Gray Beard

In Thoughts of You

It's hard to let the intervening years recede from my mind, but my life has had to go on.

It's hard to get to, and to get past, the pain of the day five years ago.

It's hard to get my mind back to the time when you were my present; hard because I miss you so much, hard because I am not quite the same person I was. Hard because you are not here.

Your room, your chair, your view. Not mine. But because I need to hold you again, I come here among your things. My world has shifted, but your room remains untouched. You could return - if only you could.

Your voice is in my head, talking of love and plans, of the things you would do with me when you got me alone. Of how beautiful I would look in my wedding gown.

White - like this sheet. White - like my face when they told me you were gone. Gone!

Time is cruel, because there is no going back. If you'd not lingered to kiss me again before heading out. Or if you'd lingered longer ...

Time is cruel, because there is no going back.

The room smells not of you, but of must. Your voice has faded to promises unkept. The only arms are the arms of your chair, and they cannot hold me.

And I need to be held.

Goodbye, my love.

copyright 2003 by Gray Beard