Frequently Asked Quesitons

Who am I fooling? No one ever asks me questions! I made ever single one of these questions up. I just got jealous because everyone else seems to have a Frequently Asked Questions section on their webpage, and I didn't.

Q: How long have you been writing?
A: I've been writing things since I was about 15, but didn't know what the hell I was doing until I went to college. I spent a whole fifth year as an undergraduate taking classes that looked like fun, which meant a lot of English classes. That's when I really started writing stories. I've been scribling in notebooks non-stop ever since, but never bothered to sit down and finish a story until I discovered the sex story newsgroups.

Q: How long have you been reading?
A: Since I was, like, five years old.

Q: I wrote a story once and posted it to alt.sex.stories.moderated, and you sent me a nice note! Remember me?
A: Yes, I remember you! I read a lot of stories on a.s.s.m., and I always drop a note to the author after I've read a story. I have a very good memory, so even though you're one of many, I do remember you.

Q: Do you read every story posted to a.s.s.m.?
A: Christ no! But I probably read every new story that contains sex between consenting adults. Except for the bondage and S&M stories.

Q: Why do you read all those stories?
A: What can I say? I like to read aspiring writers. It's exciting to see someone enjoying the writing process. It's fun to talk to people about writing. It's more fun than reading the pros. Plus there's a lot of sex in the stories.

Q: Are there kinds of stories you don't like?
A: I don't like stories that rely on humiliation as a means for arousal. This pretty much rules out rape, bestiality, most bondage, and all sado-masochism stories. Sometimes I can get into a slut wife story, but other times ... nyah. I don't watch much television, I don't read mainstream fantasy or science fiction, and I don't read comic books, so I avoid those genres due to plain ignorance.

Q: Would you write a bondage kiddie rape snuff story for me?
A: No.

Q: Why not?
A: Because that kind of stuff makes me sick.

Q: I really like your vampire story. Is there any more?
A: No.

Q: I really like "Becky Cried." I'm a very attractive woman, and you've made me extremely horny. What are you doing Friday night?
A: I ... ya ... um ... Friday? This Friday?

Q: O.K., how about September? You busy during the month of September?
A: I ... um ... September? This September?

Q: I tried to read your early draft of The Womanizer. I'm so sorry.
A: Yeah, well, you know how it is.

Q: You spelled "peek" wrong in the first sentence of "Climbing".
A: Yeah, I know, I fixed it. But if you see anything else, let me know, okay? These days I prefer to self-edit, so most of these stories have never been proofread. If you notice a typo, misspelling, or grammar mistake, please tell me.

Q: Who are your favorite authors?
A: Actually, two people have asked me this, so this really is a frequently asked question. The first fiction I ever jerked off to was John Updike's Couples. Not coincidentally, it's also the first fiction I ever tried to study. I'm a big fan of Thomas Pynchon, John Sayles, Joseph Heller, Robert Coover, Walker Percy, and Raymond Chandler. There are many other authors who I've gone on kicks over, but they don't send me much any more.

Q: Why did you release all your stories into the public domain?
A: Someone really asked me this once, too. The answer is many-fold, but to put it succinctly: I felt getting all hot and bothered about copyright infringement took all the fun out of writing. I honestly don't care if I ever get published in real life. It's easier to just let my stories loose on the cold and uncaring world.

Besides, when I was slapping a copyright message on my stories, no one ever stole anything I wrote.

Q: Will you read my story and tell me what you think of it?
A: Yes. Although I do ask that you tell me what kind of feedback you're looking for. If you're looking for formal proofreading, and I'm busy with other things, I may need to turn you down. If you're looking for general impressions, as long as the subject matter doesn't squick me, definitely.

Q: Are you someone famous in real life?
A: Someone asked me this once, too, so it really belongs in the frequently asked questions list. The answer is yes. Although I did a AltaVista query on my real name once and didn't find a single reference to me. I do show up in the Yahoo People Finder, though.

Q: Do you want to know how to Get Rich Quick?
A: Yes! Please send me all the information you have! Right away! While you're at it, can you send me instructions on how to get lots of free XXX smut?