This fragment was the winning entry in Jordan Shelbourne's erotica version of the Bulwer-Lytton contest. That's why it strains so hard to try to be one sentence. And may the Good Lord have mercy on my semicolon-laden soul. Jordan has copies of all the entries up at his site.

Courtship Ritual

In accordance with the courtship traditions of his people, Mazoul went out and purchased the finest timepiece he could afford (to represent his wish that he and his intended would grow old together); he took it home and wrapped it in fresh green corn husks(to represent the wish for fertility and abundance for all their days) , and, with trembling hands, he presented the parcel to Lydia, of the secretarial pool, whom he had admired from afar for lo these many months (if she unwrapped the bundle, then by ancient tradition, she would be accepting him as a suitor); but his nervousness turned to surprise at her reaction when he shyly asked her if she would shuck his clock.

Copyright 2002 Vinnie Tesla. Last modified: Wed May 22 08:45:13 Eastern Daylight Time 2002