Chapter 1

Three years ago, Danny's world was rocked when his mother announced that she and his father were getting a divorce. They had carefully hidden their arguments over the man's infidelity from the boy, and as a result the news took the fourth-grader by complete surprise.

To make matters worse, within a few months after the divorce was final and custody was awarded to his mother, his father took a new job in Hawaii. Since neither parent was well-off financially, this meant Danny wouldn't be able to see his father more than a few times a year at most. All of this was a crushing blow to the boy, and pushed the already shy kid further into his shell.

A lot had happened in the past three years. Much of the last year was recorded for posterity in his diary. Danny had been gifted one last Christmas after his sixth-grade English teacher Mrs. Munson told his mom how well he had been doing in his Creative Writing assignments. The boy took to the diary right away, and had been writing in it almost daily ever since, having to ask for new ones when he had written enough to fill one up.

The ruled pages became his way of talking out his feelings, albeit silently, as he tended to be quiet and shy around his mom and most of his peers. He kept his current diary in a dresser drawer near his bed, and his old ones hidden away on a shelf deep in his closet. His mom had promised that she wouldn't read them, and so far had kept her word, but she wasn't the one he was most worried about. Danny made sure that they were well-hidden whenever he had his best (and only close) friend Roger over. He was convinced that the words in there would ruin him if anyone but he read them.

***

March 8th, 1983
Dear Diary,
I finally figured out what the big deal was about jerking off. Some of the boys at school talk about it, but I didn't understand why until today. Sometimes I rub my penis when I'm bored but nothing really happened before. Yeah it felt good, but… Well, today I was doing it and normally I woulda stopped, but I was in the bathroom and it felt too good to stop, so I figured if I peed I'd just aim in the bowl. Well… I didn't pee! I almost passed out instead. It was so fucking amazing! Now I understand!

March 9th
I jerked off again today. And again. And again. When I woke up, when I got home from school, and just now before bed. I figured out it feels better if I spit on it first, but I'm almost out of spit! Haha! The boys at school talk about having to clean up after they do it, but nothing comes out for me. Maybe I just need to practice more. 😄

April 10th
I've been playing with my dick now for a month but I haven't said anything to the guys at school. They aren't my friends so we don't talk much anyway. I just listen in. But now I know why they talk about sex so much. It's so cool. It's like I got a new toy and I've been playing it with A LOT. Mom's happy cause she thinks I'm studying harder for classes but yeah, I'm mostly studying my dick. If the teachers gave me a test on jerking off I'd ace it for sure! Haha

April 24th
Mom took me over to Roger's house tonight. We played Donkey Kong while our moms talked. It's so cool that he actually has a video game at home. I always have to go to the arcade and pay for tokens. I don't think he's figured out sex yet. At least he never talks about it. I'm not going to say anything. That would be too weird.

May 2nd
Two more weeks and school will be out. Yay! Summer!

May 15th
Yesterday was the last day of school. Four months to have fun before I go back, and then I'll be in 7th grade. Isn't that cool? Maybe it will be. I don't really know. Next year I'll have seven different teachers instead of just one or two. That will be weird. Who knows?

June 12th
I'm bored. I wish dad was here. It sux that they split up. I get lonely sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. Yeah, most of the time. There, I said it. I wish they woulda made me a brother before he left. Then I'd have someone to play with. 🙁 ; Roger's fun. He understands since his dad left too, but his mom has to drive him here so we can't hang out very often. It sux.

June 13th
I said yesterday I wish I had a brother to play with. It's true. I never told anyone before, but I wish I had a brother to get naked with. I never get to see other boys naked. I always wanted to tho. It sux. Having a brother would be so cool.

June 14th
I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. I tried to write it yesterday but got scared. So… here goes: I think I'm gay. Like… a fag, at least that's what the boys at school would call me. I mean… I'm always thinking about naked boys. I told you I started jerking off a few months ago. But… I see a cute girl and… nothing. I see a cute boy and… boing! Mr Happy starts dancing in my pants… It's not like I wanna be gay. I heard one of the guys in high school was caught in the boys' bathroom with another boy's dick in his mouth and he got beat up so bad he got stitches. I'm definitely not going to tell anyone, but… well… fuck. I just wrote it in ink, so I guess I can stop hiding it, in here at least.

June 21st
I got to hang out with Roger a bunch last week. He's cool. When he comes over here we play Monopoly, and he usually beats me. I tell him he's better than me but the truth is I get distracted when he sits cross-legged in those shorts he wears. Sometimes I can see up to his underwear and I can't concentrate when that bulge is right in front of me! I hope he doesn't notice how hard my dick gets.

July 5th
We went out to see the fireworks last night. I like the ones that make a flash and a big boom best. I could feel em hit me! Roger went with us and Mom let him stay the night. Mom made us go to bed at ten, but after she went to sleep we got back up and played Monopoly until two in the morning. The best thing was we both sleep in just our underwear and we stayed that way while we played, so I got to see him almost naked for four hours! Mr. Happy was jumping for joy, but I think I hid it most of the time. I woke up first and got to see his morning wood. I leaned down and looked at it real close for like five whole minutes. I would have looked longer, but I had to pee really bad. I just wish his briefs weren't in the way. Sorry for the long entry, but… best! night! ever!

July 30th
It's a week until my birthday. 12 years old at last! Mom's making me a cake and grandpa and grandma will be here. I know mom can't afford anything too expensive, but I hope I get something cool. She said to expect something special beside my present, but she won't say what.

August 3rd
Today Roger told me that his mom is going on a trip for work. She'll be gone a whole week and he'll probably have some dumb girl for a sitter and he'll be stuck there. Sux for both of us.

August 5th
It's Friday and tomorrow's my birthday. I finally found out what mom meant by something special. Our moms must have talked, cause she told me Roger's going to be spending this weekend and all next week and next weekend with us! Eight whole nights. Wow! A weekend is the most we've done before. This is gonna be fun!

August 6th
Roger brought his suitcase and his Colecovision. We don't have a guest bedroom, so everything's in my room. No guest bed means he sleeps with me too. Fucking cool! He's not gay so I gotta act normal, but maybe I can see him boned in his underwear like last time. My birthday party was fun. Mom gave me the portable cassette player that I had asked for, and grandma and grandpa gave me a model of a battleship to put together. Roger gave me a cool ZZ Top tee-shirt. We had my favorite chocolate cake with twelve candles on it. I made a wish and blew them all out. I wouldn't tell anyone what the wish was, but that's because I wished I would see Roger naked sometime this week.

August 7th
I can't believe it. Last night my wish came true. Roger took a shower and when he came to my room, he dropped his towel before putting on his underwear! I finally saw a naked boy! Fuck yeah! I had to turn around cause I got wood, but I got to see over two seconds of cock, and it wasn't my own! 😄 I got to look at his dick again this morning before he woke up too. I'm used to getting up early, but I guess Roger gets to sleep late at his house. I don't care though, because that means I look at his body while he sleeps after I wake up. I really like that. I just stare at him and rub myself. After we both woke up, mom took us to the zoo and we saw all sorts of animals. The penguins were funny, but their house was cold. The best was the dolphin show. They did all sorts of tricks.

August 8th
Another penis show last night! Yay! I wish I could take pictures to jerk off to later, but he'd probably get mad and the man at the drug store would tell mom when she picked them up and I'd be grounded for life. It was still cool though. It's like a hundred fucking degrees outside during the day, and since we can't afford air conditioning, we have our shirts off most of the time, and sleep in just our briefs with a big fan in the window. I never thought I'd be happy about that, but I sure am this week! This is the best birthday present I ever got! This afternoon we went fishing together in the pond down the road. I didn't catch anything, but Roger caught two crappies. We threw them back in because mom said she was too busy to cook them, but it was fun.

August 9th
Another first. This morning when I woke up, Roger was still asleep like always, but this time he had his arm on my chest and his dick was pressing into my leg. It was hard as a rock! I just lay there thinking about it and imagining he was naked. I was as hard as he was! My hand was real close to his dick, so after a while I got up the courage to reach over and put my hand on it. SO COOL! Well, warm actually Haha. I didn't rub it or anything, but I finally got my hand on another boy's dick. Kinda. Good enough for me! I was thinking about that all day. We played Zaxxon this afternoon and I kept losing because I kept thinking about how his dick felt.

August 10th
I love having Roger here and everything that's happened, but one thing really sux. I haven't had enough time alone since he got here to jerk off, and I'm like hard all the fucking time! Seeing Roger shirtless so much and knowing what his dick looks like has me horny as fuck. My balls are even starting to hurt. Is that what the boys at school mean by blue balls? I dunno but not being able to jerk off SUX ROCKS.

August 11th
Today was wild. I still can't believe what happened. I woke up this morning and Roger was asleep, with his bulge almost touching my leg. I couldn't take it any more. I had to jerk off. I imagine him naked when I play with myself, so why not just do it now and look at the real thing? He's asleep, right? So, I put my hand down my briefs and grabbed my dick and started rubbing it. It felt so good to finally be rubbing it again. I reached down and put my hand on his briefs like I did before. It was really hard. He didn't move. I was so fucking horny. I couldn't help it and I reached over lifted the waistband, then slid my other hand into his shorts. I was touching his cock. I couldn't believe it! My hand was on another boy's bare cock! I wrapped my fingers around it. Why was it different than mine? I mean… it was a cock. I have one too, but his just felt different. Good different. Just good? No, fucking great! I was finally holding another boy's cock in my hand. My life was good! I couldn't stop and I reached in further and touched his balls. Hard and smooth just like the marbles I play with at grandma's house. I'd rather play with these though. They're more fun.

I guess I went too far, because right after I felt his balls, his body jerked. I stopped right away and yanked my hands back and pretended I was asleep. Then I heard "Danny?" I started to cry and was sure he was going to yell at me and call me a faggot and leave, but the next thing he said was "It's ok. I liked it. Please don't stop." Neither of us moved for a minute and then he said "I can do it to you too if you want."

I thought I was dreaming. Did he just say that? I stopped pretending to be asleep and we started talking. I found out he's been jerking about as long as I have, and not jerking all week has been as hard for him as it has for me. So we both shoved our briefs down and spit in our hands and started jerking off right beside each other. He can't shoot either but we both had our cum. We talked some more and then spent the rest of the day doing normal stuff like nothing ever happened. After mom went to bed we got naked and did it again. We were both nervous and it took a while to start talking about it again, but once we got over that it was so so cool. I finally have a jerkoff buddy!

August 12th
This morning when I woke up Roger was asleep again, but this time I didn't try to be sneaky. I just lay on my side and reached into his briefs, and started rubbing his penis. It didn't take long and he woke up. He just grinned at me and said "Go ahead", then lay back and let me rub him until he got all jerky and said he cummed. After that he reached over and did the same to me. This is so fucking cool! I wouldn't mind waking up to go to school if this was how my mornings started. Instead I have to do it for myself until my mom yells at me to wake up, and then I get up and take a shower.

This evening when mom was weeding the garden we sat in my room and talked more about sex and jerking off. I thought I was weird for doing it so much, but Roger said he does it just as much as I do. I didn't tell him about me being gay. I don't want to ruin things. He goes to church every Sunday with his mom. I don't think they like gays there. I found out he's always been curious about other boys bodies too. He's an only like me so he doesn't have anyone to look at either. Last night after mom went to sleep we took our clothes off again and this time I lay back and let Roger check out my body. After that he did the same for me. We looked and touched EVERYWHERE. I had my nose an inch [25mm] away from his penis and balls, and I poked my finger into his belly button. I looked at his pink nipples, and his armpits. They're smooth like mine and don't stink like my dad's did. His skin was really really smooth all over. I even pulled his butt cheeks apart and looked real close up at his butt hole, then when it was his turn he did the same to me. That was fun. We didn't poke or lick or do anything gross, but now I know what a butt hole looks like. Pink and kinda wrinkled, and a lot like a knot on a tree. Cool!

August 13th
We jerked each other off again when we woke up this morning. We both said we're both gonna miss doing that when his mom's trip is over. We just have today and tomorrow, and his mom is coming to pick him up tomorrow evening. That really sux.

We tried something different today. Yesterday Roger told me he heard one of the other boys at school talking about getting their dicks slick with Vaseline when they played with themselves. Today before we started I ran into the bathroom and found a jar in the medicine cabinet and brought it back, and used some to get our dicks and hands slick. Oh My God! That was so so much better than spit! It didn't get dry and sticky either. We both cummed faster than we ever had, and then did it again right away. We lasted longer that time and didn't ever have to stop to get it wet again. It's messy though. We had to clean it off our dicks and hands. I don't mind if it makes me feel that good. I hope mom won't notice if I start using this. I don't want to go back to just spit.

August 14th
I don't even know if I want to risk writing this down, but I gotta talk about it to someone! Last night was our last night to get naked and play before going to sleep. I was really horny and decided I would take a risk and see if Roger wanted to do something different. Thursday night when we were jerking off we'd been talking about porn magazines and he told me how he'd seen a Penthouse before. One of the boys had brought it to school and they were looking at it in the back of the bus on the way home. He was telling me about this woman that was sucking a man's dick, and how he wanted Lisa, who's in our class, to do that to him. He said he would give anything to know what that felt like.

He talked about it again last night, and I got up the nerve to say that I'd do it for him if he'd do it back to me, and that way we'd both know how it felt. I was bracing to get hit for even mentioning it, but I was shocked when he said "Ummm I dunno. Maybe. But if we do it, it's gotta stay between us. Tell anyone and I'll beat you to a pulp!". I didn't think my boner could have gotten any harder but I swear it did.

I played like I didn't really want to and was doing him a big favor, but inside I was begging for it. Five minutes later I had his hard dick in my mouth. FUCKING COOL! It didn't really taste much like anything, kinda like sucking on your thumb. But just knowing what it was. That it was a penis. Roger's penis. His hard penis. Hard because I'm sucking on it. That no one else has sucked on it before. That he's squirming because of what I'm doing. I thought about all those things while my lips were around it and that made it FUCKING COOL!

It didn't take very long and he jerked around more than he ever had before, and I swear he almost passed out. He kept his promise and sucked on mine after that, and that was FUCKING COOL TOO! My dick was finally inside another guy's mouth and he was licking on it and sucking on it. I can't describe what it felt like except to say it was AWESOME! I had my hands on his head and was grabbing at his hair while he was doing it, and when I cummed my legs went stiff and I just held his head there while I jerked around like he had. I'm not sure if he liked doing me as much as I did doing him, but he was telling me over and over how awesome it felt, and we did it again a half hour later.

When we woke up this morning I decided I would take another risk and wake him up with a blowjob. I moved really careful and got between his legs and pulled the waistband down on his briefs and got his dick out. Then I leaned down and started sucking on it. It didn't take long before he woke up. I knew because he started groaning and he grabbed me by my head, and started moving his hips up and down. I think he liked it! haha It took a little convincing and me telling him that it was only fair, but he gave me a blowjob too. I hope we'll do it again. We spent the rest of the day playing video games and putting together a puzzle. His mom picked him up after we ate supper. Our week together is over. THAT SUX!

August 18th
Roger's only been gone four days but I miss him so much. Last week was so fun. I never realized how lonely I was until I wasn't. I never knew how much I'd miss having sex with him until we can't have it any more. We don't talk on the phone much and if we did we couldn't talk about sex, since our moms might pick up another phone and hear us. Now I'm lonely again and back to just using my own hand. THIS REALLY SUX!

August 20th
It's Saturday and this morning Roger's mom picked me up and dropped us off at the swimming pool. I'd never went there because I don't know how to swim, but when he was at my house, Roger talked me into going the next time he went. He promised I wouldn't have to go into the water if I didn't want to, and said if I went I might get to see some penis. Today I cared more about seeing him than seeing other penises. I miss being around him. When I got into their car today I just wanted to reach over and hug him. I didn't. But I wanted to. The pool was only ten minutes away so we didn't have time to do anything in the back seat before we got there, but I could tell by how he was grinning that he was horny too.

We got there late and there wasn't anyone else in the locker room so we just changed into our swim trunks. There was a sign in there saying it was a rule you had to shower before getting in the pool, so we walked over and turned one on. Roger said most of the boys didn't take their trunks off when they showered, but some did. We kept ours on, but pulled them out in front of us and since there wasn't anyone there we reached into each other's trunks and rubbed each other's dicks for a minute or so. I bent over and put his dick in my mouth for maybe half a minute, then he bent over and did the same to me. I was scared someone would come in so we didn't try to make each other cum. It was nice to feel and taste his dick again though.

The pool was funner than I thought it would be even though I spent most of the day sitting on the edge dangling my legs in the water. Roger convinced me to get in a few times, but only the shallow end. It was a weird feeling with my shorts kinda floating in the water. I was almost bouncing when I walked. Then I slipped and fell and my head went under water and that's when I got scared. Roger swam over and helped me back up, but I went back to sitting on the edge and didn't get in the pool the rest of the day.

Roger's mom said we had to be ready to leave at 4 o'clock, so about ten minutes before that we got our towels and went back to the locker room. This time there was one other boy that had got there just before us. He showered with his trunks on, and when he changed back into his regular clothes, he held his towel around him when he took off his trunks and put his underwear on. Me and Roger were sitting on the bench talking while he was doing that, and then he left. We showered, but this time Roger took his swim trunks off first and walked over there naked. I asked him "What if someone comes in?" He just said "Keep showering. They've got one too." I was nervous but didn't want to seem like a wimp, so I pulled my trunks off and went to the shower next to his.

This time we got brave and soaped up our dicks and started to actually jerk off. Roger said you could hear when people opened the doors, and we'd have time to cover up if we needed to. I was so horny I didn't care, and I knew it wouldn't take long, so I went at it. I knew I was close, and I told Roger "I'm almost ready". Next thing I know he reaches over and grabs my dick and starts jerking it for me. Ten seconds later I had my cum! He went back to doing himself, and when he was ready he told me, and I did the same thing for him. I think we were done in three minutes. We both needed it bad.

After that we washed the soap off and dried off and put our clothes on. We were really lucky, because as we were putting our shirts on a man opened the door and walked in. Me and Roger looked at each other and smiled real big, then grabbed our trunks and left. While we were waiting on the bench outside the pool for his mom to show up, he leaned over and whispered "I'm sorry you didn't see any penis today". I laughed and whispered back "That's ok. I got what I really wanted". I'm sure I was blushing. My cheeks felt really hot. But it was true. He was what I really wanted.

August 22nd
School starts in two days. That sux. No more vacation!!! When we're back in school I won't be seeing Roger as much. Mom says I have to focus on my homework and not on having fun. I'll hope I'll at least see him on Labor Day. It's in two weeks. I hope he can come over then.

August 25th
Today was the first day of school. I'm still in the Junior High building, but I'm in the 7th grade now and things are really different. I start out in Science class with Mr. Precher, but then 45 minutes later the bell rings and we all have to go to different rooms. I have six classes and a study hall, and all of them have different teachers. Wow… Roger and I only have one class together and the teacher put us on other sides of the room so the only time I can talk to him is in the hallway between classes. We even have different lunch periods, so we don't see each other then. I'm already beginning to hate Junior High!!

September 2nd
I just found out that Roger's mom said it was ok for him to stay at my house for the weekend. Monday is Labor Day so we get three nights instead of two. Yay! I can't wait to talk to him about school, and to get naked together. Tonight should be fun!

September 3rd
I'm worried. I think something's wrong with Roger. When we went to bed, he didn't want to get naked and jerk off. He just said he wasn't feeling good and rolled over. I thought he would be wanting to do stuff like we did last time he was here. I don't know what's going on. I hope he's ok tomorrow.

September 4th
I'm so fucked… When I woke up this morning Roger had morning wood like he always does. I just lay there staring at it and thinking about how much I love looking at him. After a while I moved over and pulled down his underwear and started giving him a blowjob. Last time he was here he really liked it when I woke him up like that. He started to groan and move his hips, but once he woke up, he pulled my head off and said "Don't do that faggot!" I couldn't believe it. I started to cry. He said "We can't do that anymore. I'm not gay". I was so confused! Less than a month ago he really liked it and even did it back to me. Two weeks ago we jerked each other off in the shower. Today he's calling me a faggot and saying we have to stop. I don't understand… I lay there crying my heart out while he got dressed and walked to the bathroom.

After I stopped crying I followed him downstairs, and mom made us breakfast, then took us to the mall and gave us some money to play at the arcade while she shopped. Roger was really quiet, which isn't like him, and he went off to play games by himself instead of us playing against each other. I don't understand…

September 5th
I tried to get him to talk to me last night about what happened, but he wouldn't say anything. He just said that we shouldn'ta done what we did, and that he wanted to stop. I cried myself to sleep.

In the morning I woke up and looked over at him, but it wasn't the same. I knew what we had done. I think he liked it. No… I KNOW he liked it. What changed? I don't know. I don't fucking know… I just know it hurts. It's like someone punched me in the stomach, and then kept doing it over and over again. I almost wanted to throw up.

Today his mom came over and we had a cookout and ate hot dogs and hamburgers that our moms cooked on the grill, and potato salad and chips and iced tea. It tasted good, but I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat much. Roger ate like usual but he was quiet again. I wish I knew what happened. I'm so sad.

After we ate, our moms went inside to talk, and they said we should go down to the pond and try to catch some fish again. We went down there, and sat for over 30 minutes without either of us saying anything.

Finally I heard him say "I'm sorry. It's not your fault".

I said "I don't understand".

He said "Gary talked to me last week in the locker room after gym class. He said he was at the pool the same day we were. He was taking a crap when we were showering after we got there. He saw us rubbing and sucking each other's dicks through the crack in the door. He said only fags do that sort of shit and that we were going to hell, and that if he saw us together again he'd tell everyone at school we were faggots, and make both of us suck his dick".

When I heard that I was scared and sad and shocked all at the same time. Would Gary really tell on us? If he did, our lives could be a living hell. I know I'm gay but I don't really think Roger is. I think he just liked having someone help him to cum. I started crying again. I didn't know what else to do or to say. Roger picked up his fishing pole and walked back up to the house while I sat there sobbing.

I sat there for at least an hour before I decided to go back. By the time I got there, Roger was gone. He had told his mom that he wasn't feeling well, and wanted to come home early. I'm crushed. I don't know if I'll ever be alone with Roger again. I don't know if I want to be alone with anyone ever again.

September 6th
I don't feel like writing in this thing any more. Not right now at least. When I open it all I can think about is Roger.

I'm sorry

I'm so sorry 🙁 ;

Chapter 2

March 3rd, 1984
Dear Diary,
I'm back. I think. Mom knows I've been sad ever since last September and keeps asking why, but I won't tell her. I always say I'm fine, but I think she knows I'm not. Last week she asked if I needed a new diary yet, and I told her I stopped last year. She said I should start again and write in my diary about what's going on, and maybe it would help. I asked her to buy me a new one even though there are empty pages in the old one. It hurts too much to open it. I don't want to think about what happened. Today's entry might be kinda long, but it's been six months and a lot's happened.

This school year has been really hard for me. Classes are hard and we have a lot more homework than before. My grades dropped way down the first quarter and mom wasn't happy. I couldn't tell her that it was because I kept thinking about what Roger and Gary said instead of what the teachers were saying. My grades are starting to get better again, but mom wants them back where they were. I'm trying, but it's still hard for me to focus.

Roger avoids me and doesn't want to talk to me when I say hi to him. After a few weeks I stopped trying. We haven't been to each other's houses or hung out together since Labor Day. I don't cry about it any more, but it still hurts. Sometimes I see Gary and he looks at me weird, like he doesn't like me. At least he hasn't told everyone about what he saw. I'm glad for that. I'm always worried he will tho.

I don't really have any friends now. Roger was my only friend before. Sometimes I talk to other boys at school, but I don't know them very well and we don't see each other except at school. After I get off the bus it's just me and mom. I'm scared to make new friends because I'm afraid they might find out I'm gay and like to suck dick, and then call me a faggot like Gary and Roger did. I'm back to being lonely again but I'm used to it. I just put together my models and watch TV. That's what I did before. It's ok.

I still jerk off a lot too. That hasn't changed. The only thing different is that I stopped using Vaseline and started using Crisco. Mom always keeps a big can of it in the kitchen cabinet. I keep a spoon full of it hidden in my room and the can's so big she never notices when I take some. It gets me slicked up just as good and it's easier to clean up. I like it. It's cool. I really miss waking up next to Roger and getting naked and being able to rub and suck on his dick. That was fun. I guess I'll never do that again. 🙁 ;

My dick has grown! Not a lot, but I can tell it's bigger. I've also started growing some hairs down there. They're really short and I still can't make real cum like the older boys at school talk about, but I think I will pretty soon. In 7th grade you have gym with the 8th graders and the coach wants you to shower after class. I don't do it and a lot of the other boys don't, but some of them do. Most of the 8th graders that I saw have hair growing around their dick – and some were really hairy! They talk about girls and sex and jerking off in the locker room. I just listen, but I heard one of them say that he started shooting when he was 12, so I keep looking at my dick after I have my cum to see if it's wet. I can't wait! Shooting sperm sounds so cool!

Being able to look at Roger's butt hole got me interested in my own. Last month I started using one of mom's old makeup mirrors to look at it, and sometimes I rub on it when I jerk off. It feels good doing that when I'm horny. Last week I unscrewed the bottom of a pen and spit on it and stuck it up there a little ways. The hole at the end of the pen got some crap stuck in it and I had to wash it out, but the pen felt really cool going in and out of there and I did it over and over. I think I see why gay guys like dicks up their butts. I just don't know how they open their butt holes up big enough to get a dick in or how they fit it in there with all that crap in the way. Maybe I'll figure it out someday. Right now I just make sure to wash my butt crack really good in the shower before bed so it's nice and clean to rub on when I jerk off.

Mom's been going out on dates, at least I think so. I started noticing it in January.. She doesn't call them dates. She just says she's having supper with a new friend she met at a Christmas party. I just know she does it a lot, and doesn't want me to go with her. Sometimes she goes into town by herself on the weekends too. She says I'm old enough to stay at home alone, and I should call Mrs. King down the road if anything goes wrong. I'm glad she's going out because then I can get naked and jerk off without worrying about being caught, and without having to stay up late. I've never been able to walk around the house and watch TV naked before. That's cool, and it kinda gets me horny when I do it and then I have to jerk off. By now I think I've cummed in almost every room of the house! I just have to listen for the car when she comes home. She seems happy when she gets back too. I like to see her happy.

That's it for now. I don't know if it helped or not. Maybe. I'll probably write more later.

March 25th
I figured out something last week. The pen got my really horny when I played with it, so I decided to try getting my finger slick with spit and poking the end of it up my butt hole when I jerk off. I was worried about getting crap on my finger (and sometimes I did – yuk!), but here's what I figured out: If you take a crap and wipe your butt and the TP's almost clean, then if you don't wait too long to jerk off, your butt's usually empty, and your finger won't run into a bunch of crap when you push it in. That must be how gay guys get fucked! I still don't know how they make their butt hole open big enough to take a dick tho. When I take a crap what comes out is sometimes at least as big as my dick, so I guess it can open that wide when it wants to. Mine's real tight whenever I'm jerking off tho. Sometimes just getting the finger in is hard. I gotta figure that part out too. Right now at least I know how to tell when it's safe to put a finger up my butt when I jerk off. Once I get it in it feels pretty damn good too! 😄

April 15th
I was right about mom going on dates. Today she told me about it, and I found out his name is Jeff. She said she likes him. I asked her if he was going to be my new dad, and she said she didn't know yet. I don't know how I feel about that. I'm still mad at dad for what he did to mom and for getting divorced and leaving, but he's still my dad and I still love him. I just want mom to be happy. I don't know if I could ever call anyone else dad, but maybe I could get used to it. I dunno.

May 8th
I asked mom if I'm ever gonna meet Jeff. She always goes to town to see him and I don't even know what he looks like. She said that if things get serious she'll bring him home to meet me. I don't understand why she can't do it now, but I guess I'll just have to wait. I think she really likes him tho.

May 19th
Today was the last day of school. Yay! I'm glad it's over. It was a hard year. My 4th quarter grades were still worse than last year, but at least they're good enough that mom isn't yelling at me too much. Roger never did stop avoiding me. It still makes me sad, but I figure there's nothing I can do about it. I still don't have any new friends. I haven't been trying. I don't want to risk getting found out. 🙁 ;

May 25th
Sometimes I get really horny and can't wait until mom leaves or goes to sleep, and I need to jerk off NOW! My door doesn't have a lock and she never knocks, so I can't jerk off in my room. I used to go in the bathroom and lay down on the rug on the floor and jerk off there, but mom's started asking why I'm taking so long. I got worried she may know what I'm doing, so I stopped doing that.

It's been getting warm outside so if it's daytime and I'm really horny and she's here I've been going out behind the garage where the neighbor has a row of big round hay bales. Climbing up and jumping from one bale to the other is fun and I've done that for a long time, but now I figured out they're good for jerking off too. Where the bales come together there's a low spot that I can lay down in, and mom can't see me unless she walks all the way back here, and she never does that. No one can see me from the road either, so I can just lay back and open up my pants and jerk off for as long as I want, or at least until she starts yelling for me to get my behind back in the house. I get a little itchy sometimes and it's not a good place to play butt games cause I don't want to put a dusty finger up my ass, but other than that it's really cool.

June 10th
I've been playing with my butt a lot while I've been jerking off this summer. It's really fun and gets me fucking horny (get it? "fucking" horny? 😄😄). I told you about how I figured out when it was safe to do it without getting my finger covered in crap. Since then I've been putting my finger up there a lot more.

I've learned a couple more things. One is you GOTTA clip your nails! Long fingernails can hurt when you're pushing them in your butt! Ouch! Something else is that the more often you play with your butt, the easier it is to get your finger in it. As much as I've been doing it lately I'm gonna be an expert! Haha If you pretend sorta like you're getting ready to take a crap and stop squeezing your butt hole shut that makes it easier too. Getting your finger and your butt slick with spit helps the most, and Crisco is even better. The Crisco is kinda messy tho. Slick as fuck (get it? 😄😄) but it takes longer to clean up after I cum. I've even put two fingers up there at the same time. That's super cool! When you wiggle them around it gets me close to having my cum. Maybe that's how the gay guys get their butt hole open wide! Some day I wanna try that with someone. It sounds really fun. Just thinking about being fucked gets me really horny. It's gonna be a long time tho… 🙁 ; Maybe if I go to college and move away. I dunno. It won't ever happen around here with jerks like Gary…

July 1st
Red alert! Red alert! I think things are getting serious with Jeff. Mom told me today that he's coming to our 4th of July party on Wednesday. That's not the alert tho! She said he has a son named Greg and that he'll be there too. WHAT THE FUCK??? Like that wasn't important? Why didn't she tell me that three months ago?? Geesh… That changes everything. If they get married I'd have a brother. Is that good? Is that bad? Is he mean? Is he nice? Mom said he's 14 years old and he'll be a freshman in high school this fall. Did I see him in the halls at my school last year? Is he cute? I kinda hope not, cause I don't wanna be getting boners and called a faggot and be the reason mom gets divorced again. I'd probably kill myself if that happened. 🙁 ; And when am I gonna jerk off? Now I do it anytime mom's asleep or out of the house, but if he's always around when'll I be alone long enough to cum? In the summer I can jerk off outside, but not in the winter! No way am I gonna get naked and jerk off with him. I already lost one friend doing that, I'm not gonna do it again and lose a brother. Fuck no! Geesh…. This could really suck, and NOT in a good way!!

July 4th
Today Jeff and Greg came over to the house and we had a cookout and went to watch the fireworks in town at night. They even brought fireworks with them to shoot off here at the house before we left. That was REALLY cool! Mom never let me do that before, but Jeff must have talked her into it. I kinda like him already! Haha I was real worried, but Greg seemed nice. He was kinda like me and didn't talk a lot. He wasn't mean either. We went back behind the garage by the neighbor's field and he helped me light my punk and showed me how to shoot off bottle rockets from a piece of angle iron he stuck in the ground, and how to twist the fuses together so that a bunch of them took off when you lit just one. Then he showed me how to light them and toss them up in the air so that they took off up in the air, and I took him to the pond and he showed me how to shoot them underwater. You could see the flash, and the water bubbling up and hear it go "bloop!" when it explodes. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Like… last August… 🙁 ;

It was cool tho. Maybe Greg wouldn't be so bad. He's really hot too. He's tall and thin and he's got kinda dark blond hair that's curly and hangs half way down to his shoulders. He was wearing an old pair of jeans and I was pretty sure I saw a bulge down there. I don't think he was hard, but I bet his dick is bigger than mine. He's probably really hairy down there too. I wonder if I'll ever get to see it. I'm kinda worried. If I start boning up and acting gay around him he might turn mean like Gary and Roger. Fuck!

July 5th
I talked to mom today and found out that Jeff and Greg moved into town last December. They live in an apartment building in town on Oak street. I don't remember a new kid in 8th grade, but I don't know all the boys in that class. It must suck for him to have to move to a new town and a new school, and then the next year change buildings again. I asked her again if Jeff was going to be my new dad, and she said she still didn't know, but this time she said "Maybe". She's been in a real good mood this summer and was smiling when she said it, so I'm thinking it's "Probably".

I still don't know what to think about Greg. He seemed really cool yesterday, but I've never been friends with a boy that old. I've just heard them talking at lunch and in the hallways, and last year in the locker room since 7th and 8th grade boys have gym together. Some of the boys in my class have older brothers and they say they get picked on a lot. I hope he's not like that.

July 8th
Jeff brought Greg over again yesterday. We had dinner and later me and Greg shot some leftover fireworks that he brought while mom and Jeff talked. We talked too, and I found out Greg's mom died from cancer two years ago and they've been alone ever since. Now I really feel sorry for him. I know what it was like for my dad to go away. It's gotta suck for him too. Even more because she died, and he knew it was going to happen and couldn't do anything about it. 🙁 ; At least I can see my dad once in a while but he'll never see his mom again. I wanted to hug him, but I was afraid that would look too faggy. I'm starting to like him more. I know it's only been two days, but he hasn't picked on me once. Mom asked me what I thought of him, and I said I thought he was cool.

July 11th
Mom went out again last night. She always goes out on Wednesday nights with Jeff. Last night was different tho. She seemed happier than usual when she got back. Like, a LOT happier, like singing and shit. but she wouldn't tell me why. I'm a little nervous.

July 12th
NEWS! NEWS!! NEWS!!! Jeff and Greg came over again today, and after dinner mom and Jeff told us they're engaged and getting married! They said it would be the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Fuck! I don't know what to think. I mean… I'm happy that mom's happy, but I don't know what it's going to be like having a new dad – and a new brother!!! (ok, stepbrother. Mom corrected me on that) I think Greg was just as shocked as I was. You could kinda tell from the look on his face when they told us. I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.

Another thing they told us was that Jeff and Greg would be moving in with us. In a couple of years if they save up some money we might move into a bigger house, but for now they're going to put another bed in my room for Greg. WHAT THE FUCK!!?!? Yeah so far he's been cool and all, but especially when it gets cold, that's where I jerk off! Fuck! FUCK!! I just said "Sure, that sounds cool", but inside that's all I could think about and I was mad as hell. Geez…

July 25th
Ever since I found out about mom getting married and Greg moving in with me, I've been jerking off as much as I can. Might as well do it now, cuz I sure as hell won't be doing it after Thanksgiving. That sux. It's starting to get really hot again outside, and I'm back to wearing just my underwear to bed and sleeping without any blankets and with a fan in one window and a screen in the other one across the room. Then in the morning I have to close the windows when I get up, to keep the cool air inside. This year sleeping like that makes me think about Roger and what we did last year. It doesn't hurt as much by now. It actually gets me really boned and horny when I think about all the jerking and sucking that we did that week. I still wish we could do it again tho. 🙁 ;

July 29th
YAY! I'M A MAN NOW!!! Ok maybe I'm not a man, but I shot my first sperm last night! I guess it's sperm, it's not white like the 8th grade boys talked about, but it came out and went all the way up to my belly button and I know it wasn't pee. I rubbed some between my fingers and it was really slick. It's a little like when your nose is runny and your snots are clear. I tasted it and it was… well, kinda weird actually. A little salty. Not bad I guess, but not like I expected (like I really know what to expect haha). I'm gay so I guess I might as well get used to it. 😄 The only bad thing is now I got more to clean up. I've got a box of tissues in the room, but I only use em when I get a cold, so if I start using a box a week in the summer mom's gonna be wanting to know why. 🙁 ; I've already been robbing mom's rag drawer for old cut up tee-shirts to wipe off the Crisco from my dick and my butt, I guess I'll just use them to wipe up my cum too. Problem solved!

July 31st
Ever since they told us about getting married, mom and Jeff are taking me and Greg with them sometimes when they meet in town to eat supper. Part of me likes that and part of me doesn't. I mean… the food's good. They don't take us to real fancy places, but eating pizza in town's better than eating goulash and lima beans at home. Greg and I talk some, but we're both real quiet, so most of our talking is answering mom or Jeff's questions. At least he's not always talking about sports and girls and stuff. I'm glad about that. It sux having to pretend and make stuff up when other boys talk about shit like that. I found out he's in a band and plays a trumpet that his dad played when he was in school. I never tried out for a band. Mom said the instruments were too expensive, and I didn't want to anyway. I guess we'll all be going to see him play next year. We like some of the same music too. We both like ZZ Top and Duran Duran and the Eurythmics, and even Culture Club. That's really cool. What sux about eating out with them is that when we do that, I can't stay home and jerk off all night. And I only got four more months to be alone! Fuck!!

August 6th
I turned 13 today. I'm finally a teenager! Yay! I think… I dunno. I don't feel any different. I always used to think teenagers were old and knew a lot of stuff and liked to pick on little kids. I don't feel old. or smart. and I don't wanna be mean. I dunno. It's weird. It means that my dick will be getting bigger tho! I'm happy about that! I mean.. it's not tiny or anything, but I remember I saw dad's a couple of times when he was in the shower, and… well… I still got some work to do. I like mine tho, and Mr. Happy is a lot happier lately now that he can actually shoot real cum. We had a party today and I got some cool presents, but that was the best present of all, and it came (hehe get it? came? hehe) a week early! 😄 😄

August 14th
Cumming for real is so fucking awesome! It felt good before, but now I swear it feels even better. Watching it shoot out is super cool too. I swear it's shooting out farther now than when I started too. It's landing at least an inch [25mm] above my belly button. I wasn't sure at first, but now that I've been shooting for a while the idea of licking it up afterwards gets me really horny. But it's hard to do! First I tried to catch it in my hand, but my hand doesn't bend the way I want it to. Then I tried to shoot it in a spoon, but I keep missing. It either shoots too far or not far enough. I bent my head down and opened my mouth, but I can't shoot far enough to get it in.

The only things that work are shooting it on the back of my hand, or wiping it up off my belly with my fingers. That's ok, but the other ways get me hornier. To be honest tho, after I cum, the urge kinda goes away. I dunno why. I want to really really bad when I'm about ready to shoot, then afterwards it just doesn't seem as fun. Kinda sux. I wish Roger was here with me. I bet he can shoot by now too, and I could just suck it right out of him while I'm still horny. Except… I can't… 🙁 ; 🙁 ;

August 18th
Jeff came here to visit mom again and he brought Greg too. We went out back and played on the hay bales for a while. He said he grew up in town, so he'd never done it before. I didn't tell him anything about me jerking off back there. After we got tired we went inside and I talked him into playing a game of Monopoly with me. His dad called him downstairs before the game was over because he had to go home, but I was ahead. Greg always wears jeans, so even though he sat with his legs crossed on the floor like Roger did, there wasn't much to see. I like looking at the bulge in his pants, but I can tell he's not hard, so it's not much different than mine. Playing Monopoly with Greg was fun, but Roger was funner, and at least I could stare at his dick.. 🙁 ;

August 22nd
Today was the first day of school. I'm in 8th grade now. Wow. I used to look up to the older kids when I was in 6th and 7th, and now I'm there. Why would anyone want to look up to me? I don't feel any smarter than last year, but maybe I am. I know my teachers want me to be. I know what it's like to actually shoot cum! I couldn't do that last year. I know how to jerk off, and play with my butt hole too. When I started 6th grade I didn't know why you'd wanna do either. So I guess maybe I do know more now. Huh. I wonder what I'll learn by next year? Or the year after? I guess I'll find out.

September 1st
It's Labor Day weekend and Jeff brought Greg over here again today. It's been really fucking hot this week. It was almost 100 today, and yesterday it was like 105. They said it broke a record. The good news is that Greg took his shirt off when we played, and he spent almost all the day like that, even when we were inside. Holy crap, he's hot! He always wears a shirt and jeans, so today was the first time I saw him without a shirt. He doesn't have muscles like an athlete but he has more than I do. He's got some hair in his pits, and I could see just a little below his belly button. His nipples were like little circles with a big bump in the center, and his skin was all shiny with sweat because it was so hot. Mr. Happy was doing his dance again in my shorts ALL DAY from all that skin in front of him. Fuck! I don't think Greg noticed, at least he didn't say anything, but I kept trying to cover myself or move so he couldn't see me boning up. What I really wanted to do was to walk up behind him and reach out and put my arms around him and hold him and feel my bare chest against his back and rub my hands all over his chest and down into his pants like I used to with Roger. But I didn't. I can't. I won't!

October 6th
Ever since Labor Day, Greg's been over here more often during the week because mom asked him to help me with my homework. Math sucks. It gets harder and harder each year too. So I guess Greg must be good at it, and she said we should do our homework together and maybe he can help me. I'm not a math wiz yet, but he's helping me get better I guess. I'm starting to get Bs on my tests instead of Cs, so mom's happy. I'm kinda happy too because he and I've been getting to know each other better, and he's actually really cool. Back when I first found out about him I was worried he'd be mean and pick on me, but he hasn't done that. He helps me learn things, and he's been telling me what high school is like, so next year I won't be as scared when I first go there.

Hanging out with him is almost like being on a date, or at least what I imagine a date would be like. The weird thing is I haven't been having as many boners around him as I did back in August. That really hot day was the only time he's had his shirt off, and I guess I've just gotten used to being around him. I still think he's really hot though. I wish he were gay too. He doesn't talk about girls very much, but he doesn't act gay and he doesn't stare at other boys when we're out with mom and Jeff, so I'm sure he's straight. I just can't let him know I'm not.. 🙁 ;

November 17th
I've been playing with my butt hole a lot since March, and it always gets me super horny when I do. By now I can get two fingers in there real easy and sometimes do three. I tried something else last week that was really cool. Mom doesn't want me drinking a lot of soda, but we always have some in the house for company. We get plastic bottles now, but we used to get the big glass ones, and still have a bunch of them sitting in the closet. Well, one night mom was in town with Jeff and I was jerking off, and I got to thinking about them. The neck of a 7-Up bottle is really long, and the top is really smooth, and… well… it kinda looks like a green cock! Haha So, I decided to get one clean and lube it up and try putting it up my butt hole. SUPER COOL! It's like the closest thing I found yet to having a dick up there. The neck starts small and gets bigger, so it helps to practice getting my hole opened wider too. It's only been a week and I swear I can get it in deeper than the first time. I'd still rather get fucked by a cock instead, but it's fun to play with.

November 23rd
Tomorrow's the big day. We don't go to church a lot, but that's where they're getting married. Grandma and grandpa are gonna be there and some people I don't know from Jeff's family. Greg said his grandpa can't come because he's in a wheelchair in a nursing home back where they used to live, and his grandma died a couple of years ago. I guess he doesn't have a lot of family either. Mom and Jeff said they wanted a small wedding so I dunno who else will be there. Hopefully not too many people. I hate being around strangers all afternoon. I'm looking forward to the reception though. Cake! I've been to weddings before, and the wedding cakes always had tons of icing. Cool!

November 24th
Mom got married again today. Wow. It's kinda cool but really weird all at the same time. She said from now on she'll be Sheila Harrington. I asked her if I had to change my last name too. She said if I really wanted to I could someday, but kids don't usually do that when their mom gets married again, just the mom. I'm glad for that. Danny Hall is sure a lot easier to write in cursive than Danny Harrington!

I was right about the cake. Lotsa icing! Mom even made sure that one of the cakes was chocolate inside, just for me. Cool! As soon as I finish writing this I have to pack my suitcase. Mom and Jeff are going on a honeymoon trip, and they're taking me and Greg with them. She said me and Greg would be sharing a room, so I'm leaving my diary here. I don't want him to find it. I'll write about the trip when we get back.

Chapter 3

November 27th
I'm back. At the hotel, mom and Jeff got a fancy room with a hot tub in it, and me and Greg got our own room down the hall with two beds in it. I thought it was kinda weird going with them on their honeymoon. Isn't that when you're supposed to just lock the door and fuck all day and all night? I don't know what they did at night in their room (and I don't wanna know! Ewww!), but during the day we all went out and ate and went to museums and parks and stuff. The last day they even took us to an amusement park. We spent all day there and me and Greg rode all of the rides including the roller coaster. That was fun!! It was cool to be in the big city where you got four or five cars going side by side in the same direction running 80 miles an hour. At home in town our roads are a lot smaller, and the road that goes by our house is just gravel.

Greg's weird. When we got ready for bed I showered first. I just put my old underwear back on after my shower and wore them to bed like I always do. Greg was wearing his jeans when he went in to shower and came out of the bathroom wearing baggy pajamas bottoms. I thought only little kids wore those! He wore them every night. Well damn… He's cute and I like looking at him without his shirt on, but I guess I'm not going to see his dick any time soon! I mean… like I said, I don't want him to find out I'm a fag and then have him get all mean and shit, but I didn't think he'd be like this. If it's winter and 10 below zero and the house is cold, then maybe, but the hotel is warm. It's just weird. He never talks about sex either – which is ok by me cuz I don't wanna say something stupid and get yelled at again for being a fag. But that's kinda weird too…

The worst thing was that I was never alone in the hotel room! Greg was always there, and if we went out with mom and Jeff (should I call him dad now? But I already have a dad… I dunno…), they wanted us both to go. There was never enough time alone to jerk, and you could hear everything through the bathroom door, so jerking off in there would have been suicide. I was even getting so horny that yesterday when I got boned, precum was starting to come out of my dick. It's never done that before. That part was cool! I licked some of it and it tasted better than the cum. 😄

So last night after me and mom got back to our house and she went to bed, I pulled out my Crisco spoon and started jerking my cock. It was hard as a fucking rock! I've never went without jerking for more than a day since I started doing it. I had to go THREE FUCKING DAYS without cumming!! Usually I like to take my time and think about sexy stuff and play with my butt, but tonight I just went at it and five minutes later I was shooting sperm all over the place. The cool thing was that I had so much in me that when I cummed the first shot went way past my belly button and almost hit my face! Damn! There was a lot more of it too, and it was white. Not cumming for so long was hell, but if that's what happens when I don't then maybe I'll have to try it once in a while. That was so fucking cool! 😄 😄

December 1st
Today was the first day that Greg and Jeff really live here for good. They were here almost every night last week moving their stuff in, but yesterday they moved their beds and gave the keys back to the people that own the apartment they were living in, so it's really happening. I have a stepbrother. Like, for real. His bed is across the room from mine, and his clothes are in a dresser that they moved in. At least I didn't have to move my diary. He didn't put much stuff in the closet where I hide it. I'm not going to have as much time to write in it tho. or to jerk off. That's what I'm really worried about.

December 5th
Greg practices his trumpet for an hour on Wednesdays, so I can write in here while he does that. I can't jerk off since he practices in our room, but I can pull out the diary before he starts, and pretend it's homework. My life has been a lot different since they moved in. I have to admit it's fun to have him around here all the time. I remember writing that I wished I had a brother because I was lonely. I guess I'm not lonely any more, and that's good! He's really cool actually. He talks a lot more than he used to, now that we know each other better. Yeah, he still wears those baggy pajama bottoms to bed every night, and he never talks about sex like the older boys did in the locker rooms (thank goodness!), so he's kinda weird like that, but… he always helps me with my homework and asks how things were at school, and plays games with me, and… it just seems like he cares about me. Before now mom and dad were the only people that did that. Roger didn't even do that, at least like this. So that's cool. The hard part is that I've only been alone long enough to jerk off twice since he got here, and I had to make it quick. That sux. I hope that part gets better. I know it will in the summer when I can do it outside, but I don't wanna freeze my dick off out in the garage in December. Winter sux!

December 12th
Yesterday night was fun, but soooo frustrating! We were all downstairs in the living room watching a movie on TV. Mom and dad (Jeff? I guess I better start saying dad…) were sitting in their recliners, and me and Greg were on the couch. We both wanted to lie down on the couch, but there's not enough room. So, for the first hour I sat up on the end of the couch and Greg lay on his side, with his head on my leg like a pillow, then we switched for the second hour. I'm not sure which was worse – having Greg's head six inches [15cm] from my dick and having a hard-on, or my head being six inches away from his and not being able to reach back and grab it! Damn! Fuck! I mean, it was cool being that close to him, and he was being nice by not saying I had to lay down on the cold floor while he was on the couch, but those two hours were like torture!

December 19th
Christmas break starts tomorrow! Yay! Me and Greg can sleep late until we go back in January. That doesn't help me much, since I always wake up early anyway. I don't know why. Mom's like that, but dad hated mornings. I don't mind because it gives me time to lie there and look over at Greg. I don't jerk off because I never know when he'll wake up and I don't wanna get caught, but I like looking at him. He's super-cute, and a lot of times by morning he'll have pushed the covers down so that most of his chest is showing. I wish I could see more (like his dick 😄), but I still like looking at his face and his chest and thinking about what it would be like to get into bed with him and hold him and get naked and suck on his dick. I also imagine what it would be like if it was his dick inside my butt instead of those soda bottles that I've been playing with.

I'll never know though. Being with Roger taught me I can't trust anyone with that part of me – at least not yet. It really sux that I wanted a brother for so long, but now that I've actually got one I'm afraid to try anything. Especially with Greg. He's so hot and so nice. If he wasn't my stepbrother and he wasn't straight and I wouldn't get beat up, I might even ask him to be my boyfriend. But that's like saying if I didn't have to go in every day and never had to take tests, school would be fun. It'll never happen. Sigh… 🙁 ; 🙁 ;

***

It was December 20th, and school was out for Christmas break. Greg had spent the afternoon in town with his dad shopping for Christmas presents. His dad's present had been bought a week earlier when he was in town with Sheila. He was easy to shop for, because the boy had shopped for him all of his life – or at least most of it, since his mom was the source of a lot of gift ideas until she died. Still, a tie and a box of drill bits to replace the old rusty ones in the garage was a safe bet.

Sheila was a different matter altogether. After six months, he still felt like he barely knew her. In the end he decided to think back to presents he had got for his own mom, and bought her a pair of earrings and a box of chocolates. But what about Danny? Having a brother, whether step or not, was totally new to the teen.

Also new to the 14-year-old was having to share a bedroom. That had proven the hardest adjustment of all to make. Gone were the days of closing the door, whipping out his cock, and jerking to a climax whenever he felt the urge overtake him. No longer were his nights filled with slick boners and lengthy stroke sessions. No, now he had to wait until the stars aligned and Danny was going to be out of the house and his parents weren't wanting him to do something, and then capitalize on it. Occasionally if he was really backed up he'd lather up and work one out in the shower, but he knew if he spent too long in there he'd be found out, so those were infrequent events. In this new life there was a lot less stroking, and a lot more scheming on how and where to do it.

He could, of course, just pull his PJs down after the lights went out at night and stroke like mad, letting Danny decide whether or not to join in. They never talked about sex or jerking, but at thirteen-years-old, Greg was certain he must know how. Secretly, he would have loved nothing more than for that to happen, because the past six months had been hard for Greg in another way.

Two years ago, long before moving here, the realization hit him that while all of his peers were talking about girls and pussy, he was daydreaming about boys and cock. Moving to an even-smaller town than the one he grew up in just made things worse. Greg knew that if he let it be known that he was a wanna-be cocksucker, life would get complicated – and quite possibly painful. So the boy decided to hide it from the world, at least until he could get away from home and make it to college in one of the big cities.

Moving in with Danny was testing his will, as well as his dick. Not only was Danny adorable, with those big blue eyes, red hair and freckles, but during the summer the boy was always running around with his shirt off, showing off his lithe young body. If Greg hadn't known better, he'd have sworn that the boy was intentionally trying to make him spring a boner. When the boy had walked out of the bathroom at the hotel in nothing but a pair of tight briefs, and then crawled into bed like that, the teen's heart (and cock) did flip-flops. Only by taking a cold shower and wearing his loosest shorts on the outside with a tight pair of underwear inside did he keep his boner from being noticed.

When they had movie night he couldn't concentrate on the movie. Half the time he was wishing he could turn his head and take his stepbrother's cock into his mouth, and the other half he was restraining himself from running his fingers through Danny's hair and turning his head so that the boy could do the same to him. During their homework sessions when he was sitting next to Danny, helping him with math, it was all that Greg could do not to reach over and pull the boy to him and kiss him full on the lips. But, he didn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

Where to hide the presents so that his family wouldn't find them was the job at hand. He had time, since Danny and Sheila were also out Christmas shopping, but left later in the afternoon and wouldn't be home for at least another hour. Greg mulled it over. "Where would they never look?" He figured that if he kept them in his room, at least Danny was the only one that might run across them, since his dad and stepmom hardly ever more than poked their heads inside. "The closet?" he thought. There were shelves in there full of blankets and clothes that they never used. Yes, that should work. Four days was all he needed, and the closet should be safe for that long.

Greg's eyes first scanned the shelves. He'd gotten Danny two record albums for Christmas, and the shelves weren't deep enough to hide them, so he continued looking. Finally he settled on two large quilts that were neatly folded and sitting about a foot off of the floor in in the far corner, on top of a storage box.

"Perfect", he said to himself. "I'll put everything in between the two quilts and they'll never find them".

As the teen raised the top quilt up to make room, his eyes encountered something unexpected – a book. What was that doing there? It looked like the book that his stepbrother wrote in while he practiced his trumpet, but why would his stepbrother put his school book there? He put down the presents and opened the book up to see what it was.

A paragraph in, Greg realized that this was his stepbrother's diary. He paused for a moment. Should he just close it and put it back? He read another paragraph, and knew that the boy was sad when he wrote it. Even though the teen found the boy adorable, he had noticed that Danny could be moody, and there were days when he just didn't seem happy. Greg did what he could to bring his spirits up, but maybe if he read part of the boy's diary he'd know why Danny would get sad, and he would be able to help him.

Greg moved over to his bed and sat down as he continued to read. Four paragraphs later, the teen let out a gasp.

"I'm afraid they might find out I'm gay and like to suck dick, and then call me a faggot like Gary and Roger did."

"Oh my God… Danny's gay too? Really?" the teen said to himself, reading further.

"I really miss waking up next to Roger and getting naked and being able to rub and suck on his dick. That was fun. I guess I'll never do that again. 🙁 ;"

"I remember Danny getting sad whenever someone mentioned Roger. I guess this explains it. But why did he go from letting Danny suck his dick to calling him a faggot?" Greg thought to himself as he continued to scan the page.

As Greg continued to read through the diary, several things became apparent to him:

First, Danny was gay. Like… really gay… Butt-obsessed gay… not just a straight boy taking advantage of whatever hand or mouth made itself available to him.

Second, the boy was a real horndog, and was going through the same masturbation withdrawal hell that Greg was going through. Maybe even worse, but at least as bad.

Third, it looked like Danny felt the same way about him as he did about Danny – but both of them were too afraid of being found out to say anything.

Greg put the diary back where he found it, and put the presents on the other side of the closet under a stack of summer shirts. This changed things… He had to think…

***

December 20th
I'm really worried. I think someone found my diary! I always leave it in between two quilts in the closet. When I got it out to write this entry, it was there, but it was upside down. I always put it in there the same way every night, and tonight it's different. Mom asked me if I knew where some Christmas ornaments were yesterday, but she wouldn't look in here. I don't think she would… Could Greg have found it? He's never looked through my stuff before, but I guess this is his closet now too… Fuck!!! What if one of them read it? All those entries about jerking off and playing with my butt? FUCK!!! I'm so screwed… Is Greg going to yell and call me a faggot and threaten to tell everyone at school like Gary did? Is he going to start beating me up? What if mom found it? Would she tell Jeff? Would she tell dad?? Would they make me move out and live with grandma and grandpa? FUCK! I don't know what to do, but I'm definitely finding a new hiding place. I'm not sure what to do after that. Just wait for the shit to hit the fan I guess… 🙁 ;

December 21st
I'm really tired. I was awake most of last night worrying about what would happen today. I lost my appetite and didn't want to eat breakfast. But… nothing happened. I don't know what to think. No one yelled at me today. They're not looking at me like I'm a freak. They're all just… normal. Was it just me? Did I just lay it upside down when I put it away two nights ago? I'm still worried, but at least things are better than I thought they would be.

December 22nd
Still nothing. No one is looking at me weird or saying anything. I guess either I messed up when I put it back, or maybe mom found it and didn't open it. She said she'd never read it. If Greg found it I'm sure he'd be yelling at me, or at least teasing the shit out of me. No, I'm sure he didn't find it. I dunno. It's Christmas in just a few days. I guess I shouldn't let this bother me.

December 25th
Today was Christmas. My first Christmas with Jeff and Greg. It was ok. Kinda like old times with dad, except it's Jeff and not dad. I never had a Christmas with a brother before. That was weird. I kinda like it by now though. I'm glad it's him and not someone else.

I got some cool presents. Grandma and grandpa gave me clothes like usual, but Mom and dad (I guess I should start calling Jeff that) got me a Visible V8. It's a plastic model like my battleship, but this is an engine where all the parts move. Cool! Greg got me two new records, one by Prince and one by Wham. We had a big dinner but everything's back to normal now. After supper Greg and I were in the kitchen looking for candy, and he told me he had another present for me, but he wanted to wait and give it to me tonight. I don't know if he forgot or what though, because it's almost time for bed and he hasn't given it to me yet. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow.

***

The last several days since he found Danny's diary were full of questions for the teen. What should he do? More importantly, what would he do? He knew there was a risk in revealing that he had read the diary, and that his brother would probably take it hard. It was private stuff and he knew it. But… the boy could be so sad and moody at times, and now he knew why. He also knew that the boy longed to be touched and held by another male – just like he did. And, he now knew that their sexual and emotional yearnings were mutual. Thanks to the diary, Greg knew what Danny could never say out loud. Yes, after thinking it over for several days, Greg knew what he had to do.

It was Christmas night, and Danny was asleep. Time for Greg to put his plan into action. As slowly and silently as he could, the teen moved his covers back, and got out of bed. Quietly, he first removed his tee-shirt, then his pyjama bottoms, and finally his underwear. He walked over to the sleeping angel, who he now knew had endured so much.

The light from the full moon shone through the window onto Danny's bed. It was winter and blanket season, so all that was revealed was the outline of the boy, and not bare skin as would be the case in summer. Still, it gave Greg a chance to look down and study his face. Calm. Peaceful. Cute as hell.

Slowly, the teen pulled the covers back just enough for him to slide in, then pulled them back over top of them. Fortunately, Danny was deep in sleep at the time, and didn't wake up. Greg lay there on his side, looking over at his stepbrother as he prepared himself for what he had planned next.

Danny lay sleeping on his back. The teen reached over, and using his fingertips, began to ever-so-lightly touch the boy's chest. Greg had not been as fortunate as Danny had been (at least briefly) to have a friend to explore each other's bodies with, so was unprepared for the smoothness of the skin underneath his fingers. The teen's boner grew to its full length as he touched a boy's skin in a sexy way for the first time. Greg continued to move his hand over the boy's chest, light enough to touch, but not so hard as to wake.

Unable to resist, the teen moved his hand lower and placed it very lightly on Danny's crotch. His hands felt the fabric of the boy's briefs, which he still wore to bed, even in the winter. They was warm, almost hot. He could tell that Danny wasn't hard, but just having his hand down there energized the teen. He knew if he moved too fast his plan would fall apart, so he reluctantly moved his hand away, and back next to his own body. It was time.

"Danny?" the teen said softly, lying on his side with his hand propping his head up and looking at his stepbrother. "Danny?"

The boy's body started to shift as he was eased out of his interrupted slumber. "Whaaatt? Greg? Is something wrong? Why are you here?"

"Nothing's wrong. Remember I said I had another present that I wanted to give to you?" the teen replied.

"Uhhh yeah. I thought you forgot. What is it?" the sleepy boy asked.

Greg rotated his upper body over towards the boy, placed his hand on Danny's breast, and looked the boy in the eye before whispering "It's me.". Before the surprised boy could react, the teen leaned his head down and lightly kissed his stepbrother on the lips, then pulled the boy into a firm hug.

By now Danny was fully awake and his mind was racing. "What's going on? What does this mean? Am I dreaming? This can't be real, but I could swear I'm awake!"

Instinctively, Danny put his arms around his stepbrother and squeezed. "I don't understand. Why?"

"It's ok. I'm gay too."

If the last sixty seconds weren't enough, those five words rocked the boy's world and sent his mind into overdrive. Greg said "I'm gay TOO". Greg was gay??? And how did he know Danny was in the first place? Had Gary told on him? Was it all over school? Had he said something he shouldn't have? Did he talk in his sleep?

"But how… how did you know?" Danny asked, still in shock.

"Please don't be mad at me, but… I found your diary. Once I read enough to know what it was I was going to put it back, but there are days that you seem really sad, and I thought maybe it would tell me why. I really like you, and I don't want you to be sad, and I thought maybe I could help."

"So that's why the diary was upside down", Danny thought to himself. "I knew it wasn't me!"

"So…. You read it? You know… everything? And you still want to be my stepbrother?"

"Yep. Everything. And you know what? It makes me want to be your stepbrother even more. There's only one thing I'd rather be."

"What's that??" Danny asked, confused.

"Your boyfriend. Even before I found your diary I knew I really liked you. I just never thought there was a chance in hell that you felt the same way. After I read it I've been thinking about you almost all the time, and you know what I think? I think I love you." And with that, Greg moved his head to Danny's and once again kissed the boy, except this time it was a full-on face sucking with tongue. The boy, shocked though happy, had never experienced this before, but that didn't stop him from reciprocating and engaging in a tongue-battle with his stepbrother while his mind tried to adjust to what he had just heard.

After a full two minutes, the two pulled away from each other. There were tears in Danny's eyes and he was sniffling. Greg started to get worried.

"Are you ok? Did I do something wrong? Are mad at me?"

"No, I'm just happy. Really happy! I thought I was the only one in this town, and that anyone who found out would hate me. I just never expected this," Danny replied.

"I know. I hide it too. I musta hid it pretty good if you never figured it out," Greg said with a smile.

"Yeah, I guess I'm pretty good at it too," Danny replied, returning the teen's smile.

"So does this mean I don't have to sneak around and wait to jerk off until you're not here?" asked Danny.

"You'd better not. I want to see a lot of this." Greg grinned, reaching down and squeezing the boy's crotch.

"Well that's good, because I wanna see a lot of this too." said Danny as he reached down and returned the squeeze. "Whoa! you're naked! Cool! Can I see it now?"

"Only if I can see yours too," Greg said as he reached into his stepbrother's briefs and got his first handful of Danny's hard cock, as well as his first handful of boy cock in general.

Danny reached up and turned on the lamp on the table by his bed, illuminating the room.

"You know we haveta be quiet, right? Mom and dad would shit if they knew what we're doing," said Greg.

"Yeah, I know. I've done this before, remember?" Danny said, thinking back to Roger, but for the first time in a long time focusing only on the good memories.

"Then you're going to have to teach me some things, little brother," Greg said with a grin.

Danny released his hold on the teen and pulled the covers back, allowing the light to reach the rest of their bodies. Danny lifted his hips up and nodded to Greg, who grabbed the waistband with his hand and pulled the briefs down. Once the briefs were clear, Danny lowered his ass back down to the bed and lifted his feet, allowing the older boy to remove the undies completely, leaving them both naked.

Danny got up and moved down to the foot of the bed, kneeling in between the older boy's legs. He gazed for a good thirty seconds at the teenager's cock that was in front of him. Just as he had suspected, it was a lot hairier than his own, and a good deal bigger too – at least five inches [12cm], he wagered, compared to the not quite four inches [10cm] of his own. They were just over a year apart, but at this stage of their lives, that year made a big difference.

With lustful determination, Danny grabbed the base of the cock and lowered his mouth. His tongue was immediately met with the taste of pre-cum, which Greg had been dripping ever since they started kissing. The boy had been tasting his own ever since he started making it a few months ago, but tasting his stepbrother's was different. The flavor was similar, but this was so much hotter, knowing it was someone else's other than his own. He lightly squeezed on the bottom of the shaft and moved his hand up, after which he was rewarded with another glob of pre-cum on his tongue.

Greg lay back, moaning as his stepbrother worked his magic on the older teen's cock, sliding his mouth up and down, just barely getting the whole thing in on each stroke. Greg reached down and grabbed his sucker's head and rubbed his fingers through the hair while the boy drove him closer to ecstasy.

Danny felt his head being pulled up off the cock. "Am I doing it wrong?" he asked.

"No, you're fucking amazing! I just wanted to know if you'd mind turning around so that I could see yours?" Greg asked.

"Sure!" the boy replied as he turned his body around, positioned himself with his knees on either side of his stepbrother's chest, and resumed his task.

Greg looked up in amazement at the cock hanging down above him. He'd become very good friends with his own, but this was the first time he'd had another one to play with. Danny's was, in his mind, nothing short of perfection. Pink, smooth, hard as a rock, and with just a light dusting of short hairs at the base. Greg reached up and placed his hand around it, feeling the smooth skin and taking in the similarities and differences to his own. Very soon though he licked his lips and raised his head up, engulfing the entire dick in one slow but intense move. Wanting to get as much of it as possible, he reached his hands up and grabbed his stepbrother's ass cheeks and pulled them down, forcing even more of the cock into his eager mouth.

With that, the boys started to learn the joys of the sixty-nine position, and what it's like to have your cock sucked while your partner is doing the same to yours. This was new to both of them, as Danny and Roger had never had the chance to reach that stage (if Roger would have even agreed to do it). They both reveled in the feelings, and the pleasure that was building on both ends of their bodies.

For Greg, having a cock in his mouth was a totally new experience. He had daydreamed about it for almost two years now, but a warm cock and a daydream were two wildly different things, and he decided very quickly he'd rather have the warm cock! Danny was producing pre-cum as well, though not as much as Greg. When the older teen tasted it, he recognized the flavor as being similar to his own, then quickly used his tongue to lick up all of that creamy goodness that came flowing out of the younger boy's prong.

As Greg lay back enjoying the younger boy's cock probe his mouth, his gaze fell on the ass immediately above him, and his mind recalled the diary passages which he had read. In particular, it went back to the many passages in which Danny was playing with his ass, rubbing it as he stroked, putting things into it, and dreaming about being fucked. He decided to try something.

For just a moment, Greg pushed Danny's cock out of his mouth, turned his head to the side, and spat onto the fingers of his right hand, before returning to sucking. Danny was momentarily confused, but then confusion turned into pleasure as he felt the slick fingers rub over his pucker. It felt really good! Not that doing himself didn't also feel good, but just like having a mouth sucking on your dick was loads better than using your own hand, having another boy's finger massage your hole was tons better than doing it yourself, he decided. Danny groaned and moaned while still sucking on Greg's cock.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah… Fuck yeah. Stick your finger in!" Danny said, taking his mouth off Greg's cock long enough to tell the older teen what he really wanted.

Greg once again removed his partner's cock long enough to get a fresh load of spit on his fingers, then reached up and pressed the spit into the hole above him, followed by the tip of his middle finger. Luckily, today was a good day, and all that Greg's finger encountered as it entered was an enveloping warmth.

By this time the younger boy had been practicing enough that the invasion was almost effortless, at least compared to what it would have been months earlier. The older teen proceeded to move further and further in, eliciting more restrained moans from the boy above him. Greg almost had the entire finger in when he felt the boy's joy button. Knowing what it was from his own manual self-explorations, he began rubbing on it, which released another round of moans, until Danny lifted his head.

"Oh fuck yeah! That's it. Please, finger-fuck me. Keep hitting that spot. So good!!!"

Greg did as he was told and finger-banged the younger boy. By this time he had taken his mouth off Danny's cock so that he could get a better look at the boy's hole. He ran the fingers of his left hand up and down his stepbrother's shaft as he used the middle finger of his right to fuck and massage the boy's prostate.

"Fuck… Oh God… I want you… to do that all… the time!" Danny panted.

"I read that you wanted to get fucked. How about that instead?" the teen asked, adding a prostate poke.

With the feelings being produced by the finger on his joy button, the answer to that question was a no-brainer. "Hell yeah! Please fuck me. I want your cock in my ass. I've wanted it for a long time now. Please do me," said the horny boy.

"Where's your Crisco spoon? I think it'll feel better if we get you really slick back there," asked Greg.

"In the very back of the drawer in the table by the bed," replied Danny

Greg paused long enough to reach over and pull open the drawer and reach towards the back, finding the younger boy's lube stash. "Get up and stand next to the bed, then bend over and put your hands down on it."

Danny got off the bed and moved as requested, with Greg walking behind him. The older boy knelt down and spread the cheeks in front of him. For a moment he just stared and marveled at the wrinkled pink hole that was winking at him, having never seen an asshole before, even his own. Anxious for what was to come, he stopped staring and pushed some of the white lube into the shiny hole before standing up and using another chunk of it to slick up his own hard cock.

"Are you ready? Are you sure about this?" the older teen asked as he nudged the head of his cock into the crevice in front of him.

"Yes. Please! I want your cock all the way inside me. Just fuck me!" answered the boy, allaying any fears or uncertainty that the older teen may have had.

With that, Greg pushed slowly into his stepbrother, inching forward steadily into the willing hole in front of him. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually only about ten seconds, he bottomed out.

"Are you ok? Does it hurt?" asked the concerned teen.

"I'm fine. It feels good. REALLY good! Don't stop," replied Danny, as he started pulling himself off his stepbrother's cock, and then pushing back, fucking himself onto the cock behind him.

"Yes! Yes! Oh fuck yes!' Danny quietly exclaimed as he felt the cock behind him rub his insides and scratch that itch in his still-tight but somewhat experienced asshole. The older teen took that as his cue, and started to fuck in and out, gaining speed as the ring started to relax slightly. He remembered how his stepbrother had reacted when his finger was rubbing the boy's joy button, so he began moving his hips around and probing until he thought he felt the tip of his cock hit something hard.

"Oh God! Fuck! Sooo good! Yes!!!" Danny half-whispered, wishing he could shout it out at the top of his lungs, but having enough good sense to know that he had to keep his exclamations on the quiet side, or risk his parents rushing in and ruining it.

Greg knew then he had found the right spot, and kept pushing and pounding, stroking in and out while his hands gripped the hips of the boy in front of him, helping to guide his cock's journey into its new home.

Every thrust was bringing Danny closer to nirvana. Neither his fingers nor the soda bottles had prepared him for getting fucked by a real live cock. It was ten times better – no, a hundred times better! It was also fast on its way to bringing him to a climax from all of that stimulation.

"I'm gonna cum!" announced Danny.

"I'm about there too!" replied Greg.

With that and one final press of his joy button, Danny's body gave in, and he started to cum. Not just any cum, but one like he had never experienced before. His body was spasming and his cock spewing cum all over the floor, and even some on the mattress in front of him. The intensity of it caused his hole to contract over and over, squeezing down like a vice on the cock that was fucking him. That pressure on his cock was all that it took for his stepbrother to lose it and start unloading into the younger teen's ass. Rope after rope of cum flooded the warm chamber as Greg continued to pump into his stepbrother while cumming.

Having finally reached the end of their first lovemaking session, the two exhausted teens fell forward onto the bed, one of top of the other, with Greg's cock still embedded into his stepbrother and new lover's ass.

Greg moved his head down and once again kissed Danny, who moved his head to the side to return the kiss with passion.

"I love you," said Greg to Danny after their kiss ended and the cloud of sex dissipated.

"I love you too," replied the younger boy. "And thank you for your present. It was the best one anyone's ever given me in my whole life."

"You're welcome. You gave me one too without even knowing it. I've never even been naked with another boy before tonight, and this was pretty awesome. Do you think we can ever top it?" Greg asked.

"I dunno, but I bet we'll have fun trying," grinned Danny as he clenched his hole, squeezed his brother's slowly-softening cock. His mind was already thinking ahead to tomorrow, and next year, and to the rest of their lives.

The End