Bill W

You Pass This Way But Once

Chapters 14-20

On Wednesday, we packed up our tents and other gear before we hiked back to our cabins. We ate a late lunch in the mess hall and then had free time until the evening activities. Robbie and Timmy had already informed us that this free time period was to be used to swap partners again, so we would have an opportunity to enjoy the one that we didn't get to be alone with on the campout. We all agreed to their suggestion and looked forward to this special time with another special friend. We then coyly slipped away from the camp and made our way to our secret hangout.

This time, I was with Robbie, while Seth and Timmy paired up. As I kissed Robbie and began to remove his clothing, I asked him what he wanted to do. He thought about it for a minute and then informed me that he wanted for us to fuck each other. I agreed and asked him which he wanted to do first. He said he'd like to do me first, if that was all right. I told him it was and handed him my shrinking tube of Vaseline, so he could prepare me. I also made a mental note to grab a new tube once we got back.

I then knelt down on all fours, so Robbie could apply the gel to my hole. When he finished doing that, I turned around and quickly greased up his boner for action. He moved in behind me and I soon felt his rod prying open the gate to my tunnel of love. He entered me without any difficulty and was now sliding his tool back and forth and building up the friction that would give him his ultimate pleasure. I contracted my rectal muscles and moved to mirror his actions, while trying to give him the greatest gratification for his effort. Robbie was panting loudly, as he quickened his pace, and he was soon unleashing a small torrent of cum inside me. He braced his body weight on my back, being physically weakened by his orgasm, and he stayed like that until he could support himself long enough to withdraw his penis from my hole.

I sat beside Robbie, as he slowly regained his strength and the fog of orgasmic bliss cleared from his brain. As we waited for this to happen, I wrapped my arms around his upper body and drew him close, and Robbie melted contentedly against my chest, as he absorbed the warmth and affection I was showing him. A couple of minutes later, he looked up at me and smiled.

"Thanks, Logan. I really needed that," he confirmed. "I'm really glad that you're my friend. I'm not sure how I'd handle it, if I didn't have you, Seth and Timmy to rely on."

"Me either," I agreed. "You three are my world and I'm not sure if life would be worth living without all of you in it."

After that, we hugged each other again, before we exchanged a new round of kisses. Robbie and I were getting as much out of the cuddling and just being close to each other, as we were from the sex. After enjoying this closeness for quite some time, Robbie indicated that he was ready for me to perform my act of love upon him. He stroked my semi-erect cock back to full attention and greased it up, before he presented his butt to me, so I could loosen him up for penetration. I couldn't help but stare at the cute, pink Cyclops that winked occasionally at me, as I probed it with my petroleum coated fingers. Now, we were both ready.

I pulled Robbie onto my lap and slowly lowered his body, before I impaled him on my stiff pole. When he was completely seated, with his ass cheeks resting on my upper thighs, I wrapped my arms around him and slowly lifted him up and down on my stiff rod. Robbie had his arms wrapped around my neck and was kissing me like there would be no tomorrow, as I kept my penis ramming in and out of his tight chute. I could feel Robbie's moans vibrating on my tongue and through my mouth, as the noises he was making were interspersed throughout our continual open-mouth kissing.

The warmth of Robbie's hot passageway was incredible, as it wrapped securely around my blood engorged love muscle, and I was reveling in the feelings pulsing through my body and the ecstasy of this encounter. I could feel Robbie's love in his every action and was grateful for that day when he had first confided in Seth and me about his orientation and feelings for Timmy, before he asked us to teach him what to do. He saw a chance and took it, but each of us has benefited repeatedly from that risky encounter. We all owed something to Robbie for having the courage to risk the enormous pain that his failure might have brought him, along with the benefit we'd all reaped since.

I was now at the point where every part of my being was involved in the orgasm that was about to explode out of that tiny egress. There were tingling sensations rippling throughout my body, as my prostate and testicles combined to produce the seminal fluids that would soon be catapulted up my shaft and into Robbie's bowels. We were both panting audibly and I was driving into Robbie more and more quickly, as I lifted him up and down my mast. I did this until my body stiffened and I made my final thrust into him, and then I held my prick in his channel, as far as it would reach, as I shot my wad. I wanted to scream out in pleasure, as several streams of thick white sperm erupted into Robbie's intestines, and from that moment forward, we merely clung to each other. We continued to share those wonderful sensations from this act of love, until it was time to leave our love nest and return to our cabin.

Beside us, Timmy and Seth had been sharing their own tender moments. That pair had also agreed on sharing themselves through anal intercourse, but were too engrossed in their own pleasures to notice Robbie and me. Seth had told Timmy he could go first, so they prepared each other quickly. Seth then rested his head on his arms, as he positioned his knees under his body and pushed his butt into the air. Timmy wasted no time in inserting his cute, little dong into Seth's butt and pumped wildly, until his volley of love juices were flowing into Seth's tunnel.

Seth was happy to return the favor, but he positioned Timmy on his back so he could show him an equal amount of warmth and tenderness while fulfilling his sexual role. Seth realized that this was probably the last time he'd have to show Timmy how much he cared about him, at least for a few months, until one of us visited the other over Christmas break. For that reason, he was ready to take full advantage of this opportunity.

Seth loved Timmy like a little brother, a lover and a friend, all rolled into one, and he intended on proving that to his young partner through this loving act. Slowly, he eased his joystick past the resilient ring that guarded the sacred tunnel until his full length was buried in Timmy's anus. Seth then showered Timmy with kisses, as he began his passionate assault on Timmy's hole.

Slowly, Seth slid in and out of Timmy's slicked up tunnel and reveled in the feeling of his young friend's satiny lining, as it wrapped around his penis like a tight-fitting glove. The feel of the muscular wall, as it squeezed and massaged his stiff pole, was gently milking him of both his strength and fluids at the same time. He held out for as long as he could, but conceded he'd eventually have to give in to the building pressure from within his groin.

From Timmy's point of view, he totally enjoyed Seth's tender and loving exchange and received not only the sexual pleasure from this act, but also an emotional fulfillment at the same time. Timmy deeply loved Seth and told him that he always made him feel so good when they were together. It wasn't just the sex that they occasionally shared, but it was the support and caring that he was able to infused into his soul. The sex was just a bonus for him, but it was also Timmy's way of repaying each of us for what we gave him so freely.

From the moment he had first met us and we'd saved him from his tormentor, Timmy had fallen in love with the two of us on so many different levels. He relished every minute of the time that we could actually spend together, because it was so lonely for him when we were apart. On those rare occasions when we were able to get together, he tried to make sure his reservoir was completely full, before we were forced to separate once more.

He continued to kiss Seth and returned his love, as he felt Seth's cannon swell inside him, before it exploded and filled his bowels with a fresh coating of hot boy jizm. Timmy didn't want to let go of Seth after their lovemaking had been completed and made sure to embrace Seth's naked torso, after Seth collapsed on top of him. He held Seth tightly against his own naked body for as long as he could, which he did until he acknowledged it was time to leave this little haven and return for the evening meal.

The four of us shared another round of kisses and hugs before we slipped into our discarded clothing and prepared to return to camp. Once we were ready, the four of us walked slowly and contentedly back toward the mess hall, once more completely filled by the love, caring and sexual gratification we had just shared. We were among the last group to eat, but that didn't bother us, so we sat together at the same table and discussed what other future possibilities we'd have to do this with each other again, after we returned home from camp.

This year, Robbie, Seth and I offered to go to Timmy's house right after Christmas and then he would come to stay with us over spring break. We were all satisfied with this arrangement and it made us feel better that this was settled and we would definitely see each other again.

The next two days went by fairly quickly as well and it was now Friday evening. This was our final free time before my father and Timmy's picked us up tomorrow afternoon. It was also our last chance to be alone in our refuge in the woods and our last opportunity to fill Timmy with enough love to sustain him until Christmas. We began by giving Timmy and Robbie their space and allowed them time to exchange the love they felt for each other.

Once they had finished, Seth and I said our private goodbyes to him as well. Each time we parted it seemed to get more and more difficult than the time before, even though we knew that we would see him again for a few days in four months. Even with that carrot dangling in front of us, it just seemed too long a time to wait to enjoy so little time together. Therefore, the rest of the day was somewhat sad and depressing.

Saturday morning, we went through our clean-up assignments with our cabin mates, before we headed out to meet our parents. We went over to say hello to Timmy's mom, because his dad had to work, and we all gave her a kiss and a hug. Timmy asked her about Christmas and she indicated that she'd love to have us come and visit then. Timmy also went with us to say hello to my father, before we each loaded up for the long ride back to our homes. By Saturday evening, we were all at our own homes and enjoying the love of our families, while at the same time missing the love of our friends.

Sunday evening, I received an excited phone call from Robbie.

"Logan, I just had to warn you and Seth that there's a big problem," he began. "Tom just came over to see me and was asking a lot of questions about you and Seth. It seems that while we were at camp, there have been a lot of rumors going around about you two. Tom said a bunch of the guys are talking about you and Seth being gay lovers, so Tom wanted to know if I knew anything about that. I told him no, but he claims someone else caught you guys doing things with each other. Is that true?"

I was stunned and my mind was reeling from the information that Robbie had just shared with me. I was trying to think if there was any chance that anyone could have seen us at any time, as well as the repercussions that such rumors could bring. I was deep in my own thoughts when I heard Robbie addressing me again.

"Logan, are you still there? Are you all right?" he asked, and I could tell he was deeply concerned. "Logan, talk to me. What's going on?"

I could hear the panic in Robbie's voice as I returned to reality.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about this," I told him. "Did Tom say anything else?"

"Just that some of the guys are really bothered about the rumor being true and they're planning on teaching you that they don't like fags," he answered. "Logan, I'm scared. If they know about you guys, then they're going to find out about me too, and I'm not sure I can handle it if that happens."

"Robbie, relax," I told him, hoping to calm him down. "I can't think of any time when someone could have seen Seth and me doing anything inappropriate, but even if they do know, we'll keep you out of it. They won't have any reason to suspect you, any more than they would have with any of our other friends. I'll talk to Seth, but I want you to let me know if you hear anything else."

We hung up after that and I called Seth to tell him what I had just learned. Seth couldn't think of anytime someone could have seen us doing anything out of the ordinary either, but we were both more than a little scared. We knew how such rumors could ruin us in school, even if no one could prove these innuendos. All it took was an accusation and you were guilty, even if you could somehow prove your innocence, especially when it came to something as collectively repulsive as being gay.

We both were smart enough to realize that we were going to suffer substantial abuse over this, no matter what we might try to do to prevent it, so we hurriedly discussed whether or not we should mention this to our parents. I was ready to do that, but Seth wanted to wait and see what kinds of things we might be facing. He said he didn't want to alarm his mother or father until he knew exactly what it was that he'd be warning them about. Hesitantly, I gave in to his request and we agreed the only other person we'd discuss any of this with would be Robbie.

When Monday morning came, Seth and I were scheduled for our football physicals, but then we would be issued our football equipment afterward. The physicals and issuance of gear was only for the varsity and junior varsity teams today, so Robbie wouldn't be there. Physicals for the modified team weren't scheduled until Friday, the last weekday before school started. Although we were leery of what we might have to face, Seth and I walked into the school and headed for the locker room, where the physicals were to be given. When we arrived, we discovered that the doctor had already started his examinations.

We saw Jeff and said hello to him, but he only nodded. I guess he was still upset with us about ignoring him the week after the party. I'd make it a point to go over and talk to him after we got our equipment, so I could try and explain to him that we weren't being rude or forgetting about him that week. I inform him that we were just preoccupied with getting ready for camp and never really thought about anything else. I hoped such an explanation would be sufficient and we could get things back to normal.

As I looked around the room to see who was there, I realized we knew nearly all of the other boys who were present. Most of them had played with us on the modified team either last year or the year before, but there were also a few new faces in the mix. They were mostly boys who were new to our school, but there were also a few who had opted not to play football on the school team during the previous two years. Either way, it looked as if we might also be able to make some new friends if they made the team.

No one was overly friendly today, although we exchanged hellos or nods when we made eye contact with each other. Luckily, the physicals progressed quickly and we were soon in the football storage room waiting for our turn to collect our equipment. A few of the guys split up into smaller groups to talk while they waited, but for the most part we just waited by ourselves or with one other friend. Of course, the friend that I waited with was Seth. After we got our gear, we put everything into our lockers before we left, but we still had to come back at 3:00 to get our playbooks and to sit through a brief meeting with the coaches. Since we were through for the morning, Seth and I left as soon as we could, so we could compare experiences.

We both went back to my house to eat lunch and discuss what it had been like for each of us that morning. Even though no one had been overly friendly, they hadn't totally ignored us or made any snide comments either, so we felt we might be ok. We then listened to a few tunes next, before we returned to school at 3:00 and headed straight for the meeting room. The coach wasn't there yet, but some of the other players were. There was a group of linemen sitting together on the far side of the room and they were laughing as Seth and I moved toward two open seats on the near side of the room. One of the linemen, a sizable sophomore named Randy, stood up and spoke to his friends.

"Do you guys know why fags like to be running backs?" he asked. "They like the idea of being able to slip into the hole and penetrate the defense."

It seemed as if he was intentionally speaking loud enough for everyone in the room to hear and there was a round of chuckles after he gave the punch line. Once the laughter died down, he spoke again.

"Do you know why queers are such good receivers?" he asked, and when no one answered he continued. "It's because they're used to receiving passes from other guys."

There was another round of laughter in the room and Seth and I were trying to blend in and not be too conspicuous in our lack of enthusiasm for the jokes.

"Do you know which position the gays like to hit on the most?" Randy continued. "The tight ends, and when they aren't tight any longer, they move on to the wide receivers."

Again the others chuckled at his joke, and just as the jocularity was beginning to die down, the coach entered the room. When that happened, everyone stopped laughing and turned his attention to the front of the room.

The coach was all business and quickly had his assistants pass out the playbooks to everyone there. He told us which plays he wanted us to concentrate on first and what positions we should focus on. Each of us was assigned a primary position and a back-up position to study when we learned the plays, since he had seen most of us play on the modified team. He also had questioned the others about their football background earlier, after our first session, so he could determine where they'd fit in best on the squad.

Once that had been taken care of, he stated that with quite a few returnees from last year's junior varsity team and with those of us who were moving up from the modified team that we had the basis for a very good squad. He said that if we learned the plays and worked hard at practice, then we could have an outstanding season, but it was all up to us. We'd have our first real practice tomorrow morning at eight, in full pads.

As the meeting began to break up, I made my move to go over and speak with Jeff.

"Jeff, do you have a minute so we can talk?" I began. "There's something I'd like to explain to you."

"I don't have time, man," he quickly responded. "I promised my mom that I'd come straight home so I could help her out. She's got a big project going and needs my help."

"It'll just take a minute and then you can go help her," I offered.

"Sorry, I can't. My mom's waiting for me out front," he stated, as he turned around and basically flew out of the room.

Once he took off, I went back to find Seth and walked with him to his house, so we could talk. Once we were in his room, I asked the question that I knew we had both been thinking.

"Do you think Randy's jokes were aimed at us?" I wondered.

"I can't be positive but I can't think of any other reason why he would be so loud and obvious in his actions," Seth reasoned. "I think he might have been even more aggressive about it, if the coach hadn't entered the room at that time."

"I agree. He wasn't very subtle in letting everyone know his feelings about gays, was he?" I challenged. "I'm worried about Jeff, too. He wasn't very friendly and I couldn't get him to give me even a minute so I could talk to him. I'm not sure if he's mad at us about not getting together with him the week after his party or if it's about what Robbie warned us was being said."

"I don't know either, Logan, but I do know that no one spoke to me today, other than to just say hello," he pointed out. "That's just not normal. Usually everyone wants to know about your summer and what you did that would be interesting to them. No one said a word about anything like that. It was just plain weird, because I don't know how else to describe it."

"You're right, Seth. No one spoke to me either," I concurred. "If they know about us, then how do you think they're going to act toward us?"

"If Randy is any indication, then I don't think they're going to embrace us with open arms or be cool about it," I offered.

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," Seth agreed. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens next, before we know how to handle this, but I don't like the way things went today."

"Maybe we can get a better idea before tomorrow's practice," I suggested. "I'll call Robbie and see if he's heard anything more and then I'll call Jeff and speak to him."

Seth was also going to try to talk to guys he felt close to and see if he could learn anything from them. I then hurried home to make my calls and I decided to call Jeff first.

"Hello. May I please speak with Jeff?" I asked, when his mother picked up the phone.

"May I ask who's calling?" she inquired.

"Yes, this is Logan," I told her.

"Just a second, Logan and I'll see what he's up to," she replied.

She then left and was gone for more than a minute, before she returned to the phone.

"Logan, I'm afraid Jeff's still busy. I'll have him call you when he's done," she explained

"Thank you. I'd appreciate that," I responded and then hung up.

I called Robbie next, but he had no more information beyond what he'd already told me. After that, I waited for Jeff to call me back, but he never did. I tried to call him once more before I went to bed, but the line was busy. I tried ten minutes later and, then, ten minutes after that, but it was still busy and I got his voice mail. I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow.

The next morning, I waited for Seth in front of the main entrance to the school, so we could walk to the locker room together. We had discussed this the day before and decided it would be best if we didn't do anything at school alone. We felt it would be best if we at least had each other there for support when we joined up with the rest of the team. It wasn't a perfect strategy, however, because we still weren't prepared for what we found when we entered the locker room a few minutes later. Hanging above our lockers were two huge signs – one had the word "fag" scrawled on it, while the other had "queer" written across it. Without saying a word to anyone, we walked over, tore down the signs, wadded them up and threw them in the trashcan. When we came back to our lockers, we made our next discovery.

As we opened the locker doors, we immediately noticed our helmets had been painted pink, over their usual white coloring. Seth looked at me and asked what I thought we should do next, so I told him we should just suit up and then head out to the practice field as usual. Then, once the coach spotted us, we should have a fairly good idea about his attitude toward what was going on and where we stood with him, since we already had a pretty good understanding about how the rest of the team felt about us.

Once that had been decided, we started to put on the rest of our gear and that's when we discovered the word "fag" had been spray painted over the pads on one of our pant legs too. Even though this made matters worse, we finished dressing, grabbed our helmets and walked out to the practice field, since everyone else was already there. When the coach saw us walking down, carrying our pink helmets, he called us over.

"You boys don't like the school colors?" he asked skeptically.

"No, someone else thought we'd look better in these, coach," I answered him.

"You think that someone on the team did this?" he challenged.

"Well, our helmets were in our lockers overnight and they were white when we left yesterday," I stated. "Unless someone else has a key to our locker room, then I'd say it's the only other possibility."

"Why don't you boys walk back up to the locker room with me so I can replace those for you," he offered. "My assistants can handle things here for a while and it will give us a chance to look around some."

We followed the coach back to the locker room, but we were unsure what he was going to do, other than replace our gear. Upon reaching that location though, he began by searching the trash for evidence about who might have done this. Coach not only found the signs that had hung above our lockers when we first arrived, but he also discovered a spray paint can in the garbage, wrapped in a wad of paper towels.

Once he found those things, he continued to look around and began searching each of the lockers. When he came to one of them, he found a pair of sneakers that had pink paint splattered on the toes. He noted the name on the locker and then led us over to the equipment room, so he could replace our 'damaged' equipment. Seth and I quickly changed into our new gear and then walked back to the practice field with the coach, as he carried one of the pink helmets, with the sneakers stuffed inside it.

"Chambers get your sorry butt over here, now!" he bellowed in his drill-sergeant voice, and Randy Chambers came running over to where the coach stood.

"Do you want something, coach?" he asked, trying to act innocent

"Do you know anything about this?" the coach asked, as he held up the pink helmet.

Randy held his arms out waist high, palms up at his side, in a gesture to proclaim his ignorance.

"Why are you asking me coach?" he countered.

Coach then pulled the sneakers out of the helmet and held them in front of him.

"Well, it might have something to do with the pink paint on the toes of the sneakers that I found in your locker and the pink paint smeared on your hands," he shot back.

When the coach said this, we all looked down at Randy's hands and saw the dabs of pink paint on his fingers. Randy looked up sheepishly and then put his hands behind his back.

"Do you want to tell me who else was involved in this?" the coach asked next.

Randy looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but he wasn't about to give up any of his friends.

"There was no one else, coach, just me. It was only a little joke," he added.

"Do you see me laughing, Chambers?" Coach followed, in a very loud and irritated tone. "The destruction of school property and sexual harassment are not jokes. They're very serious issues and immediate action needs to be taken. You're off the team, Chambers. Just leave your equipment in your locker and I'll check it in when I get back up there."

"You're kicking me off the team and you're letting the gay boys stay on?" Randy challenged.

"Let me put it this way, Chambers. You're no longer needed or wanted on this squad, end of story," Coach responded. "Now, go change and get lost. The principal and superintendent will decide your academic status when school starts next week."

"What do you mean by that?" Randy wanted to know, his eyes as big as saucers. "Are you telling me that I might be kicked out of school too?"

"Well, it appears you may be smarter than you act, if you were able to figure that one out by yourself," Coach sneered. "Your future as a student at this school will be left in the hands of the school administrators. They'll decide your fate where that is concerned, not me."

"You mean all of this is happening to me, just because we have a couple of fags who want to play football?" Randy shot back.

"No. All of this is happening to you because you decided to be stupid and spray paint school property and defame two of your teammates," Coach replied emphatically. "You might as well face facts, Chambers. You only have your own stupidity and bigotry to blame for this. Nobody held a gun to your head or fed you stupid pills to make you do these things. That was done by you, and according to what you told me a few minutes ago, you alone."

He then handed Randy his sneakers and Randy started to say something else, but the coach silenced him and pointed toward the locker room. Randy reluctantly left the field and headed toward the school, but Seth and I knew this probably wouldn't be the last we saw or heard from him or his friends. It looked as if the coach was thinking the same thing, because he called everyone in for an impromptu team meeting. He held up the helmet as he began to speak.

"If anyone knows anything about this, then I suggest you speak up now, before I find out on my own," he announced and then waited for a response, but received none. "Alright, have it your way then. Mr. Chambers is no longer a member of this football team and school officials will be asked to decide next week what punishment he will face for his involvement in this incident."

As we looked around, there were shocked expressions on the faces of the other guys on the team, as they looked back and forth at their friends. Then a buzz washed over the group as they began to talk to one another, but the coach finally got the team's attention again and resumed his comments.

"This is destruction of school property and will not be tolerated. Neither will the sexual harassment of any students in this school or members of any of the sport teams," he added. "If there are others who were involved with Mr. Chambers, then they will face a similar fate, possibly even more severe, since no one is willing to own up to their part in this debacle. I'll be in my office after practice, if anyone wishes to speak to me about his part in any of this or if any of you can shed any light on who participated in this affront on decency and good taste."

The practice was rough and Randy's friends were continually staring at Seth and me. Even though we had nothing to do with him getting kicked off the team, other than the fact that we were his targets, they still felt we were responsible for what had happened to their friend. Maybe they thought we had talked the coach into doing this when he took us up to the locker room, but that may have nothing to do with it at all. Go figure.

After practice, Seth and I hung back on the practice field to avoid any confrontations in the shower room. When we finally went in, nearly everyone else was gone. We were almost completely undressed, when Jeff came back into the locker room and approached us.

"Seth. Logan," he started, but then stopped. He was very meek acting for Jeff and I knew something was up. "I'm sorry that things got out of hand like this. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"What are you talking about, Jeff?" Seth asked. "Are you saying that you were responsible for what happened today?"

"In a way, I guess maybe I am, because this all kinda started when we slept out in the tent after my birthday party," he confessed. "You see, I saw you two cuddling with each other when I got up that morning to head into the house to pee. Then, later, after I woke up again and saw you two were gone, I went out looking for you and that's when I spotted you guys kissing each other behind one of the trees. After you two left for camp, I remembered about that time in the showers, when you two were in there alone and hard, and everything began to fall into place. That's when I realized you were both gay.

"I didn't want to make any accusations or cause any trouble, but I thought I'd see if anyone else had noticed anything like that, besides me," he continued. "I was asking Keith about it one day at the pool and he asked why I wanted to know, so I took him to the other end of the pool, away from everyone else was at the time. Once we were alone, I explained to him what I saw, but the whole thing blew up when we realized we weren't really alone.

"I'm sorry, but neither of us happened to notice that Randy and one of his friends were resting against the edge of the pool at the deep end with only their heads above the water, and they must have heard everything we said," he added. "When we eventually spotted them, it was too late to do anything about it, but at the time we didn't know for sure if they had actually heard what we'd been talking about. We didn't find that out until we started to hear the rumors spreading around the neighborhood. I really didn't mean for this to happen and only wanted to know if Keith had noticed any of the same things I had."

"Thanks for being honest and telling us this," I told him. "It's nice to know you didn't do this maliciously and we're glad to hear it was just an accident on your part. I think we're also willing to assume you didn't have anything to do with what happened today, so I hope this means we are still friends. We are, aren't we?"

He hesitated briefly, before he spoke again.

"I definitely didn't have anything to do with today, but I didn't exactly say we were still friends either," he pointed out. "I don't have a problem playing football with you guys, because you're good and you've helped to make me look good too, so we can still work together on the team. It's just that I don't want to hang out with you outside of football any longer. I mean, if you two are gay, then that's just not right and it's definitely not natural, so I wouldn't want anybody else to think that I was gay too, just because I hang around with you guys. I think it would probably be best if we were only seen together during practices and games then, if you don't mind."

"I see. Well at least now we know where we stand with you. I guess it's ok for us to hang around you, just as long as we're making you look good, like in football, but you don't want to be near us at other times, so our disease doesn't rub off on you," I stated, sarcastically. "Don't worry, Jeff. We understand you perfectly and can see how this works, so you don't have to worry about us hanging out anywhere near you in the future."

Jeff didn't know how to react to my last comment, so he just turned around and walked away. Seth and I merely looked at each other, while we absorbed the implications of what Jeff had said. I think we both knew he probably wouldn't be the only guy who felt this way.

"That took guts, Logan," Seth said, while looking me in the eye. "He comes in here and admits to us that he's the cause of all of our problems and then has the nerve to tell us that he doesn't want anything more to do with us. You've got to admit doing that took big balls."

"The size of boulders," was all I could add.

Seth went with me to my house after practice, so we could decide how we were going to handle any future incidents. We also wanted to try and determine if there was anyone else we could count on to stand by us, now that the cat was out of the bag. Our little meeting was very bleak, because the only person we felt we could count on was Robbie, but he would be putting himself at risk if he said anything in our defense. The only ones we felt we might be able to rely on were some of the teachers and administrators at school, but we weren't exactly sure how many of them would defend us either, besides our coach. Seth and I eventually concluded we were basically on our own.

We talked about telling our parents and I decided to speak with my mom and dad about this that evening, so I could let them know what was happening. Seth, however, was afraid to tell his parents. First of all, he said he wasn't sure how his mother would react, but he was convinced his father wouldn't take the news well at all. In fact, he thought his father might react very strongly, if he knew or thought his only son was gay, so Seth wasn't prepared to take the chance. Even though I tried to tell him it would be better if his father found out from him, rather than hearing the rumors that were bound to start spreading like wildfire, he still wasn't ready to tell him. Although he agreed with me in principle, he just couldn't bring himself to face his father, at least not yet.

That evening, I told my parents I was gay, although my father already knew, but I also told them about what had happened to us at football practice. They were both upset about how we had been treated, but they were also extremely supportive and sympathetic, as I knew they would be. They even offered to go to school and talk to the coach or the administrators on our behalf, but I told them that wasn't necessary, at least not yet.

Then, I informed them that Seth wasn't ready to tell his parents just yet and they agreed to avoid mentioning anything about this while Seth's parents were around. They did this because they felt Seth should be allowed to choose his own time for when he wanted to 'come out' to them. They were merely concerned, like I had been, that his parents might hear about it from someone else first, before he worked up the nerve to say anything.

The remainder of the week passed by fairly quietly, especially football practices, since no one dared to invoke the coach's ire by attacking us in any way. Over the weekend, however, Seth and I started to become very concerned about what types of things might happen at school the following week, once classes started. We knew how other kids had been treated in the past when someone merely suspected them of being gay, and there were a few guys out there who thought they had proof that Seth and I were definitely gay.

My dad explained it wouldn't do us any good to keep worrying about such things before they happened and doing so wouldn't prevent something more from occurring. He said dwelling on what might happen would only help to make us feel worse, so he suggested we should try to find something else to think about that would take our minds off any possible problems. Try as we might, we were unsuccessful in finding anything else that would distract us from our current predicament.

As it turned out, we had good reason to be concerned, even though the problems at school started out slowly. At first, there were only whispers and giggles when we walked down the halls, but then the pointing and staring started, as people would focus on us as we sat in our classrooms or ate in the cafeteria. Then, unfortunately, our problems suddenly began to escalate.

The next level of harassment included finding notes pushed through the vents in our lockers or even stuffed in our books. These notes varied in style and content, because some were simple and direct. This group included such things as 'Gays will burn in Hell,' 'Gays have no right to live,' 'God hates fags,' 'It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve' and 'Boys loving boys is an abomination.'

Others left jokes for our benefit, such as 'How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? He ties up the safe and blows the guard.' Another read, 'How can you tell if you're in a gay church? Only half of the congregation is kneeling.' Another read, 'How do you know if you're in a gay bar? The bar stools are turned upside down to seat four.' A different one asked, 'What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A freezer doesn't fart when you pull out the meat.' The last one read, 'Which is better, being born black or gay? Being born black, because you don't have to tell your parents.'

Some of the other notes were very graphic and described the acts, in detail, that the writer found objectionable. Some were not notes at all, but merely a collection of derogatory names and phrases. The creative ones even included a picture or pictures that the author or one of his friends had drawn, while the more perverse ones included threats of violence and even death.

There were also obscenities written on the doors of our lockers in magic marker, nail polish or paint. This, however, came under investigation by the school officials, because of the damage to school property issue, although there didn't seem to be much concern about how any of this was affecting us. Seeing the school was investigating those types of activities though, this form of harassment quickly abated. In its place, notes were soon being either glued or taped to our lockers instead, and even though these items could easily be removed, they still spread the same hatred the other graffiti had symbolized. It was becoming a constant and chronic problem, because new signs were appearing almost as quickly as we were able to take the old ones down.

Things weren't exactly going well at football practice either. Since Randy's friends blamed us for getting him kicked off the team, they were doing their best to make us look bad. When we were scrimmaging and a play was called where Seth or I were to carry the ball, then Randy's friends would only bump or brush block their assignments. This meant the defender was coming through virtually untouched to tackle us and sometimes multiple bodies hit or fall on us during the same play. Sure, the coach would scream at them and they'd look bad too, but Seth and I were the ones having to survive the hard, almost instant tackles that were being doled out. We were getting hammered play after play and the physical abuse to our bodies was beginning to add up and affect our play dramatically. This meant their tactics were starting to have the desired effect on us.

Things were beginning to escalate in school as well. The non-violent harassment, such as the notes, signs, jokes, comments, etc. were starting to be replaced by a more physical aggression. Suddenly, Seth and I found ourselves being bumped and shoved in the hallways, as we passed between classes. Small groups of guys would knock us into walls, trip us or knock our books and other things out of our hands. In the classroom, someone was constantly knocking our things off our desks or trying to knock us out of our chairs. The first few times we ignored the abuse, but then we began to fight back, although that didn't work either. There would always be three to four guys for each one of us and one or more of them would pummel us, as the others restrained our defensive instincts. It was quickly becoming more than we could handle gracefully.

One of the worst acts against us happened in the cafeteria. Seth and I were sitting and eating the school lunch when one of Randy's non-athletic friends came over and spoke to us.

"How can you guys stand to eat the crap they serve here?" he asked. "They shouldn't even call it food it's so bad, but then again you guys like licking assholes and sucking dick too, so maybe in comparison it's not so gross."

He smiled at us, and while we were concentrating on his face, we missed his next move. He had a test tube hidden in his right shirtsleeve and inconspicuously reached over and removed the stopper that sealed it up. Once the stopper had been taken out, he emptied the contents of the test tube over our plates. When we realized what he was doing, we looked down and saw a white creamy substance on our food and knew immediately that it was probably a semen sample that he had donated for this purpose.

"There! That should improve the flavor for you. You boys always like your meals with a little cream, don't you?"

He began to laugh and I became furious. I flipped my plate of food onto his chest and started to crawl across the table toward him, but Seth pulled me back, because the kid's friends were rushing toward our table in his defense. Both sides started screaming at each other and throwing punches across the table, before several teachers and administrators started streaming into the area.

Over the next few minutes, the adults asked multiple questions, in a quest to determine culpability, and then both the instigator and I got detentions for inappropriate behavior. The detentions didn't seem to faze Randy's friend at all, since he had no place else to go after school, but they were definitely going to interfere with my football practices. Seth promised he'd explain the situation to the coach and would try to lessen the effects of the incident with him. I had no other option, so I agreed.

When I finally got there, practice was half over and the rest of it went horribly for me. Between my nerves, my anger from having to serve detention and the continually actions of Randy's loyal friends, Seth and I looked totally pathetic and completely inept when playing our offensive positions. How could we look good when we were getting hit almost as soon as we were handed the football.

As much as we'd discussed this situation, Seth and I had been unable to come up with a solution to our problem, so we were beginning to resign ourselves to the fact that we would probably be riding the bench the entire season. This would be a bitter pill for us to swallow, mainly because we were used to playing, but it was made even worse because the reason it was happening was beyond our control. To have this occur due to the fact that our teammates were trying to make us look bad just because we were gay and not due to our abilities on the field only made it an more difficult for us to accept.

After practice ended, Seth and I hung back so we could talk to the coach. We informed him about all of the things that were happening to us and explained how it was affecting us, both academically and athletically. We then told him that we weren't sure if we'd be able to continue playing football under these circumstances and had even considered transferring to another high school. This last consideration had been put on hold for the time being, since it would mean that Seth would have to tell his parents about why he wanted to transfer. Seeing he still wasn't ready to do that yet, we held off moving ahead with that idea, but we didn't tell this last part to our coach.

The coach, however, was sympathetic. He never asked if the rumors were true and didn't seem to care one way or the other. His primary concern seemed to be Seth's and my welfare and how we were coping with what was happening to us. He said he would support any decision we made, but if we still wanted to continue playing football, then he'd do whatever he could to help us, because he said there was no question in his mind that we belonged on the team.

After we cleaned up, Seth told me that he had to get home and eat quickly, because he needed to go to the library and do some research for a report that was coming due. Once he told me this, we said goodbye and set out in opposite directions. When I got home, I discussed our situation with my parents over dinner and we agreed that we should start looking into some viable alternatives, like checking out some of the other high schools in the area.

Mom and Dad said they'd both provide taxi service for Seth and me, if we decided to do this and Seth could convince his parents to allow him to transfer with me. My parents were very helpful and we agreed that I should take some time off from school the following week, so I could go with dad to visit a couple of the other schools. He told me to talk to Seth and see if he wanted to join us, but I'd have to convince Seth it was time for him to admit things to his parents first, especially if he wanted this to happen. Since I knew he'd be at the library for quite a while, I decided to discuss this option with him the next day.

I was just getting ready to head up to bed when the phone rang and my dad answered it. He then called me over to take the call and said it was for me. I couldn't imagine who'd be calling me at this hour, but I took the receiver to find out.

"Hello."

"Hello, Logan? This is Seth's father. Something happened to him on the way home from the library and he's really upset," he told me. "He won't talk to his mother or me as to what it was about, so I was wondering if you would be so kind as to come over and see if you can find out what happened. I'm hoping that since you're such good friends that maybe you can get him to tell you what is wrong. I hate to bother you so late, but I couldn't think of anyone else that Seth would be likely to open up to if he had a problem. I'll drive over and pick you up, if you're willing to do this for me."

"Would you please hold on a second, Mr. Eldred? I want to ask my dad if he'll bring me over instead," I explained and he quickly agreed.

I then spoke with my dad and he volunteered to drive me over, so I could look in on Seth.

"Mr. Eldred, my dad will bring me to your house and we'll be there in a few minutes," I told him and then hung up.

I then explained more about the situation to my dad as we drove to Seth's house, but I left him downstairs to talk with Mr. Eldred, while I went up to Seth's room. I knocked on his bedroom door and slowly it opened. The room was dark and Seth stood back in the shadows, where I couldn't see him clearly in the light from the hallway. He asked what I was doing there, so I told him that his dad was worried about him and called to ask me to help out. Seth reluctantly let me into his room at that point and I turned on the light as I entered, while he was shutting the door. As soon as each of us turned around, I was shocked by what I saw, but even more so after he explained what had happened.

Now that his room light was on, I was able to see Seth's face was swollen and discolored. It would still be a while before it was totally black and blue, but I could still tell that Seth had been on the receiving end of several punches. I had to fight back my rage and tears as I asked him what had happened.

"I was walking home from the library when something was draped over my head and a bunch of hands grabbed me. I tried to fight back, but there were just too many of them and I didn't stand a chance. Some of them held my arms and legs while others punched and kicked me. When they finished assaulting me, they had another surprise planned."

I looked at him confused, until he lifted up his shirt and showed me his chest. Besides being bruised and discolored, the word 'fag' had been painted on his chest.

"And that's not all they did either," Seth added, as he reached down to unbutton his jeans. Once he did that, he lowered them and his underwear for me to see his naked groin. "They did this as well."

His attackers had also painted his genitals the same pick color as the writing on his chest. It was also the same color that our football helmets and pads had been painted previously.

"Here's the ratty old towel they threw over my head so I couldn't identify them," he added, as he tossed the towel to me. "After they finished getting their jollies by doing those things, they hit me and kicked me some more, before the ran away and left me lying exposed in front of the library. I couldn't tell my parents what had happened without having to explain that I'm gay. I still can't do that, so I don't know what to do."

"I'll just tell your dad you got beat up by some guys on the team that we've had problems with at practice," I suggested. "If he asks what it's about, I'll just tell him it's because they're afraid we'll take the starting spots away from their friends. I'll also tell him I'm going to take you to spend the night at my house and then we'll be able to get you cleaned up there. I know my dad has some paint remover, so we can use that in the shower to get rid of the paint. You get your things together and I'll go talk to your dad."

I went downstairs and explained our cover story to Seth's father, but he didn't want Seth to leave. My dad then jumped in and helped me convince him that Seth would be better off with me to comfort him tonight, so Mr. Eldred reluctantly agreed. Seth loaded his things into our car, and once we got to my house, we took my dad up to my room with us, so we could explain the real story to him. He got us the things we needed and explained that paint thinner would be more appropriate to use and wouldn't irritate Seth's skin quite as severely as the paint remover would. We thanked him and then I went with Seth into the bathroom, so I'd be able to assist him in any way I could.

Seth slowly removed the paint from his body, but at a price. When he finished, his skin was all red, raw and irritated, but it also looked very sore. Seth wouldn't admit it, but I felt he was in a great deal of pain, not only from the beating, but also from the cleaning process as well. After he was finished, we went back to my room to talk.

"Do you know who was there tonight?" I wanted to know.

"Not for sure, but with the same paint and after what happened at practice, I can only guess that it was Randy and his friends," he told me. "They're not going to let up or stop, Logan, and it's only going to get worse. We'll have to do something soon, before this happens again."

"Seth, you've got to tell your father," I urged. "It's only a matter of time now before he learns the truth some other way. What if you had been harmed so badly that you had to be taken to the emergency room? The doctor would have told him what was done to you and what was written on your body. You've got to get this out in the open so he can help you. We could transfer schools then and that would end this, at least for a while."

"For a while, but how long will it be before it starts there too?" Seth countered. "Guys in our school know guys from the other high schools too, so word will get out and we'll be right back where we started. The only difference will be that I'll have to deal with my parents as well. I've got enough problems now, without having to worry about how I'm going to be treated at home too."

"What if they ended up supporting you?" I pressed. "Then you'd have help in dealing with these problems. You'd have someone else to turn to and you could discuss things with them too, even if the situation turns bad again later."

"I'm telling you, Logan. My dad isn't going to accept this," Seth reiterated. "He's just going to be another problem for me, not a solution. I'm telling you that it's better if he doesn't find out about us. I can't explain how I know this, but I do. My dad just isn't the accepting type."

I believed that Seth probably knew his father better than I did, so I accepted his version of reality, although I felt sorry for him. I couldn't imagine not being able to go to my dad about things such as this and found it difficult to picture what it must be like for Seth to not have that same kind of support system at home. I wanted to cuddle with Seth and make him feel better, but I knew this wouldn't be possible with the bruising from the beating and sensitive skin from removing the paint. As much as I wanted to hold him and make him forget about his problems, I knew I could only console him verbally and attempt to soothe his pain by staying beside him.

The next morning, we got a call from Seth's father and he asked us to wait for him until he got to my house. When he arrived, we could see he was upset and we wondered what had happened.

"Seth, I got a phone call early this morning," he began. "Some guy told me that I should do something to convert my faggot son and get him away from his butt-fucking friend. Can you explain to me what that was about? Is it true? Are you a fag?"

Seth just sat there, his mouth hanging open, but no words were coming out. I could see the pained expression on his face and could tell from his father's words that Seth's assessment of his dad's reaction to the news had been correct. Mr. Eldred looked at me and I had a good idea of what was coming next.

"How about you, Logan? Can you shed any light on this topic?" he demanded. "Are you the butt-fucking friend the guy was referring to?"

"Leave Logan out of this," Seth screamed out. "You have no right to speak to him like that. He's my friend and the only person I can trust. He has stood by me through everything and you have no right to speak to him that way. Yes, I'm gay and there's nothing you can do to change that. It's just who I am. I've had to accept it and you're going to have to accept it too."

"Accept it? Like hell I'm going to accept it," he spat out, as his eyes glared at us. "You're going to have to give up your little homo fling and bring yourself back to reality. I'm not going to tolerate this, so you're going to start acting straight, start going out with girls and you're going to stop hanging around with the queers. If that includes Logan, then you're going to have to stop hanging out with him too."

"I just can't stop being gay," Seth countered, emphatically. "I didn't choose to be this way, so I can't just choose to give it up either. I've tried to be straight and go out with girls, but they don't do anything for me. I'm just not attracted to them I can't change who or what I am just because you say so."

"Don't speak to me that way," his father challenged. "You're my son and you're going to do what I tell you. As long as you're a minor and living under my roof, then you will do what I tell you and do it when I tell you."

"I may be a minor and I may live under your roof, but I can't perform miracles. I'll listen to you and I'll do what you say, but there is no way that I can ever be straight. You can't make love to a girl if you can't get it up and girls just don't make me hard. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect son who's exactly what you want. I am who I am and I can't become somebody else. If you can't love and accept me like this, then I'll just have to leave, so you won't have to worry about me anymore."

"Enough of this bullshit," his father screamed. "You're not going anywhere and you're going to do exactly what I tell you, starting now. Get your things and go to the car. We're going home and have a private discussion about how things are going to be in the future."

Seth went to my room to get his things and you could tell how much he was dreading this conversation. It was extremely hard for him and I wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand up under this kind of pressure. Once he had disappeared, his father turned toward me next.

"Logan," Mr. Eldred continued, "I expect you to stay away from Seth from now on. I don't want to see or hear of you two being together at all. Seth is going to be turning over a new leaf and you won't be included in his life."

I wasn't able to respond, because I couldn't think of anything to say in response to this kind of logic. All I could do was feel sorry for Seth and think about what he was about to go through. I hoped he might be able to call me later or possibly I could talk to him at school, but it was obvious that neither of us would be going to school today.

After they left, I raced up to my room and attempted to evaluate everything that had happened. It turned out to be the longest, slowest moving day that I'd ever had to endure, and when it was over, I was no closer to finding any answers. My only hope was that my parents might be able to help me, once they got home from work.

I was relieved when I heard their cars pull into the driveway later, but gave them a chance to unwind a bit first, before I asked them to sit down with me. Once they did, I told them about what had happened after they left the house that morning and explained all of the sordid details about Mr. Eldred's tirade with Seth, along with what he said to me. I also let them know how worried I was about Seth and wanted to know if either of them thought there was anything they could do to help.

My parents were sympathetic, but not very optimistic about the situation, because Mr. Eldred was Seth's father and, therefore, the person who would be making the decisions about what was best for him. They said none of us would be able to interfere with how he handled the situation, unless Mr. Eldred asked for help or did something illegal or harmful to Seth. This certainly didn't make me feel any better, so I trudged back up to my room hoping Seth would call. About an hour later, I heard the doorbell ring.

"Ok. Where the hell is he?" I heard a voice demand and realized it was Mr. Eldred. He was obviously looking for Seth.

"He's not here and we haven't seen him, if that's what you're asking," my father replied.

"How about your son? He must know where Seth is," he challenged.

I didn't wait for my father to answer him this time. Instead, I walked down the stairs and confronted him myself.

"I haven't seen or heard from Seth since you dragged him off this morning," I spat out. "This is your fault, because you treated him like dirt this morning. You think you can just bark out orders and everything will be fine, but it doesn't work that way. Now, he's probably run away and who knows where he is or what he's doing."

"Don't you dare speak to me like that you little faggot," he screamed.

"And don't you dare to speak to my son like that, you fucking asshole," my father screamed back. "Logan is correct. You created your own problems with your intolerance, as well as your lack of understanding and compassion. If your son has run away, then it's because of how you treated him and not anything that my son did. If you'd like our help, then fine. You may ask for it and we'll see what we can do. If not, I want you to remove yourself from my premises. It's up to you."

I'd never heard my father speak to anyone like that before, so I was totally shocked. My dad is usually such a laid back, easy-going guy and I'd never seen him this riled up before.

"You can all go to hell then," Mr. Eldred snapped back, "but don't you dare let me find out Seth is staying here with you or I'll press charges with the police. Not only that, but I'll sue you for every cent you have."

"Get the fuck out of my house and take your lame threats with you," my dad ordered. "The next time you set foot on my property, then I'll have your sorry ass arrested for trespassing. Now get lost, you sorry excuse for a human being."

Mr. Eldred turned around and left in a huff, while my father continued to spit and sputter for another few minutes. During that time, I called Robbie to see if he had seen or heard from Seth, because he was the only other person I could think of that Seth might try to contact. Unfortunately, Robbie told me he hadn't had any contact with Seth since we got back from camp, although he did assure me that he'd let me know if he found out anything in the future. I thanked him and hung up, but now I was really concerned about my best friend. I tried to think of anyone else he might turn to or anyplace he might try to go, but I only drew blanks. I said a special prayer for him that night and asked God to protect and look after him, no matter where he might be.

I slept very poorly that evening and woke up with every little noise I heard. I spent a great deal of the time I was awake staring out my bedroom window and hoping that Seth might come by, but he never showed up. This only made me worry even more about him, as the night progressed into dawn. I couldn't imagine where he might be or how he was surviving out there all by himself.

In the morning, I rushed around and was ready to go to school early. Even though my parents didn't think this was a good idea and wanted me to stay home again, I felt I had to go and see if Seth was there by any chance. I waited for him outside and watched for any clue that might signal he was nearby, so I was pretty much oblivious to everything else that was going on around me. This included the lame attempts to make light of my sexuality.

All I could think about was Seth, as I wondered how he was surviving on his own. I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes and told the coach that I wouldn't be at practice again. I went home and sat by the phone after school and waited for Seth to call. I never moved more than ten feet from it until my parents arrived home later. I asked if they had heard anything about Seth, but they told me they hadn't. That was not what I wanted to hear.

I was frantic now. It had been nearly two days since Seth had taken off and he still hadn't contacted me. Where was he? What was he doing? How was he surviving? I was beginning to get physically ill from worrying about him and my stomach was in knots. My heart was aching and I couldn't focus mentally on any task. If I didn't hear something about him soon I thought I might literally explode. When the phone rang, I immediately pounced on it.

"Hello."

"Logan? This is Timmy."

"Timmy? Oh, I'm sorry. I was hoping it was Seth," I replied, sounding disappointed. "He's been gone for almost two days now and I'm worried sick about him. He had a big fight with his father and took off. I'm scared, Timmy, and I'm worried that something bad has happened to him."

"I know. That's why I'm calling," he explained. "Seth is here with me and he wanted to let you know he's all right. Hold on and I'll let you talk to him."

My head was spinning. How the hell did he get to Timmy's house? Timmy lives a couple of hours away from here.

"Logan. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what I was up to before I left," Seth apologized. "I was afraid my father would find out where I was going and come after me. What's happened since I took off?"

"Your dad came over here the night you left and was making all kinds of threats and accusations," I replied. "My dad lost it and threw your father out of our house. He even swore at your dad and I'd never even heard him use that kind of language before. It was really wicked and you'd have loved it. So when are you coming back?"

"I don't know Logan. I don't think I can come back there and face my father again," he explained. "Timmy's folks are being really good to me and they've been very understanding. They knew that Timmy was gay before I got here, so it wasn't a big shock for them to find out about me. I told them everything that happened to us since camp and they were very sympathetic. I know I can't stay here forever, but I don't know what else I can do."

"I can get my dad to drive me there this weekend and then you can come back here and stay with us," I offered.

"And go back to the same school with the same bigots and be near my dad again?" he countered. "I don't know if I can handle that."

"Look, how long are Timmy's parents willing to let you stay there?" I asked.

"I'm not sure if I can tell you in terms of days, weeks or anything like that," he answered. "They just told me I could stay with them until things quieted down or until I could work things out at home, like that might actually happen."

"Aren't your parents supposed to be going away for a week or weekend?" I wondered, since I suddenly remembered he'd told me something like that a while back.

"Yes. They leave a week from this Saturday," he confirmed. "It's got something to do with my dad's job and I think he won the trip at work or something. They'll be gone for a week."

"Great. Then if we pick you up this weekend and then you'll just have to lay low for a week before they leave," I offered. "Seth, I'm dying here without you. I've been so worried about you that I was actually getting sick. Just say 'yes' and we'll be there this weekend. Ok?"

"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't sponge off of Timmy's family for too long," he agreed. "I just don't want to see my dad right away."

"Don't worry. My dad's not going to let him in here," I stated. "They were both really hot and making all sorts of threats the evening you left."

"I'm sorry that you and your family got dragged into my family problems," he apologized again.

"You're my family too," I countered. "Your problems are also my problems and my parents feel the same way. You're not alone in this and we'll help you any way we can.

"Thanks, Logan. I know I can always count on you," he added.

"Hey, let me talk to Timmy for a minute before we hang up," I told him.

"Yeah?" It was Timmy being Timmy.

"Timmy I know you can't say much, so I'll try to ask questions you can answer with a yes or no," I explained. "Is Seth really ok? I'm mean emotionally, as well as physically."

"Yeah," he confirmed.

"Will your parents let him stay there until this weekend?" I wanted to know. "If they will, then I'll get my dad to drive me there and pick him up on Saturday."

"Yeah, everything's fine," he offered.

"I know that I shouldn't ask this of you, but Seth needs to relax and forget about what's been happening in his life," I began. "So do you think you can help him with this and get his mind off of his problems? You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know and I planned on doing that already," he confessed. "Don't worry, Logan. We'll take good care of Seth until he goes back home. Remember, I love him too, maybe not as much as you, but I'll take care of him and we'll return him in good shape. Maybe you could see if Robbie wants to come with you when you pick Seth up, because I'd kind of like to see him too."

"Ok. I'll call him tomorrow and see what he has to say," I agreed. "We'll see you Saturday, but give Seth a kiss and some loving from me too."

"I will, so don't worry," he concurred. "We'll see you on Saturday. Bye."

I felt better now that I knew Seth was safe and I'd see him again soon. I explained my plan to my dad and he agreed to drive me to Timmy's to pick Seth up. I think my mom and dad were as relieved as I was to learn where Seth was and that he was doing fine. Now, we just had to plan what we're going to do after that and decide how we were going to deal with his father.

The next day at school was a lot better for me, since I was no longer worried about Seth, but I still didn't let anything rile me. I stopped by to see the coach before the end of the day and told him that Seth and I were through with football for the season. He said he was sorry to hear it, but he understood. He told me that he hoped we would decide to come out again next year and see if things had improved. I thanked him for his kindness and understanding throughout our problems and told him that if we were still going to this school next year, then we might decide to try out again.

Later that evening, I called Robbie to ask if he wanted to join us when we went to pick up Seth.

"Robbie, it's Logan. My dad is going to drive me up to Timmy's house on Saturday and I wondered if you wanted to go with us."

There was an extended silence on the other end of the line, before he finally responded.

"Well I have football practice on Saturday," he replied, somewhat meekly.

"I know, but we won't be leaving until around noon," I explained. "You should be done with football by then, so what do you say?"

"Logan, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm not sure I want to be seen with you or Seth right now," he confessed, and my heart sank into my stomach. "I love you both and I'd love to see Timmy again, but I wouldn't be able to put up with the same types of things that are happening to the two of you. I feel like a rat, but I'm just not that strong."

"Believe me Robbie, you're not a rat and I do understand," I told him, sincerely. "What if we were able to hide you in the back seat until we got out of town? Would that help to change your mind?"

There was another brief silence, before I heard his voice again.

"Yeah, I think it would," he agreed. "Do you really think you could hide me like that?"

"Yes, that will be the easy part," I agreed. "Where would you like us to meet you when we pick you up? Do you want us to come by your house or do you have somewhere else in mind where we can hook up?"

"Yes, there is someplace else where we can do this," he agreed. "I have an uncle who lives a couple of blocks from the school, on the way out of town, toward where Timmy lives. I'll talk to my parents to see if I can go and then I'll call my uncle to make sure it's all right for me to meet you over there, but I'm sure it will be. I'll call you back and let you know for sure, Logan, and thanks for caring and understanding. I don't think I would have been so thoughtful, if I had been if your position."

"Robbie, you're our friend and we love you," I told him. "If anyone understands your fears and concerns, it would be us. I can't fault you for thinking the way you did, because we might have done the same thing. I'll fill you in on Saturday about why we're going to Timmy's, so I'll see you then. Bye."

I was happy to know that Robbie was going to go with us. Due to all of the problems Seth and I had been having, we hadn't spent any time with Robbie since we'd returned from camp. It will be nice to have him along and I'm certain Timmy will be glad to see him too. I was still concerned about Seth, however, and wanted to talk to my parents again to see if we could find an acceptable way to help him out of this dilemma. I believe it's imperative that Seth and I change high schools now, but we won't be able to do that without the approval of Seth's parents. Unfortunately, I didn't see any way that might happen.

When Saturday came, we went over to pick Robbie up at his uncle's house. Dad backed into the driveway and I reached behind my seat and opened the rear door. Robbie came out through the garage, jumped into the backseat and crouched down on the floor. I'd placed a blanket in the back before we left our house, so I threw it over Robbie now, in order to keep him hidden. I was beginning to feel as if we were starring in some old B-movie where we were transporting a mob stoolpigeon out of town. All of this cloak and dagger activity might have been funny, if it wasn't for the reality of why we were being forced to do it.

Once we were out of town Robbie, resurfaced and I told him about Seth and all that had happened. Robbie had heard about some of it, but he didn't realize that Seth's father had also turned on him. Robbie said that he had been thinking about telling his own parents, but now he was going to reconsider that decision. He never thought a parent might turn on his child like that, so he wondered how Seth's father could love his son and then treat him this way. Why would parents even have children then, if they weren't prepared to accept them for who and what they were? I guess some parents must have only been thinking about the pleasures of having sex when they conceived and never considered the responsibilities of parenting.

When we arrived at Timmy's house, he rushed out to greet us. He said hello to Robbie and my dad, but then he pulled me aside to talk.

"Logan, Seth won't let me do anything for him!" he exclaimed. "He's been acting really strange and staying far away from the rest of us. He's been alone in the guest room almost the entire time since I talked to you on the phone."

"He probably just needed some time alone to think about things," I suggested.

"Yeah, but I'm afraid to consider what he might be thinking about," Timmy countered. "He wasn't acting that strangely when he first arrived, at least we didn't think so. He was upset and agitated, but we thought it was due to all of the things he'd been through. Then, he started talking about his father hating him now and how he couldn't go back to school, but he kept talking about those things more and more and I couldn't distract him. I tried to get close to him and show him some love and affection, but he pushed me away and told me no one needed his form of perverted love. He's beginning to scare me, Logan, so I'm glad you're here."

"Why don't I go up to the guest room and see what I can do then?" I offered.

I followed Timmy into the house, said hello to his parents and then excused myself, so I could go up to see Seth. He was lying on his stomach in the middle of the bed, with his head buried in a pillow. I walked over and sat on the bed beside him, but he didn't move, so I started stroking his back as I spoke to him.

"Hey, are you ready to go back to my place?" I asked, but he didn't answer.

"Seth, what's wrong?" I pressed. "I'm here for you, man, so please talk to me." He still didn't move or say anything. "Seth, look at my face. It's me, Logan. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you."

There was a slight movement on the bed, as he rolled his head to look in my direction. I couldn't believe the sad look that was etched upon his face. I had never seen Seth seem so lost or forlorn before.

"What's wrong with me, Logan?" he almost whispered. "Why does everyone hate me so? The kids at school, my own father and even strangers hate me. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"It's not you Seth, it's them," I offered, in an effort to make him understand. "Some people hate things they don't understand and many people aren't able to understand homosexuality. It's not you personally; it's just that they hate people who are like you, Seth. That includes all gay people, like Timmy, Robbie and me too. They just can't comprehend why we are the way we are. Hell, we don't even understand why we're like this. We've only just begun to learn how to accept it, but nobody knows for sure what makes people gay.

"Most people want to believe it's a choice," I continued, "but I don't buy that explanation. I didn't make any choice to be gay and neither did you, Robbie or Timmy. We've just always known we were different and we've tried to keep that fact hidden, at least until we found others like us, others we could trust and share our secret with. I'm convinced we were born this way and there's nothing we can do to change it. Seth, there's nothing wrong with you or me. We're just different. We have to accept that fact and other people are going to have to learn to accept it too."

Seth looked at me, his eyes sad and pleading. He reminded me of a sad, little puppy and I almost started to cry.

"Logan, I'm not as brave as you are," he stated. "You have your parents to support you, and Timmy and Robbie do to. I have no one. I'm all alone and I can't take any more of this."

"Seth, you're not alone," I challenged. "You have me. You have my parents. You have Timmy and Robbie and their parents too. You're not alone. You have a lot of people who love you and we will all be here for you whenever you need us. I want you to stop thinking about this nonsense that you're alone, because you're not. Why don't you come downstairs with me and meet some of the people who care so much about you. There is a whole group of them waiting to see you, so they can show you how important you are to them. Why don't you come with me and say hello to your true friends."

Seth rolled over, so I grasped his hand and pulled him up from the bed. I didn't stop there though. I continued to pull him toward me and gave him a huge hug, before I leaned back and planted a kiss on his lips. Seth didn't reciprocate, but I did feel his body relax slightly.

"I love you Seth and I'll always be here for you," I promised. "You're my lover and best friend. I don't want you to ever forget that."

I hugged him once more, but this time more tightly than I had done the first time, because I wanted him to feel the strength of the love I was trying to infuse into him. I wanted Seth to realize that he wasn't alone, but not just by hearing the words. I wanted him to feel the love too.

After a few minutes, I led him downstairs, so he could meet his adoring public. He still wasn't ready to release his emotions when we first arrived in the dining room and remained fairly restrained, as well as totally withdrawn and hurt – deeply hurt. These were the kind of wounds that will take a long time to heal, but there were also scars we couldn't see that only hate and abandonment can leave on the soul. Seth had already endured more than his share of those, so now I wanted him to feel the love and warmth that currently filled the room. Maybe this was what he needed to thaw his heart out of the deep despair that consumed his body and his spirit. After spending some time with Timmy's parents and my dad, the four of us, meaning Timmy, Robbie, Seth and I, left the house, so we could take a walk around the neighborhood and talk.

Timmy, Robbie and I verbalized our thoughts and fears to Seth, as we filled him in on our deepest secrets, because we wanted him to know he wasn't alone. We each expressed how difficult it was to be gay and that we wished things were different, before we played a little 'Wouldn't it be Loverly' sort of scenario. I'm not sure why this flashed into my mind, but the idea came from the Eliza Doolittle song from 'My Fair Lady.' Damn, is thinking of a musical number at a time like this gay or what? Anyway, this is what we came up with.

Wouldn't it be loverly if we could love our boyfriends out in the open? Wouldn't we all be happier if we could hold hands, kiss and date whom we wanted without the fear of public humiliation or assault? Wouldn't it be fantastic if we could go to the movies and watch films that depicted same-sex couples falling in love and enjoying their lives together? Wouldn't it be incredible if we didn't have to watch out for bigots who couldn't tolerate people who were different from them? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to watch these couples grow old together, while leading happy, fulfilled lives where they didn't have to hide their love or feel ashamed of what they did or who they were? Ah, if only that were true, then it would indeed be 'Loverly.' It might also be 'A Wonderful Life,' just not quite the Jimmy Stuart version.

Before we made this trip, my father had bought an inexpensive, pre-paid cell phone for Seth, so he could use it to contact us. I now took it out of my pocket, handed it to him and made him call his mother, before we returned to Timmy's house. I told him to just let her know that he was not in town, but that he was well. By using this phone, it would be difficult for anyone to trace the call and wouldn't connect back to anyone in particular. They might be able to track the call as coming from cell towers in the area, near Timmy's parents' house, but by then Seth would be long gone, because we were taking him back to stay with us. Seth seemed pleased to be able to speak with his mother again and I'm sure she felt better knowing he was all right too.

Seth was feeling a little better by the time we arrived back at Timmy's house, but I knew he still had many demons to exorcise first, before he'd be back to normal. One little walk around the block and a brief talk with his mother wasn't enough to cure the weeks, months and years of hurt and insecurity that he'd kept pent up. He was like a pressure cooker under which someone had turned up the fire, but we had only relieved enough of the pressure so he didn't explode. The fire was still burning and the pressure would continue to mount, so we'd have to vent some more of that pressure from time to time, in order to insure his mental stability. If we failed to do our jobs or if the heat was turned up any more, then Seth could reach a point where it would be next to impossible to bring him back from the despair that would swallow him up.

Although I didn't want to consider this possibility, I knew I had to keep the thought in the back of my mind. It was imperative that I, along with the others, continue our vigilance concerning Seth's well-being or the situation could deteriorate faster than it could be repaired. We were at a critical juncture.

After we said our farewells to Timmy and his parents, Robbie, Seth and I loaded into my father's car. I had already taken Timmy's mom and dad aside so I could personally thank them for helping Seth through this rough time and advised them we were both eternally indebted to them. They replied that they were glad they could help, but they also told me they looked forward to our returning under more pleasant circumstances. After that, I thanked them once more and promised to keep in touch. I gave Timmy a big hug too, and then I got in the back seat with Seth. I told Robbie he could sit in front with my dad, at least until we got closer to home.

I cradled Seth against my chest during the entire ride home and stroked his hair, as I felt his warm chest heaving against mine with every pained breath he took. I was even able to sense his body tensing up, reflexively, the nearer we got to my house. It was dark when we arrived home, so Robbie told us we could drop him off at his doorstep, since it would be under the cover of darkness and he didn't think anyone would notice him now. Before he went inside, however, he opened the rear door of the car and gave Seth and I each a kiss. This was a really big risk for him to take, but it was also something he felt he had to do. Before he took off, I also thanked him for going with us and asked that he keep in touch. He promised he would and then waved at us once more, just before he closed the front door to his house.

When we got to our place, my mom had been holding dinner for us, so we sat down to eat. After dinner, I took Seth up to my room, and since he had slipped into another haze, I helped to undress him and guided him into my bed. After I stripped down to my underwear too, I crawled into the bed beside him and wrapped my arms around him. I then spent the entire evening with my lover pulled securely against my chest, as I sought to protect him from all of the monsters haunting his dreams.

Until I fell asleep, I continually kissed his forehead, stroked his hair and let my hand glide lightly up and down his bare back, in an effort to comfort him. I just wanted to let him know that I was here for him and cared deeply about him. Eventually, we fell into a deep slumber, since we were both physically and emotionally drained from the past few days, and I awoke Sunday morning with him still wrapped tightly in my arms.

We didn't do much the entire day, as I let him slowly adapt to us being together again, as well as enjoying the love and support my parents were also showing him. We did our best to let him know he was safe and loved, but Robbie and Timmy also called too, just so they could make sure that Seth was doing all right. This seemed to make a big impact on Seth, because he started to realize it wasn't just my family that was worried about him.

He was slightly better that night and even gave me a kiss before we went to sleep. He wasn't quite ready to do anything sexual though, but he did spoon back against me that night, as I held him in my arms. This was the closest he'd been to acting like himself since this whole damn mess began.

When Monday morning came, I thought about going to school, but realized Seth wouldn't be able to do that and I just couldn't leave him alone. Dad agreed that I should continue to stay with him, but he was also planning to speak to one of his friends in the Psychology Department at the University. He wanted to ask his friend if he would drop by our house to meet with Seth and see if there was anything he could do to help him. I felt better just knowing we might soon have a professional involved in getting Seth through his current crisis.

I ended up staying home with Seth for the entire week. The psychologist came by the following evening and sat down with both of us, because he said he thought it might make Seth feel better if I was included in the session. He felt that since much of what had happened had concerned both of us, we should do this together. I was happy to help out and felt this would also allow me to see what Seth was experiencing and learn how he was feeling about what was going on.

Things were going fairly well after his visit and Seth seemed to be acting more like his old self as the week progressed. That was until Friday night, when something unexpected happened. Seth and I were upstairs in my room when we heard the doorbell ring. Out of curiosity, I opened my bedroom door a fraction, so I could hear who was there, and Seth was standing beside me at the time.

"What are you doing here?" I heard my father ask.

"I just dropped by to see if you or your son had heard anything from Seth," the voice answered and we both recognized it was Seth's father.

We were surprised by his visit, because I couldn't believe he had the nerve to show up here again, especially after the things my father said to him the last time. Seth and I held our breath, as we listened to the rest of the conversation.

"No, I'm afraid not," my father replied.

"Well, my wife and I are leaving on a trip tomorrow and were worried he might try to enter our home while we were away," Mr. Eldred said. "If either of you should happen to see him, I'd like for you to let him know that we'll be gone for the week, but he's not welcomed in the house until we get back. If he would like to speak to either of us, then he can call the house after we return."

"You know, I thought you were emotionally deceased the last time you were here," my dad began, "but you've just proven to me that you're not dead, just totally heartless, especially if that's how you go about trying to show concern for your son. You're pathetic and only seem to be worried that he might try to get into your fucking house while you're gone. What are you afraid of? Are you scared he might take some of his clothes or grab a bite to eat? You disgust me, sir, and I wish for you to leave my home immediately. If your son does come around, then we'll let him know that he's welcomed here, but I'll also tell him that he's better off forgetting that he ever had a father."

"I'm still his father, whether he likes it or not and no matter what you think or say," Mr. Eldred challenged.

"Maybe in your mind," my dad countered. "You may have acted like a father to him once, but he certainly doesn't have one any longer. This poor, pathetic creature whimpering at my front door has no more right to claim being a father than John Wayne Gacy or Jeffrey Dahmer. As badly as I feel for your son, I feel even worse for you, because you don't even realize what you're losing and chasing away. It's extremely sad to think that you have such a fantastic son, but you can't even see that about him. All you can see is his sexuality."

"Because I'm trying to do what's best for him and attempting to keep him from ruining his life," Mr. Eldred shot back.

"Maybe in that tiny brain of yours," my dad mocked. "As much as I despise you for your narrow-mindedness, I also feel sorry for you. It's definitely your loss and I mourn your ignorance in this matter. You don't deserve to have such a wonderful son as Seth. Now, get off of my property, before I call the police. If you wish to find out anything more about this situation in the future, then please use the telephone, because I don't want to see your disgusting face or sorry ass around here again."

"Just give him my message," Mr. Eldred stated, as he turned around.

As Seth's father started to walk away, my dad slammed the door behind him. I had been watching Seth's face throughout the entire exchange and noticed the faint sparkle that had begun to return to his eyes during the past week quickly began to fade again, as he listened in on the conversation. When I saw this occurring, I pulled him against me, as we listened to my dad lose it with his father, but as soon as the front door slammed shut, Seth's floodgates burst open. Seth was sobbing heavily on my shoulder, as well as against my chest, and that is how my father found us when he came upstairs to look in on Seth. My dad had been hoping Seth hadn't heard what just took place downstairs, but now he knew better, once he saw me trying to console Seth.

"Seth, you can't let what he said bother you," my father told him. "He's an ignorant man and you can't worry about the things he said down there."

"Yeah but he's MY ignorant old man," Seth sobbed out. "I don't know why he still hates me so, because I'm not even there with him and he still puts his hatred for me before anything else. I still love him, even after all those awful things he's said, so why can't he still love me? I'm his only child. He doesn't have any others, but he still can't forgive me for being gay. Why not? Am I really that horrible a person that even my own father can't love me?"

"No, Seth you're not," my dad answered, while reaching out and caressing Seth in his arms. "Your dad is just as scared and confused as you are, but unfortunately this is the only way he's able to show it."

"Why would he be scared and confused?" Seth demanded, while looking up at my dad.

"Seth, he's scared because he doesn't understand why you're gay," he answered. "I think he feels it must be due to something he either did or failed to do. He's confused about all of this and I believe he's blaming himself for your sexuality. He doesn't know what to do or how to react, so he just blows off steam. He'll eventually work this out and then you two will get back together again."

"I don't think so, Mr. Nagorny," Seth disagreed. "He hates my guts now and doesn't love me any more. Nobody loves me any more."

"We love you and we care about what happens to you," my dad insisted. "My wife and I would be happy to have you as our son, if we could do that. You can stay here and live with us for as long as you want and you'll always be part of our family. My wife and I will always consider you to be just another one of our children, so don't worry about him, Seth. Eventually he'll come around and realize what he's lost. Sooner or later it will sink through that rock-hard head of his that his son is a very special person and he's only hurting you, as well as himself, with his stubbornness. Give it some time, Seth, and things will work out. You just wait and see."

"I wish I could believe that. I really do, but I know better," Seth sobbed. "I know my dad better than you do, so I know he isn't just acting this way just because he's scared or confused. He hates gays. He always has and always will. That's why he hates me now. I wish he was different or that I could change things, but neither of those things is ever going to happen. I've just got to accept the fact that I no longer have a father or a family. I appreciate your offer, but it's just not the same. A kid needs his own family, and even though I'm glad you, your wife and Logan feel this way about me, it's just not the same thing as having my own parents love and want me. Mine don't feel that way any longer and I've just got to get past that. It's something I have to do on my own, for myself."

"If you change your mind then we'll always be here for you," my father assured him.

My dad left the room after saying this, so I watched to see what Seth was going to do next. I thought his next move might give me a clue about how I should react to him, but he merely went over to my bed, plopped down on it and then just stared up at the ceiling. I gave him his space and left him alone, as I sat at my computer and glanced over at him occasionally, just to make sure he was ok. About an hour later, he stood up and began to remove his outer clothing, so I turned off my computer and did the same thing. I then crawled into the bed beside him, gave him a loving, passionate kiss and then embraced him.

"I love you, Seth, and sweet dreams," I told him, as I pulled him against my side and we gradually fell asleep.

By Monday, I had talked Seth into going back to school with me. It wasn't easy, but I explained that with his parents out of town, half of his problems were already solved. As far as the other half were concerned, I told him we'd face those together. I think he eventually agreed to do this more for me, than for himself, because he was worried I'd get kicked out of school if I missed many more days. After escorting Seth to his homeroom, I went to the office, so I could speak with the principal next.

After explaining the situation to him, I asked for his help. I told him that I needed to make sure Seth had a hassle free week at school, but I was also hoping he might be able to convince the school psychologist to schedule some time to speak with Seth. I felt the psychologist might be able to help Seth work through some of his issues and make his return to school less stressful. The principal was very cooperative and agreed to do this for me, so I thanked him for his help and left.

I then made a brief stop at my homeroom next, so I wouldn't be reported absent again, before I went to my first period class. I kept a very close eye on Seth throughout the entire day and was surprised to see he seemed to be doing fine. I'd been more than a little worried that once he saw some of the other students then a few of the less pleasant memories might resurface and cause him to sink back into depression or possibly even worse. To my amazement, however, he appeared to be doing quite well and was even smiling when we met up later, so we could walk home together. He was in a decent mood for the rest of the day and even carried on a normal conversation with my parents at dinner, which left us all very surprised and impressed.

Even though he seemed to be doing well, I was still hoping to convince him to change schools with me, so we could start over. I felt he'd do even better in a new setting, but we were still going to have to deal with his father first, once he got back from his trip. To tell you the truth, I wasn't even sure he'd speak with us, let alone agree to this, but I knew we had to try.

That night when we went to bed, I decided to take advantage of Seth's sudden change in attitude. As soon as we had both undressed and were in bed, I made my move. I began to kiss Seth and show him how I felt about him. We hadn't had sex with each other in quite some time, so I passionately let my lips cover his and rubbed my tongue over and around his sweet, ruby lips. He parted them slightly and permitted my tongue to push its way past and enter his mouth, so for the first time in what seemed as if it had been forever, I was sucking up Seth's unique flavor again.

I was letting my tongue brush and dart over Seth's oral muscle, when he began to take an active part in this activity. I think he had missed doing this as much as I had, so we kissed for a while longer and then I moved down to his chest and started to nurse on those tiny pink nubs that I loved to suck on. I worked on first one and then the other, as I bathed each of them in my saliva, but I also nipped at the erect little nubs and then began sucking on them as if it was the most important thing in my life. When I was satisfied with my effort, I moved on.

Slowly, I slid lower on his torso and focused on the piece de resistance. I rubbed my hand over and around his slender shaft and tight scrotum, as they rested under the thin cotton material of his briefs. I enjoyed the feel of his boyhood and was aware of how aroused I was making him, so I slid my fingers under the elastic waistband of his jockeys and gently pulled them over his erection and down his legs. I then lowered my head down to his groin and let my tongue dart out to lick and clean his firm piece of boy meat.

I hungrily slurped up the clear pre-cum from his pulsing slit and rolled it around inside my mouth, as I enjoyed its sweet clean taste. After a few seconds, I moved between his legs and began to work on his ball sac, as I used my tongue to examine every millimeter of his hairless bag. Having done that for a brief time, I took his testicles between my lips and sucked on them tenderly, as if I was trying to extract the yoke out of an egg by using my mouth. At this point, Seth was beginning to moan and squirm around on the bed, so I increased my efforts on his family jewels.

When I moved back up to his rod, I licked my way up the shaft and slid my mouth over and down his stiffy. I moved my head up and down on his pole, as I let my tongue slide against the sensitive skin, while I applied suction with the rest of my mouth. I used my free hand to knead his nut sac and stimulate the nerve endings in that area, as my fingers glided around the loose skin and watery nuggets.

Seth tasted as good as I remembered, as I worked on him with all of the skill I possessed. It wasn't long before I felt his penis expand between my lips, just before the warm, thick liquid his body produced gushed down my throat. I continued to suck on him until the last drop of his juice had been teased from his slit and then I let his penis drop from my mouth. As soon as I did that, I moved up the bed until our heads were even with each other and then I started to kiss him once more, before I pulled him into my arms, held him tightly and we drifted off to sleep. I remember hearing Seth whisper something to me just before I completely lost consciousness and it sounded as if he said, "Thanks, Logan. I needed that."

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday went well at school too and Seth didn't suffer from any negative episodes. We were both in very good moods by the time we got back to my house Thursday afternoon when my mom handed Seth a letter he had received in the mail. It was addressed to him, but with our house number and street listed on the envelope, and we couldn't immediately tell who had sent it, because there was no return address. It was postmarked from Miami, Florida, but Seth said he didn't know anyone from there. Confused, he took the letter up to my room so he could read it in private.

When he didn't come back down for a long time, I went up to find him. He was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling again, but his face was streaked with the tears he had shed since he'd been there. When I asked what was wrong, he wouldn't answer. I had no idea what might have been contained in the letter and had set him off, but I knew I'd have to try and find out, if I hoped to help him.

Seth was very withdrawn for the rest of the evening, and except for dinner, he spent most of the night alone in my room. When I went to bed later, Seth was still awake and I could tell he'd been crying again. I tried to be affectionate, so I could distract him from whatever the problem was, but he pushed me away and let me know he wasn't interested. I decided not to give up though and attempted to get him to talk the problem out.

"What's up, Seth? Who was that letter from?" I asked, but he didn't answer. "Come on, Seth. Let me help you. I know it was the letter that got you feeling so badly again, so who was it from and what did it say?"

He looked at me for several seconds and studied my face. I could tell by the expression on his face that he was annoyed by my persistence, but eventually he spoke.

"Look, Logan. I know you want to help, but there's nothing you can do for me any more," he replied, coldly. "There's nothing anyone can do for me."

"What do you mean? There's always something that can be done," I pleaded. "Who was the letter from?"

He looked at me again, but this time the tears were cascading from his eyes. Before long, his chest started to heave, as the sobbing increased. Then, he lost it completely and let his head come to rest against my chest.

"Why can't he just love me, Logan? Is that too much to ask?" he sobbed. "Why does he have to keep reminding me what a disappointment I am to him and how queers are so repugnant? Logan, I can't take any more of this. I can't deal with the fact that I'm gay and that nearly everyone hates gays. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't stand feeling this way or hurting this much. I hate my life and I hate me. I want out of here. I just can't take it any more."

"Seth, calm down and relax," I urged. "Just lie here with me and put those thoughts out of your mind. Forget about your dad and all of the bad things. Just go to sleep and things will look better in the morning."

After saying this, I put my arms around Seth and held him tight. That explained where the letter had come from, but I just wished his dad would back off and leave this poor kid alone for a while. Seth needed time to heal, so he could get over these feelings, but the one thing he didn't need were the constant reminders from his father about how disappointed and intolerant he was.

I held Seth in my arms and watched his face, as he continued to lie there beside me. I was hoping he would fall asleep before I did, but I'm not sure if that happened. I don't remember dozing off, but I can't remember Seth falling to sleep either. The next thing I knew, it was morning and I was alone in my bed. As soon as I realized this, I jumped out from under the covers, threw on some clothes and went downstairs to look for Seth. My mother and father were there, but Seth was nowhere around. Frantically I asked my parents if they had seen him at all and they said they had not. They also told me they'd only been up for about a half hour, so Seth must have gotten up before then.

"We've got to find him," I pleaded. "He was really upset last night and it was all because of that damn letter. It was from his father and I'm scared. I think he might try to do something to himself, so we've got to find him fast."

"Where do you think he might have gone?" my dad asked, and I could see he was now as concerned as I was.

"I don't know, but I think we should check his house first, especially since his father made such a big deal about him not going there," I suggested.

"Ok, I'll drive you over to his place then, so head out to the car. I'll grab my keys and meet you there," my father ordered.

I raced out to the driveway and stood beside the passenger door of my dad's car. He joined me a few seconds later and we took off down the street. Within minutes, we were pulling up in front of Seth's house, but there was no immediate sign of him. We checked the front door, but it was locked and the house was dark. My dad started peering through the windows, to see if he could spot him inside, so I ran around the rear of the house to check the back door. That's when I saw the broken window in the door, which stood slightly ajar. I started to go inside, when I realized I could hear a car running in the garage. The house was on a corner lot, with the house facing one street and the garage behind it, facing the other street.

Putting all of the clues together, I raced to the garage and tried to open the overhead door. It was down and locked, so I wasn't able to open it. I then ran to the side of the garage and looked through the window. I could see the car and the haze from the exhaust fumes, but nothing else. Scared out of my wits, I flew back to the rear corner of the building, where I knew there was a small door. It was locked too, so I punched out a pane of glass in the door window and reached through the opening, so I could let myself in.

I started choking on the exhaust the minute I went inside, but I continued moving toward the front of the building, so I could open the large, overhead door and let the exhaust out. Once I managed to do that, I stepped outside, breathed in some fresh air and then watched as the exhaust slowly started to clear. As soon as I could see the area inside the garage better, I rushed over to the car, opened the driver's door and saw Seth slumped across the seat. I hurriedly shut off the engine, pulled Seth from the interior and dragged him out to the driveway. I laid his limp body on the concrete and screamed for my dad. After that, I checked for a pulse and determined if he was breathing, but when I found neither, I started CPR.

As I was taking a breath, I saw my father come running around the corner, so I screamed for him to grab his cell phone and call 911. While he was doing that, I was trying to remember my Boy Scout CPR training, as I worked on Seth. I arched his neck, cleared his airway and blew two quick breaths into his lungs. Then, I did 15 compressions on his chest, checked for a pulse again and then repeated the procedure, two breaths and 15 compressions.

I continued doing this, but I also concentrated on my counting and maintaining proper form. After my dad had talked to the dispatcher briefly, he moved the phone away from his ear briefly and told me an ambulance was on the way. I nodded my head to let him know I understood and then bent forward to perform two more repetitions on Seth before we heard the sirens off in the distance. I could tell the ambulance wasn't very close, so I was able to complete another four repetitions of the life saving technique before the rescue squad pulled up. As soon as the vehicle came to a stop, the EMTs jumped out and one of them rushed to my side to take over from me. I stood up and watched as he continued to perform the emergency procedure.

As soon as the driver retrieved some equipment from their vehicle, he zapped Seth's chest with the defibrillator paddles and soon had Seth's heart beating again. Once that happened, they put an oxygen mask over his face and tried to replace the carbon monoxide in his system with pure oxygen, before they loaded his body onto a stretcher and placed him in the back of their vehicle. I wanted to ride with them, but they told me I couldn't, so I started to argue. That's when my dad pulled me away and explained that we'd follow them in the car.

Tears were streaming down my face as Dad and I ran around to the front of the house, hopped into his car and followed the ambulance to the hospital. I was crying even harder now, once the reality of the situation began to sink in. I immediately started praying and begged God to save Seth's life, because I loved him and couldn't bear the thought of going through life without him. Suddenly, my focus shifted and my mind was consumed with thoughts of Seth's father and how much I hated him for doing this to his son.

Before long, my dad was pulling into the parking lot for the emergency room. As soon as the car came to a stop, the two of us went racing across the blacktop to where the rescue squad was wheeling Seth's gurney through a sliding door. They let us follow them back to the emergency area, but then asked us stay back, as they continued to work on my best friend. There were numerous doctors and nurses scurrying about doing various things on his behalf, in an effort to make certain that he survived this attempt to end his own life.

Once things began to settle down a bit, one of the nurses asked my dad if he was Seth's father. He explained he wasn't, but that Seth's parents were currently out of town on a trip. He also told them Seth and I were best friends and Seth had been staying with us. When the nurse asked what had happened, my dad told her that Seth had disappeared this morning, so we went over to his house to see if he was there and that's when we found him. I don't think she was quite certain what to do next, but then she reluctantly told us we could continue to wait there, as long as we didn't interfere.

Even from this distance, I could see they had inserted IVs into his veins, placed an oxygen mask over his face and arranged a couple of monitors beside him, with wires running from them to sensors attached to his chest and head. They were also rapidly drawing blood samples, so they could check the chemical levels in his system. We watched as they moved around the room and performed their duties, but it all began to appear to me as if this scene was taking place in slow motion. I was sobbing heavily now, so my father pulled me against his chest and did his best to comfort me.

A nurse approached us a few minutes later and advised me that I should let her treat my arm. When I looked down, I discovered I must have sliced it open when I broke the window to get into the garage, because there was a fairly lengthy vertical gash on my forearm and blood was oozing from it. After she stopped the bleeding and applied some antiseptic to the wound, she got a doctor to suture it. It took sixteen stitches to close the wound, and as soon as they finished with me, I went back to see how Seth was doing. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity before we heard them announce they were going to move him out of the emergency area and into a room in the critical care unit.

We followed the nurses as they wheeled Seth down the corridor and toward the elevator. We then were taken up to the next floor, before the elevator doors opened and they pushed the gurney into the corridor, down the hallway and into a room. We were asked to wait outside and give them time to get Seth situated, which took nearly another twenty minutes, and then we were allowed in to see him. Seth was lying motionless on the bed, with tubes running out of both arms, a thicker one in his mouth and machines and sensors attached to his body. He looked absolutely terrible.

Once the nurses left, I noticed a bag attached to the side of his bed and saw a tube running from it. Curious as to what it was for, I lifted the sheet and followed the tube to see where it led. That's when I learned it was hooked into the tip of Seth's penis and was there to collect urine. After I lowered the sheet again, I looked at Seth's face and became aware that his skin appeared grayish in color, and when I placed my hand on his arm, his flesh was cool to the touch. Although this concerned me, the monitors reassured me that he was breathing and his heart was beating, but he didn't show any other signs of life. I bent over the side of his bed and kissed him on the forehead, as my dad placed his hand on my shoulder to let me know he was still there for me.

After being in the room for a while longer, I told my dad he could go home and I'd stay with Seth. My father wasn't sure he should leave me alone just yet, but I told him I needed some time with Seth, so I could tell him what was on my mind. While we were discussing the situation, Seth's doctor came in to check on him again. After he completed a quick examination, he informed us about Seth's condition. I guess since we'd been allowed this far, everyone was assuming we were related.

"He's alive, but I can't guarantee how this will turn out" he told us. "It's possible that he might have suffered a certain amount of brain damage from prolonged exposure to carbon monoxide, although the extent of such damage will be difficult to assess until he has regained consciousness. It is also possible that there may be some other residual effects from this incident, but we won't be able to make that assessment for some time either. All I can tell you for certain is that he would have been dead by now, if you hadn't discovered him and performed CPR when you did. If he lives, he has you to thank for saving his life. I'll make my rounds again in a couple of hours and at that time I should be able to inform you if we've learned anything more."

We thanked the doctor as he left, and then my dad turned to me and spoke.

"He's right. You saved Seth's life earlier," he confirmed. "I'm not certain I would have been able to recall my training and do what you did for him. I've also decided that I'm going to grant your request and leave the two of you alone, so I can go home and fill your mother in about what happened, but then I'll have to get ready to go into work. I called the office already and told them I'd be late, but I have to show up, at least for part of the day." He then handed me a twenty-dollar bill and a handful of change. "This is for you to use to get anything you might need while you're here and I want you to call me at home or my office if the situation changes or you need me for any other reason. I'll stop back later to pick you up."

I hugged my dad goodbye and then he left me to hold vigil beside Seth's bed. I just sat there and stared at my soulmate, while composing what I wanted to say to him in my mind. It took me several minutes before I felt I was ready to begin and then I bent my head close to Seth's ear and started to speak.

"Seth, it's me, Logan," I began. "I think I know why you did this, but I don't agree with your solution to the problem. I need to tell you things now, while I've got the chance. I love you, Seth, and I need you in my life. You can't leave me like this. You're a part of me now and you're also a big part of my life. If you die, then a part of me will die with you. I can't afford to lose you, Seth. I need your love and I need to feel you beside me. I don't know if I'll be able to continue living if you're not here with me.

"I told you we'd get through this together, so why didn't you believe me?" I continued. "Why didn't you trust me and let me help you? Why wouldn't you let my family take care of you? I know how you feel about your father right now, but you can't let the bastard win. If you die, only you and I and the rest of your friends will lose out, not your father. He may feel guilty for nudging you to this extreme, but you will be the big loser here. I love you, Seth, more today than yesterday and tomorrow I'll love you even more than that. You've got to keep fighting. You've got to start wanting to live again. You've got to focus on the good things in life and not be distracted by the bad. You've got to concentrate on the people who really love you and ignore the scum that try to hurt us. Don't leave me Seth. I couldn't handle that at all."

I stopped there, because I didn't know what else to say. We'd covered this ground several times before, but Seth obviously hadn't absorbed the message then, so I needed a new approach. I had to come up with another way to make my point, but I had difficulty thinking of something different to say or another way to say it. From that moment on, I fought with myself over every idea that popped into my mind, as I tried to refine and polish each idea, until I finally gave up and discarded them all. I was stumped, short on potential solutions and frustrated. Resigned to my ineffectiveness, I bent over his head, closed my eyes and started to pray.

"Dear God," I began, "I know that I'm not a regular caller on your prayer-line, but I need your help. My best friend and lover is lying here next to me and I need you to make him better. He's a great guy, an even better friend and his only fault is that, like me, he's gay. There are a bunch of bigots down here that won't accept us and don't believe you would ever accept a gay person into heaven. It was people like them that drove me away from you in the first place, because I didn't agree with what they were saying, but at the same time I was afraid they might be right.

"I'm sorry that I gave up on praying, but it was only because I wasn't sure you'd listen to me any longer, once you knew I was gay," I continued. "I no longer believe that you think I'm a bad person simply because I'm gay either. The God I learned about in church was a loving God. He was a God who told me 'to love others as myself' and to 'do for others what I wanted them to do for me.' I can't believe that a loving God would turn his back on his creatures and send them to hell just because they loved someone from the same sex, especially if they're decent and god-fearing people otherwise.

"Seth is one of these people," I added. "He's a loving and caring person and a decent human being. He was even willing to give up his own life, rather than to bring pain to others. He couldn't live with the guilt that he was feeling for causing his father pain and anguish over his sexual identity. He knew that he couldn't change the fact that he was gay, so he was willing to take his own life instead, rather than be a constant irritant to his dad. I'm not as generous as he is and I'll admit that I'm selfish, because I need Seth in my life. I can't imagine living without him, so I need your help, God. I need you to make him well again, without any lasting problems from what happened. Please, God, if you ever do anything for me at all, please do this. Please give me back my lover and my best friend, because if you do this, then I'll never ask you for anything else again and I'll pray to you every night."

I couldn't think of anything more to say, but I also wasn't sure if I'd be able to continue anyway, even if I did think of something else. After I added my 'Amen,' I reached out and stroked Seth's hair, before I bent over his bed and kissed him on the cheek. I also squeezed his hand and whispered once more in his ear.

"Please come back to me Seth. Don't you dare ever leave me," I pleaded

My dad came back after work and sat with me for a while, but as it started to get late, he asked me to go home with him. I quickly advised him I didn't want to go anywhere until Seth had regained consciousness and I wasn't about to leave Seth's side until he could tell me he was all right and he would never do anything like this again. Reluctantly, my dad relented and went down to the cafeteria to get me something to eat. He brought the food back to Seth's room, so I could eat it there. Before he went home, however, he made sure I ate everything first and then told me he'd bring me a change of clothes in the morning. After he said that, I hugged him goodbye and then sat down next to Seth again, as I took his hand between the two of mine.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there before I noticed movement in the doorway. When I looked up, I spotted Robbie standing there and saw he had a sad expression on his face and tears were flowing down his cheeks. I stood up and reached my arms out toward him and this prompted Robbie to run over to me, so he could wrap his arms around my chest.

"I just found out. It was on the news, and even though they didn't say his name, they mentioned his address," he wheezed in between sobs. "What happened, Logan? Is it true that Seth tried to kill himself?"

"Yes, Robbie, I'm afraid it is," I confirmed. "He got a letter from his father and I guess he just couldn't live with what it said. I never read it, but I knew it hurt him deeply. I didn't think he'd ever do something like this or I would never have gone to sleep. Oh, Robbie, I'm so scared. I can't lose him. I don't know if I can live without him."

I started crying at that point too and Robbie hugged me tighter.

"He's going to be ok, Logan. I just know it," he said, in an effort to make me feel better. "Don't worry, he'll be fine."

He paused for a moment, to give me some time to regain my composure and then he looked me in the eye, before he spoke again.

"Is it true what they're saying?" he wondered. "The news reporter said another young man performed CRP and saved his life. Was that you?"

"Yes, I did it until the ambulance got there and later the doctor told me Seth would have died without that," I confirmed. "I don't really remember doing it, but my dad said he saw me working on him. All I can remember is how he looked, because his heart wasn't beating and he wasn't breathing. I wasn't about to let him die, so I guess I must have started doing CPR. I'm not even sure if I was doing it correctly. I just knew I had to do something to keep him alive."

"Well, after I heard that, I found out a bunch of people are calling you a hero and I agree with them," he added. "I know Seth will agree with me too, just as soon as he's awake again."

Robbie stayed with me for a while longer and we talked about Seth and all of the problems that led up to this incident. No matter how big the other problems were, I think we would have survived this rough period in our lives if his father had been willing to accept him for who he is. No matter what happens, I will always blame his dad for pushing him to the brink and then over it.

Robbie stayed with me until his father made him go home. I continued to sit with Seth until I fell asleep in the chair. I didn't dream that night, but I didn't have a restful slumber either. I merely passed out in the chair, totally exhausted from the long day that I'd just been through and the emotional stress I'd been under. When I awoke, it was Saturday morning and my mother and father were standing on the other side of Seth's bed waiting for me to wake up.

My parents and I talked for a while, as they tried to distract me from the sadness and harsh reality of the situation. My mom also handed me a small bag containing a change of clothes and some toiletries, so I went into the shower stall that was located in Seth's private bathroom. After I finished cleaning up and changing, I came back out and gave my mother my dirty things, before I went back to sit beside Seth. As I sat there, I thought about everything that had happened when an idea came to me. I jumped up and went over to the locker where Seth's things were stored so I could search through his pockets. There it was. I found what I was looking for. In the back pocket of his jeans was the folded up letter that had set Seth off so badly. I took it out, unfolded it and began to read the message.

Dear Seth,

I don't understand why you're clinging to this stupid idea that you are gay. I know boys your age go through phases like this and sometimes engage in sexual exploration with one another. I understand the feelings you derive from these activities are quite pleasurable and make you feel good, but all sex makes you feel that way. I just want you to know that it gets even better when you do things with girls. This is just a phase you're going through, but you can't cling to it and ruin the rest of your life.

I am telling you once more that it's time to get yourself together and start acting straight. You can find a nice girl to start going out with and that will make you forget about all of this other nonsense. I want you to stay away from Logan and any of the other boys that you've been having sexual contact with until you are beyond their influence. I know you can do this for all of us.

I feel I must warn you that if you persist in your assertions that you are gay, then your mother and I won't be able to accept you into our home any longer. Even though we realize we'll continue to be responsible for you, because you're still a minor, we still won't be able to let you to continue living with us. Unless this situation changes, we will be forced to sign you over to the state and then let them deal with you and your problems. We won't accept a sexual deviate into our home and will not associate with anyone who does those sick, perverted and disgusting things. We are willing to love and accept you, but only if you can give up your faggot ways and become the normal person we know you to be. If you are wise, then you will heed my advice before you find yourself alone and on your own.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I feel you need to hear this.

Dad

I couldn't control my emotions after I read the letter and totally lost it. I started sputtering and cursing at Seth's father, even though he wasn't here, and this caused my parents to turn and look at me, because they wanted to know what was wrong. I merely handed the letter to my father and let him read it next, and after he finished with it, he passed it over to my mom, so she could read it too.

I was still extremely furious and couldn't believe that bastard had actually told Seth he was going to give him away to the state and have nothing more to do with him. I then began to cry, as I moved over next to Seth so I could kiss him of the forehead and hold his hand.

"I'm here for you Seth," I whispered in his ear. "I am here for you today and every tomorrow that follows. My father told you before that you are part of our family and I can assure you he meant every word of it. You can come live with us and we'll take care of you. You just have to get better and we'll deal with the rest. If your dad tries to turn you over to the state, then my dad will sign up to be your guardian. You'll be fine, Seth, because we'll make sure of it."

While I was doing this, my parents moved around behind me, so they could each place a hand on my shoulder, in an effort to comfort my enraged soul. After learning about how Seth father had handled the situation with him, I appreciated my parents even more. They sat with me until lunchtime and then once again bought something for me to eat from the cafeteria and brought it back to the room. After that, they left and went home for a while, which left me alone to continue my vigil over my boyfriend.

Sometime around 2:00, I thought I heard someone call my name. When I turned toward the door, I saw Jeff and Keith standing there, but it looked as if they were afraid to come in. I got up and moved over to the door so I could greet them.

"Logan, we're so sorry about what happened to Seth," Jeff began. "We feel like this is all our fault and we don't know what to say or do. We want you to forgive us, but we realize we probably don't deserve it, especially after this."

"You two weren't responsible," I responded. "This was the result of something far more personal and something Seth was having difficulty dealing with. I know what you accidentally did in the beginning, when you spilled our secret in public, but that wasn't intentional and neither of us held it against you. I'll admit that we were disappointed in how you reacted toward us after that, but you weren't cruel or malicious, so we don't hate you for that either. If you want to come in to visit, I won't object and I know Seth wouldn't either."

"How can you be so understanding about all of this when we can hardly even forgive ourselves?" Jeff responded. "You were our friends and we were inadvertently responsible for everyone turning against you. Not only that, but we didn't even have the courage to help defend you either. Instead, we chose to stay away and never dared to say anything to the guys that made disgusting comments about you or told jokes at your expense."

"Yeah, we should have had the guts to tell them they were wrong and that you and Seth are great guys," Keith added. "We didn't and they chased you off the football team and pretty much out of school. Even though you don't blame us for what we did, we still blame ourselves, so we came here to let you know and to apologize. We also want to know if there is anything we can do now to help."

"The fact that you took the time to come here has helped far more than you can know," I assured them. "I'm fairly certain I can speak for Seth too when I say we accept your apology and hope we can be friends again when this is over."

I then reached out to shake their hands, but Jeff grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me toward him. As soon I was close enough, he threw his arms around my chest and gave me a powerful hug. Keith joined suit and together they managed to squeeze the air from my lungs.

"I'm afraid a handshake just wouldn't have been enough," Jeff told me, just as soon as they broke their embrace. "I think we needed to show you that we aren't afraid of you and we're willing to be your friends completely this time around. We won't let you down a second time.

"I want you to know that not very long ago I wouldn't have been able to do that," he continued. "What I mean is, I wouldn't have been able to hug you like I just did. I've always been told that gays are bad people and do disgusting things with each other, so it affected how I thought. It was easy to believe that when I didn't know anyone who was gay, but once I knew you and Seth were gay, then I began to question everything I believed. Over time, I realized the others were wrong and I couldn't feel that way any longer. I've known you and Seth for quite a while now; even before I knew you two were gay, and I liked you then and I enjoyed your company. You're both really smart, great athletes and super guys, but you're also a lot of fun to be around. I think you might have realized when you talked with me before that I was having trouble reconciling those differences in my mind, but I've definitely figured it out now and want to be your friend again."

I nodded to him that I understood what he was referring to and agreed to do as he'd requested.

"I have no problem with that and would like us to be friends again too," I agreed.

"Logan, I want you to know that I found it hard to hate or even dislike gay people as a group once I knew you and Seth were gay," Keith added. "I liked you guys then and I still like you now, but back when I first found out about you guys it wasn't making sense to me. I hated it when you were having problems on the football team and I've missed you terribly since you left. Football hasn't been as much fun for me without you guys there to share it, but the team has also paid for their stupidity. We're having a terrible season without you two and we probably won't even wind up with a winning season. There's just no one as good in the backfield as you two were."

"Yeah, I agree," Jeff chimed in. "The three of us really clicked together and you guys helped to make me look good too, but I definitely haven't looked very good with your replacements. We suck together and it's just not the same with them. I knew you guys and you knew me. We knew each other's moves and we all knew what to expect from one another. I also knew you'd be there to cover for me if I screwed up and that I'd do the same for you, except I didn't do that with this situation. Without you two being around, football has lost some of its glitter for me, so I'm hoping we can correct that problem and you'll come back next year.

"Keith and I were even a little worried about taking showers with you two at first, and I know some of the other guys felt the same way," he admitted. "Then we began to realize that we'd taken a lot of showers with you guys before we knew you were gay and there was never any problems then, so why should there be any now. Sure, maybe you'd sneak an occasional peak at us, but we all do that with each other as well, you know to check out the competition. Maybe you two enjoy what you see more than the rest of us do, but you've never come on to any of us or tried to force anybody into doing anything with you, so our concerns seemed really dumb. We're not afraid any more and I think I can convince the other guys to get over it too.

"What I'm trying to say, Logan, is that I've changed the way I think about gays because of you and Seth, and Keith has too, so I think the others will change their minds about it too, if they haven't already," he went on. "All we have to do is show them that you guys are normal in every other way and you're not out to convert or take advantage of any of them. Keith and I know this now, so we just have to get the others to realize it too. It will take time, but I'm positive that once people give you a chance and get to know you, then they'll feel the same way the two of us do about you. Please don't give up and please don't quit school, transfer somewhere else or stop playing sports. Don't let a few narrow-minded idiots change your life and ours, just because they can't see past the ends of their noses."

When Jeff finished his rather lengthy spiel, he, Keith and I hugged again and then I thanked them for their kind words and support. They kept me company for a while longer, before they had to leave. I thanked them again as they were departing and was encouraged by their change of heart, but I wished it hadn't taken Seth's act of desperation to bring it about.

Once they were gone, I sat down next to Seth again and watched him, as I wondered what might be going on in his mind. I hoped he had been able to understand what had just happened with Jeff and Keith, because if he did, then he might begin to realize we were making some progress in our quest for support and understanding. I continued to hold his hand, while occasionally stroking his hair and once in a while I'd also whisper in his ear. I wanted him to know I was continually here for him and hoped it might give him more of a reason to fight to get his life back.

I was still sitting there beside Seth and praying, when I heard someone clear his throat. When I turned toward the entrance, I saw a group of guys standing there. I recognized some of them, because Seth and I had played sports with them at one time or another, but some of the others were older than us, so I had no idea who they were. The leader of the group moved forward and began to speak.

"Logan, I know you don't know me, but my name is Justin McDonald and I play on the varsity football team," he began. "A group of my friends and I wanted to come by to let Seth and you know that we're really sorry we didn't try to help you when you were having problems at school. Some of these guys played with you on the JV squad, but none of them did any of those awful things to you. Unfortunately, they also didn't try to stop the other guys from doing them either. Seeing we're all black or Hispanic, we know what it's like to be mistreated and harassed by bigots or to be singled out for being different."

He paused briefly and glanced around at the others, looking for support, and then he swallowed hard and continued.

"Just because you're gay, what was done to you wasn't right. It was no different than what others have done to us because of our race or skin color, so we should have realized that sooner and stepped in to help you, but stupidly we didn't. We shouldn't have tolerated or ignored injustice in any form or cloaked in another guise. We realize this now and wanted to let you know that we will be more vigilant and aggressive in stopping this intolerance in the future. I know this doesn't do much good for you or Seth now, but I wanted you to know that some good will come out of your suffering."

"Thanks, Justin, and I'll remember that in the future," I replied. "I want to thank all of you for coming by and you can come in and stay for a while, if you wish. It might do Seth some good to hear some other voices besides mine."

They all moved closer to Seth's bed and talked to me, as well as to each other, for about an hour. When they were ready to leave, I thanked them again for coming and shook each of their hands. As I watched them walk down the hallway, I had to wonder why it took a tragedy such as this to bring the good out in people. Why did it take something this awful to happen before that side of them rose to the surface?

I was still pondering this quandary when my parents showed up with dinner. As I wolfed it down, since I was hungrier than I first realized, I told them about all of the people that had had stopped by. I paraphrased most of what they'd told me and explained how it made me feel. I also told them I hoped Seth had been aware of everyone who stopped by and had heard some of the things they'd said. I was just finishing up my story when another visitor entered the room, but this was one I didn't want here.

"Haven't you done enough damage already? What the hell are you doing here, anyway?" I screamed, totally losing my cool with Seth's father. "Did you come back to gloat or just to make him feel worse? Don't worry. You can ease your conscience, because you won't have to concern yourself about him any more. We're going to take care of him from now on, so go ahead and turn him over to the state. We'll just sign up to take care of him and then you won't be disgusted by having him around any longer…"

As soon as I started ranting, my father jumped up and got between us and eventually placed his hand over my mouth, to stop me from continuing.

"Even though you're upset with him, he has every right to be here, Logan," my dad pointed out. "Seth is still his son, so maybe we should leave and give him some time alone with Seth."

"Why, so he can finish the job?" I spat out, once my dad removed his hand. "I'm not leaving Seth alone with this son-of-a-bitch for any reason."

"You won't have to," Mr. Eldred responded. "I would like Logan to stay and listen to what I have to tell Seth. I owe them both an explanation and an apology, but I'd like to do it with both of them at the same time."

My father looked at Mr. Eldred and then at me. Not only had Mr. Eldred's comment confused both of us, but I could also tell my dad wasn't convinced he should leave us alone in the same room. After I thought about what Seth's father had said, I assured my dad it would be all right for him to go.

"We'll be just down the hall in the waiting room," my father told me, as he and my mother moved toward the door. "You be able to find us there if you need anything."

They then left the room and I moved to the opposite side of Seth's bed, away from Mr. Eldred. He moved over beside Seth and began to speak to his son.

"Seth, I hope you can hear me, because I need to apologize to you and let you know how much I love you. I didn't understand about homosexuals and really didn't know any, so that made me afraid of them. I really thought this was just a phase you were going through and felt I could scare it out of you by using tough love. I never wanted to hurt you in any way, so I was very upset and frightened when I got back from vacation and found that message from the police on the answering machine telling us what you'd done. I really do love you, son, and want you to get better so I can prove I've changed. I will do my best to make this up to you. I promise.

"I'm sorry I mailed that letter and said those things too," he added. "I wrote it on the plane, during the flight to Miami, and mailed it as soon as we landed. I have wished many times since then that I could take it back, but there was just no way to do that. While we were in Miami, I ran into a group of gay guys on the beach. I mean I could tell they were gay just by the way they were acting with each other, so after a while I got up the courage to approach them. I explained that I had a son who thought he was gay and told them I was wondering if they could answer some questions for me. They were very nice and extremely polite about the whole thing and even went out of their way to help me better understand about your tendencies.

"One of the first questions I asked them was why they decided to be gay in the first place, and after some awkward snickering, they told me they were born that way. They explained that there was no choice involved and that's when I remembered you had told me something like that as well. Then, I asked when they first realized they were gay and they all said they knew they were attracted to other boys before they were teenagers, although they didn't exactly comprehend what it meant yet. They may not have acted upon those feelings then, but they knew they weren't attracted to girls or aroused by looking at the feminine anatomy. We talked about a lot of other things as well, and then I knew what I had to do. I was planning to come home and apologize to both of you and tell you that you had my love and full support, but we learned about what you did before I got the chance to make amends. I'm very sorry about that.

"Seth, I not only want to apologize for the way I treated you, but I have to make an admission as well," he continued. "I thought I could scare you into being straight, because I had felt a similar attraction to boys when I was your age, but I managed to fight it off. I started dating girls instead and quickly discovered I liked them too. I had a few problems ignoring my other feelings after that, but eventually I met your mother and fell in love. Our life together has indeed been wonderful and I wanted the same sort of life for you. I wanted you to fall in love, get married and have children, because I wanted grandchildren to love and spoil once you had grown up. When you said you were gay, all of those dreams went up in flames and my hope of having grandchildren vanished in a split second.

"After talking to those gay guys in Florida, I began to realize a lot of things about myself and they helped me understand that I was probably bisexual. What that means is that I was equally attracted to both sexes. That's why I could live a straight life and suppress my urges for other males. I didn't understand the difference in our situations before then or realized I wouldn't have been able to change my desires like that, if I had truly been gay like you. I'm sorry that I was so ignorant and I'm sorry that I never let myself explore the other side of my sexual desires. If I had, then I might not have been so hard and inflexible with you. I'm so very, very sorry about how I treated you and pray I'll have an opportunity to make it up to you when you get better.

"Seth. Logan," he continued, while glancing between us, "I want both of you to know that I'm fine with you being boyfriends, if that's what you want to do. I'll even accept you getting married later, if you choose to do that too. I just want you back, Seth. I want to have the chance to make amends and show you how much I really care about you. I want to watch you grow up, play sports, fall in love and be happy.

"I'm sorry I've messed things up," he went on, "and I want an opportunity to make things right. I need to show you how deeply I love you, so please, Seth, if you can hear me, then please fight to get better. Do everything you can to come back to us. I'll never be able to forgive myself if you don't get well. I'll always blame myself for my arrogance and stupidity for trying to handle such a delicate problem with so much coldness and inflexibility. Seth, I love you and need you. Your mother loves you and needs you too. Logan loves you and needs you as well. So please try to get better, because I would like to have another chance at getting this right."

He then bent over the railing, kissed Seth on the cheek and gave his hand a squeeze. When I saw that, I walked around the bed so I could hug Seth's father and tell him I was sorry for my earlier outburst.

"Logan, you have nothing to apologize for," he told me. "You were absolutely right in how you felt about me, as well as the things you said about how I was acting."

"But I probably shouldn't have screamed at you, swore or called you names," I offered, feeling badly now.

"No, you were totally justified in making those accusations and lashing out at me so harshly," he agreed. "Even though I didn't think so at the time, I deserved every word of it. I'm really glad Seth has such a caring and devoted boyfriend who is willing to stand up to others, even his stubborn and pigheaded father, and protect Seth at all costs."

I was not only shocked by his comment and the fact he'd just referred to me as Seth's boyfriend, but I was also a little embarrassed. I felt he might be taking it a little easier on me than he should, especially after I'd been so willing and vocal about pointing his faults out to him.

"Logan, out of all of us," Mr. Eldred continued, "you were the only one who was truly acting in Seth's best interests. I, on the other hand, was primarily thinking about my wife and myself. I realize now that I was merely trying to shield his mother and me from the gossip and humiliation I thought Seth's admission about being gay would evoke. I was more concerned with how my friends and neighbors were going to react, rather than caring for and worrying about my son. I want you to know I realize that now and I've changed. I'm willing to admit that I've learned a great deal since that first day when this all came to light and my attitude about your sexuality and how I feel about it has done a complete about-face or what you kids would call a 180. I'm not going to try to change Seth or stand in your way any longer."

"Thank you for telling us that, because it really means a lot to me and I'm sure Seth will feel the same way," I told him, in all sincerity. "My dad often tells me that it takes a really big man to own up to his misstates and admit when he's wrong, but until now that was just a nice saying. After today, it has a whole new meaning for me and I think I'm seeing a true giant for the first time."

Mr. Eldred hugged me after I'd said this and he even kissed me on the forehead. It seems as if we're going to have a totally different relationship from here on out.

I then left him alone with Seth and headed down the hallway toward the waiting room, so I could tell my parents about Mr. Eldred's transformation. I didn't tell them about his hidden bisexual tendencies, but I did explain that he had become better informed about what it meant to be gay and was willing to accept us as we were, including if we wanted to be lovers or even spouses. My mom and dad were quite surprised by his change in attitude and I assumed they were wondering what could have brought about such a drastic reversal. They might have also been worried that he might revert back to his old ways, once Seth recovered.

We sat there for a few more minutes before Mr. Eldred came down to thank my parents and me for all we had done for Seth. He said he would work with us in the future and do anything necessary to correct the mess he'd made and make life more bearable for Seth and me. My parents thanked him and told him they were grateful for his change of heart. They also agreed they would cooperate with him in any way, as long as it would be in Seth's and my best interest.

After my parents went home, Mr. Eldred and I went back to Seth's bedside, as we waited and watched for any signs that Seth's condition was improving. After sitting in silence for a several minutes, Mr. Eldred began to tell me more about his childhood and adolescence. I must admit that I was surprised by how much detail he willingly gave me about his contacts with other males during that period of his life, but then he went even further and told me how he wished he had been able to accept his own sexual identity back then.

I guess maybe this episode might have been cathartic for him and freed his soul of all the pent up doubts and regrets he'd accumulated over the years. He even admitted that he always wished he'd been able to pursue sex with other guys, especially as he grew older and even acknowledged that he felt he had missed out on so much by not being honest with himself over the years. He also confessed that his frustration over his own inabilities was probably part of the reason he had been so rigid and hard on Seth, but now he completely regretted what he had put his son through. He also told me that he prayed he'd be able to find a way to make this up to Seth when he recovered. We were still continuing our discussion when the doctor came in on his evening rounds.

He asked both of us to leave momentarily, while he performed his examination, so we went down to the waiting room at the end of the hall. The doctor was in with Seth for quite some time before he came down to the waiting room to speak with us.

"Your son seems to be steadily improving, although I don't understand why he hasn't regained consciousness yet," the doctor began. "His vitals look good and the tests we ran show nothing beyond what we were expecting to find. Everything we've discovered is fairly consistent with surviving exposure to carbon monoxide poisoning, but since he isn't progressing as rapidly as I'd hoped, there might be some underlying issues. Unfortunately, I can't rule out the possibility that he's suffered some brain damage, possibly even severe brain damage, but there might also be some other lingering and delayed problems from inhaling such a large quantity of toxic fumes."

"What sort of other problems?" Mr. Eldred wanted to know.

"The oxygen deprivation might have damaged his muscles and internal organs, so we'll continue to monitor him for a while to see if we detect any signs of such problems," the doctor told him.

This news wasn't reassuring, but he wasn't able to give us a lot of specifics about Seth's prognosis. It was mostly a wait and see approach, although he kept telling us that Seth seemed to be making progress, but only time would tell if he was going to fully recover after his little incident.

Before he left, we both thanked the doctor for his efforts and for taking the time to explain things to us. He said he would be around again tomorrow afternoon and maybe he'd be able to provide us with more informative at that time.

Once he was gone, Mr. Eldred asked me a lot of questions about myself, but nothing too personal, and then he told me a bunch of stories about what Seth was like when he was growing up. I enjoyed the little tidbits of information he shared with me, since they were basically things I didn't know about Seth before, and we continued our conversation for quite some time. When we realized it was getting late, we situated our chairs on either side of Seth's bed, fluffed up the pillows the nurses had left for us to use and then spent the rest of the night holding on to Seth's hands.

We dozed off for brief periods of time throughout the night, but we never really slept for very long because the chairs weren't exactly comfortable. Whenever I woke up, I would say another prayer to ask God to intervene and return Seth to us, but in return I promised that if he gave us another chance with Seth, then we'd make sure to use it wisely and not repeat our previous mistakes. I prayed for nearly twenty minutes each time, but I always did it silently, since I wasn't sure this was something I could do if Mr. Eldred could hear me.

These were a private communiqués, between God and me, even though it concerned Seth. Just because Seth's father had been willing to share his secrets with me, it didn't mean that I was ready to open my soul and private prayers for his inspection. After I finished my celestial request, I kissed Seth on the forehead, held his hand and then stretched out on the chair again, while hoping I might be able to go back to sleep for a little while, because I was still exhausted.

The next morning, I awoke and checked on Seth again, to see if there were any improvements. Mr. Eldred and I talked for a while before he left the hospital to go home, clean up, change his clothes and get a bite to eat. Shortly after he'd departed, my parents returned with more of my clothing and breakfast from my favorite diner. I ate first and then went in to shower and change. The warm water felt great as it ran over my body and relieved the aching feeling from my stiff muscles, which were a direct result of sleeping in the chair. It also drained the tension that had built up in my body throughout this ordeal, even though it only seemed to last for a brief time.

I was hesitant to get out of this wonderfully relaxing treat when I eventually concluded that I needed to get back to Seth and let him know I was still here for him. Just as I was coming out of the bathroom, Robbie and Tom were coming into the room for a visit. My mom and dad collected my things and said goodbye, so I could visit with my friends in private and fill them in about everything that had happened. We all said farewell to my folks and watched as they left the room and headed down the hallway. Once they were gone, Tom spoke up.

"Logan, I'm sorry I haven't been here before now," he stated. "I heard about Seth on Friday at school, but I wasn't sure if he could receive or even wanted visitors. When Robbie called last night and asked if I wanted to come with him today, I was happy to accept his invitation, so I could see both of you. It wasn't that I didn't care, because I do, and I wanted you to know that. Is he any better?"

"The doctor says he's doing well, but he can't understand why Seth hasn't come to yet," I answered. "He said he couldn't find any medical reason for him to still be unconscious, so hopefully he'll come out of it soon."

"If there's nothing medically wrong with him, then he should be fine. Right?" Tom asked. "Maybe he'll snap out of it later today then, so we'll keep hoping and praying for the best. I know things will work out for Seth. I can just feel it. I don't know how, but I feel that Seth will be all right and we'll soon be joking around with him again. My mom is always telling me that we have to trust in God at times like this, because she says God knows what's best and he'll take care of us, if we let him."

I thought about what Tom had just said and hoped he was right about it, but sometimes it's hard to place your faith in someone or something you can't see. It's also very difficult to cope with the feelings of helplessness that tend to overwhelm you when you aren't able to improve a situation yourself. As teenagers, I think we often feel helpless and powerless as it is, because we've spent most of our lives having to either rely on or listen to our parents, teachers, other relatives and even God for nearly everything. We don't get to make many decisions for ourselves, so it's times like these that seem to magnify our feelings of helplessness and uncertainty. It makes us feel as if we are even less in control than usual, but maybe we wouldn't feel so alone or hopeless if we had a little more input into the decisions and events that directly affect our lives.

I was still chatting with Robbie and Tom when Jeff and Keith showed up again for another visit. They came into Seth's room and mingled with the rest of us, as the five of us not only sat and talked to each other, but we also took turns going over to Seth's bed to carry on a private dialogue with him, as he lay motionless on the bed. I think we all hoped something we said might be the catalyst that would bring him around and cause him to wake up from his deep sleep, but none of us had made much of an impact on him thus far.

The four of them stayed with me for a long time, at least two or three hours, and we continued to talk about many other things besides the current situation. Mr. Eldred returned during their visit, so I introduced him to the boys he didn't know. Although the four of them were skeptical about how friendly they should be with Mr. Eldred at first, seeing they'd heard about how he'd treated Seth, but I managed to convince them he had changed. After that, we all got along quite well and had a nice visit.

At one point, when there was a lull in our conversation, we thought we heard a noise coming from Seth's bed, so we went over to investigate. As soon as we were standing beside him, we noticed Seth's eyes flickered a few times, before they opened completely. I guess he'd been trying to come to and speak, but due to the tube in his throat, he was only able to force out a few noises. That was obviously what we heard, but now he was coming to.

We all got very excited when we noticed he war regaining consciousness, so we all started shouting and jumping around. Seth's father was touching his son and stroking his hair, as I ran out to the nurses' station and informed them that Seth was awake. Two of the nurses followed me, when I turned to go back to Seth's room, while a third nurse paged the doctor.

Shortly after we entered Seth's room, the nurses asked us to step out into the hall and we hesitantly did what they requested. We didn't want to leave Seth so quickly, now that he was back with us again, but we knew they had things to do. The first nurse got busy removing the tube from his esophagus and then ran out of the room again, so she could get Seth some ice chips to moisten his mouth and throat. At the same time, the second nurse was busy checking his blood pressure, heart rate and temperature before the doctor arrived. Once they had finished doing those things, they allowed us back into the room to see him.

Everyone had a huge grin plastered across his face when we walked up to his bed and he looked up and began to speak to us in a hoarse whisper,

"Why am I here?" he wanted to know.

"Don't you remember?" I asked, wondering if maybe he had amnesia or possibly suffered from brain damage, as the doctor had warned us.

"Not really," he replied. "I remember doing something silly, but that's it."

"Silly? I think it was downright crazy," I countered, "but we'll talk about that later. I'm just glad to have you back."

"The others quickly let him know they were glad he was back with us too, especially his father, but that's when Seth's doctor came through the door. He immediately asked us to step out of the room for a few minutes again, because he needed some time alone with Seth to perform his own examination and maybe even run a few tests on him. Although we weren't totally happy about having to leave him again, especially now that he had regained consciousness, but we understood why the doctor needed for us to do this.

When the doctor finished his examination of Seth, he came down to the waiting room and told us that everything seemed fine and we could go back and visit with Seth for a while. He asked the others not to stay too long, because he wanted Seth to rest some more, and then he told Mr. Eldred and me that he'd see us the following day. He was going to run another series of tests on Seth at that time, to determine if there might be any lingering problems from the mishap. Mr. Eldred and I each thanked him again before he left and then we all hurried down to Seth's room and began buzzing around our buddy.

Jeff, Keith, Robbie and Tom each told Seth how sorry they were about how they had acted and then added that they wanted him to know that they would be there for him from here on out. After visiting with him for a few more minutes, the quartet decided to leave and I walked them out, so Seth and his father could enjoy some time alone. I knew they had a great deal of making up to do and needed a chance to do it alone.

I intentionally stayed away from the room for many minutes, and by the time I returned, both of them were crying and hugging each other. Even though their faces were tear streaked, they were also covered with very peaceful expression from having reconciled their differences. As soon as they saw me, they summoned me into the room to join them and then Seth asked his father if he could speak with me alone next. His dad agreed and stepped out of the room to give us some privacy. Seth reached out his hand, grabbed my arm and then he pulled me close to him, so he could give me a hug. He held me tightly for several minutes before letting go.

"I know what you did for me and how you've been here the whole time," he began. "I don't know if it was a dream or if it really happened, but I even remember you encouraging me to keep fighting and not to give up. I could hear you telling me that you loved and needed me, but then that made me feel guilty, because I'd only thought of myself when I did this. I never considered your feelings at all. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course I will," I assured him. "I don't care about any of that, as long as I have you back."

We kissed and hugged after that, but then Seth pulled away again, so he could ask another question.

"I need to know something, Logan. Was what I heard all a dream or did you really say those things to me?"

I studied at him for a few seconds, as I tried to decide which things he was asking about, but eventually I was ready to answer his question.

"That was me that you heard, Seth," I confessed. "I sat beside your bed and kept telling you all of the things I wanted you to know. I told you how much I loved you and how much I needed you. I also asked you to come back to me, because I didn't think I could live without you. I meant it all, Seth. I wasn't lying and I don't know if I could have survived if you hadn't. You mean far too much to me, so I don't think I could have lived with only half a heart and half a soul."

Tears were gliding down my cheeks as I spoke to him, because the realization had once again set in that I could have lost him for good.

"I'm fine now and we're going to be fine, too," Seth added. "My dad told me that he's willing to accept us as we are and he'll be proud if I decide that I want you to be my boyfriend." He kissed me passionately after saying this.

"Seth, did you also hear all the other guys when they came to visit to?" I wondered. "There were a lot more people here than just Robbie, Tom, Jeff and Keith."

"I remember bits and pieces, but my dad told me about some of it too," Seth confirmed. "I think we've learned that we have some really good friends and they're willing to stick by us now, but they'll even help to protect us in the future too. What more could we want? Things are looking up for us and everything's going to be all right. The only thing I regret is that I that I put you through all of this and made you suffer so much."

"Shhhh. Don't say any more," I told him, while placing a finger over his lips. "That's behind us now and we have to look toward to the future. We need to consider if we're going back to our old high school or if we want to transfer, but I think that decision is going to be a little easier to make now. We also have to think about what sports we want to play and who's coming to whose house for Christmas and spring break."

"I love you, Logan, and I'll do whatever you want," Seth quickly agreed. "My dad told me that you saved my life by doing CPR on me after you pulled me out of the garage, and in some other cultures they say that if you save someone life, then that life becomes yours from that moment forward. That means my life now belongs to you now, Logan. Choose wisely for both of us and I will do whatever you wish. I guess this also means that you're stuck with me from here on out, whether you like it or not."

"Like it? I love it, but I think you've got things a little confused," I countered. "Whatever we do, we'll decide together. It works both ways, Seth. My life is just as much yours, as your life is mine. Everything we do and everything that we decide will be done jointly. There will be no unilateral decisions made for us. We are full and equal partners in this. I want us to always be together and happy, Seth. We're a team. It's just you and me against the world."

"It will be like that always and I promise you that I'll never do anything this utterly stupid again," he confirmed.

Things were going great now and everything was falling into place. We just had to wait for the test results to come back and if they turned out ok, then the doctor would release him. We were all holding our breath when the doctor came by and told us he'd just got the results from the lab.

"The tests show there is nothing seriously wrong with you now," the doctor began. "In fact, they seem to indicate you probably won't be suffering from any lingering or long lasting effects from this incident and you appear to have suffered no brain damage. You're a very lucky young man, but I still want you to spend one more day in the hospital, so we can observe you a little longer. I want to be certain of these facts first, before I agree to discharge you."

When Seth was finally released, his family and mine joined together and held a big welcome home party for him at his house. We invited all of the people who had shown up at the hospital and who had supported us through this whole ordeal, so Seth could thank them all too. Seth was very pleased to see everyone again, although he was slightly embarrassed by the attention, but the others helped to put him at ease.

After the party, Seth took me up to his room and we spent some time alone and discussed our future.

"Logan, I think we should go back to our old high school. What do you think?" Seth asked.

"Yes, I agree and that's what I was thinking too," I concurred. "We've got a lot more support now, so it should be easier to deal with any of the remaining bigots who still might try to hassle us."

"Logan, I think we should thank you father for his advice too," he added.

I wasn't sure what he meant by this and gave him a puzzled look.

"What advice would that be?" I questioned.

"You know. That thing your dad always says about 'you pass this way but once.' I did a great deal of thinking about this while I was lying in the hospital and realized he was right. Most of the choices we made were good and we benefited from making them. Sure, sometimes they didn't turn out quite so well, but you can't expect everything to work out for the best and not have some disappointments. I was thinking about the decisions we made, as well as some of the choices our friends made along the way, and I concluded that we wouldn't be together or this close if we hadn't made those decisions in the first place. I know it was rough at times, but I wouldn't want to go back and change anything we did, well except for my dumb stunt."

"What about your dad and the way he treated you?" I pressed.

"Logan, I would have had to face that problem sooner or later, regardless of what decisions I made," he pointed out. "It was something that was bound to happen and the only question was when that confrontation was going to take place. When we were outted before we were ready only sped up the process, but I would have had to go through the confrontation with my dad eventually, no matter what else happened." He hesitated at that point and stared at me for a short time before he continued. "Don't you agree with me? Don't you think we should have made those decisions when we did?"

"Of course I do," I confirmed. "We did what we had to do and because of it we found each other, but we also found Timmy and Robbie, too. I'll never regret those decisions or the good times we enjoyed along the way. I know there were some bad times as well, but I think I'll be able to forget about those things eventually."

"There's something else to consider as well, Logan," Seth added. "If this didn't happen when it did, my father might never have run into those gay guys in Miami. Well, he probably would have run into them, but I don't think he would have approached and talked to them, which means he'd never have come to the conclusions that he did. Even though I almost killed myself in the process, and that definitely wasn't necessary or needed, but the disagreement my dad and I had might have been the catalyst that was needed to get him to understand who and what I am."

"Yeah, I guess you might be right," I relented. "I'd never considered the possibility that if this had happened at a different time then he might have stuck to his guns and you two would still be feuding. I guess we just had to make those decisions as they came up and then not try to second-guess ourselves later. Hindsight is always easier and more accurate than foresight, because you have a lot more information on which you can base your decision. If only life worked that way."

We went back to school shortly after that and things definitely improved. We still found a few notes stuck to our lockers or stuffed in our books, but there were a lot fewer of them now. That was probably due to the fact that there were also a lot more people around school who were ready to confront and enlighten those they caught doing these things. We had a very reliable support group and it continued to grow with us.

For some time after we got back to school though, I noticed this one boy always hanging around where we happened to be at the time. He was a good looking kid, about 5'7" [1.70 m], with curly brown hair and a runner's build, but he seemed to be constantly staring at us. I just assumed he had heard the rumors and was just checking out the gay boys, to see if they had horns and a tail. After a while though, I started to question if he was there to condemn us or offer support, but he never made a move either way. I didn't let the uncertainty bother me though, but one day during lunch period, Seth and I were sitting outside on the grass when he finally worked up the nerve to approach us.

"Hi. I know you don't know me, but I'm Connor O'Leary," he began, somewhat sheepishly. He would look at us for a short time and then glance toward the ground, almost as if he was afraid to make eye contact with us. "I only started school here this past fall and I'd like to talk to you about something. Before I do though, you have to promise me something first. You have to promise you won't ever tell anyone else what I'm about to say."

We were both confused and amused by his cloak and dagger request, but we agreed to do what he asked.

"I heard about what happened to you guys and knew that I had to talk to you," he began. "It's taken me some time to get up the courage to do this, but here it goes." He looked directly at Seth as he continued. "I know exactly how you were feeling when you tried to kill yourself, because I attempted to do the same thing not too long ago."

I think Seth and I each had a shocked expression on our faces, so Connor hesitated. I think this was because he wasn't sure if our expressions indicated that we were merely shocked about what he'd told us or if we were horrified about what he'd done. I felt we needed to ease his doubts.

"Please continue, but it's just that we were surprised you'd tried something like that too," I told him. "We didn't mean to be rude, but we were totally shocked by what you just said. I think Seth felt that he was the only one who'd ever done anything like that."

"He's not and I'm embarrassed that I did it now, but we're not the only ones to attempt something like that," he admitted. "I did it last year, when I was at my old school, so it's also why I transferred here this fall. You see, I'm gay too and I was being treated really badly at my old school. It seemed that every day some macho straight guy thought it was his turn to beat up the fairy. I actually think they felt obligated to do it."

Connor paused briefly at this point, because I think those old memories were still more than a little painful for him. After taking a minute to regain his composure, he continued again.

"It was all really sick, because they were constantly beating me up over nothing. I was continually bruised and sore from all the different times they pounded on me. The problem was, the more I tried to defend myself, the worse the beatings got. Those guys would spit on me, kick me, call me names and they even ripped my clothes off. There was this one time when they stripped me naked and I had to walk several blocks to get home with only my books to cover myself with. Once they left, I hid out in some bushes until it got dark, but several people still saw me that way. They didn't even bother to help me though and all they did was to start laughing about it. No one even offered to give me a jacket, shirt or anything I could use to cover myself with.

"After that happened, I finally decided it was just too much for me to deal with any longer and planned to end it," he admitted. "The next day I snuck back home from school and grabbed all of the pill bottles I could find out of the medicine cabinet. Then, I started to swallow each of the pills that were in those bottles, all different kinds, and washed them all down with glass after glass of water, because I wanted to die. I was fed up, disgusted and knew I couldn't put up with the abuse any longer, so I decided to end it.

"It turned out to be lucky for me that my grandfather happened to come over to our house that day, so he could borrow one of my dad's tools from the basement," he went on. "My dad had given him an extra key to our house, so he could keep an eye on things when we were away, but he could also use it to borrow stuff when he needed it. Anyway, when he came in he heard the water running in the bathroom, so he went there to turn it off. That's when he found me lying on the floor, unconscious. I guess I must have passed out from the effects of the pills I'd already taken, before I had a chance to turn the water off in the sink.

"As soon as he saw me," Connor continued, "my grandfather immediately called the paramedics and they took me to the hospital, where the doctors pumped my stomach out. Before they were able to do that though, they first had to force a bunch of granulated charcoal into my stomach, so it could absorb the drugs I'd taken, and then they put this tube down my throat and pumped the whole mess out of me. It was really pretty gross, but as you can see, I survived. Afterward though, I had to attend mandatory counseling sessions three times a week.

"That was actually the best thing that could have happened to me though," he confessed. "It was at the counseling sessions where I finally learned how to deal with being gay and how to cope with the kids that hated me because of it. I never went back to my old school, but I heard that a whole bunch of the boys who used to enjoy beating me up got suspended for a while. Anyway, the shrink thought it would be good for me to change schools and get a fresh start. I did everything I could to make sure that no one at this school learned I was gay though, because I didn't want to go through that again. Then, I started hearing stories about what the other students were doing to you two and it really scared me. I was becoming totally frightened that it was going to start happening to me all over again.

"I considered talking to you guys way back then, but I was afraid to. I thought that if I was seen with you it would blow my cover and out me too," he confessed, while at the same time looking guilty about having done that. "It seems that I waited too long before I acted and you tried to do the same thing I'd done, but you used car exhaust instead of pills. I wish I had the courage to tell you about me when I first got here, because then you might not have tried to kill yourself."

As he said this last statement, he looked over at Seth and then hesitated for a few seconds, to give us time to think about what he'd just said.

"My shrink told me that gay teens are the most likely group to try and kill themselves," he finally continued. "He said the suicide rate among gay teens is higher than for any other group, so we can't let this happen to any more kids like us. We've got to let them know we are all facing the same types of problems, but killing yourself is not the way to correct the situation. There are other options and they need to learn to recognize and select those choices instead, before they go to extremes. I'm going to start a website to try to get the word out and I'd like for you two to help me with it, if you wouldn't mind. I'd also like for us to become friends and get to know each other better, so what do you say? Will you do this with me?"

Neither, Seth nor I hesitated and instantly agreed to his offer. We soon found ourselves spending a great deal of time with our new friend, as we helped him collect information to put on this site. It was pretty varied, because there were a bunch of pages with information about the problem of suicide, others with links to other sites they could go to and some were even confessions from other kids who had survived their suicide attempts. There were also stories others had written about their friends, children or siblings who had been successful in their attempt and they gave their reactions about the losses they had suffered. I guess one thing those committing suicide don't realize is the pain and anguish they cause for those they leave behind.

Connor proved to be a really nice guy and our friendship with him blossomed. Even though he was a year older than Seth and I, we became extremely close and included him as part of our group. This meant he was a couple of years older than Robbie, but they grew to be good friends as well and we all continued to help him with the website until he was finally ready to launch it. It was a lot of work, but we were willing to do it because we felt as if we were actually helping other teens learn to cope with problems similar to the ones we had been facing. It not only gave us a great deal of pride and satisfaction, but it also filled us with a sense of accomplishment in knowing that we might have saved some other boy or girl from going through the same type of things that we'd endured. Who knows? We might even be giving someone else a ray of hope and a life preserver to cling to in a sea of despair.

Besides working with Connor, Seth and I were wrestling again as well. We felt we had enough support to go out for the team, and even though there was a great deal of body contact in this sport, we didn't encounter the same type of reaction we'd faced in football. Nearly everyone seemed ok with us being on the team, but there was one notable exception to this rule. Before he could cause us any problems though, the other guys let him know that if push came to shove, then they'd rather have us on the team than him. Seeing he was definitely out numbered, he left us alone and remained on the team, although we were never really friends or very close to him.

The days flew by quickly after that and it seemed as if no time at all had passed before Timmy was coming to stay with us after Christmas. Even though we were supposed to go to his house this year, everyone agreed that after everything Seth had been through that it might be best for him to remain close to home. We figured that seeing he was getting along so much better with his parents that it would be nice for Timmy to see how well he was doing. We invited Connor and Robbie to join us too, so the five of us stayed at my house most of the time, since we had more room, but we spent time with Seth's family as well. We had a great time together, just like before, but with one more friend this time.

The feelings of guilt that Seth had been fighting with during those dark days after his suicide attempt had completely vanished. This allowed the two of us to also enjoy some really fantastic nights with each other during the holidays as well, including all of the pleasures associated with that.

Since Timmy had come to visit us at Christmas, we went to his house over spring break and renewed our friendships with his parents and Timmy's other friends too. Timmy also invited Connor to join us when we went there too, although it took Seth's parents and mine several trips back and forth to Connor's house before they convinced his parents that he would be fine and this would be good for him. After a great deal of coaxing and cajoling, Connor's parents finally agreed to let him join us on this little excursion. Life was looking better to us every day.

Seth's family and mine started doing a lot more things with each other too. Even after their previous differences, our parents put that aside and became close to one another, although Seth and I knew they were basically doing this for our benefit, not their own. The four of us, Robbie, Timmy, Seth and I, also went back to camp that summer and then the seven of us tried out for the junior varsity football tem. Yes, even Connor decided to give it a try and became a fairly decent wide receiver, as he joined Seth, Jeff, Keith, Robbie, Tom and me as part of the starting lineup.

The coach seemed really happy to see Seth and me again, but he was also pleasantly surprised by Connor's ability too. He promised all of us that things would be much better this year and they were. We had a lot of support from the other players and we all enjoyed another great season, with the team going 7-1. Once again, our lives were back to normal and we were enjoying being in school again.

Seth and I, along with the others, had learned a great deal over the past few years and with the wisdom we'd acquired during that time, I'd like to share a small piece of advice with you. 'You pass this way but once.' What this means is that you shouldn't be afraid to make those difficult decisions in your life, but just think them out carefully first and don't be afraid to accept both the pleasures and the pain that might result from them. Also don't second-guess yourself and don't ever regret the choices you've made, unless you knew you were making a negative or bad choice in the first place, but did it anyway.

If you do this properly, the only regrets you should ever have are those that were caused by inaction. This means the results that come about because you couldn't or wouldn't make a decision when the opportunity arose. Follow your heart, but always use your head. Choose for yourself and don't let others, or fate, make those decisions for you.

The End