Scrub aka Simon

Boys Are Toys

I really don't know where to start with all this. I guess I should explain why and how I wrote this.

I'm 16 now. My name is Seth. I ended up in 'therapy' because my mom found gobs and gobs of kiddie porn on my computer. I guess it would have been worse to go to jail. But not that much worse.

So, once I started telling my 'therapist' everything that happened to me for years, he decided it would be helpful to write down what I remembered happening to me. Everything. He said he thought it would help to figure out why I saw boys as objects. And why it turned me on so much to think of using and hurting them. (Actually I saw them as toys, but I thought if I told him that he would freak out) So I did. But, as I wrote it all out, I found it got me super turned on. I was jerking off like mad as I wrote it down.

So, when I was done with it all, I went back and redid it as a story so I could enjoy it even more. And then, I decided to share it.

The therapy was supposed to keep me from liking little boys. What it taught me was how to be a better liar and how to hide things better.

(By the way, ever notice how 'therapist' actually spells, 'The Rapist'? Go figure.)

Let's get on with it.

I vividly remember the first time anything happened to me. I was probably about 3.

My mom was always working. A friend of hers babysat me all the time. I don't even remember much about her or even her name. She had two kids. One was a few years older than me and was named Eric. I guess he was about 7. The other was a lot older than me and was Brian. Brian seemed like a grown up to me. But, now I know, he was only about 13.

I played with Eric a lot. Brian always seemed to be around us and played with us too. He especially liked wrestling with us, tickling us, and swimming with us. Now I get why. I thought he was really cool. I honestly don't remember their mom being around very much. It was mostly just the three of us.

It wasn't uncommon that my mom would work nights and I would sleep over with them.

One night we were playing and Brian and Eric said they wanted to show me a 'big boy' game. I was fine with that. I wanted to be a big boy. They both took off their clothes and told me to do the same. I figured they were the big boys, so I did.

I remember Brian looked different than we did. His 'thing' as I called it then seemed so much bigger than ours. And it was sticking far out from his body.

And, there was hair over it. It was the first time I had ever seen something like that.

Anyway, the game was strange to me. They both took turns putting their mouths on each other's things. I didn't really understand it.

But, I could tell they both really liked it. Especially Brian. After a while of watching they asked me if I wanted to play the game. I didn't really want to. I didn't understand how it would be fun. They both made fun of me and called me a little kid and said I wasn't ready to be a big boy. I started crying.

Finally, I said I would try to play. Brian told Eric to 'suck' me, and he put his mouth on my thing. Brian stood over me and put his 'thing' in front of my mouth. He put his hand on my head and told me to open my mouth.

I did, even though I was still crying.

I didn't get what the fun of this 'game was'. I didn't like it.

Brian kept trying to put more and more of his 'thing' in my mouth.

It was so big and I really couldn't breathe. It was too big, and not all of it would fit. He was rubbing the part that wouldn't go in. He was calling me things I didn't understand like 'cock sucker', 'slut', and 'little fag'.

I don't know how long the game went on. Finally Brian started making strange sounds and rubbing himself faster. He kept my head from moving. And then something started coming out of his 'thing' and I thought he was peeing in my mouth. I was crying even more and I hated the thick stuff that was in my mouth.

He took his thing out and I stood there crying with that stuff in my mouth. Then I remember them saying I was a baby for crying, but that I played the big boy game well. They said that the game was our secret and made me promise I'd keep the secret. And, I kept the secret until now.

We played the big boy game often after that. I never really wanted to, at first. But, they kept telling me I wouldn't be a big boy if I didn't play it.

We all put our mouths on each other's things. But, Brian seemed to like his in my mouth the most. And, he almost always put that thick stuff in it. After a couple weeks, I was used to it. And, I stopped crying.

I didn't understand why or how, but all of our things seemed to get bigger during the game. But, Brian was the only one that would 'cum' as he called it.

He said that the more of his stuff we ate, the faster we would grow big like him. And, he said, that was why Eric was bigger than me; because Eric had been doing it longer.

I admit, that I started liking the game. But, more than that, I liked that Brian was so nice to me and played with me.

I don't really know how long it went on like that. But, it wasn't long until everything changed. There was about a week that I didn't go over there, and I didn't understand why. I was told something happened to Eric and he had died. I didn't really understand it then. I do now. I remember the first day I was back there, Brian and his mom seemed sad.

That night Brian crawled into my bed with me. He talked a lot of stuff I didn't really understand. But he said that since Eric was gone I'd have to be his little brother now. I said ok.

He told me to suck him. By now, I knew what he meant. And, I thought I had to since I was his brother now. It was the same as it always was. Except this time, he kept trying to push it in farther and farther. And, he wouldn't let me take it out to say anything. He finally put his stuff in my mouth. And, I thought it was over and that he would do stuff to me. I was wrong.

I tried taking my mouth off him, but, he wouldn't let me. He told me I had to keep his thing in my mouth until he fell asleep. He called me names again.

And, he told me all I was good for was to use.

I guess I fell asleep with it in my mouth. The next day, Brian was super-nice to me. That's the way it always was, back then. We would do stuff at night, and then he was nice to me in the day. But, at night he was a different person. Calling me all sorts of dirty names. The big-boy game was different now, too. He didn't really ever do anything to my thing anymore. He just had me suck on his.

One afternoon Brian's mom was gone for a while, and Brian wanted to play the game then. I didn't want to because I was playing some videogame. He told me that I just made a really big mistake, and left the room. I didn't know what he meant. But, I soon found out. And, he was right. It was a big mistake.

Because everything was different from then on.

When his mom came home Brian told her I said 'fuck'. She was so mad at me. She took me into the kitchen, and pulled down my pants. She spanked me with a wooden spoon on my bottom and on my back. I kept trying to tell her I didn't say it. She said I was lying. And, she said she was going to spank me 'til I told the truth. Finally I admitted I said it, so she would stop. I was crying bad and my entire backside hurt. She told Brian to take me to his room because she was disgusted at me. He did.

In his room he was smiling and laughing at me. I just cried. He reminded me that I made the mistake. I guess he was right. He told me to undress and of course I did. I figured he wanted to play the game now. I was wrong. First he told me he was going to spank me, too. And, he told me if I didn't do what he said, that he would tell his mom I said she was a bitch. I didn't know what the word meant. But, I knew it would mean an even worse spoon beating.

He put me on his lap and spanked my bottom really hard. It hurt worse than the spoon did! And it lasted longer. He told me he was going to spank me until I stopped crying. I didn't understand it, because spanking meant crying to me. I couldn't stop crying because it hurt so badly. He told me he would give me something to cry about. Then, before I knew it, he shoved a finger up my bottom. I cried harder and told him to stop. He just laughed and kept moving it in and out of me.

He told me he was going to fuck me like a girl. I didn't know what it meant then. He laid me on the bed on my stomach and put something slimy on my hole and on his dick. Then, he started trying to put his thing in my bottom. It took him a very long time, but he finally got it in me.

Then, he started moving it in and out. Yah, he was fucking me. Once it was in, it wasn't long before he made that groaning sound and all his stuff went up my bottom.

But, that wasn't the worst part. He took it out and told me to clean his dick (by now I knew what his dick was). I started to grab a towel, happy it was over. But, he told me to use my mouth. It was so nasty. Bloody, and other nasty, nasty stuff. He made me do it with my mouth and tongue.

He told me I was a dirty little boy because my bottom was dirty like that. Then, he pulled me by the hair into the bathroom. He showed me how to clean my bottom by squirting water up it. (The water hurt so badly the first time when he did it). He told me that if I kept it clean all the time, then when he fucked me it wouldn't be as bad to clean. He also made sure I knew he was going to fuck me as often as he could. He made me ask him to fuck me so that he wouldn't tell his mom I was saying bad words again. So, I said "Brian please fuck me."

And he did fuck me again that first day. He bent me over the edge of the bathtub and put his dick back up me. It hurt so badly again, and of course I cried. It was then that I figured out that he liked when I cried.

So, from then on I tried my best not to cry. He took a little longer to put his cum up me. And, again, he made me clean his dick off with my mouth. It wasn't as bad this time. Just blood and his stuff. From then on I was obsessive about making sure my bottom was clean all the time! Even now, at 16, I clean my bottom out all the time!

I hoped he would let me clean the stuff out when he was done. But, for the first of many, many times, he made me keep it in me until I went to the bathroom next. He said I was his 'bitch' and 'cum dump' and to get used to being cum in. And, before long, I was used to it.

Those first few days, he fucked me so many times. I honestly don't know how many. Thinking back on it, it was probably at least 20 times that first week.

I seemed to bleed a lot at first, and I was scared. But, before long, I didn't bleed anymore. And, it didn't hurt as much and I could keep from crying. I thought I was becoming a big boy.

He never really did anything to my thing much anymore. He said I was only there to make him happy, and things like that. He also said it was my fault Eric was gone. I missed my friend and the way it used to be.

Brian was two different boys. Most of the time he was super nice to me, played with me, and was fun. But at night and some other times, he called me names and made me 'his bitch', 'fuck toy', 'cum dump', 'fag', etc. I never even thought about telling anyone. And, I think he knew that. He knew I was scared he would say I was saying bad words. And, I thought no one would believe me over him.

This kept going on the same way for a long time. He fucked me and made me suck him whenever he had the chance. He seemed to like making it rough. But, I wouldn't let him see me cry anymore, if I could help it. He would spank me too. And, I don't know why, but I let him do all the stuff he wanted, because I was scared what would happen if his mom spanked me again. It doesn't make sense now. But, I was a kid.

It went the same for a long time. He would make me suck him, or fuck me, practically every day I was there. Sometimes two or three times.

My 5th birthday came. And, my mom had a party for me. Other kids came, but I really wanted Brian there, for some reason. I guess I really thought he was my big brother. Brian brought me the best present of all. (I really don't remember what it was, but I loved it. That I know!) As he was leaving, he whispered in my ear that I was going to get my 'real' present tonight, when my mom was at work.

Yea, I was stupid. I thought I was getting something else. That night, when I was at Brian's house, I found out that Brian had a friend staying the night at his house with him. The boy's name was Chris. He was taller and more muscular than Brian. Brian was a little different with me that day. He wasn't as nice and didn't want to play with me.

Brian and Chris were in my room before I could even fall asleep. I remember Brian told Chris that I was 'his toy'. He leaned over and whispered in my ear to do what he said, or he would tell his mom I was bad again. I knew what that meant.

Brian told me to undress. I did. Chris' eyes were wide open. Brian told me to pull down Chris' shorts and suck Chris. I did. Chris' dick was bigger than Brian. And, Chris had more hair over it. I did my best to suck Chris. He seemed to really like it. Brian pulled his dick out and played with it while I sucked his friend. They switched off in my mouth for a long time. Making me suck each of them. They kept saying they didn't want to 'shoot' yet, and would take my mouth off them and put me on the other.

Chris said I sucked better than any girl. I figured that was a good thing.

Chris actually reached down to touch my dick. Brian told him he didn't have to. And told Chris that I was just their toy.

Chris said he wanted to see my little 'cock' get hard. Brian let him do whatever he wanted. Chris rubbed my thing and it did get hard.

It felt good for the first time in a while. Brian slapped my dick, and told me he didn't want me to have fun. Chris' eyes got wide when he hit me.

Brian told him he could do whatever he wanted to me.

Chris didn't seem to want to do anything mean. But Brian made him spank me. Chris didn't seem to want to at first. But, toward the end he hit my bottom hard. Harder than Brian, I think. But, I didn't cry. At least I didn't cry on the outside.

Brian fucked me while I sucked Chris. Brian said he would 'lube' my ass up for Chris' 'cock'. What that meant is Brian shot in me like always. This time, while I 'cleaned' his cock, Chris started putting his cock in me.

I guess I was used to Brian in me. Because Chris really hurt. I cleaned Brian off as Chris pushed in me. I wanted to cry so badly.

It was huge to me.

Chris said I was better than any girl. That really made me happy. I don't know why.

Chris wasn't in me very long. At least not the first time. When he shot, I could feet it. I felt the pulse of warmth into me. It felt like so much stuff. Chris was done and said he wanted to go to bed. Brian told him he couldn't until I cleaned him off. I knew what that meant.

So, I did. I licked and sucked all the cum and some blood off of Chris.

Chris loved it, and decided he didn't want to go to bed after all.

So, all night long Brian and Chris fucked my hole. For the first time in a very long time, I cried again. When I did, Chris stopped fucking me. Brian called Chris a puss and made him keep going.

Chris must not have liked being called a puss because he did it harder to prove he wasn't. He fucked me very, very hard. I don't know exactly how many times they both came in me. I think it was 2 or 3 each. And, all of them were in my ass, except for one when Chris shot in my mouth and said I was too good and he couldn't help himself.

I was a cummy, bloody mess. More cum than blood. But, I was happy I was 'clean'. The brown stuff was nasty.

I think it would have gone on longer. But, the sun was coming up and they told me to go to sleep. I was tired, and went to sleep fast.

When I woke up, it was the first day after my birthday. I started it off filled with lots of teen boy cum. And, my tummy hurt badly. I went to the bathroom and gobs and gobs of white stuff and blood came out. I was in the bathroom when Brian came in. Chris had gone home. He said I did 'pretty good'.

It made me smile. Then, he fucked me again. I don't know why, but I got sick. He didn't stop and just kept fuckin me, even though I puked. He came in me. AGAIN. Then he hit me in the stomach and walked out. When he was gone, I cried AGAIN.

Chris was over a lot after that. But, I liked Chris. He seemed to not want to do mean stuff to me. But, Brian made him.

A while after I first met Chris, there was one bad night. They were drinking something out of a bottle and both smelled really funny to me. They made me drink some of it and it really hurt to drink. But, the bad part hadn't started.

They made a bet to see who could make me cry first. The loser of the bet would have to suck the winner. But, they also told me that if I cried, they BOTH were going to tell his mom that I had been bad again.

So, they both started doing stuff to me. They decided they each only had one minute to try to make me cry. Then, it would be the other's turn. I had decided I wasn't going to cry. Of course, I was wrong.

Chris started off. He started fucking me without anything to make it wet. I didn't cry. Brian took a turn. He put his fingers in me and spread them.

I'll be honest. I was about to cry when Chris said his turn was up.

Chris spent most of his turn deciding what to do to me. At the end he started fucking me with a pen of some kind. It was rough, but small, and I didn't cry.

Brian knew right what he was going to do. He put me on my back on the bed. Then, he hit me on my dick with a ruler over and over again. I wanted to cry, but, I didn't want Brian to win. I wanted Chris to win, if anyone.

I was biting my lower lip. Brian whispered in my ear that if Chris won, I would be VERY sorry. But, I didn't care. Chris was nice to me. I decided that I would cry for Chris the next time it was his turn. But, I never got that far. The ruler on my dick over and over again was making it sting. It was bright red really fast. And, I just started crying.

Chris had lost the bet. He made good on it, and put Brian's dick in his mouth and sucked Brian off. Brian shot in Chris's mouth. But, it took him a while longer than it usually took when I did it. Right after Brian shot, he said he was feeling sick, and went off to the bathroom. I didn't see Brian again until the next day.

Chris stayed in my room and laid in bed with me. He touched me really nicely. Rubbed me softly all over and said nice things to me. He said I was a 'hottie'. I waited and waited and expected him to fuck me again or make me suck him. But, he didn't he just kept touching me and kissing me all over.

I touched Chris, too. He had a big-boy body and I wondered if I would be like that someday. I saw he was really hard still. I decided I should make him feel good. So, I sucked Chris off. I did it the best I could.

Chris really seemed to like it a lot. Chris told me he was about to shoot, but that I didn't have to have it in my mouth.

I was really confused! I thought I HAD to have it in my mouth. So, there was no way I was going to stop. He shot a way way lot of cum in my mouth. I liked the way it tasted, and I swallowed it all. He went down to try to suck my dick, but it hurt too much, so I stopped him.

He asked me why I let Brian do the stuff to me. I told him I had to and that I was his brother and I wanted him happy. Something like that, at least.

Chris said I was special and he loved me. He said he would try to be nice to me, when he could. But, when Brian was around, he couldn't be a pussy. I said I understood.

Chris was around as often as he could be. When Brian was around, he treated me like a toy. When he could get with me secretly, he 'made love' to me.

Fucking was a lot more fun and gentle then. And, he came a lot more. I liked it, and the taste. Chris was nice.

He always told me I didn't have to do stuff. Like I didn't have to 'clean' him. But, I really felt I had to. It was strange, I know.

Again, this same stuff went on for a long time. So much cum in me.

So much sucking. So much being fucked. So much being hurt. Chris tried to be alone with me when he could. But, it was never as much as I wanted.

I guess when I was about 8, stuff changed again. One night Chris said he was going away to school, and didn't know when he would be back. We 'made love' for the last time. He kissed me a lot. And, when he came in me, he said he would love me forever. He kissed me on the cheek when he left my room. I cried. I never saw Chris again.

Brian started a new school too. And, he moved out into his own place. I saw him less and less. But, sometimes he would have me over at his house for the weekend (my mom loved Brian as my big brother). He would make up for lost time and do me so much.

He also started taking lots of pictures and videos of me and put them on the computer. Remember the start of this story when I said I got caught with the kiddie porn? Well, a couple of the pictures I had on my computer were of me doing stuff. I found them years later! I jerked off to those pictures a lot, for some reason.

Right after my 9th birthday, I was over at Brian's for a birthday 'party.' The party was for Brian, I guess. But, the bad part was when Brian put me on the bed on my back with my legs behind my arms so my butt was in the air. He put a big candle in my bottom. (Not like a cake candle).

He lit it and told me it was staying in me lit, until he shot from me sucking him off.

It was hard for me to do, because I was on my back and he was controlling how much of his cock he let in my mouth. At first nothing happened. Then, the wax started dripping down and onto my hole. It wasn't THAT bad at first. But, as the candle burned down closer, the wax hitting my hole was hotter and hotter.

I was scared of what would happen if the flame hit my hole. So, I just hoped I wouldn't fine out. My eyes were watering up with me close to crying. Then, he finally shot. I was so happy that time!

Then he told me he I had to blow out the candle, AFTER he sang happy birthday to me. He pulled the candle out of my butt and held it so that wax dripped on my cock and sack. It hurt a lot as a droplet hit them. But, it was over right away. It was like a little pinch of pain, and then it was gone. He finished singing, and I blew out the candle. I remember he said, "Happy Birthday, cunt."

Nothing happened for a little while after that. My 10th birthday came and went. Brian forgot about it. I know it sounds really stupid, but I was really hurt he didn't remember my birthday. I even knew that, if he remembered it, that it would mean him doin something to me. But, I still was sad.

I met a strange man four times. The first two weren't that bad. The last two were. Especially the last one.

One weekend I was at Brian's, he told me I was going to be a movie star. We left Brian's place and went to some motel. Brian was really acting strange and told me not to say a 'fucking word' unless I was told it was ok. He told me that I better do what I was told, right away. And, he said if I didn't do it, that he would kill me like he did Eric. I was really scared. I hadn't thought about Eric in a long time. I barely remembered him.

But, I remembered that he vanished. And, I believed that Brian made it happen!

Brian had dressed me in clothes before we left. A sleeve-less t-shirt and a pair of shorts that was a little too small for me. Brian knocked on the door.

A man opened it up. He was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, but other than that looked like any other guy.

As we walked in the door, the man looked at me in a way that really made me nervous. I don't know why, but he scared me. When the door closed, the man handed Brian some money. I didn't get why. Brian counted it. It seemed like a fair bit. The man locked the door.

The room was set up with bright lights aimed at the bed, and a video camera was on a stand.

Brian told me to lay on the bed on my back. I did right away. The man went to the camera. A red light came on, and I knew I was being filmed. Brian told me what to do: Not look at the camera, slowly undress like I was teasing, then start rubbing my cock, and then start fingering my ass. He told me I better look like I was having fun. Then, he told me he was going to come in and fuck me, and I better NOT look like I was having fun.

I was scared and I nodded. I lay back on the bed and kind of rubbed my chest and stomach. I slowly took off my shirt and rubbed my skin again. I rubbed my dick through my shorts. (Brian had showed me porn of kids doin stuff before. So, I knew how to tease.) I reached down in my shorts and rubbed my dick.

I think it actually kinda got hard. (Which seldom happened.)

I pulled my shorts off slowly, hiding my cock as long as I could.

When I got them off, I started rubbing my dick. I remember thinking that my dick seemed bigger than before and that maybe I WAS becoming a 'big boy'! I did as I was told. I rubbed my dick. I licked a finger (as I saw the porn boys do) and then started rubbing my hole.

I noticed the man was rubbing the front of his shorts as he looked through the camera at me. It kind of made me sick.

I continued rubbing my hole and rewet my finger frequently. I worked it slowly in, and then a 2nd finger. With my other hand, I rubbed my little cock. It really kind of felt good. I was trying to be like the boys I had seen in videos on Brian's computer and act like a tease. I really hadn't played with my self before this.

In a blur, everything changed. Brian jumped on the bed and yelled at me. He asked me what I was doing and called me names. He said I was a dirty little boy and that he would teach me a lesson.

I was so scared and I curled up in a ball. I didn't understand what was going on. He pulled his shirt off over his head and then took his pants off. He fucked my mouth harder and deeper than he had before as he pulled my hair toward his cock. He grabbed my hand and pushed it down toward my bottom and told me to keep fingering my 'pussy'. I did my best but it was dry and I couldn't get to it.

A little bit later he said he'd show me what my hole was for, and started fucking me. Except for being dry, I was pretty used to this, and it wasn't THAT bad. He lasted longer than he usually did. But, finally, he came up me.

He positioned me so I was holding my legs behind my arms, with my cheeks spread. I think the camera was right on my hole. He fingered my hole and spread it open. I felt wetness drip down me.

Then he reached next to the bed and grabbed a big rubber dick. It was bigger than Brian. It seemed a lot bigger. He told me to stay in this position, and fucked me with that big rubber cock. It WAS way bigger. I bit my lower lip and tried not to cry. He bent over and kissed my neck and whispered in my ear that it would end faster if I cried.

So, I stopped trying to fight it, and let myself cry from the pain of the big rubber dick in my bottom. But, it didn't end right away. In fact, the crying seemed to make him do it harder. Finally, he stopped.

He grabbed my hair and started pulling me toward the bathroom. I scrambled to follow him. The camera followed us in side. Brian bent me over the edge of the tub so that my head was in it with my legs out. He put the head of his dick at my asshole. In a moment I felt a gush of warmth in me that I didn't understand. Finally I figured out that Brian was peeing up my butt.

I started feeling so full and it burned, especially at my hole. A little bit was leaking out. Brian told me to not let any out. I closed my butt tight as he pulled out. I saw Brian grab a funny looking rubber thing (later I knew it was a 'butt plug'). He put it against my hole and rammed it in. I screamed a lil as it popped into my bottom. And then it was sealing the stuff up me.

Brian sat me on the edge of the bathtub so it was pushing that rubber thing way up me. Then, the camera's red light went off. Brian was gulping lots of water, which I didn't get.

The man came in and pulled his shorts down. He was very hairy, but not as big as Brian. He put his dick in front of my mouth and I knew to suck it in. He tried fucking my mouth rough, but it was easy compared to Brian. I didn't like the smell. It was gross. I sucked the man really well, and he shot super fast. He told me I was a great little toy.

The man went back to the camera and Brian came back in. He whispered in my ear that I was a dirty slut for sucking the man without even being told to. I felt low and dirty.

Brian laid me down in the bathtub. Brian told me to open my mouth and he started peeing all over my chest, stomach, hair, face, and mouth. It was gross.

But, I didn't dare close my mouth. He finished, and told me to swallow. I swallowed his piss.

My stomach was hurting. I guess cramping is a better description.

Brian put my legs back behind my head, which made the cramping worse. He told me to push out my hole, as he tugged on the plug. It didn't want to give, at first. I felt like I was going to rip. But, it finally came out. A gush of nasty piss shot down my stomach and chest. Brian threw the plug at my face and told me I was a nasty boy and to clean up. He left, and shut the door.

I quickly cleaned up with soap and water. And, I cleaned my ass, as always. I was scared, but I stuck my head out the door. The man, camera, and lights were gone. Brian saw me. He told me I was a great actor. We went to an amusement park and had a fun afternoon. He told me I made him lots of money.

And, he told me I'd make him even more next time.

Next time was just a few weeks later. Brian dressed me up in my soccer uniform. And, about an hour before we left, he gave me three pills. By the time we got in the car, my dick was very hard. Like Brian's and Chris's dicks got. Brian rubbed my dick through my shorts. It felt really good.

He said his little boy was growing up. He was kinda nice to me. We went to a different motel, but the same man and camera stuff was inside.

Inside the room was a crib with a little boy who was probably about 2 years old. He had black hair that was short. And he was pretty thin. The kid looked a little dirty and was crying. On one bed in the room was some lady. She looked sick-like, and was asleep. There were needles for shots on the table near her.

They told me what to do. I was to do another strip while I teased the camera. And then play with my dick for a while. When they pointed at the kid, I was to take him out of the crib, undress him, and then take him to the bathroom and take a bath with him. When he was VERY VERY clean, I was to start rubbing the boy's dick, and then lick and suck it until they told me to stop.

I did the strip in sexy fashion. When I got naked, my dick was super big and sticking straight out. It actually kind of hurt. I rubbed it and played with it. It felt really good. I would have loved to have kept doin this! But, they pointed to the crying boy. I lifted him up and undressed the little kid.

His diaper was stinky with piss. And he was just a dirty boy. I took him into the bathroom and the bath was already full. We climbed in and I cleaned him up with soap. I cleaned him two times.

Then, I stood him up and started jerking his little boy cock. As told, I started licking it and sucking it. The little cock got hard in my mouth and the boy calmed down some. A few minutes later they turned the camera off and told me to stop.

Then they told me what was going to happen next. I'm not going to tell you what they said. I'm just going to tell you what I did.

The camera turned back on. I took the boy out of the bath and grabbed the bottle of conditioner. I took him in the bedroom and dried him off. The boy saw his mom and started crying some more. But, I knew he'd really be crying soon.

I laid the boy on his stomach. I put his hands behind his back and tied them together with my soccer sock. I tied them as tight as I could. The kid was crying even more. I then moved the boy onto his back.

I climbed over him and put my dick in his mouth. It was so warm and wet. I loved the way it felt. I kept doing that for a while. The kid kept trying to stop me. Finally I said, "Fine, cunt, I'll put it somewhere else."

That's what I was told to say.

I climbed between the boy's legs and put conditioner on my dick and squirted it on his hole. I put my dick on the kid's hole and started pushing in.

In a moment I knew why Brian and Chris liked being in me so much!

The kid was so tight and fought and squirmed as I pushed into him. I held him down as my cock tip went into the baby. He squealed and screamed a little.

So, I did what I was told to do when he FIRST screamed. I took my dick out. I grabbed that piss soaked diaper and stuck it in the kid's mouth really far.

Then, I tied my other sock around it to keep it in place. The thought of that diaper in MY mouth made me gag. But, I thought about it in HIS mouth and it was hot. I climbed between his legs and put my dick back in his tight little baby ass. I fucked him like Brian fucked me; adding a little more each time until I was all the way in.

IT FELT SO GOOD! I fucked that kid hard. My dick fell out a couple times and I just pushed it back in. I kept going and was breathing hard and sweating.

I looked up and saw the kid was crying. And, I remembered how I cried the first time I was fucked. I figured I liked it soon enough, so he would too.

Besides, some day it would make him a big boy, so I was told. (I really thought every boy was fucked at some time. And, I thought, that is what made boys grow up.) YES I WAS STUPID, I KNOW IT!

Anyway, I kept going and going, faster and faster. I looked and saw there was blood around my dick from the kid's hole. Oops. I kept fucking. Then, it happened. Of course I didn't know what it was at first. My body tensed up and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then, a rush feeling shot through my body and was focused on my dick. I twitched and spasmed and moaned.

Then, I collapsed on top of him. I realized I was like Brian, when he shot in me. So, I figured I must have shot. (I've shot lots since then, but it's never felt THAT good.)

Brian said to the man that he just filmed my first orgasm. Brian said "you're growin up, kid."

I took my dick out of the boy and spread his legs for the camera. It was white from the conditioner with streaks of blood. I looked for 'stuff' but couldn't see any. (It was actually a few times until anything came out when I shot.)

I untied the kid and took out the pissed diaper. I wiped my cock off on the diaper, and then put the diaper back on the kid. Then, I laid him in his crib.

Then, I lay down on the bed and pretended to fall asleep. The camera was turned off and the man came over to me again. I remember what he said. "Boys are Toys, kid." Then he pulled his dick out and I sucked him again.

Brian was over with the little black haired baby. He had his dick in the kid's mouth and was roughly rubbing the boy's cock. I was jealous that Brian was more interested in the kid then he was in me.

In no time the man shot his nasty cum into my mouth and I swallowed it down. It was so thick and gross. Brian wasn't long after, and shot in the boy's mouth. The baby choked it down. I was mad that the boy got Brian's cum and not me.

Brian told me to get dressed. I did. And, my dick was still hard.

The man gave Brian more money, and we left. My dick was still hard hours later and I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. I was aching and crying when I finally fell asleep.

I wasn't over at Brian's house for about a month after that. I tried rubbing my dick a few different times. It felt good, but didn't get that hard. If I thought about that boy, I got harder, though. I could never shoot though.

Anyway I was back at Brian's and he had another video shoot set up for me. Another drive, and we arrived at a different place. We went to a room and knocked. The man opened the door and we went in. Same setup, without the boy and woman. I wouldn't have minded playing with that boy again.

But there was a metal dog cage. And in that cage was a big, mean looking, dog. He was turning in circles in the cage, and was sniffing at a diaper-looking thing sitting on top of the cage. I hoped they didn't want me to fuck the dog! I was so wrong.

The man handed Brian money again. I undressed. The man took the diaper looking thing and rubbed it all over my back, bottom, and especially my hole. It was a little wet, but I couldn't smell anything.

They told me that they would tell me what to do. They told me if I didn't do it, that the dog would probably hurt me really bad. I believed them. They told me the dog was going to fuck me and I better let him. They said the last boy was my toy. And this time I was the dog's toy. They told me I was the dog's bitch now. And I was alive to make the dog happy. I kinda thought I figured it out. The younger kid was always the toy for the older. That's how it worked.

Brian said that if I was good, they would get me 'high' when the dog was done with me.

So, I got on all 4's. They let the dog go and told me to not move at all. The dog was taller than me as he circled around me and sniffed me all over. He seemed to find more of the smell by my hole and he climbed on top of me. The dog was heavy. His huge paws dug into my sides, and it hurt really bad. I tried not to move.

He started fucking and trying to find my hole. His dick hurt as it poked around. Finally it hit the center. I tried opening it up for him. The dog must have liked it because he started going faster and faster.

I could feel it getting deeper and deeper in me. And, it felt like it was getting bigger. The claws were still digging into me. Brian told me to push out from my hole and push my bottom back into the dog. I did. Something on the dogs cock popped inside me, and started getting bigger and bigger.

And, it didn't stop getting bigger for a long time. I felt so full and the dog was ramming deeper and deeper into me. My hole started feeling really stretched and started hurting. The dog just kept fucking. His weight got to be too much and I started to go down in front. The dog growled at me and put his big teeth on my neck. I knew to stay up!

I started crying because of the claws, and because of my hole, and because I was scared and being fucked by a dog. The dog finally stopped moving and lay motionless on my back. I felt twitching at my hole from the dog's dick. That kept going for a while.

The dog stepped off from me and turned away so we were butt to butt.

His dick was locked in me! I was scared. It hurt as he started trying to walk away.

It wouldn't come out, and he stopped trying. I could still feel the twitching. A few more minutes passed and the dog tried walking away again. He was still trapped in me and it hurt. He kept walking away and I scrambled backward to keep it in. Brian and the man both laughed at me.

The dog's dick finally plopped out of my hole. Warm, smelly dog cum dripped down my legs. They told me to spread my hole open for the camera. I did.

They told me to scoop out dog cum and eat it. I did. I did that a lot. Until they told me to stop.

The man put the dog back in the cage.

I don't understand a lot of what I'm about to describe. But, I'll do the best I can. They put me on the bed. The man told me to hold still and to put my right arm straight out next to me, which I did. He seemed to adjust the camera and then sat next to me on the bed. Brian looked and told him his face wasn't in the video. The man put a tight plastic band around the upper part of my arm. He cleaned off the inside of my arm (where it bends at the elbow) with alcohol. Then, he flicked at the spot with his fingers. He cleaned it again.

When it was dry, he showed me the thing you use to give shots with.

He told me not to move or he would kill me. He said that in a few minutes I would be in heaven. This man really scared me. So, I didn't dare move. I did watch what he was doing though.

He stuck the needle into my arm. It hurt, but not that bad. A little, dark swirl of blood came up into the needle-thing. Brian came over and held me lightly. I saw him start shooting the stuff into my arm. An instant later I felt a rush of energy. My heart felt like it was going to burst and then my brain felt charged up. All of a sudden I felt like superman with super hearing. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. The sound of the air conditioner was deafening and the lights seemed blindingly bright.

My whole body twitched and shook and I couldn't control it. I felt so good.

But then I felt like I wasn't getting enough air and it seemed like I was forgetting to breathe. The man had taken the needle out of my arm and Brian put his hand on the spot. The man tore a piece of tape, and it was deafening. Every now and then I would get the feeling like I was forgetting to breathe, and would gasp. The man asked me what my name was.

I knew the answer but I couldn't make myself say the words. I felt I wasn't getting enough air and thought I was going to die. My body started shaking more and more and my hands were twitching. It was really hard to do but I looked over at Brian. My vision was blurry. I couldn't tell what he was doing.

But I could hear laughter. I heard Brian ask if this was normal.

The man said it might have been a little too much. Brian asked if I would be ok. The man said 'probably.'

The man was laughing at me. I felt someone pick up my arm, but it felt like it wasn't mine. The person lifted my arm up and rubbed it. I didn't think it could get any more intense, but it did. The rush built even higher and my head was spinning. The man was still laughing and said it was 'good coke'.

I really thought I was going to die. I was scared but felt so good at the same time. The breathing thing was even worse. He told Brian to breathe for me.

Brian pinched my nose and blew in my mouth. I knew I needed the air, but it was hard to coordinate taking it in. He forced it in, and I felt better.

Brian was really keeping me alive! My body was shaking worse and worse. Brian breathed a couple times for me, then he climbed between my legs. He fucked me while I twitched and tried to breathe. It was intense, and kind of felt good. Brian got where he could tell me to breathe, and I would. So he, didn't have to breathe anymore. He seemed to really be enjoying fucking me. He said I felt very tight. Like I did years ago.

The intense feeling let off a little as Brian kept fucking me. He said how good the dog cum felt in me. He fucked me a long time. At least it seemed that way. He shot in me and held in far. Then, he took his dick out and fed it to me. It was hard to coordinate opening my mouth. He slapped my face hard. I opened it and did my best to clean it off. The man packed up his stuff and left the room. Brian and I were still in there. I was still 'high'. Brian was still turned on. He climbed between my legs and started fingering me with one, then two, then three fingers. He was spreading me farther and farther.

I think it hurt. I really couldn't tell for sure because of how my mind was spinning. He kept working at my hole and saying that he was going to get his fist in me. Like I said, time was hard to tell. But, it seemed a very long time that he worked and pushed and tried to get his hand up my bottom. He never did get it. He said I was so tight from the 'coke'.

As the drug starting wearing off, I got sick and started puking. Brian stopped trying to get his hand in me and we went home. I felt sick and tired for the next few days.

The next part is the worst stuff that ever happened to me. It's not nice at all. If you don't want to read it, look down for the ********* and that's where it's over.

It was a few months later, I think, that I saw the man next. And it was the last time I ever saw him. We arrived at even a different motel. With same setup inside. Brian got his stack of cash. I wondered what was in store for me this time. I hoped it was another little boy. Or the drug thing was great, until I got sick.

The man and Brian were talking before we started. The man said he wanted to do me alone. Brian said that they had a deal. The man pulled out more money and handed it to Brian. Brian counted it and decided he'd leave me alone with the man. I knew this wasn't going to be good. Brian looked at me and left, without saying anything.

The man locked the door and looked at me with a grin that sent chills down my spine. He started the camera and told me to undress fast. I did as fast as I could. He tied my hands behind my back very tight. He stuffed my underwear in my mouth and put a strip of gray tape all the way around it, to hold them in place.

He got right in my face and whispered that I was never going to see Brian or ANYONE again. That he was going to kill me when he was done hurting me. He had hate in his voice and there was no doubt in my mind that he was serious.

The man obviously knew he was going to be hurting me today. He had a backpack that he put on the bed next to me. He opened it and pulled out two zippy ties.

He pulled my dick and balls roughly away from my body and put the first tie around the base. In one hard pull he tightened it tight around the base. Skin pinched in between it as he pulled it tight and I could feel it tear. I screamed into the gag.

The man slapped me across the face like he was hitting another man.

He hit me hard. My head spun and he told me to shut the fuck up.

He pulled my balls away from my body and put the other tie tight around them. More skin got pinched and I tried not to scream. It must have been better cuz the man didn't hit me. My cock and balls were on fire already, and it had just begun.

The man pulled something out of his bag. I couldn't see what. He grabbed my throbbing dick and held whatever it was at the hole of it. In one push he shoved it all the way down my cock until it hit the band at the base. I screamed at the most worse pain of my life and then everything went black. I guess I passed out from it.

I woke up with my heart racing. I didn't know where I was at first, but it all quickly came back to me. The pain in my cock unimaginable. I looked down at my cock. It was huge and dark red. the ties were still on it.

Blood was dripping out the tip of my dick more than a drop a second.

The man was on the bed next to me. My arms had been untied and spread out from my body and tied to either side of the bed. There was a needle in my arm again.

The man said something about seeing if I liked 'ice' as much as I did the 'coke'. I knew he had given me something because there was a strange taste in my mouth and my heart was racing. He seemed to know what I was thinking, and told me that he just gave me a little to wake me up.

Then he said, "Here you go." And he pushed some of the stuff into me.

The first thing that happened was I had this super strange cough. My heart raced fast and I felt full of energy. It made the pain less noticeable. I started breathing really fast, too. And, I felt really horny (I learned later what horny was. But, at the time I just knew I felt the same as when I fucked that little kid and wanted it to just go on forever).

The man took the needle out from my arm. He didn't do anything else with it and it started bleeding out from where the needle just was.

He really did just plan on me dieing. I was just hoping that Brian would come back and save me, because Brian loved me.

The man put a rubber on his dick. I knew what one was. But, no one had ever put one on to fuck me before. I soon figured out why.

The man put my legs in the air really high. They were up so high that the drops of blood from my dick were dripping down to my chin and face.

(This next part is really hard to write. When I try to write the words down, I just freeze up and cry.) But, he showed me a bottle of hot sauce. He took the lid off, and poured some on my hole. The burning started building immediately. He stuck the tip of the bottle roughly in my hole, and the sauce poured down in me. He put even more of it on his covered dick. And then, the bastard started fucking me. He fucked me with hot sauce as a lube.

The burning and pain was bad at first. But, it was only going to get worse. The mans fucking moved it deep in me and opened my skin up.

Tears streamed down my face. My heart was still racing and I was still breathing hard, too. It seemed like years. But, in reality, I think the pathetic fuck lasted about a minute.

I wished I could pass out again, but that 'ice' kept me from escaping. He finally shot in that rubber. I remember being glad his gross cum wasn't inside me. He took his dick out and went to the bathroom. I was alone for a bit. My entire cock, balls, and ass were in absolute agony. I wished I would hurry up and die! I wanted it over that bad.

He came back to the room and told me it was time to die. Terror filled me. My thought just a moment ago of wanting to die was gone.

I didn't want to die.

I wanted Brian to come in and save me.

The man pulled a clear plastic bag from the backpack. He told me that 'Boys are Just Toys,' and put the bag over my head and closed it at the bottom. He asked me if I was ready to die. I shook my head no. I was breathing so fast. In just a moment my air was gone and I began to panic. I thrashed all around on the bed. The man put his weight on top of me to hold me down. My head started starving for air and I knew I was going to die. Everything went black again.

I woke up again to the sound of the motel door closing. I hoped it was Brian. It wasn't. The man was coming back inside, for some reason. The bag was off my head and the man laughed at me. He told me I was too much fun to let die, YET. Then I noticed all the camera and other stuff was gone.

My cock, and balls were an agonizing, dull pain. My stomach ached.

My hole and right inside felt like someone was holding a match to it.

The man told me he wanted to cum down my throat one more time before he killed me. He started taking his shorts off. There was a knock on the door. I hoped it was Brian. I would have screamed out to him if I had been able.

The man looked out the peephole and then said to wait a minute. He cussed as he walked back over to me. He looked around like he was pissed off. He grabbed that needle looking thing. Before I even knew what he was going to do, he stabbed it into my dick! It hurt, but it was in and over pretty fast.

Until he pushed some of that stuff in me.

It didn't feel like very much but it hurt so badly. It felt like when u get alcohol in a cut, except much bigger and from inside my dick. And it itched and burned.

He told me good-bye, and said to 'have fun in hell.' He put the bag back over my head and wrapped a strip of tape around my neck to hold it.

Through the clear plastic I could see him walk toward the door. My head started spinning and I knew I was dead soon. I don't think I ever went out this time, though.

The door opened and I guess the man went out as Brian came in. Brian was on top of me and I thought he was holding me down to help the man kill me. I was ready to die. It was probably just fractions of a second. But, if Brian didn't want me anymore, that I just wanted to die.

Brian had his hands around my neck and I thought he was choking me.

He stopped that and started clawing at the bag by my mouth and nose.

In a moment he tore it open and my body gulped in air. Brian was saving me.

He got the bag off of my face and then undid the tape holding my underwear in my mouth. I could breathe normally again. Brian untied my arms pretty fast.

I threw my arms around him and hugged him and just started crying into his chest. I was a baby, sobbing into Brian. He held me back and told me I was ok and he would take care of me. And, he told me the man would never touch me again. Brian didn't lie. I never saw the man again.

I started noticing the pain again. I looked at my dick. It was massively puffy and swollen. Blood still dripped out of the tip. In fact, there was blood everywhere. It looked like someone had been killed on the bed!

Brian looked at my dick and his eyes went big. He said he had to get those ties off of me. I nodded, but just cried. I guess all the swelling made it hard to get to the tie. And, when he touched it and moved it, it made the pain worse. But, I knew it had to get off, so I tried to hold still. It seemed to take hours to get it off. When It finally came off, I had no idea the pain would be so bad. I screamed and then blacked out.

I woke up and I was in the bathtub. The water felt cool. Brian was laying in the tub behind me. He was cleaning the blood off of me and the hot sauce out from my bottom. My dick was still swollen twice its normal size.

The most pain was from where he put that stuff in me with the needle. I was crying on Brian as he cleaned me up as best he could. Brian said that when I passed out, he took the other tie off so I didn't have to feel it.

Brian was talking funny. And his eyes were watery. He told me how sorry he was and that he loved me. I just cried. He told me I was becoming a big boy.

He said a little boy couldn't have taken what the man did to me. He was probably right. I wondered if the man killed that little black haired kid.

Brian got out of the tub and dried off. Then he got me out, and dried me off. We went out of the bathroom. Brian had cleaned up all the mess, I guess.

He said we were just going to stay there tonight, because I wasn't in any condition to be seen.

I started sobbing heavily. I didn't want to be on that bed again! I grabbed Brian in a hug and begged him to take me out of there. He said I couldn't be seen like this because my lip was bloody and I was crying. (I didn't even know my lip was bloody.) I told him it would be dark soon and we could go then and that I'd stop crying. He said no.

I was becoming hysterical. I had to get out of there. I was scared I'd die there!

My mind was racing to come up with a way out. I blurted out that we should go back to Brian's so he could fuck me like he used to do, before this man.

He looked at me in shock and asked if I really wanted that. I knew he was thinking about it so I said I really did. (And, I really did!) Brian said if I stopped crying, we would go. I was happy. I stopped pretty quickly and he dressed me back up and then himself. We snuck to the car and went back to his place. As we were pulling up, he said I was too sick, and that he didn't have to fuck me. I started crying again.

Brian had saved my life. (So I thought.) I knew he loved me. My 10-year-old mind wanted to repay him for saving my life.

We went inside. He told me to relax on his bed and to be quiet.

That he had to call my mom to get me to stay there long enough to get better. He left and called her. While he was gone I undressed. My cock was just tore up. He came back in and said he got it arranged. He saw me naked.

He again said he thought I was too hurt.

I cried again like I was 5. He asked me to stop crying and asked if I would be happy if I sucked him off. I nodded yes. He undressed his tan body and lay on the bed next to me. "Suck me, Seth," he said. I did. For the first time in a very long time I enjoyed sucking Brian's cock. I tasted every bit of it.

I owed Brian my life! I would have given him my tore up hole, but he didn't want to hurt me. So, I figured the least I could do was love his cock with my mouth.

My body still hurt terribly all over. But, I tried to ignore it while I serviced Brian. In no time Brian was moaning as he rubbed the back of my head and fucked my mouth. He shot a huge load into my mouth. I swallowed it all and then lay my head on his leg and just cried softly.

His dick softened and lay across my cheek. He rubbed my hair softly and I curled up between his legs. He asked me if I was just crying because I was hurting. I nodded yes. Brian held me while I cried myself to sleep.

The next couple days were as bad, if not worse. But, Brian was really nice and took good care of me. He just held me in bed while I rested. He was so nice and was saying nice things a lot. And, he told me I was almost a big boy. Brian and I talked about that little black haired boy I fucked. We both agreed he was really hot. And, Brian was jealous that I got to fuck him and he didn't. :)

Brian and I looked at little boy porn on the computer a lot over the next couple days, too. And, I sucked him off most of the times that we did. I was super horny, but hurt too bad to do anything.

Over the next few months Brian and I played a few times. One night he was fucking me and I was rubbing my dick and I finally shot cum.

He fed me my cum on his fingertips while he shot off inside me. Of course, I cleaned him off. He told me I was finally a big boy. I thanked him for making me one. I saw Brian less and less after that.

When I was 13 or so, I would see Brian, but we wouldn't have sex as much. But, we would look at boys on the computer, and go swimming at the public pool and talk about the little boys we saw there. Brian finished school and moved away. And I only saw him a couple times a year. I still sucked him off while we looked at little boys on the computer, but he didn't seem to want to fuck me anymore.

Ever since then I look for sex anywhere I can get it. If they are older or bigger than me, I let them fuck me and use me all they want. But, when I am bigger than they are, I shoot in them and use their little bodies.

And, I prefer to be the older one! I have looked at so much kiddie porn. The harder it is, and the more the kid dislikes it, the harder it makes me.

(This part I didn't tell my therapist) I had one chance to mess with a little boy when I was 15. I was at the mall and this 5 year old came in to the bathroom while I was in there. He went into a stall. As he was coming out the stall door, I took him back in and locked the door. I fucked the little bitches mouth for about 3 minutes before I shot my cum all in his mouth. I didn't take my dick out until he swallowed it all down. He was crying a little bit. I told him I was making him a big boy and washed his face for him so he stopped crying. I put him back in the stall, and left.

Boys Really Are Toys.

Let me know what you think of my bringing up! I kind of like that you guys might get off on the stuff done to me. I know I get off on it now!

b_o_y_s_r_t_ o_y_s@yahoo. com

The End