Chapter 31

In Situ

…has officially assumed the governorship of the state of Minnesota as of noon today following the discovery this morning of the burned-out ruins of the official bunker at the state capitol. The last known location of Governor Perpich was in his office at the capitol, which was completely destroyed by the first blast of at least forty megatons, which we now know from crater analysis was indeed a ground burst, though officials held out hope the governor might have been holed up safely in the bunker. The bunker, of course, had been heavily damaged by the first blast, and as we now know, what remained of it was completely destroyed by the second burst over downtown Saint Paul, now estimated to have been in the ten megaton range. It is unknown whether Governor Perpich or indeed any other occupant of the capitol building was able to make it to the bunker at all, given the suddenness of the attack.

I will now read you a statement prepared jointly by the management of this station, WCCO, and by the office of Marlene Johnson, governor of the state of Minnesota. The statement reads: 'As of two PM central daylight time today, July seventh, nineteen eighty-three, US officials have not been available for questions from the press, briefings with state officials, or with the governor herself. Information flow from the federal level of government was scant yesterday and nonexistent today. However, we have, with our own shortwave equipment, been able to pick up and monitor the BBC's World Service.

Additionally, as we have mentioned before here on WCCO, local broadcasters across the Midwest and beyond have established and maintained a network of communications with each other using emergency shortwave transmitters and receivers in remote locations, away from any strategic targets or population centers. This shortwave equipment was intended to be used primarily as one means among many to maintain contact with federal officials. This is not the commercial shortwave equipment we have been using thus far to communicate with our listeners and to re-broadcast our programming.

We have been unable to reach any federal official with this government-issued shortwave equipment since yesterday's attack. WCCO is bound by its FCC license to broadcast only official government news during a national emergency. However, as no official news has been forthcoming from the federal level, we have decided, in conjunction with Governor Johnson's office, to proceed under the assumption that officials of the United States government have been, and are now, unable to communicate with broadcasters through telephone, teletype, or any of the multiple forms of radio and other types of communication. It is under that assumption that we will now report what news we can fully vet and verify, using the most rigid journalistic standards, and under the authority granted us by the governor of the State of Minnesota.

The broadcasters involved in the ad hoc network we've described are only admitted into the network if personnel at two or more other broadcast stations within the network can verify their identity by personal voice recognition. This will be one means of protecting the integrity of our network and the news we gather. Governor Johnson will continue to give her hourly updates on this station, and local units of government will also be served by WCCO in disseminating their official information and instructions to the people of their jurisdictions.

From this time forward, all state and local news and information you hear on WCCO will continue to originate from official sources, but news of events outside the state should not be considered official, though it will receive due journalistic scrutiny, as you would expect from any reputable news source.'

And that ends the statement. So, call it going maverick if you like, but 830 WCCO has always been your reliable source for news, and we intend to keep it that way. The management of numerous radio stations across the Midwest have also made this same decision, some with and some without the assent of their respective state governments.

Ok folks, bearing all of that in mind, here begins our first unofficial report of news outside the state, and it's a very important development for all of us. It's also the primary reason this station consulted with the governor's office before deviating from our federal license. From the BBC: The attack appears to have been specifically aimed against the United States. No NATO allies have been struck except to the extent that American military bases and equipment within their borders were destroyed by nuclear weapons of varying yields.

The BBC is also reporting that the Soviet Union was itself struck by twenty-four presumably submarine-launched nuclear missiles aimed primarily at Soviet missile bases. No major Soviet cities were affected. This directly contradicts the statement we received yesterday from the US Department of Defense.

Tensions are reported as near the breaking point between the Soviet Union and the NATO alliance, with Soviet officials denying, you heard that right folks, denying they had anything to do with the devastation in the United States. The Soviets point to a lack of evidence of any missile launches or tracking of Soviet missiles by any nation. The BBC is reporting they have verified this with spokespersons from numerous NATO member states. No member of NATO was able to detect a launch from the Soviet Union or track any missiles of any origin moving toward the United States.

This is the major international mystery, and it appears to be the only reason for the current tenuous cease-fire between NATO and the Warsaw Pact. Several neutral nations have offered to serve as mediators between NATO and Moscow in hopes of finding a way to defuse the current tension. Most nations agreeing that the destruction in the United States is already more than the world's resources can cope with and that similar destruction in the Soviet Union would most likely lead to Soviet reprisals in-kind, endangering humanity itself.

In a statement released by the Kremlin, Soviet officials claim to be victims of yesterday's attacks, though clearly not to the extent that their American friends have suffered. Yes, the statement used the word 'friends.'

Finally, as-yet-unnamed Soviet officials have issued a written request to the United Nations Security Council to appoint teams of inspectors, in cooperation with the International Atomic Energy Agency, to visit each of its launch facilities for the purpose of verifying that there have been no launches from the Soviet Union, and that their current stockpiles have not changed.

That sounds fair enough, though likely a bit time-consuming, one would, ah, think, but we'll have to see who these unnamed Soviet Officials are and whether they might be acting outside their authority. If that is the case, it could be a sign of a potentially dangerous instability forming within the Soviet government.

Good neighbors, what this also means is that the Soviets, or at least someone, has pulled off a successful decapitation strike against the United States, using weapons that completely eluded detection by every nation known to have a capacity for detecting missiles.

Related to that, our shortwave network friends have informed us that some of the FAA's remaining area route traffic control centers and their counterparts in Canada have been checking their recorded radar data, and they have as yet found no anomalies that might suggest missile flight through large sections of the US and Canada.

We're told it would be unusual to find a radar track from an incoming missile using air traffic radar. As there is available data from so many radar facilities, and there were so many missiles, the few managers of these control centers who could be contacted believe there is a remote possibility of finding what they're calling primary radar tracks and tracing them back to their origins.

The good news is that the rest of the world seems to have survived this nightmare, and that help is on its way. Offers of help have been pouring in from across the globe, but as yet, the US has not accepted any of them, deepening the confusion, as the US government seems not to have been able to respond to this emergency at all.

The BBC World Service has run several commentaries concerning President Reagan, Vice President Bush, and the president's cabinet. President Reagan has not been heard from in public since yesterday afternoon. One BBC analyst pointed out that the president's speech made no specific reference to the date or time of the attack, nor did the president make reference to anything specific about this attack.

The same is true, the analyst continues, of yesterday's statements issued by the US Department of Defense and General Bramford of NORAD, suggesting the possibility that the president's speech had been pre-recorded, and the statements from the defense department and General Bramford had been prepared in advance of the attack. If this is true, the analyst suggested that no solid conclusions can be drawn from this analysis other than we might not have heard from the president or any other US official at all since the nation was first attacked. The analyst concluded that the Reagan administration had taken strong and decisive steps to ensure the continuity of the American Government during any emergency, including a full nuclear exchange, so there is a likelihood that the US government, in some form, is still functioning.

Well, maybe we can make no conclusions from that analysis, but if it's correct, it could have grave implications for our country. It's the Good Neighbor, WCCO AM 830. Two eighteen here in 'CCO land…

***

"I'm baffled, guys," said Klaus. "How could they hit us without anyone seeing it coming?"

"They must have some kind of stealth technology for missiles," said David. "We've got it on our B-1 bombers now, but it's a big secret. There are books about stealth jets that explain a lot, so maybe it's not so secret anymore."

"Invisible missiles?" said Klaus.

"Or no missiles," I said.

"How do you mean?" asked Klaus.

"What if they didn't shoot any missiles at us at all?"

"You mean someone else did?"

"No. Mom and I sometimes talked about committing the perfect crime," I explained. "It was kinda like a game we played in the car sometimes. Like, one day she said she had the perfect murder weapon. Stab someone with a cold, broken icicle. The weapon melts, no fingerprints. You see?"

"Ice missicles?" Klaus was looking worried now, or maybe just baffled. Maybe he thought I was just being a silly kid, and he was humoring me.

"No, goofball!" I said. "Not ice missicles. I mean no missiles at all. I mean, why use missiles? They're expensive, everyone sees them, everyone knows where they are, sometimes you can shoot them down, and it takes a half-hour to reach their target, so the enemy has plenty of time to shoot back at you. Why would anyone use missiles?"

"They have to get the warheads here if they want to blow us up sweetie, so what can they use besides missiles or bombers?"

"No, they don't," I said with a big grin, loving every minute of their confusion. "It's like powdered milk." Now their jaws dropped. I was sure they thought I was losing it.

"Why buy milk when most of it is just water? Why not just buy the part you need and add the water when you get home? Yeah, real milk tastes better, but you know what I mean."

Then David gasped and put his hand over his mouth. "That book! You mean, just the material?"

"Why not? Everything else is already here. They can just deliver the stuff they really need, I mean smuggle it in, and make the bombs here, right where they want them. Just like that book said, it's not hard to make them once they have the material. Then all they do is blow it up whenever they like, no missiles, no radar, no bombers, just boom."

"Can one of you please explain?"

"Sorry, Mr. Kettering," said David. "We found a library book that showed a few different ways to make nuclear bombs and the hardest part…"

"They have that in a library book?" he exclaimed.

"Oh yes, it's all public knowledge," continued David, ignoring Klaus' shock. "The hard part is always getting the uranium, plutonium, and the heavy water for the H-bombs. The bombs also require very delicate machining, both accurate and precise, with diamond tools, but the Soviets have enough money to buy machine shops. What Don has been telling us is that they don't need to deliver the whole warhead to us on top of a big missile. They just needed to smuggle in the stuff that's hard to get…"

"They've got tons of it in the Soviet Union," I interrupted.

"Yes, they have lots of it there, but it would be impossible for them to get it here, from American sources. So all they needed to do was smuggle that stuff in…"

"And build the bombs here, in situ," Klaus finished almost at a whisper.

"What of all those air bursts," said David.

"I worked out the delivery problem," I said, feeling proud, yet a little embarrassed for not having solved the entire riddle. "You gotta figure out how they got the bombs up in the air, or if they even did. It sounds like every time they confirm one; it was a ground burst. Occam's razor, sweetie. Why else would they do ground bursts over downtowns?"

"That sounds like a good problem for us to work on together," said Klaus. "Even if this is all some kind of misunderstanding, and the Russians do have some sort of stealth missile system, it's challenges like this that keep the brain exercised. I don't just love your young bodies, you know, I love your minds, too."

David and I shared a quiet chuckle. We didn't need Klaus to tell us that. We were science nerds! I wished Mom were still here, though, she was good at mysteries.

Chapter 32

Teaching the Teacher

"Ok," said Klaus, "Time for you two scientists to teach me something. Do you feel like giving a lesson on how radiation works?"

He was looking at the radiation log, and he had another brand new notebook next to it. David and I lit up. Any chance to make our science skills useful felt awesome, especially if a grown-up needed our help. We didn't know yet if he really needed our help though. Sometimes adults liked to humor kids and pretended they needed us – I hated that.

"Sure," we both said cheerfully.

"I think I understand what a half-life is," said Klaus, "but could you remind me, so I'm sure?"

"Well, how much do you know?" I asked.

"Ok, I think I know that if something is radioactive, it has a half-life, and after one half-life passes, it's only half as radioactive, right?"

"Exactly, Mr. Kettering," said David.

"Oh no, David," said Klaus. "I'm the student now. You guys are Mr. Chance and Mr. Langevin, my teachers."

David blushed, but I had to say something a little snotty. "You're a very good student, little Klaus. That was a good answer!" Klaus looked at me in a way that told me he wasn't playing. He seemed sincere.

"Ok then, here's what I would like you to teach me. The highest level of radioactivity that we measured was at two-fifty AM. That's when we reached sixty-eight rads per hour. It had already dropped to half that level about an hour later. Then it took over two hours to drop half again, and about six hours to drop half of that. Now I understand that some amount of new fallout might have still been coming down and adding to the totals from earlier, but that should have been gone by now. If the half-life was one hour, then two hours, then suddenly six hours, and it doesn't look like it's getting any shorter, I mean, why is the half-life changing?"

David smiled. He clearly knew the answer. I was pretty sure I knew it too, but I wanted to make sure my answer was right, too, before I said anything and looked dumb. Being insecure is not a happy way to live.

"Do you know what an isotope is, Klaus?"

"Believe it or not, yes I do Mr. Chance, I remember that from college. Isotopes are different forms of the same element. Their atoms have different numbers of neutrons, which makes some of them radioactive and some not."

"That's right, Klaus," I said, this time with not a hint of snootiness in my voice. David's question told me that we were both thinking the same thing.

Feeling relieved that I knew the correct answer, I continued with an explanation. "Some elements can have several isotopes, like hydrogen. It normally has no neutrons at all, but it can sometimes have one neutron or even two, but if it has two neutrons, that makes it radioactive." He began taking notes in his new notebook, which, for some reason made me feel nervous. "And some elements have more than one radioactive isotope, like iodine."

"So if the fallout is made of something that has two radioactive isotopes, do they each have different half-lives?"

"Yes, Klaus, they do!" David had a real knack for teaching. His kindness was genuine, and he was patient. "Iodine 125 has a half-life of about sixty days, but iodine 131 has a half-life of eight days."

"I think I get it," said Klaus. "If some of the fallout has a half-life of one hour, and that's most of what fell on us, that would be mostly gone long ago; but if there were a second isotope with a longer half-life, it would still be radioactive, and we'll have to wait longer. Is that right?"

"That's mostly it," said David, "but Donovan knows more than I do about the rest of the answer." That wasn't exactly true, in my mind. I was sure David knew as much as I did, but he wanted to make sure I had a chance to show Klaus that I was smart too, and I was grateful. I was always insecure about not appearing to be intelligent, and David was very sensitive to the needs of everyone around him, as I would come to learn.

"You have noticed that there is more than one half-life," I said.

"Yes Mr. Langevin, I guess we have two… no wait, we have three half-lives. One is about an hour, one is about two hours, and the third is about six hours."

"It's even more complicated than that," I said. "When a nuclear bomb goes off, all kinds of nuclear reactions happen almost at the same time. Do you remember the three things I think the Soviets would have to smuggle in to build a bomb here?"

"I remember uranium and plutonium, Mr. Langevin, but wasn't there one more?"

"That's right, it's called heavy water," I said. "Water is called H-2-O because a water molecule is made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. You already knew that, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Langevin, I learned that in middle school," he said with a smile.

"Good," I said. "Well, I said earlier that hydrogen has three common isotopes. If it has one neutron, we call it deuterium. Then if we make water out of deuterium instead of regular hydrogen with no neutrons, it's heavier because of all those new neutrons – that's heavy water. Do you get it so far?" It struck me that I'd never heard a teacher ask a class if they 'got' something, and I wondered why not. Wasn't that an important thing to know?

"Yes, I do, Mr. Langevin," said Klaus. "I've often wondered what heavy water was."

"The cool thing about heavy water is that it's not radioactive. You can even drink it, and it works in the body just like real water, 'cause it is real water, just with extra neutrons. And even though it's not radioactive, you can still use it as fuel for a nuclear bomb."

"Maybe you should tell Klaus why nuclear fuels are important," said David. "We were talking about isotopes and fallout."

"Yeah, nuclear fuels… um, ok. These big hydrogen bombs use three things for fuel, or at least they can use three things for fuel. They can use uranium, usually two different isotopes of it, plutonium, and heavy water, or some other form of deuterium."

"The same three things you mentioned earlier."

"That's right. So, um, when heavy water burns as a nuclear fuel, it doesn't make anything radioactive," I said. "Should we talk about fission and fusion?" I asked David.

"Just fission for now, I think. This is about the fallout."

"Ok then, the deuterium makes the explosion really huge, but it's not even radioactive, so all the fallout is made from the other fuels, uranium and plutonium, and sometimes other stuff. The way they blow up in a bomb is that one atom of uranium two thirty-five will release fast-moving neutrons, and that's the way it's radioactive – it throws off neutrons. For an atom to be radioactive, it has to throw off something, and uranium and plutonium throw off mostly neutrons. And then, um, do you know what alchemy is?"

"Isn't that the quest to find a way to turn one thing into another thing? Like turning lead into gold?"

"That's exactly it," I said, "and alchemists never knew it, but it was happening all along! They just couldn't see it because it was happening one atom at a time. Ok, so when uranium two thirty-five throws off neutrons, some of them are captured by a different isotope, called uranium two thirty-eight, and instead of turning lead into gold, it turns uranium two thirty-eight into plutonium! That's how they make plutonium, because there isn't any in nature, only a few molecules at a time. You can make as much as you want from uranium because that's one of the things uranium turns into when it decays, but that's a complex decay that requires two different uranium isotopes.

I wanted you to think about how complicated this decay stuff is because if something radioactive just sits there, like uranium, pretty soon some of the uranium will have turned into other elements and isotopes, and those are usually radioactive too. So, uranium two thirty-eight decays into plutonium and uranium two thirty-five decays into something called thorium, and those decay products keep decaying until it all turns to lead, which is kinda the opposite of what they wanted to do in alchemy."

I was so excited that someone was interested in all my nerdy, sciency stuff that I wasn't aware of whether my student was still paying attention. "So you should know that radioactive material decays into other material that's usually also radioactive, and the stuff it turns into is called decay products. There are… I think three kinds of products that are important in fallout, and decay products are the first." That sounded easier to understand. I never knew why, but some people found this stuff so difficult to understand, and even worse, so boring.

"Um, ok, so one atom of uranium two thirty-five will sometimes just break in two because it's not very stable. That's what fission really is – a nucleus breaking in half. When it does that, it releases fast-moving neutrons, which will clobber another atom, and that breaks in half and shoots off more neutrons, and more uranium two thirty-five will keep getting hit by fast-moving neutrons, and it will split in half.

When each atom breaks in half, it gives off tons of energy and even more fast-moving neutrons. Then those neutrons go and smash into other uranium atoms, and they break in half. That happens again and again, and it all happens in about one billionth of a second, and so much energy comes out of it that it makes a nuclear explosion! That's called fission because it breaks the uranium atoms in two. And plutonium works the same way."

"Did you understand all that Klaus?" asked David. I knew that meant I was being confusing and saying too much. I needed to be more careful.

"Yes, I did. Mr. Langevin is doing a fine job as a teacher." I wondered how much of that stuff he already knew, but still I liked the flattery.

"Ok, fallout and all those half-lives. Right. See, fallout isn't all made of one isotope, as you figured out by looking at the half-lives. It's not made of different isotopes of the same element, either. See, when the uranium or plutonium gets split in two by nuclear fission, the two pieces aren't the same size. They are different elements, and both of them are also radioactive.

Splitting uranium doesn't always give you the same two new elements either; same goes for plutonium. All these radioactive isotopes keep banging into each other or falling apart on their own after the main explosion is done. These radioactive isotopes and there are a bunch of them, are called fission products, because they come from fission.

That's the second product – fission products. Mostly, all the plutonium and uranium stays the way it is, along with its decay products, plutonium, and thorium. It doesn't react or break down at all. It just vaporizes and blows a long way away over the next few days, though some tiny pieces might fall out of the cloud.

Out of all the U-two thirty-five in the Little Boy bomb, they dropped on Hiroshima, only one percent of it fissioned. The rest just blew away. The bigger bombs, like the hydrogen bombs and boosted fission bombs, they work by making more fission happen, so it's still mostly uranium or plutonium blowing up, even in the big H-bombs."

"Donovan, Hunny, you might be straying a bit," said David, with a touch on my elbow and his sweetest, gentlest voice. He knew how mortified I'd have been if I thought I'd made myself look dumb. "All of the bombs that fell around us were H-bombs, but maybe if we only talk about fallout, our course content will be more focused for our student."

"Right you are," I said to David. If only I'd been one-tenth as sensitive as David!

"I think I get it now, Mr. Langevin," said Klaus, looking over his notes. "What you're saying is that this fallout is made of all kinds of different decay products and fission products, and each has a different half-life?"

"Not really," I said, unable to suppress a slight grin. "Almost none of this fallout is made of those fission products," I said, "but you need them to make the fallout. I think David should take over here and explain that part." I loved seeing Klaus when he was confused. It boasts a boy's ego when he knows something his teacher doesn't, especially when the teacher is smart. I was starting to feel silly and giggly, which was my way to feel less self-conscious, and I wanted to sit and listen to David for a while – and watch him…

"Thank you, Mr. Langevin," said Klaus.

"You see, all of those fission products Donovan was talking about are all inside the fireball that becomes the mushroom cloud. The fission is what makes it so hot, several million degrees, and since it's so hot, the mushroom cloud keeps rising and rising, very fast, higher and higher until it gets all the way into the stratosphere. Once it gets there, it doesn't come down for a long time. The stuff inside a mushroom cloud can spread over the whole world before it falls out. Remember, these fission products cool very slowly and condense over such a huge area that nobody really gets much radiation from them at all. Actually, a lot of these bombs might have already been in the stratosphere when they went off."

"Still been in the stratosphere?" I asked, "We don't know they were ever there, remember?"

"Oh, of course," said David, "I didn't mean to assume."

"Mr. Chance, I don't understand where fallout comes from then if it all goes into the stratosphere and dissipates."

"Ah, thank you. Right. Have you seen videos or films of nuclear bombs exploding?" asked David.

"Yes, I have."

"Ok, have you seen some mushroom clouds that don't seem to have a stem? Or where the stem doesn't quite reach the rest of the mushroom?"

"I'm not sure, Mr. Chance. Maybe, I don't think I ever paid attention."

"Well, when the mushroom cloud cools down enough, so it's not all glowing and fiery, you can see it's white, but the stem of the mushroom is darker gray. That's because they contain different things. The mushroom cloud contains all the fission products, and it will keep rising into the stratosphere, but the darker gray stem is made of dirt and debris from the ground that gets pulled up by the mushroom cloud."

"Mr. Chance, if the blast blows everything away, how does all that dirt and debris fly up in the air and move toward the mushroom?"

"That's a great question, Klaus," said David. "Remember, the mushroom cloud is moving very fast, up into the stratosphere, but when something big moves through air, more air has to come in behind it to fill the empty space. In this case, it's a huge, gigantic space under the mushroom cloud that needs to be replaced by lots and lots of air. That creates a powerful wind under the mushroom cloud going straight up, and even inside the mushroom cloud, the middle is rising so fast that it creates this big, round, spinning cloud thing that's shaped like a donut that can shoot that debris straight out of the top of the cloud.

All that wind is so powerful it can lift millions of tons of dirt from the ground. The important part happens when the dirt in the stem reaches the fission products in the mushroom cloud. For most airbursts, that never happens because the mushroom cloud is too far away from the dirt, so this sort of fallout doesn't ever happen, but for most low air bursts, like the two we dropped on Japan, and for all ground bursts, it happens."

"So, Mr. Chance, you're saying the dirt has to reach the mushroom cloud to mix with the fission products in order to make fallout?"

"Generally, yes," said David. "Remember, Donovan told you about how we get so many fission products. On top of that, not all of the radioactive uranium and plutonium gets consumed in the explosion. Actually only one percent of the uranium in the Little Boy bomb we dropped on Hiroshima underwent fission, so vapors from uranium and plutonium isotopes are also in that mix. Remember also what Donovan said about decay products. Now we have decay products from the fuels, and we've got decay products from those decay products, and we've even got decay products from the fission products, and we're still only halfway there! Now imagine how many different kinds of elements are contained in the huge stem cloud of dirt and debris, each of them reacting with the dozens of decay and fission products that are in the cloud already."

"So does the dirt become radioactive too then?"

"Yes, it does, Klaus. The radioactive materials created when the cool dirt and debris meet the hot, radioactive, neutron-rich mushroom cloud are called activation products, and yes, they all have their own decay products too. All the neutrons flying around from the radioactive material in the cloud activate the debris from the ground to a radioactive state, and I mean it's really radioactive, much more than anything else in the mix.

When you consider the fission products, the unreacted fuel, all of those decay products, and the very radioactive activation products together, there are too many different radioactive isotopes to keep track of. The hot cloud of fission products, which were all turned into vapor from the blast, keeps rising, and the relatively cool and heavy activated dirt and debris that's now radioactive, plus any unreacted fuel and fission or decay products that stick to the debris particles, falls out to the ground, and that's what most people mean when they talk about fallout."

"So, if I understand you, Mr. Chance and Mr. Langevin, the dirt from the ground goes up into the mushroom cloud and mixes with the different unreacted fuel, and the decay and fission products, which makes it radioactive from activation by the neutrons in the cloud. It falls back to the ground as a whole mess of different radioactive isotopes, and that's fallout?"

"That's it exactly!" said David. "But remember that any of the stuff in the cloud can also stick to the debris, so all of those things – the unreacted fuel, the fission products, and the decay products can be pulled down with the radioactive activation products in the local fallout. Donovan, do you want to tell him the good news about the really radioactive fallout? About the half-lives?"

"Um, sure," I said. "There's not much to say except that nearly all of these really super-radioactive activation products in ordinary fallout have very short half-lives. They decay at different rates, but the average decay should be so fast that in seven hours, the radiation should be one-tenth of what it was. That only works for a day or so, but it means that by far, most of the hot stuff is supposed to cool down quickly, and it did."

"Mr. Langevin, You said 'ordinary fallout.' Is there another kind?"

"Great question," I said, following David's example. "I called it ordinary because when people talk about fallout from bombs, that's the kind they usually mean – the stuff that falls like dusty ashes as the cloud passes. That's technically called local fallout.

There are two kinds of non-ordinary fallout you should probably know about. First, all that unreacted plutonium and uranium vapor condenses into super-tiny particles with the fission products and decay products high up in the stratosphere and stays there for days at least, usually a lot longer, even decades. Then it falls to earth as it circles the world. Those tiny particles are really radioactive, and the stuff they are made of has half-lives of years and years. Uranium-235 is part of that, and it has a half-life of 700,000 years! Uranium-238 has a half-life that's as long as the whole life of the planet Earth! That one isn't very radioactive at all, and all the unreacted plutonium-239 has a half-life over twenty-four thousand years.

The good news is that those super-tiny particles are spread out over the whole world, so no single spot gets much at all – That's called global fallout.

The other kind is like from Monticello. It's debris that was radioactive before the bombs fell. Do you know when they hit the nuclear power plant? They blew all that uranium and spent uranium rods with all of their fission products and plutonium from the power plant into teeny tiny pieces, even possibly vapors if it was a direct hit, and it went up into the air. A lot of it didn't react with anything in the cloud, depending on how much was vaporized, which is kinda bad. Do you know how activation products are made from dirt and stuff entering the cloud? Well, the uranium, plutonium, and their fission products from the fuel rods can do the same thing to the dirt and debris while it's still in the stem.

Uranium itself has a super-long half-life, and most of its fission products and decay products have long half-lives too. The amount they have at the Monticello plant is WAY more than there is in one bomb, even the hugest bomb. I mean, they have something like three hundred tons of uranium fuel rods, and thankfully only five percent or so is uranium-235 and its fission products. That's fifteen tons of uranium-235 compared to a few kilograms normally in even a big bomb.

Remember, it's not just fission products from the uranium. When radioactive stuff gives off or is exposed to radiation, it changes into something else. Uranium 238, which is what, about 95% of the uranium in the Monticello plant is, turns into the really radioactive plutonium-239 when it gets hit by neutrons from uranium 235 or radioactive fission products. That's what decay products are.

Anyway, when all that stuff comes back down from the sky, well, it's considered fallout too. Technically, it's still considered local fallout, but it's way, way, way worse than what people usually think of as fallout because, after seven hours, that fallout will be just as hot as it was when it first fell. In ten thousand years, it will hardly have changed. We got really lucky with the wind because I think the highest we got from Monticello was seven rads per hour. The people in the middle of that fallout cloud probably got, well, maybe more than five or ten thousand, I dunno, maybe even a lot more unless the reactor and the storage weren't hit directly and the heavy pieces just fell back down. It was a much smaller cloud than the one from Fargo because it was a low-yield bomb, which means it was a lot weaker than the big H-bombs that hit the Cities, but the mushroom cloud stem probably had hundreds of tons more uranium and plutonium, and all that other stuff in it."

"I see," said Klaus. "I was outside during that fallout. I guess we were lucky, but I was especially lucky." I hugged my student. This wasn't cool and exciting anymore. Klaus reminded me how personal it was.

"But don't forget that good news I told you too!" I said with a smile. "Uranium and plutonium are also super-heavy, and if the fuel rods were pulverized by that low-yield bomb instead of being vaporized, that makes it fall back down a lot quicker than any other kind of fallout. We know it was a low-yield bomb because the governor said so on the radio, so all that heavy fallout could stay close to Monticello. There's still enough uranium and stuff in the reactor there to make a huge amount of fallout though, but it's heavier than lead, or even gold!"

"That makes sense. Thank you very much, both of you, Mr. Langevin, Mr. Chance. I think I really understand this a lot better now."

"We should give him a test or make him write a report now," I said to David with a smirk.

"That sounds like a great idea," said Klaus. "I can write a report as homework for today, or you can write up a test for me to take tomorrow."

"Let's do a test," I said softly. "We can make the questions really hard!"

"But if he writes a report," said David, "it will show us everything he learned. Then we can help him understand the things he had problems with. A test will only show us if he learned whatever our questions ask him about, so we might not know if he needs more stuff explained."

"If we make him write a report, then he'll make us write reports too when he teaches us stuff! I don't want to have to write reports! It's summer!"

"Ok," said David, giving me a smile and a kiss.

"We'll give you a test tomorrow, Klaus. Ok?"

"That sounds great, Mr. Langevin. I'll study my notes. If I have any questions before the test, may I ask one of you?"

"Sure!" we both said, quite proudly.

Chapter 33

Boyfriends, Judy Hagenhoff, and Email in 1983

'3:00 PM, outside 6 rad/hour, basement .5 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"He seemed eager to take our test," said David while Klaus was in the bathroom.

"We better not make it easy," I said.

"Oh, Donovan!" He sighed, kissed me, and said, "Tests aren't supposed to be easy or hard. A teacher wants to teach something, so she teaches it. Then she needs to know if the students learned what she taught, so she tests them."

"She?"

He wiggled my nose and said, "You're being a real brat today – a real cute brat." I giggled mischievously, and we collapsed into the couch for a nice, deep, tongue-tangling kiss, which is how Klaus found us when he returned.

"Klaus, you're not dreaming," he said to himself. "You're in heaven. Absolute heaven."

It was difficult to see it any other way at that moment. Even though we were talking about nuclear bombs the whole time, David and I had something important and helpful to do. As young boys, we didn't think we had a lot of abilities or skills that we thought would be useful in our situation, so it took us out of our horrible, helpless reality. Similar results could also be achieved by falling into a pile on the couch with David and doing nothing but kissing and caressing.

***

"Did you have a boyfriend before the bombs fell?" I asked Klaus. That had become our code when we asked about people who had probably died in the attack.

"Before they fell, yes," he said, "long before they fell. We broke up about a year ago."

"Oh, was it sad?" asked David.

"Yes, it was sad, very sad, for both of us."

"How come you broke up?" I asked.

"For now, I would rather keep that private," he said. "Maybe someday, but it still hurts to talk about it."

"Would it feel better to say what he was like?" I persisted, "I mean when you were in love? Did that part feel really good? Like with David and me?"

Klaus smiled and slouched back in the recliner, looking up at nothing. "Oh yes," he said, "It felt really, really good. I never wanted to leave him, and when we were apart, he was all I could think about."

"Me too!" David and I had both exclaimed at the same time.

"Treasure it," he said. "Some love can't last, and some love will last forever, whether you want it to or not."

"Ours is gonna last forever," I said, "because I love David so much." Of course, this was a cheap way to get another kiss and a smile from David. He was easy that way. He gave smiles to everyone for free, but he had special kisses that were only for me.

"You two have a very special love," he said, "That's for sure."

"Didn't you and your boyfriend have a very special love too?" I asked.

"Yes, we did," he said, "but every relationship is different. I knew he couldn't continue. Things change, feelings change. You can either change together or grow apart, and he had to go his own way without me."

"That's so sad," said David, his eyes watering up.

I hadn't noticed that Klaus also had tears welling in his eyes. I felt bad because I hadn't realized it. David couldn't even see Klaus' eyes, and he knew how Klaus was feeling. David was amazingly sensitive, and I learned that it was one of the things I loved and needed most from him. I felt bad for Klaus, and maybe I had asked too many questions.

"Ok," said Klaus, clapping his hands, "what's next in our busy schedule? So much to do and so little time! We've done educational time twice already, we've listened to the radio enough to depress us all, breakfast and lunch…"

"And you sketched that beautiful picture of us!"

"And you two showed me again what love looks like. Busy day so far. We'll start with that regular schedule tomorrow, remember, so today is busy, but not structured. This would normally be work time, so maybe we should think about being productive."

I thought I heard a very soft sigh from David, but I wasn't sure. In any case, I took no notice. "Let's see if the computer and the TV work," I said.

"Great! What do you think, David?"

"That's a good idea," he said. "I don't know how much help I can be with my eyes, though."

"David," said Klaus in his usual happy tone, "do you really think your eyesight is all you have to offer?" He ruffled David's floppy mop of hair and reached for the TV on the shelf above the couch. As he reached, his big cock brushed against David's cheek. He gasped softly, but Klaus didn't notice. I still didn't get it – I've never been as sensitive as David.

Twenty minutes later, we had everything in place on the table, all connected and plugged in, and the moment had come. The TV came to life! Klaus and I both tried our best, but we couldn't find any stations, not even on UHF.

"Remember Donovan; we expected that with this one little antenna, but it really looks and sounds like a working TV that's just not getting a signal. Isn't this exciting?"

"Yeah!" I said.

"That's great news," said David.

"Now for the moment of truth," said Klaus. "David, you know how to switch this thing on. Would you do the honors?"

"Ok," he said with a grin. He switched it on, but nothing happened. "Is the TV on channel three?" he asked.

"Yup," I said.

David felt around and looked as much as he could to find the problem. Then he smiled. "Don! You have an Atari at home!" He smiled brightly and kissed me before sliding a long switch on a small metal box hanging from the back of the TV.

"The antenna switch!" I said. There it was, a computer screen on a portable TV, with letters so big even David could read one line at a time.

"Twenty characters per line," he said. "I never thought I'd be so happy to see such big letters on a computer screen! Dad's Apple IIe has forty per line, and you know the one in the guidance counselor's office has eighty!"

"Oh!" I said, suddenly remembering something sad. "I had a friend in Mankato," I said, mostly to Klaus – David already knew. "Her name was Judy. We sent messages to each other on that computer every day. It was supposed to be used to find educational opportunities, whatever that means, but the network had a kind of mail thing that we could use too, but not during school hours. Last time she sent me all the lyrics to Lunatic Fringe! They weren't all the right words, but that was ok. At least she didn't type 'Let Me Talk French!' Mankato wasn't hit, was it Klaus?"

"They haven't said so on the radio," he replied. "Just Rochester and Sioux Falls. I don't know if we had any missile silos or targets in South Dakota, but if Sioux Falls is the only city they hit, she should be well clear of that fallout cloud, I would think."

"Don and I stayed after school a lot because that was when we could use that computer for fun," said David. "We connected to schools all over the country on this huge network, and there were even a few in England, but they didn't have the mail message system in England that we had here. We both had friends everywhere, but Judy Hagenhoff was Don's special friend, wasn't she," he said, giving me yet another new kind of grin and a very gentle elbow to my ribs. "Donovan, I was scared though! You have no idea!"

"Scared, why?"

"Now who's being the goofball? You were talking to a girl! She was your best friend on the network. I didn't want to think… I wanted you to like boys! I wanted you to like me! And I was scared you would find a girl someday, and that would be it for us."

We fell into a lovely hug that shared all those feelings of fear and relief and love. "I thought only I felt that way about you – I mean really scared sometimes."

"I've been telling you, Donovan, we're together, and I can love you all I want because you're all mine!"

This time we fell into a lovely game of tonsil hockey that went on for some time before Klaus pretended to cough. "So, what can this thing do?"

"Not much," said David. "That's why Dad got the Apple. We made a few programs, and Dad bought a few cartridges. Were there any cassette tapes on that shelf? That's how we stored our programs. I made one that changed all the letters to Tolkien's runes. I could run it once, anytime, and after that, I could write things in private that Mom and Dad couldn't read. It worked like a regular computer, only it's like I changed the language it used."

"That's really clever, David," said Klaus.

"It was really just a lot of pokes in the right addresses."

"What were you writing that was so secret?" I asked.

"Never mind," he said with a huge, embarrassed smile, pushing me away gently. "It's private."

"Come on, David! We don't have secrets anymore, do we? You were writing to Judy Hagenhoff too, weren't you!"

"It's private, Donovan, please?"

"Donovan," said Klaus in a gentle voice, "privacy is very precious when we're all stuck together. I think we all have things we'd like to keep private. We have to trust each other, and we have to respect each other, ok?"

"Thank you, Donovan," David said with a kiss. "I promise I'll show you sometime, but not yet."

"Ok," I said.

After playing with the computer for another half hour or so, it became obvious that it was going to be very useful for measuring David's vision, and that David needed typing lessons. He always looked at the keys like I did when he typed, but he couldn't see them anymore. It was a small miracle that he could read the letters on the screen though.

Klaus and I stood on either side of David and helped him with the keyboard as he showed us a few nifty things. "See? That's all it is. If you poke a certain address to a certain value, it changes what the computer normally does. Now, every time you press the K, it will show a W on the screen, but the computer will understand it's really a K."

My level of sensitivity was improving. This time I definitely noticed, as Klaus pointed at the screen, David didn't look at the screen. He looked at Klaus' cock, which was again right next to his face. I squeezed his hand when I noticed. He looked quickly at me, showing me something I'd seen in his eyes before, a sort of sad, longing look. "I've got to go to the bathroom," he said.

Chapter 34

The Stretch

'4:00 PM, outside 6 rad/hour, basement .5 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

I was pretty sure I'd put it all together this time. "Weren't we going to have some sort of physical activity thing in the afternoon?"

"That's what I put on the schedule starting tomorrow. Why? Do you have a suggestion?"

"Well…" I wasn't thinking for myself. I was thinking for David, and somehow that makes me think more clearly and quickly. "You know contortionists?"

"Yes," Klaus said, looking intrigued.

"Well, they have to be able to stretch their muscles to bend up in those funny shapes they get into." I had never told anyone, not even David, but I'd always been turned on by contortionists. They seemed to have lots of ways they could play with their own bodies.

"Oh yes," he said. "It takes a lot of hard work to get that flexible. Are you interested in being a contortionist?"

"Well, I thought maybe it would be something fun for entertainment night."

"We can give it a go," he said. "You've got a beautiful young body right now, so now's the time to get started. You should know that most contortionists begin when they're very young. I mean like eight, or even five in some countries. You don't see many boys doing it either; that makes sense during puberty when all your muscles change. Some of your muscles have begun to change already," he said, feeling my arms and my thighs, "but you can certainly work up to it as much as you like."

"Do you think you could show me how muscles can be stretched?"

"You mean right now?" he asked. I nodded and gave him a pleading smile, having no idea how misguided my attempt at kindness would turn out to be.

"I've always wanted to do the splits," I said. "Can you show me how to do the splits?"

***

David returned from the bathroom to see (sorta) me sitting on the bathroom rug we'd used to help him climb in through the window when we first arrived. I had my legs straight and spread out.

"Now, let's pay attention to your left leg only. Look at your left knee, and let me help you roll it against the floor, left to right. Do you see how your whole leg can twist like that? Now let's spread your left leg out a bit more, and turn your body to the right, facing the chair."

I held onto the arm of the recliner so I could keep my balance while Klaus moved my leg around. "So we're going to rotate your whole leg in and move it out sideways at the same time. Great! Now the fun part. Can you feel your muscles stretching? Kinda like they're warm and burning a bit? Ok, now we're gonna start to bend your knee a little, and while we do that, I want you to point your toes. We want your foot to point backward, and we want your knee bent, ok?"

"It feels easier already!" I said. I could feel my legs opening more as we went on, but it wasn't easy.

"That's good," said Klaus. "That means your muscles are relaxing. That's right where we want you to be, as long as it doesn't hurt, ok?"

"Ok."

"Now, here's a part where David can help you. David? Would you like to come sit with Donovan? Your job will be to sit with your legs crossed and hold his left foot on your lap…"

"What are we doing?" David asked, clearly bewildered.

"Splits!" I said. "We're talking about stretching muscles," I said those last two words slowly, hoping David would get the hint.

"Donovan was curious about contortionists," said Klaus, "so we decided to try some stretching and see if he's interested in keeping it up as a fitness goal."

"Oh, I see," said David. "Well, not very well, of course," he chuckled. I felt his gentle hands caress my calf as he moved his soft body into position. Klaus smiled kindly, though I couldn't tell if he understood David's joke.

"That looks good, David. Donovan, David will be pulling back on your leg. When he does that I want you to relax and let him pull. Let your knee move out to the side. Wow, you're really pretty flexible already. Where do you feel the burn, Donovan?"

"The top of my thigh and right here in my crotch."

He put his hands on those two places and said, "That's right where you should feel it. Ok, David, start pulling gently, Donovan, relax. Give your leg to David. He's got it for you. I want to feel these muscles relaxed now. Relax and feel my hands. David's got your leg, no worries. Ok let's hold it there. Have you ever stretched that far before?"

"No, I don't think so," I said.

"If you're not in pain, it would be great to hold it for a few more seconds, and then David, lift his foot slowly back and push it forward again. Donovan, you're staying relaxed? You can pull a muscle if you don't let David help you. Good, your thigh feels nice and relaxed. You will learn to relax your groin too with practice. Great David, all the way back. No, let me do it, Donovan. It's important at this stage that you stay relaxed." Klaus lifted my thigh slightly off the ground and slowly rotated my leg and unbent my knee, so I was sitting normally again. "How did that feel, Donovan?"

"Really weird," I said. "It feels all wobbly sorta, like a leg on a puppet."

"That's because you're not toned yet. You'll need to do toning exercises while you're stretching. It's not easy being a contortionist, but you have great muscle control. I always told you in Phys Ed that you had a great body that was capable of wonderful things. This is the kind of thing I was hoping you'd find.

Sports wasn't really your thing. Coordination can be difficult to improve, but you've got potential for this. Hang on a sec." He got up and pulled a book from one of the shelves and handed it to me. "Yoga teaches a lot of the same muscle stretching and toning you'll want to learn for contortionism. You might want to look through that book sometime. You can do a lot of those exercises while you're sitting on the couch, or while we're playing Clue."

"Thanks," I told him. My gym teacher just told me I had the potential for physical activity? That was surreal, but I'd deal with it later. "David, when Klaus was helping me stretch my muscles before you helped, it was like it only went so far, but then after holding it there, it really stretched a lot more! Do all of our muscles work that way, Klaus?"

"All of them," he said. "The key to effective stretching is relaxation."

"That's good to know," said David, "because I've wanted to stretch some of my muscles too." Finally! He got it! I just had to sit back and let him take over.

Klaus knelt down on one knee where David and I were still sitting on the floor and said, "Well, great! It's always nice to have an exercise partner. What sort of stretching did you have in mind? Are you interested in doing contortion too – Or gymnastics? Dance, I know you can dance! Acrobatics?"

David blushed. He was going to back out! I couldn't let him do that, not when he'd finally had the courage to start the conversation. My effort was clumsy, but I meant well. "Aw David," I said, "He's a gym teacher, and he's a gay man. Who could help you better? Remember, we wanted to find someone?"

David put his hands on his face, flushed with embarrassment. Had I done it again? Had I embarrassed him again? I was instantly terrified! He wiped his hands down and away and looked fearfully up at Klaus, who had a kind smile for him, "Ah, I think I understand," he said. "Somebody let it slip last night as I recall," he said with an accusing look at me.

"It's just so big and beautiful," said David as he reached over and took hold of Klaus' cock. "I love my Donovan, but this is a dream I've had. I really want to, I know I can do it – I'm sure I can."

"Being able to do it is not the same as enjoying it," said Klaus, his cock clearly thickening and stiffening.

"I don't see how I can know unless I try," said David. I caressed his ass gently as he rose to his knees, bent at the waist, and began to suck Klaus' cock.

"Now that's hardly fair," said Klaus.

"Oh! I'm sorry," said David. "I'll stop."

"David… please don't stop." I snickered quietly because I knew David was really concerned that he had done something wrong. Normally he was the one who understood other people, but he was clearly nervous.

His lips looked deep red and so sweet as they easily stretched the girth of Klaus' shaft. I was surprised at how deep he could take the length of the big cock as well. It looked so effortless to him and completely natural, as easy as brushing his teeth. I had tried my best with Klaus the night before, but it wasn't as easy as David was making it seem, and I'm sure I didn't take it in that deep. His attention was fully consumed by the cock in his mouth, and I thought of what I had in store when I had a grown man's cock of my own. David would be with me forever, and I wanted him to have practice with a man's cock because puberty was coming soon.

"Donovan, would you like to help us?" Klaus asked. "Would you get some oil and a hand towel, please?"

I didn't want to miss any of this, so I hurried on my errand. "Thanks, Donovan. Now would you please lube David's anus and the whole area around it. Use lots of oil. Good. No, don't wipe your hand off yet." That surprised me. "David helped you stretch your muscles, and now it's time for you to help David stretch his."

"Oh, ok," I said.

"Now, I want you to slide your finger into David's anus. It doesn't matter which one, and pay attention to how David responds. His body will tell you if you are moving too fast or slow."

I pressed only the tip of my index finger into David's slippery anus slowly, and he didn't seem to notice. I began to move the rest of my finger in a little faster, and he seemed to gasp. He started sucking Klaus' cock faster, and with a grunt, he pushed his ass backward over my finger.

"That's good, Donovan. You have to pay attention to your partner anytime you insert anything anally."

"What do I do now?" I asked as David worked more energetically on Klaus' cock.

"For now, just move it in and out. I would say gently at first, but I think we have already passed that stage. He needs to get used to the feeling of having something in there so his muscles can understand it's ok, and they can relax. Remember how much better you stretched when you relaxed?"

"Yeah," I said. "That was kinda cool."

"Well, the same thing should happen with David, only much more, as long as we keep him comfortable. David, I need you to slow down, or I'm not going to be able to finish this lesson with you."

"Sorry Mr. Kettering," said David. "It feels so good when he does that!" He resumed his sucking at a less exuberant pace.

"Always listen to your partner, Donovan. David is really enjoying what you're doing. Pay attention to what his body does when he enjoys what you are doing. He might not always be able to tell you with words. I think we're ready for the next step. For anal sex with an adult penis, you should always loosen up. That means gently stretching the muscles in the anus until they are ready to open up for the larger penis without pain. How would you stretch David's anus a little more, right now?"

"Put in another finger?"

"Yes, that would work, but that can be too much all at once sometimes. You need to massage it first. Try these things: Move your finger around in circles, pressing toward the outside. Bend your finger a little and pull down on his anus. Good. See how that stretches it longer? Now do the same, but pull up this time. Good! Now I want you to do those three things for thirty seconds. Pay attention to how tight David's anus feels now, and how relaxed it becomes."

After thirty seconds, I could definitely feel a difference. "It's easier to move my finger in bigger circles now."

"Great," said Klaus. "Do it for another thirty seconds, and we'll move on to our next step."

I didn't understand how he kept from cumming with David doing such wonderful things to his cock. Maybe that's because he wasn't in love with David. "It feels really loose now," I said.

"Good. I think it's time for a second finger. David, are you ready for another finger?"

"Can I please have two more fingers?"

"Haha, no," said Klaus, "I don't think that's a good idea just yet, but Donovan, what did you just learn from David?"

"Um…" I hesitated, "he definitely likes this."

"Yes, I think he does, but what else?"

"He says he's ready for another finger."

"He said more than that," said Klaus. "He asked for three fingers. That tells us two things. You got the first one – he likes it a lot. The second thing he's telling us is that he feels ready to be stretched even more. So take your finger out, hold your two fingers tightly together, and slide just the tips in slowly. We have to be careful because if this hurts, it hurts a lot, and sex isn't worth that kind of pain."

"I don't want to hurt him!" I said.

"It won't hurt, sweetie. Just go ahead. Please?" said David.

"Even though he says that," said Klaus, "you still need to go slowly and carefully. Go ahead, slowly now." As I pressed both fingers in, he gasped and pointed his butt up high. "Did you see how his hips rolled back like that? That's a sign of pleasure; He is pointing his anus toward you, inviting you to press deeper. If he had felt pain, he would have rolled his hips forward, away from your fingers, and maybe arched his back. Boys do that with their bodies without even thinking. You can slowly slide the rest of the way in now. Great! How's that feel, David?" He moaned and nodded, not wanting to let Klaus' cock out of his mouth.

"Normally," said Klaus, "If you're the one penetrating someone, this is enough. Two fingers mean he stretched enough for your erect penis to slide in nicely. Always slowly though, but David wants more. He said he wants to have my penis in his anus, so he'll need a lot more stretching and massaging.

Start by sliding in and out for about fifteen seconds, good. Now you'll need to do the same three movements you did with one finger, up, down, and around, but with two fingers, you'll want to twist as well. Ok, about fifteen to thirty seconds should do. The last thing you do with two fingers is taking one finger from each hand and slide them in together. Make sure the other finger is lubed up. Good. In you go.

The reason for using two hands is that now you want to stretch his anus by pulling him open. So go in and out for a few seconds to make sure he's relaxed, good, now stretch, pull in every direction. You can pull a little harder. Pull in one direction, and I want you to hold still. Just pull. Now watch his anus. You can actually see it opening farther. Some people can stretch far enough they can actually fit someone's fist inside."

"Eew," I said. "We saw that picture in the gay book from the library."

"I don't want you boys trying anything like that. You can injure yourselves seriously, and we have no doctors here."

"Don't worry," I said. "That looked gross. It didn't look fun at all."

"Some people like it," Klaus said with a grin. "Ok, Donovan, thank you for your help. Normally I would want to use dildos now for extra stretching, but we don't have any."

"Yes, we do," said David quietly, releasing his suction on the big cock for a moment. "I found them when we were in Mom and Dad's closet," said David. "I was embarrassed! I didn't tell you, Donovan, but I brought them down. They're in that red and white box next to the water heater."

"Ok then," said Klaus. "I'll go get that box, and Donovan, you keep massaging and stretching."

"You were embarrassed?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, though with some difficulty as I continued stretching his anus open. "I thought you might think they were weird or something."

"I've always wanted to see a real dildo," I said.

"David," said Klaus, returning with the box, "your parents must have had an active sex life. They have a lot of useful items in here."

"I know," said David. "I've often wondered why I'm an only child. Please start with the one that's colored like a real penis."

"Have you used these in your anus before?"

David nodded, but he didn't look at Klaus.

"Ok then," said Klaus. "This changes things a bit. Donovan, when your partner needs to be stretched with a dildo, you should always let him insert it before you play with it. He needs to control the insertion." He toweled off a fleshy colored dildo, then covered it in oil and handed it to David. "Ok, slowly now," said Klaus, but David already had it all the way inside him.

"Please Donovan," said David, "Take it, in and out, up and down, whatever. It's yours – I'm yours."

I looked at Klaus, as astonished as he was. I took the dildo in my hand. I gently moved it in and out, up and down, all the directions I'd done with my fingers. It wasn't small either. It was at least as big as Klaus' erect cock, and I saw several larger sizes in the box too.

"David," said Klaus, "I think you're ready. "Whenever you like."

"Share this with me, Donovan." David knelt straight up while Klaus lay on his back on the rug. David straddled him as he'd done with me many times. "Hold me, Don." I knelt behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest; he wrapped his arms gently around mine.

"I'm holding it in place, David, but you'll need to guide it straight in, very slowly."

Wordlessly, David's body sank slowly in my arms. He gasped – Klaus grunted. David turned to kiss me, and we held that kiss until his slow descent had ended, and he had taken Klaus inside of him completely. I felt many things through David's lips, some trembling, some twitching, always softness, warmth, and love.

"How do you feel, David?" asked Klaus.

"Like… I've never felt like this before. I have never felt so loved." His chin wrinkled, and a few tears fell from his eyes.

"It's not too tight? No pain?"

"No, no pain," said David. "None at all! It's just… more than I ever imagined. It's nothing like the dildos, you know?"

He began to rise, then fall, and rise again. Klaus moaned, caressing David's waist and hips. I reached down and held David's very hard cock in my hand. I stroked it slowly, feeling the intensity of the moment. I didn't want to make him orgasm any sooner than he wanted to, so I was careful and gentle.

I held David, kissing his neck. He had his head back, moaning, even growling. Klaus and I helped David move up and down, and soon David was doing none of the work at all, accepting everything. David's whole body spasmed as his back arched powerfully back. The crying sound he usually made was more of a howl. Klaus and I held David's small body still while Klaus fucked faster and deeper until soon he let out a roar of ecstasy. I held David's limp body in my arms, in total silence, a distant look of surprise frozen on his face.

Chapter 35

The Black Hat's Choice

'5:00 PM, outside 5 rad/hour, basement .5 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"I started borrowing them last winter," said David. "Mom was so embarrassed when I found them by accident, but she was honest with me. She was always, always honest. She told me what they were used for. She said I could borrow one if I was curious about how it would feel in my body."

"Your mom said you could borrow her dildos?" I said, hardly believing such a thing.

"Of course I didn't," he said. "Well, not right away, and when I did, I didn't tell her."

"I'm impressed, David," said Klaus. "Your mother was a remarkable woman to talk to her son with such honesty. And what a remarkable boy you are to try something new, and to explore your own body so fearlessly."

"I only did it because… You know!"

"You were getting ready for today," I said.

"Oh, Donovan!" he said with a huge smile. "I wish you could know the feeling!"

"I should know it soon," I said. "He said I could try it with him too, but I'm glad you got to go first."

"Only when I'm sure you're ready," said Klaus. "You learned how to loosen David up today. Now David can learn on you if you like." I smiled at David, raising my eyebrows in spite of a rush of embarrassment I suddenly felt. David returned my smile with genuine happiness. "I think it would also be a very good idea for you to do stretching exercises over time the same way David did."

"You mean, with his mom's dildos?"

"I think that's a very good way to train your muscles," said Klaus. "You know now what it feels like to stretch the muscles in your leg, and you know what it feels like to relax them and let them stretch even more. Let your muscles stretch. Never force them, and don't do anything that hurts. That burning feeling is ok, but no pain."

"But won't it go faster if I let it hurt a little? I don't mind."

"No," he said sternly. "You could injure those muscles, and that would be a very bad thing."

"Bad?"

"It's a very painful injury, and if you have to go to the bathroom, you wouldn't be able to hold it inside," he said. "I will tell you right now; you would be the one cleaning up that mess every day."

"We can do it together, sweetie," said David. "I'll help you, and we'll make it fun! Two of these vibrate, and that feels so nice when you hold it just right." He felt around inside the box and held a narrow pink one up. "This is one of them," he said with a smile. "It's the one Mom said I could borrow. It was my first one, and it's still my favorite."

"But it's so small," I said with a little disappointment.

"I know!" he said. "That's good because you'll be able to use it right away probably, and this one is the best for finding that special spot that feels so good." Klaus chuckled and gave us a knowing smile.

Klaus held up a small object and said, "Donovan, this is called a butt plug. It does just what you're probably thinking." My smirk turned into a giggle. "I don't want you inserting any of these butt plugs and leaving them while you do something else. That's another way for you to lose control of your number twos. And both of you," he continued, "please remember to clean these carefully with this cleaner in the box. It's a good idea to wipe these toys before inserting them too, in case of a speck of fallout, but it's not at all as important as we need to be with our dishes."

Why did it take a nuclear nightmare for me to explore so many possibilities that made me feel so alive?

***

… part of the wreckage that is visible is described as a Boeing four-engine jet with a paint scheme apparently similar to that of Air Force One. However, Colonel DuBois points out that the US Air Force operates numerous VIP transport aircraft with similar paint schemes, so we are unable at this time to verify whether the wreckage is indeed that of Air Force One, whether the president was on board the aircraft, or even who the president might have been when it, ah… when the plane went down.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have estimated their search and rescue teams will reach the remote site sometime tomorrow mid-morning. In the meantime, specialists from the Royal Canadian Air Force are scrutinizing photos and infrared images of the crash site for clues as to the exact identity of the plane, whether there is evidence of survivors and any clues as to how the plane went down.

The Royal Canadian Air Force has also established a combat air patrol over the site. No aircraft are permitted within ten miles of the site at any altitude, including military aircraft with American markings. Of greatest interest to the RCAF, according to Colonel DuBois, is whether one of two presidential seals painted near the nose of the presidential aircraft can be found near the front of the wreckage, which of course would identify the aircraft as Air Force One, or at least one of two aircraft operated as Air Force One.

Following up on our breaking news this hour, the Soviet news agency, Tass, has reported that Yuri Andropov, Secretary-General of the Soviet Union, died of an apparent heart attack last night, Moscow time, just one hour after the attack on the US. Amid reported unrest within the upper echelons of the Soviet government, and under the interim leadership of Andropov protege, Secretary of the Central Committee, and Politburo member Mikhail Gorbachev, the Soviet Union has offered the equivalent of twenty billion dollars in cash assistance to the United States. The British and French ministers of defense have also announced confirmation that the Soviet military has unilaterally stood down their nuclear forces from high alert status.

NATO leaders are calling these steps part of a comprehensive, good-faith effort to begin peaceful negotiations with Moscow. In response to these steps, French president François Mitterrand has ordered all French nuclear forces to stand down likewise, leaving the United Kingdom as the only NATO nuclear power on high alert. Soviet ambassadors to all NATO member states have requested meetings with the respective heads of state, bearing official requests for peace talks and negotiations to defuse the situation. Interim Soviet Premier Gorbachev repeated the Soviet claim that they were not involved in the attack against the US, and they hope their generous aid and their unilateral nuclear stand-down will give NATO reason to believe their claim of non-involvement in the attack is true. Still there has been no response from the United States regarding these developments or anything else since the president's message yesterday.

Returning to news closer to home, reports have reached us from Indiana of unrest concerning the current leadership of the United States. A man was shot to death by an unknown member of a group calling themselves the Constitutional Militia of Indiana, or the CMI. The group had gathered in front of a restaurant where they believed the victim to be having lunch at the time. The gathering was intended to protest what they believed to be an unconstitutional claim to power, which the victim had allegedly announced earlier in the day.

Members of our shortwave network have received numerous and conflicting identities for the victim of this shooting, and Indiana state officials have expressed outrage over the killing and concern over the growing popularity of the CMI and vigilantism in general. Folks, I have always been happy to live right here in Minnesota.

We are the good neighbor, WCCO 830. Time now for weather. The temperature right now has fallen to ninety-one degrees, and several rain showers have fallen under many of the advancing fallout clouds. Most of Wisconsin is experiencing heavy downpours of this highly radioactive rain. We hope our neighbors in Wisconsin are finding good shelter.

The good news, according to the Wisconsin Governor's office, is that the heavy rain is removing the fallout from the atmosphere, in many locations halting its deadly advance. Here in the Twin Cities, our forecasting abilities are very limited, as current forecast models do not predict local weather changes due to the, ah, the kind of… the nuclear war we have experienced.

I will never get used to saying that. The office of the National Weather Service in Chanhassan sustained minimal damage from all the blasts, and they are doing their best. For tonight, we can expect some relief from the heat, with a low of around sixty-six degrees, of course, warmer in areas of heavy fallout.

In advance of that cooler air, forecasters advise we might experience showers or thunderstorms of unknown intensity. Storms could be of locally heavy intensity downwind of cities that were hit in the attacks do to powerful updrafts of warm air above the… the remaining city centers. If you are west of the Twin Cities, the rain is expected to be light and generally non-radioactive. If you are to the east of the Twin Cities, be ready for heavier rain, the potential for wind gusts reaching into the thirties, and a greater probability of very dangerous radioactivity in the rainwater.

We will get through this, folks. Hang in there with me. Five fourteen in the afternoon, this is WCCO 830…

"The president?" said David. "That would explain a few things."

"At least it's gonna cool down," I said.

"The plot thickens," said Klaus. "Do you boys understand what they said about the Soviet offer for aid and their unilateral nuclear stand-down?"

"Not really," said David.

"Well, imagine two cowboys in the Old West. They don't trust each other. They've both got their guns drawn. The cowboy with the white hat wants to talk things through, but the one with the black hat doesn't believe him. Therefore, what the white-hat cowboy does is set his gun down on a table next to him and puts his hands up. He shows a sign of trust in order to get the black-hat cowboy to talk, but the black-hat cowboy has two guns, and he only sets down the one in his right hand. It's a way of saying they're serious about talking instead of shooting."

"But the black-hat cowboy still has one of his guns drawn," I said.

"Yep, that's true, and the white-hat guy can just pick his gun up and start shooting anytime. That's not what matters. The important thing is to give the other guy a small advantage when they don't have to. The white-hat guy would have to take time to pick his gun up before he could fire it, so the black-hat guy would have extra time to shoot. The black-hat guy would probably win, right? The black-hat guy put down the gun in his right hand – Let's say he's right-handed – and the other guy knows this. So, the black hat guy might get the first shot off, but he might miss because his aim with his left hand isn't very good. Do you see how that works?"

"Nuh-uh," I said.

"I get it!" said David. "The white-hat cowboy weakens himself and invites the other guy to shoot him if he wants. That's very brave! But doing that, allowing the black-hat cowboy the chance to shoot him, he shows him that the white-hat cowboy is willing to risk his life, just to talk to him."

"Risk his life," said Klaus, "yes. He's not ready to die quite yet because he can still pick his gun back up, but he's given the black-hat cowboy a better chance to shoot him."

"So if he shows the black-hat cowboy he trusts him," said David, "just to talk, the black-hat cowboy does something similar, so they both know the other is serious."

"Wait," I said. "You're saying the Soviets set their gun down, and NATO put the gun down from their right hand, so now they can talk?"

"Yup," said Klaus. "That's exactly what just happened, and I think it's very good news." I kissed David. We had agreed to kiss when we had good news.

"Wait a minute!" I said. "I thought the good guys always wore the white hats!"

"We don't know who the good guys are yet, Donovan."

Chapter 36

Needy

I could never explain it, but I really did like watching contortionists, and if I could, I wanted to see how much I could stretch. The problem was that it usually made me horny.

While we were listening to the radio that afternoon, I tried to find some of the little muscles in my body and figure out what I had to do to stretch them.

"Where are the muscles that move the fingers?" I asked Klaus.

"There are a bunch of them," he said, "but the real important ones are way up in your forearm. Come here and I'll show you." He had me hold my hands around his forearm while he moved his fingers. "Can you feel them moving?"

"Yeah," I said, "but what are they doing way up there instead of on your fingers where they belong?"

"Feel them again," he said. "Do you feel how big they are? And do you see the size of my fingers? If you put those muscles right on the fingers, your fingers would be big, thick stumps, and not very useful for holding things or using tools. Find your finger muscles now."

He helped me to locate my own muscles. I said, "They're not big like yours."

"But look at your hands. Do you have that much room for those muscles in your hands or on your fingers?"

"I guess not. I can't figure out how to stretch them though."

"Are you thinking about your flexibility again?"

"Yeah." With some degree of courage, I added, "I want to be able to play with my body the way they can."

Klaus chuckled and said, "If I had your body, I'd want to play with it too." He wasn't helping.

"You can play with my body if you want," I said, hopefully. "I'll share it!" I was getting another boner. I was also aware that both Klaus and David had orgasmed earlier, but I hadn't.

"Thank you, Donovan," he said. "I'd like that. I'll take you up on that soon, I'm sure."

"You don't have to ask either. You can just take my body and play with it."

"Wow, I thought I was the bottom," said David.

"Ha!" I said. "Someday, we'll make Klaus the bottom!" Klaus smiled, but he didn't laugh.

David hugged me with another cute grin, one that I didn't quite understand. I felt empty, somehow. I liked being the center of attention, but I could only do that if someone wanted to pay attention to me. Klaus and David seemed happy, but what about me?

David kissed me softly and said, "I love you, Donovan Langevin. I love you. Even though we're stuck in this basement, sometimes I'm afraid I'll still find a way to lose you, isn't that silly?"

I lay across the couch and helped him crawl on top of me. I stroked his hair and said, "How could you ever lose me? That would mean I'd have to leave. Why would I ever do that?"

A few moments earlier, I had wanted Klaus and him to lust after my body. I was feeling insecure. Now David was bludgeoning me with the truth of his love and his own insecurity. He and Klaus weren't ignoring my physical desires. I was ignoring David's emotional needs. I can see that now, but at the time I could only see that something was upsetting David, and we needed some snuggle time. I suppose I didn't really need to know more than that. David was very mature emotionally – I was not, but he was teaching me. I think I acted with the maturity of an eleven-year-old boy that day, but when I think of David, who acted so much older, I felt so much younger. When I was that age, it didn't feel like a good thing.

***

"Do you boys like reading?"

"Oh yes," said David. "Depending on the book, I suppose."

"I like reading books about science 'n stuff," I said, "books that explain things. I don't have to read them all the way through. I find something I like and maybe read about that. I like reading the Guinness Book of World Records, like that, especially the aviation section. Did you know the smallest airplane in the world is a biplane called the Sky Baby, and Ray Stits made it in nineteen fifty-two with a wingspan of only seven feet?"

"No," said Klaus, "I didn't know that, but I was thinking more about some of these novels here, or maybe poetry and classic literature. Your parents kept quite a library, David."

"Mom said we might as well keep the best and the most important books down here in case we're stuck here for a long time. She said we might as well have them on shelves here as anywhere else."

"I like her thinking," said Klaus. "Being stuck together in a small space can be difficult, no matter how much you love each other, and boredom can lead to thinking too much about all those dark things. It can make it easy to develop a bad outlook and lash out at the people you love. Books can help fight boredom, and you can learn things from them."

"I don't like reading," I said. "I like it when they make a movie out of a book. Then I can watch it on TV, but I really like that gay book with all the pictures!"

"Oh, I think we all like that one," said Klaus.

"They should make a movie from that book!"

"They might have made one, but kids aren't usually allowed to watch movies like that, and they'd never show it on television."

"Everybody hates gay people," I mumbled.

"Not here they don't," said Klaus. "Did your parents ever read to you, Donovan?"

"Mom did when I was really little, but when I learned to read by myself, she told me I was old enough to read my own stories when I went to bed. When I had to get glasses, she bought a special book for me about an owl who needed glasses too, and when she read that to me, I felt special."

My throat clenched shut. I didn't want to cry! I held my breath and looked down, trying to hide my tears. Mom. David knew I didn't want to talk about it. If we talked about everything that made us sad, we would never talk about anything else.

"Mom and Dad read books to me all the way until… I mean before the war," said David, seeming to enjoy a happy memory without wanting to bring up the sadness. "We all read books to each other. Mom would read one chapter, Dad would read the next one, then I would read the next one, and we'd keep going like that until we finished the book. I always liked doing that, and it didn't even matter what the book was. One of my favorite things to do was reading plays. Each of us would decide who would read which parts, and we'd make up voices for each character. That wasn't easy!"

"That sounds like a lot of fun," said Klaus. "Did you have a play that was your favorite?"

"Hmm. I liked all the murder mystery plays by Agatha Christie," he said. "All the characters are really simple people, and some of them are so funny!"

Then he looked at me and said, "You won't believe this, Don, but I liked the Shakespeare plays too. It was always like learning a whole new language, but the stories were really good, and the characters were complicated, so it was hard to read them well, especially in that language. We usually only did one act at a time because there was so much to understand in order to do it well, but everything seemed more meaningful. Agatha Christie was a lot of fun, but Shakespeare made me feel like I'd learned something important." I rolled my eyes and sighed. I believed him, but I liked him better as a science nerd.

"Is there anything newer that you like?" asked Klaus.

"Sure," he said. "There's one… well, I guess it's not that new. It's called Rhinoceros. It's about a small village in France where, for no reason at all, everybody in the play turns into rhinoceroses, one at a time. It's fun!"

"Really…" said Klaus.

"Yes, but there actually is a reason," said David. "The play isn't about rhinoceroses at all. The man who wrote the play – I can't remember his name – he was Jewish, and he left Germany when the Nazis were taking over. He moved to France. Then for no reason he could understand, the people around him in France started to become Nazis. He thought to become a Nazi was absurd, so he wrote a play about something he thought was just as absurd. Only he could make his play funny instead of sad because he wasn't writing about the awful things the Nazis did. He was writing about people turning into rhinoceroses.

He hated it that people stopped thinking for themselves and did things just because everyone else was doing them too, but then laughing about something that was really so horrible was also absurd. Mom and Dad used that word a lot when they talked about that play. I mean absurd."

"Have you read any plays, Donovan?" asked Klaus.

"Well, I was in the Christmas play twice at Saint Alphonsus," I said. "I guess I read that play."

"Really?" said Klaus. "What part did you play?"

"A shepherd, of course, both times," I said. "But the second time I had a line to say. 'Look at that star! It shines so bright!' I would have been a much better innkeeper than the boy who played him, and one of the wise men was a girl!"

"Did you like being in the play?" asked Klaus.

"Well, yeah, but it would have been a lot more fun if I wasn't a stupid shepherd with nothing to do."

I was getting bored talking about plays. I was thinking about sex again. "Oh Donovan," said David, feeling my boner pressing against him as he lay on top of me.

"I wanna have sex, but you guys already did, and I didn't."

"Klaus and I had sex while you and I made love," said David, "but you didn't have an orgasm. Do you feel left out?"

I felt embarrassed. It was true, and David knew it because he was so sensitive, but why wasn't it enough to make love with David? Why did I need an orgasm too? Didn't I love David enough? I certainly didn't want to hear Klaus going on again about how love was so much better than sex. I already knew that, and that's why I was embarrassed. I turned my head away from Klaus and nodded slightly to David.

"I think you know how much I love you," he said, "but I want you to feel it too."

"Having an orgasm at the end can sometimes mean a lot," said Klaus. "If you don't have one, making love can feel like saying, 'I love you, dot dot dot,' but making love with an orgasm at the end can feel like saying 'I love you, period' David loves you, period. Today we gave David a special treat. You showed him you loved him, period. I tried to show him how good he made me feel. It was a special thing we did with David. Does that make sense?"

While Klaus was talking, David slid down and started sucking my cock, very tenderly. He had a different look on his face when he was sucking me than the look he had when he was sucking Klaus.

"You boys are incredibly beautiful," said Klaus. "I hope you know that. You especially, Donovan. You need to know how it makes me feel to see you, and to touch your body, even just your hand. I need to remember to tell you how I feel about you more often. You are precious to me."

I could feel tears welling in my eyes again, which is not always a good thing during sex. I had been foolish. Worse, I had become jealous. Did David feel he owed it to me to suck my cock? That wasn't a good thought. I wanted to stop and just hold him, but I couldn't. It's like when you pee – once you start, it can be really hard to stop before you're done. When it was David, it was impossible.

He left my cock all slobbery wet, and he came up to straddle my waist. He grunted rather loudly as he slid down onto my cock. He put his hands on my thighs and leaned back a bit into our favorite position. He looked into my eyes the whole time. He was not doing this out of some debt he thought he owed me. He was blind! How could he speak so clearly to me with his eyes?

He was making love with me because he loved me, and he was feeling it as much as I was. I held his hips tight and thrusted powerfully, also looking into his eyes. His kitten sounds made me want to give more to him, and I did. He squeezed his thighs against my sides, and I pulled him down into me, thrusting more forcefully. He was trying so hard to look at me. Even though he could only see part of my head, he wanted to show me his love with his eyes. That was an important way we always shared our love. I felt the muscles in his ass twitch in a way I'd never noticed before, which gave me a huge charge. I was ready. Then David gave up his struggle and let his head fly back, making his crying sound, and I jolted the period of my love into him.

After he collapsed into my arms, it occurred to me that both of his hands had been on my thighs the whole time, and I hadn't been stroking his cock. How did that work?

Chapter 37

Tortillas de Patatas

'6:00 PM, outside 5 rad/hour, basement .4 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"It's still reading five outside," said Klaus, "but it's gone down just a tick in the basement. Depending on what the weather does, we might even get to step outside tomorrow or the next day for a short while. We'll have to wear regular shoes and shoe covers from your decontamination supplies."

"Klaus," said David, "you were outside during that first bit of fallout from Monticello. Do you know what dose you received?"

I did some quick math in the margin next to our radiation log. "… plus five, plus two. That means you got twenty-three rads," I said proudly.

"Then you've got to divide that in half," said David. "Those were half-hour… "

"I know, I know," I protested, not wanting to look foolish. "I was just about to do that." David pinched my butt and giggled. "Hey! I'm a scientist," I said proudly. "I can divide by two! Let's see," I said, drawing a long division bracket on the page. "Oh, wait! I can do this in my head! You got eleven point five rads. I counted everything from the beginning of the fallout until we finished decontaminating you at seven-thirty."

"That's not much, is it?" he asked. "I feel fine."

"Donovan, that book in the first aid kit will say," said David.

I got the book from the first aid kit and paged through it. "Nuclear explosions… radiation exposure… ok, here it is. It says that with as little as ten rads, you might see slight changes in your blood, but you'll feel fine and not get sick from it. Oh, but it says we have to watch you close to make sure you don't get a fever. Your blood might not be able to fight infections well. There's a section for doctors in each chapter with more information. Wanna see it?"

"Sure," he said, not seeming a bit concerned. After reading for a little while, he said, "Donovan, would you do me a favor and look in the first aid kit for any bottles or boxes of pills that say either 'antibiotic' or 'Keflex' please?"

I rummaged around and found two bottles that said Keflex. "Yes, got 'em right here," I said. "Two bottles, two hundred capsules each. Want one?"

"No thanks, Donovan," he said. "I wanted to make sure we had it in case we need it."

"Are you going to be all right, Klaus?" asked David.

"Oh, I'm fine," he said. "There's nothing to worry about at eleven or twelve rads, only a very slight chance that I could get an infection more easily than normal, and we'll know that's happened if I get a fever. Do you know how to tell if I've got a fever?"

"A good scientist takes measurements," I said.

"It's even easier than that," he said. "I turn into a big baby and whine about everything! I hate being sick."

"We'll use the thermometer all the same," said David. "One way or the other…"

"Oh my."

***

Klaus lifted the second microwave oven and stacked it on top of the first one. He spent most of the next half-hour chopping things and heating things, telling us every now and then, "Oh, you guys are gonna love this! Good food, good food." It really did smell good. It didn't smell like anything specific, but it made me hungry. "Simple peasant food," he said. "My mother used to make this when I was a boy. I loved this stuff!"

"Tell us what it is!" I pleaded. "Come on!"

"I bet it's something German," said David. "Kettering is a German name, right?"

"Dad was German, not Mom," said Klaus.

"Is it a dish they make in another country?" I asked.

"Yes, it is, Donovan! But people love it all over the world."

"And it's only made with three ingredients?" David asked.

"Yup, only three if you make it the traditional way, but I'm using four ingredients today, the way Mom made them."

"Does that include spices?" asked David.

"Ah, no, it doesn't. Traditionally you'd also use pepper and probably a little salt. I'm adding a dash of pepper, but I'm going to leave out the salt so we can add our own if we want any. Wow, what a great collection of spices!"

"So it's eggs and something you chop a lot of," I said.

"I couldn't keep the eggs a secret, could I? Your ears might be a bit messed up right now, but you can hear well enough to know when I'm cracking eggs," said Klaus. "You're just gonna love this. Oh! You've got butter in here!"

"And plenty more in the deep freeze," I said.

"So it's five ingredients now?" asked David.

"Nope, still four. I'm going to use butter instead of something else."

"That means butter, eggs, something you chop, and something your mom added special, right?"

"Plus a few spices. I'm glad you boys cleaned out the kitchen upstairs before the fallout came. Normally this food would be fried on the stovetop, but since we only have a couple microwaves down here, I'm gonna try to snazz it up a bit. The butter will be a big help. It's such a simple dish, you wouldn't expect it to taste as good as it does, but remember, this has to be a bit of an experiment. I can't promise this is going to work out quite right, but it sure smells good, doesn't it!"

David and I were sitting in our usual places on the couch with the two guitars in our hands. We had learned some very basic guitar playing in our music class that year at Northview, so we thought we'd try to remember how to play some of what we'd learned. The tricky part was tuning up.

David played trombone in band, so he knew how to make the right notes for tuning the guitars, but the trombone was so loud, he could only hold a note for so long, and he couldn't keep it very steady, but we did our best. David couldn't actually reach the fifth position on his trombone without standing up, and it was fun to watch his face when he had to reach for it. We only needed the three highest strings on the guitars anyway. We only used those three strings for everything we did in music class.

There were a few songbooks on the shelf for us to work with. One of the books showed how to make all the chords in each song, so we used that one.

"The newspapers says, says, say it's true, it's true, and we can breakthrough. Though torn in two, we can be one."

David was a better singer than I was, and his attitude toward singing was the same as his attitude toward walking around naked in front of everybody. He didn't seem nervous in the least. I was less nervous about singing the chorus with him.

"I, I will begin again. I, I will begin again." But, on the second line, he left me alone and sang something higher than me. I recognized it. The original singer did that too. It gave me goosebumps when he did that. We were both awful on guitar, but David could really sing.

"Do you boys know what that song is about?" asked Klaus.

I thought about it, but I didn't get it. "It's about us right now," said David."

"Yes," said Klaus, "I guess in a way it really is. Tell me how you thought that through, would you please?"

"Well, 'though torn in two, we can be one' is how that line goes. I think that means the world is torn in two, like NATO and the Soviets are all against each other, like they're ready to blow each other up, and our part of the world was already blown up, but he says 'we can break through,' and 'we can live as one.' I think he's right. I think that's us right now. He says, 'maybe the time is right, maybe tonight.' Maybe he's right about that too? I think the black-hat cowboy should just put down his second gun and give the white-hat cowboy a big hug! Nobody can be as bad as they say the Soviets are. I mean, they have kids, right? The kids there look just like us. They go to school. They learn the same math we do. I bet they all want to grow up to be firemen and cosmonauts too."

"And I bet they even play guitar better than we do," I said.

"That wouldn't be hard," said David with another cute grin.

Klaus put down his chopping knife and came over to the couch to hug us both around the neck. I could smell onions on his hands! Eggs, butter, onions, and only one more ingredient.

David continued, "We saw a film in school where we both launched rockets into space, and they docked in orbit, the Apollo and the Soyuz, and the astronauts traded flags and had meals together, and they were even friends on the ground, long before they went up into space. Dad told me about President Kennedy, how something happened with some missiles in Cuba, and there was almost a war then, but President Kennedy and the Soviet leader just decided to talk things through. He said that President Reagan has never once spoken to the Soviets. I think if someone just talks to them, maybe even Governor Johnson, I don't know, but if President Reagan is dead, someone must be in charge. Maybe we can break through if someone's talking to them. Maybe even tonight."

***

"Tortillas de Patatas! Spanish omelets!" said Klaus with a broad smile. "Eggs, potatoes, and oil are the three traditional ingredients. Mom always added sauteed onions. I used butter instead of oil. Normally the top would be kinda round and lightly crispy, but we can only do that with a pan on the stove. I hope you like them anyway. I found some dried chives that should make them really good, and maybe add just a tiny bit of texture."

"Aren't omelets folded in half?" I asked. I think being a kid and being cute saved me many times from my social indecencies.

"Not Spanish omelets," said Klaus with his goofy smile, not seeming the least bit bothered by my inexcusable fussiness. The microwave dinged, and he returned with his own plate. "You can see the potatoes and onions are already inside the eggs, so there's no need to fold them, and you kinda have to use your imagination and pretend the top of it is smooth and crispy. Folding it would mess that up a bit."

"This is really good," said David, "Thank you Klaus!"

"Yeah, thanks," I said, slightly less enthused than David. It was good food, but I didn't see what all the fuss was about. It didn't seem all that special to me, just eggs and potatoes with onions.

"When we can leave the basement and use the stove upstairs, I'll make them the Spanish way, and you'll see why I like them so much. Later tonight, if the reading is low enough upstairs, I'll take some of these eggs up to the kitchen. The inside of that fridge shouldn't have any fallout dust in it at all. I'd rather we didn't keep them on the shelf any longer than necessary. Normally it's ok for a few days, but if one of us gets sick from food that's gone bad, we could be in serious trouble. I washed these eggs carefully before I cracked them open, and we'll need to do that with all of these when we use them."

"How could the fallout get into the eggs when they've been in here the whole time?" asked David.

"Oh," said Klaus, "it's not the fallout. There are certain germs that grow on eggs, but only on the shells unless the shells are cracked. Since these haven't been in the refrigerator, we'll need to throw away any cracked eggs we find and wash the rest of them when we use them. Cracking the eggs open can let those germs get into the part that we eat, and we just can't risk that." Nuclear war seemed to come with all kinds of different hazards.

"I want to make sure you boys know this isn't food we can normally eat all the time," said Klaus. "This is food for hard-working Spanish farm boys. It has a lot of fat and very few vitamins, but right now it's more important to me that you stay strong, and maybe even put on a few extra pounds of weight. We have plenty of food for now, but we will run out in a few months. If we share it with others, we'll run out even sooner. Then I don't know what we'll have to do to get more.

It sounds like the rest of the world might be able to feed us for a while. Then maybe we can become real farmers! Or we could think about moving to another country where there's more food. If the USA is the only country that was attacked, and the rest of the world is ok, we'll make it just fine. No matter what we all taught you at school, the USA isn't the only country with resources. It's never been the only country that matters. It's our home, I know, and we'll always be Americans, but we'll need to think about where we want to be living next year. Maybe western Minnesota? They didn't get hit at all, and there are huge sections that got no fallout, but there will be a lot of poor and hungry people who want to live there too. Anyway, I think we should think about those things. We have all the time we need to decide, but just think about it, ok boys?"

"We really are your boys, aren't we," I said. "You could go anywhere, but you're not even thinking about going anywhere without us, are you?"

"A father can't leave his kids. I can't replace your dads, and I will never try, but I do feel that way about you. You feel like my own sons. You are my boys, as long as I live, and I love you."

David sniffled through another bite of his eggs.

Chapter 38

Sovereignty, Supper, and Saints

'7:00 PM, outside 4 rad/hour, basement .4 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

…deepening concern over the lack of federal leadership. We do not know yet how to interpret the absence of federal officials during this time of national emergency, or who, if anyone, is acting as our president, but we do know that Minnesotans need help. It is with great sadness that we must, from this moment, assume the federal government of the United States is unable to function according to the constitution or to provide service in any domestic role that would be relevant to the people of the state of Minnesota. As governor of this state, I am invoking the emergency powers granted under the constitution of the state of Minnesota to the following extent:

Emergency order one: Throughout this time of national emergency, the US constitution shall remain the supreme law of the land. All units of government within the state of Minnesota and all officers within those units of government shall continue to abide by its provisions, requirements, and restrictions.

Emergency order two: All holders of a valid Peace Officer's license issued by the state of Minnesota shall continue to enforce all federal laws and regulations in the manner in which such laws had been enforced prior to July 6, 1983, citing this emergency order in addition to the applicable federal law in any official documents, warrants, citations, statements, or anywhere else where federal law would normally be cited. In addition, Peace Officer license holders shall have the authority to function in any role normally served by federal law enforcement officers and agents under the direction of the sheriff of the county in which the Peace Officer is operating. The judiciary shall use their best discretion in cases of inconsistencies, but they shall consider the rights of private citizens as of paramount importance.

Emergency order three: All sitting judges and justices currently within the boundaries of the state of Minnesota, including any federal judges, shall remain within the state of Minnesota unless dismissed by the chief justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court. The Minnesota State Patrol and the Minnesota National Guard shall enforce this order upon any federal judge, should it become necessary.

As soon as practical, judges shall, with the assistance of county sheriffs, locate safe and suitable locations to use as courtrooms in each county, using existing courtrooms and personnel if available, and convene and try cases within the state of Minnesota, citing these numbered Emergency Orders as the ruling law in any case normally involving federal law. Sheriffs of the counties of Minnesota have the authority to seize any building that is normally open to the public for court use, upon recommendation of the judge who would use the building for that purpose.

Sheriffs are permitted discretion in the seizure of buildings under this order should they determine such seizure would inflict undue hardship on the owners of such buildings, considering the serious consequences of delaying justice in this time of national emergency. All judges shall give priority to criminal cases, and all citizens will be bound to serve as jurors, as always. Federal judges shall be considered competent to try criminal cases under the laws of the state of Minnesota.

Emergency order four: Unless and until a competent government of the United States of America is recognized, which shall be functioning under the constitution of the United States as accepted, ratified, and confirmed, to remain irrevocable, by the State of Minnesota in 1857, and as enacted by Congress the following year, the state of Minnesota shall operate as a sovereign state among the community of nations, and other member states of the United States shall be recognized as sovereign states, should they declare themselves to be operating as such.

American states that choose by legal means to secede from the United States shall not be recognized as sovereign states, but as states within the United States of America operating temporarily as sovereign states. Judges shall be given broad latitude in interpreting this provision, considering that cooperation among the United States is of paramount importance.

Emergency order five: Unless amended, extended, or repealed by the governor of the state of Minnesota, these five emergency orders shall remain in force until midnight on July sixth, nineteen eighty-four.

We Minnesotans are Americans first, and we weep for the devastation and death across the nation, bearing in mind the worst fear of all, a fear which might yet bear truth, the feared death of our great and proud nation. We are Americans first, and we will work to rebuild the United States, but for now, the states are not united by a common government, and my responsibility is to the people of Minnesota.

These emergency orders are intended to preserve and restore the American system of self-governance and our way of life. We do this by preserving the US Constitution as supreme over our own state's constitution. We do that by preserving federal law, and by providing a mechanism for its enforcement. We do that by maintaining our judiciary to preserve each right of every citizen, including, if not especially, a defendant's right to enjoy due process, including the presumption of innocence and equal protection at all levels of government. We also need the help of others, the nations who were not involved in this brutal nightmare, the nations who are reaching out with offers of help.

My fourth emergency order declares our temporary sovereignty. This is the only means by which the state of Minnesota may request and receive help from the international community. It is the only means by which we may negotiate and enter into agreements with other nations. And it is the only provision in the US constitution that this temporarily sovereign state will set aside, and the only reason we are doing so.

The fifth emergency order is my promise to you that these orders will not stand when they are no longer needed. They will automatically expire in one year if they are not acted on sooner.

Cargo ships are waiting just outside US territorial waters containing food and medical supplies. Transport aircraft from several nations are waiting on the ground across Canada and Mexico, to bring us relief, including many emergency and medical workers. Under the Law of Nations, none can be allowed in without sovereign consent. As a sovereign state, we will no longer have to wait for US federal consent, though we will have to wait for diplomatic recognition from nations who wish to help us. I will be appointing acting ambassadors to several nations who will be dispatched into Canada and Mexico without delay to liaise with diplomats of those nations and to pass on our official request for what assistance they can offer. It's a new world, and things must, for the time being, be done unconventionally, but help is on its way. Thank you. I will report to you again in one hour.

"Wow," said Klaus. "That is really serious."

"Does that mean we're our own country now?" I asked.

"For the time being, that's what it looks like," said Klaus.

"I feel sad about this," said David.

"I know," said Klaus, giving him a one-arm hug. "There's a lot of uncertainty ahead."

"It's not that," said David. "It's all this help she says is coming." He paused as if in search of the right words. "Well I hope they help everybody else first because we're doing just fine." As he began to cry, I understood what he meant.

We'd witnessed the worst of the worst. We had survived a nuclear war. We had lost most of the people we loved, and we'd lost most of our cities and our industry. We had also found a life and a love that was greater than any of us could have imagined, but we could only keep it that way as long as we had to stay in our little shelter, just the three of us. Somehow, while we weren't paying attention, our worst horror had become our happy heaven. Soon the trucks and the helicopters would arrive to dismantle it all.

As realization dawned on Klaus, he wrapped us both in his gentle hug and said, "It's all right, boys. We're a family. I'll have to go back to teaching in the fall, I suppose, and you'll need to go to school, if we can get a school put together, and if we can find any students. I'll register as your legal guardian. David, you own this place now, so I don't see why we'd have to go anywhere, despite what I said earlier."

It wouldn't be the same though, and we knew it. The best we could do was to enjoy the time we had left in our wonderful little world together. Life wouldn't be so bad. We still had each other. Only the world had changed, not us.

***

I think you who are reading my words must surely feel a certain disdain for me. I survived the nuclear devastation of 1983 in luxury and love. I have effectively told you now that, while your children starved and died, while your loved ones were vaporized, and while you clutched the clumps of hair in your hands and wailed in agony, I mock your suffering by wishing it had not ended. Should I lie and say otherwise? You will find satisfaction if you read on.

***

After washing our own dishes, this time with dish soap, Klaus thought we should have some fun and entertain each other. He knew how to play guitar too, and he tuned both of the guitars up. "What songs do you know on the trombone?" he asked.

"We played a few of them this year," said David. "Band only starts in fifth grade, so I'm not very good yet."

"I'm sure you're just fine," said Klaus. "Give us a song, and we'll see if we can follow along. How's that sound?"

"Ok," said David. The boy who had no problem singing in front of us and who was unconcerned about walking around naked in front of everyone was nervous about playing his trombone for us. "The first one I learned with the teacher is called When the Saints Go Marching In. I can play that one pretty well."

"What a perfect song for a trombone and two guitars!" said Klaus. "Start us off, and we'll follow." I didn't know how I was supposed to follow, but I wanted to hear David play.

David blew four notes, and Klaus played the same four notes on his guitar. They did the same thing again. Then they played another short part together, and Klaus called out "G7! Play a G7 Donovan! Now a C…" then F, another C, another G7, and then we ended on a C.

I couldn't keep up with the chords that Klaus was calling out, so we stopped for a minute while Klaus made diagrams of how to play those chords on the three highest strings. It wasn't hard, except for the F. I had to use three fingers for that one, and it took some time to put each finger where it needed to be. Klaus told me just to pluck each string as soon as I got each finger in position.

"There's even a word for playing it that way," said Klaus. "That's called an arpeggio." We went through the short song a few times, and I have to say, we sounded pretty good after a while.

"Ok, Donovan," said Klaus, "I think you should keep playing what you've been playing. You sound really good. I'm going to stop playing the chords with you, and instead I'm going to play a bass part. Let's try it again. Go ahead, David."

Klaus played on the lowest strings, and only one note at a time. It sounded really good that way too, but without Klaus to follow, I got lost. I was paying more attention to his bass part than my chords.

"I think we've got something here!" Klaus was always excited about everything it seemed. I had completely messed the song up, and he was happy about it. "Don't worry, Donovan; you'll get it after a couple of tries. I think this is one of the happiest songs ever. What a great choice, David! Tell you what, I'll sing this time. Start us off David."

After David played the first four notes on his trombone, instead of repeating them on his guitar, Klaus sang, "Oh when the saints," then "go marching in," and so on. I'm sure you know the song. When I came in playing a G7, Klaus started his bass line, and I got lost again before we even went back to the C chord. When we finished, Klaus wrote out the words for me, and he wrote the name of the chord above the words he was singing. That made it easy to follow. I still couldn't play the F well, one note at a time or all together, but otherwise, it sounded pretty good the next times we played it.

"Now, David," said Klaus, "you like singing, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Kettering, I do." It seemed Klaus was our teacher again.

"Great! Then let's play this through a few times. I'll sing the first time through, then you stop playing the trombone and sing the second time through. We'll sing together the third time through, you too Donovan, and we'll all play our instruments one final time through. How's that sound?"

"You sing the first time," said David, "I sing the second time, we all sing the third time, then nobody sings the fourth time?"

"Exactly! Are you ready Donovan? Start us off, David!"

David and Klaus sounded really good, but I sang quietly, hoping no one would hear me. I couldn't sing as well as they could. I couldn't play my instrument as well as they could, especially not as well as Klaus. The whole song together sounded great though, and I was impressed that we could sound so good that quickly.

"Donovan," said Klaus, "I'd love it if you and I both sang the last verse while David plays his trombone." Fear, panic, terror… "You look pretty nervous about that," he said, "but your voice sounds good. Besides, think of what we've all been through these past two days, and then tell me you think singing with people you love and trust is really such a scary thing."

Now I was nervous and embarrassed, "But I sound stupid when I sing!"

"Well," said Klaus, "first, no, you don't. Second, people who aren't very good at something usually learn from other people who are better at it. Is it fair to say I play soccer better than you do?"

"Well yeah," I said, "but you're the gym teacher!"

"When you first came to my class, you didn't know how to play soccer at all. We can say you were pretty bad at it, right? Someone who doesn't know how to play soccer is going to be pretty bad as a player. That's not an insult at all. It makes sense, and it's perfectly normal. So, you learned about soccer from someone who played better than you, and now you can play better than you did before."

"Not much better," I said.

"Yeah," said Klaus, with his kind grin, "but you're not afraid to play soccer in front of anyone."

He was right. Somehow, it felt like he'd had this talk a few times with other boys in his gym classes. It felt like I'd fallen into a trap, and I didn't like it. I'd have to sing now.

"You can learn from David and me both, as much as you like, but even if you don't learn very much, or how to sing very well, you're going to love it once you're not nervous anymore, and that's what's important to me."

"Sure," I said.

"So let's give it a try, ready David?"

"Wait!" I said. "Not right now! Can't we start like that tomorrow instead?"

"Oh Donovan, sweetie," said David, giving me a kiss. "What will you do tonight? You'll just worry more and more about it, and tomorrow you'll never want to even try – Am I right?"

"I guess so." It was uncanny how well he knew me and how I felt about things.

We went through the song, and I sang a couple of times quietly. Then David tickled me during the third time through, and I laughed and sang at the same time, loud enough for everyone to hear. I was way off-key, and I knew it, but it was fun. David surprised us by singing his part completely differently when we all sang together, but I thought it sounded cool.

"That's harmony," said David. "We used to all sing like that together, Mom and Dad and me. It's really fun, and you can hear everybody clearly when you're not all singing the same thing."

"You can teach me," I said. "But can we do it every day, so I don't get scared to sing again?"

***

'8:00 PM, outside 4 rad/hour, basement .3 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"We can go anywhere in the basement we like," said Klaus, "but we need to stay six feet away from the windows." This wasn't news to us, but it was his way of telling us he was happy that the radiation was falling.

Chapter 39

St. Cloud

"Breaker eight, breaker eight for CCO 830," I said.

I had remembered another joke, and it was funnier than that stupid one about how the bear left, so they went home. The problem was that it wasn't, strictly speaking, a Sven and Ole joke.

"CCO 830, go ahead break"

"CCO 830, this is Sven and Ole, and we've got another joke for you."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" said the familiar woman's voice. "We've been wondering if you darlings were ever gonna call us back. We've been hearing from so many of our listeners who want to thank you for giving them something to feel good about. What have you got for us today?"

"Well, is it ok if it's an Ole and Lena joke?" I asked.

Everybody in Minnesota knew that Lena was Ole's wife, and Ole and Lena's jokes were even more popular in some parts of the state than Sven and Ole jokes.

"Well, for you, we might make an exception," she said slowly. Then she laughed and said, "Of course it's ok! Go ahead."

David and I had decided to do this one together. "Ring-a ring-a ring-a!" said David.

"Vell hey dere, doncha know, ya sure hello dere, diss heer iss da Ludefisk Daily press, doncha know," I said.

"Ya, say dere, hello, iss dat da noose-paper dere?" said David.

"Ya sure, you betcha," I said. "Dass vat I yust-a said dere."

"Say dere," said David. "Diss iss Lena here, doncha know. Say, Ole died."

"Oh dear, dat's sad dere, you betcha doncha know," I said. "Vell, ya get fife vurds free for da obituary."

"Fife vurds?" said David.

"Ya sure, you betcha, doncha know."

"Vell, it should say Ole died."

"Ya sure, you betcha, but you get tree more vurds fer free, doncha know," I said.

"Hmm, vell den, say Ole died, boat fer sale." David knew how to finish a joke properly. He sounded silly, but he didn't laugh like I did.

"Oh, you've done it again!" said the laughing voice on the radio. "Another classic from Sven and Ole, this time with an Ole and Lena joke. We'll get that one to air as soon as we can. Any messages for your fans across the state, or anyone who might be looking for you?"

"Fans?" I said.

David took the mic and said, "Thanks to all of them! We're glad if we can make anyone smile."

"Are you two still on your own?"

"Oh no," said David. "Our gym teacher Mr. Kettering is staying here now too."

"Oh, that sounds like good news," said the woman's voice. "Can I ask his first name, in case anyone is trying to find him?"

"Yes, his name is Niklaus Kettering," said David, speaking very clearly, "but he likes to be called Klaus."

"Great! We'll put his name down on our list of people we've contacted," she said, "and we'll pass it on to the Red Cross. Oh, say! Are your eyes doing any better?"

"Ya sure, you betcha," he said. "They're getting better. I can see things that are up high, but not things that are down low. Yesterday I couldn't see at all. And Donovan seems to be hearing a lot better too."

Then I took the microphone from David and said, "Ya sure, you betcha, dat's because Lena, she likes to yell all da time, doncha know!" David and I shared a kiss.

"You two are hysterical!" she said. "Any more messages for anyone?"

We looked at each other and shrugged. "Yeah, here's a message!" I said, suddenly feeling a sense of conviction. "Love is way better than war! Don't blow any more people up, and give some love to someone instead!"

After a pause, the woman's voice returned and said, "Thank you Sven and Ole. We'll make sure to get that message out for you. CCO 830 ten-ten, on the side."

"Sven and Ole, ten-seven, we gone."

***

The brightest flash we had seen in over a day filled the basement. "Under the table boys! Under the table NOW!" Klaus shouted. When the light dimmed a bit, maybe ten seconds later – many of you probably remember how hard it is to measure time when it happens – Klaus took a peek outside the doorway to the shelter corner. Then he crawled under the table with us. I was holding David tight in my arms again, with my hand on the back of his head and my legs wrapped around him. Klaus covered both of us with his strong, protective body and said, "Mouths open, guys. You too Donovan. It looked like a big one. Hang on."

The blast was terrible, and the house felt as if God had picked it up and thrown it, but soon it was over, and everything still seemed to be intact. "You boys stay right where you are," said Klaus.

"Where are you going?" I shouted.

"Don't leave us!" David cried.

"Stay there! I'll be right back, and that's a promise!"

We heard him grab the Geiger counter and run out of the room. We could hear the tape coming off one of the doors, and then the door opening. We heard footsteps upstairs, and David was sure he heard the front door opening. After about ten seconds it closed again. Then we heard him hurrying back.

"You can get up now, boys," he called from across the basement. "It's safe. I'll be there in just a minute, but please stay in the shelter room!"

"Where did you go?" I screamed, not meaning to.

"Everything's ok," he called back. "We're all safe, even me. I'll explain when I get in there. Thirty seconds more, please."

The instant he came through the doorway to our shelter corner, David and I wrapped ourselves tightly around him in what felt like a hug of safety.

"Boys, listen carefully, ok? We're safe in here, and nothing has changed except I think the eggs will have to stay down here with us for a while longer."

"What are you talking about?" I screamed again.

He gently caressed my back as I cried. Crying around David and Klaus always helped me feel better, and I never had any sense of shame about it, like I once did.

"This bomb didn't go off in the Cities," he said, a very grave tone in his voice. "It was to the northwest, but I'm not sure where. Some distance, I think. The whole front of the house was exposed to the flash. I had to make sure we weren't on fire, and we're not."

"But if you went outside," David whimpered, "you could be contaminated!"

"I stayed on the threshold," he said. "I could see the whole front side of the house from there. I was careful not to touch anything except the inside door handle. The house was fine, and there weren't any fires anywhere I could see. It sure felt like a big one, though, didn't it? Not like the first bomb yesterday, but still very strong."

"You could still have gotten dust on your feet in the doorway," David sniffled.

"That's what I was doing when I came down the stairs and asked you to wait a minute. I checked my feet carefully, the rest of my body too. I used a wipe on my feet and checked that too. Clean as could be. I wouldn't risk contaminating you boys, but you should know that since it came from the Northwest…"

"Fallout?" I interrupted.

He nodded silently. "But we don't know if it was an airburst or a ground burst, or which way the wind is coming from, so we just have to watch the monitor."

"I can tell," I said. "Can you see the mushroom cloud from the window?"

"Yes, but you can't tell by looking…"

"Yes, you can!" I interrupted.

We crossed the basement to the window on the northwest wall. Klaus picked me up so I could see. I loved being picked up by a big strong man! Then my heart sank. "Oh, no. Ground burst," I said.

"How can you tell?" asked Klaus.

"Someone's gonna get a bad grade on his test tomorrow," I pouted.

Klaus slapped his forehead and said, "The stem! See Mr. Chance? Like I told you, I get forgetful when I'm nervous too."

"It's really thick, too," I said. "Oh I hope it doesn't come this way."

"Then it'll fall on someone else instead," said David. His chin wrinkled again as he fell into my arms for another heavy cry. How could anybody be so selfless?

***

"This really is an awful turn of events," said Klaus as he re-taped the door that led upstairs, "but it doesn't change much, does it? I think we all agree we're likely to get fallout from this one, right?" He was asking sincerely because we were the teachers about fallout and radiation, and we were all very anxious. We both nodded in agreement.

"So the only difference I see is that we'll have to stay in the basement a few days longer than we expected. That's not such a bad thing, is it David?" The sweetest boy in the world wiped his eye and shook his head. He had just a short while ago expressed sadness about losing our little life together.

"Your mom and dad are still taking care of us, just like before. We have plenty of food, water, medicine, everything. It's still the three of us. Just us three. Our family. We're an unusual family, but all families are made of the same thing."

"Love," I said.

"Love."

Chapter 40

Silver People on the Shoreline

'9:00 PM, outside 4 rad/hour, basement .3 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"…Say, can I have some of your purple berries? Yes, I've been eating them for six or seven weeks now, haven't got sick once. Probably keep us both alive," sang Klaus.

He was right. Nothing had really changed except when we could leave the basement, and neither David nor I was in a hurry to end our happy existence together, but I can't accurately say it was happy. It was secure, and at times I look back and wonder whether security was more important to me than happiness. We knew we would be ok right there, together. There was no horrible, unknown future in our little shelter corner, only Klaus' cooking experiments, lots of love and sex, and the odd nuclear explosion in the neighborhood.

David joined in and sang a higher part with Klaus when they got to the chorus, "Wooden ships on the water very free and easy, you know the way it's supposed to be. Silver people on the shoreline, let us be. Talking about very free and easy."

Klaus ended the song, apparently early, and set the guitar down. "There's another verse," said David."

"Oh, I don't know the words to that verse," said Klaus.

"It's ok, I know…" David suddenly put his hand over his mouth. After a pause, he said, "yeah, I guess I must have forgotten that one too."

"I can't believe you know that song, David!"

"Mom and Dad have some of their records upstairs," he said. "When we sang along, I always sang Graham Nash's parts because I can sing the highest. Mom was David Crosby, and Dad was Stephen Stills. They played this record all the time. It's full of scratches, and there's a skip on the second song where he sings, 'all aboard!' It sounds like 'all aboard, all aboard, all aboard,' on and on like that."

"Do you boys understand the song we just sang?"

"It's about us again," said David.

"How is a song about ships and purple berries about us?" I asked.

"David's right. It's a story about two people meeting on a wooden ship that's escaping the destruction after a nuclear war. The ship is made of wood because, something I just learned today, metal is more easily converted to harmful activation products than other materials. So, these two people who met on the ship can see by their uniforms that they're enemy soldiers, but it no longer matters to them. Not on their wooden ship.

One of them asks the other who won, and they realize what a dumb question that is when both sides were destroyed. They knew life was going to be hard, but on their wooden ship, they were all friends. There were no more enemies, and nothing nuclear. So they shared what they had and became friends, free and easy. That included their only food, the purple berries.

We might say they were all in this boat together. It's a really beautiful vision, especially today. Ok, we didn't have a war with both sides blowing each other up, but the rest fits, I think. Don't you, David?"

"Yes," he said. "We have to help each other and not be enemies anymore. Without each other… well, we need each other, and the radio said the Soviets wanted to help us, and remember, they set down their gun."

"There's one more thing that fits, David. I wonder if you've thought about the 'silver people on the shoreline,' and who they might be?"

"Actually I haven't," said David, tilting his head cutely.

I was still thinking about the purple berries. Were they grapes? Is a grape a berry?

"They're meant to be men in radiation suits," said Klaus. "But the people on the wooden ship want to be left alone, and they wanted nothing to do with anything radioactive. They're building a new life for themselves. They didn't want the men in radiation suits to interfere. 'Silver people on the shoreline, let us be.' Do you see?

It won't be easy for us to see the people in radiation suits either because it will mean the end of our life here in the basement together. It'll be time to rebuild. You have to think about our life ahead. We've just survived a nuclear war. Boys, there's nothing we can't do!"

***

"Nothing yet?" asked Klaus.

"Nothing," I said, feeling completely frustrated. "I could understand if they hit WCCO's second transmitter, but why would we lose KXSS?"

"Oh no," said David softly.

"Donovan, where's KXSS?" asked Klaus with a tone of dread.

"Saint Cloud," I said. "Why? What's going on?"

"That bomb blew up to the northwest," said David.

"Exactly in the direction of Saint Cloud," said Klaus.

"Then why would we lose WCCO?" I asked. "They're in Minneapolis."

"Minneapolis?" said Klaus with a sad look in his eyes.

"You mean their secondary transmitter was… "

"Maybe," said Klaus. "It might have been in Saint Cloud. It would explain things. You know where all those radio antenna towers are on the road into Saint Cloud, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "Next to the freeway on highway fifteen. We drive… drove past it all the time to go to the shopping center there."

"You said you had music on the FM band," said Klaus. "What about that station?"

"Dead," I said. "That was KCLD in Saint Cloud."

"But why Saint Cloud?" asked Klaus.

"And why a ground burst?" asked David. "They've only got a little airport there."

"And why tonight?" I asked. "Why would they possibly want to attack us again now?"

"Maybe it wasn't an attack," said Klaus. "Maybe their warhead just didn't go off when it was supposed to. That happens a lot with other bombs. In Vietnam, so many of our bombs fell and didn't blow up that the Viet Cong used the explosive material inside them to make bombs and mines of their own, I mean huge anti-tank mines."

"Nuclear bombs are different," said David. "We don't know for sure where they all came from, but if it fell from the sky, from a plane or a missile, H-bombs can't explode once they're damaged. Everything has to be precise, with no dents and no cracks. Otherwise the worst they can do is fizzle, and that's only if the damage is very minor."

"Fizzle?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's when only part of the fission fuel reacts, and maybe in an uncoordinated way, so no fusion happens. It makes a radioactive mess and a much smaller blast, with tons more radiation than from a bomb that exploded properly with a yield the size of the fizzled bomb. That's from all the plutonium that didn't react or disappear into the stratosphere, and that lasts hundreds of thousands of years."

"Then that was no fizzle," said Klaus.

"That's why it couldn't have been a dud that came from a bomber plane or a missile," said David. He looked at me with fear. "Donovan sweetie, what if you're right about how they got them here? What if they just built them here, and the one in Saint Cloud didn't go off when it was supposed to? What if it they discovered it and tried to defuse it?"

"But how could they discover it?" I asked. "They're only little things nowadays, and why would anybody be looking?"

"Sweetie, if you thought of it, you might not be the only one. You're really intelligent, Donovan; everyone knows that, but maybe someone in the military or something thought of it too and started looking?"

Everyone knew I was really intelligent? WHAT? Did he just say that?

"How could they find a hidden nuclear bomb?" asked Klaus.

"Who says I'm intelligent?"

David kissed me and said, "We'll talk later, ok, sweetie?"

"I, I guess."

"It would be really hard to find one if Donovan is right about this," said David. "They would need lots of super-sensitive equipment, a lot of people, and a whole lot of luck."

"I can't see how the Russians could have done this and still had enough material for all their other thousands of bombs and warheads," said Klaus.

"Maybe they didn't," said David. "Maybe they really didn't do this, but I don't know who else could have. Or maybe they did, but the warheads in the missiles they have are dummies."

"Really David, did someone say I was intelligent?"

***

I was with David and Klaus, but I felt lonely. There was nothing on the radio, AM or FM, and no one on the CB, as we found out. "This is really strange," said Klaus. "The radio I can understand, but the CB too? Why isn't anyone talking on the CB anymore? How do we lose everything at the same time? Everything on the CB sounds normal, right?"

"Yes, it does," said David, "only no one else seems to be talking. Donovan, have you checked the antenna cable?"

I looked under the shelf and followed the cable from the radio. "Yeah, it's still connected just fine."

"This is what it sounds like when we forget to plug in the antenna," said David. "But if it's plugged in and we still get nothing… maybe that blast… Maybe something happened to the antenna outside?"

"Where's the antenna located?" asked Klaus.

"On the east side of the house, right on the peak of the roof."

Klaus scratched his head, trying to think. He walked to the window facing the river and looked around the back yard, but he couldn't see much of anything in the waning light. "This happened at the wrong time of day," he said with a note of frustration. "We have to fix it now, or else the fallout tomorrow might be too dangerous."

"Would it help if you had more light?" asked David "We've got a light for the back yard. The switch is to the right of the window. It might be behind that mess from the shelf."

"Yes, I think that would help," he said with his 'problem solved' smile. "Perfect!" he said as the back yard lit up, then his smile rather quickly faded. "Well, that's not an option," he said.

"What do you see?" asked David.

"I see the antenna all right. One of those big nine-foot things? White fiberglass?"

"A big mama," I said.

"Yes, that's right," said David.

"Well," said Klaus, "that nine-foot big mama is now considerably less than nine feet, and what's left of it is in a tree about twenty feet up. I think that piece is about five or six feet long. I think I can see some of the other pieces around the yard, but I'm not sure. I'm afraid that big mama is going to have to stay where she is."

"I guess a flying branch or something must have hit it when the blast wave came," said David. "What rotten luck to lose that when we've lost the radio at the same time."

"Is it really luck if they were both caused by the same thing?" asked Klaus.

David looked astonished. "Of course. There's an important axiom in science…"

"Correlation is not causation," I interrupted.

"Right," said David. "That means when two things happen together, it doesn't mean that one caused the other, or in our case, rotten luck. Something else might have caused both. That axiom doesn't fit exactly, but we do have a correlation of the loss of radio with the damage to the CB antenna, and something else caused both of them. You're thinking like a scientist, Klaus. Do you want to be a science nerd too?"

"Sure!" he said with his usual enthusiastic smile that David and I both needed very much.

"I could put some tape on a pair of David's dad's sunglasses for you!" At least the lady from the radio thought I was funny.

"I wonder if there's anything we can do about the CB antenna," said David.

"Sounds like an electronics project," I said. "We've still got all the wiring to connect it right here. It would have to go in another room though, maybe even upstairs. This room is shielded pretty heavily. It would probably work, though. I don't know what David's dad did that let those transistor radios work in here, but since they do, the CB would probably work too if we can make a new antenna."

"Do you know how to make one of those?" asked David.

"No," I said, "but I bet your dad has a book somewhere."

"I love you guys!" said Klaus, giving us each a kiss. "You give me more hope than you'll ever know. I think the antenna is an important project that we should all work on tomorrow. Donovan, you'll have to be in charge of research. I'll help however I can, but you'll know the kind of books you need. David, maybe you could be our test engineer? The guy who works with the radio and its controls to see if we're getting any signal? I think we should all try to learn together what we need to do. That can be our project for education time tomorrow."

"You just don't want to take our fallout test!" I said.

What a turd I was to say something like that when he had just done such a brilliant job of making sure David was included in our project, and not just the boy who holds our tools for us. Test engineer!

Klaus usually surprised (and confused) me as much as David sometimes did. Instead of being hurt, he hugged me again and said, "Donovan, you're such a miracle! Of course I need to take your test, Mr. Langevin. I have a lot to learn about fallout, and I'm afraid we might have a lot more to deal with now than we did from Fargo. I'll study hard. Maybe this would be a good time for you to write my test?"

Chapter 41

Teaching Sucks Sometimes

'10:00 PM, outside 3 rad/hour, basement .3 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

We recorded the numbers in our radiation log. The levels outside continued their slow descent, leaving us to wonder how much longer we would have to wait before the fallout from St. Cloud reached us. It wasn't that far away, and we seemed to be right in its path downwind.

Fifteen minutes later, I was ready to rip my ears off with frustration. "It's no fair!" I complained to David. "He's the one who is supposed to be doing all the work. We just ask the questions! Why's that so hard?"

We had taken two folding chairs and the Geiger counter into the area by David's dad's work bench (after I'd straightened it up a bit) so we could discuss the questions we would ask on the test, and we hadn't come up with a single question yet. Neither of us had expected it to be so hard to think of fair questions. For one thing, we just taught him what we knew. We hadn't written any notes or anything about what we were going to teach, so we had a hard time remembering exactly what we'd covered. The topic of the first question was easy enough, but it took a fair bit of negotiation to decide how to ask it. In the end, I wrote it on a fresh piece of paper.

1) How can you tell from the mushroom cloud if a nuclear bomb blew up on the ground or in the air, and can you be sure of it just by looking at the mushroom cloud which one it was?

"Essay questions give us a better chance to see how much he's learned," said David, "and I think this one needs a really good understanding to answer it well."

"I hate essay questions," I said. "I never know when I've said enough, and if you say more than you need to say, but you make a mistake, they always count points off, even though you didn't have to know that stuff – and you know how messy my handwriting is! They count points off for that too, and it's not fair because I know the answer, and I got it right. They should only count points off for handwriting in handwriting class."

"I know you got a D in handwriting for the first quarter and a B+ for the fourth quarter," he said. "That means if you really try…"

"But it takes so long to write all neat like this, and it hurts my hand. Besides, if they ask a question with matching or multiple-choice, that lets you know how much information they want so you don't have to worry if you wrote enough."

"Oh, you know what I think of multiple choice," he said.

"I know…"

"They never seem to give an answer that's exactly correct, or they give more than one that can be correct, and you have to guess which one they want."

"I know," I said, "but sometimes they'll change your grade if you explain what you meant. We can tell Klaus we'll change his grade if he explains why he answered wrong and if what he says makes sense because that'll show us he really did understand the answer."

"How about we do different kinds of questions?" he said.

"Ok," I said. "We have an essay question. Let's do multiple choice next."

"Ok," said David. I couldn't quite tell if he had rolled his eyes. "So what should the next question be about?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Let's make it something about our shelter, or something important to us right here. Oh! I've got the perfect one!" I scribbled the question down quickly before I told David what it was so I wouldn't forget it.

2) What kind of radiation do we have to worry about inside the shelter corner because it can go through walls and even rocks?

a. Alpha radiation b. Beta radiation c. Gamma radiation

d. Neutron radiation e. All of the above f. None of the above

"Everybody knows that when a multiple-choice question has 'All of the above' as an answer," I said after reading the question to David, "that's always the right answer, so we need to put both all and none on every multiple choice question."

"Teachers should know that," said David, "but it's true. They keep doing it. Donovan, Hunny, there's another rule for multiple-choice questions. If you don't know the answer, always choose C, and for this question, C is the correct answer."

"Oh," I said. "I never heard of that. I could put 'All of the below' and 'None of the below' first. That would make the answer be E."

"You would have to reverse that, wouldn't you, Don?" he asked. "If you say 'All of the below,' then next you say 'None of the below,' then 'All of the below' can never be the right answer. It can't be 'All of the below' if one of the below is 'None of the below' see?" He giggled and said, "I can see you looking up to the right!" He'd told me I did that whenever I was trying to figure something out, and he used it as his cute way of poking gentle fun at me. How can a boy be so cute and so elegant at the same time?

"You can't see my eyes, can you?"

"I can see them well enough."

"Am I as sexy as you are when you roll your eyes up and throw your head back?" I asked.

"Very sexy," he said, "because I know something great is going to come out when you think that hard with that wonderful brain of yours."

"I knew what you meant," I said, "but I'll have to think hard more often."

"If you keep thinking hard," he said with a sly grin, "you'll keep making me hard."

"Who says I'm intelligent! Come on!"

"Later! We have to get back to this test. We might have another problem with question two," he said. "Did we actually teach him about penetrating gamma rays?"

"Uh-oh," I said after making David hard again with my eyes. "We talked mostly about isotopes and half-lives and the three kinds of products and how stuff moves and gets into the mushroom cloud. I don't think we talked about gamma rays at all. Come on! Was it that Calista Zakland girl? Did she tell you I was intelligent?" He was maddeningly unreasonable, and it was driving me nuts!

***

'11:00 PM, outside 3 rad/hour, basement .3 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"I never knew writing a test was so much work," I told David as we folded up the chairs and made our way back to the shelter corner. The Geiger counter had not budged while we were working on the test, but we knew it was just a matter of time.

It had taken a whole hour for us to come up with two essay questions, two multiple-choice questions, two true-or-false questions, and we decided just to do four matching questions to get a nice round number.

"A whole hour and all we got was ten questions?"

"And we're not done yet," said David. "We've still got to correct it when he's done, but I'm happy with the questions we've decided to ask. I think they cover the important stuff pretty well."

"You can grade the essay questions," I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

"That's fair," he said.

Inside the shelter corner, Klaus had his study notebook out, true to his word. "Are you all done writing my test, Mr. Langevin and Mr. Chance?" he asked.

"Yes Klaus," said David, "we've finished."

"And it's really short," I added.

"Short, but comprehensive," said David. He knew a lot of words that I didn't. I thought that probably came from all his family's reading together. Besides, he was the smart one, even though he had started telling me I was the smart one.

"My favorite kind!" said Klaus with a smile. "Teachers always try to do it that way. Tests should always be comprehensive…"

"What does that word mean?"

"It means that it covers everything, sweetie."

"Yes," said Klaus, "and that's not easy to do if the test is a short one. I've been studying everything I learned in your lesson, and I hope I'm ready."

"It's gonna be hard," I giggled devilishly.

"Oh, stop it, Donovan," said David. "I think it's a really good test, and it's very fair. Teachers always say there are no trick questions on their tests, so we didn't write any trick questions either."

"I wish they would sometimes," I said, "'cause I bet I'd spot the trick and get it right!"

"Oh, I know you would," said David, followed by a kiss. "I think cleverness is so attractive."

"I think your butt is so attractive," I said, caressing his soft butt cheeks and kissing him back. "But nothing is more sexy than your eyes." That was the truth, though I was just beginning to discover it.

"I think it's time to put everything away, fold up the table, and set up the bed," said Klaus. "David, I think you need to get this boy in bed so you can show him just how clever he is. Besides, it's always important to get a good night's sleep when you have a test the next day. David? Donovan? Hello?"

It's funny how everything else just disappears when you're having a really good kiss.

Chapter 42

Who's Smart?

'12:00 AM, outside 3 rad/hour, basement .3 rad/hour, inside <.1 rad/hour.'

"Why do I hear it all of a sudden if it's not changing then?"

As we were folding up the table, I was thinking about the test we'd just written, and that got me thinking about fallout. Thinking about fallout reminded me that some unknown amount of fallout was headed our way, but we didn't know when or how much. That got me scared.

"I never even notice the clicking most of the time. Are you sure it's not going up a little outside?"

"I think you should check it yourself, just to be sure," said Klaus. "You know how it works. Having another person double-check your work is a good idea so that you can double-check mine."

I stood in front of the outdoor monitor and examined the dial. "Yeah," I said, "three is about right. But we haven't checked anywhere but the back yard in a long time."

When the outdoor monitor was set to S-MON, that meant that it read the radiation levels from the south wall, but it would also continually check the other six probes. If one of those probes read higher levels than the one on the south wall, it would beep then alternate readings every five seconds between the south monitor and the one that was reading the higher levels. The light above the S-MON label would stay on, and the one above the higher probe's label would come on as well.

"You know, David's not the only one with a cute butt," said Klaus. I gave it a wiggle and carried on with the monitor.

"North is showing two," I said. N was the next switch from the left, after S-MON. "That's not right," I said. "The north side faces Fargo and Saint Cloud both! How come it's not higher than the south side? It's upwind!"

"That's a good question," said Klaus. "David, do you know?"

***

David didn't revel in being the only one who knew an answer the way I did. He saw teaching people as a way to be helpful so that they would know something for themselves. I was more of a snot than that. I derived no joy from being such a snot. Different kids respond to being bullied in different ways. I was terribly insecure. I believed most of the horrible things the bullies said about me (without realizing that in many ways, they were giving me compliments).

They told me I was stupid, though. That confused me. I got bad grades. I had no idea how other people really saw me, so I did many socially stupid things. My real dad was stupid for being such a nasty, violent criminal. Mom said my stepdad was really smart because he had a highly technical job with mainframe computers. She would never call herself smart because she said it was wrong to go around telling people how smart you are. So, I never did. Instead, if I knew something nobody else knew, I made sure to tell everybody about it. I would show people how smart I was, and I wasn't bragging about it. I was just saying smart things. Right? Some teachers told me I was smart, but teachers are supposed to be nice and encourage kids.

The one thing I could never deny was that I nearly always got the top score in all my classes on tests. When David was also in the class, he and I were always the top two. I only got bad grades because I never did my homework, and my handwriting was abysmal. At some point, I began to believe I might actually be smart, or at least above average. That meant I had something cool about me, something likable. If people only knew how smart I was, they'd like me – Right?

My heroes were people like Carl Sagan and Albert Einstein. I thought everybody respected and looked up to scientists and smart people like I did. I had no idea how profoundly wrong I was about that. I think David understood all of this about me, which is why he was never annoyed by my desperate need to be right or know everything. I thought of him as the smart one, but I didn't fully appreciate his people-smarts.

***

"Oh," said David. "That's because of all the surface area in the trees." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Klaus looking at me, maybe to see if I understood David. I didn't, but I didn't want Klaus to know that. "Think of where the little bits of fallout can land," he continued.

"Yeah," I jumped in. I'd worked it out. "In the front yard, there's all those trees along the road in front of the house." I couldn't help smiling as I continued showing off how much I knew. It didn't make me happy, but it meant they wouldn't think I was so stupid that I really didn't understand something so simple. "Think of all the leaves in those trees, and all the ridges and cracks and stuff in the bark. That's a lot of surface area for fallout to land on it and stay stuck to it." I felt so proud of myself.

"But most local fallout is heavier than ordinary dust," said David, "so it can fall from the trees with a little breeze." My heart clenched inside my chest. This was like that horrible day in science class when I corrected Mr. Reusse with my snotty voice, and then he showed everyone how I was wrong. I'm sure David knew exactly what had just happened because he smiled at me as he continued, "Donovan is right that all of that surface area catches a lot of the fallout, and he'll also tell you which way the wind usually blows here, right, Don?"

"That's right," I said with a cautious, almost begging smile. "It usually goes from west to east in Minnesota, but the hills in the woods across the street make it turn more south, toward the river."

"Donovan's always been the smart one," said David. "He actually understands how that works with airflows and everything." Now I was blushing. Why did he say that? I was still nervous about what I'd said already, so I didn't jump in.

"Well, anyway," David continued, "If the wind usually blows from the northwest over the forest to the southeast over the river, which direction do you think the fallout in those trees will go when it gets blown loose?"

"Toward the house, I'd think," said Klaus.

"Yes, some of it just settles to the ground near the house," said David, "but remember, the trees can only catch fallout that would have fallen there anyway. So if you took all of the fallout out of all of the trees in the front yard and dumped it on the ground, it would be about the same as in the back yard. Well, a little bit higher because, as Donovan said, it's on the windward side of the house – upwind. Only some of the fallout lands in the front yard when it gets blown loose from the trees. Where do you suppose the rest of it goes, Klaus?"

"Hah!" said Klaus with a smile. "Over the roof and into the back yard!"

"Very good, Klaus," I said, knowing it was finally safe for me to talk, "but some of it sticks to the roof, right David?"

"Yes, that's true," said David. "It was supposed to rain today, but it didn't. If we'd had good heavy rain, most of that fallout would have been washed off the roof and out the downspouts. That might have made our readings a little higher."

"E is three," I said, continuing my report from the outdoor monitor, "we already know S is three, and W is two. Right now, the river is showing three. The kitchen is one, and the garage is one."

Klaus handed me the radiation log so that I could record all seven of the readings. "Now, we have a baseline for comparison." Like a good science nerd, I knew exactly what that meant. "Time for ear drops and iodide tablets before bed." He got them from the first aid kit and handed us each one.

"Can I have that nice white bandage tape, please?" I asked. "I want to re-tape my glasses."

"Sure," said Klaus, handing us our iodide tablets.

I stared at mine while he gave me my eardrops. "Purple berries?"

"Wow," said David. "I never thought of that. Is it a metaphor for iodide pills?"

"Purple iodide pills for radiation," said Klaus. "It makes sense. The pills are purple, and they keep you from getting you sick after nuclear war. I always thought he meant the purple berries were good food that survived the war, and he knew they were safe because they hadn't made him sick." Then he sang, "Say can I have some of your purple berries? Yes, I've been eating them for six or seven weeks now, haven't got sick once. Probably keep us both alive." He thought it over and said, "It sounds like food to keep them alive, but it could be a metaphor."

"That's what I thought, too," said David. "But maybe it means both?" Then David sang, "' Cause you know, sometimes words have two meanings."

***

We pulled the bed out, and I sat on the edge of the mattress. I had to know. I had too much riding on my appearance of being smart. "Can you tell me now, David? Please? Who thinks I'm smart?"

"I do," he said.

"So do I," said Klaus.

"Yeah, but I mean, who else?"

"Everyone who knows you, Donovan," said David.

"You mean Calista Zakland?"

"She definitely thinks you're smart, but lots of other people do too. Calista knows you're very intelligent, and she says so every time someone says your name. She's always had a thing for you, in case you didn't know."

"She told you that?"

"No," said David, "but almost everybody knows. Haven't you seen the way she looks at you?"

"She looks at me like a girl. Why?"

"Well, for one thing," said David, "when you walk past her and say hi, she usually stops and watches you walk away until she can't see you anymore. That's a pretty sure sign."

"Sounds like a crush to me," said Klaus.

"Great!" I said. "A hot chick has a crush on me, but I only find out after she's probably dead, and I'm gay!"

"Donovan?" David had a slight note of worry in his voice that I didn't notice at the time. "Did you want to have a girlfriend?"

"Of course!" I said incredulously. Wasn't it obvious? "All the cool dudes have girlfriends. I'd be more popular, wouldn't I?" No, I honestly had no idea how cruelly ignorant I was being with my dear David. "Don't you want one?"

"No," he said. "Could you fall in love with a girl?" he asked weakly.

"I could kiss them, and I guess I could dance with them if I had to," I said.

"If you had to?" asked David.

"I hate dancing."

"Donovan," said Klaus as he sat down next to me, "before we have a huge misunderstanding here, I think you need to listen carefully to what David is asking you. David is your gay boyfriend, and you're his gay boyfriend. Gay boys don't fall in love with girls or have girlfriends unless they are just friends who happen to be girls. David needs to know that you're in love with him and that you're not going to meet some pretty girl and run off with her instead. Am I right David?"

David nodded, and I saw his chin begin to wrinkle. It was like being stabbed in the stomach to think I'd made him cry again. "No! David! It's not that at all!" I said urgently hugging his belly as he stood in front of me.

"I could never feel this way about a girl. I could never feel this way about anybody, but especially not some girl! David sweetie, girls are plain and boring. Some of them are pretty like I think Calista Zakland is pretty, and whoever gets her for a girlfriend will be really cool because they have such a hot girlfriend, but boys are way better and cuter, and… I like boy bodies a lot, but I love yours more than anybody's body ever, and I love you so much that I used to see your face every night when I went to bed, and I've felt like that for a year at least."

"I felt sad at night because I couldn't see you until the next day. Now I see you every night when I go to bed, and you make me happy! I used to look at you after you passed me in the hallway too! I made up excuses to go where you were going! That made me late for classes a whole bunch of times, and I got many detentions, but I didn't care! I love you! You've got to believe me!"

"I do, Donovan," he sniffled. "And I knew you looked at me like that, but I didn't think… I didn't dare… I know I'm being stupid. I know you're not interested in girls, and I can feel how much you love me. I know. It's just… sometimes, after everything that's happened, it's been easy to have bad thoughts like that. We've all had bad thoughts now. Klaus too. He said so." Klaus nodded in agreement.

"I guess this is what my bad thoughts are like. They're so stupid, though, and it's embarrassing. I love you, Donovan Langevin, and I believe you when you say you love me. I'm so happy you're my boyfriend!"

He sat next to me, and we had another kiss that told Klaus we were in our safe and cozy bubble again, only the two of us, so happy to be in love. Whenever we went there, he always seemed to know, and he left us alone.

Chapter 43

Interconnected

When we ended our kiss, we noticed Klaus had gone back to the recliner to study his notes for our test the next day. David whispered a suggestion to me, and we both sprang into action. I put my freshly re-taped glasses on the shelf next to the recliner. (When the tape is fresh, they feel a lot better, and I didn't want to loosen up the tape with the expected rough treatment.) Then I leaned across the left side of the recliner, and David leaned over the right. We sucked his big cock without saying a word. He was hard in no time, gasping and panting.

"Oh god, boys!"

We traded it back and forth, each of us trying to get it deeper than the other. For a while, I sucked his cock while David sucked his balls. He really liked that, but I didn't know why. My balls would hurt!

"No cumming yet," I said. "I want to try to get your cock inside me now," I said. "Could we do that now?"

"We can sure try," said Klaus. "David, do you remember how Donovan stretched you open?"

"Oh yes, yes, I certainly do remember," he said with another new grin as if remembering some overwhelming pleasure.

"Then you know what to do!"

I lay prone on the bed with my legs spread as wide as I could get them. I asked David to push them apart even farther so I could stretch at the same time. (That didn't go very well once he got started.) David's fingers were like his legs, long and slender. His first finger had slid deep inside of me, and I'd hardly felt anything but that tingling around the edges. That intensified as he went in and out, then around in circles.

"Two, please!" I liked that feeling! In and out, rubbing against my skin, and my muscles were stretching open, but in a nice way, like I was yawning. "That's so nice!" Soon I felt two slender fingers pulling in opposite directions, and it still felt very nice. They were David's fingers, and they had magic powers.

I discovered there was something sexy about lying there like that, unable to see what they were doing, and unable to hear clearly what they were saying to each other. It was almost as if they were conspiring to have their way with me. Why was that such a turn-on?

"Ok, Donovan," said Klaus. "It's dildo time."

"I'll get that pink vibrating one," said David.

Soon I felt a strong vibration that felt so personal, so deep in my most private place, I let out something that I think sounded like a soft scream, if that makes any sense.

"Put it in!" I said. "All the way in! Holy wow! Please!"

"Ok," I heard David's voice say.

"The one being penetrated should have control," said Klaus. "Donovan, are you sure?"

"I'm sure! Please!"

Soon the vibration originated from within my own body, and I had to fight the urge to do what David did whenever he had an orgasm – roll my eyes back in their sockets. I'm not sure why I was fighting that urge, but I think it was because I wanted to pay attention to everything.

"Do you want it in and out?" asked David.

"Yes, please!" From time to time, it would hit this spot behind my cock that felt a little bit like peeing on an electric fence for cows. (Yeah, I did that once on a dare when I was trying to look cool. I don't recommend it.) Only this wasn't uncomfortable; this was an impossibly good feeling.

"Do you want the bigger one?" David asked.

I reasoned that bigger was better, so I called out, "Yes, please!"

"He needs to put that one in himself," said Klaus. "He has to have control."

David handed me the dildo between my legs, and I pressed the tip into my ass. It felt bigger than Klaus' cock at the time, but that might have been my nervousness.

"This one doesn't vibrate," said David. It really hurt! I pulled it back and tried again. "It might help if you press it against your anus a few times without going in," he said. "That's how I got it to work."

I was very glad that I was in control of this dildo. If someone had just pushed it in, it would have hurt more than I can describe, and I would never have wanted to try again.

Following David's advice, and with some pain, I managed to get the tip of the dildo in. I held it there for a bit. Then I felt my ass muscles cramping, so I pulled it out, which hurt again because the head of the dildo was bigger than the shaft. "I know it's hard before you get the head of this one in. It's pretty big, but if you do it a bunch of times, just the tip of it in and out, it'll become a little easier."

So I did, and it really hurt at first, but after going in and out a few times, David was right. It felt much better. I rested for a bit with the tip of it in my ass, and soon I discovered that the cramping I'd felt earlier only happened when I was holding it still. If I did that, my butt muscle started to hurt, but if I kept it moving, it didn't hurt. I pushed the tip in and out quickly, and it stopped hurting – it felt like a massage on that muscle.

"Try it all the way," said David. So I did, all at once. I couldn't believe how easily it went in! I had to pull it out right away, but I could move it in and out just fine without it hurting.

"Wow," said Klaus. "Donovan, I think you've got a great anal coach here. If you do that for another minute, and if it doesn't hurt, we'll give it a try, ok?"

"Oh wow," I said. "Yeah, I mean, yes, ok."

I tried to find that spot David had been hitting, the one that made the back of my cock feel like I was peeing on a really nice electric fence, but I couldn't find it.

"You do it, David." I let go of the dildo while it was all the way inside of me, and soon I felt David's long and gentle hand on my butt cheek, and the dildo began sliding slowly in and out.

"Does that feel ok, sweetie?"

"It's nice," I said, "but could you please go faster? It feels more like a massage if you go faster. Oh! Yeah, that's it. That feels much better." Soon I heard the unmistakable sounds of David slurping on Klaus' cock. "Hey! I said. "No cumming!"

"He's just helping me get hard for you," said Klaus.

After another 30 seconds or so, Klaus said, "Donovan, do you think you're ready?"

He lay back on the bed – I straddled him over his belly. I could feel David's hands smearing oil over Klaus' cock before giving my ass a fresh coating, inside and out. As with David, Klaus held his cock to my ass but didn't move.

"You're in control of everything, Donovan. I want you to go only as deep as you want, and only if it feels comfortable. And remember, you need to keep your muscles relaxed."

I leaned forward, kissed him, and said, "Ok."

His cock-head slid right into my ass, and he let out a moan. It wasn't a hard, rigid, stretching feeling like with the dildo. Then I remembered his cock-head was softer and easier to squeeze with my hand than the rest of his cock, but the dildo was hard and stiff all over. I moved up and down, sliding only his cock head in and out, which made him gasp when I did it. Then I slowly pressed down, and I could feel his whole shaft entering my body. It went right in, and the only feeling I can remember was a fullness inside and a strong tingling in the skin lining my anus. He inhaled deeply as I slid down. In what seemed like an instant, I was sitting on him, with his cock all the way inside. It felt a lot more smooth and natural, and it really was quite easy after that dildo – It fit much better. I noticed that I wasn't cramping while I just sat there.

As I sat there, I felt David's hand caress my butt cheek, and soon I felt his mouth on my cock. That startled me. Klaus and I both gasped as if Klaus felt it too.

"You can go up and down, Donovan," said David. "I think I can do this while you're moving."

I rose slowly until I felt Klaus' cock head reach my anus muscles. I didn't want him to slip out, so I stopped there and settled back down. Both Klaus and I breathed a lot more quickly as I moved. I leaned back like David usually did with me, with my hands on Klaus' thighs, and moved up and down steadily. That made it easier for David to get to my cock, and it pushed Klaus' cock deeper inside me. Klaus clenched my thighs every time I slid back down on his cock.

I soon learned that, in this position, if I let Klaus' cock nearly all the way out, it would rub against that magic spot behind my cock that gave me such an electric jolt of pleasure, each time I slid back down. At some point, David climbed on top of Klaus, facing me, and still sucking my cock, while Klaus sucked David's cock. It was hard for me to pay attention because that feeling was so overwhelming. We were truly locked together because every time someone twitched or gasped, the rest of us felt it too. Then I saw Klaus slide his finger into David's ass. He didn't pull it in or out. He just moved it around. Whatever he was doing drove David crazy! He had his orgasm right away after Klaus started doing that.

David resumed sucking my cock as soon as he'd settled down. I fell into a rhythm of pushing down onto Klaus' cock, then pushing into David's mouth, feeling that jolt behind my cock, magnified by David's mouth. I could hold back no more. My body slowly exploded, and the explosion started right at that spot at the back of my cock.

Then Klaus took over. I leaned back on one hand and held David's head so my cock would stay in his mouth. Klaus seemed to know right where that special spot of mine was, too because he was hitting it hard with each thrust. Then he slowed way down and pressed powerfully, deep inside of me. I felt his eruption as a vague vibration in my abdomen and as a massive tensing of nearly every muscle in his body.

I think we all liked to lie for a while in the same positions in which we'd orgasmed. I lay my body all the way back on Klaus' legs, feeling a stretching in my thigh muscles, as my knees were still bent back. I thought that was ok because I wanted to be all stretched out and flexible. I stroked my David's messy hair and felt his love, from my cock in his mouth out to the rest of my body. It was just sex, but I couldn't separate sex with David from love. I felt love for Klaus, and his love for me, but it was never quite the same as with David.

Chapter 44

Necessary Facilities

We awoke a few hours later to a horrible screeching sound. Klaus and I were spooning, and David was cuddled up in my arms. We kept each other warm, and it was very humid that night, so we hadn't bothered with a blanket.

Klaus jumped out of bed and switched on the light. David said sleepily, "It's the fallout. It's here. Don, Hunny, turn down the sensitivity switches on all the monitor channels. Try X-ten first, but you'll probably have to go to X-one hundred."

"What is it?" I cried in a panic. "It's never made that sound before!"

"That happens when the radiation gets too high for the setting it's on," said David with a yawn. "The clicks come too fast, and they all sorta join together and make that screeching sound. It'll go away when you turn those switches."

As I turned the sensitivity switches on the outdoor monitor, Klaus took the Geiger counter out of the shelter corner and returned quickly. "Twenty-two," he said gravely.

"Oh no," I said. "Two hundred and thirty outside! That's too much!"

"It's ok, Donovan," said Klaus. "It's only… one point one in here. We're just fine, but we'll have to stay here now. No leaving this room, ok guys?"

"I don't want to go out in that radiation!" I said. After a pause, I said, "But what if we have to go to the bathroom?"

"Yes, we'll need to do something," said Klaus.

"Dad's got stuff for that too," said David. "It's not very nice, but it's really simple. It's all in that closet across from the bathroom, though."

"What do I need to bring in here?" asked Klaus.

"You're going back out there?" I shrieked.

"Donovan, sweetie," said David, "Please try to be calm. You know that walking through twenty-two rads per hour for a few minutes is perfectly ok. You know a lot about radiation, more than I do for sure. If you remember what you already know, that might help you to stay calm. Mom says deep breathing can help too."

He was right, and I knew he was right, but I was still scared, thinking about a bunch of what-ifs. What if the fallout gets so bad we all die? I couldn't imagine that happening, though. Even at 3,000 rads per hour outside, I predicted we'd only get about fifteen inside our shelter corner, and only for a little while. David's dad had built a really good shelter that was protecting us better than even he'd expected. He'd told David that it would keep out 99% of fallout radiation, but so far, it had been more like 99.5%. That might not seem like much of a difference, but if you look at it another way, David's dad thought that with 3,000 rads per hour outside, we would get thirty rads per hour inside the shelter corner, but our measurements were telling us we'd get only half of that. That could make a very big difference on the human body, depending on how long our exposure was.

"He's making good sense, Donovan," said Klaus. "We have to keep cool heads while we're here. We can't let our feelings become our enemy. Like David said, we've all struggled with terrible and dark feelings. That's very understandable after all that's happened, but we can't let them stop us from doing the things we need to do."

***

'3:07 AM, outside 230 rad/hour, basement 22 rad/hour, inside 1.1 rad/hour.'

"This is a pretty clever set-up," said Klaus.

He had retrieved a folding toilet frame, four boxes of plastic bags, six 50 lb bags of cat litter, which he'd stacked up to block the right passage out of the shelter corner room (there was a passage to the right and one to the left), two tall buckets, two electric fans, a whole mountain of toilet paper, and a large scoop from the closet. He would not allow us to help because of the radiation, even after we reminded him that he'd probably received over fifteen rads already.

Klaus opened the toilet frame so David could show him how it worked. "First, we leave this bucket in the passage to the basement, right at the opening to the room here," said David. "We put a plastic bag in it and fill it about three-quarters full of cat litter. We pee right into the cat litter, just like cats. Then we have to figure out for ourselves how often to close up the bag and set it in the passageway, just outside the room. Then for number two," he said while sliding the second bucket under the toilet frame, "We put another bag in this one." The bags were strong and heavy. "Then, we put one scoop of cat litter in the bag."

"That's clever," said Klaus.

"Dad made this up mostly by himself, but he bought the toilet frame by mail order."

"I'm sorry, David," I said, in my most sincere attempt to be sensitive, "But what about you? How will you pee in the bucket if you can't look down and see it?"

"I'll still pee sitting down like Mom would have."

He showed how easy it was to swap the buckets under the toilet frame, and I could see the buckets were almost a perfect fit under the toilet seat.

"Ok, back to number two. So you set the bucket and the bag up like this," he said, "and you've added a scoop of cat litter. Get another scoop of cat litter, set that scoop on the floor next to you, and put the seat down. Now you're ready to do your business. Once you've done that, Dad says it's probably best to put half a scoop of cat litter on top of your poop before you even wipe, just to keep the smell down for other people. When you're done wiping, sprinkle the rest of the cat litter over everything. Then take the bag out, close it up, and put it down the passageway, next to the doorway to the basement, or if the radiation is low enough, put it just outside the doorway."

"There are two fans," said Klaus. "Did your dad have a plan for where they should go?"

"Yes," said David. "One should go right here next to the toilet, pointing down the passage to the doorway, and the other one should be right in the doorway to the rest of the basement. Dad tried it and found out that one fan didn't work to pull the air out, no matter where he put it. The plastic bags we use should go in the corner behind that other fan."

"Dad and I had fun doing experiments using three scoops of cat litter in each bag, one extra scoop because we decided 'a scoop was better than a poop' for that test." He giggled a little less cutely than normal, and he even snorted. "Anyway, we learned from our experiments that we can just toss our bags from right here by the toilet onto the floor in the corner behind that fan, and they don't break. We did that with thirty bags, and none of them broke open, not even a little. Then we each took one of the bags we had used for that experiment and tossed it twenty more times to the same place onto the bare floor. Neither of them ever broke open either. So we concluded from our analysis of the evidence," he gave me a wink, "that it's safe just to toss these bags once they're used into that corner instead of walking closer to the radiation."

"The pee bags will be a lot heavier though, so when we decide they have to be dumped, if we can, we should walk them to somewhere near the corner. If we're in here a really long time, or if we have a lot of guests and we fill up a lot of bags, we have to be careful not to let the bags pile up too close to the fan. That might keep the fan from moving the air away."

"I've got a great idea," said Klaus. Without another word, he dashed out into the basement.

We heard some clunking and crashing sounds before he dashed back into the shelter with the plastic trash can and a box of trash bags from Mr. Chance's workroom, the room where I'd knocked all that stuff off the shelves to get in through the window.

"I figured we'd use this for our trash anyway," he said, "but if we put this a few feet behind the first fan and keep the lid shut all the time, that might keep things… better contained. Then if we decide it's getting too smelly, I can take the trash bag out, tie it off, and put it in the far corner behind the second fan, as long as the radiation doesn't get too crazy. And we've got lots of this plain Lysol to keep the trash can clean. I think using this will also keep the flies to a minimum."

I was the first one to try out the new toilet facilities. Well, the new pee-bucket anyway. There was a reason I had asked earlier about using the bathroom. Some of my pee sprayed back out and onto my legs. Klaus cleaned me off, then sprayed the area around the bucket with Lysol to keep it from stinking.

"I think I added too much cat litter," he said. "It's too close to the top." He took a few scoops out and put it in another plastic bag, which he left open on the other side of the first fan. "We'll use that to start our next pee bucket if we need one."

My feelings were getting crazy. I was proud to be the first one to try out the new toilet system, but I'd gotten pee all over the place, and all over my legs, so I was embarrassed. Then I thought about how much simpler it was to use a regular toilet, and how many simple things in life we must have lost. I needed a hug from my David. I sobbed quietly, and he didn't try to stop me. He just held me close, where I could feel his love, and even his heartbeat.

***

I awoke to see Klaus reading a book and sipping a cup of coffee as if everything was normal. He smiled at me and said, "Good morning, Donovan! Did you sleep well after all our excitement?"

The most beautiful being in all of creation was snuggled up with me, and I didn't want to move. I didn't answer Klaus. I just put my head back on the pillow, lay there still, and loved David's sleeping self. He was with me, and he loved me. I didn't want to wake him. I just wanted to love him. At that moment, I felt he was the only thing that made waking up to that nightmare a bearable experience. I didn't want to be awake; I wanted to be with David, asleep, and in the same dream with him – I tried but failed. I was awake, and feeling so much love for David wasn't enough to stop my horrible racing thoughts. Then his eyes opened, he smiled at me and yawned at the same time; we kissed. For a moment, I was with him, and the nightmare was like a TV show on another channel.

"Good morning Donovan," he said. "How can you look so beautiful first thing in the morning?"

What was he talking about? He was the beautiful one. Why didn't he understand that? I couldn't remember him ever calling me beautiful before either.

"You have the prettiest brown eyes I've seen ever. I've always loved your eyes, but right now, they're absolutely gorgeous." He kissed me again, and I figured it out.

"You can see my eyes?" He just nodded cutely. "Not just my eyelashes?"

"All of them, except your bottom eyelashes," he said. "All the parts that matter – iris, pupil, and sclera."

Ordinarily, such words would have given me a boner, but they meant David could see! All at once, we were both hugging, laughing, and crying together.

"Are you boys ok?"

"Klaus!" I shrieked. "It's David! Oh, you tell him, David!"

"I can see straight ahead now, even a little down," said David. "It's getting way better!"

Klaus grabbed a small flashlight from the shelf, turned off the lights, and had David look up so he could look at David's retinas.

"Oh yeah," he said. "That pink area is definitely shrinking. It's moved well clear of your fovea. That's a great sign!" He turned the light back on, put his flashlight down, and joined us in our celebratory hug-fest.

***

'3:30 AM, outside 430 rad/hour, basement 41 rad/hour, inside 2.1 rad/hour.'

'4:00 AM, outside 610 rad/hour, basement 60 rad/hour, inside 3.1 rad/hour.'

'4:30 AM, outside 710 rad/hour, basement 70 rad/hour, inside 3.3 rad/hour.'

'8:17 AM, outside 890 rad/hour, basement 91 rad/hour, inside 4.3 rad/hour.'

'8:30 AM, outside 880 rad/hour, basement 89 rad/hour, inside 4.3 rad/hour.'

Klaus showed me the radiation log, and I shrieked. "That's way too high! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?" I began to hyperventilate.

There was a reason Klaus had chosen his time to show me the log. He hugged me gently from behind while David kissed me.

"It's leveling off, sweetie," said David. "And you know we can handle more. Remember to think like a scientist. Remember, there is evidence that says we're still safe."

"I need… I need to…" I didn't know what I needed, so I jumped back into the bed and cried hard into a pillow.

Soon I felt David's gentle hand on my back. He didn't say anything. He knew I needed to have an emotional explosion, and he wanted me to know he was there, and that he loved me. I understood, and I was grateful. After a minute or so, I sat up and hugged him tightly while I cried. I tried several times to tell him what he meant to me, but I couldn't think of the words, and even if I could, it's hard to say things when you're crying so much.

"I love you, Donovan sweetie," he said, "and I know later today we'll be trading places. I'm sure I'll need your love like this when I have another breakdown. You're so good to me when that happens." When that happens? I tried to remember him ever falling apart and me comforting him. I couldn't think.

"You'll hold me and show me how much you love me then, won't you?" I nodded. "Promise me you'll always share your feelings with me, ok sweetie?" I nodded. "Klaus said our dark feelings could be more dangerous than the radiation. I think he's right, Donovan. I will always love you and hold you when you hurt. Can you do that for me too when I feel like this?" I nodded. "Good. I'm sure we're going to hurt more in the next few weeks or whatever, so we have to help each other."

***

'9:00 AM, outside 910 rad/hour, basement 90 rad/hour, inside 4.4 rad/hour.'

"Cheerios, please," I said softly.

We had folded up the bed and done our stupid calisthenics. I felt stupid about not doing burpees with Klaus and David, so I did them anyway. Then we'd set the table for breakfast. I thought Cheerios without sugar was the dullest tasting cereal ever (I had never tried shredded wheat), and that was how I felt – dull. David made me want to stay alive, but I couldn't be happy. That was asking just a little too much. I was stuck in that place somewhere between the ability to feel happy and the ability to feel suicidal.

Chapter 45

Sad Boy

If David was my emotional lifeline, Klaus was my physical lifeline. He made me move my body, whether I wanted to or not. He didn't force me or anything. He was just so enthusiastic that I couldn't say no. When we did our calisthenics, he made a deal with me. He would do every exercise I did, only I could tell him how many he had to do. David and I did twenty of everything, but only ten burpees and Klaus smiled through his twenty burpees, fifty push-ups, and one hundred jumping jacks. David play-punched my shoulder and told me how cruel I was, but Klaus smiled and told David, while doing his hundred jumping jacks, that Mr. Langevin was his gym teacher today, and he always obeyed his gym teacher, because gym teachers are the wisest and most special kind of teachers, and they always know what's best. Mostly I wanted to see Klaus' cock bounce around with each jumping jack, and I had to know if it would still touch the floor when he did his push-ups.

***

I couldn't finish my Cheerios. I didn't think I could even eat frosted flakes that morning. Klaus said it was ok if I just drank the milk in the bowl. Milk tastes pretty good after sitting for fifteen minutes in soggy Cheerios.

"Why put them in there?" Klaus had asked me to scoop my unfinished Cheerios into a small baggie and tie it shut before throwing it away, and I didn't get it.

"Even though it's hard for you to taste it," he said, "there's quite a bit of sugar in Cheerios, and in milk too. I want us to do everything we can to make sure we don't have a problem with bugs coming here to eat with us." Great. Another thing to worry about.

***

'9:30 AM, outside 900 rad/hour, basement 88 rad/hour, inside 4.2 rad/hour.'

"That looks a little better," said Klaus. "We'll see if it continues to hold steady, or even falls. Mr. Langevin, could the radiation from the fallout go up again?"

"Yeah," I said unenthusiastically. What a question to ask me when I was trying hard not to think about bad news!

"Then, since it's been staying somewhere close to nine hundred for over an hour now, how much higher do you think it could go?"

"I don't know," I said with a little annoyance in my voice, I'm sure. I sighed and continued, "I guess if it's really leveled off, it would only go higher if this was just another hot spot. I think we're in the main cloud now, and not a hot spot. That's why it took so long to get this high, and why it's staying high. Hot spots sound like parts of the main cloud that have broken away, and not spots that are a lot hotter than the main cloud – I don't know, though."

I pulled the radiation log toward myself and looked at the numbers. They made sense to me. "It looks like it leveled out sometime after four-thirty, but it was already getting close to nine hundred then. This could actually be a real decrease, or it could be the start of a breaking-off point of a hot spot, or it could just be normal variation, and we're still in the cloud."

"The hot spot would probably be as hot as the main cloud?" he asked.

"I don't know, I guess." The only thing worse I could think of than our current fallout situation was that this was supposed to be education time, and we were supposed to be giving little Klaus his stupid test.

"From what you said, a hot spot is just a piece of the main cloud that's broken off and not something hotter than the main cloud."

"Well then," he said. "I think we've got a reason to celebrate! We might have seen the worst of it, but it probably won't go higher because it seems to have leveled off since some time after four-thirty."

"Yay," I said sarcastically. "We can celebrate the way I wish real teachers would celebrate – by canceling today's test!"

"You two are real teachers," said Klaus, slowly, almost threateningly. "I learned a lot from only one lesson from you. I've studied for this test, and I'm ready. I think you covered some of this material at the college level. You made me think that hard – You should be proud of your skills as a teacher, Donovan."

"I know," I said dismissively.

"Donovan, don't give up on me, Hunny," said David. "Remember what the man on the radio said? He said tomorrow comes, whether we like it or not. It will come, and we'll be a lot more ready for it if we keep teaching and learning and making ourselves better people."

When adults fall into depression, it can last for months. When a kid becomes depressed, it might also last for months, but there's a good chance that with the right amount of well-placed love combined with suitable distractions, it can remit quite abruptly. It can always return just as abruptly, but when it is in remission, it is in complete remission. I knew then that I could make it with my David, and I also knew that he would also need my strength when he felt depressed.

We didn't go right into education time; Klaus asked if we would like a game of Clue first. I think he knew that kids who were preoccupied and depressed didn't learn very well, and looking back on things, shrewd as he was, I think he understood that the best way for kids to learn something was to teach it.

I was Miss Scarlet again, Klaus was Col. Mustard, and of course, David was Professor Plumb. "Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory with the lead pipe," said David about twenty minutes later.

"I growled at him and kissed him. Then I said, "Hey, how's an old lady like Mrs. Peacock gonna be strong enough to kill someone with a heavy pipe?"

"Dick-slap!" said Klaus as he stood up and slapped his soft and lovely cock against my cheek.

What a shocking thing for a teacher to do! He was using his best material on me that morning. I snapped at his cock with my teeth, but when I missed it, I said, "You won't think you're so funny after this test we have for you!"

"I hope to get more answers right than wrong," he said, "and I'll do my best."

"Should we give you the test now?" asked David.

"Sure! I'm ready," he said, "but we should do the radiation log first."

'10:00 AM, outside 840 rad/hour, basement 82 rad/hour, inside 4.0 rad/hour.'

This time even I cheered. There was no denying it – that was very good news. The fallout really seemed to be lifting, even if it was just a break between the main cloud and a hot spot, it looked like a real effect. I discovered that not knowing our situation was more difficult than knowing we were at a safe level for now. I was an insecure boy; security was everything to me.

"Ok," I said. "No more putting it off; it's test time!" I handed Klaus the notebook with the test we had written for him. "You can circle the correct answers for multiple-choice and draw a line to the correct answer for matching," I said. "You can answer T or F for true-false questions, and you can use the next pages in the notebook for the two essay questions. Be sure to put the question number at the top of the page with each essay answer, ok?"

"And you can use as many pages as you need," said David.

"Whatever," I muttered. "You're grading them."

"Do you have any questions, Klaus?"

"No, Mr. Chance."

"Then you may begin," said David. "This is not a timed test, so take as much time as you need. We'll keep up with the radiation logs while you work."

David and I sat on the couch while Klaus worked at the table. By sitting on the couch, of course, I was unable to refrain from kissing. If you only knew my beautiful boy David, you would understand the power his smile had over me. His soft, electrifying lips fueled my visions of the two of us in our comfortable bubble, on our Wooden Ship, alone together, on our way to some other galaxy where there were no missiles, and of course, there were no clothes. No shame, no fear, no unkindness, only love.

David and I were that galaxy when we were together. Between us, we shared a hundred billion bright stars, each of which had planets with populations of billions of people who knew only love and beauty, happiness, and kindness. They were children of love who knew nothing else – our own creation. We were their gods of love because they only came into being as David and I created them with our own love, which is where human children properly came from.

"All done," said Klaus, shocking me back to reality. "I'm dying to know how I did! When will I know my grade?"

Twelve minutes. It had taken him twelve minutes to take the test that took us an hour to write and covered material that took almost an hour to teach!

"We'll get to work on it right away," said David. "We should have it done within the hour."

"Twelve minutes?" I said out loud.

"It was difficult, and I'll give you credit, Mr. Langevin, and you Mr. Chance, you covered a lot of material in those ten questions. That's not an easy thing to do. In fact, I think you've had your first glimpse into what teachers do. I have always believed that writing good exams and then grading them takes far more work than students realize, and probably more work than the students put into studying for them and taking them."

It took me less than a minute to grade the eight non-essay questions. I found only one wrong. "It's nuclear fuel, fission products, decay products, and activation products in the stem if the nuclear fuel at a power plant is hit," I explained.

"The uranium fuel, decay products, and fission products are all inside the fuel rods, either underwater in the reactor being used, or stored in a pool in the pressure containment vessel as spent fuel rods, but remember they create activation products too when they come in contact with other dirt and debris, and they do it in the stem of the mushroom cloud, where you don't normally get activation products."

"Of course," said Klaus. "We covered a lot of material, and now I remember that. I thought a lot about the answer to that one. Tests like this should be challenging, Mr. Langevin, and you boys, you teachers, did a great job making it challenging but fair."

"It was only fair because David wouldn't let me ask the really tricky questions, like how many isotopes of iodine there are."

"I remember you mentioned two that had different half-lives."

"Yeah," I said, "but there's really like thirty of them."

"I'm glad you didn't ask that one," said Klaus. "First, a teacher should only ask questions he knows the answer to, and second, a teacher should only ask questions about material that was in the lesson or in the homework."

"Well yeah," I said. "That's why David made me be fair."

'10:30 AM, outside 560 rad/hour, basement 55 rad/hour, inside 2.7 rad/hour.'

I took the reading from the outdoor monitor as usual while Klaus reached his hand with the Geiger counter probe around the doorway to the basement for that reading. I recorded the readings in the radiation log, this time with a genuine smile on my face! We had gone from 900 to 560 in only one hour, and not even the most depressed boy on the planet could deny that it was great news.

"Two point seven inside," said Klaus in an excited but hushed voice.

David was still correcting Klaus' two essay questions, and every second I watched him was a moment of joy because he was reading! None of us knew whether he'd be able to do that ever again, but there he was. It meant something to me that when he looked into my eyes, he actually saw something. It feels like such a small thing now, I mean my own need for him to see me, but it meant a great deal to me then. His ability to see seemed so unimportant to him since he'd lost it, and I would come to understand over time that it was really just another aspect of his own selflessness.

David's eyes were the sexiest and most heart-meltingly beautiful part of his body, as I'd told him before, but they were also the most sincerely expressive part of his body. He said more with his eyes than with his voice. His actual eyesight seemed important to me for that reason, even though he had continued to express his feelings with his blind eyes. The boy I loved could see again! When he told me how beautiful I was, it meant more to me that he could see what he was talking about, though perhaps it shouldn't have.

I was sitting on Klaus' knee, leaning against his strong chest, holding his cock in my hand because it felt like that's where it belonged. It didn't feel exactly sexual at that moment, but it easily could have. It was more like a security blanket.

"Will I have big muscles like you when I grow up?" I asked him.

"You can if that's really what you want," he said. "Physical fitness has always been important to me. I always wanted to play sports like soccer and basketball, and at the end of the game, I wanted to have more energy than everyone else did. I learned that it was an effective way to win, but later it changed. Winning wasn't so important anymore, but being able to do physical things was important to me. I could help a friend move to a new house, or I could climb a mountain in the Alps, it all felt good when I was physically fit. Last summer I rode my bicycle all the way to Winnipeg. Physical fitness means freedom to me – the freedom to do whatever I want to do physically. Then at some point, I decided I wanted strength to go with my fitness, so I worked hard to build my strength. I never wanted big muscles. Have you seen bodybuilders like Lou Ferrigno and Arnold Schwarzenegger?"

"Yeah," I said. "Yuck!"

"I didn't think they looked, well, yucky," he said, "but I noticed that training my body for strength gave me muscles that looked more defined, but not nearly as big; I liked that. You see, big muscles aren't as strong as well-exercised muscles that are smaller. You must know plenty of farm boys, like Johnny B…"

"I like your muscles too," I said, "but only because they make you so strong, and you can pick me up! My mom and dad wouldn't carry me once I was five, and that felt… well, sad."

"I bet you'd like to be strong enough to pick up David and carry him off into the sunset," he said.

"Where?"

"I mean, anywhere you'd like, and I'm sure, absolutely certain, that he'd like you to be able to do that too. But that doesn't mean you have to do it."

"I want to!"

"You can," said Klaus. "David is slender, in the most beautiful way," he said carefully, "but even a slender boy can feel heavy after a minute or so of carrying him. He doesn't seem like a boy who would want you to have huge muscles, but I think he'd love it if you could sweep him off his feet and carry him anywhere your dreams take you."

"You make it sound so beautiful!"

"It means calisthenics and exercises," he said, "and weight training."

"He's worth it," I said. "I still get to complain, though!"

Chapter 46

Of Course That Counts!

David came into the room with a look of concern. "You got everything right on question ten," he said, "every detail, but question one is kinda difficult. You said that you can't be 100% positive just by looking at the cloud because if the darker gray stem mixes with the mushroom cloud, that is probably a ground burst, but it could still be an airburst that exploded close to the ground. That's correct, but you missed something important to this question. You can be certain it's an airburst if the stem doesn't ever reach the mushroom cloud itself. That only happens when it's an airburst, but I don't know how to grade this because you got the tricky part right, that the dark stem can reach the mushroom during a low air burst, but you also missed something important."

"Wrong!" I said with my snotty smile. "No credit!"

"Donovan! That's not fair," said David. "I just don't know what to do, and I thought that since Klaus is a professional teacher, he might help us to figure out a fair way to grade this question, even though he's the one who took the test."

"Well, you boys know I don't give many written tests," Klaus said, "only in health classes. What teachers usually do is decide how important each part of the answer is. Since I missed an important part of the answer, maybe I should lose more credit, or, since you said I got the tricky part right, maybe that means I should get more credit. There's something else to consider too. Teachers will sometimes have essay questions count more than other questions because you have to give information that is more correct. If an essay question is worth five points, you can decide if your student's answer deserves three, or maybe four out of five. Then you have to be careful if you have more than one student in your class. Do you remember the word that means an observation that depends on how you, and only you, think and feel about something?"

"Subjective!" I called out right away.

"You know it, Donovan, and when you score essay questions, it's nearly impossible to be completely objective, and students know that. They might believe you have a favorite student who always gets better grades on essay questions."

"Teaching is so complicated!" said David, with a confused look on his face.

"Maybe you two should discuss this question and how you want to score it while I plug my ears? I think that's the closest we're going to get to privacy since none of us can leave the room. You wrote an excellent test, and you are being thoughtful about how you score it. I trust your judgment."

"I got it," I whispered to David once Klaus had his ears plugged. "I always think essay questions are harder, and if you get them right, they should be worth more. But they're so easy to get wrong too."

"How does this sound," said David. "Let's say there are three parts to this answer – the ground burst, the low airburst, and the high airburst. He missed the high airburst, but he got the other two. Let's make these essay questions worth three points, and then we can give him two for this question and three for the other. Does that sound fair?"

"I guess so," I said. I wasn't really interested in being fair, though. It's still difficult to admit, but I was much more interested in showing that I was smarter than a teacher.

"Congratulations, Klaus," said David as he returned Klaus' exam. "You got twelve out of a possible fourteen, which gives you 86%!"

"Thanks Mr. Chance! You too, Mr. Langevin! A score of 86% is something I can be proud of, and I really worked for that score. It also says that you two know how to write a good, challenging test based on what you teach. May I keep this?"

"Um, sure," I said. "Right, David?"

"Of course you can keep it."

***

'11:00 AM, outside 420 rad/hour, basement 42 rad/hour, inside 2.0 rad/hour.'

"Yeah!" I hollered. "It's already down to half of what it was an hour ago!"

David recorded his first radiation log entry. He could see well enough to read and write now, but he still had trouble with looking down to read the outdoor monitor. "It's like being in a car and looking outside," he said. "I can see just fine straight ahead, but the dashboard is in the way all the time, so my eyes don't work very well to see things that are lower down."

"That makes a lot of sense," said Klaus. "That's another sign of a good teacher. You can explain something that only you can see to somebody else who can't see it."

"Thank you," said David. That shy-boy grin of his made my heart go into overdrive. It was my favorite David grin – Except all the others.

Klaus slapped his hands together and said, "Ok! Who's ready for some fun activity?" He began folding the table, but David and I had become lost in a kiss.

When we were good and ready, we broke our kiss and acted as if we knew which planet we were on. "What did you have in mind?" David asked pleasantly.

"I would like you two to choose something you think is fun, something we can do in this room, but it needs to be physical." David and I stared blankly. "David, I saw you had some sports equipment in the other room. Can you think of an activity we can do with any of that?"

After a pause, David said, "Dad got lots of that stuff because I think he thought I would want to play sports or play catch or whatever with him." He was speaking slowly and sadly, but not crying. "It would feel weird to start playing with that stuff now that he's gone."

"I can understand why that might be," said Klaus. "We can find something else to do, but I want you to let us know if you ever feel like inviting your dad to join us, in spirit, while we play some of those outdoor games indoors, deal?"

"Deal," said David with a sad grin. "Does dancing count?" he asked. "Mom and I used to like dancing in the living room while playing her records, but I guess we don't have a stereo down here."

"Yes," said Klaus with his huge goofy smile, "dancing counts, and we have plenty of music down here already! Whaddya say, Donovan?"

I hated dancing, but I'd never danced with David. I'd never danced naked before either. I wanted to help David cheer up, so I sang, "Let's dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues." I didn't like that song a whole lot, but it was really popular at the time, and that was the only line I was sure I knew.

Just then, David lit up and sang and clapped, "Let's dance! To the song that they're playing on the radio." He had done a twirl with his hands high over his head, and he was singing to me. Suddenly he looked at Klaus, continuing to let his body move to the music in our imagination.

"Let's swing," Klaus sang, an embarrassed grin overtaking his face, "while… your collar lines up your face?"

David laughed and shook his head 'no' before singing the next line. "Let's sway! Sway through the crowd to an empty space."

"Oh! I know the chorus," said Klaus. "If you say run, I'll run with you. And if you say hide, we'll hide…"

David sang the whole chorus with Klaus, mostly the 'ahh's,' but sometimes in beautiful harmony.

His body slithered into various curves with fluidity, ease, and joy. Klaus and I were just shaking our stuff randomly, sometimes acting silly, but watching David was like watching the northern lights. Beautiful movements would suddenly appear from nowhere, and in the center of it, was my angel.

We had decided to sing songs we knew, and I was completely surprised at how embarrassed I wasn't to sing and dance at the same time. If I felt like I had to sing in key, I was terrified, but this was just for fun. Somehow, that made it ok, and it also made me want to ask David to teach me to sing.

We went around our circle of three, each of us choosing songs we thought the others would know. Let's Dance counted as my first song because I had started singing it. It didn't seem fair because I didn't even like it, but the effect it had on David was worth it. My next song was easy: 'One day you feel quite stable, the next you're comin' off the wall. But I think you should warn me if you start heading for a fall…'

The music of that year, abbreviated as it was, will probably never be forgotten by anyone who lived through it, but this song was my favorite. 'No one can stop you now, tonight you're on the loose!' David and I made silly noises where the instruments were supposed to play really fast, and Klaus, well, he tried! His turn was next.

'One morning, I woke up, and I knew you were really gone.' David was excited by that one because he could sing a beautiful harmony all the way through. As he said, he always sang Graham Nash's parts. One line jumped out at me. It was something like what the man on the radio said about tomorrow coming, like it or not, only it was really positive. 'Rejoice! Rejoice! We have no choice but to carry on.' I'd heard that song at David's house a lot, and I really liked it. It was the first song on one of his mom's records, but I never paid attention to the words. He told me later it was a song about breaking up but carrying on and being happy again. That was what we all needed to do. The world had fallen apart, but tomorrow was still coming, and we had to carry on.

"I would like to do a slow song, if that's ok?" said David. Klaus and I both nodded, like, duh.

He moved in close, wrapped his arms around me, and sang, "I know your eyes in the morning sun, I feel you touch me in the pouring rain…" He sang it to me, with his eyes constantly on mine, and I melted. Klaus sang some of the lower parts in the chorus, but I only had eyes and ears, for David. He smiled gently and sweetly, and sometimes he had that blank look that told me he was having serious feelings and he didn't know what expression to give them. At some point, his sweet song ended and our kiss began, but it wasn't clear to me when that happened. Klaus busied himself with the radiation log.

'11:30 AM, outside 340 rad/hour, basement 31 rad/hour, inside 1.6 rad/hour.'

From a great distance, I could hear Klaus softly chuckling. He popped open a beer that he later swore was still cool and sat back in the recliner. I lazily nibbled on David's chin, still swaying from side to side, not knowing or caring what else I should be doing. He giggled softly, and soon we resumed our kiss in earnest. Our hands were all over each other's bodies, and I had no idea which two were mine. I sat down on the couch and pulled him onto my lap, facing me and straddling me. I think we were both hard before we sat down.

"I love you, Donovan Langevin," he whispered before slurping my lips into his. I remembered at the last minute to take my glasses off and put them on the shelf behind me, which proved a little awkward because David would not release me from our kiss, nor did I want him to.

I heard footsteps in the distance again. I thought Klaus probably wanted to give us some privacy, but soon I gasped as something warm and slimy grabbed my cock.

"Just some lube," he said, also making David gasp. "I didn't think you'd want to stop to get it yourself. I'll leave you alone now."

We held our loving, gentle kiss as David slid down, just a bit. In that position, that's the best two eleven-year-old boys can do – slide in just a bit. I didn't want to let go of his body or our kiss, though. I popped out soon enough.

"I want you, Donovan," he whispered. I was powerless. I slouched way down and rolled my hips forward while he guided my cock into his soft, warm ass. He sat down smoothly and leaned back. His eyes were closed, and he was rolling his head around in a way that told me the only thing in his reality was love. It made me want to orgasm immediately, but I wasn't ready. I held his cock in my hand, and his eyes opened. He smiled for me a smile that he reserved for me alone. Then he gasped and reached for my arm. I had one hand on his cock, and he had one hand on my thigh. Our remaining two hands were holding each other by the arm. His body suddenly snapped into a position with his elbows straight, and his hands bent all the way back. His head was back as usual, but his chest was curled forward. I held his arm tight to keep him from falling back as my body went into spasms of its own.

I pulled David urgently toward me into our sitting position, and we clutched each other tightly. It felt as if our body contact prolonged our orgasms, even though my cock had popped out when we sat up. It never occurred to me that Klaus was in the room with us.

***

"Of course that counts as physical activity," said Klaus with a smile. "You've just had a workout. You're sweating, your heart rate is up, and you were breathing pretty heavily. I'd call that a workout."

"What if I can't let go of him?" I asked.

"I don't want you to let go of me!"

"Problem solved," said Klaus. "I'll just wait till later to show you this sketch then…"

"What?"

"You made another one?"

"I wanna see it!"

"Please?"

"Stay where you are, boys," he said. "I mean, please don't move. I want to sketch you just as you are, right now. May I please? I think I want to do something extra special with this one."

"I didn't want to let go of him anyway," I said.

"I like it right here," said David.

***

'12:00 PM, outside 280 rad/hour, basement 27 rad/hour, inside 1.3 rad/hour.'

We'd turned our heads, so we were cheek-to-cheek facing Klaus. I knew David had fallen asleep, but I didn't realize I had too. The previous night was not a very restful one, but that was far from my mind at the time.

***

'12:30 PM, outside 240 rad/hour, basement 24 rad/hour, inside 1.1 rad/hour.'

I woke up, but I pretended I didn't. David was weightless love. I cracked my eyes just a little bit.

"Please, Donovan," whispered Klaus, "Don't move a muscle, but if you could just open your eyes and look right at me, I'll do them now. Try your best to hold your face still, please. I love it just the way it is." My eyelids were so heavy – it was no small task he was asking. "Just a couple more minutes and I'll leave you alone to get back to your nap."

Chapter 47

Calculus with Mayonnaise

I felt David's head lift, his cheek peeling away from mine. It was warm and humid in our little shelter corner, and David and I were adhering to each other in several ways.

"Thanks, David," said Klaus. "Please trust me. This one will be worth it when I finish it."

I took in a big, refreshing yawn and asked, "When you finish it? You mean it's not done?"

"No," said Klaus, "and that's a great thing! I found David's colored pencils and a small bucket of broken crayons to go with the lead pencils we have all over the place. That gives me all kinds of options to work with light and shadow, and your beautiful skin tones – I've got to get them right. I have your poses and proportions, and everything that makes you look like you – your eyes, your hair – but I want to experiment some with all that other stuff to see just how far we can take this. This is no sloppy sketch, boys!" he said with his big goofy smile.

"We're talking Guggenheim! National Portrait Gallery! The Prado! The Louvre!" He'd lost me. I'd never heard of any of those museums, but David knew about the Guggenheim and the Louvre. "I wonder if anyone's ever painted with melted crayons and a paintbrush…"

"You mean we can't see it now?" I whined.

"Artist's prerogative," he said. I made a mental note of that phrase. I was sure it would come in handy at some point. "Did you boys see the latest readings? It's coming down nicely."

"Oh that's wonderful!" said David. He seemed to be in a hurry to read anything he could. "Do you guys think we should make a second copy of the radiation log, just in case some scientist wants to study everything after this is all over?"

"You mean to copy the whole thing?" I said incredulously.

"Yes," said David, "I'm happy to do it myself. Besides, then we'll have a backup in case something happens to this copy. I think this is important information. It'll also tell us our total dose. And we can save it on the computer too if we can find a cassette."

"I think that's a great idea," said Klaus, "if you're willing to take charge of that. Thank you!"

He tucked his drawing of us away on top of a box on the top shelf above the recliner. "We all trust each other in here. We have to trust each other, right? And I trust you boys not to go sneaking a peek at those two drawings until they're finished."

"Two drawings?" I asked.

"Yup! One of you making love today, and the other of you resting in each other's loving arms."

"We'll model for you anytime, won't we, Don?"

"Is that what we were doing?" I asked, giving David a quick kiss. "In that case, yeah, anytime." I pulled him closer and kissed him more slowly.

"Um… before you boys get too carried away," said Klaus, "I think we'd better get some lunch ready."

***

'1:00 PM, outside 210 rad/hour, basement 20 rad/hour, inside 1.0 rad/hour.'

"I know how to make homemade mayonnaise," said David. We had helped Klaus set up the table again, and we were sitting on the folding chairs discussing our lunch options.

"If I do that, we could have potato salad, ham salad, tuna salad, egg salad, whatever we like, but we have to eat it within two or three days because it uses one raw egg yolk. I suppose we shouldn't do egg salad so we can save the eggs, but all the ham and tuna are safe in cans. We can also use macaroni in it, and even slice up some hot dogs."

"That sounds great!" said Klaus. "Whaddya think, Donovan?"

"Hot dogs and macaroni!" My tastes were quite refined for my age.

A few minutes later, David had gathered a jar of pickle relish, a bottle of mustard, a bottle of lemon juice, a container of salt, a large bottle of olive oil, two small mixing bowls, a hand mixer, and a box of macaroni from the shelves, and a pack of hot dogs and one egg from the small fridge.

"It's really best if we have an onion too," he said to Klaus, "but they're out in the basement."

"I've got that," said Klaus, who promptly stepped out of the room and returned with three onions and a small box of fresh potatoes. "We might as well have these in here," he said while passing them in front of the Geiger counter probe.

"Oh wonderful," said David. "A potato would be great in this dish. I think we should do that first because it takes longer to boil."

"I'll peel it," I said. I can't explain it, and I never could, but I find there is something oddly satisfying about peeling potatoes.

"Oh, we usually don't peel the potatoes," said David. "We just wash them, then cut them up and boil them. Mom says the skins are where the nutrients are."

"I'd feel better if we scrubbed it first and then peeled it," said Klaus. "Potatoes are full of nutrients in the peel, and I like them that way too, but I'd rather not take any chances with all the fallout dust outside. Potato peels can hide dirt. You boys did a great job taping up the windows, and the doorways well before the first fallout arrived, so I'm sure it's not getting in the basement, or if it is, it's only a very small amount, but I'd rather be careful for now. That fallout has been really hot."

"That makes sense," said David.

Klaus stepped into the basement one more time and returned in a few seconds with the brush he'd used for his fingernails during his decontamination, and the bottle of Lift Away spray. He held the brush in front of the Geiger counter probe, turning it around every which way, and it was clean. He sprayed it anyway and wiped it on a towel, just to be safe. He rechecked the potato for radiation, a little more thoroughly this time, and it was also clean. He took the biggest mixing bowl down from the shelf and put some water in it from the hose and a small drop of dish soap.

"We can use this for wash water," he said. "Let's get our hands washed first."

We each took our turn washing our hands in the slightly soapy water, and Klaus rinsed our hands with a dribble from the hose. Next, Klaus held the potato in the water and scrubbed it so hard with the brush there wasn't much left for me to peel.

"What should I do with the potato peels?" I asked.

"I think you should save them on a plate," he replied. "I've got an idea for disposing of food scraps. I'll tell you about it after we eat."

He then took the egg, washed it in the slightly soapy water, and handed it back to David. Next, he peeled the onion, putting the scraps on the plate I was using for my potato peels. David cracked the egg open and carefully separated the white into one bowl and the yolk into the other. He put the broken shell on the plate with the potato and onion scraps. Klaus put two medium-size bowls of water in the microwaves to heat up, one in each, and returned to the table.

"How fine should I chop this onion?" he asked David.

"As small as you can, please," said David. "Mom calls it mincing, but when I do it, I think that's too much work for an onion, so I just dice it as small as I can."

"Ok," said Klaus.

"How about the potato?" I asked.

"Well… I suppose two or three cubic centimeters," he said, "they can be about that size, or a little bigger or smaller, and they don't have to be cubes or anything. Just pieces about that volume would be nice. They should be sorta thin in one direction too, maybe a half-centimeter, so they cook faster."

Klaus took his time dicing the onion into small pieces while I went to work on the potato. David had poured some salt, lemon juice, and a good squirt of mustard into the bowl with the egg yolk.

"Don, Hunny," he said, "would you please put the potatoes in this bowl with the egg white? Thanks. Klaus, the hot water from one of those bowls in the microwave can go on top of this, and you can start it cooking any time. You don't have to wait for it to boil first. The potatoes take the longest to cook, so we should get them in right away. The minced onions can stay in the dish for now."

***

'1:30 PM, outside 190 rad/hour, basement 18 rad/hour, inside 0.9 rad/hour.'

David put about a half-cup of his mayonnaise aside so we could use it for other things. The first thing we used it for was mixing about half of it with dill, a little pickle relish, and some of Klaus' finely diced onions to make a dip for the broccoli, which was really good. David's hot dog/potato/pasta salad was awesome, too, and I kissed him to emphasize the point.

"It's fantastic, David!" said Klaus. "How did you learn to make your own mayonnaise?"

"Dad taught me," he said. "But it took a few bad batches before I got it right. All that oil that I added has to dissolve in a very small amount of water for it to work right. If it inverts, it's a mess."

"I remember that you can make oil dissolve in water if you use egg yolks," said Klaus, "but what happens when it inverts?"

"It becomes water dissolved in oil," said David, "and it's a runny, oily mess. Dad could rescue it, though. The way you do that is in one of his cookbooks upstairs."

"But you didn't add any water," I said. "I was watching."

"The water is already in the egg yolk, the mustard, and the lemon juice," he said.

"I think you could put anything in here in place of the hot dogs," said Klaus, "and it would taste great!"

"You really can," said David. "My favorite is shrimp. We have some in the freezer we can use next time."

"Oh, I love shrimp!" I said. "You'll make a good little housewife for me someday." I just meant it as a light joke, but David blushed and looked at me with his shy-boy smile.

"I wonder if they'll make new laws after all this," I said. "Maybe boys could marry boys then."

"I mentioned yesterday that there will probably be a lot of orphans after all this," said Klaus, "just like yourselves." I had never thought of myself as an orphan in the two days since the bombs first dropped.

"I expect they'll be desperate to find homes for them. People are struggling to survive all over the country right now, and I doubt anyone wants to take on a new baby. By the time you boys are twenty, you might adopt a baby who was just born last week."

"We're not orphans," said David. "We've got you." I nodded in agreement. Calling myself an orphan just felt wrong.

Klaus felt a little more strongly on the subject. He got out of his chair, knelt behind us, took one of us in each of his arms, kissed our cheeks, and hugged us close. He tried unsuccessfully not to cry, but he spoke through a few tears and said, "That's right. You are not orphans. Maybe for a few hours on Wednesday, but not as long as I'm still breathing, you will never be orphans."

***

'2:00 PM, outside 170 rad/hour, basement 17 rad/hour, inside 0.7 rad/hour.'

"It's really dropping," said Klaus.

"Good!" I said. "Then, can we use the regular bathroom!"

"I don't think we should yet," said Klaus. "I'd like to see the basement level below five before we do that, seven tops. At this rate, it shouldn't take too long."

"It will," I said after staring at the log. "It's dropping, but it's dropping by less and less every half-hour," I said, half upset but half proud because I'd discovered something.

"Look at the outside numbers since ten this morning." I wrote them in a column on a new sheet of paper. They were 840, 560, 420, 340, 280, 240, 210, 190, and 170. "Now look at the differences between the numbers. Just subtract the smaller number from the one above it." I wrote the differences in another column next to the first, 280, 140, 80, 60, 40, 30, 20, and 20. "Do you see how fast the difference is decreasing?"

"The last two look steady," said Klaus.

"That's probably just rounding error," I said. "The monitor and the Geiger counter can only be precise to two digits, so maybe the last two numbers were really one eighty-eight and one seventy-three. That would make the last two differences twenty-two and fifteen. We can't know because the monitor isn't precise enough to tell us, but the rate of decrease is definitely slowing down."

"The rate dropped by half, then by four sevenths, then by two thirds, then by one fourth, then by two thirds, and then by nothing. When it went back up to two thirds, that's because that was the only amount it could go because the only differences we can get from the outdoor monitor are multiples of ten, so if thirty went down at all, it had to go to twenty."

David knew exactly what I was talking about, but Klaus had this look of concentration that I'd never seen on his face. "Do you know what you're doing here, Donovan? I think you're doing some sort of calculus problem. I took that in college because I had to, and I've forgotten most of it because I never used it, but it's all about the rate of change, then the rate at which that rate of change changes, and you can even measure the rate of change of that rate, and so on. That's what calculus is really all about, and I think what you have discovered is a calculus problem. Do you see?"

"I think so," I said. "I can say we have had so many total rads outside, but then we measure it in time, and we call it rads per hour. That's what we write in the book, but the rads per hour is changing too. It went from eight forty to one seventy rads per hour, so that's eight forty minus one seventy, then divide by four hours… I get one sixty-seven point five rads-per-hour per hour."

"So far so good," said Klaus, "but you've just discovered that the number of rads per hour for each hour is also changing."

"Right," I said. "So the first hour was eight forty to… four twenty, so that's four twenty rads-per-hour per hour. Then four twenty to two eighty is a hundred forty rads-per-hour per hour. And two eighty to two ten is seventy rads-per-hour per hour. Then two ten to one seventy is only forty rads-per-hour per hour. It looks like the difference is half every hour."

"So if the difference is divided by two every hour," said David, "we have a hypothesis to test, with predictions and everything!"

"It sounds like you might even be able to figure out for yourselves when we can use the regular bathroom," said Klaus.

David and I wrote the time of day, one line for each hour, in another column. We calculated our predictions until we got our first prediction below fifty rads per hour outside because the basement level was about a tenth of the outside level, and Klaus didn't want us to use the bathroom until the basement was reading below five rads per hour.

"Oh that's not so bad," said David.

"What did you come up with?" asked Klaus.

"Twelve hours from now. We checked each other's work, and some time between two and three AM, the count outside should be less than fifty rads per hour," I said with a smile. I thought we'd have to use the buckets for a week at least, and I wasn't thrilled with the idea.

"The rate could slow down even more," I said. "Remember how there's such a huge mix of isotopes? Well, some of them decay more quickly than others, and we can't tell how much of what is out there, so it might be mostly the ones that decay fast right now, but there might be a lot of the slower ones underneath them that we'll only see once the faster ones are all decayed. The fast-decaying ones might be giving us a hundred rads per hour, but the slow-decaying ones might be giving us seventy rads per hour. We won't know until we get there. We got lucky with the fallout from the Monticello nuclear plant. That radiation was dying off pretty quickly, so if we got any fuel or spent fuel particles here, it wasn't a lot."

"I'm glad of that," said Klaus. "I didn't want to be picking plutonium out of my hair for the next 700,000 years."

"That's uranium!" I said. David knew it, too, but he was using his social smarts.

Chapter 48

Henry Waxman, 1972 – 1982

Henry Waxman was my best friend until he introduced me to David. I've always felt guilty about that, but then really, David was my lover, even though I didn't realize it yet. So Henry could still have been my best friend, though I didn't treat him that way. During the summer of 1983, Henry's death that previous December, not eight months earlier, was fresh in our memories, and the events surrounding it were full of horrible people doing horrible things and then lying about it. I count myself among the worst. So should you when you've finished reading.

Henry was a huge part of our lives, and his death was devastating to all of us, including Klaus, the man who tried so desperately but couldn't save him. Instead of leaving Henry as a ghost in the corner throughout this story, when in actuality he filled our thoughts and hearts every day, I've decided to continue writing the events of July 8, 1983, just as they happened, even though the next few hours are all about how Henry died and what we all really knew, or thought we knew. Without including him in this story, it would be sadly incomplete. He was hardly a footnote in the history of St. Albert, but I can't leave him out. I've caused him enough harm in life and in death – I won't ignore him again. You shouldn't care about my story, but you should care about Henry's.

The events in this chapter happened between 2:00 PM and 5:00 PM that afternoon, in case anyone wishes to skip ahead. There is nothing erotic in this chapter, only a real-life mystery of a young boy's death. Our story resumes in Chapter 49, but I urge you to read this heartfelt and true memorial to a dear, fallen friend, a murdered ten-year-old boy who died without the love of his family, being betrayed and beaten by his best friend, and without the truth being told publicly, until now.

***

(Note from reality by dcs: David is based on a real boy I had the most massive crush on, and Henry was also a real boy, our friend, who really died under the shocking and sad circumstances described – Klaus is pure fiction – Even my own cruelty was true as described, to my lasting shame. He really was my best friend, until he introduced me to David, that is. His name has been changed, as has everybody's who bears a passing resemblance to anyone real. The abusive and neglectful adults featured in this chapter, including teachers, school administrators, and county officials, know who they are, but I don't think a single one of them understands their contribution to Henry's miserable existence and violent death. Nor am I so presumptuous to believe my writing would enlighten any of them, even if they did read it. This chapter is probably not why most of you read stories posted here, but I feel the need to tell Henry's story because it is inseparable from my relationship with the RL 'David.' Seriously, skip to chapter 49 if you don't want to read a real downer of a story about the murder of my one-time RL best friend at age 10.)

***

It was reading time, which Klaus said could include writing, studying, and reading aloud to each other. He was our teacher, and we'd accepted him as our guardian, so it felt natural that David and I would follow his rules and do what he said. Klaus never seemed to give us rules or tell us what we had to do – It was more like asking us what we think – but sensibly and cheerfully that we would, of course, agree with it. It dawned on me that he taught that way, too. He gave us directions, like how to play soccer, but he never demanded that I actually play. We divided into teams, and it just happened. He told us that the school had rules, and he had to enforce them, but he said that was the worst part of his job.

"Well," he reconsidered, "I caught a boy cheating on an exam in health class once. That broke my heart – I liked him. I still do."

"Who was it?" I asked.

"That's private," said Klaus. "He's a really nice kid, but I had to call his parents; that's school policy. I spoke with his father, who apologized for his son's misbehavior, but it didn't feel sincere. Something told me he was going to punish that poor kid severely, and I worried about him for the rest of the year. There was nothing I could do about it but wonder. I never found out what happened at home, and it might have just been my imagination playing tricks."

"Do you remember Henry Waxman?" I asked.

Klaus put his arm around me and said softly, "Of course I remember Henry. I know the three of you were very close friends, along with Ronny Doohan. The four of you were always together, and it was sad to see only the three of you. There won't always be people who remember him the way you do, and that's a precious gift he left behind, just for you."

"Mom told me his dad beat him up so bad he died!" I said. Seeing David's chin wrinkle, Klaus pulled him into his other arm. "At school, they said he died of something called quick pneumonia, but there's no such thing as quick pneumonia! I went to the big library in Buffalo with Mom and asked the reference librarian! His dad used to punch him in the face and beat him up in front of his brother and sister. Every Monday, he came to school with new bruises everywhere, or black eyes, and he'd say, 'I got hit. Dad said I was giving him too much back-talk.' Was that what you thought happened to that boy who cheated?" David was fully sobbing.

I thought I was strong because I hadn't cried at Henry's funeral like David had – Almost. Only one tear escaped, but I hid it well. How could David ever love a bastard like me?

"There's a lot to answer in what you just said, Donovan, but yes, I was worried the boy's father would hurt him. But I also think I need to tell you what I learned about Henry after he died, and now feels like the right time. We all hurt a lot when he died, including me. Yes, Donovan, I believe the bullies who picked on him also hurt when he died, maybe more than most people did.

"I knew enough about the human body and the diseases we could get, and I didn't think the quick pneumonia story was very likely. I did some research of my own, and I couldn't find anything about it in any of my clinical textbooks from the Army or the library. There is a quick version of pediatric pneumonia, but it doesn't suddenly come out of nowhere and kill kids in their sleep, and I found out for certain that wasn't his cause of death. He didn't have pneumonia of any kind."

"Everyone knew his dad was beating him. As his gym teacher, I obviously saw more of his body than other teachers did, and I saw the bruises and the black eyes. I saw other kids picking on him because he'd gotten black eyes – double cruelty, I'd say."

"That's what I thought," I said.

***

Dear readers, I told you at the beginning of this book that when science nerds were together, we were less likely to get picked on. That was true when I was with David or our other friend Ronny Doohan, but when I was with Henry, we both seemed to get picked on more. Henry wasn't a science nerd, though. He wasn't very bright, to be honest, but he was our friend. I've never put much value on intelligence as a requirement for friendship, even though I was convinced everyone else did. Henry liked it when I explained science to him, and I liked being able to help him understand science – but I digress. Maybe it was because Henry wasn't very bright that we got picked on, even more, when we were together, and maybe that fed my own desperation to appear smart.

***

Henry actually cried when he got picked on, which made him a more popular target. Boys can be so terribly cruel. "I saw him get picked on all the time because his dad beat him up!" I said. "It wasn't because he had black eyes. It was because he had to get punished so much because he was so stupid. That's the sort of things they would say, and I…" I suddenly felt the desire to cry, but I wasn't going to hide it this time, even though it would make it a lot harder to say what I needed to say. "And I never stood up for him! I didn't want to get picked on more than I already was, so I just kept out of it and stayed quiet, and I hate myself for doing that to my friend!" That wasn't the whole story or even half, but I thought it would suffice for now.

David put his hand on my knee and said, "Don't blame yourself, Donovan. They were very cruel to you, too, and nobody blames you for self-preservation."

"Henry should have blamed me, but he didn't!"

"We loved Henry," said David, "including you. That's the only thing that matters. He was your best friend." Cold comfort.

"And when he died," said Klaus, "the bullies who'd lost their favorite target all turned on you. I tried to help during Phys Ed, but the other teachers and Mr. Johnson thought you needed to solve your problems yourself. The school counselor, Ms. Bristlethwaite, she thought you were lying about how bad it was. I am not proud of my colleagues at that school, and I considered leaving, but that would just make things worse for you students. You needed someone on the faculty to act as your voice. I went well beyond that after Henry died, though. I'll tell you more about that later."

"And when he died," I said, "All those assholes on the yearbook committee made up that stupid poem about how we'll remember him. All of them had picked on him and made fun of him! They all hated him! The first thing they said in their poem they'd remember about Henry was a haircut. Not a horrible buzz-cut that embarrassed him and made him the target of cruel jokes. Not a haircut that he only got once or twice a year because his parents couldn't be bothered, but a simple haircut. Then they remembered Henry as 'a snowball catcher, with a grin broad and strong.' They called him a SNOWBALL CATCHER!!!" That line in the poem hurt the most.

"Nobody said they would remember the boy who cried every time they gave him a snow wash. No, he had a grin broad and strong because he liked being picked on! Especially with snow! No one said they'd remember the boy whose dad beat him so badly, or the boy everyone picked on, even teachers!" I felt a quiet scream inside my head thinking about our catechism teacher, who was particularly cruel to him.

"Again," said Klaus, "I'm not proud of my colleagues. Some of them treated him as if he were the problem, but back to Henry. When I saw all those regular signs of obvious abuse, and he even told me about his dad, though he didn't think of it as abuse, just punishment, I called the sheriff's department, and they told me to call the county social services people. They told me to call the sheriff's department. After calling and calling, I found someone who said he'd look into it. As far as I could tell, he didn't. I drove to Buffalo to hand-deliver a written report about what was happening directly to the sheriff's department. I couldn't see anyone; they told me to leave my letter with the receptionist. I included his school picture. This year's, with the… the markings, the bruises, so I hope at least someone got to see the face of the boy who was slowly dying in terror every day."

"I swear to you boys, his best friends in the world, and maybe the only good thing he had to live for…" David was crying hard. "I did everything I could without making things worse for Henry, but nothing happened. You know that in a community where a teacher like Mr. Walz can punch a student in the face, during class, in front of everybody, and get away with it, you have to understand how difficult it is to get help for an abused child!" Klaus was crying too now, but I already knew that much of the story, except his contacts with the county.

"David," said Klaus, "would you like me to stop?"

"No, no," David sobbed.

"Ok, David. I think you might know more from your mom than you've told me about Henry, and I want to respect your feelings too, so tell me if you want me to stop." David nodded sadly, and Klaus continued. "We had a faculty meeting that Monday morning before school. Henry had died in his sleep on Saturday night or Sunday morning, as you know. I thought great. Just the right time for a weekend drinking binge to set the old man off. Mr. Johnson told us all that the family said he died from quick pneumonia, and that was what we were to tell you students. I don't know if I felt more sad, furious, or guilty." (Mr. Johnson was the principal at Northview Middle School.)

"Guilty?" I asked. "But you tried to help!"

"Feelings are what they are, Don." It was the first time Klaus had not called me Donovan.

"They don't have to make sense. I tried, but I felt guilty for not succeeding. You will understand when you're grown up, I promise you. You are far too loving not to." I felt flattered, though a bit patronized.

"That afternoon, after repeating the same story about quick pneumonia to seven classes, a story I never believed myself, I called the Wright County Sheriff's department again. They said an autopsy had been scheduled. I thought that asshole would finally pay, now that it was too late."

Hearing that language from a teacher was shocking! "I'm sorry for using that word, boys. You know how I tell you never to use foul language in class? Yes, that's the rule at school, but the real reason I strictly enforce foul language rules…"

"Like calling us fags?" I interrupted.

"Yes, in part," he replied, "but if you do finally use that kind of language, and people know you are someone who never uses bad language, then it actually means something if you ever do. I don't like using language like that, but I believed he was a murderer, a child murderer, and someone who had murdered one of my students! Yes, my feelings were strong, maybe even as strong as yours were, his best friends. I will repeat it, slowly, so you know I mean it, and you will know how deep my feelings are. Henry's father was an ASSHOLE!"

David sobbed heavily, but he managed to say, "I'm fine. Keep going."

Klaus hugged him and continued. "After they'd completed Henry's autopsy, I had another word with the sheriff's department. I asked for the cause of death. I knew quick pneumonia was nonsense. I wanted the truth! I asked the deputy how Henry died, and he put me off! He told me that what I was saying about Henry being beaten was something for their homicide people to investigate and that they would be contacting me in due course. I was furious, but that's not why I'm telling you this. It was weeks later that I got a phone call from Deputy Atkins from the Wright County Sheriff's Department Homicide Unit. He said he'd opened a homicide case for Henry."

"He really did that?" I asked. "That's like on TV!"

"Well, it seemed important to me, too," said Klaus. "He said they had performed an autopsy, and he had to open a homicide investigation to get access to the autopsy report. He read me the cause of death over the phone: 'Death was due to a massive pulmonary edema brought on by a viral infection of the upper respiratory system.'" My jaw fell all the way to China.

"But that sounds like it was a virus in his lungs!" I said, not ready to believe the official story.

"That's close to what the report says," said Klaus. "I was pretty shocked too." David cried harder still, and Klaus stroked his beautiful, messy hair. "David, would you like me to stop here?"

David took a moment to collect himself before saying, "No, please go on. Donovan should know the rest, and I never told him, because it doesn't change anything. Stopping here would hide the truth."

"If you're sure." David nodded, and Klaus continued. "Maybe you weren't old enough to understand when it's a good thing to question authority, but I had no excuse. I had my doubts, but it was easier to believe the story. Quick pneumonia sounds like a way to describe his cause of death in a way that you kids, and Ronny Doohan, his three closest friends, could understand. That's why I began to feel better about having repeated the same story to my classes that day. It took half a year, and a conversation with David and one with his mother, to figure out what really happened. David, if you can, I think you should tell Donovan the rest. I looked it up for myself, and I think your mom was right. He has to know the rest, now that he knows this much, and it might be easier coming from you. He should know that you never held the truth from him."

"But I did!" said David. "I never told him the truth about Henry!"

"Donovan believed Henry was beaten to death by his father," said Klaus. "You didn't lie and try to convince him it was an illness, like everybody else did, even the Wright County Medical Examiner. Donovan believed the truth, and you didn't try to hide that truth from him."

"Wait!" I said urgently. "Now you're saying he really was beaten and killed by his dad? I don't get it! What are you talking about?"

"You and David already knew the truth, Donovan," said Klaus. "You just didn't know about this autopsy report."

"But the report says the opposite of what I thought was true."

"You have to look a little deeper to find what's hidden in that report," said Klaus, "just in that statement about his cause of death. I'd never heard of a virus attacking so suddenly and so severely that the lungs would fill with fluid and cause death that suddenly, without him waking up or being sick the whole day or two before."

"Good," I said. "I was scared of dying in my sleep after they told us about quick pneumonia. I believed them until Mom said all the grown-ups knew Henry's dad had killed him."

"Well, I wasn't sure, though," said Klaus. "I learned a lot in college, but I wasn't exactly an expert. Sometimes, the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know. Eventually, I called an expert, David's mom, Dr. Chance. I told her what the homicide detective had told me. I will never forget those exact words, 'a massive pulmonary edema brought on by a viral infection of the upper respiratory system.'"

"Dr. Chance told me that you don't get pulmonary edema from a URI. That just means he had a virus in his throat or his nose or something higher up, not in his lungs, where it could cause a pulmonary edema. You get pulmonary edema from injury to the lungs, from inhaling smoke, burns, trauma, or certain infectious diseases that become severe over days, but that infection has to reach the lungs in order to damage them. Pulmonary edema can be the result of blunt trauma, with or without contusions to the lungs – contusions are bruises in the lung tissue. With contusions, the edema can happen within a few hours. Without contusions, it can take a day or two before the edema sets in."

"Henry's Dad beat his son. I know that from David, and I knew that from Henry himself. If Henry's dad punched him in the chest, that could have given him sufficient trauma to his lungs, with or without contusions, to cause massive pulmonary edema, and it could happen within hours if the contusions were severe. She said they saw that a lot in motor vehicle accidents, but upper respiratory viruses just don't do that to the lower respiratory organs, the lungs. Kids have flexible ribs, and your lungs are not as well-protected against blunt trauma as adults' are. Nor do you always get rib fractures from such injuries, so trauma to the pediatric lung can be difficult to identify unless there's a bruise on the skin. But with Henry's history of almost lifelong, severe beatings, that should have been the first thing they looked for – signs of blunt trauma to the chest. That's part of what she told me," said Klaus.

"So they lied?" I asked. "The coroner lied?"

"They massaged the truth," said Klaus.

"They almost certainly lied," said David. "Mom said it's easier if they make it sound like natural causes. They couldn't help Henry any more – Nobody could. They could have written the truth in their report, saying the edema was likely caused by blunt trauma to his chest, but if there was a one in a billion chance that he had some bizarre reaction to that virus they found, like an allergic reaction that filled his lungs with fluid…"

"That's what edema is, right?" I interrupted. "That's what my mom told me."

"Yes," said David, "that's exactly what edema is, and it probably wasn't a quiet, peaceful death in his…" He broke off sobbing. Was he saying Henry had suffocated?

Klaus hugged him, and after a while, he continued where David had left off. "If the autopsy report had been clearer, Mr. Waxman might have been put on trial for murdering Henry. That's third-degree murder in Minnesota. That means he did something that might or might not have killed Henry, but he wasn't trying to kill him. He just didn't care if it killed him."

"He might have been charged with murdering Henry?" I asked incredulously. "Why wouldn't he be? And why would that be a bad thing?"

"You know this community, Donovan," said Klaus. "You know what Mr. Walz did – punching a boy right in front of his whole class. He wasn't charged with assault and battery of a minor or anything else, not even disturbing the peace in a public school. The community consensus around here was that sometimes a kid needs to get hit if he mouths off. You might have seen Mr. Watkins or Mr. Gale physically hurting kids, and I know one boy's mother tried to complain about Mrs. Bartnel hurting her kid on a bus, but she got nowhere. In fact, she was seen as a troublemaker for trying to protect her son from an abusive bus driver."

"If Mr. Waxman punched Henry, it might be seen as a common form of punishment, though severe. That's how a jury from this community would see it. That's the kind of nonsense I kept hearing from social services and the sheriff's department when I called about his abuse when there was still time to help him. Even worse, if the autopsy ruled Henry's death a homicide, then Wright County Social Services and the Wright County Sheriff's Department would have to explain why they knowingly let that boy be severely beaten for years without doing a damn thing!" Klaus took a breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Henry's death hurt us all." After another deep breath, he continued softly, "So it would have been almost impossible to convict Mr. Waxman, even if they had been more truthful in the autopsy report, which they could never do because that would mean holding half of the officials of Wright County responsible for his death. But it also meant that Henry's brother and sister wouldn't have to be interviewed by the detectives, his mother wouldn't have to be bothered by the press, and I think she probably got it as bad as Henry did from that animal she was married to."

He paused for a breath, then said, "You might not like to hear this, Donovan, but I truly think Mr. Waxman is devastated by what he's done, but for all the wrong, selfish reasons. He can't go anywhere in public without people staring at him or calling him a child murderer, even spitting on him. Suddenly he was being treated in public like Henry had been treated in school. No, he got a different kind of punishment. Most people thought a kid needed to get hit if he mouthed off, but a lot of people knew the true cruelty of that man. He can't leave the house anymore, not after that, and I don't think that old house is an enjoyable place to be imprisoned, facing the boy and girl whose older brother they probably watched him kill, facing the mother of the child he murdered every day. It probably hurt him, even more, to think he'd gotten away with murder, but then found that he was treated like a child killer all the same."

"He deserved to be burned at the stake!" I said, beginning to feel the same about myself.

Klaus looked down and said, "That might have happened on Wednesday. It might have happened to his whole family. You know their old wooden house, falling apart, surrounded by deep weeds, out in the open. It had to have burned."

"I didn't mean…" I was horrified at the thought. I wouldn't have been sorry for Henry's dad, but his mom was nice, and his little brother was a bit of a brat, but really ok, and kinda funny. His younger sister was a complete snot, but she didn't deserve that either.

"I know you didn't mean you wanted that," said Klaus, hugging me with the arm he was holding me with, "and I'm sorry I said it – That wasn't appropriate of me. Like everyone else in the world, I'm sad about what's happened, and I need to deal with my sadness directly, and not let it affect other emotional conversations like this one."

I didn't understand what he'd just said. I was preoccupied with horrible thoughts of my own, thoughts, and feelings that had not bothered me since about a month after Henry died. "So, being hit on the chest killed him?"

"That's what it looks like," said Klaus.

"What if someone hit him really hard on the back?" I asked. "Could that do the same thing?"

"I'd think it would be the same," said Klaus. "I didn't ask Dr. Chance, though."

"Oh, God!" I said, standing up suddenly. "Oh, God!" I had to run! I couldn't look at them. I ran out of the shelter corner before Klaus could stop me and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I cried as loudly as I had ever cried.

I had barely locked the door when I heard a loud pounding on it. "Donovan! You're upset, but you have to be upset in the shelter!" I couldn't respond. I was crying far too hard. I could hardly hear him. "Donovan! Did you hear me? It's seventeen rads per hour out here!"

I managed to scream, "LET ME STAY HERE AND DIE!"

"I love you, Donovan, and David loves you too. I can't leave you here with all this radiation. I will leave you alone with your feelings for one minute, and then I will take you back into the shelter. I would normally give you as much time as you needed, but we can't do that right now. You can have one minute in peace. I'll go do the radiation readings now."

'2:30 PM, outside 150 rad/hour, basement 14 rad/hour, inside 0.7 rad/hour.'

Klaus was true to his word. He left me alone for what felt like a minute. Then he knocked. "Do you want to come out now, Don? Whatever is causing this pain, you need love and support to get through it. David and I will give you that because we love you."

"You shouldn't love me! You won't love me anymore if I tell you!"

"You can decide what to tell us, but you have to come back into the shelter to make that decision. I can't let you hurt yourself like this. I need you to open the door now, please, or I will have to open it some other way myself. I would rather you made that choice, though."

I knew he meant it. I slowly stepped to the door and unlocked it. Then I collapsed to the floor in a bundle of tears. Klaus picked me up tenderly and carried me back inside our shelter corner.

"Oh, Donovan, sweetie!" cried David, "Please don't do that again! I need you! I love you, and you can't change that!"

David didn't know what I knew, and I knew it would change how he felt about me forever. Klaus laid me down on the couch, and I curled into a ball and turned my back to them. I was still crying, and what David said made it worse. I knew very well that I could change how he felt about me. He sat next to me on the couch.

"Don't," I said. "Go away!" I pushed against him with my foot.

"Donovan, I love you," he cried, "and it really hurts when you push me away."

"Then go away by yourself! You'll hate me soon anyway!"

He moved to the far end of the couch and whimpered, "That's impossible, Donovan. Nothing could make me hate you. You know that." I had believed it only moments before.

Something snapped. I sat bolt upright, looked David in the eye, and screamed as loud as I could, "I killed Henry! I did it! It was me! Not his dad! And I was trying to hurt him! Now please go somewhere else and hate me!" I curled back up in a ball and turned my back to them again, howling with tears.

Klaus and David sat on the recliner and left me alone. I knew it was going to be that way from now on. I tried to think of ways to kill myself. We had knives, and I'd left that shotgun loaded. I thought I should go outside to do it because I didn't want to leave a mess inside. If I did it right, the river could carry my body away. I couldn't live without David, but David wouldn't be able to live with the filthy killer who murdered his friend, the same friend who had introduced me to him in the first place.

When I had cried myself to silence, David said in his gentlest voice, "I love you, Donovan. Do you remember when we talked about dark feelings making it difficult to think straight? You're probably feeling the darkest dark feelings anyone could feel right now. You're no murderer – That's obvious. I'm really confused and scared of what you might be thinking about right now."

He had a good reason for that. "I'm hurting a lot, and I will keep hurting until I find out why you don't want to be with me anymore. Whenever you want to talk, I will listen, and I will love you. You can't ever change that, not even if you somehow killed Henry. I think Klaus feels like I do, but I can't speak for him."

"Yes," whimpered Klaus, "I do." He had clearly been crying in silence. I lifted my head to look at them. I had never seen them so sad. Killing someone makes people sad, even the killer.

"Ok," I said, slowly rising to a sitting position. David moved toward me, but I called "Stop!" louder than I'd meant to. "Please," I continued. "Don't sit near me or show me your love, because I don't deserve it, and you'll know that soon enough."

"I'll sit with Klaus then, and we'll listen to everything."

"David, you don't know what it's like to be like Henry and me, or even Ronny. Please don't interrupt," I said calmly as David appeared to take exception to my comment.

"People mostly like you. You've always been the coolest one among us. Nobody liked Henry, or Ronny, or me, except us. I don't think you know what it's like to have a girl you've never met before walk up to you and spit in your face." David put his hand over his mouth.

"I didn't think so. That stuff happened to the rest of us every day. Sometimes it was chewing gum in the hair, or big wet spitballs, but always in front of lots of people who would laugh. While you were with me once, I saw someone punch you from behind while his friend punched me from behind. It hurt, but it hurt worse to see it happen to you, knowing that the only reason they did that to you was that you were with me. That happened every day at school for the rest of us."

"My first experience during every school day this year was walking into my first hour class, knowing three seventh-grade boys were hiding behind the door waiting for me so they could hold me down and punch me while the class laughed and the teacher, Mr. Tuscque, just told us to settle down. He told us to settle down! So poor me. I got picked on, but people who were seen acting friendly toward us got picked on. Kids like Henry, Ronny, and me just got beat up all the time, but seeing you get beaten for being with me nearly killed me!"

"Oh, Donovan!" said David. "I knew it was bad."

"Henry had it worse," I continued. "Far worse. He was the only kid who got it worse than I did. He was so nice he would never even push back when someone was pushing him into his locker. And you know about the snow washes." David nodded and began to cry again.

During the winter in Minnesota, one of the nastier pranks kids played on other kids was called a snow wash. The bad kid would pick up a handful of snow and simply mush it into the victim's face. Our faces were already cold because the air was well below freezing, but that snow felt so cold it burned. Then the victim brushed the snow out of his face (the victims were always supposed to be boys), but some of the snow melted right there. A cold, wet face was far worse than a cold face, but during recess, we weren't allowed to go inside to warm up and dry off. The melted snow would drip down the victim's neck, chest, and back if the bad kid was thorough, getting them wet inside their coat too. On a cold, windy day, there was nothing worse.

Henry cried every time someone gave him a snow wash – Every time. That ensured that he would get at least one every day. "What you probably didn't know was that I gave him one too," I muttered to the floor, not daring to look at David. "I could be a cruel asshole to Henry, but when I gave him that snow wash, I lied to myself. I told myself that, because it was me, he wouldn't cry – he would take it in fun and he would try to give me one too. Of course, he didn't! He was sensitive like you, David. To him, a snow wash was the worst thing in the world, so he would never do something that mean to anyone. In fact, I don't think he ever did anything mean to anyone, not even to get them back for something. When I gave Henry that snow wash, he cried and ran away like he always did." I should have been crying, but I was full of self-hatred, and I didn't want sympathy.

"It was worse than that," I said, "way worse. I noticed other kids were laughing at what I'd done. That had never happened before unless they were making fun of me. If I could make people laugh by doing mean things to Henry, that would make me more popular, right? So I betrayed my oldest friend. While we were alone together, we were friends, and I treated him like a friend, but if there were other kids around us, and they were picking on us, I turned against Henry immediately. I called him names and shoved him around, too, whatever the rest of the kids were doing. It meant I was one of the bullies, and they weren't picking on me anymore. Henry was far worse off from bullying than I was, and I made it so much worse because one of his only friends had become one of the bullies. I didn't deserve him as a friend, but he remained a true friend to me, despite my cruelty to him."

"That's common," said Klaus. "Kids who are at the very bottom of the pecking order do that all the time. They are usually best friends by default because no one else would be friends with them, but being at the very bottom hurts so much that best friends will do that, and it goes both ways."

"Henry never did that to me!" I shouted. "Never!" I didn't want Klaus to think anything I did was ok or normal. "Then one Friday at the end of the school day, I snuck up behind him in a crowded hallway and smacked him on the back so hard he fell over and dropped all his books! He even cried! 'Have a great weekend,' I said. I hit him on the word 'great.' Then he was dead of a massive pulmonary edema that wasn't caused by his virus! Do you get it now? I did that to him, just to be an asshole! My last memory of Henry Waxman is me hurting him and killing him, just to be an asshole!" I shouted the last sentence, then collapsed back into my ball, crying my eyes out.

After a few minutes, I heard David stand up and walk over to me. He did not touch me, but said, "I love you, Donovan Langevin. I love you as much as I ever have, maybe even more, because what you just told us was so hard, and you went through it, to be honest with me, and with Klaus. That means so much to me. We can talk more about it later, but only when you feel ready. I'm going to leave you alone now because I think that's what you want." I didn't want that anymore. I needed him to hold me. "But if I'm wrong, or if you change your mind, Klaus and I will be right here." I couldn't tell him that I needed him. I had no right to need him. I was too ashamed.

Then I heard Klaus rise from the recliner and step over to me. "Don, while you were in the bathroom, I said normally I would leave you alone for as long as you needed. I'll honor that promise right now. David and I will read quietly or find some other quiet thing to do until you feel ready to be with us. When you are, you still don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I love you, too, and that hasn't changed. Let us know when you're ready to come back and join us, ok?" I sadly nodded my head.

I cried quietly to myself as I heard them walk away. Klaus sat back on the recliner. I heard David move around the room as if looking for something. He apparently found it after about a minute, when I heard him climb up and sit on Klaus' lap. I needed Klaus' big lap! But again, I was ashamed, and I had no right to need his lap. I cried quietly, thinking about Henry. I thought about the times I had hurt him so terribly, and the times soon after that, he gave me that smile that he only showed to David, Ronny, and me.

Ronny was nothing but happiness (and still the fattest kid I have ever seen, which put him in our group). David was nothing but love. Henry was nothing but true friendship. I remember the way he mispronounced my name: Donny-vin. He didn't pronounce it that way intentionally either. It never bothered me that he did that. I liked it because it felt like a special name he had for me, and he didn't have one for anybody else. He really wasn't very bright, and that never bothered me.

I had my own list of things I liked about him, things that I would remember about him, things that made him a good friend, things that were more important to me than being smart. My list was true, too, not like those lies they had put in the yearbook. The first item on my list was that he was a friend, first and always, unconditionally. He was always honest. He was absolutely incapable of telling a lie. He always had time to spend with me. He was loyal. He would never let anyone say anything bad about me without telling them something like, "Donny-vin's my friend, and I like him anyway." He did that even if the other kids picked on him for saying so. I always wished he would stand up for himself that way, but, cowardly wuss that I was, I could understand why he didn't. He never mentioned any of my shortcomings, either, and I had a lot of them.

***

'3:00 PM, outside 140 rad/hour, basement 14 rad/hour, inside 0.6 rad/hour.'

I don't know how long I lay curled in a ball, remembering Henry and wishing I was dead. I sat up and noticed that David had moved to a chair at the table and was writing something in a notebook. Klaus was reading a novel that looked dreadfully boring. They both looked at me, and I said "hi" in a voice that was as dead as I felt.

"Can I kiss you, sweetie?" asked David.

"If you want," I said.

He sat next to me and kissed me gently. He ran his fingers through my hair, almost as if he'd still loved me. For me, the magic was gone, and David was just being sentimental and foolish. He couldn't love the boy who murdered his friend. He must have needed more explanation to understand how I really had killed Henry when I tried to hurt him. I wanted to love David again. I remembered his touch. I felt his skin one last time. It hadn't changed, but I had. I was a murderer. I was not about to stand by and let David love a murderer.

"Thanks," I said, pulling back. "We can't be gay boyfriends anymore," I said through growing tears.

"Please, Donovan," he said, "you're scaring me! Don't stop loving me!"

"You deserve someone better than a murderer," I said, "and I need to let you go."

"Donovan," came Klaus' deep, gentle voice from across the room, "I think you're jumping the gun here. You're assuming a lot of things that you don't know are true. I wish you wouldn't say things like that to David until we've had a chance to talk this through properly. You're hurting David, and I think you're doing it without a good reason."

"But I killed Henry!"

"That sounds like a good place to start," said Klaus. "Would now be a good time to start talking about Henry? We promised you didn't have to talk about him if you didn't want to."

"Fine," I said.

"Ok, Donovan," said Klaus. "Thank you. You just said you killed Henry…"

"Which I did, and we all know it now!"

"I have a different hypothesis," said Klaus.

"Actually, Don has the hypothesis," said David. "You favor the null hypothesis. He says he killed Henry, which would be a new explanation for Henry's death, and you say no, that's not true. You favor the status quo. So our question is, did Donovan kill Henry? The hypothesis to be tested is that Don killed Henry. We do that by proving the null hypothesis false."

"Ok," said Klaus, "I think I get it. That's like proving somebody is guilty, right? The presumption is no, they're not guilty, status quo unless it's proven otherwise. So we presume that Donovan didn't kill Henry unless he can prove it to us?"

"It's something like that," said David.

"Ok," said Klaus, "so we have a hypothesis. Now we need an experiment, right? Something that will test… no wait, we need to make a prediction from the hypothesis, and then do the experiment to test the prediction, right?"

"That sounds like the scientific method," said David.

"One experiment is almost meaningless," I said.

"Normally, that's true," said David, "but let's do them one at a time, ok?"

"Ok."

"I have three predictions and at least two good tests," said Klaus. "Donovan says he hit Henry in the back so hard that it caused pulmonary edema and death a day and a half later. My prediction is that the way Donovan struck Henry had neither the position nor the direction nor the strength to cause the pulmonary edema. The experiment I propose is that Donovan should hit you in slow-motion, David, in the exact same spot as he hit Henry, using the exact same swing, though of course not hurting you. That way, we can see where the blow landed, which will bear on my first prediction, and at what angle his hand was moving, which will bear on my second prediction."

"I think we might also get some information about how the energy of the blow moved through Henry's body, and where most of it went, which could bear on my third prediction about strength. Does that sound acceptable?"

"The first two predictions and the experiment sound like a good study design," said David, "but I think you can accept that we are limited in what we can learn about strength from this experiment. What do you think, Donovan?"

"Fine," I said, "but it's still only one experiment, even if you get two kinds of data from it."

"Ok," said Klaus. "We can count this as one, experiment one. Would you boys stand facing the table, please? David in front."

"Henry was taller than David," I said.

"Yes, that's true," said David. "He was almost as tall as Don. Maybe about four inches taller than me?"

"Ok," said Klaus. "Not a problem." He took two thick textbooks off a shelf and stacked them on the floor for David to stand on. "How does this look, Donovan? Better?"

"I need him to hunch over a bit now," I said. "David, do you remember how he used to walk with his head and neck hanging down?"

"Oh! It's sad to remember him like that," said David, "but we need this to be a very good experiment that no one will doubt when we are done. How does this look?"

"Neck down a bit more, but shoulders not so far down. Perfect."

"Are you ready, Donovan?" asked Klaus.

I looked at David's perfect back. I went back in time to the moment that sickened me. I raised my hand, then lowered it again for a quick cry. "No, it's ok," I said. "I can do it. You're perfect."

I raised my right arm, pulled it back, then brought it forward, leading slightly with my elbow, then extending my forearm with my hand all the way back and my fingers spread. The palm of my hand was right over David's spine, right where it began to curve forward. My fingers were spread out, covering his shoulder blade with my index finger at the base of his neck.

"Henry's back was bigger than David's too. Can you imagine this if his back was a lot bigger?"

"I've got a great Idea," said Klaus. "I can do a close-up sketch of David's back with your hand on it, but I will shrink your hand in the sketch. What do you think?"

"It would be more precise," said David.

"Definitely more accurate too," I said.

***

'3:30 PM, outside 130 rad/hour, basement 12 rad/hour, inside 0.5 rad/hour.'

Klaus had to gather his sketch pad and pencils, and while he was up, he decided to record our radiation levels, which were encouraging. The outdoor reading for 3:00 was exactly what I'd predicted after our 2:00 reading. I figured if it was exact again after the next reading, the formula was valid, at least for now, and we could start having confidence in the predictions that came from it.

It felt funny having Klaus sketch parts of our bodies that seemed so ordinary, though as I watched his pencil fly, I noticed he was paying careful attention to shapes and curves on David's back that I hadn't noticed before. He moved from my left to my right, sketching David's body exactly as it looked, even the bottom of his hair, even though Henry always had to have a buzz cut once or twice every year, just when his hair started to look appealing.

"I have to draw what I see," said Klaus. "You two knew Henry so much better than I did, and I can't trust my memory of his body well enough for science."

"That's an uncertainty factor we'll have to consider," said David.

"Ok, Donovan," said Klaus, "I want you to put your fingertips onto the exact parts of David's back where they landed on Henry's back."

I knew exactly where they were. When he died, that was the last time I'd seen him, and that image is still in my brain, the instant my hand touched his gray t-shirt, betraying my friend. I remembered in slow motion what came in the next instant – his shoulders and arms flew back, his head came up, his chest and belly thrust forward, his knees bent, and he fell forward, off-balance. He landed on all fours, but he'd let go of his books to catch himself. I felt bad the instant I'd done it. I just meant to slap his back so it would sting, like a spanking, but I'd gotten carried away by all the people who'd seen me sneaking up on him with my arm ready to hit him.

When we found out on Monday that he had died, when they made up that nonsense about his lungs, I remembered the very last shameful, violent contact I'd had with him. If he'd died from a lung problem of some sort, I must have caused it when I'd hit him. I believed it immediately when Mr. Tuscque told us first thing in the morning. I can still see the threads on his shirt, the dirt under my fingernails, and his Panorama reading textbook opening and folded pages of his homework sliding out. I can hear the groan he gave off when I hit him, and his cries, and the laughter of the kids around us that made me feel all the more disgusted by what I'd done to my friend. I left him there on the floor and hurried away. Just another ordinary day in Henry's life.

***

Do you despise me yet? You will have ample opportunity.

***

Klaus put small circles on his sketch where my fingertips were touching David's back.

"Good," he said. "Now the tip of your thumb? Ok, now put it back just like you had it before. I want to draw your hand in the exact position in which it contacted Henry's body, but I will draw it to the scale of your fingertips on David's back." I nodded, not understanding what he'd just said. The whole sketch took about five minutes. "I'd like to do the same thing again, but from the side. Do you boys mind?"

"Whatever."

"Not at all, Mr. Kettering."

When he finished the second sketch, he asked me if I would walk up to David slowly and show him the motions my body made to hit Henry. He said he was actually doing several sketches on top of each other, but they didn't need to be as precise as the previous two sketches. He had me go through the motions several times. Then he paused me six times so he could do a brief sketch of me at each point.

Finally, the hardest part. He asked me to pose David exactly the way Henry reacted to my blow on his back. "His chest and belly really went out forward when I hit him, like someone who was being whipped. I didn't realize I'd hit him that hard. It was like the place I'd hit him had disappeared. His shoulders came back hard too. They bent my fingers backward a bit. His head came up a little too."

I went through all the details, occasionally whispering, "I'm so sorry!" to David. He had to stand sideways against the table so he could hold himself up for some of the sketches, but in the end, the sketches looked accurate, if not precise.

"What about his elbows?" asked Klaus.

"Oh, they came way back, way back."

"With his shoulders? Did they move together?"

"Well yeah," I said. "I really didn't know I'd hit him so hard."

***

'4:00 PM, outside 120 rad/hour, basement 12 rad/hour, inside 0.5 rad/hour.'

We took some time going through the library of books on the shelves in our shelter corner to prepare our conclusions. I was the prosecutor, so it was my job to prove I killed Henry. For these experiments (I agreed they were two experiments, one moving and one still), that meant I had to look through the evidence that my blow was strong enough, going the right direction, and that it landed in a place where it could cause a pulmonary edema or contusion, because contusions cause edema.

There was no doubt I hit him in the right spot. My palm was right between his shoulder blades – That's where the lungs are. I was kinda slapping him too, but that told me I might have caused edema in only one lung if too much of the energy had gone into my fingers. An edema on one side was all I needed, though. The injured lung would eventually squeeze out the healthy one. For strength, all we had to do was look at how much his shoulders and elbows flew back, and how far forward his chest went. The direction his body went showed which direction my blow went, and his chest went straight forward. Case closed.

Klaus found a book on trigonometry and another one on the human skeletal system. David found a section in the first aid book that covered pulmonary edema.

"Have you boys ever heard of a vector diagram?" asked Klaus.

"Well yeah," I said.

"No," said David.

"It's for when you know the total amount of something, but you want to know how much of it is going one way and how much is going another, so you draw a triangle," I explained. "Like, if you know a car is pulling two sideways gees around a corner, you can combine that with the force of gravity to figure out how much something would weigh if it was hanging free, and even what angle it would hang at. But it uses the Pythagorean Theorem a lot and those soh-cah-toa functions."

"I wish my college physics teacher had explained it that clearly to me," said Klaus.

"Sorry, but I still don't understand it," said David.

"It means if I hit Henry with my hand going down at an angle, we can figure out how much force went forward and how much went down separately." Science was again distracting me from something unspeakably horrible. I'm not sure that's to my credit.

"Oh, I see what it's for," said David.

***

'4:30 PM, outside 110 rad/hour, basement 11 rad/hour, inside 0.5 rad/hour.'

In a criminal trial, where a prosecutor tries to prove someone's guilt, the prosecution always goes first, and then the defense gets the last word.

"It's really simple," I said. "Our three questions are whether I hit him in a place that could cause pulmonary edema if the direction my hand was going at the time I hit him could cause pulmonary edema and whether I hit him hard enough. The first one is easy," I said, pointing to Klaus' sketches.

"My hand is here, exactly behind the lungs. The lungs are a big target. Kids have more flexible ribs than adults, so we get our lungs injured more easily by things hitting us in the ribcage, all around the ribcage. I think we can agree my hand was in the right spot.

Second, you can tell the direction I hit him because that's the direction his chest moved. That means the force of my blow went right through his lungs, straight to the front of his chest.

Finally, did I hit him hard enough? Isn't that obvious? Look at the position his body was in right after I hit him. I hit him so hard his whole torso flew forward, chest and belly both! I don't know how we can measure that here, but one time I saw a kid get hit with a softball bat, and his body didn't even move that far!"

David was grinning, though he was trying not to look at me. He had been our judge in a way, though he was far from impartial. He tried, though.

"Gentlemen," said Klaus, "I don't have to prove anything. My client entered these proceedings not guilty, and the burden of changing that status is all on the prosecution, and I say he has proven nothing!" Now Klaus was smiling too.

"However, it is my intention to go a step further and demonstrate innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. My learned colleague for the prosecution spoke of seeing a softball bat hitting a boy. The defense wishes to express our sincerest condolences to the friends and family of that boy, who surely suffered a more powerful blow to his back and a quicker death than our dear deceased Mr. Waxman."

"What? Wait!" I said, "I object! He didn't die from being hit by the bat!"

"Then surely it was swung softly?"

"No, the boy who got hit was the catcher. The boy with the bat swung hard, but they were both careless. It was a lob pitch, so the catcher moved way too far forward, and he and the batter were trying to get to the same target. It was stupid."

"Then undoubtedly he was hospitalized, or there is some record of him receiving medical treatment?"

"He was fine!" I said. "His gym teacher told him he should put some ice on it and see the school nurse, but he just went to his next class."

"Where presumably he didn't drop dead from lung trauma?"

"Look, I said that boy didn't fly forward nearly as far as Henry did, so I hit him hard enough!"

"Gentlemen, while my client stipulates that he is reasonably strong for his age and size, clearly he has been modest and possesses superhuman strength in his right arm and hand to be able to kill a boy, his own dear friend, with a single blow from his single hand.

Not even a softball bat swung full-speed could cause the death of the recipient of such a blow, nor, as I understand it, did it merit a visit for medical attention or even one single minute of missed school. Yet with a mere slap on the back, the prosecution contends that my client killed Mr. Waxman.

Should my client be convicted of killing Mr. Waxman, the defense would like to request from the court, in advance, time off for good behavior, if my client's behavior merits such consideration, to allow him to participate in qualifying events for the United States Olympic Weightlifting team, or perhaps as a shot-put or javelin field athlete. Surely numerous records will fall!"

Damn him! He was being such an asshole, but David and I were both laughing because Klaus was so good at making people laugh. My only hope was that all that laughter would distract everyone from what he'd said because he could almost have killed my case on that point alone. I was saying my hand slap was more powerful than a swinging softball bat!

"On to our case for the defense," said Klaus. "First, the prosecution claims, as if it were self-evident to anyone viewing exhibits one and two, that my client's hand was well-placed to cause the necessary injury. Nonsense, I say!

As my learned colleague pointed out while presenting for the prosecution, stiffness and rigidity in the ribcage protect against injuries leading to pulmonary edema. If that is the case, and the defense stipulates that it is the case, did my client not choose the most protected spot in the entire ribcage? I offer as exhibit… uh, five, this illustration found on page four twenty-four of the textbook Skeletal Anatomy.

I call your attention to the region surrounding the area where my client's hand struck the decedent, the alleged homicide victim, which is approximately covering thoracic vertebrae five and six. Within this region, I call your attention to the thick musculature and dense ligaments in this region, both of which, according to the accompanying text, provide a degree of rigidity and stability to the vertebral column and to the ribcage itself.

Note that, according to the accompanying text, while the juvenile rib is not fully mineralized, and is therefore relatively flexible, the same is not true of the thoracic vertebrae.

Turning to page four twenty-five, the figure on which we'll call exhibit six, we see an anatomical diagram of the thoracic vertebrae, and we also see an MRI image that clearly, clearly, Clearly! Shows the density of strong connective tissues that stabilize not only the spinal column but the articulated ribcage as well.

I will also call your attention to not one, but three processes protruding from the backside of the spinal column. Note also that the ribs attached to the thoracic vertebrae are attached not at one location on each rib, but on two separate locations, spread some distance apart.

I call on your understanding of engineering, which I know is considerable. I submit that the energy of a forward-moving blow to the rear of any thoracic vertebra would be either diffused or contained by the dense network of tissue surrounding the vertebra. Any remaining force would be efficiently transferred to the ribcage as a whole, in an even fashion, not in a manner that would cause any localized intrusion upon the lungs."

"There is another issue that my learned colleague in the prosecution did not see fit to consider, and of course, I am sure he, in his great wisdom, has his own valid reasons.

My client kindly posed for this sketch, exhibit one, and the prosecution has accepted is an accurate and precise depiction of the location of my client's hand as it struck the body of the decedent and alleged homicide victim.

The learned gentleman for the prosecution described only the position of the palm of my client's hand, and gentlemen, that is only half the story! Our discussions so far today have considered only a blow from the palm of my client's hand as if he were a polydigital amputee!

Clearly, he is not, and I will now call your attention to the position of my client's fingers, each of which is positioned directly over the scapula, the shoulder blade. I ask you how likely it is that any reasonable force at all that is transferred to the shoulder blade could result in pulmonary injury?

A shoulder injury, possibly, but pulmonary trauma? My client could hardly have chosen a safer place to make contact with his dear friend's back. Does the analysis of this location make it more likely or less likely, that my client dealt a fatal blow to his dear friend?"

"Question two concerns the direction of the force as it was transferred from my client's body to the decedent's body. As there is some doubt among the gentlemen in this room exactly how properly to apply force vector analysis, I shall forego that methodology for the present. Simpler is usually better, don't you agree?

I call your attention to exhibit three, which is a sketch of the position of my client's body, at the instant the blow struck and at several points prior to that. From the last two or three sketches, the direction of travel of my client's hand can be determined. What I would like you to remember from this is that my client's hand moves down a little and that it moves forward quite a lot. That means that most of the energy of impact went forward, and a much smaller amount went downward. So far, there is little disagreement between the prosecution's version and our analysis, save that we more accurately show the small amount of downward momentum of my client's hand. Mostly forward, down a little."

"I shall now call your attention to exhibit four, which is a sketch of the position of the alleged homicide victim's body at the instant the blow struck and at several points after that. We have a consensus that the alleged victim hung his head and neck in this manner while he walked, and my client has stated that Mr. Waxman's head and neck were in this precise position at the instant of impact.

Please allow me to introduce exhibit seven, an illustration from page five twenty-two from the same textbook, Skeletal Anatomy. This figure shows the alignment of the thoracic vertebrae during various degrees of slumping. It is the opinion of the defense that figure F bears the most similarity to the first figure in exhibit four.

My learned colleague of the prosecution may well dispute which figure best represents Mr. Waxman's position at the moment of impact, but the differences are slight for our purposes. What should be clear to all is that if a blow that is moving primarily forward strikes the fifth or sixth thoracic vertebra of a person in this position, the head and neck do not move up by much from the force of the blow, though they move some.

The force is directed along the upper spinal column itself with some force going to straighten the thoracic curve. Now, if we add a small downward vector to the same blow, most of the energy of the impact is directed down the length of the spinal column below, and quite a bit less is directed toward opening the thoracic curve.

Any blow in this direction to open the thoracic curve appreciably would have considerably more power toward driving the recipient of the blow downward. The net effect in this case? No upward movement of the head, which is contrary to the evidence that has been presented."

"I think the most compelling evidence from this analysis has nothing to do with a slumping posture or spinal curves. It has to do with the location and direction of the blow on anybody at all. With the prosecution's consent, I should like to conduct a demonstration on my client."

"This is most irregular," said David with a grin. He knew my case was absolutely destroyed long ago, but the theatrics that Klaus used were a nice distraction, and sometimes even fun."

"The prosecution consents," I said. I stood up to see what he had in mind.

"Now, if I may, Mr. Langevin, I would like to gently push you from the position where your hand contacted Mr. Waxman's body, and I will push slightly downward. With your permission?"

"Sure," I said. This felt pointless, but Klaus seemed to be full of surprises that day.

"Ok," said Klaus, "three, two," and he pushed on two.

"Hey!" I protested. "I wasn't ready!"

"Neither was Mr. Waxman. If you recall, you told us that you snuck up on him and hit him by surprise. Is that correct?"

"Yeah, but I didn't fall right."

"Oh yes, you did," he said with a wink. My own lawyer had tricked me! "Now let's try it again, only this time I will push exactly when I say 'one.' You can ready yourself any way you like." When I got back into position, he counted down again and pushed me right on one, as he said he'd do. I arched my back and stumbled forward a bit.

"Excellent," said Klaus. "Shall we continue from the chairs?

"As I hope you noticed during these very informative demonstrations, the force that made the alleged victim fall could not have come from the direction indicated in the evidence."

"Hey! I object," I said. "That's not at all what I noticed!"

"Oh, of course, as a participant in the demonstration, you could not observe it as a third party. I will list the salient points.

First, in what I believe is the most important test, I caught you unaware, just as you had caught Mr. Waxman unaware. When I pushed you, you did not move at all like you said Mr. Waxman moved. His chest and belly moved forward, his head came up, and if the sketches in exhibit four are accurate, his entire back was arched as he collapsed forward to his knees.

During our demonstration here, when I caught you unprepared, you bent forward. You did not arch your back. Your back curved forward, the opposite direction. That is the natural reaction of a relaxed body when struck above its center of gravity.

You struck Mr. Waxman high up on his back. That would cause a relaxed person to bend forward. If you want to punch or shove someone in a way that their back arches, you have to punch or shove him much lower down, at his torso's center of gravity."

"Sadly, I must also say that our second demonstration also showed us a glimpse of the truth of Henry's death. You were expecting a shove, and you had a physical response ready to go. You arched your back and moved your torso forward a bit. In order to move your torso forward like that, I think you know what your body needs to provide." His lawyer's voice was gone, and he was just Klaus again.

I surprised myself with a sniffle and said, "an equal and opposite reaction." There it was. I was innocent, but it didn't make me very happy.

"And can you imagine a body movement powerful enough to move your whole torso forward?"

"Did I move my arms way back?"

"Yes, Donovan," said David, no longer the judge, "you did."

"When you did that, you were moving away from my hand, and I couldn't push you with any amount of strength. I also lacked strength because I led with my elbow, then rotated my arm, as you did during our second experiment, shown in exhibit three. That reduces the power of the blow in favor of speed, which is what is required for an annoying slap, not a blunt force injury.

Don, Henry had been punched from behind so many times that his body developed a defensive response that he never even thought about. Sadly, I think the same is true for you, as our second demonstration suggests. Henry pulled his back away from your hand very quickly, and his belly as well. He could do that because he used his arms and his shoulders. By swinging them back suddenly, that forced his back into an arch, and it moved his back forward, away from your hand.

His arms didn't swing back because you hit him so hard – Arms don't work that way. They stay where they are unless the body moves forward suddenly, in which case they only appear to swing back when they are suddenly pulled forward at the shoulders by the body. I bet you can tell me another one of Newton's Laws about why a relaxed arm can't move back when the back is pushed forward."

I knew the law, but my head was spinning, and I was losing myself in tears.

"Can you help him, David?"

"He knows," said David. "An object at rest tends to stay at rest unless it's acted upon by another force. If his arms moved because you hit him, they would not swing back any farther than their original position as a result of a blow to the back, especially when he's trying to catch himself as he falls forward."

"If his arms started at rest, then a force had to move them back," said Klaus. "The only forces you've described acting on Henry's body are your hand and his muscles, and I suppose we can assume gravity. His arms and shoulders moved backward because the muscles in his arms and shoulders were controlling the motion. His chest didn't thrust forward because you hit him so hard. He did that himself. He didn't know who was behind him. He just reacted as soon as he felt something, or maybe even when he heard you approach with an uneven stride without even thinking about it, and you said yourself his back kinda mushed away from your hand, and your fingers were bent back by his shoulders.

That's how quick his reaction had become, and it doesn't sound like a very hard hit at all. Henry had many years of practice with the bullies, and at home, to develop and exercise that reaction, and that's so sad.

He only fell because you caught him off balance, which isn't hard to do when someone's body is all tensed up. He had probably learned to leap forward a bit at the same time. Don, you didn't kill Henry. You didn't even hit him very hard. I can't say you didn't hurt him. You know that would be a lie, and I won't lie to you, but I can say you're a kind, loving, conscientious boy who loved his friend, even though you hurt him, for whatever reason."

"Boys do bad things sometimes. Stupid things. Even David." I found that very hard to believe.

"Being gay doesn't let you off the hook either. I've done a lot of bad things, and a lot more stupid things in my life. I believe in doing at least one stupid thing each day because it helps us learn, but we should always try not to hurt people with our stupidity. That was the lesson you learned that day. Don, Henry loved you too, but he had been hit so many times before. You didn't know he was going to react the way he did. I'm sorry that was such a terribly painful lesson for you."

"Occam's razor, Donovan," said David. "Every day his dad beat on him severely. What's the simplest explanation for Henry's lung injury? His dad is a strong farmer who hits hard with his fist, not a slap. Every punch from his dad could easily have killed him by causing pulmonary edema if he hit him in the chest.

Mom told me that if a man hits a child hard enough to give him a black eye, he could give him a deadly brain injury or put him in a coma. Mom treated people with brain injuries, and she had the same problems Klaus had trying to get help for abused kids, only she saw abused kids with brain injuries all the time in the hospital where she did rounds.

Well, maybe only a few times, but she knows what she's talking about. Henry's dad beat him and beat him constantly. One day you played a prank, maybe even a mean prank. Ok, you hit him, and I know you're ashamed of that, but think of the number of magic tricks you'd need to hurt him at all – defying two of Newton's laws plus the conservation of angular momentum (we really did know these science terms). Then slapping hard enough to injure his lungs through his shoulder blade without actually breaking his shoulder blade – your slap wouldn't even have left a bruise, and you know it."

He was right, but that hurt a great deal – the word 'bruise.' Henry's last school picture in the yearbook shows his face covered with bruises and two black eyes, none of which were quite healed. The weeks leading up to school pictures were supposed to be a respite for him.

David rarely raised his voice to me like that. He was almost shouting before he finished. He would never talk to me like that unless it was the most loving thing he could do, and I needed to hear what he was saying.

I was convinced I hadn't killed Henry, but the shame was devastating. Every time I looked into David's eyes, the eyes looking back at me would know how cruel I had been to our friend. I absolutely hated myself, but I was at least glad I hadn't used the shotgun.

Chapter 49

Ritual

'5:00 PM, outside 110 rad/hour, basement 10 rad/hour, inside 0.4 rad/hour.'

I needed a good long cry after I was found not guilty of murdering our friend Henry. I needed hugs and affection. I felt like I'd reverted to my infancy. I needed hugs and kisses, and in a weird way, I needed a pacifier. I bet you think you know where this is going, dear reader. I will try not to disappoint.

The two things I loved most on my lips were David's lips. Number three would be David's cock, of course, and number four would be Klaus' cock. There were times when I needed a grown-up to comfort me. Of course, it was always best to have David somewhere in the mix, as well.

I didn't want sex – I wanted comfort. Dealing with Henry's death and facing my own shame hurt a lot, and I needed a kind of daddy person to hold me and tell me everything was all right. I didn't want to suck on Klaus' cock to make him feel good; I wanted to suck on it so that I would feel better. His cock had already become my security blanket – Now it was my pacifier as well. His manly smell was beginning to mean more than sex to me. He smelled like love, and maybe safety. I was immersed in him when I wandered down there.

Klaus slouched in the middle of the couch; I sat on his left, and David sat on his right. I lay my head on Klaus' hip and sucked leisurely on his cock-head, and David mirrored me, only he sucked on Klaus' balls. He was a little more energetic than I was.

"I know you're not interested in sex," said Klaus, "but this is definitely making me erect, as you can see. Just relax, be at home, safe, comfortable, and loved." He stroked our hair gently as he spoke. It felt so comforting to have a strong, loving man's cock in my mouth.

As I wasn't pleasuring him, I took my time exploring his glans with my tongue. I liked the flavors that were coming from his pee-hole. There was usually only a hint of pee, but that was ok. When you love someone, a tiny smear of pee, just one little drip, that doesn't matter, and it's gone in an instant. It means something much nicer is on the way!

What came out of Klaus' cock was always changing. When he ejaculated, it was completely different from the bit that dribbled out just before, and it changed over time when I held it in my mouth. It started all slimy and creamy, but then it got sort of thick and lumpy. Our gay book from the library said there was actually a sugar called fructose in semen that made it taste sweet. That's the only food sperm cells can eat. Science nerd.

***

I woke up with a semi-soft man's cock in my mouth and a tickling on my nose. Klaus snorted awake as I giggled his cock-head out of my mouth.

"Nanook kisses," said David as he rubbed his nose against mine. "I love you, Donovan Langevin."

It's not fair to wake a kid up like that. I was supposed to wake up and remember how disgusted I was with myself, then be miserable again, but David made me laugh before I could remember all that, and I was so comfortable!

"Kiss me our way!" I said, poking my tongue deep into his mouth.

"I'll, uh, I'll just check the radiation levels," said Klaus, fully aware that neither of us heard him.

'5:30 PM, outside 99 rad/hour, basement 10 rad/hour, inside 0.4 rad/hour.'

"Wahoo!" Klaus cheered. "We're under one hundred outside!"

"Are you going to go out for a tan in that?" I asked sarcastically, realizing I had been cheered up against my will, and I needed to work harder on being crabby.

"It's a milestone!" said Klaus, with his usual goofy, enthusiastic grin. "Like a birthday or a holiday. It's just an ordinary day until somebody decides it's worth celebrating, and I feel like celebrating!" He took six bottles of beer and a bottle of wine to the deep freezer and browsed briefly over Mr. Chance's liquor cabinet. He returned to the shelter corner with a bunch of liquor bottles. "You boys have had wine before, right?"

"Yes, sometimes, when Mom or Dad cooks a special meal," said David. "I can usually have half a glass, but I like to taste Mom's or Dad's first to see if I'll like it."

"I've never had it," I said. "Is it good?" I asked David.

"I like some of it," he said. "It tastes like a really fancy fruit juice, but it has that, I dunno, sort of grown-up flavor." It was a rare experience to see David struggling to find the right words. "There are rules about the color of the wine. You have white wine with chicken and fish and red wine with beef. I don't remember the rest."

"Since our daily schedule is all messed up today, and right now, we've got something to celebrate," said Klaus, "I think it's time to honor that ancient tradition that men have been sharing with the boys they love since ancient times."

"You mean…" David and I were both smiling.

The gay book from the library even had a section describing the effect of alcohol on boys during sex and ancient orgies with drunken boys where the men can have their way, and it's all fun. It was also common in many navies throughout history, but in some of those navies, they weren't so nice to the boys, and it had nothing to do with fun. That eventually led to a more ritualized approach with a code of inviolable rules, which were eventually adopted by some secret societies as more modern cultures began to frown on the practice. Reading that section in the gay book still made me horny for years after.

"Before we do this," said Klaus, "there's a ritual we have to perform. Never accept alcohol from a man who does not do this with you first. When you're drunk, people can hurt you. We went over that in health class. Only do this with a man you trust, and only after this ritual."

"This what?" I said, stroking the edge of my crabbiness, just to make sure it was still there.

"It's a vow of trust and a promise," he said, "and it's important to me that each of us says our part out loud. We also need our first drink to get us going." Klaus took three small glasses from the shelf, wiped the dust from them for safety (as we always did), and poured a little liquid from several bottles into each of the glasses, then handed a glass to each of us.

"This is the first mixed drink I ever had as a boy. It's called a Harvey Wallbanger."

David giggled at the name, and I said, "It looks like orange juice."

"Sniff it and tell me what you think," said Klaus.

"Wow! What is that!"

"It's orange juice with vodka," said Klaus, "and just a tiny, tiny bit of something special called Galliano. I'm famous among the high school boys for my Harvey Wallbangers. The trick is not to use too much Galliano. A tiny drizzle is all you need."

Klaus stood up straight and raised his glass and said, "Donovan, I love you, and I swear to be your worthy guide tonight, worthy of your trust, and worthy of your love. I will see to it that you are safe and that you will still be safe tomorrow.

I also swear that if you follow my guidance, you will not get sick. I do this because I believe you love me and that you trust me with this duty, and in keeping with that trust, and with your safety as my primary concern, I intend to have my way with you tonight, but first, you must ask."

He took a sip of his drink. He said those words slowly, and with a quiet power I'd never heard in his voice before. He would have his way, and he didn't need any alcohol. I knew all of that power would protect me, and all of that power would do as he pleased with me. I wanted to orgasm without touching myself!

"Now Donovan, I want you to repeat after me, but only if it's true, and only if it's what you want, ok?"

"Ok," I giggled nervously. I raised my glass and repeated after Klaus. "Klaus, I do love you, and I do trust you with this responsibility tonight. I believe you will keep me safe, and that I will still be safe tomorrow. I believe that if I follow your guidance, I will not get sick. Klaus, please be my guide. Please, Klaus, I am yours; have your way with me." I felt a thrill rush through my whole body. I had to catch my breath before I swallowed my first mixed drink.

"Wow! This stuff is really good, David!" My face was sore within minutes from all my smiling from the thrill of it all.

***

I wanted to gulp my drink down and ask for another one! It tasted so good, and I hadn't even begun to feel it in my head yet. When David had finished his vow of trust with Klaus, my glass was already half empty. Well, that night, I could say it felt half full.

I grabbed David around the waist and pulled him onto my lap on the couch. His ritual had given him a boner, too, and I wanted to tease Klaus. It felt fair, as he was going to fill us up with alcohol and have his way with us that night, we should have our way messing with him first. I didn't know what it felt like to be drunk, but I'd watched enough TV to know it made people act stupid and unable to think clearly. I'd also sat through two days of alcohol awareness and another two days of drug awareness education taught by Klaus himself in our health class. I wanted to tease Klaus while David and I were still clever enough to be able to do it.

Klaus leaned against the table and shook his head, smiling. David and I downed the last of our drinks, and he slouched way down on my lap. He put his feet on my knees and spread his thighs. He gently grasped his cock, looking Klaus in the eye the way he did with me, and stroked himself very slowly. I slid two of my fingers into David's mouth, and he sucked each one as if giving it a blowjob, making sure to leave them both nice and wet. I reached that hand under his thigh and slowly slid both fingers into David's ass. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes lazily as I entered. He stroked himself faster as I probed around. I hadn't really paid attention last time I had my fingers in David's ass, so I felt around for anything interesting. Oh, my head felt wonderful!

"AIEE!!!" David squeaked. "Donovan. Oh my god. There's a spot just there… THERE!!!" I could feel a round bump inside his body, in front of his rectum. It was a little more firm than the softer tissue around it. It felt to me like it was right behind his cock – the same place that I'd felt those amazing sensations in my own body. This felt important!

"You found it, Donovan!" said Klaus. "Another reason to celebrate! I'll show you more about that spot later tonight if you like." I answered him by tickling David's bump mercilessly!

Chapter 50

Getting Them Drunk

Klaus said we shouldn't drink any more alcohol until we'd eaten, so we decided to thaw out some sliced turkey and have sandwiches, using David's amazing homemade mayonnaise. While he was getting the turkey from the deep freezer, Klaus also got a bottle of wine and the beer he had put in the freezer to chill earlier.

"David, we are having turkey sandwiches," said Klaus in his teacher's about-to-quiz-you voice. "White wine or red?"

"I only know beef, chicken, and fish," said David.

"Ok," said Klaus with a hearty, entirely non-goofy smile, trying hard not to laugh at my sweet boy David, "if you had to guess, which would it be? I mean, turkey is a lot like one of those three things you named."

"White?"

"Yes!" Klaus cheered as I kissed my cute boy-genius science nerd. "For extra credit," said Klaus with an increasingly ominous tone, "chilled or room temperature?"

"Cold!" he answered. "White wine is always cold."

Klaus kissed him on the lips with a teacher's pride, then said, "There's one technical note here. Cold and chilled are not exactly the same to a wine connoisseur, but that's advanced material."

"I bet you play with all the sexiest ninth-grade boys," I said.

"Only the ones who come to me," he said. "I can't believe your parents have so much of this stuff! Domaine de la Racauderie Vouvray," he said with what sounded like a very well-practiced French accent. "You boys are especially gonna love this with your turkey entree. Much better than Monmousseau."

He got up to get the thawed bread and turkey from the microwaves and David's mayo from the fridge. He also wiped off some dishes and wine glasses for us while he was up, something we always did just in case a speck of fallout dust somehow made it into the basement. This was apparently a very special night, and we were receiving the royal treatment.

"No half-glasses with supper tonight, my dear David," he said.

"That one is my favorite," said David.

"He's my dear David!" I said defensively to Klaus. David gave me a properly blushing kiss that told me he loved it when I said things like that.

"He most certainly is," said Klaus, "and you are both more dear to me than anything in this universe."

"How do the boys know?" I asked. Klaus gave me a confused look. "You said you only play with the boys who come to you. How do they know that they should come to you? If you were a regular teacher and a gay boy… I mean, he'd get expelled or something!"

"Oh! I see what you mean," said Klaus as he used a fancy corkscrew from the liquor cabinet to uncork the bottle. He poured three glasses of wine, which distracted me greatly.

"Well, by ninth grade, I mean, I've known them all for four years already in gym and health classes. I had you two figured out long before you did, right? Besides, boys ask questions in private that they're afraid to ask in class. Boys' gym teachers probably learn more about the boys who go to their middle school than anybody else in the whole school. The same is usually true for girls' gym teachers, but we have to be sensitive. Those tough-guy coach types who just like to shout, well, they miss out on a lot." He stroked my thigh as he said that.

"Gay boys eventually find each other on their own, if everything works out well, and they talk. They tell each other about safe people and safe places, and where to find the good wine!" He pushed a glass of wine to each of us and started spreading mayo on the bread for our sandwiches. "Ok, who wants carrots, and who wants broccoli?"

"Wow!" I said. "This wine is really good! I know why grown-ups don't let kids have this stuff. You want it all for yourselves!"

"Do some boys not follow your guidance, Klaus?" asked David.

"Happens all the time," he replied. "Trust me. You don't want to get sick like that, and you don't want that kind of hangover. I won't stop you if you want more, though. Some boys learn best the hard way. Feel free to make yourselves as sick as you like, but I will cut you off if I think it's the safe thing to do, and I'll be keeping track of how much you drink.

That's my most sacred promise to every boy who takes that vow with me, to keep them safe. They might be puking all night, but they'll be puking safely. You might notice as the night goes on that you'll be getting a lot more drunk than I will. I will only drink a little bit with you so I can keep my head clear and keep you safe. One thing I should let you know in advance is that I like acting, and my personality might seem to change, but it's still me, just doing a little bit of role-playing. You can trust me completely, but you might find that a challenge sometimes."

I couldn't help it. My head felt so good from that Harvey Wallbanger, and the wine was so fruity and awesome, I had a big gulp of it. Klaus chuckled and shook his head. I smiled at him and let out a great belch.

***

'6:00 PM, outside 93 rad/hour, basement 9.2 rad/hour, inside 0.4 rad/hour.'

"Down to ninety-three now," said Klaus. "Oh no, no no please, you boys stay there, enjoy the rest of your wine. I'll do the dishes."

"Would you like us to fold up the table, Klaus?" asked David.

"Oh no!" Klaus said with a grin. "We'll be using that soon."

David and I looked at each other in wonder. This was such a thrilling adventure for us! We both gulped the last of our wine so we could have a close cuddle and a quiet word.

"Oh, Donovan! I'm so excited, and I'm so happy you feel it too because I don't know if all gay boys would like this sort of thing. You remember what the gay book said about doms and subs?"

"Yeah," I said, "but it's Klaus, and he's like our dad now. Wait – That's not what I meant. He's like a dad, but he's…"

"Our guardian."

"Yeah, and that makes it feel really good for me, because I know I'll be ok! It's like riding a roller coaster; you get scared, but you're not really scared because you know you'll be fine when it's done. It's a thrill! We can give something special to Klaus, because he's taking care of us from now on. Do you know any other adult who makes it this easy for you to make them happy?"

"That's true!" said David. "I've had that feeling about him, a really nice feeling that I couldn't make sense of, but I think that's it! He's an adult who we want to please, and he makes it so easy to please him! Look what he gives us for pleasing him! – More pleasure!" David always had a calmness about him when we talked, but he was sounding more like me every minute, and that turned me on even more.

"Do you boys want another drink?"

"Can I have another Harvey Wallbanger," I asked, "only can I have it in this wine glass instead, 'cause it's bigger?"

"Sure! I'll make it a little stronger, too, if you like."

"I'd like another glass of wine, please," said David.

Soon David and I were up dancing and singing the kind of music that always made me want to move my body.

"…we can act if want to – if we don't nobody will, and you can act real rude and totally removed,

And I can act like an imbecile.

I say we can dance, we can dance, everything out of control,

We can dance, we can dance we're doing it wall to wall…"

I absolutely loved that song, even though it wasn't my favorite kind of music – hard rock. I don't remember the point when I was no longer embarrassed about singing with Klaus and David, but life was much more fun with some sort of music. If you were alive then, you surely remember it was a time of revolution in popular music. There was less crunchy electric guitar music, but the crunchy electric guitar music that was still being played on the radio was merging with heavy metal, which made room on pop radio for music with a lot of electronic instruments.

Soon Klaus brought us our drinks and picked up the guitar. We were a trio again!

"…Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down

'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me you're coming around

I'm walking on sunshine Wo-ho! I'm walking on sunshine Wo-ho!

I'm walking on sunshine Wo-ho! And don't it feel good! Hey!"

"There is only one thing more beautiful than a boy dancing happily," said Klaus.

"A naked boy dancing happily!" I said, shaking my butt his direction.

"Well, yeah, of course," said Klaus.

"He means the only thing more beautiful than a naked boy dancing happily is two naked boys dancing happily, right Klaus?"

"Right you are David! And since I'm going to get you drunk and take advantage of you both tonight," he said, "the first thing you will do for me is dance and be beautiful so that I can sketch you."

"Aw! That's easy," I protested.

Klaus raised his eyebrows in a way that made me think he could crush a granite boulder with pure psychic will and said, "Oh Don, dear Don, my lovely sweet Don, you should know this from Phys Ed class. We always start with the easy stuff. Tonight I will have you doing things you didn't know were possible and begging me for more."

Chapter 51

A Preliminary Lesson

I looked at David, unsure whether I should laugh or scream. Klaus was certainly not laughing. I had begun to notice he only called me Don when he was being very close or intimate with me. It was only for special, sensitive, or serious times. He had always called me Donovan because he was my teacher, so for him, calling me Don was special, and it felt right. David was just the opposite. He called me Don for convenience, but he always called me Donovan when it was something important, like telling me how much he loved me. I loved it when David called me Donovan.

Suddenly Klaus' goofy grin was back. "How can I sketch beautiful naked boys dancing happily if you're not dancing happily? Remember our promises; they are sacred. You are safe; you will not be hurt. I always think this is a better experience for you boys, if I don't have to remind you too often. Remember – I like acting too. You are mine to do with as I please tonight, and what would please me now is more happy dancing! Hey, how about a rocker? Do you like ZZ-Top?"

"If you like it, Klaus, I love it," said David.

"I love Rock and Roll!" I sang, knowing that wasn't the song he meant, but it was the words I meant.

I began licking my finger as seductively as I could. I'm sure I looked like a drunken young boy, which is what I almost was, and exactly what Klaus wanted, so it was ok. He put down his sketchbook and played guitar again. He sang the first verse, and we all sang the chorus.

"Gimme all your lovin, all your hugs and kisses too,

Gimme all your lovin, don't let up until we're through!"

Of course, David found a lovely harmony part to sing. Klaus kept playing his guitar at the end of the song and told us each to dance solo for him. David went first. My god, he was sexy! And he gave Klaus a full hard-on. I could see it pressing against the bottom of his guitar! I couldn't dance like that! What if I couldn't keep him hard?

"You're up, Donovan!" he called.

I took one last desperate gulp of my drink and had a brainstorm! I started doing our callisthenic exercises as dance moves to the rhythm he was playing! He liked it when we did them, so why not now. I did jumping jacks, windmills, and even a few burpees to show him I was giving him everything. Then I climbed up on the table and did eight push-ups – that was all I could do and keep time with the music.

"Stop right there!" he said, rather suddenly. I was lying face down on the table. "Spread your legs, Donovan, good. David, up you go, face down next to Donovan. Legs spread open. I want access."

Oh, here we go, I thought! What would he want from us? What would he require of us? What would he force from us? Was I drunk enough yet? I was certainly willing. David and I were looking at each other, each of us smiling nervously. Soon we both felt our bodies jerk suddenly as Klaus abruptly stuck a well-oiled finger up each of our asses.

"Donovan," said Klaus calmly, "you found David's magic button today. It's right here." I let out a yelp as my body nearly lifted off the table, and David did the same. The sensation was high-voltage! For a moment, I wondered what that looked like from Klaus' point of view – two naked boy butts doing synchronous spasms.

He moved his finger around again, making us both yelp again, and said, "You boys already know what this is. We covered reproductive anatomy just last semester, and you both got this question right on the exam. So what is it?" He paused about five seconds before sending pleasure jolts through our bodies again. Was that meant to be a punishment? He spoke calmly, "Boys when I ask you a question, I expect an answer."

"But what if we don't know the answer?" I asked.

This time only I got the pleasure jolt. "Tonight, my dear Donovan, it pleases me that you should call me Sir for the rest of the night. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir," I said. Why did that turn me on?

"There is always an answer," he said, continuing in his hauntingly calm voice, "even if the answer is 'I don't know, Sir.' Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir! Clear Sir!" I said.

"One response will suffice," he said, continuing in his disturbingly calm voice. The round button you found here in David's ass…" David shrieked. He wasn't expecting that one! "…is his prostate, and this is yours."

"Ayayay!!! Uh, I mean Sir!"

"You need to know where the prostate is if you want to please a boy, or a man, or indeed yourself. Ok, down. Off the table. Donovan!"

"Oh! Yes Sir!" I said.

"On the couch, both of you."

"Yes Sir."

We sat on the couch, and Klaus handed each of us an oily, pre-lubed dildo. David got the bigger flesh-colored one, and I got the smaller pink one. "Insert them now. That means now, Donovan. I expect your obedience to be immediate."

"Yes Sir!" God, I wanted to cum every time I called him Sir! I winced as I shoved the dildo in, but we all knew it would fit easily, David's too.

"Find your own prostate with the tip of your dildo and massage it." He was still speaking softly, yet there was enormous power in his voice.

"Yes Sir!" David's eyes closed heavily. He knew right where to find his prostate.

"Hands off your cock, please, David."

"Yes Sir," he said.

"David, for the rest of the night it pleases me that you should call me Klaus, and only Klaus. Do you understand, David?"

"Yes, Klaus," he moaned.

"You're too deep. You'll need to pull it back out just a bit, Donovan, good, and press it more against the front of your body, right where David's was."

"Yes S….Sir!" Found it.

"There are certain things they don't let me teach you boys in health class," he said softly. "For example, the glans and the skin around the penis shaft, and on uncircumcised boys, the foreskin, are not the only places on your bodies that you can use to stimulate yourself to orgasm. The superintendent does not want you to know that you can stimulate yourself to orgasm by massaging your prostate, the skin, and mucosa lining your anus, or any of a number of internal structures that you will enjoy finding on each other's bodies. In fact, I wonder if you, Donovan, remember finding a place on the surface of my body, and on David's body, that had a pleasurable effect when you licked it, especially if you licked it hard?"

"Yes Sir, I do. It was right over your erectile bodies behind your scrotum, Sir."

"That's very good, Donovan," he said with not a hint of praise in the tone of his voice. "But please pay attention to your prostate. There is a proper name… David, keep massaging your prostate until I tell you to stop."

"Yes Sir… I mean, Yes Klaus."

"As I was saying, there is a proper name for that part of your body between your scrotum and your anus. It is called the perineum. Say it with me, boys, Pe-ri-ne-um – Good."

"I'm sorry, Klaus, but I have a question."

"I am instructing you, David. Questions are good."

"Klaus, I'm very close to having an orgasm, and I'm afraid I will have one if I don't stop this now."

"Donovan, leave your dildo inserted and kiss him – Big kiss. Cover his mouth with your loving lips. Do not release your kiss until I instruct you to release it."

"Yes Sir!"

"Ah!!!"

David let out a sound as if he was worried. "Don't you trust me, David? You are safe," said Klaus. "You do not need to answer while that sexy, beautiful god of boy love is kissing you. Let go of it, David. An anal orgasm is a very powerful thing, as you know."

A screaming sound came from my own mouth, but not from my voice. David was having a tremendous orgasm – His whole body was heaving.

"Give that to me," said Klaus, taking the dildo from David, but instead of removing it, he attacked David's prostate with fresh energy. "I think you can do better, David," he said calmly. "I think you can give us another one, don't you? That's right – Feel it grow."

"Sir, I have a question!" I wasn't sure David could breathe with my mouth covering his.

"Donovan, I did not release you from your kiss. Tonight I am not fair. I am having my way, and my way is not fair tonight. It does not please me to be fair tonight. Do not expect me to be fair with you or with David. If you want to give our sweet David some relief, then you can orgasm in his place. I will keep working his prostate, you will keep working yours, and you will hold that kiss until one of you orgasms, and Donovan, I know when boys fake orgasms. Do not try to fake me." I felt a rush of fear and uncertainty, but I had to let it go.

I had never had an anal orgasm before. Not anal-only. I didn't know if I could. "Donovan," said the calm voice. "It pleases me that tonight, the only orgasms you will be permitted to have will be orgasms you get without you or anyone else touching your penis." He heard me thinking!

"You might find it difficult, but you can train yourself. Your training begins right now."

He took the dildo from my hand, and with David groaning for breath underneath me, Klaus somehow managed to stimulate my ass so powerfully that I thought I might… But David was so small! No, David was fine! I couldn't think such nonsense. No! I had to focus on trying to have an anal orgasm! I trusted Klaus – I was his boy! He would have his way with me no matter what, and he would always keep David safe.

My cock became solid as quartz as Klaus worked both dildos. I felt my orgasm energy actually build up a couple of times, but it faded. I looked into David's left eye, the only one I could see at that angle. There was no fear – there was peace. His upper eyelid lowered gently as his eye rolled back. I felt his head move back slightly, and I heard that crying sound inside my mouth.

It hit me as powerfully as any shock or blast wave had hit me in the past few days. That was in part because David orgasmed at the same time. My body wasn't mine. It felt like I was being electrocuted with tickling deep inside my body, but I was ok with that – it was not my body. The body I lived in was Klaus' body, not mine. That energy was all love flowing from me to Klaus. Or was it the other way?

I felt the dildo glide from my ass, and Klaus sat back in the recliner. In his normal, excited voice, Klaus said, "Before you move, Donovan, feel the back of your hair."

"Yes Sir," I said. Was that oil? He didn't… his hands were both on our two dildos! "Did you cum on me, Sir?"

"Without my cock touching a thing," he said. "Taste it if you don't believe me." I did, and I believed.

Chapter 52

Anticipation

Somehow, after all that time, I thought he was suffocating underneath me with my mouth covering his, the first thing David wanted to do was to give me a long, passionate kiss. Then he started licking Klaus' cum from my hair, but only long enough to get a laugh from Klaus, who then threw me a towel.

"Guys, that calling me Sir and calling me Klaus, I might want that again later, but for now, it's just us guys again. Another round of drinks?"

My glass was still half-full, and so was David's, but we gulped what was left and said, "Yes, please!"

"And can you make mine even stronger, too, please?"

I felt really good, but I'd just had a huge anal orgasm, my first ever, and I knew I wasn't drunk like people got on TV. Something inside me wanted to give up control completely, and that meant getting me really drunk, so he could take advantage of me without me even realizing it. I was feeling turned on by passing thoughts of him giving me some drug that would paralyze me – Then I'd really be his! Was that what alcohol did to my fantasies; or did I really want that?

***

So that's exactly what I told Klaus when he came back with my next drink. Not about the paralyzing drugs, but all the rest. David's head tilted forward, and his jaw dropped comically, but Klaus got another erection – just like that. Grown men in their thirties normally have to wait a while after they cum before they can get hard again, but I think I turned him on all over again. The really odd thing about turning someone on is that it's contagious. I turned him on, and that turned me on – I'm not sure what turned David on, but he was hard again too.

"I've never even thought about this stuff before, but we're here right now, and I've given myself to you to play with all night. It's a super-powerful turn-on! You've been with so many boys! I can't be the only one who likes this, am I?"

"Oh no," he said. "A lot of boys love this stuff, every bit as much as you do, but they're too scared to even talk about it, and you're not – Why not?"

"Well, that's just it," I said. "With everything that's happened, maybe I want to be scared again, but know I'm still safe. I want to be scared and not think I'm gonna die every time, just regular scared. Feeling just scared is a wonderful thing to feel right now. For me anyway. Maybe it's just now, after all this nuclear war stuff. Maybe I won't like it tomorrow, but right now, I'm really turned on by it, so why not? Isn't that what getting boys drunk so you can take advantage of us is really about? To me, it sounded like a thrill at first, but what's the difference between a thrill and fear except for safety? And I trust you with my safety, Klaus." I slammed my whole drink.

"Another one?" Klaus asked.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Nice and strong."

***

"Alcohol can reduce fear. It can reduce all kinds of anxiety," said Klaus. "Some people call it Dutch courage, though I don't know where that comes from or if it's offensive, it's a saying that tells us alcohol can make us less afraid. If a little fear is what you want, maybe you should stay sober?"

"I must not be using the right words," I said. "Maybe it's doing things that would normally feel scary, but don't know."

"I think I know what you mean," said Klaus, "and most boys feel what you're trying to describe. You keep thinking about it and see if you can find the right words. In the meantime, as your guide," he said sternly, "I'm telling you this should be your last one for at least an hour."

"Remember, you have a choice, but I have a responsibility to give you guidance that will keep you from getting sick. You get to decide, but if I were you, I'd wait for another hour."

"Thanks," I said. "Klaus, you're the only person in the whole world I would want to do this with."

Klaus and David were going through the red and white box of toys from his mom's closet, and Klaus sounded quite happy about the things he was finding. Every now and then, David would say, "Oh, yes, that would be perfect." Something Klaus showed him even made him laugh hysterically! Good! He could do what he wanted, and I had to trust him!

***

I had already drunk half of my latest drink, the one Klaus said should be my last for an hour, and I was dancing alone to music only I could hear.

"Please sit down on the couch, Donovan," said Klaus. "David has some things he needs to put on you."

David knelt in front of me and buckled a wide leather cuff to each of my ankles. I knew I couldn't get any harder, but that didn't stop me from trying. Each cuff had four heavy steel rings attached to heavy leather loops on the front, back, and sides. Then David slid up next to me on the couch.

"Budge up forward a bit," he said. Then he looked me in the eyes and smiled, saying, "Now put both of your hands behind your back."

That could only mean one thing. They weren't steel handcuffs, though. They were leather, like the cuffs around my ankles, but these hooked together. My hands were no longer mine, but I still had my feet. David sat next to me and put his arms around me, looking happy as ever. He kissed me before placing the same cuffs on his wrists and ankles; only his wrists weren't attached to each other.

Klaus put a very small straw in my glass so I could still drink. "Why such a small straw?" I asked.

"This is a stir-stick," he said. "Normally, it's used for stirring coffee or mixed drinks, but I want you to drink through that for the next two hours. I will give you guidance on how much alcohol you can have without getting really sick, but as you know, you don't have to follow my guidance unless I think your safety is at risk. You can have all the alcohol you want – for now – but you have to drink it through that little stir-stick. It'll slow you down a bit unless you're really determined, and I have a feeling you are."

I smiled at him and bent over my Harvey Wallbanger. It wasn't so bad really. I sucked down half of what was left. David also had a fresh drink, but he was sipping his more slowly, almost as if he knew what he was doing.

***

'7:00 PM, outside 84 rad/hour, basement 8.2 rad/hour, inside 0.4 rad/hour.'

"Yeah!" I shouted when Klaus called out the 7:00 radiation readings. My opinion about celebrating small things had changed considerably over the previous hour. "But wait, didn't we miss the 6:30 measurements?"

"Nah," said Klaus. "When the levels are high and changing because fallout is still falling around us, then every half-hour or less is a good idea, which you boys were doing when I arrived here. But now that it's leveling out a bit, and it's been decreasing in a smooth curve, there's no need to record readings every half-hour. Every hour is fine. Besides, I don't think any of us even hear the ticking from the monitor anymore, but if it goes up, we'll all notice it right away because that sound will change."

"So, what's next?" I asked. "What's all this stuff for?"

"Next is patience," he said and left it at that. I slurped down the last of my drink.

"Shall I?" asked David.

"Sure," said Klaus. "This seems like a good time."

David stood up and said to me, "Lie down on your side, please, Donovan. Good. Now roll over, so you're lying on your stomach. Now bend your knees, heels to your butt. Perfect! "He lifted my left leg, so it was bent backward a bit, and I felt something click on my wrist cuffs and my left ankle cuff. When he let go, my foot was attached to my wrist cuffs! Then he did the same with my right leg.

"Nice job," said Klaus. "Now roll him back on his side so I can see him better. Doesn't he look precious?"

"He always does!" said David, giving me a quick kiss. "He is the sexiest, most precious, and beautiful boy there's ever been!" Then he sat next to me so I could lay my head on his lap.

"Drink up, David," said Klaus. "You've been quiet all night, almost like you're sobering up!"

"Oh, not at all!" said David. "I'm enjoying what you're doing to Donovan, and I guess I'm paying more attention to him."

"Blindfold," said Klaus, pointing at the box.

David stood up, leaving my head to lie at an uncomfortable angle, and retrieved a satin blindfold from the toy box. "May I put this on after I've sat back down, so I don't accidentally hurt Donovan?"

"A sensible precaution," said Klaus. Soon my head was once again resting on David's soft thigh, and his hands were caressing my face and hair.

"What's he gonna do to me?" I whispered to David.

"Donovan," said Klaus, "I am having a conversation with David now. David, it's time for the stick. Take off your blindfold until you are done with him and sitting down again."

After David returned from his second errand to the toy box, he didn't sit down right away. "Donovan," he said, "I need you to open your mouth. Wider, please, as wide as you can like you're taking a big bite of corn on the cob."

I opened my mouth as far as I could, and suddenly David put a very thick wooden stick in my mouth, pointed sideways, and back as far as it would go. He pulled my cheeks out a bit to make sure they weren't pinching between the stick and my teeth. How would he know to do that? This was nothing new to him! It was then I noticed the short leather straps on each side of the stick, which David fastened behind my head before sitting back down and replacing his blindfold.

"You look so adorable like that, Donovan," said Klaus. "Now, maybe David and I can have a conversation without any more interruptions." I could feel my own drool running from my mouth and down the stick. It had to be landing on David's thigh, but he didn't say anything or move at all.

"Do you like him like this, David?"

"I love him like this!" he said.

"Oh!" said a surprised Klaus. "I didn't know you were interested in domming him."

David giggled and said, "I'm not! I just love him, no matter what! Right now, he's all bound and gagged, and I still love him, like this. Besides, I think this bondage stuff is a big turn-on for you, and that makes it even better!"

"Oh, David, you are precious," he said with a smile. "Take off that blindfold and come here." Now my neck was hanging uncomfortably to the side again. "Kiss me, David. Mmm. Now kneel in front of me and suck my cock." David obeyed instantly, of course – David was always the better behaved.

Something began to feel wrong about this, though. David was completely focused on giving Klaus an excellent blowjob, and Klaus was completely focused on David. What about me? I thought I was supposed to be the center of attention. I decided to focus on David, and soon I felt better. I was easily consumed by the beauty of every square inch of his body. I was completely and absolutely turned on all the way. If someone would have just touched my cock, I was sure I would have had a huge orgasm! I began to wiggle my hips around to try to make my cock move a little while Klaus was distracted. I was so ready; I thought that might be enough.

"Thank you, David," said Klaus. "Donovan, I can see I'll need to be even more strict with you. I won't have you stimulating yourself without permission." I didn't know that was the rule! That wasn't fair, but I couldn't tell him! But… he said he wasn't going to be fair with me.

Chapter 53

Shackled and Shitfaced

Klaus stepped over to me and said, "Roll over onto your stomach."

After I obeyed, he fussed with my cuffs a bit, and soon I could feel my feet were disconnected from my arms and each other. "Legs straight."

He lifted me quite easily by my legs, so I was hanging upside-down. To my surprise, David had stood up on a folding chair and was connecting a clasp on the front ring of my left ankle cuff to large loops that were sticking out of a pole that was hanging from the middle of the ceiling, running from one end of the room to the other. There were loops along its entire length, about three inches apart from each other. I hadn't even noticed the pole was hanging there until that moment.

You see all kinds of hardware in basement ceilings, so I never noticed it. David connected my right leg to another loop about two feet away. Then he connected a couple of lengths of chain, each about five feet long, from my wrist cuffs to the farthest loop on each side where they would reach. Klaus bounced me up and down a few times before releasing me to hang there by myself. I guess that was to make sure the pole was secure. I knew at that moment that David knew a lot more about his parents' sex lives than he'd ever told me.

"Grab that hook and chain, please, David."

My body was facing away from the toy box as I hung there, but as David approached, I could not believe what he had in his hands! He was holding what looked like a giant, thick, fully rounded and polished fish hook that was at least six inches long with two lengths of chain hanging off the end. Klaus collected some of my own drool and smeared it over the end of the hook. No… I couldn't believe it, but then he casually slid the end of the hook into my rectum. He asked me to bend my head backward and arch my back. Then he pulled the chain tight before connecting it to each side of the stick in my mouth.

I was quite surprised that none of this hurt at all. The ankle cuffs were soft and thick, and the hook was smooth and fairly slim. Then Klaus grabbed the hook and pulled back on it. He pulled me back what felt like more than a foot, and I had to keep my torso arched backward because the chain was keeping my stick pulled back toward the hook. Then he gave me a push, and I tried to shriek as I swung wildly from the ceiling, which made David giggle!

"Would you like another drink?" Klaus asked me. "Oh, but now you can't tell me! Ok. If you want another drink, and this will be one more drink than my guidance, give me a thumbs up with both hands."

Of course, I gave him both thumbs up with excitement! Every cell in my body was charged with maximum intensity excitement! But I still wanted to be drunker than I was.

"Aw, I thought you wanted to get more drunk." What was he saying? "Your thumbs are pointed to the ground. Up is the other way. Oh, well." Then he gave that goofy laugh of his and said, "Just kidding! One strong Harvey Wallbanger, coming right up. David! You're lagging! Drink up! Then take that stick out of Donovan's mouth so he can drink this, please."

I saw David gulp what looked like half a glass of wine with some effort. Having that stick gag thing removed from my mouth was a nice relief, though I would have worn it all night for Klaus. It didn't hurt, but I didn't like wearing it and drooling all over. He didn't take it off completely either. He just pulled it from my mouth and put it on my chin, so it still pulled on the hook in my ass.

"David, would you like to start drinking these Harvey Wallbangers instead? I can make them nice and strong, so you don't have to drink as much. And I can adjust them to keep you on track with my guidance."

"Sure," said David. "I was going to ask you if I could have one of those next anyway. I've never tasted anything like that before, and I'd rather be getting drunk with Donovan than struggling to drink that wine fast enough. I'd really rather drink that stuff slower and enjoy it."

"Sounds like a great plan," said Klaus. "Would you give Donovan a good push and get him swinging again, please? Thanks."

This time I let out a noise. It was less than a shriek, but more than a yelp. I was suddenly very aware of every drop of alcohol I'd drunk that night – It was fun! I couldn't help giggling a bit, but soon I was dizzy, and not in a fun way.

"What if I have to be sick?" I asked.

"Great question! David, please put a fresh bag in the toilet bucket and add a scoop of cat litter. Then put it under Donovan's head. We'll treat it like number two."

David obeyed instantly, as always. When he returned and placed the fresh bucket under my head, Klaus told him to swing me again. "You promised I wouldn't get sick!" I said.

"From the alcohol," said Klaus. "That's the bad kind of sick that will make you so miserable tomorrow." He paused for a moment and looked at the ceiling, "but the vow doesn't say that my guidance will only keep you from getting sick from alcohol. David, please stop his swinging."

As soon as David obeyed, which means less than a second later, it became clear that stopping me suddenly wasn't a very good idea. The whole world spun like a propeller, and I threw up right away. Nearly all of it landed in the bucket.

"Ok, David, I want you to put that folding chair at least three feet from Donovan and sit on it until I tell you to get up. I'll clean up that mess."

Klaus left the drinks on the shelf, where he was mixing them and squatted next to me. He suddenly got very serious.

"Don," he said, using his serious name for me, "you were right to question my making you sick with dizziness. That means I broke my promise to you. Would you like me to release you and stop all this, or would you like to continue, or would you like something else? There's no wrong answer, so make sure you tell me what you want, not what you think I want."

"Oh, please!" I said, much louder than I'd intended. He was scaring me with this idea of stopping, but I seemed to be doing that a lot lately, saying things louder than I meant to, and I wondered if it was my bad hearing.

"Please, Klaus! You have to let me keep going! Please don't stop! Say we can keep going! I feel much better. You know how, when you throw up, it usually makes you feel better right away? I feel fine, but I think swinging me like that might make me sick again."

He smiled at me and said, "Ok, but I want you to listen to me for a minute or two before anybody does anything else. David, I want you to hear this too. I made a mistake – no, please listen – this is very important." I had tried to interrupt him to tell him he didn't have to apologize, but I stopped.

"Thank you. It is important that you know when someone has violated a boundary of yours. We talked about that in health class. I just did that. I violated your boundary, and I broke a promise. It doesn't matter that I didn't mean to do it. I want you to understand that this is what it feels like sometimes when someone violates one of your boundaries. You feel just fine, and you want to get on with the fun. I know that, and lots of violations can feel like that like they're unimportant, but sometimes we think about it again the next day, and we can feel hurt. I know you won't feel hurt because you're just dying to tell me so, but please listen to me for thirty more seconds."

"It's not always necessary to do anything about it when someone violates your boundaries in a way that feels unimportant, but it's very important that you recognize it when it happens, even if it's small. It's also important for adults to model responsible behavior, so I am going to apologize, and I will bring this up again tomorrow when you're sober. Just to ask how you feel about it, that's all. I really am sorry that I violated your boundary." His tone changed when he said that, and I thought I heard his voice tremble slightly. He wasn't just reciting words. This really was important to him.

"I take my vow seriously, and I will be more careful. I'm done talking now. Is there anything you want to say to me? Part of an apology should be to listen to the person you've hurt."

"Yeah," I said in a sassy voice. "I know what you said, and I know it's important, and I think I understood it all, but it's kinda hard to be serious when I'm hanging upside-down by the ankles with a messy bucket of puke under my head." That was all true, but I stuck my tongue out at him to make sure he knew I was having fun with him, and we all shared a good laugh. Klaus patted my butt cheek in a way that felt very loving.

He left me hanging there while he wiped the spilled puke off the floor with a paper towel and put it in the bucket. Then he added another scoop of cat litter, closed up the bag, dumped it in the big plastic trash can, and put a new bag in the bucket, which he left in place, just in case. Finally, he sprayed Lysol on the floor where my puke had spilled and wiped it up.

"You know what this means, don't you, Donovan?" I thought for a moment, but I had no idea. "Your vomit was mostly what you've been drinking. You just puked up most of what you've had to drink tonight! You'll need to make up for that now. Extra strong drinks for you!"

He went back to finish our drinks; it took more time than I'd expected. I thought maybe that was because he was very carefully measuring the alcohol to match some safe formula that men who love boys have been using since ancient times. I later learned that it wasn't far from the truth.

"David," he said, "please move that bucket out of the way. I don't think Donovan will be needing it anymore. Now slide your chair under his head, good, and sit down, now take this." All of this was done behind my back, so I couldn't see any of it, though my head was on his lap now, up against his slender belly.

"Here's your drink. It's your job to hold Donovan's glass up where he can reach the straw with his mouth." When David's arm extended around my shoulder holding my drink, I could see there was a full-sized bendy straw in it, not a little stir-stick. Klaus intended to get me drunk!

Klaus stepped up to me and laid a hand towel over my crotch. It covered my whole ass and all of my cock. "That's so you don't feel tempted, David. Drink up Donovan! I gave you a big straw for a reason! We do nothing until that glass is empty, and you've started on your next one."

I was able to gulp it down pretty quickly with my empty stomach, so Klaus went to make me another. Before he did, he made me another turkey half-sandwich because he insisted we have food in our stomachs when we drink, and he wasn't sure how much of my supper was left in my stomach. Now I had to eat half a sandwich and start my next drink before we could do anything. Maybe this was what Klaus was talking about when he said that even small boundary violations might feel worse the next day. All these delays just because I puked. It was annoying, but my puking had been part of his plan all along, so this was what would have happened anyway. That was ok then.

"David," said Klaus, "Please sit on the floor now, facing Donovan, hands behind your back. Open your mouth, David. Now lean back. Good." Klaus put the half-sandwich he'd made for me into David's mouth and said, "Just hold it there. This is for Donovan. I want you to feed it to him like this. If you drop it, you both have to have another whole drink, and Donovan will have to eat a fresh sandwich just like this one before we do anything else."

I laughed before taking my first big bite, but I nearly tore it in half, which would have made a mess of things right away. I had to cut with my teeth, not tear. Dr. Apfelheinz had taught us that humans have incisors for our front teeth, and incisors are scissors. They cut our food as we eat it. But David and I knew how to work on a problem together. We were the three-legged race champions at Anderson Elementary two years running. One thing we did well was to coordinate our movements with each other. It's too bad we weren't that coordinated on our own. We were both a bit clumsy (except when David danced). That's why neither of us were any good at sports, but we finished that sandwich in less than five minutes. We shared the last bite, which ended in a prolonged kiss.

"Bravo, boys!" said Klaus. "I think that calls for another drink!" David held my full glass while I chugged it down all at once.

"Go Donovan!" I was astonished to see David do exactly the same! He hadn't thrown any of it up either.

"David! I can see I'll need to watch you as close as I watch Donovan now! I'll mix another round while we're not doing anything just yet. Oh! Time for the next radiation log entries too. Doesn't time fly! No David! Stay with your beloved – I've got this covered!"

Klaus seemed either very excited or getting a bit drunk himself, but he said he wouldn't get drunk. I decided that when I was in my thirties if I had two super-sexy eleven-year-old boys who wanted me to get them drunk and take advantage of them, I'd be pretty excited too.

"David, why don't you stand up, facing Donovan. Donovan, suck his cock now until I get back."

"May I…" started David.

"No, you may not," said Klaus. You may not touch any part of his body that is covered by that towel."

"Ok."

I slurped David's cock into my mouth, excitedly. It was a little more difficult when I couldn't hold onto his ass to keep it in place. I sucked his cock and balls all together into my mouth, and I held his balls in my mouth with my teeth so I could suck and play properly with his cock without him bouncing out when he felt a rush of pleasure. I bent my head forward to feel his thighs against my cheeks. David hugged my torso and laid his head on my crotch, over the towel.

***

'8:00 PM, outside 76 rad/hour, basement 7.4 rad/hour, inside 0.3 rad/hour.'

"Wow!" said Klaus as he interrupted our fun to give David our drinks. "All that fuss over having a toilet facility in this room, and it looks like we'll be able to use the regular toilet, probably sometime soon, maybe yet tonight!"

I wasn't going to stop unless Klaus told me to stop. I loved the sounds David made when I was pleasuring him. But because we had something else to celebrate, Klaus did tell me to stop so I could take a healthy chug of my fresh drink right there, and so did David, but something was wrong. David coughed some of his up and got a foul look on his face. Mine tasted like the first one I had that night – very little vodka.

"Oops," Klaus muttered. He inspected and tasted our drinks, and he'd made a mistake. He got our drink glasses reversed. "I'm sorry, boys. I've been mixing your drinks differently. I've been giving you different amounts of vodka, and I got these two backward. I'll be right back. I've still got the measurements for this round. Two minutes!"

"I wanna be shitfaced!" I called to him.

"Oh, you will be!" he replied.

"I wanna be shitfaced," David slurred.

"You're pretty much there, David."

"I hafta pee," I called.

"Come here, David," Klaus said. "This is your drink glass. Hold it up to Donovan's penis so he can pee into it, please."

As usual, David obeyed immediately, apparently without thinking about what he was just asked to do. I got that twitchy pee problem, where you can't go if you're nervous.

"Are you sure I need to pee into this glass?" I called. "Into David's glass?" David wasn't listening. He was busy stroking my calves as if they were Rodin sculptures.

"Just do as you're told," said Klaus. "This will go much better if you trust me. Remember, that's the point. Besides, pee is sterile and non-toxic. The Army medic's manual says you can use it in the field to clean out wounds if you've run out of saline rinse, but don't do it in front of the patient's buddies." I tried to think of happy thoughts and non-horny thoughts, and I eventually let go into David's glass. Peeing into a wound was pretty non-horny.

"David… David? Are you still with us?"

"Oh, oh, yes I am!" he said.

"Don't drink that," Klaus told him loudly and firmly. "Dump it into the piss bucket now."

He didn't say please. He'd been saying please to David but not to me all night because he wasn't being fair. Maybe David was a little more drunk than Klaus expected, and this was important.

"Now bring me your glass, David. Right now David."

David shook his head, and I had my natural reaction to seeing his gorgeous hair fly around. He looked as if he'd just gotten out of bed, which was also very sexy, but he seemed alert again. He handed Klaus his glass, and Klaus finished our drinks and gave them to David.

"The blue glass is yours, David." He'd just switched the glasses! I guess that way; they were easier for him to tell apart. "The blue glass is for you, David. What did I just say?"

"You said the blue glass is for me, right? That was easy!"

"That's right David. The blue glass is for you."

"He's shitfaced!" I said with a hint of jealousy. "I'm just having fun, but he's shitfaced!"

"Almost," said Klaus, "In and out. You kids aren't quite like adults when you're drunk. He's just mildly drunk. He's way ahead of you for sure, which is why your drinks are a lot stronger than his. Maybe I should have cut him off after one glass of wine. Right now, he's just drinking watered-down orange juice and Galliano. There's probably more naturally-occurring alcohol in his orange juice. That way he stays hydrated, and he should be making a lot of trips to the bucket soon. Don't worry. Drunk people don't pay attention to what others are saying."

"Remember," he continued, "half of what you drank is in a bag with the toilet waste, and you're quite a bit bigger than he is. We cover this in eighth-grade health classes. Your level of drunkenness depends on your weight. You weigh about fifty percent more than David does. That means you'd have to drink about fifty percent more than he does, and not throw it up, to become just as drunk as he is."

"That's why they call people a lightweight if they get drunk easily!"

"I think so," said Klaus with a sly smile, "and it's also why some people call them a cheap date. Ok, you're maybe not old enough yet. Think about it, though. You'll work it out." He gave a tug on each of my limbs. "You feeling ok like this?"

I was quite surprised at how comfortable I still was. I had been hanging there for well over an hour, maybe an hour and a half, and it was like lying comfortably on a couch, but it annoyed me that I couldn't scratch my nose. "Yeah! How is this so comfortable?"

"First," he said, "the cuffs are padded leather, so they have a very natural feel. Second, they are wide, so your weight is distributed. Third, your head is down, so your heart can relax a bit. It doesn't have to pump as hard to get blood to your brain."

"Oh! I see!" I said, not having seen at all. "My drink, David," I called.

Now I was commanding him too, without saying please. Do people do that to drunks? He held my drink dutifully up to my face, and again I finished it all in one go.

"To no more kitty litter, and to being shitfaced! I cheered."

Klaus let out a cheerful laugh and raised his glass, "To no more kitty litter, and to sexy, shitfaced boys and the things they will soon do for me!" He took a modest sip of his drink. "And Donovan, you're supposed to say the toast first and then drink to it. You drank to something, but you hadn't said what it was yet."

"What are you drinking, Klaus?" I asked. David was caressing and obsessing with my calves again as if they were the most lovely things on this good Earth.

"Scotch and water," he said. "It's really weak too. I'm four times as heavy as David, but this is my third drink of the night, and I don't get another one for another hour. I have to stay sober enough to be responsible for two deeply precious and profoundly beautiful boys."

"What is scotch? Is it like butterscotch?"

"Oh no, not at all. I have never met a boy who liked scotch and water. Scotch is a kind of whisky." (Scotsmen and Canadians have whisky, and everywhere else it's spelled with an e, whiskey.) "Our taste buds change as we grow up. What tastes like a harsh, nasty, and bitter poison to you, tastes like a smooth campfire to me."

Chapter 54

The Ancient Tradition Between Man and Boy

"David, stand up," said Klaus. "Stand up now."

"Sure, Klaus! I'm happy to stand for you!"

"Donovan, I want you to watch closely what I do." I nodded as he smeared olive oil all over his cock. "David, bend over and touch your toes." David was instantly bent over. Klaus immediately fed his entire big man cock all the way inside David's ass all at once!

"When I have my way with a boy, we can do wonderful things," he grunted. He pulled his cock out of David's ass and said: "Stand up straight, boy!"

"Boy, what's a straight boy or you're a straight boy or… no, I'm the boy. You have big muscles!"

"On your knees facing me. Open your mouth."

"But that was just in his ass!"

Klaus looked at me and smiled. "I know!" He grabbed a handful of David's beautiful black hair and shoved his cock deep into David's mouth and held it there.

"He can't breathe!"

"I know! And you're next, once we get you drunk enough." He pulled his cock out so David could breathe for a few seconds before ramming it back in. "This is what you wanted. It's what we all wanted. Remember the power this had over you only an hour ago. You asked me to have my way with you. Then you pleaded with me to have my way with you. Remember how powerful that feeling was!" He put his hands on his hips and let David do the work.

"He's perfect now. See how he's coming to life again by giving himself entirely to my pleasure – I wonder what you'll do for me. You probably won't remember the things you'll beg me to do to you."

If fear plus safety equals a thrill, what does terror plus a promise of safety equal? Oh dear reader, don't tell me you would have turned back now! I loved David, but right then, I wanted to be David. I wanted to be Klaus' shitfaced rag doll. I needed it.

"I need another drink!" I shouted. "Twice as strong!"

"You got it," said Klaus, "but my guidance is that you make this your last drink for the next hour. That is my sworn guidance."

"It better get me as shitfaced as he is!" I shouted, certain I was an intimidating sight, a naked eleven-year-old boy hanging by his ankles, handcuffed and drunk.

"David's not shitfaced," he said. "You'll get there if you want," he said. "I'm savoring you. I'll be using your dear sweetheart first – and your job is to watch helplessly and trust me – but if you want to get ahead of my drinking plans for you, you certainly can!"

"I need it now! Three times as strong!"

"Coming right up!" He pulled his massive cock out of David's mouth, despite David's strongest protests. He grabbed David's face with one hand, squeezing both cheeks. "Get up and follow me, boy."

I expected to see David stumbling and…, well, more shitfaced, but he stood up tall and followed Klaus as steady as a mountain goat, and once again, as graceful as a gazelle. They walked behind me, where the alcohol was.

"On your knees, boy!" said Klaus in a clear voice.

"May I, please?" asked David in a soft, desperately pleading voice.

A good blowjob doesn't make a lot of noise, but it makes a lot more noise than a bad or a careless one, and David was making a lot of noises.

"Get up, boy!" Klaus walked around to my front side holding the folding chair. He put it right under my head. "Sit there boy!" he barked at David, who now seemed more my competition than my lover – I needed that man's cock!

Klaus stepped behind me to pull back on the hook while David sat down. This time I felt pressure on the stick across my chin when he pulled, but not really pain. He released me gently and handed David my drink.

"Serve him his drink, boy!"

I opened my mouth and growled angrily at David. I wasn't sure why I did that, but again, he had begun to feel like my competition for Klaus' favor. He had to spread his legs and put the glass on the chair between his thighs so I could reach the straw. I drank half of it down immediately. I didn't care what it tasted like! It burned, and I liked it! That meant he wasn't bullshitting me and watering it down. I was drinking what I damn well wanted to drink!

I finished the rest of that drink in less than a minute, and Klaus took the glass away. "Suck him now," said Klaus. He meant David, right? But I still had that towel covering my cock. "I said suck him, Donovan Langevin!"

I was confused, and Klaus was shouting, but I took David's sweet little cock into my mouth and sucked. David didn't react at all. I sucked harder. He didn't even have an erection.

"Ok, that's enough," said Klaus. "Do you see where he is, and where you need to be?" He shouted at David, "Suck me, boy!" David jumped from the chair to his knees and sucked Klaus' cock in deep, immediately, and he was suddenly hard again! "Now do you see?"

"You mean, you mean he can't feel it unless you're shouting at him?"

"It's kinda like that, but not quite." He was talking like himself again. "It's not the shouting; it's the service. Some people, I think all people, can get more turned on by pleasing people than by being pleased. I think you have been feeling that all night."

Something in that made me think about all those drugs my real dad used to take, and I wondered if Klaus had put something in our drinks besides alcohol. Mom told me that sometimes Dad gave me drugs when I was little because he thought it was funny. I remembered some of that, learning how to roll and smoke joints when I was four or five, and it was fun – but then I remembered Mom crying too. When I was a little older, she told me he gave drugs to girls sometimes so he could rape them and they wouldn't remember. That's made me wonder. Should I ask? Klaus told the truth, always, but would that be a bad thing? That was the sort of thing I was craving that night. I had to trust Klaus! But… Klaus would keep me safe and never hurt me. I trusted that, but if he gave me drugs that made me want it even more, that's ok, but I wanted to know.

"Klaus," I began, tentatively and very carefully, "alcohol is the only thing we've had tonight, right?"

"You mean, besides your food?"

"Yes," I said. "I mean, no other drugs? Only… my real dad used to do that to get girls to do things with him, and I'll do those things with you anyway!"

He pushed David to the side and knelt in front of me. "Don, I would never do that to you, do you understand?"

"No! Wait, I mean, if you wanted to, that's ok, because I belong to you, all of me does, and I'd like that, maybe? I just want to be yours."

"Don, you are mine, and we'll talk about this more when you're sober tomorrow. Tonight I will have you, in the ancient way, my way!" We both laughed.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt him throw the towel from my crotch. Then he'd put his hands behind my head and fed me his hard cock. He shoved it back until it wouldn't go any further. Yet he kept pushing. I couldn't breathe, which was ok. He pushed harder and harder. Then he pulled out, and I gasped. He allowed me five gasps, and then he went back in, hard, deep, and with increasing pressure.

"Relax, Don. I need you to relax." I relaxed. "Relax your throat. You're holding me out." This was new. He pulled his cock out of my mouth and stepped around behind me. For some reason, David was watching me and giggling. "Maybe you need a little more time for that triple to settle in," said Klaus.

***

'9:00 PM, outside 70 rad/hour, basement 6.8 rad/hour, inside 0.3 rad/hour.'

I could hear the folding chair scrape along the floor. Then I felt Klaus release the chain on my left wrist. He pulled my arm behind my back, lifted it about a foot, and attached the chain to the pole. He did the same with my left arm. This had the effect of lifting my shoulders backward a considerable height and causing my back to arch.

"How do you feel, sweet, sexy, Don?"

"I feel ok," I said, but I wasn't trying to hold you out! I swear I wasn't!"

"I know," he said. "It's just a reflex. This will be better, trust me."

He lifted my head by the hair, so it was now facing backward but right-side up. He smiled at me and placed his cock against my lips.

"Go ahead," he said. I opened my mouth and held my tongue out, but that was all I could do. I needed him to shove…

With great force, at that moment, he shoved it in. Already it felt like something had opened like it was going deeper. He held it deep and pressed it inward.

"I will give you five breaths," he said calmly, "and then you will accept my entire length, down your throat." It wasn't a question. He didn't want to know if I was ready. I started wiggling because I was running out of air. David was laughing softly again as if he already knew what was next.

Klaus slid his cock back far enough so I could breathe. I gulped down five huge breaths and immediately felt Klaus' big cock sliding slowly in, all the way, then stretching that new area that had begun to open, and within three more seconds, my nose was pressed into his pubic bone.

"Very nice, Don," he said.

He slowly pulled it back a bit, then shoved it all the way in. He pulled my hair harder and moved faster. Why didn't any of this hurt? He was plunging fully in maybe twice a second, but not coming out far enough for me to breathe. Had he forgotten? I could feel myself getting wiggly again, and he seemed to sense it. He gave me five deep gasps and went back to work.

"This time you breathe when I say." I felt his cock-head in my chest, where food goes when I swallow it. Was there something in there that made me want to cum?

I was out of breath, and I felt I was getting wiggly again, not because I wanted to, but because my body wanted to.

"Oh no," said Klaus. "You're mine, and you'll breathe when I want you to breathe, and we're nowhere near that point yet."

I kept telling myself to trust him! I relaxed everything I could relax. "Good," he said. "Relaxing will conserve your oxygen." Without warning, he pulled out between thrusts, just long enough for me to gasp once, but I wasn't ready!

"Oh dear," he said. "Someone who is suffocating should always be ready to breathe when air is offered." I made my body go totally limp. If I was going to suffocate, it wouldn't be any time soon!

GASP!!! "Very good, Donovan," said Klaus. "As a reward, I will give you five more breaths."

He was as good as his word. He resumed fucking my throat, and at some point, I realized he had two fingers in my ass. I could feel it down in my throat. There was a patch of tissue that was somehow connected to my cock.

David was still standing in the corner watching, and Klaus had one hand holding my hair and the other in my ass, so I knew no one was touching my cock. I accepted everything he gave me. I was fully relaxed. I was his – Totally – His rag doll. The power surged through me! I had done it! He was having his way with my drunken body! I could do this all night. Five breaths was enough, but just before the next five breaths were due, I have no idea how it happened, but that place in my throat rumbled, and a jolt shot from my cock all over my body! I couldn't scream, but I think it was obvious.

What was that? That was no ass-orgasm. No one was doing anything to my cock, yet that was clearly an orgasm. Klaus was holding my head tight to his lower belly, shaking once or twice. Then he slid his slightly softening cock from my throat and mouth, and I was confused. He released my wrist cuffs from the chains and my right ankle from the loop in the pole, leaving me to hang by my left leg. He sat on the recliner and told David to do 69 with me for a while, but not to let me cum.

"Hug him tight and wrap your legs around him," said Klaus. We hung for a while until I felt I could hold him no more, but I didn't need to say a word.

"David, back to your corner." Klaus slid the folding chair under me and told me to do a sort of handstand on it while he disconnected my left leg. Suddenly he had lifted me up, and he was holding me like a groom holds his bride across the threshold.

"You did it, Don," he said with a gentle smile and a kiss. You were completely mine, accepting your fate and trusting it in my hands – That is what this ceremony is about. A boy who loves a man needs to know what that feels like."

"I have never felt like… like this," I said. "It's incredible!"

"That is why you only do this for yourself," said Klaus. "Never do this because a man asks or begs or pleads with you. Now that you have been initiated to a new kind of love, the gateway to a deeper love than you have known, you must know how and when, and with whom, to share it. Do not share this lightly – You must have complete trust in your partner – Your life is literally in their hands when you give it to them, as you have with me tonight."

That brought me to mind of the time. It was just after nine, and we had the whole night in front of us! "Can we do this more tonight?" I asked.

"If I feel like it," Klaus said. "You are mine for the night, and the night is hardly over yet."

"Klaus," I said, "I'm confused about our last sex. I mean, did you cum?"

"Did I ever!" he said.

"Then, where was all your semen?" I asked. David chuckled politely.

"It's in your stomach. You swallowed it all."

"When did I do that? I never even tasted it!"

"Well, there was a word we used in a lab class in college," he said. "It's called gavage. That's when you put a tube down to the stomach and squirt something directly in there without having to eat it."

"You mean?"

"Yup!" he said with his goofy smile. "When my penis went down into your throat, it was maybe halfway to your stomach, maybe a little less, so when I ejaculated, your swallowing muscles took it the rest of the way to your stomach."

"But what about my lungs?"

"Your throat doesn't work like that," he said. "When you are swallowing something, or if something is in your throat, there is a valve that cuts off and seals your lungs. That way nothing can get into your lungs. Here, hop up on my lap," he said, taking the lung book he'd used in my murder trial earlier that day from the shelf behind him.

"David, go sit on the couch for now." David obeyed, still giggling softly.

Klaus showed me a diagram of the throat. In order to reach the lungs, anything that entered the throat would have to go around a corner and head forward at a certain point, and that was where the valve was. "So, you can see where everything moving straight would go?"

"Right to the stomach?"

"Yup."

"So why did it work better when you bent me all backward instead of forward?"

"Ah," he said, "the old sword-swallower's trick. Have you ever seen a sword-swallower on TV?"

"Yeah, on Wild World of Sports," I said, slightly incorrectly.

"Then you might have noticed they always tilt their heads way back." I nodded. "Look at this diagram and imagine how everything would line up with the head tilted back."

"Oh, I get it," I said. "The mouth and the throat point in a straight line, so something long and straight can go straight in, all the way to the stomach?"

"If it's long enough."

There was something I really wanted to know. "Did I orgasm then too?"

Klaus chuckled kindly, put the book back on the shelf, and hugged me. "You tell me."

"Well, it started all different, really different. Then once I felt my throat almost connect to my cock – I mean my penis, 'cause we're learning – with this strong feeling of happiness."

"That sounds like a clue," said Klaus. "You felt it somehow connected to your penis."

"I guess," I said, "but then I felt this incredible vibrating, almost a rumbling in my chest where your penis was, and that was almost like thunder, and that spot felt like it shot lightning to my penis, and I couldn't move."

"Don, I think you can work that out for yourself," he said, "but I'll give you a few hints. First, that rumbling in your chest was most likely me ejaculating. That would make a powerful cue for you to orgasm too. It shot like lightning to your penis, and you couldn't move. What does that sound like to you?"

"An orgasm?"

"Sounds like that to me."

"But no one touched my penis or perineum or inside my anus or anything!"

"Your brain is your biggest sex organ," he said. "When you masturbate, you don't really stimulate your penis. You stimulate your brain. The penis makes it easier, but it's really up to the brain, and that was something I hoped you would get from this experience."

Chapter 55

Tiny Dancer

"What's so funny, David?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing's funny, Donovan," he said. "I'm just so happy for you!"

"For me? What about you? He hasn't done this with you yet, not all the way."

"He hasn't," said David with a sly wink.

"You've done this before?" I asked.

He giggled softly, then nodded shyly.

"When? Who with?" I asked, suddenly feeling a bit jealous.

"One of the professors my mom worked with," he said. "Mom and Dad had parties once or twice a year, sometimes here, sometimes at someone else's house, and usually they would have lots of sex at these parties. Mom and Dad said everyone there was sex-positive. They were mostly professors. Some of them brought their own kids along, and we played in my room or one of the kids' rooms. Mom and Dad decided to bring me along after I found out about her box of toys, and my curiosity to learn more about sex was higher than ever."

"Sometimes the kids talked about sex with grown-ups at the parties. They were sometimes allowed to play with some of the grown-ups, but only if their mom and dad said it was ok. We could watch them anytime, but we needed special permission to touch them."

"There was a man named Harry that used to come with his wife. I hardly knew him, but I was absolutely fascinated with his body. I asked Mom and Dad if it would be ok, and I guess they knew him well enough, but they said we had to stay in the same room with them. Well, Harry made the same vow with me that Klaus did with us tonight, and, oh Donovan, I wanted to be here with you for your first!"

"You knew all of this already?" He nodded sweetly. "Why didn't you have me come over for those parties?"

"Well, two reasons mostly. Remember Judy from Mankato? I was afraid you liked girls, and I was afraid one day I might want to play with a man or a boy who was there, and then you'd know I was gay. Besides, your parents would never go to something like that, would they?"

"Well, no, never, but why not me?"

"I'm sorry, Donovan, but kids were only allowed if their parents brought them."

My feelings inside were all twisted up, and I wanted to explode or cry, feeling so left out by the boy I loved so much. Of course, Klaus noticed.

"Don," he said. He had called me that a lot that night. "I don't think I have ever seen two boys more in love with each other than you and David. I think you need to remember that earlier in the year, your relationship was different. I can see you feel left out, but that's something that David could not have included you in. Also, remember that the alcohol you've had can make you feel this way – don't let it! Say it with me, boys! 'Alcohol! Fuck off and give me fun! Alcohol! Fuck off and give me fun!' Once this disaster is past, just wait and see what kind of parties we'll have!"

"Donovan," David sniffled, "this was such a happy thing for me to share with you tonight. I want to remember it with nothing but happiness and love. I love you, and that's that."

"David, stop crying and give me fun!" I shouted.

***

'10:00 PM, outside 65 rad/hour, basement 6.3 rad/hour, inside 0.3 rad/hour.'

"We all sound sober!" said Klaus. "Who wants another drink?"

"I would please," said David.

"Double!" I said.

"Coming right up," he said. Then he suddenly picked a giggling David up, held him upside-down, and said, "Donovan, would you stand on that chair and clasp the front loop from his left ankle to the loop on the bar? Great! Drinks will be up in a second!"

"Oh my god," I said. "You look so beautiful! Like a soft, tan, life-size Christmas ornament!"

"Spin me and sing me something, and I'll do a special dance for you, sweetie."

So I swung him around, and I sang: "I went today, maybe I will go again tomorrow. And the music there it was hauntingly, Familiar. And I see you doing what I try to do for me, with the words from a poet and the voice from a choir, and a melody nothing else mattered…"

If I had known what that song was about, I would have chosen a different one, but it was beautiful, like my David. He tilted his head, pulled his arms in to spin faster, then extended his free leg, and arched his back.

"That's so beautiful!" I sat down on the floor and gave him a tear-filled kiss.

"I picked that verse because 'I see you doing what I try to do for me, with the words from a poet and the voice from a choir and a melody, nothing else matters.' I want to sing and dance like you. I hear you sing the words with such a beautiful voice, and the melody is enough, just your voice. Nothing else matters." Nothing else mattered, but I wondered how he could do that without getting sick and dizzy.

"There's another verse in that song," I said. "It always makes me think of Henry." I sang:

"Well then suddenly, there was no one left standing, in the hall yeah yeah
In a flood of tears, that no one really ever heard fall at all
Oh I went searchin' for an answer, up the stairs, and down the hall
Not to find an answer, just to hear the call
Of a nightbird singing, come away come away"

"Oh, Donovan! That song makes me think of Henry too! It's so beautiful, full of sadness and celebration, like Henry was."

Then we both sang:

"Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she's singing, ooh baby ooh said ooh

Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she's singing, ooh baby ooh said ooh

Well I hear you in the morning, and I hear you, at nightfall

Sometime to be near you, is to be unable to hear you, my love

I'm a few years older than you."

"It's sad," I said, "that from now on, I'll always be a few years older than Henry. He was always a few months older than me, but now he'll always be ten, and like the man on the radio said, tomorrow comes, and I'll grow older, but Henry will always be ten."

"Yes, he will," said David, "and that's one beautiful thing we can always remember."

***

Klaus returned with our drinks. He set them on a shelf before making a few changes in David's cuffs. He didn't know that David and I had just shared an emotional moment talking and singing about Henry. When Klaus was done, David's left arm was attached behind his back to his right leg, leaving his right hand free. I gave David a quick kiss and a smile that I hoped he understood to mean I loved him, but I knew we had other important things we were doing that night, and that I was happy he and Henry were such an important part of my life.

"David, you still get the blue glass," said Klaus, "but you'll have to drink it yourself. I'm gonna keep my sweet Don on my lap for a while. Not yet, Don," he said as I moved to climb up on his lap.

"Give David a good spin so he can dance for both of us, then suck my cock first, nice and deep."

I gave David a spin, which made us both smile, and then I attended to Klaus, with energy I still felt left over from my previous encounter with him. He was all the way in my throat in no time.

"Enough," he said, stopping me. "Now come here and sit on my lap. No, not next to it." He lifted me up and slid me right straight down onto his cock. It felt good!

"No," he said, pushing my hand away. "No touching yourself!" He handed me my drink, and I gazed, mesmerized, at David, caught by the heel as he leaped from Heaven to be with me.

***

"… Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand

And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

But oh how it feels so real, lying here with no one near

Only you and you can hear me when I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer, count the headlights on the highway…"

Klaus had to do most of the singing because I didn't know the words to that song. Every now and then, he'd thrust a little deeper inside me, but mostly we just sat comfortably. I wondered why holding a dildo still would make my butt muscles cramp, but sitting still on a real penis didn't.

I wasn't sure I'd ever heard it before, but a song about a tiny dancer seemed pretty for David's dance – and what a dance! He only had one arm free. His other arm was attached to his opposite leg, and he was hanging from his other leg, yet he found so much he could do to make himself look even more beautiful, I almost cried. He moved his head and neck around and made pretty faces; he kept his free arm gracefully flowing Sometimes he arched his bound arm and leg out, so it made a loop with the rest of his body, and he even bent his body upward and hugged his own leg, peeking his beautiful eyes out from behind his knee to look at us. Maybe it was because he'd danced his whole life with his mom, and maybe she taught him how to look so pretty when he danced. He couldn't do sports, but he knew exactly what to do with his body to make me feel deep ecstasies of joy.

"Klaus?"

"Yes, Donovan?"

"Why are you fucking me when David is the one who's being so beautiful?"

"I'm not really fucking you," he said. "I'm just using your ass because David's busy."

"Oh." David was busy looking beautiful, but just then, I noticed something I hadn't before. He was very flexible, too, like I wanted to be! He felt so far above me in every quality. I was just me, and he was a god. How could I ever deserve the things he deserved, from Klaus or anyone else? The demon's eyes fluttered.

"It's not really fucking either. It's more like… maintaining myself, like making sure I'm ready for him when his time comes."

"Oh yeah," I said, remembering a reason not to feel used. "It's his turn now."

"That's right, Don," he said, kissing my cheek.

Why would it suddenly bother me if Klaus wanted to use me, just because my ass was available? That's what I was there for, and it's what I wanted. I think I loved David so much, and Klaus was loving him so much too, I was feeling a little left out again, yet he was still inside me. It felt empty for a minute while the demon stirred. I just had to remember what we were doing. I took another good swig of my drink and adored my David. How could a boy like me have so much love and beauty in my life? How could I have ever deserved David? I was sure I didn't, and that's what made me increasingly afraid of losing him.

Chapter 56

Devil's Boy

I've told you very little about my father. He was a brutal rapist and murderer, and I've told you already that he was serving ten years due to a generous plea agreement for armed robbery, the primary charges – two counts of aggravated kidnapping (aggravated means he used a gun), seven counts of attempted first-degree murder of a police officer, and two counts of grand larceny – having been dropped. Consider that for a moment.

In fourth grade, a girl I didn't know, her name was Molly, asked me if my dad was the one who'd robbed the Zayer's store in Brooklyn Center three years earlier. It had been on the news, and a lot of the kids at the school knew about my dad's history. Sometimes I could keep the cool kids entertained by stories of what my dad did. Shooting at the cops was cool! But Molly didn't seem impressed.

"Yeah," I said with a smile, expecting another rare opportunity to win cool points from someone I didn't know with stories about my bad guy dad.

"He put a gun to the security officer's head, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did," I said with that cool smile.

"And he said, 'You can open that floor safe now, or you can have your brain sprayed all over this nice clean carpet,' didn't he?"

My smile turned to confusion. "I don't know what he told the guy. Dad just said the guy was scared shitless!"

"You think that's funny?" she shouted. "Scaring someone with a gun? That's funny?"

"Well, no, I didn't mean…"

"That was my dad! He did that to MY DAD, and it hurt him really bad! He was in the hospital for three days after your dad bashed his head in with his gun! His brain was damaged! He couldn't go to work for months! Now he keeps forgetting things. Do you think it's funny that he had an accident too when your dad did that?"

"No! Of course not! I mean, an accident?"

"Then you better stop telling stories about it, or my brother in high school will beat you bloody after school! Maybe you'll have an accident too, and you'll see what it's like!"

It never occurred to me that my dad's dozens, maybe even hundreds of victims were real people (except for Mom), or that I'd ever meet one of them or even someone who knew any of them – and what accident was she talking about?

As a boy, I hadn't pieced things together yet, but I began to wonder if I was the son of a foul monster or some kind of devil – what did that make me? After my talk with Molly, I'd felt so terrible I didn't ever think I could tell stories about my dad again. I was just trying to gain a few precious cool points, and I had no idea I could hurt someone like that. So many times, and in so many ways, I had tried to show people they should like me, and inevitably something went wrong.

This time I'd really screwed things up. I'd had no feelings for Dad's victims. They were just nameless tools that I could use to be cool. They were characters mentioned in newspaper clippings. I could point to their names and hold them up as proof that I really was cool because my dad was a famously violent criminal, and that made me interesting. I'd had no more feelings for his victims than he'd had. Dad was a sociopath, and sociopaths don't care about the people they hurt – they have no conscience. My talk with Molly seemed to prove to me that I truly was my father's son. That was what I thought, regardless of the many levels of illogic, you can no-doubt tease out of such an assertion, but such illogical thinking fed my shame, which in turn fed my personal narrative that I was shameful and unlovable.

Coolness turned to shame – the narrative of my childhood. I'd thought trying to prove to people that I was smart would help, but the result, as I know you all could have predicted, dear readers, was more shame. When I had a real friend like Henry, I was cruel to him. That was deep shame. The Devil's Boy should have been cruel, which I was, but he was supposed to derive pleasure from his cruelty. All I ever felt was shame (after the fact) and neediness.

I saw a movie about a boy named Damien. He was supposed to be the son of the Devil – he was cool! He showed up a teacher by answering questions faster than the teacher could ask them. That was the kind of thing I dreamed of doing, and many times I had done less speedy versions of it with teachers whom I did not respect. Damien was never afraid or nervous. He would make things happen. He made other people afraid. If he didn't like someone, they would have an accident of some sort, and he would smirk. People did whatever he wanted; that wasn't how I felt. I could have made a mocking face at Molly and told her that her dad was a pussy, then laughed at her, but I was already ashamed, and I could never do such a thing. I had the Devil for a dad, but none of his inheritance. His reputation should have made people fear me, but instead, they hated me. His example should have taught me to feel no shame and to need nobody's approval. Instead, I felt the shame to crippling excess, and therefore I needed their approval all the more.

Dad himself thought little of me unless using me suited his plans. Mom came to pick me up after school one day in second grade, which she'd never done before because Dad had been arrested in the school office that afternoon for trying to kidnap me. Mom had legal custody of me, and Dad wasn't allowed anywhere near her or me, and thanks to my mom and my calm, courageous, and cool-thinking principal (who knew my dad was armed), they had a plan set up in case my dad showed up.

He used me that day to show Mom he could still get to her. He didn't want to take me, raise me, or love me as his son – he just wanted to terrorize my mother. At the time, he was on parole for the federal crime of drug smuggling, but they didn't consider that a serious enough offense to send him back to El Reno Federal Prison near Oklahoma City to finish out his sentence. He wasn't even charged with an offense; we changed our names and went into hiding.

I was worthy of nothing, and I'd learned that from a young age, yet I had three incredible friends whom I didn't appreciate, and whom I was certain I didn't deserve. Why would David want to be with such a pathetic and shameful person as me? If I could understand the answer to that question, my own growing inner demon might have been a little more restrained, and my attention might have been more focused on people other than myself.

***

'11:00 PM, outside 60 rad/hour, basement 5.6 rad/hour, inside 0.3 rad/hour.'

"Ok," said Klaus, "these basement readings are close enough to five, and they're still dropping. I think that starting tonight at bedtime, we can take two minutes in the bathroom for number one and five minutes for number two, if necessary. Tomorrow I'll move the portable toilet out into the basement. At bedtime tomorrow night, I think we might even get away with ten-minute showers."

***

Two drinks later, and I think I could tell that mine were becoming considerably weaker; David was lying at an angle on the couch, his left wrist and right ankle still linked. Klaus was pounding his partially coherent ass mercilessly. My job was to hold David's left leg out of the way, up by his head. That big, beautiful cock hanging from Klaus' body had just been in my ass, doing nothing, and now Klaus was grunting and roaring, apparently loving what he was doing to David. The demon poked its head up and sniffed the air.

I was Klaus' helper, and I decided to help him pound David good. I pulled David's leg back extra hard until I heard him yelp in pain. Then I acted like I was going to suck his toes, but I bit them instead. Klaus and I had him bound up and helpless, and I was on Klaus' side.

To my astonishment, Klaus stopped immediately and told me to sit on the recliner by myself. David was crying! He was crying! Within seconds, Klaus had David's cuffs disconnected, and he was gently rocking him on his lap. "I am so sorry, David," he said. "We have to stop this for tonight, and I think you know why."

David nodded, sniffling his cries to a stop. "That really hurt, Donovan! Didn't you know that would hurt? Did you want to hurt me?"

"I was having fun," I said. "Wasn't I supposed to? It didn't hurt that bad, did it?"

"Donovan, I think you lost track of what we were doing here tonight," said Klaus. "This is a serious problem for me, a very serious one, and I'm not sure what to do, but first, we need to end our traditional man-boy evening."

"But why?" I asked. I knew why, and I was terrified. I asked out of desperation. Maybe it was some other reason. I had done something horrible again, and this time I did it to two people I loved.

"We need to talk this through when we're all sober, Don," said Klaus. "For now, David might have an injured hamstring, so we can't continue. Stay here, both of you. I'll be right back." He went to the deep freezer and returned with two bags of frozen peas wrapped in a towel.

I stood next to the couch, trembling with shame. "Did I really hurt you, David? I mean, injure you?"

"Yes, you hurt me!" he cried. "Why would you do such a thing?"

Klaus sat back down on the couch, lifted David back onto his lap, and held the frozen peas to the underside of David's left thigh.

"Oh god, oh no…" It was my worst fear. "I, I didn't mean to hurt you! I thought it was part of the fun! I saw you were so flexible, and…" Had I continued with the truth, I would have said: "…and I was jealous."

Jealous of his flexibility, his beauty, his dancing, his singing, his incredible, loving, and fascinating parents, and his general lovability. Klaus was going to love him more than me. David was also a better teacher; he was more sensitive, it didn't matter to him to be right all the time – next to him, why would Klaus even like me? He had agreed to become my guardian because David and I came as a pair. It looked again like that was over.

"I'm sorry!" I was silently begging God to give me a horrible heart attack.

"You thought hurting Henry was fun too!"

I dropped to my knees, then on all fours. I had done that to Henry. I had ganged up on both of them now, and I'd hurt them by being an asshole. Why did I do those things to the people I cared most about? Why? I began hitting my head on the concrete floor.

"I am so fucked up! I am so fucked up! I am so fucked up…" I cried softly as I hit my head.

I wasn't shouting for them to hear. I was just repeating my own affirmation of self-loathing. Klaus grabbed me with one arm around the chest and set me on the couch next to him and my sniffling David. My David? I hadn't killed Henry, but this time I'd hurt David directly, for fun, just to be an asshole. Would he ever be mine again?

"Donovan, NO!" shouted David. "No! That was a horrible thing for me to say! I'm sorry!"

"Don," said Klaus, calmly yet urgently, "I never want to see you doing that again – hurting yourself like that. You deserve self-love, not self-abuse."

"But I hurt David like I hurt Henry! I ganged up on them! Just to be an asshole!"

"No, Donovan!"

"I hurt you both tonight," said Klaus in a somber tone. "I gave David my solemn promise to keep him safe, and now I have failed you both. You are not the only one at fault, Don."

"BULLSHIT!" I yelled. "You just want to take the blame, so I'll stop hitting my head!"

"I'd do a lot more than that to stop you from hurting yourself, Don, but what I said is true, and I am very sorry to you both." He was clearly choked up.

"Don, as bad as you feel right now, it was my job to prevent that. Yes, you hurt David, and it was my job to protect you both – to protect David from injury and to protect you from the amount of self-hatred you feel right now because I didn't protect David."

***

"I'll sleep on the recliner," I said as we put things away and unfolded the bed.

"Think carefully," said Klaus. "I know you two have had a lot to drink, though probably a lot less than you think you've had, but think carefully, Don."

"I was a lousy helper," I said to Klaus, "and I hurt David like I hurt Henry! Why would you want to be in the same room with me? I should sleep in the bathtub. The radiation is almost low enough."

"You told us that you hurt Henry several times…" began David.

"I KNOW!" I shouted. "I'm a sick bastard! I hurt people who…"

"STOP!" shouted David, which he rarely did except when the bombs were falling. "You better let me finish this sentence! You hurt Henry several times, AND he remained your friend. Am I less of a friend than Henry? Do I love you less? Am I less loyal? Am I less tolerant when my dear sweetheart makes a mistake that hurts me? Henry was amazing in all of those ways, but give me some credit! I try my best to follow his example, and I'm not going to turn my back on the best thing that's ever happened in my life because your mistake hurt me!"

"Hurting someone can be a sign that something important is wrong," said Klaus, "but it doesn't mean the love has ended. It sounds clear to me that David wants to work this out, but I don't think we should do it now. All this yelling makes it just a little harder to hear each other, and all that alcohol makes it harder to listen. We need clear heads to work through sensitive issues. Don, I want you sleeping next to me tonight, not in the recliner."

"And so do I!" said David in a rather loud voice. "You didn't want to hurt me like this, and I know it. I think this is a matter of needing to be more careful, not a matter of trying to hurt me." He leaned over from Klaus' lap and kissed me. "I love you, Donovan Langevin!"

"I can't imagine why," I pouted.

"For tonight, you'll just have to trust me."

"I have a suggestion," said Klaus after retrieving an Ace bandage from the first aid kit to hold David's frozen peas in place. "Once we're in bed, I don't think we should talk at all. I think we should show each other how we feel in other ways. I mean, like, using hugs and kisses instead of saying 'I love you' out loud, turning over to the side if you want to be left alone, things like that."

"Why do you think that will help?" asked David.

"Emotions are high, and so are alcohol levels, and it's very easy to mix our words up when we're like that." He said we, but he meant David and me. He was still sober as far as I could tell. "I think we've all said things that we didn't mean. This way, there can be no misunderstandings, no accidentally hurtful words."

"How do I say I'm sorry without using words?"

"Let your body talk," said Klaus, "and pay attention to the responses you get. You'll be surprised at how natural it feels. We did this when we had arguments – I mean my boyfriend and me."

Chapter 57

Klaus & Kevin

"What was your boyfriend's name?" I asked Klaus. I was curious, and I wanted to talk before we were in bed, and we'd stopped talking.

Klaus smiled and rumpled my hair. "His name was Kevin." He looked at us seriously and said, "Kevin Geheren."

"There was a high school boy on my school bus until third grade named Kevin Geheren! I didn't think his name was that common."

"It's not," said Klaus, "not around here anyway. I've told you that I never had sexual relations with boys in the school where I taught, but when they moved on to high school, that rule no longer applied."

"You mean your boyfriend was in high school?"

"Yes," said Klaus. "He joined my summer swimming program right after eighth grade. He was still only thirteen. He turned fourteen that summer."

"Your boyfriend was very young," said David.

"Yes, he certainly was, and like you boys, he was very intelligent, and he was also very mature for his age."

"What attracted you to him?" asked David.

"Well, do you remember in sex education when we talked about infatuation that comes first, then a more enduring love? Well, I was completely obsessed with Kevin's body. His puberty was a little later than normal, and his muscle development was a slowly unfolding miracle to behold. I've told you how I love you boys and your bodies, how they're at that perfect point where you still have your childhood smoothness while your adult muscles are just starting to take shape? It seemed as if Kevin was stuck in that phase for years. I don't know if you boys have ever seen him naked or in swim trunks, but he's positively stunning."

"I, uh…" I looked at David and kissed him. "I thought he had really pretty eyes."

"Did he ever!" said Klaus. "A cute smattering of freckles across his face, dark red hair, almost brown, and eyelashes so dense and dark that he looked like he was wearing mascara sometimes. His lips were like that too – such a deep red – it looked like lipstick, but it was his natural color. But remember, that was my infatuation; he seemed quite infatuated too. You boys are very… fond of my penis, I think." We giggled and nodded. "Well, so was Kevin. He was also the one who convinced me to wear a mustache. He said it tickled when I sucked his penis."

"It does!" I said.

"It was painful, watching him in my gym class for four years, waiting for him to finish eighth grade. I was afraid he would become all manly by the time I invited him to my place, but you wouldn't believe it, he didn't change at all from age thirteen until he was sixteen, in tenth grade!"

"But you like men, right?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, I certainly do! But boys can only be boys for a very short time, and I love them too. Boys become men, and they will be men for the rest of their lives. Boyhood is over very quickly, and it feels like I know the whole person better if I love him as a boy and as a man. But I can't deny that you boys have bodies that make me want to do anything to have sex with you. There's something special about your view of things too. You're not afraid to say 'wow!' if you see something cool, and you can give your whole selves over to the wonder of things. Men seem to lose that."

"You said you only played with ninth-graders if they came to you, so was Kevin different?" asked David.

"I was different," said Klaus. "I was obsessed. Really I was infatuated, but it was the most powerful infatuation I've ever had, and I was pretty sure he had similar feelings. He signed up for all the sports I coached – football, tennis, and swimming. Then he was in my swimming program every summer. We often exchanged looks when he was younger, but that was all I dared do. On the first summer day after his eighth grade, I no longer had to hold back. He wore the sexiest black Speedos, or maybe they were just ordinary Speedos that looked incredibly sexy on him. He noticed I couldn't keep my eyes off him that first day, and I noticed that he couldn't keep himself from smiling when he caught me staring. We spent extra time in the pool area while the rest of the class and the staff showered and left. Then Kevin and I shared a shower. It was so amazing; I wanted to cry! He told me he had been stretching himself every day, hoping that we could be together. That first day, I made love to him against the wall in the shower, on a bench in the locker room, even on my desk. Sex with him was different from sex with any other boy I'd ever been with."

"How come?" I asked.

He chuckled and said, "You and David should know! We were in love, completely in love."

"Oh," I said. "I've never had sex with anyone besides David, and now you. I guess I wouldn't know."

"Trust me, Donovan; you've had nothing but the best."

"So, what happened?" I asked. "How come you broke up? You said 'some love can't last' when you talked about him before. Why? I hope David and I will last forever! If I stop hurting him." That was my way of begging for a kiss that I didn't feel I deserved but wanted anyway, which David gave me.

"Adolescence is a time of change," Klaus said, "and there's no way to avoid it. Boys change physically, mentally, and emotionally, as they become men. They learn things about themselves. I would have spent the rest of my life with Kevin. It really did take until his tenth grade for my infatuation to wear off, and that was when I began to see him as a young man, still with a beautiful body, but also a beautiful mind, a kind spirit, and the potential to do whatever he wanted with his life. I was happy for him when he got a swimming scholarship to The Ohio State University, but I cried for weeks after he left. Then he met a young woman there, and they fell in love – No, please don't give me that look. Some people just don't know who they will fall in love with until it happens, and everybody knows it's a lot easier to be straight than gay. Kevin was in love with me, and now he's in love with Katherine. That's the risk of falling in love with a boy. You guys grow up, and you have to find your own way. The man who loves you has to let you go. Last I heard, Kevin and Katherine were studying to go to medical school."

"That's so sad," said David, "but it's so beautiful at the same time."

"I feel that way too," said Klaus. "The beautiful men they become makes it worth loving them while they're still young and then losing them as they find themselves. When a man loves a boy, the boy will rarely stay with the man when he grows up. Men who love boys have to learn to let go."

"Then Kevin wasn't the first boy you fell in love with?" asked David.

"No, there were others, but Kevin was special. He might be the kind who only comes along once in a lifetime. When I think of him, I feel a sense of joy over what we had, especially those awkward first meetings. He made me feel like I was thirteen again! I was tongue-tied, nervous all the time, and for some reason, whenever I saw him, I became clumsy!"

"You're not clumsy!" I said.

"I was when I was around Kevin, at least in our early days. You two started out differently. You were already best friends. It sounds like you were infatuated anyway."

"Oh yeah!" I said. "I couldn't think of anything else when I went to bed alone, all last year! I know he was my friend, but all of a sudden, I was nervous when I was around him, and always afraid of saying the wrong thing. You know I do that a lot."

"Oh stop it, Don," said David. "Imagine someone you're so infatuated with, and imagine he thinks he's not lovable. That has always worried me, Donovan. I have told you how I've felt about you, and it sounds very similar to how you feel about me, but sometimes you get so upset with yourself that you want to go away. Infatuation feels so good, but it can also feel scary."

"I think you'll find that's true for everyone," said Klaus. "The greatest fear of the infatuated person is losing the object of his infatuation. Donovan might give more concrete reasons for that fear than some other people might, but if he didn't, I think you'd probably still find something else to worry about. We all do that."

I had no idea what it meant to give concrete reasons for David's fear, but I was feeling relieved by what Klaus had said. It sounded to me as if he was saying I wasn't so bad.

***

'12:00 AM, outside 56 rad/hour, basement 5.4 rad/hour, inside 0.3 rad/hour.'

That was the first night we'd gone to bed without any of us having sex first, at least not after we were in bed. Klaus and I were spooning again, which always made me feel so safe, and David was snuggled up in front of me. He was using a blanket because those frozen peas were cold. I rubbed his thigh gently from time to time. I felt less ashamed than I had right after I'd hurt him, but I actually wanted to talk about it the next day, 'when we were all sober.' (It felt like we were already – Klaus was crafty with mixing drinks for kids.) I did hurt David, but it also seemed to make sense to David and Klaus both. I didn't want forgiveness – I wanted an explanation.

Chapter 58

A Job for the Boys

'03:00 AM, outside 47 rad/hour, basement 4.5 rad/hour, inside 0.2 rad/hour.'

'08:00 AM, outside 37 rad/hour, basement 3.6 rad/hour, inside 0.2 rad/hour.'

'09:00 AM, outside 35 rad/hour, basement 3.5 rad/hour, inside 0.2 rad/hour.'

"How's your leg?" That was the first thing I said when I opened my eyes and saw David's beautiful deep brown eyes smiling back at me. He thought it best to kiss me instead of answering me. "Ok, then how are your gorgeous, spectacular, other-worldly, angelic, beautiful brown eyes?"

He kissed me again and said, "As pretty as ever!"

I kissed him and said, "You're not being fair!"

"Ok," he said, "More great news about my eyes – I can see your lower eyelashes now, and my leg is fine, but we shouldn't talk about that until we're all ready. I love you, Donovan Langevin!"

"You make waking up worthwhile," I said, kissing him.

***

We folded the bed away and did our calisthenics. David had the Ace bandage wrapped around his thigh, but no frozen peas. He did all of his exercises just fine, except Klaus didn't allow him to do burpees. It felt like the right thing for me to do twenty instead of our usual ten burpees, which completely astonished Klaus. By doing twenty, I did David's share too, for which he blushed and kissed me.

Breakfast was the same boring cereal without sugar, but we had started into the newer bunch of bananas, so I sliced half of mine into my cereal bowl with my Wheaties and ate the other half with a piece of peanut butter toast.

***

'10:00 AM, outside 34 rad/hour, basement 3.3 rad/hour, inside 0.2 rad/hour.'

"It's leveling out now," I said. "Fewer activation products now, but maybe more decay or fission products. I hope it doesn't get stuck this high!"

"How does it compare to your formula, Donovan?" asked Klaus.

"Oh! I forgot all about that! Lemme see." It required more calculations with a pencil and paper, but the news was good. "It's exactly where the formula predicted!" No one was more surprised than I was.

"It seems we have a validated formula then," said David, "for the past twenty-four hours, from the range of eight hundred forty rads per hour all the way down to thirty-four. That's really good!"

"Yeah, but there's bad news," I said. "If my formula is right, it dropped, let's see, ninety-six percent over the first twenty-four hours, but it will only drop fifty percent over the next twenty-four hours, and only twenty-nine percent over the twenty-four hours after that. So in two days, it should drop from thirty-four to twelve."

"Isn't that good?" asked Klaus.

"It should be down to two before we go outside for any length of time," I said.

"How long will that take?" Klaus asked.

"Hang on," I said, scribbling with my pencil. "I should be using a slide rule. Wait, this can't be right… David, could you check my math?"

"Sure," he said. He looked over the paper and redid some of the calculations himself, then his face fell. "It looks correct to me," he said. "Another sixteen days, but in a week, it'll be down to four outside, which means the upstairs should be down to two rads per hour, so we can spend time outside of the basement. In two days, that's Monday evening, it should be ten rads per hour outside and five rads per hour in the rest of the house, so we should be ok for quick trips upstairs again."

I wasn't sure why I felt so discouraged by that figure. We still had far more food than we'd need, and the generator and battery backups were working just fine, though we'd be cutting it close on fuel for the generator. So far, the well water was delicious and uncontaminated, and it was just a short while ago that David and I were dreading the 'silver people on the shoreline' coming to 'rescue' us from our happy new life. Out there in the real world, our parents were dead, along with just about everyone else we knew, or so we believed. None of us wanted to face that, but inside our shelter corner, our happy world was full of love and, as we knew full well, luxury.

"Maybe we should think about going somewhere else in Mom's car," suggested David, "somewhere with less fallout."

"We don't know where the fallout is anymore without the radio or CB," said Klaus.

"There's a radio in the car that will pick up stations wherever we decide to go and remember, Mom has a CB in her car. When the fallout cools off a little more, maybe in another day or two, we could use her CB again. If it's going to be sixteen rads per hour tomorrow afternoon, then the garage will be about half that, and the car will cut it down even further, especially with the cover on it. I think the car will be about one fourth the predicted outdoor reading, so tomorrow, let's see, that means the garage should be about eight rads per hour, so inside the car should be four. We can spend five minutes in the bathroom doing number two at four rads per hour, even five."

"Or," I said with a big buildup, "we could see if we can figure out how to make a new antenna for the CB base station in here."

"Wait," said Klaus. "Could we just take the antenna off the car and connect it to this radio?"

David and I learned a new expression on each other's faces – a stupid look. I felt stupid, but David looked happy about feeling stupid, if he ever did such a stupid thing as feeling stupid. "That's perfect!" he said. Oh David. He greeted everything in the happiest way possible. How could he be so happy when I felt so embarrassed by not thinking of that idea long ago?

"Dad's got plenty of coaxial cable coiled up in his workroom," he continued, "and all we need to do is disconnect the car antenna on the back of the CB in the car, then connect a long cable from the inside of the car to the radio in here! We can just run the cable and leave the antenna mounted on the car, right where it is! Klaus! That's a wonderful idea!"

"And you know how to do that?" Klaus asked.

"Of course we do," I said, hoping not to sound as stupid as I felt. It really was just as easy as David said. "But it's still thirty-four rads per hour outside, so seventeen in the garage. We could hook up the co-ax to the base and run it to the door now, so all we have to do when it's cool enough is dash out to the car, lift up the car cover, crack open the back window, run the co-ax through the back window, and get inside the car for protection. Then we pull the radio off the mount, unscrew the antenna from the radio, then connect the co-ax to the car antenna. If we want to be neat, we should put the car cover back on to protect the vent system, though."

"How long will that take?" asked Klaus.

"Quick-mount or screw mount?" I asked David.

"Quick-mount, of course," he said with a smile. "The two of us together should be able to do it in about two to three minutes."

"Ha!" I said to Klaus. "You're going to have to stay inside while WE go out and do this job!" O pride, my richest enemy, you do feel so enticing!

"If we do this tomorrow," said Klaus, "I'd rather run out first, remove the car cover, open the back window a bit, feed the cable through, and open the front door, so all you have to do is run out and jump in the car and close the door. When you're done, I'll go back out and put the cover back over the car."

He was stealing my thunder! (Of course David, humble as he was, had no thunder to steal.) "Aw! You always get to go out and do odd jobs!" I complained. "Here's one David and I can do ourselves. Can't we just do it ourselves?"

"I can't be that irresponsible with your safety." Oh boy, here we go – another lecture about minuscule safety issues.

"You know that you kids are more sensitive to radiation than adults. If I can minimize your exposure, what do you think I should do? Besides, I'm just doing the setup work. You're doing the important stuff."

Yes, he knew a lot about how boys think, and we were doing the important stuff. He knew a lot about how I thought anyway, which I found endlessly puzzling. Even I couldn't make sense of my own thinking.

Chapter 59

The Reckoning

We decided to run the antenna cable later that day. I think we all wanted to be able to talk about how much of an asshole I'd been the night before.

"Donovan," began Klaus, "I let you down first by getting you sick. I want to tell you how sorry I am again, now that you're sober. Did you have anything you want to say about that?"

"No," I said. "Shouldn't we be talking about what I did to David, though?"

"I wanted to make sure we dealt with this first. It was the first of three times when I broke my vows to you, and it deserves some sober time to talk it over."

"Really," I said, "It was no big deal."

"It was the first of several failures of mine last night," said Klaus. "I did a miserable job keeping to my vows during the ancient tradition. It's a terrible feeling."

"You feel terrible?" I asked. "You didn't act like an asshole and hurt the person you love more than anyone!" Was he stealing my thunder in a different way now?"

"No," he said quietly. "I hurt both of them."

"I think you're being hard on yourself, Klaus," said David. "Until we had that accident, we were all having a fantastic time!"

"You mean until I acted like an asshole and hurt you!" I said loudly.

"Enough, please!" said Klaus. "I need you both to hear what I have to say. When done well, this ancient tradition is an incredible experience. I wanted to give you that experience, both of you. In order to do that, I need to be sober and in control. I need to pay attention to your needs. I am giving you alcohol to impair your judgment, allowing me to take advantage of you. That is a sacred trust for you to give me. That's the whole point of it."

"There are fewer highs greater than giving yourself completely to someone else, then trusting that they will care for you while giving you an experience that looks the opposite. I broke my vow about not making you sick, Donovan, and I hurt you both when I allowed David to be hurt."

"But I did that!" I yelled. "Why do you keep acting like you did it?"

"Because I had impaired your judgment by giving you alcohol, and it was my duty to make sure you acted with my own good judgment because yours was impaired. I don't know if I can say it clearer than that."

"I think I understand," said David. "It's like a mom who teaches her little boy to ride a bicycle. If he falls over and gets hurt, he's the one who fell, but she was supposed to keep him safe. Is that it?"

"But I did it on purpose!" I said.

"What you do on purpose," said Klaus, "is affected by how much you drink, among other things. That's one of the reasons why I keep boys restrained or confined a lot while we do the ancient tradition. You don't get to decide a lot of what you do. Please understand this much at least; I had a lapse of attention while David got hurt."

"Hurt by me, you mean!"

"I can see you will not allow us to put this off any longer," said Klaus. "Would you like to make your apologies, Don?"

"What does an apology matter when I was just being an asshole?"

"It tells people that you understand your mistake and that your mistake hurt someone," said Klaus. "It also shows them that you have learned from your mistake. Then, when you listen to them, you can show them you want to learn even more about your mistake so you can avoid doing it again."

"But what if it wasn't a mistake?" I asked. "What if I did it on purpose?"

"We already talked about whether this could have been on purpose when your judgment was impaired, and your guide wasn't paying attention, but there's even more to it. You hurt David, and let's say you did it on purpose, just to be an asshole, as you say. Given how you feel now, would you do that again if we played bondage games?"

"No! Never!" I shouted. "I love David! I don't know why I hurt him, but I'll never do that again!"

"That was your mistake," said Klaus. "You thought doing that would be fun, even for David, and you didn't mean to hurt him. I think you just wanted to tweak him a bit, which might have been fun. But you made the mistake of thinking that kind of playful mischief wouldn't hurt him. Do you see? You didn't want to hurt him. You made the mistake of thinking you weren't hurting him, and that he would think you were being playful."

"That's how I feel," said David. "I said last night; I know you would never hurt me on purpose. You say you were being an asshole. Klaus says you were being playful. I say you got caught up in our playfulness and accidentally went farther than you meant. It was a mistake – and I know you won't do it again."

"I'm really sorry I hurt you, David," I said softly. I meant it, but it still sounded like I was saying sorry because Teacher said I had to.

David snapped me into a tight hug and sobbed, "Oh, I know you are Donovan! I love you so much!"

***

'11:00 AM, outside 32 rad/hour, basement 3.1 rad/hour, inside 0.2 rad/hour.'

I didn't really understand everything Klaus or David said. I could still be a real asshole sometimes. Was that so hard for them to believe?

"Donovan," said Klaus, "I think David will need massages twice daily to help his muscles heal. Do you think you can do that?"

"Of course, I will!" I said. "But you'll have to show me how."

Klaus showed me how to unwrap the Ace bandage from David's thigh, which gave me a hard-on. It was an embarrassing time for that, but his skin was so soft, and the backs of his thighs were always such a special place on his beautiful body to me.

"Oh, this looks wonderful," said Klaus, stroking the back of David's leg from his ass to his foot and back again. I couldn't have agreed more, but Klaus had a different meaning.

"No bruising at all, and I can feel just a little tightness right here." He put my hand on David's thigh and said, "Can you feel where it's a little stiffer than the other muscles?"

"I think so," I said, not really feeling it at all. I only felt David's divine flesh, but I didn't want to have to say so to Klaus.

"Ok, David," said Klaus, "would you please lie down on the couch, on your belly?"

When he did, Klaus showed me various ways to knead his thigh muscles, which David and I both found very pleasant. Then he got some oil and a towel, which really excited me.

"The goal of this kind of massage is to increase blood circulation to the injured muscles. We've loosened up the tight muscles, so the blood vessels are a little more open than they were. So now we're going to push that blood on, back toward his heart for re-circulation." He drizzled some oil on David's thigh and smeared it all over.

"Now watch this motion," he said. He started at the back of David's knee and pushed down into David's leg and slid upward toward his ass.

"That helps move his blood and lymph out of the area, which makes room for more blood and lymph to come in and clean the area out. Your body does a fine job on its own with this kind of circulation, but when there's an injury, we just want to help it out a bit. Why don't you take over, Donovan," and I did.

I got my hands all oily first, and David and I were both soon in heaven. When I pushed my right hand up, I allowed my fingertips to enter his crack, just slightly. He didn't complain, so I kept doing it, a little deeper as I went along. Soon it was obvious what I was doing, and I had begun to slide my finger up into his hole. He had his head turned sideways with his eyes closed, and he gasped each time I penetrated him. I glanced over at Klaus, who was sitting in the recliner, masturbating. We were all on the same page, and it was activity time.

I surprised David once by inserting two fingers, which made him yelp, but he kept his eyes closed. I decided it was time to end the massage and complete some unfinished business from the previous night. I stretched his anus open, tickling his prostate a few times. Then I wiped the oil off his leg and added more to his ass. I looked at Klaus and said, "He's ready for you."

Klaus stepped over to us. I sucked his cock for a few seconds before slathering it with oil. Then I backed off and watched from the recliner. I jacked off as I watched Klaus slide his cock smoothly into David's ass. David gasped very slightly, but his body remained sleek, relaxed, and motionless. Not for long, though.

Klaus covered David's body like a protective canopy. I knew what that felt like, and I loved it. He sniffed David's hair as he slowly and repeatedly penetrated him. David soon began to gasp each time, and his body began to jerk. I knew Klaus was working David's prostate, and I knew what that felt like too.

Soon Klaus sat upright and lifted David onto his lap, facing me. As he slowly settled David's body down on his cock, David smiled at me and motioned for me to join them. I put my glasses on the shelf next to the recliner and knelt in front of them. I took David's cock into my mouth, which caused him to squeak just a bit. I tickled Klaus' balls with my left hand while wanking myself with my right, and that seemed to make him go faster, just for a bit. We all knew what it meant when Klaus slowed down. He gave off his mighty roar while David went from his kitten sound to his crying sound. This time Klaus was careful to keep his nose out of the way of David's head. When Klaus pulled his cock out of David, I licked all the dribbling cum from David's ass, which was all I needed to finish. Then I sucked Klaus' cock clean, and it was late-morning naptime.

Chapter 60

Activities Take Shape

There is nothing like waking up with a man's cock in your mouth and your boyfriend's soft thigh against your cheek. I slurped softly on Klaus' soft cock, which seemed to summon him into wakefulness. David was the perfect image of peace as he slept in Klaus' arms. I didn't know what time it was, but I suspected it was still activity time, and I didn't want to move, so I pretended to fall back asleep, occasionally sucking on Klaus' cock, just to mess with him.

Then came the softest yawn, and I could feel David's thigh muscles stretch. He changed positions and snuggled close to Klaus, who said, "Good morning, David!"

"Hmm? Oh! Oh, good morning, Klaus! Good morning, Donovan! I guess I must have dozed off."

I gave Klaus' cock one big, deep, final slurp and moved up to David's cock, which made him jolt with surprise. He crushed my face with his thighs, and he put his hands on my head to hold me still while I had a little giggle fit.

"Good morning, sweetie!" I said to David, sitting next to them and giving David a kiss.

Klaus set David down next to me as he stood up. "If you boys want to keep at it, I've got some things I need to do."

Being eleven was wonderful! Within a minute, David and I were back at it in the 69 position on the couch. As always, I was on the bottom. I liked it that way because I could wrap my arms around him and feel his skin. I ran my fingers along the creases along the bottom of his ass cheeks, which he had told me were called the gluteal fold that first day in the woods, and his were the softest and the sexiest I could imagine. There was something especially tender about the skin where his thighs met his ass. I could almost feel the tiny, soft hairs that I could barely see on his skin.

Then I moved my hands down to his thighs, massaging the left one a bit, and paid attention to his responses again, rather than to my own pleasure. I flicked my tongue around his cock as he went in and out, and I could tell he definitely liked that. I could feel it in his whole body, which then gave me rushes of pleasure in return. I thought for a moment how incredibly lucky I was to have a boy like David in my life. I closed my eyes, fed on the electricity I felt from his luxurious touch, and gave him the best blowjob I think I ever had. I was trying to be totally immersed in his feelings, but the more I tried, the better I felt. I could never just please David. Somehow it always came back to me, and it was that way when we orgasmed too. We were locked together like that.

That was how it was supposed to be.

***

'12:00 PM, outside 31 rad/hour, basement 3.1 rad/hour, inside 0.1 rad/hour.'

"Hey!" Klaus had just tossed a pillow across David's ass, covering my face.

"Come on boys! You can't have sex all day!"

"Wanna bet?" I said. I thought that might actually be a fun experiment.

"It's activity time!" He was exuding that repulsive, exuberant, goofy smile again as if he didn't understand how wonderful it felt to melt into each other after sex.

"Don't two orgasms account for something?" asked David.

"Sure they do," smiled Klaus, "as long as they keep you active during activity time!"

"When did activity time start, anyway?" I whined.

"I don't know, but it ends at lunch, and lunch is one o'clock."

"What if we stay here, and David does push-ups on me?"

"Don's kidding," moaned David, "aren't you Hunny?"

"We gotta think of something," I said, "or he'll have us doing burpees until lunch!"

"Hey, burpees are one of the greatest inventions of all time!" said Klaus. "You don't believe me?"

"You mean someone actually had to invent those things?" I asked. "Didn't you just invent them to torture kids in gym class and give them a dumb sounding name?"

"Oh, you bet someone invented them," said Klaus, looking like the spider who had just captured his fly. At least I knew we could rest through his story.

"Burpees were invented by a man named Royal Burpee." He was loving this, I could tell. He knew we didn't know if he was just kidding us.

"Royal's not a name!" I said cynically.

"It is if you're the physiologist who invented the burpee. He developed the exercise just before World War Two, and all branches of the US armed services used it first to measure a new recruit's agility and stamina. Eventually, it became a general exercise during PT."

"Are you just teasing us?" asked David.

"I most certainly am not! Remember, I got my college degree to be a Phys Ed teacher, so I had to learn all this stuff. You two are the science experts, and I'm the exercise expert!" Nobody should ever be that happy when talking about an awful exercise.

"It turns out that burpees are not only good at assessing agility and stamina, they're also great for strength training and for building cardiovascular fitness. I hope you boys are remembering this stuff in case it comes up on a crossword puzzle or something."

"Ugh," I complained, but it was really unkind of me. He was doing a spectacular job of keeping our spirits up during the worst time in world history. Even so, it felt as if we'd begun a normal day in the shelter. We didn't really have anything special planned other than running the CB radio antenna cable to the garage door so we could dash out to the car to hook it up later, when the radiation was lower. "Can I just do some stretching or something? And maybe David could actively rest his leg?"

"Sure, you can do stretching!" He reminded me of a hungry dog gobbling down a Scooby Snack. "I've also done some thinking, and there's something you probably haven't heard of, called acrobalance, and I think you'll like it. We can involve David too!"

I slurped David's cock a couple more times, just enough for him to get hard before he rolled off of me, playfully swatted my cock, and kissed me sweetly.

"I know you've seen some movements like this before," said Klaus, "because it's used in all kinds of gymnastics, dance, figure skating, cheerleading, acrobatics, you name it. Basically, we come up with cool different poses and shapes to bend you into, while I lift you in clever ways, and maybe turn you around or whatever. Come here and I'll show you what I mean."

He laid the soft rug on the floor; then he lay on his back with his knees bent to his chest and his feet fully flexed. "Your job for this first-ever pose we're going to do is to face away from me, then sit on my feet. Go ahead, sit right down. Have I told you what a nice ass you have lately?" He made me giggle, but I was also excited because I thought I might know where this was going.

"Now just lay back, I've got you here." I could feel his strong hands holding my ribcage.

"Just let go now. Let me hold your weight. Good. Now lift your legs straight out." That's a lot harder than it sounds when you're bent over backward.

"Come on, there you go! Now let your arms hang down, good, let your head flop back, neck loose and relaxed." I felt his hands walk up to my shoulders as my body began to rise.

"Good, you're doing great now, Donovan. I'm going to let go with my hands now. Just hold still, like you are, and let me do the balancing. Your job is to relax and hold still."

"I can't hold my legs up anymore!" I grunted.

"Ok then," he said. "Let them down slowly while I've still got my hands on you." As I lowered my legs, I felt his toes pushing a little harder on my upper ass and lower back.

"Ok, Donovan, completely relax now. I'm pulling my hands back and letting go. Are you relaxed?" I grunted in agreement. It wasn't easy to talk. I was afraid of throwing off our balance. "Remember, your job is to relax and hold still."

I looked at David upside-down on the couch, and I noticed he was sinking. "Klaus?" I asked nervously. "Klaus? What's going on?"

"You're doing great, Donovan. Slowly turn your head and look up at the ceiling. I've got you balanced just fine." My hips looked like they were just two feet from the pole I'd hung from the night before, and I was still rising! I got a boner immediately.

"Wow!" I squeaked. "I mean, this is scary! But I mean wow too!"

"Ok," said Klaus. "Coming down now." I could see the rest of the room rising again, very slowly. I felt Klaus' strong hands on my shoulders, then he rolled forward, and I was standing again.

"Wow!" said David as he applauded. "Donovan! You're so beautiful, and your body is so graceful!" That didn't register. He was the graceful one! He was always so nice, though. I'd think about it later. He didn't really mean it, I was sure.

"That's just an easy example pose for us," said Klaus, "just so you get the gist of it. It started out as something called a back plank, but we turned it into a kind of back bow. There are tons of these entry-level poses we can do until we become more skilled at this as a team. We can bend you and fold you into all kinds of shapes, and I can hold you and turn you around with my hands or my feet. It's a way to combine your interest in contortion with a bit of acrobatics."

"I'm not good with sports," I protested. "I know I'm uncoordinated. Don't tell me I'm not, 'cause you never lie to us, remember?"

"Oh yes, I remember, but something I didn't fully realize until just now is how good your sense of balance is. That uses different parts of the brain than coordination. I think we could work up a nice routine with this. What do you think?"

I couldn't tell him what I thought. I didn't understand why it gave me a boner, which I still had, so he knew I liked the idea already. It was like that contortionist who can play with his own body in weird ways, plus that absolute peace and comfort I felt when a big strong man picked me up and held me. It was such a sexual thing for me, and I thought that must have been why.

"It was awesome!" I said, "but you said David could be involved too. How do you mean? Three of us would be awesome!" I was sure there was no limit to Klaus' strength.

"Oh no," said David. "This is too beautiful! I just want to watch."

"You can do that," said Klaus, "but every routine needs music. You can watch it while you sing and play guitar for us. What do you say?"

I figured that by the time we left our shelter, we could have a complete circus act.

NEXT PART