Innocence Lost

There is a summer that I will forever remember as the best and worst summer ever. It is the summer I wore my first bra, discovered sexuality, lost my innocence and moved away from paradise. It is also the summer that put my feet on the path to seminary and eventually to writing erotic fiction.

* * * *

I grew up in rural northern Michigan, about a half hours ride from a backwoods little town that had yet to see the likes of fast food or shopping malls. Life was quiet, simple and safe. No one locked their door and neighbors looked out for everyone elseís kids in the neighborhood. We lived in a small neighborhood way out in the middle of nowhere. Ten young families building houses on a beautiful river, we formed a tight knit little community.

Many of the women in the neighborhood worked, so my mom was the 70ís version of a day care provider. Growing up I always had kids around to play with, and since I was literally the only girl around, I was quite the little queen. My mom did a good job instilling respect for women (girls) in all these little boys, so if I needed anything, there was always a boy or two around to help me out.

The winters were cold and harsh, often leaving our little community snow bound for a week at a time before the plows would arrive to free us. Summers though were glorious. All of the kids would arrive in the morning and as soon as breakfast was done mom would shoo us out the door to play until she called us for lunch. After lunch we would play until we saw our parents cars coming down the road signaling it was time to run to our own houses. That left us with a good 8 hours of unsupervised time to run free, explore and play. By the time my brother was 10 and I was 12, we decided we hated one another. When our free time came, my brother took 8 of the boys with him and left the older 6 with me.

It started out as an odd summer. My mom suddenly insisted that I wear a t-shirt all the time and even bought a very uncomfortable training bra for me. I would wear it out the door and promptly ditch it in the woods or face hours of teasing from my boys. My mom also insisted that we cease our daily skinny dip at the swimming hole and bought me this frilly pink bathing suit to wear. I wore it once and discovered it slowed my swimming a bit, I had worked hard to maintain the title of fastest swimmer, so I was not going to wear that no matter how much mom harped on modesty. Besides, these werenít regular boys, these were the guys I grew up with and played with practically every day of my life. We swam naked thousands of times before; this summer would be no different.

Early on in the summer though, I did notice a few things different about the boys. Michael, older then me by 6 months, had begun to get a little hair around his penis. Johnís penis seemed to always be standing straight out when he came out of the water. Jim and Jay, they stayed together in the water a lot and I sometimes would see them holding one anotherís penis as they lay on one of the rocks Bill and Joey were the youngest of the group, but over the winter they seemed to get broader across the chest and taller, the also seemed to have stiffer penises a good portion of the time.

I was laying on one of the rocks in early spring, enjoying the sun and wondering why I kept thinking about all the guys and their seemingly larger penises, when Michael walked towards me sporting a stiffie. I could contain my curiosity no more. I sat up on the rock and pointed to it.

"Hey Michael, whatís up with you guys all being bigger all of a sudden?"

He looked down and then looked back at me

"I donít know Trace, but some days it really aches. I donít know what to do about it, feels like when I pulled that muscle in my leg, only it kinda feels good too. Itís weird. Itís the worst when Iím around you and when I first wake up in the morning. Sometimes it hurts to even pee."

I was concerned now. "Have you asked your mom to take a look at it? Maybe you have something wrong."

"Nah, she told me it was normal and that I should talk to my dad. The other guys all have the same thing, so I canít be sick or anything." Then he got a funny grin on his face. "But I did have a dream that you kissed it and made it feel better."

Now, I had had similar dreams and was really curious to touch him and see what it felt like. I leaned forward and placed a hand on the side of him to steady myself. I was surprised to feel how warm he was. I was sure I could feel his heart beating in the length of his penis. I bent my head and gently kissed the tip of his stiff cock. It jumped as my lips caressed the velvety head. He groaned as I backed away and took my hand down.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"No! Now itís worse." He whined

I laughed and then licked my lips, tasting the salty fluid for the first time ever.

"Well, jump back in the water, that seems to make it smaller sometimes. Iíll race you to the rock over there." I dove off my rock and into the cold water. My skin was suddenly very warm and I had a funny ache between my legs as well.

The week passed. The nights were filled with bizarre dreams about the guys and kissing their penises. The days were filled with running and swimming. One day after lunch mom gave us all Popsicles. We took them and ate them on the way down to the swimming hole. As I licked and sucked the icy treat, I noticed that all the guys were watching me intently.

"What? Youíve seen me eat a hundred of these, whatís so special today?" I asked

Joe finally spoke up. "Itís weird, but I was just wondering what it would feel like for you to do that to me."

"I was thinking the same thing." John whispered.

"Yeah." Muttered Jay.

"Okay you guys!" I was exasperated. What on earth had happened to these guys?! "One of you has got to talk to your dad about this stuff."

I sucked the last of the Popsicle off the stick and chewed it up. "Better?"

They nodded, but their faces still had a funny look on them.

"Letís play water tag." I yelled. "Last one in is it!" I ran towards the swimming hole shucking my clothes as I ran.

That was it; the challenge had finally snapped them out of it. It ended up that John was the last one in and he was it. Soon nearly everyone had been Ďití but me. I frequently would dive under water and hold my breath hiding under someoneís legs until that round was over. Being the good boys they were, they never gave me away either.

This day as I hid between Johnís legs I realized that his hard penis was poking me in the cheek. I thought back to the Popsicle and I couldnít resist trying it. I opened my mouth and took part of his penis into my mouth and just licked around the head a couple times. It was so warm and so smooth. I could taste a bit of the salty fluid as I ran my tongue over his slit. Johnís reaction was immediate. He grabbed hold of my head and pulled my face closer to him, pushing more of him into my mouth. I loved the soft feel of him in my mouth. He was so delicious; I wanted to taste more but I had to get some air. I struggled free and surfaced, gasping, I had stayed down too long.

John grabbed hold of me to hold me up. "Oh my gosh Tracy! That was fantastic! What were you doing to me!"

I told him what I did and he asked if I would do that some more. By this time the game had stopped and all eyes were on me again and everyone wanted to know what John was talking about. I agreed to show them, but not under water again. John moved to one of the large, flatter rocks in the river and I stood next to him with the rest of the boys gathered around us.

Johnís penis was standing at full attention as he lay there. I decided to treat him just like the Popsicle. I started at the base and licked up the underside first, then up the topside, swirling around the top before taking all of him into my mouth. He was groaning and panting the whole time, but the look on his face told me he was not in pain. I licked and sucked lightly as I worked my mouth up and down his shaft. I felt him twitch as he cried out. I sucked just a little harder and suddenly my mouth was filled with warm salty fluid. It was the strangest taste I had ever had in my mouth, but I liked it. I kept sucking hoping for more, until Jim started to laugh saying I was tickling him.

All the other guys were full of questions about what had happened. At first I had thought he peed in my mouth, but he showed me a dribble of it from my face and I knew that was not what I tasted. As John struggled to explain it, Jay asked if I would show him what I had done. I was anxious to taste more, so I eagerly said yes. Jay assumed Johnís place on the rock and I quickly sucked him into my mouth and soon was discovering that he tasted slightly different than John had, salty but slightly metallic too. Intrigued by the difference, I asked if I could taste them all. They were quick to agree to it.


Jim was impatient and asked Jay to show him what it felt like, Jay agreed to it and he lay down on the rock next to Bill. I was momentarily transfixed watching him go down on Jim. It was an amazing sight to see that penis disappearing into Jayís mouth, I could have watched all day. Bill quickly got my attention and I happily began sucking on him. I sucked everyone but Jim off that afternoon. Before we knew it, we heard the sound of cars coming down the road beyond the trees, so we donned our clothes and headed home.


The weeks passed quickly that summer; every day was spent at the swimming hole. Jay and Jim paired off most frequently then would come back to show me what new technique they discovered while playing with one another. I would then test it out on the other 4 guys. I loved watching their faces as them moment approached, feeling their cocks stiffen even more and twitch in my hand or my mouth. Most of all, I loved the taste of them, all different, but all delicious.


Itís funny, it never occurred to any of us that this was a form of sex. We never thought to kiss one another or do anything more than suck one another off. It was a wonderful summer!


ÖUntil the day in late JulyÖ


We were all lying on the bank of the river. Jim had just finished cuming in Jayís mouth for the second time that day, and I was making my second time around the group as well. Michael was nearly ready to cum when I heard the shrill voice pierce the air.


"Tracy Lynn OíBrien! What on Godís green earth do you think you are doing?!"


I suddenly was very aware that I was naked and I felt ashamed for the first time that summer. I was marched home that day, being told how terrible and risky my behavior was. My mom took me to the doctor to make sure I wasnít pregnant (because you know, oral sex can make you pregnant!) and I was no longer allowed to play with any of the boys from the neighborhood. We went to church that Sunday, and every time the doors were open after that, we were there. We sold our house before school started and moved into town where I could be watched and would be safe from those evil boys. Convinced of my wretchedness, I embraced the church and did everything I was taught to wash these desires from my mind.


15 years of church and 3 years of seminary later, I left the church and have re-discovered innocence and pleasure again. I realize now that what we did was not horrible, our ignorance and the lack of supervision were horrible. We were simply exploring and bringing pleasure to one another in the only way we had figured out how to. I am very grateful to the boys for their excellent instructions; they really were great teachers.


Where are all the boys today? Well, Jim and Jay are both openly gay and living with wonderful men in a larger city downstate. They had a very hard time being open in such a small town. Michael is still fascinated with sex organs and is a fertility specialist for a small womenís clinic a few towns away. John is bi-sexual, heís married and has a child and a man who rents a room from them occasionally gets together with him and his wife. Bill and Joe are both still single and love sex in all forms. They say that they have never found a mouth as good as mineÖ but they keep looking. I think they are just having fun and arenít ready to settle down yet. Me? Well, I am married with a couple of kids and a huge sex drive. I am now an ex-seminary student turned erotic fiction writer, go figure. I keep hubby as happy as he can be and siphon the extra off into stories for people who like to read them.


We all lost our innocence that summer, but I donít think it was when we discovered our sexuality, it was when others defined it for us.

* * * * * * * 

I hope you enjoyed this story. I mostly write fiction, this one however is quite true. If you have any comments, please feel free to contact me by e-mail. I personally reply to all comments I receive.

Thank you for reading.