“Good morning!! It´s 7:30 AM and the sun is shining, get up and-”
BAM!!!
Jared silenced the alarm clock with a swift punch. Jared hated mornings, especially this time as he had had such a nice dream. He had dreamt that he made a living kidnapping sexy teen/preteen girls and brainwashing them into believing they were and always had been dolls.
After masturbating in bed, Jared went outside to pick up his morning paper and flipped Mrs. Norris the bird, causing her to run inside screaming. Jared and Mrs. Norris had repeated this ritual for five years now and no one could convince him that Mrs. Norris didn´t enjoy seeing him fetch his paper in the nude.
Jared sat down at the kitchen table and, as he had for the past five years, ignored Mr. Norris banging on the door as he started reading his paper. The head line read:
“Sex Cult Leaders Arrested”
“On Wednesday morning police entered the home of Samantha and Ben Williams, leaders of a sex cult that preaches sex and nudity as the way to salvation. The Williams were in the middle of an orgy involving 14 boys and girls between the ages 12 to 16. Local police-”
“OLD NEWS!!” Jared shouted as he turned page to the local sports section. He had some money on the game between Cherrywood Cheetahs and the Werrington Wolves.
“GOD DAMIT!!” Jared yelled. The wolves had lost leaving Jared 250 bucks poorer.
He flung the newspaper across the kitchen. As it settled on the floor an article about a little girl became visible. In the article the police asked for help identifying a blonde blue-eyed girl named Mindy, age 9, found wandering around the countryside outside Hillboro.
A second article below the first stated that the quarantine of a specific boys camp was still on and that virologists still had no vaccine in sight.
Jared finished his breakfast, took a shower and brushed his teeth before leaving for the flea market. Once a year there was a flea market in town where all kind of people could sell old crap and buy some “new” crap, and Jared never missed it.
As Jared was walking down the street Mr. Miller’s dog Abel jumped up against the fence and opened its mouth to bark at Jared. A cloud of Jared’s homemade pepper spray hit Abel right in his face before he could let out a single bark.
The feud between Jared and Abel had been going strong for three years now and Abel never seemed to learn to keep his distance from Jared. At one time Mr. Miller had his dog take a crap on Jared´s front lawn. The very next day Jared got arrested for shitting on Mr. Miller’s front lawn.
You probably already figured it out but just in case I’m saying it: Jared is a big asshole, pardon my French. He’s the kind of guy who would pop (and actually has popped) a child’s balloon when the parents weren’t looking only to flip them the finger if caught and mace them if cornered. Yes, a first class asshole, that sums up Jared all right.
Jared rounded a corner, entering the flea market filled with all the crap you could ever want and all the crap that you don’t. A flyer got stuck under Jared´s shoe. Irritated that no one seemed to use the trash can just next to him, Jared pulled off the flyer. It read, “Cherrywood, a good place to raise kids.”
“Don’t have them, can´t stand them!” Jared said out loud. He then threw the flyer away, deliberately ignoring the trash can, before continuing walking.
The first table contained jewelry. Jared was about to pick up a pendant with some ancient Persian writing when he noticed that it had a broken chain. Instead he picked up a gold ring with two dragons side by side biting their own tails. He was about to buy it, not because he wanted it but… it felt like the rings wanted him to, when a 14-year-old boy swiped it out of Jared´s hand. The boy turned to his mother behind the table and furiously said:
“MOM! This is my ring you can´t just take it and sell it like that.”
“I’m so sorry Terry.”
His mother replied with an honestly remorseful face. Jared was about to mace Terry and take the ring when Terry slipped in behind the table further lecturing his mother.
“Stupid brat.” Jared said, loud enough to be heard. Terry glared at him and slid the ring on. He seemed to concentrate a second, then his eyes widened and his face went pale. Jared flipped Terry and his mother off and walked away.
The next table was full of books about child psychology. Behind it stood a beautiful woman in her late 30s with straight dark hair, an olive complex and large, supple breasts. Furthermore, she was dressed in a white tube-top which was way too small for her, with no bra underneath, and a (very) short pink skirt not covering much at all. In fact, Jared discovered that if he picked up the metronome she had in front of her he could see her white panties tightly hugging her pussy, showing off her clit and pussy lips underneath.
“If you aren´t going to buy anything then get lost,” said a 12-year-old boy that struck Jared as a cruel self-serving spoiled brat… so he maced the kid and kept walking.
“Mas... Taylor!” the woman yelled as she hurried to the now maced and crying Taylor on the ground. Jared turned around just in time to see her ass as she bent over, picking up the boy. Jared still had the metronome and decided to keep it as a memento of that pleasant experience.
A good macing always got Jared in a good mood. He was even whistling when he bumped into someone, knocking that somebody down on the ground.
“Watch it porky!” Jared yelled at the not-that-fat kid on the ground rubbing his head.
“Why you big… NORMAL, I should... I will!” the angry 14-year-old boy said, having trouble controlling his anger.
“Calm down Jimmy, no need to make a scene,” the older man that was with him said as he helped Jimmy up.
“But Gavin you saw it. He just ran me over and he´s not even sorry!”
“There are other ways of dealing with this sort of thing,” Gavin said winking at Jimmy, who got the idea and smiled back. Meanwhile, Jared had his hand on the mace in his pocket, people around them seemed to ignore the whole thing, neither seeing nor hearing anything. Jared flipped Jimmy and Gavin the finger and walked away. Behind him Jimmy and Gavin smiled and together concentrated for a moment before they both became very confused and started fingering with their bracelets and rings while muttering something about a malfunction. Not that Jared heard them; he had already disappeared in the crowd, thinking of Jimmy and Gavin no more.
Jared went on towards a tent that stood a little to the side all by itself. Jared felt drawn to it, as if limitless opportunity and fun could be found inside that tent. As he entered he was sorely disappointed; the large tent was lit with what looked and smelled like a dozen of traditional oil lamps, sending a warm glow over the tables of glittering knickknacks that looked as if they had been stolen from a fairy tale. There were crowns and capes, wands and swords, rings and necklaces, it was overwhelming. One back wall was filled floor to roof with 'potions' of all different sizes and colors.
Standing behind the counter was a young man in the nerdiest costume he had ever seen. He wore a bright doublet and hoes that looked to be made of fine material. His hair was curly and two goat horns spiraled from his head. His ears came to long natural points, they were defiantly the most impressive prosthetic he had ever seen. On the counter was a package, Jared walked up to it as if drawn in by it.
“Welcome Jared. How can I, Robin, a merry wanderer, aid you this fine day?” asked the man behind the counter with a voice that was rich and warm and had an exotic accent he couldn't place.
“Damn foreigner. Stealing all our work.” Jared thought to himself. Robin smiled, as if at a joke. Jared didn´t wonder how Robin knew his name. To him it was an obvious attempt by one of his neighbors to make him look stupid. Jared picked up the cloth pouch in the package opened it and poured it´s content in his hand.
“Ahh. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You see that’s-”
“ATCHOO!!” Jared said as he blew the pale purple powder right in Robin’s face.
“Oh my goodness, seems like you got all dirty,” Jared said, with a triumphant smile. Whatever their plan had been, it was thwarted. As Robin staggered around trying to speak in some ancient language, Jared dropped the pouch on the floor and walked out.
As he left he said over his shoulder while flipping Robin off, “Maybe you should jump in the river and clean yourself off. Hahaha”
As Jared left so too did the tent, only to reappear several miles west, over the Mississippi river and then plunge into it.
Next up was a table filled to the brim with old games such as super Mario and ice climber. Jared looked over some games until he came across a weird looking thing that looked like a speaker wired to several exposed circuit boards, some switched dials, and a band of LEDs. Attached to the weird… thing was a note that said, “Electronic Simon Says device.”
Jared shook his head in disbelief. What kind of loser would be desperate enough to play Simon Says alone? He picked it up and pretended to be interested before “accidentally” dropping it on the ground.
As Jared was walking towards a lemonade stand, he stepped on something. Bending over he picked up a silver whistle. The whistle was no longer then his pinky and it felt as cold as ice despite being exposed to the sun. .He was just about to pocket it when some punk high school senior wrestled it out of his hand and ran off with it; Jared managed to spray some mace in the kid’s face before he was out of range.
“Jaaake! Jaaake! Where are you? Don’t just run of like that.” A little girl, maybe 11-years-old, in a school uniform came walking through the crowd. According to the pink backpack she was carrying, her name was Sara.
By now Jared had had enough and decided to buy some lemonade before going home. When Jared was paying for his lemonade he “accidentally” dropped the money on the ground and, while the little girl behind the lemonade stand was bent over picking up the money, Jared helped himself to some scones before leaving for home.
All in all it had been a good day for Jared and, as he made his way home, he went out of his way to mace Abel again just for fun. That was how Jared spent a portion of his day and he was pleased with himself for some reason. The rest of the day he spent in front of the TV scratching his groin and eating chips.
THE END…
Ding dong. Sounded the doorbell.
“AAH CRAP!” Jared exclaimed, very annoyed as he had just taken off his pants and gotten comfortable. He got up and walked to the door, wearing no pants just to prove a point, and opened only to see several somewhat familiar faces from the flea market. Then it hit him.
“Ooh great it’s you assholes. What the fuck do you want?”
END