Bill W

Castaway Hotel V

August 2001 - June 2002

Chapter 1
Picking Up the Pieces

During the time I was in the hospital, I was kept sedated. The doctors felt it was best to keep me drugged and oblivious to my condition, so my body would have time to recover and heal, without me having to also deal with the harsh reality that I had just lost a son. Therefore, I don't know much about what actually took place during that time, but what I am aware of now are the things the others told me later. I suppose it would be helpful if I recapped those events for you, to give you a chance to discover what took place after I was admitted into the hospital following my heart attack.

I understand the scene at the cemetery was extremely hectic and unsettling. I was told the boys feared the worst, especially after being apprised of Graham's prediction about Brent and myself. The adults did all they could do to keep the boys from becoming completely hysterical, especially after they saw me taken away in the ambulance, by explaining that I had just succumbed to the pressure of everything I had just been forced to deal with. However, they were also quick to add that they suspected I would pull through it and be fine.

Although this was a very troubled and unsettling time, there were some positive aspects resulting from the situation. One of the most impressive things was the level of maturity some of the boys displayed and how they shone through to help the others. Danny, for instance, took charge of his brothers, right after I was stricken, and was the first to conceive of a way to get them to calm down, while providing them with a sense of hope. He did this by suggesting they all kneel and pray, right there in the cemetery, so they could ask God to help me pull through and give them the strength to help each other deal with this dark period of their lives. The boys followed his lead, and that seemed to be the key to getting most of them back in control of their emotions and fears.

Even Graham tried to comfort his brothers, by explaining to them that the shadows he had seen around me had never been that dark, which he interpreted to mean that I'd be in the hospital for a while, but I would survive. This also proved to be the most reassuring bit of information for many of them, since they had now become painfully aware of the accuracy of Graham's vision. Gradually, they began to let go of their fears about my chances of survival, but there was one glaring exception to this.

Due to his unique relationship to both Brent and myself, Kevin was in the worst shape of all of my sons and was unable to cope with the enormity of everything that had transpired over the past few days. Not only had he just lost his latest boyfriend and soul mate, but he was now concerned he might also lose his father as well. The emotional pain and uncertainty he was dealing with completely overwhelmed him and caused him to fall to pieces, figuratively speaking.

You see, Kevin was already on the brink of hysteria after learning about Brent's demise, but his condition reached the critical breaking point when he witnessed my collapse, right after the gravesite service. As soon as he saw me slumping to the ground, he began screaming and sobbing uncontrollably, and none of the others were able to give him a sense of solace or reassurance. This latest happenstance merely caused him to continue to question why all of these bad things kept happening to him and those closest to him, so it only bolstered his suspicions that this collection of unfortunate circumstances had something to do with him personally. He was now totally convinced that he was the bad luck charm that kept rubbing off on everyone else.

The adults tried to persuade him this wasn't the case and attempted to use logic to calm him down and dissuade his fears. They explained what happened to Brent had merely been the result of a very unfortunate and untimely accident and what happened to me was due to the fact I had internalized Brent's death, like Kevin was doing, and put undue stress and strain on my organs. They tried to explain to Kevin that something similar might also happen to him, if he didn't quit blaming himself and thinking all the bad things that had happened had a direct connection to him. They weren't sure how much, if any, of this he actually understood and accepted, but they felt it had to be said and hoped it would eventually sink in.

Seeing how devastated Kevin was, Danny and Brandon took special interest in him, but they were also wise enough to solicit help from Dustin and Nick in the process. The four of them tried to reassure Kevin he was not alone and they would continue as a family, no matter what else happened. It was also Danny and Brandon who convinced their brothers that Uncle Jake would be true to his word and stay with them, so they would be able to remain together, regardless of what else transpired. They also spread the word among the boys that Uncle Jake would not even leave when I returned home, because they were convinced there was an even stronger bond growing between us – one which would kept him close by my side.

It was also that pair who took over the leadership role at home and made certain things kept running smoothly. They stayed on top of things, as I would have done had I been there, and helped Jake look after everyone else. It was also Danny and Brandon who helped convince Dustin and Frankie not to wallow in their grief and delay moving on with their own future. Both boys had been tempted to put off going away to college while I was in the hospital, at least until Danny explained that I would have insisted they not alter their plans, if something similar had happened to anyone else. That duo also took the time to help Dustin and Frankie pack their things and went over their college information packets with them, to make sure they had remembered everything they needed to take with them. They even reassured their older brothers they'd keep in constant contact with them, to let them know how I was doing and what was happening back at home.

Along with everything else, Danny and Brandon also took it upon themselves to see that all of the athletes got signed up for their fall sports and didn't allow them to sit the season out, just because I was out of action. As if that weren't enough, they also helped to organize meals and did many of the other mundane tasks to run the household that I usually took care of. Jake told me later that he was totally in awe of how that pair had managed to stay in control and keep their wits about them, no matter how unsettled things became or how worried they were about me personally. He admitted that he wouldn't have been able to accomplish what they had and was very grateful they had been around.

Danny and Brandon were also the ones who helped console Graham, who still blamed himself for allowing all of this to happen. Graham still clung to his belief that he could have prevented this from happening by being more assertive in convincing me Brent shouldn't be allowed to go on that trip. Graham not only blamed himself for Brent's death, but also felt my heart attack was just another result of his ineffectiveness. He concluded both incidents were part of the same failure on his part and it was very difficult for him to let go of that belief.

Danny and Brandon spent quite a bit of time reasoning with him, using many of the same arguments I might have. They told Graham that if things hadn't occurred the way they did, then it was very likely something similar would have happened instead and we'd still be where we were now. After discussing this on several different occasions, they finally got Graham to concede this point and accept the fact that what had happened was inevitable and couldn't have been stopped. They assured him the only reason he felt responsible was the insight he had that the rest of them lacked, but that didn't guarantee he could alter the future. After many lengthy discussions, Graham finally accepted the logic that he was merely the harbinger of the bad news, not the author of the tragedy, so he eventually quit blaming himself for everything that had happened.

Danny and Brandon were also the ones to whom Graham went to after something unsettling happened to him, something he wasn't sure he'd be able to tell anyone else about. After thinking it over and debating his options, he finally went to his new 'father figures' and asked for their guidance. After debating this internally for more than a day, he concluded that they were the only ones, beside myself, that he'd feel comfortable discussing this with.

"Danny, Brandon… uh… I need to talk to you alone… about something I saw," he announced to them one morning. The pair recognized the extreme concern on Graham's face and took him to their room where they could handle his concerns in private. Once they were alone, Graham told them what was bothering him. "I'm not sure if you're going to believe me or not, but I saw Brent when I woke up this morning and he spoke to me."

"You saw WHO?" Danny asked, not sure he heard Graham correctly.

"I saw Brent," Graham repeated, but he now looked a little concerned. "I was just opening my eyes, after having a dream about Dad, and I saw someone. I thought one of you guys had come in to check on me, but then I realized it was Brent standing there. I thought I was still dreaming, so I blinked a couple of times, but he didn't disappear. After that, I closed my eyes tight and even pinched myself, to make sure I was awake, but he was still there when I opened my eyes again. After I stared at him for quite some time, he let me know what he was doing here." Graham hesitated briefly, trying to decide how he could best explain this, and once he thought he knew what he wanted to say, he continued.

"Brent didn't speak to me directly, like I'm talking to you. Instead, he showed me things and I was able to understand what he meant by looking at them. First, he showed me the wrecked SUV and let me know that he didn't blame anyone for what had happened, that it was just an accident that no one could have stopped. Then he let me know he was doing okay, but he's worried about the rest of us, especially Kevin and Dad. He wants me to let both of them know he's okay, he still loves Kevin and he thanks Dad for letting him go on the trip, even if it was the last one he'd ever take. He also let me know that he wants me to whisper this message in Dad's ear… while he's in the hospital, so maybe it will help him get better faster."

"But how can this be possible?" Danny wondered aloud, still confused. "It's not that I think you're lying," he quickly added, so Graham didn't feel Danny doubted what he was saying, "but I don't understand how a dead person can tell you all of this."

"I'm not sure either, but that's what he did," Graham told him. "Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, I mean getting messages from someone who has died, but Brent kind of let me know I'll be seeing him a lot from now on. He let me know he's going to be my spirit guide, so I can pass messages along from the other side." Graham was very serious about this and did everything he could to make certain both boys knew this wasn't some sort of a joke, and even confirmed that Brent was the one who convinced him to tell Danny and Brandon, so he could find a way to tell me before I got home.

"So this is the first time you've seen Brent?" Danny pressed.

"No. I've been seeing him at different times ever since we found out what happened to him," Graham confirmed. "At first I didn't want to accept the fact it was happening or believe I was able to see him, but Brent kept becoming more and more insistent in letting me know I HAVE to do this for him."

"But how does he let you know these things, if he doesn't speak to you directly?" Brandon inquired.

"He shows me things," Graham explained, "or somehow gives me the impression of what he wants me to know."

"Dang, this is really spooky!" Brandon exclaimed.

"I know," Graham agreed. "I was scared to admit this to anyone at first, or even believe it myself, but Brent convinced me that he's not going to let me ignore him."

"But why you?" Brandon asked him.

"Think about it, Brand," Danny told him, "who else would he come to. Graham's always had these special abilities none of the rest of us have or really understand, so who better to communicate with than the one who warned this would happen."

"Yeah, I guess you're right there, but damn, it's still spooky," Brandon concluded.

"Tell me about it," Graham stated, with his eyes bugging out. "How would you like to be the one who your dead brother decided to communicate with? I mean, Brent and I weren't even that close when he was here. It's not that I didn't like him, but he was closer to some of you than he was with me."

"Yeah, but you're the only one with this gift," Danny told him. "No one else has the ability to see and understand things like you do."

"You think it's a gift?" Graham nearly shouted. "I wish I could give it to someone else. Maybe you think it's a gift, but to me it's a curse. It's just so scary and hard to accept that I can tell what's going to happen to people and now I'm seeing people who have died."

"I know, but God wouldn't have given you this ability, if he wasn't positive you could deal with it," Danny added.

"Now you're beginning to sound like Dad," Graham responded, but then grinned at him.

"Thanks," Danny stated, sporting a huge smile of his own. "That's the best compliment you could have ever given me."

Graham asked the duo not to tell anyone else about the extent of his 'gift' or disclose the additional details of what he had just told them. After asking their advice as to whether he should do what Brent had requested, about whispering Brent's message to me, he also enlisted their help to get into my hospital room alone. They agreed to assist him and together set about making a plan to accomplish this. They thought it best to do it in total secrecy, without having to explain to the others what they were up to, which included Jake. Carefully, they devised their plan and determined they would set it into motion the next time they visited me. Now that everything was agreed upon, they just had to wait for their opportunity, but they didn't have to wait for very long.

Later that afternoon, Jake told the boys he would take anyone who wanted to visit me with him later that evening and everyone wanted to go. Jake had only allowed the boys to come see me every few days, because he felt my knowing they were there might make me overly emotional and hinder my recuperation. However, after observing the boys and watching me on their last visit, he felt all of us would benefit by seeing each other briefly. He did forewarn them I was still being sedated, and depending on when I'd had my last dose of medication, I might not even know they were there. However, he quickly learned that didn't make a difference to my sons, since they all still wanted to go anyway.

When they got to the hospital, Danny and Brandon announced they thought all of them should go to the chapel to say a prayer for me first, and then go up to my room in small groups, so they didn't overwhelm me. They knew the nurses would also limit the number in at one time, but this way the rest of them could remain in the chapel while the others went to see Dad. After thinking about it, everyone agreed that both suggestions were appropriate and a wise precautions to take, so they went along with them. Danny and Brandon immediately teamed up with Graham, so they would be the only ones in the room when Graham passed along his message.

Jake wanted to be in the room with each group, which presented a slight problem, so Danny, Brandon hung back and let everyone else go before them, to give them time to come up with a diversionary plan. By the time it was their turn to visit, they had an idea worked out in their heads. After spending several minutes in the room with me, Danny asked Jake if he could speak with him privately in the hallway and Jake did as he requested. While Danny was talking to Jake, making suggestions for future visits and ways to relax me so I'd recover more quickly, Graham was making his move to tell me about seeing Brent.

Graham walked up beside my bed, but stopped short and merely looked at me for quite a few seconds, before he moved closer. By the time he bent over to whisper in my ear, there was a tear running down his cheek. "Hi, Dad. It's Graham," he told me. "I just came to tell you that I've seen Brent and he wants me to let you know he doesn't blame anyone for what happened and he's okay. I know, I know. You probably don't understand how this can be any more than I did at first, but Brent has shown himself to me. He's let me know he will be my spirit guide from now on and he'll be passing messages to me from the other side, so I can give them to the people they're intended for. I tried to tell him I didn't want to do this, but he insisted I had to, because there's no one else who can do it. So you're the first one to receive one of these messages." He hesitated slightly and licked his lips, which were quite dry because of how nervous he was, but then he continued.

"Brent told me to tell you that you're going to get better, because you have to keep the family going. He said to let you know that you will still have some other problems because of your heart attack, but they won't be anything too bad. The best part is that you're going to live and you'll be back home soon. He also says you'll have to give up some of the things you do for the family and let some of the others do them instead, at least for a while, but Jake and some of the older boys will help you do this. In fact, they're kind of doing it now, so things will be okay." Graham paused again, but this time to control his emotions before delivery the next piece of information.

"Brent also wanted me to let you know that he loves you and thanks you for all you did for him, including letting him go on that trip. He wanted you to know he had a great time, even considering what happened on the way home, but he doesn't blame anyone for that. He also wants you to know he enjoyed being part of our family and thought it was the best time of his whole life. He let me know that it was you and Kevin who finally taught him what love was all about and how good it felt to be loved. He's going to be keeping in contact in the future too, through me of course, because he feels bound to you because of the love you showed him. He wants you to know he'll try to help you take care of the rest of the family, even though he isn't here to do it in person, so he'll use me to tell you if there's something you should be made aware of."

At that moment, Graham got Brandon's attention and pointed at my face, to show him the tear that had just been release from the corner of my left eye and was rolling down my cheek. By seeing that sign, he knew I had heard and understood Brent's message.

After composing himself again, Graham gently used his shirt to wipe the tear from my face, so he wouldn't have to explain it to anyone else who might happen to see it. Then he sat in the chair next to my bed and waited for Jake and Danny to renter the room.

When the Danny and Jake came back inside, no one was any the wiser as to what had happened. As soon as they could, Graham filled Danny in about what had happened while he was distracting Jake, but then he told both boys he had one more thing to do and this was going to be even harder. Brent wanted Graham to also talk to Kevin for him. Neither Danny nor Brandon envied him that task, but told him to be tactful, since Kevin was still vulnerable. Graham said he would do his best and they left it at that.

Once they were back home and everything had quieted down, Graham went to Kevin's room alone. He knocked on the door and Kevin told him to come in, but Graham admitted Kevin was surprised to see who was entering. However, Kevin patiently listened as Graham told his story about how Brent had come to him and about the messages he'd been asked to pass along, including how he had already given me Brent's message. After an initial bout of shock and struggling with this revelation, Kevin finally spoke.

"I knew he'd find a way to contact me," he told Graham, his face glowing. "So what did he want you to tell me?"

"He wanted me to let you know he still loves you and always will, but he especially wanted me to tell you your last time together was the most special of all." Kevin blushed at this comment, not knowing if Graham had been told this was because they had made love before Brent went on that trip, but it didn't matter now. It only mattered that Brent still cared.

Graham had seen Kevin's attention drift, as he wondered about how much Graham knew about that last time, so Graham paused before he continued. Once Kevin was looking at him again, he knew he could finish what he had to say. "Brent also wanted me to tell you that nothing could have been done to prevent what happened to him, but he didn't suffer and he's doing fine where he is. He also wants me to let you know that he wants you to find someone to take his place, so you can be happy again. He doesn't want you to take this wrong though. He insists he will be waiting for you when your time comes to join him, but he doesn't want you to remain alone until then."

"He really said that? He really wants me to find someone else?" Kevin repeated, astonished.

"Kevin, he loves you very much and he wants you to be happy," Graham assured him. "If he can't be here to make you happy, then he wants you to find someone who can. He doesn't want you to be alone or lonely until it's time for you to join him. He'll accept whomever you're with and then you can all be together when the time comes, and love each other equally."

"He was always so special and so thoughtful," Kevin gushed. "Can you tell him I'll always love him too?"

"I don't have to," Graham said, with a slight grin on his lips, "because he's always with you and says he'll watch over you until you're back at his side."

"He will? He said that?" Kevin gasped. He was really pleased by the news, until some other implications about what that meant also began to sink in. "Does that mean he'll be with me if I find someone new and make love to him?" Kevin wondered aloud, looking more than a little apprehensive.

"No, Brent said he'd give you your privacy at those times," Graham confirmed, "but he'll be beside you at all other times, except for those." Kevin suddenly looked relieved and was in better spirits than he had been since we had learned about Brent's death. Maybe now he'd be able to make peace with what has happened and be able to go on and start over once again.

Chapter 2
Stepping Up

It had now been a couple of weeks since the accident that took Brent from us and things were finally beginning to settle down at home. After making some very emotional decisions about moving on to college before I was home from the hospital, Dustin and Frankie somewhat reluctantly left to begin classes. They were even looking forward to beginning this new phase of their lives and making new friends, it was just difficult for them to do, since they were still concerned about my recovery. They had each thought about sitting out a semester or two, so they could be around to help out at home and make certain I was recovering, but that eventually changed. After having many conversations with Danny, Brandon and Jake, Jake was finally able to convince them that Danny, Brandon and he could handle things at home and the boys should not delay or pass up this opportunity. Although they agreed to move on with their lives, when they eventually did leave home, a part of them remained – the part that was worried about the family's survival.

True to their promise, Danny and Brandon took charge of preparing meals, doing the shopping and made certain all the other menial tasks got done, like paying the bills. Seeing how much that pair was doing, the rest of the boys assumed responsibility for keeping the shared areas of the house clean and doing the yard work. The primary reason they all pitched in like this was because none of them wanted to burden Uncle Jake to the point where he didn't want to be around any longer and began to look forward to finally being able to leave and move out on his own again. They wanted him to stick around, once I was back and able to carry on again, so they felt it would be best if they did most of the chores. Their goal was to do everything possible to make Uncle Jake want to stay there with us, which included remaining as my life's partner. Regardless of their underlying intentions, I was glad to learn they were all chipping in and dividing up the additional workload.

Kevin would have probably done more to assist the others in these efforts, if he had not been dealing with so many personal issues at the same time. After all, he was among the oldest still at home and one of the three seniors, but the others were willing to take into account all he had been through and cut him some slack. This wasn't because Kevin tried to get out of work, since he pitched in and took over various chores as well, but sometimes he would get distracted and his jobs would go unfinished. Whenever this happened, the others would just pick up where he left off and not make a big deal about it. Fortunately, everyone was empathetic about his loss, on top of everything else he'd had had to endure since he'd lived with us, but none more so than Danny and Brandon. They never put any pressure on Kevin to assume a larger share of the workload and were usually the ones who covered for him, so they others wouldn't notice it as much.

Jake informed me later that he had been physically at the house the whole time, whenever he wasn't at work, so no one could say there wasn't an adult there taking care of my sons, but he confessed he didn't feel he was much help to them. He said the boys proved to be very adept at taking care of the household and each other, so he hardly had to lift a finger to keep things running smoothly. He explained he was willing to do more to help out, but it seemed as if the boys didn't want him to do anything, so he wouldn't change his mind about staying with them. He promised me he'd never do that, but assumed it was what the boys feared and the reason they did everything for themselves.

Jake admitted that after watching how Danny and Brandon had jumped in and taken charge of most things, he didn't want them to think he was butting in or hinting that he didn't think they could handle it. Therefore, he let them do whatever they felt best, but he also let them know he was there to pick up the slack, if they should need his help. However, after seeing the extent of the duties I had overseen and the vast quantities of food that needed to be prepared, rooms to be cleaned and laundry to be done, he admitted he wasn't sure he could have managed running the household on his own. He also made sure I knew how impressed he was with the older boys and how they took care of everything, but he was even more impressed by the way they helped the younger ones deal with their emotional issues throughout that time.

Jake explained, in poignant detail, how Danny and Brandon, as well as Dustin and Frankie before they left for college, had helped calm their younger siblings' fears and continually reassured them everything would be fine. They kept telling the younger one I was getting better every day and would be with them again soon, but also reminded them that the family would never be split up. Danny and Brandon actually told the boys they'd help take care of them, with help from Uncle Jake, Uncle Steve, Aunt Mary and Aunt Sally, but they should know that none of the adults would ever let anyone split up the family.

Jake then went on to tell me how he often saw Danny and Brandon spending time with various individuals or working with small groups, answering their questions, listening to their concerns or helping them solve a problem, but he said the most memorable thing he saw was one night when he went up to check on everyone and found Sammy and Andrew cuddled up with Danny and Brandon on their bed. He said that he was touched by how the older pair was willing to give up their time alone to comfort their younger brothers, which seemed much more important to them then being intimate with each other.

Jake assured me that Shannon was also doing what he could to help out and usually spent his time with the boys closer to his own age, doing whatever he could to help maintain a normal atmosphere. He and Nick seemed to hit it off almost immediately, although I was concerned that might just be another of Nick's conquests, but Shannon had also became close with Trey and Dion as well. Jake told me that Shannon and Pat had also hit it off, which surprised me a little. Ever since Pat had temporarily lost his eyesight, he had become much more independent, possibly as a result of having to rely on others so much during the time he was without his vision. Pat wasn't going out of his way to shun anyone's attention or company, but he fiercely fought to retain the ability to look after himself, which I believe he felt was the most troubling part about being blind. The other major change in him since that time was that he also threw himself into his studies and academic pursuits, as it appeared he had decided to take advantage of his good eye for as long as it lasted.

The boys also made sure to put Jake in my room while I was in the hospital, but I think they had a hidden agenda for doing that. First, I think they felt that since he was the ranking adult in the home, he should stay in the master bedroom. However, I also believed they might have had an ulterior motive as well, and that was to get him used to sleeping in my room, so he would continue to stay there with me after I returned. After all, they had been trying to fix us up with each other for quite some time, and this wasn't about to stop just because I had suffered a medical setback. They also made sure to talk to him about me, under the disguise of unburdening their souls, and filled Jake in about various things we had done together or reminisced about the occasions I had been there for them. In actuality, I believe they were trying to convince Jake what a terrific guy I was and what a great catch I'd be, if he didn't think that already. Those little devils have no shame.

By the time my doctors decided to remove me from the drugs they had been using to keep me basically comatose so I could heal, I'd been in the hospital for nearly three full-weeks. The first time the boys saw me with my eyes open and alert, they acted as if they had just received that one, special Christmas present they had always dreamed of. Each group of visitors began to dance about excitedly, while they all talked to me simultaneously, and then they began to interrogate me about when I'd be coming home for good.

I must admit I had to fight the urge to join in their enthusiasm, as it was extremely contagious. Instead, I managed to keep myself from getting overly excited, which was actually more difficult than it sounds, since I was euphoric about seeing them all again, especially as happy as they appeared to be. However, I knew I couldn't risk the chance of a relapse and ending up confined to the hospital for an even longer period of time, if something worse happened. Therefore, I managed to keep a grip on my emotions and just enjoyed our time together.

Before each group left the room, I made them promise not to tell the others about my change in condition, so they'd be just as excited and surprised when they entered for their visit. I knew it would be difficult for them to do this, especially since it didn't seem as if anyone could wipe the smiles off of his face, but they promised to do their best not to give the secret away. For the most part it worked, as each set of boys seemed surprised, yet pleased, to see me propped up in bed and alert.

After their visit ended and Jake drove them home, I thought about how wonderful it had been to see them again and how I wanted to get back home with them full-time. In order to do that, I would have to follow my doctor's orders and take special care of myself, not only now, but also in the future. I understood that meant I would have to get myself in better shape and maintain it, if I didn't want to orphan the boys before they were grown and on their own.

Before their next visit to the hospital, the boys decided in advance that it might be best for all of us if we were able to spend a few minutes alone with each other, instead of always being in a group. With that in mind, they worked out a schedule at home and, one by one, came to see me. Most of them began their visit by asking me how I was doing or telling me how much they'd missed me, but then we'd quickly get into much more personal issues. I had to agree they had been correct about seeing me individually, as these visits were much more special than our earlier times together.

I think the two most poignant visits came from Kevin and Graham, which I probably should have expected. When Kevin came in to see me, I was surprised to see him smiling when he entered. Not only did I remember how difficult it had been for him to deal with Brent's passing, but some of the other boys had also kept me informed about how withdrawn he had become afterward. When I asked him how he was doing, he only hesitated briefly and took a few deep breaths, before he began to tell me what I wanted to know.

"I still miss him, Dad. I really do and I probably always will," he began, "but after Graham told me Brent didn't suffer and was at peace with what happened, it made it easier for me to accept and go on too. Brent even told Graham he'd been watching over me and didn't mind if I fell in love with someone else, because he wanted me to be happy." After telling me this, I could see that Kevin had made huge strides in dealing with his loss.

"I don't know if you know this," Kevin continued, "but Graham told me that Brent said our last time together was wonderful and very special to him. That's when I knew what Graham was telling me was the truth and he had actually communicated with Brent. No one else knew about that night, except the two of us and you, when I told you about it after he was killed." At that moment I feared Kevin might slip back into his depression, as he momentarily dwelled on the fact that Brent was gone, but fortunately that didn't happen.

"That night with him was very special to me too," he added, "and something I will remember for as long as I live." As he confirmed that for me, Kevin had this glow on his face, which lent more credence to his words. It wasn't as if I didn't believe him, but to shine outwardly as he temporarily revisited those wonderful moments, only proved to me the depth of his feelings.

After spending a few more moments thinking about their last evening together, Kevin refocused on me and continued our conversation. "I'm sure glad you're doing better now," he confessed, "because I don't know if I would have handled losing you too. I may not tell you this often enough, Dad, but you mean so much to me. You've been there for me through some of the darkest periods of my life and you've helped me cope with things I probably couldn't have handled without you being there for me. No matter how many bad things have happened in my life, they'll never equal the most wonderful thing that ever happened for me, and that's meeting you and becoming your son and part of this family. I love you, Dad, and I want you to be around until I'm old and gray too."

Needless to say, I was quite choked up by his comment and it took a few seconds before I could say anything back to him. I think he understood what was happening and wasn't bothered by the delay in my response, but once I collected my emotions, I spoke to him from the bottom of my heart. "Kevin, as much as I'd like to promise you that's what will happen, we both know there is no way to know that for certain. Instead, I will promise you that for as long as I am on this earth I will do everything I can to be there for you, whenever you need me or in whatever other ways you want. I just have to disagree with you slightly on one point though…" I continued, but I when I noticed the sudden change in Kevin's facial expression, it caused me to stop speaking for a moment. After thinking about it briefly, I think he was afraid about what I was going to disagree with. However, once I understood what was troubling him, I continued.

"Kevin, no matter what you think or say, I am the one who has been truly blessed," I told him. "You have been a nearly continual ray of sunshine for me and we've always seemed to have this special bond with each other, possibly because of all of the difficult times we've shared. Even if I could go back and live my life over, I wouldn't want to think of living it without you in it."

"Even with all of my problems and the dark cloud that hangs over my head?" he teased.

"With all that and more," I assured him. "Having you, and the rest of your brothers, in my life was responsible for reenergizing me and giving me a new incentive to go on. I'm just pleased I was able to be there for you during all the good times and the bad, and I hope that never changes." We hugged after I finished telling him that and then Kevin gave me a kiss on the cheek, before he told me he was going to be fine and I was to hurry up and get well, so I could return home with him.

By the time Graham arrived to speak with me, I had heard so many positive things about him from the others that I'd began to look at him in a new light. His ability to communicate with Brent had seemed to put everyone at ease, by letting each of them know that death was not something to be feared or continually grieved over. It also seemed to reaffirm our faith in God and our belief in an afterlife, strengthening those concepts that we sometimes seemed to question when things didn't go as we wished. As he walked toward me, I flashed him a huge grin and thanked him for passing along Brent's message.

"I knew you heard me!" he exclaimed, sensing it was that news that had helped me recover more quickly. "It was even hard for me to believe, that I had actually communicated with him, but I knew you'd believe me, even if no one else did." His smile spread from ear to ear and he seemed so proud and excited that I feared he might burst, and then he came over and gave me the biggest hug I had received thus far. As he was squeezing me around the neck, he suddenly pulled back, a look of concern now covering his face. I must have looked bewildered, for I actually was, but then he went on to explain.

"I wasn't hurting you or making it hard for your heart to work, was I?" he asked, deeply concerned. Suddenly, I understood what was going through his mind, so I sought to ease his concerns. I smiled at him, pulled him down to me and then returned his hug.

"If anything," I whispered in his ear, "that hug helped to heal my heart and make it work better." After hearing that, he hugged me again, even harder this time than he had before. When he finally released me, he looked down at me and spoke again.

"Well, I guess I'll have to come here every day, so I can hug you even more, if it will help you get back home sooner." I was so touched by his comment that I responded by pulling his body against mine, so I could embrace him once more, while whispering words of gratitude as I did so.

After continuing our hug for a while longer, I told him how truly special he was and that God had chosen very wisely when he gave Graham this unique gift. We then discussed his special ability in more detail over the next several minutes, and then I tried to address his concerns about the burden it also thrust upon him. I'm not sure I ever appreciated how insightful he was prior to this time, or how philosophically he looked at certain issues, but I was deeply impressed that this young man seemed to possess a wisdom one would have thought impossible because of the learning difficulties he suffered from. As his visiting time began to run out, I promised him we'd discuss this further when I got home, and that seemed to satisfy him for the time being.

I think the doctor actually made me stay in the hospital longer than he would have any other patient, simply due to the fact that he feared the pressures at home were greater for me than his usual patients. However, what he didn't understand was that the boys actually did more to eliminate the stress, than to add to it. I was finally able to convince my cardiac specialist that I'd recover faster at home with my loved ones around and got him to relent, so I was scheduled to return home, although it came with a long list of restrictions.

When Jake and the boys came for their next visit, they were overjoyed when I explained the doctor had agreed to let me come home the following morning. After asking me what I'd need for them to bring down or what I'd need when I got home, they also quizzed my doctor when he made his next rounds. They first inquired as to what I could and shouldn't do, and once all their questions had been answered, they nearly bounced around the room. They appeared to be more excited about my return than even I was, and I didn't think that was possible.

Jake, Kevin and Graham showed up at my room very early the following morning, and Jake told me he had to fight with the boys over whom could come with him. After many minutes of give and take, and Jake's insistence that no more than two of them could accompany him, the other boys finally agreed Kevin and Graham should be the ones to go. However, the others made it clear they couldn't wait to see me again, once I got home, but thought the other pair had earned the right to be there when I was released.

As he continued his story, Jake told me he had been awakened that morning between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m., by the sounds of the boys milling around the house. He said he wasn't sure if they'd even slept that evening, since they were all walking on air knowing I'd be with them again soon. This information touched me deeply, as I realized how much the boys looked forward to my rejoining them.

Jake and the boys were already to take me out of there as soon as they arrived, but I had to explain that I couldn't leave until the doctor made his final visit and gave me his final clearance. However, he wouldn't be arriving at the hospital until at least 8:00, so they grudgingly acknowledged we'd have to wait a little longer, even though they didn't want me to linger in this place for even a second longer than was absolutely necessary.

While we waited, Jake told me how the boys had tried to talk him in to bringing them down here, just as soon as he awoke. Jake was laughing as he told me how he had to explain to them that it was only five in the morning and the hospital wouldn't release me that early. Besides, he also pointed out I was probably still asleep as well. After grudgingly conceding those points, the boys insisted they be here by no later than 7:00, because they wanted me home as quickly as could be arranged. Therefore, Jake led them out to the car a little after 6:30, but he intentionally drove slower than he normally would have, so they wouldn't arrive too soon. However, they still walked through my doorway at precisely 7:00 a.m.

By the time doctor arrived, in was closer to 8:30. I had not only finished my breakfast, but had sat and watched the local and national morning news shows with the three who had come to pick me up. However, even after the doctor had confirmed I could return home, it took another forty or fifty minutes before I got my release from the business office and an orderly showed up with a wheelchair, to give me a ride down to the main entrance. Jake left when the orderly arrived, so he had the car waiting for me as soon as I was wheeled outside.

Oh, it felt sooooo good to get out in the fresh air again and be free of that sterile smelling environment, but I was even more pleased at how Kevin and Graham tried to help me get from the wheelchair to the front seat, almost pushing the orderly aside in the process so they could take care of me. It was constant little gestures like that, which only proved to me how much I was loved and needed.

As we approached the house and pulled into the driveway, I looked out the windshield and immediately spotted the banner welcoming me home. It was strung across the front porch, with a bunch of balloons tied to either side of it and attached to the columns supporting the porch roof. As the vehicle came to a stop, a wave of screaming young men came pouring out of the house, as they raced to greet me. I swear, if I didn't already love them so much and wasn't so damn proud of them already, that moment alone would have been enough to steal my heart forever.

I was so overwhelmed by their welcome that when I opened my mouth to speak, no words would come out. It must have made me look like a fish gulping in water to extract oxygen, but eventually I was able to find my tongue and thank them for the wonderful welcome. The boys were visibly excited, yet each of them made sure they didn't jostle me and gave me plenty of room. They were also all talking at once and telling me how happy they were that I was back home.

After getting them calmed down sufficiently, I slowly made my way up the sidewalk and neared our front door. That's when I discovered the giant homemade greeting card they had attached to the screen door, which announced, 'Welcome Home, Dad/Pop.' Seeing how much trouble the boys had gone to not only brought tears to my eyes, but it also created a humongous lump in my throat.

Once I finally got inside, I discovered my next surprise. Waiting for me in the living room was the rest of my family, both extended and honorary family, to give me their own welcome home wishes. For the rest of the day, everyone pampered me like a spoiled rich kid who thought the world revolved around his needs. Although their intentions were honorable, I felt very ill at ease from all of their pampering. I know they were merely doing what they thought was best for me, but it had always been my job to take care of everyone else and I was uncomfortable with this role reversal.

Sally must have sensed my discomfort, because she came over and whispered in my ear that I had earned this special treatment and should be gracious enough to accept it, at least until the doctor gave me a clean bill of health. I merely look up and smiled at her, while barely nodding my head in resignation, to let her know that I understood and appreciated her message.

As I moved into the living room, I suddenly became aware of a piece of furniture that had not been there before. It was a brand new recliner, complete with a giant red bow tied around it. It was then that I learned the boys had all dipped into their own money to get this for me. After thanking them for their thoughtfulness, I asked them how they had decided on this particular present. That's when they admitted that they had been stumped as to what to get me, although they wanted it to be something special – something I'd use and enjoy, so that's when Jake offered the suggestion, after getting ideas from my cardiologist, and then helped them pick it out. They immediately had me sit in it, to see if I liked it, which I assured them I did.

At that point, Jake made sure to also let me know that our last golf outing had convinced him this was the most appropriate gift I could received, after he thought back and remembered how sore I'd been when I got home. I didn't understand what he was getting at, until Andrew flipped and started the chair vibrating beneath me. It was a massaging recliner! Jake also told me the boys wouldn't accept any of his money, since they wanted this to be just from them, so I thanked them all and relaxed in my new favorite chair.

Aunt Sally, Aunt Mary, my daughters and daughter-in-law had conspired to whip up a big meal for everyone, and even made a special meal for me, which conformed to my doctor's orders. Since they didn't want to feel left out, the Spences provided several different desserts, including a special treat for me, which again met my dietary restrictions. It was a very good meal, even though mine was a little on the bland side, but I had a wonderful time and was grateful that everyone had shown up to see me.

Those living locally left fairly early, after explaining I needed to rest and take it easy and they didn't want to wear me out on my first day home. They did promise to visit me again soon and I thanked them for everything they had done, before telling them how much I loved each of them.

My older children and grandchildren were going to be staying over for a few days, but they all took it easy on me too. My grandchildren took turns sitting with papa on his new chair, and I think they got a kick out of the way it vibrated beneath us, but they remained quite calm while we watched television or videos together.

When it came time for us to go to bed, Jake told me he was going to spend the evening with Shannon, on the sleeper sofa in the living room, and the other boys had already teamed up with their brothers to open up rooms for their older siblings. I did overhear some of the boys telling Jake he should stay in my room, so he could keep an eye on me, especially if I needed anything during the night, but Jake assured them he was concerned about what my older children might think. The boys then explained they had already told them he had been staying at the house and taking care of them and would be remaining until I got better, but Jake told them he could hear me from the living room, if I should need him later. The boys weren't thrilled with that decision, but let the subject drop, as they didn't want to start a commotion and get me excited.

However, that situation quickly changed, once my older children returned to their homes, and Jake showed no signs of feeling out of place sharing my room with me after that. I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed feeling him beside me, since it felt like he'd always been by my side and belonged there. From that moment on, I knew Jake was going to become a permanent fixture in our lives and he and Shannon had become more than just extended family. Whether the boys realized it at that time or not, it was obvious their matchmaking efforts would have a lasting impact.

Chapter 3
Changes

I'd been home about a week before the boys allowed anyone outside of the family to visit. It was quite obvious to everyone that my sons were being very protective of me and their primary objective was to make sure I didn't get overexcited or exert myself in any way. It was nice to know they cared so much, but at times their restrictions would frustrate me and cause me to become bored. Their endeavor to keep me from having a relapse also prevented me from do nearly anything I wanted to do, like helping to fix the meals, pay the bills or other little tasks I felt wouldn't do me any harm. However, they seemed to feel such activities might add to my stress level or cause me to move about too much, so they did their best to keep me from getting involved in those activities. To tell you the truth, I was becoming more stressed by not being allowed to do anything.

After expressing my displeasure about my total isolation and lack of stimulation, the boys finally let me take a call from my superintendent. After inquiring as to how I was feeling, he asked if I'd mind if he came over to see me, so I told him to come ahead. I was ecstatic that I was finally going to have someone new to talk to and I assumed he wanted to see for himself how I was healing and find out when I'd be coming back to work. When he arrived we exchanged pleasantries, talked about my condition and prognosis, but then he caught me completely off guard with his next comment.

"Josh, I hope you don't think me presumptuous or mind what I'm about to say, but I've been doing some leg work on your behalf. I've talked to both the school board and the retirement system to get them to authorize a full early retirement plan for you, based on your medical history. Everything is set and all you'll have to do is sign some paperwork."

I sat silent for a few moments, somewhat shocked by what I had just heard. I was trying to choose the words for my response carefully, because I didn't want to insult my boss, as I knew he thought he was doing me a favor.

"I appreciate the thought," I responded, after finally regaining my composure, "but I don't want to retire. I have absolutely no desire to sit around the house, trying to find mundane tasks to entertain myself and just grow older without any meaning left in my existence. Regardless of what just happened to me, I still plan on working at least a few more years. When most of my boys are out of school and on their own, I my rethink my decision, but until then, I'm not ready for the rocking chair."

"Why, Josh? You certainly don't need the money or the aggravation," the superintendent persisted, "so why wouldn't you be thankful for such an opportunity? You have to put the best interests of your boys first, not that you haven't been doing that all along, but you need to consider that now, even more so. They are the ones who really need you and the ones I did this for. What would happen to them if you weren't around? I'm just trying to make sure that doesn't happen and you will be here to take care of them while they still depend on you. Besides, knowing you like I do, I have a feeling you'll be taking in even more boys as the older ones leave, so you'd end up continuing to work until you were in your 80's or 90's, if that were allowed and you lived that long." He watched my reaction after he made his comment, because he knew he'd made a valid point and I'd be forced to admit it too.

"Well, I do appreciate what you're trying to do for me," I added, "but I think I'd feel useless if I were to retire and just sit around home all day long, especially while the boys are in class. I think it would better for all of us if I continued working for at least a while longer."

"Useless?" the superintendent shot back. "How in the world would you ever find the time to feel useless, when you have so many sons depending on you? Look, Josh, you're a bright and compassionate person, but it's time for you to focus on what's most important to you, and that should be your family. I'm not saying you wouldn't be missed if you retired, or that the students at your school won't lose a little something without you being there, but I'd rather see them temporarily deprived, rather than have your boys lose you permanently."

I was beginning to consider his words and I think he noticed that as well, so he tried to exert even more pressure to push me in that direction. "Josh, after being shot and now having also had a heart attack, I seriously think you'd be wise to take the early out. If you won't do it for your own sake, then do it for the sake of your sons. I won't ask you to make a final decision now, but I suggest you talk it over with the boys and whomever else you feel might be able to help you make the right choice. Don't drag this out and get back to me sometime in the next few days. Josh, I'm only pushing this for your benefit, not for mine. Selfishly I'd like to keep you around forever, but I'm not sure what would happen to those wonderful sons of yours, if something more devastating were to happen to you."

I thanked him for coming over, but also wondered about his sincerity. I knew there was a small, but vocal, group in the community that hadn't been exactly pleased with some of the decisions he had made recently and were talking about forcing him out. I think he was also aware I have a great deal of support from parents whose children had attended my school, so he might have been worried that I might be the most real threat to his survival.

Even with those doubts, I spent the next few hours considering his arguments, before I called Sally Swathout. I knew she had a very level head and could see all sides of most issues, so I wanted to get her opinion before I made a decision. Besides, she was one person I also trusted to be honest with me and think in terms of my best interests, as well as those of my sons.

After spending over an hour discussing this with her, I called Steve Shay, to also get his take on this situation. He was another trusted friend and I valued his judgment as well. I spoke with Steve for over an hour as well, and thanked him for his input, but I still wasn't convinced if this would be the right decision for me. Still uncertain about what to do, I decided to call a family meeting, so I could talk this over with the boys and Jake. I felt they had the greatest stake in any decision I made on this matter, so I wanted their input.

Jake and I had already talked this over privately for a few minutes, before the boys got home, so I had a fair idea about how he felt. However, I still needed to hear from my sons. At first, they were just curious about why I had called them together like this, and then after I filled them in about the superintendent's offer, it looked as if they were as confused as I was about to what to think of his suggestion. We discussed the various arguments, both pro and con, but eventually they explained they felt it might be best if I quit working and spent the time taking care of myself and getting better.

Although everyone had something to say on this matter, I think it was Andrew's comments that eventually persuaded me to make the most of this opportunity. "Daddy, I turn eleven in two more weeks, but I still need you to be here with me. I already lost one mommy and daddy, and I don't want to lose you too. If quitting your job will keep you with us longer, then I think you should stop being a principal and just stay home with us."

After seeing the concentration on his face and hearing his heartfelt argument, I immediately reached my arms out to him, so he would come over to me. As soon as he made his way across the room, I hugged him as hard as I dared. "Andrew, that's the best reason I've heard so far. If you want me to retire and stay home with you, then that's exactly what I'll do."

As soon as I finished telling him that, Andrew squeezed me again, quickly followed by the rest of my sons. Before our little meeting broke up, I promised them I'd call the superintendent in the morning and tell him about my decision.

I spent much of the night considering how I was going to occupy my time if I quit working and even talked it over in more depth with Jake, before we went to bed. In fact, he was the one who gave me a great suggestion about how I could fill in the gap. First, he proposed I could take a slightly more active role in the Castaway Fund while the boys were in school, but that I'd also have more time to spend with them on an individual basis when they were home. If I didn't feel that was enough to occupy me, he also hinted I might consider doing some volunteer work or maybe some type of counseling, possibly family counseling, to help couples cope with the troubles they were facing with each other or with their children. I agreed with him that those were both excellent ideas and I would explore them further in I needed to, but for now I'd just roll with the punches and see how things went.

I had my first opportunity to explore how to use some of this new free time while planning for Andrew's birthday party. I was able to sit down with him and discuss exactly what he wanted in more depth this year. I was able to learn precisely whom he wished to invite, what types of things he wanted to do and what presents he wanted. What really shocked me was one other thing he brought up at the time.

"Daddy, you know I'm growing up now and I'm not a little boy any more," he told me. I wasn't exactly surprised by his comment, because it happened sooner or later with all of the kids.

"I know, Andrew. You're becoming quite a young man now," I agreed

"Does that mean you think I'm old enough to start doing things with the other boys now?" he asked, totally blindsiding me. I wasn't even aware that he knew what the other boys had been up to.

Although I was a bit startled by his comment, I had a feeling I knew where this discussion was heading, but decided to play it dumb for the time being, just to see what he had to say. "I'm not sure what you mean, Andrew. You do all kinds of things with your brothers already."

"But I don't mean those kinds of things," he responded, slightly frustrated. "You know, I mean the other stuff, the grown-up things they do with each other."

"Hmmm, Andrew. I still don't think I know what you mean," I replied, but I wasn't sure he was buying my 'blond' routine.

"Daaaaad," he whined, after becoming somewhat frustrated with my game. "You know, the sex stuff! I'm not a baby anymore and I know what the other boys do sometimes. I've heard some of my friends talking about things like that at school and, well, I've even heard my brothers talking about doing things like that with each other. I'm old enough now to do it too. Okay? Pleeeeeeease?" If you could have seen the pleading expression on his face and the hopeful glint in his eyes, you would have understood how hard it was going to be to keep him a child any longer.

"I know you're growing up, Andrew," I assured him, "and now I also know what you're getting at, but are you sure you're really ready for something like that? I mean, do you remember what happened to you in Texas?"

"Yes, Daddy, I remember," he answered, with a touch of boyish sarcasm in his tone, "but this is different. I won't be made to do it with some old guy and this time it would be my idea, not his. I wouldn't mind trying something with Graham or Nick, or even Sammy, if you'll let me. I've asked Sammy to do things with me before, but he said he couldn't, unless you told him it was all right. Is that true?"

"Yes, I have had kind of an agreement with all of the boys that they'd check with me first, before they brought anyone new into doing those types of activities," I confessed, "but I only did it so that none of you would get hurt by being forced into doing something too soon. Are you really sure you're ready to try this now? You know, I made Sammy wait until he was thirteen before I allowed him to get started in those types of activities."

"I know, he told me that too," Andrew concurred, "and he told me you'd probably make me wait until I'm that old too, like you did him."

"Well, I think I'd feel better about it if you did," I threw out, hoping that he would accept that suggestion and let the topic drop for now. "Would you have a problem doing that?"

"Yes!" he nearly shouted. "I don't want to wait any more. I want to start doing things now."

"Well, it's obvious you've given this some thought before you came to see me," I acknowledged, "but you're still just turning eleven, not thirteen."

"I know, but I've thought about this a lot lately," he explained, "and I'd really like to try something with someone else. I've thought about asking some of my school friends to do it with me, but I think I'd rather try it with someone here first – somebody who knows what they're doing."

"Well, you would learn better that way and you wouldn't get so much misinformation," I agreed. "Do you think your body has developed enough to really enjoy the types of things you'd be doing with them?" Andrew looked pensive for a few seconds, but then answered my question.

"Yes, I do," he confirmed. "I rub my wiener all the time when I'm alone and it really feels good, but I've heard my friends say it feels even better when someone else does it for you."

"And they are experienced with such things?" I pressed, finding it difficult to believe that a bunch of immature sixth graders would be so worldly.

"Well, not so much themselves," Andrew admitted, "but they've heard their older brothers and their brothers' friends say things like that. I know it's not quite the same, because they meant that it felt better when a girl did it for them."

"And what do you think about girls now?" I asked, hoping this might distract him.

"I like some of them, but not a lot," he told me, "but I don't think I'd ever let a girl touch my thing like that." His comment brought a smile to my face, as I realized Andrew was trying to grow up, but he was still a little boy in many ways.

"So you don't think you need to try it with a girl then?" I continued, hoping the mention of girls might end his persistence.

"Not at all," he nearly spat out, "but I'm sure it would work pretty much the same with another boy. So can I try it with Sammy or one of the others? Pleeeeeese?"

"Well, what if I let you try something with one of the boys for your birthday," I suggested, "and then we can talk about it afterward, to see where we go from there?"

"You mean you're really going to let me do it then?" he asked, making me think that he had been ready to accept my turning him down and might have given in too easily.

"Well, at least once, so you can see if it's something you might want to do again," I confirmed. "It doesn't mean that you'll be able to do it all of the time, unless I agree to it after we discuss what you thought of your first time. Does that meet with your approval?"

"Oh, yeah!" he squealed in delight. "It sure does. Thanks, Daddy." He immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a hug of appreciation.

"You're welcome, although I'm still not convinced I'm doing the right thing by letting you get involved in such things," I told him, before moving on to the next point. "So, have you decided whom you want to be your first partner?" I expected him to hesitate and maybe think it over first, but he hardly paused at all. Before I was ready, Andrew had screamed out a name, and it wasn't that of his biological brother.

"Graham. I want Graham to do something with me," he blurted out, eagerly.

"And why did you choose him?" I asked, trying to gain a better insight into the workings of his mind.

"Because he's not that much older than me, but he's like me too," he confirmed, meaning Graham was also uncircumcised.

"But don't you think this will cause a problem with Sammy, if you do something with someone other than him for your first time?" I asked.

"Maybe a little," he agreed, "but I've done most other things with Sammy first, so this time I want to try it with someone different."

"It's all right with me, but I hope you know what you're doing," I urged. "Sammy might get very hurt by this."

"Nah, I'll do it with him afterward," Andrew suggested. "He'll be okay, as long as we do something too."

"Okay, if you're sure I'll talk it over with Graham, to see if he's interested," I told him, "and then I'll let you know. Is that okay with you?"

"Oh, yes, Daddy. I'm glad you're going to ask him," he squealed, "because I wouldn't know how to do it or what to say to him."

"You want to do this, but you wouldn't know how to ask someone to help?" I rephrased, trying to get him to think about it a bit more. Maybe he wasn't as ready to try this as he thought.

"Well, I don't think you just go up to someone and say, 'Do you want to play with my wiener?' do you?" he asked, while grinning broadly. We both had a little chuckle over his observation and I agreed with him that particular approach would be kind of blunt and would possibly put the other boy in an awkward position.

Before I left, though, Andrew made me promise I'd ask Graham as soon as I could and then let him know if Graham was willing to help him, so I gave him my word that I would. My response seemed to make him very happy and he kissed me on the cheek to show his gratitude.

What Andrew didn't know was this – the reason I had suggested asking Graham for him, was so I could speak to Graham and tell him what I thought should or should not be attempted, if he agreed to do this for Andrew. After dinner I called Graham aside, so I could explain the situation to him.

Chapter 4
Life Goes On

"Graham, I have a favor to ask of you," I began, which immediately confused him. "Earlier this afternoon I had a young man make a request of me, but what he wants also concerns you."

"Me? How does it concern me?" Graham wondered, while looking startled.

"Well, your brother Andrew wants something special for his birthday, and he wants you to help with it," I explained.

"Cool. With what?" Graham shot back. "A bike? A television? A PlayStation? What?" Graham was getting excited as he pressed to find out what this was about.

"Nothing quite like that," I told him. "Andrew wants to have his first sexual experience and he would like you to be his first partner."

"Me? Oh, wow!" Graham gushed. "That's awesome, but won't Sammy be jealous if he's not Andrew's first?"

"He might be, but this is what Andrew wants," I explained. "If Sammy's nose does get bent out of shape because of this, then I'll just have to sit down with him and let him know this is what Andrew wanted." I hesitated a moment before continuing. "So, are you interested in doing this then?"

"Oh, yeah," Graham replied, almost before I'd finished my question. "Andrew is really neat and I hoped some day he'd want to do something with me, but I never thought I'd be his first."

"Well, he mentioned you a couple of times when he spoke to me about this, so he's obviously thought this out," I added, and hearing this additional information made Graham's chest swell out with pride. I don't think he realized Andrew thought so highly of him.

"Wow, he really does want me to be his first, huh?" Graham asked, rhetorically. "Neat. So when are we going to do this?"

"Well, I figured you two could get together the night before his birthday, if that would be good for both of you," I suggested. "I thought I'd ask Ricky or Cole to ask Sammy to spend the night with them, so you could have the time alone with Andrew and Sammy wouldn't get suspicious. Would that be all right with you?"

"Yeah, that would be super," Graham gushed.

"Great. I don't want you to try too much with him, though," I warned. "Maybe just a hand-job or maybe even a blow-job, but nothing more. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure, Dad. I understand," Graham assured me. "He's still a little guy and we don't want to do too much too fast."

"Exactly," I confirmed. "Well, I guess I can trust your judgment then. Right?" Graham flashed me a big grin and nodded his response. He knew this was quite an honor, especially since I was totally placing my trust in him to not get carried away with what he did with Andrew. It was a responsibility he seemed happy – maybe even anxious to accept, and he more than capable of fulfilling Andrew's wish. I told Graham I'd let Andrew know that he had agreed to do this for him and I'd take care of setting everything up.

While we were waiting for Andrew's birthday to arrive, I had many other things to occupy my time with as well. First, and probably the most time important task for me, was that I was still trying to help Kevin cope with losing Brent. He had been doing fairly well, especially since Graham passed on that message from Brent, but he was still hurting a little, so I was trying to figure out different ways to help him work through his grief. Fortunately, I had some help in doing that, and Kevin actually initiated one of those opportunities on his own.

It came about shortly after I returned home from the hospital and while my loved ones were visiting. John Spence had gone out of his way to seek Kevin out too, hoping to help to console him, and he learned a great deal about Kevin during that time. Kevin had made a brief, but what John felt was an important comment during their talk, when Kevin mentioned that he wished there was a way he could keep everyone from forgetting about Brent. Although Mr. Spence tried to assure him that wouldn't happen, he took Kevin's concern and came up with a plan he thought might accomplish that goal. Once he had the details worked out in his mind, he met with Kevin again, so he could suggest establishing the 'Brent Currie Scholarship Fund.' John said he'd set it up and put a substantial sum in the account to start it off and then he'd speak with me about having the contributions, made to the Castaway Fund in Brent's honor, moved to the scholarship fund. Kevin lit up when he heard John's idea and thought it was a terrific way to honor Brent. Kevin was all for it, so Mr. Spence did the rest of the work setting the entire framework up on his own.

Right after we had discovered Brent had died, many people had come to us to let us know they wanted to do something special in remembrance of him. However, we were still so devastated by his loss that none of us could come up with anything that would be appropriate. Of course, Steve had suggested that In lieu of flowers we have people make donations in Brent's name to the Castaway Fund, which was a good start, but it just didn't honor Brent directly, at least not in a way that was easily recognizable.

Our first thought was that we use it to support one particular young man and help him find a good home, while letting him know later that it was done in Brent's honor. That was the best we had come up with, until Mr. Spence suggested his idea, which would honor Brent for a longer period of time and have his name included in the recognition. Kevin really liked the idea of the scholarship, as it would help out multiple recipients and would be given away in Brent's name for several years to come. In fact, we found this suggestion quite exciting.

In order to make certain it was ready to be awarded next spring, just before this academic year ended, John asked Kevin to help him establish the guidelines under which these scholarships would be awarded. They would need to determine if it would only be awarded to only seniors who had already accepted to college, if there would be any academic requirements, like specific grade point averages, or if there might be extra-curricular criteria established, like having to belong to a certain organization(s) or merely being active in various outside groups. Kevin jumped into this wholeheartedly, so it took away much of the time he had to feel depressed about losing his lover.

Originally I thought Kevin might come to me for ideas or suggestions about what qualifications should be established, but he surprised me and did it completely on his own, without any outside help. He finished the vast majority of the work by himself, and John Spence merely made suggestions to modify or enhance his ideas. When Kevin finally did come to me, to get my approval concerning what he had in mind, I discovered his ideas were well thought out and organized.

He did this late one evening, after he'd spent some more time going over his ideas and felt he was prepared enough to explain them to me. The first thing he told was that he felt since Brent had come from a situation where he'd had very little material advantages, he wanted the scholarships to go to someone who wouldn't be able to attend college otherwise. I agreed this was a very appropriate suggestion and concurred with setting a financial criterion, which John and I would help him explore in more depth. He also suggested the scholarship should be offered to someone whose grades might have only been mediocre, mainly because the student had to hold down a job or may have suffered from not having access to a computer or other similar resources, but who had the potential to achieve at higher levels.

Kevin had made this suggestion because he remembered Brent had told us he hadn't been a very good student before he came to live with us, but his grades steadily improved with our encouragement and the advantages he had living with us. I told Kevin that was a wonderful suggestion, but it would be very difficult to set up a workable evaluation process to assess that specific attribute, and that's when Kevin came up with a way he thought it would work.

In order to prevent everyone and their brother from applying for this money and to make sure that only the right students were considered, Kevin suggested that only teachers from the local and surrounding counties would be able to recommend students for this scholarship. He felt that they'd be in the best position to judge if a student possessed a greater potential than he had shown and had been substantially hindered by circumstances beyond his control. I told him if that was how he thought it should work, then I would support his decision, but he should discuss this with 'Grandpa' Spence before he finalized his requirements. Kevin said he would, but I could see how excited he was just to know that he'd be helping to keep Brent's memory alive.

The weekend before Andrew's birthday was parents' weekend at Dustin's college. At first I wasn't sure if my doctors would allow me to attend, but after several conversations with them, they told me I could attend if I took it easy and didn't do any of the driving. I readily agreed to their suggestion and began considering how I was going to make that happen. After discussing the situation over with Dustin and Jake, we decided it might be best if the whole family didn't attend this event with us.

There were many reasons for doing this. First, some of the functions had limited seating, but more importantly, we figured most of the boys would find it kind of boring. In addition to those factors, I think Dustin and Jake both thought the most important point was that it would take some of the stress off me, by not having to worry about so many people all of the time. Therefore, we decided those going would be limited to just two or three of the older boys, which meant we would only include the boys who would be going off to college next. We felt that having them see what college life was like might help to get them excited about their own future and give them a small taste of what awaited them. Since Kevin, Danny and Brandon were all seniors and had already applied to various institutions and were set to go off the following fall, we asked them if they'd like to join us, and they all did. Fortunately, parents weekend at Dustin's college happened to be held on a weekend when they boys' soccer team wasn't scheduled to play any games and they were also able to talk their coach into also letting them have off from practice.

Jake volunteered to stay home with the other boys, but that would create a slight problem. The doctors didn't want me to drive, and although I thought the three accompanying me might be able to handle the drive there, I didn't think they were ready to deal with the traffic they'd face once we got there. Therefore, I talked Jake into going with us and explained we could leave Ricky, Pat and Shannon in charge, seeing as they were the next eldest. I'd also make certain those left behind had the phone numbers for Aunt Sally, Uncle Steve and the Spences, just in case of an emergency arose, but I felt they could handle a weekend on their own without too much trouble. After talking about it some more, Jake agreed that Shannon would enjoy helping to look after the younger boys, and he, meaning Jake, wouldn't mind being our chauffeur on this outing, so that's how it was going to be.

By the time I called around to various motels to make our reservations, I discovered we were already a bit late in that regard, so the two rooms I was able to reserve were in an establishment that was about twenty-five minutes drive from the campus. However, none of us let that get us down, and Jake assured me the extra drive wouldn't be that bad. We would put the three boys in one room, and Dustin could share with them, if he wanted to stay with us, and then Jake and I would share the other room. The boys flashed us evil grins and knowing winks when I announced this arrangement, and I concluded they thought Jake and I would be getting it on while we were away.

The drive went fairly quickly, and the three boys helped read the maps and direct us there. As soon as we arrived, we went to the motel to check-in, since we didn't want to take the chance of losing our rooms by not registering on time, and then we drove to the college to meet up with Dustin. He really looked like he was enjoying college life and being on his own, but he also appeared quite happy to see us again. He told us college was so different from high school, because no one was watching over your shoulder all the time and you had to be responsible for yourself, such as getting to classes, that he did have some adjustment problems. He admitted he overslept and missed a couple of his 8:00 a.m. classes, but since that time he had improved on remembering to set his alarm and manage to get to his classes on time.

Dustin also told us about his roommate, whom he said he liked a great deal, so he wanted us to all meet him. I was pleased he had been paired up with someone he got along with, since a roommate you don't like can make the adjustment to being away at school even harder. Dustin also joked that, at first, his roommate wouldn't believe him about how many brothers he had, but after one of his phone calls home, when he spoke to nearly all of us, the guy was convinced he was on the level. However, he told Dustin he had to meet his dad, when I came to visit, because he didn't think he'd ever met anyone nutty enough to volunteer to raise that many boys. I wasn't certain whether I should be amused or hurt by his comment, but chose the former.

After we finished chatting, Dustin showed us a few areas of interest around the campus, before he led us to the place where he'd promised to meet up with his roommate. As we approached, both boys were grinning broadly and it was obvious they really did get along very well. After Dustin introduced us, his roommate introduced us to his parents, who were also with him. "Mom, Dad, this is Dustin's father. I don't know if I've told you this before, but this guy not only adopted Dustin, but he adopted fourteen other boys as well. He also had four other children before he did that." His parents just gawked at me in amazement, after hearing what their son had to say.

"That information isn't quite correct," I began, trying to make us sound a bit saner. "Two of the boys are merely staying with us, with their parents approval of course, and one of my other sons is away at another college."

"Still," Dustin roommate's mother began, "that an awful lot of young men and a great deal of responsibility. My husband and I often found it difficult just controlling this rascal," she said, pointing at her son, "and his younger brother. How in the world did you do all of that on your own?"

"The boys help out a great deal and I have some very good friends who assist us from time to time," I explained, although I'm not sure it eased her doubts.

I then introduced Jake to them, and the father gave us a very puzzled look, so I explained that Jake and his son were very close family friends and Jake and Shannon had come to live with us after Brent's death and my heart attack, so we didn't have to worry about the family getting split up while I was in the hospital. I told them that Jake stayed on, even after I returned home, to help take some of the workload from me and because his son liked being around so many others. Both parents then smiled and told Jake he must be one hell of a friend to take on such a challenge, but Jake quickly told them the boys did much of the work and he was merely there to help out and make sure things didn't get out of control. From that point on, neither of them seemed to be uncomfortable with Jake being with us.

Anyway, after chatting with the pair for a few more minutes, we all went off together to attend the college football team's game. Even though it was a small time, Division III school, the contest was quite exciting. I also enjoyed talking to some of the other parents seated around us during the game, as some of them led very interesting lives, but most of them seemed to be far more interested in our situation, once they were apprised of it. A few of them also mentioned that their son or daughter had told them about our family, once Dustin had explained our situation to a few of his new friends in the dorm, but they wanted to know more about how we had come together.

After I explained some of the circumstances about how the boys came to me, some of the adults wanted to know what it was like at home, with so many living there, and how the boys got along with each other. They told us they were curious, because a few of them had wanted a large family when they first got married, but for one reason or another it was not to be. For some, their family size was eventually determined by biology, meaning possible fertility problems or the wife's difficulty in carrying a fetus to term, while for others it was the result of various other factors. This included limited finances during the early years of their marriage, having too small of a home to accommodate more people or the fact that it was necessary for both parents to work and they didn't want their offspring being raised by strangers. Some now regretted not having more children, yet most of them were happy with the way their lives had eventually turned out.

After diverting our attention back to the football game, it ended with the home team winning the contest in the final quarter. They had recovered the other teams fumble, after a badly executed play, and then drove the remaining twenty-two yards for the touchdown, with only 1:37 left on the clock. They then managed to hold the other team and bat down a hail-Mary pass on the final play, so the hometown crowd was very happy.

As we made our way out of the small stadium, I invited Dustin's roommate and his parents to join us for lunch and they eagerly accepted my offer. During the meal we discussed many topics and the boys also had an opportunity to talk with each adult, as well as with each other. Once our meal was over, our sons suggested taking us on a grand tour of the campus, which we eagerly agreed to.

Kevin, Danny and Brandon were quite impressed with everything they saw, especially once we got to tour the dorms and they got to see the type of place they would be living in, in another year. I think they were more impressed with all the good-looking male flesh that was roaming up and down the hallways, more than with dorm life itself, but isn't socialization an important part of the college scene too?

Once we saw everything of importance on campus, the boys wanted to show us around the town. We agreed that might be fun too, so we all loaded into the Suburban and took off on a combination driving/walking tour of the local sites of interest, at least from a college freshman's viewpoint. I did notice that there appeared to be a large number of bars and other businesses that seemed to cater primarily to the college crowd, but there were also a number of family oriented establishments intermixed with them. All-in-all, it reminded me of a couple of other college towns I had been in, back when I was younger.

Once we finished that tour, we dropped Dustin's roommate and his folks off at his dorm, but not before agreeing to meet up with them again for dinner and the evening's social function. Once Dustin had gone up to retrieve some items from his room, Jake and I took all of the boys back to our motel room, including Dustin, so they could clean up and change for the night's festivities.

Of course, Danny and Brandon immediately laid claim to one of the double beds in their room, which meant Kevin and Dustin would be sharing the other. I wondered if that might cause a problem or bring back any memories for them, about when they were a couple, but nothing like that seemed to happen. Kevin didn't seem to be bothered by the idea of them sharing a bed, and neither did Dustin, so Jake and I went to our room to also get ready.

Once we had all finished cleaning up, the boys wanted to talk about college life and how exciting it all seemed to them. All three boys were expecting to get their acceptance letters back before Christmas, from the colleges they'd applied to, so this was just a catalyst to get them even more hyped about moving on to the next level of their academic lives. I was pleased to see them so eager about moving on in the fall, but I still took a few moments to discuss what they hoped to accomplish, once they got their degrees. Even though we had held these discussions before, I merely wanted to make sure that they hadn't wavered from those plans or changed their minds about what they hope to do. In the end, I discovered they hadn't done either.

Danny still wanted to become a pediatrician, since he loved kids and wanted to be able to help them, while Brandon hoped to be a dentist and Kevin planned on becoming a pharmacist. They were all very capable students and extremely good in both science and mathematics, so they shouldn't have any trouble in reaching their goals. In addition to being reliable professions, the trio would also be able to make a decent living from those jobs, so I didn't have any major concerns about this group.

Danny and Brandon had already told me they planned on staying together as a couple and hoped they might also be able to attend the same college as well, but there were several factors they would still have to deal with. First, doing that would depend on which schools they were accepted to and what programs those schools offered. I suggested they'd also have to consider how each institution was regarded for those majors and how their graduates in that field fared, one they got their degrees. I explained that the better the school's reputation, the better their chances of doing well afterward. They agreed and said we could talk about this in greater depth, once they got the letters of acceptance in the mail.

In addition to that, Danny and Brandon indicated they also planned on coming back to live with me once they finished their schooling, so they could help keep the Castaway Hotel in operation. I was honored they would even consider such a thing, but knowing how young men often change their minds, I wasn't going to make them sign a binding contract to that effect. I kind of liked the idea that they would be there to help future generations, as it would give me something to look forward to even as I grew older and grayer (or even bald, as the case seemed to be). When it got to the point where I couldn't handle things on my own, they'd be there to take over, but I'd have to wait to see if they still felt this way when they were through with their schooling and able to strike out on their own.

After picking up the others and going out for an enjoyable dinner, we returned to the campus for the evening's social function. At this event, the college had arranged for various mixed drinks to be provided for the adults and non-alcoholic beverages for the younger crowd. The planning committee had also provided a band, which played tunes aimed mostly toward the students interests. Dustin's roommate's parents definitely weren't into this scene, so they excused themselves after an hour and went back to their hotel room. I, on the other hand, decided to stick around, primarily so Danny, Brandon and Kevin could have some fun and mix with the college group. The boys seemed to hit it off well with the freshmen crowd and enjoyed the fact they were often mistaken as being one of the freshmen themselves. I merely sat in the wings and watched them have fun with this charade, but I was grateful when the evening came to an end. I knew at that point I was getting old, because the band had seemed extremely loud to me and my ears were ringing from being assaulted by the cacophony emanating from their oversized speaker system.

That evening in the motel, Kevin informed me that he had hoped he and Brent would have been able to attend the same college and been roommates one day, but now that would never be. He also told me he had finally come to grips with Brent no longer being around, but that didn't mean he'd never see Brent again. Kevin explained that after Graham told him about his vision, Kevin knew Brent would be waiting for him when his life also ended, and then they'd be together forever. I praised him for his mature attitude and having worked his way through his grief, but that's when he told me he would always grieve a little over losing Brent, but in the meantime he would settle with the knowledge he would one day meet up with Brent again.

Chapter 5
A Different World

The next morning, we all got ready and attended church on campus. It was a non-denominational service and the minister mentioned it was nice to see so many parents in attendance, supporting their children. He also told us it was obvious, at least to him, that we had instilled life long values into our offspring, since this was basically the same group of faces he'd seen each Sunday morning since the academic year began. It was a nice acknowledgment, before he moved on to his sermon.

Once the service concluded, we spoke briefly to the pastor, before I took everyone out for breakfast. During that time, we had another nice conversation with Dustin and he eagerly filled us in on some of the things he'd seen and done during the first few weeks he'd been here. He told his brothers about some of the social gatherings he'd been to, what his professors and classes were like, but then he turned in my direction and assured me he would make the most of this opportunity and not become a huge party animal. Dustin quickly added that it didn't mean he was going to sequester himself completely, as he still planned to attend his share of those activities, but he would try to keep his fun times restricted to Friday and Saturday nights. He told me he had already met a few guys who seemed to party 24/7 and wondered how they survived, but then assured me once more he wasn't going to do that.

I told him I had never worried about him losing control in that fashion, because I knew he had a good head on his shoulders, but I also confirmed I didn't expect him to miss out entirely on the good times either. He smiled at my comment and told me not to worry, he wouldn't, but he then stated he was glad I trusted his judgment and he'd make sure to live up to my expectations. Dustin then confessed that he felt I had given him a solid foundation on which to make these types of decisions and he would continue to build on it, as time went on. Then he thanked me for all I had taught him and done for him, as well as for his brothers.

After I accepted his compliment, I told him I had no doubts he would do well, and then the conversation moved on and he began chatting with Jake. Dustin asked Jake how he liked living at our place and how he and I were getting along. He also wanted to know how Shannon liked being there with so many others and if he had hooked up with anyone yet. Jake answered all of his questions and didn't seem offended that he was being probed for such personal information. In fact, he seemed quite pleased that Dustin was interested about how Shannon and he were doing and thanked him for his concern, once he'd finished his responses.

After we left the restaurant, Dustin showed us a few more places of interest, which included a lovely park that was located about three-quarters of a mile [1.2 km] from his campus. It had well-kept open areas, as well as some hilly spots that were covered with trees and featured some jogging/hiking trails. There were also several small, covered pavilions located about and each one was equipped with tables and a cast-iron charcoal grill, so visitors wouldn't have to bring their own grills to prepare their food on, when they came for an outing. Additional picnic tables were scattered about the open areas as well, for those who preferred to enjoy their meal while relaxing under the rays of the sun. In addition to those things, there was also a very well kept pond, where we saw a few parents and their young children feeding bread to the ducks that were swimming about or wandering along the shore. I think we were all quite impressed with the place and I suggested we could spend some time there and have our own cookout, the next time we came for a visit. Dustin agreed and I could tell he was excited about the prospect.

As it moved toward late afternoon, we decided it was time to end our visit. After taking him back to his dorm, Dustin gave all of us big hugs, but his embrace with Kevin lasted considerably longer than with any of the rest of us. Dustin also made sure to let Kevin know he thought about him often and wondered how he was doing. He added that he was glad Kevin came along on this visit and Dustin was happy to see that he was doing well and moving on with his life, after dealing with losing Brent. Dustin assured Kevin that he'd always be there for him, if he should ever need anything, and I think this touched Kevin deeply. Kevin may have lost Dustin as a lover, but in the process had discovered he had acquired a very loving brother and a great friend.

After saying our farewells, we got back in the Suburban and headed home. Danny, Brandon and Kevin talked excitedly about what a great time they'd had and how they couldn't wait to go away to college now. They said that after high school, college would seem so much different, because there weren't as many restrictions and they'd be nearly totally in charge of their lives and could do what they wanted, within reason. However, after listening to them discuss this for a while, I could tell that while they exclaimed how excited they were, they were also a bit apprehensive about being away from the rest of us and not having the family to lean on or fall back on when the going got rough. But hey, isn't that what growing up and becoming independent is all about anyway?

As Jake pulled into our driveway, a wave of young men came shooting out of the house. They seemed excited to see us and even had a special dinner prepared for our return. As we sat down to enjoy the feast that Ricky and Pat had planned in our honor, everyone began asking questions as to whether Dustin liked college, how he was doing and how our trip went. We answered them as best we could and then thanked our two chefs for preparing such a wonderful and delicious meal. Both boys seemed pleased by our acknowledgment and I was confident they would be willing to do this again, if the chance arose.

After questioning them about how things went at home while we were gone, the younger boys told us everything went well and none of their older brothers got too bossy while we were gone. It seems that everyone got along, no major damage was done to the house and none of them were any the worse for wear. Therefore, I quickly confirmed I'd be willing to trust them on their own again in the future, since they had proven they were mature enough to accept the responsibility and capable of taking care of themselves and each other. That announcement seemed to make them all glow and got me a cheer in reply.

Once we finished our meal, we spent the rest of the evening relaxing and taking it easy. I actually went to bed unusually early, because the trip had been quite exhausting for me. Even though I had followed my doctor's orders while I was away, it still took more out of me than I had expected, so I said goodnight to everyone and headed off to my room. I was somewhat surprised when Jake entered a few minutes later, announcing he had also decided to turn in early.

I was lying in bed reading when he entered, and he sat down on the side of the bed and talked to me first. After explaining to me that the driving had really tired him out as well, he moved on to more personal matters.

"You know, I've really enjoyed sleeping beside you every night, but I was hoping maybe we could do a little more than that, now that you're getting better," he more than hinted. "It's you're choice and I don't want to push you or anything, and it doesn't have to be tonight. I just wanted to give you something to think about," he added, and then hesitated briefly, before adding his final comment. "You see, I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love with you."

I wasn't quite prepared for him to be so blunt, and I certainly wasn't expecting him to say anything quite like that. In fact, I was still surprised a guy as young as Jake would be interested in an older fellow like me, especially considering my health problems and the fact that he couldn't be sure about how much longer I might be around. Finally, I got my wits back together and was able to respond.

"Jake, I've grown to care about you a great deal too, and I might also be falling in love with you as well, but I'm just not sure I'm quite there yet. I'm also worried this might be just a passing phase for you, because I happen to be available and within reach at the moment, so I'm concerned you might change your mind if something better comes along. I can't stop factoring in that I'm more than fifteen years older than you, have this large family I'm responsible for and you've now learned my health status is kind of shaky. It's not that I'm not flattered or pleased about the possibility, but I am also wise enough to recognize you could do much better than settling for me."

"I really doubt that and it's not only due to the fact that I'm a single parent," he replied. "I've fallen in love with you because of who you are and what's inside of you. Your age and health don't really make that much of a difference to me. Sure I'd prefer you to be around and us to be together for a long time, but I'd be willing to take the chance that may not happen and just be happy for whatever time we might get to share as partners. I love your boys and you seem to love Shannon, so I think this is a really great fit, if you want it too?"

I was really quite impressed by what he had said, so I took a few moments to think about my answer before I gave it to him. I was moved that he had bared his soul to me like this, so I didn't want to fire back a quick response that might give him the wrong impression. I had to admit I've enjoyed Jake's company a great deal and I value his friendship and help, but I'd never really seriously considered a romantic involvement and, therefore, hadn't put a great deal of thought into this. I mean, I've never considered the idea that Jake might be interested in me on a romantic level, so I didn't want to waste my time chasing a fantasy. I also wanted to be careful not to close the door on this possibility, but I didn't want to lead him on either or cause him to believe I had already thought this through. So, considering all of these factors, I finally responded.

"Jake, I really appreciate what you've just told me and I value you more than you'll ever know, but I haven't been thinking about a long-term relationship, with you or anyone else. I've have always shoved the idea of finding someone for myself to the back of my mind, at least until the boys were grown and on their own. I've always felt I owed them at least that much, since I had committed myself to seeing to their welfare first and foremost, so I've pushed my own needs into abeyance. I'd love to throw caution to the wind and just say let's go for it, but I'm not sure that would be fair to any of us."

Jake looked a little disappointed after hearing my response, but seemed to bounce back quite quickly. "That's okay," he assured me. "My being here doesn't have to lead to a relationship, unless you want it to, but I wouldn't mind enjoying some physical contact with you in the meantime, if you'd be willing to do that much. It doesn't have to include any commitments or even any love, unless that's what you want or feel, but I wouldn't mind seeing if there were any embers smoldering somewhere deep inside of us that might eventually ignite. What would you say to that?"

I had to admit he had a valid point and one I was more willing to go along with. Even though we hadn't been entirely celibate since we first starting hanging around each other, up to this point it hadn't been anything more than helping out a friend. Maybe Jake was right. It was possible that if we let down our guard we might enjoy each other more completely, and I just might discover the fire in my gut that Jake was alluding to. I really didn't need to consider this for very long, since deep down I knew I had always been attracted to Jake, it was just that I had to be sure this is what we both really wanted – not merely that it happened to be convenient.

"Jake, I'd be more than happy to explore those possibilities with you, but are you sure you're really ready to become a permanent part of this nut house?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he responded, while trying to stifle a laugh. "That's all Shannon and I have talked about since we've been here. We both feel at home here, like we really belong, and neither one of us wants to think this might ever come to an end."

"Well, you're more than welcome to stay and be a member of this loony bin," I agreed, "even if you aren't sharing my bed."

"But that's the best part," Jake shot back, giving me a wink after he said it. "Look, I've had a crush on you since our kids started trying to hook us up. Besides Shannon being born, being with you and your family has been the best thing to happen in my sorry life. I've been praying you'd accept my offer, once I got up the courage to ask, but I've kept putting it off, because I was scared you wouldn't want me. I'm just a UPS truck driver and not educated like you, and I'm sorry if I sound desperate, but you've been all I've been able to think about for months."

Hearing this pronouncement really floored me. How could I have missed the fact that Jake had felt more than just friendship for me during that time? Sure, there had been times I flirted with similar thoughts about him, except I didn't dare think he'd consider being with someone my age or with a guy who had as much baggage as I carried. I mean, what kind of guy would be interested in having a partner with this many kids still at home, let alone someone who'd suffered from the kinds of health problems I'd just been through?

"Jake, all I'm going to say for right now is that I think I feel the same way about you too," I confessed, "and I'm willing to give it a try, if you are."

"You really mean that?" he asked, as if he really didn't believe what he just heard.

"Of course I mean it," I told him, pulling him toward me and giving him a powerful hug. Once we finished our embrace, I let my lips seek his out and gave him a very passionate kiss. Once our kiss ended, I pulled back slightly and spoke to him again.

"Do you think we should tell the boys?" I wondered.

"I'm not sure," he responded, honestly. "What do you think?"

"I think it might be best if we waited," I suggested, "at least until we're certain if this is going to work out. I wouldn't want to get their hopes up, only to have them crash and burn if we decided this isn't what either of us wants or is happy with."

"Okay, I can live with that," he concurred.

"Okay, then why don't you get out of those dirty clothes and crawl in here beside me," I suggested, which caused Jake to grin, before he did exactly what I'd requested.

Jake did get a little frisky once he was lying beside me, but he also took it kind of easy, since he didn't want to aggravate my medical condition. We both got each other off, before we fell asleep cuddled up against one another, and when I awoke in the morning, I was fairly certain my life had changed forever – but for the better.

At breakfast, I got the feeling the boys suspected something was up between Jake and myself, but no one said anything directly about it. Instead, they just kept looking up and grinning at both of us, while turning toward each other and giggling afterward. That made me wonder if they'd overheard what we had done the previous evening, but I thought it highly unlikely. We didn't have intercourse and we weren't that loud, so what was this about? Then it dawned on me. Since we'd turned the air conditioning off in the house, I had opened the bedroom window to get some fresh air when I went to bed last night and I suspected the window in the rec room had also been open. I'd be willing to bet someone must have heard the conversation Jake and I had in bed the previous evening, as I had overheard the details about what had happened right after Frankie's birthday party. If this was in fact what had happened, it was obvious the person or persons who had eavesdropped on our conversation had obviously relayed that information to the others. I guess Jake and I didn't need to worry about telling the boys what was going on, since they already seemed to know what we'd decided.

It seemed far too quiet and lonely around that big old house once Jake headed off to work and the boys went to school, so I tried to find something to occupy my mind. After going through the mail that had arrived while we were away and reading the back issues of the newspaper, I decided to turn on the television and watch CNN. I've always liked keeping up with what was going on in the world and CNN was on top of most events, so I watched it for a hour or two before I got tired and went in to take a nap.

When I woke a little later, I fixed myself a small lunch and then went back to the family room and watched the history channel for a short time, before switching back to CNN. In fact, that's what I was doing when the boys came home from school.

"Real exciting, Dad," Ricky teased, when he saw what I'd been up to.

"Well, I DO have to stay calm," I told him. "You know, doctor's orders and all."

"Calm, but you don't want to end up bored to death either," he quipped back.

"Oh, come on," I replied, "the news isn't that boring. It's good to see what's happening in the world and how it might affect us," I explained.

"Okay, you keep track of what's going on and then let us know how it's going to affect our dates this weekend," Ricky joked back. He thought he was being quite humorous, but little did he realize how much of an impact upcoming events might have on his young and carefree existence.

While we were joking around, Danny and Brandon went in to begin dinner for us. When I went in to help, they told me to go sit down and relax and they'd take care of everything. They mentioned they'd been fixing most of the meals while I was in the hospital anyway, but it was also good experience for them for when they left to go to college and later, when they came back to take over for me so I could retire and just enjoy life. When I told them I was already enjoying life, they explained they meant enjoying being with them and their brothers, without having to worry about the minutia involved with keeping the household running. I thanked them for their concern and then went up to the second floor, to see what the younger boys were up to.

After spending some time talking with them and learning how their day went at school, I heard Jake's car pull into the driveway, so I went downstairs to greet him. He gave me a kiss when he entered, which caused some giggling in the background, and then he went in to shower and slip into something more comfortable before dinner.

By the time he'd finished, Danny announced dinner was ready, so we all went in to sit down. Jake had been given one of the seats next to mine, at the head of the table, and it appeared this would now be his permanent spot. After enjoying the food and learning about everyone's day, the boys went off to do their homework, while Jake and I went in to watch some television.

Both of us decided to turn in early again that night, but this time it was I who followed him into our room. I knew he was exhausted, because he'd confided in me earlier that he'd had a long and strenuous day. He said it had been busier than usual for this time of year and he'd had to lug around quite a few heavier than normal packages. While we were in the family room, I'd noticed he was starting to nod off while we were watching our final program, so I suggested we head to bed and he jumped at the suggestion. Although we didn't do anything sexual that evening, it was enjoyable just being able to 'spoon' against each other.

The next morning, after sending everyone off to work or school, I got on the Internet and opened my email account. I was weeding out the junk mail and reading the more relevant messages, most of which either wished me a speedy recovery or were a belated sympathy wish from those who had belatedly learned about Brent's fate, when the phone rang. I was surprised to hear Jake's voice on the other end, since he rarely called during the day. It turned out he was phoning me from a truck stop, after he'd heard reports about the lunacy that was going on that morning.

"Josh, have you been watching the news?" he asked, with a certain amount of anxiety in his voice. I wasn't sure what was up, but I knew something was wrong, and my thoughts went to the boys at college and school.

"No, I haven't been watching T.V. or listening to the radio," I admitted. "Has there been another school shooting or something? Was it at the high school or one of the colleges that Dustin or Frankie go to?"

"No, it's nothing like that," Jake assured me, "but I think you'd better turn on the television and see what's happening for yourself. It's totally shocking and something you won't believe unless you see it with your own eyes."

I carried the phone with me, while I went to turn on the television. When the picture came on, I could see smoke pouring out of one of the World Trade Towers and I put the phone back to my ear and asked Jake what was going on. "I can see a fire on the upper level of one of the Twin Towers. What happened? Another bomb?"

"Worse than that," he suggested. "Someone crashed a plane into it. It was a large commercial jet and there are reports that suggest that another plane crashed into the Pentagon."

"Who in the world would do something like this?" I wanted to know.

"Terrorists," he explained. "Officials aren't sure what group yet, but speculation is that it's probably a middle-eastern group, maybe Iraq had something to do with it. I just wanted to let you know. I remember hearing my grandfather telling about the day Pearl Harbor was bombed and how his family sat numb in front of the radio, in total shock, for hours. I think I'm beginning to appreciate how they felt and what it was like for them that day."

I thanked Jake for letting me know what was going on, before hanging up the phone and settling in to watch the continuing news coverage. The scenes being displayed were riveting and I couldn't seem to pull myself away from looking at them. First, the reporters would show scenes of fire rising from the World Trade Center and then the station would switch to shots of the devastation at the Pentagon. There were also reports that it was believed the White House or Capital Building might also be targeted and no one was certain if this was over or just beginning.

Finally, I broke away from what they were showing, so I could call the superintendent and various school principals, so they would also be aware of what was happening. I felt they might decide it best to prepare their students about what was taking place and give them a heads up before some of the parents started showing up to pull their children from classes. I also didn't want them to think what they were being told was a prank either, if they heard it from someone else first. I was fairly certain they wouldn't question what I told them, so I phoned each of them individually.

As I spoke to them, I discovered some of my colleagues were already aware of what was taking place, while others had no idea, but each of them thanked me for calling to bring them up to date. Once I had finished those conversations, I went back to concentrating what was happening. Just as I focused on the screen again, I watched in horror as another plane smashed into the second tower!

Chapter 6
From the Brink of Madness

Suddenly I felt ill. What kind of madness was this? Could what I'd just seen really be happening? I collapsed against the sofa and continued to stare at the television screen, wondering what sort of sick mind could plan such brutal and senseless acts. How many people died when that plane was flown into the tower, and worse yet, how many people had died in the other Tower or at the Pentagon?

Suddenly, it dawned on me. I actually knew a couple of people who worked at the World Trade Center and I suddenly feared for their safety. At that moment, I didn't know what to do next. I was stunned, shocked and completely unable to move. I was sickened by what I saw, yet felt compelled to keep watching it. Was this sick, or was my morbid fascination merely the result of being unable to comprehend what had just taken place? No matter what the cause, I stayed riveted to the T.V. and wondered what was going to happen next.

As I contemplated the horrific events of the past hour or so, I couldn't help thinking about what the final moments must have been like for the people on those planes. Did they know they were going to die or did they believe they were just being kidnapped and would be held for ransom? That's when I began to wonder what I would have done or thought about just before it happened, if I'd been on one of those planes. Once I had pondered those thoughts for a few minutes, I began to wonder if the people in any of the buildings saw the planes coming at them, and if they had, I could just imagine their panic as they instinctively tried to get out of harm's way.

The reporters had been telling about these intentional acts of terror, when it was announced that another plane had crashed into a field in Pennsylvania, just outside of Shanksville, in Somerset County. That's less than 80 miles [130 km] from us, as the crow flies, but far too close for my comfort. None of the various news agencies had much information about this crash, so we didn't know at the time if it was related or merely a coincidence. Regardless of the reason for why it happened, it was a fourth plane down this morning. Could this get any more horrific?

I continued to listen to the announcer and watched the scenes happening before my eyes, when I realized there were people jumping to their death from windows and the rooftops of the towers. Oh God! What kind of desperation would lead a person to do that? Had it come down to a choice between burning to death or leaping to your doom? I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be placed in such a position. Had the world finally gone insane?

I certainly hoped not, but who knew what might possibly happen next. Would there be more acts like this or had the terror finally ended? Would we seek to understand and heal, or would those in power seek to retaliate and add to the death and destruction?

My thoughts now drifted to how I was going to deal with the boys concerns about these events, because I was certain they'd either know what happened by the time they got home or would see it on the news, when the networks replayed the horrors of the day. This was too big an event to keep word of it from spreading like wildfire through the halls of the schools, so I also wondered how much they'd already know, how much of the truth had been distorted by rumors and what their reactions were going to be when they returned home. Hell, some of the students even carried their cell phones to classes, so I was fairly certain their friends or family would have called and told them what had happened. After that, the rumors and speculation would have begun and God only knows how badly the truth would have been distorted after that.

For the next hour, I wrestled with how I was going to answer their questions, because none of their queries would be easy to respond to or have simple answers. The boys were certainly going to want to know WHY this happened or WHO was responsible? Then they would want to know if even more events like this were going to happen or if even worse things would follow? How could I possibly reassure them the world was still a safe and sane place to live?

I was still pondering all of these considerations when my attention was drawn away again, when the first tower collapsed. My God! How could that happen? Weren't we told that these towers had been specifically designed to prevent something like that from happening? Weren't there people still trapped inside? This was becoming a total nightmare. What was the death toll up to now?

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the second tower collapsed and then several of the smaller buildings around where the Twin Towers had once stood began to cave in, as a result of the shock waves caused by the two towers coming down.

For the next few minutes, I listened to the stunned witnesses and watched the video replays over and over again, but it still seemed too surreal to be believed. Both towers were now gone, as well as many of the surrounding structures. Not only that, but a part of the Pentagon had been blown away and another plane had crashed into a rural field. This was more than any rational person could deal with! It was impossible that all of these events were separate accidents and happened today purely by coincidence. This must have been planned, and by a fairly large and financially lucrative group too.

Many reporters and government officials were speculating about which groups might have been able to pull off such a well-executed series of events when the name Osama Bin Laden was first uttered. I'd never heard of him and couldn't understand his cause, so all I could do was wonder how anyone could believe such indescribable acts of horror would serve any purpose. Was this meant to help them attain some goal or gain them something they desired? Or was this meant purely as an act of horror, to shock America and possibly bring it to its knees?

I spent the rest of the day watching what was going on across the country and listening to the reports. After listening to reporters speaking with a few of the relatives of those on board the plane that crashed into the field in Pennsylvania, it was now being speculated that this was the direct result of some of the passengers attempting to keep their flight from being used to carry out another devastating crash, such as into the White House or Capitol building. Yes, this was definitely beginning to look like some sort of well planned and well orchestrated perversion, but all it did was raise many questions in my mind, beginning with what this world was coming to? How could anyone justify killing innocent bystanders for any reason? If some religious group had carried this out, as was the current speculation, how could they think their God would approve of these mass murders? I know history is full of dreadful deeds done in the name of God and in the service of their religion, but in this day and age it just didn't seem possible. Hadn't civilization progressed beyond such indescribable abominations?

By the time the boys got home, they had all heard about what had been going on. Some had even seen a few of the events on television in some of their classrooms, as the channels kept running the tapes of the day's events over and over again. The boys were all talking excitedly about what had taken place and tried desperately to make some sense out of it, just like the rest of us. Unfortunately, they were doing no better at this task than anyone else, so this whole series of events remained an enigma.

Jake arrived home shortly after the boys did, so we decided to talk about everything that had happened over dinner. As it worked out, I was glad we did. The boys were full of questions and offered many observations of their own, some of which I had failed to make myself. The older ones seemed to be focused upon looking for an explanation of the reasons for these attacks, but they also began to wonder if there would be a war and if some of them might eventually be called on to fight in it. I found this a chilling thought, not so much because I didn't want them to defend their country, but because I had just lost one son and wasn't sure I could cope with losing another. However, I quickly forced those thoughts aside and chose to concentrate on what some of my other sons had to offer.

The boys in the middle, age-wise, were more concerned with the physical damage that happened, such as the collapse of the buildings and crashing of the planes, and consumed with the overall destruction and death count. The younger ones, however, seemed consumed with how the children of those who died would be feeling tonight, after having lost one or both of their parents. They were also thinking about the time, not that long ago, that we had been on the observation deck of one of those Towers and wondered how many others had been there this morning, when all this went down. The boys also couldn't help but dwell upon the idea of something like that happening when we had been there. This was indeed a very frightening thought for them, and one I tried to guide their conversation away from quickly, by explaining that it was very early to have visitors on the observation deck, but since it was a school day as well, I doubted there would have been any children there either.

The boys and I continued to discuss all of these issues thoroughly, although we couldn't bring any sense of closure about why this had happened. I also wasn't able to adequately respond to a great many of the questions and issues they raised, but we did spend many more minutes at the table discussing the multitude of topics that were troubling them.

That evening my college boys called home as well, as they sought comfort by knowing the members of their own family were safe from harm. I talked to each of them for quite a long time, while trying to address their concerns. Once we had finished our conversations, they followed up by speaking directly with some of their brothers, to make sure they were also doing all right. Once they'd finished chatting with their brothers, I spoke to them again, briefly, before we ended the call. Their final concern seemed to be if I thought they should come home or stay at school.

I didn't hesitate before I advised them to stay at school and continue on, as best they could. I also told them not to hesitate to call if they had any other problems, but for now, I didn't see any reason for them to return home and delay their studies. Besides, I felt each college would offer programs and support groups to help them work through any repercussions they felt from having experienced or witnessed this tragedy.

Both Dustin and Frankie eventually agreed to do as I suggested, but each wanted to know what else they might be able to do to help out in some way. I suggested a few possibilities, like taking collections up for the families of the victims and rescue workers who had suffered so greatly, or even getting their friends and classmates to donate blood for the surviving firefighters and others who had been injured that day. They both said they would work with their roommates to see if they could get some of these ideas off the ground with the campus community, and then we said good-bye. I think they both felt better afterward and I was a little relieved to have heard from them as well.

When bedtime rolled around, all of the boys said a special prayer for the victims and their families, and then they asked God to make sure those who had planned this would eventually be brought to justice. We all needed to believe these cowards would someday answer to God for their actions, even if men were unable to bring them to trial and make them pay for what they had done. This did bring a little reassurance to the boys, although it didn't lessen the horror of what had happened. That night many of the boys slept very tightly against one of the others, since they didn't want to be alone. Human security blankets do bring a certain amount of relief to frightened individuals and there was plenty of proof of that in our home during that evening. I would venture a guess that not everyone slept well that night, as I did hear more walking around upstairs during the evening than was typical, but they still came down to breakfast acting fairly normal the next day.

Over the next twenty to forty minutes, I turned down several requests to be allowed to stay home for the day, so they could continue to watch what was happening on the television. However, I felt it would be best if we tried to keep things as normal as possible, so everyone went to school as usual.

Once the boys left, I spent much of my day tuned in to what was going on, by watching the rescue efforts, listening to the speculation about what person or group had arranged this and listening to the President and Mayor give their reassurances that those responsible would be caught and made to pay for what they had done. Those in power also attempted to reassure us the country would rise up from this abomination and become even stronger because of it, and I think we all wanted to believe what they said. Not only that, but we also wanted to think it would happen just as they promised and quickly. The problem was, we all secretly knew the reality of carrying out these guarantees would take a great deal of time, huge amounts of money, large amounts of energy, both natural and human, and possibly cost the lives of numerous service men in the process, to insure those promises come true. My next thought was that there was no longer a period of childhood that could even vaguely be referred to as the age of innocence, since any child old enough to walk had surely seen images of the atrocities our country had just endured.

I really wanted to donate blood too, but I couldn't, due to my recent health problems. Jake told me before he left that he was going to go to the Red Cross center to donate, and Danny, Kevin and Brandon all announced they were planning on making their first donation after school. I was proud each of them would do something so unselfish, but unfortunately I had to inform each of them they wouldn't qualify as blood donors. When they asked why, I told them that anyone who'd had sex with another male at any point since 1980 was ineligible, as this was one of the precautions the Red Cross was taking in order to limit the spread of the H.I.V. virus. All of them were disappointed, but understood the Red Cross' intentions, so we moved on to other ways they might help, such as taking up collections, which could then be passed on to the groups established to help the victims or their survivors.

As the rest of the week passed and we drew closer to the weekend and Andrew's party, I had to make a decision. Some of the family had urged me to cancel his party and put it off until things calmed down, but I wasn't so certain it would be the right move. First of all, I didn't think any of this would calm down right away, but even if it should, I wanted to keep things as normal for the family as possible. Besides, it would be grossly unfair to Andrew to have to wait, since he had been eagerly looking forward to this time. I decided to talk it over with him and we agreed to go ahead with our plans, although Andrew suggested it might be appropriate for us take a moment during the party to remember those who had died or been hurt during those horrific events. I thought that was a good idea, so we would incorporate it in our plans.

When the weekend arrived, true to my word, Andrew got to spend Friday night alone with Graham to explore his other interests. I was actually quite pleased that he had chosen Graham to be his first, for several reasons. First, I thought it would be best if his first sexual encounter wasn't with his biological brother, who had just become involved in sex himself. Second, I was afraid if he had chosen Nick, Nick might try to go too fast for him or push him into things before he was actually ready. Third, I knew Graham wasn't really into anal sex yet, so I didn't feel I had to worry about that happening either. Besides Graham was also small for his age, uncircumcised like Andrew, low-key, and easy-going. It was a perfect match for a first-time experience.

Even though Andrew had requested this, it didn't prevent him from being extremely shy and not understanding how he should react, once they were alone. Seeing Andrew's confusion, Graham took charge and handled him very gently. He began by slowly undressing Andrew, while making sure to stimulate each of the special, sensitive areas of Andrew's body as he did so. Once this had been accomplished, he then led Andrew over to the bed and placed him on top of the covers, while Andrew merely lay there, in sort of a daze.

With Andrew in position, Graham quickly removed all his own clothing too, while trying to give Andrew a special little show as he did so. Once he was naked, Graham crawled on the bed beside his young partner and began by kissing Andrew on the forehead, before working his way down his nose, until he reached his lips. At that point, Graham began to run his tongue over and around the younger boy's mouth, but Andrew remained motionless, since he was unsure as to how he was to respond. Andrew let his older partner do whatever he wanted, so when Graham's tongue snaked out of his mouth, Andrew instinctively parted his own lips and accepted Graham's probing muscle.

While Graham was working his magic with his mouth, his hand was reaching down to fondle Andrew's tiny testicles and penis, and it only took a few seconds before his little boy's sex organ was standing tall and proud. Graham thought that was more than sufficient indication to verify that Andrew was old enough to enjoy this activity, and indeed he was.

All of this action was causing Andrew to begin to moan, and then finally react to all of the pleasurable sensations that were now starting to sweep over his immature body. As Graham fingers began to probe and manipulate Andrews little nail, Andrew began to thrust his pelvis into Graham's hand, in an effort to increase his pleasure. Although Graham believed this meant Andrew was beginning to enjoy himself and get into the mood, Graham slowly pulled his mouth away from Andrew's lips, so he could find out for sure.

"How does it feel? Do you like it?" Graham asked him.

Andrew didn't respond right away and it took a few seconds for him to collect his senses, so he could reply. "Oh, yeah," he gasped. "It feels really good. Don't stop."

"I won't," Graham told him, "I just wanted to make sure you were still okay with this."

"Oh, yeah, I'm really okay with this," Andrew assured him.

That was all the encouragement Graham needed, so he went back to kissing the smaller boy, while he used two of his fingers and his thumb to pump his partner's small tool. Slowly, he slid the foreskin back and forth over Andrew's sensitive head, but he was wise enough not to expose it completely, as he wasn't sure if Andrew was capable of doing that yet. If he tried to force the issue before Andrew's foreskin was ready to be skinned all the way back, he could damaged the tissue and cause Andrew some pain, and Graham certainly didn't want to do that. Graham was also uncertain if that area might also be too sensitive to take any extra stimulation, without it becoming painful, and above all else, Graham wanted this to be pleasurable for his little brother.

Andrew was already becoming lost in the incredible pleasure literally shooting around his body. It was almost as if little jolts of electricity where shooting through the various regions of his body and causing his entire being to tingle. Not only that, but his head was flooded with the multitude of signals reaching his brain, which caused his eyes to experience bursts of light and color, as a result of this sensory overload. Overwhelmed by these new sensations, Andrew closed his eyes tightly, in hopes that this might allow him to focus on one set of feelings over another, but to no avail. He was still unable to block out all the competing sensations and bask solely in the wonderful new feelings radiating from his loins.

Even though Andrew's body never seemed to stiffen or signal a climax, his small frame did shudder briefly, before he went totally limp and slowly slipped into a normal breathing pattern again. Graham felt that this meant Andrew had just enjoyed his first dry orgasm and Graham couldn't wait to see what he thought of it. While he waited for Andrew to recover from this experience, Graham continued to massage Andrew's tiny sac and testicles, until Andrew reached down and stopped him from doing so. Andrew quickly let Graham know he had reached a point of over-stimulation and the attention was becoming slightly painful.

Graham was smart enough to realize that too much of a good thing wasn't always good, so he released Andrew's sex organs and then waited for him to indicate he was ready to continue. After a short rest, Graham finally asked Andrew if he wanted to try doing any of those things to him, and Andrew eagerly jumped at the chance to touch the older boy's privates.

Graham gave Andrew instructions about what he could do and how to do it, and Andrew proved to be a very capable student. The younger boy did everything he was told, while exhibiting an abundance of enthusiasm, and when the time came, he eagerly wrapped his small hand around Graham's stiff cock and pumped away on it. Although he was having a great time jacking his older brother off, he was totally shocked when Graham ejaculated, since he had no idea that was going to happen. After asking questions about what the white stuff was, why it came out of Graham's penis and when he'd be able to shoot cum too, Andrew's first lesson was over.

Eventually, Graham cleaned himself up and then cuddled up next to Andrew, and that's exactly how I discovered them, when I went to check on them later. They were asleep, but their faces still seemed to be glowing, so I knew Andrew's first experience had been a positive one.

Chapter 7
A Difficult Time for Graham

The next day Andrew was walking on air, but he was mum about what he had done, except for briefly thanking me for helping to set the evening up for him. When it came time for his party, the handful of friends he had invited showed up to participate with the family. Their parents had called beforehand, just to make sure the party was still going on as planned and that everything would be okay. I assured them the boys would be fine and it might be a good diversion to keep them from dwelling on the insanity happening in the world. In reality, it worked out even better than I'd hoped. Other than our moment of silence for the victims, the boys spent their time being boys and pushed all memory of recent events from their minds. It was nice to watch them having such a great time playing games and just having fun. The entire day went very well, right up until they had to go home and Andrew was extremely pleased with how the day had gone.

Later that evening, after things had returned to normal, Andrew must have told Sammy about his experiences the previous night with Graham. Unfortunately, Sammy reacted in a way that confirmed our worst fears concerning his over-protectiveness of his biological brother. After finding out about what had happened between Graham and Andrew, Sammy raced into Graham's room and started screaming at him, asking him what he thought he was doing and yelling it wasn't his place to teach his little brother about sex. Graham got up and tried to explain to Sammy the whole incident had been Andrew's idea and that I knew and approved of what had happened, but Sammy wasn't listening to anyone or anything at this point. He was too angry and filled with his own concerns. Instead of talking, he threw a punch at Graham and landed a glancing blow off Graham's collarbone. Graham was surprised by the physical attack, even though we all suspected there might be a verbal uproar, so he wasn't sure about how to respond to it. Graham's hesitation gave Sammy the time and opportunity to try to hit him again, but this time Sammy's aim was better and he landed a solid blow to Graham's stomach. As Graham buckled over, Sammy threw another punch that caught Graham on the chin.

This time Graham didn't hesitate, since he figured he'd taken more than his share of physical abuse, he tackled Sammy and they both landed on the floor. Graham chose not to hit Sammy in return, but instead pinned him to the carpet and tried to reason with him some more. However, Sammy still wasn't having anything to do with it.

By this time, I had heard the screaming and banging going on up there, so I wanted to see what was going on. By the time I entered Graham's room, Graham was sitting on Sammy's chest, while pinning Sammy's arms above his head, and telling him he didn't understand why he was so upset. When I asked what was going on, Sammy started screaming and swearing at both of us, so Graham tried to explain to me what had just taken place.

After getting a handle on the situation, I told Graham to let Sammy up, but when he did, Sammy started throwing punches again. This time I was the one to step in and grab a hold of Sammy, in an attempt to restrain him from doing any more damage. Once I had succeeded at doing that, I quietly asked Graham to leave the room, so I could discuss the situation with his attacker. Graham willingly did as I'd requested, leaving the two of us alone in the room. Once Graham had disappeared from sight, I turned to Sammy and asked him what he thought he was doing.

When he looked up at me, Sammy's face was still contorted with rage and I could still see the fire shooting from his eyes, so I grasped him by the shoulders and stared directly into his eyes. "Do you mind telling me what you thought you were doing here?" I asked him.

"Do you know what Graham did with my brother last night?" he spat out, with as much venom as he could muster.

"Yes, I do," I confirmed. "I know all about that and I even approved of its taking place."

"Why would you do that?" he screamed back at me. "I should be the one teaching Andrew, not anyone else."

"Sammy, it was Andrew's choice and I agreed with him," I explained. "Even though he loves you a whole lot, he felt this was something he wanted to do with someone else. He came to me and explained that he thought he was old enough now to learn about sex, and after talking to him for several minutes more, I reluctantly agreed. I asked him whom he'd wanted to do this with him and he told me his choice, so I then helped to set it up for him."

"But why wouldn't he want me to teach him?" Sammy bellowed, but with a lot less forced than his previous outbursts. "I should have been the one to do that for him, not someone else."

"Sammy, it wasn't your choice," I told him. "Besides, you've got to stop thinking of Andrew as your personal property. Andrew was the one who decided he wanted his first time to be with Graham, because I think he also feels a strong connection with Graham too. They are both the younger members of the only two pairs of biological brothers here and they seem to share other similar traits as well. I'm sure it wasn't anything personal. I know how much Andrew loves you, but he wanted to do this with someone other than you this time, because so many of his first experiences have been with you. When he told me how he felt, I agree he should be able to choose whomever he wanted to do this."

"But he's my real brother, not Graham's," Sammy whined this time, and it looked as if he were nearly ready to cry.

"He might be your brother by blood, but you're all part of the same family and all of you boys are brothers now," I corrected, somewhat forcefully. "I'm sorry you don't see it this way as well, because I try to treat you all equally and not show any difference to those of you I adopted and those who share my blood. I think Andrew sees it more like I do and realizes he has many brothers and not just you, although I'm positive he does put you first among all of this other siblings."

"But…" Sammy began, but I cut him off.

"The only but is," I informed him, "you should have come to me to discuss what you discovered and how it made you feel, BEFORE you decided to take matters into your own hands."

I guess my being so firmly in agreement with what happened and against his reaction to it was too much for Sammy to bear. Suddenly, began to cry – no, it was more than just crying, he was bawling uncontrollably. His chest was heaving, his body trembling and the water was cascading down his cheeks. I knew he felt all alone and betrayed by the rest of us, and I wasn't really able to shake his belief that he was Andrew's only real brother, so no one else should be involved in decisions concerning him. I could understand some of his reasoning, especially knowing how close the boys had always been, but I knew we'd have to have several long talks to work our way through this one.

By now, Jake had also joined us. Graham had told him what had happened, so Jake raced upstairs to see if I needed assistance. When he burst into the room, he startled both Sammy and me, but I quickly told him we were merely talking, so I didn't need his assistance. He asked if I was certain, and I assured him I was, but before he left, I advised him that Sammy and I would be talking about this for a while and we preferred not to be bothered. Well, that was what I wanted, but I think Sammy just wanted to get away from me at that point. Jake nodded his understanding and left the room, closing the door behind him.

I spent quite a long time just sitting and discussing the situation with Sammy. I tried to explain to him that when I adopted them, it made them all equally my sons and equally each other's brothers, which meant Cole and Graham had no more of a relationship with one another, than did he and Andrew. I thought he was beginning to see my point, and I would have stayed there longer to make certain he understood and agreed, but we were interrupted. Someone knocked on the door, so we stopped talking, while I got up to open it. I was going to send the person on the other side away, but when I pulled the door back, I discovered it was Andrew who was standing there.

I stepped back and didn't say a word, as I waited for Sammy to look up and see who was there. When he finally did, he saw Andrew coming toward him, with tears streaming down his cheeks, because he felt he had been the cause of all the problems. Andrew had heard a little of what went on earlier, as the other boys had been questioning Graham about what had happened, and Andrew immediately realized this was his fault. He had wanted Graham to help him, instead of his brother, even though he had a pretty good suspicion as to how Sammy was going to react. He had done what he wanted, rather than thinking about how Sammy was going to feel, so now he bore the guilt upon his own shoulders.

Andrew walked up to Sammy and told him he was sorry for not wanting to do it with him first, and I could see Sammy's body begin to relax and his facial features gradually soften, due to Andrew's obvious pain. I think Sammy suddenly realized that he had hurt the one person in the world he was trying to protect by lashing out at Graham. In spite of everything I had done to try to get him to see how wrong his actions were, seeing how his brother was reacting to what he had done made Sammy feel badly about attacking Graham, for the first time.

By this point, Sammy had calmed down considerably, so he began to apologize to both Andrew and me. After he hugged his brother and they shed a few tears, Sammy made his way over to me and began to speak, although he was having a tough time looking me directly in the eye.

"I'm really sorry about what I did, Dad," he began. "I guess you probably think I was acting like the back end of a horse, huh?"

"More like a mule," I shot back, "completely stubborn, but I'm not the one you need to apologize to," I added.

"Oh, yeah," he began. "I guess I should tell Graham I'm sorry for punching him, huh?"

"That might be a good start," I concurred. With that said, we all got up and headed for the stairs.

When we walked into the family room, all the others looked up at us, but Graham looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He didn't seem to know if he should relax or stand up and be ready to defend himself again. I think Sammy sensed this too, so he broke the ice.

"Don't worry," he said, while looking at Graham. "I'm not going to come after you again. I'm really sorry that I hit you and acted like such a jerk upstairs."

Hearing his words, Graham let out his breath, almost as if he'd been holding it in until he saw what was going to happen. Sammy walked over and extended his hand, in an offer to shake, and after a brief hesitation, Graham reciprocated. After that, I held a discussion with the entire family and we agreed, that from now on, each individual would make his own decisions, with my approval of course, and that no one else would make decisions for anyone else in the family. This situation concluded with Sammy and Andrew hugging each other, and then hugging Graham and me, before apologizing once again for their actual or supposed transgressions. We also agreed there would be no hard feelings past this moment and all would now be forgotten.

Later that evening, I heard that Sammy had asked Graham to join Andrew and him in their room, to spend the night together, as a way of burying the hatchet, so to speak. I never heard the details of what went on during that get together, but the next day it appeared they had successfully let go of any animosity they had been feeling about what had happened.

Things continued to remain calm at home, but there was still a great deal going on in the rest of the country. It was now becoming evident there weren't going to be any more survivors found at any of the crash sites, and it was also becoming apparent the other plane that crashed in Pennsylvania was the likely result of actions by the passengers to prevent the hijackers from slamming it into another target.

Much information had also been uncovered as to who the hijackers were and that they were affiliated with a Muslim group called Al-Qaida, which was financed by a rich Saudi rebel of sorts. He seemed to be declaring a holy war (or jihad) on the U.S., to advance his own personal agenda, and all of the suicide attacks and related deaths were just another tool in his arsenal to help him get what he wanted. I am still amazed that anyone could feel his God would support the taking of innocent lives, especially on such a large scale, as justification for any perceived grievance.

I just wish I could be in the line behind these guys on Judgment Day, when the architects of these plans stand before God and he condemns them for their actions and for claiming the death and destruction they wreaked was done in his name. He will look at those who had carried out these plans, while thinking they had sacrificed themselves so they'd go straight to heaven and be provided with one hundred virgins to attend their needs, and I would laugh when their creator explains to them how misguided their actions were. I wonder what their response will be when God informs them they are going to hell for what they did, and not to heaven, as they had been led to believe. So much for guarantees!

There was one interesting side effect from all of this, and that was a renewed sense of patriotism and the rare use of public prayers. The irony is that it took a disaster of this enormity to cause either of these things to happen. Suddenly there were flags flying everywhere, including on cars, and 'God Bless America' and 'America the Beautiful' were being sung at public events. I don't think there had been such a patriotic fervor in the country since World War II and it may be years before we ever see a phenomenon of this magnitude happening again. I guess it takes a catastrophic event such as this, or the bombing or Pearl Harbor as another example, to pull a nation this large together, with a single focus, commonality of purpose and unbreakable sense of unity. Too bad we can't focus more on what we have in common as a nation normally, instead of finding fault with each other's differences and concentrating so much energy upon our own selfish concerns.

My family is no exception, as sometimes we tend to develop tunnel vision and see only what is in our own best interests. In some cases, it is better to take a step back at the time, so you can look at the broader picture, while acknowledging there are others in this world that are worse off than we are. However, it is not always easy to admit our concerns are not at the top of anyone else's priority list, and that also seems to be a problem with special interest groups. They tend to advance their own goals, which at times can run contrary to the greater good, so there are many instances when these groups worsen the situation for those who are most in need of such relief and concern. Can a tragedy like this cause us to rise above such petty self-interests? I truly doubt it, but I'm willing take a wait-and-see approach for now.

The events of 9/11 were still fresh in our memories, when Graham approached me again one evening. I knew something had been bothering him, because he hadn't been himself for the past few days. Although at first I suspected trouble had arisen between Sammy and him again, they appeared to be getting along fine, so I suspected he was just reacting to the horror of recent events and these occurrences had seemed to unsettle him. Even though I was tempted to approach him and ask what was wrong, I concluded it might be best to wait for him to come to me with his concerns, although I would definitely corner him if he didn't show signs of improvement before much longer. However, he beat me to the punch.

"Dad, can we go somewhere to talk?" he asked me one afternoon, and the serious expression on his face told me this was more of a demand than a request

"Sure. Why don't we go for a walk," I suggested, "and while we're at it, you can tell me what's on your mind."

"Okay. That will work," he agreed, before following me out the front door. As we began to walk up the street, I glanced over at him, but he had still said nothing. It appeared as if he were trying to form the words in his mind, before he spoke them aloud. However, after a couple more minutes of this prolonged silence, I decided to prod him into opening up.

"Graham, what's bothering you?" I asked him directly. "I can tell something is troubling you, because you haven't been yourself lately." After listening to my comment, he looked at me, and then at the ground, before he began to speak.

"Dad, why was I the one who got stuck with this stupid ability?" he began, while looking very sadly up at me. I hesitated for a moment, while trying to pinpoint his specific concern, because I was fairly certain something else had transpired – something to which I was not yet privy. When I looked down at him, my heart ached, as I read the pained expression etched upon his face. That gave me a pretty good idea that his most recent experience was not a pleasant one and gave me a slight indication about what he'd been going through.

"Do you mean your ability to see the future and communicate with those who have passed?" I pressed, to clarify his dilemma, and he merely nodded his head in response.

"Did you have some sense about all those terrible things before they happened?" I followed, imagining how terrifying that would have been; even without watching them come to pass.

I guess I was hoping his reaction would tell me this wasn't so and my asking him this would startle him, but that wasn't to be. Graham simply nodded his head, as he turned to face me. "Sort of, but I didn't really understand what I was seeing. Dad, I don't want to know when these things are going to happen, especially if I can't stop them. I don't want to go through life knowing things like this will keep happening to me."

I could empathize with him, imagining what it would be like to have his abilities, but I wanted to make sure about what I was dealing with here. "What exactly did you see or know before it happened?" I asked.

"Remember that movie we were watching, the one that took place in New York City?" When I told him I did, he continued. "Well, every time I saw the World Trade Center, it was always surrounded in a black shadow, just like Brent was before the accident. I didn't know what it meant, in fact I sort of hoped it was just a special effect in the movie, but I guess I should have figured it out and warned somebody."

"Graham, who would you have warned and what would you have told them?" I reasoned. "I don't really see how you could have possibly prevented what happened. Did you see anything else?"

"Well, I also had several dreams about planes crashing into things before it actually happened, but they were smashing into mountains or into the ground most of the time, although I did see one crash into the Empire State Building."

"Well, that was still not enough to tell you what was going to happen," I countered, trying to ease his concerns.

"Yeah, but I think it was Brent who was trying to tell me things, but I just didn't understand what he meant. Why didn't he just tell someone older and smarter? Why does it have to be me? I just couldn't figure it out, so I'm to blame for letting it happen." Having spoken those words, Graham's body shook and he began to weep. He was blaming himself for the loss of all those lives and that was far too great of a burden for anyone, let alone someone his age. In an effort to comfort him, I put my arm around his shoulder and drew him closer to me, as the first step in trying to reassure him he wasn't to blame.

"Graham, as I've said before, God never gives us more than we can handle," I followed, "but that doesn't mean we can always have things turn out the way we want. Maybe he just allowed you to learn about it before it happened, to help you develop your skills, so when you get older you might be able prevent another calamity from happening. I don't know, but there must be a purpose for your gift. Besides, very few people are blessed with such an unusual talent, so maybe you should consider yourself lucky."

He looked at me as if I had three heads, as he digested my words. I now began to wonder how he was going to respond to what I'd said, when he finally began to speak. "It may be a talent, but it's not much of a gift," he said, glumly. "Well, maybe sometimes it's kind of neat, like when I can see Brent and know he's happy, but at other times it's just a pain, especially when bad things like this happen." He hung his head again.

"Well, I'll just have to help you cope with your special ability and learn to do the best you can with the information you get from it." This time he smiled at me before he responded.

"Well, I kind of hoped you'd say that and figured you'd might be willing to help me learn to live with my visions. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get rid of seeing these things all of the time, so I guess it will be easier for me to have someone trying to help me figure out what these things mean. Do you mind if I tell you, every time I see something like that?"

"Not at all," I assured him. "In fact, I would feel honored if you did."

"You're crazy, Dad," he chided, "but I'm glad I can count on you helping me figure these things out."

"And I'm glad I have you, with all your special talents. It sure makes life interesting," I joked. We laughed briefly after I said this and then Graham wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed me, so I hugged him back. Once we released our grips on each other, we walked back to the house, knowing we'd settled upon a temporary solution to ease Graham's plight.

Nothing more was said about our conversation, and I figured nothing would be until Graham had his next vision, so I pondered when that might happen and what I could do to ease his concerns when that time came.

Chapter 8
Bouncing Back

The following weekend was parents' weekend at Frankies' college, but this time I took the next group of boys that would be considering college. I hoped this might motivate them into deciding on what they wanted to major in and where they might like to go, as they would be sending out their initial letters of application in a couple of months. As we loaded into the Suburban this time, I had Pat, Ricky, Jay and Shannon with Jake and me. Even though Jay didn't live with us, he was still part of the family and one of the juniors, so we included him in our plans, with his parents' consent of course.

Jake was looking forward to encouraging his son about going to college, since Jake had never gone beyond high school himself. He had told me once it was never even an option he had considered, since no one in his family had ever pursued a college degree, but he wanted Shannon to have the opportunity he was never given. I thought that was wonderful and Jake was eager to have Shannon experience the same type of eye-opening weekend as his father had enjoyed when we went to visit Dustin's campus.

This time, I left Danny, Brandon and Kevin in charge while we were gone, with Sally, the Shays and the Spences on alert, just like before, in case the boys needed any assistance. I was fairly certain they wouldn't, since they had pretty much run the household for me since my heart attack, but it is always best to be prepared for any type of unexpected crisis.

As soon as we got back from visiting Dustin, I had reserved two rooms at a motel near the campus, one for the boys and one for Jake and myself. After our last weekend together, I wanted to make sure we had some privacy, just in case either of us was feeling frisky. I was slowly getting stronger and felt I might be up to a little more on this trip and was looking forward to spending time with Jake away from the house.

This weekend was very similar to the one we'd had with Dustin, except there was much more patriotic fervor intertwined throughout, due to 9/11. During our time there, we attended a soccer game (where we sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' and 'America the Beautiful' before the game began, followed by 'God Bless America' at halftime), took a tour of the campus and then unwound a little at the evening's social function (where we also observed a moment of silence for the victims and the country as a whole).

This time, however, there was no other set of parents for us to get to know, since Frankie's roommate's folks did not come to participate in parents' weekend. I later learned from Frankie that the boy and his parents have a very strained relationship. He had told Frankie that much, although he never shared any of the details concerning the reasons for it being the way it was. Therefore, in order to ensure he didn't feel left out of the fun, we asked him to join us in everything we did while we were there, which included taking him out for meals and to church with us. The only real difference between the two weekends, besides the lack of a second set of parents and attending a soccer match instead of a football game, was later that evening, once we were in our motel room, Jake and I decided we wanted to move our relationship to the next level.

Maybe I should clarify this point a little. I'm not just talking about Jake and I having sex here. Once we were alone, we started talking about what was going to happen as the boys started to move away to attend college and then begin their own lives, apart from us – but more to the point, once it was Shannon's turn to leave the nest. Jake admitted he wasn't going to know what to do with his life after that happened, except it would be easier to deal with now, since he had the other boys and me to ease his separation anxiety when that time came. When Jake told me that, it started us discussing our futures and we finally agreed we wanted to do it together – as a couple. We were both ready to move beyond just being boyfriends and lovers and ready to commit to a long-term partnership. Yes, we'd tossed this around before, but this time we were actually ready to commit ourselves to the idea. I think we were both a little giddy after reaching this consensus.

Anyway, our weekend passed quickly, and when we arrived home that Sunday evening, we were greeted by the boys and assured everything had gone smoothly. Later, as we sat relaxing, Graham told me he needed to speak with me, in private, so I took him to my room. I could only imagine what was on his mind this time, but I would have never guessed what he was about to tell me.

"Dad, Brent came to me again, while you were gone," he began, "and he told me something he wanted you to know."

"And just what would that be?" I asked, curious as to where this might lead.

"He told me about this boy who just lost his parents, and he wants you to take him in," Graham blurted out quite quickly and without much emotion. It was just stated very matter-of-factly. "Brent says this boy can just take his place in the family now and he won't mind."

I was sort of stunned by this news, so I didn't know what to say at first. After thinking this over quickly, I finally responded to Graham. "Even though I think I understand what Brent wants us to do, I'm not sure I'd even be allowed to take in another boy, especially after my recent health problems. I have a feeling Brent doesn't understand that."

"I think he does," Graham corrected, "but he let me know this kid needs to come live with us, not just anyone. I think he was telling us we need to find a way to do this."

"But why just us?" I countered.

"I'm not sure exactly why he's telling me this," Graham admitted, "but I think he was trying to let me know there is something different about this boy, something that most people wouldn't be able to deal with." Now, I was really hesitant to get involved in this, because I knew I couldn't deal with the same types of things that I'd had to handle with Frankie or Pat, at least not until I got more of my strength back.

"Graham, I know Brent probably means well," I began, "but I'm not sure he fully understands what has happened since he left us."

"Oh, he does, because he told me that you were going to get better and be all right," Graham quickly confirmed. "He also says you HAVE to do this. He's let me know that if you don't take this boy in, no one else will, and he'll end up growing up in some institution."

"How can he know all that?" I pressed, as this was getting more bizarre by the second.

"I don't know, but that's what he showed me," Graham immediately explained.

"Well, I haven't even heard of such a boy, but I'll consider it when, and if, I do," I told him, figuring that time might never come about.

"No! Brent says you have to find him," Graham shot back.

"And just how would I do that?" I wanted to know. It's not like I go looking for new sons.

"He's let me know that you have to use your contacts, like Aunt Sally and others who could find out about such things," Graham explained, but I didn't see this as much more of an answer than before.

"But what would I tell her?" I asked, out of frustration. "I'd certainly have to have more information than I have now in order to do that."

At this point Graham seemed to be staring off into space and I wasn't sure of what was going on, but after a few minutes he spoke to me again. "Brent just told me that he'll find a way to either get this information to you or he'll come up with a way to bring the boy to your attention. I guess he's not sure how he's going to do this, but he said he'll do it somehow."

Having witnessed what I just had, I felt shivers run up my spine and felt goose pimples erupt along my arms. I didn't believe it, but I had just witnessed Graham communicating with Brent. Sure, I'd known he was telling me he did it, but to see it take place before my very eyes was more than I was prepared for. At that second, I decided this was a good place to leave this discussion, since I wasn't ready to commit myself to anything just yet. I guess, in the back of my mind, I hoped this topic would just fade away.

I was somewhat surprised to see Graham seemed content to end our discussion too, but I think he reasoned that Brent would let us know the details when the time was right, so for now I was off the hook about his pressuring me further. For the time being, neither of us had to make any hard and fast decisions.

By the end of September, I was doing quite well. I had regained much of my strength, felt better than I had since this had happened and the doctors confirmed I was progressing quite nicely. They still wanted me to limit my stress and exertion, and to take things easy, but I was told that, with a few restrictions, I could go back to doing most of the things I normally did. I did have to continue to watch my diet, to make sure I limited or eliminated fats, fried foods and such, and I had to take a few medications. The doctor also suggested I shed a few more of the extra pounds I had put on over the past few years, but I was thrilled that things were getting back to normal, so to speak, and I couldn't wait to be active again.

While relaying this information to the family later that evening, they also became excited to hear that I could begin to do more, but then suggested they'd continue to do most of the work around the house, so I didn't overdue it. Shortly thereafter, someone asked me when I'd be able to start teaching the next group to drive, and I told them I'd be willing to start this weekend, as long as Jake was agreeable to helping me out with it. At first he wasn't sure I should be doing this, since he thought teaching young people how to drive could be very stressful, but I assured him that since I'd been through this twice before in recent years and with all of my adult children as well, I was prepared and things would be fine. Hearing my assurance, he agreed to help out, so I committed myself to working with the boys.

It was now time for Ricky, Jay and Shannon to learn how to drive. Pat was also old enough to be included in this group, but I wasn't sure if his eye problems would interfere with his ability to get a license. I took him aside and discussed this with him privately, so I could see what he wanted to do. "Pat, you know I'm going to start teaching the next group how to drive," I began, "and I was wondering if you wanted to be included in this group? If you do, then I'll set up an appointment with your eye doctor, to see if he thinks this would be possible."

"Dad, I'd really like to be able to drive, but I don't want to do it if I won't be a safe driver," he confirmed. "I've seen people behind the wheel who shouldn't be driving, and I don't want to end up being one of them. I really would like to have my license, though, so I don't have to depend on everyone else all of the time."

"You're a very wise young man," I told him, "and I know you're too smart to let anything like that to ever happen. In that case, I'll set up the appointment, so we can find out if your doctor thinks you'd be able to pass the eye test and get your license. How does that sound to you?"

"It sounds great!" he replied. "I really hope he'll tell me it's okay for me to drive."

The next day I called for an appointment, but the earliest they could squeeze us in was the following week, even after I explained the purpose for our visit. Even though we weren't sure if Pat would be allowed to drive, I decided to include him in on that weekend's driving lesson, so he wouldn't miss out or fall behind, if it were permissible. Besides, we'd only be driving around an empty parking lot, so I couldn't see what harm it would do. Pat was thrilled that I'd decided to do it this way, and I even let him go first, after I had given the group their first set of driving instructions. The boys all did very well for their first time out and each of them was extremely excited about having reached this plateau in their young lives. For me, it just felt good to get back to doing some of my normal tasks and taking my place as a contributing family member again.

On Wednesday evening, one of the boys called me to the phone, but didn't give me any indication of who was on the line. A few of them were either smiling or giggling, so I felt it couldn't be anything to worry about, so I picked up the receiver and said 'hello.'

"Pop, it's me, Michael," I was quickly informed. "You have a granddaughter!" he added, excitedly, his voice dripping with emotion.

"REALLY?" I asked, rhetorically. "A little girl. How are Andrea and the baby doing?"

"They're doing just great," he assured me. "She was delivered about twenty minutes ago and she's just beautiful."

"I'm sure she is," I agreed. "I don't believe you and Andrea could have anything BUT beautiful children."

"Thanks, Pop," he responded. "She weighed six pounds, seven ounces [3 kg] and was twenty-one inches [53 cm] long," he advised me.

"So have you named her yet?" I pressed.

"Oh, yeah," he replied, sounding a bit embarrassed by the oversight. "We've agreed to call her Megan. I guess I should have told you that already."

"It would have helped," I teased, "but give me some more information, if you will, so I can send your lovely wife some flowers and the baby a going home gift."

Over the next several minutes, Michael gave me the particulars I wanted and then I went to tell the others all I had learned. Some of them already knew some of this information, since Michael had told Pat, who had happened to answer the phone, and he'd already started spreading the word along to a few of the others. However, none of them were aware of most of the details, including her name. Needless to say, we were all more than a little giddy after receiving such wonderful information and September 27th would now have added significance for me.

The following day, while the boys were at school, I called and ordered flowers to be delivered to my daughter-in-law's hospital room and ordered a newborn outfit for Megan and a mobile for her crib, which I had sent to their house. I could hardly wait until Michael emailed me pictures of my new granddaughter or I would finally get to hold her in my arms.

After a somewhat relaxing, yet euphoric weekend, I took Pat to his eye exam. He was a bundle of nerves as we drove there, but even more so while we sat in the reception area, waiting to be called in. Once we got in to see the doctor and he had concluded his examination, Pat began to pepper him with questions about his chances for being allowed to drive. After listening to all of Pat's concerns, the doctor told him what he thought.

"Pat, even though you only have sight in one eye, it is good enough to allow you to pass the required vision test. There are many people driving who can only see out of one eye, but it does mean you'll have to learn to adapt in other ways, to accommodate for the lack of peripheral vision. I don't see the sight in that eye deteriorating any more quickly than for anyone else, so I can't foresee any particular future problems either. Other than that, I see no reason why you can't get your license."

Pat was so excited after receiving this news that he leapt from his chair, but quickly regained control of his emotions. The doctor smiled at Pat's reaction and told him he expected him to be a responsible driver, so they wouldn't 'run into each other' any time soon. Pat caught the double meaning behind that phrase and promised the doctor he would make sure that never happened. As we drove back home, I watched Pat out of the corner of my eye and noticed he was still having trouble containing his excitement. He was wiggling around in his seat, drumming on the dashboard, and grinning like the proverbial cat that had just swallowed the canary. I was really glad it had turned out this way and he was so happy.

Now that things were getting back to normal, it took me a while to get used to the fact that I wouldn't have to get up mornings and go to school any more. Eventually, I began to enjoy not having to work, especially when it meant I got to spend more quality time alone with my boys. After years of following a complicated schedule, I no longer had to worry about attending meetings, school functions (except those my sons were participating in) or board meetings. I was quick to utilize this extra time doing special things with them, even if it was just to take them shopping with me, stopping for a special treat alone with one of them or merely sitting and talking about their day. I now began to wonder how any of us had carried on before this moment, knowing how special this time had now become for me.

Over the interim, Jake and I had grown closer too, and the boys didn't miss out on any of the signs that indicated this either. During that time, Jake and I had begun discussing the various matters concerning them before any decisions were made, and the boys caught on to this quite quickly. I later noticed they would sometimes play us, like some youngsters try to pit their mother against their father, and occasionally attempt to use the 'divide and conquer' technique to get what they wanted. Even though those attempts rarely worked for them, they did seem to enjoy the effort of trying to pull something over on us. Occasionally, Jake and I would knowingly let them succeed in their attempts, but only with minor issues that we knew wouldn't impact them in any significant way. I think Jake and I had as much fun playing these games as the boys did, except we knew in advance how they were going to turn out and who was going to win.

Eventually, the boys began to question our relationship directly with us and asked if we were going to get married or do anything like that. We told them that for now we had decided to share many of the household duties, including making decisions about them, and planned on living as a couple, but we hadn't made any decision about how to formalize our commitment.

The boys seemed slightly disappointed that we weren't planning a wedding and I could see the wheels turning in their heads, as they attempted to discover a way to make this work out like they wanted. They seemed to enjoy having both of us around, especially since it meant the family would continue to stay together, even if something happened to me. Since my heart attack, I had changed my will and made Jake the boys' guardian if I wasn't around any longer, and had legally added his name to most of the household accounts and such. I had even given Jake power of attorney, in case I was ever incapacitated, and of course, Steve Shay had helped us in drafting all of these legal documents and Jake was more than willing to take over the helm, if that time should come. Needless to say, that gave me a great deal of comfort, knowing the boys wouldn't be split up, should I suddenly cease to be around or become incapable of taking care of them.

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