Chapter 78
Architecture

I returned to my home dorm room, number 46, and said hi to Igi and Yvgenia. They were still engaged in conversation, talking about the weirdest cocks they'd ever done scenes with. I decided to skip the conversation and go into my walk-in closet to find something sexy to wear for the architect.

I thought about how I'd felt with Ahmed and how frustrating it was, knowing he could never feel the same intense excitement with me as I felt with him. Then I thought about how Jessica must have felt, and how Yvgenia feels every day. I was a gay boy working in child porn. I wanted the straight girls to know that I was gay before they got all worked up. I didn't want them to fancy me and then become disappointed or hurt when I told them I was gay. That had already happened too often for me. Out of frustration more than anything, I decided I had been boyish long enough that morning. If I dressed all girly in pink, there would be no straight girls I'd have to break the news to. I thought my pink femboy clothes would make it obvious. That was why I wanted to dress all girly again that day. I felt I had hurt Jessica.

But then I had a different thought. I thought about how I felt as a boy, and how many people hadn't been sure whether I was really a girl like Jeanine or Yuko, both transgender girls who were born with boy bits. Annie had to deal with that all the time, but he seemed to like being mistaken for a girl. I liked it too, for a while. It was a sign that I really could look pretty if I wanted to. But I also wanted people to know me for who I am, and I'm a boy. In the end I made up my mind to wear boy clothes that day. If straight girls assumed I was a straight boy, I couldn't help that. After all, they already knew that most of us boys on the Frenetic lot were gay, whether they were butch like Adrian or femmy like my sweet Annie. I felt the need to show people who I was – a boy, but still boner-bouncingly sexy. I could dress femmy again another time.

I decided on a pair of red satin shorts out of the several that Boris had given me as his signing gift on Tuesday. My shirt was a yellow short-sleeve satin button-up that I would wear open because it didn't have any buttons. When I'm wearing shorts and not trying to look pretty, I always wear long tube socks, and I also wore a pair of red trainers. I put on the boys' style ruby and diamond ring that showed I held Annie's heart, and a plain gold chain around my neck. I added a tiny bit of my red lipstick and rubbed it in, and then just a little eye makeup for that cute boy effect. I was feeling boyish, but I wanted to be a cute boy! I stepped out and stood in front of my full-length mirror. That was the look I was going for – bold, retro, masculine, yet drop-dead sexy-cute.

I've always liked the way boys used to dress. Long ago, Dad had shown me pictures of him and his friends when they were kids. They all wore long tube socks and shorts that were so short they couldn't sit cross-legged without the world seeing their Y-fronts, and they sat cross-legged anyway. Kids at Preston Primary made fun of boys if they thought their shorts were too short. They said it made them look gay. Well, I'm gay, and short shorts made me feel sexy. I thought boys in tiny shorts looked sexy. Not my dad, of course, but some of his friends gave me a boner when I looked at that picture when Dad wasn't around. Long hair and socks with tiny shorts. I would be embarrassed to dress like that for school, even for P.E., but at Frenetic, making bold clothing choices just meant there was another group of people who would be turned on.

"Oh look at the beautiful, handsome boy!" said Igi. "I could shag him right now!" Yvgenia remained silent.

"Maybe later," I said. "I've got to see the architect person about my rooms in the B-A-D building."

I could never get those three letters in the right order. It was DAB. It seems a simple thing to remember, but I guess I've never been a simple boy. Yvgenia giggled softly, then gave me a smile. At the time, I didn't understand what she was laughing about, but it was always nice to see her smile.

I thought I knew how Yvgenia felt as a girl who was attracted to a gay boy. But really I didn't. I was deeply in love with Annie. I had a boyfriend. Yvgenia didn't. I loved Annie far more than I loved Ahmed, but Ahmed made me feel stupid and drunk and incredibly good on the inside. It was confusing at the time, but I only wanted him sexually. I mean I really wanted him. But I didn't even know him yet. Not very well anyway. His hair was so beautiful, and it framed his sweet face perfectly.

I could never have him anyway. Not just because he wasn't gay, but because I was so in love with Annie, and Annie was in love with me. I didn't want that to change ever. When I remembered that, I realized that I really didn't want Ahmed. I wanted Annie, and I had Annie. It felt so complicated, but I thought that if Annie were there with us, I would have been paying more attention to him than to Ahmed. Maybe. But I could never even think of breaking up with Annie in order to be with Ahmed. Even if he were gay, I would never make that choice. I decided it was ok how high I felt while having sex with him. I didn't want him for a boyfriend. I wanted Annie.

Good sex is more like being drunk than people realize. All I do is feel things. It's hard to think straight. Reasoning isn't a part of real sex (that's sex for pleasure, as opposed to producing child porn, when you've got to keep your wits about you). In the middle of good sex, I might say yes to things I might not otherwise want, but with sex, it might be exciting. Who would lick another person's ass if it wasn't a sex act? I wanted Ahmed more than I could express, but if I think about it now, there was no real reason for that except a sexual attraction, which is important during sex. He might have been a complete asshole normally, but it wouldn't have mattered during sex, as long as I could love that body of his.

But Yvgenia had a crush on me, and I'm gay. She wanted my body, yes, and she could have it, but she needed more. I really did love her, and she was one of only a few girls I actually wanted to have sex with (I had just added Jessica to that list), but I didn't love her romantically. I wanted to make her happy, but sometimes I felt I was making her sad when I played with her because I could never fall in love with her. But at least I'd gotten a giggle out of her with my B-A-D comment.

"Just look at you," said Igi. "You are so cute and so sexy, you could seduce the prime minister herself." I cringed at the horrible thought. An old, nasty woman like Mrs. May. "Come here and let me squeeze your bum!" I smiled, walked to her bed, and pointed it toward her.

After Igi had given me a squeeze and a rub, I thought it only polite to offer my ass to Yvgenia, though I wondered if it was really a good idea teasing her like that. Her giggles told me she was fine. She used both hands to explore my ass, both inside my shorts and out. "Oh look, Igi," she said, "see how perfect his shape is, and he's not wearing undies either." She reached around and gave my cock a playful squeeze and said, "Thanks Trevor!" I turned around to see her smiling face offering me a kiss, which I accepted. It was a quick, friendly kiss. Was it just me, or was she really becoming happier?

"You know, not everyone can wear yellow," said Igi, though I was still looking at Yvgenia's smile. Something was definitely different about her. "People with dark skin can usually wear yellow because it complements our skin tones," continued Igi, "but yellow doesn't always flatter you Europeans with light skin. I must say, you sweet and adorable boy, that you have nothing to worry about. You look delicious! But remember, you might not want to wear yellow in the wintertime. Most people think of yellow as a summer color."

"I never knew all that," I said. "I didn't know skin color made a difference in what you can wear."

"You are learning, you sweet, sexy, and sometimes pretty boy," she said. "Are you feeling more masculine today? Perhaps a little more macho?" She raised her eyebrows at the end of that question.

"I guess so," I said. "I've been girly since I moved in here, and I thought it was time for me to look like a boy again." I was happy that she recognized I wasn't trying to be pretty. I kissed her big, soft, African lips and thanked her for the fashion tips. Then I gave Yvgenia another quick kiss before returning to my closet to retrieve my drawings for my DAB rooms. I had decided not to ask Yvgenia if something was different with her. She would tell me soon enough, I thought.

"Bye girls!" I said as I left to wait in the lobby for the architect and anyone else who came along. I was getting excited about everything now. Soon I would have my own porn studio!

***

I ordered a root beer and sat in the lobby to wait for the architect. I wondered how I would recognize him. Then, at exactly 9:30 AM, two men entered the building and smiled at me immediately. How did they know me? Everybody at Frenetic seemed to recognize me when they saw me.

The men went straight to the desk and stayed there for a moment or two, signing forms. I knew that was because they needed to be properly checked in before they were allowed to move past the front desk, or even to approach any of the kids in the building. I walked up to them as they were checking in, which we kids were allowed to do if we recognized someone. I didn't exactly recognize either of them, but it was obvious to me who they were, or at least who one of them was.

One man in a gray suit looked down and offered me a handshake, saying, "Hello Mr. Hawk, I'm Percival Winebridge. I'm one of the architects here at Frenetic."

I shook his hand, then stood on my toes and gave him a root beer flavored kiss. "Hi Mr. Winebridge!" I said.

"And this is Mr. Horace Hampton, construction supervisor for the Dormitory Accessory Building."

The other man wore a white shirt and tie, blue jeans, and leather work boots. He offered me a handshake, which I accepted. Then I gave him a kiss, which I guessed tasted a little less like root beer. "Hi Mr. Hampton!" I said.

"Hello Mr. Hawk," he said with a smile. "Are you ready to turn your imagination into something real?"

"Sure!" I said, "but part of it is my boyfriend Annie's imagination. He's brilliant!"

"Well, let's make it happen," said Mr. Winebridge.

***

"We've been hearing a lot about you this week, Mr. Hawk," said Mr. Winebridge as we walked to the DAB. "It's not easy to imagine from the rumors what you might look like, and now that I see you in person, I certainly understand. I hope you'll excuse my saying so. I'm an architect, and it's not my business to comment on our productions and actors such as yourself, but I think you will be very successful at Frenetic, and very soon."

It made me feel happy to hear him say so. It had been stressful to hear everybody telling me what a sensation I was supposed to be, but here was a man who was not a porn professional. He was an ordinary person, with his own ideas. I guess it was easier to believe when I heard it from him. He didn't have to say anything like that to me. He just wanted to. I think I was also starting very slowly to move past the initial shock of my sudden success, and I felt more able to accept compliments like that. "Thanks, Mr. Winebridge!" I said. I stopped in front of him, stood on my toes, and offered him another kiss, which he happily returned. I held their hands the rest of the way. Everybody there loved kids it seemed. Everybody. (Well, I still wasn't sure about Nurse Amanda, who worked for the pediatrician, Dr. Ben.)

***

The DAB was by far the tallest building on the lot, and my two rooms were on the top floor. My co-author, Hubert Fletchly, contacted the studio and got some numbers for me to share with you. With twelve stories at twenty feet each, the DAB was about 240 feet tall. (That's about 73 meters.) The office building was the second tallest building at ten stories, but each story was only about twelve feet, except the ground floor and the eighth floor (where the Alain Emery Thrust Theater was), so it was about 140 feet (43 meters) tall, more if you include the outdoor rooftop cafe. The children's dormitory building and the children's apartment buildings were only four stories each, or about 80 feet tall (about 24 meters) for the dormitory and 52 feet (about sixteen meters) for the apartments. The adult apartment building was the same size and shape as the children's apartment building.

Adults had to pay a lot more than kids for the same apartment, and most of them didn't want a second home, or a home at work. Adults didn't need the same supervision and care as us kids, so the studio had no preference where they lived. A lot of the adult apartments were rented just in case the tenant needed somewhere private to go, or for the odd party.

The big studio building only had a basement level and two full stories, but the ground floor and what we called the first storey (that's how we spelled it, and Americans would call it the second story) were about fifty feet each (about thirty meters total) to accommodate the big sets and all the equipment that hung from the ceiling. There were portions of each story that had mezzanine levels, which means there was a floor above the main floor, but only in some places. The mezzanines were mostly used for storage, workshops, rehearsal space, training courses for the public, and Frenetic's huge archive of porn throughout history.

Since I'm writing about buildings and facilities right now, I'd like to tell you more about the Frenetic Archive of Pornography (and yes, the people who work there do call it the FAP), because it's truly one of the world's treasures. It includes ancient and new paintings and drawings; photos, both sexual and artistic nudes; books; pamphlets; magazines; letters; diaries of adult and child porn actors, directors, and everyone who worked in the industry; research journals; original research papers from the scientists who worked at the clinic; theses from graduate students who earned their degrees working at Frenetic; and of course, all kinds of films and videos.

When I was working there in London, they were trying to scan or transfer everything into digital format before it got too old. When the material is scanned or transferred, the original goes to a huge basement vault and stays there unless someone needs it for research or a special event of some sort. As of now, they've completed that work with the historical material, and it's just a matter of copying or transferring the new stuff as it comes out and occasionally older material as it's discovered. Staying current is a huge undertaking with Internet porn being produced at all-time record rates. Frenetic has contracts with all the major online porn sites, so all that material is automatically copied to the archive's computers. That's why libraries and individual subscribers have to pay so much for access – Frenetic has to pay a royalty to the original owner of the material if people are accessing it from the FAP.

Unfortunately, all of the new Indie and amateur porn is impossible to track down, but people who do research in porn want that material the most because they say it shows the behaviors and trends at the individual level rather than trends among producers, who are driven by the desire to sell their products. That's how I understand it anyway. I like research, especially sex research, but I don't really understand it.

Probably the biggest challenge is when kids take selfies or make their own porn videos with their cell phones and post them online. Webcam films, such as the Boy-in-Bed Cam genre, are easy enough to find, but no one can be sure where kids are posting their own material, or whether they mean for people like us to find it. The archivists can make and keep a copy of anything on the Internet, but they may not allow access to amateur child porn without finding the kids involved and getting signed consent from their parents or guardians, regardless of the country where it was produced. In most cases that's not possible. (The single exception is for research. Scientists can apply to a committee called the IRB with a research plan, and it's not easy to get approval. The research plan has to generate important new information about child porn and the safety of kids in child porn in order to get access to those videos.) It's a shame because when we kids make our own porn, it's sincere and playful. Like homemade amateur porn, it shows the kids doing what we want to do, not what some director thinks will look good. I like that in child porn. I think that's part of why I've been so successful in my career. I know that people who love boys and boy porn love us the way we are, not the way some producer thinks we should be. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

One thing the FAP is allowed to do is post links to the websites where they found material that they are not able to make available to the public. They have to do that on a public website, and not charge money for it because they don't have consent, and we always need consent to charge money. If people check those links every day, and there are hundreds of new ones every day, they can still have access to those videos that the kids made themselves, if they still exist, but they then run the risk of computer malware, the scourge of all online porn. The FAP's computer system is extremely safe, but it can be risky to search for online porn somewhere else. (That's another important kind of research the FAP does – detecting and killing malware.)

The FAP is great for me now that I live in America because I can get anything I want (except the non-consented amateur child porn with dead links). Back then, when I was nearly nine, we could go to any TV or computer on the lot and watch any porn film or see any picture from throughout history, as long as it had been scanned into the computer. If it hadn't been scanned yet, we could request it specifically, and they would do it right away. It was a wonderful service.

***

The Dormitory Accessory Building was situated behind the children's dorms, at an angle to the rest of the lot. That meant one side of the building had windows overlooking the lot, and the other had windows with a view of the countryside. My rooms had a great view of the lot, which I liked because our dorm room faced the countryside, so I had both views. I learned later that they tried to assign DAB rooms that way, so everybody could have both views.

We entered through the main doors and took the elevator to the twelfth floor. When the elevator door opened, I saw the corridor floor was carpeted, and the walls appeared to be made of stone, though I don't think it was real stone. Three lovely chandeliers hung from the high corridor ceiling. My rooms were the first two on the left. The double doors were open to both rooms, which were completely empty. There were windows on the back walls that rose from the floor to the eighteen-foot high ceiling. For a moment, my breath seemed to have left my body. The view was dizzying, but spectacular. I could see almost the entire studio complex below and the London skyline in the distant, misty background under a leaden sky.

The windows were about six feet wide, and they were both up against the wall that separated the rooms, which was the only wall that didn't look as if it were made of fake stone. It had a double-doorway connecting my two rooms, though there were no doors attached. I guessed if that wall between the rooms were removed, there would be one really wide window in the middle.

"May we have a look at what you've drawn for us, Mr. Hawk?" asked Mr. Winebridge. I handed him the papers, one for the downstairs and a second for the upstairs. He took the papers and looked them over with Mr. Hampton. "I say!" he said. "You have put a good deal of thought into this. It must have taken a week or more!"

I giggled and said, "No Sir. My boyfriend Annie and I just did it last night. He's really good at drawing, and I'm sort of messy, but I already knew what I wanted to do. He helped me sort a few things out, and he did the neat parts with the neat writing. My writing is terrible," I said, feeling embarrassed.

***

I had just finished my first form at Preston Primary, and my writing was just as messy as everyone else's, but next to Annie's, it looked horrible. As time passed, I would learn how a good education could help kids get a leg up on such things, and the teachers and tutors in the Frenetic school system were top-notch. Each kid who lived on the lot was also provided with a private tutor who worked only with him or her, and every kid who had a contract with Frenetic could hire their own tutor from KCU, the company that provided the teachers and tutors (and doctors, nurses, social workers, solicitors, therapists, security officers, and much more). Annie's parents hired his tutor through KCU. They had tried other tutors from private agencies, which were really expensive, but KCU tutors were the best. We would have lessons in classrooms, but most of our learning happened with our tutors.

***

"What's important with your drawings is how well they show us what you want," Mr. Winebridge said. "In that respect, these are very well done, even the messy bits," he said with a kind wink.

"Thank you Sir."

"You should know one thing though," he said. "You've been assigned rooms 1210 and 1212, but somebody wrote on your floor plans here that these are rooms 1208 and 1210."

"But that's what they told me," I said. "These rooms are lovely! Can't I keep them?"

"I think you've misunderstood me," said Mr. Winebridge with a kind smile. "This is room 1210, and the other is 1212. These are your rooms. I suppose you didn't notice the room numbers on the wall in the corridor when we came in," he said with a knowing smile. "That's perfectly understandable. You must be very excited about all this. The room numbers are above the doors, and they say 1210 and 1212."

"Oh, the view is lovely," I said, again looking out the window, being careful not to step too close to the glass that went all the way to the floor. "I still can't believe the size of the studio building." I could see a football pitch next to the building that looked tiny in comparison. "But what happens if I accidentally bump into the window? I'm afraid it might break, and I'll fall!" I felt childish for saying such a thing, but I could scarcely hide my fear, which was really more of a thrill.

"Wait right there," said Mr. Hampton, nodding to Mr. Winebridge. He left the room briefly, returning with a cricket bat. "We keep these on every floor for this very demonstration," he said. He handed the bat to me and said, "Go on. Give it a good bash, hard as you can." I looked at him the same way I looked at a bully who offered me sweets to lure me closer to give me a thrashing. "Oh, go on," he said. I looked at Mr. Winebridge, who nodded with a smile. "You're not the first tenant in this building who has asked us this question, and it's a very understandable concern," Mr. Hampton continued with a smile. "Nobody here wants you to feel frightened in your rooms here, and we've found this to be a good way to ease the worries of our tenants, and their parents as well."

"You mean it won't break? Even if I bash it as hard as I can?"

"No window in this building has ever broken when I have bashed it as hard as I can. Would you like me to demonstrate?" he asked.

"Yes please," I said, handing the bat back to him. I still wasn't sure if this was a wind-up.

"Right then," said Mr. Hampton. "Please step back so I can take a really good whack at it. You might also want to cover your ears if you think you might be startled." I put my hands over my ears, knowing that I usually scared easily, though the more time I spent on the Frenetic lot, the harder it was to scare me, and the more comfortable I felt admitting when I was scared or frightened.

Mr. Hampton stood to the side of the window and held the cricket bat as one might hold a baseball bat, above his right shoulder. He grunted as he took a mighty swing, striking the window with the narrow edge of the bat. It made a loud banging sound, but the bat simply bounced off the window. "I think I might have cracked it," he said.

"The window?" I asked. "Where? I don't see…"

"No, Mr. Hawk, the bat." He showed me the bat, which had indeed developed a short crack, perhaps less than ten centimeters, from the tip downward. "Would you like to have a good bash at it?" he asked, offering me the bat. My stomach fluttered as I took the bat, smiling stupidly, I'm sure. I was still trying to work out if it was all a big wind-up of some sort, but Mr. Hampton had certainly bashed the glass harder than I ever could.

"Ok," I said, taking the bat from him. He coached me how to stand sideways to get the most powerful swing, and to hit the window in the middle, where it is more likely to break, if it could be broken. I lifted my left leg just a little, like he had shown me, and I swung the bat as hard as I could, but I just twirled around, hitting and denting the fake stone wall, and falling to the floor in a heap of embarrassment. "I'm terrible at sport!" I cried in humiliation.

"No matter," said Mr. Hampton, helping me to my feet, then hugging me warmly, in a way that assured me everything was ok. "Want to have another go?"

I picked up the bat and just bashed the window my own way, as hard as I could, again and again, beating on all of the bullies who had ever made fun of me because I was a little poofter who was uncoordinated and terrible at all sports.

"Mr. Hawk? Trevor?" called Mr. Hampton. I realized I was crying again. "Are you all right?" I backed off a bit and threw the bat at the window. It bounced off the wall, completely missing the window, and I ran into Mr. Hampton's arms. He picked me up and held me as I had a good cry. "It's ok luv," he said. "All kids go through emotional times when they discover the world of child pornography. For many of you, it's the first time you realize that you're actually good at something, or even that you're worth something as a person." That made me cry more because it was true. I could no longer deny that I was very good as a boy porn actor, and that lots of good people loved me. That had never happened before in my whole life.

***

The two men spoke with each other, using words I'd never heard before, while I took in the amazing view through the window. I had never been in such a tall building before, and now I had two big rooms of my own that were almost 200 feet up. I had never been that high above the ground at all except when Marvin gave me a ride in the helicopter.

"Mr. Hawk," said Mr. Winebridge, "on the main floor, your studio looks great, but we think it could be made much larger, and you'll find it much more usable. The shower and toilet facilities are perfect, right along the corridor wall. That's where the best plumbing and sewer access is. But see here," he said, showing me the drawing for the floor level of the room on the right, which was room 1210. "I'm afraid the kind of furniture you'll surely want for your screening room won't fit the space very well – sofas, recliners, play mats, the like. Mr. Hampton and I think that you should consider eliminating this guest room, expand the studio space, using the entire lower level of both rooms, and move your screening room to an open area in the upper level. You don't have to do as we suggest, but we have a lot of experience in this sort of thing, and we think you'll be a lot happier if you do it this way. If you're not sure, you can discuss this with your agent… Randy Christianson, right?"

I nodded, then asked, "But what about Annie's room?" I asked. "I mean, the guest room?"

"Do you imagine having your boyfriend spending the night anywhere other than your own bed?"

Well, that made sense. "I guess not, but we also talked about having a separate place if we wanted to be alone," I said.

"What we often find when we set up these rooms," said Mr. Hampton, "is that a designated playroom usually contains a bed, or some other comfortable place to sleep, or to be alone. Were you planning to have a bed in your playroom, Mr. Hawk?" he asked.

"Well yeah," I said, though I hadn't actually thought it through. "I mean, I just assumed I would. I guess. Do most kids have playrooms with beds?"

"Those who have playrooms usually do have at least one bed," said Mr. Hampton, "though others prefer such things as hot tubs, small pools, or bondage equipment, such as racks, poles, crosses, that sort of thing. Do you have a preference as to how you'd like to equip your play room?"

I wished Annie hadn't been scheduled for his scene that morning. I needed him here. I had no idea what kind of equipment I might want to use with Shlomo. I hadn't really thought much about shackling him or anything, but the thought of it had made my cock tickle when he mentioned racks, poles, and crosses. "I sort of like the way the children's tea room is set up with beanbags and those big, soft mattresses for the boy pile and all, but then I just got a pet boy slave, and some of that other stuff might be fun."

"We also find quite often," said Mr. Winebridge, "that screening rooms tend to become playrooms on their own. If you are screening your work or the work of your guests, or if you are simply watching a film together, we find that children who work in pornography tend to be very sexual, and they will usually end up playing wherever they are." That sure sounded like my new friends, and me as well. "If you like," he said, "we can install attachments along the walls for your boy, or for any other BDSM shackling you'd like. We can also install a pole in the screening room," he said. "For you and the rest of your guests, might I suggest a thick memory foam padding in the area between the seating and the screen as a play surface, perhaps a few beanbags and maybe a sofa or two for the seating? And if you would like a bed set up for the night, just ring 202 before nine PM," he pointed to a phone next to the doorway leading to the corridor, "and they'll have our housekeeping staff set up any kind of bed you like within an hour. They can also set up other bedroom furniture. You could ask them to make your studio area into a bedroom, or your screening room. They have access to the scene shop and set storage, so they can get you nearly anything you can imagine, but you must ring them before nine."

Randy was right. These guys really did know what to do. They had a lot of experience with us porn kids anyway.

"If I may, Percival," said Mr. Hampton, "we discussed another recommendation for your upper floor. Please hear us out before deciding anything, ok?" I nodded. "We thought you might like the results if we take this one step further and eliminate the upstairs playroom altogether." He handed me two diagrams he had quickly sketched, one of each floor. "With the control booth on the main floor, you have more space upstairs. That allows us to move your office next to the window, which most people prefer for their offices. You can also have a window overlooking your studio, which we think you'll like very much. You will have room for a proper stairway along the right wall, and you can put a lavatory right here, above the studio showers. The rest of the space is all for your screening room. See how it's not as narrow as it was because it uses space above both rooms. The balcony is also curved, and it's part of the screening room. Again, our experience is that a sex play room is unnecessary because the screening room tends to take on that role. We can also put your small snack area here, in the corner, and the large video monitor can go here," he said, pointing at various places on the diagram.

"I didn't know we could remove that big wall in the middle. I thought… well, I didn't know."

"Oh certainly," said Mr. Winebridge. "It's not load-bearing. We can knock it out altogether. It's your space."

"You could have three full-size sofas this way," said Mr. Hampton, "or some mix of sofas and bean bags, if you like, and there won't be a bad seat in the house. I think having at least one sofa would be a good idea. You kids seem to find a lot of creative positions and other inventive things to do on sofas – bending over the back or the arm, different sitting and kneeling positions, lots of things adults are too big to do. Beanbags are fun and comfortable, to you kids, at least. But we have found with older kids that they can be limiting in what you can do with them sexually. You can push them all together in a bunch and have a fun sort of sex pit. That works well, but only when the beanbags have been in use for a few months and the filling has begun to settle. It can also work when the beanbags are new for someone to lie over the top in a rather submissive position. It's your decision though. All we are doing is offering our opinions, suggestions, and experience."

"It sounds as if a separate play room and guest room really aren't important," I said.

"We find they tend to be the least used rooms in the DAB," said Mr. Hampton, "and we get requests all the time to repurpose or eliminate them."

"However," said Mr. Winebridge, "Children who have guests and family members who live some distance away do like to have accommodations on the lot for them, and accommodations in the DAB can be more like home than the hotel rooms."

"Hotel rooms?" I asked. "There is a hotel here?"

"There certainly is," said Mr. Winebridge. "The four floors above The Exposed Reel pub and Almost Heaven clothing store make up Hotel Frenetica. That's a very luxurious hotel for guests of our residents or visitors being entertained by the company. Up to four guests of each actor in the Children's Division can stay for free, more than four if the group includes family, but if the party has more than four people, reservations must be made a week in advance."

"Wow," I said. "I didn't know we had a hotel too. There's everything here!" But who would visit me? I thought about that. I couldn't think of anyone who would want to spend an evening with me at Frenetic, or anyone I would want to. Maybe Annie's mum and dad? No, that was silly. They had a huge, beautiful house with people serving them, and Annie went home every night.

Maybe it was cruel, but I didn't want my dumb brother Ian to visit because I didn't want him to work there and have another chance to ruin my life. My new life was special. It was just for me and all my new friends, not for Ian, not for the bullies at Preston Primary, and not for Mum and her gin. She was not allowed.

"I love the idea of the balcony overlooking the studio, Mr. Hawk," said Mr. Winebridge, "really love it! We can support that from above to avoid support posts in the studio underneath."

"Ok," I said. "Um, I like all those ideas. I especially like the attachments along the walls – all of the walls, ok?" I thought about how I might enjoy being a little more restrictive with Shlomo, and it gave me a boner.

"Looks like you've got a few plans for this place already, Mr. Hawk," said Mr. Hampton with a wink.

I wasn't even embarrassed at them seeing my boner tenting my shorts out. "I do Sir," I said. "I was just thinking about locking my slave boy up against the wall while we watch a movie or something. He's normally like a soft, cuddly pet. I've only played a little BDSM, but it feels like a real turn-on."

"It's very good to know yourself, and your desires," said Mr. Hampton. "If you don't explore what turns you on, you'll have a damn difficult time finding it, won't you son?" He looked at Mr. Winebridge, then quickly back at me, "I mean, Mr. Hawk."

I giggled. He was right of course, and I still hadn't become accustomed to adults calling me "Mr. Hawk."

"Does your pet boy wear a CPA chip in his collar?" asked Mr. Hampton.

"A what?" I asked, completely confused, and certain that if I had only read those pamphlets Randy had ordered for me I would know all about this CPA thingy.

"I assume he doesn't then," said Mr. Winebridge. "CPA stands for collar proximity alert. It is a way to alert security when a restrained child without adult supervision is entering an area where they might need help. If your boy enters your rooms here, the little chip in his collar will alert security that he is here, and small cameras in every room will turn on and follow him while he is here. It has to be that way whenever a kid is being restrained. An adult must be watching over him. You don't have to worry though. The cameras are silent, and they use infrared, so they don't need any light at all to work. You'll never know they are there. There is a pamphlet we have for you that tells you how to be a good master. The whole CPA system is described. Would you like a copy?"

I was so terribly embarrassed. "Uh, I think my agent was going to get me one of those," I said. "Yeah, Randy said there were pamphlets I should read, and he would get them for me."

"Well, that's covered then. Looking at your plans for your office and voice studio," said Mr. Winebridge, "it all looks very efficiently and cleverly done. You even have the dimensions roughly correct for a regular iso-booth. We'll just rotate it a bit and move it over to the window."

"Gary Putnam from the voice studios in the office building taught me a few things," I said. "Do you know Gary?" I asked.

"Oh yes, we know Gary very well," said Mr. Winebridge. "We work with studio engineers all the time. They help us plan projects, and they themselves perform the actual installations of all sound, video, and lighting equipment. We will be working with several studio engineers on your space here, at least one for the video editing and camera equipment, another to set up the lighting grid and equipment, and another for your voice studio and the sound equipment in your video studio, though that might be a different person."

"Can Gary do my voice studio?" I asked. I loved Gary. I loved his long, long hair, his easygoing American voice, and his playfulness. He really seemed to like kids. Well, he really seemed to like me anyway, and I wanted to have sex with him very badly. From the way he was talking the last time we were together, I think he wanted it too. I imagined sucking his cock while he was lying on his back under my recording desk, connecting wires or whatever. Besides, he seemed to know much better than Norman Lucan, the producer of my voiceover sessions for my promo film, how to make my voice sound good. I bet he could teach me how to make it sound extra-sexy too.

"I'll certainly see if he's available for the project," said Mr. Winebridge. "Can I ask if there is a reason for your preference?"

"Oh yes," I said. I caught myself wanting to profess my crush on Gary, but then I thought that might have made Mr. Winebridge want to choose someone else who wouldn't have to deal with me as a distraction. (I was very proud of my cleverness in that instant.) I paused briefly and said, avoiding eye contact, "He's the one who engineered two of my three voice sessions, and he is really super-good at making me sound great. I mean, I could hardly recognize my own voice when it was all done, and he did it all with a cheap Russian microphone that he chose over a super-expensive German microphone that everybody seems to prefer. It sounded like they hired some professional actor to do my voice."

My cock was very hard as I talked about Gary, and without realizing I was doing it, I had grabbed hold of it through my shorts and begun massaging it. I let go with a start as I realized what I was doing. I think they both noticed, looking at me and then at each other. Business continued as if nothing had happened. "I think you'll find most of our engineers here have a fine ear for such things, but Gary is indeed one of the best," said Mr. Winebridge. "I'm afraid that makes him rather in-demand, so I can't promise anything. Do you have any other specific personnel requests?"

"Will you be in charge of everything, Mr. Hampton?" I asked.

"That's a bit complicated," he asnwered. "First off, you're in charge of everything."

"Me?" I asked, rather stunned. "But I know sod-all about building, and I don't think I could tell grown-up men what they have to do."

Both men had a brief laugh. "It's not like that," said Mr. Hampton. "I do love working with you kids, I really do," he said, leaning down to offer me a kiss, which I accepted, a little confused, partly because my boner was still there. "Here's how you're in charge: You decide what we're going to do with these two rooms, right? If you want a toilet here or a refrigerator there, that's your decision in the end, as long as it doesn't violate building codes. It is our job to follow your instructions. You tell us what you want, and we make it for you."

"Oh," I said. "I guess that makes more sense. I don't know what building codes are though."

"Don't you worry your cute little head," said Mr. Hampton, rumpling my messy hair. "They pay Mr. Winebridge here, and me as well, to know the codes so you don't have to."

"You mean like they pay my agent Randy to worry about business things for me?" He thought my little head was cute! Well, I thought he was cute too. Or rather, he was a sexy man with a big bulge in his jeans. For the next few minutes, I found it difficult to concentrate and pay attention.

"Precisely," he said. "Now, Mr. Winebridge is the architect. That means he puts all of your wishes and instructions together into something we can actually build." My wishes involved a lot of sex with a lot of boys, and with a lot of men with great big cocks. "He turns your wishes into an actual plan that meets the building codes." As he spoke, I wondered if Mr. Hampton had a big porn man cock. "He calculates the materials we will need, the time necessary, and the budget for the plan. He also gets council approval to allow the building to take place." I looked at the bulge in his trousers, pretending to nod. It sure looked big. "That's a quick process because the Frenetic lot is confirmed as a town in itself, with its own council. Frenetic were able to buy up all the land in an existing town and build the studio lot on it. The existing town council still has…" It was difficult to tell, but the zipper on his jeans seemed to be straining a bit. "…and the adult residents in the apartments and the family row houses are the only eligible voters, since they…"

I was rubbing my cock again, and without realizing, my other hand had begun to reach for Mr. Hampton's great bulge. It must be huge, I thought. I imagined we were surrounded by the sexiest naked boys from the Frenetic Children's Division, and a few hot men with big cocks, shoving them where they wanted, the boys crying out in pleasure…

"Horace," interrupted Mr. Winebridge, "we're on a schedule. Mr. Hawk needs to know our roles, not our history." I pulled my hands behind my back, but I continued looking at his bulge.

"Sorry Percival, sorry Mr. Hawk. You're quite right," said Mr. Hampton. "You'll have to forgive me. I'm a bit of a history nut. Where was I… yes, yes, architect during the building." He was about to unzip his jeans, in my fantasy, and answer my question about the size of his cock. "When the work begins, Mr. Winebridge spends much of his time on the site, making sure his plan is being followed, and helping us solve any problems that might crop up." Something had obviously cropped up in my shorts. I wondered if the same thing was happening in his jeans. "I am the construction supervisor for this building. When he's finished his planning work, Mr. Winebridge will give a copy of his plan to me. It's my job to make sure his plan gets completed on schedule, exactly as he has drawn it up." His job would be a deep-throat blowjob by Frenetic's new boy porn phenom. I would make sure to fit him in. "I decide how many workers I need, when materials need to be delivered, which member of the construction crew is supposed to be doing what, and when they need to do it, that sort of thing. I'm always at the building site with my crew during the day, and my deputy manager supervises the night shift work." Mr. Hampton and his crew… it sounded like a nice gangbang. I imagined a whole work crew, and none of them porn actors. They would be all hot and slippery-sweaty after working on my room. "So after you, Mr. Winebridge is in charge, and after him, it's me, and then my deputy. But in a way the council is in charge above Mr. Winebridge. If they have a problem with his detailed plan, Mr. Winebridge needs to come up with another plan to give you what you want."

My head would have been spinning with all that information, so I ignored most of it and thought about his big fat cock, and the zipper that was about to burst, unable to contain it. I didn't understand a lot of the business stuff he'd just told me. I just wanted to know if Mr. Hampton was in charge (and whether he liked boys), but he made it seem as if I was in charge. To be in charge of a man, who would be my slave. That thought sent shivers through my body. Did Mr. Hampton want to be my slave? I was finding it impossible to pay attention to the task at hand. I crossed my arms to keep my hands off my cock so I could listen properly. It was mostly a futile gesture. I was a horny boy, and horny boys are not to be distracted from their thoughts and fantasies. I did try though.

But when I paid attention, it was so much information to take in, and even more pressure. I guessed being in charge of the layout of my rooms wasn't too far-fetched. Without me, none of them would have this project to build. Then I thought about all those international distributors who came to see my first live performance. All of the owners of all the porn shops, and their employees and families, and all of the crew in all of the departments at Frenetic, even that creepy sales guy who was in charge of the screening for my promo film, thousands of people and thousands more family members were going to depend on me to do my job well.

"Excuse me please," I said as I ran out of the room to a lavatory on the other side of the elevator. I didn't make it. I threw up in the corridor, right on the carpet. I kept going anyway until I got to the toilets. I needed to sit. I needed to wipe my face. I didn't need to cry though. The last time I vomited because of stress, I had to cry for several minutes while Randy held me. Now I was confused, and feeling a little out of place. I thought this was important though, because it didn't seem real that so many thousands of people would be depending on me.

I walked slowly back to rooms 1210 and 1212, with my shorts no longer tenting at all. Mr. Winebridge and Mr. Hampton were standing outside the doorway waiting for me. "You all right, son?" asked Mr. Hampton.

"I think I'm ok," I said. "Sometimes my stomach has problems and I have to run and be sick. I didn't make it to the toilet though. I'm afraid I've made a mess on the carpet."

"Jenny luv," said Mr. Hampton into a radio he had just switched on, "Would you please send Peter up to twelve with carpet cleaning supplies? Someone's been sick on the carpet near the passenger elevator, across from 1212."

"I'm sorry I made a mess on your carpet," I said. "I really ran as fast as I could, but it's hard to run fast when you feel sick."

"It's all right, son," he said. "Happens all the time. We know how to handle a bit of sick."

At the time I didn't think anything of his calling me "son." It didn't feel as meaningful as when Annie's dad had called me "son," but Mr. Hampton seemed less businesslike after I'd been sick. It had also put an end to my fantasies about him.

I heard the elevator door chime. I turned to look and saw Randy hurrying toward us.

"Mind the sick!" I shouted, just in time for him to swerve and miss it. When he arrived at our small group, he picked me up and kissed me.

"Sorry I couldn't make it earlier," said Randy. "My God, you're adorable today!" I smiled and kissed him again, hugging his neck and squeezing his body with my thighs.

"I think we've been very productive," said Mr. Winebridge, shaking Randy's hand. "I think we have enough to work with, Mr. Hawk. Is there anything else you want us to know?"

"Oh! The boys!" I said. The three men looked confused. "I want sexy boys all over my walls, naked and sexy, maybe fucking, maybe not. I want them everywhere except where they might get in the way of filming, and not in my office. I want to put my boyfriend in there only."

Mr. Winebridge scribbled a note and said, "I'll make sure to pass that on to the interior designers. They'll want to discuss it with you in more detail, as well as wall coverings, curtains, furniture, lamps, things of that nature."

"Thanks," I said.

"Do you need to go to the clinic?" asked Mr. Hampton.

"No, I'm fine now," I said.

"Was that your sick on the floor, Hawk?" I buried my head in Randy's neck. "Ok," he said. "We'll talk about it when we're alone." He shook hands with Mr. Hampton and said, "Call me if you need anything." Then Randy carried me to the studio building for my photo shoot.

***

"What made you feel sick, Hawk?" asked Randy.

"Well," I began, "it wasn't like when I was sick in my dressing room. I didn't have to cry. But Mr. Hampton was explaining about all of the people who would be working for me to have a nice B-D-A room, and I started to think of all the people who had jobs that meant I had to do a good job or else they might not have their jobs anymore, or maybe they wouldn't make enough money or something. Randy! There are thousands and thousands of people who need me to do a super-good, perfect job all the time! What if I don't do a good job?"

"It's so many people," he said with a gentle grin, "that it doesn't even matter. They aren't even the most important people to you. Whenever you do a scene or a performance, remember the love you feel for the people watching you. As long as you love them, and you show your love by performing for them, you will be doing a great job, and all of those other people will be just fine. Besides, all of those people were here before you signed on with Frenetic, and they will be here long after you have grown up and moved on… to become the next prime minister or whatever you want."

***

It was sprinkling again, and I could feel Randy's hand slide up the left leg opening of my shorts, up along my ass crack, and then his finger pressing into my hole. He knew exactly where that magic spot was, and I my boner was back instantly. I pulled his neck into a hug and moaned. I closed my eyes and saw the flowers and the hawks with the purple feathers. I loved Randy. I grunted and moaned as he massaged the inside of my ass.

We went through a door, but when I opened my eyes I realized it was not the entrance to the studio building. Soon I recognized where we were. It was the clinic. "But I'm feeling better!" I said.

He kissed me warmly and said kindly, "During your photo shoot, you will be posing with other people. Some will be sucking or fucking you. I don't think you knew that this morning. Maybe I didn't tell you. Anyway, we need to stop by the Rectum Center real quick to get you cleaned out before your shoot."

I think Randy felt the shiver of embarrassment shooting through my body. Did I forget my enema? Had he told me that and I forgot? How messy was his finger now? Is that how he knew? Was his finger covered in brown? And what about Robbie? He had just fucked me not an hour earlier! I was so embarrassed.

"It's ok Hawk, really it is," he said. "That stuff washes off. When a guy loves fucking boys like I do, a little brown is no big deal. It's just that your photo shoot needs to look good, hopefully with no brown." He leaned over and kissed me.

***

Randy set me down on the special enema table and pulled my shorts off, revealing my once-again soft cock. A familiar and wonderful face appeared above me. "Hi sweetie!" said Nurse Blaine. "It's so good to see you back again!"

It took me a few seconds to remember the rules for nurses. "Oh! Can I have a kiss please?"

"You bet your cute little bottom!" he said, leaning down to give me a nice kiss. Nurse Blaine had taught me the rules that KCU nurses and other medical people had to follow about touching and kissing. They are not allowed to touch us kids unless there's a medical reason, or unless we ask them to touch us, like if we want a hug or a kiss. They are not allowed to ask us for touch. "Now you remember how this works, right?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," I said with a nod.

"We only have to do one good one," he said. "Since you're not going to see Dr. Gupta for an exam, we use a different formula, and we only need to do it once. We don't need to clean everything out from way up inside your colon," he said, tickling me just under my left ribs, "just the last bit. Now you're going to feel me sliding the tube right in, there… there we go, you're doing fine hun." Blaine had his hand on my left… lap again. I jerked as the tube went inside me. It was small, but it felt hard and scratchy. A cock is much nicer. It's bigger, but it's softer. A cock doesn't suddenly push its way in, scraping the hole along its way. It's soft and nice. Even when it's hard and harsh, a cock is still soft and nice.

I felt another hand on my right thigh. It was Randy. (It's always a thigh, not a lap, with Randy because of his fetish, and that was just fine. Feeling sexy sometimes helped me feel less nervous.) If I wasn't having an enema, I would surely have had my boner back. "Just another twenty seconds hun," said Nurse Blaine. I grunted, feeling my insides trying to push to my outside. I remembered some of my embarrassment from the first time. Randy wasn't watching then. "Ten seconds. You might want to back up a bit Randy."

"I've made that mistake before," he said. He kept his hand on my thigh as he bent down to kiss me. How could I splatter my colon empty with someone kissing me? "Everything's ok, Hawk," he said. "Time's up. You can let go now."

"Please don't look, Randy!" I said.

He took his hand off my thigh and hugged me as I blasted my colon empty.

Chapter 79
Man-Boy

We were only three minutes late for my photo shoot. Randy had called ahead to tell the photographer where we were, so everything was fine.

The portrait studio was much larger than I had expected. It wasn't anything like the portrait studio Mum brought us to for family pictures. It was a big room with high ceilings that was dark except for the big lights that were all pointing toward the place where I presumed I would be posing.

I saw a familiar face in the studio. That face belonged to a very gay man (today I would describe him as very queeny) named Chauncy, who worked for the wardrobe department. Another man was in the room holding a camera, and before the door had opened fully to let us in, his camera was clicking away at me. There was a woman with blond hair and a great deal of bright red lipstick holding a case that I recognized as a makeup case. In the back of the room I caught a glimpse of a small group of naked adults and kids whom I thought were probably other actors and actresses from the Adult and Children's Divisions. I presumed they would be posing with me in some of my pictures. Finally, there was another stern-looking woman in a suit and skirt, holding a tablet computer. "How are you Randy," she said, shaking his hand."

"So good to see you, Marla," said Randy. "Marla, this is Trevor Hawk. I don't believe you've actually met in person. Hawk, this is Marla Brixton. She is the director of marketing photography here at Frenetic."

She held her hand out to shake mine, but she held her head back. I thought that might be her way of telling me she didn't want any kisses. "Delighted to meet you Trevor," she said in a very businesslike manner.

"Charmed, I'm sure," I replied. Randy shot me a look of concern. It was just something I had heard someone say on TV. I thought it sounded grown-up. The man's camera did not stop clicking.

"Yes, let's begin with the solo nudes," she said. "Let's have you strip down first, Trevor." She really was all business. "Are you wearing any undergarments?" I shook my head no. "That's ok," she said. "Chauncey, bring us something appropriate, would you?"

"Yes Marla," he said as he went to a small room in the back of the studio.

"Let's begin with the shirt then." I began removing my shirt, but Marla called, "Hold please," which I knew meant I was to hold still, just as I was. "We can't have you just taking it off," Marla said. "We need a series of you slowly undressing. Do you understand what I mean?"

Randy gave me a reassuring nod, and I answered her question. "Does that mean I need to go slowly so you can get lots of pictures of each step?"

"Yes," she said. "That's exactly what I mean. Let's start with the waist, as it's open already. Loosely pull the waist open, good, now pull it back. Excellent." She was very specific in her instructions, and I felt rather vulnerable being commanded like that. "Roger," she said to the man with the camera while looking into her tablet, "orbit to his left, direct profile, waist level. Trevor, look at the camera as he moves. Give him a teasing smile. Pretend he's about to give you a terrific seeing to. That's nice. Ooh I like that. Do you see that, Randy?" she asked, showing him her tablet.

"Oh yes, I've been seeing it all week," said Randy with a proud smile.

"Ok, gently slide your right hand up and pull the shirt back over your left shoulder, only enough to reveal your shoulder. No, not that far." This was going to be a long session. "Put it back where it was and try again." She took hold of my shirt and pulled it back, not roughly, and said, "This is about where I want you to stop. Can you hold it right here when you pull it back again?"

"Yes, Ma'am," I said.

"Slowly now," she continued. "Where's that smile? No, the one you just had. The camera is about to give you a right proper seeing to, and you're excited. There it is, much better. Good, now hold the shirt there, chin down a bit please, excellent. Roger, POV up another foot. Trevor, keep your eyes on the lens, and keep that perfect smile. Chin down, eyes up."

"That's our Hawk," said Randy as he pointed to Marla's tablet, "right there."

"Chin down, Trevor," Marla continued. "Remember, chin down, eyes up, and hold that smile." I pretended my boyfriend Annie was dancing naked in front of me, and that helped me smile the way she wanted. I wished again that Annie didn't have a shoot that morning.

"Ok, pull the shirt back a little more, shoulder forward a bit, left shoulder," Marla said. "Roger, back down to waist level. Trevor, hold your head still. Just move your shoulder, not your head. Very good job with the smile. Good, forward a little more, now let the shirt fall to your elbow. Hold it there. Oh that was good. Did you cover that Roger?" she asked, excitedly tapping on her tablet.

"Got it," said the man with the camera.

"Good. Trevor, let your shoulder go back to where it's comfortable now. Roger, POV up a foot, then orbit to front. Trevor, left hand on your waist. On your skin please, not over the shirt. That's lovely. Maybe a bit forward, over your belly. Oh I like that. Let your shirt hang loosely over your arm."

We did the same procedure for my right side because Marla said sometimes models look better on one side or the other, and it's not always obvious which side looks best until you look at the photos. I pulled the left side of my shirt back up for those shots, and then I pulled it back down where it had been while we shot the right side again.

"Arms up a little," said Marla. "Elbows down, hands up, and let the shirt hang. Good. Open your hands please. Palms toward your face. That's perfect! Now slowly lower your hands straight forward and pull your elbows straight backward. Like this," she said as she grabbed my right arm and moved it for me. "From here," she said with my arm up, "to here," she said with my arm down. "Very slowly though," she said. "When your shirt begins to slide down, don't do anything. Let it go, slowly and naturally. And where's that smile? Have we lost the smile? That's better," she said as I remembered Annie's naked dance in front of the camera.

Marla had me repeat the arm-lowering, shirt-dropping movement three times before she was satisfied with the results. All of this posing felt so fake. It was like work, not the fun love and sex I'd become accustomed to at Frenetic.

Just then, Chauncey returned with a small handful of knickers. "I brought a few lovely things to choose from," he said. "I have yellow, pink, and black satin, a few pretty lace patterns, and some fun boys' cartoon Y-fronts with cute little talking cars on them. I wasn't sure which direction you wanted to go, so I brought a selection. I know he likes to look pretty, but he's looking very boyish today. And since he's a little, I thought maybe you'd like to see some little boy Y-fronts as well." I noticed that he was a lot less talkative than he was when I first met him in my dressing room.

"Ok, let's begin as he is, shorts only, and we'll re-shoot a few options," said Marla. "Shoes off please."

"Here sweetie," said Chauncey, taking my arm and leading me to a chair. "I'll do this. Removing your socks and shoes doesn't look good on camera, so Marla likes to skip past that." I sat in the chair, and Chauncey removed my shoes, carefully placing the laces inside. Then he pulled off my long tube socks and laid them carefully across my shoes. As I tried to stand, Chauncey put his hand on my lap and said "Just a minute sweetie." Then he began rubbing my lower leg vigorously over the whole area my socks had covered. "We need to get some circulation going so your skin looks smooth. We don't want the sock imprint in your skin to show up in the picture," he said as he traced his finger along the mark where the top of my right sock had been. I noticed that Randy was paying close attention to this procedure. The ol' perv! I decided that I needed to give him a treat some time later that day.

The massage might have turned Randy on, but not me. I never dreamed there would be so much tediousness in child porn. Until then, I mostly showed up and fucked with the camera rolling. Love and pleasure seemed to be the whole point. Now I felt like a trophy that was being polished.

***

Marla had me slide the waistband of my shorts down, one side and then the other, being careful not to reveal anything more than the base of my cock. Then I pulled the back down to the bottom of my ass, leaving the front up to cover my cock. Then down to the middle of my thighs, my knees, and finally the floor. She had me turn my body and pose in a bunch of different ways. Then we did it all again with the yellow satin, black satin, and black lace knickers, as well as the Y-fronts with the cartoon cars, leaving them in place until the shorts were down.

I repeated it all with the knickers and Y-fronts, one pair at a time, with the shorts still around my left ankle. She had me spread my legs wide and smile at the camera between my knees. She had me put my hands on several different parts of my body. When I got the first pair (the yellow ones) down past my cock, Marla saw that I wasn't stiff. I didn't know I was supposed to be. "Do we need fluff services?" she asked me. "Do you prefer a girl? Another boy? A woman?"

"I.. I didn't…" I stammered. There he was. Among the naked actors, there was Ahmed, the fantastically sexy boy from room 41 with gorgeous hair down to his ass, winking at me from the back of the room. How had I not noticed? And next to him was that small, cute girl, also from room 41, Jessica. I had just fucked both of them an hour earlier!

"I'd be happy to…" said Ahmed, but I was hard before he even stepped forward.

"He certainly responds to you," she said. "Ahmed, I do love your hair. I think you will look fantastic for his boy-boy pair shots. Your skin tones will complement each other nicely. Your cock is smaller, you look a bit shorter, so you shouldn't pull too much focus, and with that hair he can wear you like an ornament. I can see the chemistry already. Do you see that Randy?"

"I haven't seen them work together before," said Randy, "but they do look fantastic."

Ahmed resumed his place along the back wall of the room with the other actors. At this point I noticed there was a boy, a girl, a man, and a woman. I knew both of the kids, having just fucked them, but I hadn't met the adults.

***

When I was fully naked after removing the Y-fronts, Marla put me into several poses using her hands, rather more abruptly than was necessary. That actually helped though, because not liking the way she was handling me made me lose my boner, which then meant she would call for fluff, which of course meant the beautiful Ahmed would come to my service. That was nice compensation for her slightly rough handling.

She pulled down a variety of backdrops and had me stand, sit, crawl, lie, and jack off in numerous poses in front of each. Sometimes she actually wanted my cock to go limp. Then she had the lighting changed a little, and she pulled down a plain, bright green screen behind me. But this wasn't just a backdrop. It unrolled across the floor like a carpet. "It's so they can add whatever background they like," said Randy. "Using computers."

***

"Man-boy pair shots," called Marla. A large, muscular, bald man with a very long, limp cock turned to Jessica, and she sucked his cock until it was hard. She didn't seem able to get it very deep into her mouth, but she jacked him off while sucking him, and soon he was hard. Something felt creepy about having sex with this man. Nobody had asked me if it was ok. Marla just expected it. For the first time, I felt intimidated about having sex with a man at Frenetic. I don't know why that was. I'd had plenty of sex with strange men, including the gangbang at the pool for my promo video, and they had huge cocks. But then it turned me on to have strange men taking what they wanted from me without asking. There was something very sexual about being used like that. Besides, I had asked them. This time it wasn't the man who was going to use me. It was Marla. I hadn't chosen the man either. But Randy was there, so I knew I was safe.

"Oral first," said Marla. I assumed that meant she wanted me to suck his cock, but it turned out to be the other way round. He knelt very low while she put my right leg up over his left shoulder, and I could feel his left hand caressing my ass as he sucked. It wasn't like being sucked for a video though. Mostly he held my cock in his mouth, not all the way in, and held his mouth closed or slightly open. Then Marla called "Up!" He put his right hand between my legs, then pulled my left leg over his right shoulder while holding my ass and back with his left hand, and stood up. I was riding on his shoulders and getting my cock sucked! "Lie back now," said Marla. I felt Monty's strong hands gently pulling my body back. He put his left hand on my right thigh to hold me steady. I was almost lying on my back with his hands supporting me. He was really strong. I smiled and laughed, and the man made it fun. I was glad not all the grown-ups were as businesslike as Marla. "That's right," she said, "having fun, excellent." I was no longer intimidated by this man at all.

***

After the photographer got several close-up shots and distant shots, Marla called, "Ok, let's swap oral. Fluff!"

Jessica came back out to get him hard again. "Hi," I said to the man. "I'm Trevor."

"Hello," said the man. "My screen name is Mustang, but please call me Monty."

"Nice to meet you Monty," I said with a smile. "You're fun!"

"Shush!" he said. "Don't say that too loud or Marla might have a fit!" We both had a quiet giggle. "How experienced are you at this, Trevor?" he asked. "I mean, can you take it deep, or should we stay shallow?"

"I've done rather well so far," I said, not wanting to tell him I could deep throat a huge man like Pao Pao. I wanted to keep that a surprise. "Randy says I give a really good blowjob for a boy my age. I think I do better than that." I downplayed my oral abilities, thinking a little deception to increase his surprise seemed like a fun idea. I felt Jessica's hand stroke my cock, which was a bit of a surprise. Ahmed dashed right out and sent me straight to heaven again.

Marla sent off the fluff crew and posed me on my knees with my hands on Monty's ass and his cock in my mouth. "Not so deep yet," she called. "These are stills. We want to see it going in slowly, just a little at a time. Boy, just stick out your tongue first and let the head sit there. Good, now pause there. Smile, bright smile, oh lovely eyes! Man, in a little more, boy looking at the camera, keeping your eyes on the camera, good, now in a little more, good. Boy, you're sucking off all the people who will see these photos. You're sucking them off through the camera. Good. Keep going like that until you're in as far as you can go. Boy, smile with your eyes. I know your mouth is full, so tell us with your eyes. Love them with your eyes. Smile with your eyes at the camera if you can. Show the camera how much you love this. Oh that's lovely. Very nice, very deep."

I could hear murmuring from the rest of the actors. The woman said I had gone very deep, but Ahmed and Jessica knew I hadn't even started him into my throat. I kept going slowly, holding my place while the camera clicked away, and as if it were nothing at all. When the time came, the slow pace had my throat already open and receptive to his cock. The murmuring turned to excited chatter. I kept going slowly until I reached that point where I could no longer breathe. Then I pulled him all the way in until I felt his balls against my chin and kept him there for about twenty seconds. "Oh good heavens! That's fantastic!" said Marla, softly. "Get a few angles on that, Roger. Wide angles too."

"Yes Ma'am," said the photographer. I could hear Monty grunt. It seemed partly in surprise, and partly in pleasure. His cock was pulsing from big and hard to bigger and harder, and I wasn't even moving. My boy Shlomo had shown me how incredible a deep-throat blowjob felt, so I could understand how Monty felt.

***

The scientist I'd met that morning said my cock was the size of a boy who was thirteen or older, so maybe I might get more deep-throat soon enough. He said it was 11.8 cm erect, which is a little over 4½ inches long. I had really never paid attention to the size of my cock before. In fact, until I started working at Frenetic, the only cocks I had seen were Ian's, Dad's, Brad's, and his mates'. There were a few others in the changing room at the swimming pool that we sometimes visited when I was very young, but I remember mostly looking at the men because I couldn't believe how big they were. It was almost funny sometimes. I had become fascinated by men's penises long before that day with Brad and his friends, but I never really noticed boy penises.

***

A hand on my shoulder reminded me there were more people in the room besides me and the owner of this lovely cock I was inhaling. It was Randy's hand. "Are you sure this deep-throat is ok? It really doesn't hurt?" he asked.

I let Monty's cock slide out and said, "Not at all." That was the truth. It really didn't hurt, not even that bruised feeling I'd had after deep-throating Pao Pao. Monty's cock was about as long, but not quite as thick as Pao Pao's.

"You might have a throat like Sebastian's," he said. "We know he has IAH, and I've made an appointment for you with Dr. Gupta to have you properly evaluated for that, ok Hawk?" I nodded to him with a grin. Dr. Gupta seemed to have seen enough to know already that I could safely stretch a great deal, but having IAH would be wonderful. "Remember, if you do have that condition, you'll need to begin regular physical exercises to keep everything working." What a cool thing that would be! It would also explain a lot. I wondered why they would call it a condition. It just seemed like a great thing to have, like strong muscles or a clever brain – I've got an ass and a throat that can handle just about anything. Why would that be a condition of some kind?

Then Randy whispered in my ear, "Marla can be difficult to take, but her work is the absolute best. That's why she works for us. Sometimes people aren't good at being nice, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't love them, ok Hawk?" I smiled, nodded, and kissed Randy. Then I surprised him and squeezed his cock teasingly before he returned to his position by Marla's side. I would definitely have a nice surprise for him later.

***

"I think we have enough of that anyway," said Marla. "Man, boy, standing 69, if you please." Monty had me stand in front of him, facing away from him. Then he lifted me off the ground and flipped me upside down, hugging my body against his, with Roger's camera clicking away the whole time. I giggled because it was fun. I liked big grown-up men tossing me around. That was one of the things I missed about Dad not being around.

Monty held me so my thighs were resting on his shoulders and my cock was in his mouth, and his cock was in my face, ready for action. It felt weird being upside-down doing this, but I loved new experiences. I took his cock in, but I found it impossible to deep throat him like this. "Boy, let's have the legs straight up," said Marla. Before I even had a chance to do it, she was moving my legs around herself. Roger got several shots from all different angles before Marla had me spread my legs wide. "Now the right leg forward and the left leg back," she said. "Straight, please, boy. Keep the knees straight. Toes pointed, please." She was not at all letting me enjoy the blow job.

Next, Monty was on his back on a green mattress, and we were doing a more traditional 69, with me deep throating him again. Then we swapped positions, and I was on my back, with him face-fucking me all the way deep into my throat. After just a few minutes of that, Marla said, "Ok, let's lube up for anal. Man, on your back, boy, you're riding him on top." Jessica came dashing onto the set with a tube of lube and a towel. She slathered it all over Monty's big cock, and then in and around my hole, being careful not to leave any glistening on the surface. Roger's camera captured all of this. When Jessica was done, Marla said, "Ok boy, face your man, straddle your legs across his belly, kneeling, good, now lower yourself down onto his cock. Man, straight in. Boy, no hands please. Let's do this with no hands. Remember, just a little, then pause. Then a little more, then pause. That looks good."

I thought more about the complete stranger who was now fucking my ass. He had been assigned to fuck me for these pictures. I hadn't chosen him. He was really nice, and he was sexy, but what if he wasn't? It reminded me of what was to come that afternoon – Fresh Meat Friday. I was in the business of being fucked by strangers I had never met until we were in front of a camera.

I slid down slowly, opening my hole gently, holding my head back or smiling at Monty, whatever Marla wanted. Monty had a pillow under his head, and he was looking into my eyes the whole time, almost grimacing. I thought that must be how men showed sexual pleasure. Or maybe it was because I was a boy, and he liked girls like Jessica. Randy never made faces like that.

Monty kept one hand behind his head and the other on my boner. He wasn't stroking it so much as he was posing it. That felt fake to me. I still didn't feel the love that I normally felt doing child porn.

After I slid all the way down onto Monty's cock, Marla had me get back up right away, turn around so I was facing his feet, and do the whole thing again, this time while stroking myself. Roger orbited me and got shots from every angle imaginable. Once I was all the way down, Marla had me play with Monty's balls while he held me by the hips. She decided she wanted one with him holding my hair and me holding my head back so it looked like he was yanking me around by the hair. She had me lift myself up a bit so Monty's cock would be visible, and she spent several minutes trying to get me to make an expression on my face as if I was in pain. I didn't know why she would want that because Monty's cock felt really nice where it was.

I sat there for another minute on Monty's cock while Randy and Marla had a whispered, though somewhat heated discussion, which seemed to conclude with Randy saying, "Fine, we'll do the shot while Roger's here, but I don't see us using it for promo. We might find other uses for it." I moved up and down a bit on Monty's cock while they were talking, occasionally smiling over my shoulder at him. I don't think either of us was in any danger of cumming, and I wondered whether he was in danger of becoming soft. I moved up and down a little faster.

After a few whispers from Marla, Ahmed went into the small room in back and returned with some black leather items. He brought them to me and kissed me with a smile. It was the same gear I normally used with Shlomo – wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, a collar, and a leash. "We're going to do a few BDSM shots of you now," said Marla. "Ahmed will just help you slip into that gear." I nodded to her. It was just for a picture. It wasn't like anybody was going to tie me up and do anything to me.

I found it surprisingly erotic to have Ahmed kit me out in the bondage gear. He was so gentle, and he kissed me a lot, telling me how lovely I looked, even though he was straight. But I knew that once I was cuffed and in the collar, I could easily be controlled by someone else, including Ahmed. He was facing me as he buckled the collar in place with a look of concentration. I tugged on his cock a few times, which caught him by surprise. Then he had me hold my hands out front while he put the wrist cuffs on. I bounced around a bit more on Monty's cock. This was all really turning me on!

When Ahmed finished fastening the wrist cuffs in place, he held my right hand as he stood up, showing me his boner, and he sat behind me on Monty's belly. He gently coaxed my left hand back as well, and he latched them together behind my back. I tugged at them, almost as if I needed proof that I was truly bound. I most definitely was. I could not use my own arms unless someone else permitted it. Then he attached the leash to my collar before putting a pair of cuffs on my ankles. He handed the leash to Monty, kissed me with a smile and a wink, and went back to stand with the other actors. I was moving up and down on Monty's cock at full speed, as if we were alone or doing a scene for a video. My cock was hard and bouncing.

"Ok boy, that will be enough," Marla said. "We need to get you posed and use our time wisely." I reluctantly stopped and sat all the way down on Monty's cock. "No," she said, "I need you up a bit. Remember we need to see wood in your ass. If you just sit there, no one will believe you've actually got a big cock up inside." I lifted myself up a bit on my knees. She put her hand under my ass and said, "Good. Right there should do nicely. Man, you need to hold his leash with your left hand, keep it taut, and push his back forward with your right hand." I felt Monty's hand pushing me forward, but the leash was making it hard for me to breathe.

Something wasn't right. I was at Monty's mercy, and something about that was really turning me on! I thought back on Amber, the fourteen year-old fluff girl I'd met on my first day as a fluff boy at Frenetic, only four days earlier. She told me that some people liked to give control to others. Maybe I was one of them? But I liked having control over other people too. Hadn't I proven that to myself that same day, during my victory drive after I'd signed my contract? I'd ordered everyone around, including all three men in the limousine, and it turned me on. I told them who's trousers to pull down and who's cock to suck, and I was the boss. They called me Sir. Besides, I had a slave! How could I be getting off by being at someone else's mercy? Then I remembered all the fantasies I'd had before I even knew what sex was. Usually someone was forced to be naked, but sometimes I was the one who was in shackles, forced to be naked in front of a crowd of people, simply for their amusement.

"Boy, arch your back," said Marla, snapping me back into the present. "Good. Head back, all the way back, that looks good. Stephanie, would you please do something with his hair. Keep that pose boy, right where I left you. It looks good, but your hair has to work from that angle."

The blond-haired woman with the bright red lipstick approached me with her makeup case and took out a brush and a spray bottle. "She's really giving you a workout today," she said when she got to me. I grunted, feeling like the tops of my thighs were burning up. "Oh sweetie, you can let your bottom down," she said, resting her hand on my lap for just a few seconds. I lowered my ass down fully onto Monty's cock the instant she said that. I could also feel Monty moving his cock around in my ass. Not properly fucking, but moving as though he didn't want the action to end yet. "Are you really comfortable sitting on a man's cock like that while we do this?"

"Oh yes," I said. "Really, it feels nice." I slid up and down a few times to show her.

"Wow," she said. "Most boys your age can't wait to get the cock out of them. A lot of them have to pretend they like it for the camera." I thought of Hiro. "The ones who really do like it usually want a break at times like this. You're very unusual, and very beautiful. Very sexy as well, in a boyish way." She fussed with my hair a bit and said, "I see the angle she's after. Won't take a moment," she said. She brushed my hair rapidly. Then she took out a comb, and I could feel her wiggling it in my hair as she sprayed it with something foul smelling. I felt her tug on different parts of my hair, and then she said, "How does that look, Marla?"

"That looks just fine," said Marla, followed by my favorite word that came from her, "Fluff!" Ahmed came over and sucked me off a little more, though I was quite hard before he'd so much as touched me. I held his hair in a way that obscured Marla's view so she wouldn't notice how hard I was. I rode Monty's cock up and down too, which got him to moan a bit. Jessica had climbed on top of him, straddling his face, and he was eating her little pussy with vigor. He clearly liked girls, but I learned that a hole was a hole, and when it came to us littles, a boy's ass was the same as a girl's ass to most men who liked boys or girls.

When Marla decided I was satisfactorily hard (which means I had let Ahmed's hair fall away for a moment), she sent Ahmed and Jessica away, but only after Ahmed had given me a sweet, loving kiss. "Ok boy, up you go," she said as I lifted my ass into place. "Now hold it steady right about there. Good. Now tilt your head back like it was before, a little more, good. Shoulders back." I tried to move my shoulders back, but Monty had his hands holding my upper back forward. "No Trevor," said Marla, sounding a little frustrated. I was trying my best! "Just your shoulders. Your back stays where it is." She came to me and pulled my left shoulder back while pushing forward on my upper back. "See? This is what I'm looking for. Try to relax a bit. You're doing fine, and these pictures will look very good. You're quite the natural." Had Marla just paid me a compliment? She backed up out of shot, and Roger's camera continued clicking away, not even stopping while Marla was in the shot. "Head back again please," she said. Now that looks perfect, don't you think, Randy?"

"I have to say, that's an epic pose, Marla," he replied, looking at Marla's tablet. The camera continued clicking from all directions.

"Can I sit down now please?" I asked.

"Sure," said Marla "I think that's enough with the BDSM for now. Ahmed? Jessica? Fluff! Stephanie? Fix the hair."

Stephanie brushed my hair out again, and she sprayed a different foul smelling liquid into it. Then she rumpled my hair with both hands as if she was drying it with a towel. "Perfect," she said.

Ahmed dashed up to me and removed all the leather, kissing me every chance he got. "Wait till you see those pictures Trevor!" he said with a great deal of excitement. "You won't believe how bloody hot you look!" You'd think he wasn't straight!

I hadn't imagined my new career in child porn would mean I would be chained up in cuffs and a leash, but still I had always had those fantasies. "Ahmed, have you ever done scenes where you're a slave, or tied up or something?" I asked.

"I love subbing!" he said. "Who doesn't like being tied up?"

"You do?" I asked. "I mean, you really like it? I thought only weird kids like Shlomo liked that. I love him a lot, but he is sort of weird, right?"

"Your boy Shlomo is cleverer and a lot more sophisticated than you might think," said Ahmed. "Just ask anyone else who's tried to collar him. No, you don't have to be weird to give control to someone else. I like it because there's a risk to it, and I have to trust the other person."

He liked risk too? "I think we've got a lot in common," I said to him as he returned to the actors' area, after one more sweet kiss.

"Ok boy," said Marla. "I need you to turn around and face Monty again. We just need some kissing, and then we'll be done with man-boy. Are you doing ok with his cock still inserted?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am," I replied with a smile. I carefully turned around, keeping Monty's cock in my ass. I put one leg on either side of his waist as he sat up, holding me around my back. Roger's camera was clicking away. "Now you two just kiss naturally, and let's see what we get." Monty, still almost a complete stranger, smiled gently at me, and I smiled back at him, puckering up for a nice kiss. He squeezed me close, and he was a lot more excited than I was expecting. He fucked me faster and harder than I was expecting as he clenched me tighter and tighter around my waist. He was offering his tongue to my closed lips, so I opened them and let our tongues wrestle with each other. He was moving his jaw open and closed, making my head move back and forth. He was certainly taking control, and I liked it that way. I'd never learned how to kiss properly. I reached around his neck and matched his moves. Then we parted for a few seconds and switched sides. I had been leaning to the right, and now I was leaning to the left. The solid pounding he was giving my ass made us breathe loudly through our noses. Then he broke our kiss and began to lick my neck. I closed my eyes and held my head back to give him room. I moaned loudly when Marla said, "Fine, that will do nicely. Boy-girl next. Jessica, front and center."

Monty hugged me, then kissed me once again while I tried to settle my mind down. I wasn't ready to stop. In fact, I was nearly ready to cum. He held my hips down as I tried to continue the action for just a moment longer. "You have to remember we're actors, and models in this case," he said. "We're not here to have sex with each other. We're here to make love to the people who will see these pictures, and that means pleasing them more than ourselves. They come first. And if possible, they cum first."

I nodded, then slowly stood up, letting his big cock slide slowly out of my ass. Ahmed came to me and toweled out my hole. "Clean as can be," he said.

Chapter 80
Boy-Girl

Jessica stepped in front of me with a bright smile. "So, it's the boy with the perfect cock, and he's all mine!" With her last word, she growled and tickled my ribs. Then we kissed.

"Yeah," I said, "I guess I am. D'you know what she's going to have us do?"

"Oh, the usual," she said, "oral, pussy, anal, probably some fingering. Her work is fantastic. You wouldn't believe how good you looked with Monty."

"D'you know if she usually does a boy-boy-girl scene?" I asked. "Because if she does, we could start out this three-way fuck buddy thing with Ahmed that we talked about earlier."

"I never know what goes on in her head," she said, "but I rather doubt it. We're running a little behind schedule, and most of our customers like either boys or girls. If they like boys, you and Ahmed are fine together, but they wouldn't want to see me. If they like girls, they'd only like it if you two were somehow sharing me, like a DP or something, but that would make me the star, and this is supposed to be your photo shoot."

"DP?" I asked.

"Double-penetration," she said. "One of you fucks my pussy, and the other fucks my ass. I don't see her calling for that though. I mean, Ahmed isn't exactly built for that sort of thing, is he. Boys your age can almost never fuck properly. That's why your cock is so bloody fantastic," she said, giving it more than a few tugs.

I noticed then that Chauncy was standing behind Jessica. "Costumes!" he sang. "Oh don't you two look adorable together? Trevor sweetie, I know you like boys, but she'd get a second look from anyone, even me! Jessica hunny, I need you to get into these." He held a pair of white lace knickers down for her, and she stepped into them. He fussed over them and adjusted them until he decided they were just perfect. "Oh how lovely!" he said with massive drama before kissing her belly. He was right too. I wanted them for myself. Those knickers looked like what a super-sexy woman would wear, with the high curved sides and everything, only sized just right for a kid. They looked like they were made for her, and they covered very little. I noticed she had about the same amount of ass cheek showing as Hiro and Kenji did wearing those flashy knickers Chauncey had sewn together for yesterday's live show. Maybe if I was clever I could sneak off with them after the photo shoot.

"Trevor, I don't know how you're going to keep your happy hands off her! I really don't. Now where's that shirt… oh here we go. Hands up, little darling," continued Chauncy. He pulled a baggy red t-shirt over her head and let it fall, pulling her long hair out through the neck opening. The shirt fell down her thighs to the point where a pair of girls' shorts would normally end, making it look like she might be wearing shorts, or she might be naked underneath.

The lights changed again to something brighter, but the green backdrop remained. Then Chauncy had me step into a pair of black shorts, but he didn't pull them up, and he didn't have me wear undies. "Oh you're just going to love this costume!" he said. "There are surprises for both of you, and if you get surprises, so do your fans!" He had me hold my arms up while he pulled a baggy yellow t-shirt over my head. He pulled my shorts up a little bit, and he pressed Velcro together, holding the shorts up and the shirt down.

"Stephanie!" called Marla. Stephanie dashed onto the set to fix my hair again, this time only brushing it out. "Fluff!" she called. As Ahmed approached me with his beautiful smile, Marla said, "When she lifts your shirt, I want her to find wood, ok?" I nodded absently while Ahmed went to work.

According to Marla's plan, Jessica discovered my surprise first. She walked toward me, with Roger's camera clicking rapid-fire, and we smiled and pretended to be having a conversation for a few seconds. Then I lifted the front of my shirt, glancing toward Ahmed, and pulled the Velcro apart that had held the front of the shirt to the shorts, revealing my naked abdomen, hips, cock, and upper thighs. I had to hold the shirt up while Jessica got on her knees and sucked my cock. I didn't understand why I couldn't just take it off and use my hands to feel Jessica's hair or something. Soon Marla told Jessica to pull the Velcro apart in the back and hold my shorts as they moved toward the floor, as if she were pulling them down. We did a few silly shots with her upper body underneath my shirt, but I assure you, she was still sucking, and doing a very good job of it. The girl had a very special talent!

Finally Marla let me remove the shirt, though I had to do it very slowly so Roger could catch each little movement from every angle. Then she told me to hold Jessica's face firmly and fuck her mouth hard. I was supposed to take control. I didn't know we were going to do that sort of thing, and I wasn't really ready. Jessica could sense my uneasiness and said, "It's fine Trevor. Really, you'll be surprised how much you like it, and trust me, I like it too!"

I looked at her and felt all hesitation melt away. I grabbed her head and pounded my cock hard into her mouth. Then again, and again. Then something happened that I wasn't expecting at all. I felt her teeth on my balls, and I was in much deeper than I had been before. "Are you?" I squeaked. "Am I in your throat?" She nodded and pulled hard on my ass, which told me she wanted me to keep going. I thought that if I kept someone's cock in my throat for too long, I couldn't breathe. Moving in and out allows a little breath to come and go. Marla told me to grab her hair with my right hand and to put my left hand in a fist on my hip. Roger moved in very close for these deep throat shots. I didn't exactly moan the whole time. It was something else. It was almost like singing. I wasn't trying to do it, but try being deep-throated yourself and see what sounds come out of your mouth!

I think Marla sensed that I was once again about to cum (well, it was rather obvious after ten seconds), so she called for us to change positions. This was getting insanely frustrating! I had just spent time with Mr. Hampton, getting extremely horny with no release, and now Marla was going to make me have sex with everyone here but not cum!

I stepped around behind Jessica while she remained on her knees. Roger stooped down in front of us, his shutter blazing, and Jessica slowly pulled her shirt up over her head. When it was high enough, I took it from her and pulled it completely off her. Then she stood up slowly and turned back to kiss me. Her kiss was as sweet as Shlomo's. There must be something about tiny little kid mouths that makes them that way. Marla then told me to reach down slowly and grab her pussy, on the outside of her knickers. I did, but instantly Jessica let out a howl and had to break the kiss. I had to hold my hand still after that and just put it into different poses instead of rubbing her pussy. It's like Monty said – we were making pictures, not having sex. At that moment, I think it was more frustrating for Jessica than for me.

Soon I had my hand on her pussy inside her knickers. This time Marla let me move around a bit because she wanted some good pictures of Jessica reacting. She hugged the arm I was reaching over her with and made numerous unusual sounds. I was trying to imagine what fucking her was going to be like in front of a camera and with a room full of people watching. She had the advantage of being a girl. She could cum anytime, because girls don't have a boner to go soft, and if you keep going on them when they cum, they go crazy, which makes for good pictures that don't look phony. But us boys had an advantage too. We didn't go soft just because we had an orgasm. We could keep our boners as long as we kept playing with them.

Jessica reached up to her hips and pulled the waistband of her knickers down to her knees, where she let them stay. Marla had me insert my middle finger into her pussy, which made her scream. It might sound like some kind of violation of her, but she loves those pictures, and she said that was the sort of thing she wanted to do when she started in child porn. So I continued finger-fucking her, my index finger soon joining my middle finger, while she hopped from foot to foot. I had to hold her close with one hand while I fucked her with the other, and it's a good thing I did. Both of her feet came up at one point, and she would have fallen. I was probing and massaging all of those special places I'd discovered inside pussies when I'd done that scene with Claire. Jessica was wailing, and I was afraid she was going to pull my arm off more than once. I guess that means she came.

Next, Monty and Roger had pulled a green mat onto the set. Jessica was on her back, with her legs in the air, her knickers still around her knees, and I put my finger back into her pussy. Her whole body spasmed into a sort of arch, and she bent her knees tightly. I held my finger still because the next step was for me to pull her knickers off completely, and I couldn't do that if she had her knees bent.

As I pulled her knickers off, it seemed strange to me that her legs should feel just like a boy's. I'm not stupid, and I know that before puberty, boys and girls are nearly the same except for cocks and pussies, but it made me wonder why I liked boys so much more than girls. Maybe because boys didn't act like this every time you gave them a good shag. I knew I really liked cocks too, even little ones. It's something to play with, and when you do play with a cock, you can usually predict what will happen. With pussies, usually you have to pay careful attention to things, and do things slowly. Boys were easier to understand sexually, I guess.

It was time for me to fuck her pussy. I knelt down with my knees spread apart. I pulled her legs around the outside of mine and lifted her ass up to my height so I could slide my cock right in. Marla jumped in quickly and pushed a green pillow under Jessica's ass to hold her there. Jessica looked into my eyes with something like fear, as if to beg me not to do it. "That's it," said Marla, "lots of eye contact. And girl, if you could just let your mouth hang open a bit please, there's a good girl."

"You ok?" I whispered to her. She nodded very slightly and seemed to shiver, waiting for me to enter her. "Ok then," I said. She began to howl before I even touched her. She crushed her thighs together against the sides of my waist, and her eyes rolled back in her head as I slid my cock inside.

"Grab her hair and hold her down, Trevor," said Marla. I took a handful of her long hair on each side of her head and held it to the green mat under her armpits. That seemed to keep her from moving a whole lot, and Marla thought it was rather clever. Roger orbited and got a few nice shots of my face from Jessica's point of view, with just a bit of the back of her head showing, and one of her face in a sort of over-the-shoulder shot from my angle. I like those.

Just as I was finding my rhythm, again Marla said, "Ok, that's good. Next position. Boy, roll her over, and I want you to fuck her ass doggy style."

Roger's camera clicked away as we assumed our positions. "No need to rush," said Marla. "Especially for these anal shots, we want good coverage of first insertion. We can repeat first insertions, but I prefer it to be genuine."

That seemed like a rather odd thing to say about someone who was as experienced as Jessica. "You've had it in the ass before, haven't you?" I asked her.

Jessica giggled softly, and Marla said, "First insertion means the first time you penetrate her ass during a scene. Good heavens boy, a girl like Jessica has had hundreds of cocks in her ass." That made sense to me. I'd only had a few in my ass, and I couldn't wait until I could say I'd had hundreds in my ass too. I imagined a line of a hundred boys like Boris and a hundred men like Randy, waiting to take their turns. "A girl can have two first insertions in each scene, one in her ass and one in her pussy," Marla continued. "They are the closest thing we have to a money shot for a girl. When you penetrate her ass, watch what her body does. Watch what her face does," she continued. "Jessica, turn around and look at Trevor." She had used our names, I think for the first time.

Jessica lifted her right arm and held it against her right ass cheek, turning her head to look at me over her right shoulder. "Good. Now boy, just push your cock inside her. Don't wait. Just do it and watch everything she does." I raised my eyebrows, looking at Jessica. Marla was telling me to just pound my cock into her without opening her ass. "Well what are you waiting for, boy? We've a lot more to do and very little time."

"I don't want to hurt her," I said.

"With that cock?" said Marla. "Trevor, you mustn't get ideas about yourself because of your popularity around here. You're no King Khan or Baron Gargantua. Maybe someday, but you've got several years to go yet before puberty. You're a little boy, and you have a little boy's cock. It's long, yes, but hardly wider than your thumb. Just stick it in and pay attention to her reaction."

I felt very nervous, but I did as she said. She was speaking as if Jessica wasn't even there. Jessica gasped and winced as if in pain as I slid inside her. Her back arched, and she momentarily let go of her ass. I was certain I'd hurt her, but then she grabbed my ass and pulled me into her. "She's right Trevor," Jessica whispered. "Not very tactful though," she mumbled.

"Excellent," said Marla. "Do you see what I mean, boy?"

"Yes Ma'am," I said. She kept calling me "boy," and telling me when to stick my cock into Jessica, but she never seemed to look at her to see if she was ok with it. I had the sense we were making these photographs for Marla's promotion, not mine.

"That really was good, Hawk," said Randy. "Those will be some great pictures for your portfolio." I looked at Randy, wishing he could read my thoughts. It almost seemed he could. "Do you need a quick break, Hawk?" he asked me. I was certain Marla would object, but she said nothing. I nodded to Randy.

"Very well then, let's take five," said Marla. "Five minutes everybody! Be back promptly please. We still have a busy schedule."

"Five minutes, thank you," said the rest of the actors and crew.

***

"It's just…" I stammered, trying to find the words to describe my concerns, "the way she talks, like Jessica is this thing for me to poke and grab without a thought about whether she's ready or not. I don't want to make Jessica uncomfortable or hurt her, but Marla keeps telling me to just do things, and do them now. I don't like it!"

Randy and I had gone to my dressing room, which happened to be just thirty feet away and across the corridor from the photo studio. "Hawk," he said, "it's a sign of your decent character that these things trouble you so much. You know that what we do here, we do for love, and I suppose Marla's style of directing doesn't seem very loving. Am I right?" I nodded. At least he understood me. "I want you to think about a few things. First of all, I am glad you brought this problem to my attention. Anytime you are uncomfortable about something, you should be doing that – talking about it, either with me or with another adult here, even Marla." I wondered if I should have called for a hold. I had promised I would do that if I felt uncomfortable about what I was being asked to do. "And the reason you feel uncomfortable about this is because you are concerned about Jessica. That means you're acting out of love." He hugged me and kissed me when he said this.

"I am very proud of you Hawk," he continued. "Now comes the complicated part. First, the love. Everything we do here, we do for love. I want you to think about who Marla loves, because she does have a lot of love in her heart." That statement caught me very much off guard. "She loves you a great deal, Hawk, and she is showing you that love by doing her very best to give you some extraordinary promo pictures. She knows what makes for excellent pictures, and when she says she needs the actors or models to do something, we usually need to trust her judgement and do it. She has been director of marketing photography here for seventeen years, and one of our finest photographers for many years before. She shot my first promo pics when I was a new boy here too. She feels very strongly about producing the finest material she can for you, and in order to do that, she speaks very directly so everybody knows exactly what to do. There are other ways to direct a photo session, but this is the way that works best for her. I want you to remember that – it's the reason she pushes you hard and doesn't pretend to be nice about it. Her reason is that she loves you and wants to give you the best pictures she can, and also because she wants that love to reach the people who will enjoy these pictures. Do you believe me when I say that Hawk?"

I looked down and muttered "yeah."

Randy hugged me again and said, "It's ok, Honey Hawk. You don't have to believe what I just said. I know it's difficult to accept when someone is acting all crabby, but please trust me, just until the end of the photo shoot, ok? We can have a chat with her when she's not directing the session, and you'll see what a sweet person she is. In the meantime, please call for a hold if you feel this way again, and don't be afraid of anyone, especially Marla. If you call for a hold, you will see right away that what I'm telling you about her is true."

"Ok," I said. It felt nice when he called me Honey Hawk again. That meant he understood I was still uncomfortable. It was still a new experience to have an adult in my life who knew or cared if I was upset.

"Ok," continued Randy. "She also loves Jessica." I looked up at him, feeling a bit shocked at what he'd just said. "Yes she does, Hawk. She shows it by treating Jessica like a professional. She does not waste Jessica's time by coaxing her into doing things that she knows Jessica is perfectly capable of and willing to do. Jessica is an experienced child porn actress who has been with us for three years. She knows what is expected of her, and, like you, she absolutely loves doing it. She has done a lot of work with Marla, and she understands Marla's preference to do away with the niceties and spend more time on posing and photographing than on explanations and hand-holding. Marla and Jessica would both prefer to just get on with things. You are still very new here, so Marla has treated you a little more gently, but she is trying to treat you as a professional as well. She doesn't want to waste your time. She would rather be taking pictures than making explanations, and she feels the pictures are a better use of your time. That might not make much sense to you right now, but that is why she is so abrupt with everyone. She values your time, and she wants to capture as much of your magic as she can while we're all together."

I had to trust Randy. I had learned many times over that I could always trust him. "You'll be there for the rest of the session, right?" I asked, knowing how childish that question was.

"Of course I will, Honey Hawk."

Chapter 81
Boy-Woman

Randy's explanation made sense to me. I didn't like it, but I knew Marla wasn't just being a pushy old cow. I smiled at her as we walked back into the studio room, and she returned a smile and called, "Ok, if we're all ready, I think we've got enough boy-girl. Let's have boy-woman. We'll stay with the green screen. Trudy, if you please."

The woman who had been waiting with the other actors walked up to me, gave me a kiss, and introduced herself as Trudy. She had blond hair that was tied up in back, an even tan, and her pubes were trimmed in the shape of a small arrow pointing down to her clitoris. "That's really clever!" I said, pointing to her pussy.

"Oh thanks, sweetie!" she said, giving me another kiss. "The viewers like it when girls come up with something unique like this to do with their pubes, as long as it's trimmed short and the rest is kept bald."

Stephanie also came up to me with her makeup kit, but she didn't apply any makeup. Instead she used a disinfectant cloth to clean my cock. "You did anal last with Jessica," she said. "We don't want that in Trudy's pussy." I nodded and let her get about her business. "Hair?" she called to Marla.

"Yes," Marla replied, "I think something proper. Something formal, maybe gelled?"

"Gotcha," replied Stephanie. She brushed my hair out, then put some other stinky stuff in it, but it was a goop she rubbed into it this time, not a spray. Then she combed it carefully. "Marla wants to show you with several different looks," said Stephanie. "These are promo pictures, and directors and casting agents need to know not just what you look like, but what you can look like."

"Chauncy," called Marla, "let me see some wire-rimmed glasses, gold frames, please."

"I've got just the thing," said Chauncy. He walked up to me with a pair of glasses and slid them on my face while Stephanie was still combing my hair. "Oh how lovely!" he said. "Of course, I would go a little more flamboyant with your face, but I think I know where Marla is going with this scene. How's that, Marla?"

"Yes, that will do nicely," she replied. "Now a gray boy scout uniform with short trousers and a red scarf and red Y-fronts for him. French cut, black lace knickers, black lace stay-up stockings, red heels, and a sheer black dressing gown with red lace trim for her."

"I've got it all right here," said Chauncy as he dashed off to his clothing rack in a side room.

After Stephanie finished with my hair, she brushed something onto my cheeks. "Marla wants you looking sweet and innocent for this scene," she said, "and giving you a little rosy color in your cheeks will help. I'm going to just add a tiny bit more red to your lips and some mascara too."

"So, the eye makeup and lipstick are to make me look cuter, and the rosy cheeks make me look sweet and innocent?" I asked.

She giggled softly and said, "Yes, that's the gist."

When she finished, Chauncy helped me into my clothes. "Let's see if we can hurry this up a bit," called Marla.

I moved as fast as I could, but Chauncy said, "Oh don't worry sweetie. I'll do the hurrying. If we both hurry, we get in each other's way." He kissed me as he pulled up my right sock. "My you look breathtaking!" he said with his most dramatic voice. "Doesn't he Marla? Doesn't he look breathtaking? I think he always looks breathtaking, but right now…"

"Thank you Chauncy," said Marla in her stern voice. "Ok, boy, woman, I need you in the center looking at each other. Boy, you're looking nervous, woman, you're a predator. That's perfect Trevor, very good." I didn't have to act. I felt nervous. Trudy seemed nice, but I could still remember my previous experience with women – Trish and Lena. That had been pretty nasty.

"Ok, we're just looking at each other now," said Marla. "Straight upright posture, good, excellent. Roger, some shoulder shots too please. Ok, let's lose the dressing gown, slowly over your shoulders, hold it behind you, hanging from your hands, good, now let it drop. Seductive with the eyes… very good. Woman bends down slowly, good, boy is scared. Trevor, your puppy just ran out in front of a speeding car. I want that look. Ok good, maybe not quite as much as that. Good… perfect! Boy, eyes on her tits. Very good. You're scared of her tits. They're monsters to you. Now all the way over Trudy, give him a kiss. Trevor, you're scared, but you return the kiss. Good. Maybe on your toes? Good, I like that. See if you can stay on your toes. Trudy, help him balance. Roger, orbit. Arms around the boy now. Trevor, feeling a bit more comfortable. Good… boy's hands on her waist now, come on Trevor, hands on her waist. Ok, Roger, I want this in a shoulder shot. Woman pulls away from the kiss, then removes the boy's glasses with her left hand. Trevor, look very nervous now, but not scared. Nervous, excited, it's all unexpected and wrong, but you can't stop now."

We had to repeat that a few times to get the right look on my face, and for Roger to get just the perfect angle. How do you look very nervous but not scared? Trudy really did look scary. Her tits weren't scary though. They were just these big soft lumps on her chest. It was the way she was looking at me, like she was a spider, and I was caught in her web.

Chauncy and Randy carried a couch with bright green upholstery onto the set. Marla had Trudy take my hand and walk me to the couch slowly, with Roger taking shots from all angles. Trudy sat down, and I stood between her knees, facing her. We kissed, and I was still supposed to look nervous, though I felt a lot less nervous. Kisses had come to mean comfort to me. Love and comfort, even when they came from a stranger. Trudy put my hands on the outside of her tits, and I squeezed them together. "Trevor, I want your mouth wide open, stick your tongue out, good, now keep your tongue like that and lick her nipples, one side at a time. Just lick, no sucking yet. Good. That looks lovely. Tongue way, way out. Excellent. Now close your eyes, like you're pretending to be someplace else. That looks lovely. Trudy, put his hand on your left tit, and Trevor, squeeze her tit with your hand. Squeeze it good. Nice and tight. Woman, head back, fix your hair. Good. Squeeze harder, boy."

I didn't want to hurt her. I felt the same as I did with Jessica, but then I learned that I wasn't hurting Jessica. Marla hadn't asked me to hurt anyone, so I decided to trust that she wasn't asking me to hurt Trudy now. I gave her tit a good hard squeeze. "Ok, good," said Marla as Trudy let out a gasp. "Now get into her tit with your mouth. Keep squeezing with your left hand, and suck as much as you can on the other tit. You can move your tongue around if you like. Trudy will probably like that." I did. I licked around her nipple, and she made a sharp squeaking sound. Her nipple grew larger and harder, which is how I learned about nipple erections. "Now pull her tit out toward you with your mouth. Suck her tit toward you. Yes, that looks great! Trudy, left hand on the boy's cheek. Good. Ok, enough of that."

Marla told Trudy to sit upright, and I had to stand up straight, but first Stephanie had to brush some powder over Trudy's tits. "Ok boy, you're nervous again. Look into her eyes, very nervous, and Trudy, lift up his collar, then start at his top shirt button. Work under the scarf. Now unbutton his shirt, slowly, one button then pause, one button then pause, good. Trudy, keep your eyes on his. You're the cougar, the predator. You're in for a tasty meal with this boy. Unbutton with your hands, not your eyes. Nervous, boy, nice and nervous. There, now pull his shirttails out from his trousers. Good. Very slowly now, open his shirt, slowly, over the shoulders, hold there, a nervous smile would be ok now boy, a nervous smile, have you got one of those for me? Hold the shirt there, shoulders out, good, now slide it back a bit and hold it on the arms. Roger, get a good orbit on that. Ok, Trudy, slide it down gently, don't let go. No Trevor, hold your arms still. Let Trudy do the work. She works around your arms. Don't move. Hold there, hold, good, now Trudy, lean in and softly lick his left nipple."

I jerked, then let out a giggle. It tickled! I had never had anyone do that to me before. "I'm sorry," I said. "It's just… I mean, I've done that to other people, but never had anyone do it to me."

"Really Hawk?" said Randy. "Sounds like another bonus to me." He scribbled something in his notepad.

"Can we continue, Trevor?" asked Marla. "React however you react. If it tickles, then laugh, but do try to hold still and not pull away. Trudy will try to adjust, right, Trudy?" Trudy nodded. "And if it makes you horny, so much the better." I nodded, and Trudy resumed her licking. I jumped back a little and had a few more giggles. "Try it with your eyes closed Trevor. Pay attention to how it feels instead of how it tickles. There are a lot of feelings, not just the tickling. Feel her smooth tongue loving your body in a very private place." I closed my eyes, and it still tickled, but I was getting better at not moving away. "Trudy, maybe go a little softer." She did, but that made it tickle more. "Trevor, you're doing great. Remember all the feelings. Ok Trudy, right nipple. Left hand on his cheek again, good. Open your eyes boy. Look into her eyes. Trudy, eye contact. Now slowly, very slowly let the shirt fall. Very good. Ok, you can stop. That was magic!"

"Bravo!" said Randy. "So we know where he's ticklish!" I stuck my tongue out at him, which Roger of course caught on his camera. (Randy had a 5x7 print of that put in a frame for his desk.)

"Ok people, let's stay focused," said Marla. "Trudy, slowly unbuckle his belt, then unbutton his fly, good, now lower his zip. Ok, reach in now, over his Y-fronts and cup his cock, good." I was hard the instant she'd touched my belt. Having someone else take charge of my trousers was always a great turn-on, even if it was a grown-up woman.

"Eye-to-eye still. Trevor, keep smiling. I want to see you smile now; a nervous smile is ok. You've had the giggles, so you're more comfortable now in this scene. Trudy, less of the predator, more of the fun nanny with benefits. Left hand on his right cheek again. Yes, I like that look. Now kiss. Both of you lean in for this and have a nice kiss. Work his cock, Trudy. In and out, yes, that's nice. I want to see movement in these pictures. Trevor, let's see your right hand on her left cheek now. Oh that's lovely. Now your left hand on her knee, a little higher, good."

After fisting Trish and Lena for my promo video, I thought women were all nasty, but that just wasn't true. Trish and Lena were nasty. Ok, they weren't nasty, I love them both, and I only wrote that to be funny, but the things they liked made me feel nasty. But with Trudy, this was a kind of sex, and that felt good. Trudy was making me feel good instead of me having to make her feel good in some nasty way. I liked having my cock rubbed, and Trudy was nice. I only hoped I wouldn't have to eat her pussy, or fist anyone's pussy ever again!

"Ok, the hand on her knee isn't working. It's blocking the action. All right, Trevor, stand up straight. Trudy, pull his Y-fronts over his cock so we can just see it peeking out. Trevor, watch what she's doing. Hands on your hips, elbows way back, good. Trudy, pull the front of his Y-fronts down below his balls. Now stroke his cock. Use your left hand hunny. Good. Eye contact again. Look into each other's eyes. Any expression, Trevor. Tell us all how you feel using your eyes, looking at Trudy. Tell Trudy how you feel using only your eyes. Any feeling is ok. Everything is new to you. Be surprised, be excited, be scared, feel whatever you feel, but show her your feelings with your eyes. That's fantastic! Randy, he's a bloody natural!" All I did was look at Trudy and feel weird, like when you have a staring contest with someone. Us staring at each other made me feel funny, and I started giggling. "Ok, Trudy, you're horny, you want him, and now you let him know with your eyes. Want, desire, need, desperation! Good!" And she showed it. It almost scared me because it made her look powerful, and maybe a little dangerous, like she was going to have her way, and I couldn't stop her. "Trevor, you don't understand her look now. You have a question. You are confused." I wasn't confused at all, but I knew the look she wanted.

"All right, moving on," said Marla. "Trudy, I want you to put your thumbs inside his Y-fronts, on his hips, and pull them slowly down past his ass. We'll do this twice. First time, kiss. Go ahead and kiss. Good, lower them slowly, good, just past the ass, now hold." Trudy then pulled my pants and shorts back up, making sure my cock was still pointing out from my Y-fronts. "Now this time, look into each other's eyes with excitement, anticipation. You know what's about to happen. Trevor, you don't know what's about to happen, but you're very excited to find out. Show me your face when you're thrilled. Good!" That was a face I was very familiar with, but it soon turned back into giggling because we were staring at each other again. I guess that looks about the same.

When my pants were just past my ass, Marla had Trudy guide me by my cock as I turned around, as if she was twirling me. We repeated that move a few times until Marla had just the right smile she wanted from me. Then Trudy sat me on her lap and we both looked at my boner with big smiles as she pulled my pants off completely. I pulled off my socks and shoes, then leaned back and kissed her over my shoulder. She had her soft left hand on my belly and her right hand stroking my boner.

"Now this next position is going to require some careful balance, Trudy," said Marla. "Trevor hunny, I want to rehearse this move slowly before we do it for real, and we're going to have Roger put his camera down for a few minutes to coordinate this. Roger?" I noticed she was using my name and calling me "boy" less and "hunny" more, and I know Randy hadn't spoken with her about that.

"All right boy, woman, I'll walk you through the steps first, and then Roger will help you to get your moves down safely." I guess I was still a boy. "Trudy, starting from the kiss in this sitting position, I want you to hold his waist to steady him as he stands up," said Marla. "Trevor, you'll pull your feet back down between her legs and stand up straight. Trudy, he will need your help, so lift him straight up. Trevor, I want you to do most of the work. You're too heavy for Trudy to lift you by herself. Ok Trudy, don't let go. Now Trevor, hold your hands up and turn around slowly to face her. Put your left hand on her shoulder and your left foot goes on the sofa, just outside her thigh. Trudy, when he does that, I need you to move your right thigh in at the same time, ok? Good. Now Trevor, lift yourself with your left leg, good, helping him Trudy, and put your right hand and foot in the same place on her left side. Excellent. Now let's sit back down and start again from the kiss. You're on, Roger."

Roger had seemed like a soft-spoken man, but as he helped us with our movements, his voice became strong and authoritative. We repeated the maneuver perfectly three times in a row. It all seemed a bit silly because I has jumped all over Mum's sofa at home, and I didn't need anyone to make sure I didn't fall. And if I did fall, it wasn't a big deal.

Then I learned that what we were doing was considered a stunt, and stunts are like fighting in front of the camera. They have to be supervised, or "coordinated," by someone other than the director, and they have to be rehearsed at least three times before anyone starts filming, or even taking pictures. When Roger put his camera down, he became our stunt coordinator.

***

"Trevor hunny, lift your left hand. Out… try putting it behind your head." We had resumed shooting again, which meant Marla was back in charge. "Elbow way back please. Turn this way a little… good. Trudy, left hand on his ass. Now I need you to touch the tip of his cock with your tongue. Just the tip. Good. Excellent. Trevor, do you need fluff?"

"Oh! I don't know…" Trudy sucked me a few times and I was immediately hard. "I guess not," I said. I turned my head to look at Ahmed, but I nearly lost my balance. Roger gave me a stern look but said nothing.

"Ok, good. Now Trudy, I want you to touch the tip of your tongue only to his scrotum. Just touch it lightly. Nice and tight Roger. Good. Now Trudy, I want you to keep your tongue there, hold your nose to the left of his cock, your left, and up against his body. Good. Now take a good, wide, strong lick right from the balls all the way to the tip, and continue up his belly a ways." I let out a growl. That felt good! "Did you get it all Roger? Good. Wider shot now Roger. Left hand on his ass, and right hand around his left thigh so we can see the action. Frame it like that Roger. Just a little higher, Trudy. Good. Mouth wide open, take it all in, now close your mouth and suck it hard as he pulls out. Pull out slowly Trevor. It's ok to giggle. Let your feelings be what they are, but make sure to share them with Trudy. That's lovely. Let's do a few more of those. Roger, we need his face too. And again. Now hold it in, Trudy. Leave maybe a half-inch out. That's good." I felt myself shudder a bit. "Roger, I need a good orbit of this. Trudy, help us here. I need some good energy shots of him." She nodded, and as Roger orbited, she started flicking my cock with her tongue, sucking on it, even swallowing the tip way back in her mouth. I was not expecting any of that. "Hold him in place Trudy. Cum if you like Trevor. Go ahead. Hold on to him Trudy! Good." I made several strange sounds, grunting and snorting, and I swayed a bit from side to side. I was ready to cum when Marla said, "Hold please." I pushed my cock in and out of Trudy's mouth a few more times, but Marla sternly said to me "Hold means hold!"

"I'm sorry Ma'am." That is one of the frustrations a porn actor has to deal with. Monty had already told me I wasn't being paid to enjoy myself. As Nurse Dan had said, I was being paid to look absolutely gorgeous, and that didn't always mean what I wanted it to mean. I was frustrated though, because she said I could cum. I have since wondered if she was just trying to get the look of me when I'm about to cum, and not the look of me actually cumming. From what Randy had said, she sounded clever enough to think that way, and she was probably experienced enough to recognize when I was about to orgasm.

"That's all right, Trevor, and do call me Marla" she said, with the usual flat tone in her voice. "You're still new, so try your best. I know it's difficult to stop sometimes. You'll soon develop a more professional attitude. It comes with time."

"Yes Marla," I said. I didn't know whether she was disappointed or pleased with me. I looked at Randy, who was behind Marla. He answered my question with a thumbs-up and a smiling wink. I didn't dare smile back, but I smiled on the inside.

"Trudy, help him down from there now please," said Marla. "Randy, Chauncey, would you be a couple of dears and remove the sofa back for me? Thanks loves." As my feet touched the green floor, the two were already walking away with the green sofa back.

"Trevor, I need you down on the floor for this next series. You'll be on your knees between Trudy's legs."

"I'm sorry Marla," said Randy. "Before we continue, can I have one minute with you and one minute with Hawk please?"

While Randy and Marla went off to talk, I looked at Trudy's knickers. "Those are really pretty," I said.

"Thank you," she said. "You can't go wrong with black or red lace."

"Did they come from Almost Heaven, here on the lot?" I asked.

She gave me a look of surprise. "They're not mine. They came from wardrobe, but have you already been shopping at Almost Heaven? You're so new!"

"Yes," I said. "I went there yesterday with a girl from my dorm room named Yvgenia. They have all kinds of nice things! I got mostly knickers and skirts and…"

"Oh! You like dressing in girls' clothes?" she asked. "Are you really a girl? I wonder why they're not shooting your promo that way."

"No, it's not like that," I said. "I'm a boy, but I decided a few days ago that I wanted to see what it was like to look pretty, and I really like it, but it's a weird feeling. I don't know if I want to dress pretty all the time, but my boyfriend definitely does. He even has a girl name. He's called Annie."

"Annie MacKay?" she asked. "I know him! We've done a few scenes together. I love working with him! He's so sweet, and ooh he knows what to do with his tongue. Mmmm…"

Just as I was about to tell her what I had learned about girls' pussies, Randy came up to me and said, "I need you just for a minute Hawk." He led me to an empty corner of the room and said quietly, "Marla is about to ask you to eat Trudy's pussy for these pictures. I want to know how you feel about that, and I need the truth. I know your experience with Claire was ok, but your experience with Trish and Lena was… best forgotten."

"Is it different from eating Claire's pussy?" I asked.

"Has Claire started… I mean, is she in puberty yet?"

"How would I know?" I asked.

"Well, her juices smell and taste different from a girl Jessica's age, and they change when she cums," he said. "Jessica probably doesn't make much pussy juice at all, and it stays the same when she cums. Do you understand?"

"So that's what happened," I said, remembering Claire's pussy after she came. I had been thinking about gross, giant pussy boogers at the time, but she was just sort of slimy. "It tasted stronger, and then it got all watery and there was a lot more of it. Right? I mean, that happened with Claire when she came."

"Yes, that's it exactly," said Randy. "It should be a lot like Claire then, only Trudy is a little bigger because she's an adult. I want to know if you're comfortable having your tongue in Trudy's pussy. You get to decide, remember? You always have control over your sexuality here. Marla knows that, but the language she uses doesn't say that. She says 'do this' or 'do that', but it's still your choice. I just spoke with her about this, and she understands. She will respect you even more if she knows you can set your own limits. This shoot is for you, and it's your choice."

"Well Trudy's really nice," I said, "and I didn't know Claire at all when I did it with her, so I guess it's ok."

"Sorry Hawk," said Randy, "but I need more than that to let you do this. 'I guess it's ok' doesn't tell me you're comfortable with something. It means you'll put up with it. Be honest."

I had just made friends with Trudy, and I liked her. Besides, she'd had sex a bunch of times with my boyfriend. If he was comfortable with it, why wouldn't I be comfortable? I was just posing for pictures. "Yeah," I said, "I'm comfortable doing it. She's really sweet, and Annie knows her and all."

He gave me a kiss and said "Ok Hawk. You have always been honest with me, and I trust you. What's the safe word here?"

"Lunch room!" I giggled. I still wasn't accustomed to people caring about me and my feelings.

***

I gave Trudy a kiss when I got back, then knelt between her knees. She was sitting on the remaining part of the sofa waiting for me. Marla had me rub her pussy over her knickers, with and without kissing, then inside her knickers, with and without kissing. Next, Trudy had to lie back and lift her hips while I pulled her knickers down to her knees. "Towel," called Trudy. Stephanie dashed out with a towel for Trudy to use on her pussy, which had become quite wet.

"Let me give you a quick rinse," said Stephanie. She squeezed a plastic bottle into Trudy's pussy, and Trudy dried herself off. I thought it was odd that Roger continued taking pictures the whole time, as he had done every other time we had paused that day.

Stephanie left the set, and Trudy said, "Ready."

Marla told me to pull Trudy's knickers down to her ankles, slowly as usual. Then I pulled her knees apart as she lay back on the couch. Marla had me open my mouth and hold my tongue way out like I did on Trudy's nipple, and she had me touch her clitoris and other parts of her pussy with it. Trudy reached around under her thighs and stretched her pussy wide open while I touched different parts of it with my tongue. I couldn't taste anything at all, though she had just been cleaned. Then Marla had me push my tongue in as far as I could with my head facing at an angle so the camera could see my tongue. (They call that "cheating.") The last several pictures were of me with my mouth over her pussy completely. Marla said I didn't have to put my tongue inside, but she needed my mouth wide open. I thought how unfair that would be to Trudy, so I licked her pussy for real.

When Marla said that was enough, I said, "Wait, um… I know some things… I mean, Randy, I told you how I did stuff to Claire's pussy, right? I can do that again, and maybe Marla might like it." I was nervous about speaking up, but I thought it was something that I was really good at, so it should be in my promo pictures.

"Oh yeah," said Randy. "Marla, you need to trust him on this one. Just give him one minute in this position, and you're going to have some great coverage. Trudy, this will probably be pretty intense for you." I breathed a sigh of relief because Randy told Marla it was a good idea.

"All right," said Marla, "but only a minute. We're quite pressed for time, and we still have boy-boy and the group to do."

I stuck two fingers up Trudy's pussy, and she twitched a bit, but not much. My fingers were small, and I was sure she'd had many huge cocks up there before. Then I pressed my tongue hard against her clitoris, and I felt behind her pubic bone for that soft bump. I pressed hard as I moved from side to side, and suddenly her whole pelvis jumped and she made a squealing sound. I rubbed it aggressively, and she screamed. She seemed to be gushing with fluid too. She wrapped her legs together, squeezing my head between her thighs, and I kept going. I couldn't hear anything with her thighs pressed against my ears, but I thought someone would tell me when to stop.

I felt two soft pats on my ass, which was the Frenetic sign to stop whatever you're doing, so I stopped. A few seconds later, Trudy released my head and let her legs down. She was gasping for breath. "Towel," called Marla.

Stephanie came back with several towels. I stood up and she tossed one to me. I wiped my hand and my face, and then I wiped Trudy's pussy. I tried anyway. She let out a howl, and I backed off. So I toweled off the cushion on the green couch. It was soaked with whatever had come out of Trudy's pussy.

Chauncy came to the set and helped Trudy to her feet so the couch cushions could be flipped and re-arranged so we could continue. When all was settled and cleaned as well as it could be cleaned, Trudy sat back in her position and stared at me. "How… " she muttered weakly. "G-spot… little boy…"

I would have told her all about Claire if I had the time, but Marla began to talk. "Trudy, can you continue? We can go with what we've got if we need to."

"Static only?" Trudy asked. I had no idea what that meant.

"Sure," said Marla. "That's all we need, just insertion and a few position shots."

"Ok," said Trudy.

"Hair!" called Marla. Stephanie quickly brushed Trudy's hair into shape. Trudy just stared at me curiously. Could she really be an experienced porn actress with hundreds or thousands of sex partners and nobody had found that spot in her? That was just one of the spots I'd found in Claire's pussy too. And I hadn't even licked that hip bone spot.

"Ok Trevor," said Marla, "you begin where you were, but keep your tongue in your mouth. Ok, I want to see you smile Trevor – smile, good. You're proud of how you pleased her. Great. Now slowly get up, put your hands on her legs and stand, smiling. Ok Trudy, I need you here with me. Trudy? I need a look of desire. You have to have him inside you. I need you to act sweetie. There you go, there. That's great. In a little closer, Trevor. Ok Trevor, hold your cock against her pussy, but don't move it. Just hold it there. Good. Head back, Trudy, good. Fluff! Ahmed, we need you please."

Boy heaven. I loved my job! How could they pay me so much for doing it?

"Ok Trevor, go in about an inch, and then hold still," Marla continued, as if we hadn't paused. "Ahmed, I want you next to me but out of shot. We might need you for these statics. Trevor, Only move it in an inch and hold still. No moving in and out." I moved in a little farther, and I heard Trudy groan. She looked up at me as if she were cumming again. My cock felt really nice in her warm, slippery pussy, and I really wanted to move around so I could cum too, but I guessed, correctly, that when she said static only, that means no fucking, only posing. I couldn't imagine what it must have felt like to have a pussy treated that way. I had a dreadful thought that I had hurt her, and maybe that was why she wanted static only. "Ok Trevor, all the way in, then back about a half-inch," said Marla. I slid it in gently and heard Trudy gasp.

"I'm sorry Trudy," I said.

"Oh God Trevor!" she said. "What you did! It was incredible! I've never…OH!" She never finished her sentence.

"Eye contact please. Trevor, smile or close your eyes, or both. Ok, close your eyes and throw your head back. Nice. Trudy, just keep eye contact. I like what you're doing. Mouth open Trevor, like you're screaming in ecstasy. Wrinkle your forehead – very good." I couldn't help wiggling a little bit. I was a little boy, and little boys do that. Each time I wiggled, Trudy gasped and made squeaking sounds.

"Ok, last position," said Marla. This will be a quick one people. Then we'll move on to boy-boy," said Marla. "Trudy, out of the stockings. We're going full skin." Marla took a good look at Trudy, then around the room, and said, "I think she's had just about enough, people," then turning back to Trudy, "but we need you sweetie. Trevor, you're on your back on the sofa bottom, lengthwise. Good. Legs straight – knees straight, very straight. Good. Now spread your legs a bit. A little more, good. Now I want your arms out to your sides, elbows straight, good. Now bend them down a bit at the shoulder. That's good. Get a good overhead of that Roger so I can mask to the background. Yes, right there," she said, though I had no idea what that meant.

"Trevor, it's very important that you remember this exact position," she continued. "Don't move a muscle, ok? Trudy will be doing all the movement. I will ask you to lift your head and make a few faces, but please keep your arms and legs right where they are, and always straight. Can you do that for me hunny?"

"Yes Marla," I said.

"Excellent," she said. "Ahmed, fluff." Boy heaven. "Trudy, you're the predator again. The cougar on the prowl. The boy has fallen into your trap, and he can't move. You are going to devour him. You are a she-devil, and you will have your pleasure. Trevor, you're obviously concerned. Keep eye contact with each other. Now Trudy, starting behind the sofa, hands on hips, lethal sexiness, excellent. Trevor, becoming a little frightened. She is scaring you. Step closer, Trudy, good. Lick your finger for us. Very nice. Now lift your leg over the sofa, very slowly. Trevor, this terrifies you! You're screaming in horror! Can you scream for us? Give it a go." It wasn't difficult. Trudy was giving me a look that scared me for real. "Squatting lower, insertion, slowly down, good Trudy. Orbit please, Roger. And we're done." With the abruptness of a ram bucking a stone wall, Trudy stood up, then leaned over and kissed me very sweetly. Sometimes the porn business could be very frustrating!

***

"But you couldn't move! You couldn't talk!" I said to Trudy as everybody prepared for my boy-boy shots. "I thought you were hurt."

"Oh no Trevor," she said, giving me another sweet kiss. "Imagine the strongest orgasm you've ever had, then multiply it by a hundred, and put it all into a little boy's fingers and tongue. It was everything. It was powerful, and I felt like I was completely under your control. I think you know what that part's like. I saw you're little stiffy when Ahmed shackled you up for Monty." I blushed and nodded. "Now imagine being an adult, and it's this cute little boy who you've never met who has that control, and he's using it to make you cum more than you think your body can handle, and he keeps pushing and pushing!"

"I'm sorry!" I said. "I feel awful!"

"Haven't you been listening, you silly boy?" She kissed me passionately this time, tongue and all. "There's no such thing as cumming harder than your body can handle," she said. "There's such a thing as cumming harder than you ever thought possible, that's all, and it takes a lot out of you. Your body can be extremely sensitive after that happens, but it's an incredibly good experience. You've reminded me what it's like. I was ten the last time I felt like that, and then it was with a grown man! Word of you is going to get around, Trevor Hawk. All the girls are going to want to do scenes with you, or play with you."

"Oh I hope not," I said. "You're really sweet, and pretty, and fun, and you kept making me almost cum except Marla kept saying we had to stop, but I like boys. I wish I could do something like that with boys. It was just an accident that I learned how to do that with a pussy. If you can keep it a secret, I'd like to play with you some time again, ok? I wanted to cum inside you so bad, and I still want to. You're really sweet and pretty, and you know how to pick really nice knickers. Maybe you could help me shop for underwear some time?"

She kissed me and said, "I'd like that very much."

"Ok, boy-boy," said Marla.

Chapter 82
Boy-Boy

My heart fluttered as Ahmed came onto the set and kissed me. "What do you think she's going to have us do?" I asked.

"I don't know mate, but I hope I get some of what you gave Trudy!"

"Maybe if you had a pussy," I said.

"I thought they'd have you fuck me for sure, but since they had you sub for Monty, I wonder if they're going to market you as a sub," said Ahmed.

"It was a little more fun than I wanted it to be," I admitted, "but I don't think that's what they have in mind. I heard Randy saying they weren't going to use those shots in my promo material. My promo video shows me walking around with my pet boy, so I think that's what they want to show – me as more of a dom. They also had me knocking Adrian around in my first scene ever. Besides, Randy says my longer cock means I will usually be top with other boys, even if they're older."

"Well, they'll have you fuck me for sure then," he said.

I stroked his hair and said, "Your hair is so beautiful, it's like… Are you sure you like girls better?"

"Sorry mate," he said, giving me a sweet kiss. "I'll work with you anytime, and I do love playing with you, honest I do, but you know the score."

"Yeah, I do," I said, suddenly feeling guilty for thinking such a thing when I had Annie in my life. "I mean, you're really beautiful, but I'm gay and you're not, and I already have the boyfriend I never even dared to dream about before I met him. He's magical… He feels… When I touch him I…"

"You're at a loss for words?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, "sort of, but there's girls like Jessica and Yvgenia who fancy me. I mean really fancy me. They seem so upset that I'm gay, and they keep asking me too, like, 'Are you sure you're gay?' What can I tell them? I guess I'm like that with you. Of course you're bloody sure you're not gay! The girls complain that all the good-looking boys are gay, but haven't they met you? I mean, fucking look at you!"

I felt a cold, wet cloth wiping my boner clean again. "I don't think Ahmed wants to taste Trudy's dried-up pussy juice, do you sweetie?" said Stephanie.

Ahmed winked at her, and my heart leapt again. "She's a dear," he said to Stephanie, "but thanks all the same." Then he turned to me and said, "Well, thanks mate, but Jessica isn't really the greatest catch for me. I mean, she's lovely and all, but you heard how she talks about my cock not being big enough. How's that going to work out? Bloody spoiled if you ask me. I do love her, and she's quite pretty, but she has a few quirks that I wouldn't be able to handle well. She's a bit too desperate too, if you know what I mean. A bit clingy. There aren't very many straight girls here to play with, but she's cute, and we're roommates, so we fuck a lot."

"Bloody lucky girl," I said. "Doesn't know who she's got right in front of her."

"I don't think you do either, mate," he said. "Have you been hearing me? I can't be your boyfriend, and it sounds like you're doing just fine in that department anyway, but I'll play with you anytime. I like playing with boys too, and you're really hot as boys go. And you do have a nice cock. Guess I'll know how that one feels in my ass soon enough," he said with a wink. I couldn't get any harder, but I would have if I could have.

This boy was so sexy. So sexy. But why? What made him sexy? What was the difference between him and someone like Adrian or Robbie? Was it just the hair? All three of them were very sweet, and I'd play with any of them anytime, but was it just the hair? His eyes were a pretty, deep brown, like Mr. Eastman's old mahogany desk. His skin was like Annie's, that chinchilla-soft feel, that depth that made it hard to know where the air ended and his skin began, only Ahmed's skin was darker than Annie's. So he was pretty. He was sexy. He was very attractive, and he was also everything I'd wanted in a friend. It was dizzying how many dear friends I'd made that week.

Then something occurred to me. He was so beautiful it hurt, and I'd worked it out at the MacKay's that feeling like that meant I was jealous. I was jealous of Ahmed's beauty, and how he had the power to make me feel like I desperately needed him, but I didn't need him! I already had him as a friend and a fuck buddy, and if I ever decided I wanted to grow my hair down to my ass, I'd ask him for tips. I wasn't in love with him. I was jealous of what I thought he had, but I already had the same thing. He had a hot, sexy gay boy lusting after him, and I had two hot sexy straight girls lusting after me. Besides, I had Annie! I kissed Ahmed, then hugged him, and I never told him why.

Chauncy came up to us with armloads of clothing and got us kitted out in football uniforms with what he called "Frenetic regulation shorts," which meant very short. Chauncy helped me into a jockstrap, which I'd never worn before, and which I thought looked silly. Ahmed wore a plain white cotton bikini bottom under his shorts. The white offset the deep-tan color of his skin beautifully. He wore a white uniform with black stripes, and I wore a blue uniform with Day-Glo orange stripes. We both wore knee-length white socks – without shin guards – and white football boots. (That's what they call soccer shoes in Britain.) Marla had assured us that it was ok to walk on the green fabric covering the floor. The spikes in the shoes wouldn't hurt it.

It seemed more and more clear that Sebastian, Randy, and I were not the only ones who liked the look of boys wearing short shorts and long socks, though Randy loves a boy's entire leg, including, if not particularly, the ankle. I think a boy's lower leg can be very sexy as well, but not if the thigh is covered by those stupidly long "shorts" that are so popular. I guess those shorts feel like a distraction. It's like a boy wearing big Y-fronts instead of a bikini bottom. Why cover more than is necessary?

Randy and Chauncy then somehow reattached the back of the couch and pulled it back so it made a sort of plain, bright green bed. "Going dark in the house," called a voice from somewhere. All the lights went out, and then several dim purple fluorescent lights came on.

Ahmed and I looked at each other and said, "Whoa!" Our clothes glowed brightly, but our skin did not. The green walls and floor were completely dark. The effect was that Ahmed looked even more soft and tan than he was, and so did I. Only the orange stripes on my shorts and jersey glowed, but my white socks and shoes were the brightest white. The effect was amazing. Then some lasers were turned on, along with several other types of flashing light effects. The effect was to make the room look like a rave. I had never been to a rave, but I'd seen them on the telly. Then the lights suddenly returned to normal.

"Boys," called Marla, "I need you standing here, right in the middle, good. Trevor, you hold this," she said, handing me a soccer ball. (Remember, as I explained in Chapter 2, I'm trying to write in American English, with American spellings, because I live in America now, and my teachers require it. Everyone knows a soccer ball is really called a football, except in America.) "Hold it under your right arm. Good. Monty? Position please." Monty was now dressed in a coach's uniform. He went down on one knee in front of us with his cell phone pointed at us. "Boys, you're posing for Monty as he takes pictures of you getting a bit naughty. Smile for his picture now, good. Try to look uncomfortable. Look at Monty's face, good, now off to the side. You don't know if you want to be here. Now look at each other. Ask each other with your eyes if you think it's ok to be here. Look at eack other and imagine you're asking that question. Very good! Very, very good, both of you! I really believed that look. Ok, you know Coach is a bit creepy, and this is wrong, but you are horny young boys, and you must do this to make it onto the team. That's great. Now look at each other again. Don't turn your shoulders, only your heads. Good, look at each other, now smile, you know the plan. You've accepted it, and you really do want it. You know where this is going, good. Now lean in and kiss. You know now that you each fancy each other, and you'd do this even if Coach wasn't making you do it. Monty, you're not missing any of this."

Roger's camera was still clicking away from every angle. Monty was taking pictures as part of the scene. I wondered if I'd get to have his cock in my ass again. "Cheat your head this way, ok Monty. Boys, keep kissing, Monty, cheat a little more, we want to see your pervy smile, and we want to see the display on your cell phone. I want to see the pictures you're taking of the boys. Ok Roger, ready for the rapid stills, ten fps, and go. Tight close-up of the boys' faces as they kiss, then backing up, Coach comes into shot, orbiting behind coach, excellent. Trevor, drop the ball. Just let it fall. Now turn your bodies toward each other. Rapids off now Roger. Oh that looks lovely. Ahmed, I want you to put both arms around Trevor's neck as you kiss. Perfect. Now lift your right leg just a bit, bend at your knee sweetie, foot straight back, not too much. Very nice. Trevor, both hands on his ass please, over the shorts. No, outside the shorts, not inside. Not squeezing yet, just holding, caressing. Ok Monty, cross behind Ahmed. You're shooting the action on Ahmed's ass, full zoom range. Good. Trevor, pull up on the leg cuffs of Ahmed's shorts. Try to get your fingers into them and pull up. Fingers on the inside, against Ahmed's thigh. That works. Good."

I wasn't really in the room. I was kissing a very beautiful boy, and I was thinking of all the beautiful things I had in my life, including beauty itself, and I was happy.

"Ok, stay there Coach. Lean in toward the ass, but stay where you are. Trevor, let go of his shorts now, and slide your fingertips down inside his waistband into the back of his shorts, under his knickers. I want your hands on his skin. Good, that looks excellent. Now you can give his ass a nice squeeze. That looks lovely. Ok, Coach, you're done for now. Roger, set for U.V. Boys all the way back, backs against the backdrop, good."

"Ready Marla," said Roger.

"Good. Lights!" When she made that call, all of the special lighting effects came on, and Monty left the set. Roger moved from our front to our side, back and forth. "Ok boys, turn your heads toward each other and kiss again. Ahmed, work your way slowly down to your knees, slowly turning your body toward his. Trevor, feet still, but turn your hips toward Ahmed. No hunny, feet where they were. Turn your hips only. Shoulders straight, moving the hips only. Head straight, but move your eyes toward Ahmed. That's it right there. Hold that pose. Be my gorgeous statue for now hunny. Right there. Ahmed, put your hands up his shirt, nice, rub his waist, feel how soft he is. Lots of wood, Trevor hunny." I didn't need her to tell me that!

"Now lower the front of his shorts and the front of his jockstrap," she continued. "Let his cock pop out. It's long, so pull the pants out a bit. Oh that was very nice. Now smile at his cock. It's a steak dinner and you haven't eaten in a week! You're a starving urchin. Drool over it! Now touch it with your tongue. Lick around the head, pulling the foreskin back, nice, and lick down to his balls. Oh very sexy. Ahmed you're a pro. Love you, mean it." Marla was definitely becoming more friendly as the session continued. "Now work your lips softly around the head – just the tip. Trevor, I know this feels incredible. Don't keep it a secret. Show us in your face how incredible it feels. That's very good. Now put your plain face back on, and then show us this face again, but change very slowly, slowly turning your head to face Ahmed as your face changes. Oh that is good. Such a natural, Randy!"

"Yes he is, and he's all mine," said Randy, "so don't get any ideas about getting back into work as an agent."

They both chuckled softly and smiled before Marla continued. "Now you are desperate for more, Trevor. Show me desperate. Really desperate. Fantastic." I felt desperate for Ahmed, so I just showed her that look. It's more of that acting trick that Adrian had called the method. If you need to show a feeling, think of something in real life that makes you feel that way.

"Begin to turn your body to face Ahmed," she continued. "Slowly Trevor. Everything is slow right now. Ok Ahmed, slowly take it into your mouth. Suck it, slowly now, good. Trevor hunny, hold the bottom of your shirt up so we can see Ahmed clearly. Oh you have abs! They look good in this light. Hold the shirt higher so we can see your abs please." I think I looked confused. "That means your belly hunny. The muscles over your belly are your abs. Nice and high now. Good, that's nice, very nice. Ahmed, put his jockstrap and shorts back up, good, now pull his shorts down slowly from the bottom, by themselves. Thumbs on the inside of the leg cuffs, pinching them, good, fingertips to the back of his thighs, perfect. Now gently caress his soft legs with your fingers as you pull his shorts down, down to his ankles. Show us how soft his legs are." How was he supposed to do that? I still wouldn't know what to do if a director said that to me. "That's beautiful boys. Ahmed, head to the side, just a bit. I want to see his jockstrap glowing. Ok Trevor, step out of the shorts. Ahmed, I want your hands on his legs. No hunny, up more, on his thighs, where all the soft skin is. Thank you hun. Now reach into the side of his jockstrap with your tongue and see if you can't suck his cock out the side. Roger, I need a really tight shot for this. Really work at it, Ahmed. No, hands on thighs, sweetie. Using your mouth only. Good! You got it. Now suck him slowly. Trevor, hold your hands straight up in the air, now put them together. I want it to look as if you're hanging by your hands from something. Really reach up high. Great. Do a good orbit, Roger. Waist down."

When Roger was done, Marla had Ahmed and me trade positions. I pulled his shorts down and sucked his cock through the side of his glowing bikini knickers. There was something incredibly sexy about that lighting. I rubbed his legs and felt the tops of his socks, but of course Marla wanted my hands up higher too. Then we stood facing each other, kissing, and I pulled my cock out of the other side of my jockstrap so mine and Ahmed's would both be facing the camera. Then the lights returned to normal.

"Coach," said Marla, "back on set please. Ahmed, hands up, and Trevor, pull his shirt off. Lovely, let your hair fly, Ahmed. Oh that's nice. I hope you got that Roger. Trevor, hands up, Ahmed, shirt. Excellent. Kiss again, hands on each other's asses, nice. Keep your hands there and rub your cocks together. Tight shot, Roger, nice. Not too close, boys. Cheat your hips just a little toward the camera. Good. Hold it just like that, boys. Get a few wide shots of that now Roger. Ok boys, turn toward the bed, hold hands, now turn your heads toward each other, smiling, and walk over to the bed, still smiling at each other. Cocks still hanging out. Don't tuck it away Trevor hun. Good, that looks nice. Ahmed, fluff please." My cock had gone a bit soft from tucking it back into my jockstrap.

Why did boys wear jockstraps? They're so ugly and uncomfortable, and you can see more with a nice sexy thong. I would eventually learn more about jockstraps in my Sex and Stagecraft courses once the school year began, but in that moment, I was baffled.

"Ok, nice wood Trevor. Try to hold it like that for just a few more minutes now. We'll get to the part you like soon enough." I didn't say anything to Marla. I just nodded, but I knew I would have no problem keeping my boner when Ahmed was with me. I had only gone a little soft because I tucked it away inside the jockstrap. It was like a habit or something. Tucking my cock back inside my clothes means sex is finished, or something like that.

"Ahmed, you're on the bed sitting," said Marla. "Trevor, you're standing, facing him, between his knees. Legs spread wide, Ahmed. Good, now lower the back of his jockstrap below his ass, smiling, very hungry, slowly, thumbs inside, just like before, hands caressing his ass cheeks. Let his cock hold the front up and suck it gently, through the jockstrap. Very nice. Less desperate now Trevor. Slowly feeling more excited. That's great. Ok Ahmed, now pull down on the back again until his cock bounces out, probably need to pull a little harder, slowly, hands caressing his thighs, excellent! Only down to the knees. Right there hunny. Very hot. Coach, follow the action with your camera. We'll want to splice some of those, Monty, so try to get some nice shots. Trevor hunny, we want the jockstrap to stay where it is, at your knees. If you feel it slipping, try to hold it by spreading your knees a little wider. Ok Ahmed, open wide and stick your tongue all the way out. Perfect, now just let his cock rest on your tongue, yes, like that. Great, now take him in. Good, good. All the way sweetie. That's right, suck him nice and slowly, all the way in, all the way out, Show us you love his cock Ahmed. Show us with your eyes. Your eyes are starving! You have it, but you also desperately need it. Good. Look up at his face and back at his cock, back and forth as it feels natural."

"Trevor, feel free to move around a bit. Are you enjoying this blowjob?" What an incredible question! She knew I was loving every bit of my scene with Ahmed. And what boy doesn't enjoy a good blowjob, especially from someone as bloody sexy as Ahmed? I think my look told her what I was thinking. "Of course you're enjoying it, but I need you to show us hun. Show us with your eyes. Show us with your face and your body. We can't hear you, we can only see a picture of this. Remember who is on the other side of this camera. It's not just Roger. It's thousands of people you love, and they love you just as much. Show them the love you feel right now. Great! Much better, hun. Any feeling is really ok, but always share your feelings with the people who see these photos. Honest feelings only. No pretending. Fake feelings are easy to spot, and they pull people out of the fantasy." That made more sense to me. If I love somebody, I always have to share my feelings with them, and I have to be honest. It seemed to work that way in child porn as well.

"Ahmed, you know when to move your hair out of the way. Remember you have two cameras today. Two cameras. Trevor, hold his hair. You love his long, beautiful hair, right? Then feel it, hold it, stroke it, love it, that's it!"

***

We took off our socks and shoes, and I pulled Ahmed's knickers off with some effort while he was paying attention to his socks. (He had already pulled my jockstrap off during the previous scene.) We hadn't begun the next scene yet, so a little play was ok. But with Ahmed it always felt like more than play. Marla had me lie on my back on the green sofa bed with Ahmed kneeling between my legs, sucking my cock. At one point she threw the rules out the window and had Ahmed let his hair fall all over, covering his face and my cock. She walked around and spread his hair evenly but a little messy so it draped over my hips and my waist and thighs. She had Roger photograph us from a platform up above, with me smiling and not smiling, eyes open and closed, looking at the camera and not looking, everything she could think of. What she didn't know is that while Roger was taking those shots, Ahmed stuck his finger in my ass while he was hidden under all that hair. Marla had told him not to suck, but he was having plenty of fun with his finger, trying to get me to react.

When that special shot was done, Ahmed stood up and shook his staggeringly beautiful hair back in place as Stephanie came on the set to brush it out, a feat that took some time. It looked like it hurt, but Ahmed didn't even wince. Stephanie had been using another stinky spray that loosened the tangles, and she said there is a certain way to brush long hair that makes it a lot easier. Everybody at Frenetic was a real expert at what they did.

I sucked Ahmed's cute little cock as he slowly climbed back into bed with me, lying on his back. I mounted him in the 69 position. I stuck my finger in his ass, and Marla did not protest, so he did the same to me. Both Roger and Monty began to orbit us on opposite sides. Sometimes Monty was careful to stay out of Roger's shot, and he got pictures of Roger shooting us with his camera, a sort of behind-the-scenes view.

***

I like sucking on a little boy-cock a lot. I always have. It's completely different from sucking on a big man's cock. With a little (that's what they called any actor who looked nine or younger), I can work him in all sorts of ways with my lips and tongue. I can really give him a custom job, depending on how the boy responds, and they always respond honestly, and wildly! They twitch around, sometimes they try to roll and push away when they get close to cumming, and they make these cute little squeaking sounds, and usually a lot more.

With men, at least men in porn with big cocks, they fill my mouth and throat. There is little else I can do, though I still have a few tricks with my tongue, even though it's being squeezed to the bottom of my mouth. I find it helps when I move my tongue forward a bit. That lets them slide in a little more easily, and if I'm lucky, I can lick their balls at the same time. Sort of. But men don't lose control the way little boys do though. They are so cool about sex. With few exceptions, all that grunting you hear from men in porn is acting. (Gay bottoms are more likely to be giving real, honest grunts and moans. It's hard not to get carried away with a big cock in your ass, even for a grown-up man.)

But nearly all men at Frenetic went crazy when I deep-throated them. They told me I was the only little who could deep throat a man, though Sebastian, Boris, Ryan, and sometimes Robbie were the only other kids at Frenetic who were not teenagers but could give deep-throat to men. For Boris and Ryan, and especially Robbie, it seemed particularly difficult (though of course that made it more of a turn-on for Ryan, the super-sub), but for Sebastian and me, is was quite easy and natural after learning how. It had to be that IAH thing. I could make a fortune if it were true. (Here's a hint: I'm twelve as I'm writing this, and I have made a fortune.) Besides, Boris and Robbie were almost teenagers, and Ryan was eleven, older than Sebastian, who was ten. Because I was eight, almost nine, and I could deep throat men, even as big as Pao Pao, I became very popular, very quickly once I started working with men in film. They said I outsold even Sebastian when he was my age. But I'm getting ahead of the story.

***

"Ok, boys," said Marla. Roger's camera was still constantly clicking. He must have had over a thousand pictures already. "Trevor first, I want you to roll to your left, roll off the bed, slowly, good. Now stand there and watch Ahmed follow you. To your left, Ahmed. Good. Ahmed, hold Trevor's ass and follow him to the backdrop. Excellent. Now Ahmed, I want you to lean against the backdrop, facing it, arms way out ahead of you, lean way over. Arms spread, legs spread nice and wide. Bend way over, Arms lower so we can see your face. Good. Trevor, you're standing behind him, facing him, ready to give his ass a good fuck. That's great. Everybody hold now. Stephanie, I need them lubed up. Shephanie? Yes, lube for anal."

Stephanie dashed back onto the set and smeared gobs of lube all over my hard cock, making me moan slightly. She gave me a smile and a wink and said, "Wait for the scene hunny." Then she smeared it all over Ahmed's ass, poking it all the way in with her finger. She toweled his ass to remove any excess glistening, and then lightly patted my cock with the towel to remove the excess. The last thing she did was wank me a few strokes, which made me give a short, high-pitched yelp. I looked down at her. She looked up and winked at me. "I need to make sure the lube is fully spread out for first insertion," she said with a cute smile. I didn't know if she was having me on.

Marla, Roger, and Monty moved around to my left. "A few nice close-ups of his face, Roger. Good, good. Now I want you to keep a wide shot so we can see penetration and both faces. Coach, hold tight on penetration. Ahmed, I want you to look over your left shoulder. Look into Trevor's eyes. Trevor, be a dear and move his hair out of his face on the left," she said. She sounded almost like a rapper with her rapid-fire and rhythmic directions. "No hunny, see if you can just lay it down his back, not over his right side. Let some of it hang from below his left shoulder. Yes, that looks lovely."

Ahmed looked at me and smiled, as if he knew a secret. "Now, Trevor!" shouted Marla. "Pound it all the way in! Now! All the way!" Ahmed's smile didn't falter. He seemed to know this was coming. I had to trust everybody, especially Marla, so I jammed my cock all the way inside Ahmed's ass, and his eyes opened wide, as if with shock, and he raised his eyebrows sharply. "Good boy, Trevor, good boy," said Marla. "Hold that look Ahmed, mouth open please, yes. Very good, Ahmed. Head back now, excellent. Trevor hunny, let me hear you growl." I made a growlng sound, but I was confused. "Good, now let me see your growling face! Grab a fistful of his hair and turn to Roger's camera and roar! You are the hungry lion who's just caught this delicious young boy, and he's yours. That's wonderful. Pound him now. Pound him hard! High-speed stills again Roger. I want to see those little ripples on his ass in the stills. Trevor, you took him from his herd. Now you will have him! Pain, Ahmed, I want to feel pain. You are being torn into by a horny, hungry hyena! I want to feel that in your face! I want terror! Trevor, you need to be cruel. He is your plaything now. You know this is terrifying him, and that pleases you!" I screamed at Ahmed's terrified face, and Marla said, "Well done boys! Next position please."

***

Randy told Marla there was still an ongoing discussion about presenting me as dom or versatile, so Ahmed and I swapped places, and we repeated that same series of shots with him fucking me. Ahmed could barely get is cock into my ass, but he was a pro, and he made it look good. He even grabbed my hair. I found that to be an odd turn-on, and I wondered if my pet boy would like it. Should I ask him or just try it? I didn't know.

Chapter 83
Portrait

Our time was running over at the photo shoot, so Randy and Marla decided we should skip the group photos. Randy said I had some excellent group coverage in my promo video, so it wasn't entirely necessary to shoot more group action. Most of my group shots were in the gangbang with men only, but Randy told me that was probably better for my image for men who liked boys, which is our largest market. He also said that if anyone wanted to see me with girls, the studio could work their computer magic and combine pictures of me with Jessica and Trudy. He said they could even make it look as if Jessica were twins!

So that was the end of my sexy promo photo shoot. I was convinced I'd never be allowed to cum again.

Stephanie redid my hair the way I normally wear it, then cleaned and dried my cock and ass so I'd be ready for my portrait painting. I hadn't cum in Ahmed's ass, though I sure wanted to, and I stayed hard as I looked at him while Stephanie washed me off.

"Should I have a boner when I have my picture painted?" I asked Randy.

"Please Hawk, no wanking in here. That's part of being professional." I suddenly realized I'd begun to stroke my cock. Embarrassed, I stopped immediately and apologized. "As for the portrait, most often not. They don't usually paint erections," said Randy. "This portrait is meant to be an artistic picture of you as you really are. It's not meant to be erotic. Boys usually aren't painted with boners, but we'll see what René says. Sometimes he likes a nice erection if it's playful. It all depends on what he sees in you."

"René?"

"Yes," said Randy. "He's the portrait painter. He's really talented, and we rely heavily on his artistic sense."

***

"Bonjour René," said Randy. "Comment ça va?"

"Oh ça va bien, mon vieux, tout va bien," said a short, plump man with dark brown hair and a thick mustache as he kissed Randy on both cheeks. "It is a wonderful world filled with much beauty, so tout va bien! And this must be our young Trevor, our new superstar, no?"

"How do you do, Sir," I said, offering him a kiss, which he gratefully returned.

"It is nice, you boys, when you kiss on the lips," he said. "When you grow to be men, oh, men are not so sweet, so we men kiss on the cheek. But you I think," he continued, "you shall be sweet as long as you believe you are so, no?"

I wasn't sure what he meant, but I said, "I think so, Sir."

"Ah, 'e think so, Randy! And what is this talk of Sir? I am René," he announced ceremoniously. "I am your paniter and I 'ope I shall also be your friend."

"Then you shall be, René," I said as I kissed him on his lips again with a smile. He seemed very kind and sweet.

"Ah, I see you are 'ard," he said, looking down at my cock. "Is that what you want for this painting?"

"We wanted to ask your for expertise on that matter," said Randy.

"Well, Trevor," René said to me, "I shall tell you 'ow I work, and we shall decide together, eh?"

"Ok," I said, feeling oddy comfortable with this gentle man.

"First, I will show you this." He led me to the back part of his studio where he had a partly finished painting sitting on an easel. I could see a blue background with most of my own body and face sketched in, and my faint shadow against the background. I was shocked at how much the sketch looked like me! It looked exactly the same size as me, so it seemed a very big painting to me – certainly bigger than the painting of Annie in his parents' sitting room. "I 'ave several photographs that have been taken of you 'ere at Frenetic, and I 'ave seen many videos of your work. I 'ave also your measurements from the department of wardrobe. I 'ave tried to choose a pose that matches you, the true Trevor, though I must admit I 'ave been limited by what I 'ave seen in your films. I 'ave sketched your outline and your lovely body proportions onto this canvas, but now I must get to know this lovely boy Trevor. 'Ow can I paint a boy unless I know who 'e is?"

"Well, don't you just look at me and paint what you see?" I asked.

"Ah," he said with a knowing grin. "Your friend René, 'e is not a camera. 'E will make a picture of your true self, toi vraiment! A camera cannot do this. Anybody with a cell phone can take a lovely picture of you, I think, because you are such a lovely boy, un très beau garçon, très sexy, et très joli. A person looking at René's painting of Trevor will know 'im without meeting 'im. That is what I try to do anyway."

"I see," I said, not seeing at all.

He leaned toward me and gently rubbed from my cheek down to my belly with one hand. His face was very near mine, and he spoke softly, saying, "They will see 'ow soft is your skin 'ere, and 'ere" I felt a tingle of thrill at this, but I didn't know why. "'Ere and 'ere also," he said as he caressed my thigh, then my ass. "Painting is like making love. You feel that already, I think. You cannot make love without revealing your true self. You shall reveal your true self to René, and 'e shall make love to you with 'is brush. It is a most intimate experience."

My boner wasn't going anywhere.

***

René had me stand in a place on the other side of the partial painting so he could see me in good light, which of course was very bright, almost like on a film set. "You should know also that I 'ave two cameras recording video of you when you are 'ere in this area. It is 'ow I work, so if I discover an error or if I 'ave a new idea, I can sometimes look at the recording and see my beautiful subject, just as 'e was that day. Is that acceptable to my lovely new friend?" I nodded. He picked up his palette, squirted some paint of different colors onto it, and went to work.

"Um," I stammered, "How should I stand? Like this?" I thought he would have me pose or something. I was standing nervously, and I knew my posture was horrible. My teacher at Preston Primary had told me so nearly every day.

"Stand as you wish for now, dear Trevor. Or per'aps you prefer to dance?" he said with a smile, "maybe a little dance music?"

"Sure," I said. I loved dancing, and I think he could tell by my smile. But when he played some music and asked me to show him how I danced, I suddenly felt bashful. Dancing naked in front of a packed pub crowd was one thing, but this was so much more intimate, like René had said. And Randy was there too. Why didn't he make me more comfortable just by being there? That was the first time that had ever happened, except when I first saw him climbing the tree under me that wonderful day when I met him.

"You must let go of your… "tes inhibitions inutiles, Trevor," he said. "With 'is English, Randy, please can you 'elp old René?"

"Let go of his… useless inhibitions?"

"Ç'est ça, exactement! Merci, mon vieux. Trevor, your inhibitions, they do not 'elp you, so let them go away and no longer disturb you." I had no idea what inhibitions were, but I listened. I would ask Randy later to explain more. "Ç'est comme ci. You are at a party with your friends René and Randy, and the music is wonderful!" he said. Then he stood up and danced a little himself, which made me giggle. His round face had a gentle smile that meant more than happiness, and I felt much better. It was all I needed to let myself go. Maybe that was what inhibitions were? "Oh that is beautiful! Ç'est très, très joli," he said. "Do you know there is no more beautiful thing in the world than a child who is at dance? An artist many years ago said this, and 'e spoke the truth. You are a beautiful boy, Trevor 'Awk." He sat down on his tall stool and continued painting while I danced.

***

"You will 'ave René in tears soon, my sweet boy," he said as he switched off the music. "Beauty and 'eart bring from René's eyes tears of 'appiness. But now is time when you must stand and 'old a pose for your friend René. Your dance 'as inspired a new pose in René's imagination for you, and it will look like a mirror to your 'eart and soul in the packaging of your very lovely body. You dance so beautifully, so very beautifully. Do you 'ave good balance?" he asked.

"I think so."

He told me to stand with my feet together, facing the wall, with my back toward him. Then he had me twist sideways to the left at my hips, with my right leg in front of my left. My left knee and foot had to point toward the wall the whole thing. They had to be straight and not move at all. Then he had me twist more at my waist. I put my left hand just above my left ass cheek with my shoulder back, and my right hand spread open across my chest. He told me to hold my chin low and to look up at him with my eyes. Finally, he asked me to lift my right foot and rest the toes on my left foot. All my time climbing trees must have given me a good sense of balance, because I didn't even wobble.

"Oh but this is a thing of joy and of beauty! Randy, mon vieux, do you see this?" he said with a broad smile, his moist eyes glistening with raw happiness. Then he asked for something curious. "Trevor, mon ami, sweet boy, I want you now to tell me the saddest thing that 'as ever 'appened to you, Can you do that for René? If you 'ave tears in telling your story, your friend René will weep with you also, and we shall then become 'appy again together. Do you understand, my friend?"

I looked to Randy for help, and he said, "you're with friends, Hawk, and we don't want you to do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing, but I have learned to trust René's judgement. He doesn't just work with paint and canvas. He works with feelings. Your painting will only look better when he knows who you are deep inside."

"If this is too much pain for 'Awk," said René, "then you may tell per'aps the second saddest thing? Or something sad that you can share with your friend."

I didn't want to cry anymore unless it was happy tears. I had cried so much already that week. "René, why do you want me to tell you something so sad?" I asked softly, hesitantly.

"Ah," he said. "Yes, I should explain more. It is like our dear friend Randy 'as said. I create my paintings with feelings, and your feelings tell me who you are. It is through your stories that I can know better who you are, and per'aps I can capture more effectively your 'eart and your soul on my canvas. I create this painting for people to get to know my sweet beautiful new friend Trevor. Your feelings tell me who you are, and this painting shall tell them who you are."

"Ok," I said softly, knowing what I had to talk about, but still not understanding why. "Do you need me to stand like this while I'm talking?"

"If you can, then please, my sweet boy, it would 'elp," he said. "And may I say before you tell me your story that you honor old René with your trust, and I say thank you from my deepest 'eart."

***

I was sitting on Dad's lap in the park by our flat. He was hugging me, holding me. I always felt something really nice come out of his chest and enter into mine when he did that. That was how he could take my worries and hurt away. He sucked them right out of me with his heart, and it made me feel so good.

He had brought me the park alone, without my dumb older brother Ian. He'd just had another row with Mum, and he could see how upset it made me. I thought maybe if he knew how scared it made me, they might not fight anymore, or maybe not every day like they did. He knew how much it hurt me, so maybe they would stop. I had so much hope that afternoon. Mum seemed to understand too. She took Ian to the Cinema to cheer him up, and I got to spend the afternoon with Dad, just the two of us. I couldn't remember that ever happening before.

We'd had a picnic lunch and kicked a football around for a while. The sun had been shining all day. It was a perfect, happy day. I even kicked a penalty past Dad. "Trevor, there's something I have to tell you," he said. Something fun, I expected. "I have to go away, son. I will be leaving."

"Is it another trip for work? Where are you going Daddy?"

"No Son," he said. "It's not for work. It's going to be for a very, very long time…"

***

When I finished my story, René put his paintbrush down and removed a handkerchief from his pocket. Randy came to me with a box of tissues, and then he held me in a hug that lasted until the three of us were done crying. It wasn't a daddy hug though. He couldn't suck my hurt away with his heart like Dad could, but something really nice happened all the same when Randy held me like that, and it felt nicer every time.

"Merci mon petit brave, mon ami doux," said René. "Thank you my sweet, brave, dear friend for sharing such pain with René. This kind of 'urt is a fuel that drives the paintbrush, but it is not the only fuel," he said with a wink. "In your 'sad story there is enough fuel for my brush to drive the three of us to China, I think. But we are nearly finished, we three. And it is best, I think, to end with joy." He helped me to get back into the same pose I had been in before. Then he said, "We share our saddest stories only with people we trust, and I say again that you honor René with your sad tale of losing your daddy. But we also share our deepest joys with people we trust. Joy is an even stronger fuel for the paintbrush. And I 'ave found it to be true that joy is even 'appier when it comes after sadness. You have trusted René with something that 'urt very much. Now I ask for your trust one time more to tell me the most joyful moment of your life. Will you do that for me, sweet boy?"

"Of course I will!" I said with a smile. René wiped his eye one last time before taking up his paintbrush again.

I didn't know where to begin, but I knew the general topic of my story. It's the same story that I'm writing right now, the story of my first few days in child porn, of freedom from my drunken mother and horrible dumb brother. It was freedom from the bullies and being surrounded by love, even respect. It was freedom to be myself for the first time ever, and being loved for it. It was freedom to take risks and being admired for it. And of course I think it was the first time I'd ever had more than five quid to my name. I tried to tell René everything in the order it happened, but I got things confused sometimes and had to back up. He said that was ok. He smiled more than I did the whole time. I could see his brush flying across the canvas, or at least that's how it looked to me.

***

"…Then I met the most beautiful, amazing, lovely boy I've ever seen. His name is Annie," I said.

"Oh, do continue!" said René. "Tell me about a boy whose name is Annie! 'As he stolen your little 'eart?" René was bubbling with happiness.

"Well, actually, I didn't meet him then," I said, feeling a bit embarrassed. "You see, I met him the first time at Randy's house, and I thought he was a girl. I was naked and playing with Sebastian. I was afraid to be naked in front of a girl, and his mum was there too!"

"Well, my brave little friend, what did you think of Annie?"

"She was so pretty! I mean he was so pretty, but I thought he was a girl. I was confused because I thought I'd met a girl that I could be happy with forever! But then Randy told me he was a boy. Or was it Boris? Anyway, here's what I thought of him after I knew he was a boy. He was like an angel who was made especially for me. He is the most perfect thing in my whole life!"

René set his palette down for a moment and wiped his eyes again with his handkerchief, but his paintbrush didn't pause. He asked me several times to tell him how certain things felt, like when Annie and I kissed, like when Randy found me in the tree and told me I wasn't in trouble, like when I spent my first night with Boris and Sebastian at Randy's house, like when I saw that boy in the mirror at my signing party at Cockerel Manor, like when I saw that boy in the mirror at Gold Boys of Chelsea, like doing my first live show, and learning for the first time that I wasn't an ugly loser. Talking about those things all at once made me so happy I wanted to cry again. I tried hard not to cry because René wanted to see my happy face now, but I couldn't help it.

Randy came to me with more tissues and sorted me out. René helped me back into my pose again. He said, "It is curious how 'appiness and sadness both become the same thing when they are strong. They are opposite, but both make us cry. But to cry is part of joy, and I 'ad 'oped to see your feelings the whole way round like that." He smiled and nodded like he had some nice surprise for me. "Now I want you to tell me the most incredible sexual fantasy you 'ave ever 'ad. It does not matter what it is. I just want to 'ear you describe it. Will you do that for René?"

"Does it have to be a fantasy?" I asked, "because my real-life has been better than any of my fantasies this week." I felt that tingling in my cock again that told me it had once again begun growing.

"Oh 'ow you are so lucky!" said René. "Yes, please tell for René your most fantastic sexual real story then. I want to see you 'orny before we finish 'ere. Yes please, let your cock blossom if 'e pleases to do so. Your painting shall be lovely, and it will show to the world who you are." I didn't know if that meant he was going to paint me with a boner or not, but I was curious. I secretly wanted my painting to show me with a boner, but I had to trust René.

Once again, it wasn't a single story. It had been my first days, beginning when I met Randy in the tree until that very moment, standing naked in a sexy pose, now with my erect cock standing proud, telling René about having sex with two boys and a man all at once at Randy's house, walking naked into stage 2 as a fluff boy for the first time in front of men and women and lots of kids, my first experience in front of the camera, putting Robbie on the bondage cross, the first time I had been deep throated by Shlomo, seeing myself having sex on a big screen in front of other people, playing secret sex games in the dark with my roommates, writing and directing my own fantasy with the Watanabe boys as a live show, meeting and playing with Ahmed, being gangbanged for the first time for my promo video, and one day maybe having really hot sex with Gary in the recording studio. "And standing here naked for you while I tell you these stories is really hot!" I said in conclusion.

"Oh! But you are so precious to say so, my sweet boy," René said, almost weeping. He looked at the painting and began weeping again in earnest. "Shall I show you what I 'ave painted? It 'as become so perfect. I say that because I feel pictures create themselves when I 'old the brush and share the feelings of the subject. And the beauty in this painting is of your creation, not mine. I take no credit for the painting, only I say that I 'ave assembled the parts that you 'ave given me. It is not complete, but please, tell me now, what do you think of this?"

He reached his hand toward mine and gently guided me to his side of the easel so I could stand in front of him, with his arms around me, and see the painting. Time passed, but I don't know how much time. I stared. It was all I could do. "Please do not tell me you do not like it! Oh please do not tell me that! I shall destroy it now! Right now. To the furnace."

"Hang on a minute René," said Randy. "I think he needs time to process this."

Was that what I was doing? Processing? I was in a meadow surrounded by the purple and gold forests of planet Proton Zap, smelling the flowers, gazing at the clouds. "You can't stay here," said the Angel of Perfect Boy Beauty, who had appeared to me. "This place is not real, and you are needed in the place where things are real."

"But I don't know what to do there! I come here when things get really horrible and frightening there. Everything here is beautiful, and everything makes sense to me. Why can't I stay here?"

"You are a child of reality, and without things that are real, you cannot live. Things are not as bad in your world as they may seem. When you accept your world for what it is instead of what you think it is, you will understand. It is a far better place than you realize, but you will understand in time. You may return here as you wish, but you cannot stay. There is only one thing that is real in this place of your mind's creation, and it will help you find your way back to where you belong. It will help you to begin to understand things as they truly are in the place where they are real, which is more important right now than this place of your imagination. Come closer, and you will see my meaning. Look at me. See my face. Look into my eyes. I am a creature of perfect beauty, and that is real. Do you know my face? My body? I think you know what is real now. You might deny it occasionally, but you will know inside that it is perfectly real."

***

I was startled back to reality by the sound of my own crying. I didn't know who to turn to. I had to hug René because I couldn't talk, and I wanted him to know I wasn't upset with his painting, so I hugged him around his big belly, though my arms couldn't reach the whole way. He looked completely bewildered. Then I hurried to Randy, who picked me up (without even groping my thighs) and said softly, "What's the matter Honey Hawk?"

I told him about my trip to planet Proton Zap. He knew it was the special place in my imagination I visited when I felt overwhelmed by something. "But when I looked closely at the Angel of Perfect Boy Beauty," I said, having another cry before I could continue, "It was me! It was me in the painting! I think that means I look like perfect boy beauty. Am I really that beautiful? I can't be! But look there, René's painting is so beautiful! It's perfect! How can that be me? It looks like me in the mirror and all, but it's…" I didn't know how to finish that sentence, so I cried some more.

Randy hugged me lovingly and said, "You're beginning to understand the way other people see you. A master artist painted this portrait. It is truly beautiful, and it is truly you. It is beautiful because it shows your beauty. Honey Hawk, this is you. René's paintings never lie."

"They certainly do not!" said René. "Jamais! Your loveliness as a child, your expressive face, your joyous 'eart, your vast kindness, and your powerful love, combined with your exquisite and lovely body, your passion for sex, your irresistible allure – all of these are what other people see, and 'ow they know you. This is 'ow I know my sweet new friend, mon cher ami doux. This is you as you are, not as something you can never be, and certainly not as something you think you 'ave been." I dashed over and hugged him again. This time he leaned over so I could reach around his neck. I made his shoulder a little wet too. We only stopped hugging after both of us had stopped crying and started breathing normally.

Just then I had a fleeting thought that René's job must be a lot like mine. It seemed to be full of powerfully good feelings all day long. He seemed to like it as much as I liked my job too, or as much as I would eventually like it when I became more comfortable in my new life.

***

"We 'ave finished for today," said René. "I must keep your portrait for some time more. I 'ave finished everything I need to do with you 'ere, but there are complicated, little things that we painters must fuss with before we can say Ç'est finis. You are disappointed, eh? Alors, your friend René would like to do something more for you. I 'ave something to give to you. Would you like to 'ave it?"

"Sure," I said. "What is it?"

"It will be something that will greatly please your sweet Annie. I shall paint for you a design on your body that will make 'im very 'appy. Would you like that?" He turned to Randy and said, "The lovely Annie shall not keep his 'ands from this sweet boy's body, I think."

***

Randy and I walked toward the dining hall after saying our goodbyes, or au revoirs, to René. I was sporting a painting of Annie and me kissing over my heart. Above us was a banner with two words that I had chosen: "Now complete." I chose those words because Annie had said in the note he had included with the ruby and diamond heart he had given me that I made him complete. I wanted him to know that I felt complete too.

Behind our faces on my chest was a large red heart, the Valentine sort of heart, not like a real heart with blood. Coming out of the bottom tip of the red heart were two long vines with white and red flowers, one going left and one right. They followed the bottom of my ribcage around to my back, where they met and crossed just above my crack. Then they went down the sides of my cheeks and around my thighs, then my knees, and they ended in flowers on my outer calves. It was an exciting experience. I had a boner the whole time. It tickled in a few places, and it was difficult to hold still sometimes. I felt very, very sexy being painted like that, and I knew Annie would love it.

Randy had told René that I was doing a scene for Fresh Meat Friday that afternoon, so he used a kind of paint that would come off easily in the shower. It didn't take very long at all for him to do my body painting, and we had finished a little early with my portrait sitting, so we were done just a few minutes after lunchtime began.

***

My cock was still hard as we stepped through the dining hall door. Several heads had turned, and many people had complimented me on my body art as they passed us in the corridor. I saw Boris and Sebastian sitting at a table facing me, and Annie was on the other side of the table facing them. I could see him gesturing, like he was talking about something, but when Sebastian and Boris saw me, they both stared with their mouths open. Randy stayed in the doorway and gave me a gentle nudge. I walked up quietly behind Annie, with Boris and Sebastian still staring agog. When Annie noticed they weren't listening to him, he turned around and saw me standing there, naked, hard, and painted.

Annie got to his feet and screamed. He kissed me, then pushed me away to look again, then continued to hug and kiss me while pausing occasionally to look me over again. Then he dropped to his knees and began sucking on my cock, which Rene had thoughtfully left unpainted. I nearly exploded instantly. That was when Randy came over to remind us that sex play was not allowed in the dining hall, and that I was due on the set in an hour for my Fresh Meat Friday shoot.

"But I'm so worked up, Randy," I protested, "I'll cum right away on the set if I don't get this now."

"Maybe, maybe not, Hawk," he said, "but you know those are two very important rules. No sex play in the dining areas or other places where it's posted, and no orgasms within an hour of your call time on the set."

I moaned softly as Annie let my cock fall out of his mouth and began licking my belly. "Come on, Annie," said Randy. "Time to eat."

When he stood up, I could tell he'd been crying. He kissed me and said "I love you so much it hurts, Trevor."

Chapter 84
Fresh Meat Friday 1 – The Waiting

I blew my nose on a napkin from the table setting. "I love you so much it hurts, Trevor," he had said. He understood me! Annie finally understood how I felt about him, and he felt the same way about me! When two boys love each other so much it hurts, I don't care how old we were, we were in love. But I didn't mean to make him hurt.

We sat down next to each other, and he sobbed into my shoulder, being careful not to smear the paint on my chest. "So you like the painting?" I asked with a grin.

"Silly boy!" he said with a sweet kiss. "Of course I love the painting!" He pushed away from me again to have another look, and then hugged me tight. "You complete me, Trevor. I really am complete now."

"Well, I meant that for both of us," I said. "I feel complete too, like there's nothing missing anymore in my life. Every day I find something new, but it's not anything I need to fill an empty space or anything. I don't have any more empty spaces." I could feel another tear falling down my cheek. "Everything that was missing before is right here. I've got a new home, new friends, real friends, loads of money, and I've nearly got a new dad, sort of, in Randy. You were the only thing left. You fill the last empty space, the really big important space in my heart that makes me, well, complete. Before I met you I didn't even know that space was there. D'you know what I mean?"

He nodded and cried some more, and at some point we ate our lunch. Randy said eating our lunch was important because we both had a lot of work to do that afternoon. I thought we were just supposed to have sex.

***

"Is for you Fresh Meat time, I think," said Boris with an evil grin. "Want see for you very much, but many ladyboys must also satisfy," he said, giving me a kiss and a wink before returning to his set for his unusual Friday afternoon shoot. Annie had to go as well because he was in the same scene as Boris.

I could feel Annie's arms around me, and he was holding me very tight. "I can't let you go, you beautiful, sweet boy," he said. "I know it's silly, and I have to get back for my scene too, but I want to stay here with you! The next time I see you, this beautiful painting will be gone."

"René took lots of pictures of it in his studio before Randy and I came here," I said. "And he told me he'd be happy to paint me again, or you, whenever he has some free time."

"I want to be there when you wash it off, ok Trevor?"

"Ok," I nodded. "But I don't want to wash it off!"

"You're filming this afternoon. You know it has to be washed off. It was a beautiful gift from René, but it wasn't meant to last forever." It was a sad thought, but I had known it already from the moment René first tickled my bare skin with his brush. "I think it will be easier if we do it together," he said. "I have an idea."

***

Randy agreed to meet me at the door to stage 10, where Fresh Meat Friday would be filmed. We couldn't allow him to be part of our plan, and he understood that it was an important moment for us, so he trusted us. We told him it would be very emotional, and that we wanted to be alone together. Really, we were about to be just a little bit naughty, and we didn't want Randy to know. Annie and I went to the bathing hall to carry out our secret plan. Being naughty was the only way we thought we could cope with washing René's beautiful painting away.

Annie took his clothes off and laid them carefully folded on a bench. I was still naked of course, and I realized I didn't even know where my clothes were. We stepped toward a Jacuzzi, looking out for Esmeralda or any other staff, who would surely be upset about me getting into a Jacuzzi while I was covered in paint.

Then we embraced, kissing passionately. As we kissed, we slowly and very carefully descended the steps into the Jacuzzi, and that was that. We both rubbed my body to remove the last of the paint from some areas, but neither of us watched the beautiful painting fade away. It was in our memories. We'd decided we had something more important to look at, something much more real and enduring – each other. And no one else noticed. No one else mattered.

***

Annie and I toweled off, and he carried his clothes in his hand as he walked me to stage 10. Randy was there waiting, as promised, so Annie and I shared one last, very precious kiss before he left to get a good ass-pounding from Boris.

"Are you ready for this, Hawk?" Randy asked.

I sniffled and said, "Yeah, I guess so."

"You really love him, Hawk," he said. "It's pretty obvious. Things will feel less intense once you've been together for a while. Right now I need you to understand that you are at work, and your lunch break is over." He said this very kindly, very gently, not like someone who was sternly commanding me to get back to work. Yes, he understood boys very well. "I know it's very difficult right now," he said, "but I need you to think of it that way. Lots of people go back to work after kissing the person they love most in the whole world, when they know they will miss them. When you're infatuated like this, it makes it hard, doesn't it?"

"I guess so," I said, wondering what that big word meant. I didn't think I was fat.

"Maybe this will help," he said. "You need to change what's going on in your mind. You love Annie, and that's good, so much more than good, and Annie can stay in your mind if you like. But you need to have the center of your mind on your next task, which is going to be a challenge. Your strong feelings for Annie won't go anywhere, and he is having this same challenge, I promise you. Annie will still be in your heart and your mind, but it's time to be a professional child porn actor again, ok Hawk?"

"Ok," I looked into his eyes. "Ok. I'm ok. what do I need to do?"

"Well, first I need you to come with me," he said. He led me away from the door to stage 10, around a corner, and down a narrow corridor. There were several small doors on the right side of that corridor. Randy counted aloud until he said, "Here it is, room eight." He opened the door, which had a plastic card hanging on it that said Trevor Hawk, and on the other side of the door was a dressing room like my regular dressing room, only a lot smaller. There were two chairs, and no room for any guests. "Because Fresh Meat Friday depends on everything being secret, each new actor gets his or her own dressing room and a very limited script. See, there's yours on the makeup table, in that envelope. You'll also find some information sheets in there. And over here," he said, pointing to a red button attached to a speaker, "is the intercom where you can talk to the ASM, er, the assistant stage manager. You should read the placard there and make your first call. I must leave you here now."

"You're leaving?" I asked, feeling suddenly very frightened.

"Yes, Hawk," he said. "I am not allowed to stay here with you. Everything is meant to be a surprise, and you must be on your own. It's also a lot of fun, and remember, everybody loves you! If something funny happens, laugh! Especially if it happens to you, ok Hawk? I'll be in the audience, in the front row, with Sebastian and the others. We'll be laughing with you too, and every laugh you will hear means we love you, everyone in the audience loves you. Don't forget that!" He tickled me again, which of course was no fair. I was trying to be frightened!

***

After we kissed and Randy had left, I read the placard below the red button, and it didn't say much. It said, "ASM call. Please press this button when you arrive." I slowly lifted my finger, not knowing what to expect. Was I on camera already? Had my scene begun? I pressed the button.

"ASM new talent, how can I help you?" asked a crackling voice through the speaker.

I didn't know how to answer. Should I just talk? Was there a microphone or another button? I didn't know how he could help me either. I was just doing what the placard told me to do. "Er, hello?" I said to the button.

"Yes," said the voice, "is that you, Mr. Hawk?"

"Yes," I said, "it's me, Trevor. What am I meant to do now? The placard just says I'm supposed to press the button, and I've done that."

"Yes, Mr. Hawk," the voice said. He sounded like an older teenage boy. "My name is James, and I'm Fresh Meat Friday's assistant stage manager for new talent. We need to know when you arrive in your dressing room. I've got you checked in now. On your makeup table you'll find an envelope with a script and some information sheets for you. You should open that and read everything straight away. Your script is very short, I assure you. The two information sheets contain mostly information you already know as a Frenetic actor, but there are some important items you must know about. It's very important that you read them both, ok?"

"Ok," I said.

"Your costume is on hangers in the wardrobe. Don't change into your costume until you have read the information sheets and your script. When you do change into your costume, please wear everything in the wardrobe. Once you are in costume, please don't eat or drink anything, not even water, unless you cover your costume with one of the large linen towels in your wardrobe. We can't have anything spilled on your costume before filming, and we don't want you to have water splashed on your shirt. Can you do that for me please?"

"Yes, I will." That had seemed rather strict to me, but I would learn later that it was standard to remove the costume before eating or drinking on the film set.

"Good. Thank you Mr. Hawk," he said. "Someone will call round to collect you when it's time for your scene. That might be very soon, so please read everything and get into costume promptly. Please remain in your dressing room until the person arrives to take you to your studio. There is a toilet to your left, and you will find some beverages in the refrigerator," he continued. "We have stocked it with all your favorites, we hope. Our notes say you enjoy root beer, orange juice, and orange Pedialyte, and there's also a half-bottle of champagne, which you can have any time you like, including now. Some kids find it helps them relax. We know kids can be very nervous just before going onstage for Fresh Meat Friday performances. But please remember to use a towel when drinking or eating."

"Ok, thanks," I said, opening the refrigerator door and taking a bottle of root beer out, though the champagne looked quite tempting. I was still naked, so I didn't bother with the towel.

"Our records show you had an enema at the Rectum Center this morning," he said. "Is that correct? We need to know for your scene."

There was some important information at last. At least one of my scene partners would be fucking my ass, and that meant it wasn't a girl, or it was a girl who had a cock like Yuko or Jeanine. "Yes," I responded. "Nurse Blaine gave me one this morning. My agent Randy was there. He can tell you." But girls also use toys and strap-ons. Maybe it was a girl.

"Thank you. That won't be necessary. I see your hair was looked after quite well during your photo shoot, so we're all covered."

"Yes it was," I said. "Stephanie sprayed three different kinds of stinky stuff into it!"

"Ok then, that's all the information I need. If there is anything else you need, Mr. Hawk, just press the red button."

"Ok, thanks," I said.

"You're welcome. I have the information I need, but there's one more thing I need to tell you," he continued. "In studio 10, there are hidden security cameras everywhere. This is our highest security studio because it is the only one with seating for an audience. The cameras are on the audience, the set, all backstage areas, in the corridors, and in all dressing rooms. They are monitored by security personnel and in some cases artistic personnel. Sometimes we see something we like, and we might use it in the video, but these cameras are mostly for your security. Your agent, er, Randy Christianson, signed off on this for you, but we prefer that people know when there are cameras on them."

"Thank you," I said. "I don't mind, really. I have cameras pointed at me all the time, I think. They even have them in my rooms at the A-D-B building."

"Ok then, we're all set," he said. "Just press the big red button if you need anything, but read the information sheets first, ok Mr. Hawk?"

"Ok, I will," I said.

"I'm going to play some music for you now through this speaker for the rest of your time here," he said. "That's meant to hide the sound coming from the stage. We can't have you listening to that. Remember, everything is a surprise for you today." I groaned in disappointment to myself. I was getting sick of these surprises. "What sort of music do you like? We have all kinds."

"I like dancing to techno," I replied, but then I remembered Dad again. "Only when I'm sitting at home, I like listening to my dad's music. He liked old rock music. D'you have any of that?"

"Certainly," he said. "We have everything. Can you tell me something he liked so I can have a better idea?"

"Well," I thought for a moment, "There was one by… I think it was Pink Froid, Pink something, and his CD had a picture of the Battersea Power Station on it. Do you know which one I mean?"

"I'm just looking that one up," said James. I could hear him typing. "Yes, this must be it. I see the power station in the album art. We'll play this album, and then more of this sort of music for you until it's time for your scene. Just press the red button if you want to hear something different, ok?"

"Ok, thanks," I said. The guitar started to play slowly, and the man began to sing.

***

I remembered what it was like telling René about my dad and how sad it had made me feel. Listening to Dad's music again made me feel happy. I had been away from Mum's flat for nearly a week, so I hadn't been able to listen to Dad's music since I met Randy. But still I wanted to cry, just a little. I missed my dad, but this music was a happy memory, so I didn't know if they were happy tears or sad tears. My dumb brother Ian didn't like music, but Dad played lots of good music for me that I really liked. I still wanted to take guitar lessons so I could play my own rock music. I wanted to be able to play the music on this album very much. I wondered if there were music teachers at the school on the Frenetic lot.

Sometimes Dad would play that Pink Froid album, I would snuggle into his lap, and we would just listen to it. There were some really pretty guitars and some guitars that made me relax. Sometimes I fell asleep in his arms. There were also guitars that sounded as if they were screaming in pain, or in celebration. Dad taught me music is a way people can tell each other how they feel, and this music told about all kinds of feelings. And, like a day at Frenetic, that album began and ended with love.

***

"Mr. Hawk," read the long note that had been cello taped to the envelope. "Enclosed you will find the script for your Fresh Meat Friday live performance and two information sheets, one for children and one for all actors. Please read both of these information sheets first. They are important. Tell us immediately if you have any concerns."

I had always been good at reading, better than the other kids in my first form juniors at Preston Primary. I thought that was fortunate, because I'd heard everyone in my reading class read aloud, and I didn't think they could get through this note. It had my name on it, but it didn't seem to be written for kids my age. I wondered about Randy and whether he'd told him about my reading skills.

"Next," the note continued, "please read your script, but don't be concerned if you don't fully memorize any lines you might have. Pay more attention to action and stage directions. You can ad lib any lines you forget, and sometimes a director will allow the action to go completely off-script, as long as everyone is laughing and having fun. Please keep that foremost in your mind. This is all meant for fun, for your fun first, then that of the audience."

Ad lib? Going off-script? I had no idea what ad lib meant, but I thought maybe going off-script meant that we might not have to follow the script. That made sense, and I liked the sound of it. Maybe I could say no if I didn't want to do something nasty in the script, but I could still stay and finish the scene if we went off-script. I didn't want to disappoint anyone.

"Your scene will have two parts. You will walk onstage, meet a single performer, the two of you will play according to the script, and then a number of other performers will join you. Everything should involve an element of the unexpected, so for this scene, you are not permitted to know anything, not the names, ages, sex, or anything else about any of these performers, or how many of them there will be, except to say that we promise you will be safe with all of them, and they will all want you to enjoy this experience.

"Remember, our goal is good-natured fun. Most actors feel nervous before their Fresh Meat Friday scene, and that probably can't be helped, but rest assured, you are safe, and you are among friends. If you make a mistake, and the audience laughs, you should relax and laugh with them. It might be a funny mistake, and they are truly your friends. No one ever laughs to mock you or to make you feel bad. If you make a mistake, the audience will only laugh to enjoy a funny moment with you. That nearly always means you've given them a good feeling, even if it wasn't intentional. You must trust the audience. They are carefully selected for this performance. They understand our expectations, and they have agreed to them. They will truly love you.

"If you have any questions, please press the red button. Good luck, and above all, have fun!"

Fun. This sounded like fun for everybody but me. I was scared. Would it be fun for the audience to watch a scared boy having sex? Would I even be able to have sex? Only a few minutes ago I was so horny I thought I would explode, but now I wasn't horny at all. They said I shouldn't be scared, but that's a laugh.

"You gotta keep one eye looking over your shoulder," I sang. "You know it's gonna get harder, harder, harder, as you get older…" It was already hard, I thought. How could it get even harder? In that moment, I was right. In the four years since that day, things have become a lot less difficult for me.

***

I took the papers out of the envelope and read. They were also complicated and hard to read, but I was pretty sure I understood them. Here's what the two information sheets said:

FOR MINORS (CHILDREN) – PLEASE READ:

We love kids here! Everything we do with kids at Frenetic is for love. That is the most important thing to us.

If you are a minor (or a child), and you are in your dressing room reading this, that means your parent or guardian has already signed a paper that allows us to film you naked in any sexual situation that you are comfortable with. It also allows us to sell that film. But at Frenetic, everyone can always say no, even if you are a child, and even if your parent or guardian has already said yes, or told you that you must do this.

If you don't want to be filmed, or if you don't want to have sex, you don't have to. But we need you to tell us if you feel that way. You can press the red button on the wall and tell the person who answers how you feel, and they will cancel your scene without asking why. You can tell any adult you meet how you feel. If your scene has already begun and you want to stop, say the word "HOLD" loud enough for someone to hear you, even if all you can do is whisper it into another actor's ear. You can also say "NO" or "STOP" or use your own words to tell someone how you feel. Nobody will ask why you feel uncomfortable, but if you want, you can tell any adult you see why you feel that way. It will help us to make this a nicer place for children if we know what felt wrong to you, or why you didn't feel good about something, so you might want to tell us what you can, but only if you want to. Again, nobody will ask why you feel the way you do. Saying "no" is enough.

There is no punishment for stopping, or for deciding right now that you don't want to do this. Your parent or guardian has promised in their contract with us that they will not punish you, and that they will support your decision and understand that your feelings are more important than performing in this scene. That is how child porn works. You will still receive your fee if you decide you do not want to do this. That is our way of thanking you and your parent or guardian for your courage to say no.

Please remember, every adult you will see here at Frenetic, including our guests, has made a promise to help any child who has any problem at all and to treat them with love and respect always. You can talk to any adult, and you will be safe.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE NEED TO KNOW, right now, while you are alone and safe, is whether anyone, anyone at all, is making you do this. Has someone put you under pressure to be here? Has someone scared you or threatened you? Are you being forced to be here? Has anyone told you something bad would happen if you do not perform with us? It is very important that we know such things. If any of these things are true, or if you aren't sure, please press the red button and tell us, or ask to speak with someone privately. Somebody who is trained in working with kids who have things like these happening will come to talk with you. If you like, that person will come alone, or you can ask for someone you know to come with that person. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE and not worried that something bad will happen if you say no today.

We truly do love you kids, and we want to show it in everything we do. If you don't feel loved, that means we're not doing our job. Tell someone, even if you just need a hug.

*Please do not masturbate while you are waiting for your scene*

***

ALL ACTORS AND AUDITIONERS, INCLUDING MINORS – PLEASE READ:

Your scene will be recorded by a Frenetic video crew, and this performance is primarily a video shoot, so all rules for video filming apply. You may call for a hold if at any time you feel uncomfortable, and it will not affect your chances of obtaining a contract with Frenetic Films, though it might mean we will need another video audition of some type. If you already have a contract, it will not affect your relationship with us if you call for a hold. You will also receive your full fee with bonuses. Most directors have admiration for actors who know their limits.

You will be paid for your scene at double the rate shown in your contract for filming any other scene. All standard bonuses will also be doubled. If you do not already have a contract with Frenetic Films, this scene will be considered your on-camera audition, and you will be paid twice the normal fee of £900, for a total of £1800 in cash after your scene is completed. If you prefer another form of payment, or if you would like to request a security escort to accompany you on foot to a bank or any other location within 2 km of the studio, please inform the ASM for New Talent, and the necessary arrangements will be made to pay you today. Any transaction fees will be paid by Frenetic Studios.

As during a normal filming, there will be security staff in the studio, but there will be more officers than normal so we can police the audience area. You will find red phones on the studio walls and backstage that connect directly to the security emergency center. Use these phones if you see something that doesn't look right. You may also speak with any security officer in the studio.

Directors' instructions will be the same as when filming any other scene with Frenetic Films. Only our finest and most experienced directors are allowed to direct Fresh Meat Friday scenes. However, it is unlikely that you will receive any direction during your scene. Your director will be identified with a black t-shirt that says "Director" in large letters on the back and the front.

Many unexpected things will likely happen during your scene. Our goal is to surprise you, to make you laugh and have fun, while filming a scene in a very popular series of videos for your fans. (If you don't have any fans yet, you will once this video is released!)

*Please do not masturbate while you are waiting for your scene*

***

I swallowed hard. I had read the script, not even a half-page long, and it said nothing useful at all. I was to loosen my ass with my choice of the dildos and butt plugs provided on a shelf in my wardrobe (the larger the better), lube my ass liberally, not worrying about any excess, dress in my costume, apparently as a dorky little schoolboy nerd, walk onstage, and look the audience over. When it was time for my shorts and undies to come off, I was to be facing the audience so they wouldn't see any excess lube. The script did not even describe the set. Was it a bedroom? A classroom? A pool? Then my scene partner, who was someone using Fresh Meat Friday as his or her on-camera audition to get a contract with Frenetic (which was the most information I got about anyone in all that paperwork), would enter. I was supposed to be afraid of that person, and I was supposed to do whatever my screen partner instructed. Would I have to obey some seven-year-old girl? I had never met anyone younger than eight at Frenetic, but the last new class had entered nearly a year earlier.

I lubed up, loosened up with the largest dildo, refreshed my lube, then got into my costume, which filled me with dread. It consisted of what looked like a boys' school uniform, only the shirt was pink, and someone had written "My Little Poofter" on the back in black marker. I had to wear glasses with tape on them, and there was a card on a sort of cord that I had to wear around my neck that said "New boy, please be nice." The shorts were, of course, embarrassingly short (which I didn't mind). To my surprise, my own Thomas the Tank Engine Y-fronts were also in the wardrobe with a note from Randy saying, "Hawk, wear these. I got them from your closet. Trust me, they'll work!" I was going to be picked on for my scene! That wasn't going to be fun at all!

***

I was assuming that it would be a young kid if he or she was trying to get a contract with Frenetic, but then I remembered Frenetic's adult division signed new people all the time as well, people of all shapes, sizes, and ages too. The porn industry had recently come to terms with its own ageism, and Frenetic had always led the way in porn for all ages, first with their pioneering role in child porn, and then with what they called elder porn.

Uncle Jack was an elder porn actor whom I had only met briefly the night of my victory drive. He and a boy named Ross were performing in a scene that was being shot on the Albert Bridge in London, and they acted as extras for a quick photo shoot that Randy had arranged that same night on the bridge. (That's when we took the picture for chapter 10 of these memoirs.) He was a sweet old man, though he often played a slimy old perv in his films with children, which is almost exclusively what he did, and all the kids love him. If my scene partner was someone like him, I thought, that would be ok.

But what if it was an old woman? Girls could be fun, and I thought women could also be fun if they weren't being all nasty like Trish and Lena. Trudy was pretty, sweet, and nice, when she wasn't acting scary. But what about an old woman? I didn't like the thought of that, but then I felt ashamed. Was I being ageist? Young women were soft and smooth, almost like boys. Old women were all wrinkly and saggy. But so were old men, and that didn't bother me. So I was being sexist? I would like to make an old woman feel nice too, but why did that seem so difficult for me? I was gay, but it seemed to be more than that. It felt gross. I decided I would try my best to make her feel good if it was an old woman and see what happened.

But why would they want my ass lubed if it was a woman? Was she going to try to stick her arm up my ass? I felt a very brief panic. No, they wouldn't do that. Would they? They knew my ass stretched like Sebastian's. No, they wouldn't. It had to be a boy. Or a man. Or a girl with a strap-on dildo. I could handle that. But what if it's Trish? She's not new though. My first scene partner was just auditioning." My thoughts were racing. I hoped it would be a really hot boy though, like Ahmed.

***

According to the script, my scene partner and I would spend ten minutes alone with each other, then others would enter. There was no telling how many of these others there would be, but it would be our job to see that they all left satisfied. I had to obey my scene partner, but we both had to obey everyone else.

I didn't like not knowing what to expect. I was feeling more anxious by the minute. Maybe my scene partner and I would have a gangbang with a bunch of men? I would like that. But what if it was a group of nasty women like Trish and Lena? A group of horny girls might be ok, if they weren't all crazy like girls can be sometimes, like Hannah from Australia was during the filming of my promo video, when she wanted me to take her virginity. She was nuts, and it didn't feel very good to me. In any case, girls would be a lot more fun than nasty women, but a group of boys would be fantastic! I was sure that wasn't how Fresh Meat Friday worked though. It was supposed to be awkward, and I was supposed to do my best. Of course it wouldn't be a bunch of boys. If my scene partner turned out to be a yucky old woman, at least I would be able to spend time with other people when the others joined us. But they might turn out to be old women as well. Somehow, I'm not sure why, I got a stiffy just then. This was real risk!

I decided to open that bottle of champagne in the refrigerator.

***

Time passed slowly in my little dressing room. I pressed the button to ask about when I might be called for my scene, but they couldn't tell me anything. They were able to change the music to something by another band my dad liked called Deep Purple. I thought some harder music might help me with my boredom. The champagne tasted good, but not as good as it had been on other occasions. It was the same kind Mr. Eastman had served at my signing party, so I knew it was good stuff, but I didn't enjoy it as much. I drank it down very quickly. It warmed my stomach and made me feel a little less nervous.

I might not have felt so stressed had there been something for me to do, maybe a computer or a telly to watch, or someone to talk to. There wasn't even a clock on the wall.

"Sweet child in time, you'll see the line…" I sang.

***

"Mr. Hawk, it's James, the ASM for new talent," said the voice over the speaker. The music had been switched off. "I must insist that you do not masturbate while you are waiting for your scene. It's one of our rules. Can you hold off for me please?" I had been thinking about my day and all the great sex I'd had, and how many times I'd come so close to my most powerful boygasm ever. My mind tends to wander when I am bored, especially if I am nervous. My choice of music didn't seem to help.

I pulled my hand out of my pants immediately, wondering how he knew what I was doing. I was terrified with embarrassment. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. I stood up, hurriedly tucked my shirt back in, and fastened my shorts before saying, "I'm sorry! I forgot! I won't!" After that interruption, I couldn't. My boner had gone to mush.

"It's ok, sweetie," James said. "Kids do it all the time. I think it's normal when you have to wait a while in those boring little rooms. Can I send you some ice cream to take your mind off sex while you wait?"

"How did you know I was masturbating?" I asked.

"I told you about the cameras everywhere," he said. "Do you remember? They're for security, but the artistic staff also keep an eye on some of them, and we think it's important to watch the dressing room cameras, just in case someone makes a mistake while they're waiting. And you've been waiting a long time. Normally the horny kids like you will either begin while changing into their costumes or maybe ten to fifteen minutes later. You've waited a whole hour! That was very good."

"I'm so sorry I broke the rules," I said. "I didn't mean to do it. I didn't even know I was doing it!"

"Porn kids are like that," James said in a light, easy voice. "Most kids are like that, I think. I'll tell you a secret, shall I? I'm like that too. If I'm bored or watching the telly, sometimes I'll look down and realize I've been playing with my willy! I did it once in front of my mum! Boredom and worry can make us do that sort of thing. And speaking of boredom, I can tell you now that your scene will be the very last one, so you'll still have plenty of time to wait. How about that ice cream?"

"Are you a grown-up and you play with your willy?" I asked.

"Listen sweetie," he said. "All men play with their willies. The only ones who don't play with their willies really do play with them and then lie about it."

That made me giggle. "You're funny," I said, "and you make me feel better, even though I broke the rules."

"That's my job, sweetie. Now how about that ice cream?"

"Can you get that really good vanilla they have at the Exposed Reel?"

"Of course. We'll have that for you in a few minutes. Remember to use the towel over your costume."

***

Finally, after what felt like another hour (they said it was one hour and twenty minutes), my music by Grand Funk Railroad went quiet, and someone knocked at my door. "My name is Paula," said the middle-aged woman with a headset and a clipboard, "and I'm here to take you to the stage for your scene." She was cheerful and smiling, which for some reason made me distrust her. "Have you read your script and your information sheets?"

"Yes Ma'am," I said softly.

"Good," she said. "Do you have any questions?"

"No Ma'am."

"Fine," she said, making some marks on her clipboard. "Let's see, you've been in here alone for nearly two and a half hours. Have you masturbated?"

"No Ma'am," I said, but I thought I should tell her. "One time I played with myself and I didn't even know I was doing it. James came over the speaker and said I had to stop."

"Yes," she said, very businesslike. "Did you orgasm?"

"No Ma'am. I haven't been able to do that since early this morning, before nine o'clock! They wouldn't let me!"

"Good," she replied without seeming to have heard my complaint. "That's all we're really concerned about right now. But you've been sitting in here for such a long time. When did you loosen and lube yourself?"

"When I first got here," I said, "but I don't really need loosening. I have I-A-…"

"Every child receiving anal sex must be loosened no more than ten minutes prior to penetration," she interrupted, still showing what was clearly an artificial, businesslike smile. "It's Frenetic policy. Besides, your lube will definitely need to be re-applied."

"Ok," I said. "Will someone do that for me?"

"Don't be silly, boy," she said, looking down past her clipboard at me. "You can take care of that now, before we go out."

"You mean…" In front of her? She wanted me to drop my pants, lube up, and stick a dildo in my ass in front of her? "You mean here? With the lube and dildos in the wardrobe."

"Of course I mean here," she replied, impatiently. "You should be quick about it too. We don't like to keep the audience waiting."

***

I had bent forward so I could reach between my legs with the dildo. "I'll just hold this up, shall I?" said Paula. "We don't want your shirt tails to be soiled for the show." I had never enjoyed performing in front of anybody less than at that moment. "If you'd like my help," she said, "I think we can make this go a little more quickly." I could feel her touching the dildo.

"No!" I shouted. "I mean, no. I'm sorry for shouting. It's just, I'm nervous, and I want to do it."

"Of course," she said with the same fake smile.

I removed the dildo and put a few more gobs of lube on it. She sighed and made a grand gesture of looking at her watch. I shoved the dildo back in, and it glided perfectly again. "Would you mind squirting a little more on my ass please?" I asked her. "Just the outside, I mean. You don't need to touch me or get your hands messy. Only the script says I'm supposed to leave a lot there, and not wipe off the extra." Without a word from her, I felt a big wad of cold goo dribble down into my crack. "I think that's good," I said as I stood up.

"Ok then, pants up, shirt tucked, shorts fastened, chop chop. Do you need my help?" she asked in a voice that told me she didn't want to help me."

A thought occurred to me as I fastened my belt. "Are you my scene partner? Has my scene begun?"

"Heavens no!" she chuckled, almost as if she'd been offended. "Now if you're finished with your belt, please come with me."

***

I was finally going to have sex. Since I wasn't allowed to masturbate in my waiting room, that meant I was almost definitely going to be allowed to cum during my scene. So why wasn't I even horny? The ice cream was amazing, but it was so long ago. I was tired of people telling me that I couldn't cum. I had to wait for more than two hours, all alone, without a clock, and not knowing what I was waiting for. My excitement had been replaced by frustration, and this horrible Paula woman wasn't helping. Not even a horny boy can't be rushed into sex like that!

She took my hand and led me down a dark corridor. Then we turned down a narrower and darker corridor, which ended with a closed door. As we waited at the door I heard applause coming from the other side. Then the applause died and was replaced by an announcer's voice. "Yes, Alistair, welcome to studio ten at Frenetic, and best of luck with your audition. Remember your role, and be firm with your unknown scene partner. Your scene begins as soon as he comes through that door."

Alistair? It sounded like my scene partner was a boy, or maybe a man. That was good. "If you're like everyone else here who loves boys, you will be absolutely thrilled that your scene partner is widely regarded as the most beautiful, sexy, and absolutely lovable young boy Frenetic has ever signed. He has already set numerous records here, and his career is expected to be the most lucrative in the business. Ladies, gentlemen, girls, and boys, and you too Alistair, please give your warmest Fresh Meat Friday welcome to Frenetic's most precious commodity, though for the next half hour he is all yours, Alistair, so get him good while he's still fresh! He is the future of boy porn, the one and only Trevor Hawk!" Paula opened the door and shoved me through into the blinding stage lights and the screaming crowd, shouting surprisingly loudly, "This is where you belong, you horrible and ungrateful child!" I was sure the whole audience could hear her. She slammed the door immediately behind me.

The audience laughed as Paula slammed the door. My head was spinning. I didn't look up yet. There were too many thoughts in my head. Was Paula part of the act? No one could be that unprofessional and work at Frenetic. Had we really begun our scene earlier, and she'd lied to me about it? I'd have to ask those questions later. I had to focus. I was a professional, even if Paula wasn't. I was Hawk Boy, and the audience was going to see a fantastic performance!

I tried to remember my script. I looked up and took a few tentative steps forward onto the stage, toward the bright lights, and the audience members exploded onto their feet, giving me a standing ovation. Despite my comments about being a professional, I broke character and smiled briefly when they did that. I couldn't help it! Hundreds of people jumping to their feet and roaring with applause at the sight of me had momentarily overwhelmed me. It was nervousness as much as feeling pleased. I've never gotten used to that feeling, though now that I'm twelve, I'm better at hiding it.

I looked over the area where I knew the audience was sitting, giving my eyes time to adjust to the bright lights, and I heard several of them calling out to me, "We love you Trevor!" "You're sexy!" and "Go Trevor!" that sort of thing.

Soon I realized that I was indeed in a classroom set. There was a chalkboard, a teacher's desk, a few students' desks, and… my heart stopped. I gasped, and for a moment I could not breathe. Not at all. My eyes were wide as saucers. Nothing that had happened that day mattered. Not one bit of it. All that mattered was the terror that had stolen my breath.

Chapter 85
Fresh Meat Friday 2 – The Encounter

There he was, my scene partner. He had light brown hair and eyes. He was very tall, and he wore track shorts and a t-shirt. He was eleven years old, lived in London, his full name was Alistair Charles Denton, and he was a particularly gifted bully at school, not just some actor pretending to be one. I knew all about him because my secret scene partner for Fresh Meat Friday was also a student at Preston Primary, and he had bullied me the whole year before I got my contract with Frenetic. I was first form and he was fourth form. He had a passion for cruelty, and he'd made my school life much, much more than miserable. Here he was, the boy I was supposed to serve and obey in front of an audience.

I was too terrified even to cry. I'd thought I was safe at Frenetic! There was no way that being bullied by him again, this time in front of an audience, was going to help me perform somehow. This wasn't just awkward. There I was in front of most of the people I cared about, being filmed, back in school, about to be bashed about and picked on again by Alistair Denton! I'd thought that whole life was past!

Through my feelings of horror, I noticed something that surprised me. Alistair seemed rooted to the spot as well. He wasn't moving. Was he afraid too for some reason? His eyes were also wide open and motionless, and he wasn't breathing properly either. He rapidly exhaled twice before saying, "Hi Trevor," in an extremely weak and shaking voice that I was sure the audience couldn't hear.

"Hi, um, Si… Sir," I replied, feeling as petrified as Alistair looked. I tried to speak more clearly than he had, but I don't think I was successful. He stared at me in silence for what felt like a minute or more, but it was probably much less.

Then a few people in the audience began to clap and call out, "It's ok boys!" "You can do it!" "We love you Alistair! Don't be nervous! I want your baby Trevor!" Well, I think they said things like that. Mostly I was too scared to hear them.

It was one voice in particular that snapped me back into my surroundings. "Loves for you always, Trevor Boy!" Sebastian was real. He was in the audience, and he loved me. That was enough to be getting on with, for a few more seconds anyway. It meant my new life was still real. I was not back at Preston Primary. I was thinking again. I was a sub in a porn scene. I had to do whatever my dom wanted me to do, even if he was being played by Alistair Denton. That was ok. (I wasn't entirely convinced of that, but I knew I had to carry on.) This was a scene. There were cameras and lights. They were real too. We were making porn, and that was always for love. All for love. That was it! Alistair Denton was in my house now, and my house only has love. He would find out what it's like to be treated with love instead of fear and hate. That would be my motivation, and even my revenge. Somehow my fear and hate had guided me to love, and I was surprised at how quickly it happened once I heard Sebastian's voice. That was all I needed to be myself and to remember that people loved me for myself.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Sir?" I asked, trying to help Alistair snap out of his daze. Then I thought of all the people in the audience who loved me, and I smiled, not at them, but at Alistair. He was one frightened boy who needed love. Seeing him that way allowed me to forget my fear, for that moment anyway. I knew there were hundreds of people in the audience who were full of love, even if he didn't. He couldn't hurt me in front of a camera on a Frenetic stage! In that moment, I didn't believe he wanted to. I was still free!

"W-what do you mean?" he stuttered. The bully was gone. He was dead, killed by my smile and by his own paralysis. All that was left was this frightened boy, and it was my job to make him feel better. I was back in a situation I knew how to deal with.

I crossed to him (remember, that means I walked across the stage) and knelt at his feet. I looked up and asked, "The usual, Sir?" I smiled kindly as I put my hands on his waistband and tugged lightly, waiting for his reply.

Alistair froze up again. Why was he so afraid? "We love you Alistair! Let him have it!" came from the crowd. Alistair nodded ever so slightly, but I had my cue, and Alistair's permission. I slowly pulled his shorts down, then the front of his Y-fronts. He began to shiver. His legs were long and muscular, and his cock was big! No wonder someone with his personality had gotten an audition at Frenetic. But it hung there, limp.

"Sir seems tense," I said. "I will relax you." With my hands behind my back, I leaned forward and sucked his soft cock into my mouth. It inflated slowly as he trembled. I went in and out just twice, and he barked and jumped back. He had cum in about two seconds.

The crowd applauded loudly, shouting praise and encouragement for Alistair. I pulled his Y-fronts down to the floor before we went any further. Then I slowly rose to my feet, planted a kiss on his lips, which he didn't resist, and wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him so we could whisper in each other's ears.

"It's ok," I whispered. "This is a very special place. There are only happy feelings here. Only love."

"H-how? How'd you get to be the most famous boy here? That's what it said in my script, but it didn't say who you bloody were! You hate me! I've been horrible to you!" he whispered in fear. "They can't want to sign me. I can't do this with someone who hates me. They must know that! " The crowd applauded to cheer us on, unaware of our conversation as we hugged.

"I don't hate you. There's no hate here," I whispered back. "We only have love and happiness, and we have a scene to do. Can you carry on? I'd like to do this with you. Only you are supposed to be ordering me about, maybe knocking me around or whatever."

"Don't tell me you want to… to go through with this! With me of all people?"

I smiled gently at him, broke our hug, and said, "Yes I do, with you of all people. Do you think you can do this with me?"

"I think so," he said.

I kissed him again. I thought of Adrian and my first-ever porn scene and said, "Make it look good!" He looked into my eyes and nodded as we broke our kiss. I think he should have looked more menacing, but he was still finding his way.

He shoved me back, suddenly but gently. "Get out of those clothes, you little pussy!" he screamed. I think he was so tense he couldn't have delivered his lines without screaming them. He grabbed my shirt and ripped it open, sending the buttons flying in all directions. The audience cheered at this. They were seeing real action now. He yanked down on my tie, bending me forward. He threw my glasses to the floor and crushed them under his foot, saying, "You don't need those! A fucking little dorky twat like you can't read anyway! Get out of those shorts and show me your pathetic little pee-worm!" He released me with a very gentle push back, which I responded to by falling down and rolling over. The crowd gasped.

"Yes Sir." I smiled to myself as I was getting back up, my face briefly out of sight of the audience. I knew the emotions swirling in his head were just as crazy as mine were just then, but he had found a way to make this scene work, and I had found a way not to be too afraid. I knew Alistair would be all right, and for the first time in my life, I wanted him to be all right. I was still afraid for a few seconds at a time, but then I could remember everything I loved about my new life, and I'd calm down again. It wasn't easy, but it felt like the right thing to do. I didn't want Alistair to throw away his entire career because we somehow ended up together in his first scene. Making child porn can have strange effects on a boy.

I began to unfasten my belt when Alistair shouted, "Shoes first, poof-boy!"

"Yes Sir," I responded, kicking off my shoes. The name that hurt so much in school no longer hurt at all. I really was a poof, most of the boys at Frenetic were too, and that was something that made me happy! It didn't hurt when someone said I was gay, because I was gay, and poof meant the same thing because Alistair wasn't trying to use the word to hurt me this time. He was using it in his role. I felt so free in a lot of ways.

I hopped on one foot as I pulled off each sock, and Alistair seized the opportunity to push me gently so I could fall over spectacularly. I assumed it looked spectacular, because that's how the audience responded. While I was down, I noticed there was a man with a handheld camera on the stage with us. It was Roy again. (He had worked on most films I'd done so far.)

I rose to my feet again, leaving my torn shirt behind, and lowered my shorts slowly, wiggling my hips, as we are always supposed to do in porn. I didn't get very far before he stepped up to me and yanked them down hard. I heard some of the seams tearing.

Then he stood straight up, backed away from me, and pointed at my Y-fronts, laughing. For a moment I wasn't sure if he was still acting, and I felt embarrassed. "Thomas the bloody Tank Engine?" he taunted. "How bloody old are you?"

"I'm eight, Sir, nearly nine," I said. "Shall I have them off, Sir?"

"Not yet, you twerpy little twat," he said, walking around the teacher's desk and opening a drawer. He pulled a cell phone out of the drawer, stepped back in front of me, and said, "The little poof-boy is going to be all over the internet! This is going to everyone in the school." That line frightened me for real, and I know my face showed it. He had posted pictures of me on the toilet to the school's online student forum, and people were horrible to me for weeks. (I wasn't wanking, but it looked like I was.)

I needed to find another way to think about this, and about how free I was in my new life. When he aimed his cell phone camera at me, I came back into the moment. I was in front of another camera at Frenetic. I was filming another scene in a child porn studio. We were not back at Preston Primary, and Alistair was not bullying me. He was portraying a bully, and because he'd been a bully for so much of his life, he had a natural talent for it, that was all. I was still free from his bullying, but because I'd been his victim for so long, I had a natural talent for portraying his victim. It was very, very easy to let the fear take over. I had to keep telling myself I was safe and free, and that Alistair was more frightened than I was.

He began taking snaps of me, occasionally ordering me to smile or to change my pose, which I immediately obeyed, trying to keep a look of terror on my face. I secretly wished those pictures would be posted to the school's forum. It would be my way of telling them to stuff it. I'm a child porn star now, and these pictures are pathetic compared to the ones I get paid for!

Alistair slapped me once, saying he wanted his little baby to cry for the camera. I thought that was a nice touch. I was safe. This was a scene in a safe place. He was no longer a bully. But that made it more difficult to look natural while I was acting scared and humiliated. I couldn't use the method (a way actors use memories and feelings from their own lives to portray those feelings on stage) because my real memories with Alistair were too much to think about. I was trying to avoid those memories because they took me out of the scene and into that terrifying place in my mind.

He switched to video mode and recorded me lowering the Y-fronts and standing back up, turning around once. "Wank it, bitch!" I reached down, looking into his cell phone camera, and stroked my cock gently until it was hard, which meant I was totally in the moment. "Look! The little poof's got a stiffy! He likes making pictures!" I was wanking for a porn camera. I was where I belonged. I wanked properly. I was free. For now.

***

Soon we were both naked except for the "New boy, please be nice" sign around my neck. He had tied my hands behind my back with my school necktie. He grabbed a handful of my hair and led me to the teacher's desk. Apparently someone had taught him how we do such things onstage, with the person being dragged (which was me) actually controlling the movement.

He swiped his hands across the desk to clear it off, which I'm sure was intended to be more dramatic than it actually was. Then he picked me up and laid me on the desk, on my back, with my head hanging over the side. It was such a turn-on when a strong man or a strong boy picked me up and carried me to the place where they wanted to fuck me, and I was ready for action. In just a few minutes, Alistair had gone from being the bully I most feared to being a colleague for whom I felt love, even kinship. The transformation was incredible for me, and I wondered what it must have been like for him. He was certainly feeling a lot more comfortable than when our scene began. "Open up, cum skip!" he said, stroking himself in an effort to get hard again. He shouted, but it wasn't that out-of-control screaming he'd done at the beginning of the scene.

"Yes Sir," I said, and I obeyed. He shoved his cock into my mouth, and soon I helped him get fully hard again. He began face-fucking me, but not very deep at all. I opened wide and sucked as hard as I could. I wanted him to know he could go in deeper, all the way into my throat if he liked, but I couldn't tell him because I had his rather large cock in my mouth. I would have pulled his ass into my face, but he had bound my hands behind my back with my school necktie. He never worked it out that I could take him all the way in, not during that scene anyway.

After about two minutes of awkwardly gentle face-fucking and artificially angry looks, he picked me up again and turned me around so I was face-down on the desk with my legs hanging over the edge. My ass was positioned perfectly for a great fuck, which he began without hesitating. He shoved his big cock inside me suddenly, without any pretense of loosening me up or lubing. I was sure that must have been in his script. Not every little boy can handle that kind of insertion, not even after loosening. In fact, almost none of the Frenetic littles could handle that. It can cause the most severe pain a kid can feel. Someone had to know I was the one cast as the sub in this scene. This script wasn't random. This script was intended for me to be the bottom. Alistair wasn't there by chance. He couldn't be! That told me something horrible was going on, and it wasn't Alistair's doing. He was clearly just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. I couldn't let myself believe it though. Would Frenetic betray me like this? Would Randy betray me like this? It would ruin everything, and we had done so well so far. Was I being silly? I'd gotten the wrong end of the stick before, and trusting Randy has always turned out well. I had to get my head back into the scene. Alistair was innocent. He was scared. It was my job to make him feel better. That's all I could allow myself to think about.

***

Alistair was a very tall and muscular boy for an eleven-year-old, and I already knew how strong he was. I'd always thought he was beautiful, and he'd have been incredibly sexy if only he'd been nice to me. That made his bullying hurt more. But that was in the past. I had to stay focused.

In the present, in front of the camera, being picked up and put into position by him really turned me on, and being fucked by him was fantastic! Not only was it great sex in front of people I loved, but it was as if his cock was hoovering out all the hurt from his bullying, and all that was left was pleasure, very powerful pleasure.

Alistair slapped my ass a few times, and each time I begged for another, only harder, which he gave me. The audience cheered constantly while he did this, which turned me on even more. I remembered Adrian's coaching from our first scene again, this time about slapping. It really didn't hurt when Alistair slapped my ass because he wasn't trying to hurt me or humiliate me. Well, once or twice he slapped me a little harder than I would have liked, but I was glad he was trying. I still knew he didn't mean to hurt me because he'd been so gentle with his face-fucking. He could have been really nasty if he'd wanted then, and who would know until it was all over?

I wasn't sure how he felt about me yet because we hadn't had a proper conversation, but he was still scared. He was so scared he barely moved at all, or he exploded like an animal. He had no in-between. But it was all ok. He wasn't really hurting me, and he was trying to get a fantastic job living the same dream I myself had just begun. Of course he was scared! It wasn't bullying at all, and that made all the difference in the world. Adrian was spot-on about the reason for the slap, not the slap itself, being the main reason for the pain. Alistair wasn't fucking me or slapping my ass as another show of power to his mates, or to humiliate me, even though that's what the script said. (He was doing his best to grunt angrily, and the audience approved.) He and I both knew that he wanted something very badly, a contract with Frenetic, and he felt he needed my permission to get it. It felt like a very powerful thing for me to give my permission and to help him achieve his dream. Anyone can say no to someone who doesn't deserve something nice, or to someone they just don't like, but I felt oddly powerful at the thought of saying yes.

***

Soon the classroom door opened, and my alone time with Alistair ended as ten naked men of all ages, shapes, and sizes wandered slowly in and watched us, but only for a minute. I didn't recognize most of them, but Uncle Jack was there, and, to my happy surprise, Pao Pao was there too. Uncle Jack slapped Alistair on his ass cheek and said, "My, who's this pretty little one?" The men chuckled.

"Er, you mean him or me?" asked Alistair.

"Him or me!" laughed Uncle Jack, soon joined by the rest of the men. "I mean you, my pretty darling," he said. "Fancy a game of swallow-the-snake?" Alistair's cock was still in my ass, but I felt it go limp. He swallowed nervously, opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. "Oh come on now luv!" Uncle Jack's tone had changed, and he smiled at the frightened boy with his limp cock in my ass. "We're just looking for a bit of fun, a bit of rumpy-pumpy. Us teachers, we need a little kiss and a cuddle too sometimes."

"Well, look who's here," said Pao Pao. "It's that Hawk boy in first form." He gently shoved Alistair away, picked me up, and turned me over on my back with my ass hanging off the edge of the desk. "Best to hold your legs up, boy," he said. I tried to look scared, but I winked at him, and he winked back. "He's a little sweetie. Don't be too hard on him, lads. I've been wanting to tap his ass since term began. I don't think we need this anymore either," he said, tearing off my "New boy" sign. Then he picked Alistair up and placed him in the same position on the opposite side of the desk. "I think this one could do with a right going over," he said. My ass was hanging off the stage left side of the desk, Alistair's ass was hanging off the stage right side, and our heads were even with each other in the middle.

A rather fat man with a beard and the usual large, hard cock approached the desk and moved the teacher's chair out of the way. He stood in its place, which was next to Alistair's head. "Who's a pretty boy then," he said to Alistair, who looked at me in fear. I smiled gently and gave Alistair a quick kiss, whispering, "It's all right. These blokes are all really sweet. Trust me." Then I turned my head to see who my first man would be.

My face must have shown my shock as a black man with an enormous cock stepped up to me. There were laughs and ooh's from the audience. His cock wasn't fully hard, but I could tell it was bigger than Pao Pao's. Much bigger, and Pao Pao was huge!

Sebastian had told me about his love for American Big Black Cocks. I wondered if this man was from America, and whether that's what he normally did in porn. My question was answered immediately when he said with an American accent and a smile, "You better get me ready for your sweet ass, boy." I reached with my hand to take hold of the massive and beautiful organ, or rather I tried to reach, but my hands were still tied.

He used his own hand to feed his semi-soft cock into my mouth. I sucked it in, but even soft it wouldn't easily fit in my mouth. I remembered something that had helped when I deep-throated Boris and Randy for the first time. I stuck out my tongue and tried to inhale his cock with my lungs. It was soft enough that it squeezed into my throat that way, but it wasn't soft three seconds later. "Oh dear Lord," he said as he pulled back after another two seconds. I heard gasps from the crowd as I moved my head closer to him, trying to get his cock back in. I looked him in the eye and nodded. His eyes went wide. Then he smiled and said, "Ok, boy, you asked for it." He went back in slowly and pressed his cock against my throat, gently at first, but then quite firmly. That was what I needed to get him all the way to the back of my mouth while he was hard. Once he'd been in my throat and hardened, it was as if my muscles had figured out how to move out of the way and let him in. None of the men I had deep-throated before had been so forceful so quickly. I wondered if someone had told him what works with me. Maybe Pao Pao had. He pressed harder, but his cock was the thickest I'd had in my mouth ever. It wasn't easy, but soon he slipped inside, balls deep. The audience went crazy! Really, if a big cock can get into my mouth, it can get into my throat. The man was holding a handful of the hair on the back of my head as he took very long, slow, deep strokes, allowing me to breathe between each one. The rhythm became oddly relaxing, like a sort of massage. My throat was a bit sore from stretching, and so was my jaw, but I decided some of that had to be expected.

Meanwhile, I felt some activity around my ass. I couldn't turn to look with that enormous cock in my throat. Two hands were pulling my ass cheeks apart. I don't know if the two hands belonged to the same man, but suddenly I felt a finger shoved up my hole. It didn't hurt, but it startled me, and the black man let out a moan. Whatever I did when I was startled must have felt good to him.

I really couldn't see anything but the black man's pelvis and the bright stage lights above, and I couldn't have moved if I'd tried, so I decided to relax and let these men make themselves happy with my body. That was my fantasy. That's one reason I liked doing porn with lots of men. I could give them something they really wanted, and what I gave them was my body.

A second finger slid into my ass, which didn't hurt either. Alistair's cock had opened me up quite well, not that I really needed opening for finger work. The second finger seemed to tickle me on the inside, behind my cock, in that wonderful spot that us boys have there but girls don't.

All at once, both fingers were removed, and a cock much longer and much thicker than Alistair's pressed its way into my ass. It made me shiver as it massaged its way past that ticklish spot. The owner of the cock didn't waste any time. He rammed in and out rather hard for someone who had just started. Most men like to start slowly. Were these men testing me? I really wondered if these guys had spoken to Randy to find out how much I could take and how quickly I could take it, or maybe Pao Pao had told them about me. They might have been surprised with the results of their test if they'd known how they were making me feel. I was more relaxed than ever. All of my tensions were gone. Once I got my breathing timed with the big cock in my mouth, their steady movement made me feel as if they were rocking me to sleep.

Within no more than two minutes, something wonderful happened. The black man had been fucking my face faster, and I knew he was getting ready to cum. He pulled his cock out of my throat to shoot, and at the same time the cock was pulled out of my ass. I held my mouth wide open, waiting for his load, but I felt the first shot of cum splash across my body and my face from the side. I turned to see who it came from, but the black man forced my head back and shot his load into my mouth, and all around it as well. Predictably, the crowd went nuts.

His cum was thick and warm (like his cock). It was like comfort food for me. I leaned forward and sucked what I could off his cock, still wondering who had fucked my ass and shot so quickly. The black man smeared his cum around my face with his cock, saying, "Boy, you are fucking amazing!" He leaned over and gently kissed my sticky lips before walking off. My throat didn't hurt at all.

Finally I could see who had fucked my ass. It was the fat man with the beard who had begun with Alistair's mouth. I thought Alistair must have some skill at giving blowjobs in order to get the man ready to cum so fast. "Oh, wait Sir, let me clean you off," I said to him. More ooh's came from the crowd as the fat man smiled and walked up to me.

"You really are a sweet boy," he said as I sucked his cock into my mouth for a good cleaning. His cum had an odd gravy taste to it. I wondered if he ate a lot of gravy. "Your friend over there is too, and he gives a pretty decent blowjob for a new boy." I sucked the last of the cum from his cock before turning my head to see Alistair smiling tentatively at me, grunting as one of the men pounded his ass.

Eight of the ten men came to me for at least some deep-throat before we were done. The audience was on its feet most of the time. I didn't know which cock had been in which ass, and I really didn't care. I was hungry, and there were men to please. Only three more men came for me though, one shot from my ass and two more into my mouth. I think they had decided beforehand that Alistair and I each should have five men cum on us or in our mouths. But they all moved freely between us, taking whatever they wanted. I felt cocks in my ass twelve times, but I rarely knew who they belonged to, so some of the men must have taken several turns on each of us.

My biggest surprise was Uncle Jack. He has had erectile dysfunction for many, many years, but he loved it when boys sucked his limp cock, and he filled my mouth with cum. I didn't know he could do that if he couldn't get a boner, but he did. Then he swirled his dripping cock around in my hair and laughed maniacally before giving it back to me for cleaning. I knew he was a sweet old man, and I also knew that his films with boys always sold millions.

Alistair and I caught a glimpse of each other after Uncle Jack was done. His face and body were covered in cum as well. "My jaw is sore," he complained in a whisper. I could tell he was wearing out. I'd never thought of it before, but that was another way in which being face-fucked and deep-throating was easier than giving a regular blowjob. All I had to do was lie still and let the man do the work. Giving a blowjob is normally a lot of work for the tongue and the jaw, and lots of boys tell me how sore they get. My throat wasn't sore, and neither was my ass for that matter.

"I think you get used to it," I said to him before turning back to my final deep throat customer. It was Pao Pao. A little cum splashed the side of my body as the man who had been fucking Alistair came, shooting his cum all over both of us.

"Hi Trevor," said Pao Pao with a smile that the audience couldn't see. "You boys are amazing! You're doing very well. Fritz is just finishing up in your ass, and I'll be the last to cum in your mouth. We'll give them a show!" I winked at him and opened my mouth as the cock in my ass was pulled out and another load of cum splashed across my cheek and hair.

***

The men had a surprise for us when we were done. While we were lying there all covered in their cum, the men lined up and all ten of them sucked our cocks for as long as they liked. I lost count, but I had been sucked to least four orgasms. I had finally been allowed to cum! I know Alistair had many times as well. He and I kissed while we were being sucked off by the men. I licked a lot of cum off his face, but he was covered in so much that my effort hardly showed. It felt quite odd to be kissing this boy, who'd bullied me so terribly, while he orgasmed just one day after I'd learned how much it meant to do that with Annie.

The men had untied my arms, so Alistair and I could hug for the first time while we kissed in an upside-down position from each other. I felt his body heave, and I assumed he'd cum again, but he had tears mixed with the cum on his face. "Are you sad?" I asked.

"I'm not… I'm not anything, I don't know. It's all so much. And you! How could you want to kiss me ever?" This wasn't the time to talk about such things, so I held him in a hug. It might seem strange to you who are reading this, but I kept forgetting the audience was still there, even though they were deafening. But since they were there, and the film crew as well, we needed to finish the show.

"We've got to finish the show, but I hope we can talk when we're done," I said. He sobbed and held me tighter. I helped him to hide his face from the cameras when he cried. It wouldn't be good if the director saw that.

***

The last men to suck us off were charged with giving us each a final orgasm. For me, it was the black man. For Alistair, it was Pao Pao. "He's good, isn't he?" I grunted. Alistair just gasped repeatedly.

The man was squeezing my thighs into his face as he performed magic on my cock. His tongue felt longer, stronger, and nimbler than any tongue I'd had on my cock before. He also knew how to keep me on the edge without cumming, even so soon after I'd already had so many orgasms. That felt frustrating, but I didn't want it to end either. My lower body belonged to him. My upper body (the messy, slimy half) belonged to Alistair.

They must have had some sort of signal worked out, because when the man had edged me long enough, and I was on the verge of cumming, I heard a drum roll over the speakers, then a loud screech coming from Alistair, and I came that instant as well. These men were professionals. They made it look as if Alistair and I had been the ones who had timed our orgasms.

Alistair and I were nearly paralyzed with exhaustion, and we remained in our upside-down hug until the announcer rather firmly summoned us to our feet for a bow. The black man took my hand and helped me up, and Pao Pao helped Alistair to his feet. I honestly can't remember if I did this out of mischief or honest affection, but I gave the man a hug, a big, sticky, slimy, cum-soaked hug. The crowd laughed and applauded. The man was a good sport and very sweet, so he picked me up for a proper hug and a kiss, making sure he got the sticky goo all over his chest and mouth too. "In for a penny, in for a pound, as you English say," he whispered to me. I smiled at him, and we took our bows, but I knew the hard part was still ahead. I wanted to stay there on the stage where I was safe – where I didn't have to talk to Alistair, where I could just hug him.

Chapter 86
Fresh Meat Friday 3 – The Truth

"I d-don't know how they knew," Alistair stuttered.

The audience had cleared off, the men had all kissed us goodbye, and we were having a shower together in the studio's fluff area. It was really a two-boy job, because that much dried cum is difficult to get out of your hair, I can tell you. We scrubbed and inspected each other wherever needed.

Alistair was talking about how Frenetic decided to pair the two of us for Fresh Meat Friday. I was confused too. From what Randy had told me, it wasn't supposed to be anything as personal as being fucked by the worst bully in my school. It was supposed to be light-hearted and fun. It turned out to be a very meaningful experience for both of us, but it could have been devastating. After my speech to the cast and crew of St. Felix Academy on Tuesday, the one when I told them all about being picked on, and I cried in front of them all, for them to go find my worst bully and tell me to obey him was shocking! And what about Alistair? Ok, he was the bully, but being thrown in with his victim and being told to knock him about in front of an audience was a cruel way to teach him a lesson.

"I never knew you were gay," I said.

"That's part of it really," he replied. "I was afraid of the other lads finding out. I had to be badass."

"I wish I'd known," I said. "Don't you know how bloody sexy you are? If you weren't so busy picking on me and flushing my head down the bog, maybe you would have noticed that I fancied you. Well, I fancied you at first. But I still do. I mean… oh I know this isn't making sense. It's just hard to fancy the boy who's making you cry all the time."

He lowered his head and hugged me. "I've always thought you were really cute," he said, his voice breaking. "I could never have you. They'd call me a poofter boy like you, or worse because you were only first form. If I picked on you, no one would suspect, and I'd still be able to touch you and be with you. That sounds like rubbish, I know, and maybe it is rubbish, but it's what I felt. And since I couldn't have you like I wanted, I guess I hated you for the way you made me feel, and I had you in a different way. I thought I'd be badass about it. I mean, how much more badass do you get than making the cutest boy in the school cry at least once a week? Oh no! I've done it again!" He hugged me again because I'd started to cry. "You're this cute little treasure who makes people feel good," he continued. "Everybody at Preston knows that!" What? That made no sense to me at all. People at Preston Primary were mean to me. Nobody there thought of me as some cute little treasure. "I wanted to have you all to myself, one way or another. And it couldn't be the way I wanted. I couldn't be mates with a little kid who is three years younger than me. And I couldn't have the lads thinking I was a poofter. I wanted you. Just as a friend, maybe some sort of special friend, I dunno, but it was more than wanting you. I needed you. I mean I really needed you. You were the beautiful boy I so badly needed to be with but couldn't. Can you imagine how that feels?"

I stared coldly at him. For the first time that day, I felt properly angry. "Can I bloody imagine how that bloody feels?" I shouted, backing away from him. "That's the only bloody way I've been able to bloody feel about any boy I've ever fancied, thanks to you and your bloody lot!" I was crying and screaming at the same time, but Alistair listened, lowering his head again. "No one could be my friend, even if they wanted to be, not with you lot tormenting everyone who came near me! Can you bloody imagine how that bloody feels?"

"Are you boys ok? I heard shouting." Randy had dashed up to the shower just in time to see the two of us fall into another hug, both of us bawling hysterically. "Mrs. Denton, I think you should come here," Randy called to the backstage area.

"I dunno," I sobbed to Randy, "It's a really big problem, but we're trying to sort it out."

"It'll never be sorted," sobbed Alistair, "not after all that! How can that be sorted with a kiss and a cuddle?"

"I think you boys should towel off," said Randy, "and we should all have a chat together, the three of us and Mrs. Denton."

"Oh please no! Oh please, not Mum!" Alistair pleaded as his mother approached.

"Please not Mum what?" she asked, looking genuinely confused and genuinely concerned. "Oh sweetie you were wonderful in the show! Everybody loved you! But what's this 'please not Mum' business?" Alistair hung his head in silence.

"Mrs. Denton," said Randy, "there's a bit of a personal problem that's come up between the boys. Everything seems safe and calm now. Maybe we should let them towel off for a moment. When they're ready we can all have a chat at one of the tables in craft services. We can see them from there if they need our attention."

Randy was right. The very first time I met him, up in that tree, he told me he knew a lot about boys. It was true.

***

Alistair and I took our time toweling off. We didn't say a word to each other, but there was love in the way we toweled each other, not to dry each other, but to caress each other. His was a body I could never have because he was positively vicious to me, but there he was, and I think he felt something similar about me. As at Preston Primary, we seemed to feel love for each other, right there in the middle of the most loving place I'd ever known, but we couldn't show it properly. Alistair now felt horrible about what he'd put me through, and the more horrible he said things were for him, the more horrible I felt because he didn't seem to understand how much it hurt when he bullied me. He just wanted to talk about how much he hurt because he thought he had to hurt me because he couldn't love me or be my friend or whatever. We had to stop that kind of talk. We knew where we stood, we knew things had just changed, and we caressed with our towels. Words were making things worse, so we just used towels, and the odd hug.

***

We joined Randy and Mrs. Denton at a table in craft services. Alistair was wearing one of those comfy bath robes (what we called dressing gowns in Britain), and I felt more comfortable not wearing anything. I think it might have been my way of telling the Dentons that this was my home. I belonged here, and if they were here, it's because they were my guests. That wasn't true, of course, but I think I needed to feel some amount of power while we were talking. I was eight, nearly nine, and my reasoning wasn't very mature in a lot of ways.

"Hawk," Randy began once we'd sat down, "first, I've sent the boys off – Sebastian, Shlomo, Kenji, and Hiro. I think they're in Sebastian's dressing room having caviar and sushi again. You might remember that Annie and Boris had a scene to do, so they couldn't be here. Since we have a problem here, I thought we should talk about it without the others being here. I've also told Mrs. Denton that you are a sweet and very honest boy. I've told her that you have nothing but love for everybody, and that includes her son." He paused and gave me a serious look, which told me he was trusting me, and that he would be disappointed if it wasn't true. "I told her that meant I thought we could leave you boys alone for a while to talk about whatever has come up. Since you've joined us now, does that mean you're ready to talk it over with us?"

When Randy spoke that way, it meant something was very wrong, and that he was being careful with his words. I looked nervously at Alistair. I was truly scared, and I didn't know what to say. I reached across to his hand and held it. It was all I could think to do.

"It's all my fault!" cried Alistair. "You don't know about me, Mum. You don't know how I've been at school. I've… I've done these horrible things, and I can't tell you about them because my new… my new friend Trevor might get hurt!"

"Calm down, Alistair sweetie," said Mrs. Denton in a steady, gentle voice. She took his other hand and said, "There's nothing we can't work through now is there."

"Chance would be a fine thing," he said. "You tell her, Trevor. I can't!"

I squeezed his hand and cleared my throat. "But Randy," I said, "you must know already. Surely you knew about this?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Hawk." Something inside me snapped. He didn't understand?

"About Alistair and me at Preston Primary!" I shouted, my mood cycling back round to anger and rage. How dare he play ignorant? "You knew! Lighthearted fun, you said. Lighthearted fun! This was supposed to be lighthearted bloody fun! How could you think pairing us for this scene would be bloody lighthearted? How could you do that? Him knocking me about in a schoolroom! What were you bloody lot playing at?" I fell against Alistair and hugged him, sobbing deeply. He took his hand back from his mother and held me close. It made me think of a proper big brother.

"I need to understand this," said Randy in a firm yet calm voice. "Are you saying that you two knew each other at school before you came here?"

"Of course we bloody knew each other! Cat's out of the bloody bag! You can drop the act!" This time it was Alistair who was shouting after rising from his chair and knocking it backward. I knew that look. He was furious, and to me that meant he was dangerous. I'd seen that look too many times before.

"Alistair!" said Mrs. Denton in an admonishing tone. Randy turned his head quickly toward her. "Pick up your chair at once and sit! I will not have you using that tone with Mr. Christianson. He wants to help you boys with…" She paused, seeing Alistair had begun crying again when he sat down. After such a fright as seeing him furious, the last thing I expected from Alistair Denton was for him to collapse into a sobbing mound. I had to have a few deep breaths and calm myself. I needed to remember it was real. "But what's happened sweetie? What's happened Mr. Christianson? They weren't meant to have known each other, were they?"

"They most certainly were not," said Randy, "never the new kids. Hawk, boys, this has obviously been very difficult for you, and something seems to have gone horribly wrong. We never pair kids in FMF scenes if they know each other in some other way. That can cause bad things… But this looks like much more than a surprise. You both look as if you've been through something traumatic. Mrs. Denton and I need to know the rest of the story. What haven't you told us?"

"It was too real," said Alistair. He paused. "That wasn't just a pretend thing, our scene. They set us up! They knew about us Mum!"

"Alistair!" gasped Mrs. Denton. "Are you saying you've been…" She looked at me and asked calmly, "Sweetie, has Alistair been forcing you to have sex?"

"No Mum!" he shouted. Not that!" Privately I wished that had been the case. It would have been easier to deal with than this mess, at least I thought so at the time.

"Mrs. Denton," said Randy, "I think it might be best if we let the boys talk, slowly if they need to. This sounds like a very serious issue, and very emotional for them."

"Of course you're right," said Mrs. Denton. "I'm so sorry. I was afraid… but never mind that. Please do continue, dears."

"I've been picking on him, Mum," said Alistair, speaking quickly as if taking advantage of a brief burst of courage. "Not just picking on him, but bullying him proper. I've been beating him, stealing from him, humiliating him, spitting on…" He broke off in a flurry of sobbing and held me tighter, avoiding looking at me. I rubbed his back. We had been through something together that was going to let us start again, and it had to start with love, and with no question of there being love. "I'm so, so sorry Trevor!" Like laughter, crying is also contagious. It's all Alistair and I could do.

Mrs. Denton removed a kerchief from her handbag and wiped her eyes. "Your father and I wondered," she said after a pause. "Parents hear things. We hear things from teachers, from other parents, and sometimes from children who don't realize their parents are listening. But not our Alistair. Not our sweet boy. Parents don't always want to hear such things from other people. We don't always listen as we should. Trevor," she said, turning to me, "I am very, very, deeply sorry about this. It is our fault. Alistair is responsible for what he's done, and we will deal with that in time, but his father and I appear to have failed to act soon enough to protect you, despite our suspicions. I can't apologize enough. I'm sure this won't be the only time I ask you this, but is there anything I can do for you right now? Is there anything that you need?"

Alistair had begun trembling when he heard "we will deal with that in time." Great. What was she going to do to him? He and I had just been through something very powerful. We'd shared a whole year of bitterness and pain, and today, after sharing each other's bodies and ten huge men in front of an audience, somehow we'd finally cleared the air in a way that left us feeling love for each other. I did not understand it at all. It made no sense, but we both felt it.

"Yes, Mrs. Denton," I said. Alistair flinched briefly, but he held our embrace. "There is something I need from you and Mr. Denton. I need you to be nice about this with Alistair. He hurt me really bad, but I love him, and he's my special friend now. He means something really nice to me now, and it just happened today. He hurt me all last year. He made me cry a lot." Alistair sobbed heavily when I said that. I caressed his body to show him I wanted to love him now instead of hating him, but I'm not sure he believed me. "But everything's changed. Please don't take him away from me now we're finally friends. Let him work here if he gets a contract here. Let him fluff here if he wants. Let him be my friend. Let him learn how to love and not be a bully. This is a really good place to learn about love. Please don't take him away from me. That's something you can do for me."

"Bloody more than I deserve!"

"Language, sweetie. You were raised in a respectable home, and now more than ever I need you to act accordingly."

"Sorry Mum," he said. "I can't explain things to myself, or Trevor, or you, or anyone. There's no excuse. I never wanted to be such a horrible prat! Why would anyone want that? It's a really horrible feeling to know you're hurting someone who is so sweet." He paused for a quick sob. It was a really horrible feeling for him. Poor thing. But I had to try not to let those thoughts come back just yet. I didn't want to start shouting again and have his mum drag him away from me. Then I thought if I was really so sweet, that would make him not want to hurt me. He was right about one thing. None of it made any sense.

Alistair continued, "I just liked him so much! He's so cute and all. I mean really cute. Just look at him! Everybody knows that. Cute and sweet, and I can see how full of love he is. What have I done, Mum?" He paused again for more sobbing before continuing, "I just wanted to be with him all the time, know what I mean? But I couldn't be with him, not like I wanted to. Can you imagine if my mates saw me hugging him between lessons? Maybe I could have been with him in a nicer way if I were half as brave as he is." I had no idea what he meant by that, and he didn't explain, but I wanted to hear the rest of what he had to say.

"That's where it all started. I don't really understand how it became such a mess after that – how I became such an awful piece of scum! I've already hurt Trevor's feelings again today by trying to explain the rest, and you have to believe that's the last thing I wanted to do! I thought he might feel better if he could understand why I was so horrible to him, but I was wrong. I'm sorry for saying those things today, Trev." I gave him a quick squeeze to show him I understood he didn't mean to hurt me. "So maybe I should stop here. Truth is, I really don't understand the rest very well." I hugged him tighter, as his sobbing resumed.

I felt it was my time to say something to the grown-ups. "Uh, Randy, Mrs. Denton," I said, "well, it's like Alistair said. We don't understand it all yet, but we know that we want to be friends, maybe special friends of some sort. I don't know if we can be proper mates because he's so much older than me…"

"You're my bloody mate!" he shouted, louder than I think he'd intended. "Sorry Mum, language. But Trev! You'll always be my mate, even if you don't want me as yours. I'll look after you mate. It's the least I can do for you." Mrs. Denton let the language go so I could continue, and because I think she liked what her son had said.

"Thanks mate," I said softly to Alistair, feeling another tear falling. I gave him another kiss and continued, "We're being careful about what we say because, when you heard shouting, that's what happened when we tried to talk about it and explain things ourselves. I got nasty and shouted, but I didn't mean to, honest. Maybe we'll be special quiet mates for now."

"That's so very sweet of you, Trevor dear," said Mrs. Denton.

"Perhaps this would be a good place to leave things for now," said Randy. "We know what's happened, we know the boys love each other, which is important, and we know they want to patch things up and be close from now on." Alistair and I both nodded. Randy was still talking in that serious tone of his. "We also know that this problem is very complicated, and we can't work it all out today, nor are we likely to understand any more than we already do. Mrs. Denton, what I see here is a wonderful and rare opportunity. Most parents can do little more than punish their kids for bullying. These boys seem to have done something more effective than that, something constructive and healing, all on their own. I wouldn't dare presume to tell you how to handle this matter with your son, but I'd like to ask that you bear that much in mind. There is obviously a lot at stake here, including a very meaningful friendship between these two boys." I kissed Alistair's belly.

"What you've said makes sense, Mr. Christianson," said Mrs. Denton, rising to her feet. Randy also stood up, but I didn't want to let go of Alistair yet, and he made no attempt to move either. Then she began to speak in a tone that I've only heard grown-ups use. It sounds as if they want to be heard to say what they are saying rather than to be listened to. Perhaps they want others to know they have the correct attitude or something. They speak loudly, almost as if they are speaking to a whole crowd of people. "Alistair, I intend to discuss this with your father and your school psychologist. I'll have words with your headmistress as well. She is another party to this. She should not tolerate bullying in her school, and she should know when it is happening. We bear responsibility for our parts, all of us. You've done wrong, Alistair. You've hurt this dear boy terribly. That is the part for which you are responsible. Others have failed both Trevor and you as well, and we bear responsibility for our failings. Until I've spoken with those people, you are not to leave the house, and no telly, computer, or video games. Is that understood?"

"Yes Mother."

"I shall remain at home with you during this time," she continued in her grown-up tone. "I expect there will be much to talk about, and I want to understand things as best I can. I hope we can spend this time fruitfully. It is not my intention to make you feel miserable. I want to learn from this, and I am sure you do to. I assure you, this will not be our only response. Our family needs time to decide how we should handle this. We will not tolerate bullying, but I feel it would be wrong for your parents to interfere with your amends and your new friendship with Trevor. As your mother, I owe that much to Trevor." She turned to me. "Trevor dear, my heart aches for what's happened to you. I understand what you have told me, what you need from Mr. Denton and me. We will permit Alistair to pursue a career here at Frenetic as long as we can be assured that you will feel safe around him, and that it will be healthy for you and him both. He will be evaluated by professionals to determine what is healthy for him, and I trust Mr. Christianson will use his resources to make sure you get through this in a healthy way, whatever that means." Randy nodded reassuringly to her.

For the first time since before we entered the shower, I smiled and kissed Alistair. I didn't like the way she spoke, but I liked what she said. "Thanks, Mrs. Denton," I said. "I know he'll never pick on me again!"

"Alistair, I do realize that this has now gone beyond bullying and into something that could be quite wonderful and happy for both of you boys. I want you to have that, but I think you can understand that we must handle this very carefully. Young Trevor here is the first person we must consider in all our decisions concerning this matter. There are many possibilities as to how this will work out, and you must realize the best possibility might also be the slowest possibility, or indeed the most painful one for you. Come along now."

Alistair rose to his feet, pulling me up into a hug that neither of us wanted to end. "It's all right Trevor mate," he said. "It's all in the open now. I've made this mess. I've hurt you. I'll sort it out best I can, all right? You just take care of yourself. You're a sweet, beautiful boy, and I really love you, just as you are. You're a bloody child porn superstar, and the world needs you. I need you!" He kissed me and said, "sorry Mum, language. See ya Trev!"

"Bye Alistair," I said. "It really is like a dream come true, only a little more complicated."

"Yeah, it is and all!" he said as he and his mother exited. A dream come true, only a little more complicated was a good way to describe my whole career in child porn.

Chapter 87
Fresh Meat Friday 4 – The Debriefing

"Fancy going to the Reel for a root beer float, Hawk?" Randy asked as we left studio 10.

"That's a way of saying we need to talk about this, isn't it?"

"That's my Hawk Boy," he said, "clever as always. If you like, we can go somewhere more private than the pub. Would you rather go to your dressing room? Do you think you can talk more openly about this if it's just you and me?"

"No, it's fine," I said, not wanting to miss the opportunity for another root beer float at the Exposed Reel pub with Randy. "I couldn't say a lot while Alistair was here. We became really close all of a sudden by doing that scene together, and we found that if we weren't careful with what we said, someone could get upset and hurt, and we didn't want that. We went through something really bloody scary, but we went through it together. Sorry, language." Randy chuckled. "We've got that scary thing in common now, and nobody else will ever know what it was like but us. Know what I mean?" Randy nodded slowly. "I think that's what made everything different. It made us close for some reason, but honestly I can't understand it all. We had a hard time talking about it – I mean the past, not the scene. We don't understand each other, and we got upset when we tried to explain things. Well, I sure did. I got really upset. But we're both sure we want to have a go at being friends now. We just don't want to hurt each other's feelings, and that's the part that needs to be sorted out. That's why we weren't saying much to each other after I became upset and shouted."

"That's very mature thinking for boys of your age," he said.

***

The Exposed Reel pub on the Frenetic Studio lot had a special kind of ice cream that I had never tasted anywhere else, so their root beer floats were the best. They also had a special kind of root beer flown in from America. Having something so fantastic to slurp on made it easier to talk. "And when he told me how he hurt so much he had to bully me, I think I went mental," I said to Randy. "How could he be the one who's hurting when it was me he was hurting? But he feels horrible for what he's done. He really did feel hurt; I know that. He's really sweet, but he hurt me a lot, and I didn't think he understood how that still feels today. But when I shouted at him, he felt hurt even more, and that's not what I wanted, so we just sort of stopped talking."

"Childhood can be so complicated," said Randy. "I'm very proud of how you and Alistair decided you wanted to work this out instead of simply hating each other. I think most boys your age would have run screaming from the stage and never looked back."

"I wanted to run, at first," I said. "I couldn't breathe properly. My head froze, and my body sort of did as well. I wanted to run out the door as fast as I could. But he seemed so frightened. That was a surprise to me, a big, horrible bully like him being frightened. It was just seconds after he first saw me. It sort of made him seem less like a bully and more like a boy who was hurting and who needed love. That's why I didn't call for a hold, even though I was so uncomfortable. Maybe I should have, 'cause I promised I would call for a hold when I feel uncomfortable, but I didn't want him to go away without helping him feel better. As scary as it was, doing the scene with him and helping him to do the scene with me felt like the right thing to do. Maybe it was crazy of me. I think it's the strangest thing I've ever done."

"Hawk, you're amazing," he said, squeezing my thigh under the table. "Mrs. Denton told us her plans with Alistair, and now we need to work out a plan for you."

"You want me to have another appointment with Linda again, is that it?" Linda was the pediatric psychologist at Frenetic, and I was already scheduled to see her every week, plus other appointments with Annie. I didn't like seeing the psychologist. Linda was nice, but I didn't like having to talk about all my private things with someone I just met and wasn't sure I could trust.

"I think a psychologist might be able to help us out a great deal," he said, "because you boys both have very strong feelings, and strong feelings can be dangerous if you're not careful with the way you handle them. We've talked about that before if you remember, when we were talking about your relationship with Annie. But KCU also have counselors, and they might be able to help too. Some of them are relationship counselors, and that might be more appropriate for you. Perhaps you and Alistair might be able to talk this through in a safe place with a counselor to help you. What do you think of that?"

"You mean like marriage guidance?" I asked. "Mum and Dad tried that once, and it was a catastrophe. They hated each other even more, and they became more cross with me. That was just before Dad left."

"Not all relationship problems can be repaired," he said. "From what I've seen of your mother, I think she's beyond any help marriage guidance could offer. But you and Alistair aren't alcoholics. You're both very young, young enough to learn and to change things. You've made a remarkable start all on your own, truly remarkable, and you both want things to work out. Your parents had none of that."

"It sounds better than another appointment with Linda," I said.

"Ok," he said. "I'll contact Mrs. Denton to discuss this, and if she and Alistair agree, I'll arrange for an appointment for you two with a KCU relationship counselor. I want you to know this is the most remarkable thing I've ever seen happen as a result of bullying. I am so proud of you!" He leaned across the table and kissed me. "And I truly hope Mr. and Mrs. Denton are proud as well of what their son accomplished with you today. He has been a bully, and that is sadly common, but what you've done is positively remarkable."

I blushed and mumbled my thanks. Then Randy suddenly became serious. "Hawk," he said, "the fact that you and Alistair were paired together was a major violation of Frenetic policy. That must be investigated."

"I won't have to send someone else to prison, will I?" I asked, thinking of Mr. Buford, who had only touched my penis without asking first. I had to talk to a detective from Scotland Yard, and then I signed a paper so they could put him in prison. I felt terrible about it then, but I told them the truth. That's all I did. Mr. Buford did what he did, and the police did what they did. I just told the truth, but it was flippin' hard.

"Not this time, Hawk. But I need you to know that this violation of Frenetic policy is almost as serious as what Buford did to you. No one broke the law, and no one touched your body without your permission. This is a studio rule, but it's one of the most important rules we have because it is a way to protect you children. That's the most important kind of rule at Frenetic. I'm sure you can imagine loads of different ways things might have happened this afternoon, and you or Alistair could have been badly hurt."

I thought about how I felt when Mr. Buford touched me, and how I felt when I first saw Alistair standing on the stage, in a school set. "I felt way worse about this at first," I said. "I was scared. I thought I'd never have to see another real bully again, only make-believe bullies in our films, and Alistair was the worst real-life bully of them all!"

"I'm glad you appreciate the seriousness of this one, Hawk…" he began.

"But then I felt wonderful!" I interrupted. "It sort of made up for the bad part. If he hadn't been Alistair the bully, I'd only have had a normal, fun scene. A bloody great scene. Sorry, language."

"I'm glad it worked out that way," said Randy, not reacting to my apology about language, "truly glad. But you know how easily it could have gone terribly wrong. If you weren't such a remarkable boy, and if Alistair hadn't expressed his true fear and shame for what he'd done to you, both of you might have been badly hurt, emotionally, I mean. Maybe a different bully might have tried to hurt you physically too."

"So what's gonna happen?" I asked. "What do I need to do this time?"

"Nothing at all," he said. "The director of Fresh Meat Friday might want to have a chat with you at some point, and maybe someone from the office, or even Eastman himself, but you could do that by phone, and it would be very informal."

"No Scotland Yard?"

"No Scotland Yard."

"Randy," I said hesitantly. I'd just had an idea for my first films in my own studio.

"Yes, Hawk?"

"This thing with Alistair worked out so well today with him being my new friend and all," I said. "I was wondering about maybe doing it again. You know, with other bullies from my school."

"Hang on," he said. "Let's see how this really works out first, shall we? This isn't over yet."

"I think it's a good idea, maybe if I'm careful," I said.

"You might be right," he replied, "but I think that would require a lot of planning and consultation with the KCU experts, and it could become dangerous." He paused, tilted his head, and rolled his eyes up and to the side, as if thinking hard. "You know, Hawk, there might be a market for that sort of thing. Maybe not more real bullies from your school, but something similar. With our marketing strategy and your natural gifts, everybody will love you, and everybody hates a bully. If we market it right, it could look like a strange revenge, as if you are having your way with them as revenge for their having bullied you, only it's not revenge at all. It's love. But we would have to do some sort of reveal afterward, something to show you and the other boy as friends, maybe having a kiss and talking about love. That would only work if the other boy wanted it to work though. Perhaps full disclosure of everything except your identity beforehand would help. They might not always want to make things up this way, and the risk would be high of something going wrong." He was almost mumbling these things as if speaking to himself. I liked what he was saying, so I didn't interrupt.

Then he turned back to me and said clearly, "You're the boy everybody loves, and you want to show how to stop bullying with love, is that what you're saying, Hawk?"

"Yeah," I said. "I guess so. But it's not like I can stop people bullying. I just want to show people what happened today, know what I mean? Maybe change a few boys from bullies into friends by showing them love, the way it worked with Alistair. That way people can see it's possible."

"Alistair is probably a very unusual boy, Hawk," he said. "Maybe none of the other boys will respond like he did. Have you thought about that?

"No, I haven't," I said. "I've just had this idea now, haven't I. I don't know if it'll work, but it would be lovely. And they're not all boys."

"Not all boys?"

"The bullies," I said. "Some of them are girls. D'you know what it's like being picked on by a girl? They're vicious, some of them, and it's really embarrassing in front of the other boys."

"Funnily enough, Hawk, I know exactly what that feels like," said Randy. "Well, I know what it felt like for me."

"You mean you were bullied by girls too?"

"I was," he said, looking me in the eye. I thought I could see a tear welling up. "I was bullied by a girl, Jenny Hathaway. She could be more cruel than anyone I knew when I was in school." He seemed to come back to attention. "So you would like to do this with girls too?" he asked.

"Well," I said, "I suppose. Why not? I mean, the films will be about them changing because of love. Girls need love too, right?"

"Yes, they do," said Randy. "Hawk, there is a lot that could go wrong with this sort of plan. You or the other kids could get hurt. I think for now we should treat it as a starting point, but we need to develop it further, and we can't do it any time soon because we have to wait until you are more well-known. People have to love you for this to work, and our viewers don't even know you yet. They won't know you at all until St. Felix Academy is released in a few weeks. You need to be so famous that the bullies who come in will know about your success in porn because that will affect how they respond to you." He paused for a sip of his root beer float, then said, "The film could start with footage from your scene with Alistair, maybe splicing interview footage with the two of you, maybe scenes playing football or something. You could introduce the bully in a voiceover, and they can always leave with their money if they don't want to do the scene. We'll require a parent or guardian to be present the whole time so they can also decide. In fact, we should tell the parent everything we are doing, including your identity, and get their permission and a promise not to tell their kid who you are. That could avoid unnecessary ugliness. The parent has to consent, saying they believe their kid can handle that sort of situation."

I nodded enthusiastically as Randy took my idea and ran with it. "You saw how Alistair reacted when he realized who you were, right? He knew already that you were Frenetic's new boy superstar because it said so in his script – that his scene partner would be the new boy porn superstar. He believed you hated him, and that you would ruin his chances at a career with Frenetic."

"That's what I thought too at first," I said.

"Well," he continued, "I think that will help to motivate the bullies to participate. If they believe they have a chance to get signed with Frenetic, and that you can make it happen, they might be more willing to participate if you tell them you want them in the scene."

"But I want to show them love and make them nice people," I said, "not bribe them with a contract that I can't give them. And I want it to be a surprise when they see me."

"That's just it," said Randy. "We don't tell them they are auditioning or anything. In fact, we tell them it's not an audition. How's that? But they all know you can take the films you like to Eastman and tell him you like these boys, or girls, and he can decide whether he wants them signed. The point is that they must know you as a powerful porn star. That might keep them interested at first, maybe just long enough for your part to take over, the love. We'd need lots of help from KCU to make sure this can be done without hurting anybody. Maybe we could film these in August, after St. Felix and The Dipstick are out, and maybe a few others you'll shoot next week, but before the fall term begins. Then, if we're lucky, maybe some of your recruits can start in the fall. What do you think?"

I couldn't believe how quickly Randy was coming round to my idea. "I think that sounds great," I said.

"Great!" said Randy with a smile. "I'll have a meeting with the KCU counselor after you and Alistair have had your first appointment, provided that works out, and we'll discuss this idea and sort out the details about how to make sure everybody stays safe and comfortable in this sort of film shoot, and that we can do this in a healthy way. It might not work out in the end, Hawk. You need to remember that. This is a risky sort of project, but if this brings attention to the problem of bullying, that alone is a good cause. We could market these films to schools, or perhaps even do this as a public service campaign." He paused again, as if lost in thought, before continuing, "I'll have a word with Markus to work out releases for the boys, and girls, to appear in your films. Maybe your trust should start a production company of its own for this project. I'm not sure Eastman will be easily sold on this, so if you had your own production company, we could do it under that umbrella. It would be great exposure for Frenetic though. I'll go over that with Markus. I'm excited about this Hawk, but there are a lot of steps we have to take, and a lot of things that have to go right for this to work. If it does work, this could be a major vehicle for your promotion as a boy porn superstar."

I didn't understand much of what he'd just said. (I thought a vehicle was some sort of car.) But one thing was clear. Randy liked my idea, and that meant it was a good one. But it also sounded as if there were lots of risks.

Randy smacked his forehead and said, "I forgot! How could I forget something so important, Hawk? Fresh Meat Friday is always released on the Friday following its filming. That will mean major changes in everybody's schedule." I gave him my most confused look. I liked it better when he was telling me how great my idea was. "I mentioned on Tuesday that Eastman and the Marketing team want St. Felix to be your video debut, right? Well, they've put a rush on post-production and distribution so it can be released that same day, one week from today. Dipstick will be released the following week. Hawk, one week from today, people will no longer be talking about you as Frenetic's promising new boy porn star. You will be that boy porn star! The release will mean a quick promotional tour and lots of public appearances, speaking engagements, maybe even a few live shows. How exciting!" Reading my face correctly, he added, "Nothing to worry about, Hawk. We'll run you through training for all that stuff. You'll be ready for your premier on Friday. You'll be our new superstar, and you'll look like our new superstar!"

From the way everyone had been talking, I suppose I thought I already was a boy porn star. They treated me like that at Gold Boys of Chelsea and its pub. They treated me like that everywhere. But I had only done three live shows, including Fresh Meat Friday. None of my videos had been released to the public, only as rough edits for promotional use by industry insiders.

That day, the day of my Fresh Meat Friday filming, truly had changed everything. Alistair was my friend now, I was working to develop a new series of videos with Randy, I only had a week left to wait before everybody knew my name, and I only had a week to learn how to do all those public appearances Randy talked about. Things can move awfully fast in child porn.

Chapter 88
Decompression

"Incredible for Trevor Boy take BBC cock in throat first from all!" said Sebastian. Randy and I had finished our drinks and chat at the Reel and joined the rest of the boys, except Annie and Boris, in Sebastian's dressing room. "Not believe him for you! Not believe him for Trevor Boy take cock for throat, but take all! People watch, not believe, BBC man not believe, but Sebastian, he believe!" Sebastian was more excited than I'd ever seen him.

Shlomo was quietly sucking my cock. I was hard semi-hard, but I wasn't going to cum. That gangbang had been quite enough for the afternoon, not to mention all the emotional turmoil with Alistair. Shlomo's blowjob was like a nice relaxing massage. I realized that blowjobs felt better when I'm not completely hard.

"Your acting was very good," said Kenji. He and Hiro turned to each other and nodded. "You looked very scared of the other boy, and you served him well. And so many men!"

"Thanks, Kenji," I said, nibbling on a cracker. "But I didn't have to act." I told them all about my history with Alistair. Sebastian was appalled, Shlomo took my cock into his throat and hugged my legs while he held it there, and the Watanabe brothers let their mouths fall wide open.

"Eastman fire for bastard set this up!" said Sebastian.

"Now hang on," said Randy. "We still don't know how this happened. You know there will be an investigation, Sebastian, and for now, Hawk has a new special friend. Let's just celebrate the good news and wait until we know what happened for the rest."

"Randy Man always right," said Sebastian. "Very wise, Randy Man. Still think very fucking thing happening for Trevor Boy, but happy for have him new friend." He got up and gave me a kiss. "Oh! For Trevor Boy," he said when we finished our kiss. On the coffee table, next to the trays of sushi and caviar, he had placed a large platter of chips! (That's French fries to you American readers.) I slid my cock back out of Shlomo's throat so I could stand up and give Sebastian a proper snog. Proper food!

***

I gasped! "Kenji! Hiro! You did scenes too for Fresh Meat Friday! I should have asked you sooner! How did if go?"

"Oh, very well," said Hiro, nodding with his brother. "Our agent, Mr. Jackson, told them about my medical problem, and they gave me a scene that was… ok." Clearly he wanted to keep his anal injury private in front of Sebastian and Shlomo.

"We did a scene together," said Kenji. "They allowed us to share a dressing room because we are brothers. We were nervous," they both nodded to each other, "and we were glad to be together."

"I wasn't nervous because I had my big brother with me," said Hiro proudly.

"My brother is very sweet and kind," said Kenji. "I think our scene was the second scene of six, so we were able to clean up and watch your scene from the audience, because you were last."

"So what did you do for your scene?" I asked.

"Oh it was quite a lot," said Hiro. "Some was good fun, and some was…" He turned to his brother, who nodded, "not as much fun. There were girls and women, and my brother liked that, and there were men, but no boys."

"It was a school room set," said Kenji, "the same as yours. I guess everybody used the same set. We walked out naked, and I had to be lubed and loosened, but not my brother. We met two naked girls on the stage. We think they were sisters," he said, nodding with his brother.

"My brother had a boner when he saw them," giggled Hiro. "He likes girls!"

Kenji continued, unashamed, "Our first job was to sit on the teacher's desk while they sucked our cocks." He turned to his giggling brother and said, "Yes, I like girls, but I believe boys are better at sucking cocks. These girls were so pretty though!"

"My brother had an orgasm right away!" said Hiro.

"I did," said Kenji, still unashamed. "She was beautiful, and she was serving my pleasure with her mouth. That is very sexy to me."

"They sucked our cocks for two minutes," said Hiro, "and then we were to lay them back on the desk and lick their pussies for two minutes. I did not like this part." I nodded, remembering Claire. "Looking at her pussy up close and smelling it was all very unpleasant."

"I had to do that for a scene on my second day," I said. "I was scared, and I thought it was gross, but once I began, it wasn't so bad. She was really sweet, and she loved it. She went mental really."

"Yes," said Hiro. "That was also how it happened with me. It's so terrible the moment before you start. I thought I would vomit once, but I didn't. Once I began, it wasn't bad at all. She was very nice, and she really liked it. She moaned and even screamed once. I think she had an orgasm too, but I can't tell with girls."

"I think she did, Brother," said Kenji. "The girl with me certainly did. I think that makes sex better with a girl if she cums first. Everything is so intense, almost crazy after that." Hiro tilted his head and looked at his brother curiously. "Then," Kenji continued, "Two men and two women entered. The four of us kids each did oral sex on one man and one woman, and then a woman and a man each performed oral sex on each of us. It was all very structured."

The brothers nodded to each other before Hiro said, "But the ending was difficult. I like boys, and my brother likes girls, but we had to have sex with a man or a woman, and they chose who they wanted to be with, not us. A very sexy man chose to fuck my brother, but a woman chose me. I had to lie on my back and fuck her, but it was more like her rubbing her pussy hard into my hips. She had an orgasm, but I couldn't."

"I masturbated while the man was fucking me," said Kenji, "and I was able to cum, but my brother couldn't do that because his cock was inside the woman's pussy. The audience could sense that Hiro wasn't enjoying the woman, so they began chanting his name to support him. That is what Mr. Jackson told us they would do – they would cheer for anyone who was struggling."

The brothers smiled and nodded to each other. "It's true," said Hiro. "It made me feel good to hear them call my name. I felt very good, but I could not orgasm with the woman. I guess she was very pretty, but it didn't feel right to me. It felt as if her pussy was too big and empty or something. There was nothing there. She wasn't squeezing my cock with it. I don't know how she could have an orgasm with my small cock, but she did. I guess she likes little boys."

"Maybe like for little Japan boy," said Sebastian with a wink. The brothers turned to each other, hands over their mouths, and laughed.

***

"Tea time for you boys, I think," said Randy, looking at his watch. We had just eaten our snacks, but no one really ate in the children's tearoom at Frenetic. We were too busy playing usually. "Hawk, do you remember what we talked about? After tea, what do you need to do with your boy?" I thought. I looked at Shlomo for a clue, but he just grinned and continued sucking my cock. "He is Jewish, remember?"

I remembered. "Oh right, he needs to go home with his mum and dad for… How do you say it, boy?"

"Shabbat, Master," squeaked my tiny boy before gulping my tired cock back into his mouth.

"Shabbat, right," I said. "Ok, you will go home with them when it's time, but first, I need you to come to me in the tearoom and kneel in front of me so I can dismiss you properly."

Out popped my cock again. "Yes Master," he squeaked before jamming my cock suddenly back into his throat. I was fully hard again.

"I'll leave you to it then," said Randy. "I've got business in the Office Building. I'll catch you up after tea." He went around and kissed all of us, including Shlomo and the Watanabe boys, before leaving.

I didn't want to move. If you've never been properly deep-throated by someone with a small mouth, I don't think you could understand. I still had no intention of cumming, but the feeling was indescribable.

***

"Trevor!" All thoughts of my boy's excellent deep-throat blowjob had vanished as Annie dashed up to me in the tearoom and slapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. We kissed until we felt satisfied. It was difficult to tell how long that was.

"Wait for ice age this kiss?" asked Boris, who had lumbered in slowly behind Annie.

"Excuse me," I said to Annie. I turned to Boris and locked him in a similar embrace and kissed him passionately as well. I felt a great deal of love for Boris, but he didn't make every inch of my body quiver like Annie did.

"Oh, loves much, Trevor Boy," said Boris, "but have enough for shoot ladyboy scene. Must breathe. Must rest."

Annie giggled as Boris sat on a beanbag. We all sat with him, Sebastian cuddling next to him on the same beanbag, and Annie explained, "We shot two scenes quickly this afternoon so we could finish The Ladyboys and the Lazy Boy. In the first one, Boris had to fuck six of us while standing. We were just bent against a wall masturbating. He had to keep going until all of the older girls shot their loads. For the two of us who can't shoot yet, he had to pull out and cum in our mouths." In the Children's Division, cumming twice in one scene wasn't uncommon. "For the last scene, he had to fuck four of us, and the four ladyboys with the biggest cocks fucked him. He came last for me, didn't you sweetie," Annie smiled as he kissed Boris.

"Uff," Boris struggled to say. "Fuck Annie last for both scene. He Euro ladyboy is for training. Also have best ass in film, make easy for cum for his ass." Annie grinned and turned his soft ass toward Boris so he could stroke it softly. "Is very fine, his ass, no, Trevor Boy?"

"He has the best ass in the world," I said before kissing Annie. "Boy," I said to Shlomo, who was idly sucking my cock again, "That's enough of that. Either go play in the boy pile or kneel on the floor at my feet."

"Yes Master," he said. "I will go to the boy pile. May I cum while I am there?" Shlomo was very popular in the boy pile, as you might imagine.

"Yes," I replied. "You may do anything you like in the boy pile, as long as it pleases you, and maybe as it pleases others. Your pleasure must be first though. You've been such a good boy today. But make sure to find me before you leave, as I told you before. That is important."

"Yes, Master! Thank you Master!" he said as he scampered off to cheers coming from the boy pile. I hadn't realized it while he was sucking me, but he had a huge boner that bounced as he ran, slapping his ribs, alternating left and right with each step.

"It's my turn with your ass now," I said to Annie as I pulled him onto my lap, kissing him of course. I told him and Boris about Alistair and everything that had happened. Their reactions were predictable – shock, disbelief, wonder. Then I told everyone about my idea to do a series of bully scenes with real bullies who had picked on me, or maybe on someone else. Hiro and Kenji looked at each other as if dumbstruck, and to my surprise, so did Sebastian and Boris.

"Sweetie, I think that's a lovely idea, and I think it could really help a lot of kids to see that," said Annie, "but Randy is right. It does sound risky."

"He's looking into ways we can do it and keep it safe for everyone," I said. "He said it might not work, but I hope I can do it. It felt so good today with Alistair," I looked at Boris with a triumphant grin, "while I was being fucked by five men, deep-throating at least seven men, and also cumming four times in less than fifteen minutes!" Boris rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Is true, Borichka!" said Sebastian. (Borichka was an affectionate nickname Sebastian sometimes called Boris.) "Trevor Boy deep throat for huge BBC from America first! Was huge!"

I smiled at Sebastian and said, "I bet you've done him before."

"No, not deep-throat for him before," said Sebastian. "Have for others though. But is big different for Sebastian and Trevor Boy. Sebastian have ten years old, Trevor Boy have eight years old."

"Nearly nine!" I said.

"Ok, ok, nearly nine, is almost adult," said Sebastian. "Have ten, nearly eleven years old also, have worked for porn for some years. Trevor Boy have work only this week."

Annie turned to me and said, "That really is impressive, Trevor. I wish I could have been there!"

"You'll see the video," I said.

"Not to see the sex," he said, "but to be there for you, with Alistair. Maybe I couldn't have helped, but being with you, even in the audience, would've made me feel better." I didn't know what to say, so I just hugged him. After a warm cuddle and a few kisses, he asked, "Have you thought about your crew?"

"My crew for what?"

"For your bully videos, or for any videos you make yourself, or for your new corporation or whatever. Didn't Randy suggest you make your own film company?"

"Oh right. No, I hadn't thought of that," I said. It hadn't occurred to me that I couldn't operate my fancy new camera and perform in a scene at the same time. "I guess when you were helping me design my rooms, I thought it would be all kids, you know? Like, my DAB rooms are really big playrooms with super-nice toys for kids, and I thought we could make fun, happy videos there. These bully videos won't be all fun and happy all the time, if we really get to do them. They might be sad sometimes. But Randy will be there, and so will people from KCU – security people or counselors or whatever. He's working on that, maybe even now, I dunno. He says we need help from KCU counselors to do it safely and make sure it's healthy for everybody. But we might not use real bullies or anything. I dunno. Maybe we'll have to use actors and pretend. I'm not sure it's going to work at all." The reality of what I had suggested was settling in. Inviting real bullies who had picked on me? Or who had picked on someone else, and putting them together in a child porn scene? It was difficult enough for Alistair and me, and it could have been a terrible disaster. What was I playing at? But hadn't Randy been enthusiastic about the idea? I think we'd both become excited, and maybe we needed to let things settle for a while and see what we could really do.

"Is very good idea," said Sebastian. "Have my KCU man Lucas for security for live show at Starlight. Is need when things are not expect."

"Of course that's true," said Annie, "but you can still have kids doing everything else if you like, and if you can find the kids."

"Oh!" I said, remembering someone. "That girl from the dressing room yesterday." I looked at the Watanabe brothers and said, "You know… Meg? Meaghan?"

"Marlene," said Hiro, adjusting his bottom. Then I remembered Meg was the sound designer.

"Marlene is very pretty," said Kenji. "So very pretty."

"Must fuck for her then!" said Boris, rather loudly, with his sly, understated smile. Kenji and Hiro looked at each other and giggled hysterically.

"Papa said we are to act like English boys, Brother," said Hiro. "I think you should ask her for permission to fuck her." Kenji and Hiro nodded to each other, Kenji blushing but looking confident, and everyone around us who heard Hiro's comment laughed.

"Ask permission?" Adrian had overheard Hiro's comment on his way to the beanbag circle from the boy pile. "Bloody hell, how would that sound? 'Excuse me, my fair lady, might I humbly beg your permission to insert my penis into your vagina for the purpose of my pleasure?' You need permission, right, but you don't just come right out and say it like that. You get her interested first, like, 'Oy Darling, I hear you're missing the action on-cam. I've got your action right here. It's all yours if you're not too busy stitching thongs with Rhys.' You're in there, mate."

"Or," said Annie as his laughter died down to a manageable level, "you could say to her, 'I think you're quite pretty and very, very sexy, Marlene, and I'd love to play with you.' For nearly everyone at Frenetic, that's all you need to say. Well, it's even more than you need to say for most people. Porn actors are sex professionals. There is no need to play games or seduce each other. We want it, or we don't, and we say so. But we nearly always want it," he said with a wink, bouncing lightly on my boner. I felt a wave of intense love for him at that moment, and I kissed him tenderly.

"I'm sorry," said Kenji, "but I am confused. When Brother advised me to ask permission, people laughed. Then when Adrian advised me to gain her interest first, people laughed again. No one laughs now when you say I should simply tell her she is sexy and ask her to play, but In Japan I would be beaten for saying such a thing. I think that is also true in London. Trevor-san, Papa says I should trust you. What is your advice?"

Once again, for probably the 427th time that week, reality turned upside-down. Here was an older boy asking for my advice on how to get a much older girl to have sex with him. All I could do was think of the people I trusted most. (I would have to ask why he called me his son, which is what I heard, another time.) I knew Hiro was just being sweet and naive, Adrian was just joking, and I would trust Annie with my life. "I have never asked an older girl to have sex with me," I said, "not yet, anyway. Girls have asked me, and we played that sex game. Remember, Kenji? Igi, Yuko, you, and me? I didn't ask Igi to have sex or for permission, and neither did you. It was just how the game went. You know. It's like, when we say we want to play, that's how we give permission, I guess. But I know my Annie would never give advice if he wasn't absolutely sure of it, and I trust him completely, always. Adrian was just joking. You can't take a pillock like him seriously half the time. If I wanted to have sex with Marlene," and a curious part of me wanted that very much, "I would do as Annie suggested. But I also learned from Annie just yesterday that it's important to make sure she knows that you want her. If you think she's pretty, you have to tell her. If you want a good fuck, tell her you want to do that with her. Making her feel wanted is important, right Annie?"

"It really is," said Annie before kissing me. "If you just say, 'Do you want to have a good fuck?' you are only asking what she wants. How can she answer if she doesn't know what you want, or whether you think she's pretty or sexy or nice or whatever? Do you just want to stick your cock in a warm hole, and she just happens to be available? It's ok if that's what you want. We all want that sometimes, ok, quite a lot really, but she needs to know what you're asking for – sex with a warm hole or sex with someone you find attractive. We all want to feel wanted, and feeling wanted during sex makes a huge difference."

"Oh, no more for warm hole," moaned Boris.

***

Shlomo knelt before me with his arms behind his back as I towered above the tiny boy near the tearoom exit. I had removed his ankle cuffs and wrist cuffs. "Boy, I need to say few things to you before you leave for the weekend."

"Yes, Master."

I tried and tried to think of the right words, but they wouldn't come, so I just started talking, hoping it would sound right when it came out. "This week has been the happiest week of my life," I began, "no question, and you have been one of the happiest parts of my happiest week. There have been parts of this week that weren't so happy, and others that I don't know how I could have survived without you. You are like a medicine boy who was made to stop me from hurting and bring me happiness. You are my pet boy for cuddling. You are my teddy boy when I'm scared. You are sweet and soft and cute, loyal, obedient, incredibly sexy, and you chose to be mine. I won't ask why you made such a strange choice. I will only tell you that I can never thank…" I stopped abruptly as I felt a teardrop hit the top of my foot. "I guess this has been pretty special for you and all. Those are happy tears, aren't they? Answer honestly."

"Yes, Master," he whimpered. "I love my master. I waited all year for the right master, and I thought I would never find you, Master, but there you were, in front of the office building, wanting a look at my cock. I knew already, right then, Master."

"I guess I'm a slow learner," I said. "It took me a while, and some help from my new friends. But we can't talk anymore today. You have to leave." I reached around and unbuckled his collar and said, "Shlomo, you are dismissed until Monday morning. I will put your collar back on you when I see you next."

"Can I have a hug, Master?" I didn't answer. I just hugged my little pet boy, and off he went.

"Shalom!" I called to him.

"Shalom!" he called back.

Chapter 89
Show Business

Boris, Sebastian, Annie, and I went to Boris' dressing room for more snacks (I learned what borscht was), beverages, and a chat while we waited for Randy to come round for our daily business meeting. We were back on the subject of the crew for my own film productions. I didn't know how realistic my ideas were at the time, but it was a lot of fun planning things. Somehow, planning something makes it feel more likely to happen.

"Teach for school here classes for older kid for use camera, use light, use microphone, make edit, use all machine," said Boris. "Older boy, older girl, should help."

"Really!" I said, brightening up. "I wanted to use all kids in movies I make, but I didn't know so many kids here would know all that stuff. They'll all know a lot more than I do."

"Is that D&T 3 and S&S 3, Boris?" asked Annie.

"Yes, is those two," he replied.

"Sorry?" I said to Annie.

He kissed me and said, "I'm sorry sweetie. Those are courses they teach here, Design and Tech, level 3, and Sex and Stagecraft, level 3. I just finished year one, D&T 1 and S&S 1, plus all the regular school coursework."

"Oh," I said, "so kids who have gone to school here long enough will know all that technical stuff?" I asked. My mind filled with thoughts of what an advanced course in Sex and Stagecraft might look like, what they might teach, and how they might teach it. Did they need volunteers for practice?

"That's right sweetie. Boris, that was a great idea!" Annie reached over and took hold of my cock, which had hardened at my thoughts of advanced sex and stagecraft.

"How old are the kids who have taken all those courses," I asked, gasping as much with surprise as with pleasure.

"Depend much for when begin for school here," said Boris. "Start first when have eight year old, ready when have eleven. Is after three year for most finish level 3 course."

"So I could ask Robbie," I said, "or maybe Adrian."

"Ask for all kid. Maybe will help, maybe will not help, maybe can help even if little, if need run crew," said Boris. "Maybe also want for fluff for bully boy or for other actor?

"I think you should pay them though," said Annie, stroking me gently. "At least as much as Frenetic pay their crew members."

As if on cue, Randy walked in as Annie said that. He seemed to have a sixth sense about money. "Who is Hawk paying?" asked Randy, after collecting a round of kisses.

"We were talking about Trevor's idea for making a film about bullies in his own studio," said Annie, "and I was just saying that he should consider paying his crew, because it sounds like he wants to do it properly. He also wants to do it with an all-kid crew. I think that's a wonderful idea!" He squeezed my cock, stroking me very slowly.

"I guess I have lots of money for that," I moaned.

"You sure do, Hawk," said Randy, sitting in a chair. I slouched on Boris' settee and relaxed. Randy could sometimes intimidate me with his looks, and this would have been one of those times, but with Annie's hand on my cock, nothing could bother me. "Tech and design crew aside," he continued, "you should pay the kids who come in to do this. Since they would get £900 for their first on-camera audition scene here, and for a regular kid that's a lot of money, maybe you should start with that number. I also think you should consider paying them more than that, because you're not just asking them to come here and do a child porn scene. They will be sharing part of their lives with the audience, not just their bodies."

"Ok," I said, "I'll pay them double. Does that sound good?" It felt good – Annie was doing some sort of twisting motion with his hand, working my cock like a pro, which of course, he was.

"Let's wait and see how the rest of this business works out, shall we, Hawk?"

"Ok," I moaned.

I closed my eyes, feeling myself heading toward another beautiful orgasm, when Annie's soft lips met mine. He stopped stroking me and said, "We've got to talk about important business. Can you still pay attention if I do this? Can you feel good without cumming?"

I opened my eyes, feeling disappointed. "Annie's right, Hawk. We need to focus," said Randy, with a knowing grin.

"Fine," I said, sitting up straight. Annie held my cock in his hand and gently massaged it from time to time, which felt like a nice compromise.

Shaking my head back to the topic of our discussion, I asked, "But what sort of crew should I have?" "If I can afford all the rest of the equipment, I would need three people running the cameras, just like the studios here, one person holding the boom microphone, and I guess one person for lights and another for sound working in the control booth, and the stage manager, is that all I need? That's seven people in the crew."

"Need also director," Boris said.

Randy nodded in agreement. I'd assumed I'd be the director again. It was easy enough when I'd done it for my live show, Trevor Neverland. Not commenting on the director, Randy said, "We'll talk about your equipment budget later. For now, let's continue with personnel. Would you like wardrobe, makeup, or a props person?"

"Well," I said, "I think it would be best if they wore their regular clothes and just took those off, so not really a wardrobe person. This is about real kids, so I think they should look real. I don't think I need props either. I have enough toys and things if we decide we need them. But I think we should have makeup if we're going to use real lighting. I want them to look mean but sexy. Maybe a hair & makeup person would be a good idea. Do kids do that stuff?"

"Do you remember your dresser for the live show yesterday?" asked Randy. "Her name is Marlene, and she is excellent with hair and makeup. She has worked on scenes for some of our major productions."

"Oh! We've been talking about her a lot," I said. "She knows a lot about everything, and I thought she should be the stage manager."

"She would be a fantastic stage manager," said Randy, "but I can't think of a better kid for hair and makeup, not a Frenetic kid. Of course we have lots of brilliant adults for that, but I like your idea of making it an all-kid production. Ryan might do a good job. You know Ryan, the super-sub?" I nodded while we all shared a giggle. "Ryan loves doing hair and makeup, and I know he's good with facial makeup, but we'll need to find out about his skill with body makeup. There are a few kids that I think would make good stage managers, including Marlene, so I think you have more options there, but let's keep Marlene and Ryan in mind for hair and makeup."

I thought about that, feeling a bit disappointed. But Randy made sense. If there is only one kid who can do good hair and makeup, I need that kid for that job, and I had to hope Ryan was up to doing the body makeup, and that Marlene was available and willing to be the stage manager.

"Need for set?" asked Sebastian. "Need for furniture? For bed? For paint wall?"

"I don't know," I said. "I haven't thought much about the set or anything. I thought I'd direct it too, like I directed the live show yesterday."

"Is different for live show," said Boris. "In video, director tell camera do this thing, do other thing, but Trevor Boy on stage do scene. For live show, no camera. All is plan and director does not more when show begin. Only act. In film, need director. Trevor Boy producer for his film."

"Do you know Étienne," asked Randy, "Koolman's little friend?" I nodded, remembering the lovely older boy who always worked on Mr. Koolman's films. He was a boom microphone operator for one of my scenes in St. Felix Academy, and I also saw him earlier in the day with Mr. Koolman in the science lab having an experiment done on him while he was snogging Mr. Koolman. "Well," continued Randy, "you might want to consider him seriously as a director. He has worked very closely with one of our best directors for several years now. I know him fairly well, and I think he's ready to direct his first film. I don't know if he would agree to it, but I think he would be a fantastic kid to direct films for you. He has an artistic mind. He is very mild mannered though, so you will need a strong stage manager to work alongside him."

All worries about whether my bully project could be done now seemed to have disappeared. Randy was planning things with us, and that meant it was really going to happen – I thought.

"What about Robbie?" I asked, "Robbie Mason?"

"Oh he likes you, Hawk," said Randy with a smile. "You'd make his day if you asked him to be your SM, and I think he'd be an excellent choice. That would free up Marlene to do makeup if she is available, though there are others who can also work as stage managers."

What others?"

"Malcolm would be great," he said, "Malcom MacFarlane. You've worked with him. He has a very strong voice and a commanding presence. He would complement a quiet director like Étienne nicely. You might also like Jeanine. You know Malcolm and Jeanine from St. Felix Academy. There are also a couple of boys named Gunther and Jonas you might like. I don't think you've met them yet. You should just know that there are plenty to choose from. We don't have to decide anything now."

"Also need for running crew," said Sebastian.

"Running crew?"

"Yes. Do things for show while shoot film," he explained. "Keep bully off stage and tell when enter, give prop for person, move thing between take, give signal for actor do something, even make bed between take. Do many thing, running crew. Like Boris say, can be little for be running crew. Chance for new little for work crew."

"Oh, I should have someone for that," I said. "So I need the seven people for cameras, lights, sound, boom microphone, and stage manager, plus I need a director and a running crew person."

"You might want at least two running crew, sweetie," said Annie.

I counted on my fingers and said, "That's ten people then."

"Hawk," said Randy, "this is only if you want this to be a professional-quality production. Lots of kids just take a camera and make fun films. They film themselves fucking friends or other porn actors here, nothing complicated. It doesn't need to look professional. Boys in Action Films will buy anything you make. I know this film is going to involve more than an ordinary boy orgy, but the production doesn't have to be as good as the bigger Frenetic films."

"Yeah," I said, "but I want to make them look really good, know what I mean? I mean the bullies. If I want to show them love and give them a reason to be different, I think I need to make them look really nice in these films."

Annie slapped his arms around me in a tight hug, then kissed me passionately. "I love you so much, Trevor!" he said with a light sniffle that confused me.

"Yes, then you should use a full crew," said Randy. "Just keep in mind this is a very ambitious project you're talking about, and it's your very first. A lot can go wrong. It can be stressful, and you'll need to adapt to some things instead of wasting your time and energy trying to changing them. I'll help you there when I can, and I'm sure everyone in this room will too, because I've discussed this idea of yours with Eastman and with KCU consultants already, while you were at tea, and they have given preliminary approval."

"Premilin… what does that word mean?" I asked, an explosion of excitement hovering in my chest just waiting for the answer.

"Preliminary," said Randy. "It means they want you to begin some of the work on this project, things like planning, consulting with KCU and security, planning your costs and compensation, working out a schedule for filming, a way to contact the bullies, all the details that need to be in place before you hire anybody. It also means that there will be more things later that they will also have to approve. For example, they need to see a safety plan. They want to know what adults will be on the set, and how communications will be handled. Things like that. You'll have a lot of work to do, a lot of work, and in the end, they might say no anyway. But most of all, it means they like your idea so far, and they want you to develop it."

"Oh how wonderful!" said Annie, giving me a happy kiss. I wasn't sure how wonderful it actually was though. It sounded like they were saying yes, but really all they said is that they haven't said no yet.

"See Trevor Boy need also for Randy Man," said Boris. "Need for executive produce. Need for help make safety plan, for arrange all detail. Also need for him for get release for bully parent, for bully, need for get KCU release if use kid not for Frenetic, need for get contract when finish for Boy in Action, need for get KCU person for set, maybe more, need for get security. All must be Randy Man for helping. Trevor Boy no adult, so no can have contract. Markus help Randy Man with contract, but get pay by KCU, so no worry. Should have Markus legal in credit also."

Of course, I thought. Randy was already involved. He said he thought there would be a market for these films, so he was really the reason I was so excited about them. Now he'd already had two important meetings that meant this whole project could get started. "Is it just that way?" I asked Randy. "Are you automatically the executive producer for films I make?"

"That's complicated, Hawk," he said with a sigh. "If you need to pay anybody who doesn't have a contract with Frenetic, if you do any filming outside the studio lot, if you need to set up security, craft services, or have KCU present for the filming, or if you need anything done that requires a contract or a signed release from anyone, then I will be an executive producer. That happens automatically because I am your agent, and I have to set those things up with Markus helping on some of them. Mr. Eastman is also automatically an executive producer because this will be done here on the Frenetic lot, even if it's in your own DAB studio, and because your contract names him as an executive producer on any film you appear in or create yourself, even away from the Frenetic lot. You work for Frenetic, so he's an executive producer. That's why you also need his permission to film this, even if it's not a Frenetic production. Believe me Hawk, that's a good thing. Eastman's name on your video will mean huge sales." I nodded, feeling a bit overwhelmed again, just after feeling so happy and optimistic. "Eastman can decide not to be listed in the credits as executive producer, but he usually just does that for the standard homemade boy orgy films through BIA. You can have other executive producers if you like. They would be people who help pay for the production of the film. Sometimes they are called co-executive producers. You will be the writer and producer, the only producer, and really it's the director and the producer who get the creative credit for a film overall. Everyone knows that executive producers handle the business end of things, not the artistic end, though technically they can step in and make changes. I think we talked about this once before with Eastman being the executive producer for your first film."

I asked Boris if I could borrow a notepad and pencil. "Ok," I said, "I need Randy and Mr. Eastman as executive producers, I'm the producer, then I need a director, a stage manager, sound, lights, a boom operator, three camera operators, at least two running crew, and maybe makeup and something for the set. Is that all?"

"Also need for post," said Boris.

"What kind of post?" I asked.

"He mean for post-produce," said Sebastian. "Is for after finish film, need for edit, maybe shoot for outside, location, add for music, add for credit, such things."

"Oh, so I need an editor as well?" I asked.

"Studio have many edit suite," said Boris. "Can use one. Can use professional adult for edit, or can use kid who have take T&D 3 course. Sometimes director edit. Sometimes edit rough, sell for film, then BIA, maybe Frenetic for lucky, edit film for you, Trevor Boy pay nothing. Is how for sell Dipstick. Always need edit rough. Can have director for control booth use switcher, make rough edit when shoot film. Sometime best for director for booth also so can say to camera on microphone in cameraman ear for do this, do that, and not hear for him in film."

I thought of all the older kids I knew who might be able to work on my project. I'd already decided to ask Robbie, Adrian, and Marlene. Maybe Yuko and Igi would be able to help? Everyone who worked on St. Felix Academy was old enough, and Ryan would be fun to have in some role. Maybe they would know people too. I turned to Annie and asked, "I guess I've got to pay everyone too then, like you said, right?"

Annie nodded, but turned to Randy, who answered, "Most of the kids in residence here don't need the money, and a lot of them would do it for free because it's usually fun working on other kids' projects, but this is a big production, and you have lots of money. I think it would be a good idea," said Randy. "Besides, if you're paying the bullies, you should probably pay everyone."

"Then I'll pay everyone the same," I said. "Everyone gets £1800 for each scene."

"That's a bit much," said Randy. "You actors make far more than anybody else in a film, as long as you are kids. The positions we're talking about only pay £200 – £500 per scene for Frenetic productions, except the director usually gets £1000 or more, depending on their contract. If the director is also a co-producer, they will get the co-producer fee plus a percentage of the sales, which is a lot of money. Running crew get £200, operators and carpenters get £250, designers get £350, and the stage manager gets £500. Operators are the camera and boom operators, designers are set, sound, lights, makeup, and costumes, if you were to use them. The set designer makes £350 per set though, not per scene, because the set is built only once. Same goes for the carpenters." He took the notepad and pencil from me, turned the page over, and scribbled some figures down. "That means for each scene, tech and design crew will cost at least £400 for running crew, £1000 for operators, designers will be £700 – £1400, depending on set and makeup, and that's not counting carpenters, and £1500 for the SM and director, for a total of £3600 – £4300 per scene."

"So if I have maybe five bullies I want to film, that's five scenes?"

"No, Hawk," said Randy. "You pay each of them for one scene, but for the tech and design crew, a scene means filming on one stage for a four-hour session."

"Oh. So, if I do all five in four hours," I said, "that's only one scene for them?"

"Yes," said Randy, "that's how it works. Your Fresh Meat Friday shoot was made of six scenes, and yours was the last. Each of you actors got your full scene fees, doubled, but the design and tech crews were paid for one scene."

"I see," I mumbled.

"So if you do five of them in the four hours, which might be a bit ambitious, that's another £4500 for the actors' normal fees, if you think £900 is fair, but you wanted it doubled, making the total £12,600 – £13,300, plus carpenters and extra running crew if you need them. Then there are costs for materials, supplies, rental, and post-production. That should work out roughly to another £3000, so this will cost about £16,000 to make. You can afford that easily. But so far I think you're only considering paying the bullies. If you want others to appear in your video, you'll need to pay them as well."

Something occurred to me just then. "We've been talking about money for a while now, and I think it's a lot of money, and I'm not scared! Am I getting better?"

"Maybe is for spend money," offered Sebastian, "not for having more money for you."

I chewed on that idea for a moment and said, "I think you're right. If I give money away, I'm not getting richer. When we danced and made money for a charity last night," I looked at Annie, "I didn't feel bad at all because I wasn't getting money. I was giving it. I guess that's different."

Annie hugged me again and said, "I don't know, sweetie, but I think this will all make sense someday."

"Also for buy expensive thing," said Sebastian. "When go shop for sexy clothes at Gold Boy Chelsea, not worry so much for spend money. Worry more for have much money for spend, not for buy expensive thing." He paused. I nodded to show him I understood his meaning. Then he continued, "For film crew, is spend money, not give money for gift. You spend. Pay for them because work for you. Is for buy from them work, and maybe cost less than Trevor Boy next sexy best outfit!"

"Hawk," said Randy with that serious look on his face, "one thing I need you to remember is that you might get to do this video, but you might not get to do it the way you want to do it." Just when I was feeling comfortable, here comes the bad news. "I mean, you might need actors to play the bullies, that sort of thing."

"But that's not… that's missing the whole point!"

"I know Hawk, I really do know. It's a dangerous proposition you've made, and Eastman thinks your video might have just as much effect if you first do a voiceover with you describing the bullying from Alistair, while on the screen you two can act some of that out. Then you explain in a voiceover what happened with Fresh Meat Friday, and we show extended highlights from your scene together – anything that captures your complicated feelings toward each other. Then you are both being interviewed, saying how it happened, how it ended, how it felt, and how you became friends. After that you can narrate what might have happened with other bullies and act those scenes out, or have others act them out. Eastman thinks there is enough punch in your one scene with Alistair that you probably don't need any more reality. I'd like you to think this over. Don't give me an answer now. What we end up doing might be somewhere in-between your idea and what Eastman suggested."

When Randy had begun telling me this, I wanted to cry. I thought he had found a different way to tell me I couldn't do it. Instead he told me I might need to do something similar, which isn't what I wanted. My feelings changed. I wanted to shout, and I did. "But it was my idea! I don't want someone changing it around."

Randy took me in a close hug, rubbed my back, and softly said, "I know, Honey Hawk. But that's showbiz. We have to make compromises sometimes."

***

Gradually Randy helped me to understand that what I really wanted was to make a child porn movie that would show people that bullies need love, and sometimes that can help make them into friends. (A simplistic idea, yes, but I was eight, nearly nine.) Maybe Mr. Eastman's idea would work just as well, and I didn't want to make anybody unsafe. I would think about it more.

***

"Hawk, it's that time you hate again," said Randy. "I need to tell you what you made today. Your only income came from your Fresh Meat Friday scene, but it was a lot. This was your £10,000 scene. You get K&F bonuses for eight deep-throats, so that's £8000, Seven of them were ATM, so that's another £7000, bottoming for eight men, that's also £8000, £1000 per man, not per penetration, sorry Hawk. A few of them went in twice, and one went in three times. Then you get the standard £4000 K&F plus £1000 per man for the gangbang, but you have to split that with Alistair. Then you get a £1000 K&F bondage bonus for having your hands tied. Are you ready for the total?" he asked. I took a deep breath and nodded. "The total is £43,000, but remember, this was all at double pay, so you made £86,000 for a 30-minute scene. Subtract my commission, and you get £77,400, but we're not done yet."

I was still listening. I wasn't on Planet Proton Zap. I hugged and kissed Annie. "What else was there?" I said.

"Mr. Eastman has offered you a very generous compensation for what happened today. When I met him in the office building and told him what happened, he was obviously furious. I followed him down to the office where they process paperwork for Fresh Meat Friday. With the help of some of the staff, we found his written application to perform, and we compared it to his computer file. He had written Preston Primary on his application, but our office worker made a very careless but understandable error and entered Prestwick Primary, so the computer didn't show a match for your schools. It was that simple."

My chin fell down to my lap. I wanted to love everybody, but I wanted to shout at somebody too! "Is that idiot gonna get the bloody sack?" I asked angrily.

Randy hugged me gently and said, "Eastman wanted to sack him immediately, of course. But you know how kind he is. He walked with me back to his office and told me the man who entered the incorrect school had worked for Frenetic for seventeen years, and he had a spotless record. And really, it was a simple mistake. Terrible, yes, but simple. Then he thought of an idea that might make everybody happy." He smiled at me. I wondered how it would make me happy if I couldn't do my video the way I wanted to.

"Do you remember at the production meeting we had after screening your promo video?"

"You mean with all that arguing and stuff?"

"Yes. And I was annoyed because they were giving me such a huge bonus but you didn't get anything?" I nodded. Was he about to tell me I was a millionaire? "Well, I'm going to take Eastman's settlement offer to your lawyer Markus to review, but Mr. Eastman has given you £50,000, just to say he's sorry for what happened." Bummer. But how could I be disappointed by getting such a fantastic amount of money? "That's just an apology, Hawk. Consider it like a tip. But to compensate you for what happened, he has offered to set aside an account for £1,000,000 to equip your studio with all the best equipment you can find. Any money left over after equipping your studio can be used to help pay for your own productions."

A purple feather fell onto my lap, and the birds sang as they flew from the golden trees. They flew around me, knocking my head around a bit, but I knew they weren't attacking me. What were they doing? It made me giggle!

An angel was kissing me. I opened my eyes, and it was my sweet Annie. The birds were my friends surrounding me with hugs of congratulations. Annie knew I'd just paid a brief visit to my imaginary hiding place on Planet Proton Zap, and he also knew how to call me back.

"As I said," continued Randy, "Markus will need to look over the settlement, but I think it's very generous."

"I love you," I whispered to Annie. He kissed me again. Then I turned to Randy and said, "But I wasn't the only one who had to go through that. Is Alistair gonna get something like that?"

"Hawk, you have no idea how special you are!" said Randy. "I told Eastman that you are the kind of boy who would ask that very question, and he agreed to make the Dentons very rich. He wasn't prepared to say how rich just yet, but it will be a lot. Remember, Eastman will be making money from the videos you create in your studio, so it's partly an investment for him. He will get some of that money back, but if he gives cash to the Dentons, he won't be getting any of it back. So it won't be a million quid. But it will be a lot, I can tell you. Oh, and he's agreed to offer Alistair a generous contract, but only if you feel safe and comfortable around him, and only if KCU look into the matter and determine it would be safe and healthy for you both."

"Of course I want him around!" I shouted, this time with a smile.

"I told him you'd probably say that," Randy said, "but he'll want to hear it from you personally. I'll be there with you. I think he also wants to apologize to you in person as well as giving you all that money for your studio."

"That's so nice of him," I said. "He didn't have to. But he's always so nice."

"Right on both counts, Hawk," said Randy. "He didn't have to, and he's very nice. So your total for today is £127,400 including the £50,000 from Eastman." Boris, Sebastian, Annie, and Randy all applauded.

I thought about my pet boy and Planet Proton Zap again. Sometimes I needed to go there with my pet boy, but just then I didn't want to be on Planet Proton Zap. At that moment, I wanted to be right where I was.

***

Epilogue

All was well going into the weekend after my first workweek as a boy porn star. For the first time, my life before child porn had entered my new world, and the outcome was actually quite nice. I mean that Alistair had come back into my life, and it seemed that now he was my friend.

A lot of questions remained unanswered though. Would I be able to film my bully video? Would Alistair really be a good friend and stay that way? What would I be able to do with my own super-professional studio? Would I be able to spend the whole weekend without my Annie?

I would have Boris and Sebastian's company for the weekend, and Randy's as well. As we left to spend the weekend at his house, all I could think about was how I would treat him to special deep-throat and other favors. I loved him so much, and everything he'd promised me had come true in that one week!

But other ways of having fun would present themselves before we even left the studio lot. That weekend was the annual event called the Kegelympics. It was the weekend, and we were all off work, but we would find ourselves back at the studio lot for this special event.

So that's how my life as a child porn star began. I wasn't famous yet, but you can see how well things were going for me. That's all for now!

P.S.

As we arrived, we were met by the most curious sight. Boris and Sebastian knew what was going on. Annie even tried to explain it to me. "That's one of the events in the Kegelympics," Annie said. "They have to hold the weights with their ass muscles while Yuko adds more. Those are special competition butt plugs used for this event. They don't have much shape to them, so they slide out easily. You really have to squeeze. Yuko seems to be the judge here, so she probably made sure they were equally lubed, and she will keep adding weight until one of the butt plugs is pulled out. It's a contest. The one whose butt plug stays in is the winner."

Postscript

A postscript is something you write when you've decided you want to add something more to something you've already written. I decided to release this postscript to my first book because there are just a few more episodes I wanted to share with you from that Friday night that will make the story of my first workweek in child porn more complete. You can get an idea of a few of the stories I'll be sharing with you in my upcoming work. The story picks up just after we'd finished our Friday business meeting. We were getting ready to leave for Randy's house to spend the weekend.

***

We entered the children's dorm building. I needed to get some things together to bring to Randy's house for the weekend. "Oh!" said Annie. "I nearly forgot! Do you still want to go shopping with Mum and me tomorrow evening?"

I'd forgotten our chat about shopping earlier that week. I had asked Annie if he would help me shop for girly clothes that I could wear. "Yeah!" I said. "I'd love that! Some pretty girl things would be nice," I said automatically. I was no longer sure that I wanted to wear girly things, though it had been nice to feel pretty for a while. Then I remembered he'd agreed to show me what he looked like when he dressed as a boy, and I wondered if I could buy him a boy's outfit to wear just for me. After all, I'd worn my embarrassing schoolboy outfit for him after work on Monday, and I was curious. I loved him as he was, but I wanted to see him in boy clothes. I can't explain why. Maybe I wanted to see every aspect of my boyfriend. Maybe I wanted to be permitted to see something that no one else was permitted to see. I decided I would ask him about wearing boy clothes when we were alone. "Is that ok, Randy? If I go shopping with Annie and Darla tomorrow night?"

"Of course it's fine," he replied. "Annie and Darla should be able to help you find some very nice things. Please be reasonable though. Remember, wanting something doesn't mean it's a good idea to buy it. Do you remember that fairy costume at Gold Boys of Chelsea?" I nodded, looking down. "I'll ring up Darla and have a chat about this, and you can trust her advice. Have fun with your money though. You've certainly earned it, and you should enjoy it! We'll talk more when we get home."

***

Randy had decided to have a drink and wait for us downstairs while we went up to room 46. "Take your time," he had said. "I have a few calls to make."

I really wanted to give Randy a good time that night. I hadn't given him a blowjob or been fucked by him in days. I was horny again, but it's different when you love somebody. When Annie and I had sex, it felt very different and much better than having sex with anybody else. He had a little boy cock, sure, but that didn't seem to matter. He was usually the bottom when we were together anyways. If I wanted my ass stretched, I could get that any time, and I usually did. My cock was a lot smaller than most of the guys he usually had up his ass too, but he did this weird trembling thing when I first went in, every time I fucked him, and I'd never seen him do that with any other boy or man. No, there was something I felt deep inside that made it special. And the same was true with Randy, though maybe not quite as strong.

There's something about those feelings that I can't explain though. I really loved Randy. He had become something like my new dad, and he looked after me better than my parents ever did. Feeling so much love for Randy made sex with him a lot better, like it did with Annie, but I would never think of having my dad fuck me. I know some people are into that, and I can't explain why I'm not, but the thought of doing it with my dad felt extremely wrong. So why did it seem so normal for me to feel that way about Randy? Maybe it was because one of the first things we ever did together when we met was for him to give me a blowjob, and our relationship always involved sex. I was becoming a child porn star, and he's the man who introduced me to that world. I don't know, but it might have something to do with that.

Something else I was beginning to notice was that the more sex I had, the more sex I could have. I mean I could get a boner and cum and actually want sex soon after I came. I guess it doesn't stay that way when boys grow into men, but I loved it when I was eight, nearly nine. I was cumming six or eight times a day that week, more or less, but soon I was up to ten times on most days. That's still normal for me at age twelve, even though I'm shooting now. Very little comes out after the third or fourth time in a single scene though, which can be good because it makes me seem younger. My record is 21 times in a single day. I did that last year, and it's a story for another time, but I can tell you the video of each of those 21 orgasms is out there if you search for it. They're all real, even though I was still dry then.

***

I wanted to show Boris and Sebastian around my dorm room. They knew all of my roommates already, but they'd never been to room 46. As we arrived, we were met by the most curious sight. I will try to describe it to you, but it was very confusing.

Adrian and Kenji were standing naked about two feet apart with their backs toward each other and their feet spread far apart. Each boy had part of a butt plug sticking out of his ass. There was a chain connecting the two butt plugs, and hanging from that chain, about halfway between the boys, was a hook with a small metal weight. Hiro and Igi were watching and cheering while Yuko hung a second weight on the string.

"You are doing very well brother!" shouted Hiro excitedly. "Hold tight!"

Adrian laughed smugly as he said hi to us. Kenji looked serene and unbothered, though he did greet us with a calm "hello."

"Oh you have messed with the wrong boy!" said Igi. Annie, Boris, and Sebastian all laughed, clearly excited by what they were seeing.

"Sorry," I said, embarrassed by my cluelessness at what was going on, "but what are they doing?"

"Haven't you heard of the Kegelympics?" asked Annie. "Hasn't anybody told you? Randy should have told you!"

"Oh, I think I saw a poster for that somewhere at the Rectum Center," I said. "I didn't know what it meant, and I was too nervous to ask. It was a big word that started with a K. It looked like some sort of contest. What is it?"

"Have you heard of Kegel exercises?" he asked.

"I don't remember," I said, knowing I'd heard so many new things that week that Kegel exercises might have been one. "What are they?"

"Is very important for Trevor Boy ass," said Sebastian. "Is for make ass strong. Need for work for fuck in ass. Very important for Trevor Boy if him have IAD. Must learn! Sebastian teach Trevor Boy."

Yuko added a third weight. Adrian laughed, and Kenji looked calm and disinterested.

"You really should learn about them sweetie," said Annie. "Tomorrow is this year's Kegelympics competition. You should sign up!"

"But what are they doing?" I asked, pointing at Adrian and Kenji.

"That's one of the events in the Kegelympics," Annie said. "They have to hold on with their ass muscles while Yuko adds more weight. Those are special competition butt plugs we use for this event. They don't have much shape to them, so it's difficult to hold on. You really have to squeeze. Yuko seems to be the judge here, so she probably made sure they were equally lubed, and she will keep adding weight until one of the butt plugs is pulled out. It's a contest. The one whose butt plug falls out first loses, but they win a kiss from the winner."

Yuko added a fourth weight. This time Adrian grunted with his laugh. Kenji continued to look serenely uninterested. "Very good, Brother!" shouted Hiro. Adrian seemed to be struggling while Kenji was the picture of calm.

Yuko added a fifth weight. This time Adrian did not laugh. He only grunted. Kenji's mouth twitched just the slightest bit.

The weights crashed to the floor. Kenji's butt plug had slipped out first, so Adrian had won. The boys turned toward each other. Kenji smiled and offered a sporting handshake to Adrian, but Adrian was having none of it. Kenji apparently didn't know about the kiss from the winner, so Adrian pulled him into a happy kiss and a hug. "Are you sure you've never done this before?" he asked.

"I have of course exercised my muscles before," said Kenji, "but I have never competed in this way."

"You bloody should!" said Adrian.

"In the nine-year-old class," said Yuko, "you'd have every chance of finishing on the podium."

"Thank you Adrian, thank you Yuko," said Kenji, offering each a quick bow at the neck. "You say nice things about me, but I am sure I won't win. I am new. This year I should learn. Maybe I will win next year."

"Is that a podium, like in Formula One racing?" I asked. Watching motorsports was another thing Dad and I used to do together.

"Yes," said Yuko. "The top three finishers in each event win gold, silver, and bronze medals."

"And Kenji's being a pillock," said Adrian. "You can win this year if we say you can!" He wrestled Kenji's neck under his arm and rubbed his head, quickly turning the move into another hug, and then a kiss. "You don't know your own strength. I do, and I say you can win. You nearly beat me, and I'm bloody eleven!"

"I will try my best," laughed Kenji, also being a good sport about having been attacked by Adrian.

"Brother, I believe them," said Hiro. "They have so much experience. You have always been strong. You will do very well, I think."

Yuko said something in Japanese to Kenji very quickly and gave him a brief bow at the neck with a sly smile. Kenji returned the bow with a smile of his own. "She said my brother will win tomorrow, and she will give him a blowjob for each medal he earns," said Hiro, unable to contain his laughter.

***

Annie and I wanted to stay together as long as we could, so he called his mum to ask permission to come home with us to Randy's house. Darla, his mum, would drop by Randy's house and collect him for supper. I wondered what Chef would be cooking for them.

We took one of the Frenetic cars home because Randy had had a drink while we were in my dorm room. He said he would never drive us kids anywhere after he'd been drinking. "Besides," he said, "I want to relax and enjoy my time with you boys. I know how you are in my car," he said winking at me, "and I don't want to keep after you to stop sucking and fucking each other." Randy had a rule in his car that we couldn't have proper sex or make each other cum while he was driving because it would distract the driver, which is dangerous. I wondered if he was just jealous of us fucking while he couldn't watch or jump in himself.

I sat in the middle of the back seat of the limousine, facing forward. Annie was on my left and Sebastian on my right. Randy was in front of me, facing me, and Boris was to Randy's left, in front of Sebastian. Annie and I slumped sideways toward each other for a cuddle. I'd pulled his miniskirt up and was caressing his cock under his knickers as we kissed. We had both had exhausting scenes that afternoon, and neither of us was quite ready for a proper shag, not in the car anyway. He did have a nice stiffy though, and I was quite horny. A boy can be horny without being ready for a full-on shag. But there was still Randy, and I wanted to make him cum as soon as I could.

"Kegel exercises are meant to strengthen your ass, and your whole pelvic floor," said Annie. "The pelvic floor means the muscles all around the inside of your ass and your cock. If you bottom regularly in anal scenes, the studio will require that you do them. Right now it's summer holidays, and they aren't strict about exercise. I think that's why they hold the Kegelympics competition now, to encourage kids to keep up with their exercises."

"But what if I have a special ass?" I asked. "What if I have IAD?"

"Must for more important than other," said Sebastian. I nodded, politely pretending I understood what he'd said. "For IAD, if not for strong floor pelvic, can lose shit when not want. Is not good. Trevor Boy not like for that."

Annie responded to my look of shock by saying, "It's called fecal incontinence. Any kid who does a lot of anal might find it hard to control when their poo comes out. Kegel exercises strengthen the muscles you need to control that." That sounded like a good idea to me. "But what Sebastian is saying is that people with IAD are more likely to have that fecal intestinence thingy. Is that right, Sebastian?"

"Yes," Sebastian said. "Is right. Must see for Dr. Gupta for wanting know more, but Sebastian all times do him exercise for Kegel. All time, many more than other boy. Do for them now." I wasn't sure if he meant he was doing the exercises right then or if he meant he did them during the summer. I still didn't know what they were, and I thought exercises had to be done by moving around.

"Sebastian always medals in most events," said Annie. "Randy says he has a magic ass!"

"My boy with the magic ass," said Randy, "but now it seems I have two!"

"Man have very much lucky!" said Boris.

I kissed Annie softly, moved my legs onto his lap, and pulled the back of my red satin shorts down. I winked at Randy as I gave my ass a soft slap. "You'd love some magic ass, wouldn't you?" I asked him. I wanted very badly to give Randy some pleasure and to show him my love for him. He was horny, and I wanted him to take me. Being handled roughly can take less energy than regular sex, so I felt I was ready. I wanted Randy to handle me any way he wanted.

"Yes, I certainly would," he said, removing his jacket with a huge smile.

I kissed Annie once more, then put my feet on the car floor, arched my hips up, and pulled my shorts down, leaving my yellow satin shirt on and open at the front. I knelt in front of Randy and opened the fly on his trousers. I dug around a bit with my fingers, giving him a teasing look. His cock was easy to find, of course, hard as it was, but I pretended it was hidden, just to tease him a bit. I pulled it out through his fly and held it there as I kissed him. I looked back at Annie, who smiled at me. "I've missed your cock," I said to Randy. "I like it a lot. It makes you feel good, and I love you. But it makes me feel good too." I was looking him in the eye while slowly stroking him.

"I've missed your touch on my cock, Hawk," he said. "But it hasn't been so long." He was breathing more heavily, but I continued to stroke very lightly and slowly. Boris slumped, shared a look with Annie, then looked out the window, clearly wanting none of this. He was truly spent from his film work that day, which included fucking Annie.

Randy's cock was hard, nearly bursting. I kissed its tip and said, "I love you Randy."

"I love you too, Hawk," he grunted, still waiting for me to work my magic. He knew I had a magic throat to go with my magic ass because he was the second person I'd ever deep-throated. I gave his cock head a few more kisses and a few gentle nibbles. I could see the knuckles on both of his hands had turned white as he clenched the seat.

I licked his cock head like a lollipop. "I forgot how this tastes," I said. "It doesn't taste like other men's cocks. It's nicer." It was true too. He tasted nicer to me, though maybe he just felt nicer because I loved him so much.

I sucked his foreskin into my mouth and ran my tongue around the base of his glans. His head jerked back and the muscles in his legs clenched. "I'm sorry," I said, teasingly, innocently. "Have I hurt you?"

I waited for his reply, not touching his cock until he said, "No Hawk! No. I mean, that felt very, very nice. Please, continue."

"If you're sure," I said. He knew I was teasing him, and he liked it. I focused all of my attention on relaxing my throat. This had to work in one go. I held my tongue out as though I was just going to lick his cock head again (which helps when you want to get a big cock into your throat), but instead I took him all at once into my throat. It worked quite well. After the huge porn man cocks I'd been deep-throating that week, Randy now seemed easy to me, though he wasn't exactly small himself.

In and out, up and down I went. His fingers firmly clutching my hair, but he was careful not to pull. When he started to gasp, I stopped and backed him out. "Not yet, ok?" I said. I whispered to Boris, "Is there any lube in here?" Just as I asked, I felt a small, slimy finger up my ass, then two. Now I was gasping. I looked back to see Annie's brilliant smile. He had his purse open, and I'd forgotten he always carried lube in his purse, and a small towel.

I enjoyed Annie's fingers in my ass for a while as I resumed my deep-throat on Randy, but only for a minute. I pulled his trousers off and kissed him. Then I turned around and kissed Annie as I sat on Randy's cock, with my back in his chest. I knew why Annie always had a little ass quiver for me when I first penetrated him. I felt it inside myself as I turned my head back to kiss Randy.

I thought it was odd that Annie and Sebastian didn't join us. I knew Boris was exhausted, but why weren't the others playing too?

I reached behind Randy's head to hold myself up while he fucked me as fast as he liked. It was fast. It was very fast at first. I could feel (and hear) his balls slapping my ass where it meets my inner thighs, which sort of tickled, occasionally slapping against my own balls, which didn't tickle at all, before he slowed to a more natural pace. He eased me back down so I was sitting on his cock. I leaned forward with my hands on his thighs and took over the work. Randy held me by the waist, gently guiding me to the pace he wanted, as Annie and I smiled at each other. He had pulled his skirt back up and was rubbing himself over his panties. I blew Annie a kiss before turning around to face Randy. I kissed him as I settled back onto his cock. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to work myself up and down on his cock. He held my back and moved at the same pace. "I love you Randy," I whispered. I kissed him and kept kissing him until he came in my ass.

***

We only had Annie's small towel, so I cleaned Randy's cock with my mouth, which I would have done anyway, and Annie cleaned my ass with his mouth. "I've wanted to do that all day," I said to Randy. "I fuck lots of men, but I don't get to fuck you, or get to have you fuck me, or whatever…" I was losing my train of thought. "I mean, I love you, but I don't stay at your house anymore, and I miss sex with you." I suddenly felt sad at that thought. I wasn't expecting to feel sad. I'd just been extremely happy.

Randy hugged me and said, "I love you Hawk, and I'd sure like it if we had more sex too. But things change. You have your career now, and your new dorm life. We still have weekends, and we can certainly try to make more time during the week."

"I liked working with you during that first live show," I said. "It was really awesome, but it's not the same. When we're in front of people, I feel like I have to share you with them. Here, it's like we're a family, and I get more of your love, just for me, and for the people I love. That doesn't make any sense at all. I don't know what I mean."

"I know exactly what you mean, Hawk. That's why that is called working, and we call this making love." He pulled me close for a gentle hug and said, "Thank you for giving me so much love. Not sex, love. You have so much love to give, and you give it so freely. I am a very lucky man to have you in my life, Hawk."

***

Annie lay over my lap, slurping my cock gently for the rest of the ride home. He wasn't sucking it hard, as if he wanted me to cum, but gently, like Shlomo had done earlier in the dressing room. I stroked his hair and leaned my head on Sebastian's shoulder. I woke up as the chauffeur opened the door in Randy's drive. What a beautiful nap.

I didn't cum with Randy because I wanted to save myself for Annie. I wouldn't see him until the following evening, and I wanted to cum with him one last time before he had to go home. I wanted that one to be special, and I learned that week that if I wait a little longer to cum, it feels a little stronger. Annie's gentle sucking hadn't made me cum, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was – saving it for each other before he had to go home. I hoped so.

I wanted to be with Annie, and only with Annie. I wanted to make love, and that felt like a private thing. It's hard to explain, but with Randy in the car, we were making a kind of love, but it felt like more of a family love, and the only people who were with us felt like my new family, so it was ok that we weren't alone. I loved them all. We were Randy's family, and I wanted to share my love for Randy with the rest of them. But Annie was my boyfriend. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. I don't know if it makes sense, but that made it feel different, even though we both loved everyone there.

***

"Can I take Annie to my room, Randy?" I asked as we entered his house. It wasn't really my room though. It was Randy's guest room, but he knew what I meant.

"Go right ahead," he replied. "Annie, I'm going to ring your mother and tell her you're here. When would you like her to collect you?"

Annie and I looked at each other. We both knew what Randy was asking. "Could you ask her if an hour is ok please?" Annie asked before kissing me. It seemed like such a short amount of time, but I didn't want him to leave at all, so any time was too soon for me.

"Sure, I'll ask her," said Randy. "If she needs to collect you earlier, I'll give your door a knock, ok?"

"Yes, thank you Randy."

***

My whole body was tingling, and I felt so excited and happy that I thought I might cry again, but I decided I wouldn't. I'd cried far too much that week, and I thought it would confuse poor Annie. I smiled and kissed him as we reached the top of the stairs.

I had left my clothes in the car, but Annie was still fully dressed. I closed the door when we entered the bedroom. Closing the door meant something to me. This was just for us. We were that special together. I bounced down onto the bed and pulled him on top of me for a very long kiss. I wasn't even aware of what my hands were doing. They were acting of their own accord, and they were acting with love.

As this was so special and private, Annie and I hope that you, the reader, will forgive us for keeping it private. We both want you to know that it was a wonderful moment in both our lives that we will keep in our hearts forever.

***

We went back downstairs, both naked, to join the others. I know it sounds weird, but I'd asked Annie if I could keep his knickers until I saw him again the next day for shopping. I didn't want to wear them. I only wanted to look at them and touch them, maybe even smell them, and remember how real it all was. To my surprise, he offered to leave his top and miniskirt as well, but he wanted to wear shoes for the ride home.

"Mum!" called Annie in surprise. He dashed across the room and hugged his mother with a smile.

"Trevor luv!" she said to me. "Come give us a kiss!"

"Hi Darla!" I said. I kissed her, but she swooped me up into a great big hug.

"Randy, I thought you were going to knock!" said Annie.

"I didn't want to disturb you two lovebirds upstairs," Darla said, "and I've been enjoying a nice chat with Randy and these fine, lovely boys," she said, indicating Sebastian and an embarrassed-looking Boris. "I've brought something," she said, waving toward a man at the door, whom I hadn't noticed. It was Geoffrey, the MacKay's chauffeur. The man nodded, stepped out for a moment, then carried a painting into the room. It was a painting of Annie. It was the painting of Annie by his family's favorite artist, Jean Pierre LeDoux. It was the portrait of Annie in the dance studio, in front of the mirror. My chin dropped in shock at the thought of them letting something so precious out of their house.

"Randy!" I shouted, louder than I'd intended, "that's Annie! That's the painting I told you about! The one that makes you think you can actually feel his skin, remember?"

"Yes, Hawk," he smiled, "I do remember. Darla showed it to us while you were upstairs."

"But why did you bring it here, Mum?" asked Annie, "and why did you have it taken outside and then brought inside again to show us? Mum, I'm confused. Why isn't that still at home above the mantle?"

"This painting was never above the mantle, sweetie," said Darla. Annie and I looked at each other in complete confusion. Was there a third painting? Annie had a penis in this painting.

"But that's the boy version of the painting," said Annie.

"No sweetie, it's not. This is the painting that's been in the attic for so long. This is the girl painting." Annie and I looked at each other again. Had Darla gone mad?

"Mum! I've got a todger in that painting!" Annie said excitedly, pointing at his cock in the painting.

"Yes, you do," said Darla, her smile growing. "Jean Pierre added it this morning. He painted your todger over the vagina he'd originally painted on this copy. Since you've settled on being a boy, your father and I thought there was no point in having a painting of you with a vagina now, is there?" Annie shook his head, but we were both still lost. "So we were fortunate that Jean Pierre was able to drop by this morning and fix the problem."

"That's nice and all, Mum, but why have you brought it here?"

"Because your father and I have agreed that this painting should belong to you."

Annie looked at me as if he needed a foreign language interpreter. "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I'm still confused. Why have you brought it here? Why not give it to me at home?"

"Because Trevor is here," Darla replied. After a pause, Annie gasped. His hand jumped to his face in an instant, covering his mouth. "Now you understand, don't you sweetie?" I didn't understand at all. What did I have to do with it?

Annie ran to his mother, nearly tackling her with a big, wet, sobbing hug. "You know how much your father and I love you," Darla said. "This painting belongs to you, and you can keep it anywhere you like, but it belongs to you, do you understand?" Annie nodded, unable to say a word. I still didn't understand any of this.

After a few minutes, Annie kissed his mother and told her he loved her. Then he came to me and gave me a big wet hug. "Trevor love," he said to me, "you heard Mum – this painting is mine, and I can keep it anywhere I like. You understand that, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "Your mum just said so. That was very nice of them."

"Well," he said, taking a deep breath, "I want to keep it with you." I must have been thick as a post that night because I still didn't understand. "I want you to hang it wherever you like. You can hang it here or in your dressing room or in your DAB rooms, wherever you like. Now do you understand?"

I understood. I had to sit down. I pulled Annie onto my lap and held him tight, waiting for my feelings to settle down into something I could understand. "It's yours," I said, "not mine, but I get to hang it where I like?"

Annie nodded, smiling with a sort of giggle. "I guess Mum and Dad want it to stay in the family?" he asked. He turned to his mum, who nodded with her head tilted to one side. "So you can keep it wherever you like, but really it still belongs to my family – to me. I want to give this to you, but I'll have to lend it to you instead, for as long as you like."

"But it's so beautiful," I said, looking over the painting. My feelings were strong and confusing, so I said something incredibly stupid. "This is way better than leaving your knickers with me."

***

After Annie and Darla left, my feelings started to make sense, and they told me I needed to look at the painting and cry for a while, so I did. Sebastian was closest to me, so he slid over next to me on the sofa and put his arm around me. Randy, Boris, and Sebastian all knew my happy tears when they saw them, so they smiled and said things like "So many happies for Trevor Boy. So much is love for Annie Boy."

"Randy," I said, "do you have a safe place to keep this for a while?" I asked. "Only, I want it to go in the study room my D-B-A space, but it's not built yet." I had wanted special pictures of Annie in that room, which was more private than the others in my DAB space, so I knew exactly where I wanted it to go.

"That's fine, Hawk," said Randy. We'll keep it here this weekend so you can enjoy it for now, and on Monday we can put it in a vault in the office building. Or maybe the F-A-P will have vault space available. Either way, it'll be safe."

I continued to look at the beautiful painting. I had finished crying, but I was left with a sense of awe. In art lessons at Preston Primary, they never taught us that paintings could be so beautiful or so powerful.

***

Randy answered his ringing cell phone. "Yes Phillip, how are you? Yes Sir, I understand… Yes, just as you explained… Yes Sir, he's with me tonight. I'll talk it over with him. This really makes things simpler, and if it's got legs, it'll run faster this way… All right Sir, thank you… You too Sir. Goodbye."

"That was very good news, Hawk," Randy said, turning to me after returning his cell phone to his shirt pocket. "Mr. Eastman has had a change of heart about your bully film. He has agreed to approve the production right now, but we'll need to use actors. It's a compromise, but it means you can begin writing your script and recruiting people."

"I don't want to use actors," I moaned.

"I know, Hawk," he said, "but remember the things we talked about. You and Alistair are real. You two are the real people who will be the focus of the movie…"

"Movie?" I asked. "Not movies?"

"He has approved one movie, but that doesn't mean only one scene or only one bully story. You know how Eastman likes long films with lots of scenes. He can charge a lot of money for those. You can tell as many stories as you like in one long film – two hours, even more if you like. The best news is that you won't need KCU security or special approvals because everyone working on your film will be on contract already. That's why using actors can really work in your favor. Remember, the actors in the Children's Division are trained actors. They're good. You've seen some of that yourself. You will be studying acting as soon as school begins again. Hawk, this is not a development agreement. This is a green light to make your film!"

I thought about the kids I had seen acting at Frenetic. I remembered how Adrian had me completely fooled into thinking he was a bully himself, and how quickly he could turn into a squealing victim. I remembered how scary Malcolm looked when he climbed the stairs when he discovered Adrian and me watching him with his girls. And I remembered Sebastian! The first child porn scene I had ever seen filmed featured Sebastian being raped, screaming, and acting like he was being hurt and tortured. I was scared because I thought the huge men in the scene were hurting him against his will, but it was all acting. Sebastian enjoyed that scene. There was something in what Randy said that was beginning to make it ok to consider actors. "Do you really think people will believe this can happen if only one of the stories they see will be real?"

"Yes I do," he replied, "but Hawk, all of these stories will be real, up to a point. You will be writing true stories of how bullies have treated you, and how it made you feel. There will be a clear break when we begin to use actors to show how things could work out if bullies were exposed to lots of strong emotions and then lots of love. Show the true story of you and Alistair, and after that the viewers will know these happy endings are possible. What do you think?"

"So I can really start? I can make the movie?"

"Hawk, you can make the movie, and I think you're going to make a great movie that will do a lot of good. There's another benefit that Eastman mentioned." I had completely let go of any objections I'd had. It's easy when you're a little kid to forget bad things when there's something fun in front of you. "He thinks that if you portray the real-life bullies as realistically as possible, some of them might recognize themselves in your film, and they might want to work with you on a follow-up film. They will have seen what happened with Alistair. By then we'll have more control over how we introduce real bullies." I was confused again. "I mean that if the real bullies see themselves being portrayed in your film, they might come to Frenetic and ask if they can be a part of your project. They might like what's happening with Alistair, and they might want that kind of happy ending too. If they show any promise as actors, Eastman can sign them, maybe to limited contracts, and you can cast them in your sequel, if you make one."

"I think I understand," I said, feeling certain I understood less than half of what he'd just said. "This is all good news, and it means I can make my child porn movie about bullies, right?"

Randy hugged me. "Yes Hawk, that's exactly what it means, and I think it's all very good news."

***

Afterword:

Writing this memoir has taken longer than I expected, but I think it was worth it. Still, I am going to take some time off before beginning my next book. I'm planning to spend a week or two in London with old friends, and maybe do a film or two. I'll also be doing work for Frenetic USA's Boys' Initiative, a drive to recruit younger boys to work for Frenetic as child porn actors in our Children's Division. By far, Frenetic's best selling films are those featuring boys. Boy porn outsells all genres of adult porn and girl porn combined. The market is screaming for more, which is why our work sells for such a high price, and that means more money for our boy actors. It's going well too. In Frenetic USA, we expect some of the new boys will have to wait over two months before doing their Fresh Meat Friday scenes. (Yes, we've imported several traditions from the studios north of London.)

There are a few stories that I only introduced in my first book and in this postscript. I will be expanding on them in future work. The Kegelympics, for example, was a lot of fun every year. Setting up my new studio and learning how the stuff worked took a lot of effort, and it's good that I got to do that before school started. There is nothing like making your own child porn! (And there's nothing like working closely with that beautiful American sound engineer Gary.) Getting my bully film project going was also more complicated than I expected, but in the end, though it was not what I expected, we had a lot of fun with that one. (No spoilers though.) Then there was the entering class of littles that fall. Frenetic invited me to give a few lectures and some hands-on training. Imagine that – I was brand new myself, and they wanted me to teach the new littles? I took other school lessons with most of them!

During the end of July and the month of August, 2018, when I was eight (nearly nine), I rose to boy porn star status. Some would say porn superstar, but I disagree. I'm a boy porn superstar today, now that I'm twelve, but back then I was just getting started. That meant publicity tours, autograph sessions, live performances, and giving talks to various groups around the world, especially children's groups. I was still building my name, which tells me I wasn't a superstar. Not yet. But that whole publicity tour thing is also a story that I need to tell.

I plan to tell these stories and more, but it might be a while before I write another book. I plan to tell at least some of the stories as graphic novels (ok, I mean comics), or just through pictures. That way the artists and the FAP archivists will have to do all the work. (Or, you might say they'll have all the fun!)

To Hubert Z. Fletchly, my dear friend and co-author, I can never thank you enough for your tireless work doing research for this book and for writing the parts that, for one reason or another, I couldn't. You were a joy to work with, and you have unusually sweet cum. Anytime you need a deep throat to probe, tell me, and I'll say ahh.

***

We love you all!

Lots of love from Trevor and the kids from Frenetic Films Children's Division, And from a few grownups too!

To Be Continued