Chapter 100

Run for the Border

My plan worked, for the most part. I eventually got my new passport, most of my money, and credit for a flight to Thunder Bay that was good for a year. By that time in my life, I had learned to spot men who needed a good blowjob. I decided to find some man I could bribe with one of my deep-throat blowjobs, which I knew were excellent, to make the phone call for me, pretending to be Klaus.

One of the doctors there really needed a good blowjob, and I told him what I needed in return. I did some of my best work on him, and I swallowed his load and cleaned him off. Then he denied saying he'd help me and threw a Canadian ten-dollar bill at my face and walked away.

The next man was a patient – He was in to have knee surgery. He and I had made eye contact several times as I walked past his room. I flashed him my open-backed hospital gown to see his reaction. He liked it! I flirted with him constantly until I think he was horny enough to ass-fuck a moose! I snuck into his room one night, lifted his blanket and hospital gown out of the way, and sucked him until he was hard. Then I deep-throated him for only five seconds and stopped. That got his attention. We negotiated, and he wanted to fuck my ass, but with AIDS being such a problem, I just couldn't. "Then you give me a blowjob," he said, "and fifty bucks, US, and I cum in your mouth."

"Ok," I said, "I'll pay you after I'm out. My money's what I'm trying to get from the safe."

"Blowjob first, cash when you get out. I'm checking out tomorrow. That means you finish what you started now, and I'll meet you in the parking lot for the money tomorrow. My God, you're beautiful!"

It seemed the best deal I was going to find. It was no fun – My heart wasn't in it. I pretended to like it, but I didn't. I did my best to make him cum as fast as I could. The trick is eye contact and lots of head movement. Oh, and a deep throat. I didn't like this prostitution thing I seemed to be working my way into. Yeah, I swallowed; I even gave him a quick kiss. If he kept up his end of the bargain, I would be back in Minnesota in a day or two, and it would all be worth it.

The next afternoon, the nurse came into my room and told me Patient Services had booked me on a flight to Thunder Bay, and that my dad would meet me at the airport there, not the border. (That wasn't part of the plan.) She handed me an envelope with all of my money in it, my new passport, and all of my new clothes. I had a yellow sweatshirt with blue jeans, a Pink Floyd t-shirt, white tube socks with yellow stripes, regular white Fruit of the Looms, and a nice new pair of ASICS Tigers. I put a 50 dollar bill in my pocket and the remaining $346 in my right sock under my foot. I kept the passport tucked into the top of my right sock.

I was afraid when a representative from Patient Services followed me out the door and stood next to me while I waited for the taxi they'd called for me. How could I break away and pay the guy? He was clever. He hobbled right up to us on his crutches and said, "Donovan! How are ya, boy?" He hugged me, whispering, "They wouldn't let you go unless I said I'd meet you in Thunder Bay. Hope that works." I nodded slightly and hugged him back, stuffing his money into his back pocket. "Are they letting you out today? It's about time!" We made small talk while he pulled the bill out of his back pocket and, after glancing at it, put it in his front pocket. "Well, see ya later, boy! Don't slip and fall in any more bathrooms!"

We both laughed as he hobbled off, but the Patient Services woman just looked confused. "He was in a room across the hall from me," I said. "We both played cribbage, so we became friends."

***

The taxi dropped me off at Toronto Pearson Airport, and out of curiosity, I went to visit the restroom where I'd been attacked. It was oddly frightening. I couldn't remember anything, but the place felt haunted.

On my way out of the restroom, I happened to spot a certain patrol officer who had been very kind to me that day, and who had shown me love. "Officer Donelly!" I said with a huge smile and giving him a hug with which I was not at all sure he was comfortable.

"Hello, Donovan," he said. "It's very good to see you up and about. Have they kept you in the hospital all this time?"

"Yeah," I sneered. "I just need to catch my flight to Thunder Bay, and I'll finally get to see my dad! He was sure glad to reach me after being away so long."

"I bet he was, eh?"

Then I got a series of ideas all at once. "Officer Donelly, would you mind going into that restroom with me? There's something weird in there." He gave me a funny look as I took his hand and led him into the restroom. "Do you feel it?" I asked.

"Feel what, son?"

"You don't feel it then. It's like walking through a crowd of ghosts. It's scary. There's something not right here."

Well, Donovan, when people are attacked and traumatized like you were, feelings like that aren't uncommon when you visit the place of the assault."

"When you're here, it's not so bad. Not bad at all." I had to be lightning quick with the next part. "I passed out before they took me away."

"Yes you did, and I was really worried about you, I really was."

"I want to thank you now," I said, "in my own way, and I'm really good at this." In a flash, I had his pants unzipped and his cock fished out and in my mouth.

"What do you think you're doing?" he shouted as he pushed me away.

"Thanking you," I said. "It's something I know I do better than anyone." I leaned back in, but he pushed me back.

"Look, Donovan, you cannot do this here."

"Somewhere else then?"

"Donovan, I'm not gay."

"You don't have to be gay," I said. "You're hard from just that little bit. I can do deep throat! You'll love it." He looked down in frustration. He couldn't deny he was hard. I took his hand again and walked him to the last stall. We walked in and closed the door.

"If you like, you can pretend I'm a girl. My hair's getting long."

I sat on the toilet and deep-throated him slowly, not letting him cum. Then I stood up, bent forward, and let his slimy cock slide from my mouth. I turned around and leaned my hands on the toilet seat. I slobbered up a couple fingers and probed around in my hole. He whimpered slightly. I turned around, stood up straight, and kissed him softly.

"You need to go all the way, or you'll always regret it." I hardened him up a bit more before pressing his cock straight in. "Mmmm… that's it, Officer Donelly. Yeah, ooh! Come on, yeah. You can go deeper. Make me feel you! Give it all to me!" He was pounding me hard like he was completely out of control.

I needed to take control, or else he would cum all fast and sloppy. I was still really good at controlling my own orgasms, so I had an ass-orgasm. Then I turned around again and pulled him back into my throat, where he came a little more slowly and a lot more intensely. Of course, I swallowed and cleaned up.

"I know you're not gay," I said, "but now you know why so many men like boys, and you know how grateful I am for helping me when you found me. They said I might have died if you found me five minutes later. You were so nice, even when you thought I was just some gay kid having sex in a public restroom – then I threw up on you! I will always remember you. You saved my life, and you showed me kindness. I'm not sure which is more important to me." I pulled my pants back up, kissed him, and left him motionless in the restroom stall.

***

Thunder Bay was a nice city. Mount McKay is beautiful, and the Sleeping Giant peninsula looks haunting! The whole town smelled disgusting because of a paper mill. I mean, it was foul! I had supper at the airport terminal and went to the bus terminal on the ground level. I had to wait an hour for the next bus bound for the border. When it arrived, it was already packed, and I had to stand most of the way, but I was on my way home! My only real problem was that I had no idea what to do once I crossed the border. So I walked and I walked.

The border patrol officers gave each of us a map of Minnesota and a map of the US, showing the areas that were still too radioactive to enter. I had to come up with a plan quickly because the whole area within 30 miles of Duluth was shown as a hot zone, with an area of five miles radius being a complete no-go zone, and Duluth was the next big city on the highway I was walking.

I met several people who were also walking south on US Highway 61, and even more who were going toward Canada. Most were like me. They didn't know where they were going or how to get there. They just wanted to be home. I met a couple who told me there was a bus service that started in Grand Marais and went south from there, through central Minnesota. That sounded great, but Grand Marais was over twenty miles away.

Nowadays, they call it gaydar, but I had an instinct about gay boys. I had sat down at the side of the road for some rest, watching the people walk past, and I saw a big group of boys. I stood up and ran out to catch up with them. "Hi!" I said.

Everybody stopped, and one of the bigger boys said, "Who are you?"

"I'm Donovan Langevin," I said.

Then the big boy grabbed the boy next to him and pulled him in for a deep tongue kiss. "You got something to say, kid?" he asked in a threatening voice.

I was filled with joy and fear at the same time. That's a weird combination! "Just that I'm a little envious. God, he's cute! You're lucky!"

"Oh, he ain't mine," he said, offering me a handshake. "I just like kissing him. His name's Ernie, Ernie Squirm. Get him in bed, and you'll find out why we call him that. I'm Josh."

"Good to meet you, Josh." He leaned toward me, and I instinctively puckered up. It was a nice greeting kiss, no more. Everyone seemed to relax a bit. "There's something scary about being a gay boy alone out here," I said as the group resumed its march.

"Oh, I don't know," said Josh. "Boys like us can make a lot of money, but make sure you see the money before you see his wood because most of the guys out here haven't got a penny. And yeah, you're a lot safer in a group like this."

The group of gay boys was a combination of boys who had lost everything and everyone in the bombing, boys who had been thrown out of their homes because their parents couldn't handle it, and a few who just liked the freedom of living that lifestyle. One thing they all had in common was that they were extremely friendly.

***

We walked along the road for about three hours before we stopped again. There was no formal process by which I became a member of the group. I just joined them and walked with them, and I was gay. I was able to meet and chat with most of them. They looked like a gang of hoodlums who would cut your throat as soon as kiss you, but I thought they were all really sweet. They were quite the variety too. Josh was the oldest at seventeen. (He looked about fourteen.) Eliot and Atticus were the youngest at eight. They were a mix of races and body types, as well. Of course, I was drawn like a mother to the little boys. There were also three nine-year-olds and seven ten-year-olds. I spent most of our walking time talking to them and getting to know them, even carrying them on my back or my shoulders sometimes.

We had stopped because it had become dark, and we needed a rest. There was a rocky beach on Lake Superior to our left, but if we stayed back from the water a ways, the beach sloped up, and the rocks became sand. "What do you guys think?" asked Josh. "Sleep here?" There was some muttered conversation followed by a general consensus to stay. "For our new friends," said Josh, "we don't have sleeping bags, tents, or blankets. It's up to you to keep warm, but I suggest you don't try it alone."

I didn't think I'd have any problem at all keeping warm. It was late May, and that means hot in Minnesota. On the lakeshore, it wasn't so bad, but sometimes the highway was several miles from the lake. "Does anyone have a knife?" I asked? Almost everyone I could see was holding up their knives, even little Eliot and Atticus. I borrowed Eliot's knife and I cut the legs off my jeans. Cut-off shorts were still popular in those days

I lay down in the midst of the little boys. Most of them were in bunches of three or four, but Atticus and Eliot were the only pair. I don't know what I was waiting for – I was alone – I felt alone. I needed Klaus on one side and David on the other!

Then I felt a small body crawl on top of me. Then a second. "We're cold!" said Eliot.

"Yeah," said Atticus.

I wrapped them in my arms, which were covered with my sweatshirt sleeves. "Is that better?"

"Uh-huh," said Atticus. "Do you like boys?"

"Of course, I like boys!"

"Do you like boys like me and Atticus?"

"I love boys like you and Atticus! I love younger boys because you feel so cuddly and so cute and energetic!"

"The big boys say we're too little," said Atticus. "They don't like boys. They only like teenagers."

"That means there's more of you for me to love!"

Eliot stood up and unbuckled his pants. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Sex," he said. "I thought you said you liked us?"

Atticus had begun to unbuckle my belt. I was as hard as a railroad spike. "Do you want to have sex, too, Atticus?"

Well, duh!" He quickly finished opening my cut-offs, and he had my cock in his mouth in a flash. It was happening so fast – that's what Kevin had said.

Eliot had removed his pants. He shoved Atticus away from my cock. "Take your pants off, stupid!" he said to Atticus and started sucking my cock himself.

"He's not stupid, sweetie. Having sex with me means you've got to be nice, ok?"

"Ok," said Eliot.

Atticus had taken a flask out of his pants pocket and had a few great big gulps from it. He offered it to me. I was stunned, but then I thanked him and chugged whatever was in there. Whatever it was, it was foul. I held it back toward Atticus, but Eliot snatched it out of my hand. It was his turn! There was booze everywhere. At least one boy in every group had a bottle of something.

Their little mouths couldn't take in much of my thirteen-year-old cock, but they took in more than I thought they would. They showed a surprising amount of skill, too, and their little mouths felt so sweet!

"I should take my shorts all the way off to," I said. I stood up, and in an instant the two little boys had my cut-offs and underwear around my ankles, and they were sharing sucking duties on my cock. I picked Atticus up, turned him over, and did that standing sixty-nine position that I'd done with Kevin.

"Hey!" said Eliot as he spanked my ass. "What am I supposed to do now?"

I began to run, with little Eliot chasing me and giggling as only a little boy can. I held Atticus tightly. I could feel him laughing too, but he kept my cock in his mouth. Half of the ten-year-olds yelled out, "Do me! Do me!" And I did! After doing it with Eliot, of course.

I parked myself, with Eliot and Atticus, in the area where the ten-year-olds were. I lay on my back and called out, "Who wants a blow job?" Hands went up everywhere. "Who wants my cock in their ass?" More hands, mostly the same ones. "Form a line, and when it's your turn, just sit down on my cock. Move up and down like normal, masturbate too please, and when you have your orgasm, it's the next boy's turn. Show them Atticus, would you please? For blowjobs, form a line up here, and when it's your turn, get on all fours with my face between your thighs. I'll help you from there. Let's demonstrate, ok Eliot?"

I had no idea who I was sucking or fucking, and it didn't matter. They were all so sweet and so much fun! I was going through puberty, and I could no longer cum four times in a row – Barely twice. I tried to edge as long as I could to save myself for as many of the little cuties as I could fuck, but the fifth boy was all I could handle.

"Who wants to taste my cum?" A bunch of hands went up. "Then lick me or suck me, and you'll taste it!" There must have been six little tongues crowded around my cock, and I fired a nice load for them to catch. When they were done, my cock was clean, but their faces weren't.

I held Eliot and Atticus and let the ten-year-olds take care of themselves. I pulled them in close and told them they should lick each other's faces clean. I squeezed them together face-to-face and told them they'd be stuck like that until they'd licked each other's face clean. They began very tentatively, and soon they were laughing so hard their little bodies were shaking! That gave me another boner. "Eliot, did you get a chance to have my cock in your ass?"

"No. Only Atticus," he pouted.

"Then why don't you climb up right now and have it all to yourself?" He happily hopped up and enjoyed every second of it. "If you want to cum more than once, you can cum as many times as you like, but you have to stop when I cum again. Atticus, you can fuck my mouth if you'd like. You can cum as many times as you like, too, but you have to stop when I cum too, ok?"

As far as I could tell, Eliot had three orgasms before I came in his ass, and Atticus had four in my mouth. We put our pants back on (always a sad moment for me), and I took my sweatshirt off. The boys shared my sweatshirt. They hugged and cuddled underneath, and I wrapped my arms around both of them, wondering if the world could be ok again someday.

Chapter 101

The Big Bus

I woke up to sweet little boy kisses and cute little boy asses in each hand. I didn't want to move ever again, but we had to go. We had to make it to Grand Marais – We had to find food. I had plenty of money for myself, but there were about forty of us in our wayward gay boys' group. Some had money, mostly the older boys (age 11 or 12 and older), others didn't.

We reached Grand Marais at about one PM. We'd had a talk about somehow taking that bus I'd learned about. They all wanted very much to go to what was left of Minneapolis. Some of the western suburbs were cleared to enter. Most of the kids had lived in the Twin Cities, or as we called them, The Cities, before the attack. I wanted to get off at the stop in Buffalo, which was closer to St. Albert. I had to find out what happened to David and Klaus.

First, we went to a liquor store. Things had definitely changed in Minnesota. Store owners didn't care if we were kids. They sold liquor to anyone with money. They had to if they wanted to make enough money to stay in business. If some kids didn't have any money for food or liquor, others would share. This group was like that. We all have enough, or we all do without. We all lived together, or we died together. I bought a bottle of the rum with the pirate on it, knowing I would be passing the bottle and giving most of it to my new brothers. (That's how they thought of each other, but for me, accepting a new family was a very difficult thing to even think about, given the pain I still felt about the loss of my first new family. David had been my dear, sweet lover, my everything, not really my brother-only-different.)

Then we found a grocery store, and after the boys had bought their food, some still had none because they'd run out of money. After talking it over with Josh, who was clearly the leader of the gang, I went inside and bought every boy's favorite lunch food – peanut butter, jelly, and bread, and lots of it because it was cheap. I figured I had more money than any of them, and I wanted to share. Besides, I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! So, I ate the same food as the kids who couldn't afford their own, which felt good. I also found a cheap backpack so I could carry the leftovers, and my booze, easily.

Carry it where? If they didn't have any money, how would they pay for bus tickets? My ticket to Buffalo would cost $27. I could afford to buy peanut butter and jelly for everyone, but I couldn't afford their bus fare.

We went to the bus depot, and Josh remained optimistic that something would come up, even if it meant sucking dick in the bathroom for a few days or weeks – that wouldn't be needed. We saw a sign that said, "Are you under 18, lost, traveling alone, and trying to get home? Ask about subsidized travel." It seems some of the Soviet aid money went into this plan to help reunite lost kids with their families.

"What did I tell you?" asked Josh with a massive amount of smugness as we all lined up to get our free tickets.

***

They had us board the bus while it was still behind the depot building, where they could make sure we were all accounted for. They saw us as needy little waifs; we saw ourselves as little hellions who were bound to have a good time on the long bus ride.

When the bus pulled around to the front of the building, we all stood up and stared at each person as they boarded. We had occupied nearly all of the seats, and if anyone tried to sit, the boys all around that seat would glare at the person and hiss. There was nothing illegal about looking at people and hissing, not as far as we knew. When three boys, about eleven or twelve, boarded the bus, we all cheered and welcomed them. We didn't know if they were gay. We didn't care. They were cute! In a femmy kinda way.

In the end, all of the passengers, aside from the three boys decided they would wait for the next bus, where there might be more room.

My beautifully cute little boys Atticus and Eliot sat with me. I sat in one seat, one of the boys sat in the other seat, then the other boy sat on my lap, or stood, or the two boys shared the other seat. I loved them, and I cared about them. I think when you've got no one left in the world, it's easy to love the one you're with. (A song Mom used to play on her turntable said that "Love the one you're with.")

Soon the liquor bottles came out, and of course, it was inevitable. We heard a howl coming from the row ahead of us and across the aisle. It was Ernie Squirm, sitting on an older boy's lap with his pants off, and squirming! When I turned my attention back to our seat, Atticus had pulled Eliot's pants down, and he was sucking him! It was so adorable! Boys and their clothes were parting company all up and down the bus. The driver had to have known. By the time we got to Eveleth (that's where they have the US Hockey Hall of Fame), nearly everybody was naked and had their cock stuck inside of something warm. When the driver opened the door to let the new passengers board at Eveleth, we were in full orgy.

"What am I supposed to do about it?" I heard him say with a slight chuckle in his voice. "I guess you join them or wait for another half-hour for the next bus."

The three boys who had boarded with us at Grand Marais were still dressed. They watched in confusion, but they weren't repulsed. "What's up?" asked one of our boys, who was about twelve.

"Are you all gay boys?" one of the three asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"What if we're not?"

"You don't have to be gay to have fun with other boys."

"Would you ever have fun with a girl?"

"I wouldn't," the twelve-year-old said, "but I know some of the boys would."

"I'm not a boy, and neither are they. Now, what do we do?"

"Take off your clothes and play!"

The girls undressed nervously, and immediately one boy jumped to his knees in front of them and began licking their pussies, one at a time. Several "oh my Gods" were heard from the girls.

"This is way better than how straight boys do it! You're so much more sensitive."

"If you're not bi, you're missing half the fun," said the boy on his knees.

The group of nine-year-olds had their hands all over the girl's bodies, giggling madly. "What does she feel like there?" one of them would ask while another inserted his finger up a girl's pussy. She could only shriek. The girls never had to worry about having new friends to play with on that bus.

***

It was so nice to fuck the little boys, naked and warm. (I'd kept the pants legs from my jeans just in case.) By the time we'd arrived at Grand Rapids, I'd sucked each of them through two orgasms. They screamed so loud it was painful, but I thought they should have the experience. I had also fucked each of them until they came once. While Eliot was riding my cock, I was kissing sweet little Atticus. I thought Atticus was the cuter of the two. He had long, messy blond hair, dark blue eyes, and a nice tan with a bright butt from his swimsuit. Kissing him with Eliot hopping up and down on my cock was more than I could ask. I let the boys suck the cum out of me – They shared nicely. Passengers tried to board at Grand Rapids just as I was howling out from the wonderful work the boys had done.

On our way to Brainerd, the little boys and I, and a few others ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again. Before we ate, a few of the older boys talked me into playing a game with them. They called it soggy biscuit, and I had never heard of it. Atticus and Eliot seemed to know all about it because they wanted to watch. To play, the boys stand around in a circle, facing each other. They all need to be in puberty and able to shoot a nice load. There is a piece of bread in the middle of the circle. The boys jack off and shoot their cum on the bread. The last one to cum eats the bread. I looked at the little boys and said, "You guys!" I told the older boys that Eliot and Atticus had just given me a wonderful orgasm, and I wasn't ready yet. No sympathy!

There were seven of us playing. The first two shot in less than a minute. Three more came in under two minutes, which left another boy about my age and me. "I just came too," he said.

He had such pretty eyes. "Will you fuck me next?" I asked him, and he came immediately onto the slice of bread. Then they told me I had to keep going. My load had to be on the bread as well. I felt two small hands caressing my butt cheeks, and finally, I came.

Everyone cheered for me, but then they chanted, "Eat it! Eat it!" I looked around at each boy who had left his semen for me to taste. They were all sexy, and I would love to swallow their cum, right out of their cocks, so I thought of it that way as I took my first bite. Really, it wasn't too bad. I thought about my idea of trying Kevin's cum on noodles. I took another bite, and another, keeping my gaze on those beautiful boys whose cum I was eating, and I found myself getting hard again!

Chapter 102

The Girls

The passengers who wanted to board at Brainerd were treated to the same orgy as everyone else, so we still had the bus to ourselves. As we were pulling out of the Brainerd bus depot, I noticed one of the girls was standing in the aisle next to me. I had never been with a girl before, and her skin looked soft and fascinating.

I put my hand gently on her ass and said, "Hi, I'm Donovan, and this is my cute friend Eliot and my adorable friend Atticus."

"Hello, boys, it's good to meet you," she said.

"Hi," said Eliot.

"What's your name?" asked Atticus.

"I'm Cynthia, and I'm twelve."

"Would you like to join us?" I asked. "You can sit on my lap; the boys can share the other seat."

"Sure!" she said with a smile. The little boys just stared at her, and I caressed her thigh, not knowing what to say.

"I've never even seen a naked girl before," I said.

"I have," said Atticus. "I've played with girls. They like little boys because we're so adorable!" he said with a big smile.

"I can tell you're not exactly turned off by what you see," she said to me. I gave her my confused look, and she clarified by bouncing gently on my boner.

"Oh, that!" I said. "I've always wondered, I mean, I've always wanted to…"

She cut me off by taking my hand and putting it on her pussy. "If your words don't work for you, then just try it, whatever you're thinking about. If I don't like it, I will tell you."

I spread her legs as far apart as I could, and my cock was standing up right through the middle of her pussy. I held it against her and thrust it up and down. She gasped gently. Eliot laughed and said, "It goes in it, not on top of it!"

"You can go next," she said, "and you can do it the way you like."

"Ok!"

I wanted to feel what was inside. I poked a finger in and felt around. She grabbed my forearm tightly and said, "Gently, gently, please. That's very sensitive, and it feels really nice."

It was very slimy inside, and everything felt bumpy and rough. Atticus was staring intently and smiling nervously.

"That's where the boy's penis goes," he said.

Cynthia didn't respond – She was gasping. She was sitting sideways on my lap. I asked her to bend over forward. When she did, I was able to put my cock into her pussy. I had to know what it felt like. She made a loud hooting sound as I slid in. I went in and out for a while. It was a different feeling from a boy's butt. Then Atticus howled as Cynthia began sucking on his little cock.

I licked my finger and stuck it in her ass. I liked the feel of an ass better than a pussy. An ass is much tighter. I thrust really fast in her pussy until she howled loudly. Then I pulled out and poked it into her back door.

"Could you sit back up, please?" As she did, I plunged straight in, full depth. I rotated her a bit so she was facing forward. "Who wants to play with a girl's pussy?" They both raised their hands. "Tongues or gentle fingers, ok boys?" That girl went crazy! She screamed and squirmed and reached back to grab my hair. "Put your arms around her legs, both of you. Help me hold her down."

"She's leaking a lot!" said Eliot, who was kneeling on the floor, licking her pussy.

"Yeah, my fingers are getting wrinkly," said Atticus, whose fingers had spent the past several minutes inserted into her pussy.

"I'm not sure, but I think that means she's cumming." I pounded her ass faster, and she screamed louder.

"Yep," said Eliot. "That made more, but it's different than it was. It smells different or something."

"What do you boys think will happen if we just keep going?" They both shrugged.

"Well, let's find out."

She screamed when she heard me say that. She tried to lift off of me a few times, but I had my arms around her, and she wasn't going anywhere. We kept on like that for maybe a half-hour, when she managed to tell me she wanted to stop. As it happens, she either came a hundred times, or she was in a constant state of orgasm the entire time. I learned that girls do that, but I've never cared enough to figure out which it is. I know enough to play with a girl, and that's fun – but I'm gay. I didn't cum in her; It was an experiment, and the little boys had a great time. I liked her body, though. Kinda like a boy who's missing his penis, but otherwise quite lovely.

***

It seemed we'd barely finished when the bus pulled off to the side of the road, and the driver spoke to us. "Boys, you have made my day with all this sex and playing around naked, but I'm not supposed to allow this on my bus. I have a problem. You see, every time we stop, people see what's going on, and I could get in trouble. Why should I keep taking that risk?"

We sat in silence, wondering what we were supposed to say. Then Josh and Ernie Squirm got up, knelt in front of him, and unbuckled his belt. "No, no, no," said the driver. "You got the right idea, though. It's just… not you. I want those three little ones," he said, pointing to the nine-year-olds, "and one of the girls. We'll take a half-hour rest right here, and then we'll continue on our way." An Asian girl with short, boyish hair ran up to service the driver, along with the nine-year-olds. Most of us loved playing with grown men, and this felt more like he was one of us, and he just wanted to play too. It didn't feel like prostitution.

Before we knew it, the driver was on his back naked, licking the girl's pussy while she sat on his face, and the three boys were sharing his cock. After a few minutes, he had one of the boys sit on his face so he could lick out his ass. Then he had that boy sit on his hard cock, facing him. He had a second boy standing astride his waist, and the boy who was sitting on his cock was sucking him off. The man caressed the second boy's soft butt cheeks while the third boy squatted over his face so the man could eat his ass. The girl lay on the floor, licking the man's balls. He rotated the four kids until everyone had been in every position. When he was ready, he had the girl kneel and open her mouth while he shot his cum all over her face and hair. I didn't think he even tried to get it in her mouth. Her happy giggle told me she didn't mind at all.

"Thank you, boys, and girl," he said as he got dressed. "I truly enjoyed that, I really did. We'll be underway shortly." And we were.

***

About ten minutes later, we were in Little Falls. This time we didn't manage to repel all the passengers who were boarding. Three men liked what they saw and insisted on riding with us. At first, they just watched. Then they started grabbing us as they pleased. They were forceful and rude. Josh and a few of the older boys walked the men to the back of the bus. The men looked excited at the prospect of getting sweet boy treats, but they were in for a surprise. The older boys helped them out of their clothes, then helped them to the floor. They held them face down while a few of the younger boys tore their shirts into strips and tied their arms and legs to the seats. There they remained while the older boys, and any of the younger boys who wanted took turns fucking them.

It didn't feel like rape at the time; It felt like retribution for not respecting our bodies and just taking what they wanted. I have had problems since that day, though. I think I helped to gang rape those men, and that's never ok, no matter what they've done. Everybody makes mistakes, but I violated those men, and I'll always be ashamed of that.

When we reached the depot in Sauk Rapids, just north of Saint Cloud (we couldn't go into St. Cloud because it was still far too contaminated), Josh asked the men if they'd had enough and offered to release them. Two of them said yes, please, but the third elected to stay. I guess he liked it. The two men were cut loose from their bindings by many knives and escorted to the bus door, where they were handed their wallets and keys and whatever else was in their pockets, including all their money (we weren't thieves) and nudged off the bus, naked. The driver laughed and said, "Well done, boys! Well done!" That kept anyone else from wanting to board the bus in Sauk Rapids.

Chapter 103

The Boys

I pulled my shirt on, and as if by reflex, Eliot immediately began sucking my cock, as if to say, "Don't go!"

"Donovan," said Atticus, "why are you getting dressed?"

"Buffalo is our next stop, and that's where I have to get off. I have to find my family."

"No!" he cried, "don't leave us!" In an instant, Atticus and Eliot had their arms in a death grip around my neck, crying and begging me to stay with them. "We'll love you every day! We'll be your new family!"

Those words were like a knife in my gut. A new family, with me as the head of the family? Klaus had said many times that there would be lots of young boys who would need looking after now, and Kevin thought it would be good for me to look after the littler boys. They were so cute and so sad! What should I do? They wouldn't let go of me, so I called Josh for help. I told him about David's house and all its provisions, my sock full of money, and my hopes of finding David and Klaus again, but those hopes were fading.

"What should I do?" I asked him. "I have resources, but I'm thirteen! Can I care for two little boys?"

"You have to decide," he said, "but consider this. We're nothing but a street gang. We take care of our own, and we're all pretty friendly, but we don't always have food or medicine. You have all that stuff. You might not be emotionally ready to raise two little boys yet, but neither is anyone else here, and you have a better chance at keeping them alive than we do. Just love them, and do what you can."

The boys gripped me tighter, waiting for my answer, which I was not ready to give yet. "Thanks, Josh," I said. "Eliot, Atticus, what you want from me is a huge responsibility. I need time to think, ok? I know we don't have much time though, but I think fifteen minutes is enough. I need you both to let go of me so I can get dressed. I promise, when I'm dressed again, you can hold me, and I'll hold you back, ok?" They agreed, and when I was dressed, they clung to me again.

I'd known them for a day, and they seemed to love me an awful lot for only knowing me a day. They needed a kind of parent, maybe a dad, only different. Could I be that parent? If I accepted them, that would be forever. I could never give them up. I would do my best to raise them with my heart in the same place as Klaus, and Kevin kept their hearts. What if Klaus was there, at David's house – With David? Would he be like a grandpa, only different?

The boys saw me giggling at the thought and smiled at each other. They knew I had reached my decision. I'd always known what I wanted, but I had to decide what was best for them. In the end, I believed I could give them a better home than staying with the nomadic gay boy gang.

"Get dressed, boys," I said. "You're coming with me."

***

We waved goodbye to all the naked boys and the three girls, gave kisses to the nice bus driver, and stood at the depot to watch the bus drive off. I was suddenly filled with hope. It was eight PM and seven miles to St. Albert. The sun would be setting soon. We could make it with a little over two hours' walking. I decided we needed some bug spray, even though it was still May. There were a lot of lakes between Buffalo and St. Albert. I also needed a knife, and we all needed some food, so before we began our two-hour walk, we stopped at a store, and I bought what we needed. I kept the knife, which was a switchblade, in my pocket, and I put the leftover ham, cheese, and bread in my backpack. If one of the boys wanted to ride on my shoulders, they had to wear the backpack.

My heart was filled with an easy happiness as we approached St. Albert. I was where I belonged, not Sweden! Don't get me wrong – Sweden and the people there are absolutely wonderful, but I didn't belong there at all. I belonged here, in Eastern Wright County, on my way to St. Albert – on my way to David's house!

"I love you, Donovan," said Atticus. "Do you love me?"

"I love you, bunches and bunches!" I said, giving him a hug and a kiss. "We are making a brand new family, the three of us, and love is always the most important thing. Eliot, I love you bunches and bunches too!" Then a voice from the past spoke through me, "Love is what families are made of." I gave Eliot a hug and a kiss, too and allowed a few moments of silence before I spoke to them about loving each other. "You know who else loves you? You both love each other! You're a lot like brothers, only different."

"What makes you think we love each other?" asked Eliot.

"Moms know," I said, which was something my mom used to say to me a lot.

"You're a boy!" said Atticus. "Boys can't be moms."

"We're starting an unusual family," I said. "You're the kids, and I'm like the mom, only different. Sometimes I'm like the dad, only different too."

"I would never suck my dad's cock!" said Eliot.

"Eew!" agreed Atticus.

"That's why I'm not going to be your dad. I'm like your dad, only different in a few important ways. I'm a teenager too, and I love sex, especially with you adorable young sweeties!"

Eliot stood in front of me and started to unbuckle my belt. "I'm sorry, Eliot," I said. "We can't stop for that now, or we might never get there! We can play all night long when we reach David's house."

"Oh! Ok then," he said in a threatening voice. He took off his own pants and underwear, then his shirt, and walked naked in front of me with his clothes over his shoulder, shaking his cute ass the whole way.

"That's cheating!" I said. I was fully hard, and so was he. So too, I think, was Atticus. It was cheating, but it worked. I sprayed his whole naked body with insect repellent, though I was careful to avoid his cute little cock, just in case.

Soon it was dark, and all of our clothes were in the backpack except our socks and shoes. We were all covered with bug spray, except our cocks. Walking naked along County Road 35 was a new feeling to me. I had spent nearly all my time in our shelter corner completely naked, but that was inside. It was invigorating, exhilarating, and extremely sexy, especially with two incredibly cute naked boys with me!

"We could do that standing sixty-nine thing you did with us last night," said my cute little Atticus.

"Great!" I said. "Atticus, that means you go first." I had agreed that we could play sexually if we could come up with a way to keep walking while we did it. Atticus' idea was the first that would really work, so he got to go first.

"Aw!" complained my cute little Eliot. I rubbed his hair affectionately to show him some love. I already thought Atticus was the cuter of the two boys, a thought which bothered me, now that I was a parent, only different, so I knew I would have to really try hard to make sure Eliot knew I loved him dearly. Sometimes I felt guilty because I thought Atticus was cuter, but I really, truly did love Eliot as my little boy, just as much. I just needed to remember that love comes from the heart, not eye candy.

I never realized until I was the 'grown-up' how amazing it felt to suck a younger boy through his orgasm! At one time, I thought it was cruel, but it's like tickling a kid. They'll do anything to try to get out of it, but when it's over they're laughing! If you didn't overdo it, that is. I kept Atticus in position and sucked him straight through two orgasms. I was glad Klaus, Kevin, David, and I had done our research on how many orgasms a boy could have in one day. We'd reached at least 35, but we'd become far too drunk to have any more. I would finish our research with these boys!

I stopped and put Atticus down, replacing him with Eliot. "So you had to wait a bit," I said to him, "but you'll be the one who gets my pre-cum. How's that sound? It's the best tasting stuff!" He smiled brightly up at me, under my right arm. "You'll both share my full load when I cum. Eliot, I'll put you down. Then you boys should be on your knees, though maybe on this surface it would be better if you just lean over. Then do whatever you think is necessary to make me cum – And share it! It sounds weird, I know, but you do love each other, so if you don't treat each other nicely, you're really hurting yourself, and me too." I don't know how much of that speech Eliot heard because he began sucking as soon as I said they would share my full load.

I wanted to suck Eliot through two orgasms, just to be fair, but he squirmed and flailed around so much it made me want to cum. It took all of my willpower to hold off until I'd sucked him through his second orgasm. I put him down, and Atticus knelt on the gravely shoulder of the roadway, stroking my cock while licking and flicking the left side of it with his tongue. Eliot stood bent over, licking and flicking the right side of my cock with his tongue.

Every few seconds, just when I thought I would shoot, they pulled their heads up and wrapped each other's tongue around their own, which made my balls burn with the pressure! Then they pressed their cheeks together tightly with their mouths wide open. They'd done this before! Probably many times. They looked so sweet, so sexy, I just exploded, and I kept pumping cum much longer than I'd expected.

I leaned forward with my hands on my knees. "You boys know a few tricks, don't you!"

"We've got to eat sometimes," said Eliot.

That thought sickened me, my sweet little boys sucking cock for food. I wanted to cry! I didn't feel as good as I normally felt after sex, even bad sex.

"No more of that," I said. "As long as we're a family, I'll make sure you never have to do that again, and I will never ask you to do it again. Sex is for love. Sex is for fun. It's not something that should be done in desperation, though I know you boys have been through very hard times, and you did what you had to do – we're a family now. Our love for each other comes first, before anything else. If one of us has a slice of bread, we share it three ways. Always, with food, and with alcohol too!"

I pulled out the bottle of fancy rum I'd bought and chugged a slug of it, then passed it to the boys. They drank heartily. The alcohol somehow made me feel lighter, like it was easier to walk – I didn't feel so stiff. Atticus asked to carry the backpack, so when he was strapped in, I hoisted him to my shoulders.

Fair's fair, and if one boy gets a turn, the other boy gets a turn. So after about a mile, we got Eliot strapped into the backpack (they were so little that's what it looked like!) and in position on my shoulders.

***

Those times were very different. After the bombings, it seemed everybody drank a lot. I learned later that it was mostly beer and wine because they were safe to drink when the local water was contaminated. It became normal for everyone to be at least mildly intoxicated, even just after breakfast, which usually included beer or wine. That's how things were when I returned to Minnesota. That was also why young children like Eliot and Atticus could go to the local liquor store and buy anything they wanted, including Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, with the pirate on the bottle. They bought that for me; usually they bought Southern Comfort for themselves.

***

We were only about a half-hour from St. Albert by that time, so we resumed our trek as soon as Eliot was in position on my shoulders. I was excited! I pointed out the various lakes and other landmarks along the way. As we passed about a mile outside of town, I saw that Henry's family's house was indeed blasted and burned until all that remained was a great big black stain on the land. I wanted to piss or spit on the home of the man who'd murdered my friend, but then I remembered that was also the place where Henry died, and I decided the remains of that house would be a memorial to everything good about Henry.

"What's wrong, Donovan?" asked Eliot. One or two of my tears has splashed onto his bare thighs.

"My best friend when I was your age lived there, and he died there too," I sniffled.

"That's so sad," said Atticus. Eliot stroked my hair, and it felt like he was hugging me with his thighs.

We walked past my family's home, and it had been badly burned. There was very little left of it, but I wanted to scrounge through the wreckage someday. As we walked along the path through the woods toward David's house, it occurred to me that I was arriving the same way I had arrived last time, stark naked and carrying a naked boy. Then I saw it, right where we left it – the tattered remains of our special hammock across the little stream. I put Eliot down and took the backpack. I didn't think that was a good moment to be carrying one of my boys. I felt weak and shaky.

"Why are you crying, Donovan?" asked Atticus.

I stooped down to touch the remains that had carried my sweet David and me into the bliss of undying love. "This place, this hammock," I began awkwardly, "this is where I really learned that I was deeply in love with David. We learned together how to make love and lots of ways to have sex. We also learned the difference between the two, and we learned nearly all of that right here. This is the spot where we were making love when the first huge bomb exploded in Minneapolis. This is where the best part of my life began, and it's where I was when the worst thing that ever happened to the world actually happened."

"Whoa," said Eliot. "You were here making love when the bomb went off, really?"

"In fact it happened the instant I orgasmed. I was so disoriented; I didn't even know what was happening. My sweet love David probably saved me from serious injury by pulling me to the ground by the hair."

"Aw, now Eliot's gonna pull my hair and say it's for love!"

"He had better not," I said to Eliot. "I know you love your brother-only-different, and it might take some time for you two to learn how we need to treat each other in our family."

"I wouldn't pull his hair! He's trying to get me in trouble!"

"If he is," I said, "it didn't work." I gave Eliot a kiss, and then one to Atticus, and we moved along, so close now!

As we emerged from the woods onto the River Road, my heart fluttered. The yard light was on!

Chapter 104

Earned Love

There were no lights on inside the house, and all the doors were locked. There was a pallet in the front yard near the door, full of boxes. I didn't know what they contained, but they were all covered with Russian labels. I brought the boys around to the back, where I knew we could get in. Sure enough, the basement window was not only unlocked, but it was open just a crack.

"Stay right here boys. I'll get you inside in a jiffy." I climbed in, and I nearly cried when my feet found a set of stairs made of empty beer bottle cases.

The generator was not running, but when I switched on the lights, they came right on. It seemed we were connected to the power grid. I brought the boys to the decontamination shower. The outside radiation level was low and safe, but there was a lot of radioactive dust in the soil that we had just crawled through on our bellies, or so I assumed. It was also good to wash away the bug spray and all the dirt from the road.

I led the way to our shelter corner and said, "This is where we lived, boys. This is where I spent the happiest days of my life, with my unusual family and my boyfriend David. I can't describe him without using the words sweet and angel. For the first time in my life, I felt I really belonged here. Right here."

Suddenly, I was crying heavily. I had secretly imagined David and Klaus would be there when we arrived, but they weren't. It was as if I'd lost them again, and that was awful! I cried so hard, I think I scared them. They tried to comfort me, but they didn't know the pain I felt.

"They couldn't, and they shouldn't!" I thought.

In between my heavier sobs, I was able to tell them things, like "I'll be ok, I just need to cry now, crying is good when you hurt, and I know you love me, and you want to help, and that feels good, but I still need to cry. I'll explain when I've finished crying." I sat on the couch, and they sat on either side of me, cuddling in a way that felt painfully wonderful. This couch was meant for cuddling. It was meant for love.

When I stopped crying, I said, "Thank you for comforting me when I felt so sad. It felt nice to have two boys who love me cuddling with me and trying to make me feel better. You did make me feel better, but my sadness was much stronger. I think it would be best if I explained why I suddenly felt so sad." Where to start? I decided to start with love. That would always be the most important lesson for me to teach them.

"This house was so full of love last time I was here, and the family that made that love is all gone. I'll tell you about my family and our love so you can understand. As you listen, think about the things you want for our family. I have told you how deeply in love I was with my David. You could chop my leg off with a dull axe, and I wouldn't even notice if David was kissing me at the time."

The boys giggled, which cheered me up a bit. "I don't believe you," said Atticus, smiling bashfully.

"You'd be screaming!" said Eliot, with a delightfully cute and mischievous smile that I'd never seen grace his face before.

"Ok, ok," I said. "I exaggerated. Sometimes saying the truth using plain words doesn't really say what you feel. Saying I really loved him a lot, and I mean by-the-power-of-Gray-Skull, a super-ton of a lot, still doesn't tell you how strong my feelings are. That's why people exaggerate and use metaphors." The boys looked at me in confusion. "Oh, you'll learn about metaphors in…" In where? Would they go to school? Could I enroll them? I could feel the weight of the responsibility I had accepted, and it was already threatening my new family. "…In time, maybe when you're a little older," I said. Then, thinking how unsatisfactory that answer would have been to me, I said, "Or you can learn about them tonight, after we're done talking and settled in."

Settled in to them probably meant sleeping in beds upstairs and living in the whole house, but all I wanted was the shelter corner. "So anyway, you know I loved David more than I can possibly say with ordinary words. Then our gym teacher, Mr. Kettering, showed up, looking for shelter. We had to decontaminate him in the shower we just used. His clothes were all contaminated, so he had to undress in the garage and walk in through the door completely naked."

"Wow!" they both said. "You made your teacher walk naked in front of you before you let him in the house?" said Eliot, with a sense of reverence in his voice.

"We did more than that," I said with a sly smile. "We made him get in the decontamination shower all naked, and I held his penis in my hand and scrubbed it. He even got a boner when I did it, but I believed him when he said it wasn't a real boner that meant he wanted sex."

"And he let you do all that to him?" asked Atticus.

"Actually, he insisted on all of it. You see, he had been walking outside while the fallout dust was coming down. If he brought his clothes inside, or if he wasn't scrubbed perfectly clean, every inch of him, he could contaminate everyone in the shelter, and everyone who ever came into the shelter after him. So you see, he cared for us already. He also knew that David and I were gay and in love long before we knew it. He liked boys a lot too, and he could tell who was gay. When he told us he liked playing with boys, we were in heaven! David and I had secretly been staring at his body and his huge cock all year in the boys' showers. David wondered if he could fit it in his ass, and boy did he, but we had different kinds of sex. Some was sex for pleasure and play, and sometimes it was just because we loved each other. When David and I made love, Klaus, that's what we called Mr. Kettering, Klaus always found something else to do, or maybe he watched from another corner, but we made love with Klaus too.

"Klaus was our dad-only-different. We loved him deeply, and he loved us just as much. He loved us as much as any dad could, and we loved him as much as… well, as much as David loved his dad, maybe more, and a whole lot more than I loved my dad."

"Didn't you love your dad?" asked Atticus.

"My dad was a very dangerous man who hurt a lot of people. He was in prison when the bombs went off. The prison was in an extremely bad place for fallout. I don't know if anyone survived there. I will tell you the whole story about my dad if you like, but it's a sad story, and I'd really rather finish talking about our love here. Is that ok, Atticus sweetie?"

"Sure," he said, nodding his head, making his platinum locks dance. "I want to hear about your special family, 'cause that's what we're gonna do."

"We sure are!" I said, hugging each of them under my arms. "So we loved Klaus as much as any boy could love his dad, only he wasn't really our real dad. We made love with him. Our love for him as our dad was what we felt when we made love with him, and his love for us as his sons was what he felt when we made love. Real dads and sons can't really do that, not usually. You said you'd never do it with your dads – with Klaus it was different. It was like having a wonderful, wise, strong, loving father, but that switch that makes boys normally not want to make love with their own dads was turned the other way. That's the kind of relationship I hope I can earn with you two.

"Yes, I said earn! Never give your love freely to someone who hasn't earned it. That's how boys like you can be exploited. When we first met, walking on Highway 61, how long did it take you to like me? We had a lot of awesome sex that night, but how did you know I was safe? Then when we were on the bus, you'd known me for one day, just one day, and you were clinging to my neck, both of you, because you never wanted to be apart from me."

"We wanted to stay with you," said Eliot in an unusually soft voice.

"We loved you," said Atticus. "Was that wrong?"

"Well, if you listen to what I've been saying over this past day or two, I've done the same thing. The love I feel for each of you is real, and I think your love for me is real, but all three of us made this decision very suddenly, before we even knew each other. I guess that's what I want to warn you against. Know someone, and know him well before you share your love with him. We didn't have time to be as careful as we should have been. We had to decide… well, I had to decide while the bus was between St. Cloud and Buffalo. You guys had already decided. Anyway, my point is that when you give your love so quickly, people can take advantage of you. What if I was some nasty pimp, or someone who sold little cuties as sex slaves?"

"You would never do that," said a confused Eliot. "You love us."

"How do you know I would never do that? When we were on the bus, you had no way to know who I was or what I had planned for you. All you really knew was that you wanted very badly to leave the safety of that awesome group and come with me. I might have pretended to love you, and you believed me. No Atticus! Please don't cry! That tells me I'm not saying this very well. This is not something to cry over, but it's something important to learn from. We all love each other, and everything worked well. I love this new family we've begun – I want you to be very careful around people you don't know. Since the bombs fell, there are very few police officers to protect you from bad guys like… well, like my father."

"Would he do those horrible things?" asked Atticus.

"He has done all those horrible things, and worse. That's why he was in prison. There are a lot of people now who would love to take advantage of sweet little angels like you two. I don't know if you realize how much safer you were with Josh and that gang. If anyone tried to hurt you while you were with them, they would have forty boys with knives cutting them to ribbons."

Chapter 105

It's Complicated

"So who was Kevin?" asked Eliot.

"Kevin was Mr. Kettering's boyfriend. He went to my school, but while he was at my school, Klaus wouldn't touch him or try to do anything sexual. When he finished eighth grade, he was only thirteen, but then it became ok for Klaus to invite him to his parties. It turns out that they had both fallen in love with each other when Kevin was only eleven or twelve, but Klaus waited. True love can wait. They spent four magical years together until Kevin had to go to college in Ohio. Again, true love can wait, and both lovers expected to be waiting for each other when Kevin graduated. Then Klaus started receiving fewer letters from Kevin. Klaus asked him what was wrong, and Kevin told him in a letter that he had found a girlfriend!"

"Eew!" said Eliot.

"That's so sad!" said Atticus.

"It hurt Klaus deeply. Very deeply."

"You said Kevin was part of your family here, right?" asked Eliot.

"Yes he was. I was just getting to that part. Hmm, yes, I've covered everything up till July 6. Ok, then the bombs went off. Klaus had joined us in our shelter corner here, and we were learning how to live in a new way. Then a sheriff's deputy who had helped us a few times before drove his car up to the house to check on us, and he said he had someone who wanted to stay with us. It was Kevin!"

"Oh wow!" said Atticus. "Where did he come from?"

"Well, he broke up with his girlfriend after a short time…"

"Yay!" cheered Atticus.

"There's no reason to celebrate yet. When people break up, they both feel horrible, and Klaus felt horrible already because he had lost Kevin."

"He could have him back now, right? That seems simple," said Eliot.

"It only seems simple," I said. "Remember a few minutes ago, I was talking about earning your love? Mostly I was talking about earning your trust. When Kevin got his girlfriend, Klaus had a problem. He didn't just lose a boyfriend. He lost his trust in Kevin. In other words, Kevin did something that made it very, very hard for Klaus to trust Kevin ever again. If Klaus became Kevin's boyfriend again, would he ever be sure that Kevin wouldn't find another girlfriend? Klaus' love for Kevin wasn't enough to keep Kevin last time. If nothing's changed, won't the same thing happen? Won't Kevin just run off with another girl again?"

"Yeah," said Eliot, "'cause girls are yucky!"

"You didn't think that on the bus with Cynthia," I said with a tone of accusation.

"That doesn't count!" he said, his face reddening. "She wasn't… she looked just like a boy, and she acted like a boy and everything!"

I leaned over and kissed him on his red cheek. "I'm sorry, Eliot, I really am. I wanted to tease you in a way that would make you laugh, but instead, I've embarrassed you. And you're right – She was very boyish. I liked playing with her too." Eliot leaned in and cuddled me some more. "Boys, please remember what just happened. It will happen a lot while we're getting to know each other. I said something that I thought would make Eliot smile, but what I said hurt his feelings. We love each other a lot, but we still don't know each other very well. We will have misunderstandings like this. I will try to learn from my mistake tonight, but misunderstandings will still happen. One of our most important jobs is to stop everything if I say something that makes you feel bad, or if anyone makes you feel bad. It's probably a mistake, and we need to learn from our mistakes. If we'd known each other a little longer before making a family, this would be easier, but we didn't have time. We can't get upset over small things.

"I'm not upset," said Eliot.

"I understand," said Atticus.

"Ok, we were talking about Klaus not being able to trust Kevin. Klaus was really hurt when he got the letter telling him about Kevin's girlfriend, and Kevin knew it. He knew he had hurt the man he loved. How could he ever go back to Klaus without reminding Klaus of the love they once had, and how Kevin ruined it? It would only hurt Klaus even more, and Kevin still loved Klaus, so he didn't want to hurt him."

"This is complicated," said Eliot.

"So Klaus and Kevin still love each other," said Atticus, "but Kevin won't visit Klaus because he doesn't want to hurt him, and Klaus won't visit Kevin because he doesn't trust him. Is that right?"

"That's exactly right."

Eliot looked at Atticus and said, "How? How did you know all that?"

Atticus shrugged and said, "I just listened to the story. I like stories about love, but I like them better if they have a happy ending."

"Are all grown-ups this complicated?" asked Eliot." "My parents were never this complicated."

"Eliot, the beautiful thing is that when you grow up, you will be a complicated and unique person, but still none of this will make any sense at all. It's good to have a little mystery in relationships."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so," I said, "but I could be wrong, but I'm sure of this: You will grow up to be exactly the person you want to be."

"Ok," he said.

"So, what happened next?" I asked, trying to prompt them with gestures.

"The bombs fell," they both said in a monotone that told me I was losing my audience. Then I wasn't sure if we'd already reached that part of the story a few minutes earlier. Eight-year-old boys can be so hyper when you talk to them. They ask so many questions so quickly, and they go off-topic as often as they are on-topic. I had lost my place so many times already. We'd drink at least half of that Rum soon enough!

"That's right," I said, "and disasters can sometimes make people re-think decisions they'd made long ago. Kevin decided he had to try. He had to try to find the only man he'd ever truly loved and somehow make things right with him. When he showed up here, while we were decontaminating him, Klaus waited in the other room. I think he was trying to decide whether he could be around Kevin anymore.

"Now, even though this story is way too long and confusing, I hope you can understand the amount of feelings these two men had. They loved each other as much as it's possible to love another person, one of them violated the other one's trust, and they had to deal with unbelievable pain, with the likelihood that trying to get back together would make that unimaginable pain even worse. That's a lot of incredible feelings. If you only understand one thing, understand how deep these feelings of love and hurt go.

"Now, add to that the love David and I had for each other. I've already told you about that. I've also told you about the love between Klaus and each of us boys. There is no way to use words to describe feelings like that. As soon as Klaus saw Kevin, he took him back! Now all of that unbearable pain seemed to have been turned back into the love it was meant to be. Now imagine how much love there was in our shelter corner – that's not even all of it. Now David and I had a new person in our family, and we loved him a lot. We made him our mom-only-different. Think of all those stories I've just bored you with."

"I didn't think they were boring," said Atticus. "I thought they were beautiful!"

"Oh, thank you, sweetie," I said as I leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Think of all those stories, of my love with David, of our love with Klaus, of his love with Kevin, the pain of their breakup, the joy of their reunion, then our love with Kevin, all together. That's a lot of love, and that's what we had here. That's why I ran away from home in Sweden, to get back to the love I had here. When I was crying earlier, that was the pain I was feeling, the loss of all that love. I hoped inside that Klaus and David would be here waiting when we arrived, but they're not here. That love is all gone."

"Mom used to read me stories," said Atticus, "long ago, before they kicked me out for being a fag." I decided now was not the best time to discuss the use of the word fag.

"Lots of the stories had someone who died or was lost, and at the end of the story, we find out that love is never lost. I bet those other people in your first new family still love you, and you feel their love inside you, like in the stories. Remembering them helps you when you need help 'n stuff. I think that's all true. Since Grandma died, I feel her inside me. She helps me understand what's right and wrong, and she helps me to be strong so I can do what's right. She told me that loving other boys is good because love is always good, especially when we love ourselves. She also told me Mom chose a terrible husband. He was really the one who made me leave home when he found out I'm gay. When Grandma tells me these things, she doesn't use words. She uses love. Her love makes it obvious what she has to say. That's what I believe."

I was crying again, and I had to hug my sweet little Atticus again. I could feel Eliot leaning in too, and I grabbed him with my free arm. No way was I going to deprive him of the opportunity to show me his love, especially when love was what I needed.

I want you to remember this, dear reader. A romantic little eight-year-old boy first taught me that love never dies. I learned more about the eternity of love in other ways, but my sweet little Atticus first planted the seed.

Chapter 106

The Letter

"What's this?" asked Eliot, holding an oddly floppy envelope that made metallic clinking sounds. On the front of the envelope, it said in David's handwriting:

My dearest Donovan, my love, always, everlasting, in love

"Boys, this is a letter for me from my David. I'm going to read it, and I'm going to cry again, probably a lot. Remember, crying is a good thing when people hurt. I'll cry for a while, and then I'll feel a little better, ok? If you'd like to snuggle with me while I'm crying, I'd like that. If you'd rather be in another room instead of sitting here watching me cry again, that's ok. You can go out into the basement, but not upstairs yet, ok?" They both nodded, looking worried anyway. I think it was a good thing that I warned them this time.

***

I opened the envelope carefully. David had written on it, and I wanted to preserve it. I know how foolish that sounds, but allow me the indulgences of a thirteen-year-old boy. Inside were four keys, some big, some little, and a three-page letter, written by David:

May 13, 1985

My Dear, Sweet Donovan,

I don't know if you will ever read this letter, but I feel good inside imagining you will read it.

I thought I'd known cruelty, but I didn't understand it at all until I spent two years, forced to be apart from you just as we discovered our incredible love. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me for saying so, but I despise your mother for what she did to you, to us, and to our family. We couldn't even say goodbye. I will hear your screams at the front door for the rest of my life whenever I am alone. Klaus has not been the same since that day. I think he hears your screams too. He wakes in the night, shouting things like "Hold on Don!" and We both miss you painfully.

I have more sad news that you probably know already. Kevin died peacefully and comfortably in the bed that Klaus made for him. It was two weeks after we lost you. It made him smile to think that we helped make the bed, even though he knew how little work we actually did. He said he felt our hands rubbing his back when he was in pain.

The Soviet helicopters kept coming and coming, bringing us food and supplies we didn't need. Every time I heard them, I was terrified, Donovan! What horrors will they bring next? They refused to take back the supplies they continued to deliver, so even though Klaus and I have lived here for two years, the shelves and the freezer are over-stocked. We had to develop a plan of eating the oldest food first, along with the food that would spoil. Most of the labels are in Russian, of course, but the food cooks just like the stuff in our stores. It tastes different though. Not better, not worse, but somehow different. Klaus and I used to joke about the things they soaked their canned corn in! Anyway, with us gone, I don't know if you will be getting their monthly food shipments anymore. Normally they came on the 25th of each month.

If you're reading this, I'm sure you're wondering where we've gone. First, we both love you more than you can ever know. After two years of not hearing from you and not being able to find you, we decided to take Mom's car and drive to the West Coast to see if there were any communities that were still intact. I don't know if you've noticed, but St. Albert has died. There is hardly anybody left. The downtown area and the schools are all destroyed, and the relief agencies won't sponsor rebuilding or even debris removal so near the major hot zone in the Twin Cities. Donovan, if you're reading this, you might think we left you. That's not the case at all. Living without you and Kevin became too painful, and this house is where Klaus and I lost both of you. Instead of the everlasting, dream-like life of love we once had, we became miserable. It's been at least two months since Klaus and I have even made love. Yet we stayed here. We waited, not knowing where your mother took you or in what gulag you were imprisoned. So after two years of living like that, we decided to try our luck at finding somewhere where there is life and love. Please don't hate us! We thought you were gone, and we decided that two years was all we could stand in this place. I'm so sorry.

The four keys in this envelope are for the doors, the garage, the gun cabinet, and Dad's lock box. The guns are all unloaded and the ammunition is put away back in the boxes it came from. Klaus found books on how to use each type of gun properly and safely. He says you should read them before you try to use one of the guns, unless it's an emergency. In my dad's lockbox, you will find some papers. There are no lawyers left around here, so we went to the county offices and tried to transfer the deed to this house into your name. They told us that all you have to do is take the page that's on the top of the pile to the courthouse in Buffalo, and they will have you sign it in front of some legal witness of some sort, and the house will be yours. You don't have to accept it if you don't want to, and you can wait up to five years before deciding. Think carefully. If you accept the house, you will have to pay property taxes and utilities. Oh, we had the water tested in April, and it's still as clean as can be.

I hope you remember where Dad left his just-in-case fund, because it's still there, and it's all yours. (Well, we took some of it for our trip.) I left most of my clothes behind. We only had so much room in the car. You can burn them if you like. You now own the house and everything that's in it. You have probably noticed the electricity is back on. Klaus paid the electric bill six months in advance, just in case you come back soon. All the Geiger counter probes are right where they were last time you were here. The probe over the river is quiet, but don't eat anything you catch from that river! Apparently there's a layer of heavy actinide particles on the riverbed that runs from Rockford all the way to the Mississippi. The water flow will never clear it out, and no one wants to pay for the decontamination of such a small river.

Klaus and I decided we were bored one day last summer, so we removed the top four inches of the soil over the whole property. Grass hasn't fully grown in, though, but Klaus says in another year it will look great! It all seems decontaminated. We couldn't find any hot spots, so you can grow your own fruits and veggies if you like. We put the contaminated soil in a mound in front of the burned-out Henderschott's home. Before we did that, we found most of their bones and buried them under some trees across the street from their place, and we put up a marker. Oh, if you haven't seen it yet, Kevin's grave is in the front yard, way out under the trees near the street.

We couldn't bury him nearer to the house for health reasons. We left the CB radio base station for you. (We fixed the antenna, and we have the mobile unit in the car.) And I will never forget the address to this house, so I will write from time to time. If you decide not to take the house, please stop by occasionally and check the mailbox. I don't know what you'll find though. We haven't received anything in the past three months, but maybe the Post Office just needs to be re-organized. We tried to find you, but it was nearly impossible to find out even where that helicopter took you. They said it was "somewhere in Canada," and that was all. I don't think the Soviet military likes giving out information, ever! So we've been checking with the sheriff and the county offices regularly because, although your mom can hide you, reports of missing children are available to the public, and the sheriff's office gets international reports through Interpol.

We got news in January from Sweden that they were looking for a runaway boy your age who matched your description. His name was Donovan Sigurjonsson, though. We couldn't imagine what you'd be doing in Sweden, but we thought it would be just like your mom to change your name like that. In any case, Donovan Sigurjonsson was never found. We followed the case for some time, and there were several apparent sightings in Copenhagen and two in Stockholm. Everybody wants to be the one to find the missing kid, and I guess it's the same in Scandinavia as it is here. I want you to know that, wherever we wind up, we'll keep checking with the sheriff's department there. We won't stop. Our family is far too precious to give up hope, ever. I guess all you have to do is run away from home, and we'll find you, eventually.

I don't know what else to say at the end of a letter like this. I've told you all the easy stuff, and all that's left is what I cannot bear to say. I love you, and I will always love you forever. You have changed me as a person. You taught me to have fun. You taught me how to use my brain the way it should be used. You taught me that sometimes, you just need to let go and have a drunken boy orgy! I think I will grow into a better man because of you. I think I will also remain a single man. I will always live in hope of our reunion. In the nearer future, I live in hope that you find this letter because this house is the only place that we will surely look for each other someday. It's the only place where we have a connection, and it seems you might have an endless supply of food and medicines. Oh Donovan! I can't end this letter! Will this be the last thing I ever say to you? Ok, what is most important? Love. I love you so much, and I know you love me just as much. We will both have big holes in our hearts until we meet again and fill them up with each other's love. And what a meeting that will be! My parting thought will be the kiss we'll have when we meet again. Love like ours is an awesome force, and with that kiss, we will set the planets spinning in the opposite direction!

Oh, I LOVE YOU DONOVAN LANGEVIN!

Forever in hope,

Forever in love,

Your David

Chapter 107

Pain

I needed to lie down on the floor. I don't know why, but it felt like an important thing to do. There was too much to think of, too much to feel. In the distance, I heard the boys' voices, but I had no idea what they were saying, if they were talking to me, or crying, or screaming, or arguing. There was too much in one little letter. There were so many kinds of hurt. Kevin died. (I knew that, but reading it in the letter somehow made it real.) David and Klaus had been living in misery for two years. They left, and I didn't know where they went, only that it was far away. They had found my missing child reports when I ran away, and they'd been so close to finding me. My sweet David was obviously in terrible pain when he wrote the letter, and like me, he would probably be in pain forever. And they'd only left two weeks ago! If only they'd waited two stupid weeks! If only I hadn't been attacked and raped in Toronto! IF ONLY!!! I felt that pain the most in that moment. That was the cause of all the other pain that the letter contained.

I was lying face down on the floor. When I thought of all those if only, my brain found a way to flush the toilet. I put my hands over my face and I screamed in pain. I screamed with every breath, maybe five or six times, before I was able even to cry, and then I cried so hard I could barely breathe. I heard the boys' voices again, way off in the distance, and I also felt their small, soft, gentle hands on my back. I wished I could tell them how much it helped me to feel their caring hands on me, but I couldn't control my crying.

I cried as hard as I could cry for at least five minutes, maybe ten, who knows. I continued to cry long after that, but I could at least struggle my way through a conversation with the boys, and it was urgent for me to tell them a few things, because I thought, correctly, that they were terrified. Still crying heavily, I got up off the floor and sat on the couch. I reached out toward the little cuties that I'd come to love so much, and I beckoned them to join me, which they did. I put one arm around each of them and told them the letter was more painful than I expected, that I would be ok, that it was good to cry when we hurt, especially when we hurt really bad, and that it felt really good to have their loving hands touching me when I was on the floor screaming. I told them that I wasn't done crying yet, that I would answer questions a little later, that I needed more time to finish crying, but my crying would end sometime soon, and we could get on with our new life.

That's a lot to say, crying as hard as I was, and it took a long time because I could only say a few words with each breath. So I wasn't crying as hard by the time I'd told them all that important stuff. I hugged them and cuddled them and kissed their heads, and told them I loved them, and not even the worst hurt I could ever feel would keep me from loving them or looking out for their needs.

***

Talking time came. "I've never heard anyone cry like that, and I got really scared!" said Atticus. "I've seen people get hurt real bad before too. I saw one boy in the gang get stabbed. Another boy got his arm broken in a fight. Josh got shot in the leg once, and he didn't even say ouch! They were all hurt really bad, but only the boy with the broken arm cried, and he didn't cry as you did. What happened? It scared me! Is it gonna happen again?"

Now I wanted to cry again, but for a completely different reason. These boys had seen too much. They were only eight, and they'd seen shootings and stabbings! Given what they had to do for food at one point, I bet they'd probably been raped a few times too. Yeah, I had to do that a few times in Copenhagen and Stockholm. I knew it was dangerous to have lived through all that by the time they were eight?

I held them both a little closer and said, "Our bodies can feel a lot of pain when we're badly hurt. We can learn to ignore the pain or to fight the pain, but there's a point when you feel the most pain you can feel. If your body gets hurt more, you're already feeling the most pain you can feel. I don't know. I think that's how it works. Boys like Josh have felt a lot of pain in their lives. They have learned to ignore that pain. They still feel it, but they don't react to it as much as kids like us would. They get on with things."

"I want to learn to ignore pain! It must be nice," said Eliot.

"I hope that doesn't happen," I said. "I hope you just get hurt less. Pain lets us know when we're in danger, and when we need help. Josh has lived a very hard life, and his life will probably be hard always. For him, he can't stop doing things because he feels pain. He feels it too often. He has been responsible for leading that whole gay boys gang we just left, and if he let the pain of getting shot in the leg bother him, the gang might be in danger, because nobody was as good a leader as Josh. For him, he needs to be able to ignore the pain. When you ignore your pain, you ignore other feelings, too, and it's easy to forget how to be sweet little boys, and I need you to be my sweet little boys!"

"Stop calling us little!" said Eliot.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I called you that because it's something I love about you, but I just made another mistake. I wonder if you boys noticed it? We are still getting to know each other, and I didn't know you didn't like being called little. I meant to show you love when I said that, but instead, I made you feel bad. I'm sorry I did that, and thank you for telling me you don't like that, Eliot." I kissed him on the head.

"You can call me little," said Atticus. "I like being your cute little boy!"

I kissed him on the head and said, "Thank you for saying so, Atticus, my cute little boy. Now I know another way to show you how much I love you. Eliot, I won't call you little anymore, but is there something else you'd like me to call you?"

"I'm bigger than Atticus," he said. "You can call me your cute big boy!"

"My cute big boy! I like that," I said. "I have a full set, one cute little boy and one cute big boy!" and a top and a bottom, I thought to myself.

"What was in that letter that made you cry so bad?" asked Eliot.

"I'll tell you, but I will probably cry more while I talk about it. I need to keep crying because this hurts a lot." They both nodded to show me they understood.

"I've told you all about David, the boy I was in love with, and I've told you about Klaus, our gym teacher. I've also told you more than you wanted to know about Kevin, our gym teacher's boy lover, and then boyfriend. Well, after my mom took me away from my new family, two weeks later, Kevin died. We had an amazing, loving family of four, and in just two weeks, David and Klaus only had half of our family left. That made them really sad, even though they loved each other a lot, and as time went on, they never felt better. They decided to move away, but they didn't have a specific place they were moving too, so I have no way to find them. I will probably never see them… again," I cried.

"What hurts the most, and I don't know if this makes sense, but what hurts the most is that they lived here until two weeks ago! They only left two weeks ago!" I was shouting and crying. "I was gone for nearly two years, and if they'd waited just two more weeks, we'd be a family again!" I had to stop talking and cry a little more.

By that time, the boys knew their cuddling and caresses made me feel better when I was crying. They knew I couldn't tell them, so when I was crying hard, but they knew I would tell them when I'd calmed down. Eventually, I did calm down, and I said to them with a kiss each, "Thanks, my cuddly boys, my cute big boy and my cute little boy." Atticus blushed.

He really seemed to like being the little, cute one. I didn't want to assume Eliot was butch though. Atticus seemed kinda femmy, but that didn't mean Eliot was butch. He was just more butch than Atticus. I would have to remember that. I also thought about how much of that was really true in eight-year-old boys. Could they really know they were butch or femmy at that age? Could their brains have really decided yet? Maybe Atticus was kicked out of his home by his monstrous dad, and it comforted him to feel cute, little and loved after that – And I thought adults were confusing! I needed to let these boys become who they were on their own, and honor their wishes when it came to their identity, you know, like being called big or little.

All of this was complicated, but my love for them made it so important for me to do the right thing for them to make sure they knew they were loved, and that they could be whoever they wanted to be. That made me wonder even more about my own mom. Dad was obviously a sociopath. I couldn't expect love or support or anything from someone with no conscience, from someone who always put himself first, but Mom was different. How could she not feel the way I did, now that I had two boys of my own? I would never, ever dream of using them, of not listening to Klaus before breaking up a family where they were loved and happy. I would suffer and die before making my boys so unhappy! Did that mean I loved my boys too much, or did it mean Mom didn't love me enough? When the Soviet helicopter came to take me away, Klaus was ready with a rifle to fight against four soldiers to keep me in our loving family. He probably would have been killed if it came to a fight, but he never seemed to question his duty to protect me, no matter what. Would Mom do that for me? No. Would I do that for my boys? Of course, I would! I decided I would just be upset with my mom, but I wouldn't overthink about her. I had two beautiful boys to care for, and they needed my attention.

***

"So that's what was in the letter that upset me so much," I said. "I don't know if you can understand why it all hurt so much, and maybe it doesn't make sense that it hurts so much. I don't know – missing them by only two weeks feels really terrible."

"I think I would feel terrible, too," said my cute little romantic. "Coming so close to being back together again with David, but missing by only two weeks after two years, must feel awful!" I had another little cry.

Chapter 108

Eliot

"I think we've talked enough about me tonight. We've talked very little about you two. Eliot, I don't know anything about your family or how you came to be with Josh and the gang. What was it like for you when the bombs went off? What was your life like before the bombs?"

"Um… I guess it was ok before," he said. He paused as if struggling to find a place to begin. My question was, after all, a pretty broad one. "I didn't like bombs."

He needed help getting started. "Let's talk about smaller stuff first. Were you happy in your family? Who was in your family? Any brothers or sisters? Both Mom and Dad?"

"I guess I was happy with them," he said tentatively. "I had a nasty little sister who was five, and Mom and Dad lived with us."

"Why was she nasty?" asked Atticus.

"She was a girl! Girls just like being nasty. She played with dolls and always wanted to play house or have pretend tea parties. We always had to watch girl stuff on TV, like Strawberry Shortcake. She cried if she didn't get her way, and Mom always took her side. She was a girl – I guess she couldn't help it. Girls are like that. I had friends with way worse sisters. I could just go to my room when I got tired of her, and she was never allowed to disturb me there."

"I had friends who were girls," said Atticus. "We played with dolls sometimes, and I thought it was fun. I didn't like watching Strawberry Shortcake, though."

"What were your parents like?" I asked Eliot.

"Mom hugged me a lot, and she was fussy about how clean I was. She was better than a lot of other kids' moms. She and my dad told me they loved me a lot, and not just when I went to bed, but that was embarrassing sometimes! Like, when they did it in front of my friends! If it was just us at home, it felt nice when they said it because I knew it was true, but not in front of people! They hugged us a lot too, and I always liked that, but sometimes my friends would tease me about it. I'd tell them, 'You'd like it too if your parents were like mine!' I dunno. Some kids like hugs like I do, and some kids don't."

"Did your family go to church or anything?" Klaus thought that was an important thing to know.

"Nah. We always spent Sundays with family, like grandmas and grandpas. Mom said that it was almost like a church for our family. I never understood what she meant by that. Oh, and on some Sundays, I went fishing with Dad, and my mom and sister did girl stuff. We mostly caught sunfish and crappies. I had my very own rod and reel, too, a Zebco 202! Usually, we caught enough for everyone to have for supper! That was always fun."

"Wow, I've never been fishing," I said. "Maybe you can teach me some time?"

"Ok!" he said with an excited smile.

"I like eating fish," said Atticus, "but I don't like worms, and fish are so smelly and slimy. Donovan, maybe you and Eliot can catch the fish, and you and I can learn how to cook them?"

"That sounds like a good plan," I said. "We'll have to walk a few miles each way to one of the lakes, though, because this river is way too contaminated. I know there used to be a bunch of fishing rods in the other room. Eliot, where did you and your dad go fishing?"

"Oh, there were lots of places around Virginia."

"You lived in Virginia?"

"Yep."

"Way over by the Atlantic Ocean?"

Eliot giggled and said, "No, silly! Virginia is in Minnesota! It's a town up by Eveleth."

"Oh!" I said. "I didn't know there was a town called Virginia in Minnesota."

"Yup."

"So, what was it like for you when the bombs blew up?"

"Well, Mom and Dad died right away. They were at work in Duluth. I had to take care of my sister, and I did my best. One day we were walking into town, and a van pulled up next to us. It happened in a flash. The door in the back opened, and two men jumped out. One of them held me in place while the other one took my sister into the van. She screamed a lot! The one holding me threw some money on the ground in front of me and said, 'that's for the girl. We just bought her from you. Don't try to find her.' Then he pushed me down and got in the van. I never saw her again. I didn't…" Suddenly he exploded in tears. I hugged him, and he struggled to continue. "I didn't take care of her! She was my sister, and I didn't protect her!"

"You loved your sister," I said. "I know you did, even though she was a girl – But you were only six! There's nothing at all a six-year-old boy could do against two grown men. They would have killed you! Six isn't old enough to be taking care of a younger kid. I'm only thirteen, and I don't think I'm old enough to be taking care of you boys, but since all those bombs blew up, we've had to make difficult choices and do things differently. You did everything a big brother could have done, sweetie." I gave him a kiss and a hug.

"That's what Josh told me."

"Josh was older and wiser than I am." I had one more thing I wanted to know about him, but was this the time to ask? I decided it was. "Tell me, Eliot, when did you know you were gay and did you ever tell your parents?"

"Well, I was alone," he began, "after the bombing, I mean, and I ran out of food. I was eating flour from the bag with a spoon. I had no money. When I was out walking to see if I could find someone nice who could give me food, a man pulled up in his fancy car. He liked boys. I didn't know what that meant right away, but he showed me a ten-dollar bill and said I could have it if I sucked his cock. That sounded like a strange thing to want, and it seemed like an easy thing to do for that much money, so I did it. It was big and it got stiff as mine sometimes did. I was fascinated by it.

"Men's cocks are something I never got to see up close or play with. He told me he was going to cum in my mouth, but I didn't have to swallow it. I didn't know what that meant, but I found out. I didn't swallow it; I didn't like it. He just wiped it up and said thank you. We talked for a while, and he said he'd be in that same place the next day, and if I wanted another ten dollars, we could do it again. We did it for a few days, and I asked him why he liked it so much when I sucked his cock. 'I'll show you,' he said. He pulled down my pants and sucked my cock. It felt so good I couldn't handle it. I had to ask him to stop because it felt too good.

"Eventually, he stopped coming around, but he taught me how I could make a lot more money sucking men's cocks. He showed me where there were truck stops. There were always truck drivers with money. They all seemed to pay a lot more than the guy in the car. They paid at least twenty dollars, sometimes more. I learned to like the taste of cum, and I started swallowing it. When I swallowed, I could make fifty dollars! After a few weeks at the truck stop, I saw this beautiful blonde boy climbing out of a truck that had just pulled in. I mean he was gorgeous." Atticus blushed. "That's how I met Atticus here. He and I started having sex with each other right then, and it was amazing, much better than with the truck drivers. I guess that's how I knew I was gay. No girl could ever make me feel like that.

"We began working together, as a team, with the truck drivers, and we found we could make way more! We charged fifty bucks just to play with each other while the driver just watched! If we both sucked his cock together, it was a hundred dollars. We kept the money hidden in case we were robbed, and it was a good thing we did. We were robbed a few times, but no one ever hurt us if we just gave them the money in our pockets. The money we had hidden was safe, and after a month, there was a lot of it. People get robbed a lot when they're hooking. They knew we always had at least some money they could steal from a couple of little boys. Ok, we were little back then. I think we were only seven?" Atticus nodded in agreement.

"After about a month of working together…" At this point, Atticus began to sob softly, so I squeezed him. "…we were attacked by a guy who wasn't a driver. He was too young, like an older teenager. He didn't want our money either. He tied me up with a rope, then he stripped Atticus naked, beat the crap out of him, and raped him in the ass. Neither of us had ever been fucked there before, so I can't even imagine how much it hurt Atticus! The guy was old enough that he had a full-grown man-size cock. I just couldn't imagine at the time. Atticus was only six! What could I do? I yelled and tried to get out of the ropes so I could help him, but I couldn't. All I could do was listen to Atticus scream and watch him get hurt worse and worse. I mean, what would you do? There's nothing you can do!

"I managed to roll over to him, and I bit him hard on the back of his thigh. I mean, really hard! I shook my head like when a shark bites something, and I held on while he hit me. I wanted to bite that piece of him off! At least that gave Atticus a break while the guy punched me and made my mouth and nose all bloody, but I made him bleed first! And he bled bad too – that made him want to hit me more. I didn't feel it though. While he was busy with me, Atticus wasn't screaming anymore, so I wasn't hurting anymore." Atticus leaned across me, crying heavily, and hugged Eliot, his protector.

"You both know you love each other. The way you got beat up to protect Atticus, the way you said how beautiful he was when you first saw him getting out of that truck, the way you're both huggings now, those are all signs of love." Eliot nodded without saying a word. He was a bit choked up. He knew there was no hiding it from me anymore.

After a short break for hugging and crying, Eliot continued. "It didn't feel like it hurt when he beat me up, but I felt like I couldn't move anymore, and soon I heard Atticus screaming again, only much softer. That felt worse than when he was screaming loudly. Yeah, I guess I do love him. I mean, I'm in love with him." He paused for a quick sniffle and a kiss with Atticus. "The screaming stopped after a while, and I could hear the guy catching his breath. Then he untied me, stripped me, and tried to rape me in my ass, but he couldn't get hard, so he just ran. I was able to move again. I stood up and went to Atticus. He was hurt, and I ran down the road screaming for help. I didn't realize I was still naked. It wasn't important.

"Two teenage boys came with me to help Atticus – to help both of us, really. They seemed really nice. They looked over Atticus and decided he didn't have any broken bones, though he had a lot of bruises. I had a few bruises, too, and they told me my nose was broken. One of them told me he had to do something to my nose, and it would hurt a lot, so he gave me some kind of booze to drink, and he made me drink a lot of it. Once he felt I was good and drunk, he grabbed my nose and twisted it. 'That's all! All done, all done,' he said. He'd also given Atticus the bottle and told him to have as much as he wanted." I was holding Atticus in a hug, and we were both sobbing.

"Atticus and I started to put our clothes on, and one of those older boys said, 'You can't wear that shirt! It's covered in blood! Yours too!' One of them went inside the truck stop and came back with two new t-shirts for us to wear. Mine had the Minnesota North Stars hockey team on it, and Atticus' had the Boundary Waters Canoe Area.

"I got our money stash from its hiding place, and I asked them how much we owed them for the t-shirts. They wouldn't accept any money. It was like they wanted to take care of us more than getting money. That was weird, y' know, in those days. It didn't take long for those teenagers to figure out we were hooking at the truck stop, and that we were gay. They told us they knew of a safe group of gay boys who looked out for each other. 'We gotta look out for each other,' one of them told us. That's how we joined Josh and the boys. Then I guess a year later; we met you."

We enjoyed a nice group hug for a while. Atticus and I were able to stop our sobbing, and I said, "Thank you, Eliot. Some parts of your story were difficult for you to tell, I know, and some parts were painful to hear, but I love you, and I want to know everything I can about you, even the parts that you don't like, and even the parts that hurt me to hear."

Chapter 109

Atticus

"Atticus, I know your dad flipped out and kicked you out of your house when he learned you were gay, but that's all I know about your past. Tell me, if you want to, what was it like to grow up in your home? How was the rest of your family? What was it like being cute little you? How did you start hooking? What was it like when you met Eliot?"

"Oh, it was really wonderful when I met Eliot! He seemed big and strong next to me, but not like he was big and strong so he could hurt me. It was more like he was big and strong, so he would make the world nicer for me – he made me so shy! How could I even talk to this gorgeous, masculine boy? I didn't have to. He took my arm, pulled me in, and said I was really cute. He didn't even wait! He just kissed me! Then he squeezed my ass and rubbed his hand over my cock, all while gazing into my eyes. He didn't know my cock had been hard since I first saw him. A few truckers opened their windows and whistled at us. We went behind the building, a little way into the woods, and just kissed forever, maybe longer. We made love, and I cried because I was suddenly so happy!

"We worked together really well at the truck stop. We seemed to give the men exactly what they wanted, just by doing what we loved doing anyway, only we did it in front of them; then we got beat up and raped, and that was awful."

"You mean we got beat up, and you got raped," said Eliot. "He only did that to you. I didn't have to go through that." He said it very sadly as if he didn't want to take any credit for how much Atticus had suffered, but he would gladly have suffered in his place.

"Yeah, we got beat up, and I got raped, and he tried to rape you too, but he couldn't because your ass muscles were too strong for him!" We all had a nice laugh while Eliot hopped up and flexed his mighty ass muscles for us.

"We were both seven, but he turned seven a few months before I did, so he was older than me. He was definitely bigger and stronger than me. Those two teenagers who found us and helped us didn't know how much money we really had, but when Josh found out, he said we should let him or one of the older boys carry it so it would be safer."

"We had a thousand and twenty-four dollars," said Eliot.

"We didn't have anything to spend it on except food at the truck stop," said Atticus. "We didn't have to give the money to Josh or the gang or anything, and they made sure we knew that. They just wanted to make sure it was safe. So, we each kept some in our pockets so we could buy stuff, and three of the teenagers had places to hide the rest, like one of them, had a money belt, which goes under your shirt. Another one had a pocket on the inside of his boot. Josh stuffed the rest in his sock. They never asked us if they could spend it on anything, like food for some of the boys who didn't have any. We found out we had to tell them, or tell Josh, I mean. We had to tell him we wanted to buy food or liquor or anything for anyone else. We also had to tell Josh if we wanted to have some of our money back to put in our own pockets because we ran out. That was because Josh kept track of our money in a little notebook. He was very careful to make sure our money was where it was supposed to be. We decided to buy a lot of things for the boys in our gang, so half that money's gone now. Josh could be really sweet sometimes."

"He was really sweet," I agreed, "But I'd like to know more about your life with your family, if you don't mind," I said. "Unless that part hurts too much to talk about."

"No, it's fine," he said. "I think I had the wrong family anyway. I think I was someone else's baby, and they switched us at the hospital. Dad was always loud and yelling about something, usually me. He said that I was soft and swishy. I didn't know what that meant. To me, it meant I would be happier in my bedroom playing with myself. He called me a sissy every time I cried, no matter what. He told me I looked like a girl; I talked like a girl. I ran like a girl. I threw a ball like a girl. The only thing that I didn't do like a girl was pee. One day he said he could fix that for me too. Dad seemed to be afraid of girls and sissies. I wondered if a big sissy used to pick on him when he was a kid. Mom was different. She liked the way I looked with my long hair. She liked that I was nice and didn't yell all the time. She liked shopping for clothes with me because we both liked the way I looked in what we called cute clothes. I liked looking cute, and Mom liked me that way too.

"When I was four, my mom had another baby boy. He was cute too, but Dad always got angry when I called him that, even though he was just a cute little baby. By the time I was six, it was obvious that my little brother wasn't swishy or whatever, and Dad was happy about that. Then Mom had a problem with her liver that hurt a lot! So she had to go to the hospital for an operation, and we were alone with Dad. One day, he caught me dressing my little brother in some of my cute clothes, and I'd put some of Mom's lipstick on him. Dad was angrier than I'd ever seen him, but he didn't shout. He washed my brother's face and got him dressed in his own clothes. Then he drove us to the airport in Duluth. He said I was going on an airplane ride. We waited at the counter, got my ticket, walked around, he even bought me some pop, and then he and my brother watched as I got on the plane."

"Just you? By yourself?" I asked.

"Yes, just me," Atticus replied. "He didn't tell me where I was going or who I would be meeting me there. He just told me no one loved me in our family because I was a little fag, that I was going to a place where little fag boys like me belonged, and that I'd be happy there. Of course, when I got there, no one was there to meet me. I was in Minneapolis, all by myself. I got off the plane, and someone who worked for the airline called me a 'you-name,' whatever that meant, and told me I should sit near the counter until someone picked me up.

"I sat there for an hour before a man came to talk to me. He said he was Steve Shandy. I told him my name and said pleased to meet you. I liked being polite. He asked me if my ride wasn't there yet. I told him no. He said that was why they sent him. I was supposed to go with him. He took a piece of paper from his pocket and looked at it, then said, 'Ah yes, Atticus, right here. Yep, I'm your ride. We should hurry, though. I have to pay for parking by the minute.'

"So we went to his car and drove off. 'They didn't tell me how cute you were,' he said. I liked being cute, so I thanked him. When I asked where we were going, he said we were going to my new home. I would be living in a place called Loring Park, in a house with other kids. I wondered why Dad hadn't told me that. When we arrived, there were seven kids and a few men. There were four girls and, including me, four boys. There were always at least two men there to take care of us kids.

"As soon as I arrived, one of the men called an older boy and me to him. He led us upstairs and told the older boy he was my teacher. He left us alone, and the older boy took his clothes off quickly and told me to do the same. I never had a teacher make me get naked, and I got scared. He told me it was ok as he pulled my shirt off. Then he pulled my shorts and underwear down and took off my shoes. 'It's ok, just relax,' he said. 'You'll really like this.' He laid me down on the bed and started sucking my cock. He told me to pay attention to how it felt. It felt really good! Then it felt too good! I needed him to stop, but he just slowed way down. 'Just relax and enjoy it,' he said. I had never felt so incredible.

"I think he was about fourteen. He had hair above his cock, but not much. Anyway, he crawled up next to me and kissed me with his tongue. He told me that was how big boys kissed. Then he told me it was my turn to suck his cock. 'I asked you to pay attention to everything, to how it all felt. You know how good it feels, and that's why people will want you to do this.' I wondered if my Dad was supposed to have taught me this lesson. 'Just lick around the tip, good, now put your mouth over the whole thing and suck it inside, as deep as you can.' I accidentally choked myself. I mean, I gagged. I didn't know where the bathroom was, so I didn't know where I had to throw up. It didn't matter, though. It came up too quick. I threw up right there, on his cock." I gasped. I had an idea what kind of place he was in, and I didn't imagine they were very friendly.

"I thought he was going to scream and yell, or maybe hurt me, but he just said oh shit or something like that, and he ran out the door. About a minute later, a woman came to the room and led me to another room, one with clean sheets. She taught me how to lick a girl's nipples and her pussy and how to finger her pussy. I didn't like that very much, but she did. She kept kissing me and telling me how adorable I was.

"Then, the youngest girl in the house joined us, and they both taught me how to fuck her in the pussy. It took forever because she had this long, slimy slot, but I was supposed to find this deep hole to enter. The girl's body became stiff, she threw her head back, kept her eyes wide open, and looked straight at me. The woman told me that was how I could tell I was in the right place. My cock felt comfortable there, but when the woman told me I had to move it in and out, it kept falling out. She made me fuck the girl until I had an orgasm. Once the girl had hers, I could feel the inside of her pussy twitching a lot, and she squeezed me hard with her arms and legs around my back. Her voice was squeaking really loud too. There was something about the girl doing all that stuff at once that made me orgasm. That confused me a lot.

"The girl and the woman both wanted me to play with them as long as I lived there. Well, the woman was really a girl. She was fifteen, but when you're six, that's a woman. See, we lived in a kids' brothel, so she couldn't be a woman. Let's see, the girls were eight, eleven, thirteen, and fifteen, and including me, the boys were six, nine, twelve, and fifteen. That's right; the fifteen-year-old was my teacher. I played with him a lot. He showed me how I could be fucked in the ass, or he tried to, but it hurt too much. He never got his cock inside me, not even a little. I was scared! They never made me try that again while I lived there."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Atticus, but what is a kids' brothel?" I truly didn't know.

"Oh, it's this wonderful place where people who like to have sex with kids can come in any time they like, and we'll have sex with them! It was a big house, and we were all supposed to play downstairs. That way anybody who wanted sex with a kid could drop by and pick one of us. Then we'd go upstairs and get naked! It was fun for a while. Some of the visitors were smelly and dirty. Some of them didn't seem to care if they were hurting me, or if I could even breathe.

"Then, I learned the horrible truth. One of the visitors told me when we were done that I was worth every penny he paid for me. 'You paid to be with me?' I asked. 'Yeah, you cost eighty-five bucks because you're the littlest one, but I'd pay a hundred for you. I love what you can do with that little tongue of yours!' That's how I learned I was a prostitute, only I wasn't getting paid.

"The twelve-year-old boy who lived there found me crying after that and told me he could help me if I wanted to get paid. We all got one night off each week, and he took me to the park, which was called Loring Park, just like our neighborhood. 'Just lean against a lamp post and only accept customers who feel safe and treat you well. You keep your clothes on, and the only service you give them is a blowjob. You charge them fifty dollars for a blowjob, and they pay you first. You can make a ton of money doing this.' And I did. I was so mad at the people at the brothel making all that money from me and not giving it to me, not even some of it. It wasn't fair, and I wanted to live somewhere else. Well, my work in Loring Park made that happen. I got robbed one night, and I had two black eyes after he beat me up. I looked like a raccoon. They yelled and yelled at me when they found out what happened. They couldn't sell a cute little boy with two black eyes! So they kicked me out.

"I got all of my money from Loring Park together and my second set of clothes, and I left. I didn't know where to go, so I went back to the park. I didn't go there to work, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Eventually, one of my favorite customers found me lounging on a park bench. He was furious that I had been robbed and beaten, and for that, I got kicked out of my house. He wanted to help me, but he didn't know how. He was a truck driver, and he had to leave for Duluth the next morning, so I asked him if I could ride along – I had friends in Duluth. No problem, but instead of getting out at Duluth, he let me ride with him in his truck until my eyes looked normal again. If I were alone, I'd need to make money.

"His truck was a big Peterbilt double-sleeper. That's what he called it. He bought all my food and a few cool gifts, too, and every night I gave him his favorite blowjob. His cum was the first cum I ever swallowed. We rode across the country for three weeks. Then the world blew apart. He told me I had to stay with him now. There was no other way to be safe.

"We were in the middle of nowhere, maybe in Illinois, someplace with a lot of farms and no towns. He used his CB radio to find out where the fallout was, so we drove to a place that would be clear of that. He found a nice big truck stop, and we parked. It was crowded with trucks because the places where their trailers needed to be had all been blown up. That was our problem too. My friend didn't know where to go, but we didn't really need to go anywhere. There was plenty of food in the truck stop, and everybody had money to pay. Some of the trucks were reefers. That means they were refrigerator trucks to keep food cold. So tons of food would last a long, long time. We stayed there from July 6, when the bombs went off, over the winter, all the way until the following April, but we decided we needed to go back home to Minnesota.

"We found a fun way to get a little more diesel for the trip home. The pumps had been empty for months, but each of the trucks had big fuel tanks full of diesel. Twenty gallons of diesel is what I charged for a blowjob, and I swallowed. Not all of the truckers were into that sort of thing, so we passed the word around among people he knew were safe. It only took one night to get the fuel he needed, but we stayed another night so he could top off his tanks.

"He lived in Two Harbors, and I lived in Duluth when I was with my family. Two Harbors was in a hot zone, but people were allowed in. He wouldn't bring me into a hot zone, though. The time had come to say goodbye to my friend, but where should I go. The only way I knew to make money so I could eat was sucking cock. So he suggested a certain truck stop, and he drove me there. He said a cute boy like me with my skills could make a ton of money working there, and the owners of the truck stop liked having boys there because it kept the customers happy.

"He drove to that truck stop, which was actually open for business, with gas and everything, and we stayed there for three days, trying to say goodbye. He started sucking my cock too during those three days. He didn't know how good it felt to suck off a boy! I stayed naked those three days, and so did he, except when he needed to go inside to get coffee or whatever. When he came back, I was always jacking off, just waiting for him. Eventually, he had to go; I got dressed in my cute 'n sexy outfit and sucked one last load out of him, and we kissed goodbye. I think you know the rest. I walked right into this sexy boy's arms!"

Chapter 110

Life and Love

I hugged and kissed my two boys and thought about how lucky I was to have them in my life, and how scary that responsibility was. I also marveled at how happy they seemed to be at having me in their lives. Somehow, that made the responsibility even greater and it didn't matter what Eliot wanted; on the inside, he was one of my sweet little boys.

I gave the boys a tour of the house. All of the Geiger counters were at a safe level so that we could use the whole house. Klaus and David had decontaminated the front and back yard, so we could go outside too, as long as we stayed in the yard. I also insisted the boys shower thoroughly when they came inside. The decontamination shower by the door to the garage made that easy.

We discovered several radio stations were back on the air, and we even got one TV station. We went out into the front yard to see what was in the boxes on the pallet, and we found more food than we knew what to do with. There was also a box with twelve bottles of Stolichnaya Vodka and to my astonishment, an envelope with $300 cash in it. There was more fresh produce than we ever had when I was there last time. I wasn't a good cook, but my boys would eat healthy food!

We had a lot more money than that. In addition to the $250 I had left from my work in Copenhagen and Stockholm, I found David and Klaus had left us $3,000 in his dad's secret hiding place! I suspected only some of that was left by his dad, and the rest was probably a lot of the money left by the Soviets. We accumulated money every month. There was very little to spend it on. This was all the family money, but the boys still had about $500 left from their work at the truck stop – that was theirs and theirs alone.

There were a few businesses open in town – Weber Hardware, Bauman's Corner Store, The Blue Moon, and the Ben Franklin – so sometimes we all walked into town for some shopping. The boys needed clothes because they were growing so fast and because boys were hard on clothes. Well, Atticus was always very careful with his clothes whenever he actually wore them, but he liked a wide variety in his wardrobe. He also preferred to get his shorts from the girls' department because they had all the prettier colors. That just made Eliot feel more butch, and he'd get camouflage shorts just to annoy Atticus. (Now Eliot was hard on clothes.) Only it didn't annoy him, not at all. Atticus was clearly a femmy boy, and he was attracted to butch boys. Well, the more butch Eliot was, the more Atticus wanted to please him in every way. Eliot pretended he didn't like all that stupid girlishness, but both Atticus and I knew better.

We spent most of our time upstairs in the living room and kitchen, but we always slept downstairs in the shelter corner. Atticus loved all my stories of the love we shared down there, and Eliot liked the crazy drunken sex stories I told them, so it was a special place for both of them.

***

One night, after several glasses of orange juice and Russian vodka, I showed Atticus what it was like to hang by his ankles from the bar on the ceiling, and I sucked him through two orgasms. Then, of course, Eliot sucked him through three more while I held him up high enough to reach Atticus' cock with his mouth.

"See how many more you can get from him!" I said. Atticus screamed his way through two more before we showed him mercy.

"Do you boys want to learn about anal sex?" I asked.

"Aw, we know what that is!" said Eliot. "It's just ass-fucking."

"Yeah, but neither of you has ever done it before, at least not with someone who loves you," I said.

Atticus gave Eliot a nervous look, and Eliot said, "You mean you want to do it to us?" I had actually been thinking about it for some time, and I decided my cock would only be skinny for a little while longer as I went through puberty, so it would be a lot easier for them if we did it soon.

"Only if you think you'd like to. Someone did something horrible to you, Atticus, I know, and I think it would be good for you to know what it's like to make love that way, to do it with love instead of violence. And I hope you'll say no if you're not sure."

"I wanna try," said Eliot.

"Good!" I said, "Because I love you a lot, and this is one way to share it with you."

We were already naked because I'd told them that was a house rule. "First, you need to suck me off and make sure I'm good and hard." He was already quite skilled in that regard. "OH!!! Oh very good! Now we always used olive oil for lube, but now we have to use whatever oil we get from the Soviets."

Atticus was watching closely, his cock hard and his eyes wide. He got some cooking oil off the shelf and brought it with a cloth to Eliot. "Yes, that's the stuff," I said. "Just dribble it all over my cock, smear it all over, OH!!! Oh good! Yeah, then your ass, lots of it. Good. Now Atticus, stick your finger up inside his ass, Stir it around, like cookie dough. That's it! Now two fingers. Good!"

Eliot shook and gasped the whole time. "That's the reaction you want, Atticus, sweetie." Then turning back to Eliot, I said, "Now sit up here on my lap and kiss me. Feel how much I love you when we kiss."

I lifted his cute little butt up and set it right on my cock. "Hold it in place please, Atticus," I said. Then back to Eliot, "You are in charge. Lower yourself as slowly as you like." That was the last thing I said to him. As we returned to our kissing, I felt him through my mouth. I felt his ass squeezing along the sides of my cock, very slowly, all the way down to the base.

"UNGH!!!" he shivered.

"If it hurts, get up!" I said.

"OH!!! Doesn't… hurt! Mmmfff!!! AAAHHH!!!" he cried out.

I reached down and felt his cock. It was still nice and hard. That was a good sign, so I kept kissing him and let him take charge of his own ass. Up and down my sweet little big boy went, moaning and squeaking. Soon Atticus was stroking his little cock. Eliot had a very loud orgasm right away, and he didn't stop there. He switched my mouth for Atticus', and while kissing his brother-only-different, he came again.

"Donovan, that's, I mean, who figured out you could do that? I mean, I'd never think to put my cock in someone's ass and that it'd be fun!"

"I dunno, Eliot," I said, giving him a big, sloppy kiss, "but I'm sure glad someone did. Atticus, I won't pressure you. I know what happened to you, and…"

"Nooo!" said Atticus. "I mean, I… I'd like to. You gotta be gentle, though, okay?"

"You control everything," I said. "You're always in charge. If you don't like it, just pull up. You saw how we did it with Eliot. He could pull off any time, and I expect you to pull off if it hurts. Remember, my cock is a lot smaller than the man who hurt you, so it should feel a lot nicer if you're ready for it."

"Ok," he said nervously. He climbed up on top of me and said, "Eliot, would you please lube us? Thanks." He looked me in the eye as Eliot did a very thorough job. He looked me in the eye with, was that fear? He trusted me as he sank slowly down, still looking me in the eye. He got halfway down and lifted back up again.

"Are you ok sweetie?" I asked.

"Just… nervous, I guess."

"You see how you're in control now. You can lift up anytime, but don't go back down if it hurts. My cock shouldn't hurt."

He looked me in the eye nervously and settled back down as Eliot held my cock in place. The look in his eyes said, "Please don't hurt me!" I tried to return a look that said I loved him, and that I would never hurt him.

In a few seconds he was laughing. Actually laughing! "That doesn't hurt!" he said. "That guy who hurt me was a lot bigger than you, I guess."

"Good!" I said, trying to sound cheerful and ignore the suggestion that I had a small cock. I was only thirteen! "You know how to make it not hurt. Now let's see if you can make it feel good. Go up and down gently, good. How's that?"

"Feels good," he said. I thought I heard a note of insincerity.

"Try to come out farther when you move up."

"Ok." It fell out a few times, and he started to get frustrated.

"I need to show you something," I said, lifting him off of me and laying him face-down on the table with his legs hanging over the side. I stuck my finger in his ass and tickled his prostate. He suddenly jumped and squealed. "Here, Eliot, you try it. It's that big bump, just inside and forward. You'll know you've found it when…" He shrieked again.

"I wanna turn!" said Eliot. Fair's fair, so we gave Eliot a turn. I was reminded of a certain drunken boy orgy that had taken place two years earlier, doing almost the same thing on the same table.

"Atticus, I want you to remember that spot. Try to make my cock rub that spot inside you when we fuck, ok?" He nodded. I sat back down on the couch, and he climbed on top of me. Eliot lubed us again. This time he poked his finger up Atticus' ass to remind him where that spot was. Atticus figured out if he moved forward and back a little while he was also going up and down on my cock, he could hit his prostate every time. He came twice in about five minutes, but he screamed as if he wanted to cum more. That had been nine times so far that night.

"If you boys want to taste my cum, you better climb down, Atticus, and do your thing now!" I didn't have time to be sad about where they learned their tricks just then. I could only enjoy them. What an orgasm!!!

Then they began to kiss properly, obviously sharing my cum. I got up so they could have the couch. I sat on the recliner and watched them make love. Eliot was on the bottom, facing up, and Atticus made that wandering trip with his tongue down to Eliot's nipples, both of them, tickling them gently. I whacked off gently, knowing I wasn't going to cum again so soon. Atticus circled Eliot's belly button with his tongue, then moved down, teasing the area just above his cock, and then the area just beside his cock. He caressed the inside of Eliot's thigh. Then, with one great, sudden motion, he tickled Eliot's balls and sucked his entire little cock into his mouth and went to work. Eliot's hands and fingers bent back while his arms straightened. I could see his thigh muscles rippling, which is really weird in an eight-year-old. Atticus' hands gripped at Eliot's abdomen, and Eliot's back arched as he gave out a loud squeal, and it was over.

That was making love, not playing, and Atticus knew the difference. He wasn't going to try to suck Eliot through to more orgasms. He crawled up and kissed him, and they lay there snuggling. I really had found my family. I was the grown-up, and the boys were younger, that's all. I liked it better when I was one of the boys, but I also understood the kind of love Klaus had for David and me. I would do anything for Atticus and Eliot. Absolutely anything. I had to move on. I guess life has a way of dragging you along with it, and you can go with what's in front of you or stay lost, wallowing in yesterday, and David, and Klaus, and dear Kevin. They will always live in my heart, but I had to move along, just like they did.

Chapter 111

Schoolgirl

Our shelter corner became our love, sex-play, learn, and sleep room. We did other kinds of play in the basement and in the living room, but our naked rule applied all over the house, even outside in our yard, at least twenty feet from the property line, where David and Klaus had stopped the decontamination. Everybody also had to wear clothes when there was someone official outside, like the Soviets making our monthly delivery. We didn't care if the occasional person walking by or driving by saw us playing naked, or even the mailman, whenever he came by, as long as it wasn't sex-play. I liked the full-body tan the boys got from playing naked all summer.

We got very little mail, and it was mostly stuff from the Soviets, or county relief agencies. They seemed to use a weird address on our mail that must have been meant only for government mail or relief mail or something. It said RR#3, Box 396R, St Albert instead of 267 River Road South, Saint Albert. The sign on our mailbox still said 267 River Road South. I'd thought David would have sent something by then, but maybe they had moved on all the way. It would be years before I actually worked out what had happened to David's letters.

The boys constantly complained, and I secretly agreed with them that we were right on the river, and we couldn't go in. I hung a tree swing in the back yard, but it couldn't reach the river. I didn't want to tempt them. We played t-ball (to keep the balls from rolling back into the contaminated river), Frisbee, tetherball, badminton (the boys against me), and sometimes just a game of catch. Sometimes I felt sad when we played with that sports gear that David's dad never got to use with his son.

Every time it rained, I had to go outside wearing a pair of Mr. Chance's boots and a pair of shoe covers and measure the soil and the water we collected in the rain gauge for contamination. Every time it snowed, I had to do the same. They tried to keep track of contaminated clouds and rainfall on the news, but they weren't always reliable. Fortunately, our yard stayed clean except for occasional streams that ran down from contaminated areas. I shoveled off the contaminated topsoil and then gave the boys the all-clear a day later, as long as the readings stayed the same and the soil had dried off. We knew the trees were clean because they had grown and shed two years' foliage before David & Klaus decontaminated the yard.

***

When August came, I had to do some hard thinking. I was a science nerd, or at least I had been once, but I was no teacher. The school year would soon start, or so I guessed, and I had to decide whether to enroll the boys in whatever school there was in the area. The leaflets in our mail from the Soviets told us about good schools run by good Soviet teachers. No thanks!

I asked some of the business owners I knew who had kids what they did for school. I learned there was a big house behind the fire station that was being used as a community school, and they even had real licensed teachers, so students' grades were considered official for things like college entrance and getting jobs and things like that. There weren't many kids left in town, and a lot of them went to the Soviet schools, so they didn't need a big building. If they needed a gym, they would roll the fire trucks out, and the fire station was used. We played games like volleyball and floor hockey in the fire station. They had four classrooms, kindergarten through third grades, fourth through sixth grades, seventh through ninth grades, and tenth through twelfth grades. They also told me there were a couple trade schools in Buffalo, but the nearest college was in Mankato. The nearest proper university was somewhere in Illinois. I thought we could worry about that some other time.

The boys weren't very happy with the idea of going back to school after two years off, but I made a deal with them. I'd enroll them if I also enrolled myself. I didn't tell them this, but actually the school officials said I had to enroll somewhere, or they'd have to do a full assessment of our household to be sure all minors were adequately looked after. That scared me into school.

Some kids teased Atticus because he wore pink shorts and socks one day. After a single intervention by Eliot, in which a boy who'd worn a white shirt to school but went home wearing a red shirt, that never happened again. Eliot had to serve detention after school, but his Atticus was worth it. Atticus and I stayed after as well so we could walk home together and talk about the violence. I needed to be clear with Eliot that he was not allowed to be violent, though it was always good to stick up for his little brother-only-different.

What was he supposed to do in those days? There were only four teachers, and they could only handle so much. There were very few police officers, and they were always at least twenty minutes away. Atticus wasn't a fighting kind of boy, but Eliot was. In the days before the bombs, David and I (and Ronny and… Henry) all knew we couldn't respond with violence, but we didn't know what to do either. Eliot had spent over a year looking out for Atticus on the dangerous streets while they were hooking. That's a hard lesson to un-learn!

Winter came and went, and we were all a year older, though not much wiser – not from school anyway. We had all seen more of life than our teachers had, and we certainly knew more about the human body, though Atticus and Eliot's teacher was not interested in sexual education at their age. Atticus drew some odd looks by wearing shorts all winter long under a long coat. He thought his legs were part of what made him look pretty, and I agreed with him. Being from the Duluth area, and hooking during all seasons while he was with the gay boy gang while showing lots of flesh meant he could handle the cold when other boys in the gang couldn't. That way, he could get food and liquor money for everyone who needed it.

Atticus' favorite part of spring was shopping! Summer clothes were out, and he found a cute pair of pink satin shorts with yellow flowers on the sides, a white tank top with yellow trim that went perfectly with the shorts, More white and yellow tube socks, and similar outfits in pastel blue with green, and pastel orange with red. He also just had to have a yellow sundress he'd found. Eliot just wanted camouflage and cut-off shorts with t-shirts with silly messages on them. (One of them said "The Pits," with arrows pointing to each armpit.) I got satin blue, red, and white shorts with stripes down the sides that split at the end. I got tube socks and t-shirts for various rock bands I liked. We all got the nicest leather shoes we could find.

***

"I need to ask you something, Atticus," I said when we got home from shopping. "Deep down inside, where you know truth is when you think of yourself, are you a girl?"

Eliot and I had spoken about this beforehand. I wanted to be sure Eliot knew sometimes boys are really girls on the inside, and it's ok. Atticus will always be the same Atticus, and that's that. Eliot understood, and he told me he loved Atticus, and that's a stupid thing to worry about.

"NO!!!" screamed Atticus. "NO!!! I'M NOT!!!" He ran to David's old bedroom and slammed the door. We could hear him crying.

"You should leave him alone when he's like this," said Eliot. "Trust me; it'll make things worse if you try to talk now."

"Thank you," I said. "I will say one thing to him." Eliot gave me an eye of warning, but I knew what I was doing. I was pretty sure. It was something Klaus would have done anyway. I tapped on the door and said, "Atticus, I'm going to leave you alone now, but I want you to know I love you, and I will always be here for you, and so will Eliot. I love you." I heard a few sniffles, then silence.

Eliot and I decided to turn on the stereo and listen to some music.

What the people need is a way to make them smile, it ain't so hard to do if you know how

Gotta get a message, get it on through, oh now momma don't you ask me why

Woah, oh listen to the music, woah, oh listen to the music

Woah, oh listen to the music, all the time

That was cheating, of course. We knew it was Atticus' favorite song. Soon he came dancing naked out of David's old room, whirling and twirling. Eliot and I realized we were still dressed, so we took care of that and joined Atticus. He trusted us completely. Well, he trusted me completely. He'd already trusted Eliot completely.

***

"You see, Dad put me on a plane when he thought I was too girly or sissy or whatever." Atticus sniffled.

"I'm so sorry I didn't think of that first," I sniffled. "I bet it was really scary when I asked you that."

"Uh-huh," he sniffled.

"The reason I want to know is that I want to know how to treat you, what to call you, how to introduce you, things like that. I love you, and I want to treat you as the beautiful person you are, not because I want you to be something you aren't. It's sorta the opposite of what your dad did."

"Yeah," said Eliot, "that stuff's all stupid. I love you, and so does Donovan, and we don't care! I tease you sometimes about pink clothes, but if you want me to, I'll stop."

"Please," sniffled Atticus, "I don't know, ok? I like things how they are. I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl on the inside. I'm just Atticus. Isn't that ok?"

Eliot got to him before I did and wrapped him in a big hug. I wrapped them both in a big hug. "I won't change a thing, and you better not either!" said Eliot. "Hey! You're getting pink glitter on me from your eyelashes!"

They both laughed, Atticus play-punched Eliot in the chest, and they kissed the sweet kind of kiss only little boys can give. To each other. Not to me. I wasn't jealous. No, not at all! Ok, maybe a little, but I loved seeing their love, feeling their love, and touching their love.

Chapter 112

Little Willy

On the last day of school, the boys brought a friend home, named Willy. (Yes, boys were still called Willy, Dick, and Peter in those days.) Willy was David in miniature, and that made it very difficult for me to treat him as just a friend of the boys. When we got home, Willy was the first one to get naked. That caught me off-guard. I wanted to ask him if it was ok with him if we didn't always wear clothes, but I couldn't even get the first words out before three shirts, shorts, underwear, then shoes and socks had flown in three separate directions.

Instead, I called "Fold your clothes nicely! You too, Willy. I can't send you home with filthy clothes!" I took off my clothes too, and we went out to play.

I couldn't help it. Willy was nine, and he looked like David at nine. I became emotional, and I had a boner at the same time. "I'll be inside. Play nicely, boys, and I'll call you in for supper." I hoped I had turned around before Willy had seen me get hard.

***

I felt a small, soft hand on my knee. I was sitting on the couch in our shelter corner, missing my David. "Always tell the truth," said a soft voice. I picked Atticus up and held him in my lap. Then I saw the other boys were waiting around the corner. "You're sad, and you got a boner. How come?"

"The truth is difficult sometimes," I said. "Willy, do you know why the truth can be difficult sometimes?"

"Well," said the small image of the most glorious boy ever, "Like, if I get in trouble?"

"Yes," I said. "And if I tell the truth now, it might make trouble for you coming over here."

"Would this help calm you down so you can tell the truth?" and just like that, he was on his knees, sucking my cock. I was helpless to stop him. I held Atticus up higher and more tightly. He kissed my cheek.

"Is that how you meant, Eliot?" asked Willy.

I felt my cock switch mouths, and then Eliot's voice asked me, "Does that feel the same, Donovan?"

"Yes," I gasped "very close."

I sucked Atticus' little cock since it was right there. Only one orgasm for him though. I had to set him down and watch Willy. He even had David's soft, radiant, tan skin! "Oh God, I'm gonna cum," I half-cried. They lined their little open mouths up and swung my cock side-to-side to see how much they could catch.

***

It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair for me to be so turned on by Willy because he reminded me so much of another boy. It wasn't fair to him to let him think it was him I was turned on by. It wasn't fair to me to be reminded yet again that I had lost my David forever! There was another boy who looked just like him, but it wasn't him! That was so unfair!

"The truth," I said, "is complicated because there are a lot of true things I need to say. First, you've already figured out our favorite thing to do."

"Well yeah!" said Willy. "Sex, of course! Atticus and Eliot have been telling me all year, and we've played tons behind the fire station."

"You have?" why should that surprise me? "You have, ok. When I said I was worried there might be trouble for you coming here if you know everything, I meant the sex."

"Duh!" said Eliot.

"The other two things that are true are a lot more complicated," I said.

"I know, I look like your old boyfriend, right? What else?"

My jaw dropped. I was speechless. "We kinda told him that," said Atticus. "We thought you'd like it, and when we asked him, he loved the idea of making you really happy!"

"That's not fair to Willy!" I said. "When I moan and grunt and cum, I'm just as likely thinking about David as him!"

"Duh!" Eliot repeated.

"Donovan," said Willy, "I know all that! That's why I wanted to play with you! You can remember your love for your David, and I can help you. It feels awesome to help someone feel good, especially during sex. Or, you can feel good playing with me because, I dunno, you like me or my body. I know for sure, I think, I have the kind of body you like, right?"

I was still dumbfounded at how much thought these boys had put into this little surprise. I didn't know what to say. Then, like Klaus had said, I felt more emotions than I could handle, so I just cried – Not for long though.

"I hope we didn't do the wrong thing," said Atticus.

"Oh no!" said Willy. "Did I hurt you?"

"No!" I hugged them both and reached around to include Eliot. "Who am I to be so lucky, to have two boys like these, and their beautiful friend Willy in my life! All of you boys were thinking of me and what would make me happy, and I got so happy I couldn't talk. All I could do was cry!"

"Donovan says that when you have too many feelings, no matter what they are, you cry," said Eliot. "This was him crying 'cause he had too many good feelings, right, Donovan?"

"Yes, that's right."

***

That following Saturday, the boys came home for supper after playing at Willy's house with another typically shocking request regarding Willy.

"Can Willy come over to play here with his dad tonight?" asked Eliot.

"Play how? What do you mean by play?"

"Oh, Mr. Wilkinson likes boys, and he thought if it would be fun if we all had a big sex party, all five of us!"

I was full of so many emotions, from murderous rage to totally turned on. "Do you mean when you've been at Willy's…"

"Oh no," said Atticus. "Mr. Wilkinson is a really sweet man, and he would never touch us without you being there too."

"Is he fucking his own… ?"

"No! Sheesh!" said Eliot. "He's a decent guy; it's all on the up-and-up. Those are his club's rules."

"What club?" I asked.

"The SABLE Club!" said Eliot, sounding a little frustrated.

"That stands for the St. Albert Boy Love Experience club," said Atticus. "I think that might be part of why he wants to visit you tonight. He'll give you all the details when he visits. Is it ok if they come then?"

I had to think about it over supper. The boys reassured me that Mr. Wilkinson would respect my wishes and even leave if I wanted him to go. They made it sound like such a nice club, though! Apparently, what we'd be doing that night was a sort of swap party, where a man brings his boys and trades them to another man for the night. I wasn't sure I liked that. I wanted the boys to play with whomever they liked, and to have complete control to say no.

"Of course, that's part of the rules!" said Eliot.

"Ok," I said. "I will meet Mr. Wilkinson. He and Willy can come over tonight, but for tonight, we just talk. No sex. We will all be fully clothed, and that includes him and Willy. I need to be satisfied that he wants you and me to have fun and that we'll have rules in place when we do."

They both "Aw'ed," but they accepted it as better than nothing. I agreed to do the dishes while they walked to get the Wilkinsons.

Chapter 113

Bill

The four of them were at the door about ten minutes later. The boys had walked to Willy's house, and Mr. Wilkinson drove them back. "Hi boys, that's right, shoes off. Hi Willy! Welcome back! Hello, Mr. Wilkinson!"

"Call me Bill," he said in a Scottish accent. "I'm William Wilkinson the Third, and me wee bairn Willy here is Roman numeral four."

"Yes, well, welcome, Bill! I'm Donovan." His handshake was disarmingly gentle, and it was only then that I noticed he was wearing a kilt.

He was gorgeous! His shirt was unbuttoned, at least the top three, revealing a bare chest with beautiful muscles. His short sleeves showed the same musculature on his arms.

"Well, come into the living room," I said. "Let's get comfortable. Bill, in the evenings, I let the boys drink alcohol if they like. I wouldn't give Willy any without your permission, of course…"

"Ach, let the boy have a wee drop!" the man said. I wished he was my dad. No, I wished he was my dad's friend.

"I bet you'd like some scotch?" I asked.

"Bah, why does everybody think that," he said. I waited in silence for his request, when he said, "Ach, just kiddin with yeh boy! Have yeh a peaty highland malt?"

"I'm not sure what that means," I said, "but we have something I kinda like that tastes like a campfire. Does that sound ok?"

"Sounds like just the stuff! On the rocks for the lads, but I'll have mine neat."

"Neat? I'm sorry Sir…"

"I tol yeh ta call me Bill, boy!" he chuckled kindly. Clearly he could sense my nervousness, but he didn't know why I was nervous." "Neat means plain, in a glass, no ice, no water, nothing but the purest highland nectar."

"Oh! I see. I'll be right back." I went to the liquor cabinet in the basement and got the bottle with the name that started with an L, and which I could never begin to pronounce. I brought it upstairs and put three glasses with ice and two empty ones on a tray, then added the scotch and walked back into the living room. I served Bill first, then the boys, and then I sat down myself.

"Great God Almighty lad!" Bill called out. "Are yeh tryin ta get me legless?"

"I'm sorry?" I said as he took a drink.

"He means shitfaced," said Willy.

"Aye, shitfaced, a wise word with a wise meaning invented in Scotland."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Hah! No laddy, yeh done quite well," he said. "Only most people serve less than half this much."

"Oh!" I said. "I'm sorry! I just didn't want us to run out and keep having to get refills. The boys got a lot less because they got mostly ice." Eliot looked at me like he'd been cheated.

"Nae a thin' wrong weh bein' generous," said Bill. "Yer lads tell me ye'r interested in the SABLE club, is that right?"

"Well, yeah," I said, "but first, they asked me if you could come over and play with us, you and Willy."

"Aye, an' had I known you were so handsome I'd 'a asked e'en sooner!" I felt shivers.

"So," I began, "I have a few questions about that. The boys mentioned a swap party. I want these boys to choose for themselves who they want to play with, ok? I mean, I don't intend to trade them to you so I can have an evening with Willy. Ok"

"Oh aye, completely understandable. Most members have that rule."

"Ok, and the boys are in charge of their own bodies, including who they play with, what gets inserted where, and when to stop. No always means No, even if they've already said yes. They can change their minds. Is that ok?"

"Those are my rules exactly fa' me bairn."

"All men have to use condoms or have an AIDS test. Sound ok?"

"Again, a sensible precaution, which I share for my boy."

"Men must ask first before they touch a boy, and the boy must say yes, but boys are free to explore, ok?"

"Ya've read my mind."

"The adult responsible for the boy may be present any time the boy is playing with an adult."

"Ya've read the bloody rule-book, haven't yeh?"

"No," I said, hoping I hadn't annoyed the beautiful Scotsman. "I just… I just love my two boys, and they've been mistreated in the past."

"Aye," said Bill, taking another sip. "So many boys started out alone or had a bloody tough time of it. We took young Willy in when he was four, or we think he was four. The things he had to do at such an age as that. Thank God, he doesn't remember those days. Now he's my son, and I love him, and God help the man tries to harm him!"

"So those are the kinds of rules this club has?" I asked.

"Oh aye," he said, putting a pamphlet on the coffee table. "The complete set of SABLE club rules for all SABLE parties and events."

"Willy, have you been to a lot of these parties?" I asked.

"Oh yeah! Lots of them," he said, his face lighting up. "Every week!"

"Do people treat you nicely, and never make you do things that make you feel bad or uncomfortable?

"Super nicely!" he said. "I'm usually the youngest one there, and everyone wants to play with me, so they all try to be the nicest. Nobody ever makes me do stuff I don't like. Dad's been taking me to these parties since I was six."

"The bastards who break our rules and violate our boys are run outta the club, and run outta town, half o' em."

"You guys will really like it," Willy said to Eliot and Atticus. "You have no idea what it's like having your ass licked out by a guy who needs to shave!"

"Yeh know lad," Bill said to me, "ye'r young enough, you'd be a boy at these parties, or yeh could play wih' the boys. Ye'r at the perfect age. Loads o' men will want ta play wih yeh."

"Would you play with me?" I asked before I knew what I was saying.

"Whoo!" said Willy.

"On a night when playin' is permitted," he said. It was plain to everyone that I had a boner.

"Did you know your son came here after the last day of school to play with all of us?"

"Oh aye, he tol' me about it the day afore."

"And the boys said you and Willy wanted to play tonight."

"Oh aye, but we'll wait. It's only proper."

"I wanted to meet you," I said, "and we've met. Boys, do you feel comfortable with Bill?"

"Yes!" said all three.

In seconds, I was naked in front of Bill, being treated to a massive blowjob.

Chapter 114

Big Willy

"Shame ta hide such a beautiful thing 'neath yer shorts," said Bill, pausing for a moment.

"Usually I don't," I gasped. "We're always naked here. Come by anytime."

"He's got no hair on his cock," said Willy.

"He's got maybe five of them just above his cock," said Eliot. "Can you show him, Bill?"

The boys were watching closely as Bill sucked me off. They'd all done it before, but they wanted to see how a big man did it. Bill backed his head up and pinched my few pubic hairs together and pulled them gently so the boys could see.

"Enough of this," said Willy. "I want in!" He gently slapped the insides of my thighs to get me to spread my legs. Then he buried his face in my ass. That sweet sensation of little boy tongue on my ass – there it was again. I nearly came right away! I let it go as long as I could, maybe a half a minute.

Then I said, "I've got an idea!" I wanted to see what Bill had under his kilt. I asked Bill to lie on his back, and Willy to lie on his back, with his head between his dad's feet. That way, I could suck Bill off while Willy ate my ass or sucked me off, his choice. I thought it was clever until I lifted Bill's kilt. Oh, wow. I mean wow! It was like this huge billy club, only fatter! I wanted to impress him by getting him all the way into my throat, but I'd need a lot more scotch to do that!

I went to work, doing my best, and I felt my cock slide into a little mouth. Little Willy was so sweet! Then another little face buried itself in my ass and began licking me out. I had no idea who was down there. I just spread my legs and enjoyed it while continuing my work on Bill. I looked up once to see Eliot straddling Bill's face, no doubt being treated to the same blowjob I'd just had.

***

I came after a few minutes, even though I didn't want to, and so did Eliot. I determined it was Willy who'd been sucking my cock because Atticus was licking his face clean.

"God sakes laddy! Yeh nearly had me all the way in yeh! An ye'r only thirteen?"

"Fourteen, Sir… I mean Bill. Your Willy is so sweet and so good at what he does!"

"Aye, all the men say so. I'm proud of my boy, an' he knows it."

"I do!" said Willy as he ran up to his dad and kissed him.

We'd taken a break for another round of drinks. Bill agreed to keep Willy overnight so he wouldn't have to worry about driving home drunk. "Do you like getting boys drunk," I asked Bill, "and having your way with them?"

"Laddy!" he shouted. I was in for a scolding! "Who doesn't like that? As long as the boys like it, then, of course!"

Whew! I thought I'd crossed a line. "We should go downstairs," I said. "We have all kinds of fun stuff to put them in."

***

Soon the boys were serving themselves as much scotch as they wanted, and I was getting the red and white box of toys out. I put leather ankle and wrist cuffs on each of them, and Bill helped me hang them, legs spread and overlapping, with the boy in the middle facing the opposite direction. Then we handcuffed them and had another drink.

"What a beautiful sight!" he said. "I wish I had mah camera here."

I put blindfolds on the three boys and idly sucked Willy's willy. "You have a camera?" I asked.

"Aye, a Polaroid type 88," he said. "I got a great deal on film and flashcubes at Weber's."

I stuck my cock in Willy's mouth and said, "Wow, that must be awesome with this club!"

"Only wih' permission of man and boy," he said.

I stepped to the next boy over and began licking Eliot's ass. "Oh, of course," I said. "Do you think this would be a good place for a SABLE party?" I slid the slimmest butt plug in the collection into Eliot's ass. "That's a good boy," I said as I patted his ass cheeks.

"I think this would be a fantastic place, but ye'll need help wih' hosting," he said. "Yeh have ta watch over everything and make sure everyone's happy, an' no one gets carried away. Have ya another of those? Try one on my boy. He'll love it."

"I don't have any more that size," I said. I held up the next larger size and asked, "How's this?"

"Fine lad, fine." I slobbered it up, and without warning, I slid it into the boy's ass while sucking his cute little cock. "Have yeh another fa' this lad?" he asked.

"No," I said. "We have special limits for him."

"Do you want to put something in my ass?" I heard him ask with a small voice. Damn! I'd forgotten to gag them! "'cause it's ok if you do. I can do that now."

"If you're sure," I said. I slobbered up his ass and stuck my finger inside to spread it around. Then I removed the butt plug from Eliot and inserted it in Atticus.

"Ooh!" he said. "Thank you." Then, after popping a larger-sized butt plug into Eliot's ass, I gagged all three of them.

I walked around the hanging boys and sucked them each for about fifteen seconds, enough to get them going, and then I moved on to the next one.

"That thing you did wih' yer throat, laddy," Bill said. "Can ya take it all the way wih' some men?"

"Well, yeah," I said. "So far, I think I've done it with every man I've tried it with. It helps if I'm good and… shitfaced," I giggled.

"Well, there ya go, laddy! Drink it down!" He put the scotch bottle up to my mouth and tipped it up so I could chug, which I did.

"Will you be responsible for my boys?" I asked, a bit worried about this turn of events.

"Aye, and I'll have nae another drop o' this fine highland malt."

"Ok, just don't stick another thing in Atticus' ass," I said. "He's been hurt, and I won't have him hurt there again!"

"As you wish. I dunnae think he's in agreement wih' yeh though."

Atticus was grunting and shaking his head. I knelt down, pulled down (up?) his gag, and asked what he wanted to say. "You showed me how good it can feel, and I want try more, please. Can I?"

"Ok," I said, returning his gag. Then I turned to Bill and said, "You will treat Atticus and Eliot like they were your own boys? In addition, you will pay special attention to anything Atticus has in his ass, and you'll not put anything else in his ass if he's gagged? Swear it!"

"Before Almighty God and his finest malt whisky, I swear it!"

"Good. Look at my hard cock," I said. "That's the largest thing he's had in his ass. I love my boys, and…"

"It's ok, laddy, ok. You really are worried, I understand, but yeh needn't be. Ye'r all in good hands."

"Thank you, Bill. I mean it."

He sat down on the couch, his kilt and shirt off, and I began sucking him. I pushed him back and back farther, deeper, into the back of my mouth, lifting my knees, bouncing my body, and suddenly it shot in. Then it stretched more than my throat had ever stretched before after it had gone in! It didn't hurt, though. Then Bill took over. He grabbed my hair in one of his fists and fucked my throat, in and out. He was a wild man – I was happy to give him such a good time. Then, quicker than most men, he roared and filled my mouth with tasty man cum.

"Oh laddy," he panted, "yeh cannae ken what it's like, havin' a big willy like mine! Never a decent blowjob. No fucking a boy i' the arse. Men wish for a great big willy, but the only willy I love is my son and the smaller one I dream of between mah legs, or a lad like you who can take it all in!"

I just knelt in front of him and kept his fading cock in my mouth as long as he'd let me.

Chapter 115

Bottom

Of course, the boys needed attention too. We'd left them hanging there like meat on a hook. I had to remember that Willy was mine because his dad never touched his own son. I found a narrow vibrating dildo and swapped it for Willy's butt plug. I rubbed it against his prostate while sucking his cock aggressively. Bill was doing something similar to Eliot, which made me giggle – good ol' butch boy Eliot.

Willy tried to scream, but he couldn't scream properly with the gag on. I pulled his gag up and fed him my cock. He sucked it right up, which made him a little quieter. I put my hands on his hips and forced him in and out as fast as I could. It took him about two minutes to cum. Seeing I was sucking his boy through his orgasm, Bill did the same to Eliot about a minute later. Eliot really kicked up a fuss!

Try as he might, Willy couldn't suck me properly, but that was ok with me. I didn't really want to cum yet. When Willy and Eliot each had their second orgasm, we took them down from the bar and clasped their feet together. Bill took Eliot's gag off. We lay them on the table, face down, and facing us. I face-fucked Willy while Bill filled Eliot's mouth with his cock. I put Willy's gag back on him, turned him around, which I wouldn't let Bill do with Eliot, and I softly fucked his sweet little ass, right in front of his Dad. I guess that was commonplace at SABLE events.

Willy couldn't see, he couldn't grunt, he couldn't even move, and I was fucking him as I pleased. Oh, it felt great! Then his body began jerking around, and it sounded like he was trying to scream. Oh, he was mine! That made me want to cum, and I did, right in his ass! I slapped his ass cheeks like a pair of bongos, and then I slid my cock out of his ass. I ran quickly to Atticus, who was still hanging alone. I took off his gag and stuck my cum-covered cock into his mouth. While he sucked it clean, I sucked his cute little boy cock and played with his butt plug. He kept sucking me, which felt good, but I wasn't going to cum again for some time.

After his second orgasm, I took off his blindfold, and to my horror, he had tears in his eyes! "What's wrong?" I asked in a panic.

"Nothing," he said, trying to reach some part of my body to kiss. "I love you so much, and this feels like a new way to show you love, and for you to show me love. I have to trust you, and I do! And I feel wonderful!"

I sat on the recliner, holding him in my lap, with all restraints disconnected. Bill walked from the table to the couch, holding Eliot over his shoulder like a sack of dog food. "Yours is still out there," he said.

Atticus got up and went to the table, where Willy was lying just as I'd left him. "Go ahead," I said to Atticus. "Play with him. Stick something in some hole. He's all yours."

We rolled him over, so his head was hanging backward off the edge of the table. Atticus bent over and stuck his ass in Willy's face. Willy dutifully began to lick, which gave Atticus a case of the giggles. I thought, "Now, there's another wonderful picture!"

Eliot yelped loudly from the couch; then it sounded like he was giggling through his gag.

Atticus turned around and fed Willy his little cock. Willy seemed to suck it as hard as he could. Atticus gasped when he started but soon settled down. "This doesn't feel right," said Atticus. "I want part of his body."

I helped Atticus up on the table so he could do sixty-nine with his boy. He fucked Willy's mouth, but he seemed to be giving most of his attention to Willy's cock. Willy had another orgasm, and Atticus pulled his cock out of Willy's mouth. I watched as it immediately drooped. I gave Willy another shot of scotch, and then another. Then I carried him on my shoulder, just as Bill had done with Eliot, and I hung him, feet together from the bar. Atticus and I needed to have a talk.

***

"Isn't a bottom the one who gets fucked, and the top is the one who fucks the bottom?" Atticus asked me.

"It's not quite like that," I said. "I mean, that's one kind of bottom – one meaning of the word. That means which part do you play during a certain sex act, but there's another meaning. It's more about who you are. Watch this." I hung him upside-down, ass-to-ass with Willy. I took some rope from the box and began tying them together, left thighs first, then right, then I began to wrap them loosely around their necks.

"Do you see how that gave you a boner? If you didn't look now!"

"Well yeah, I see it."

"I just made you my sub."

"Your what? I don't get it."

I unwound the rope, slapped Willy on his soft, radiant ass, so he knew I hadn't forgotten about him, and cuddled Atticus in my lap again. "A sub is someone who is submissive, someone who likes being treated roughly maybe, but someone who obeys. Someone who likes it when someone else has their way with them. In fact, tonight, you three boys are our subs, Bill's and mine, and I know you like it!"

"Uh-huh," he nodded shyly.

"It's ok," I said. "I like it too! I loved drunken boy orgies with David and Klaus and Kevin – But that can change. Tonight I'm having a great time being your dom!"

"My what?"

"Dominant," I said. "You submit to me, and I dominate you. You obey me sexually. I do whatever I want with you. We play that way, but of course, you can always say no. When you're drunk, you usually don't want to say no, and you'll usually do whatever your dom asks. Look at Eliot over there!" Atticus looked to see Bill pulling a chain of huge anal beads out of Eliot's ass. "Do you think he'd say yes to that if he was sober? Do you think it hurts him to do it now? The only way it'll hurt is the hangover he'll have tomorrow. So right there, Bill is the dom, and Eliot is the sub."

"Ok," he said, "but what's the other way to be a bottom?"

"Well," I said, "I might have said bottom when I meant sub. You see, the other way to be a bottom is when you want to be the bottom every time you have sex. You want to be fucked, and you want to suck the other boy's cock, and it's almost impossible for you to cum by fucking another boy."

"Ok, but I don't know if that's me. I liked having your cock in my ass, though."

"You'll figure it out in time, but you might also be a sub. You couldn't cum by face-fucking Willy here," I slapped Willy's ass again, "could you? You needed to have a piece of him to please."

"Uh-huh! I did!"

"You're way too young to know for sure, but you might be a bottom, you might be a sub, or," I whispered, "you might even be a girl, but only you can know." He snuggled up with me. "I've got an idea!"

"What?"

"See this boy hanging right here? This Willy? Wouldn't you like to give him some pleasure? I mean pure pleasure, while he's not giving you any back?"

"Yeah!" Atticus nodded in excitement.

I pulled a chair up to the hanging boy, leaving his gag in place. I helped Atticus to stand steady on the chair, I wrapped his arms around Willy's naked body and cuffed them in place, and said, "You're going to stay cuffed here until Willy has two more orgasms. I will not release you until that happens. And look at your boner!" Of course, he couldn't see it, but he was hard as a rock. "No, Willy!" I said, slapping his ass. "You will not suck his cock or please him in any way. Just hold still, and if you feel like you want to cum, then go ahead."

***

Now that Atticus was back on track with a whole bunch of new things to think about, I took some time to walk around beautiful Willy's beautiful body. I ran my fingers through his hair. I caressed his soft ass cheeks. They were just the same shape as David's. I had to have him.

***

Atticus was working his way through Willy's first orgasm. I slobbered up my finger and surprised Atticus with a two-second prostate massage. That was all he needed to have an orgasm of his own. "That's good, Atticus," I said. "You're doing what you're told, and you definitely do like it in the ass. Good."

Chapter 116

Someday I'll Do That Too

I heard a barking sound. I turned to face Eliot, and he was on the ground, on all fours, with a bit in his mouth, pulling a cart. He pulled the cart over to me, and I said hello by giving him my cock to lick. Then I saw there were four shots of scotch in the cart.

"Oh! Thanks, Bill!"

"Yeh were lookin' too sober, laddy."

"Good puppy, good puppy!" I said. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy then?" I slapped his ass and told him to go back to his master. I pulled Atticus' forehead back and helped him drink a shot. He went right back to sucking Willy while I had my shot. Then I helped Atticus have another. He growled at the burn but went back to sucking.

When Willy came again, I went in to massage Atticus' prostate once more, and he came with a sharp scream. He was standing on his toes with his leg muscles all tight when I pulled my hand out of his ass. "You've just had your first two ass orgasms. How did they feel? I asked Atticus as I released his hands.

"It felt so nice!" he said, "It was like, like all the parts of my body exploded with niceness, all at once!"

"It was like that for me too," I said, "only it took more than a couple seconds to make it happen. If we're lucky, we might get to see me have an ass orgasm yet tonight!"

***

I took Willy down from the hanging bar while we all took a break and had some more scotch. "No one's really very drunk. Drink up boys!" I said as I slammed a double-shot and poured another. "You too, you great, gorgeous Scot!"

"I cannae," he said. "I'm lookin' after yer boys an mine."

"Oh right," I said as I went down on him, sucking his cock in deep gulps.

"Oh aye," he said. "Another 'un from yeh in the same night!"

"Ass," I mumbled between strokes.

"In yer arse?" he asked, shocked.

"After my throat," I said.

He arched his back and thrust with a rhythm to match mine. He grabbed my hair again.

"Look!" said Atticus. "He got a boner when Bill grabbed his hair!"

Next, he did what I needed him to do. He pulled my head down hard onto his cock and held it there. After a few seconds, he gave me a break to breathe and did it again. He pushed and shoved my head hard until his cock finally slid into my throat.

"Wow!" said Willy. "No one's ever done that before!"

"What the hell!" said Eliot.

"Someday, I'll do that too," said Atticus dreamily.

Bill pounded my throat in a way that only he could. Soon he pulled his cock out of my throat, picked me up off the ground, and put me on the couch. "Now yer mine, boy," he said as he slapped my ass. "Now, let's have a good show for these wee bairns." He sat next to me and put me on his lap, facing away from him so that I could look right at our little boy audience. That was a bit intimidating, but I had to see if I could do it!

Atticus had the honor of lubing us, and he did a thorough job. When he was done, I felt Bill pull my hair back and say, "Up now, laddy! Sit up straight, an' down yeh go!" He pulled my hair harder, and I walked my hands back to his waist. "That's a good boy! Show the wee bairns how a proper sub behaves."

"Yes, Sir."

"Come on now, boy," he said. "I think yeh can do better than that!"

"Boys!" I called "another double!" I wasn't sure it would help, but it was worth a try. Atticus brought it to me and took the empty glass away. What I wanted was for Bill to pull my hair down harder because there was something calming about it. Then, as if by special order, he did just that. And pop! His head was inside me! "AHH!!!" I yelled. He tried to pull back out, but I wouldn't let him. I knew the worst was over with, or so I thought.

"No, it's really in!" I heard Eliot say.

"Wow!" said Atticus in total wonder. "And he's still sliding down!"

His shaft got wider as I slid down farther. The stretching was awful, but I knew that with a little relaxation, everything would be fine. I screamed out in a squeaky roar (my voice was changing), and just as I seemed to get past the thickest part, finally, he tried to pull it out again! "No, don't! Please, Sir!" I begged, and before he could respond, I was sitting down, with his whole cock in my ass. "Go ahead boys," I said. "Have a look!"

"I know who Dad's favorite is now," said Willy, gently moving my balls to the side. My cock was hard, so it wasn't in the way.

"That's gotta hurt!" said Eliot.

"I wanna do that!" said Atticus.

Bill yanked my hair again to remind me who held the reins. "Come on now boy, up and down. Rumpy-pumpy! Let's go." And I did, slowly up then quickly down. It's kinda the opposite of what's supposed to feel best, but for his fat cock, it worked.

"See, Atticus?" I said. "He's fucking my ass with his huge cock, and I've got a boner!"

"Yeah," said Atticus, wide-eyed. He reached out and touched it.

"Don't!" I said, "not without Sir's permission!"

"Hands off him, boys," said Bill. "He's mine now."

Before I knew it, Atticus was on the floor, wanking with one finger each from Willy and Eliot in his ass. "I think that 'un really likes this," said Willy, affecting his father's brogue.

"He always has," said Eliot.

"Sir, I'm going to cum!"

"Is anyone touching you besides me?"

"No, sir!" I grunted.

"Boys! Get up here and catch this boy's load. Do not touch him!" The three little ones lined up with their mouths open, and I shot like a machine gun all over their sweet little faces. "Now, you may lick him off, or whatever ya like."

They cleaned each other's faces, which I've always thought was hot and kinda cute, and Atticus cleaned me. He more than cleaned me. He continued to suck me. Gentle, sweet Atticus was sucking me softly in front, and I had a charging rhinoceros in back. I caressed Atticus' sweet cheek, and just as I felt Bill was ready to unload, so did I, and Atticus didn't spill a drop.

***

We woke up in the same bed, David's parents' bed. I was lying on my left side, and Bill was behind me with his muscular arm around me. Little Willy was in front of me, and my cock was barely still hanging out of his ass. Eliot and Atticus were awake already, sixty-nining as if the previous night had never happened.

"So, are you boys interested in this SABLE club?" I asked them.

"Duh!" said Eliot

Chapter 117

SABLE

"Come on boys!" I called. "We don't want to be late!"

It was our first weekly SABLE club meeting, and I wanted us to make a good impression. The club met at someone's house every Wednesday at 7:00 PM. "No, Atticus, sweetie, we have to wear clothes to these meetings. Later on, we take them off, or someone takes them off for us."

"My clothes are pink and girly! What if none of the men like a pink boy?"

"Then, they will be missing the sweetest, cutest, and sexiest boy in the world!"

"Hey!" shouted Eliot.

"Ok, one of the two SWEETEST, CUTEST…"

"Eew! Enough!" he protested.

"Be yourself, Atticus, sweetie. If you feel girly, then go girly. You can even wear those cute ladybug barrettes in your hair if you like. Something tells me there will be people there who like that!" I chuckled, and then said, "Always be yourself! You too, Eliot."

Atticus went all the way with the pink and girly look. He wore the pink ladybug barrettes, his pink thong underwear, his white tank top with pink flowers and yellow trim, and his pink shorts with yellow flowers up the sides, his pink ruffle ankle socks, and his pink Mary Jane shoes. I was proud of him for being himself, and I always tried to tell him so.

***

A really cute boy about twelve years old by my guess, maybe tall for his age, with very long brown hair opened the door and let us in. There were three boys and two men there already. It seemed being right on time wasn't as important as I thought it would be.

"So you brought these little ones along?" one of them asked.

"They wouldn't let me say no!" I said.

"I mean, are you the one who cares for them at home?"

"Oh, I see. Yeah, I'm their dad, only different. It's a weird family, but it's what we've got."

"A lot of us have unusual families."

"My boy Atticus is trying different things out, you know, to find himself," I said quietly.

"Shit!" said one of the men. "He'll be damn popular!"

***

In the meantime, the other boys who were there took the boys in hand. They were looking down each other's shorts and feeling each other's boners. "Do you like big cocks in your butt?" one of them asked.

"I don't know," said Eliot. "Donovan is the biggest I've ever had up there, and he's big, but he's a teenager, and not really a man yet."

"I want the biggest one ever in my ass," said Atticus, "but I might have to have only smaller ones until I get used to it."

"Why are you all girly?" The voice wasn't hostile, just curious, as boys can be.

"I'm not sure it's girly," said the boy I was so proud of. "I just like stuff that people normally sell to girls. I don't know why I like it, but I'd rather be cute and cuddly than big and tough."

"You don't like big and tough?" asked another voice.

"Not for me. It just doesn't feel like who I am. But my boyfriend here…" I heard a kiss, "is big and tough, and I like him big and tough. Just not me."

"How old are you."

"We're nine."

"Oh, I see. I guess for nine; he really is pretty big and tough."

"Wanna arm wrestle?" asked Eliot. "I'll show you big and tough!"

"Ok, loser gives the winner a blowjob!"

"Boys!" called one of the men. "You know the rules. None of that until the meeting is done."

***

"So are you here because you like men, or because you like boys?" one man asked me.

"It depends who they are, I guess. I love cute, smooth boys with energy and a sense of adventure, but the right man will just as easily find his way into my ass. Groups with men and boys are always great too."

"Whoa! Speaks his mind!"

Another couple entered. It was Willy and Bill. I picked up Willy and kissed him on the lips. "I need to see you more often!" I said. Then I kissed his dad and said with a wink, "I definitely need to see you more often, ya great Scot!"

"So, you know the Wilkinsons!"

"Oh, yes," I said. "I know Bill here very… deeply!"

"No way!"

"Put yer eyes back in yer thick head! This boy knows every inch of me, top and bottom!"

The men looked at me like they couldn't believe their ears. I winked at them and kissed Bill again.

***

As more men and boys arrived, the men gathered in the dining room while the boys gathered in the living room. "Am I a boy or a man for this meeting?" I asked Bill.

"Ye'r raisin' two bairn. Yer a man here at the meeting. How yeh play after is yer business."

The best part of the business meeting was the wine. It was dreadfully boring, mostly. We all said our names, what ages of boys we liked, what ages of boys we'd brought along, and what kind of sex we like to have with boys. Then someone read all the rules aloud for the playtime after the meeting and for all SABLE events. There were boring reports from the treasurer about printing funds and retreat scheduling and theme parties.

There were nine men and fourteen boys there, fifteen if you include me, as I was sure some men hoped to do.

***

The meeting hardly took fifteen minutes. The men walked into the living room, and boys ran up to several of them and hugged them. One of the men put a boy porn videocassette in the VCR, which was actually a videotape from their last meeting. I was fascinated by it!

"I want to be in one of these," said Atticus.

"Let's see who has a camera."

Just then, a man came up to us and asked, "May I borrow your boy?"

"What do you think, Atticus?"

He blushed and said, "Uh-huh!" The man picked him up, threw him over his shoulder, and lightly spanked his ass as he took him off to a bedroom.

"I told you someone would like the pink!"

While I was watching Atticus being carried off giggling, I felt several hands pulling my shorts and underwear down. I looked down and saw the gorgeous boy with the long brown hair, Little Willy, and a tan, blue-eyed blonde boy who was maybe eleven or twelve jostling for my cock. I stepped out of my shorts and removed my shirt. Soon the guy with the video camera had his lens pointed just inches from my cock while the boys eagerly tried their best to share.

"Take off his shorts, will you please?" I asked one of the other boys, pointing to the brown-haired boy's ass. My wish was fulfilled instantly! He stepped out of his shorts. With Willy and the blonde boy still sucking me, I asked the brown-haired boy to lie down. He did, but he pointed his butt up. He knew what was coming! I asked the blonde boy to lube the brown-haired boy, which he did with his tongue while Willy kept me wet.

It was time. I pulled out of Willy's mouth and got down to the boy who was waiting for me before any other boy could sneak his little head in.

"Are you ready?" I asked him.

"Yeah! Please!"

I slid right in, quite easily, and he moaned the whole way. The blonde boy lay with his hips next to the head of the boy I was fucking. I just assumed he wanted his cock sucked, so I went to it. It was a lot bigger than I'd expected for a boy his age – or size, anyway. Willy knelt, facing me, with his knees astride the blonde boy's head, enjoying a good blowjob. The stunningly gorgeous boy I was fucking with the brown hair turned his head sideways to face me. He looked so sweet; it made me want to pound him harder.

I leaned back to my knees and lifted the boy's thighs like a wheelbarrow. Willy and the blonde boy sixty-nined for a while, and then I think they found a man to run off with. I flipped my boy over and put his legs over my shoulders. I leaned in as I fucked him. I leaned in far enough to kiss him.

"I don't even know who you are!" I said, and I shot my load right up his ass.

"Is it important?" he asked as we kissed.

"I guess not," I said, my cock still inside him. It felt like not knowing him was part of the fun!

I liked this club!

Chapter 118

Three-Banger

A short while later, at the SABLE party, I decided to see how Eliot was doing. He'd set off somewhere when I wasn't looking. I found him with three men. One was fucking his ass, and he was sucking the other two. It was obvious he was trying to deep-throat them. With all the boys who were available, it surprised me that so many men would share one boy.

"Eliot," I said, "Just feel it, sweetie. Feel what you're doing to them, and let it make you feel good. Don't try any stunts, just feel good. This isn't the deep-throat room anyway," I said seductively as I walked away.

Next, I went to find Atticus. He seemed to like the man who carried him off, slapping his ass. I found them in a bedroom upstairs with Atticus sucking his cock and sitting on another man's cock. "Atticus, sweetie," I said, "you are one pretty boy." I knew he heard me, but the boy was dedicated to his work.

I wondered how to get someone's attention to play with them. I had just cum, so I wanted a man to fuck me, or to suck him off. The men seemed to pick the boys up and carry them off if they liked them, and it seemed the boys just went up to the men and started sucking their cocks, or pulling down their pants if they were still wearing any.

I drank another glass of wine and stepped outside, where there was a group of four men just chatting. I joined the chat, looking the men over for the sexiest one. I went to my knees in front of him and began sucking. He was erect right away, and in my throat an instant later. He laid me on my back on the picnic table and fucked my throat. Then I felt two wet fingers enter my ass, followed by a large cock. I couldn't see what was going on, but I had my suspicions.

The man in my throat pulled out and shot his load in my hair, around my ear. Immediately after, another cock entered my throat. The man in my ass shot on my cock and up my belly. Another also replaced him. Two other men pulled my hands to their cocks so I could wank them. I could hear a larger group gathering. The crowd had at least doubled, and soon my glasses were covered with cum so that I couldn't see. I think all the men and boys had moved outside. In-between the men in my throat, I could see other boys on their knees, getting the men hard for their turn in my ass or throat.

Soon I felt the sweet little body of my cute little Atticus jump up on the table next to me, and Eliot jumped up on the other side. Two men fucked the little boys in the ass, cumming all over their bellies, and two others had their cocks in the boys' mouths a little ways, but really they were waiting their turn in my throat. They shot their loads on the little boys' faces.

When they were done, we agreed that I'd clean the boys' faces, and they'd clean mine. A few other boys volunteered to clean our bodies. Willy was cleaning my cock, but it turned into a lovely blowjob. He opened his mouth at the end, and we showed the men that it's possible to have a better aim. As soon as I came, I noticed Atticus and Eliot were sixty-nining again.

"Come on boys," I said. "This is a party! You should share yourselves. They both gave their squeaky-squealy I'm-cumming sound, followed by that cute little growl they always made.

"That's fine!" said Atticus.

"Who's next?" asked Eliot.

The depleted men let out a collective moan.

***

"Men are no fun!" one of the boys complained. It was the beautiful boy with the gorgeous brown hair. "They cum once, and the night's over! My dad wants to leave now!"

"You can't leave!" I said. "You're so beautiful!"

Both of us blushed. Then I climbed on the same picnic table and pulled him into a blowjob. Atticus climbed up next to me, and we had a second gang bang right then and there, boys only! (Eliot preferred to be served this time, but Little Willy took his place.) What a variety they were! Nearly all of them wanted oral sex because their little cocks weren't long enough to use properly for ass-fucking. Such different shapes and sizes, and such different movements. Some of them were slow and steady, and some of them wanted to ram it in my mouth like a woodpecker.

Their orgasms were all quite a treat! One boy, an older boy, moved so slowly and silently that the only sign I had that he was cumming was that my mouth filled with the warm, yummy liquid. A few of the littler boys gave a single bark like I used to do when I was eleven, and they would stop suddenly and pull out. I think each of us gave four blowjobs, and Atticus and Willy each had one older boy in the ass.

***

I rinsed the cum out of my hair and off my glasses in the kitchen sink, and I realized something really cool. While they were resting and watching our boys-only gang bang, the men seemed to get some energy back, and a few of them wanted to play some more.

"Who wants to play with ropes?" said one man. More than half of the boys rushed to follow him.

Atticus gave me a longing look, and I smiled at him. "Now's the time to learn what you really like. If you think you'll like it, go do it, and have lots of fun, and cum a lot! don't be afraid to say no if you want to." He kissed me and scampered off with a smile.

"I want you," said a voice in my ear. An arm reached around my neck from behind and lowered me face-down to the ground. "Tap twice if you want me to stop."

No way! I wanted to see what he had in store for me. He slid the tip of his cock up into my ass. Then he squeezed my neck and let go. Then he squeezed it for about five seconds, and somehow it made me feel dizzy. He squeezed me even longer, and I saw sparkly lights before realizing my whole body was shaking, and this guy had begun fucking me. "Do you like that?" he asked.

"Is it safe?" I asked.

"Yes. It's a common judo technique, hadaka jime."

"Then I like it!" I said.

This was better than a drunken boy orgy! He was knocking me out cold and taking full control of my limp body and pumping my ass hard! Wow! Unfortunately, he came in my ass while I was out. "Will I see you at the next meeting?" I asked before rising to my knees to clean his yummy-cummy cock.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I'll be here! Most boys are afraid of those shime waza techniques, or their dads don't like them. I hold the rank of sandan, or a third degree black belt in judo. I have a book that describes what they do physically. I'll bring it next time."

I kissed him and said, "Thanks! I want to do this more and try different stuff with you!"

***

I walked into the living room, and I saw a row of six boys, aged about eleven to thirteen, all standing on their heads. Each had an enormous dildo in his ass, with three men thrusting them in and out, two boys each. "Wow," I muttered, remembering my belief that boys need a sense of awe to have great sex.

A little blur came to a halt at my feet and grinned up at me before sucking my cock into his mouth. It was Willy. I stood him up, knelt down to his height, and kissed him. I caressed every little inch of his angelic body and told him he was too beautiful for words.

"I know you feel that way 'cause I look like your David, and that's ok. Do you wanna pretend I'm David?"

"I don't know, I… I'm not sure."

I didn't know if it would be bad for him or me. He seemed to understand exactly what it meant to pretend he was my David. Did I? I had wanted to so badly since I first met him, but I couldn't say no anymore, not when he was in front of me asking.

"Ok, come on upstairs, David, and we'll find a room."

"I'm nervous," he said in character. "What if you don't like me that way?"

"What? That's what I've been scared about too! I like you that way. I like your body," I ran my finger sideways along his belly, just above his cock. "I've dreamed about you since…" I grabbed his butt cheeks and squeezed them.

"Your body, your mind, everything about you…" he said.

I cut off the pretend and said, "Do you think we could just do this without the talk?"

I squeezed his butt cheeks like a giant peach and sucked his cock until he howled, and I didn't stop there. I spread his thighs, put my finger in his ass, and tickled his prostate while I sucked him even more. Then I fucked him while he wanked himself, constantly looking eye-to-eye. We exploded together. I think he came slightly first, but the way his ass twitched made me cum too.

"That was definitely better. Thank you, Willy," I said, kissing him. "I love your body, and I love David's body because that's just the body type that turns me on. I can't pretend you're my David but thank you sweetheart, thank you for trying that with me. I think that was a really sweet and loving thing to do with me."

He hugged me and kissed me with a smile. "I like it when you play with my body," he said. "You really love my body, I mean it really turns you on, and that's so hot!" He kissed me again and ran off to find someone else to play with.

Chapter 119

Wednesday Evenings

We were almost the last guests to leave the party. Bill Wilkinson agreed to help me host a meeting and party at the Chance's house in a month or so, and I was looking forward to it!

I had to get used to calling it my house. Legally it was mine. Well, I hadn't signed the paperwork yet, but that was just because I hadn't gone to Buffalo yet. David had given the house to me. It was mine, not Mr. and Dr. Chance's house. Not even David's… well, I would live with him forever in that house, and it would be our house!

We walked home like we walked the last bit of our trek into St. Albert, with one of the boys doing a standing sixty-nine with me half the way, and the other doing it the other half. I made a bet with them that I could make them both cum before we got home. If I won, I got to fuck them both again, one last time before bed. (We all knew that was going to happen anyway.) If I lost, they each got to pick a dildo from the box and insert it in me. Thankfully, I won!

"Did you notice how popular you were among the men?" I asked Atticus when we got home, over a glass of Captain Morgan.

"Not as much as the other boys," he pouted.

"Not as much?" shouted Eliot. "Are you crazy? They couldn't wait to get their hands on your girly self and bang your ass into orbit!"

Atticus showed a barely perceptible smile. "Ok, my ass was kinda popular."

"Atticus, sweetie," I said, "Eliot is right. Those men were all over you! Always be yourself! Always!" I hugged him and kissed him. He let out a sniffle, and I knew what was wrong. "Sweetie," I said, "Your dad was criminally abusive and dead wrong! Everyone who meets you loves you, whether you wear pink or blue. Always be you!" He reached up and hugged me with a good little cry that told me he believed what I'd just said.

***

Wednesdays were definitely our favorite day of the week. At the next meeting of the SABLE Club, all eighteen of us boys jumped into a big swimming pool with a few inches of some sort of cooking oil in it (probably that Russian stuff). We slipped, slid, stroked, sucked, and fucked while the thirteen men watched and cooked hot dogs on the barbecue. Every now and then one of them would shoot a load on us, but what a waste! The turnout was great, but participation was poor. I guess boys in oil looks better on paper.

If the men wanted us, they were supposed to strip naked, pick us up, towel us of, and have us right there on the pool deck, all pre-lubed. It was that simple! They were even permitted to jump in the pool with us, one at a time, but few of them had much of a sense of adventure. It was ok, though. In the tub, we boys didn't know who's cock we were sucking or who was fucking us. There were enough teenagers that we had plenty of big cocks to fuck us, and of course, everyone had an ass and a mouth. We had all kinds of orgasms, even without the men. Who needs them!

The next two weeks were kind of special. The men chose the SABLE Boy of the Year and crowned him naked with a fake laurel wreath. I was surprised and delighted that they chose the gorgeous boy with the long brown hair! Only seven men were there that day because of a holiday, but all seven had to step up onto the dais with the boy and penetrate him somehow. They had to penetrate him, but they didn't have to cum. Some men get stage fright. That boy belonged only to the men that night, not the boys. Since I was a man by their rules, I got my time with him! I came in his ass right there on the dais.

The next week, we chose the SABLE Boys' Boy of the year. The celebration was pretty much the same, only we boys did the voting (I got to vote in both elections!), and we were the ones who had to penetrate him somehow. Our friend Little Willy won that one! I learned it was usually the smaller boys who won the Boys' Boy contest; because most boys age twelve and up could probably fuck him that way. Since it was usually a little kid, the rest of the boys took it easy on him while he was on the dais, but not Willy! Everybody knew his limits, which were beyond most of the boys there. Again, I came in his ass right there on the dais.

The third week in the summer festival season was when the boys chose the SABLE Man of the Year. We had fun with this one! It was really a booby prize. It was a vote to see who we wanted to humiliate the most, and the men were all good sports. When the man was elected, he was crowned naked as usual with a fake plastic laurel wreath, and he had to stand on the dais while us boys did anything we wanted to with him!

We also knew that if we went too far, they would stop having the contest. So a tradition had developed of secretly telling the oldest boy what we were going to do, and he had the authority to say whether it was acceptable or going too far. The boys did things like smear whipped cream over the man's mouth and cheeks, like shaving cream, and have another boy lick it off, or insert bizarre toys into them. We tried to keep it all fun.

This year it was Bill Wilkinson who won. When it was my turn, the senior boy didn't believe my plan, but he said to go ahead. I just deep-throated him on the dais, in front of everybody, because I wanted to show off, really. That demonstration made me quite popular, though, and it left the senior boy speechless.

The following week we played a trivia game. The boys all started out naked, and the men read questions to each boy in a row, like in a spelling bee. If the boy got the question wrong, he had to put on a piece of girls' clothing, except for Atticus, who everybody agreed had to put on a piece of really butch boys' clothing that Eliot and I had secretly picked out a few days earlier. (He had whitey-tighty underwear, thick blue-jeans, a wife-beater t-shirt, a denim button-up shirt, a carpenter's tool belt, wool socks, a hard hat, and hiking boots.) Once the boys were fully dressed, they were out, and everybody had to wear their girls' (or boys') clothes until a man undressed him. I thought it was kinda creepy, but also kinda hot how many men were turned on by making boys wear girls' clothes.

***

It was almost as if the rest of the summer didn't exist. We got bored easily. Sex was always good, but then what? We drank a lot of really good Russian vodka mixed with really bad Russian orange juice. I relied on the boys more than I should have. I waited for them to suggest something to do instead of suggesting things myself. I hadn't structured things like Klaus had. Mostly that was because I hated it when Klaus did it, but I was starting to see the benefits. We always knew what to do – during the daytime anyway.

I decided to lie on my back and be the bottom for acrobalance. Atticus was really excited about it when I described it to him. I had to be extra careful not to drop him, but I was surprised how easy it was while he was stiff in his plank position. It also felt delightful to feel parts of his body with my feet that I normally only felt with my hands.

"Wow," said Eliot, and that was it.

There wasn't much I could do that first day, though we did begin a program of stretching exercises for both of us. While we did stretching exercises, Eliot did pull-ups on the trapeze and then push-ups and sit-ups. Atticus and I wanted to be elegant, and Eliot wanted to be strong.

Eliot also wanted to start wearing something around the house. I told him he could wear shorts if he liked. Our no-clothing-at-home rule shouldn't really have been a rule, just a preference. Atticus absolutely wanted to stay naked though (and so did I). I loved my two different boys!

Still, Wednesday couldn't come soon enough.

***

Wednesday came, and so did a record twenty-two boys and fifteen men! I decided my favorite thing to do was to be at the center of a gang bang. It felt like everybody wanted me! Everybody wanted my attention! I would do anything to satisfy all of them! I don't know if all the men participated, but I had at least ten in my mouth and eight in my ass. (My mouth was always more popular when everybody knew I could deep throat.) I lay there for at least two hours, swallowing as much cum as I could.

They put out the call for any men who had not been to the gang bang. We all wanted to see a record set by the boy who pleased fifteen men, some twice! Some of them said, "Sorry," and walked away from the boys they were with, in order to bang me. One man set his little boy (who was actually Eliot, but I couldn't tell at the time because I was having my throat fucked) on my belly so he could suck his boy off while he fucked me! I felt bad for the boys who got left out. I liked holding the official record, but not that way.

"Maybe you boys would like to do a gang bang next week," I suggested as we walked home naked.

"It was kinda cool when we did it with you," said Eliot.

"Yeah," said Atticus, as if lost in a dream.

"Atticus," I said, "if you like, you can say you want to be in a gang bang, but only with four men or five men, or maybe only teenagers."

"Yeah," he said again, rubbing his cock.

***

"Only five, and I mean it," I said to the men around the table in our dining room. It was finally our turn to host the weekly meeting. "He's never done this on his own before, and he's very young." The men all nodded in agreement. There were ten of them and seventeen boys.

We adjourned the brief meeting, and Atticus quickly dashed up to the five men he wanted and asked them to go into the back patio with him. I noticed he was wearing wrist cuffs. There were four pairs of scissors on the picnic table, which scared me a bit, but I decided to let it play out. I'd learned to trust these men.

Four of the men each grabbed an arm or a leg and held him down to the table. The fifth man rubbed the boy's cock the whole time. Then the four men each took a pair of scissors and cut all his clothing off, down the sides, over the shoulders, and over the crotch. Even I was hard. That boy had imagination! He had apparently put a lot of thought and planning into this. The four men continued to hold down my sweet little boy's arms and legs, and the fifth man, who was pretty well endowed, lubed Atticus and himself, then slid himself in, effortlessly! The boy's body spasmed, and he let out a howl, but I knew it was an instant orgasm, not pain. I knew my boys.

Other men came to watch, and one man holding his arm gave it to another man to hold while he slid his cock into my sweet little boy's mouth. The man in his ass came first, and he shot it all over Atticus' cock and belly button. Another man handed a leg off to someone else and slid right into Atticus' ass.

Soon the five original men had gone, and another who had taken over Atticus' right leg tried to hand off the leg and take a turn in his ass. "I told you five!" I said sternly, not wanting to upset my cute little boy.

"Do more of them want to go?" asked Atticus.

"Well yeah," I said. "I think everyone here wants to go, sweetie."

"They gotta hold me down then," he said. "I want them all, but they gotta hold me down. And I want you last, in my butt!"

The men developed a pattern of waiting in line, holding a limb, then fucking an ass or a face. I never understood why men liked to shoot all over a boy's face instead of in his mouth so he can swallow it. It ruined my cute little boy's hair and eye makeup, and it washed a bunch of his glitter away. As I held his cute little thigh, caressing the top, the last man to fuck his ass shot all the way up to his face, to the congratulations of other men who were watching or still helping to hold Atticus down.

I handed the leg to a man who was standing there, and I slid my cock into the slimy, cummy hole. He lifted his head to look at me, and a dribble of cum dropped into his left eye. He closed that eye but kept looking at me with his right eye.

"I love you so much, Donovan Langevin!" he announced to the world. He was MY boy, and I had never been so happy for people to know that! Everyone wanted him, but he was going home with me!

And his boyfriend Eliot, of course. I was proud of my boy!

Chapter 120

School Clothes

I was proud of both of my boys. We made a good team. I was still a science nerd, and we discovered in time that Eliot had a real knack for fixing mechanical things. Atticus was the expert at looking pretty! That was important in such an ugly world.

Summer came and went. There was no such thing as Labor Day or the State Fair anymore. One day came, and it just wasn't summer anymore. We walked to the Ben Franklin to get school clothes. For once, Atticus got something other than shorts to wear during the winter. It was something called 'shortalls,' overalls with short pant legs, really short, meant for girls. One was pastel yellow with white trim, and the other was, of course, pink. I chuckled and hugged him.

"You really do have absolutely lovely legs," I told him. "Why not show them off?"

"Thanks, Daddy Don!" He had been growing in confidence, and it was wonderful to see! He called me Daddy Don, which was a nickname he made up for me (and I loved it!), and he wasn't afraid to be flirty.

"You know," I said to him quietly, "If you really are a girl inside, I will love you as my daughter as much as I love you as my son. I won't stop making love with you either, and I know Eliot won't either. He loves you too much!" He kissed me and winked at me. Such self-confidence he'd gained in a year and a half!

Then Atticus took a grand tour of the Ben Franklin, including their costume jewelry, accessories, perfumes, hair spray, and makeup. He also got lots of skimpy girls' underwear, mostly pink or pink and white, big furry boots, super-short skirts, a few blouses, and one full-length, fake-fur coat with a matching hat.

I could just imagine him at the next SABLE club meeting showing up in that coat and those boots, then opening the coat to reveal himself wearing only those skimpy panties. Maybe he intended to wait until it was cold to do that, but the next meeting was the back-to-school fashion parade, and I knew Atticus wanted to win that one bad!

"Just to remind you, my cute little boy, that we all carry our own stuff home." He nodded confidently. It was the price of looking fabulous.

Eliot just wanted jeans and t-shirts, and one pair of shorts in case it got hot. Oh, plus the obligatory pack of tube socks to replace all the ones that got holes in them over the summer. I got three more pairs of shorts because I liked wearing them, and I intended to wear them until I absolutely couldn't.

There was no more denying it – I had hair coming in that I didn't want! I had been sneaking off to cut my pubes with scissors, but now I had scraggly hair under my chin too! I snuck a pack of Gillette razors, a can of Barbasol, and a tube of Nair under the clothes in our shopping cart so the boys wouldn't see. I used the razors on my face and the Nair on my pubes. It worked really well. I didn't want any pubes, and I didn't want it to look like I was just shaving them off. I just didn't want them! I wanted the men in the SABLE Club to see me as a boy! I wanted to be seen as a man when it suited me. Besides, I looked cuter as a boy.

***

I sat at my desk on Monday to begin ninth grade. I didn't want to be there. The only thing I learned was how to help the other kids who didn't understand the ninth grade material. Then, right on cue, a half-hour after school began, my cute little sweetie saved my day!

"Mr. Langevin," said the teacher for grades four through six, "I'm Mr. Underweather. I understand you are the responsible guardian for Eliot Bronson and Atticus Berghoff."

"Yes, I am." We were standing just outside his classroom door.

"Then, you need to know that the clothing which Mr. Berghoff showed up wearing this morning is entirely inappropriate for a school environment." Oh no, I thought. He didn't! I hadn't actually seen him dress that morning. I thought he wore the long coat because it was chilly outside!

Trying hard to keep my composure, I peeked into the classroom and said, "Atticus, what did you wear today?" He stood up and opened his fake-fur coat to reveal exactly what I thought – skimpy pink panties and nothing else!

The class laughed, Atticus laughed, and I laughed, all for different reasons. "Ok," I said, "Come on, my cute little fashion model. Didn't I tell you that you couldn't wear this to school?"

"No," he said. "You said I could wear all of it!" He winked, and that wink was starting to get a little maddening.

"Under your shorts or a skirt and a shirt or something! You knew exactly what I meant. Now let's get you home and into some clothes fit for school!" I paused, then said, "Mr. Underweather, would you please look after Eliot while we're away?"

***

"I had a bunch of reasons for wearing this!" Atticus protested on the way home.

"Name one!" I said.

"Ok, if I don't actually wear the outfit to school, I can't wear it in the SABLE contest on Wednesday."

"You could get us kicked out of school for that!" I said in frustration. "A contest isn't worth that!"

"I have another reason, but I'm not sure I can explain it."

"Try!"

His whole demeanor changed. I was about to learn the real reason. "We started fourth grade today," he said. "That's a whole new classroom with a lot of new older kids. Don't you see? They don't know me yet. They don't hate me yet! I've been scared of being me my whole life! Oh, I knew I couldn't explain it right!" He began to cry.

"Don't cry, sweetie. Your makeup will run. I'm still listening, and I want to hear more."

He stopped and hugged me, getting a smear of mascara on my shirt. "If I'm me, that's scary! Kids won't like me! Grown-ups will…"

"Will throw you out of your home and put you on a plane to Minneapolis."

"Yeah!" he cried.

"I still need you to fill in a missing piece here, sweetie," I said. "Why does your fear of being yourself mean you wanted to dress like this on the first day of school?"

"Don't you see? It's my way of saying fuck you bitch to anyone who wants to make fun of me for who I am."

"Those are some very strong words, and I can tell you have very strong feelings." It felt as if Klaus was speaking through me. "Tell me if I understand this right. You want people to know right up front that you are who you are, and calling you names won't hurt you?"

"Almost," he sniffled. "The part about calling me names it right, but also I don't care at all about people who don't like me 'cause of who I am. If they don't like me, that's fine, but let's find out who they are now, and this is my way of finding out. Then I'll know who not to care about!"

"Oh, sweetie!" I began to sniffle. "Wearing clothes like this to school is something you absolutely cannot do, and you know it…"

"I know."

"I am very proud of you for what you were trying to do. That took courage! That took confidence in who you are! Do you think you made your point?"

"Uh-huh," he said, "and then some. Now they know that who I am is more important to me than getting in trouble."

"Atticus…"

"Well, they think that!" I smirked, and we continued to walk. "Can I take this coat off? I'm so hot!"

"As long as you're not in school," I said as I proudly walked the daylight streets of St. Albert with the prettiest, sexiest, and most courageous little boy in panties anywhere!

Chapter 121

Back-to-School Fashion Parade (and Party!)

"I swear to you all," I said, "Atticus wore that exact outfit to school on Monday." Someone had raised an obvious objection to Atticus' entry in the back-to-school fashion parade.

"Didn't he get sent home, though?" asked one man in a kindly voice.

"Well yeah," I said, "but there is nothing in the bylaws or club charter specifying outfits must be worn all day. The regulations only say the outfit must have been worn to school." I had done my homework!

"Objection overruled," said the chairman with a clap of his gavel.

"God, he's sexy like that," said the man who raised the objection.

"Next item," said the chairman, "Our door count so far this evening shows there are thirteen men and eighteen boys with us this evening. While we're all pleased with the success and popularity of our club, so many people have been coming to our meetings and parties that the houses are always overcrowded and hot. Gentlemen, we need more space or more ideas for how better to use our space."

"What about focused parties?" said one man. "We could continue the meeting and party on Wednesday as always, but on different days we could also hold more specialized parties, say, for fetishes, BDSM, that sort of thing."

"Or drunken boy orgies," I suggested hopefully.

"Exactly!" said the man. "If members prefer such themed parties, they might favor attendance at those parties, which might ease attendance here!"

"Good God," said the chairman. "Who'd have thought we'd ever be trying to reduce the size of our parties?"

***

The boys were in the living room comparing outfits, speaking in awe of Atticus' guts in wearing such a thing to school. "We never even noticed what he was wearing," said Eliot. "We just thought he wore the coat because it was kinda cold that morning.

"So, if we're all agreed on the schedule of specialty parties and meeting places, this meeting is adjourned," said the chairman with another clap of his gavel. All the men suddenly swarmed into the living room. One put a video cassette in the VCR from last week's meeting and party at our place. Most of the footage showed my sweet Atticus pleasing as many men as he could.

"You know," he said, "after the first one in the ass, it's all fine. There's no more stretching. It's nothing but ass orgasms and yummy-cummy, as Daddy Don calls it."

"Yummy-cummy would be a lot yummier if it were in your mouth," I said, hoping a few of the thirteen men were listening.

***

"Ok, boys, if you're in the parade, let's line up in alphabetical order by your last name. Remember, this is not a contest for who is most popular or sexiest in their outfits…" That scared the hell out of me right there. Atticus was so sure the sexy approach would win! "…but who looks like they will finish at the top of their class this year."

I dashed over to Atticus and said, "Smile, sweetie! You got this one! They love you!"

"He just said it's not for being sexy. I thought…"

"Listen, sweetie; sexy is only a tiny bit of what you have to show these people! Remember that 'fuck you bitch' attitude from Monday morning? That's what they want! Nothing wins like confidence!"

I actually got a confident smile and a light kiss from him, so we didn't smudge his lipstick. Not only was his makeup perfect, but he'd also gotten a new hairstyle at Pauline's, the only stylist in town. He had cute bangs across the front with everything long in back, and barrettes up on the sides. It was a little old-fashioned, but it was super-cute on him, and it suited his face beautifully.

***

"Next, we have Atticus Berghoff!" said the emcee. Atticus strutted confidently onto the dais, opened his coat to loud howls, and twirled around like a runway pro. Then he took his coat off and twirled it around his absolutely stunning body! He was by far the crowd favorite, but it wasn't about popularity or sexiness, only who looks like they'll finish at the top of their class. Will everybody vote that way?

***

"And our winner by quite a margin is… Atticus Berghoff! Come up and take a bow, Atticus!" He looked like Miss America being crowned, with hands shaking on each side of a screaming face that was spraying tears.

After doing a little research, I learned why Atticus won. He really did look like the one who would graduate at the top of his class. Many members of the SABLE club knew his teacher, Mr. Underweather. He was a shy boy lover, and he definitely loved his boys to be on the femmy side. It probably killed him to send Atticus home, and they say he probably whacked off in the boys' room several times after Atticus and I left. With all that femmy sexy-boyishness, he could get Mr. Underweather to do anything he wanted, and I made sure Atticus knew because sometimes I like to be a total bastard!

***

I scooped up Willy and began utterly worshiping his body, its form, and texture, and now that I'd gotten to know him, the boy inside. I licked out his ass and left it nice and wet, and I fed him my cock to get it wet too. "Men hafta ask," I said, "and in some ways…"

"Oh God, please! Don't ask ever! Stick it in! Do it! PLEASE!"

I shoved it right in with no hesitation. "Ahh!" he said. He got louder and louder very quickly, and he came with a high-pitched shriek long before I was ready. He came twice before I came once.

"Thanks, Donovan," he said, giving me a sweet kiss. "I needed that so bad! I had to wait all week. My friends were out of town."

"Well, what about us?" I asked.

He looked embarrassed and said, "I'll talk to Dad. We should have thought of you."

Every time I saw Atticus that night, it seemed he still had his skimpy pink panties on! He said men wanted to suck him with the panties just pulled down a little in front, they wanted him to suck them with the panties on, and they only wanted the panties pulled down past his butt cheeks when they fucked him.

"I have to say, my cute little sweetie, you look stunning with them on, absolutely elegant!" He kissed me and found someone else to play with. His legs seemed to be getting longer. I wondered if I should set up a growth chart for the three of us. What a thing to think of at a sex party?

I walked up to a small boy with brown hair and chubby cheeks whom I'd never met before. He was standing by himself. He smiled at me and reached for my cock. I picked him up and did the standing sixty-nine with him. I sucked him hard, and he sucked me the best he could. Soon he could suck no more, and his body trembled with a cute little squeal as his orgasm arrived, apparently unexpected. I loved these boys! I never knew if I was playing with an experienced boy or a bashful beginner. I decided I would try to find a bashful beginner who was closer to my age.

I thought about what bashful beginners might look like. Well, maybe I wouldn't have seen them before. They would look nervous or not be smiling. Maybe they were standing alone, not knowing what to do. That's who I would look for. After all, the party had just started!

I looked in the most obvious places – the living room, where all boys started the evening, or maybe the dining room, where there are snacks and wine on the table. I found a boy who was about my height with no pubes but a sizable cock, in the dining room, leaning over the table, slowly filling a plastic plate.

"Hi!" I said. "I'm Donovan."

"I'm Julio. Nice to meet you."

"You should put that plate down," I said.

"Why? Am I not supposed to eat this?"

"No," I said as I crawled under the table and started sucking his cock. "I didn't want you to spill it."

He set the plate on the table, and I pushed his hips back with my face until he was against the wall. His cock was a lot bigger than I'd expected before it got hard. I had to open up my throat to let him all the way in. That made him squeal cutely."

"Dios Mio! Who are you?" he asked.

"I said, I'm Donovan, and I'm fourteen."

"I am Julio… and… Oh, Dios Mio! – I am sixteen."

"Ok, Julio," I said, "Hold my head right here, and fuck my throat hard, understand? Do it hard!"

"If you like," he said. He did it weakly, which was easily predicted from a shy boy like him.

"No!" I said, "I mean hard, harder! Try to stab my throat with your cock!"

Eventually, I got him slamming my throat nice and hard. He seemed shy, but he came with his pubes all gone, like with wax or with Nair. That was hard to read. Boys didn't usually do that in those days. I did, but I thought I was weird. I wondered if his dad made him do it.

I could tell when he was about to cum, and I guessed correctly that he would try to be polite and pull out. I dug my fingers into his ass and didn't let him go anywhere. I swallowed most of his cum. Then I stood up and kissed him, sharing the rest of his cum with him. It was really good! Julio's cum was the best tasting cum I'd had since Kevin's!

"Julio," I said. "You are acting way too shy for this party. Maybe that's why you're alone at the snack table?" He held his head down. "Not to worry, amigo! Are you a top or a bottom?"

"I don't know," he said. "I have had sex only twice, and both times with girls."

"Well, this is a place to discover the whole world of sex! Come with me."

I led him by the hand to the living room. I had him kneel on the floor and bend over the rocking chair. I grabbed some lube and a towel, which were always everywhere at those parties, and I got him good and sloppy.

"I'm going to slide my cock into your ass. I will do it very slowly because it can hurt a bit when you get stretched open if you've never done it before. Do you feel this?" I stuck a single finger in his ass. "Do you feel it stretch? Maybe it burns a little?"

"Yes, yes! I feel it!"

"I will leave it there for a minute. Maybe I'll twist it a bit." He gasped. "Or maybe I'll tickle your prostate." His body lurched, and he shrieked. "Do you like this?"

"Yes, I like that!"

"Ok, I'm going to stick my cock in your ass. Don't worry; it's not a grown man-size cock like yours. I'm fourteen. It'll fit in nicely." I pulled my finger out slowly, and as with one single motion, I replaced it with my cock. "Do you feel that?" I asked. "I'm all the way in. Not so bad, eh?"

"Lo Siento! No es malo! Es muy bueno!!!" I understood enough to get the gist of what he said.

"I'm going to pull out a little, then push back in, just like you did with my mouth, and those girls' pussies, only much slower at first."

"Ahh!" He lifted his ass a bit. "Oh, I'm sorry. This is so exciting! I don't know what to do!"

"You just stay where you are, and I'll fuck you. Right now, you are the bottom, and we are trying to see if you like the bottom position." I moved in and out in slow waves. "You just came, so this would usually feel a lot better," I said.

"It feels wonderful! So good!" he said.

I fucked him faster and faster. I reached around to play with his cock, and it was rock hard. I was impressed. If he can turn around that quickly at sixteen, surely I can at fourteen. "I'm fucking you at full speed," I said. "This is what it's like to be fucked. Well, to be fucked by a guy whose cock isn't done growing."

He made this weird "waah waah" sound as I fucked him. This time, I missed his orgasm. His body lurched as if he'd been electrocuted! I guess that was his first ass-orgasm. I put my arms around him and squeezed tightly to hold him in place. He was still jumping around when I came."

Chapter 122

The Bashful Beginner

"You see, in my country, we watch," said Julio. I had asked him if he would sit at the table with me, and he could finally have his snack. He was doing his best to explain why he was so reluctant to initiate sex with anyone. "Papi is the same. He's in some room in the back with my little brother watching, learning. We watch, we learn, and then we act."

"That sounds kinda slow," I said.

"It's true; we do things more slowly in my country."

"Do you want to jump in and enjoy these parties?"

"Oh, Dios Mio, yes! Oh, yes I do!"

"There might be one or two things you need to know about yourself," I said. "First, did you like sex with those girls?"

"It was ok. They were very pretty, very nice. I like these things with you a lot, though! A lot!"

"Very pretty, very nice. I have someone for you to meet." In one minute, I returned with Atticus. "Atticus, this is Julio. Julio, this is Atticus. He is like my son. I love him, and I care for him, but we play too."

"Hello, Atticus."

"Hi Julio!" said Atticus, bounding up to kiss him.

"I think my cute little sweetie boy here is very pretty and very nice too."

"This is a boy? Un niño? I thought… Oh, I'm sorry little Atticus. I should know your name is a boy's name."

Atticus giggled and kissed Julio again. He pulled up a chair and sat next to him. "Do you like my pink panties?" Atticus asked.

"They are… pretty," said Julio, not knowing what he was supposed to say.

"I'm sorry, Julio," I said, giggling with Atticus. "Atticus is a very, very special boy. You see," I said as I pulled the front of his panties down to show Julio that Atticus had a cock, "he is a boy who likes pretty things, like girls' clothes and makeup, as you see. He is also unsure about whether he is really a girl on the inside, and we're all going to love him, whether he's my son or my daughter. Sweetie, maybe you should show Julio more of what's under your panties."

"Ok." Thinking nothing of it, Atticus got down from his chair and took off his panties.

"Oh, Dios Mio! I can touch it?" he asked me.

"Don't ask me," I said. "You have to ask him that. At these parties, you always ask the boy. You're kinda like me. You're a boy because you're still sixteen, and you said you're here with your papi. Still, if he's younger, it's best to ask."

"Oh, thank you, Donovan. Atticus, may I touch your pene? Your penis?"

"Oh, yes, please," he said with a seductive look. His cock was hard the instant Julio touched it.

"Atticus, may we borrow your cute, sexy little butt for an experiment? See, Julio here doesn't know if he's a top or a bottom. He tried bottom, and he loved it, but I'd like him to try topping. What do you think?"

"Oh yeah!" he said with a more emphatic version of his seductive look

"I'm confused," said Julio. Just then, Atticus began sucking Julio's cock. "Ay!" he barked out.

"You can fuck little Atticus here in the ass to see if you like topping, but he has to get you hard. You've ejaculated twice already since I met you."

"I can fuck the sweet, cute little niño? People, bigger people, I mean, like me, we can fuck little boys? And it's ok?"

"You have to ask the boy, but yes. That's what this club is for," I said.

"Oh god, my god, I can fuck him in his bottom? Little boy Atticus," he said, lifting Atticus' face gently, "I must know, I can fuck you? Put my penis in your bottom? And that's ok?"

"Of course, it's ok! I love it when men do that with me!"

I grabbed a tube of lube and a towel and handed them to Atticus. "Here ya go, little cutie."

"Thanks!" I held onto Atticus' panties while he prepared Julio for another adventure.

"You know, Julio, most of the boys here, even the little ones like Atticus, like being fucked in the ass. You just have to ask. I even like it. You just have to ask."

"Si, si si," he grunted. Atticus' head popped up from under the table, and he climbed onto Julio's lap. "Oh, Dios Mio! Such a pretty boy for me!"

Atticus reached down; then, his body sank as Julio howled. Atticus turned back and kissed him as the two of them worked out a rhythm. Julio licked Atticus all over – on the neck, the cheeks, the shoulder, even his ear.

Atticus leaned forward and put his elbows on the table to give himself some leverage. "Oh yeah," he gasped. "Much better."

"Feel the pretty little boy's body," I said. "Feel his ass, his chest, his cheeks, his thighs. Know every part of his body that he is freely sharing with you."

"OH!!!" Atticus grunted. "Oh god! Oh yes!" Just as I thought Atticus was going to cum, Julio did again! Three times in maybe twenty minutes? Of course, one orgasm leads to another during good sex, and Atticus came immediately. He squeezed Julio's cock and held it inside. He turned around and kissed Julio. "Thank you," he said softly.

"You thank me?" said Julio incredulously. "No, I thank you for letting me fuck your little ass!"

"Julio," I said. "Look at him. He is in heaven! You sent him there!" Atticus nodded. "Sex goes both ways. Well, good sex always goes both ways. You feel incredible, he feels incredible, you made each other feel that way. One person owes nothing to the other. A soft thanks is fine, but not acting like you are the one who owes him everything. You thank him by making him feel like this."

"Well then, thanks, little lindo boy Atticus."

"What does lindo mean?"

"It means cute, like you. I called you my little cute boy, Atticus, but when I say lindo in my language it feels even more cute."

"Oh, that's so sweet!" He turned back and kissed him again.

"You should find more boys to fuck or suck or play with," I said to Julio. "Or maybe men who want to fuck you, because it might be difficult to get hard again."

"Thank you. I will!" He stood up and showed me he was already hard before running off to one of the bedrooms.

I handed Atticus back his panties and said, "You should probably keep wearing these. Everyone loves the sexy way they look on you."

"Yeah, fine," he said, putting them back on. "It's funny how wearing a little pair of panties makes me seem sexier to some of these guys than if I was naked."

"I've heard people say that, and I'm starting to believe it," I said. "You know, maybe we have a mission at these parties. Finding the bashful beginners and showing them what good boy sex is all about."

"Oh, that sounds nice! Not all the time – I too need a good fuck or two at these parties."

"Yeah," I said, "Me too. I wonder where Eliot is?"

"I think he's all tied up in the bondage room."

"Wow! Wanna go watch?"

"Sure!"

Chapter 123

It's Friday!

We walked home naked as usual in warm weather, carrying our clothes.

"So that's every Friday night, always?" asked Eliot.

"As far as we can tell, yeah," I said. "Drunken boy orgies every Friday evening at the Hackenmuellers' place. They have the best dungeon and bondage equipment there. They've got way more stuff than we've got, and they've got room for eight adults and sixteen kids to spend the night if the kids sleep in the loft in the barn. It's got a heater for the winter. You'll all just fall into one big drunken heap anyway."

"You're getting a boner, Daddy Don!"

"Ok, so I am. I haven't decided," which meant I had decided, "Whether to be a drunken boy or a dominating man." Both the boys laughed at my feeble attempt to mislead them.

"Yeah, right!" said Eliot. "You're gonna stay sober and responsible when you could be getting shitfaced and your body used by all sorts of strange men? Nice one!"

I quickly grabbed Eliot around the waist, stuck my finger up his ass, and went crazy on his prostate. "Here's a nice one for ya, you little Cucaracha!" He kicked and squealed, trying to breathe through his laughing. I picked him up with my finger still working its magic and blew a farting sound on his belly before letting him go.

"Ahh!" Eliot wailed when I set him down. He play-punched me in revenge, but watch out for little boys who have been through hard times together. They hunt together as well!

I yipped out loud, and I mean very loud when a small, soft hand reached between my thighs and grabbed my single remaining testicle. Atticus squeezed it, saying, "Whistle the national anthem, or I won't let go!" Every time I tried, he squeezed harder! That went on for a minute, and then Atticus decided fair play had been satisfied. I agreed, and we went home to have some more Captain Morgan and Apple Juice.

***

The Friday night parties excited us and gave us something to talk about for the next two days. We found the Hackenmuellers really did have a big dungeon in their basement, and lots of devices to hang boys on. They gave us a tour that first Friday before we played. They had two machines that would automatically fuck us with a dildo. They even had some stuff that would shock us, but I thought I would have to be pretty loaded to try that. (Later that night, Atticus surprised me by taking to the electro-stim stuff right away, and I found I adapted to it fairly well.)

Well, one electro thing that got me kinda horny when they showed it to us was this butt plug and cock ring set. There was a kind of goop that went around the cock ring, and they were wired to a box that sent a zap right from the cock, straight through the prostate, and into the butt plug. They could even connect it to the music they played through their stereo, and the signal from the music would jolt through our cocks and prostates, exactly the same way we heard it.

We would nearly always be blindfolded, so we never knew which device was coming next or who was bringing it. If someone slipped a butt plug in me, it might have been the electro, or it might have been this pear thing that opens inside you, and you can't get out. I learned it was amazing what I would take when I was shitfaced!

There would be a lot of whipping, but the whips made a lot of sound, and there was no mark the next day. There was some gross stuff, though. They could give us enemas and punish everyone with electric shocks when they released it, and then give a nice, luxurious blowjob to the boy who held his in the longest. (They had a kind of floor with a big drain that went into the sewers, so if we puked or peed or had some kind of accident, they just hosed it down, rinsed with disinfectant, and flushed the floor drain. No smell.)

Their coolest item, I thought, was this kind of carousel thing that had eight beams coming out of the top. A boy would hang on the end of each beam by the ankles with his hands also bound to the beam. Eight men would fuck us or stick something in our asses and play for one to maybe five minutes, possibly even ten sometimes, then the carousel would turn, and the next man might do something entirely different.

We could have a lot of fun on that carousel! We would never know what the next man was going to do. He might fuck us, give us a blow job, or shock us. He might even fill our asses with lots of air, so we had to fart really bad, but if we did before the carousel turned, zap! Another shock.

Sometimes the men would back away, and I might hear a shriek from one boy, then from the boy next to him, and the next boy, and it would seem to take forever to find out what was coming. Was it a shock, or was it a frozen dinner on our backs? Sometimes it could be funny stuff, like something cold and slimy slathered over our chests. What could it be? Usually, it was bologna.

This was only stuff I thought I would do when completely hammered. We would always start out nice when everybody was sober with a big boy pile upstairs, then the men would join us, and we would drink more and more. When they decided we were hammered, they would blindfold us and carry us downstairs. (They were really good at telling when we were exactly drunk enough because I remembered a lot more from that night than from the ones with Klaus and Kevin.) The furniture and equipment would always change from week to week, so we would never knew what to expect when we got downstairs. Again, we would be blindfolded nearly all the time.

They had a safe word and a safe gesture at the Hackenmuellers, which I realized we should have had at our house all along. If anyone said "Bullwinkle," everyone had to stop and see what the problem was, and release the person who said the safe word. A lot of times, we were gagged, just like my boys at home. In that case, the boys need to nod their heads twice, and the gag will come off so the boy can explain the problem. The biggest safety problem is one we never considered with drunk boys and gags. If they are wearing a gag and they vomit, they could choke to death! So when boys are really drunk, they can only have a certain kind of ball gag that has openings around the sides, allowing the puke to drain out, and they can only wear them if they are upside down so it will always come out toward the floor, and never down their throat. Usually, they just didn't bother because of the risk.

***

After the tour, that first Friday was kind of scary, to be honest. The boys and I knew all the men from the meetings and parties, and there were more men than boys. Bill Wilkinson was assigned as a bondage director. Like all men, he would stay sober all night, but he wouldn't participate in anything. He would just watch and look for trouble, or signs that something might be wrong. He also had the final word in safety throughout the night.

Since Bill was there, that meant Willy was there! Since Bill wasn't playing with us boys, Willy was free to join in the fun – The scary fun. Willy seemed to be the only one who wasn't nervous. His dad was in charge, so we were safe, period. There were only two other boys, and I was so happy to see that gorgeous boy with the long brown hair was one of them. The other was a Hispanic boy of about eleven or twelve, and I wondered if he was Julio's younger brother. It was odd – we sucked and fucked and even tongue-kissed each other in the boy pile, but I never talked to him that night.

After we'd each had three shots of something (boys could choose their liquor, and it was closely measured and monitored), they released us to get naked and make a nice boy pile. I was instantly all over that brown-haired boy. You might wonder why I wasn't all over Little Willy. Well, it was simply a matter of him being at every SABLE event we'd ever attended, and I'd hardly seen the brown-haired boy.

I kissed him all over his face, then his mouth. He fed me his tongue, and I took it and played. I sucked his cock rather aggressively as if I was afraid he would be going away soon. Then I licked his ass nice and clean, leaving a nice slimy layer to lube my entry. I slid my cock in, but I couldn't see his face. Eliot was lying across his chest, and the boy was sucking Eliot's cock. I knelt down, facing him, and I fucked him, gently this time. I wanted Eliot to enjoy his blowjob. Then I decided to try something. I bent my back at my shoulders and adjusted him a bit, and for just a short while, I was able to suck him and fuck him at the same time! It probably wasn't the greatest blowjob ever, but I had bragging rights; I'd never known if it was possible.

Then the men joined the pile, and one of them took Eliot to fuck his ass. Each boy had to have a cock in his ass, and all of us did. My gorgeous brown-haired boy had my cock in his ass. Once Eliot was removed from his position, I quickly turned to face the boy I was fucking. I felt two fingers roughly penetrate me, but all I saw was this boy's penetrating eyes. I felt a big cock force its way roughly into my ass. All I was aware of was my cock in this boy's ass. I don't remember when the man came, but I came when the boy and I kissed the boy I didn't know.

Everybody had two more shots. I learned later that the shots were measured by body weight, so five shots for me would be expected to have the same effect as five shots would have on my cute little boy Atticus.

We boys kept playing without the men then. I rolled on top of my brown-haired boy and kissed him again. "I've missed you," I said.

"I've missed you too, but Dad travels a lot, so it's hard to make the weekday events. Now that we have this on Fridays, we'll probably see a lot more of each other."

"Wow! I'd like that!"

"I can tell!" he said.

"I'm Donovan."

"And I'm a mystery."

"Come on!" I said. "You gotta have a name!"

"Of course I do," he said. "I just want to be a mystery for now."

"I am so attracted to you; I want to explode!" I said.

"So… so am I," he said. "That's why I need to remain a mystery. I am too attracted to you, and I can't fall in love – Not now."

"We'll be friends then!"

"I can't do that," he said. "Maybe I'm even in love with you already, I don't know, but I can't be your boyfriend. That means I can't be with you, but if we happen to meet here, in a boy pile, we can share our bodies. No more talk. Just kiss."

We kissed! Boy, did we kiss. We kissed until a man handed each of us two more shots. I was drinking Captain Morgan. It burned, but so did my heart. He was right there, and I'd just fucked him, but I couldn't even know his name? "Just kiss," he repeated, and when we kissed, volcanoes blew their tops and screaming tempests claimed all tall ships in the Seven Seas.

Chapter 124

The Boys' Dungeon

I was falling forward with my mouth still open from the kiss. I could feel drool on my chin. My beautiful boy was gone! "Where's… h' where d'e gow?"

Everything went dark as a blindfold was fastened around my head with Velcro. "Hey, can see. Wha-th…"

"You are drunk, Donovan. You're at a drunken boy orgy party with the SABLE club," said a calm voice in monotone. "You are safe, and so is your friend."

"Wha? Frnnd?"

"The boys are all being taken downstairs now, Donovan. We are taking you down now to amuse ourselves with you. But first, tell me the safe word."

"Safe? Wha?"

"If you feel uncomfortable, or if you want to stop, what should you say?"

"Oh! Bullshit! Hahaha! No, no, Bullwinkle. I know. Bullwinkle."

"That's right, Donovan. It pleases me that you remember the safe word is Bullwinkle."

I was upside-down on a strong man's shoulder. We were walking downstairs. Instead of being put in a chair or something, a second man grabbed my feet and wrapped something around them. Then I was upside-down, hanging from my feet. Then my wrists were wrapped in something and locked together behind my back. Finally, something was shoved a little way up my ass, connected to my cuffs, and part of it was connected to my blindfold, causing my head to bend back.

We heard a loud buzzer, which made me laugh. Then I was moving to my right. The wind was always blowing on my right side. A voice said through a speaker, "Boys number one through six; you are on our carousel. It can go much faster," and he made it go faster, "but for now, we want it here. You are spinning around and around. Does anybody feel a little sick? Just a bit? Around and around and around you go. Who will be the first? We will continue spinning until three of you have vomited. Who will it be?"

I heard a splatter. That sounded gross. Suddenly I felt sick too. As soon as I thought of it, the vomit was flowing from my mouth and splattering around the room. "Very good, boy number two and boy number four. We need one more." More splattering. "Excellent, boy number five. I will stop the carousel, oh! Boy number three, we already had our three vomitors. Apparently you can't count very well. You will be punished later." I heard hoses spraying the floor, and then I smelled some kind of spearmint that I guessed was disinfectant.

The way the carousel was moving told me a boy was either being added or removed from the device. Then I heard an odd sound in the ceiling, like something being shoved around. I heard it again and again, and then I was lifted from the carousel and hung by the ankles from something on the ceiling. Then I was being pushed along in a line, which caused that odd sound, and I felt the back of my body pushed tight up against some smaller boy's body. Was it Eliot? Or Atticus? Were they ok? They were probably having a blast! Two more boys were pushed in front of me, and we were all squished together, but I had a boner that almost reached the ass that was right in front of it!

A man walked past me from front to back. I heard the boy behind me grunt, maybe Willy? Then he made four sharp barking sounds, each louder than the previous. "Boy number three, your inability to count has earned you the punishment of being the first to try our new electrical shock system. That was set to level two. It goes to level ten, and yes, we can use level ten if we have to. The dealership we bought it from in Tijuana assures us it's quite safe, yet extremely uncomfortable, and therefore, most efficient. Men, boy number six, please."

I could hear one set of footsteps moving to the first boy in line in front of me. He pushed the boy to a place where he met another set of footsteps, or was it two, on the opposite side of the room. "We take good care of our boys," said the voice from the speaker. "This next… procedure will preserve your health."

It sounded like they took him off the ceiling rack thing and hung him on something more elaborate. "Oh no, what's that?" said the voice of my brown-haired boy a few minutes later. "That's snot! It's like snot! Why are you putting it there! Aw yuck! No!!!"

"Boy number six, you will swallow. Swallow it down or incur my displeasure."

"Gross!" he yelled before gagging twice, and then all was quiet. What did they do to him? It sounded awful! What were they going to do to me? What was this procedure that involved boogers being put where they don't belong? Another minute later, he was pushed past us along the ceiling rack, moaning, to the other side of the basement.

"You see, there was very little discomfort," said the voice on the speaker. "Boy number five." They shoved the boy in front of me over to that same spot in the room where they had just done their procedure on boy number six.

"No! Oh bad! It is snot!" said boy number five. "You can't put it there? Where will it go?"

"Silence, boy number five." When he started gagging, the voice said, "Boy number five, swallow now!" One more cough, and that was it. Silence. Then they made all the same mechanical sounds as before and shoved him past us the other direction to join boy number six.

I wanted to throw up again, but I knew my stomach was empty. A man put a gloved hand on my ass and shoved me in a straight line, then around a corner to the left. When he stopped, two helpers released my hands, connected them to something big, made of wood and metal. Then the man who pushed me disconnected my feet and let my legs down, which felt quite nice. My feet were placed standing on a wooden block and locked in place with my ankle cuffs. I was standing upright but leaning back a little. My wrist cuffs were stretched to their limit and locked down. I was going to pee myself! "No! Don't pee. Not going to pee." Had I said that out loud or just thought it? There was a pause that took forever. What were they waiting for? Did they run out of snotty boogers?

Then a big, soft, slimy thing worked its way up my left nostril, with the aid of another gloved hand. "Are you serious? You gotta be kidding me! I mean, don't you have any Kleenex in this big place?" The slimy, snotty thing turned out to be a tube. They were forcing it through my nose to go somewhere else in my body. "That hurts!" I said. "AAAHHH!!!" I screamed. I had been shocked by whatever my body was leaning on.

"You shall not tell lies," the voice said. "There is no pain in this procedure."

"It hurt! Maybe they were they doing it wro… AAAHHH!!!!" I HATED electric shocks!

"That was setting number three. Boy number four, would you like a higher setting?"

"No Sir."

"Is this procedure painful?"

"Not at all, Sir."

"Very good, boy number four. You can learn. Now finish the procedure." They resumed pushing the thing in my nose, and then I felt it in my throat. "Swallow, boy number four. Swallow now." I did, and soon they'd fed the whole thing down my throat. They put some tape on my cheek. What in the hell could that be for? Then I felt something very, very strange in my stomach. I didn't know what it was, but I had to trust these men, right? By now, I had no choice. I had already given them my body. I was strapped down, arms, and legs. I was theirs.

Soon it stopped, and my legs were lifted and latched onto the ceiling rack, and my wrists were latched behind my back again. I could swear I felt a rubber tube flopping around, hanging from my face. They had a tube on my outside, running through my nose to my inside.

This time when I was moved, I felt a warm, wonderful mouth sucking my cock as the man pushed me in a straight line across the room and squished me against boys six and five.

***

When all six of us had gone, they brought us back to the carousel and ran us the same as they did the first time for five minutes, but none of us puked. I could hear something being done to a boy behind me, but I had no idea what. Then the carousel turned a little bit, and they did the same to the next boy, and so on, until they got to me. Someone pulled the thing out of my ass, and my head fell straight. Then they pulled my arms up to the top of the carousel beam near my feet and attached them, so my ass was facing to the outside of the carousel.

"Now boys one through six, there was much complaining during that last exercise. As punishment, you will be shown the function of the higher speeds of the carousel." There was another very loud buzzer, and the carousel began to turn again, faster and faster. I felt really heavy! We were going around once every couple seconds, maybe even faster! Then I felt some kind of paddle slap my ass on the right. It was slapping all of us as we went around!

"Now boys, it pains me to do so, but I must show you another function of our special paddle." Suddenly every time it spanked us, it shocked us too! It was very quick because we were moving so fast, but it hurt, and it happened every second or two! Most of us yelped or squealed or something. It seemed to go on and on, but it did end. It felt like ten minutes later, but it was probably only one if even that. Soon the carousel slowed to a halt. "We have a wide variety of punishments for uncooperative boys." I couldn't wait to find out more.

"You boys must be wondering what we shoved up your sweet little noses. Yes, boy number one, you do have a cute little nose." Could that be Eliot? He was sensitive about being called little. "That is called a nasogastric tube," said the voice. "It can also be called a feeding tube. Immediately after it was inserted, you were all given a great deal of water, which I'm happy to say, none of you threw up! I suppose you think you should get a reward for not throwing up on my floor? I didn't think so. With these tubes in place, you cannot control what goes into your body. Only we can do that. Our men will be adding a little something to your bodies right now. Men!"

Whatever they put in my tube made my stomach feel better, more alive. I knew that feeling! It was booze! We were getting too sober, so they had to give us more booze, right? I had been feeling a little too sober. When they carried me downstairs I was drooling and barely conscious, but now I was alert! All those electric shocks seemed to have had an undesirable effect on me. I cared too much about what they were doing to my body. I wished I could see my little boys, though. Even more, I hoped they were having awesome fun and not complete terror!

Soon there was a squishing, glopping sound from the other side of the carousel, where everything seemed to start. Then the carousel moved just a bit and sat stationary for a minute or so. Then again, the carousel moved a bit, and something was slopping around the boy next to me, probably Willy, and then it was my turn. I gasped as two grown man's fingers shoved lube deep into my ass. He stretched me out thoroughly and left quite a mess of lube all over me. What would it be? A cock? A dildo? A cucumber? A bottle brush?

***

When we had all been lubed, I heard a tough little voice grunting and saying, "Oh yeah, yeah, more please!" It was my big cute boy Eliot! He was boy number one, and he seemed fine. Soon he screamed in orgasm, but the fucking didn't stop, not until the man came. That's how it always is in the real world. He screamed again about the same time as the man's orgasm. That told me there must have been some kind of tie of love between Eliot and the man. The carousel turned.

I heard a gasp, then several gasps, but no voice. Then a man whispered, "Who's my pretty little girl?"

"I am, Sir," gasped Atticus. I was so glad they were put next to each other. When his orgasm came, Atticus never seemed to stop gasping and writhing. He was a bit like a woman that way – if they cum once, they stay in a sort of orgasm until the man cums too. That was the impression I got at the kids brothel anyway, and Atticus was like that on many occasions, which sometimes made it difficult to get an official count of his orgasms. Even he didn't know.

Willy went next, and then it was my turn. I felt a cock pressing against my hole, but it wasn't coming in like cocks usually did. I was very well-loosened and lubed. There was only one cock that would… No! Bill was supposed to be the dungeon director or whatever, and not involved! But that was ok with me. "Shove it in, Mr. Wilkinson, Sir," I said, and he did. Of course, he went gently, but I knew if we went at a gentle pace, no one else would get their turn. "Please, Sir, Harder, Sir! And please faster, Sir," I said, sure that I was supposed to talk like that.

"As yeh wish it, so it be," he said just before slamming my ass like the back door of a trailer house. He made me squeal a higher pitch than anyone else could. My squeal turned to a loud barking as I orgasmed. I was glad he didn't cum though. I wanted to cum twice like the other boys, and very soon after, I did, just a wee bit before Bill came. He patted my ass before leaving.

***

The Hispanic boy was boy number five, and my lovely, beautiful crush, the brown-haired boy, was boy number six. We all got a big load of whatever in our feeding tubes, and I wondered what I really felt toward him. I mean, was it a crush? Was it deeper? As long as he avoided me, I could never know. Could I possibly love him like I loved David? No way – but maybe he would do in the meantime.

Chapter 125

Mr. Underweather

The three little boys and I woke up naked together in the hayloft, which was our plan. We had all found a way to snuggle together for warmth and security. "So what did you boys think," I asked. "Did you like it?"

"Did I ever!" said Atticus, and then holding his aching head, he was smiling with excitement.

"How 'bout you, my sleepy butch boy Eliot?"

"It was ok, I guess." For some reason, Eliot sometimes seemed to get moody and understated, like nothing meant anything. I took his words as great praise that was suppressed by a massive hangover, but I was wrong. "It really wasn't much of an orgy," he elaborated. "It was really a lot of tying us up and shocking us and making us puke. It was more bondage than orgy. I mean, I kinda liked parts of it, but parts of it I kinda didn't."

"Yeah, it was a lot of bondage," I agreed. "Maybe some of the shocking wasn't so bad, I dunno. We'll have to talk more when our hangovers have cleared away. I'll bring it up at the Wednesday meeting too. How 'bout our Little Willy who won't go home?" I asked.

Of course, he knew the song by Sweet, as every boy named Willy did. "Oh it was awesome! They keep finding new ways to make it scary, like a haunted house or something!"

"Haunted houses don't give you electric shocks," I said.

"Aw! It's part of the fun! Shocks don't hurt anyway. Dad says, all you really feel are little muscle twitches. It's not really pain."

"They sure are creepy to me," I said.

"I didn't think they were bad," said Atticus. "I thought they were like little tickles."

"Aw, you think everything tickles!" Eliot said. Then he pushed Atticus back and gave him a massive tickle torture attack.

"Enough!" I called as loudly as I dared. "Someone here might get sick, and some of us have amazingly terrible headaches." Atticus and Eliot stuck their tongues out at each other and then licked each other's tongues, and all was well. Can a person really be so young that they can tickle through a hangover? Maybe they were drinking something different the night before.

"Abysin?" said Eliot.

"No, it was like Absent… something," said Atticus.

"You're both wrong," said beautiful Willy. "It's called Absinthe, and I have it lots. It's good for not getting hangovers. That Captain Morgan isn't the greatest." Cute Little Willy, the liquor connoisseur.

***

We had a very light breakfast with Alka-Seltzer, courtesy of the Hackenmuellers, and slowly walked home. Atticus looked so beautiful with his tan skin, out in the sun in those tiny girl panties. Eliot and I walked naked behind him so we could watch his graceful walk and killer butt wiggle, which pleased Atticus to no end. He loved to be desired.

Since I found out he loved femmy boys, whenever we could, I liked to parade Atticus, either nude or seminude, past Mr. Underweather's house. That day on our way home from the Hackenmuellers' house, he was outside working in his garden when the three of us walked up to say hi. Eliot and I were still naked (which was something people were never too concerned about after the bombing – kids might not have clothing, or they might be working for lunch money, looking for customers). Atticus was just wearing those skimpy panties that had caused such trouble the previous Monday.

"Hi, Mr. Underweather," giggled Eliot. He was also in Mr. Underweather's class after all.

"Hello, Mr. Underweather," said Atticus in a soft, breathy voice and a sexy pose. "Is this better? You said school wasn't… the proper place to wear this. We're not in school now. Do you like it?"

"I,I,I,I,I know, Mr. Berghoff. We're not in school. Tha,tha,tha,that is true," the poor teacher stuttered. He was absolutely helpless.

"Do you think I'm pretty now? Now that we're not in school? Do you think I'm pretty? Huh?"

I stepped behind Atticus and caressed his chest and belly, then ran my hands under his panties, pulling them out a bit. He reached over his head with both hands and ran his fingers through my hair, and right on cue, he got a boner.

"Of,of,of,of course, you're pretty!" he said.

"Oh! But look what you made me do!" he said, with the finesse of Marilyn Monroe. I reached down inside his panties, took his boner in my hand, and played with it.

"You see, Mr. Underweather, when someone looks at me like I'm pretty, this always happens. Then what am I supposed to do?" he asked innocently.

"I can think of something," Eliot said, kneeling in front of Atticus.

"No,no,no,no,no! You mustn't do that on,on,on,on the side walk! Come in,in,inside." Atticus owned him from that moment on, at least through sixth grade.

***

I sat on a chair in the living room, and Eliot sat on my lap, wanking slowly. Atticus stood bashfully, on display in front of his teacher. "Well,well,well,well, what now?" stuttered the more than slightly aroused teacher. Eliot and I were both hard. This was some of Atticus' best work ever!

"I don't know," my sweet little boy said softly and slowly. "You're the teacher," he said, touching the teacher's nose. "Did you want to… teach me something? I know," he said with a seductive smile. "I think you should teach me what you like to do with boys who are pretty." Bullseye!

I did my best to lube Eliot with my spit, and I worked my way inside his ass. Just watching Atticus work made me feel like his prey!

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" said Mr. Underweather as he walked on his knees to Atticus to caress his ass, to hold his package against his face, to have the boy he adored, the forbidden treasure that he would now take. Atticus winked at me as he struck another sexy pose. The teacher's hands caressed my sweet little boy's package as I fucked my big sweet boy while we watched. He moved his hands up Atticus' thighs and hips, and ever so slowly, under his panties. He pulled them down so slowly, looking at them like they were the Hope Diamond.

When Atticus' boner popped out of his panties, the teacher went absolutely mad with a neediness that went far past desire! He took the boy's cock immediately into his mouth and stumbled as if forgetting how to suck. All Atticus had to do was strike sexy poses and try not to laugh. I had Eliot on my cock, and I was finding it difficult to fuck him while I tried not to laugh!

"Why don't you stand up, Mr. Underweather," said Atticus in his most sultry voice as he knelt before his teacher.

"Oh my, oh my, oh, oh, my,my,my," he said as he rose clumsily to his feet.

Atticus mouthed "Watch this!" to us. He unbuckled his teacher's belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants…

"Oh! Oh dear! Oh,oh,oh,oh dear oh me!" said the teacher as he lost his load in his underwear.

"Don't laugh!" I grunted into Eliot's ear as I tried like hell not to laugh myself.

"Oh Mr. Underweather! I guess you have things in hand here. But what do you think of me wearing these panties to school again?"

"Oh,oh,oh damn and blast!" He said. "Yes,yes,yes please, please do! And young Eliot, you may come dressed as,as,as,as you are as,as,as,as well."

"Thanks," said Elliot as he hopped off my lap. Our boners shrank as we stood up to go.

"It was very nice to see you on such a lovely, sunny Saturday, Mr. Underweather," I said. "We'll all see you on Monday, and the boys will be dressed as you requested."

***

"I know what he said, and I know what I said, but Atticus, for now, you need to wear a skirt over them. I don't care if it's the tiniest mini-micro-nano-skirt ever. You can even hold it up all day long! Wear it over your nipples! But remember, Underweather isn't the only teacher there, and we have to think about keeping our family together." Atticus huffed off in front of us. He was angry, but he'd be fine when we got home. Besides, if he played his cards right, he'd be running that class the following week.

"Wait," said Eliot. "I can't go to school naked?

Chapter 126

SACKS

From that Monday on, Atticus was at first told to "take that ridiculous skirt off," which he did with a wink, and then he was told he needn't bother even wearing the ridiculous skirts anymore. He had amassed quite a collection of skimpy panties before long by shopping in the women's lingerie and swimwear sections. Sometimes the smallest women's sizes could almost fit, but he taught himself to sew and to take in the waistbands, or to make bows out of the excess string on the side of his string bikini bottoms, so he had some remarkably sexy and risque panties by the end of his second week.

He successfully pushed it one step further by wearing crop tops on the third week of school. I was sure by winter it would be sports bras and bikini tops by the first of spring. Eliot and I were trying to guess when Atticus would be allowed in class, wearing only panties and shoes. Eliot thought by April fifteenth, and I thought the first of May.

Eliot decided not to press his case for going to school nude because he "wouldn't fuck that teacher with Atticus' cock!" I think he just wanted to be more like the other students when he was at school, and more free with his sexuality at home. I was proud of him for choosing his path too. Every boy needs friends, and he preferred a more conventional variety. He was definitely gay, but he seemed like a normal, healthy, well-balanced, conventional gay boy with a boyfriend who was more flamboyant than Liberace.

Just to keep Mr. Underweather feeling desperate enough to be easily managed, every week or so, Atticus would plan to "accidentally" bump into him in the boys' room when no one else was around. Atticus considered it a challenge to make his teacher cum in his pants again within three minutes. Usually, letting the teacher caress his body was enough, but sometimes he might have to touch him over his pants. I don't know how he learned to be so seductive. He'd never heard of Marilyn Monroe, and no one on Sesame Street acted like that.

***

It was unheard of in those days, before the bombs anyway, for a gay boy to be 'out' at school, but my sweet little Atticus certainly was. There were two main reasons for that. First, if anybody picked on him, even a little bit, Eliot would beat their face in. Even if it was an older boy, like my age, Eliot would pound their faces until he himself was beaten away. Eliot was unafraid to take a beating for his Atticus. I was really proud of him for that, but I also had a big problem with it.

Violence is wrong. I have always believed that, since long before I met David. When I was being horrible to Henry, I knew it was wrong to hit him and shove him. If I acted like Eliot's actions were ok, was I teaching him that violence was ok? I know this is something he had been doing since their truck stop days, so it was ingrained. It would be difficult to change that behavior. Besides, there was the possibility that he could get hurt, and besides that, was I teaching Atticus that he needed someone else to solve his problems for him? How did parents work all this stuff out?

The second main reason that nobody had a problem, after week three anyway, with Atticus being 'out' and very femmy was they all knew how he was humiliating and controlling Mr. Underweather. They knew that the less he wore, and the more femmy he appeared and acted, the more fun the class was going to have.

It was actually this fame and notoriety of his that kept kids from inquiring into the preferences of the butch boy Eliot. He just didn't seem the type at all. He was just sticking up for his brother Atticus, who was rapidly becoming the most popular kid in the school. Besides, Eliot had bloodied a number of noses belonging to boys who had picked on Atticus. No one wanted to see what he'd do if they picked on Eliot himself. How little they knew. I think all of us fight much more fiercely to protect the people we love than we do to protect ourselves.

***

To break the monotony, and to fill in the gap between Friday nights and Wednesday nights, Eliot and Atticus decided to start a kids' sex club at their school. Their faculty sponsor, of course, was Mr. Underweather. The first meeting took place on a Monday, during the school day, in class. He told the other teachers he was teaching a unit on sex education.

The boys said the fun part was seeing who would volunteer for the demonstrations. Mr. Underweather had put a sturdy table in the front of the room, and he got students to volunteer for straight, gay, and lesbian demonstrations, and then small group activities.

The first volunteer for a straight demonstration surprised most of them because it was a fifth-grade girl named Alicia. Everyone expected a boy to volunteer first, but they had all hesitated. When they saw it was Alicia, known to be a very pretty girl, several of the boys volunteered. Mr. Underweather positioned them to demonstrate oral sex – boy on girl, then girl on boy, then sixty-nine – vaginal sex (full penetration was not allowed), and anal sex (full penetration permitted but hardly possible).

Mr. Underweather just looked at Atticus, and he stood up sexily and cat-walked to the front of the class, where the naked boy was standing with Alicia. Atticus held up his hands in front of Mr. Underweather, wiggled his hips, and asked: "Would you please help me with my lil undies, Mr. Underweather?"

Eliot thought he would just get up and partner with Atticus for the gay sex demonstrations, but someone had beaten him to it, by quite a margin. A fifth-grade boy named Gary shocked everyone when his hand shot up the instant Mr. Underweather asked for a second volunteer. Eliot had to watch, and he didn't like that, but what would that have looked like to have brothers doing the gay sex demonstrations?

There were two more gay boys besides Atticus, Eliot, and Gary in their class – another fifth-grader and a sixth-grader. When the students got into small groups, everybody seemed willing to try something with their non-preferred sex. Straight boys might have sucked other boys for a minute or so and then fallen into a giggle fit, girls might have sixty-nined, even Atticus gave oral sex to a girl, and from Eliot's report, she howled her approval very loudly.

The activity proved so popular that Mr. Underweather decided to carry on with it every day for two weeks, which had been the standard time given to sex education before the bombs. Small group activities were supplemented by whole class activities and games. Contests were held to see which boy and girl could orgasm the most times in one class period, and who could cause the most orgasms in other boys and girls by giving them oral sex. There were also games like Find the G-Spot and Find the Prostate as well. I think you can imagine how those games were played. They were all becoming quite a sexually competent class.

But it had to end, and Atticus felt it was up to him to wean Mr. Underweather from watching daily femboy sex in his classroom. He was the one who'd approached Mr. Underweather to have the sex club in the first place. So he had more frequent 'accidental' meetings in the boys' room with his teacher in which Mr. Underweather played with the femboy's slender, luxurious body while masturbating, which usually took about fifteen to twenty seconds.

Atticus also decided to toss his crop-top aside as well at the beginning of each school day, long before Eliot or I had predicted. (It wasn't April or May, it was early October!) He thought it helped ease Mr. Underweather's withdrawals. Sometimes, he would remove his panties too. Mr. Underweather never protested, not even when Atticus was naked. Those were also days when other students wanted to be around Atticus. Not for sex, but to be his friend. Eliot thought it was as if Atticus' nudity reminded them how special and unique Atticus was, and how he alone had changed their whole school experience.

One day, Eliot shocked everyone by showing up for class completely naked. He was fully dressed when he arrived at school, so no one outside the class saw anything, then he undressed in the boys' room for their class. He wanted to be the only one naked there that day, so he made Atticus promise to keep his panties on. "You said I should dress like this when we…" he began, completely casually and unbothered.

"Yes, yes, yes, fi,fi,fi,fine!" stuttered Mr. Underweather, trying hard to cut Eliot off before he gave the whole class more incriminating information. Eliot only went to class naked occasionally after that, but it started a trend in that class of some random student showing up naked on any random day. Sometimes as many as four students were naked, and sometimes no one but Atticus was naked for over a week. Mr. Underweather was less tolerant when girls did it, but he was in too deep to complain.

Eliot was still finding himself. He was still butch, and he still wanted more conventional friends, but Atticus had opened the door, and when Eliot walked through, the whole class saw it as no big deal to come to class naked. Eliot could still be naked at school and be seen as a conventional, masculine, butch, cute, otherwise-ordinary boy. He and Atticus had become the trend-setters in that class. They were actually able to use their gay sexuality in a way that made school life awesome for all the kids in their class. They had done more to help gay kids in a meaningful way than Elton John.

***

So came the transition between classroom instruction and sex club. We held club meetings at our house every Monday after school. We had ten to fifteen kids every week, including Eliot and Atticus. There were always a few more boys than girls, but not by much. I had to watch the girls carefully to make sure no one penetrated them vaginally. I didn't want any little cherries popping on my watch.

When Alicia begged me to take her virginity, I told her she needed to have her mom or dad see me before one of the meetings and give me their permission in person. The poor thing pouted and moped away. I heard her yelping and howling a few minutes later. Atticus was the truest gay, queeny, femboy, but he sure knew how to please a girl with his tongue, and he knew who really needed pleasing. Alicia went home with a smile.

***

Two nice yet unintended consequences came out of those two weeks of sex education in class. Atticus learned how widely he was truly adored and sexually sought-after by the kids his age and older, and it was really senseless for anyone to pretend they were straight or gay if they weren't, because it became a normal activity. Everyone needed everyone else to know who they wanted to be with. It was really no big deal. Eliot turned a lot of heads as students realized he was gay. A few girls were really upset! Oh, he was an adorable and masculine boy, and I could understand their disappointment but it made sense to everybody when they realized Atticus and Eliot were boyfriends.

Once again, I was extremely proud of what my boys had accomplished; only this time I was also a bit envious. How could I make something like that happen in my class? We were the always-horny twelve to fifteen-year-olds, but we didn't have a teacher like Mr. Underweather to manipulate.

The boys came up with a clever answer. They asked their class sex club to consider having a meeting open to the seventh through ninth grade classes, where the older kids would just watch to see how things were done so they could decide if they wanted to have a club of their own. It turned out there was so much cross-interest in the different age groups that the school sex club just expanded, now open to grades four through nine.

Of course, we had the same problem with space that we had with the SABLE Club – there wasn't enough of it in our house, since it would soon be too cold to go outside to play naked. There were fewer kids from the older class than the younger class, but there was still not enough room. "Just cover the garage floor with big rugs and a bunch of bean bags and mattresses," said Eliot, as if the rest of us were dumb for not having thought of it. I knew exactly why he talked that way, too. It was exactly how I told people I had a good idea when I was his age.

Off to Ben Franklin! I measured the garage floor and told them we needed a big rug or several rugs to cover the whole thing. We bought all of the bean bags they had on display (eight of them) with fur or fabric covering (no vinyl on bare skin!) and ordered a dozen more. Then we got tablecloths to cover the tool shelves and workbenches to make it a more comfortable place. We could put snacks and drinks on the benches too that way. They delivered everything the following Monday afternoon while the school sex club was there to lay it out. Seeing the large crowd of us kids, half of whom were naked, the driver was curious. "We're SACKS – the St. Albert Club for Kids' Sex!" declared our naked Alicia as she knelt to give the delivery driver his unexpected yet highly appreciated tip.

Chapter 127

Our Community in Late 1985

In his letter, David had said St. Albert was a dead town. I know he was feeling dead inside when he wrote it. The thought of him saying those things to my face made me imagine the look if agony he'd be showing, and the tears with his wrinkled chin that killed me when I saw it – and he was the most optimistic person I'd known.

St. Albert wasn't dead; we certainly had a vibrant sex scene. We had basic utilities working, and they expected to have full cable TV available in the next year. Our community clinic was open again, treating sore throats and cut fingers, and giving naked physicals where they shift your scrotum aside and tell you to cough. The hardware store, the corner store, and the stylist were open, and the one that surprised everyone, Ben Franklin had managed to re-open.

Ben Franklin was a discount store. They weren't very big compared to Zayer's and La Belle's in Minneapolis, but they were big enough to sell most things you couldn't find at the hardware store. They sold everything but groceries, and they only had stores in smaller towns and rural areas. That's why they survived the disaster so well. Not very many of their stores were actually lost. Most survived unscathed because they were not in areas that were worth bombing. What's more, their corporate officers knew how important their stores were to the towns they served. They operated several of them at a loss for many years after the bombs. They could always have charged more than they did for their merchandise, even before the bombs, because usually, they were the only place in town a person could buy half of their stuff – but they didn't. Every store seemed to have that community feel. Since I didn't have a car, we could only shop within walking distance, unless we wanted to take the bus out to Buffalo. We relied heavily on Ben Franklin.

Everyone felt sorry for Bauman's Corner Store because the Soviets kept dropping more food than anyone needed (and rumors said it was at a time when Soviet people were starving at home), so no one needed to get their groceries at Bauman's anymore. The store struggled to remain open. They got subsidies from the Soviets, but Mr. Bauman wrote "VOID" across each check and nailed it to the wall of his store. I think there were still plenty of people who never believed the explanation that some weird cult was behind the bombings, people who thought the Soviets had been the ones to bomb us. It seemed silly to me for Mr. Bauman to throw away so many tens of thousands of dollars, but people admired him very much for his principles, and whatever they could buy from his store, batteries, pens, dessert treats, they would buy from him. Shopping at Bauman's was like poking the Soviets in the eye.

Ben Franklin's manager knew this too, and everywhere in his store where he displayed things for sale, like pens and batteries, he doubled the price and put up a sign that said, "Please buy these items for less at Bauman's Corner Store."

Small towns are like that. We like to think it's a Midwest thing or an American thing, but this old man has lived long enough to know it's just a decent human thing, and nearly all humans are decent, and capable of deep, real love. St. Albert was a small town, and after the bombing, it became much smaller, but it was still intact and making a pretty good recovery, given the conditions.

There were whole areas that were burned out or plain rubble, and there were no resources to clear those areas out, but we managed with what we had, including new sets of rules.

***

I have written about the new normal of everyone drinking a lot, including kids, and how that was related to safety. I have written in many places that it was acceptable for us kids to walk around naked, and semi-acceptable for kids to have sex clubs, with or without adults. I mentioned the perception that not all kids had clothes, and that some needed to show off their bodies so they could sell them for food.

An important reason why it was becoming more ok in communities to let their kids be more overtly sexual was that the US population had just dropped from about 230,000,000 to about 31,000,000. A lot of the survivors would be dying early of cancer or rendered infertile by radiation, and a lot bore the disabling wounds of the attack – but we would rebuild. America would come back stronger than ever (that was the slogan, 'stronger than ever'), but who was going to do all the rebuilding?

The practical fact was that we needed more Americans, and that meant more and more girls becoming pregnant as soon as possible. (I'm so glad I had boys!) If a girl wasn't pregnant when she was fourteen, it was considered a problem. The idea of stirring kids' sexuality at a younger age was seen as less unacceptable as a means of bringing that about. By 1985, it was legal for fourteen-year-olds to marry without parental consent, though one of the couple was required to complete high school.

Laws concerning child nudity, child pornography, and the minimum age of consent were struck down by the US Supreme Court as violating the rights of children to express themselves and to have full control and use of their own bodies. It was called the 'pedo decision,' but by the time kids could have kids, we needed them to want to have sex so they could have kids. It would have been improper to limit the pedo decision to girls, or to those children who were straight or most likely fertile because the ruling cited the rights of all children of expression and control and use of their own bodies as its basis, not reproduction or repopulation.

That made our sex clubs and nudity legal but not morally acceptable to everyone. That was why the boys and I would walk around naked, but I didn't generally want them having sex outside in the daylight unless we were having a party or something. We still had to live in our community, though it was becoming harder and harder to keep a low profile with all the things the boys were accomplishing at school.

The pedo decision also made school dress codes questionable. If kids now had such freedom of expression that they could have sex at any age in front of a camera, telling them what they had to wear to get an education would likely not hold up in that Supreme Court, and nobody wanted to challenge it. We found out much later that Atticus was the first kid in the state of Minnesota ever to have his school picture taken with his shirt off.

This more than anything is why the other teachers looked the other way when Mr. Underweather's classes were half-naked again.

***

The weather grew colder, and the snow started to fall in early November. Atticus had chosen his fake-fur coat very carefully. Usually, he would just have his panties on, but on some days, he didn't bother with them. When his classmates asked him if he was cold, he'd snuggle up with them in a nice hug and say, "Not now!" It didn't seem to matter what their sexual orientation, kids in Atticus, and Eliot's class all loved a good snuggle with Atticus' soft, warm, and love-emitting boy body, and all Mr. Underweather could do was watch.

Eliot just wore his jeans to school. He started ripping them and scraping holes in the knees, though he didn't realize that let quite a bit of cold air in around his legs. He only complained once – the first time it caught him off-guard. He never complained again, even though it got much colder, and he never asked to buy new jeans without holes. He said no when I asked him. Of course, I'd buy them for him. We had tons of money, by my reckoning anyway, and he was my boy. I was responsible for him having clothing.

***

Our school sex club was going great. Combining the two classes meant doubling the number of gay boys. When the weather got colder, some of us liked to go outside and have sex in the snow. It started out as a dare, but I soon realized I liked it a lot! I would always lie on my back, and maybe have a little boy riding me, possibly naked except for his boots.

Atticus introduced the gang bang to our club. He just knelt down outside while Eliot announced inside that any boy could fuck him or feed him their cock, and he'd stay outside until everyone was satisfied. Well, the girls were never satisfied with that arrangement. So the next week, he got a little bolder. He lay on his back while Eliot invited only the girls to ride his cock anally or sit on his face for cunnilingual delights. Of course, all members of all gangs doing the banging had to be naked outside, too. That drove the intensity of the experience.

As the host, there was a lot I couldn't do. I couldn't be the subject of a gang bang. For one thing, I was fourteen, and I was almost the oldest boy there. Who wants to gang bang the oldest boyMore importantly, I was the responsible host. My biggest worry was the girls. They liked to rub the bigger boys' cocks against their pussies, but a few times, I saw those cocks sliding in. The pedo ruling meant that girls could break their own little hymens whenever it pleased them, but that was an example of something being legal, though morally, I wanted no part of it.

I had to make a rule of my own. I decided I could do that if the club wanted to keep using my house. If a girl was fourteen, her hymen was her own. She was allowed to marry and fuck without parental consent. I reminded girls of that, especially when they were getting close to fourteen. But if a fourteen-year-old wanted full insertion, that was her choice, and if she wanted to give away her virginity at one of our club meetings, if she and the boy wanted to celebrate the event, we would all watch (no sex on the side) and cheer the couple on. I would use a wood-burner that I found in Mr. Chance's workroom to make a plaque to commemorate the event.

That meant I had to know all the girls, keep track of their birthdays, and watch them constantly. Watching girls have sex for two hours when I'd rather be rolling on the carpet with the room full of gorgeous boys wasn't really my idea of fun. One thing I was able to do, though was coach some of the girls on their oral sex skills. I could do that while keeping an eye on the rest of the girls. I always loved it when some teenage girl said something stupid like, "You can't do that! It'll never fit!" That was when the littlest boy there would nudge her out of the way and suck me down, balls deep. I loved my sweet little Atticus!

Chapter 128

Thanks for What?

That's the way the world was in late 1985. We got our November supplies from the Soviets on the twenty-second, which was a day early because the twenty-third was a Saturday. It included a frozen turkey for Thanksgiving six days later, and what looked like some dark red wine in a fancy bottle with a Russian label. That made me nervous. I'd have to ask the boys to taste it first.

I was thankful to have something different to eat. The turkey was really frozen solid, and it burned to touch it! I left it in a box on the kitchen counter overnight. The cooking instructions were in Russian, but Dr. Chance left behind cookbooks that said I was never supposed to leave a turkey on the counter like that, but it was still frozen solid after a day. I ran it under warm water in the sink for a while, like one cookbook suggested, then put it in the fridge until Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was always a big holiday in the US, a big family holiday. A lot of people had become a little put off by such a holiday after losing their homes and their families. The boys and I were that way – we'd lost our homes and families (at least the ones we cared about), but we had a wonderful new home, a nice new life that wasn't perfect, but still, it was nice, and we had our new family for another year, which made me want to tear up when I thought about it. The boys were doing amazing things in school, discovering who they were, and functioning at a higher level through raw courage and self-esteem. I had no idea how they were doing academically, but it wasn't important to me compared to their advances in self-discovery and friendships.

Another thing I was grateful for was that sometimes I could think about David and not be sad. Sometimes thinking about him made me happy! I knew he was still out there somewhere with Klaus, and they had enough love to get through anything, and they had shaped my life in very deep and immeasurable ways.

Then there was Christmas to think about. It never was a religious holiday in my family (though my stepdad pretended it was), but it was the most important holiday of the year. I got so many cool toys! I felt I had to make Christmas special for the boys, but I'd have to wait till after Thanksgiving to figure that one out. Then came Eliot's birthday in February, Atticus' in April, and mine in May. I'd have to ask the SABLE men if they had ideas for holidays. I was feeling the stress. Again, I was feeling more like a parent!

I had even gone with Bill Wilkinson into Buffalo to sign the papers at the courthouse to make David's house mine, and to make my guardianship of the boys legal with the federal government. (It had already been made legal by the county because they were living with me and I had registered them for school, which included signing a statement that I was their caregiver, and that I was at least fourteen. Talk about stress and responsibility! My SABLE friends were wonderful at supporting me and helping me make sure I didn't screw up our taxes and stuff like that.

I decided that at all the SABLE meetings, I would be a boy instead of a man. Just for that time, someone else would have to take care of me!

We had several guests for Thanksgiving, which made me nervous. They included Julio, his younger brothers Helio, who was a tall eleven-year-old, and Emilio, who was a very cute little eight-year-old, and their dad Jorge Gomez from the SABLE club, and Alicia and her mom Mandy Schneider from our SACKS club. Bill and Willy said they might stop by after supper. Everybody knew the rules. Supper was naked. Our house was naked for the night. I also put out several bottles of vodka, orange juice, Fresca (for Mandy, who wanted something diet), and that weird-looking wine from the Russians.

Kevin had taught me to cook a little when I was eleven, and Mom had taught me a little before then, but I really didn't know much. The boys were wonderful though. My big-but-little mechanical genius mashed the potatoes the Minnesota way – with an electric mixer until the texture was gone. Atticus made the lumpy gravy in the microwave with a packet of gravy mix, the turkey drippings, and a tablespoon of flour that he added last and stirred in. Each time I chuckled, told them it was wonderful, thanked them for their help, and kissed them.

We had tons of bread outside and in the freezer, and tons of cookbooks, so I found a turkey stuffing recipe that looked good. I packed that turkey as full as I could get it, and then I left more between the turkey legs in the roasting pan. To my great shock, the Turkey and stuffing turned out wonderful! Then I noticed the turkeys were Butterball brand, from American Farms and packers. They didn't have that mystery Soviet flavor like the rest of their food.

According to Dr. Chance's cookbooks, the secret to a perfect turkey is to cook it at 300º F, 325º F tops (I cooked ours at 300), and use a food thermometer. I heated frozen corn and carrots in the microwave and added a little Soviet butter to each. I decided I was busy enough with the more important things. Learning how to steam fresh veggies was more than I was ready to cope with just then.

I asked Sr. Gomez if he would carve the turkey because I had no idea how, and he said he was honored. Everybody was really nice about the sticky potatoes and lumpy gravy, and the frozen veggies when we all knew the Soviets had been supplying everyone with extra fresh Canadian veggies for the holiday. I think our guests knew food made with love was always the best, and after all, we were all just a bunch of kids trying our best. I don't think their expectations were high.

But who would be first to try the scary wine?

***

Mandy and Alicia were the brave wine testers. Mandy clearly wanted to spit it out, but Alicia loved it! Jorge Gomez thought it was nasty too, but I liked it. It was very sweet, like a kind of dessert (something I'd completely forgotten about for our dinner, so we had Soviet ice cream). The adults hated the wine, and the kids loved it. There was no in-between. I learned later that it was a good thing we didn't get completely shitfaced on that stuff because the hangover was a whole new level of suffering.

Then Mandy had a complete shock for me. She asked me to step aside with her and Alicia, and Alicia said, as if rehearsed, but with such barely contained energy, I knew it was true, "Donovan Langevin, you have been an important person in my life. You have really helped me learn about sexuality a lot! I also think you're very sexy and very cute, and I love you like I'd love my very best friend. I know I can't ever be your girlfriend, but will you fuck me tonight and take my virginity?" She nervously grabbed her mother around the waist and looked at me.

There it was. I'd told her she had to bring her mom or dad, and they'd have to give their permission in person. "Mandy," I said, "You are Alicia's mother. Do you, as her mother give her permission to be vaginally penetrated tonight, and do you, as her mother, give me, Donovan Langevin, permission to have sex with her, and for purposes of sexual pleasure, to penetrate her vaginally, tearing her hymen and forever taking her virginity, knowing that I am gay, and that I can never love her?" I tried to include as many details as I could, so maybe she would hesitate and back out.

"This is it, hunny," she said to Alicia. "Are you sure?" When Alicia nodded shyly, but with a huge smile, Mandy said to me, "Yes, Donovan, you both have my permission to have vaginal sex for fun and pleasure and to take her virginity. Is that good enough permission? Did I cover everything? Because I agree to everything you said." Great. I had to fuck a girl who was three or four years younger than me (I didn't even know) who had never been fucked in the pussy, get blood everywhere, and probably have to hear her scream in pain. "I'll be with you watching, sweetie," she said. What? Really? With her naked mom watching???

Alicia ran to me and hugged me around my waist, clearly very happy. Well, I thought that was good. I was making this little girl's night a very special one. I turned to the other guests and announced, "The living room and garage are open for play, as are the guest bedrooms upstairs and the whole basement. Sorry, but for now, the master bedroom is reserved." Alicia stood up on her toes and kissed me just as the doorbell rang. It was Willy and Bill!

Normally I'm always happy to see Willy and Bill, but Bill had brought along his Polaroid camera, and Mandy insisted on documenting her daughter's loss of virginity. We did all the normal foreplay that boys do with girls, and I won't bore you with the details. When it was time, Alicia's mom lubed her up, and why not, she lubed me up too. Then Alicia straddled me facing her mom, what they call reverse cowgirl style, and she inserted my cock. She slid in slowly, looking from her mom to the camera and back. Bill took a whole cartridge of film, which meant eight pictures, and four of those pictures were of her sliding down and taking me inside, tearing through her barrier.

Mandy applauded, and Bill hurried to get another picture of Alicia going berserk as soon as she was penetrated. He'd gotten two pictures of us getting ready. One was me with my hand around her, with her naked from the waist down and me holding her underwear. The second was her giving me a blowjob. (I think those are always such boring pictures.) Then the four of me penetrating her and the one of her going berserk. That left one last picture that Bill saved for Alicia's first full-on pussy orgasm.

***

I never came with Alicia that night. It was just a favor I was doing to make a little girl happy, and not something I enjoyed. I already knew I could have fun fucking girls, like Cynthia, on the big bus. This was more gross than I had been expecting, and her mom creeped me out. Having all those pictures taken wasn't something I was happy with either. Alicia really loved it though, and she never regretted it as long as I knew her. We became friends, as we got older, especially in adulthood.

Alicia brought those pictures to school the following Monday and showed them to anyone and everyone who wanted to see them, which was pretty much all the kids and none of the teachers. They simply congratulated her and wished her good luck with getting pregnant by age fourteen. One day the fourth through sixth-grade class did an art project, a collage of something that made them smile. Those eight pictures of that girl and me hung on the wall in that classroom for a month! What was her mother thinking? She was just bizarre.

***

Back at the Thanksgiving Day Party, Alicia and I adjourned to separate showers, and I scrubbed hard to get all that girl gunk off me. When I rejoined the gang in the living room, Atticus ran up to me and began sucking my cock. It was as if he'd read my mind! Then Willy shoved him aside and took over. "Willy!" called the stern Scottish voice, "Play nice or don' play."

"Yes, Daddy." He gave my cock back to Atticus, who thanked him, sucked it for less than a minute longer, and gave it back to Willy, at which point Atticus knelt down and sucked Willy's cock. Group sex is really easy. Some people think it's complicated to figure out what to do with whom, but all you do is grab something and play with it! Kids get that. Adults can be slow to understand that simple principle.

Chapter 129

Modifying the Schedule

We had a lot of turkey sandwiches for lunch the following week. One day we'd all had a fair bit to drink, and Eliot and I somehow found ourselves licking cold lumpy gravy off of Atticus' whole body, face included!

On Monday, we were back on schedule, including our weekly SACKS meeting, which of course, featured Alicia and her eight pictures. "It made her happy! Look how happy she is!" I kept telling myself. Our two SABLE meetings on Thanksgiving week had been canceled due to the holiday, and the three of us were excited to get back with the men and the boys on Wednesday. However, I had spoken with the committee chair and gotten an item on the agenda.

"Item four," said the chairman, "Examining the Drunken Boy Orgy. Mr. Langevin will be speaking on this topic. Mr. Langevin, you will have five minutes to speak on this topic, then five minutes of Q and A, followed by further discussion as the chair sees fit, and finally voting on any motions that arise from this discussion. The Chair now recognizes Mr. Langevin for five minutes."

Yes, they really talked like that at the boring business meetings. They called it Robert's Rules of Order, and the club charter said they had to run their meetings that way. They said it was the normal way most businesses and governments conducted meetings where decisions had to be made. It makes sure everyone gets a chance to speak without being interrupted, but also it has a built-in way to keep track of time.

"Well," I said, "the boys and I went to that Friday evening drunken boy orgy, and we thought it was really drunken boy BDSM, not an orgy. We were bound up, spun in circles, spanked, electrocuted, and made to throw up. I mean, it just wasn't fun. Not all of it anyway. It wasn't what we had in mind. I mean, Atticus and Willy Wilkinson both loved it, but I'm not sure anyone else did. I think a lot of boys would love drunken boy BDSM if they knew what it was, but I think an orgy should be an orgy, with lots of pleasure, not sick boys puking and being shocked. I guess that's all."

"Do you wish to yield back the balance of your time?" asked the chairman.

I had no idea what that meant, but I was done talking, so I just said, "Sure."

***

After much discussion, most of which I didn't follow because it was boring and I was scared I'd said too much, a motion was made to rename the Friday event at the Hackenmueller's as Drunken Boy BDSM, and a separate event was scheduled at the same time at the Wilkinson's, called the Drunken Boy Orgy.

They wanted to schedule the two events at the same time, so no boys would go to both events, possibly drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol over the two events combined. Saturday was the only other day considered because no one wanted it on a school night. Bill Wilkinson offered up his home because he lived only two doors down from the Hackenmuellers, so families like ours could have some kids go to one party, and some go to the other. They lived in a neighborhood with a lot of trees, so there had been very little fire or blast damage to their neighborhood from the bombs. They were very lucky, like David and me.

***

The meeting ended, and it was playtime, only I was feeling a bit down. I wasn't sure why. I had asserted our problem with the drunken BDSM party and got an additional activity set up to meet the needs of boys like Eliot and me, so it was a big victory, but I always felt nervous and a bit sick when I stood up for myself. I told myself I was standing up for the boys, except Atticus and Willy. Ok, I was standing up for some of the boys, but did I really know that. Eliot and I were the only two whose opinions I even knew.

I went to Atticus and Eliot in the living room and told them what was decided, and they were both happy! "You did it, Daddy Don!" cheered Atticus.

"Yeah!" shouted Eliot. "I knew you would make them see sense!"

"You don't look very happy, Daddy Don."

"I'm… I'm fine," I said. Never lie to horny boys! They attacked me, stripped me naked, sucked me hard, and before I knew it, Atticus was riding my cock while Eliot chewed gently on my left nipple.

"Maybe you can answer with the truth now, Daddy Don? If you don't, Eliot will bite your nipple off."

I knew he wouldn't do such a thing, but I didn't want him biting me hard either. "It's just, you boys act like I did something great, but I'm not sure it was even a good idea to bring it up now. Why should I try to change this club? We're still newcomers, kinda."

Eliot softened his bite, so he wasn't really biting at all, just gently licking, which I was still trying to learn to like. "Daddy Don," grunted Atticus as he found his rhythm on my cock. "When we changed the way kids go to school because we believed in… OOH!!! … we believed in something, OH GOD!!!" he screamed out an orgasm.

"When you changed school for everyone in your class and in other classes, yes?"

"Well, Daddy Don," he panted, continuing to ride me. "Aren't you being a bit silly? You were so proud of us. I mean, really proud of us! Eliot and I are proud of you for the same reason. You made a difference and nobody's group has been taken away. Only one has been added! Yay!"

I sat up and kissed him, then put my arms around him and rammed his cute, sexy little ass as hard as I could until I came like a rutting buck.

Then, as usual (meaning I felt guilty), Eliot seemed like an afterthought. I hadn't seen to him, so I laid him on his back and sucked his cock, making sure he came twice, while he sucked yet another orgasm out of Atticus.

***

The drunken boy orgy at the Wilkinson's wasn't well attended. Only five boys showed up, but a lot of men were there, maybe twelve. Willy and Atticus were at the Hackenmuellers' BDSM party, so Eliot and I were there, so was Helio, and my gorgeous mystery boy with the beautiful, long, brown hair! A new boy was there too, but he wasn't new to Eliot. It was Gary, one of the five gay boys in his class. Apparently, he'd come out to his parents, and his dad was interested in boy love, so he and his dad both came.

The fact that four of the boys who were there had gone to the previous party at the Hackenmuellers told me I was right to bring the problem up. Only two of the six boys went back to that party, and the other four came to the new party.

It was an awesome evening! No one got sick or shocked! Everyone just did what they wanted, including the boys. It was one of the events where the men didn't have to ask permission, and we wanted it that way. Rock and roll music was playing, and I danced with my brown-haired mystery boy, but any time during the night, an arm might suddenly appear around our chest and haul us off for a good pounding, or maybe a good blowjob. We boys decided to even that score and grab the men by the balls when we felt like it and drag them off to satisfy our pleasures.

That kind of two-way mutual pleasure wasn't what I'd had in mind either. I wanted to get drunk and be used, period, but I liked the way it developed on its own. I mean, I really liked it! I would be used all the time, whenever a man carried me off to do what he wanted, but in addition, I got a taste of what it was like to do the same thing to the men, and to the boys as well because I was also still a man under club rules.

***

I don't think I'd have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself! Eliot was in one of the bedrooms surrounded by about ten men at the center of a gang bang! I'd seen him please three or four men at once before, but this was way too subby for the Eliot I knew or the one I thought I knew. I got in the head line. When it was my turn, I could see his right eye was covered with cum so he couldn't open it.

"Are you having fun doing this?" I asked.

"Fuck yeah! Now feed me!"

I came in his mouth so he could swallow it, then I licked the cum off of his eye so he could open it. I kissed him on the forehead and said, "Daddy Don loves his boy! You can call me that too, you know." He couldn't respond because another big, fat cock was in his mouth. I decided to leave the boy alone. He was still finding himself, and he was fearless in his search!

***

Two of the men from the Hackenmueller house carried Atticus and Willy, both stupidly drunk, to the Wilkinson's house so families could wake up together. Bill carried Willy to his own bedroom, and I carried Atticus downstairs to the bed we'd be sleeping on. I looked at the soft, elegant, naked boy, then I turned him on his stomach and spread his legs wide. I groped his incredibly soft, non-responsive ass. Nice! Then I announced to the men upstairs that Atticus was unconscious and waiting to be fucked. Line formed at the foot of the bed!

Chapter 130

Love the One You're With

As most of the men went downstairs, the stereo began playing a new song. It was the first time I'd ever heard what they had called a compact laserdisc at the time. The Wilkinson's had money, and you needed money in 1983 or 1982 to buy a CD player or any albums on CD. It sounded as if the band was right there in the living room with us though.

If you're down and confused and you don't remember who you're talking to

Concentration slip away because your baby is so far away

Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove, and the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can't be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you're with, love the one you're with

I realized I was sitting alone with my brown-haired boy-god, and I was feeling oddly sober. "Hi!" I said.

"Hi."

"Wanna go to a bedroom and be private?"

"Yeah," he said. "I'd really like that." That gave me a rush of thrill and a nice boner.

I kissed him, and we went to one of the designated party rooms upstairs and closed the door. We sat next to each other on the bed. "I've missed you," I said, caressing his thigh. "I always miss you."

"I hate being away from you, too," he said. "I've been thinking about something I said last time." I was nervous. He'd said a lot of stuff. "I said I might already be in love with you, but I can't be with you."

"I remember," I said, recalling those words that gutted me at the time.

"Well," he hesitated, "I am in love with you, and I can't switch it off. I see you every day in my mind, so beautiful, with that smile that melts my heart. But I can't be your lover."

"I still don't get it. I mean, I have problems too" (DAVID!!!), "but I want to understand yours. Why can't you even tell me your name?" I was starting to cry, and I could sense he was too.

"Because I'm already in love with someone else!" he said, almost angrily, "and when he comes back, I will be with him, and only him. If I'm with you, I'll just drop you like a rock and go to him. I can't do that to you! I can't get involved because I would just hurt you when he comes back." He was crying properly now, but I finally understood.

"Where has he gone?" I asked.

"I don't know. He lived near Monticello, so I know his family evacuated. They did, and that's the truth, but I don't know where they went! He'll be back someday, though."

"I think we might have a way to make this work," I said.

"Don't you dare tell me he's dead!" he shouted at me with the eyes of a savage killer. "Don't you start that with me, or I'll walk right out that door!"

"No! You've got it all wrong! I would never say that! I would never tell you to give up hope on the one you love." I slowed down and teared up again, thinking I could never give up on David, even though I already knew David was alive, and Mystery-Boy's boyfriend was probably dead. Monticello was hit directly with a ground blast, and there were several tons of nuclear fuel scattered through the area. Survival was quite unlikely but he couldn't give up hope! I didn't want him to give up hope.

"Then what are you saying?" he asked with a little less bite in his words.

I took a deep breath. Then I took a chance. Maybe it was what we both needed. "I have someone I love too. I feel exactly the same way. I'm crazy about you, but if I ever saw him again, I'd break up with you. You see? We're in the same boat."

"What are you saying?" he repeated with some excitement.

"Well, we both know where we stand. If one of our lovers comes back, it's over between us. That's it. It's not personal. It's just how it is. That song that was on the stereo downstairs said, 'If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.' I think that's us. We can't be with the ones we love most in the world, so let's love the ones we're with. I think we both love each other, and I think we could both help each other be happy until our true lovers come back."

"You mean love, real love, right? Not just kissing and sex?" he asked.

"We can't help it. We both already feel the real love. That's what we're talking about here. We already kiss and fuck constantly at these parties."

He paused, looking into my eyes, and I couldn't breathe until he said something. "My name is Kurt Olson. I'm eleven, and I love you, Donovan!" We fell into a kiss… actually, we slammed into a kiss the likes of which I couldn't remember sharing with anyone before. We made love, and I came in his ass with more love than I'd felt since I lost my David.

***

"This can't be wrong, can it?" I asked. "Two people with loneliness in their hearts loving each other and making the loneliness bearable. That makes sense, right?"

"Are you having second thoughts?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I'm… well, you'll learn a lot of stuff about me now. I've always loved science, and sometimes if I have a question, it helps me to look for an answer as a scientist. I know, I'm a nerd." We both laughed, and I continued, "I was using logic, which is one tool a scientist can use to answer questions, but it's a really weak one. The thing is we both know the worst thing that can happen to us is that the other person's boyfriend comes back. If that happens, one of us will be filled with the incredible joy of that reunion, and the other boy will be quite sad at the loss of the first boy. He will also be very, very happy for the first boy, who is with the boy he loves more than all others, and it might give the other boy hope that his own dearest boyfriend will return. If we can both accept the worst outcome, unafraid, then all of the benefits of us being together outweigh the risk, so the risk-benefit analysis is quite clear."

His jaw was hanging open. "Do you really think like that?"

I kissed him and said, "I think that the way I think is just like everybody else. It's only when I have a complicated question, or when there's a lot at stake that I think like a scientist." I giggled and kissed him again before saying, "D'you know what? There's a big fancy word for thinking about how we think. It's called metacognition."

"Are you gonna use these words all the time?"

"No! I'm sorry! When I get nervous or insecure, I like to sound smart. I know it annoys people, but it's a hard habit to break. Please tell me if you notice me doing that, ok? That will be a favor to me."

"I might feel stupid because you're so smart, and I'm only eleven," he said.

"I never thought you were that young," I said, "and it doesn't matter at all to me. The way you talk and think about relationships is very mature, and a lot more sophisticated than the way I understand relationships. David was way better with that stuff than I was. I'll learn that stuff from you, as much as I can."

"When you talk about him, David, it makes my heart flutter, and I think of how you miss him."

"What's your true lover's name?" I asked.

"Paul, and he's perfect!"

I hope you can tell me more about Paul, and I'd like to tell you more about David. I think it's going to be important for us to get used to talking about each other's true lovers if we're going to be in this kind of relationship. Otherwise, we pretend they don't exist, and we could forget that this isn't an ordinary relationship, and things could happen."

"And you think I'm the one who understands relationships?"

"Ok, so I've learned a few things, but think of it. It never occurred to me just a minute ago that it might make you feel upset or uncomfortable if I talked about David. Maybe I'm better with complicated stuff and stupid with the simple stuff."

"You're not stupid with anything!"

"You'd be surprised," I said. "But maybe we're using a bad word? Neither of us is stupid, period. You are my equal. You are as clever and creative as I am, maybe even more so. I think you know how clever you are, but maybe you're afraid of the decision you just made?"

"Oh god!" he cried. "What have I done? What have I gotten us into?"

I kissed him and said, "You've found love to fill in some of the lonely places in your heart, and you've shared that precious gift with me." We kissed intensely, even insecurely. "I think in the next few weeks we'll both understand our decisions better. Nothing says we have to stay together if you truly believe this is a mistake. Let's just go with it and love the one's we're with until something better comes back to us, ok, Kurt?"

"Ok Donovan. I really, really do love you."

"I love you too, sweetie! I think we're going to find a lot of happiness together."

We kissed and went back downstairs to find more alcohol and more sex.

Chapter 131

Party Over, Oops!

I've never been sure why, but I've always found it very erotic with a rush of love if I am kissing a boy I love while he is being fucked or sucked by someone else, especially when he cums. I've thought before about the vulnerability of that instant in time when he has lost control, and all that's left is his true self. It seems very vulnerable, and what's sex or love without vulnerability?

Kurt and I lay forward across the dining room table, side by side, and kissed while various anonymous men and probably a few teenage boys fucked us. We shared a lot of those ultra-vulnerable moments. We had kissed before while one of us was cumming, but we were always at a distance. Now we were lovers, and that made a huge difference.

***

The party was dying out. Most of the men had cum numerous times, and there weren't very many of us. Kurt and I had tried to drink more Absinthe while the men were fucking us, but it didn't work, so we were nearly sober. We only had to wait for three or four men each before they were finished. We only had that many because the men from the drunken boys BDSM party took turns visiting our party, another benefit of having the parties so close together.

I poured a wine glass half-full of absinthe and sat in a big stuffed rocking chair with Kurt on my lap. He had a huge drink in his hand, as well. We rocked easily, listened to the pristine music, sipped our alcohol, kissed, and occasionally were scooped up and taken to another room. Since we were bigger kids, sometimes the men would hold us down and let the little boys have their way with us. It was cute, but sometimes it was so hot!

Sometimes, a man and a little boy would team up, and the little boy would tell the man what to do to me. I liked that game because I got the energy and unpredictability of a little boy along with a man's strong arms and his big cock.

Mostly, Kurt sat on my lap, and we rocked. How could he not know how mature or how sophisticated he was and how much taller than me would he be when we were both adults. Then, we kissed, and we kissed some more, the fears and anxieties of our decision having left us, at least for that moment in time.

"Daddy Don?" I felt a tapping on my arm. It seemed Eliot was going to call me Daddy Don! I could have melted from the sweetness of that moment!

"Yes, sweetie?" I said, kissing him.

"That boy's name is Kurt, and he's in love with you." Eliot was being so cute! Kurt turned his head to face mine and kissed me.

"I know Eliot, hun, and I'm in love with him too. We have a special kind of love, and we just decided tonight what to do with our love. We're both really happy now!"

"Does that mean he's moving in with us?" he asked. "Does that mean you don't love David anymore?"

"No, sweetie," I said, caressing his cheek. "It doesn't mean either of those things, but I think we should talk more about it tomorrow when we're all sober, ok hun?"

"Ok," he said, "but I haven't felt very drunk all night."

"Maybe this will help." I gave him a good-sized gulp of my Absinthe, which seemed to go down rather well. "If you like this stuff, it's super-strong, and it's not supposed to cause hangovers as much as other liquor."

"That's good!" he said.

"Look, sweetie, there's a man at the kitchen table pouring his own drink. Hurry over there and ask him to pour you a really big glass of Absinthe. Tell him it's an emergency, that you're sober! I love you hun!" He returned with a very large glass for a boy his size of Absinthe. I waved and thanked the man, and Eliot crawled up to share my lap with my new sweetheart, Kurt.

"Love is good," said Eliot. "Love is always good. So if you love each other, that's good, isn't it, Daddy Don?"

I kissed him and told him it was very good.

***

We finished our drinks, spent some time dancing and singing in front of the stereo, and eventually went downstairs to bed. I was a little disappointed in how sober we'd been, how few men were left when we'd started with so many, and how we'd only gotten drunk at the end of the night when the men were all spent or gone home. In the SABLE committee, I think they'd say the plan of how to run these parties was good, but the execution was lacking.

Kurt came downstairs with us, and that made me happy! The first thing I saw when we reached the basement was the soft, sleek body of my Atticus, belly down and legs spread wide, covered in sticky, drying cum.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I think Atticus would like it if we played with his body a bit before going to sleep." I plugged my cock right into his ass and went at it. He moaned softly. "What do you think, Kurt? Do you like femmy boys like our cute little Atticus here?"

"I certainly like this cute femmy boy," said Kurt.

"I bet you can make him cum, even when he's like this," I said to Kurt, just after cumming in Atticus' ass. I pulled his body to the edge of the bed, so it was as if he was kneeling over onto the bed, but that made it so his cock was free. "Wanna?"

Kurt smiled and crawled under Atticus. "There's no cum here but yours!" he said. "I'll snack on that while I work."

The men had all shot their loads all over Atticus' body. Not one of them shot in his ass. None but mine had dribbled down to his scrotum. I thought he looked kinda funny that way, though, and I couldn't wait to see him wake up with all of that cum crusted to his body and in his hair. Half of it was already dried and crusted. We would have cleaned him up, but we couldn't without heaving him into the shower while we were all drunk, holding him up, and scrubbing him until he woke up fighting us. Best just to leave him.

"I can feel his legs twitching," said Kurt. "I think he's feeling it!" Then Atticus let out a loud moan. "Yeah, he's hard – He's pulsing."

"Oh, he's definitely feeling it," I said.

Soon, his legs were kicking, just a little. He was breathing hard. His cum-crusted butt went up and down a few times. Then without further warning, he made a sound like a cow bellowing in the pasture, and that was it. Had he woken up? Who knows. Would he remember? Not a chance in a million years.

It was difficult for me to read Eliot when we went to bed. Atticus was his boyfriend, and we had just helped ourselves to his passed-out body, but then, that was the kind of thing Atticus wanted. I'm not sure Eliot was too thrilled about leaving him all covered in cum.

"Eliot sweetie," I said "if you like, I think it would be really sweet of you to get a washcloth and towel and clean off the cum that's still wet. We can't clean off the crusty stuff safely tonight, but that would be thoughtful of you."

"Clean him? Are you nuts? I wanna see this when he wakes up!" When a boy is still finding himself, he can keep you full of surprises.

We heaved Atticus back onto the bed, on the far left side. As nasty as his cum-crusted body was, Eliot wanted to sleep next to him. Kurt and I spooned on the right side of the bed, with my arms around him, and my occasionally hard cock probing his crack.

***

It wasn't just Eliot, who was full of surprises. So was Atticus! He woke up laughing as he felt the crust all over his body, face, and hair. "Now that was a good party!" he said with a bright smile.

The only one who'd drunk enough to have a hangover was Atticus, and he didn't seem to care. He was positively delighted with his crust of cum! Bill took a picture of him before we left so he could have something to show his friends at school, a sort-of trophy, celebrating his matted hair, smeared makeup, and apparently molting skin that was the sure signs of having been the center of attention of a lot of men. I imagined how Mr. Underweather would react when he saw the picture, and all I could think was that I had to be there when he saw it! Therefore, I worked it out with Atticus that I would walk him into his classroom before going up to mine, and while I was there, he would show Mr. Underweather the picture.

Atticus refused to wash until we got home. He wanted everyone in St. Albert to see how good he was at pleasing men. I feared someday he would misjudge the reaction of people to his sexual strutting, but so far, all he'd done was show me how wrong I was about the benefits of his sexual sass.

Chapter 132

Gift Boys

"I just woke up, and I was covered with this stuff, Mr. Underweather. What do you think it might be? Should I see the nurse?"

"Me,me,me,me,men… were there men around?"

"Oh, lots of men, Mr. Underweather. Lots of big, strong, handsome men, and we were all drinking a lot," he giggled shyly. "I think it was called Absinthe? I don't remember much after about eight o'clock."

"Tha,tha,that was from the, from the, from the men!"

"Oh! Well, Mr. Underweather, how did they get it all over me like that? Did they rub it all over my body like, like oil?" Atticus had such good control; he got a boner right then.

"Oh,oh,oh, no,no,no! Damn and blast! Damn and blast!" and with that, Mr. Underweather made a speedy retreat to the boys room.

I hugged and kissed my sweet, brilliant, little naked boy, patted his delightfully bare ass, and went up to my classroom.

***

Fall turned to winter, but in Minnesota, nobody ever notices. You can hardly tell the difference between late November and late December. Christmas was on a Wednesday, so our SABLE meeting was canceled. However, some of the guys had a cool tradition. If their son was a particular favorite of some other club member, he would wrap him up in a box with a bow and give him to that club member for a day. The club decided that day would be the Sunday before Christmas.

Atticus was desired by just about everyone, and Eliot was also very popular, so I had little trouble arranging delivery of my boys. Both were excited by the idea, especially not knowing their man until their box was open. I just decided based on which men were the nicest to my boys.

To my complete delight, I also got two gifts, my mystery boy Kurt Olson and Willy Wilkinson both! The boys were delivered in special wooden cages covered with a decorated box with a blanket in the cage in case the naked boy gets cold on the car ride to his destination. Willy was wearing an adorable set of reindeer antlers and a lighted flashing nose, and Kurt… oh my, Kurt! He had a fine flower garland around his head with tinsel woven in with his hair. Trust me; the effect was stunning!

I went into the bathroom, and with a marker, I wrote, 'Reindeer food' above my cock with an arrow leading down my shaft. I lifted Kurt onto the dining room table and sat at a chair with my legs open wide. Willy knew his job. With Kurt, I could only kiss him or send him for drinks.

Willy had swallowed two loads from me before lunch. I had learned a lot from cooking our Thanksgiving Day turkey, so I had roasted a chicken for lunch that day, along with mashed potatoes and gravy. I let Willy eat at the table, but he was not allowed to use his hands, because reindeer don't use their hands. I cut his chicken up ahead of time, so there were no bones in it. He looked so cute with gravy all over his face! He made us all laugh, especially himself. To clean his face, Kurt and I just pretended it was fresh cum and licked him clean.

***

After lunch, I told Willy to get on all fours, like a proper reindeer, and I told him to hold still while Kurt fucked his ass. A prettier sight I could not remember seeing. A super-cute little boy wearing antlers and a red nose being fucked by Eros himself, god of boy beauty. It wasn't easy, though. My Kurt was tall, but he was still only eleven, and he had an eleven-year-old's penis.

Then came time for presents. I only learned that I would be receiving two boys as gifts two days before delivery, and I didn't know who they would be. As generic gifts, I bought a chemistry set and a skateboard. If I had known, I'd be getting Willy and my dear Kurt, I would have done much better for them. In the end, I gave the chemistry set to Kurt and the skateboard to Willy, along with the explanation about not knowing who they would be, et cetera.

Willy was an energetic and very active boy, and I knew he'd like the skateboard, but later I got something nicer for Kurt. I bought him a hot fuck kit, including three different-sized dildos, lube, two different-sized butt plugs, a bottle of Absinthe, and his very own Polaroid Type 88 camera with lots of film, batteries, and flash cubes.

"Whenever you use this stuff with other boys or men, or alone, and if you take pictures, I'd love to see them," I'd said later when I gave him his gift box.

***

Supper was ham, asparagus, tater tots, and pumpkin pie, followed by everything Kurt and I could lick off a messy reindeer boy. While Kurt licked the little boy's face clean, I made sure he had good genital hygiene as well.

While he was lying on the table there, I sucked him and sucked him while Kurt and I held him down. I slipped a finger inside him and tickled his tiny prostate. Then Kurt began to put whipped cream in clever places so that he could lick it off, a fun game I remembered playing with David. We didn't have a clue how many times the cute little boy orgasmed, but he was out of breath and full of smiles when we were done with him.

Then we went into the living room. Since child porn had become legal again, it was being produced by quality studios all around the world and sent here, but the best stuff came from a rebuilt Hollywood, of course. Bill Wilkinson had included several videocassettes of the finest Hollywood child porn with Willy, so we watched them after supper while I fucked Kurt.

I wasn't at all ready for this new breed of child porn. I came in Kurt's ass during the title sequence of the first movie, and many times after. I had our little reindeer boy suck him too, and he came quite a few times while we watched the movies. I had them switch places for the second movie, so I was fucking Willy while Kurt was sucking him. Willy really needed a bigger cock in his ass to feel satisfied, and he was happy when I finally fucked him, but I don't think I was big enough for him either, though he sure was tight enough and cute enough for me!

***

These movies were great! They starred really famous, Hollywood A-list actors, boys and adults who had won Oscars or been in Oscar-winning movies, or boys who had been in successful sitcoms just before the bombs. Crime dramas focused more on child rape, or boy rape in the case of the video we saw, and less on the courtroom scenes. The case focused on whether it was really rape if the boy liked it so much he begged to suck off the men involved after they came in his ass. High-quality video evidence of the alleged crime was shown from many angles.

Science fiction movies might involve encounters with all-naked boy planets, or snakes that jumped up from the ground into boys' asses, or both, in the case of the movie we watched next. Normally Hollywood movies had really good special effects, including (if not especially) their latest child porn movies. Still, to me, it seemed obvious that the snakes jumping into the boys' asses were sped-up, reverse footage of the boys pushing big rubber snakes out of their asses that had been packed up inside of them in advance. Still, it was pretty hot to imagine myself doing that scene.

There were movies geared toward kids, too, with the not-so-subtle theme that having sex is good for our freedom. There were instructional videos with adults and happy kids starting out fully dressed, and the adults and the older kids helping the younger kids take off their clothes and please a man, or each other.

We skipped those movies because we all agreed they sounded quite boring. Instead, we watched recent remakes of Pinocchio and Peter Pan. In Pinocchio, Geppetto made the puppet Pinocchio for his young nephew so he could use the nose as an anal dildo. Pinocchio wanted to be a real boy so he could tell lies, making his cock grow, and be a little more useful to the nephew. Peter Pan just had a lot of hot boy sex and a hook that always seemed to find its way into some boy's ass.

Soon television dramas and sitcoms would also feature child porn heavily during hours when kids were most likely to be watching. Daytime talk shows would no longer feature crazy people throwing chairs. Kids were featured prominently, showing the wonderful tricks they could with their asses, or how many Reese's Pieces they could stick up their pussy and hold in place while a man fucked them in the ass. It got ridiculous, but it was worth checking occasionally because I might see some really hot boys, but I'm way ahead of our story now.

***

When we were done watching the child porn movies, we had some time to talk before the cars came to take my gift boys home. They were both on my lap again. Willy was Willy again, but I made him leave the antlers and the cute nose on. Kurt was always Kurt that day, but he had his own supreme beauty enhanced by a supernatural, godlike fantasy beauty.

"You know you two are my favorite boys in the club, except my own boys, of course. I want to keep you here with me!"

Willy giggled, but Kurt said, "We should talk. We might be able; I mean, if you're interested, while Dad's out of town, almost every week… I could go back to school – just, if you think you're interested."

It was my turn to ask, "What are you saying?"

"Just that, you know, Dad says it would probably be ok for me to, y'know, stay here while he's gone during the week if you want."

My heart was in orbit. I was sure I heard him say that he wanted to stay with me… no, that he could probably stay with us in our house during the weeks when his dad was away on business. Of course! Willy was staring at me like I was being a dumbass.

"Well yeah!" I said. "I mean, no! Wait! The boys! I'm sorry, but I have to talk this over with the boys to see how they feel. This is their home, too, and I shouldn't just move someone in, but I definitely would love to have you here! I'll talk to them, see if I can persuade them."

"Maybe just try it and see," said Kurt.

"Yeah, no harm in that! Just try it and see."

***

"Bye, little sweetie!" I said as I kissed Willy goodbye. "And bye, dear, Hunny… Oh, I need something to call you that I don't call the boys! Oh! Bye, my sweet Mystery Boy," I said as I pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss. It was nice to have a boyfriend again, even though he was my gift for the day, and even though he was my second choice. The thought of him staying with us was a thrill!

Atticus came home covered in chocolate. Eliot kept suddenly bursting into giggles – I didn't ask. We enjoyed a group hug, then a group shower, followed by group sex, then group drinks and group sleep.

Chapter 133

Time Passes

Things moved very quickly with Kurt, my gorgeous brown-haired mystery boy. Now that we had decided to accept the situation as it was, that we were in love, but both of us had someone else we were missing, and whom we loved more – Mystery Boy was eager to get on with things. He came as a guest to our SACKS meeting the next day, Monday the 23rd, and he spent Christmas Eve with the boys and me. On Christmas Day, his dad drew the line and made him stay home.

Ok, he wanted to be with his dad on Christmas Day – He loved his dad. They were as close as any father and son could be when the father is away every Monday morning through late Friday night, leaving his eleven-year-old boy alone at home all week, forbidden to go anywhere without an approved plan before his father left on his rounds on Monday.

Mr. Olson worked as a salesman for a heavy industrial equipment company that made primarily cranes. It was once called American Hoist and Derek, but now was simply known as Amhoist. His sales territory covered the Five State Area, which included Minnesota and the four states that bordered it. Their main production facility in the outskirts of Gary, Indiana, was damaged very heavily when the bombs fell. Still, it managed to escape nearly all of the fallout due to the absolutely perfect southwest wind. That meant that, if they had enough capital remaining (which they did), they could rebuild and be back in production in under a year (which they were).

In the meantime, Amhoist had a distribution network that was worldwide, meaning they had plenty of cranes to sell that were safely located in other countries, needing only to be shipped back to the US for customer delivery. As you might imagine, everything was perfect for Mr. Olson's employer not only to survive but to thrive in an extremely good market for heavy equipment used in construction and rebuilding, as well as debris removal, especially when the work was all subsidized by the Soviets. Mr. Olson was quietly making a fortune on his sales commissions, but that meant meeting with customers all over his territory.

Mr. Olson loved his son, and it pained him to leave him isolated and alone, but as he was not around to look after him, he felt he had no choice for the boy's safety but to keep him at home and ask trusted neighbors to drop by and check in on him a few times each day. That meant no social life, rare attendance at SABLE Club meetings, and no school. Staying with us was exactly the kind of opportunity Mr. Olson hoped might come along for his son.

He wasn't happy that I was only fourteen, but he saw that we were doing quite well, despite my youth, and he made the decision that our home would be a good place for his son, my mystery boy, to stay. Besides, he'd known us, off and on, from the SABLE Club meetings since the summer, and he knew the Club was good at looking after its members. Club members did drop by every so often to see how we were doing, or maybe for a quick drink and a blowjob.

My Mystery Boy Kurt stayed with us the night Thursday, December 26, then Monday the 30^th, and Thursday, January 2. Starting after that, he'd be with us five days each week – Kurt wasn't waiting around.

***

Christmas was a fun day together. I got the boys each a new bicycle, but since they couldn't use them until probably April, I also got them an Atari video game with Asteroids and Space Invaders. They were thrilled to receive such expensive gifts, and I was actually a little nervous about spending that kind of money, but the Soviets were giving us more than that every month, and we still had very little to spend it on. Our total cash-on-hand was still about $4,500.

I baked another ham for us, and we figured out what eggnog was by finding a recipe in one of Dr. Chance's cookbooks and making it. We all liked it quite a bit, but we decided it needed about twice the amount of rum the recipe called for. The boys had come home with gifts when I'd given them away for a day, and Atticus had gotten a set of boy porn videos, including a few Christmas specials. We watched those, and of course, had lots of sex while doing so.

Eliot wouldn't say what his gift was, but he kept spontaneously laughing every few minutes for no apparent reason. The secret came out when I wanted to fuck his cute ass. He reached into his ass with a finger and pulled hard on a ring that was attached to a big rubber ball with knobs all around it plus a few metallic studs.

"It actually spins and vibrates these HUGE vibrations whenever I least expect it," he said, "and I can even set it, so it gives a tiny bit of electricity once in a while. It's so cool! I love it!"

He put my fears to rest as I fucked him. When I saw that studded ball, I wondered if my cock would please him anymore, but he howled like a hound!

***

Kurt was only eleven, with a birthday in July, so that meant he had to enroll in school in sixth grade, so he was in Atticus and Eliot's class, grades four through six. Just to show him they could do it, both Atticus and Eliot spent their first day back in school naked, along with three other students in their class – two girls who were sisters an another boy. Still, it took my Mystery Boy a whole week before he would attend class naked.

Atticus put on a little show for Kurt that first day back by telling Mr. Underweather how good it was to see him again and to be back in school, working all of his most seductive poses and his alluring, breathy voice.

"You know," he said, "Daddy Don gave me as a gift to a man for a full day. He put me in a small cage with a box over me. He stepped closer, to within an inch of his teacher and said, "And he put chocolate all over my body, and he slowly licked it all off. Oh, it was so erotic!" Atticus was always proud when he could make Mr. Underweather cum in his pants before class began.

***

After school on that first Monday, the SACKS club had its first meeting of 1986 at our house. I encouraged Kurt to try out a few girls, giving him recommendations. I wanted him to know that girls weren't entirely gross and that some of them could actually be kinda fun. Besides, they were always the horniest and the hungriest for the cute new boy.

We had our first eight-year-old boy from third grade join us at that meeting. He had just started school that week, and his parents thought sex was the boy's patriotic duty. Our club was technically supposed to be for grades four through nine, but since he was new and his parents were so eager, we agreed as a group to let him join under special circumstances. He didn't know where to go or what to do. He couldn't stop laughing when someone played with his little penis. He didn't care if it was a girl or a boy, so the girls scored him as their victory that day. That just meant that the gay boys didn't keep him to ourselves. He was fair game.

That record was broken the following February when we had a second-grader who was only seven join us. We had decided at the beginning of February to open the club to all ages, so that made it ok for him to join us. After three meetings, though, he and his mom decided it wasn't for him. Also, in February, we had two fourteen-year-old girls pop their cherries during our meeting, one of them right on her birthday.

We tried to encourage all fourteen-year-old girls to become pregnant, but not many of them wanted that. We thought that by opening the club to more teenage boys, we'd help them out. It sure helped my new family of four! We all liked their great big cocks in our asses, and they didn't always care if they were straight. If the girls were all taken, our asses were fine with them.

The SABLE Club resumed its normal schedule on Wednesday, January 8th. I decided to be bold and thank everyone for the successful launch of the new drunken boy orgy, and then I shared with them some of the items that might need attention that week, such as keeping the boys drunk and having more men available as the party went on. Of course, Mystery Boy came with me to every event that I attended, so he was there for every Wednesday party, which pleased everyone. (I wasn't the only one who had the hots for him.)

That Friday, everything went brilliantly! Mystery Boy met his dad there, so he didn't walk home with us. This time when the man from the drunken boys BDSM party brought Atticus to us, we made sure he was lying on his back on our bed downstairs so the men could concentrate on his face, chest, and belly.

When he woke up, his eyes were both crusted closed, which he was particularly proud of. He told everyone he was "fucked blind." He hurriedly asked Bill Wilkinson to take another Polaroid picture of him while his eyes were still crusted closed, so Atticus had a set of pictures showing his back and his front all crusted with cum. He had also taken a few pictures of Atticus being used while he was passed out in bed, which made Atticus so happy he almost cried! This time, since a lot of men got him in the face, his eye makeup was a disaster, which only made him smile more.

"Hello, Mr. Underweather," Atticus said as we happened to pass his house on our way home and caught him outside, shoveling snow. "We had the most wonderful party last night. Don't you wish you'd been there? Just look at me!" He opened his coat to show his bare, crusty skin to his teacher as if his face hadn't been impressive enough. "I don't know why they don't just let me swallow it. I love the taste of cum – It tastes so sexy! Mr. Underweather, do you like the taste of cum? Maybe if you say please, Daddy Don will give you some of his yummy, yummy-cummy to taste."

Atticus dropped to his knees and sucked me off in the freezing cold January air, and Mr. Underweather dropped to his knees to catch my load. Atticus and I looked straight at each other as I came, so my aim wasn't very good. I managed to get some of it in the teacher's mouth.

"Oh, yum!" said Atticus, licking a few drips from my cock. "Bye, Mr. Underweather! We'll see you on Monday!"

***

Winter went along nicely, with lots of sex in the snow and lots of hot sex inside. Spring came, and with it came everybody's birthday. The boys turned ten, Kurt was twelve, and I turned fifteen. We had found our structured routine, and we liked it, except I didn't like algebra. I hated algebra, but school and massive amounts of sex with so many different people and in so many different varieties did keep us busy. Atticus' new boy porn also kept us entertained.

When I asked Atticus about his gender identity again on his birthday, he said, "I just don't know, Daddy Don! I seem to be a boy who likes acting like a girl. Does that make me a girl inside? I don't know! Does it matter?"

"Of course not, sweetie," I said. "If it's ok that I call you my son, a boy, and he or him, then it's just fine. If you want to change any of that, you have to let me know, though, ok? I just need to know what you want to be called because you deserve that respect. You'll always be my cute, little sweetie, girl or boy!"

"I love you, Daddy Don!" Such sweet kisses that boy gave.

Chapter 134

Out of Nowhere and Back

"If you're gonna stay here," I said angrily, "we have house rules, and they apply to everyone, including me!"

"Talk to my dad about that!" said my slightly less mysterious Kurt. "We do things when they need to be done, not just because it's a Tuesday!"

The kitchen trash wasn't quite full, but we did chores on a schedule, and trash was scheduled for Tuesdays. Obviously, it was Kurt's turn, and when bedtime came, he still hadn't done it. I thought that set a bad example for Atticus and Eliot. I didn't want to remind him that we had trash pickup, which had been restored a year earlier, on Wednesday mornings, which was really why it was so important to have the chore done by Tuesday night. That wasn't the point. I wanted rules to mean something. We followed them, and if we thought they were bad rules or didn't make sense, we followed them anyway, and we talked about them. We would change them if it made sense, but we followed them until we changed them. We had changed rules before because the boys had better ideas, but I would not accept this simple rebellion.

"We do things here on a schedule we all agreed on, not when the boy whose chore needs doing decides it's time!" At this point, Atticus used all of his stealth and took out the trash himself, and neither Kurt nor I even noticed. We had a nice little fight that needed our attention.

"I never agreed to that stupid schedule," he shouted. "You already had it when I moved in!"

"And when you moved in, you joined us and our house the way it was!" I shouted triumphantly.

"Oh God, Donovan," he said softly. "You are so fucking hot!"

I tackled him on the couch and gave his ass a great angry pounding while Eliot sat on the floor and watched with a big grin. This had been a more common scene in our house toward the end of spring. It made for some good, rough sex, but I wasn't sure I liked it, but if we stopped, how would we stop our arguments?

Atticus joined Eliot when he came back from taking out the trash. "Please still be nice with me, ok?" asked Atticus.

"I like being nice to you, sweetie," said Eliot as he pushed a giggling Atticus belly-down on the living room carpet and fucked him pretty well for a ten-year-old.

***

He was so fucking beautiful, and he was mine! My mystery boy with the long brown hair. Oh, God, he was beautiful, and not just his hair and his face, but the shape of each different part of his body, especially the muscles up and down his legs, around his hips, his ass… in fact, all of them. In a boy who's just turned twelve, they're not all tough and hard like a boy who's past puberty – They're soft and inviting. They have their own maddeningly gorgeous shape, but they will also accept the new form you give them when you squeeze them gently.

I have always loved boys with long hair. David had long hair for 1983, but his parents wouldn't let him grow it too long. My mom always said boys should have long, shaggy hair, but every time I thought mine was getting long or shaggy, I'd have to get it cut.

Kurt had a beautiful face, a gorgeous body, and heavenly hair – the boy-beauty tri-fecta. (I would add the cock, but is quadra-fecta a word?) So why did I feel so unsure about our relationship? Why did I get the feeling he wasn't very happy, either? Why did we have to argue all the time just to have sex? Even more alarmingly, what was that teaching my boys?

***

After school one Thursday in early May, we were all outside in the front yard. The boys were tossing a Frisbee, and Kurt and I were lying on a blanket kissing and groping when a car pulled up and honked its horn. Kurt was stunned as he looked up. I thought he was startled by the horn, but it was much more than that. He jumped up off me and ran to the car. I stood up, felt my boner slowly drooping, and followed him. Kurt was screaming as he ran.

Soon I realized what he was screaming: "Paul! Paul!!! Oh, I KNEW you'd come back! PAUL!!!"

A shorter, fully dressed boy got out of the car and embraced Kurt, mine no longer, and they kissed so tenderly. I had never seen that look on Kurt's face before. It was more than obvious he and Paul belonged together, and it answered many concerns I had about how our own relationship had been going.

I shook Paul's hand. Kurt told him about us, and how we were just helping each other feel better until our true loves returned. I assured Paul that was all there was to it, that Kurt was all his and I was done with him now that he was back. Then I shook Kurt's hand, and Kurt kissed me on the cheek. Eliot and Atticus hurried up to see what had been going on, and they got there just in time for goodbye kisses from Kurt.

When I saw Paul, a twelve-year-old boy of normal size, it opened my eyes to the fact that Kurt really was a lot younger than I was – only two years older than my own boys were.

"Remember to come to the party tomorrow so your dad can get you, and Paul is welcome!" The two twelve-year-olds crawled into the back seat of the Pontiac Bonneville and drove off. Just like that, out of nowhere, the boy who was supposed to be dead came and took my Kurt. It was ok, right?

As I watched Kurt ride off into the sunset, I remembered I still had two boys of my own who needed my love. They had reminded by hugging me sadly, Atticus crying, and Eliot trying not to.

"Why did he hafta go? Why did Paul hafta come back! We'll never see him now!"

"Now, you boys know the answers to all those questions," I reminded them. "Kurt and I were very careful to make sure you knew this could happen, that Paul might come back, and he would leave me for Paul. We had to accept that risk in order to have him in our family. Well, Paul came back, and Kurt is with Paul now."

"But I thought he loved you!" said Eliot

"Oh, sweetie!" I said, perhaps a trace of pity in my voice. "He does still love me, and I love him, and he loves you too, boys!"

"But he loves Paul!"

"People don't just love someone or not love them," I said. "You can love someone absolutely, or you can love them tons, or a lot, or just enough, or a little, or everything in-between, and even those words don't always mean the same thing to everyone. Our words can't always say what we mean. So Kurt still loves me, and I think he loves me a lot, but he and Paul are special. They are perfect for each other like David and I were perfect for each other. So love can come in super-strength or light strength. No love is the same. Kurt loves me, AND he loves Paul even more." Then I remembered, "Oh! And I think you'll see plenty of him again."

"When?" sniffled Atticus with a smile.

"At SABLE Club parties, of course, and SACKS parties," he said. "Do you think he's going to quit loving sex parties just because Paul is back?"

***

That Monday, Neither Kurt nor Paul came to our SACKS party. Kurt arrived late to the SABLE Club party on Wednesday, but Paul wasn't with him. He looked kinda down. He kissed me like he kissed everyone else. "So, where's Paul? Didn't he want to come to these parties?"

Kurt sighed and said, "No, he doesn't want to have men fucking his ass, and he thinks that's all we do here."

"Well, it's a lot of what we do here," I said. "What about the SACKS parties? No adults, boys, and girls both?"

"It's not that, Don sweetie. He just wants me, and he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. And he acts like I'm his property or something!" Don sweetie? He called me Don sweetie. That felt odd, yet important.

"Was he like this before he went away? Before the bombs?"

"There was no SABLE Club then, certainly no SACKS club. We were eight, and we only had play sex then. We weren't like Eliot and Atticus when we were eight. I really like these sex parties, and he really wants nothing to do with them. More than that, he doesn't want me to go to them. We just had a big fight before I came here. That's why I was so late."

"Do you think you guys can find a compromise?" I asked.

"A compromise means I compromise; I give in to what he wants! He's not like I remember him at all!" Kurt burst into tears. "Donovan, sweetie," he looked into my eyes, "I don't want him! I want you! I'm sorry for everything! I only want you, not Paul! I can be myself with you, and you have so much love in your home!" He was every bit as beautiful as ever, maybe more.

Now what?

Chapter 135

Unusual Families, MCMLXXXVI

I gave Kurt no answer, and I didn't tell the boys about Kurt's request to come back. I had to decide how I felt about it, and I wanted the boys to have a family they could count on. Knowing that Kurt could leave anytime didn't seem to make it any less painful when he actually did leave, and inviting Kurt back to have it all happen again would seem cruel to them.

After quite a bit of thought, I devised a different potential family role for him. Having traditional family role names, like dad-only-different, made it easier to understand the actual role within the family when David and I accepted Kevin and Klaus as our parents, only different. That meant we were the kids, they would take care of us and put our needs first, but they made the rules and taught us things, all the things that parents did. Parents didn't just leave, then come back, and then maybe leave again – They shouldn't anyway. I told Kurt my idea, and he agreed.

***

"So he'll have one of the two guest bedrooms upstairs, and that'll become Uncle-Only-Different Kurt's room. He will be his own person and not my boyfriend, but he and I both think he'll probably still sleep downstairs with us most of the time, and I'm sure we'll still make love too."

"You said you still loved him," said Eliot.

"I do," I said. "And like I told you before, he still loves me. That never changed when Paul came back. Do you remember? We talked about that, how love doesn't just disappear when someone goes away." I paused for a moment to think about David. My love for him was as strong as ever. I continued, "And he might even love you two more than before!" I said with a smile. "But remember, he's your uncle-only different. He can stay with us if he wants, and he can leave if he wants. He can come back and leave again all he wants. He's our family, and we will visit him if he's not living with us. He might find another boyfriend too."

"That will be our auntie, only different," said Atticus with a hopeful smile, anticipating a little more femminess in the family.

"I don't think so," I said. "Kurt is kinda femmy, and he likes boys who are kinda butch."

"Ha! He likes you, and you're not butch like me!" said Eliot.

"Oh, that's so true!" I said with a smile. "Keep after him, Eliot, sweetie. He doesn't have a real boyfriend anymore. Maybe you'll win his heart when you're a little older!"

"HEY!" said Atticus, clinging to his butch-in-a-cute-way boyfriend, Eliot. "He's mine, and I love him! I'll claw Kurt's eyes out if he tries to take my Eliot!"

"Eew!" said Eliot. "Don't worry, Atty, he's not my type. He would look horrible in panties and boots!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," I said, watching my boner grow.

***

As the boys grew, and at age ten, they were growing fast, their mouths became more roomy. We were sitting on the couch in the shelter corner with one boy on each side of me, and they were trading my cock between themselves. Atticus seemed to be trying harder to get deeper, but Eliot seemed to be focusing more on his technique than his depth. The pair of them was a thrill that I tried to share with the men of St. Albert. To think they used to get $100 per man for that treatment at the truck stop! Either one of them alone was much better than the oldest girls in the SACKS club.

The girls in the SACKS club started spending time with the gay boys because it had become common knowledge that boys always gave better blowjobs than girls. (They say that's true with men and women too.) A typical grouping would be a girl, a gay boy, and an older straight boy, who just had to lie back and enjoy the lessons as the girls did their best. In time, all of the straight boys in our school knew first-hand that boys always sucked cock better than girls. Soon straight boys would pair off because the gay boys were in such high demand. For us gay boys, that made it difficult to find good fuck buddies during a party.

***

It was settled. Kurt moved into a guest bedroom and accepted his uncle-only-different role. He wasn't my boyfriend, but we shared our love quite freely. He did spend most of his time downstairs with us, so there were four warm, loving bodies in the bed again. I encouraged Kurt to spend the night with other boys or to have other boys as guests at our place and spend time in his room. I thought that would help Atticus and Eliot remember his non-permanent role in our family. That worked well; only some nights, Atticus or Eliot might want to spend the night upstairs with Kurt and his latest piece of ass. I felt I had to be ok with that as long as the invitation came from Kurt. I didn't want them making little nuisances of themselves.

***

On the last day of school, most of the students arrived in class naked as a way to mark the arrival of summer. Those who weren't naked when they arrived in class soon were. Atticus and I decided we had to give Mr. Underweather a great start to his day, a sort of treat for all the agony we'd put him through. When he arrived, Atticus was bent over Mr. Underweather's desk, and I was fucking his ass, slow and deep.

"Oh, good morning! This feels so good, Mr. Underweather!" breathed Atticus in his slow and seductive voice. "I just love being fucked in my little ass! Do you like being fucked in your ass, Mr. Underweather? Oh yes! Oh, I feel an orgasm coming! Oh harder, Daddy Don! Yes! Daddy Don! OH! Aaaahh!" I didn't stop or slow down.

"Oh, Mr. Underweather! Did you like my orgasm! Oh, I love a nice orgasm! Daddy Don always gives me two. Mr. Underweather, I might need some help. I might need someone to suck my little boner if I'm going to have a second orgasm – Who should it be?"

As planned, all the kids in the class raised their hands and pleaded, "Me! ME! Oh, let it be me! I'll do a good job! You'll like me!"

"Oh my!" said Atticus, still slow and seductive, "thank you all, but you've all given me so many wonderful blowjobs this year. Everyone in here has given me so much pleasure so many times. If there were one person who hadn't sucked my hard little boner yet… Ooh! Mr. Underweather! You said you liked pretty boys and you said you thought I was very pretty…"

"Ye,ye,ye,yes, I do!"

"Well, why haven't you taken a turn on me? Never mind, why don't you have a turn now?"

Like a shot, Mr. Underweather was sitting on the floor, back to his desk, sucking Atticus, who was bent over with his elbows on the desk while I fucked him. Mr. Underweather caressed the boy's soft, round ass and his long, elegant legs, and drooled on himself as he sucked. Atticus made sure I went slow. Both of us wanted the teacher to enjoy this one final show.

Atticus came a second time, and the class cheered! He grabbed my ass to show me he wanted to go for three. I had to go really slow to keep myself from cumming too soon.

"Mr. Underweather! I know you can suck one more out of me! I just know you can!"

The class began to chant, "Atticus! Atticus!" but switched to "Underweather! Underweather!"

I heard Atticus moan and gasp in his queeniest, most delicate voice. Then it became a yell, up to a squeal. He put one leg on the teacher's shoulder, then the other, and he crushed his thighs together on his teacher's face as his third orgasm tore through his body. I pulled out a few seconds later and shot my load on the teacher's chin and neck. Atticus knelt down and cleaned off my cock before I went up to my classroom.

While he was down there, he gave his teacher a hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek. The last thing I saw was Mr. Underweather trying feebly to wipe a smear of my cum from his broken glasses, and the class cheering, "We love Mr. Underweather! We love Mr. Underweather! We love Mr. Underweather!"

Atticus felt it was particularly moving that Kurt was in his classroom, and he got to share the whole experience, along with Eliot, who were misbehaving together in the back of the classroom (in sixty-nine position), and they weren't alone!

The rest of that day, in the grades four through six classroom, was all free time, which included all the sex education the students cared to study and rehearse. Mr. Underweather was higher than a kite flown off the back of a jumbo jet, so he didn't care. It became the theme of the day to thank Mr. Underweather for giving them such a wonderful year by being such a helpless victim, so a few of the kids, including two of the older gay boys and no less than five girls, gave him blowjobs before the day was done.

The fifth-grade boy only worked for ten seconds before the giddy teacher filled his mouth with cum. He also came right away for the oldest girl and the sixth-grade boy, but none of the other girls got anything from him, though they gave him the thrill of being sucked off by his students. After all, a blowjob still feels good, even if you don't cum.

Much of the rest of the day was spent playing sex games among the SACKS regulars, such as taking dares, and seeing how much students would do with others who weren't their preferred sex. Three girls and two boys weren't allowed to play along because they were bisexual.

Upstairs in my class, grades seven through nine, we spent most of our day trying to sneak out and join Mr. Underweather's class.

Chapter 136

Summer Heat

I stood up from the back of Mr. Underweather's class, where I had been hiding out since lunch, and I walked up to the teacher and hugged him, telling him how much the boys loved him, and that they were looking forward to having him as their teacher again the next year. He heartily returned the sentiments, having lost his stutter. I also noticed a few dribbles of my dried cum on his loose tie. Apparently, he never bothered to wipe it off.

He told me he was running a Shakespeare boys' club over the summer, which would be putting on performances together with the Shakespeare Men's club, and that we were all welcome to join. Atticus lit up slightly. David would have loved that, and so would I actually. "We'll consider it and let you know. Obviously our little Atticus here loves to perform!" To my shock, Atticus blushed!

"You and Eliot are of course welcome to participate as well," he said, handing me a pamphlet. "All types of characters, you know, all types of boys needed, even boys who will be cast as boys! Just drop by the school on the first day to register. No cost, of course. Soviet aid, you know."

Boys who will be cast as boys? "Eliot, sounds like they could use a few strong butch boys like you in their plays."

"I dunno. Whatever."

***

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks

Out all summer, out till fall, we may not come back at all

School's out for summer! School's out for ever!

School's out with fever! School's out completely!

We sang the anthem of every schoolkid across the country as we walked home from school for the last time that year. It was nice not to have to wear clothes to school because then we didn't have to carry them home.

"But I like school," said Atticus.

"You had an almost magical year," I told him. "You got to have your way all year, you got all the rule changes you wanted, you even got that one spelling test canceled. You got to come out and be yourself in front of everybody, so there was never any doubt about who this absolutely gorgeously stunning Atticus boy was, and everybody loved you for your bravery and for the results you got. And then how many kids were there like Eliot?"

"Yeah, doofus," said Eliot. "You did your panties thing until it was ok to be naked, and I liked that. You made it ok for me to try out being naked at school…"

"And everyone in your class benefited from that. You could tell…"

"I wasn't done, Daddy Don!"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Eliot. I'm just so excited."

"I was saying," said Eliot, "that what you did was WAYWAYWAY more than making it ok to be naked in school or getting the teacher to do what you wanted. You weren't just naked. That wasn't what you did at first. At first, you wanted to be yourself, fabulous and glamorous in girly clothes, and you didn't ask. You just did it. That was the most important thing you did for me, 'cause everything else came next, but that was the powerful thing. That led to sex ed and being naked in school, and that's what led to me sitting in class naked, hoping I looked cool, terrified out of my mind…"

"You weren't terrified," said Atticus.

"Oh shut up, I was too! Or maybe I was scared shitless. Whatever it was, I saw you every day, being yourself, fearlessly…"

"I wasn't fearless! I was scared!"

"Whatever. You were scared, but you kept doing it…"

"That's the definition of courage," I said, remembering a conversation from long ago.

"Will you two doofuses let me finish!" yelled Eliot, becoming exasperated.

"Sorry," I said.

"EVERY DAY!" continued Eliot, emphatically daring anyone to interrupt them. "My girly little cute femboy brother-only-different lover, who I'm supposed to be protecting, is doing such gutsy things every day! It's easy for me to blend in and act like a hard-ass normal little hetero boy, but I've never done anything as hard-ass or as gutsy as showing up the first day of school in skimpy panties and seducing the teacher! That could have gone seriously wrong! We could have gotten our asses kicked so bad!"

"We?" asked Atticus.

"Well, duh!" said Eliot. "You know if anyone messes with you, I've got you covered, but if they all messed with you, and Mr. Underweather is a grown-up! You didn't just do that one thing on that one day – You kept pushing and pushing until he let you be yourself. That was huge, and it took so much guts!" Atticus had his eyes wide, his jaw hanging, and not a single word fighting its way out of his mouth.

"You wore your panties, and then you came naked," Eliot continued. "I wanted really badly to come to school naked too! I wasn't worried what Mr. Underweather would think, though. I was worried about the other kids! I worked hard on my butch boy hard-ass image, and I didn't want to throw that away, but I wanted to be naked at class too because it felt right to rebel like that; and I wanted to support you, too. I didn't think you should have been carrying that struggle alone – So one day I joined you – I didn't say that's what I was doing. I hoped they wouldn't think I was being femmy. I pretended it was no big deal, but I was terrified!"

"That's also what courage means!"

"Daddy Don! Please!"

"I'm sorry, Eliot, sweetie."

"No one messed with me," said Eliot, "but I don't think it was because they thought I was tough or anything. They saw you do it and thought hmm, that boy's a femmy fag with glitter in his hair, but when I did it, they thought hmm, that's more of an ordinary boy, even kinda cool, and he's just doing his thing, and it's cool when he does it.

"Do you see the effect you had, Atticus? You started something that made me look cool! That week we had three different kids come naked besides us! Soon we started SACKS, and when we got sex education, everybody got to know I was gay because you were your pretty, queeny, femmy self, and you acted accordingly, I got the strength to be myself, and so did everyone else. By that time, it was just a useful thing for the other kids to know whether someone was gay. You did that! Got it now, doofus-head?"

Atticus started crying, quite a bit harder than I'd have thought, but those were powerful words from his strong, butch, big-brother-only-different. It was disorienting but incredibly satisfying to see Atticus turn to Eliot for hugs and comfort instead of me. I watched my boys, and I had to let more than a few of my own tears loose. I wanted to back away and just watch them have their moment of impeccable love. I leaned back against a retaining wall and let them take center-stage on the sidewalk.

***

"Are they ok?" asked a woman who was passing by.

"Oh yes," I sniffled. "They're just in love. It's so beautiful at that age!"

"Oh! I didn't notice that pretty blonde girl. Of course, you can't really see her front, the way they're standing. At least they're a good American couple that'll help us regrow our American population. She'll be pregnant by fourteen, that one will! Such a pretty girl she is, and he looks like a strong and healthy boy."

I stood up slowly, confidently, and proudly and said, "Those two are both my good American boys, they're gay, and I am so proud of them."

"They're gay?" she whispered in shock.

"Sure they are," I said, putting on my queeniest demeanor. "Can't you tell? We're all naked, and I recruited them into our gay club! Do you have any boys of your own looking for a fun hobby over the summer? We could always use a few more butch tops!" Then I changed my voice to something a little more fiendish and shouted, "Now get thee from my sight, thou foul, withered hag!"

***

"I'm sorry, guys," I said, hugging them both. "I didn't mean to interrupt your moment, but there was this woman who thought you were so touching."

"Who, us? We were touching each other," said Eliot

"When she found out you were both boys, she needed a little help appreciating your true beauty."

Chapter 137

Fairy Boys

"Oh!" I said with disappointment. The boys and I were looking at a book of Shakespeare's plays, finding the ones on the list that the boys could try out. We'd found the last part of the Merry Wives of Windsor. I finally learned who Falstaff and the woodland fairy boys were, and now that I knew, I was too old to play one, but my Atticus would steal that scene! He could steal any scene, though. The fairy boys didn't have many lines. They just had to crawl over the fat knight and pinch him all over. I knew there were roles he'd rather have.

"It says here that we'll probably be playing girls too, and women," said Atticus. "These boy parts look kinda boring."

"I have never seen such a thing as boring boy parts," I said with a wink to Eliot as I gave Atticus' boy parts a squeeze.

"Oh, you know what I mean," he giggled. "I mean, look at them. They're all called Boy, or A Boy, or Clarence's Boy!"

"I kinda like that boy in Henry V, though," said Eliot. "He goes off on a ship with the king and his army and conquers half of France and they kill most of the French noblemen! Cool! Then he dies gloriously while valiantly protecting their supplies from a cowardly rear attack. The king has a special love for him – I wonder who will play the king. I bet he wants to fuck him all the way to France. He doesn't get stuck with Katherine until after the battle."

Atticus leaned toward Eliot and said in a longing voice, "If you were Henry in that play, I'd be your Katherine."

"It also says that everyone should be able to play several parts because they plan to do several plays, and this program is open to adults from all over Wright County, but only kids from your school may audition. Wow. I wonder why they did that."

"Fuckin' Russians."

"Eliot, we've talked about this," I said.

"I know,"

"Then please tell me why I don't want you to use certain language like that."

"Because if we use it all the time it means nothing and people don't like it, and… it keeps us from expressing ourselves better."

"That's perfect," I said, "but did you hear the second thing you said that I don't like to hear?"

"Well, I only said two words! Were they both wrong?"

"Oh, sweetie," I said, kissing him on the head, "You sound frustrated."

"I just wanna talk how I want."

"Yes, sweetie, but words mean things. Russia is the biggest and probably the most powerful republic in the Soviet Union, but the USSR is a lot more than just Russia. It's like saying California when you mean the US west of the Rockies."

"Fine! The damn Soviets. Ok?"

"It's an improvement," I said with a kiss, "but why would the Soviets have anything to do with casting these plays?"

"They want to limit the number of kids who get corrupted by academic propaganda," he said as if quoting a boring textbook.

I looked at Eliot, not having a clue why he had just said that or where he had heard it. "Academic propaganda?"

"Mr. Bauman says the Soviets are teaching kids who go to other schools that they pay for not to go near our school," said Atticus. "He says the stuff they teach at our school is called academic propaganda, but I don't know what that means."

"And Mr. Underweather says the same thing," said Eliot. "He says what they teach us at our school is good academic material from reliable sources, but at the Soviet-funded schools, their books are translations of books they use in Soviet schools."

"So, what do you think?" I asked.

"I wanna try out for The Boy in Henry V, but only if the king is kinda sexy."

"What about you, sexy, sweetie?" I asked Atticus.

"I love Desdemona in Othello," he said, almost as if in prayer, "She's so pretty in this picture."

"Oh, you'd be a great Desdemona," I said, "but maybe in heels? Ophelia would be good for you too, the emotional young women, even Juliet, or Lear's daughter, Cordelia. I think Shakespeare wrote parts like those for boys like you to play."

"Do you think they'd let me play any of those parts naked?"

"Those parts are all girls, doofus," said Eliot. "You wanna show everyone your cock and try to convince them you're a girl?"

"Oh!" said an embarrassed Atticus with his hand over his grinning mouth. "Of course not. Maybe in my skimpy panties, then?"

"Well, I see two parts here where that might work with skimpy bikini bottoms," I said. "Look at Viola in Twelfth Night. She's sensitive, in love, and emotionally troubled, and she just escaped a shipwreck. It would make sense for a little while anyway that she might only have a few scraps to wear. Oh, but then she spends most of the play pretending she's a boy. Hmm.

"The other one is Miranda in The Tempest. You're the daughter of an old wizard who gets shipwrecked on a tropical island when you were a baby. You've grown into a young woman, never knowing anyone but your father, and never living anywhere but the hot tropical island. Miranda is a sweet girl, and I think she could wear a skimpy bikini. I really think you should wear some clothes and try out for Ophelia. It's a very challenging role that I think you'd do really well."

"I like Desdemona," he said dreamily. "Othello is a strong, muscular warrior, and she gets slapped around and raped. I wonder if we could do that for real. Oh, and she has a beautiful death scene when Othello kills her while raping her! Daddy Don! She's perfect!"

"Just tell the director you're willing to do the rape for real and see what he says." I turned to Eliot and said, "So what do you think, my boy? You like The Boy in Henry V. Anything else?"

"This boy York from Richard III looks like a snotty little bastard," he said. "I kinda like that part, and he's ten."

"He has that aspect when he talks to his uncle Richard because he knows what Uncle Richard is plotting," I said.

"Yeah, but he gets to be snotty with him and not get in trouble! I like talking to people like a snotty asshole when I don't feel happy. Maybe this will be good for me."

Just then, Kurt came down the stairs to see what we were up to, and we showed him. "Oh, the Duke of York gets to be pretty snotty to Uncle Richard all right, but it's not an easy part. You know, I wouldn't mind playing his older brother Prince Edward this year."

"Have you done this stuff before?" asked Eliot.

"Well, yes, since I was six, when I was a woodland fairy in…"

"Merry Wives of Windsor," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Ooh, sounds like someone needs a good seeing to," he said. I stuck my tongue out at him and kissed him.

"You know," Kurt continued, "I played young Richard, Duke of York, two years ago. That's how I know how hard it is. If I played Prince Edward and you played Richard, we would be the Two Princes in the Tower together, and we could do our lines together and practice all we need! They even kiss each other during the murder scene. Most directors don't show the murder, but they always do in the Shakespeare boys' club! Wouldn't that be great?"

"Dream on thy cousins smothered in the tower," read Eliot.

Kurt joined in to finish the lines: "Let us be lead within thy bosom, Richard, and weigh thee down to ruin, shame, and death! Thy nephews' souls bid thee, despair, and die."

"Cool!" said Eliot. "That's what I'm gonna tell your dad next time he cums in my hair instead of my mouth! 'Mr. Olson,' I'd say, 'despair and die!' How would he like that?"

"Oh, Dad wouldn't like that," Kurt said with a wink.

"Drunken boy orgy is tonight!" said Eliot. "We'll see!"

Chapter 138

I Love My Calendar Boy!

That night was the kind of drunken boy orgy we'd all wanted! None of us was allowed to sober up at all, and we started more slowly, which meant the men didn't spend themselves all at the beginning, and we boys began to understand the fun of what Bill called the ride up. That meant dancing and playing while we felt ourselves getting more and more drunk over a longer period of time.

It really was more fun! Like the drunken boy bondage party two doors down the street, we began with a boy pile, which some of the men called a puppy pile, to start the night's play. That was our sober play for the evening. Once we were drunk, the men would grab us at will, no permission needed, and carry us off to the designated party rooms, or just have us right there.

Eliot did it too – when he was nice and shitfaced, Mr. Olson grabbed him to take him into a party room to give him a good seeing-to, and Eliot shouted out a heavily slurred, "Mr. Olson! Thy stolen boy bids thee, despair, and die!"

I heard a well-deserved ass-slapping and "Is that all you got?" coming from Eliot. Then a few more, only louder, with both man and boy giggling. I noticed a designated sober adult followed them into their party room. I thought about that for a moment. Eliot wasn't a sub, but maybe he liked being a brat and earning his punishment? Now wasn't the time to ask, but maybe some other day.

Our attendance was way up. We had twelve boys and nine men that night. When I'd discussed our issues about staying sober and the rest at the business meeting, that seemed to generate quite a bit of interest among the other men. Boys who really wanted to be drunk and used proved quite popular among those who weren't really fans of BDSM.

Attendance at the drunken boys BDSM party was limited to eight boys because the carousel only had room for eight. That limit meant several boys every week weren't able to attend, which sustained high interest in that party and fed our party with a steady overflow of boys who wanted things a little rougher.

We had our gang bangs at our parties, and the boys who didn't get into the drunken boys BDSM parties often decided to offer themselves up for gang bangs while tied up or tied together to other boys. The Wilkinson's did have a few BDSM facilities in the basement, after all. Still, we decided on a rule at one of our Wednesday business meetings that at the drunken boy orgy parties, use of bondage equipment should be the boy's decision, and the boy had to initiate things.

The men at our party decided they only needed three of them to stay completely sober, and the rest could enjoy a nice buzz. That added another fun element of surprise because drunk men were usually a bit more impulsive. One of the three sober men was solely responsible for making sure the boys were nice and drunk and stayed that way safely. (It was also his job to clean up any puke if he didn't do his job quite right.) The other two sober adults circulated among the guests to make sure everyone was having a safe and fun time, and they also helped with the drinks.

***

We decided to try an informal extension party with SABLE. It was on Saturday nights. At first, we tried what we called the Atticus Romp! It was just a gathering of men at our place who wanted to have their way with Atticus. Eliot and I just watched and kept the snack trays and the drink bottles full. Elliot sometimes masturbated as he watched. He thought it was hot seeing his boyfriend fucked by groups of men. At our regular parties, he didn't usually get to watch because he was occupied with men of his own. The men knew Eliot was off-limits at the Atticus Romp, and so was I.

We got more men than we expected during the first two weeks. It turned out there was a larger-than-expected number of men who wanted sissy-girly femboys, so we expanded the party and gained SABLE Club sanctioning for the Submissive Femboy event. We found lots of boys who were turned on by the idea, including Kurt. Our first party attracted quite a good number of boys, seven, which included Willy, Kurt, and, to my surprise, Julio, plus twelve men. The following week, Julio brought his younger brother Helio, so we had eight boys and twelve men. Again, Eliot was off-limits, but he was allowed to play with the femboys if they were willing. So was I, but that's because I was a man within the club. Eliot got special consideration because he lived at our place, and he also welcomed guests at the door. That made him a sort-of assistant host. We just encouraged him to spend his time with boys other than his Atticus.

***

The party began! I took Julio and Helio first. I wanted the brothers with the dark, soft skin. I had Julio suck my cock, which had grown almost as big as his, though I could swear his had grown considerably over the last year. While Julio was sucking me, I had sweet lil Helio stand on the table so I could suck him. Then I bent Julio over the table and fucked him. Helio straddled his brother at the same time, so I could continue sucking him. I commanded Julio to cum, which was going a little beyond the theme of this particular party, but he obeyed.

It was the strangest feeling knowing that I was the man at age fifteen, and Julio was my boy at age seventeen.

We paused everything so I could clean Julio's cock properly. Then, of course, I bent his sweet little brother over the table and fucked him ruthlessly! Julio kept his arm around his brother, telling him how pretty he was, and how manly I was being with him. That meant I was pleased with his sweet, girly self. He kissed his brother on his head and said, "You're doing very well, mi hermana, and I am very proud of you."

"You are so soft," I said. "Your body is delicate and beautiful," I said. "Your ass feels better than a pussy because it's a boy pussy."

"Look Papi!" said Julio. "Helio is doing so well!" Sr. Gomez had come to the dining room for some snacks, and he decided to stay and see how his younger son was performing for the party host.

"Su hija es muy lindo, Sr. Gomez," I said. "He is so beautiful. His lace stockings set off his soft, tan skin beautifully." Helio's body lurched, and he barked out a small load of cum on the carpet.

"Oh, that's my boy-hija! – call me Jorge." he said. "The stockings were his idea; the boy knows how to be pretty."

"The single braid down the back of his long hair," I said. "That is so… so… AHH!!!" I came in the boy's ass right then.

"Julio! Why are you waiting?" said his father Jorge. "Catch his cum and clean him! He doesn't need more cum on his carpet!"

I could feel Julio's big tongue licking from my balls to my shaft, then up his brother's perineum and to his balls. That seemed like weird contact for two brothers, but their dad said nothing, so I said nothing – it turned me on! I kept both boys where they were and face-fucked another load into Julio's mouth.

***

I will never understand why femmy boys dressed in drag are so sexy, but girls dressed the same way aren't. Their bodies are the same shape until puberty, and they have the same soft skin. Girls just don't have a cock. They have a slimy slot instead. If a boy didn't have a cock, I think he could still be sexy. I'd still fuck his ass, and he could still suck me. What was it about girls that made them so unappealing?

Was that the right word, though? There were a lot of girls I liked as friends and a few that I even liked playing with sexually. Believe it or not, during that summer of 1986, I even began to enjoy having Alicia as a fuck buddy from time to time. She was a young friend, and she liked having my growing cock in her pussy since she asked me to take her virginity. Most of the time I wanted to do anal with her though – Alicia wasn't unappealing. She was nowhere near as appealing as a boy would be if he had her same personality. Why? If she were a boy, Atticus and Eliot might have two uncles-only-different.

Maybe it was because normally boys weren't supposed to be dressed in girls' clothes. When things were unusual, or perceived as sexually wrong, I noticed that made them more appealing, like fucking eight-year-old boys like Atticus and Eliot when we first met. Fucking Cynthia on the bus was kinda the same thing. Sure, it's normal for boys to fuck girls, but we were on a bus full of gay boys having a gay boy orgy. That kinda made it wrong in a way, or certainly unusual. Cynthia was really sweet though, and the boys liked her. I definitely thought about whether it was wrong for Julio to lick his brother's bolas while he was cleaning me, and that made me cum again quite quickly.

***

Jorge was proud of his boys, especially Helio and his girly performances, so he ordered a really nice Pentax SLR camera with three really nice lenses and even some studio flash equipment through the local Ben Franklin, and he decided to make portfolios for his boys, including their youngest brother, Emilio, who was only seven. Jorge was really quite good at photography, and everyone wanted to see his latest pictures of his beautiful boys.

No one seems to remember who's idea it was. Still, once Jorge got his photo studio set up in his basement, SABLE decided to produce a Femboy calendar for 1988 featuring the prettiest boys who participated in at least one of our Sub-Femboy parties, with bonus points going to boys with more frequent attendance. The way it worked was that the men who came to the Sub-Femboy parties would cast one vote for one boy who was there that week, the one boy he thought was the most alluring. Of course, this contest made attendance skyrocket at our parties, but it was easy to tell which boys didn't really have their hearts in it.

The twelve boys were chosen over the summer, and one at a time, they all paid a visit to Jorge's studio for a two-hour session, a half-hour each with three outfits and one nude series. Pauline, the stylist who had done Atticus' hair the previous year, was there to help with hair and makeup. I thought she was very good. The pictures were meant to tease, so the most cock that was allowed to be shown was the base of the penis (up to one-half shaft length, or one inch, whichever was longer) and the whole scrotum. Boners under tight panties (or under anything else) were also allowed, and quite popular. In fact, it was difficult to get pictures of the boys without boners.

In the end, there were hundreds of pictures of each boy, which the Club took up a special collection to have developed. It wasn't cheap! The 35mm film alone was very expensive. Jorge used a 100-exposure roll of professional quality film for each half-hour session. The film had to go to a special processor in Brainerd that had professional-quality equipment to get the sharpest images.

Jorge and a special committee of two men and two boys sorted through the hundreds of pictures over the month of September (such a terrible job!) and narrowed them down to the five best for each boy. Then everybody in the SABLE Club, men, and boys, voted for which single picture was the sexiest for each boy.

I was pleased at the winners. First place was Ms. December; second place was Ms. November, and so on. Of course, my Atticus was Ms. December. His photo showed him wearing a wide-open, pink lace negligee with a green ribbon and a tiny red bow covering the end of his hard little boner. I was nicely surprised to see Helio as Ms. November, in the same stockings he was wearing when I'd fucked him, lying sideways in front of a mirror so we could see his gorgeous brown ass. He had a cheap romance book in his hand, and a pink bookmark lying against his hard cock, covering the necessary amount.

I was thrilled to see my Brown-haired once-mystery-boy Kurt as Ms. October, kneeling up tall, facing the camera, slightly pouty, semi-erect, skimpy panties pulled down far enough to accommodate a man's hairy hand, which was reaching out from between his thighs and holding the end of his cock in his fist. Willy was Ms. September, shown lying on his back, roses around his head, which was to the right of the picture and black fishnet-stockinged legs to the left. His head was turned to face the camera, and his right forearm was resting on his forehead. His left leg was lying flat, but his right knee was bent. He held his cock in the two smallest fingers of his left hand, as if wanking. Knowing Willy, of course he really was wanking.

We knew the calendar would be a hit.

Chapter 139

Beast with Two Backs

The club ordered 250 copies of the SABLE Femboy Calendar to be printed. It was intended to be given as token gifts and stocking-stuffers for the Club's membership. However, everywhere from the film processor to the print shop to Ben Franklin, huge interest followed, so the club ordered another thousands of them to be printed and sold first to the people in the production network, and then over-the-counter at Ben Franklin stores, primarily in St. Albert, where the boys were all known. The boys in the calendar became very popular at school, and of course, Mr. Underweather had one hanging in the classroom. (The boys and I had sent it to him anonymously.)

***

All this talk of the Femboys of SABLE Calendar is getting ahead of the story. It is the summer of 1987, four years since the bombs, and we had big plans. We found optimism was sweeping over our community as more and more services became available, and more and more cities were being cleaned up. The western suburbs of Minneapolis were mostly declared safe for habitation, with a few hot zones where people could not go for more than four hours at a time. Most of Monticello and a huge area to the southeast was completely written off because of the many tons of pulverized radioactive fuel rods that simply could not be cleaned.

The US Army Corps of Engineers had a wonderful surprise for us in late June when they declared all of St. Cloud to be clean and habitable! That was a major city on the Mississippi River, and the last to receive clean water from the river before Monticello. Soviet engineers had begun assisting the Army and other organizations involved in the cleanup because one of their biggest nuclear power plants at a place called Chernobyl had exploded and blown radioactive debris everywhere. It was such a huge disaster; it made Monticello seem like nothing. Anyway, the Soviets had gained valuable experience in cleaning up after nuclear disasters, so the US Army welcomed their help.

Summer had begun, and for once, the world didn't seem so bad! I even learned from Wright County Social Services that my mother had been in for a visit. Apparently, the records of the house's title transfer into my name had somehow reached her in Sweden, and she thought that meant she owned the house, and that the sheriff could restore me to her custody as a runaway. This had all happened the previous March, and I never knew!

It seems the county officials told her that I was fourteen and that I was guardian to two young boys. That made me legally emancipated from her, which meant I once again was a US citizen, she had no claim to the house, and no basis for a custody claim. I smiled at this news, but later that night I held Kurt, and I cried. She didn't even want to see me. She'd come all the way from Sweden. She knew where I was – What had I meant to her.

***

The St. Albert Shakespeare Boys' and Men's Clubs (the SAS-BMC) had always performed in Berning Park before the bombs, but fully decontaminated, wide-open public spaces simply didn't exist in St. Albert. That is, except for the Zachman farm, which was right at the edge of town. Farmers has set about decontaminating their land in 1983 as soon as it was safe to do so in order to produce a safe crop in 1984. The Zachmans were no exception, and as lovers of theater, they gladly donated space for our productions.

Plays were done by companies within the SAS-BMC. Each company included a full cast of actors who would work together on two plays that opened five weeks apart from each other, so everyone who was cast in one play would also be cast with mostly the same actors in a second play.

Eliot auditioned for lots of really ambitious boy roles, including Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream, Ariel in The Tempest, and Prince Arthur in King John, as well as the two he wanted most, The Boy in Henry V and the snotty bastard Duke of York in Richard III. He was eventually cast as The Boy in Henry V, but he didn't get the Duke of York. Instead, he got Prince Arthur. Kurt was cast as Viola in Twelfth Night and as Prince Edward in Richard III, so he and Eliot were both disappointed not to be working together as the Two Princes.

Atticus auditioned for everything it seemed. He got his wish and was cast as Desdemona in Othello, and he got my wish and was also cast as Ophelia in Hamlet! That meant that while Othello was running, he would already have to begin working on Hamlet. For a ten-year-old boy who had never acted before, that seemed like a lot for the directors to expect from him, but his auditions were pure magic. He was not a boy. He was a sensitive, mature, teenage girl whose heart was being torn out. He was also able to memorize two-minute monologues for the second part of auditions, called callbacks, in only ten minutes. We were all excited about how things turned out, though we all wished Eliot could have played the snotty little duke.

I didn't audition for anything. I had no desire to act on stage. Still, each play the boys were in needed extras – townsfolk, various lords, that sort of thing, people with no lines, so I agreed to help out in that way. It saved actors in the cast from having to do too many quick costume changes so they could come in and out as major characters and then as extras.

***

It turned out that Mr. Underweather himself was directing Othello, so he, of course, permitted the sex and rape scenes to be done with actual penetration, even though that risked making it obvious that it was a boy playing Desdemona. (Everyone knew it was an all-male production, but still…) He thought it would bring an element of realism to Othello's performance if he had a nice boy hole to drill at the beginning when they made 'the beast with two backs.'

There were no Afro-Americans (the proper term of respect used in the USA at the time) living in St. Albert, and Mr. Underweather didn't want to use makeup to make someone look black, so even though his audition wasn't great, Jorge Gomez, the man with the darkest complexion in town, was cast as Othello. He was good at memorizing his lines (and he had a ton of them!), but in rehearsal, his performances were flat, though he always had a stiffy when he needed one, but on opening day, wow – He came to life!

Then I remembered something his son Julio had once said: "In our country, we watch, we learn, then we do." Mr. Underweather said he had known lots of actors who worked that way. In rehearsal, they focused on getting their lines right and being where they're supposed to be on the stage (which is called blocking), and they save the real emotional stuff for the live audiences.

My sweet little Atticus tore everybody's hearts open and watched them bleed! Night after night, audiences were weeping, sometimes sobbing heavily during Desdemona's rape and murder scene: "O, banish me, my lord, but kill me not!" Jorge was suffocating Desdemona with a pillow, and Atticus always had to hold his breath until Jorge came in his ass. The whole suffocation-rape was an incredible turn-on to Atticus, so any orgasms he had, and he always had a few, had to sound like desperate screams of horror, which they naturally did. That's what made his death scenes so stunning – orgasms. During curtain call, he always stood onstage in his complete costume – tiny panties and the lace negligee he would later use for the calendar shoot – and he always got a standing ovation and many roses.

***

In the summer heat, Eliot got away with a minimal costume as well, though it was a very boyish costume. He wore sandals and old-fashioned pants that had been torn to shreds. They were meant to look the length of shorts, but there were many vertical tears that allowed easy viewing of his ass cheeks.

He also did a fantastic job! In the scene where we learn that Falstaff died, the scene began with Pistol angrily fucking The Boy against a wall while whipping him for no apparent reason. The character of Pistol was like that. It helped Eliot that his King Henry was indeed an incredibly sexy man who often carried him around with his hands on Eliot's usually bare ass, with an occasional finger inserted. His Majesty always took what he wanted, and his subjects were always eager to give!

During the scene in the camp on the night before battle, we saw Henry fucking Eliot with authority, yet a great deal of love. We saw that his pants had become so badly torn in the back because the king preferred to yank them aside rather than removing them from the boy. He was also completely naked and rather filthy for his death scene to imply the French soldiers had raped him before killing him. He remained naked and filthy for curtain call, of course.

***

Kurt had a tough time in his role as Viola in Twelfth Night. He was supposed to be an identical twin to Viola's brother, which isn't really how nature works. Shakespeare used to have identical twin boys in his casts, so no problem. Put a wig on one, and he's Viola. The SAS-BMC had no identical twin boys, so the actors really had to sell it, but the boy playing her twin brother was also twelve, and of course, he was far shorter than Kurt, who was very tall for his age. The older boy they cast as Countess Olivia was completely unconvincing in her obsessive love for Viola when she was dressed as a boy, so Kurt had very little to work with.

The two scenes that made the play fun were, of course, the sex scenes. First, when the captain saves Viola from the shipwreck, she repays him with a great blowjob and a good fuck in her ass. The actor who played the captain had a huge cock too. There was always an impromptu round of applause for Kurt at the end of that scene. Then at the end of the play, when all is revealed, Duke Orsino gave Viola another good shag to celebrate their engagement. It was a comedy, though when the small boy playing Viola's twin brother tried to fuck Olivia. He did his best, but again, the boy playing Olivia gave him nothing to work with.

***

After the second performance of Henry V, Eliot got some fantastic news! (More later.)

Chapter 140

Why Hetero?

"Why don't you like girls?" asked Alicia. She was riding my cock, facing me, while I was slouched in a chair, watching the child porn video that was on the screen. We were having another meeting of SACKS, the St. Albert Club for Kids and Sex, a co-ed sex club for all the kids who went to our school. Alicia was becoming a good friend, and I liked playing with her because it made her feel so good. She was eleven, and I was fifteen. It seemed so long ago that she had given me, a gay boy, her virginity.

"The same reason you don't like girls," I said. Despite the presence of an incredibly hot Hollywood superstar boy about to get fucked on screen, I thought I should look at Alicia for this talk.

"I like girls!" she said. "I lick pussy, and I finger them, and I like when they do that with me."

"Oh yes," I said. "I've seen you do it too, and you seem to be very good at it. Could you imagine having a girlfriend instead of having a boyfriend? Or only being with girls and not boys?"

"Yeah!" she said in a tone that she told me she expected me to believe it, even though it was a blatant falsehood.

"Alicia, I like you, and I even love you in a very nice way. I like to make you feel good by fucking you from time to time, but unlike you, I can't imagine having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. Something very, very big, would be missing in my life, and I don't think I could ever be happy. Sex is fun and wonderful, but each of us needs a certain kind of person to fall in love with, and for me, I need that to be a boy."

"I know," she said. "I know all that stuff, but I wish things were different."

I gave her a soft, quick kiss and pointed to the boy being undressed on TV. "Do you like him?" I asked. "I think he's so sexy and so cute!"

"Yeah, he is, but too bad for you, he's not gay!" she said.

"But he's always getting fucked in the ass in these movies," I said. "I mean look at that blowjob he's giving! That's no straight boy. He loves that cock, and he wants it in his ass now! Besides, he has a boyfriend!"

"Ha! You want it in his ass now! I can feel it in my pussy, and it feels really good." She gave a moan of approval while I watched my gorgeous boy on TV. "He's really straight. He's just good at what he does, and he likes the money. A lot of those Hollywood boys have boyfriends in public, but it's all girls in private."

She leaned forward, put her head into my chest, and rode my cock in earnest while I continued to watch my boy on TV. She actually felt quite nice as she forced me deep into her shallow pussy. Then came the part I was waiting for. She was moaning and gasping, and my TV boy was off his knees and lying face-down on some pillows. The man's cock was still hard and huge. He rubbed it along the boy's crack. Alicia screamed, the huge cock plunged into the boy's ass, and I screamed.

Alicia didn't stop though. She was really into it. I hugged her tight and tried to keep my cock hard as long as I could for her. I kissed her on her cheek, and she trembled. Her whole body trembled. That felt kinda cool, but I wished there was more I could do for the poor girl.

"Anyone want some cum?" I asked the room.

"With girl juice?" I heard a boy ask. Then three girls came over to clean us off. Alicia rolled off to her side, where a girl sucked my cum out of her pussy and licked the surrounding vulva clean. The other two girls cleaned me up nicely. More girls.

***

Alicia went off with the three girls and had some all-girl group sex. I wondered if it was meant to show me how much she liked girls. Then I thought I was being a bit arrogant to think she chooses her sex partners because of me. I walked over to Atticus, who was masturbating while watching the boy being fucked on TV. He immediately turned his head and sucked my cock, which had never fully softened, and it sprang up straight. I sat down, leaning against the couch, and settled him down on my cock while we both watched the movie. Man, that scene was hot!

Little Willy came by a few minutes later to suck Atticus' cock. Atticus went into one of his prolonged body spasms where it was impossible to tell if he was cumming multiple times, or it was just one long orgasm. Whichever it was, Willy and I held him in place, sucking and fucking, at least another ten minutes, when the scene ended with a load all over the supposedly hetero boy's face and another load up my sweet little boy's butt.

"Do you think that boy could be hetero?" I asked Atticus.

"Didn't you know that? Of course, he's straight. I don't care, though. He's amazing."

"You like boys, and only boys," I said to him, "and you dress and act pretty girly in a lot of ways…"

"Well, yeah," he said with a quizzical look. "Are you trying to say something, Daddy Don? I mean, I told you I don't know if I'm a girl."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I said. "It's not that. I just wish I could understand Alicia better. Maybe I could explain about being gay in a way she can understand."

"She knows all that, Daddy Don. She just wishes it were different, so she bugs you about it, hoping her wish will come true. She knows better though. Since you busted her hymen, she always has you as a part of her. That makes her feel better and of course, she loves playing with you."

"Yeah, but after I fuck her, none of the boys will come near me, except you because I smell like pussy."

"That's not true, Daddy Don! Lots of boys here like cock and pussy both, and you know who they are!"

"Yeah," I said, "but I usually avoid them because they smell like pussy."

***

We had a discussion at the next SABLE Club business meeting when I brought up that gorgeously sexy hetero boy in that boy porn movie. I wanted to see if anyone had any ideas for bringing hetero boys into the club. We decided to invite heterosexual boys who had never played with a boy or a man to the next party. There, each boy who got naked gave a blowjob to a man, took a man's cock up his ass all the way just once, and wanked the man until he came all over his face while swallowing some of it. Most importantly, who smiled the whole time, he would win $100 in cash and a lifetime membership in SABLE for him and his dad, if they wanted it. We called it the Future Actors in Porn, or the FAP challenge.

For the night of the challenge, their dads were invited as guests. Turnout was far better than we'd expected. We had six boys competing, and all six brought their dads. None of the dads had been to a boy sex party before, but apparently, some of them had fantasized about it. Some of them were naked with our boys within minutes of their arrival, but that didn't last long when they found out all the boys were watching the challenge.

The first boy had a really cute smile and an even cuter butt, but he broke his smile when he began gagging on the man's cock. His judge, the man whose cock he was sucking, said all of our boys lose composure when they gag. "Keep it up, you beautiful boy!" he said to him.

For the anal penetration test, the same volunteer, Little Willy, lubricated both man and boy. The man lay on his back on the dining room table, and the boy knelt astride him. It was up to the boy to lower himself all the way down onto the man's cock, just once. The first cutie had apparently done some homework. He seemed to know he had to move around and start slow. He smiled like a game show host. He started grunting, and his grunts turned to calls of "yeah, yeah!" The more he stretched, the more he shouted for joy, though we all knew how much it hurt the first time. He finished to a round of applause with a great scream and a huge smile.

He lifted himself off the man's cock very slowly and hopped down from the table and straight to his knees, still chanting, "yeah, yeah!" with his winning smile. Oh, I wanted to be next in that ass but he had a little more work to do. He began wanking the man, but he didn't do it quietly.

"What a nice, big, beefy cock! I've never had a man's cock in my hand, and you're so hard! Do you like the way my hand feels? Do you like naked boys playing with your cock? Do you like it when straight young boys like me stroke your cock? Show it to me! Give it to me!" – The man did. The boy opened his mouth, closed his eyes, and tilted his head back, still smiling. His smile only faltered for a millisecond when he swallowed some of the cum.

"I've never tasted anything so manly," he said, trying to save the situation.

He also seemed to think it would help if he sucked the man a little more, but the man backed up, bent down, and kissed the boy. "We have our first winner!" Three little boys ran up to the man and boy. Two licked the boy's face clean to the sound of intense giggles, and the third cleaned the man's cock.

When his face was clean, the boy stood up and received an envelope with his cash winnings and certificates of lifetime membership for him and his dad, plus a pewter medal with a boy sucking a man's cock and a framed certificate proclaiming his accomplishments. His naked dad ran up to him and gave him a big hug and a kiss. "Andrew! I'm so proud of you, son!"

Four boys succeeded that night; two did not. Of those four, three came back for several more meetings (including Andrew), and all four dads became regulars, as did Andrew. He figured out he liked men, and he really liked having his ass stretched, once he got used to it.

Chapter 141

The Play's the Thing

The SABLE Club left the FAP challenge open indefinitely. Anytime a boy wanted to try out; he could come on a Wednesday and go for it. Before long, we realized we had to limit the age to twelve. It didn't seem fair for seventeen-year-olds to compete at the same level as prepubescent boys. Then we suspected some of their dads were lying about their sons' ages as a way to try to get into the SABLE club for themselves (normally men had to bring a boy to be eligible for membership), so we finally settled on limiting the challenge to boys whose voices hadn't changed yet. It wasn't perfect or always fair, but it was the best we could come up with.

***

Summer has a way of passing faster and faster the older you get, and I can tell you that at age fifteen, I was feeling old. I was removing more and more hair from my body, now from my legs and soon from my armpits. I tried to pitch my voice a lot when I talked, so my deep voice wouldn't seem too obvious. The local Ben Franklin didn't help when they put up their 'Back to School' signs while it was still July. That always dragged my mood down.

Summer was flying by apace, with alacrity, and all those other words Shakespeare would have used. I mentioned that Eliot had gotten some good news after the second performance of Henry V. Well, it's a little complicated, but here goes. The director of Twelfth Night, and therefore also Richard III, was unhappy with the performance of the boy who played Viola's (Kurt's) twin. I thought that was completely unfair given the challenges he faced, but I guess I'm no expert. I think the boy who played Olivia might have been the director's son.

Anyway, he was the boy who was also supposed to play the snotty little bastard, the Duke of York, in the play Richard III, but the director had lost confidence in the poor little guy. (It really felt unfair, but I think I got more upset than the boy did.) So the director of King John swapped Eliot for that boy. He would now play Prince Arthur, and Eliot would get his wish and play the snotty bastard duke! (I think the reason the other boy wasn't so upset was that he was intimidated by all the work it would take to play the duke.)

So Eliot had to begin rehearsing with the other director right away, while Henry V was still showing. (All plays showed Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons for two weeks.) As a thank-you to the Zachmans for providing space for our productions, they were given the concessions and all revenue, which was the very least we could have done.

Evenings around the house were mostly empty while the boys were at rehearsals or at home working lines and rehearsing scenes in Kurt's room. We missed a lot of SABLE parties and events during rehearsals, which had us all horny constantly. Eliot seemed a bit nervous, but he needn't have been. Working with Uncle-Only-Different worked really well, and the director was very pleased with his progress, especially the murder scene.

The boys were in bed together, naked, of course, and two men named Dighton and Forrest pull down their blankets, revealing their soft, naked, and vulnerable bodies, and smother them with pillows. There was no rape, unlike Othello and Desdemona, but somebody had given the director the idea that when boys suffocate, the last thing they did was get an erection. Whether or not that was true, Kurt and Eliot asked me to work that scene with them so they could practice popping their boners at just the right time. Eliot's problem was that he always seemed to get his boner too soon.

The play was a huge success, even though on the third performance, a Sunday afternoon, Eliot forgot a few lines. Kurt helped to fill the empty space, though, and it really wasn't so bad. Everyone raved about the murder scene. The boys were supposed to look pretty, and they did. They were supposed to kiss each other sadly, and they did (they stretched it a bit, though). They were supposed to get boners on cue, and they did every single performance! All that rehearsal helped.

***

Meanwhile, the boy-queen of rape was rehearsing for Ophelia. The director had been so impressed with Atticus' rape scene in Othello that he added one in Hamlet. Atticus could make an orgasm look and sound like agony that would make anyone with a heart cry aloud.

He also had to sing several times while crying because Ophelia was in so much pain she was going completely mad. Atticus had this moment where he had his face down on the stage, and his butt raised to the sky while singing in desperate tears. It always made me cry. It was as if he was saying, "I need my Hamlet in my ass, but where is he? He's gone, and he'll not come back." It was absolute loneliness and helplessness.

And will he not come again? And will he not come again?

No, no, he is dead; Go to thy deathbed; He never will come again.

Atticus was nervous about the singing, but then he learned that he was supposed to be crying more than singing, so his singing could be terrible, so he relaxed and did a great job.

He was a little upset, though. Aside from a sex scene earlier in the play and the rape scene later, Atticus had to wear a full dress. There was no talking this director into a lace negligee and skimpy panties. Of course, the dress itself didn't bother him. It was the fact that he had to wear such a costume that no one could see his sexy body. The director made a compromise and let Atticus take his bows during curtain call while only wearing a pair of skimpy panties. He always tucked his cock back between his thighs to make it look like he didn't have one.

***

Summer seemed busier than during the school year, but it was over so quickly. I wanted the boys' plays to go on forever, but we were all anxious to get back to the SABLE parties, which were very poorly attended while so many of the boys of the town were doing theater. The committee tabled a motion to put on plays of our own the following summer, plays that were completely erotic in nature. (Tabling a motion means to set it aside and think about it so the committee can come back to it later.)

It was about this time that shooting began for the Femboys of SABLE Calendar. It was also about this time that school started again. I moved into tenth grade, so I had a new teacher in the upstairs classroom across the hall. Kurt started seventh grade in the classroom I'd just left, and the boys began fifth grade in their same classroom with Mr. Underweather. A lot of the new fourth graders in that room were confused why half the class showed up naked, and the teacher didn't say anything about it.

We enjoyed what would probably be our last month of walking around town naked. We stopped by Mr. Underweather's house a few times during the summer and on September weekends to tease him, but my sweet little Atticus always gave him a 'full release' when we were done. We realized he loved the teasing, though, so nothing at all would change at school. Even though half the students showed up naked for that first class, it was obvious to the incoming fourth graders that Atticus was leading that movement.

The cutest thing happened on day two. At least half of the fourth graders came naked, but only Alicia was naked from the older grades, and Atticus was wearing another skimpy pair of panties, which he took off because he felt bad for the little ones. The poor fourth graders were so confused!

One boy in fourth grade was attracted to Atticus. Not like he wanted to be his boyfriend, but as a fellow femboy. He had pink hair, a svelte body, glitter on his eyelids, and mascara. He wore an open pink vest with white fur trim and nothing else. Atticus was such a sweetheart! He took the boy under his wing right away, but the boy couldn't keep up. He liked the look, but he wasn't ready for femboy sex, or being super femmy everywhere he went, including at home, where he'd told his parents that pink hair was the new thing among boys.

Atticus took that as a challenge, though. The boy, whose name was Elvin, was clearly a natural femboy. It was obvious to Atticus that's who Elvin was so he walked with him around town while both wore skimpy pink panties, sat in the Blue Moon to get root beers, and even went along to tease Mr. Underweather one day by making out in front of him.

The day came when Elvin brought Atticus home and introduced him to his parents while both wore skimpy panties and feather boas with lots of makeup and glitter.

"No, he's not my boyfriend!" said Elvin, "but I think you should know that I'm gay, and I'm a pretty girly gay boy."

"Well, you are pretty like that," said his mom, trying to lighten the tension.

His dad said nothing and didn't move a muscle, which scared Atticus but he told Atticus later that just meant his dad knew there was something he had to get used to. Everything was fine, and Atticus had a new femmy friend. He told Elvin about our SABLE meetings and our femboy meetings, but he thought that should wait until his dad got over the shock. He said he really wanted to try it though, and that, although his dad was difficult to read, his dad might even like either the boy sex meeting on Wednesdays or the Saturday femboy meetings.

***

Time continued to fly, and soon the holidays were upon us. Elvin and his dad became regulars at both SABLE meetings, Wednesday and Saturday, and Elvin Joined SACKS, along with about half the fourth grade class. A few of them had joined the previous year when they were in third grade, but being immersed in the sexual environment of Mr. Underweather's classroom made SACKS seem like a wonderful thing.

Boys were traded for Christmas. I got both Helio and Emilio Gomez, as well as Elvin. I gave Atticus to Bill Wilkinson, and Eliot to Elvin's dad, Mr. Chalmers. He was a bit of an unknown, but Eliot said he was up to the challenge!

Chapter 142

Tempus Fugit, and So It Ends

And then it was 1988. After that, it was 1989. Kurt moved out that year, apparently having found his latest true love. I turned eighteen and graduated high school in 1990. The boys turned thirteen and began eighth grade. Life went on pretty much the same in our quiet little town, with me crying to myself maybe once a month over my lost David. I wondered how my mom could get a report through the county when I transferred the house into my name, all the way in Sweden, but Klaus didn't, even when he said he'd be checking county records from time to time. Had they given up?

I had a rather large surprise in 1990. In our SACKS meetings, all girls below fourteen who were menstruating had to be taking birth control pills in order to be permitted vaginal sex, but once they turned fourteen, it was no longer required. Alicia had turned fourteen, and I knew it. Although she was obviously very promiscuous, she saved her pussy for me. (It was her choice. We only played once every week or two.) So there was little doubt who the father was, and we later did blood testing to confirm it was mine. In March of 1991, I became the proud father of a bouncing baby boy. (Why do we say that baby boys bounce?) We named him David Niklaus, which I thought was incredibly sweet of Alicia.

We decided, meaning Alicia, the boys, and I together, that Alicia should move in with us and become an auntie-only-different. They boys were crazy about their baby brother-only-different! They always wanted to play with him and babysit him. I caught Eliot sucking his tiny baby cock once, and we had to have a talk about that.

"For now," I said, "just remember that he is off-limits for sex play until he is seven, or maybe six if I give you permission." Alicia thought the whole thing was cute!

Alicia helped the boys learn about the female body, because although they had played with girls before, they were awkward and clumsy. "It's important for all boys to know what to do with girls, just like it's important for girls to get pregnant. The girls need you to get pregnant, and I don't care if you're gay." Well, I cared, but I held my tongue. I thought girl lessons were a good idea for them.

By the next year, 1992, they had each done their duty and gone to an agency for girls fourteen and older who needed to become pregnant. Boys or men would come by, fuck them, and leave, no strings attached. The girls' families had agreed in advance to raise the babies as part of their civic duty. Boys and men were expected to father at least one baby each, preferably many more, so records were kept when the girls got pregnant so the boys would know when they'd done their duty.

Eliot and Atticus have offspring out there somewhere, but they don't know where, and they prefer it that way.

Little David learned to walk, and soon he was talking. I don't know how it happened, but soon he was in kindergarten. Time went by fast when I was a teenager in the summer, but nothing makes time fly like having a kid!

Eliot and Atticus eventually moved out. Developers, with Soviet subsidies, had eventually begun to rebuild the ruined neighborhoods in St. Albert, and they got a house of their own. When they got a little older, they adopted a little boy of their own, named Cabot. He was seven at the time, and they immediately started taking him to the Wednesday Sable Club meetings, of course.

When I turned thirty-one, I met a boy named Joseph who was thirteen. He was a pitcher on Little David's little league baseball team. He was beautiful. I mean BEAUTIFUL! I obsessed about him for weeks, and I couldn't deny how I felt. We made love for the first time on the pitcher's mound under the moon. It was pure magic. I stopped wanting to go to the SABLE meetings. I only wanted to be with him but David never left my heart. I had simply lost faith that I would ever see him again.

When Joseph turned fourteen, he moved in with us because he was allowed to do so without parental consent. Those years were magic! Love had returned, and this time there would be no more bombs to fuck up our lives!

There would be no more bombs, but just as it happened when Klaus fell in love with a thirteen-year-old boy, the boy grew up and had to find his own way in life. Joseph needed someone his own age, and I couldn't stand in his way.

Eventually Little David grew up and had kids of his own. (He was as straight as his mother.) Cabot grew up and performed his duty, like his adoptive fathers had. He was of course gay, but despite Atticus' best efforts, he wanted nothing to do with the whole femboy thing.

***

So here I am, an old man, a grandfather, a bachelor, forever pining for my lost David. Why then did I choose to write this book now? Because one day last year, my David came back.

My David came back.

He had come back with a lifetime's worth of stories, triumph and tragedy, returned letters marked "invalid address," and a similarly sadly single existence.

It seems that as soon as they'd made it to California, while driving up Interstate Five, they collided with a drunk driver, and Klaus was killed instantly. David was taken into a boys' home and watched closely. He had no money or freedom to go anywhere, and he had no transportation. Klaus had been the one checking on county records, and David didn't have a clue how to do that, but he learned.

He learned that few counties in California had access to international runaway records. Besides, when he was an adult and finally able to leave the boys' home, I also became an adult, so there would be no more runaway records for him to search. One thing he learned from an international aid agency was that I had moved to Sweden with my mom, and I was a Swedish citizen. It just killed him when he found that out. Had I been Donovan Sigurjonsson? Yeah, my mom did that to me. She changed my official name with my citizenship documents.

David raised a daughter named Meaghan with a fifteen-year-old friend of his. Meaghan was born when David was seventeen, and he didn't feel it was right to leave her and her young mother in California while he went looking for me in Sweden until Meaghan was at least school age. When he finally made it to Sweden, the only address he had was my official address – horny old Jens' house.

Why didn't he try Minnesota? He and Klaus never did learn that I had transferred the house to my name and Swedish records showed that I was definitely still living in Sweden. That was partly my doing when I escaped the Toronto hospital, and partly the chaos of a kind nation accepting so many refugees that their paperwork sometimes got mixed up. David and Klaus had left the house because it had become a place of pain, and for those reasons, David never went to Minnesota to look for me.

Meaghan grew up and had kids of her own. When David's grandchildren were grown, he decided it was time to face his old ghosts and take an adventure drive with Meaghan back to his old house in Minnesota.

I fell to my knees and wailed when I recognized him, and I recognized him right away, beneath all the wrinkles and the floppy gray hair.

He helped me to my feet, crying as much as I was, with his chin wrinkling in that old way that used to devastate me. There was never a question between the two of us. Now that gay marriage had finally become legal in the US, we would marry and live out our days in David's old house – our house. I loved him as much as I did the last time I'd seen him.

I introduced him to Little David, who was forty-two by then, and he was so proud that we'd chosen to name Little David after him and Klaus. "What else could I do?" I asked.

That night, David and I made love on the fold-out bed in our shelter corner for the first time in well over fifty years, yet it all seemed so fresh. His soft skin was getting saggy now, just like mine, but I learned then that it was never the soft skin that was important. It was his unusual skin that told me my David lived in that body – My David. Suddenly, I didn't miss his soft young skin a bit. His saggy, wrinkly skin is now what tells me my David, my sweet, sweet David, is in my arms again, and I love him.

***

Love endures. In so many different ways, love endures. Kevin's love for me was still alive when I decided to spend time with the little boys on the Lake Superior beach. Kevin was gone, but without his love, I might not have formed my relationship with Atticus and Eliot. Klaus loved me too, and his love for me shaped the way I raised my boys. I wasn't very good with structuring their time, but when they had needs, I often wondered what Klaus would have done. That love still endures in Cabot and Little David's kids.

Then there's the love of all those boys. I loved them and so many of them loved me. They taught me how to make boys happy, and how it makes me a happier person to make them happy. They taught me how truly precious boys are. Of course that affects every interaction I've ever had with any boy.

We cannot ever reach into our souls, no matter what trauma we've endured, and remove the love we've received from another person – It endures.

True love endures – David never left. I just awoke from a long, lonely, yet wonderfully adventurous dream, and he was still there. Neither Kurt nor Joseph could have been my forever lover, not with David permanently in my heart.

David took a chance (but then that's his name, David Chance). He might have come back and found an empty house, fallen to ruins, or a completely different me who had shacked up with a completely different man. I might have been hostile toward him for leaving, but he knew about love. He knew our love wouldn't change, and that I would be just as filled with joy to see him as he was to see me. We'd truly loved each other, and we knew each other fundamentally. He just had to take that chance.

That is the lesson from this old man. I hope you will at least consider it. Love is a very, very powerful thing, and our lives are so very much better when we fill them with love.

***

To Be Continued