and dramatically out of my cock, and I squealed softly, ready to cum, but not allowed. A hush fell upon the crowd, as if they were trying to guess whether we were really going to do it - a little boy like me deep- throating a grown man like Randy. Then he walked around in front of me and said, "Kneel, boy." As soon as I did, I found a man's cock in my mouth, pumping in and out, filling me with yummy cherry flavor. The crowd cheered again. Another £12,000! He held my head against his belly and fucked my mouth. I wasn't using any of my neck muscles, and again I found it surprisingly easy to relax while he was holding my head up and doing all the work. I pulled him in closer. He took shorter strokes, and I gagged. There was a soft "ooh" that rose from the crowd. When I gagged, Randy let me out a bit so I could recover, but I didn't want that. I had £4,000 more bonus money to earn. More than that, I wanted to give Randy the best deep throat he ever had! I was learning just how rare it is for us littles to be able to do it properly.

I attacked his cock with renewed vigor, and the crowd softly cheered. I could feel sloppy, slimy drool running down my chin as his hand pulled my head forward again. This time I pulled him into my throat, which wasn't difficult because it was still relaxed from when I had done it with Boris, and I had gained confidence after doing it during our little rehearsal in the green room. The audience could tell it had gone deep, because there was another round of applause. Another £4,000! He was clearly in my throat, but not all the way. That would be our final surprise for this very satisfied audience.

I let go of Randy's body and held my hands behind my back, which I'd hoped he would recognize as my signal that I wanted him to hold my head up and do the work again. He got the signal clearly. Boris surprised me by holding my hands there as if restraining me. Randy took over, face-fucking me as I let my head and neck go completely limp. I pushed my tongue forward, which created more room for him to enter. I hadn't tried that the night before, but I found it really helped. He seemed to be taking things slowly now, slowly but firmly. That helped me to find a breathing rhythm. I think he could feel his cock entering a little deeper with each thrust. The nice thing for me was that I didn't want to gag anymore once he was past that point that used to be the deepest anyone could go.

And there it was. My nose was against his very closely trimmed pubic hairs, and his balls were against my chin. Balls deep! The crowd roared with approval, and Randy began fucking me with rhythm. Don't get me wrong. This was not easy. If he just held his cock in deep I was fine, but the in-and-out movement made me gag a few more times. I tried to relax because I knew it wasn't dangerous, just a little scary when it happened. I was embarrassed too by all the slimy drool that was falling from my mouth, but I learned later that audiences love that too, especially if the drooling boy is being dommed.

Randy pulled out of my mouth slowly, and he and Boris turned me over onto my back. Then Randy shoved his cock back into my throat all the way as he lay over me with his legs spread wide, holding the front of his body up with his arms straight, his hands on either side of my hips. He propped my neck up with the lube towel so my head tilted back. This seemed to make it easier. "Suck his cock!" Randy ordered. Boris complied.

When you are deep throating someone, it's nearly impossible to breathe when his cock is all the way down your throat, but somehow that makes it even more exciting. I was ready to cum within a minute, and I couldn't help it. I groaned as much as I could with Randy's big cock blocking my voice. My whole body jerked as I was jolted by that orgasm electricity. Boris held me down and kept sucking! He was sucking me through it! Was he crazy? I was completely out of control of my own body. Fortunately Randy was also ready to cum a few seconds later, so Boris kept my cock motionless in his mouth as Randy pulled out. He stroked his cock right over my mouth while I lay there, overwhelmed, wondering if it would shoot on this stroke or the next. Finally his load came, and most of it went straight into my mouth, though a splash went over my left eye and into my hair. I rolled my head toward the audience and allowed a drip of cum to escape my mouth before swallowing the rest. The noise was deafening! The crowd cheered and wailed as an exciting overture played in the background. Randy stood up, but I stayed on the floor where I was. Boris laid himself on top of me and kissed me sloppily. Then he licked all the cum from my face, even my eye. (Having someone lick your eye is creepy, weird, and fun, as Annie would find out soon enough!) Randy helped Boris and me to our feet, but not until I sucked the last drips of cum from Randy's cock. The announcer said, "Ladies and gentlemen, Boris Boomboy, age twelve, and Frenetic's newest boy wonder, Trevor Hawk, age eight!" Boris and I bowed to the audience as our names were announced, and Randy took a bow when he thought his name was announced, but again no one heard it. Then we gave kisses all around, and I was so excited I screamed! No one heard me over the audience though.

Chapter 38
Mingle

Trevor and the rest of the cast (Boris and Randy) do a meet & greet with members of the audience, who tip very generously for such things as a quick kiss or hug, or even a very brief cock tug. One Japanese executive tips Trevor very generously to have his two sons (Hiro and Kenji) pose with him for a picture and other fun things. (We will see much more from them in future chapters.) However, one American executive crosses a line, and Trevor doesn't understand what was so bad about what he did. He has learned to trust Randy, so he does his best to accept that what the man did was very bad, and that he will likely spend time in prison for his actions. Trevor is deeply confused and troubled, but then they tally their takings with their security personnel in the green room, and Trevor learns there is a lot more that he finds hard to believe.

When the applause died down and the house lights came up to full brightness, Mr. Eastman said to the crowd, "If any of you would like to meet any of the performers in today's feature, feel free to come up to the stage. Remember to tip generously if you liked what you saw."

Boris and I were locked in an embrace, kissing each other deeply. "Trevor Boy congratulate! Do very, very good first live, first ATM, first deep throat for audience. Naughty for try make Boris cum early!" I felt nothing but love for that boy. His eyes were big and pretty - even his big nose was pretty to me.

Then Randy picked me up, threw me into the air (causing me to shriek), caught me, and pulled me into a hug. Of course I got a great case of the giggles - very loud giggles. "You were brilliant Hawk, absolutely brilliant! For a debut live performance too! Not one person in this room has ever seen such work before from an eight year old… yes, almost nine. You thrilled them! Smashing! They filmed this all, and we can screen it later if we have time." A crowd had begun to gather around the thrust part of the stage. "We should mingle," he said, setting me down. Then he whispered into my ear, "You've still got thousands of quid to earn." He kissed me again, and I tugged his huge cock, without having to tip him a penny. I briefly wished Ian were there, only to see how successful I'd become. I'd just made enough money in one performance to buy a home in the countryside. Yes, Ian, I had become popular!

***

Boris and I sat cross-legged on the edge of the thrust stage, stage center, back just far enough that nobody would rub against us by accident. Randy stood behind us, and two large suited men with earpieces stood on the floor, one to my left, and one to Boris' right. Randy had whispered to me that I should give any tip money I received to the man on my left. He wouldn't touch it unless I handed it to him. He was my personal security agent, and his name was Raoul. "Please form a line up the left aisle if you would like to meet the performers," Raoul said. "If you wish to ask for an autograph, you must provide your own pen."

The first person to visit me appeared to be from Africa. I guess he didn't speak English because he had a person translating for him. He laid down a thick stack of bills as his translator said, "His Highness thanks you for a wonderful performance by an extremely beautiful and sexy boy, and he requests the honor of a kiss."

I didn't know how much money he'd put down, but it had to be more than enough for a kiss and a cuddle. I smiled and said, "Of course! I like kissing black people on their big, soft lips!" I leaned forward, put my arms around his neck, and kissed the man, finding his lips to be just as soft as Clarice's, only drier without the lipstick. I looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you for the tip!" His translator must have gotten something mixed up because the man questioned him about something. I kept my arms around his neck and he held his hands to my hips until the translator finished. The man burst into laughter, taking my hands from behind his neck and pressing my fingers to his lips.

"His Highness has granted that you may touch his lips at any time it suits you, and he thanks you for your praise of beauty for his people." The man left laughing after patting me on the knee. I handed the cash to Raoul, who slid it into his suit.

"Hawk, we need to talk about racial sensitivity when we get home," said Randy, leaning over to whisper in my ear with a subtle grin. "For now it's probably best that you don't say anything about someone's race, even if it's something nice. People can misunderstand things." I nodded in understanding, though really I didn't. I decided I wouldn't talk about people's race anymore though. Randy always knew what was best.

"Holy sheep shit, it's Trevor Hawk, live and in person," said a loud man with an accent that sounded like he was from the American South. He threw down another impressive stack of bills next to me and said, leaning in uncomfortably close, "I'm Beauregard Buford, and I'm contracted with Frenetic as their American distributor. I wanna tell ya, y'all made a mighty fine show today, mighty fine!" He smelled of whiskey and cigars, and I could feel his hands slowly sliding up my inner thighs. He excitedly licked his lips and said, "Boy, you are about the purtiest thing I have ever…" He had reached my cock and wrapped his hands around it as he spoke. Raoul immediately pulled the man's hands off me and suggested that Mr. Buford leave the complex immediately. Raoul raised his arm and muttered something into his wrist, and all seemed fine. I gave the tip money to Raoul, and I saw most of the bills were actually blank paper.

"I'm very sorry for that, Mr. Hawk," said Raoul. "We were unsure whether it was wise to invite Mr. Buford to this event. He was until this moment a powerful man in American pornography, though he has a scandalous reputation. He is clearly dishonest and drunk. You will not see him again. He has been told he must leave the grounds immediately, on foot, and there will be police officers waiting to arrest him the moment he steps through the gate." My jaw dropped. What he'd done was impolite, but it didn't seem so bad that he should have to go to prison. "Frenetic will find another distributor in America. The contract is very lucrative, and many of Mr. Buford's former competitors will jump at the chance to bid. He will never work in pornography again. He will have a criminal record in the UK for sexual assault on an eight year-old boy, and in the United States he will be arrested when he enters the country for crimes related to sex tourism - if he ever gets out of prison in the UK."

"All that for grabbing my willy?" I asked, quite stunned.

Raoul looked at me and said, "Yes." His tone was very serious, and he spoke the single-word answer with grave finality. I felt I was missing something. I would have to ask Randy about this too, maybe before we talked about racial sensory…tivity.

Next, a middle-aged woman with another strange accent came to the front of the line and placed a very large pile of bills on the stage next to me. "I am wary, wary sorry to you," she said. "I saw that horrible man, how he did to you. He should have shame! But I am here for you, most pretty boy in all the world! May I have a kiss, and also may I ASK for your kindest permission to touch your penis please?" It seemed she wanted Raoul to understand her clearly, and he did.

I thought she sounded funny, asking me like that. "Oh yes, by all means," I said as I leaned forward to kiss her. She put her hand on my cock, and it was strange what happened next. She was an old lady, and I hadn't the remotest attraction to her, but as soon as she touched my cock, I got another boner.

"Oh my, then what is this?" She stroked it twice before Raoul turned to her, saying nothing. She let go immediately, giving him a smile, though I almost wished she could stay and help me work out why an old woman would give me a boner. She patted my knee and stepped away.

Next in line was a girl of about Claire's age and a man who appeared to be her father. "I brought my daughter along for the show," he said to Raoul. "Really, she's the one who wants to meet him most. She can have my turn in line, if that is permitted." The man added money to the pile on the stage, which I handed to Raoul.

"That will be fine, Sir," said Raoul, "but I must ask you to please stand in the right aisle leading to the exit while your daughter meets Mr. Hawk." The man complied with a smile and a tip of his hat to me, joining a waving usher in the exit area.

I hadn't expected to meet a girl here. "Hi," she said. "I'm Hanna, and I live in Adelaide." "Hi Hannah," I said. "I'm Trevor, and I live in London." She giggled and looked at my boner.

"Can I suck your cock?" she asked. "It's so nice, and it's really long for an eight year-old boy," she said.

"I'm nearly nine," I said to her. I looked at Raoul, who fanned the bills in the tip her father had left her.

"It is a very generous tip," whispered Raoul in my ear, "very generous indeed. You can do as you please, of course. I think it would make the girl very happy."

I smiled at her and nodded. "Raoul says we have to keep the line moving, so you can only do it for…" How long was enough? "…for thirty seconds," I said. She lit up like a festival firework and went straight down on my cock. She was good too. I wondered if Sebastian would think this made me a tip whore like Boris. I grunted and kicked my legs out and around her to hold her in close to me. How could a girl learn to give such a good blowjob? Raoul pointed at his watch to tell me her thirty seconds had elapsed, but I was in no hurry to end this. I ran my fingers through her long hair and had to stuggle harder than ever to stop a sex act. I leaned over to her and asked in a whisper, "Are you really a boy? Only I've met a fair few here who are girls but were born as boys on the inside."

She giggled cutely and said, "No, I'm a girl, and I've always been one. I just love a really cute boy, and I know you're the next star from Frenetic. It makes me really horny to suck a boy who's a porn star."

"Come now, Hannah," called her father.

"Wait a second please," I said, holding my hand up.

I turned around and motioned Randy to bend over so I could whisper something into his ear. He laughed out loud and said, "Of course!" He jumped off the stage, still naked, and went to talk with Hannah's dad.

I held Hannah's hands in mine and said, "I've got a surprise for you." She beamed brightly. "Your dad will tell you all about it. You can say no if you like, but please hear him out, all right?" When Randy jumped back up onto the stage, wearing a broad smile, I knew my request had been heard favorably. Hannah turned to look at her smiling father, and I gave her a quick kiss before letting her hands go. "I hope I'll be seeing you again soon!" I said as she skipped off to her dad.

One man put a large tip on the stage next to me and whispered to Raoul what he intended to do. Raoul nodded and waved the man toward me. Then the man unzipped his trousers and let out what must have been a ten-inch cock, even when it was soft! He stroked it a bit to get it hard, then handed me a black marker pen. "Would you please autograph my cock?" With my eyes as wide as saucers, I signed my name along his long, slender, erect shaft. Randy and others had told me that my cock was quite long for a boy my age, but it was average for my age in thickness. I wondered if mine would look like this man's cock when I grew up. When I was done signing my name, he did his best to stuff his stiff cock back into his trousers and thanked me with a smile. He made no attempt to touch me. I turned to Randy and made a similar request as the one I made for Hannah. Randy jumped down and chatted briefly with the man before he exited.

Another pair of autograph seekers were two Japanese brothers who were eight and nine years old, and they were very, very cute in their own school uniforms with shorts as short as the ones I had just been wearing! Their father had an easy, serene smile and a soft yet very clear voice. He put down two stacks of money for his boys and asked if I would mind taking a black felt marker and autographing their bellies. I looked at Raoul and had another brief fit of the giggles. I said to their father, "I will sign my autograph on their asses, but they must undress completely for it and lie across my lap while I sign my autograph. And if you like, I'll do their bellies as well."

The man looked at me as if I were Father Christmas! Well, maybe more like a long-lost lover. "Hurry boys, get undressed. Yes, undies too, socks and shoes, everything. Do as Mr. Hawk says." They were both wearing the same Sponge Bob Y-fronts that I had worn just three days earlier, and I told them so as they looked in wonder.

"Right, who's first?" I asked. The younger brother reached up to me, and I helped him across my lap. I put my hand on his ass and rubbed it as if I were clearing the dust away from an old chalkboard. It felt soft and supernatural. "What's your name?" I asked him. I made him repeat his name three times, pretending somewhat cruelly that I didn't understand, while I played with his ass, opening his cheeks to inspect his hole. "To a very sexy boy, Hiro, with love, Trevor Hawk xxoo" was how I signed his right ass cheek. When I'd finished, I pulled his cheeks apart and licked his hole briefly but deeply and suddenly. The boy's body spasmed with surprise and that special pleasure of having your ass licked out. I asked him to sit next to me while his brother had his turn.

I licked out the older boy's ass first because the surprise was gone. He gave a good yelp anyway. I talked to him about Sponge Bob for a while as I played with his soft, lovely ass. Then I wrote on his left ass cheek, "To my very sexy friend Kenji, Love from Trevor Hawk, xxoo." I gave Kenji a playful smack on his ass, and I invited his brother to do the same.

I asked if their father wanted some pictures as Kenji wiggled and giggled in response to my finger poking into his adorably sexy hole. Of course he did. We stood on center stage, the three of us facing their dad's camera. Then I had the boys turn around, Hiro on my right and Kenji on my left, so their ink-blackened ass cheeks would show up while I squeezed their blank cheeks, which were nearest me. Finally, we all helped each other with our hands to get boners. Their dad requested one more as he added more money to the tip pile. He had his boys kneel in front of me, with one on each side of my cock, and they licked me on each side, up and down. I offered to let him have a few snaps of his boys sucking my cock, and of course he jumped at the chance, adding still more money, unnecessarily, to the tip pile. When it was all done, I asked Randy to have a word with their father as I sat mournfully watching those two very cute Japanese boys get dressed.

And so it went for the next half hour or so. If this was what it was like to be a porn star, I would surely grow old, wealthy and happy! When the last of the audience had left, Mr. Eastman hurried to us to thank us all for such a splendid performance. He couldn't keep his eye off me, but he was polite enough to thank and compliment Boris and Randy as often as he did me, though with less enthusiasm. Then he said, "Randy, all the visitors about whom you inquired have said they would be delighted to meet you at the appointed time and place."

"Thanks Mr. Eastman," I said with a bright smile. I kissed him and hugged him, feeling love like a boy should have for a loving grandfather who frequently tries to spoil him. He really was a lovely old man, and a very special person in my life.

"Oh, my dear boy!" he said chuckling, "but you are a bit of a sticky mess."

"Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. Eastman!" I said. Then he and I both fell into another giggle-fest as he wiped his face with a handkerchief.

After Mr. Eastman left, I got the tally from Raoul. £47,200 in tips. £47,200! And I got to keep all of it, no commission, and in my spending account! Summing up the highlights of my tips, Raoul said, "His Highness from Africa tipped you five thousand, and so did that lady after Buford, but that girl Hannah's dad threw down £10,000. If she wanted to give me a blowjob for ten thousand, that would be enough to drop my trousers and open my legs."

Randy and Raoul laughed heartily. "You'd do it for two quid and a bus token!" Randy laughed.

"I think she'd charge me more than that!" I was confused about what they were talking about, but I didn't care. They were both laughing, and I was stinking, bloody, filthy, fucking rich!

"The father of those two Japanese boys toward the end started with £2,000 apiece for the autographs," Raoul continued, "but he kept adding more to the pile as you invited his boys to do more with you until he had doubled it, for £8,000 total. Mr. Hawk, you went out of your way, and you really made that man happy. And of course his boys were ecstatic. The only thing that would have made them happier would have been a full-on three-way with you." I chuckled to myself. Raoul didn't know my plans. "Those boys now have naked pictures onstage with the great Trevor Hawk." I giggled, but Raoul did not. "The rest of the tips were all one or two thousand each, except for Buford. He left the two hundred. I hope he saved enough to get a good barrister for his defense. Sexual assault on an eight year-old carries a severe penalty in Britain. You will be an adult before he gets out of prison and deported. It's all on CCTV." "No, Trevor," said Randy, "it doesn't matter if you are almost nine."

Chapter 39
Promo

The live performance is done, and Trevor is incomprehensibly wealthy. He is so wealthy that he can't even think about it because it's just not real, and it makes his poor head hurt. Fortunately, the afternoon is still young! In chapter 39, Trevor begins filming his promo video. The normal approach is to wander around the studio grounds to see who is available, and professional courtesy dictates that, if asked, an actor should agree to participate in a new actor's promo video. But Trevor has already worked out the cast he wants to begin with…

We went back through the green room to our shared dressing room for a good shower. I rubbed my sticky hair into Boris' belly along the way. After all, he was the one who smeared the lube in my hair. "Use for hair gel," he said. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought it looked sexy. I like messy hair. I think it shows what a person really looks like.

I was excited! Randy told me he'd forgotten about the extra bonus for being fucked by a man, so my pay was even higher than I thought by £4,000, making my total for the performance £60,000! Plus £47,200 in tips! (And I still wasn't finished making money that day.) I had just made over a hundred thousand quid in one hour's time! Boris also did pretty well for tips, considering the focus was on me. He made £34,500 total, which pleased him greatly. He had thought he might make £15,000 at most, but he said he owed me a favor, because the new star, as he called me, made people want to tip him more.

Even Randy made £5,500 in what he called "pity tips" for being the token adult in a show with two incredibly hot boys such as Boris and me. But, as Randy pointed out, he also made quadruple his normal pay for a scene, and he also made £18,000 in commissions just from me, including the studio's contribution, plus £9,600 in commission from Boris, who got higher scene pay than I did but no bonuses. He was quite happy with his takings. We all were. And Mr. Eastman was positively giddy that afternoon about how well everything had gone, "except for that unfortunate business with Mr. Buford."

Clarice came by to style and blow-dry our hair, which really meant to blow dry it and add "product" to it. She washed my hair a second time because I hadn't quite got all the cum out. The lube came out right away, like dissolving sugar. She used a sink that had a curve cut out in the side so I could lay my head in it. Randy said these were normal in hair salons, but I had never been to one. I told him Mum had always cut my hair at home. "Your mum did that?" he asked with a surprised look. "We might have to make her an offer to continue cutting your hair. You know you're very pretty, cute, and sexy, all of those things, and your hair is part of that look." I didn't think he was serious about hiring Mum for my hair. Knowing her, she would foul it up on purpose to try to put a stop to my success. "Clarice, can you make notes on Trevor's hair, and take a few photos so our stylists have a reference?"

"Of course, Randy," she said. "Me have all tings covered, but me tink me do a damn site better. You trust your Clarice." "I want to have longer hair, Randy," I said. "Boys should have long hair. It's really sexy." "You can let your hair grow out, Hawk," he said, "but Clarice or one of the other stylists might need to shape it as it grows out to keep you looking hot and sexy but still cute. Cute is important for roles as a little. Eastman will decide in the end, and it might affect your casting. For example, a school like St. Felix might or might not allow long hair on boys. I don't know if they've made that decision, but it's just an example. We want you making money and getting lots of scenes in lots of films. Eastman wants to accelerate the schedule for Robbie's New School, so filming for that should begin soon, and those kinds of decisions are being made right now."

I thought about how hot I would look with long hair, and I wondered if it would still hurt when I looked in the mirror because I was even prettier.

***

We left the Alain Emery Theater and walked toward the reception area in the office building. Laundry services had collected our costumes and undies already, and they were a bit of a mess anyway. We had planned to return to the studio building naked, wearing only sandals from a dispenser in the dressing room, but we stopped in the reception area, where a few office employees gave us a cheer. Well, it seems they gave me a cheer. Randy picked me up, sat me on his shoulder and bragged about me to the increasing crowd. (I think Randy just wanted to stroke my legs again, the perv!) After he set me back down, we chatted with the office workers and answered questions, and Boris and I posed for a few more photos. We didn't collect tips this time because they were employees. I kissed everyone who came within my reach.

I felt just a few cock tugs in the crowd, so I asked Randy to pick me up and set me on the reception desk, where I spread my legs and asked everyone to form an orderly queue for cock tugs. Boris thought this was hilarious, but it was a fun and spontaneous party atmosphere. Why not? Of course I got a terrific stiffy after the first tug. I let that man have another go so everyone could give me a cock tug while I was hard. It felt amazing to have so many strange hands grabbing at my cock! I had a few brief thoughts about a gangbang. I would have to ask Randy. Maybe next time Mr. Eastman had visitors to the studio, some of them might want to line up and gangbang me? I decided that I should talk to Sebastian before asking Randy. He had more gangbang experience than any boy I knew.

Soon Randy told the gathered office workers that I had to be getting back to work, and when we stepped outside, he put me on his shoulder again and carried me to the entrance of the studio building. The receptionist stopped us and said, "Your promo video crew is waiting for you in the outdoor sets. There is a cart outside waiting to take you there."

***

The three of us got into the golf cart, with Randy up front and Boris and me in the back, snogging and laughing the whole way, trying to keep each other hard. The driver took us to the opposite end of the complex, There was a park and wooded area there for filming outdoor scenes. There were many buried cables there for power and data lines to send images and other communications back to the studio and office buildings. This avoided the need for noisy generators and batteries that wore down.

Roy the camera operator was there with a woman I remembered from scene 2 of St. Felix Academy with their two handheld cameras. To my great joy, all of the guests from the live performance that I had asked Randy to speak to were there! Hiro and Kenji were there, so was Hannah, and the man with the huge cock that I had autographed. There was a variety of benches and other outdoor furniture, as well as some brightly colored playground equipment, including a bouncy castle! I had never been in one! I've had to watch my stupid brother Ian have fun because Mum told me I'd only hurt myself if I got in one of those contraptions.

***

The first shot Randy wanted was a long shot of me lying prone on a swing by myself, swaying slowly, and fully naked. (I would not wear clothes in my promo video.) Then Roy's handheld camera came in for a head-and-shoulders close-up, and I said, "My decision to make child pornography was an easy one. I love having sex! And it turns out that by doing the thing I love so much, I can make a lot of people happy." As I spoke, the camera zoomed out to reveal that Boris had been fucking my ass while I was talking. I allowed my eyelids to drop a bit as I let out a soft moan.

The camera orbited to a front-on shot of me, with Boris in the background. "You see? I bet you liked that," I said with a wink. "And I love the variety of people I get to have sex with." The man with my autograph on his very lengthy cock stepped into the shot. In one expertly smooth shot, Roy orbited me (that means he walked around me but kept the camera pointed at me) to my rear. I looked over my shoulder as Boris kissed the man, who was himself a well-known porn actor in Germany. (Randy had actually met him before, and he had Raoul look into his background to make sure he was still legitimate.) Boris pulled out of my squeaky-clean ass, and the man, whose cock was much longer than Randy's and almost as thick, slid inside me immediately. I gasped and threw my head back as the man fucked me slowly. He could reach places with his cock that no one had reached before, and it gave me thrills and shivers. I thought it could hurt if the man wasn't very careful, but he was very careful.

Then Boris moved around my right side toward my head, and Roy orbited around my left. The woman with the handheld stood off to my left rear for a continuous close-up of the man's cock in my ass. I believed he was a professional because he seemed to know just how fast and how deep to go. He wasn't going to hurt me, but he went in and out balls deep all the same. The way he did it felt so good!

I looked at Roy's camera with a smile and said, "I love all the new experiences too," just before Boris treated me to another ATM experience. I wasn't concerned at all this time, and I deep throated him right away. Roy and the woman zoomed in as both Boris and the German man pulled out. The woman followed the German man to my front. I looked at Roy's camera and said, "Deep experiences" just before the man slid his cock into my mouth. I could see my autograph had become smeared from fucking me. He let me lead him all the way into my throat. I was completely surprised at how easy it was to get it all the way in. I learned that length is less important than width when it comes to deep throating, and my throat had already stretched to accommodate Randy's thickness. It slid in and out as smoothly and as easily as a fine sword slides into its sheath. Perhaps this was another skill the man had developed in his years in the porn business - being sensitive to what feels good or bad to his partner, and making adjustments as needed. That's something the old professionals all learn.

The man fucked my throat until he was ready to cum. Both Roy and the woman had their cameras inches away from my face as the man came inside my open mouth, not spilling a single drop or getting any on my face. I swallowed, then smiled at the woman's camera and said, "Delicious experiences!" After the man had cleaned up and his cock had dried, I signed a fresh autograph on his cock and kissed him.

***

I sat on a wooden stairway that led to the upper part of some of the playground equipment and spoke into Roy's camera, saying, "I'm gay, but that's not to say I don't like girls at all. Most of my friends back home are girls." This was a stretch. I rarely had any friends, but I seemed to get along with girls better than boys - as friends. They never interested me sexually quite the way boys did, but in my new life, sex meant something different. It meant spreading happiness, and I could do that with girls or boys. (The boys at Preston Primary had all lied. Girls aren't nasty, and they don't have cooties!) "Making a girl feel good makes me feel good too. I did my first scene yesterday with a lovely girl named Claire," I said to the camera. "Girls can be quite fun to play with and to work with, and some of them are quite good at their jobs. Aah!" As I spoke these lines Roy slowly zoomed out to reveal Hannah's naked body, her head covering my cock. As he orbited to my left, I continued talking to his camera, which revealed Hannah giving me an incredible blowjob. He zoomed in on her face and my cock, while the woman alternated between close-ups of my face reacting to the incredible power of this girl's blowjob and Hannah's body, especially her pussy, which she was rubbing.

***

"Boys are my favorite though," I said to the camera when we resumed filming inside the bouncy castle. I was already naked, and Hiro and Kenji were on either side of me, both with huge smiles. (Hiro looked as if he very much wanted to giggle, but he didn't.) I had my arms around them. "Especially cute, sexy boys like my new friends Hiro and Kenji from Japan." I kissed Hiro while Kenji pulled Hiro's clothes off. When he was done, it was Hiro's turn to strip Kenji down as I kissed him. We began jumping, but almost immediately we fell into a pile with the two boys on top of me. For a brief moment, as I flew through the air after a huge bounce, I was reminded profoundly that I had flown free from Mum. This bouncy castle wasn't something she could take away. I wanted to cry again, but I didn't. This was a time for fun and happiness!

The woman captured close-ups of my autographs on their bare asses. Hiro straddled my face while I sucked his cock. I wasn't sure he'd ever had that experience before. Kenji lay prone, hungrily sucking my cock. I lifted my legs so he could fuck me if he wanted. He went in, but it didn't work very well right away. Little boy cocks aren't usually long enough to reach unless you're really experienced and carefully positioned. Trust me with this. So he sat down on my wet cock and lifted himself up and down as he wanked. Hiro came first, very loudly. He barked out a shrill Japanese exclamation, I think. He tried to pull out, but I held him in place, only I stopped sucking. I knew what it was like for a little boy to be forced through the orgasm, and that's not something I'd do to a boy I just met. He sat there gasping as his brother slid up and down on my cock. He yelped, then louder, louder, then louder, and then screamed. Roy had his camera on Kenji's face, and the woman had her camera on my cock and Kenji's ass. He kept going through his orgasm, and when he stopped, he shivered a few times.

I was not going to cum during this promo video shoot until I had to. It took a great deal of control while I was with Hiro and Kenji, even though I had just cum so hard during the live show. They were so eager, and so cute!

Chapter 40
Nasty

This is the second of three chapters that cover the making of Trevor's promo video. In this chapter, he challenges himself to try a few new things. He doesn't know what's true about sex anymore after learning that what his mum had taught him was mostly nonsense. How could he tell whether something was fun or just nasty? By trying it.
Trevor films three short scenes in this chapter, and they will not all be to everyone's liking. The first is a rather sensitive scene with a girl who asked him for a very special favor. She leaves Trevor a bit sore and confused, and glad that he likes boys.
The second is a gangbang with some men at the pool. They are all porn actors, and that means really big cocks. Trevor is troubled by how nice it feels to have such huge cocks in his ass. He knows it's supposed to hurt, but it doesn't. After some stretching and relaxing, all he is left with is pleasure. He knows that's not normal. He notices the same thing is happening in his throat. Is he hurting himself without realizing it? He needs a word with Sebastian.
Be warned! If you are sensitive, just stop reading when you see the names Trish and Lena, right after the gangbang. That is the third scene. You won't miss any plot items if you skip over that section. Trish and Lena ask Trevor to use his fists in a way that Trevor doesn't understand at all, but he goes along with it because he wants to try everything and become a better boy porn actor. They really seemed to want it too.
Remember, Trevor thought it was going to be scary and nasty to lick out Claire's pussy, but he learned it wasn't so bad, and he liked making her feel good. His approach to what he does with Trish and Lena is along those same lines, only the outcome might not be quite as nice. He'll try just about anything, but he will find that he doesn't like everything.

"If you're sure it's what you want, luv," I heard a voice from the distance say.

Randy called me to his side with a serious look on his face. "Hannah wants something very special from you. She still has her virginity intact, and she wants to give it to you. Do you know what that means?" I remembered learning about a girl's hymen being torn and blood coming out the first time she was fucked, so I nodded. "What do you think, Hawk? She obviously likes you a lot, and she will forever be able to say she lost her virginity to Trevor Hawk. Her father has given his consent, and she wants it bad. What do you think?"

"I suppose I've never really thought about that before," I said. "I don't want to hurt her though."

"You can just sit there, Hawk. She will do everything else. She will slide down on you and let it tear open in her own time. There's only a small amount of blood usually."

"All right," I shrugged, "if that's what she wants. I don't expect I'll ever do it again, so I might as well."

"Don't be so sure of that," he winked. He used some sanitary wipes to disinfect my cock, which had just been up Kenji's ass. "Girls can get infections easily if we're not careful like this," he said.

We went back to the wooden steps where she had given me the blowjob, and she ran up excitedly and kissed me, saying, "Oh! Oh Trevor Hawk! You've made me the happiest girl in the world! Will you really do it?"

"Of course I will," I said with a smile.

We took the same positions we'd been in for the blowjob, and she began her amazing style of sucking again, just so I'd get nice and hard. Randy said I needed to be as hard as possible for this to work properly. Then Hannah lifted her head, inserted my cock into her lubed pussy, and began to slide down slowly. The woman with the camera covered Hannah's pussy and my cock closely while Roy kept a profile shot on our faces. Hanna let out a grunt, which crescendoed into a scream as she lowered onto my cock. Then she went absolutely nuts! She grabbed me desperately into an embrace, then she shoved her body back upright, throwing her long hair all around, then another tight embrace with a deep, sucking tongue kiss.

This was like nothing I'd ever seen before. I tried my best to stay as hard as I could for her, though her flailing about didn't make it easy. I hoped she would cum soon, though honestly it seemed she'd been cumming the whole time. She screamed and nearly crushed me with her thighs. She was bigger than I was, so I was a bit concerned. She sat still, and I could feel the insides of her pussy twitching and vibrating. That felt very strange, but also rather nice, so I gave it a few thrusts. Bad idea! She almost deafened me with more screaming. She picked me up by the shoulders and held me tight in an upright sitting position, kissing me, almost desperately. She gyrated her pussy hard against my pubic bone until it actually hurt. She tried to catch her breath. When she got control of herself, she began to cry! That was the last thing I expected. I definitely preferred boys.

"It's a very emotional thing for a girl to give her virginity to someone," she sobbed. "Oh, are those happy tears?" I asked, knowing all about those. She nodded and kissed me again. The cameras backed off. I think they wanted Hannah's emotions to be hers. After sitting there for about five minutes, we decided it was time to get up. The woman rushed up to get a close-up of Hannah's pussy lifting off from my cock, leaving a small ring of blood round the base. The woman then pointed her camera at me, and I said, "Lots of new experiences!"

I wasn't sure how I felt about taking Hannah's virginity. She continued her crying as she walked away into her father's arms. She told him she was the happiest girl ever, but she kept crying. My cock and my pubic bone both felt sore after the bruising she gave me. I loved sex, and I loved the thrill of doing it in front of people and cameras. I loved sharing happiness and love with the people I was having sex with, but I couldn't understand what had just happened with Hannah. Cumming is probably the most intense feeling I know, but what had Hannah just gone through? Girls are so complicated.

I kissed all the kids and their parents, and the German man as well, and thanked them for helping with my promo video. I promised to send them all signed copies.

***

We walked around the grounds looking for anyone who wanted to stick something up my ass or in my mouth, or who wanted a fuck from a little with a long cock. We came upon a group of five men sunning themselves by the back pool and asked if they wanted to help with my promo video. I had something special in mind for them.

Ever since the first day I met Sebastian, Randy, and Boris, when Sebastian and Boris showed me some of their videos, I'd had a fantasy to be the center of a gangbang. It made me really horny to be the prize wanted by all those men, pleasing them as much as I could, and at the same time having them take what they wanted from me. I was learning more and more how incredible it felt to be wanted by so many people. In my previous life with Mum, Ian, and Preston Primary, I was never sure I was wanted by anybody. Today I know that wasn't true, but that's how I felt when I was eight, almost nine.

The five men lit up with smiles when I asked if they would do the short scene for my promo video. With cameras rolling, four of them picked me up, one on each arm, and one on each leg, and set me on a small table by the pool, lying on my back. It was then that I realized just how big their cocks were, and I was a little scared, but I would give it a try. I didn't think I could deep- throat Randy all the way, but I did. Dr. Gupta was very impressed at how my ass could take in his larger probes. I didn't really know for sure what was possible.

Randy and the five men performed a rather quick gangbang on me right there. There was a nice audience of other actors who had been relaxing by the pool, gathered behind the cameras to watch. The men each got about thirty seconds in my ass and another thirty seconds in my throat.

Adult male porn actors rarely have cocks of average size, like Randy's. I soon realized I had nothing to worry about. It felt wonderful to have bigger cocks in my ass! I had expected it to hurt, but it didn't. The last man to fuck my ass had a cock that was almost as big as Baron Gargantua's. Almost, but not really. It was the biggest one I had seen other than the Baron's. I know I grunted and really had to try to relax and push in order to get him in, but once he was in, I felt a lovely jolt of lightning shoot up my spine. I would have let out a scream, but my throat was filled at the time, and another man was cumming on me as I jacked him off.

Something felt very wrong about this whole thing. Why could such huge cocks get into my little ass with no pain? Even then I knew it was supposed to hurt a lot. In fact, what my babysitter's friend Chris did when I was six should have hurt a lot more than it did. That only hurt because he didn't use lube. I knew that once I started bottoming for older boys and men. The feeling of having really big cocks in my ass was awesome, as long as I took the time to stretch and relax. But at that age, it should have been agony. Why wasn't it? Randy was there, and he would have said something if it was unsafe, so I tried not to worry too much.

I had a similar experience with my throat too. I managed fairly easily to get even the biggest cock in my throat, though I didn't go balls-deep on all of them, only Randy and one other man. I didn't try very hard because I wasn't sure how safe it was. I thought of all the amazing things Sebastian could do with his ass and his throat. Had he been able to do such things when he was my age? I would have to ask him after we were done filming, maybe in the tea room.

Any of the men who wanted to cum had to shoot it on my belly or into my mouth, cleanly, so my hair wouldn't need washing when we'd finished. I had a cock in my ass and one in my throat almost the entire time. It felt like a loving massage on the inside of my rectum, and my throat tickled a little as they slid in and out. I still gagged a few times, and I had to time my breathing to match their thrusting, but I didn't have any other problems.

Some of the men played with my cock while they were fucking me, and two of them sucked on my cock while someone else was fucking me. This was another surprising experience for me. No one played with Sebastian's cock in his gangbang video. I thought it was the boy's job to please the men. So when my mouth and ass were full of big porn star man cocks, and then I felt a mouth sucking on my own cock, it was a kind of sensory overload. I couldn't scream with a cock in my throat, and some of the guys were holding me down the entire time. It didn't take me long at all to cum, but the mouth kept sucking. You know how I felt about being sucked through my orgasm! I wasn't actually sure the man sucking me realized I was cumming, though now I have no doubt. Those men were professionals, and they always knew.

Some time after my orgasm, the mouth sucking me lifted off, only to be replaced by another. I stayed hard the whole time, but I didn't want to keep cumming! I hoped my next scene wouldn't require me to cum, or even to be hard. My cock was really getting sore. I managed to avoid cumming for the rest of the gangbang scene.

Three of the men came cleanly inside my open mouth, and I swallowed each time, savoring the variety of flavors. Normally, when men or older boys cum in a gangbang, they are expected to make a mess all over the face of the person being banged (which I later learned is a lot more fun than it looks), but not this time. We didn't have a lot of time for clean-up and hair washing between scenes. It was still loads of fun! The men enjoyed it, and I discovered how different men's cum can taste very different from each other, some sweeter, some more bitter. I also discovered that men's cum tastes different from boys' cum. I knew Randy's cum tasted different from Boris' cum, but I didn't know it was because he was a man. By the time I turned ten, I was able to guess the age of a boy or a young man within a couple years by simply tasting his cum. Older men have a distinct flavor to their cum as well, but it's much more difficult for me to guess their age.

Two of the men came on my belly. I tasted each separately. Then I smeared their cum into one puddle and tasted the two men together, with Roy's camera following everything. I discovered yet another flavor, a little more bitter than the others. I thought maybe I should try to taste the cum of all the men and older boys at Frenetic. It would be a fun way to gain experience while getting to know my coworkers, and a nice project in my spare time. I'd have to ask Randy about putting up posters or something.

I wished I could have had more time with each man in this quick gang bang. They all expressed interest in doing scenes with me in the future, or just playing. I was too shocked at how good it felt to say no.

***

Our next two volunteers from the pool area had a rather nasty suggestion, but Randy thought it best if I tried it out. They were two women named Trish and Lena, one brunette and one blonde, and they wanted me to fist them. Randy explained that it was just as it sounded. My jaw dropped. "Why would anyone want that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure if anybody can answer that, Hawk, but they do want it," said Randy. "These two do a lot of these rough and nasty scenes. It's what turns them on."

The women lay naked on their backs on a blanket on the grass, and this time no one seemed interested in watching. Their legs were touching each other from their hips down to their feet, with their other legs spread wide. I straddled their thighs and pressed my fists, held in a certain way that they had shown me, into their open, wet, and somewhat smelly pussies. I twisted them left and right. My left fist popped inside Trish's completely bald pussy first, and she let out a high-pitched gasp. My right fist soon followed into Lena's pussy, which had short blonde hair shaped into a small lightning bolt above her clitoris. I looked up and smiled into Roy's camera, hoping this made some kind of sense to someone.

As planned, I began to pump my fists in and out, forming them into regular fists, as if I were punching the backs of their vaginas. I pulled my fists all the way out and punched them all the way back in. The women were both gasping and moaning, trying to hold their stiff bodies in position. I did this until each of them came, which only took about two minutes.

Then Trish asked me to go one step further. She asked me to fist her ass with one hand and her pussy with the other. I don't know how long I stared at her before asking, "Why?" Was she having me on? I would never know what it was like to have a boy's fist up my pussy because I didn't have a pussy, but I did have an ass, and I couldn't think of anything less pleasant to do with it.

"Master, you seem to be a natural dom," said Trish, "and I like to be controlled. It makes it even hotter that Master is a cute and sexy boy. This is my way of asking you to master me completely. I want this very much, Master. Take me. I am powerless."

I didn't understand why she would want this, and I wondered for a moment if she was just acting. She was calling me "Master," just as Robbie did when he was my FSP and I had him tied to the bondage cross. Robbie told me that meant total submission.

After her pleading, and reassurances from Lena that Trish really wanted this, I agreed. I wanted to try everything and become the best boy porn actor I could be, and maybe there was something important about this that I would need to know. It seemed a bit nasty to me, but so had Claire's pussy, and that turned out ok. I liked making Claire feel so good. She was a friend. I didn't really know what was nasty and what was nice anymore. Everything I had learned about sex had turned out to be wrong, so I had decided to just try everything and find out for myself.

Lena showed me the proper technique for double-fisting. I was to pull one fist out as I pushed the other fist in. I pressed my right knuckles into her ass slowly, then twisted my hand as I applied pressure – lots of pressure. She gasped and watched my body as I worked. I twisted and pressed much harder than I would have done with another boy or a girl. That was what she told me to do. Within half a minute, my fist poked through into her rectum. She let out a shriek, and I couldn't tell if it was pleasure or pain. Pain, I expect. I pushed in and pulled out several times until I could get my fist in and out of her ass easily. I punched it through a few times, which seemed to excite her more. Then, when I had pulled my fist out of her ass, without warning I punched my other fist into the back of her pussy, Her legs kicked up and she screamed when I did this.

"I'm sorry!" I said to her, pulling my hand out. Lena assured me I was doing a great job, and that she was getting exactly what she wanted. (I wasn't so sure that I was getting anything from this. It was beginning to feel a bit nasty.) So I punched one fist into her ass and pulled it out, then the other into her pussy and out. I started overlapping them, not pulling one fist out until the other was partway inside. Then I stopped pulling my fists out all together. She screamed again, and her friend smiled and nodded at me. So I shoved both fists inside her at the same time.

The fist in her ass went in past my elbow. I could feel all the things I'd seen in Dr. Gupta's video monitor that morning. I pressed up from inside her colon, and I saw a lump rising in her belly, right where I was pressing. I reached in as far as I could go, and my whole arm went in up to my shoulder, once I found where I was supposed to bend my elbow, and after Lena doused my whole arm with lube. I had no reason to hold back. I was exploring, and Trish actually seemed to like it, though I can't imagine why. I pressed up again and made a mound rise just below her ribcage. Lena pressed back down against my hand, and we shared a quick giggle. It was getting to be more fun and a little less nasty. I punched around inside her pussy a few times to remind her I was still inside there as well. She shrieked again and tried to buck me away, but I had a firm grip on her insides, and by that time I was also lying with my body over her entire leg so I could reach up to my shoulder.

I looked around, not knowing how I was supposed to end this and move on. I decided to punch her pussy until she came again, so I did, and she came with a ferocious intensity. She screamed like I had never heard anyone scream while cumming. But I kept punching the back of her pussy, feeling a bit twisted at how much fun I was having making this woman endure more than she could take, but then she had asked me to do this nasty thing to her. She would take what I gave her! I was in charge again, as I was in the back of the limo on the night of my signing party. "Take it," I said to her. "You'll take what I give, and you'll cum until you are told to stop!"

She shouted out loudly, "Yes Master!" I leaned over and bit her above her pussy. She shouted, "Thank you Master!" I took her clit in my teeth and bit down. She screamed like she hadn't before, "Please Master! More! Please more! Use me Master!"

I pulled my fist from her pussy and ordered Lena to put her own fist inside. I didn't know if I was allowed to give her orders, but she said, "Yes Master," and inserted her fist rather abruptly. I smeared my hand with all her sticky pussy goo into Trish's face and hair in the way Boris had done to me during the live performance. I stuck all of my fingers into her mouth, and she began to suck them clean.

"Cum again, bitch!" I commanded. I put my hand around her throat as Lena pounded away at her pussy. As I squeezed her throat, she screamed like a banshee again, trying helplessly to escape my hold. I released her throat and commanded Lena to remove her fist from the Trish's pussy. Following Randy's advice, I slowly, very slowly, pulled my arm back out from her ass. I could feel her muscles squeezing down on my hand as I neared the end. When it emerged, there was a little brown in my fingernails. I shoved them into Trish's mouth and commanded her to clean them, which she did immediately. I turned to Roy's camera and said, "I'll try just about anything. How will I know if I'll like it unless I try? It's all so new to me."

***

"You keep finding new ways of blowing my mind, Hawk!" said Randy as the women walked away, holding each other up. "I'm not sure we can use any of that in your promo film though. We want to market you as the very cute, sexy little boy who is eager to accommodate anybody. I'd hoped Lena would take charge and instruct you on the proper way to handle Trish. But in two years, this will become a 'lost classic' that people will pay a fortune to get their hands on. Time well spent, Hawk."

"I need to use the shower by the pool," I said. "I need to get this nasty, sticky woman goop off of me. And no, I won't get my hair wet."

Chapter 41
Special

This is the last chapter of filming Trevor's promo film. Trevor is getting tired of the girls and the women and the big men. He is a gay boy, and wants more boys! He is feeling crabby, and he tells Randy he will only do a scene with boys or he won't do anymore scenes at all. He shouts at Randy and threatens to quit before suddenly realizing that he should have said no when he felt uncomfortable earlier with Trish and Lena. He was tired and sore, and he felt bad for shouting at Randy again. But Randy has planned a surprise for Trevor. He has told him they are done filming, if that's what Trevor wants, but he asks him to have a look at what he has planned first. Trevor learns the difference between having sex and making love.

"I want more boys," I moaned to Randy as we walked back to the outdoor playground set. "Being fucked by you and those men was fun, that whole gangbang thing, but I'm tired of girls, and especially women." For the first time that week, making porn had begun to feel like work, and as a boy of eight, nearly nine, I didn't feel like working. "I'm a boy, and I'm gay," I continued. "Can't we find more boys for my promo? Wouldn't it be better to have more boys around if this is supposed to help sell my videos to people who like boys?"

"It's not quite that simple," he said. "You need to remember, Hawk, that you are the star, and you are the one we want people to pay attention to in this promo video. If you are surrounded by other cute, sexy boys, you will have competition. If you are surrounded by men and women, or girls, you are the only boy in the shot, and everyone will look at you. Your films will be different, but this is your promo shoot, so we have to bear that in mind."

It had been a long day, and I was tired and still feeling uneasy about what had just happened with Trish and Lena. I was becoming crabby. That scene was Randy's idea, not mine. I didn't want to do it in the first place! It was my turn to be boss again. "I don't care," I said. "It's time for boys now. I'm sick of crazy girls and big men and nasty women!" I stopped walking, faced Randy, and said very loudly, "I'm only doing boys, or else I quit! What will you do then, if your new star doesn't take an elephant trunk up his ass or whatever you want me to do next? You won't have a bloody film then, will you!"

I stopped suddenly. What had I just said? Randy got down on one knee and looked me in the eye with a kind smile. I think he understood. My cock was sore, I was tired, and I could still smell the nasty woman goo on my arm, even after a shower with lots of soap. I just wanted a nice boy to cuddle with and play gently. I needed something nice, but I was asking for it by shouting at Randy. I'd said I would quit! Now I was the one trying to take away my new life!

"Hawk," said Randy in a very gentle voice, "we are all done filming for today, if that's how you feel. We have plenty of material for your promo film. You know that you can always say no to any of these scenes. I wish you had said no earlier though. You sound a little upset, and I think it's better if you call a hold before you feel this way instead of after."

"I know," I said. "It's just hard to remember that, and I want to try new things. After my scene with Claire, I don't know if something will be nasty before I do it, and everything feels weird and different anyway. It's difficult for me to know when something is more than just weird or different. I'm trying to do everything, and I guess I'll get better in time knowing when to hold."

He paused as if considering his next words carefully. "I had something special in mind for the last scene, and I'm going to show you my idea anyway in a little bit. It's not because I want to persuade you to work when you don't want to. It's because, after you see what I'm talking about, I don't think you will let any of us leave until we've finished filming the scene." I hugged him. I loved him, and I hated that I'd shouted at him again, but at least I hadn't made him cry this time.

***

Randy and I took a break. I sat on his lap on a bench in the outdoor set, and he told the camera operators they could have a break too until 3:30. "I didn't mean it, Randy," I said. "I love my job! I would never quit like that! Honest!"

"I know, Hawk," he said, hugging me. "You've had a very busy day, and maybe you're tired after all that sex. People sometimes say things they don't mean when they're tired. I meant what I said though. We are all done filming for today if you'd like to stop, and if you're not sure, then I think we should stop anyway. But I still want you to see what I have in mind for a last scene before you decide. I think you will wake up and be quite happy with it, and it will make you feel a lot better." He held me quietly, and I think I'd just nodded off to sleep when…

"Is Trevor Boy for sleep on job?"

Boris had gone for a stroll while I was with Lena and Trish, but he was back, and he was not alone. He was with Sebastian and…

"Annie!" I shouted as I hopped off Randy's lap and ran to him. "Annie! I love you!" We wrapped our arms around each other and kissed a slow kiss of love.

"And Sebastian of liver have been for chop, hell?" asked Sebastian, wearing an impish smile. I didn't understand at all what he meant, but I knew how happy I was to see him. I turned from Annie and I hugged and kissed Sebastian. His hair was different. It was still pretty long, but he'd had it styled differently. "Want for something new for hair," he said. "Is very pretty, no? Trevor boy like?"

I didn't like it. I never liked it when people I knew changed their hair. Haircuts were something that other kids made fun of at Preston Primary, so it had been over a year since I'd had one. (Mum was content not having to bother with my hair.) And when someone I knew got their hair colored or styled differently, they didn't look like the same person anymore. I wished I could have told them I liked the way they looked before, and that they didn't need to change it. But I loved Sebastian a lot, so I told him, "Yeah, it's very pretty. It… makes your eyes look brighter." That wasn't really a lie. He was still pretty, so his hair must be pretty too.

"Like change for hair much time," he said. "Give change for viewer, like different boy sometime."

I really wanted to talk to him about stretching my ass and throat, but I had to say hi to Boris. I hugged and kissed him too, saying, "Thank you for helping me with my promo shoot. It's good that you left when you did though. That last scene got sort of nasty."

He chuckled and flashed that adorable smile of his that always made his eyes so beautiful. He said, "Lena and Trish nasty for woman sex, very nasty. Want for nasty things, not stop ever. Trap boys in pussies, and Trevor Boy not escape always."

"Well," I said, "I guess I'm glad I tried it, but I don't want to see the inside of another woman's pussy again ever!" That wasn't entirely true. I was still curious about why most boys liked pussy, even grown women's pussy, and I knew I'd be exploring more. (I'd hoped with Yvgenia though.) But I certainly never wanted my whole arm up a woman's ass again. It wasn't the pussy or the ass that was nasty, just… the whole thing, I guess.

"Woman only?" asked Boris. "Girl ok?"

"I like boys," I said loudly, "but, ok, I've met some girls who are nice, and they like to feel good too, just like boys do. I like to make them feel nice. It's just like playing with them. They're fun to play with, and it's nice to make them happy," I stepped over to Annie and put my arm around him, "but I would much rather be with a proper boy like Annie." I kissed him.

Annie was wearing short, baggy, pink cotton shorts, a white tank top with a pink daisy on the front, and pink trainers. Boris was still naked, and Sebastian was too. I wondered if he thought it was easier to have his medical exams without having to get undressed. I held Annie close. The effect of those soft cotton shorts made his slender, elegant, tan, bare legs look and feel even softer. I had to have a rub and another kiss.

Holding Annie like this and being around Boris and Sebastian, all boys, made me feel even more uneasy about what I had just done with Trish and Lena. Maybe I wasn't so glad I'd tried it? It was almost as if I'd forgotten who I was. I had promised nearly everybody that I would say something or yell "Hold!" as loud as I could if I felt uncomfortable with what was happening. But then again it wasn't all bad. I learned in the limo two nights earlier that I liked commanding people and acting like their master. Maybe I just needed to command Lena and Trish to do something that didn't involve my fists in their holes. I hoped Randy was right, that one day we could sell that scene for a lot of money. I learned a lesson, and it hadn't cost me much, a bit of uneasiness is all. But it seemed even my mistakes could make me a lot of money in this new life of mine!

This seemed like as good a time as any to tell Sebastian about my concerns. "Sebastian, you know how you can fit just about anything in your ass? And how you can deep throat a huge cock, balls-deep?"

"Trevor Boy need wait for experience," he replied. "Can do much big cock after practice for long time."

"But that's just it," I said. "I don't seem to need practice. I just did a small sort of gangbang with some of the men actors, and even the biggest cock felt good in my ass. It didn't hurt at all, once I was stretched and relaxed. It felt great! And I could get all of them into my throat easily, even the biggest one, and it was really big. I shouldn't be able to do that, should I? Did I break something inside of me?"

Annie squeezed me tightly, looking startled and maybe even afraid at these words. Sebastian looked at me with his mouth hanging open. "Is true?" He asked. "Trevor Boy have ass and throat like Sebastian? Who is actor have biggest cock?"

"I don't know his name," I replied. "I guess I should know someone's name when I have sex with him. He was really big. Very tall and loads of muscles."

"It was Peter Piston," said Randy with a proud smile.

Sebastian's mouth fell open even farther. "Peter Piston fuck for Trevor Boy?" he asked with apparent amazement. "Also deep throat for him?"

"Well, yeah," I said, "but not all the way balls-deep. It felt like I could have done, but I was afraid I was going to hurt myself. It wasn't painful, but I was scared. It was too easy, and that didn't seem right."

"Trevor Boy very unusual," said Sebastian. "You not believe for Sebastian, but think we two have same thing for ass and for throat. Saw Dr. Gupta after hair done today. Had scene for morning with Baron, then lunch we show for Trevor Boy how Baron cock fit inside Sebastian. Dr. Gupta make many test for Sebastian ass. Use for most bigger probe, none bigger, and see go in easy. Then take out, see for gape, scratch for anus, and see how fast anus close. Do other test, many test, check for strong anus. Dr. Gupta much surprise. Say for Sebastian have strange condition for ass and for throat. Have complicated name, but simple name is call by letters IAH."

"IAH?" I said with surprise. "He said something about that to Nurse Blaine during my exam this morning! I didn't know what it meant, and I didn't ask him. It sounded like doctor-talk that I wouldn't understand."

"Well, doctor tell for me IAH is for throat stretch open much and ass and rectum stretch open much, and say all of guts also stretch open much. He speak for many doctor at conference, decide this is condition, but very, very rare. Is no serious problem, but can make for problem with shit constipate. Most with IAH have only constipate, so treat for that, but we porn boys have big cock in ass, big cock in throat, many time. Only see for stretch in porn actor, but most not see doctor. Most porn actor make movie, think this no is problem, only talent, so not see doctor. Very few, we with IAH. Very few. He say maybe one person for five hundred southand, maybe even million. Very few, and most think is no problem, so not see doctor. Make hard for know how many. Doctor say if have enema often, is no problem, but must eat rough food for shit not constipate. You know what mean rough food?"

"Did he say 'roughage?'" asked Randy. "That word, yes," said Sebastian. "That means dietary fiber," said Randy. "The dieticians here will help you to understand what foods will be best if you need more fiber. Hawk, you should go with Sebastian to see the dietician, just in case you really do have the same condition. I think we should assume you do, because you are just like Sebastian was in his early days. He could take in unusually large cocks without pain, and no one knew why. He was just our special Sebastian with the magic ass," he said with a smile and a kiss for Sebastian. "I will drop by the clinic while you boys ate at tea and see what they have to say about this IAH thing. I've never heard of it, and if Dr. Gupta thinks you both have it, we need to learn more about it. It must be safe for work because Dr. Gupta signed both of your releases for normal work, with unlimited extreme bottoming still approved for Sebastian."

***

I held Annie's hand and walked him over to the wooden stairs on the playground set where I'd taken Hannah's virginity maybe an hour earlier. I asked him to sit on my lap. I put my hand on his lap. No, it was his thigh. It was soft and incredible. Touching it felt magical, so it was his thigh. My cock started to harden again, but it still felt sore. I knew that I wouldn't even notice the soreness when I was inside him.

I kissed Annie and told him I'd missed him during the day, and that I just wanted to hold him. It was like I was resetting my mind. He reached around my neck and hugged me in silence, slightly rocking from side to side. I was reminding myself that this was who I loved, and this was what love felt like. The four people around me were pure love. I wanted to hold onto that feeling so I could remember it more clearly next time I tried something silly that felt uncomfortable.

***

A few minutes later, the camera operators returned, and Randy explained his special plan for my last promo scene. It would be all boys. In fact, it would be all boys I knew and loved. It would be with Boris, Sebastian, and Annie! It was nothing extravagant, just the Russian boys and me playing together, then Annie steps in, and I forget Boris and Sebastian. Those two had already worked onscreen with Annie, but I hadn't. This would be my first scene with him, which made me nervous for about two seconds. Then I kissed him again, and all was well.

I wanted love and touch with Annie more than sex, which felt weird to me. Randy thought a scene with me making love instead of having sex would be a great way to finish my promo film, and there was no one more perfect than Annie for such a scene. It also felt like a wonderful way to finish a very strange and emotional day at my new job. Randy was right. No one was going home until this scene was finished!

***

Some stage hands had set up lawn furniture in the area where we were shooting, including two chaise lounges side by side in front of some tree, near the wooded area where the bouncy castle had been set up. Roy zoomed in on my head and shoulders, on my right side, and I turned toward his camera and said, "I have made some friendships through child porn at Frenetic that are precious, and I will keep them forever." He zoomed out to show I was kneeling astride Sebastian's head. He was lying on his back on a blanket, sucking my cock. Then I leaned forward, revealing Boris kneeling astride Sebastian's hips, and I began to suck Boris' great cock. I deep throated him right away. It seemed to be the thing to do that day.

I straightened my lower body and began to fuck Sebastian's mouth. He responded by moaning and caressing my ass and thighs. (He always knew I liked that!) At the same time I pulled Boris' right hand to the back of my head to keep my deep throat blow job going. It was hard to coordinate myself. Face fucking one boy while deep throating another isn't simple. There are a lot of things to pay attention to. Boris and Sebastian helped me though.

Roy concentrated his camera on my face and Boris' cock, and the woman kept her camera on Sebastian's face and my cock, occasionally backing off for wider group shots. Roy went back for one wide shot in particular that showed Annie walking into view, looking so lovely it… well, it almost hurt, except I was too happy to hurt at that moment. He was smiling so prettily at me. The woman's camera caught me turning my head to see Annie's approach, my huge, bright smile (which I assure you was not acting), and me letting Boris' cock flop out of my mouth without my seeming to notice.

"Annie!" I called, pulling my cock from Sebastian's mouth with a popping sound. I ran to him, with Roy covering me from the right rear, and the woman covering my face from the right front as I ran. Roy held on a close-up as we kissed, and the woman got whole body shots of our kissing. Of course I groped his ass and soft, elegant thighs. I'm only human. He pulled his tank top off as we were kissing. I slid his soft shorts down his even softer legs, and he stepped out of them. We left his cute panties on for the time being. They were white cotton with pink lace trim. Neither his shorts nor his panties were designed to look sexy, just casual girls' wear. But on Annie, I thought everything looked sexy, and the soft cotton made him feel even softer and sexier.

We walked back to Boris and Sebastian, who was on his knees sucking Boris' cock, though not deep-throating him. I guessed correctly that he was allowing me to be the star by not deep- throating Boris, though we all knew he could do a much better job of it than I could. Maybe my throat could stretch, but I was still very inexperienced. This was still only my third day in child pornography, and before that, the only sex I'd ever had was with Brad and his friends when I was six.

Annie kissed Boris, and we both stood next to him, groping his ass. After a few minutes, I walked Annie to one of the chaise lounges, and both cameras followed us. I didn't really notice what they were doing. It didn't matter. Only Annie's kiss mattered. At some point though, we ended our kiss, and I sat sideways on the chaise lounge, leaving Annie standing between my knees, facing me. I kissed his bulge through his soft, cotton panties. Then I looked up at him with a smile as I lowered his panties to the middle of his thighs and sucked his cock. After deep- throating so many big man-sized cocks that day, there was a sweetness about Annie's little boy cock that I really liked. It was small, but it made him feel just as good as those bigger cocks made the men feel. In fact, it seemed to do a lot more for Annie. He was gasping and grunting a lot, but the men had acted cool, almost uninterested. I could do a lot more with my tongue too because I had room in my mouth to move it around. That made me feel good too. I couldn't deep throat Annie like I did those men (he wasn't long enough), but there was a lot more I could do with him, and he loved it!

Annie spread his legs just a bit so his panties would stay in place, leaving my hands free to feel their way around his ethereal skin. I looked up when I could, but he had his head thrown back much of the time. That's ok though because the woman captured his face in several shots, when she wasn't doing full body shots, and the look on Annie's face is so lovely and pretty that sometimes I wonder how I feel about other people even seeing it. Normally Annie's fans only get to see his performing face. He had this same face when we were in my dressing room the previous day when Boris was fucking him while Sebastian was sucking him. It was beautiful. It wasn't his show face. It was Annie. My Annie, who loved me.

I could hear the Russian boys on the chaise lounge behind me, but I didn't care what they were doing. I only cared about feeling Annie's body, and using those feelings to make him feel even better. Then I pulled his cock out of my mouth and turned him around. He let his panties fall and bent his body over while I tongued his ass. Roy kept a close-up on my face and Annie's ass while the woman went to get some footage of the Russian boys. Roy cut filming for a minute when Randy handed me the cherry-flavored lube. I smeared it into and around Annie's hole, and then all over my cock. I wiped my hands off on a towel Randy had also brought out. Roy resumed filming when Randy left. He filmed me more as I licked the excess cherry lube from around Annie's ass, which looked like a continuation from his previous shot. Then I turned my body to slouch back onto the chaise, and Annie straddled my torso, kissing me as he lowered his ass easily onto my cock, without taking time to open up. That's because my cock was still a slender boy cock, and anyone can take a little boy cock without needing to be stretched first, even other little boys. His cock was right in front of my face because of my slouching position, but I couldn't quite reach it to suck it.

It was so easy to fuck Annie's hole. Yes, my cock was longer than an average eight year-old boy's (almost nine), but it was still usually awkward to fuck another boy unless that boy knew how to position himself, and Annie was a pro. He rode my cock slowly at first, shivering at times, but soon he rode me like a boy possessed, and all I could feel in my body was his wild energy in my cock and on my lips, with a vague awareness of his cock rubbing into my belly. My cock was not sore anymore, or if it was, it was unimportant. But in my mind and in my heart, I felt more love at that moment than I had ever felt before, and that's a very powerful feeling. I held him closer and tighter. I think I looked like I was crying as I threw my head back to scream as I came, and I mean scream! Roy was in a very tight close-up on my face at that moment. Annie kept going because he was close to cumming as well. He was rubbing his cock against my belly as he slid his ass up and down. Of course, I'd lost control of my body by then. Annie was riding me right through that explosive orgasm, which is really easy to see in the woman's long shots of us. I still get very emotional when I watch that video.

Soon Annie came as well, and I held him tight. He was not going to fuck me through my orgasm and then stop once he hit it himself! I kept fucking his ass and trying to rub his cock into my my chest, but it wasn't working quite as well.

When we'd settled down, I looked up and saw tears in his eyes. I hugged him tightly, and then kissed him. I no longer felt alone in my feelings for him. He loved me as much as I loved him. I felt it. I knew it. I began to tear up as well. The two camera operators seemed to notice this, and they moved on to film Boris and Sebastian, who were making a great deal of noise of their own. The camera operators were experienced professionals, and they seemed to know when it was time to let us actors have our private moments. We never had to ask. Randy dashed out to see if we were ok, having gotten some sort of signal from Roy. He hugged us together, and he gave us each an end of a clean towel so we could mop our eyes and blow our noses. Annie and I giggled and kissed as Randy dashed off.

We waited for the camera operators to return before I pulled my cock out of Annie's ass, and we gave them a loving smile and a kiss for the end of the scene. (It was also our way of thanking them for letting us be alone.) They returned to film the last bit of Boris' scene with Sebastian. They were in the same position Annie and I had been in, which surprised me. Sebastian was usually a bit more extreme than that. When Boris was ready, Sebastian went down to take Boris' second load of the day into his mouth. As we'd done earlier in the live show, they did it fairly cleanly, with only a small drip left on Sebastian's face.

Annie and I stepped over to Boris and Sebastian, and we all kissed each other. I got to Sebastian first and licked that yummy drip of Boris' cum from his cute cheek, which of course sent him into those adorable Sebastian giggles. Then I turned to Roy's camera and said, "This is why I love making child porn. When we work here, it's always about the love." Group hug.

One thing was missing though. Sebastian had not cum yet. So we employed the Frenetic tradition, and Sebastian lay with Randy on the towel for a good, hard fuck while Boris, Annie, Roy, the woman camera operator, and I all caressed his body with our hands. This time I looked at Sebastian's face and watched closely to see his genuine expression when he came off-camera. I couldn't help myself. I had to kiss his cute, lovely, honest, and sexy face all over as he was cumming! His face was so sincere and so full of love and gratitude, and so soft and small, not a hint of that on-camera craziness, just like the very first time in Randy's sitting room only a few days ago. He was an ordinary boy whom I loved, having a great orgasm. He was so sweet.

Chapter 42
Accommodations

Trevor definitely ended his promo shoot on a high note at the end of the previous chapter. Now he takes Annie to visit the children's dorms, hoping Annie will like them and give his ok to Trevor moving in. Trevor expects Annie will figure heavily into any living situation he decides on, so Annie's thoughts mean a lot to him. Trevor visits room 46 in the dorm building, which he hadn't seen during his tour that morning. There are eight beds, mixed boys and girls, and it's the room where Yvgenia said she lived. Trevor finds a few surprises waiting in room 46.

We still had a full hour before tea. Boris and Sebastian said they had something they needed to do, and they would see us at tea. I think they just wanted to give Annie and me some time together. I asked Randy if we could show Annie the apartments and dorms. I'd mostly decided what I wanted to do already, and I'd hoped to make my plans known that same afternoon, but I wanted to talk it over with Annie first. In my mind, he would figure greatly into my living plans.

I know today that I was expecting far too much from Annie. There is no way a nine year -old and a nearly-nine year-old could possibly have an idea what life together would mean. I still don't know whether it's right to say we were in love at that time, but my feelings for him were the most powerful force in my life. Of all the amazing things that were happening, Annie's love seemed the most real. It was the most solid anchor I had to my new reality. I couldn't bear the thought of life without him, and every joy offered by heaven was mine when I was with him. What are you supposed to call that when you're so young? How should I have thought about him? I still don't really understand the difference between "loving" somebody and "being in love with" somebody, except that being in love seems to mean you love them more, or you love them specially, as an equal, and you want them to love you in return, and you want it to be that way forever. That was how I felt about Annie, and it was how he felt about me. Feelings are very strong when you're eight, nearly nine, and little hearts can break. I think it was a dangerous thing we were doing. But what should I have done? Could anyone act differently, even as adults, when they feel that way about someone? Should they?

***

I was most excited about living in a big dorm room. It felt like quite a risk to move in with a whole bunch of strangers, because if this were Preston Primary I would expect none of them to like me, and I would be in for a terrible time. But all of the kids I'd met so far at Frenetic had been nothing but loving wonderfulness, including Yvgenia, whose mixed dorm room I'd hoped to join, and from whom I'd hoped to learn more about sex with girls. Boris, Sebastian, and Annie all disliked sex with girls, but they'd all done it many times in front of the camera. They all played with girls sometimes too. They knew what they were doing. I didn't, and Yvgenia seemed very nice. I thought she would be a good teacher. She wasn't allowed to perform or even fluff because of her diabetes or because of the emotional problems caused by her diabetes, so I thought she probably wanted to have sex with someone. And who knew what the other roommates would be like? Maybe Yvgenia could show me how to do things on her, and the other roommates could watch and help me do it better? But I also hoped there would be boys. Lots of boys.

Randy, Annie, and I walked to the children's dormitory building. We were all naked after shooting my promo video, but part of me wished Annie was still wearing that simple, soft summer outfit we'd removed during the scene. It had been sent to the laundry as soon as we'd finished the scene, though it couldn't have been very dirty. A part of me did not want to become accustomed to seeing him naked. Then it would feel more special when he actually was, or when he undressed just for me. But Annie was a porn star in his own right, which meant he was always naked and being fucked for the whole world to see, just like me.

I had a brief panic. What if Annie wasn't real? What if he was just being nice? What if he just liked me a lot but loved someone else? Would seeing him naked make other boys want to take him from me? Annie was too good to be true! I stopped for a second, feeling a sharp, intense fear. I turned toward Annie and said, "I love you Annie, more than anyone ever could!" Then I kissed him and hugged him while Randy busied himself with a potted plant along the walkway.

When we finished our kiss, I said, "I just want you to know that. Make sure you always remember that, ok?" Annie looked at me a bit uneasily, and then broke into a smile and nodded before kissing me again. We entered the children's dorm building.

There were two suited security officers at the door and an attendant at the front desk. When Randy and I had done our tour earlier, I hadn't seen an actual room with eight beds. Since I was the one who wanted to visit again, Randy gestured me toward the attendant. "How may I help you, Sir?" she asked with a smile.

"Um… I met this girl who lives in a room with eight boys and girls together, and I was wondering if we could go see that room, 'cause I think I'd like to move in there if I can. She was really nice, and her name is Yvgenia. That's not a Greek name. It's Russian. She said it was room number forty-six please."

"Certainly," she said with another smile, politely suppressing a giggle. "I'll call someone to show you up. You can have drinks and snacks in the lobby while you wait, if you like. It's nearly tea."

We sat in the lobby, and a server asked if we would care for drinks. "Oh Trevor!" said Annie. "Mum showed me this new drink, and I think you'll like it." He said to the server, "I would like a Grenadine and soda with a twist of lime please. Would you like to try one, Hawk Boy?" I blushed at his use of my ever-changing personal nickname and nodded. "Two of them, please," he added.

"Scotch and water for me," said Randy. The server returned with our drinks in less than a minute. Randy handed him some money, and the man briefly bowed his head in thanks. "You kids don't have to worry about tipping," Randy told us, "but it's rather expected of us adults. And don't feel bad about not tipping them." He had read my look correctly. "When they serve drinks to kids, it's noted on the drinks ticket. The company pays them a generous tip on your behalf for each drink they serve you, so they like serving you kids. The people in charge here at Frenetic don't want you to have too many ways to spend your money while you're here. Most of you haven't had money before, and it takes time to learn how to handle money responsibly."

That's what people had been telling me again and again. I had a growing suspicion that something was going to happen to my… £60,000 or whatever it was in bonuses and tip money. That wasn't the same kind of thing I spoke with Linda about though. It was more of a question, and whether they were going to let me try to handle so much money or to protect it from me. I had no idea how much money that was, and I really didn't know anything about keeping it safe. The drink Annie had suggested was delicious!

***

"Mr. Hawk," said the man who had escorted Randy and me on our tour that morning, "so very good to see you back again. I'm told you've expressed an interest in a mixed eight-bed room?" The man led us to an open elevator. He pressed the button for the fourth floor, and the doors closed. "We have four rooms with eight beds," the man said. "One of them is for girls only, and another is exclusively for boys. The remaining two are for boys and girls together. I understand you prefer a mixed room?"

"That's what I want," I said. "Number forty six please."

"Oh, I see you have put some thought into this already, Sir," he said as the elevator doors opened. "Please step this way." He led us through a double door to a room on the right.

The sight that greeted us was far more than I'd expected. The room was huge. Eight king-size beds zigzagged into the room, four on the left and four on the right. Just inside the room, there were doors on the left and the right. The ceiling must have been at least sixteen feet high. It looked at least as high as the ceilings in the accessory tower, only this ceiling was adorned with paintings of scenes from children's stories, featuring naked children, of course. The panels with the ceiling paintings were almost like skylights. They were semi-transparent, which let in a lot of light during the daytime and made them glow like twelve big television screens. The upper part of the back wall was covered with three paintings, which I later learned were called frescoes, and there were three large windows with satin curtains below the frescoes. Behind each bed was a door, which I already knew led to a huge walk-in closet with a makeup table. An ornate full- length mirror and a fancy wooden chair sat on either side of each closet door.

Above each closet door was a large painting of a naked boy or girl, either with or without the matching parts. One boy had a pussy, but he was clearly a boy, and one girl had a cock. Gender can be a confusing thing for many people, but it seemed natural to me to meet people at Frenetic with bodies of one sex but personalities of the opposite gender. (Randy had explained to me that at Frenetic, gender meant whether someone was a boy or a girl on the inside, and their sex meant whether they had a boy's body or a girl's. Gender was important when you got to know someone, but their sex was important for casting decisions.) And there was everything in-between, like Annie. He was a boy inside, and he had a boy's body, but he could be very girlish in the way he acted, and of course he always dressed in girl clothes. Even I was somewhere in-between. I'd always known I was a boy, and I had a boy's body, but I'd discovered that I really liked being pretty too, and sometimes I liked being girly in other ways. I learned not to concern myself with the details, but it could be a challenge remembering who wanted to be called he or she. In my first week with Annie, I called him "her" or "she" more than a few times (and I've even made that mistake a few times as I write this memoir), but it never seemed to upset him. He never corrected me either.

I noticed the girls' portrait paintings had pink backgrounds, and the boys' had blue. I looked closely at the painting above the last closet door on the left, and the girl looked familiar. It was a painting of Yvgenia! She was pretty in person, but she somehow looked unusually sexy for a girl in this painting. I didn't think girls were sexy, but that painting somehow showed her in a different way.

Then, next to Yvgenia's painting, I saw a painting of an older-looking girl who had pubic hair trimmed in a neat strip going straight up from her clitoris. (I know words like that now, but when I was nearly nine and still very new to porn, I wouldn't have known how to describe it.) I wondered if that was Jillian, the girl who was moving to an apartment in the adult building.

Farther down the row of paintings, next to the older girl, was the small boy with black hair and glasses who had shown me his almost comically huge circumcised cock, and who's working name was Shlong O. That made me smile. He was very nice to let me see and touch his cock so I could learn about circumcision. I knew another roommate would be my friend.

At the end of the row, to my astonishment, was a painting of Adrian! "Adrian lives here too?" I asked the man who was showing us the room.

"Indeed he does," the man said. "I see you've spotted his painting. We find paintings to be a more pleasant way of marking our residents' beds than simple name tags. It also helps residents in a way to get to know each other." Why hadn't I noticed this in the other rooms I'd visited that morning? I'd seen there were paintings, but I didn't look at them closely or anything. On the opposite wall, there was a painting of a black girl, probably a teenager, an Asian ladyboy, definitely a teenager, and then two more boys, maybe eleven or twelve, each with blond hair and blue eyes. One of the boys had a pussy. I wondered if these were the brothers that Yvgenia had mentioned, the ones who were considering moving into an apartment.

Aside from the fact that one had a pussy and the other had a cock, the Harlow brothers looked very similar, but something about them bothered me. Something about their paintings made them look like bullies, especially the boy with the penis. I know Frenetic would never hire kids who bullied other kids, but something inside me made me glad to think they might not be coming back to room 46.

Each bed was flanked on its right side by an end table with three drawers. On the back side of each headboard was a bookshelf. There was also a small sliding door on each headboard. It opened to one of the shelves on the other side. The man showing us around said that was where most kids kept their lube, toys, and clean towels. That way they could reach it easily without getting out of bed. Each bed also had a sort of wooden storage trunk at the foot that also served as a bench.

The beds were all done up with satin sheets and pillowcases, which usually matched the colors of the duvets, which were also satin with a lace covering. I didn't realize until Annie giggled softly, but the thought of sliding under those satin sheets with my naked body was giving me a stiffy. Annie kissed me and gave my cock a tug, and we both shared a giggle openly. I was no longer embarrassed to be seen with a boner.

The pink and blue duvets had either light blue, light pink, or white lace on them. The boy with the pussy had pink sheets and a blue duvet with light blue lace. His was the only duvet that didn't match his sheets. The boy next to him had blue sheets and duvet with white lace. The black girl's bed was done in pink, and her duvet was covered with white lace. The ladyboy had pink sheets and a pink duvet with white lace. Yvgenia's bed was done in pink with white lace, and the teenage girl's bed was pink with pink lace. Schlong O's bed was done in blue with white lace, and Adrian's bed was blue with pink lace.

I learned that these color schemes were an expression of both gender and sexual preference. (Biological sex was clear from the paintings.) Blue sheets and duvets meant the person was a boy, and pink was for girls. I learned later that the boy with the pussy had pink sheets and a blue duvet because he wasn't sure if he was really a boy or just a very butch girl, though he was living mostly as a boy, and he'd chosen a blue background for his portrait painting. The laces on the duvet were for sexual preference. At the Frenetic Children's Division, we all worked with boys and girls, and usually adults. Almost all of us played with both sexes too when we weren't working. The lace only indicated our preference, or the gender we felt we could be romantic with. It was the opposite of the duvet colors. Light pink lace meant the person preferred boys, light blue meant the person preferred girls, and white meant the person liked having sex with boys and girls. Five of the beds in room 46 had white lace on them. which meant they liked to play with everybody. This was important, as I later learned, because there was a lot of sex going on in these dorm rooms.

All of the beds were made up immaculately, much nicer than I could ever make my own bed. Mum never told me I had to make my own bed, so I'd had very little practice. I wondered if I'd have to learn how to do it so perfectly in order to stay there. I wondered if the rules were strict.

Just beyond the beds, toward the windows, there were two large, round, wooden tables with 8 sturdy, wooden chairs each, the same type as were next to each walk-in closet door. A little farther from the windows and off to the sides were two smaller round tables, each with four padded chairs. The doors to the left and the right of the main doorway led to our two bathrooms. Each had two large baths, two showers, an enormous Jacuzzi, and four toilets in stalls. (Very little was kept private at Frenetic, but toilets were.) An odd dispensing machine in each bathroom reminded me these were mixed bathrooms, and that there were likely to be other teenage girls besides Jillian, who was now gone.

"So what do you think?" I asked Annie, a little excited, and still hard, but trying not to influence him. "You can come see me here anytime and even stay overnight in my bed because you have a contract as an actor, but I'll also have a big room in the accessory tower, and I can have another bedroom or playroom or studio or whatever I want there. It's really big, and they'll do it up however I like. We can be alone there if we want."

"You look so happy!" said Annie with a smile. He put his arms around my neck, and we kissed. "You can live wherever you want, you sweet boy! You know that, and you know that I will visit you lots, no matter where it is, as long as you are happy there. You must visit me too though. We have a lovely house, and I think you will like my parents."

I hugged him tightly and happily, oblivious to the fact that he had just invited me to meet his parents. I wanted him to like my new home, and it meant a lot to me that he was happy with me living there.

"Can I live here then?" I asked the man who was showing us the room.

"Why, I don't see why not," he said. "We have had no requests as yet for the three vacancies in this room."

"Three vacancies?" I asked.

"Indeed Sir. Ms. Jillian and the brothers Harlow will not be returning in the fall as planned. I believe you know that Ms. Jillian will be moving to an apartment. The Harlows only yesterday accepted an offer in America, and they will be moving there this summer, which makes the two beds on the end also available. You may of course choose which bed you…"

"I want the one by Yvgenia!" I interrupted.

"Yes Sir, it shall be yours, but your agent must also give his written consent." Randy nodded and smiled at me. "I will work out the details with Mr. Christianson. Welcome to the Children's Dormitory, Mr. Hawk!" he said, shaking my hand. Annie kissed me slowly and very sweetly. My boner wasn't going away anytime soon.

Chapter 43
Origins

When Trevor and Annie return to the studio building to meet up with Boris and Sebastian, Trevor asks them why they wanted to make child porn and how they answered that question for Linda, the studio's pediatric psychologist. The boys took turns telling stories about their lives before porn. Trevor learns more about his friends than he'd ever imagined. There was tragedy, triumph, privilege, and even boredom, but most memorable for Trevor was how Sebastian came to be where he is in life right now.

"That was easy," I said to Randy as we walked back to the studio.

"We like to keep things easy for you kids," he said. "You need to focus on learning, not just how to be great at porn, but also your studies when summer holidays are over. There is a lot of paperwork involved with this dorm room that you won't see, but for now just enjoy your new home, and let me earn my commission by taking care of the rest, ok Hawk?"

"Ok!" I said with a smile.

It had been a long day, and my feelings had gone up and down and all over the place. I'd met loads of new people, and had sex with several of them. I even deep throated the actor with the biggest cock at Frenetic! (I didn't count Baron Gargantua because he worked for another studio. He only came to Frenetic from time to time to do scenes for special reasons.) Then I'd shouted at Randy, and it was about something stupid. Maybe in time I would learn not to make all these stupid mistakes.

Everything had changed again that day. I was very, very wealthy now (or so I believed – I had no idea how much more was to come in the days and years ahead), and I was also a resident of room 46 in the children's dorm, along with Yvgenia and Adrian. Wouldn't he be surprised! I had learned that if I was really nice and clean on the inside, ATM blowjobs were nothing to worry about, and the fruity lube tasted good. I learned how badly rich people wanted to be around me, and that they would pay thousands of pounds just to be near me and have a kiss or a casual touch on my skin. I also learned how severe an offense it was for an adult, even a very powerful adult like Mr. Buford, to touch me without my permission. I didn't understand why, but I learned that's the way it was. Adults had to treat us kids with extraordinary respect. Nobody had ever shown me respect like that before. I learned that fisting a woman's pussy was a bit nasty, but there were some funny parts about pushing my whole arm up her ass. I learned my body was quite healthy, but the pediatric psychologist wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I was coping well. That should be easy for her now that I was moving into the children's dorm, room 46. I learned also that my body was unusual because my ass and throat seemed to stretch a lot more than usual. And I made a new friend, a sweet girl named Yvgenia, who seemed to need a new friend. She might have needed a good hard shag as well.

***

Randy, Annie, and I went back to the studio dining area for root beers and coffee for Randy, and we met Boris and Sebastian sitting at a table kissing and holding each other. Sebastian was on Boris' lap. We joined them, and Randy said, "I hope we're not intruding?"

"No, not inter-trude," said Sebastian. "Tell for Boris how love him for longest years, and very nice for cum for love for people there, not for only camera for person at home watch. Love person at home always, but love all here for table very much. Is very special love." He looked each of us in the eye. It almost looked like he wanted to cry.

We all raced to be the first to say "I love you too, Sebastian!" A few arms that were near him reached around his shoulders, and he did start to cry.

"Such friends have Sebastian, such love," he sobbed. "Is so I must cry for say this love to you."

I remembered the look on his face while he was cumming, how sincere he looked, and how different it was from when he was performing. He was just lying there experiencing it, feeling the moment with people he loved, people who wanted him to show himself instead of putting on a show for the camera. He knew he could relax and feel the joy. He was free to let his face do whatever it wanted to do, and he knew we loved him. It was his way of saying "I know you love me, and I will give the most sensitive part of myself to you."

He was a very sweet boy, and completely honest about everything, especially about love. The only time he pretended to feel something was when he was acting, which is what actors do. But even then we all act with sincerity, because we all love everyone we work with, and we all love the viewers at home. It's different though when you love someone you imagine to be watching you instead of the people who are actually with you and touching you. Sebastian was happy nearly all the time, and that was not an act. He truly was that happy, and he truly loved everybody, even his alcoholic father. It was good for me to be around him. He was crying happy tears, and it felt good to see someone else doing it this time. It felt good to see my new friend so full of happiness and love.

Randy left the four of us because he had to see Markus in his office about some business things, and he also had to set things up so I could move into my dormitory. Then he was going to visit the clinic to learn what he could about IAH. He said he would meet us after tea.

We sat on opposite sides of the table, paired off and cuddling, Sebastian still on Boris' lap, and Annie with me. I gently pulled Annie onto my lap too. He was so soft, and he weighed about as much as a feather. Well, maybe a big feather, but it felt good. The flesh on his ass and thighs melted into mine, and they became one and the same. I was bigger than Annie, but not by much. I was also several months younger. Why would an older boy like him want to be with a younger boy like me? I couldn't think like that. I would get scared again.

I told them all about my appointment with Linda, the pediatric psychologist. I didn't want to tell them about loving Annie so much it hurt, or why I was so easily scared of losing everything – of losing Annie. So I asked them how they answered her question about why they wanted to make child porn.

Boris answered first."When small boy in Nizhny, not have always money. Even times happening when not have home. Mother go away for man not Boris' daddy, live for Bulgaria now. Boris' daddy work much, away much, not pay always for apartment. Is no have money. One time apartment close. You know? Not go in apartment for key. Paper for door say go away, need money for live here. Boris and Daddy sleep for park outside. When seven, Daddy meet man. He pay Daddy for take Boris picture, no clothes. Take many picture. Later pay Daddy much money for fuck Boris. Then later pay much, much money for fuck Boris for movie. Was little boy, very small boy. Hurting much! Oh hurting in ass much! Then when hurt, still do again for next day, for all day, for many men one day, then next. Boris and Daddy have again flat for live, so no complain. Daddy get better job, and Boris no more work for bad man. You no believe, but miss sometime. When ass not hurt, want fuck again. Not for bottom so much. Like fuck for people if people nice. Like for give them nice too. Daddy find other man, make one scene for only week, have six day no scene until seven day, then scene. No much work, but pay more than bad man, and much fun. Make fun for other when buy movie too. Still must for bottom. Little is always for bottom. Trevor Boy know that. Boris not like that, but is ok, much fun for other things, and ass not hurt now. Man always easy for Boris' ass, take time, feel much good, much good. Then Boris have ten year, Daddy learn more money for other country. Move for Magyar…"

Sebastian glanced at him and said, "No Magyar. Is Hungaria for English."

Boris gave an embarrassed giggle and received a loving kiss from Sebastian before continuing. "Mean for Hungaria. Make many child porn with man, with boy, first time with girl, and first time with woman." He smiled at Sebastian. "Meet Sebastian for make Hungaria film." They kissed again. "Go also Czechia, also Romania. Then Boris have eleven, cock grow much big, then Boris top for child porn! Top for boy, top for girl if no boy for scene. Even fuck first woman for pussy. Is ok. Woman not hurt. Close eye, pretend is boy, is ok. She like. Money get better, but Boris love work, love people, much love Sebastian! Smile always, much love, give love when make love, is good! Doctor Linda like answer. Talk for much love make child porn, much love. New home in Czechia with Daddy. Go there for September. Try talk Daddy move for UK, maybe move for America."

"Wow," I said. There was so much I hadn't known about Boris. "That sounds awful! Your dad made you do something that hurt so much just for money? He sounds terrible!"

"No!" said Boris, surprisingly harshly. "Not understand. Love Daddy much. Daddy love Boris very much, not want hurt for Boris. Daddy not tell for Boris do these things. Daddy ask Boris for make naked picture only. Man ask Boris for fuck, give for Daddy money. Say yes. Tell Daddy money for much picture. Boris do for need home. Boris tell Daddy, 'I do this,' not Daddy tell Boris for must do this. Make movie, Daddy not know, then man surprise for Daddy, money for movie. Boris make scene, make movie, Daddy no happy. Man give money for Daddy, not Boris, but is ok, have new flat, have food, have warm, have school again, is ok. But Daddy happy go away. Say, 'Not need for do film!' Then, say for Daddy, 'You not believe, know you never believe, but fuck for movie comes for be fun! Like for fucking from man, and like for make child porn, for make many happy.' Tell Daddy porn fun for Boris. Later, Daddy say is ok, make for movie of porn, make for his boy Boris happy, but only work for good man, for good studio."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean… I thought…" I looked down. I'd made Boris angry by mistake. I felt guilty.

"No, Trevor Boy," he said with his easy smile and those Boris eyes. "English not so good for Boris, I think. Must make you to know Daddy love Boris. Is good man. Is very good man. He not like Boris hurt for money. Not want shouting for Trevor Boy, only for Trevor Boy understand Daddy loves, is good man, is very good man. Is Boris sneaking for make film secret, not Daddy making Boris for make film."

"Oh!" I said with relief. It was certainly true, the Russian boys' English wasn't very good (ok, it was terrible, but we laughed about it a lot in those days), but I'd had no real problem understanding them before. I excused myself and helped Annie back into his chair. Then I stood up, walked over to Boris, and gave him a big, sweet kiss, the kind that only Annie usually got from me.

"Boris know English not so good," he said, "so if not understand, want Trevor Boy ask, is ok? Ask not make feel bad. Make feel good when Trevor Boy ask. Ask mean Trevor Boy listen, mean Trevor Boy want understand for Boris."

"Ask also for Sebastian," said the cute blonde boy on Boris' lap, the one with the new hairstyle that I still wasn't sure I liked, though he did look cuter now than when I'd first seen it. I kissed him too.

"Ok, I will ask," I said, "but promise you won't be embarrassed or upset if I ask?" They both agreed with emphatic smiles. I returned to my chair, kissed Annie, and helped him back onto my lap.

***

"Sebastian go next?" he asked. I nodded. "Is eight year old boy, live for north, in town Dudinka. Is beautiful in Dudinka. Trevor Boy like very much!"

Boris laughed and said, "Trevor Boy no is ice cube! Not like so much, I think."

"Is beautiful," said Sebastian, giving Boris another kiss. "In summer, some time see sun all night, not go down. In winter, some time not so cold. See light boreas. You know boreas light?" he asked.

I shook my head, and Annie said, "Here we call it the northern lights, sometimes the aurora borealis. I've only seen pictures. We can't see them in London. I bet they're pretty!"

"Is very pretty," said Sebastian. "So, why I want for child porn make film? All boy in Dudinka have man, not for him daddy. Is other man. Talk for things with man that not want Daddy knowing. Is safe. Is much wise. Much wise… Is like for uncle, but more close, more love. Call for him lyubit' dyadyu. Mean "love uncle" for English. Is man teach boy thing not teach for school. Is important for learn how live, how honor, how talk for people nice, such things. Also, for Dudinka, much time school not open for day, for week, more some time, when big storm of snow for town. Have much for dig snow. On day for not in school, man then teach boy also for school lesson. Man teach boy how he be man for growing up. Man always love very much for this boy, and boy love man. When love, is kiss. In Russia, always kiss all person for lip. Kiss for love, is good, no?

"Man also ask for boy, does boy like girl? Sebastian like boy now. Not always know for like bo y or like girl, but man help boy learn, is gay or no? Must know for young. Then not have foolish when older. Is also important for be safe in Russia. Only some few place in Russia is safe for be gay. Most boy like girl, but many boy like also boy. We four boys here like boy. Other boy is nice for stay warm in winter, when not see sun for long time. But if like other boy, man teach how love for other boy, how fuck and other sex with boy. If like girl, man find woman for teach how fuck and sex for girl. Lyubit' dyadyu for Sebastian have name Dmitri. Love Dmitri very much. Much much love for Dmitri. Call for him 'Lyubi' because is for love. Some time cry for miss Lyubi Dmitri."

Sebastian paused for a bit, but he didn't seem to cry. Then he said, smiling, "For most time, Dmitri make Sebastian smile for think on him. Dmitri not want Sebastian feel sad, but say also 'must cry for feel sad. For feel sad, must cry for people for honest with love.' Love for Lyubi! Teach for love all people. Teach love Sebastian, mean for Sebastian love Sebastian, is most important. Do all things for love for Sebastian, because if love Sebastian, must always be true Sebastian. True Sebastian love always all people. True Sebastian always share and be honest, not hide how feel. Always show how feel.

"Dmitri very good friend for Daddy for long time. Why Daddy ask Dmitri be lyubit' dyadyu for Sebastian. Daddy with Dmitri work for same company, load ship for river, then ship go on sea. Dmitri always for Sebastian family home, for meal, for vodka, for game, for teach Sebastian. Dmitri take Sebastian for camping, for rowing boat, for hotel for fucking, for ride on bicycle, for drive long for go no place, talk only, then drive home. But love most Dmitri teach sex. Have big, much big cock, like many Russian man. Teach when seven age old for suck cock, make boy feel good. Dmitri suck Sebastian cock many time, show orgasm. Sebastian try suck Dmitri cock. Not fit for mouth, but practice! Is again and again, no fit. One day, fit! Some of Dmitri cock fit for mouth. He like much! Like much for make Dmitri happy. Then tell me what is cum. Tell me some time is for make baby, but for boy is like food. Feed Sebastian one time. Is ok, but then feed many time, is very good! If love man, then cum taste very good always.

"Then teach when eight for ass sex. Is normal in Dudinka for boy reach eight for learn sex in ass, but only if gay. Have for lube on him finger, put in ass, Sebastian jump for feel much good! He ask if hurt. Not speak well with grunting for finger in ass, but try for telling him no hurt, all feel much, much good. Put other finger in, feel good. Then three, feel very good! He not understand. Say boy should much hurt for two finger. But feel good for three finger, want more. Tell him want more. Tell him want big Dmitri cock for ass. Put lube for cock, then push slowly for ass. Want all! Want hurry, so push back for getting all cock in ass. He surprise, very surprise. Feel much very good! Not think Sebastian ass ready for fuck, but Sebastian ass always ready for fuck. Push back on him, all in ass, then out ass, then in ass, want faster."

Sebastian looked me in the eye and said, "See how Trevor Boy ass like Sebastian ass? Stretch for very big cock, feel good?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's how it feels for me too! I didn't know it was supposed to hurt except for when I'm not stretched open first."

Sebastian continued, "Dmitri scare for hurt Sebastian. Dmitri love, not want for hurt. Next night, Dmitri come for home and talk for Daddy. Bring Daddy in bedroom and show fuck in Sebastian ass. Daddy not believe him eye! Say need for picture or video, find work, make rich for small boy and small ass fuck by huge cock.

"Daddy take picture, take also video, for Dmitri fuck for ass. Send out for find work for child porn. But terrible, terrible thing happen." He paused. He began to breathe heavily, then he turned his head into Boris' chest and cried. It wasn't just soft, happy tears either. It was deeply sad tears, the kind of tears that you just can't talk through. When he'd gathered himself, he said, "Sorry for… No. Not sorry for cry! Lyubi not happy if say that. Cry for people with love always important if sad. Feel sad now." He inhaled, closed his eyes, and said calmly, "Police man find body for Lyubi Dmitri, freeze outside. Say Dmitri heart no work, so fall down for die. Then cold make freeze after die." There was a cold, dead silence to match the story. Nobody wanted to say anything until we knew how Sebastian felt. "Much cry," he sobbed, "many time much cry. Sad for lose my Lyubi. Mamochka also cry. Daddy cry only for when bury, then not say word for two day. All much love for Dmitri."

Annie took a napkin from the table and wiped his eyes. It was so sad to see such a sweet boy as Sebastian in so much grief.

"Sorry," I said, "But who is Mamochka? Boris used that word a few days ago. I want to understand, and you said to ask."

"Not be sorry, Trevor Boy," Sebastian said. "Mamochka is Mama, is Mum, mother. Is nice word for Mum, only you mum, no other person mum. Is Mum, and only when much, much love for Mum. Maybe mum for Trevor Boy not Mamochka? Is good for you ask." Boris nodded in agreement.

"Then Daddy have much problem, very bad problem. No want work for load ship on river," he continued. "He no can work for miss friend Dmitri. Begin drink much vodka. Drink two bottle for day, some day three. Always work together for Daddy and Dimitri many year. Family sad for much time, but Daddy not well. Not like for feel sad. Daddy drink so feel angry, not feel sad. Hit Mamochka many time. Scream for her, say 'you no good for wife! Not make for good home!' Is lies, only for hurt Mamochka. Daddy do many things terrible. Tell some for Trevor Boy last night at Gold Boy, drinking Root Beer.

"Daddy remember what Sebastian do for Dmitri with ass, want sell for men, buy vodka. First say man fuck boy if give for him one bottle vodka. These men not good, not give love, not want love, not like bath. Smell very bad. Daddy make Sebastian wear short pant, no shirt when cold outside, sell for sex for man. Soon want two southand ruble and two bottle vodka for fuck him boy. Need money for bribe police man. Buy pink girl panty for Sebastian, make wear outside only girl panty and nice shoes for wear in school. Not let wear sock even. Buy also pink ribbon, put in Sebastian hair, looking like girl. Friend for school see Sebastian only wear girl panty outside with pretty pink ribbon for hair. Some laugh, most try give blanket or help Sebastian, but Daddy chase away, hit some, beat small child, friend for Sebastian, now scared for Daddy. When friend try for help, also Daddy hit Sebastian many time, then drink more. Only go inside when storm for wind and for snow. Was very, very bad time for Sebastian. Is what alcohol sick do for Daddy. Before alcohol, love very much, and hug and many kisses for Daddy boy Sebastian. When drink, Mamochka and Sebastian only hurt, he punch, he kick, he scream, he sell boy for street, try sell Mamochka, man not want, know for she hurt him. Mamochka much strong!

"But have something for mail one day. Is check for hundred southand ruble. Is from Budapest. Want for me try make child porn movie. Money for Mamochka go, Sebastian go, also give place for stay for week. We go for there, Mamochka and Sebastian. Sneak so Daddy not know. Never see Daddy again. Friend say think Daddy die also." He paused and sobbed a bit before continuing. How could a boy who's lived through so much pain be so happy?

"Make scene in morning for big studio in Budapest. All person for studio speak Russian for Sebastian and Mamochka. Make feel good." I thought about how good everyone was making me feel at Frenetic. People in the larger child porn studios really do treat kids well, and they want us to be comfortable and happy in our work.

"Also man in scene with big cock like dear Dmitri," he continued. "They no believe Sebastian like such big cock for ass, but feel very good. Man also slow, so make go in fast. Much surprise, this man. Think of Dmitri when fuck. Love Dmitri, and make smile! Man make feel good, and Dmitri want Sebastian do for feel good, not be sad for lose Dmitri. He say love Sebastian first. Love Sebastian mean be happy for remember Dmitri.

"Director ask for Sebastian do other scene. Also ask Mamochka if ok for do other scene, say give two hundred southand ruble for Mamochka. She no care for money. she care for Sebastian want do more. Say for Mamochka, 'Please Mamochka, like do more film here! Is love, is fun! Like very much!' Mamochka take check, and Sebastian do other scene." He looked up and kissed Boris. "Other scene have Boris! First meet Boris in scene. Such beautiful boy he! And big cock. No man cock. Very big boy cock. Boris fuck so much good in ass. Not need big man cock for feel wonderful. Boris, he know. He make feel very good. He know use cock. Use cock for love, I think. When become man, Boris cock big like Baron Gargantua!" We all had a giggle, and I for one wondered if it was true.

"No want like Baron Gargantua!" said Boris with a smile. "Never he can get for good blowjob. Want like Randy Man. Then always can work with nice boy, or sexy ladyboy. Maybe like King Khan be nice, but no so big like Gargantua!" We all laughed, wondering if he was telling the truth. Then Sebastian continued his story.

"Director want Sebastian make many movie for him. Give more money for Mamochka. Never go again for Dudinka. After work short time, have already learn answer for Doctor Linda. Is love. Is love for Sebastian, do thing he love, give love for many other. Also make for money. Studio pay Sebastian money for make film, but also pay money for Mamochka, same for Frenetic. Most day Mamochka at studio with Sebastian. So, all love, money good, much time for be with Mamochka. Doctor Linda like answer."

Boris kissed Sebastian on the cheek and calmly stroked his hair. "Need tell other part next, I think," he said softly, a great deal of love in his voice. Sebastian looked him in the eye, and this time I know I saw fear, then a quick nod. Sebastian was about to do something brave, I thought, and I could tell how much he trusted Boris when he agreed so quickly.

"Is no answer for Trevor Boy question," Sebastian began, "but is maybe important for know Sebastian." He took a deep breath. He wouldn't hold back tears, I knew that, but it's hard to get through a story when you're crying hard. I think he just wanted to be able talk. "Work for Budapest big studio three month. One day, is quick, is simple, is like all world end for Sebastian. Mamochka buy ice cream for Sebastian. Sit for table in outside for eat. Mamochka go for buy coffee, then join at table." He began to shake, and Boris held him close and rocked him, stroking his hair and gently caressing his belly. "Cross for her street, and…" he began to sob, but he was determined to finish. "Cross for her street, and fast c-car r-r-run Mamochka down, all g-gone for d… for dead, in front for Sebastian eye." He cried into Boris' chest. A thoughtful waiter, seeing what was happening, brought a fresh, soft, hand towel, discreetly handed it to Boris, and left without saying a word. I felt deeply wounded that my sweet friend had suffered so much hurt and loss. First Dmitri, then his dad, and then his mum! Again I wondered – how could he be such a happy boy?

"Is for love I show for you my cry," he sobbed. "Dmitri say always, always show for people who love how feel. Is for trust them. Need trust for love. Is how boy can be happy again if not pretend when feel for cry. Dmitri very good man, very wise man." I had never, ever heard anyone talk like that about crying. I'd heard people laugh at me when I cried. I'd heard Mum and others tell me to stop crying, or that things didn't really hurt that bad. They might have said I wanted attention. They gave so many reasons for a boy not to cry, but here was a boy who was taught by a man that one of the sincerest ways to show someone love was to cry in front of them if you felt like crying, and to show them your feelings. Suddenly I had the answer to my question from two days ago, at my signing party at Cockerel Manor! I didn't know why the crowd applauded when I began to cry during my short speech, and I told them I didn't understand, but this must be the answer. When you cry in front of somebody, that means you trust them, and you allow them to show that they love you. And if you trust someone, that means you love them, at least a little bit, because you have to love someone before you can trust them.

Sebastian wiped his eyes and continued. "Boris good friend for Sebastian, and Boris family also love much for Sebastian. Take to home for theirs, give room, give food, not want money, though Sebastian very rich. Not make new money, not allow for studio when parent die, but still have much money for bank. Stay for Budapest, make legal. Not adopt for parent, but make gourd… godrian…"

"Guardian?" sniffed Annie.

"Guardian," agreed Sebastian. "Boris daddy make guardian for Sebastian. Now, where Boris go, Sebastian go also. Live for Czechia now with Boris family, also some time for London live with Randy Man."

Living with both parents, parents who actually loved him, and having a special man like Dmitri, a sort of second dad, and then losing them all, one from a heart attack, one as a violent alcoholic, and one being smashed by a car in front of his eyes, must have been more pain than any kid could bear. But Sebastian was not just any kid. He was courageous and unafraid of being who he was.

***

"Sebastian," said Annie, "I have heard you talk about losing Dmitri and your parents before, and it hurts to hear the pain you went through, but I feel so much love from you every time I hear you talk about it." He got up off of my lap and kissed Sebastian, saying "I love you Sebastian, so much!"

"Love much for Anniechka also!" he said as Annie returned to my lap.

These stories had been tragedy, and then triumph. I thought my home life was terrible, but at least I had a home, and I'd never seen anyone get killed in front of me. Mom was bad, but she never beat me or made me stand outside in the cold wearing only girls' knickers so she could sell me for sex to get money to buy her gin. That was like some of my fantasies, but when it really happened to my friend, it wasn't much of a fantasy anymore. It was horrific.

As I thought about these things, and Annie wiped his nose on the napkin, I realized that I had not cried at all. Why not? I loved these boys, and it hurt to hear their stories, but it was more like someone had pushed a knife in my chest. It wasn't sit-and-cry sad. It was more like I-can't- breathe-help-me-this-hurts pain. I wasn't sad as much as I was cut open with my entrails thrown to the dogs. Well, maybe not that strong, but it was more hurt and shock than sad. I think.

"I guess it's my turn," said Annie. "There's really not much to tell. I'm from a nice neighborhood in London, my parents have always had money, and I've never even lost a grandparent. I guess not all of us in child porn have had tragedy in our lives, and porn hasn't always been some kind of a salvation. It feels a bit embarrassing to tell my boring story after these two, but I want you to know where I came from." He kissed me, and his eyes lingered in mine for a while, accenting his soft smile. Boris cleared his throat and giggled, and Annie continued.

"Mum discovered me in the garden wanking one day. That's really all. Two minutes' embarrassment was my tragedy. I was eight, and she thought maybe an eight year-old boy who is already wanking might fancy making sex movies. She knew I liked to be pretty, and I had been wearing girls' things at home for as long as I could remember, so she thought that might make me well suited for a variety of porn genres. She asked if I was gay, and I told her I didn't really know, so she thought making child porn might help me find out." He kissed me when he said this. "I think I have that answer now at least.

"Mum wanted me involved in social activities and sport over the summer. I hate sport, so she thought this might be a suitable alternative. Daddy is away a lot for his work, so really it was Mum pushing me to try this. Since what I really wanted was to learn whether I was gay, and whether child porn was something I would like, it took some time before I could get a contract. They want actors who know already that they want to make child porn. So I worked without a contract as a fluff boy over the summer holidays last year. It was brilliant! I discovered the lovely people here, and their thoughts about love and sharing what we have, and I discovered how much I actually liked sex. Wanking was fun and all, and I'd thought sex would be lovely some day, but when I walked onto the set on my first day as a fluff boy, I had no doubts.

"I was scared though. Walking down the corridor naked for the first time, with people looking at me, and thinking that it was no big deal to them, that took a while to get used to. But when I stepped through the door to stage 5 and saw so many naked people in the fluff area having a brilliant orgy, just for the fun of it, I don't mind saying I got a stiffy that didn't go away until lunchtime that day! And then there was the sight of all the equipment, the lights, cameras, the boom microphones, all pointed at another group of naked kids having sex. It reminded me of a firing squad, only it was with cannons and big artillery, but instead of firing things that hurt, they were firing orgasms! I know it's silly, but that's the first thing I thought of that day. Then there were the fully dressed technical crew, the people scrutinizing it all on video screens as it happened, the designers, craft services, and even the nurse, all were like a live audience who weren't just watching. They were concentrating on every aspect of the kids having sex! This was definitely for me. My body became like a gift for everyone who liked what they saw. Who wouldn't absolutely love that?" He wiggled his ass on my rock-hard cock and kissed me with a cute giggle. The way he described it was amazing! It was everything I'd felt on my first day too, but I didn't really know it until he said so just then. And even though I'd had more sex that afternoon than anyone ever, his story made me horny again!

"Of course Mum is delighted, and Daddy is proud of me too," he continued. "Daddy says when I'm an adult, I might have more money than he does. I don't care about money really. Daddy won't visit the studio. He says it makes him uncomfortable, and I guess some people are like that. He loves me though, and he's very proud of my success. But you all know Mum is brilliant! I'm glad she pushed me to try something new.

"So my answer to Linda's question was really about the attitude around here toward love and making people happy, feeling like I am giving a gift of my body for people to share if they wish, my love for sex, and the chance to try new things to learn about my own sexuality and even my gender. And I told you before, it's far better than rugby or dressage, though I wouldn't half fancy being in the middle of a scrum one day!

"Those were the sorts of answers I gave Linda. Really, she seemed pleased. Of course I didn't see her until after two months of fluff work helped me decide that I wanted to make child pornography and why. Most of the kids at my school who know about my work here think it's brilliant, but the headmaster has asked me not to discuss it during school. Mum calls him an 'old coprolite.' That means a piece of fossilized dinosaur poo, because he's so old-fashioned and unchanging."

I kissed Annie, and loved him more than ever. It wasn't anything he said, really. It was just knowing more about him. I loved him, but I knew so little about him, and maybe that scared me a little bit too.

All in all, their answers to Linda's question didn't seem very different from mine, but I sure learned a lot about my dearest new friends. Some of Sebastian's story was so sad I couldn't bear to think about it, but then he had to live with it every day. How could he be so happy all the time? How? I wondered if he could teach me.

Chapter 44
Shlomo

It's time for Trevor to push himself even farther. He gets to know the tiny boy who showed him his comically huge circumcised cock that morning, and who also lives in the dorm room that Trevor is moving into. His working name was Shlong O, but his real name is Shlomo, and he is a cute little flirt! Trevor can be a bit impulsive, especially when it comes to cute naked boys, and for better or for worse, he has a new pet boy before tea is over.

At tea, Boris and Sebastian decided to jump into the boy pile while Annie and I settled into a comfortable cushion in the circle in the middle of the room. I loved it more and more when he sat on my lap. It was easier for me to feel every part of his chinchilla-soft skin, and it was easier to kiss him. I wasn't a strong boy, but he never felt very heavy. He had a super-soft ass. My stupid brother Ian had a bony butt. If he sat on my lap, it hurt! Ian was only a little bigger than me too.

I saw two more familiar faces in the circle, but Annie didn't know either of them. One of them was Yvgenia, and she was delighted that I was going to move in with her in room 46. "And this is my friend Shlomo," she said, introducing the very small, cute, and very familiar boy she was sitting with. "He lives in room 46 as well, so we're all roommates."

I had met Shlomo that morning. He'd introduced himself to me with his working name, Shlong O. He let me see and touch his oversized and circumcised cock up close, the first one I'd ever seen on a real boy, and not just in a picture. I already knew he would be my roommate in room 46 because I'd seen his painting above his bed. It turned out he was only eight years old. His cock was much bigger than mine, and everyone said mine was long for a boy of eight, nearly nine. His cock was about as thick as Boris' and longer than Randy's.

"My new bed is going to be right between theirs," I said to Annie. "I already know everyone on one side of the room, and no one on the other side."

"It's ok," said Shlomo. "we'll introduce you. They're all super nice. There are two more boys, one girl, and one teenage ladyboy who is fifteen. So that's…" He counted on his fingers. "That's five boys and three girls."

"Are you sure about that, Shlomo?" asked a boy as he lept into the circle. "What do you really know about our new roommate Trevor here?"

"Adrian!" I said as he kissed me, and then Annie.

"Have you seen the kind of knickers the boy wears?" Adrian asked as he kissed Shlomo and Yvgenia.

"Yes I have," said Shlomo, looking proud of himself, "and I think they are very pretty!" "What a sweet boy!" said Annie. "Thanks, Shlomo! I really like the ones I was wearing this morning, and they are the prettiest thing I have ever owned."

"I hope you'll own something prettier soon," said Shlomo, in a soft voice, blushing. "Thanks," I said, not sure whether he was talking about clothes. "You'll find very few butch boys in the dorms," said Adrian, "so for a butch boy who likes sissy boys, that's where all the fun is at!"

"But what if I like to be butch but sometimes I like to be sissy?" I asked.

"Sounds like you'll have a lot of fun with yourself too then!" he said with a wink. "Shlomo's not a sissy boy, are you?" Yvgenia asked, putting her hand on his knee.

"For a boy like Trevor?" he asked. "I might be." He blushed, then gave me a cute grin, followed by an even cuter kiss. When he sat back down, Yvgenia slapped his leg for his cheek, then kissed him.

"He is so cute!" Annie whispered in my ear.

I smiled and nodded, whispering back, "And I get to sleep next to him every night!" I licked Annie's ear. "If you like, I'll rent him to you on Mondays and Thursdays."

***

"Trevor Hawk!" shouted Shlomo when Esmeralda held up my super-sexy purple silk bikini knickers with gold and black paisley. I had to lean down to kiss his sweet little mouth for the second time. When I kissed him, I noticed two things. He'd been standing on his toes, and he'd gotten a boner while kissing me. A very big boner. That boy's cock was huge! I gave it a few quick tugs, which made him gasp and squeak like the brakes on a rusty old steam locomotive. His eyes had opened wide, and so had Esmeralda's

"Thank you Auntie," I said with a kiss as Esmeralda handed me my clothes. Shlomo had dived for cover under Yvgenia's arm and curled up in a ball. I didn't mean to embarrass him.

"Sometimes he's bold," said Yvgenia, "and then he can be really bashful."

"Sorry Shlomo," I said. "You were just being so sweet and so cute. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

He peaked up from under Yvgenia's arm and giggled at me, then hid again.

"Need put collar for that boy," said Boris, who had joined us, along with Sebastian, for the undies game.

"Collar?" I asked.

"For be slave," he said. "Want be slave for you. Must put collar for him, then own for slave." "You having me on?" I asked Boris. "I think he's right, Trevor," said Annie. "You should find out if that's what he wants. If you think you'd like that kind of thing, it's a big step."

I had seen BDSM activity on the lot already. Lena and Trish were both wearing collars when we filmed my promo video. I thought it was funny, but Shlomo was too sweet and little to be like that.

"Come on Shlomo," said Yvgenia. "Sit on your own. Sit properly, there's a good boy."

The small boy with the huge cock, which was still hard, hopped out from under Yvgenia and sat between her and me. He looked at me with a shy grin. "You would be a sissy boy for me?" I asked him. He didn't say anything, but he blushed and lowered his head with a cute, irresistible smile, holding his eyes on me. He was an unbelievable flirt! "Wait for me in your dressing room after tea," I said to him. "Don't leave your dressing room until you've seen me. I'll have something for you." His boner bounced as he nodded.

"Oh do be careful," whispered Annie. "Keep it fun. These things can go wrong and people can feel hurt when they do."

"Only for fun," I agreed. "I want to try everything!" It seemed absolutely crazy, but he was so cute, and I thought I could learn more about BDSM with him. Most of all, he was a boy, a very cute boy! No more Trish and Lena.

***

"Yes, a black leather slave collar for a little," I said to the voice on the phone. "Eight years old, yes, but very small for his age. Yes, that's him, Shlong O. And the cuffs, yes, wrists and ankles. Oh, and I need a leash too. What size do they come in? Ok, er, I'd like the two meter leash. Sure you can bring it to my dressing room. Yes, thank you." I had made the phone call to 222 from the tea room after the undies game. I had all that gear already. Diane had given it to me as my welcome gift, but it was all at Randy's house.

Annie giggled, "You're going through with this then?"

"Of course!" I said. "For fun. He's super cute, and it's his idea. It's just for fun. We'll be fine."

Annie introduced me to a ten year-old girl after the undies game. She wore black lipstick and a black leather collar. She did kids BDSM films, and she was a slave to a teenage boy who shared a two-bed dorm room with her on our floor. She told me about being a good master and knowing what slaves want, how to be responsible, that sort of thing. Shlomo and I could work things out, I thought. I understood the worst kinds of risks, and I decided that an informal, playful thing would be best. Maybe I'd call him my pet boy instead of my slave.

***

Annie had to leave early because he and his parents were having dinner with friends in Oxford, and it was a long drive. I hated saying goodbye to him every day! I wished he could stay with me in room 46, but he had a family and a nice home, and I had nowhere decent to stay outside the studio complex.

I felt sad as we snogged in the front lobby while waiting for his mum. He'd put on his soft cotton pink shorts, ruffled ankle socks, pink shoes, and white tank top with the daisy on the front. I had dressed again in my sexy purple silk kit with gold and black paisley and my black fishnets. I'd also put my makeup on. Somehow I liked rubbing Annie's leg more when he was wearing those soft shorts. That was good, because I needed cheering up. I knew part of that sadness was that nagging feeling that it still wasn't real, and that he would go home and not come back. I decided this was a good time to ask him the question that Linda said I had to ask him. I didn't like hurting when I thought of him, and I wanted to know the answer myself.

"Annie," I began, "you know I said it hurts sometimes because you're so pretty and I love you so much?"

"Oh yes, Trevor sweetie," he said, kissing me. "But you know I love you too, right?"

"Uh huh," I said, and I really did know it. "But… but I have this thing I'm supposed to ask you. Linda wants me to ask you this thing." I was getting scared. Why had I brought it up? "Well, she wants me to ask, but I want to know the answer too."

"Of course sweetie," he said. "Ask anything. When people love each other, they can ask anything, and it's ok. And it's also ok not to answer."

"Ok," I said, taking a deep breath. "I love you and being around you and looking at how pretty you are and hearing your pretty voice," I said all at once, "and I love touching your body all over and having sex too. It's special to me when we do that." He looked at me with curiosity. "But you mean so much to me that I'm always afraid of doing something stupid and you won't like me anymore. I can't feel good about loving you without also being frightened that you might go away. I've never felt this way about anyone. My whole life is like that now. It's full of precious things that I might lose!"

He hugged me and said, "Oh no, Trevor, I won't go away! I love you, and if people love each other they can sort out their differences."

I kissed him, then continued, "If you won't ever leave me, but I worry anyway, maybe that's stupid. But what Linda wants me to ask you is if you worry too. Do you worry you might do something stupid, and it might make me go away? I mean, I can't imagine someone like you worrying about such a stupid thing, And I would never go away," a thought that seemed worse than death to me at the time, "but I'm supposed to ask if you worry about losing me too."

He looked into my eyes with an expression that was difficult to read. Then he looked down and hugged me around my chest, saying "All the time." He sniffled, and I could feel warm drips running down my belly. "I don't know much about your life before three days ago, and I don't know what happens when you become angry with someone or disappointed. Would you go away then? I must be myself though, and I must trust that you love me, the person that I am, and that person can be stupid sometimes. What if I do something stupid?"

"I wouldn't go away if you did something stupid," I said. "Besides, you don't do stupid things. You're like an angel. That's why I get frightened sometimes. Why would an angel want to be with an ordinary boy like me?"

He chuckled softly and said, "You'll know soon enough. I'm no angel, and you're no ordinary boy."

***

We mostly hugged, both of us sobbing a bit, until his mum came into the lobby. "Oh Trevor luv!" his mum said. "Annie told me how pretty you were today over the phone. He was certainly right! And such sexy clothes! Did you two love birds have a scene today?"

I said no and Annie said yes. To answer his mum's perplexed look, he said, "We did a short scene for Trevor's new promo video, not for a full film."

That was not what I was thinking at the time. What we'd done on the chaise lounge felt private. It was only Annie and me. It wasn't like a scene, but really it was a scene. It was different with Annie. My feelings were all about him, not fucking and cumming. It was just us together, and nothing else mattered. There were no cameras, and nobody else existed.

I smiled at him and kissed him. He rubbed the growing bulge in my super-sexy knickers and said to his mum, "Trevor has become a very, very special boy to me, Mum."

"Oh, I see!" said his mum.

"You see," I said to Annie as much as to his mum, "it didn't feel like we were doing a scene. It felt like we weren't here on the lot at all. We were on a beach somewhere with nobody else around, and I was with this real live angel. I mean, I know there were cameras all around, but none of that mattered."

"Oh Trevor!" Annie fell into my arms and hugged me tight, beginning to sob again. Then he kissed me passionately.

When he'd had enough kissing, he said, "You see Mum? It's like that for me as well. I love him, and it's not like how I love the other boys. It's different, and it's very special."

"It sounds as if you two really are love birds," said his mum. "Trevor luv, I'd like to make a suggestion. Since you're new to child porn, strong feelings can become stirred up, and it's easy to get them confused. You two love each other in a very special way, but I hope you will keep talking to Linda about your special relationship with Annie, and Annie sweetheart, I am going to schedule a special appointment for you with Linda as well. What you two boys have is lovely, and I want it to grow as long as you make each other happy, but since you're so young and Trevor's so new, it's very, very important to be careful."

I nodded to her in agreement, but I thought Annie would protest at having to see Linda an extra time. Instead, he smiled and kissed his mum. "That sounds lovely," he said. "I can't think of anything I'd rather talk about than my sweet, pretty boy Trevor!"

"Oh how sweet, luv! But time does make fools of us all," she said. "Come along Annie. It's time we were leaving." I kissed him, feeling much less anxious. As I saw his soft, bare, elegant legs walking away, I wondered whether I should have grabbed one more feel, just to be sure they were real too.

***

I walked to my dressing room to wait for the delivery of Shlomo's collar and things. It was expected to take less than fifteen minutes because they were coming from the gift shop attached to the lobby in the same building. The package was already waiting on my makeup table when I arrived. I took the leather collar, cuffs, and leash out of the packaging. The collar was soft yet strong. The leash was a bit stiff, but Shlomo would get used to it. The cuffs were padded on the inside for extended wear. I walked down the children's dressing room corridor until I found his room. I knocked, and the door opened.

"Come in," said a soft voice. "Are you alone?" I asked. "Yes, Sir," the voice said. That was it. He had called me Sir. That meant he wanted this.

As I entered his dressing room, I saw he was naked, stepping backwards to the middle of the floor with his hands behind his back. "Kneel," I said. He knelt down and bowed his head, keeping his hands behind his back. My cock bounced back up when I saw this. I liked being in charge! I stepped behind him and wrapped the collar around his neck. At that moment, his oversized cock snapped into a boner as well. I fastened the collar and attached the leash before stepping around in front of him. Then I read from a card, "Shlomo, you are my pet boy, my slave, my property. I own you, your name, and everything about you. You will serve anybody I tell you to serve. You will at all times, even while on the set, represent your master with pride and excellent behavior. During all hours when you are not working, you are mine unconditionally, and you will serve me and only me unless I dismiss you. Do you understand?" Annie's friend had said it was a good idea to say something like this right away to make sure we both wanted the same thing before we were committed. She helped me write it down on the card I was reading from.

"Yes Master," he said in a soft voice.

"When you address your master," I said, "you will speak in a clear and confident voice. If others are around, you will show with your clear voice that you are proud to be my slave. Do you understand, Boy?

"Yes Master," he said clearly, with what looked like a sincerely proud smile.

"Stand," I said. "Turn around." I could tell he was going to be an obedient slave. I put the leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles. Then I connected the wrist cuffs behind his back. "You will wear these items at all times unless a director requires their removal, your collar and these four cuffs. Do you understand?"

"Yes Master."

"You have a nice boner right now," I said. "We are going for a walk. You will keep your cock hard until I give you permission to let it go soft." I paused. Then I turned on him and said, "Your master has given you a command. I expect all commands to be answered with 'Yes Master,' is that clear?"

"Yes Master. Sorry Master."

"Every time you speak to me, you will address me as 'Master' at least once." "Yes Master," he said. I paraded Shlomo around the bath hall, then down the corridor to the gift shop, where I also bought him a butt plug and ball gag. I attached the ball gag to his head and mouth, and I had him bend over right there in the store so I could roughly insert the butt plug into him after first having him lick it to make it slippery. He squeaked through the ball gag, and the gathering crowd voiced their approval. I felt an amazing rush from the power, but much more because he was so cute and little, and he was mine. Everyone liked us cute littles, and I had just made the littlest little my property. "We will step outside now. If anyone wants a service from my new slave boy, follow us and speak with me. He will do as I command," I said to the crowd.

Two men and a boy, who was the son of one of the men, wanted to fuck him, a man and another boy wanted him to suck them, and a woman wanted him to eat her daughter's pussy. The girl was only as big as he was.

I put him on his knees, removed his ball gag, positioned the girl on the grass, her legs spread open in front of him, and I pushed his head into her little pussy. This was not easy for him because he was off-balance, having his hands cuffed behind his back. He had to support part of his weight with his mouth on the girl's pussy, which soon had her screaming with orgasmic ecstasy. The boy fucked his ass first. I pulled the butt plug out abruptly, which made him gasp. I told the boy he could fuck him dry or lube him with his own spit. He decided to go in as he was. The other boy stepped in front of him and lifted his head by the hair and put Shlomo's face over his cock. The boy held Shlomo's head there as he face-fucked him. The boy in Shlomo's ass came first. He shot a little cum, which made it easier for his dad to shove his cock into Shlomo's tiny ass. He barked and squeaked as the man penetrated him. That made the boy in front cum rather loudly. After a few minutes of fucking and sucking, the man in back pulled out and shot his load over Shlomo's back and into his hair. The last man jammed into the tiny ass and fucked with ferocity. The man up front pulled his cock head out of Shlomo's mouth and squirted onto Shlomo's face, hair, and glasses, with only a small amount going into the boy's mouth. "Swallow!" I ordered him, and he did. Randy walked over to us from the Office building. "Do you want a piece of my new boy?" I asked him.

"You took a slave?" Randy asked.

"Yeah," I giggled. "He's so tiny and so cute! I just had to have him!"

The man in back pulled out and said to Randy, "You can have him back here. I'm going to shoot in his face."

"Thank you, that's ok," said Randy. The man face-fucked Shlomo for only a minute before shooting his load all over the boy's face and hair. "He really is a cute little boy. Where'd you find him?"

"He's one of my new roommates," I said. "His bed is next to mine in room 46." I put the ball gag back on him and ordered him to stand. "I don't think he can see well with all that cum on his glasses," I said.

"Why don't you connect him to the hitching post at the front door. He can wait there while we talk business. He will make a cute decoration, all covered in cum. It's his first day, so you should make it something special for him to remember." Randy showed me some yellow frames, which I'd thought were bicycle racks. "You see these attachment points?" he asked me, indicating a continuous row of steel loops spaced about an inch apart, going all around the rack. "They are positioned so you can hook all four of his cuffs to the frame, in whatever position you want to keep him in." I connected each cuff to the four corners on the frame. His legs were spread wide, and his arms were spread in a downward direction. The rack came up to his waist, so his arms had to be attached low, though Randy suggested that sometimes it's fun to hook both arms and legs to the top of the rack. "A little boy like Shlong O. wouldn't reach the ground. He would hang there until you retrieved him." Then Randy whispered something into Shlomo's ear, and the boy nodded, shook his head, then nodded again.

We went inside to my dressing room, leaving my new, sticky, cum-covered boy as a decoration at the front door. I thought about Amber, and how upset I was about seeing her mistreated just two days earlier. Had I really changed that much?

***

When we arrived at my dressing room, I reached for a root beer, and Randy made some coffee in a coffee maker that was above the microwave. "You know," he began, "nearly every top, every slave master on the lot has been trying to collar little Shlomo. How did you get him into a collar?"

"Well," I began, "It wasn't hard, really. He just… you know, he'd shown me his willy this morning, and I remembered him when we were in the tea room. He said that for me he might be a sissy boy if I wanted that. Then he got a huge stiffie when I kissed him after he'd guessed my knickers in the undies game. He had that stiffie through the rest of tea. He played all shy and giggly, and then he wasn't so shy. Boris said I should put a collar on him. So I bought one and I did."

"It sounds as if he chose you," said Randy. "He couldn't have made it more obvious. I need to order something for you." He picked up the phone on the coffee table and dialed 222. He asked them to send several pamphlets. One was called The First Time Master: A Guide to BDSM Success. He ordered two copies of Abusive Doms and Masters: How to Know if You Are in an Abusive Relationship. Finally, he ordered two copies of Pleasing Master: A Slave's Guide to Worthiness. "Give a copy of Abusive Doms and Masters and Pleasing Master to Shlomo," said Randy. "I want you to read through all three pamphlets. They are not very long, but there is some very important information for you in those pamphlets. I'm sure others have already cautioned you that you must be very careful with a slave. You can hurt him very badly if you are not careful, and he can also hurt you.

"I want you to discuss this with Linda at your next appointment too." I sighed my crabbiest sigh. I was tired of hearing about what I needed to tell Linda! "Listen to me Hawk," he said. "Linda is not the enemy. Her job is to make sure you stay happy and healthy. That's all. She does not want to take anything from you. She only wants to help you manage what you have. She will not tell you to give up your new slave. She will help you to understand why it's so important to watch yourself, and to watch out for Shlomo. She will help you make it more fun and last longer."

"You whispered in his ear before we came inside," I said.

"Oh yes," said Randy, "I did. I asked if he knew about safe-words and safe gestures, and I asked him to show me the safe gesture for the hitching post."

"Safe gesture?" I asked.

"Yes, that's the very first rule you need to establish as a master," he said. "You need to designate a safe-word, and if you have a gag on him, or if for some other reason he cannot speak or you cannot hear him, you need to have signs and gestures that he can use to tell you he is in trouble and needs to stop whatever is happening. That way he can say things like 'ouch,' and he can beg you to stop, which can be part of the fun, but you know it's not serious unless he uses the safe- word. But if he says his safe-word, it's like tapping out of a situation on the set, or like calling 'hold' if something is not right. A safe-word means that you stop whatever you are doing immediately and release him from anything he is attached to. You don't know why he uses his safe word until you stop and he tells you. It can be something very serious, like maybe he can't breathe. Or it might be that he feels uncomfortable with something."

"But isn't a slave supposed to feel uncomfortable?" I asked. "I mean, he's locked to the hitching post rack thing right now. That can't be comfortable."

Randy grinned, but paused before answering. "In BDSM, and slavery is a special part of BDSM, pleasure and pain can become the same thing. Forced discomfort can enhance a slave's pleasure. It's difficult to understand at first, I know, but the most important thing for you to know is that if Shlomo says the word 'lunchtime,' you must absolutely stop whatever you are doing and release him. Do you understand that much?"

I nodded. "So 'lunchtime' is our safe-word? And if he says it, I need to let him go?"

"Exactly," said Randy. "Lunchtime is the safe-word for the whole complex, but you can also choose one of your own. It should be a word that will never come up during sex." He ran his hands through his hair and inhaled deeply. "Your question is difficult, and only your slave can tell you the difference between being uncomfortable in a way that gives him pleasure and being genuinely uncomfortable with what you are doing to him. That is why he is the one who gets to decide when to use the safe-word. He always has the right to say no. In fact, if he says his safe- word and you don't stop, you will at minimum be banned for three months from having a slave or participating in any form of BDSM activity, either on-camera or off, and you will be required to go through special lessons before being allowed to participate again. The penalty can be worse if you actually hurt your boy. You could lose your contract, and you could be permanently banned from Frenetic. You must understand that continuing after a sub or a slave uses the safe- word is a kind of rape, and adults here, even older teens, can be sent to prison for violating the safe-word."

That sounded scary. I didn't want to hurt my new little cutie boy, not ever! "But what if he feels uncomfortable now?" I asked. "He has a gag on, so he can't say the safe-word, and maybe no one would hear him if he did. He can't even move his hands! Will I get in trouble?"

"I'm glad you asked that," he said. "I also mentioned safe gestures. When I whispered into little Shlomo's ear, I asked him to show me the safe gesture. He nodded twice, shook his head twice, then nodded twice again. Since he can't speak, and his hands are bound, he uses his head to make a safe gesture."

"But I'm in here with you!" I said, becoming frightened. "You suggested I lock him up outside! But I can't see his safe gesture from here!"

"That is taken care of," said Randy in a calm voice. "The hitching posts are in that location for a reason. The security office is right across the roadway in front of them. When a slave or sub is on the rack, a security officer watches constantly on a video monitor, looking for signs of a safe gesture. The officers also walk to the hitching post every ten minutes and check on the slave in person. If Shlomo makes a safe gesture, the officer will be with him in fifteen seconds to release him and see to his needs. They run as fast as they can if they see that."

"I see," I said.

"It's all in The First Time Master," he said.

A knock at the door announced the arrival of the pamphlets, which Randy handed to me.

Chapter 45
Back to Business

This is the last chapter of Part 3, which means the work day is done, sort of, and as usual, Randy likes to have a business meeting with the boys after tea. All of his success and money finally catches up with Trevor when Randy runs down the insane amount of money Trevor had made that day. He becomes extremely emotional, but he doesn't understand why. Another visit from that lovely Nurse Dan helps put him right. Then Randy has another surprise for the boys that means even more money for Trevor, but he pretends he didn't hear that part. But the news gives Randy, Trevor, Boris, and Sebastian reason to celebrate! And finally, Trevor and Sebastian learn all about IAH. It explains a few things, though they don't really understand half of what Randy tells them about it.
Trevor also learns that the following day's schedule is going to be a very difficult one. He will finish his promo film with his voice-over work, and he learns how important it is to get everything absolutely perfect. (This is especially apparent at the screening of the first rough edit after lunch.) Then there will be a visit with a detective from Scotland Yard. Trevor is intimidated and afraid of what he has to tell her. There will be other challenges in the day ahead, but mostly he will have fun later in the afternoon. Already he has been scheduled to do another live performance. He doesn't know it yet, but this time he will be the director. Who would hire such a young kid to direct a performance? Someone with a lot of money, and who really likes Trevor.
I hope you enjoy this one! There is no action in this long chapter, just a few brief fantasies. It's more about getting to know the characters, especially Trevor, and pulling the plot together.

"Ok, down to business," Randy said while rubbing his hands together. "First, we need to discuss money again. I don't think you realize how much money you made in total today. For the live performance, you earned £24,000 for the basic fee. You also earned a very generous £36,000 in bonus pay. I say it is generous because Mr. Eastman is paying you first-time bonuses for doing ATM on Boris and again on me. Technically he should only pay that bonus once, because I was not your first ATM, but Mr. Eastman has been so pleased with your work here that he decided to give it to you anyway, and he tells me he plans to continue the practice for all of your first time bonuses. He really likes you, Hawk. So your fee for the performance is an even £60,000.

"Here's how that gets divided. The money for your basic fee goes into your trust, but you have to pay my commission first. That means you get £21,600 for your trust. Your bonus money all goes into your spending account, but again, I get my commission of that too, so you'll have £32,400 remaining for your spending account. But the big number for you is all that tip money! You received £47,200 in tips, which all goes toward your spending account, meaning you have £79,600 for your spending account, and £21, 600 for your trust. Your gross pay for that single hour's work was £107,200. There are people in the office looking into it, but that might be an all time record gross for a live show for anyone who has been here for less than a month. But we still have more money for you." My head was spinning fast. Surely these were just numbers.

"Shooting your promo film turned out to be quite a bit more lucrative than we had expected. The whole video only counts as a single scene, even though you did scenes with several people. But the basic pay was £7,000. Not bad." He was developing a sly smile. "Hawk," he said. "I want you to take a guess at how much bonus money you made on your promo video. Just guess."

"I dunno," I said. "I suppose for fisting those women, that was kinda nasty. Maybe I got something for that. And maybe because of Hannah's virginity?" He nodded with a growing smile. "I hadn't done those things before, so maybe £3,000?"

"Try £48,000 kiddo!" said Randy, hugging me close. "Hawk, you are an amazing phenomenon here. So many people wanted to be part of your promo video shoot, and they wanted to do a lot of K & F work, most of which was first time stuff for you. Those two women you fisted were worth exactly £20,000 alone. Pussy fisting, anal fisting, and going arm-deep are all considered separate acts, and they are worth a lot, plus the additional first time bonuses, which Eastman agreed to double for the two pussy fistings. He also agreed to pay your little gangbang as an actual gangbang, so you got £14,000 for that as well."

"Oh wow," I said. "That's… a lot."

"That's £55,000 for your promo film," he said. "We're also looking into whether that's a record. So, for the basic film fee, £6,300 goes into your trust after my commission, bringing that up to £27,900. For the bonuses, after commission, £43,200 is left for your spending account, bringing that to a total of £122,800. That means that so far today, you grossed £162,200, which might well be a record for single day total gross for a little."

"How could that be a record?" I asked. "I only worked half the day."

"It might be a record for a little," he said. "Remember, that means kids who are under nine years of age, or who look that young. Most littles don't want to do a lot of the things you have been doing comfortably, and we never push them. If a little does an anal scene, he is almost always the bottom, and he is usually with a man or an older boy. Very few littles can bottom a man's cock, and for most, bottoming for a teenage boy is too painful. On the rare occasion that Eastman and a director agree to try a new little as a bottom for a teenager, the director or the KCU supervisor often has to stop the scene. Eastman only agreed to let you bottom after I'd shown him some of the pictures of us from Sunday. He knew you could do it, and that you liked doing it. You are the only little I've known since Sebastian was your age who can do a gangbang with men. Not just men, but porn star men with big porn star cocks. You have to understand how rare that is." Was I really that unusual? The only one since Sebastian? "Most littles are curious," he continued, "and you guys will try just about anything, but that means a little can easily get into a situation that feels overwhelming, and they don't handle it very well. I've learned a lot about you in these past few days, Hawk, and I decided to let you try some pretty exotic stuff, like fisting with Trish and Lena. I knew you might not like it, but I also knew how important it was for you to explore and learn for yourself who you are sexually. You seem to be the kind of boy who can have bad sex and still like it because it's sex. When some littles try something like that when they are new to porn, and they discover they don't like it, they can have much stronger reactions than you did. You just seemed a bit annoyed. Some littles can become sick. They can cry, or run away upset. It doesn't happen very often because we try to be careful, but when it does, it's very upsetting for everybody, especially the poor little. That's why so many people, including Linda, are watching you so closely, to make sure you are staying comfortable and safe. But the things you are doing while staying safe, and mostly comfortable, are extremely uncommon for a boy your age. I saw something in you when we first met. Do you remember me telling you that?"

"Yeah, I do. You say that a lot." I remembered that wonderful afternoon in the tree with Randy.

"Well, I didn't know you could do all the things you do," he continued. "I only saw your natural beauty, the way you move, and your sexual energy. I knew the camera would love you, and our viewers would go crazy. Mr. Eastman saw it too on your first day here. He knew how special you were. Put that together with the skills you have and your young age, and you are not only an incredible and lovely young boy, but an absolute phenomenon in child pornography. Are you beginning to see why people like Eastman and your director yesterday, Mr. Koolman, why they love you so much? Mostly they love you because you are Trevor, but they also love these extraordinary qualities you have as a porn actor." He smiled and ruffled my hair.

"The most difficult quality to understand is how perfectly the camera captures your beauty and your energy during a scene. Sometimes that doesn't happen. A boy can be truly beautiful and expressive, but he just doesn't look right in video. Directors can do a lot to make actors look better, but with you their job is easy. Even in bad lighting, you look dead sexy."

"That's because I am dead sexy! Ask Annie!" I said with a confident smile, still not believing half of what he had just said. Cameras love some boys but not others? I knew that wasn't true for a start. It was Randy's job to make sure I felt good in my new job, so I was sure he was making me sound way better than I was.

"Ok Hawk," he said. I'll ask him tomorrow. But now we need to have a difficult and serious talk about all this money. You have £122,800 for your spending account, but only £27,900 for your trust. That leaves you very vulnerable. Money in your trust account is safe and tax-free until it's taken out of the fund. Money sitting in your spending account is taxable unless you spend it on things for your work in child porn. Markus had a talk with me a short while ago, and he is very concerned about the situation. You could lose a lot of money. Remember about money that doesn't feel real? We need to consider that here. All of that money was transferred to Markus this afternoon, and he has a separate account for clients' money. He has deposited £20,000 into your spending account, and he would like to add the remaining £102,800 to your trust. It is not in your trust fund yet, and he can transfer as much as you like to your spending account with a single phone call. He wanted to hear back from us first though. Our contract says you are entitled to have all of that money in your spending account, but it also says you can choose to put as much as you like into your trust."

"What do you think I should do?" I asked the man I trusted more than anybody, even though he exaggerated a lot when he talked about me.

"I think you should do what your solicitor recommends. In fact, I would feel better if you kept only £10,000 in your spending fund, but I have to go with Markus. He's the expert on these things. He wants you to have enough money to have fun, and he wants you to celebrate your fantastic start in child pornography. He also thinks, and I agree, that you'll probably be spending most of that money on business items anyway, like sexy clothes and jewelry."

"That's so much money. I didn't think I'd ever see that kind of money. I sure didn't think I'd ever own so much of it. It feels a bit scary."

"If it feels scary, that's a very important sign that you need to trust the experts who work for you. It's their job to know what's best for you. I think that means you should do as Markus suggests."

I nodded, then suddenly I needed to run to the loo and throw up. I didn't quite make it all the way, and some of it made a mess on the floor. "Yes, Trevor Hawk's dressing room," I heard Randy say. "He's just been sick, and the lavatory floor needs cleaning," I heard Randy say. "I think he's fine. He's had a rather stressful day. Oh yes, that would be lovely; send him along. Trevor will be happy to see him again. Thank you."

I wiped my face with a towel and stepped out of the loo as Randy hung up the phone. I ran over to him and cried into his belly. He hugged me, and then picked me up and carried me to the settee. He cradled me in his lap. I didn't know why I was sick and crying. I just was. "Having your dreams come true isn't as easy as everyone thinks, is it, Hawk?" he asked. I shook my head and continued crying. A man came and cleaned out my loo in about five minutes, but I hardly noticed him. I cried right through his visit. Randy rocked me in his arms. "I love you Hawk," he said. "You'll understand all this soon enough. Just feel what you feel, and cry as much as you want to cry. I will be here, and I will love you when you are done just as much as I do now."

It's strange when you have to cry and cry, but you don't know why. I wasn't sad, but I felt lonely. Even in the arms of the man I loved so much, for some reason I was so terribly lonely.

"Do you remember Nurse Dan?" he asked, "the one who helped you when you were dehydrated?" I nodded without stopping my crying. "He will be dropping by in a few minutes to look you over, just in case there's a medical problem that made you sick. He's coming from the clinic, so it'll take a few minutes." Nothing mattered besides Randy and my confused feelings. I felt like a baby kangaroo, safe in its mother's pouch, all warm and comfortable, but still I cried.

Maybe that was the moment when everything changed for me? There had been several moments when I thought I had finally accepted my new life. Was this finally it? Had it finally hit me? Without realizing it, I had stopped crying, and I was left with feelings of happiness and love. I felt at peace in Randy's strong arms. "Is my makeup ok?" I asked him.

He looked at me and laughed before kissing me sweetly. "It looks very pretty," he said. "They really chose the right stuff for you. It doesn't run at all."

"Good," I said. "I want to look pretty for Nurse Dan."

I answered the door myself when Nurse Dan knocked. "Well hello, my sweet, pretty boy!" said Dan as he offered me a hug. "I haven't seen you looking like this. It suits you! Hi Randy," he said, offering Randy a handshake. "So what's going on with our pretty young friend?" I loved it when people called me pretty, but when Nurse Dan called me pretty, my heart skipped a beat.

"Well, we were going over some business," Randy said, "when I think the stress of it all suddenly snuck up on him, so he had to run to the toilet and throw up."

"I tried," I said, "but I didn't make it all the way. Someone had to come and clean it up. But I cried and cried, and I don't know why."

"Oh my," said Nurse Dan. "That can be such a bother. Feelings can get confusing when you are new here, but there are a lot of people here who love you, so always ask for help if you need it."

I nodded and said, "Dr. Ben told me that too."

"That's good. Dr. Ben wants you to be happy and healthy too. Now, let's have a look at you," he said. He lifted me up and set me on my makeup table. "I'll need to do a lot of the same things we did yesterday.." He took the temperature in my ear, then my blood pressure. He felt around my neck and throat. He had me say ah. He looked into my ears. Then he had me lie on the table while he pressed my belly in a few places, asking if it hurt. He used his stethoscope to listen to my belly.

I imagined I was naked, like I was the day before, only this time lying on a table for him while he played with my adorable body. But I knew he had to be a professional, and he couldn't do any of that just now. I also felt surprised for just an instant that I had been crying for so long, but here I was thinking about sex as soon as Nurse Dan entered the room. That wasn't right, was it?

"Ok, you can sit up now," he said with a smile. "Looks like your feelings got a little too strong for your body to handle. It happens sometimes. Your feelings can be so strong that parts of your body no longer work properly, like the part that keeps your food on the inside. I think the best thing for you to do is trust Randy here when it comes to business. He knows what's best, and that means you don't have to worry about things when you trust him. He gets paid to worry about business and money and all that, and he's very good at it. You get paid to look absolutely gorgeous! And you are both world-class experts at what you do," he said, tickling my belly. As I giggled, he turned to Randy and said, "It looks like stress-related stomach upset. I don't see anything that indicates medical treatment, just some relaxation. He should be fine. He had a good cry, did he?"

"Yes I did," I said to him. "I cried and cried, and I didn't know why."

"That's your body's way of telling you to slow down and stop worrying so much," he said, poking my belly. "You only get to be a little boy once. Save the worrying for when you're Randy's age. Little boys should have fun." He turned to Randy and said, "Try to help him stay on top of his stress. There are resources at the clinic for stress management in these little guys. Just call during the day and they'll connect you with whatever you need. When we get the new batch of kids in the fall, we'll start up the support group for new littles again. That seemed quite helpful to a lot of them, and you know we see a lot of this in new kids. Dr. Ben also recommends getting kids enrolled in regular fitness activity during the summer if they're struggling with stress or anxiety." I knew that every child actor at Frenetic was required to exercise for one hour each day except on weekends, but not during summer holidays. "Exercise can help reduce stress, and we have a lot of fun activities that don't really feel like exercise," he said with a wink to me. I think he noticed I was none too thrilled about a keep-fit program. "If he vomits again tonight or develops a fever or abdominal pain, call us right away, ok?"

"Ok," said Randy. "I'll drop by the clinic tomorrow and have a chat with your people about stress management and fitness. Thanks for coming out, Dan."

"And you!" Nurse Dan said, turning to me, "I want to see more of you looking gorgeously pretty and less of you being sick and worried, ok?"

"Ok," I nodded with a winking smile, sexily crossing my legs and blowing him a kiss.

***

"Do you think you're ok to talk business a little more, Hawk?" Randy asked me some while later. He was sipping his coffee, and I had my root beer. I was curled up on his lap again. He had been rocking me slowly, and it was in some ways like making love with Annie. I was in a different place. It was a beautiful place, and only Randy and I were there. It was the safest place in the world.

"No more money talk, please?" I asked. "That's just too weird to think about now. Just do what Markus said with the money, and then can we talk about something different please?"

"Certainly," said Randy. "I think that's a wise decision. The next thing we need to talk about is your living situation. You are all signed up for room 46, so you can sleep there tonight if you'd like. You have been assigned to room 212 in the DAB."

"The DAB?" I asked.

"Sorry," he said. "The Dormitory Accessory Building. It's usually called the Accessory Tower, but that's not its proper name. It's the tallest building on the lot, so people call it a tower," he explained. "If you would like two rooms connected to each other, there are still some available in the upper floors. Remember, that's an extra two hundred quid per month, but I think you can handle that. It will be paid from your trust."

"Oh yes, please!" I said. "I want two rooms. I want to make a studio in one of them, just like your studio! And I want to have a place to put my things too, and a computer room, and a private place for Annie and me, and a play room, and… all sorts of things!"

"That sounds just fine," said Randy. "Just draw a simple picture of where you want things." He handed me a piece of paper with the outlines of the two rooms printed on it. At the top of the page was my name, along with the room numbers 1208 and 1210. "It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good. The architects know how old you are, and they can work with whatever kind of drawing you give them. They will make a design and walk you through it with a computer model before they start building. Then the interior designers will want to meet you to get to know your personality and the kinds of things you want in the rooms. They will add their ideas to the computer model. You can change things however you like, and you will see the changes on the computer right away, so it should be a quick process."

"I want pretty boys on all my walls!" I said, feeling excited that talking about business could actually be fun. "And I want big posters of Boris and Sebastian and Robbie and Adrian… and maybe other boys too, but not Annie."

"Why not Annie?"

"He's special," I said, feeling myself blush. "I don't want to show him off naked to everyone. I want to be with him and love him and keep him special. I want pictures of him on my shelves and on my walls, but I want them to be pretty pictures of the boy I love, not sexy pictures of a boy I want to fuck."

"Hawk, that is a very sweet sentiment," he said. "Of course all actors here have promo posters and many photographs you could use, so I'll get anyone you need. The decorators will have them framed for you too. Some of them even have old paintings of them in storage. You would need to get their permission to use them though. You should also know these rooms are on the top level of the building, the twelfth floor. The view is beautiful, overlooking the complex, but the lifts can take a minute or two to get to you."

"Oh that sounds lovely!" I said. "I don't mind the lifts, really. You know I like to be up high!"

"How could I forget!" he said, rumpling my hair, which must have become thoroughly messy by that point. "I'll let them know you want the twelfth floor DAB rooms. And give some thought to whether you want to stay in your dorm room tonight or come back to my place." I nodded. "Tonight I need to visit your mother and inform her that you won't be living there anymore. I'm sure that will be an interesting visit, but I don't want you there. Things can sometimes get ugly when we have talks like that with parents, especially if there's alcohol involved, and I need to keep you away from all that for now. Like Dan said, I get paid to worry about those things, and you get paid to look gorgeous." He smiled and kissed me.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," called Randy. "Hello Markus," he said to my attorney as he entered the room.

After they shook hands, I jumped up into Markus' arms, put my arms around his neck, and gave him a big, sloppy kiss. "Hi Markus!" I said. "We're having a business meeting again. Are you here for our meeting?" I asked.

"I'm here for part of it, Trevor," he said. "For now I'll just wait quietly until we get to my part. Is that all right?" I nodded with a smile. I liked Markus a lot. He played along during my victory drive, the drive in the limousine where we drank champagne and celebrated my new contract with Frenetic. I don't know if it's normal for a victory drive, but we also had a lot of sex, and Markus was fun! He did everything I told him to do.

"We were just getting to Hawk's schedule for tomorrow," Randy said to Markus. The latter nodded and opened his briefcase, then sat quietly. "Ok Hawk, you and I will start at 8:30 with some voiceover work in recording studio C. That's the small room with the best voiceover equipment."

"The one that made my ears feel funny?" I asked. I didn't know it then, but the voiceover studios had materials in them to absorb sound, nearly all of it. It can be difficult to talk to someone if they are even ten feet away. The music studios weren't as weird, but they still had that feel. They were also much larger. One was large enough for a full orchestra to record.

"No, that was studio D, but your ears will still feel funny, maybe even funnier. Studio C is the best voice studio in the complex, and possibly in the whole London Metro area. You will be adding some narration to your promo video, like you did for the live show this afternoon. There will be very little for you to say, but they will probably want to record everything several times. They will also want to try different microphones to see which one best captures the uniqueness of your voice. Everybody's voice is different, so different microphones might be better for different voices. We have blocked out a two hour recording session, though you will likely be done much sooner."

"Ok," I said, taking a sip of root beer. "If all I have to do is talk, that sounds easy."

"Yes and no," said Randy. "Remember, having sex is also easy, but filming a scene is much more complicated than just having sex. You have to learn to control when you cum and when you are hard, you need to keep your hair away from your face so the camera can see you, you have to keep your sightlines open to the cameras, you have to do scenes again and again until the director thinks it's just right, and maybe you aren't even attracted to the person you're working with." I nodded, wondering where this was going. "Well, your voiceover work for the live show wasn't very critical. You had very few lines to read, and it was ok if they didn't sound perfectly polished. But your promo video needs everything to be professional and perfect. The surprising thing is that it needs to sound like you're having a chat with a friend, and we can all do that, but when you're in a studio with people looking at you with a script and a microphone in front of you instead of a friend, it takes practice to sound natural. You'll do just fine," he said, reading the look of worry on my face. "Everybody involved has made hundreds of these promo videos for new kids your age, and they all want you to be relaxed and happy. They will put you at ease. They are not scary at all. I will be there with you as well. The worst part of it is that you will probably become bored at some point because we'll have to pause several times to work out technical issues that you won't have to worry about, and it can take a while before we get back to recording when we do that. That means a lot of waiting."

"Ok," I said. I wasn't worried when Randy was with me.

"Ok, that gets us to 10:30. That's an important time in our schedule," he said with a smile that somehow didn't seem sincere. That made me think that bad news was to follow. "That's also why Markus is here." Markus nodded without smiling. "Earlier today, after the live performance, you were sexually assaulted by Beauregard Buford." "He didn't assault me," I said. "He just grabbed my cock, and Raoul pulled him away." "Hawk," said Randy, "you don't understand yet why such a thing is so very serious. You will understand one day, I don't know when, but it is very, very serious. Your body is your own. You decide who touches you sexually, and it doesn't matter if you are sitting naked in front of him after doing a live sex show, or even if they've tipped you £10,000. That is the most sacred rule in the child porn business. Nobody ever touches a child sexually without that child's permission. He robbed you of control over your sexuality. That is a kind of rape, and it must never be allowed. I know you don't really understand why that rule means so much to everyone. That's why you have people like Raoul and like me looking after you, and Markus too. If people like Buford got away with assaults like that, child porn actors everywhere would be at risk. Then our whole industry would be in danger. It must not be allowed ever. Children must always be kept safe from any form of unwelcome sexual touch. Always. And not just in the child porn business. I mean all children everywhere, always."

I nodded and said, "Ok, I guess you know what's best, but what happens at 10:30?"

"At 10:30, a detective inspector from the Metropolitan Police will be visiting the studio, and she needs to ask you about what happened," said Markus.

I know I looked scared. I sure felt scared. "Why? Randy said it was all on video!"

"Yes, it was all recorded on video, but there was a lot of talking in the room, and you weren't wearing a microphone. That means the video can't tell us what you said to Mr. Buford. So without a statement from you, the victim, they might not be able to bring charges," said Markus.

"What if I don't want them to bring charges?"

Randy hugged me and rocked me again. "All of this stress and fear that you are feeling right now is part of how he hurt you. When he touched you, he made you the victim of a crime, and being the victim of a crime is never fun. It means you have to work with the police when you'd rather be playing with your new pet boy. It means you have to tell your story to the detectives, and maybe even to a magistrate, though it shouldn't come to that," he said. "It means you might feel sick and have to throw up again sometime because it's stressful. He did that to you. He put you in this position."

"Hawk, the law does not require you to say anything to the detective," said Markus, "but if you don't tell your story to the detective, Mr. Buford might get away with his crime. When people get away with crimes like this, it makes it easier for others to commit the same crimes against other child porn actors, and even worse crimes. I know it's difficult to understand, but if you don't speak with the inspector, other kids might be assaulted by Beauregard Buford. It wouldn't be your fault if that happened, but you have the opportunity to prevent that by helping us to put Mr. Buford in prison. I know it feels like a lot of pressure, and you don't understand all the fuss, but you should also know the visit with the inspector will not be like anything you've seen on the telly. It's really not a lot of fuss, and it could do a great deal of good for a lot of children. I spoke with the inspector this afternoon. Her name is Detective Inspector Judith MacAdams, and she's really quite nice."

"Is she from Scotland Yard?" I asked, now feeling a little awe-stricken.

"Yes, she is. She is with the Criminal Investigations Division of the Metropolitan Police Service. Her office is indeed in Scotland Yard."

"Wow," I said. "I bet she's solved loads of murders!"

Markus chuckled and kissed me again. "You watch too much telly, you little sweetie! There really aren't as many unsolved murders as television would have us believe. Besides, Inspector MacAdams doesn't work homicides. She works for what they call the 'pedophile unit.' It has a longer name, but that's not important."

"Is Mr. Buford a pedophile?" I asked.

"He is, and so am I, and so is Randy, and so is everyone else who likes children sexually," he said. "That's what a pedophile is, but that is not a crime. The crime is when a pedophile forces a sex act onto the child, or acts without permission. That is a very serious crime, and that is exactly what Mr. Buford did."

"How can I tell the inspector what she wants to know if I don't understand what was so bad about it?"

"She will want to know only one thing from you, Trevor. She only wants to know what happened. You can even tell her you didn't think it was so bad if it will help you feel better about telling her what happened. You let her worry about the seriousness of the crime and all the details. And remember, you won't be alone. Randy will be there with you as your guardian, and I will be there as your attorney." Randy put his arm around me and gave me a quick side hug. "All the inspector will do is ask you to tell her, in your own words, what happened. She might ask a few questions to clarify what you've said, but that's all. You just tell her what happened in your own words. She will ask you if she needs to know more about something. If you don't know the answer, tell her you don't know. You can do that, can't you, Trevor?"

"You make it sound so easy. Just talking is all?"

"Just talking," he said. I would be just talking all morning, in the studio and with the inspector, and I wasn't looking forward to either.

"Inspector MacAdams' assistant will be typing down what you say into his computer," Markus continued. "When you are done, the assistant will print a copy. You and I will read that copy, Randy too, if he wants, and if you agree that everything on the page is true, you and I will sign it. That's it. It's only that. Tell the inspector what happened, answer any questions she might have, then read and sign the paper, if it's all true. If there is a mistake on the paper, tell me, even if it's a small mistake, and we will correct it and print a new copy before you sign it. There is no need to think too much or worry about anything. Remember, Randy gets paid to worry, and I get paid to think over the legal details." He smiled and kissed me. "And what do you get paid for?"

"For looking super-sexy and absolutely gorgeous!" I said, winking at him and blowing him a kiss. "That's right! So, that will take about twenty minutes…" "Twenty minutes?" I asked with surprise.

"How long do you think it will take for you to tell the inspector what happened?" he asked.

"Well, I guess I could say what happened in about a minute," I said. "There wasn't much to it really, and it only took a few seconds, but she'll have all sorts of questions, won't she? Don't I have to say I swear on a bible that I'm telling the truth and all that stuff? Won't they need my fingerprints and a DNA sample?"

Markus and Randy both laughed at my questions. "I hope you spend more time here making videos than you do watching the television," said Markus. "No, you won't need to do any of those things, and I don't think she'll have very many questions. This is only a victim's statement, not a deposition. That's a longer and more complicated process, and it shouldn't be necessary. This is quick and easy. She told me to plan on ten minutes for Randy and twenty minutes for you, and that's only because you are so young, and you will have your solicitor and your guardian with you. Sometimes we lawyers also have questions for the detective, so it can take longer, but still twenty minutes should be enough."

I took another sip of my root beer, wondering how it could be so easy to put someone in prison, just with a twenty minute chat. "Ten minutes for you?" I asked, turning to Randy. "You need to see her too?"

"Yes," he said. "Before you go in to see Inspector MacAdams, she needs to hear my statement of what happened. You were the victim, and I was a witness. I was right there and I saw it very clearly. I am also your guardian, and she might want to ask me some questions about your home and your general safety. Unfortunately, I've had to do this before. That's how I know how quick it can be. You will have a few hours of free time after our visit with the inspector."

"Maybe I should draw some pictures of my rooms in the ADB?"

"That sounds like a great idea, but remember, it's the DAB, not the ADB." We both had a giggle. "Do you have any more questions for me, Trevor?" Markus asked. "I don't think so," I said.

"Very well then," he said, rising to his feet. "You will find this easier than you might think, I am sure. If you think of any questions, call me any time. I will always answer my phone if you call from your new cell phone," he said.

"Um… ok," I said. I didn't want to tell him I hadn't learned how to use my cell phone yet.

He leaned over and we kissed goodbye. He shook Randy's hand and said, "I'll need to know as soon as possible about the accounts and tax plan."

"Ok," said Randy, walking him to the door. "I'll see you shortly for our visit with Mrs. Hawkinson tonight. I'll fill you in on the way."

"Ok," said Markus. "See you soon."

Randy closed the door and came back to sit with me."Back to tomorrow's schedule. I will have to leave you alone after we are done with the inspector. I need to be at a meeting in the office building until lunch time. I would like you to have a plan for the time in between. You are going to draw some pictures for your rooms. Can you think of anything else you'd like to do during that time?"

"Can I go for a ride in the helicopter?"

"What an excellent idea!" he said. "I'll speak with our aviation staff and set that up, if the helicopter is available. If it's not available, maybe you could visit the school and speak with some of the staff there. You could get a tour and learn how they do things. They might even have a tutor to assign to you if you don't want to wait until fall term begins. The sooner you begin, the sooner you will graduate."

"Ok," I said, with a clear lack of enthusiasm. Who wanted to go to school during summer holidays?

"That gets us to lunch. I'll meet you in the dining area, along with Sebastian and Boris, and your little sweetheart Annie as well." I blushed, but I couldn't think of anything in the world that I would rather be embarrassed about. "After lunch, you and I will have another busy day."

There was a knock at my door. "Come in," I called.

"What hell for forget we friends?" said Sebastian with his huge smile, naked and pretty, as usual. I bounced over to him and gave him a big kiss, and he didn't let me go until he'd gotten a nice, long hug from me.

"See for meetings with business?" asked Boris, dressed in black, as usual. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. I really loved him, even though he dressed in such depressing clothes.

"Hi boys!" said Randy, giving them each a kiss. "We were just going over Hawk's schedule for tomorrow, and I need to talk to you boys as well. Sebastian, you're shooting your second scene tomorrow morning with Baron Gargantua and Amber. That's studio 5. Boris, they gave you the part in that new ladyboy film, The Ladyboys and the Lazy Boy. You begin in the morning, studio 9. Congratulations!"

Randy tossed each of them a script. Boris smiled and punched the air happily. "Yes! Is great happy for make ladyboy film again!" he said. "Fluff for them many time, but not asking Boris for act in film. Now, ask!"

***

"Boys," said Randy, "now that you two have joined us," gesturing to Sebastian and Boris, "I want to change the subject for a few minutes. I stopped by the Rectum Center at the clinic today to find out about IAH." Sebastian and I snapped to attention. "Dr. Gupta was very eager to talk to me about you two." He pointed to Sebastian and me. "You all know that Dr. Gupta is a researcher as well as a specialist. Well, he is actually the person who first discovered IAH, and he's the one who gave it that name. IAH stands for…" he said as he retrieved a card from his wallet, "idiopathic alimentary hypotonia." We all giggled a little when we heard Randy struggle to say the technical words. Then he nodded and said, "That's exactly what I thought when he told me the name. I thought you might like to hear me try to pronounce it, just for fun. Apparently doctors understand this language, but he gave me a plain English translation." Then he looked at Boris and Sebastian and said, "Sorry Boys, but I can't help you with the Russian name. Boris, when you see Vlad tomorrow, you might ask him for a translation."

"Oh, please do for me, Boris!" said Sebastian. "Maybe write for paper and we have fun!" Boris rolled his eyes before nodding.

"What this means in English," continued Randy, "is that your whole digestive tract, from your mouth to your anus, is really a long tube covered with muscles, and people with IAH have muscles that are unusually relaxed for some unknown reason. Normally, these muscles are always just a little tight. They can relax to a certain extent, which is what happens when you are opened up for anal, but they don't ever relax completely. That's what keeps them from opening more than they do. That's also what makes anal penetration hurt so much for some people, and why it hurts when someone with a cock or a toy that's too big fucks you." He glanced at Sebastian and me and said, "Well, it hurts most people anyway, and it hurts a lot. Those muscles are always squeezing back when they are stretched."

I knew from Dr. Gupta that my anus had two muscles, one that I could control and one that I couldn't, and Dr. Gupta told me several times that it was important to relax the one I couldn't control by stretching it and using smaller toys or a finger first. I wasn't sure, but I thought this was what Randy was getting at, that my ass muscles were really easy to open up, and they could open up much wider than other kids' ass muscles because they relaxed super-easy, and that also made them not hurt. "In IAH, those muscles are able to relax almost completely. That means your anus, rectum, colon, and throat can stretch open wide enough to take in the largest cocks in the business without all of that muscle-stretching pain that makes it impossible for most people." Yes, that sounded like what I was thinking. He started talking in such technical language, but he was good at explaining things. Again, he really understood boys.

"Sebastian, Dr. Gupta says you definitely have IAH. He told me more too. He said you have the…" pausing to look at the card again, "the annular type. That means that it's only the muscles that circle around that long tube, the one that makes your rectum, colon, esophagus, and everything else in your digestive tract, that are unusually relaxed. That's a good thing, because it's those muscles that are stretched during anal sex and deep-throating. The other kind of muscles that cover your digestive tract go along the length of your rectum and esophagus and other organs, following them in a straight line. They are normal, which helps your intestines to move the food you eat down the line in a mostly ordinary way. Your regular exercises, dietary fiber, and enemas as needed should keep everything working just fine." Sebastian grinned and nodded.

"Hawk, Dr. Gupta thinks you might have IAH, but he isn't sure. During your exam, he found there are some limits to how much you can comfortably open, but there are several possible reasons that might have happened. He also wanted me to tell you that most kids with IAH can't open as wide as Sebastian, so those limits might not mean much." Seeing my confusion, he added, "When I said 'those limits,' I meant that you can only open so far before it hurts. Sebastian can open more than anyone Dr. Gupta has ever seen." Good! That meant Sebastian could still do things that nobody else could, and I wouldn't be taking roles from him.

"Dr. Gupta would like to do more tests on you, Hawk, but he has signed a special release for you to do extreme anal twice per week, and more if you like, but only if there is absolutely no pain. He said that, even if you don't have IAH, you have a very… what was the word he used… oh yes. He said you have a very elastic anus and rectum. He did not test your throat, but he said that if you feel no pain while you are deep-throating a penis, then you are not in danger of hurting yourself, so no need to worry about that. For now, he doesn't want you deep-throating any toys larger than fifty-five millimeters, and then only the softer gel ones." That was fine with me. How could I make a dildo feel good by deep-throating it? "All of the dildos supplied by the Props Department, Fluff Services, and the gift shop have their size marked on the package and on the base of the dildo, so you can become familiar with how big that is. You should look them over when you get a chance. I guess it's easier to hurt yourself with a dildo down your throat than a cock because cocks are softer."

"What mean for all this then?" asked Sebastian. I had understood some of what Randy had just told us, but not all of it. It seemed Sebastian only understood some of it too.

"It means two things," said Randy. "First, it means neither of you is in danger of injuring yourselves just because you can stretch open so wide without pain. If you feel no pain, you will not be injured, so no worries. But if you feel pain, stop immediately. That means you too, Hawk." Randy knew I was trying new things, and that there had already been a couple times when I should have called hold but didn't. "Sebastian, you can continue as you have been doing. Do whatever you like, as long as it doesn't hurt. And remember to see the dietician about fiber." Sebastian nodded. "Hawk, for you this means it's more important than ever that you stop anal or deep-throating if you feel pain. I can't stress this enough. Your muscles will stretch easily, but your throat and your intestines will only stretch so far. When you feel that pain, you cannot be stretched or opened any more, not even slowly. Dr. Gupta says that pain can be very severe, and it's very difficult, but not impossible, to continue past the point of pain in your throat or your rectum. He said people injure themselves all the time because they don't stop when they need to. Your colon is more easily injured than your rectum, and it doesn't sense pain very well, so stay away from long toys. Remember, any injuries from tearing these body parts can be very dangerous and very painful." I nodded to show him I understood. "IAH is an exceedingly rare condition, and it's not a bad one for you boys to have in your line of work. Hawk, if you do have IAH, you will need to exercise like Sebastian does every day. Dr. Gupta says it would be a good idea for you to do the exercises anyway, just because you are so… elastic. Sebastian can show you his routine, and maybe you two can make it fun together. Keeping your sphincter strong is important for people with IAH. If it's not strong, you could have accidents before you get to the toilet."

"I told Dr. Gupta I'd had accidents when I was little!" I said. "This must be why! Mum thought I just liked having poopy pants, but I was also sick with a runny bottom." It was odd how comfortable I felt saying that. Four days earlier, I could never have imagined saying such a thing in front of other people. It would have been incredibly embarrassing. But these people were my new family, and they would never make fun of me.

"That might be true, Hawk," Randy said. "I couldn't tell you. Dr. Gupta's the expert, not me. But I do want to tell you the second thing that IAH means for you two. It means that Dr. Gupta wants to study your bodies to learn more about IAH. Hawk, I told him I would give my consent after you and I discussed the matter, and only if you want to do it. Sebastian, Dr. Gupta will need to get consent from Mr. Bumbayev. His colleagues in Prague will contact Mr. Bumbayev to discuss this with him, but I think he will also consent, but only if you want to participate. I'll speak with him too."

"Who is Mr. Bumbayev?" I asked.

"Is Daddy!" said Boris. "Sebastian tell for you about him live now for our house in Czechia, and Boris Daddy now gorjidan for Sebastian."

"Is guardian, no gorjidan," said Sebastian.

"Gardan," said Boris. "Is no easy for learn English."

I felt embarrassed again. Of course Boomboy was not Boris' real name! He had a working name just like I had.

***

"Now to an even more serious matter," said Randy. "Boris, you saw what Buford did to Trevor after the live performance, right?" asked Randy.

"Saw all," said Boris. "Filthy is bastard should go for hell." It seemed clear that Boris understood why it was such a bad thing that Mr. Buford had done. Maybe he could help me understand. I thought maybe I'd ask him sometime.

"There will be a detective here tomorrow, and she will want your statement. I'm afraid you will have to take time from lunch. It should only take fifteen minutes or so, but it's very important. Your director wouldn't release you early on the first day of shooting, and I didn't want to press the issue and endanger your new role. The detective has scheduled a Russian interpreter, and Vlad from KCU will also be there to make sure everything is perfectly clear in your statement. It should be just like last time. You will speak only in Russian, and only to Vlad. He will print your statement in Russian. Then you and Vlad will sign it if it is correct. You only sign the Russian statement. Vlad and the police interpreter will both sign the English translation."

"This interptret is all fucking," said Boris, a frustrated look on his face. "English good for work, no good for tell police lady Buford is for sick pervert?" Sebastian began stroking his shoulder.

"I know," said Randy in a calm voice. It was obvious to him, and to me, that Boris' English was horrible, but now wasn't the time to tell Boris that. "Your English is just fine," he said, "but this is extremely important. We cannot leave any doubt about what happened. I really think it's best. Inspector MacAdams said she would also be very grateful. You can have your own solicitor there too if you like. You have that right. Remember, Vlad works for KCU, not for you, though he will certainly look out for you."

"Is ok," said Boris. "No need sleecitur man. Will talk for police lady. If police get filthy pig shit man for prison, is good. Talk for Vlad. He good guy, Vlad."

"So Sebastian and Boris will be shooting scenes in the morning, and Hawk and I will be doing our business. We'll meet in the studio dining area for lunch. After lunch, Sebastian, you have nothing scheduled. You can look for fluff work if you like, or enjoy an afternoon off. Boris, you'll be shooting the second scene already for the ladyboy film. I guess they want to get that one out fast. If they can, they want to try to shoot two scenes in that studio during the afternoon, and you're in both of them. Make sure you choose a good FSP. They'll be expecting a few high quality money shots from you, and I know you want to keep getting these ladyboy scenes."

Boris looked at Sebastian and raised his eyebrows. "Of course, want for Sebastian, if Sebastian want also."

"Make hard for you cock like rock!" Sebastian boasted. "Make ready cum five time for hour!"

"Well," said Randy, "that's you two sorted out. Trevor, your afternoon is going to be a fun one. First, you and I will go to the office building for a screening of a rough draft of your promo video. The editing department has already begun to put that together. I think we should give them some footage of your new pet boy though, just walking him around. It shows how versatile you can be." I had forgotten about Shlomo already! He was still outside, attached to the rack. "I think he should be cleaned up first though. We want him to look absolutely as cute as possible because it shows the viewer that you are the kind of boy who is worthy of a prize pet. And it's true. Like I told you, since he began in the winter, nearly everyone has tried to collar him, but you got him. The really little cuties are the ones everybody wants.

"Where was I… oh yes," said Randy, remembering his place. "Hawk, the screening will take only an hour or so. It begins promptly at 2:00, so we should end our lunch a little early. It will be the same screening room we used this morning for our little home movie, The Dipstick. Be ready to hear lots of criticism. The artistic director and the producers will be there, along with members of the PRC, that's the Public Relations Committee, and Mr. Eastman as well. There will also be various other directors present to see who the new boy is and to offer their artistic advice. Mr. Koolman said he'd try to be there. You might even see some of the owners and investors you've already met, and a few other executives and artistic designers you haven't met. They want comments from as many professionals as they can get. Your initial screening will likely be very well attended because of the impression you have made so far. Once we've seen the film, we will go to the large conference room to discuss it. That room will probably be crowded.

"Remember, these people are all artists, and they are very good at what they do. They want things to be just perfect, because this is the short film that will introduce you to industry executives and fans around the world, not just the distributors who were at the live performance this afternoon. The video will also be included as a bonus feature with all of your video releases during your first six months with Frenetic. We'll make a new one then. After that it will always be free for download at the studio's website. It is a crucial stepping-stone for your career, and that is where their passion will be coming from." He paused, looked me directly in the eye, and said, "Be ready, Hawk. They will speak their minds as if you weren't even there. They have to do that in order to make this the best film possible. They will not worry about hurting anybody's feelings, and you might not like what they say. You must remember that all of their comments are about the film, and not about you. They already love you. No one there wants to hurt your feelings, but they need to speak honestly about the parts of the film that need to be improved, and they are not always delicate about it. They know you are an absolute treasure, even if they don't tell you. This is only about how we package that absolute treasure. They are there to discuss the film, not you. I will sit right next to you the whole time."

"Ok," I said. I had to stop worrying. Randy knew best. But I was worried anyway. Money, learning how to record my voice in front of people I didn't know, talking to the detective so I can make a man go to prison, people arguing over how stupid my promo video looks – of course I was worried!

"Then at 4:30, we have a very special treat," said Randy, brightening up. "You've already got another live show!"

"Really?" I said. Suddenly I'd forgotten to worry. I could hardly believe it! I loved working in front of people, and the money was terrific. "Who is it with? I mean… what… Tell me about it please!"

"Oh you are going to like this," he said, looking as if he had a fillet steak hiding behind his back, about to give it to a hungry dog. "Of course you remember those two Japanese boys from this afternoon, Hiro and Kenji?"

"Oh of course, they were really sweet! It was so nice they were in my promo video!"

"Well, Eastman is using the footage from your promo film shoot as their on-camera audition, and he has offered them a contract. They haven't left the lot here all day. But the first thing their father wants to do is pay for a live show with you and his two boys, because he thought you were so nice to them earlier, and he thinks you are incredibly sexy. His boys wanted to do something with you as well for their first scene in child porn, so Daddy-san is paying out-of-pocket for this one. This will be your £9,000 scene, so you will earn a basic fee of £36,000 plus tips."

"That's so much money," I said, "and I'm not going to think about it or I might have to throw up again, ok?"

"Of course it's ok," he said. "But do you think you can handle even more good news?" I smiled and nodded. "Hiro and Kenji are going to move into your dorm room and take the two beds left by the Harlow boys. They couldn't believe their luck when they heard there were two beds side- by-side available in the same room with Trevor Hawk! Your room is full, and you have two very cute Japanese boys who adore you as roommates."

"Wow!" I said. "We're going to have a lot of fun at bedtime! And Yvgenia will be so happy to have all the beds full again, and with more boys! She likes boys," I said. "She's not a lesbian." Then I thought a moment and asked, "You said that was my £9,000 scene, but what about my £8,000 scene?"

"We'll get to that in a minute," he said. "From the sound of things, Hiro and Kenji's dad will be flying half of Japan in to watch your live show. He is very proud of his boys being signed with the most prestigious studio in the UK, but he wants you to decide what to do for the scene. He wants you to come up with a script, tell them what to wear, what props to use, everything. I know you love those two cuties, so really all you need to do is imagine your greatest fantasy with them, write it down, and we'll make it happen, ok?"

"What if I want to do something they think is stupid?" I asked, feeling worried again.

"Hawk, you're not just a little, you're still a little boy," said Randy, calmly. I didn't like being called a little boy in those days, but I would soon learn to appreciate the status it brought me. "Mr. Watanabe doesn't expect an expert production. Everything you do is cute to him. As long as no one gets hurt, the audience will love whatever you do. If you don't have anything by lunch tomorrow, I'll help you put something together, ok?"

"Can Nellie give them special undies to wear?" I asked, feeling a boner coming on.

"Of course, Hawk," said Randy. "You can use all of the studio resources. What did you have in mind?"

"I want Hiro to have yellow bikini undies, but really sparkly, and I want Kenji to have light blue ones, also really sparkly. And I want a flame pattern in the front done in sequins that are the same color blue and yellow, only super sparkly!" I had said all of that quite fast, and I was a bit embarrassed that Randy and the boys were trying to hide their giggles. Yes, I had thought a lot about them since the afternoon, and yes, I'd already had several very nice fantasies about them.

"Once we tend to your pet boy and get a little video footage with him," Randy said, "we'll visit the costume shop and get things set up. They've got people here round the clock."

"Props and scenery too?" I asked.

"You do have this worked out, don't you!" said Randy. "Sure, props and scenery too. And if you need to do any voiceovers, just go to the studios in the Office building again and ask at the desk. There's usually one or two open with engineers."

***

Randy took a deep breath, and I could feel an announcement coming. "Boys, I have some excellent news. Frenetic Studios has bought The Dipstick!" We all cheered. "You will all receive your fees and bonuses as if you'd shot the film here, and each of you will get co-producer credits and fees, as well as a percentage of the sales. Boys, this is going to make us all a lot of money."

"My £8,000 scene?" I asked.

"Your £8,000 scene. Sebastian, you get an extra £2,000 K & F bonus for two deep throats, and you as well, Trevor, but you also get £4,000 additional for your two deep throats being your first time ever doing deep throat. Remember, Eastman wants you to get first time bonuses for everyone you do in your first scenes. Each of you also gets another £20,000 as co-producers. So Hawk, you and Sebastian each get £34,000, which brings Hawk's gross for today up to £196,200…" An explosion of cheers came from my new Russian friends. I was a bit numb. "…and Boris, sorry, no bonus money for you, so you get £32,000. But I did manage to swing an additional £500 for you as a camera operator and editing assistant." That made Boris laugh. "The film will be re-edited and remastered, and a music score will be added, but we have to shelf the film until after St. Felix Academy is out. That is your film debut, Hawk."

"Shelf the film? I asked.

"Oh yes," said Randy. "That's jargon. It means we won't release it until after we release St. Felix Academy." What did that matter? I probably had enough money to retire already – certainly enough to buy Big Ben. And I had two extremely cute Japanese boys to sleep with at night and to work with the next day!

"Once this film is released," Randy continued, "Each of you will receive one pound for each unit sold, whether it's Blu Ray, streaming, or some other format. I don't think we're bothering with DVD anymore, maybe in Kazakhstan or something. You get these fees because you are co- producers. This is child porn, Hawk, and Frenetic only makes the very best. This stuff costs the customers a lot more than adult porn, and Frenetic is usually a little more expensive than other studios, so you get a very nice cut of the sales. For public performances, such as in a cinema or in a pub of some sort, you will receive one pound for every five audience members. For broadcasts, except pay-per-view, you will also receive one pound per five viewers as estimated by a ratings agency. For pay-per-view, you get one pound for each subscriber. Trust me boys, that will add up fast."

***

We each had champagne from a few of the half-bottles I had kept in my dressing room refrigerator. It was time to celebrate! It was no small feat to make a film and sell it to Frenetic instead of BIA, which is the division Frenetic uses for most of the films they buy from Frenetic employees. Never in my life had I been so nervous and worried yet so happy at the same time.

Something had to give, right?

Epilogue

My days at Frenetic were still very emotional. It was difficult to tell when I was doing the right thing because it seemed everything I did before I met Randy was the wrong thing. The better things felt, the stronger my anxieties got. Still, I felt incredibly good about my new life, and so much more good was yet to come.

I learned I might have a rare condition that allows me to stretch wide open for even the biggest cocks. I told Randy I'd like to let Dr. Gupta study my body. Mr. Bumbayev also signed a consent form, and Sebastian also agreed to be studied. I would get to see more of Nurse Blaine that way, and I wanted to know everything I could about the things I could do with my stretchy parts, even if I didn't have IAH. But the possibility of having IAH felt uncomfortable in one way. Sebastian was Frenetic's boy with the magic ass. I didn't want to take parts from him, like other boys did. I wanted him to keep all those roles, at least while he was still with Frenetic, which meant until the end of summer. Thinking about Sebastian and Boris leaving then made me sad.

I had begun taking a lot of risks. I fell hard in love with Annie. If things went wrong (and they so easily could have), we would both be devastated. I couldn't imagine life if that happened. I had also taken a slave. It made me feel better to call him my pet boy, but he was a slave. I was naive back then, and I thought having a slave was pretty cool. I thought it made me seem more important. I didn't realize how important I already was without Shlomo on my leash. Those aren't the best reasons for taking a slave, but I think Randy understood me very well. He was watching me closely, and he knew I needed to experiment and find myself. Like he said, that was why he suggested I take a risk and try something new with Trish and Lena. It wasn't really as nasty as I thought it was then. In fact, I have since done it again, though not up to my shoulder. It makes a difference if you do a thing with someone you know after thinking about it for a few days instead of doing it on the spur of the moment. It also made a difference to me that I had gotten to know a lot of people who did BDSM. They liked talking to me about what they did and why. I've never been into it, but I've done several films with a BDSM theme. But now I'm straying from the story.

In part 4, some of the cold realities of the child porn world introduce themselves. Being surrounded by people bickering over what made me look or sound good or bad was difficult to take. Talking to the detective was also a very difficult experience, knowing that the things I said would put a man in prison. But there was also a lot of fun! I went to Hiro and Kenji's signing party, and I made my decision about where I wanted to spend the night. I'll tell you now, I'm very glad I made that decision, because that night was a night to remember! I also went shopping with Yvgenia, and I had my first helicopter ride. But the best part was definitely my live show with Hiro and Kenji. Where else but in child porn can a boy take his hottest fantasy, write it down on paper, and make it come true? I'll see you in part 4!

I love you all!!!
xxoo
Trevor

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