“Go for the Throat”

Notso Rednek’s
Usenet Rules of Debate
with a special appendix for alt.sex.nest.of.vipers

1. It’s better not to waste time debating the issues or reading (or even thinking about) the post you’re responding to. Attack, attack, attack.

   1. If God had meant you to think before you spoke, He would have made your brain faster than your mouth.
   2. You can’t beat personal abuse.
   3. The easiest way to win an argument is to drag Hitler into the discussion.¹
   4. Take pride in “speaking as you find”—this will allow you to be appallingly rude while remaining strongly self-righteous. Rudeness of the spirit equals honesty.

   For Advanced Players Only: If you really want to tick someone off, respond with kindness and understanding.

2. Topics. When somebody posts something related, no matter how remotely, to one of your pet topics, attach your pet topic to a response, and attack.

   1. Now and again, submerge the original point by changing the subject line to incorporate your pet topic and your basic misconception.
   2. If, however, the thread drifts away to the point where the subject line is irrelevant to the content, the subject line should be stubbornly preserved.

   If your victims try to hold on to the point they were making, accuse them of being unable to debate the issues, and attack. If your victims foolishly persist, assert that they cannot understand the point being made, and attack. If anyone suggests that you cannot understand the point, attack.

   If anyone tries to defend himself or herself, regardless of the issue or the position taken, attack—unless it’s one of your friends or allies, in which case, regardless of the issue or the position taken, defend.

3. Political correctness. Political Correctness is paramount.

   1. Preface—with a contemptibly weaselling disclaimer—anything that might be crazily over-interpreted as going near thinking about considering any departure, however slight, in (even approximately) the direction of political incorrectness.

   2. Gutless adherence to the party line plays a very important rôle in society. For example, the Nazis couldn’t have got close to the gas-oven stage without it. So be sure and play your part.

      When you sniff, however remotely, the slightest opportunity of climbing on the Political Correctness band-wagon, abandon any remaining objectivity, and attack.

   3. No experimental data or other evidence are admissible in the face of “Proof by Assertion of Political Correctness”.

   At time of writing, two types of Political Correctness are kosher (but be warned: this is always a rapidly-changing area):

   1. Resistance to the use of archaically insensitive racist, sexist, homophobic, classist, creedist, imperialist terminology.

      Example: Using the word “blind” to mean “unable to see”.

   2. Resistance to the concept that courtesy is important.

      Example: It is Fascist to claim that “God damned motherfucking faggot” is more offensive than “gay”.

   Either way, the appropriate penalty for offendors is to have their brains splattered on the ground. Bastards.

4. Logic. The skilled use of logic is a pre-requisite for participation.

   Examples:

   1. It is possible conclusively to win any argument by being sufficiently loud. This is call “Proof by Volume of Assertion”. Use of this advanced technique is a sure sign of an advanced player, so be sure and use it a lot.
   2. Arguments are won by persistence. If you keep on stating your thesis long enough without regard to the responses to your posts, other people will stop posting. You will have won. Give yourself a pat on the back for your superior debating skills.
   3. Correct argument from true premises that support your conclusion is for pedants only. Skip straight to the conclusion you want, and attack. Don’t be afraid, though, to bandy about vocabulary like “syllogisms”, “subsets”, “rules of inference”, “circular argument” and the like. They don’t have to be right or even relevant but they can scare some opponents into silence.
   4. Always argue from the specific to the general.
   5. When in trouble, bluster.

5. Sensitivity. The proper end to a long series of exceptionally insensitive, aggressive posts involving personal attacks by you is:

   1. taking offence at someone who remonstrates with you,
   2. playing for sympathy by revealing your medical/psychological/personality/socialisation disorder and
   3. asserting your own exceptional sensitivity.

6. Humour. No-one (other than yourself) may make light of anything.

   Trolling can never be funny. Light-hearted teasing is fully as unacceptable as vicious racist attacks.

7. Culture. Take offence at any departure from your local mores. The Internet, after all, consists mainly of your suburb and does not exist at all outside your county.

   The only country in the world is The United States Of America, universally referred to as “this great country”.

   Example: “There are no polite requests. There are only demands backed by the threat of force. Refusing a polite request is the type of heroism that lead this great country to create the Free World and declare independence from England.”

   Note: It sufficed to create the Free World. It is neither necessary nor desirable actually to go there nor, indeed, to know anything about it.

   Unguarded speech may, very occasionally, lead to acknowledging, in an artificial sort of way not—to be taken at all seriously—the existence of Canada, Mexico, the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean. Should you foolishly fall into this trap, be aware that it is good style to confuse these unfamiliar entities.

8. Use of language.

   1. When you mean, “I believe…” say, “Many people feel…”
   2. When you’re apopletically angry as well, say, “Quite a number of people have e-mailed to say…”

   No matter how personally offensive your remark, put a smiley after it. In other words, smile when you drop your turds on somebody’s face. That way it smells better.

   If someone refrains from using smilies, assume they must be serious, and attack.

9. Never forget. Never forgive. We are here to be perfect from the start, or kill in the attempt.

Appendix: alt.sex.nest.of.vipers

1. The less a post discusses sex stories and the issues surrounding them, the better. On-topic posts are preferably to be ignored and, when all else fails, treated with the utmost suspicion.

   An exception to this rule is discussions about copyright. They shall be long, they shall be hard and there will be blood. They shall happen at least three times a week. Above all, they shall be inconclusive.

2. Debate story codes often and in the most exhaustive detail possible.

   1. It is easier to have a long, complicated, inconclusive thread about proposed new story codes than to write stories.
   2. Enough story codes will deter newbies completely, free readers from the need of reading anything and thus writers can concentrate exclusively on off-topic posts to ASSD.

3. When a review carries a numeric rating, attack. When it doesn’t, attack.

4. All characters in all stories can only be mirroring the prejudices and behaviour of their authors. A character who misquotes the Bible implies an author too lazy to look it up; an unsophisticated character implies a moronic author; a sexist character implies a sexist author and a snuff story is an admission of wilful murder. Call the cops.

• The Stainless Steel Magnolia’s Rules of Posting (kindly contributed by Lisala),
• How to argue race, or anything at all, really, in alt.callahans (kindly contributed by Denny), and
• The UseNet Guide to Power Troll Posting (kindly contributed by Denny).