Who is Poison Ivan?

Who, you may ask, is Poison Ivan? A fine question.

"Poison Ivy" is an awesome song sung by The Coasters, recorded way back when Atlantic Records was still Atlantic Records. It was written by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller and tells what happens to naive young men who fall prey to those naughty girls who "go all the way."

Poison Ivy

She comes on like a rose
But everybody knows
She'll get you in Dutch
You can look but you'd better not touch
Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy
Late at night while you're sleepin'
Poison Ivy comes a-creepin'
All around, round, round, round.

She's pretty as a daisy
But look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin
Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy
Late at night while you're sleepin'
Poison Ivy comes a-creepin'
All around, round, round, round.

Measels make you bumpy
And mumps will make you lumpy
And chicken pox will make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough'll cool ya
But Poison Ivy, lawd'll make you itch.

You're gonna need an ocean
Of calamine lotion
You'll be scratching like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy<
Late at night while you're sleepin'
Poison Ivy comes a-creepin'
All around, round, round, round.

I'm telling you, this is poetry! Well, OK, so maybe it isn't great poetry. But it is Rock and Roll!

Anyway, I wanted to call myself Poison Ivy, but I began to receive love letters from unsuspecting male admirers. Ivy is a girl's name! Did you know that? Boy am I a dope!

A hasty rename was in order, and there you have it. Poison Ivan. poisoniv1 to my friends.

In Real Life, I write computer programs for a living. If you are nice to me, I might even tell you what I've worked on. I also spend a huge percentage of my free time reading and writing. I consider myself a reader much more than a writer, but I have had a grand time writing a couple stories for the alt.sex.stories newsgroup. To date, reader feedback has been encouraging. Perhaps I'll take up writing more seriously in a few months when I have more free time. (How many people do hear say things like that? "In a couple months when I have more free time." I mean, are they on drugs or something?)

By the way, for those who have checked into Ruthie's Club, you may recognize me as P.I. Rockwell. I have several stories illustrated and running on that exceptional website.

"Poison Ivy" is Copyright © 1959 by Tiger Music Inc. Copyright renewed, assigned to Chappell & Co. (Intersong Music, Publisher), Quintet Music, Inc., and Bienstock Publishing Co. All Right Administered by Chappell & Co. Lyrics reprinted without permission.