I have been reading postings on this newsgroup for quite some time. I can't count the number of times that I've read stories here where women are delighted to be raped, and ends up begging her attacker for more. I was raped, and my life was ruined because of it. Here is my story.

I was seventeen years old when it happened, and up until that time I had lived a charmed life. I wasn't exactly model material, but I'd call myself pretty. I was five foot eight, with long light brown hair and blue eyes, and a pretty decent figure: 36-24-28. I came from a good family, my father is a lawyer, and my mother is a housewife. I 'm their only child- despite being strict Catholics they never managed to have any more children.

I did very well in school, (in fact I had skipped a grade) and the spring of my rape I was just about to graduate from high school, and was getting ready to go to college, where my boyfriend Biff attended. Biff and I had met while he was still in high school. He was the star quarterback for our football team, and I was the head of our cheerleading squad. We had been dating for two years, and it was one of those typical high-school things, with one exception - we never had sex. If anything, Biff had been raised an even stricter Catholic than I had, and we were saving ourselves for when we got married.

I missed him terribly when he went away to college. Although he came home at least one weekend every month, I still had a lot of time on my hands. I decided to volunteer at the civic center, teaching illiterate adults how to read. It turned out to be the worst decision of my life. My hometown was very upper middle class, so there weren't too many adults who couldn't read. In the end, the board of directors had to bus people in from the city. We were all very impressed with ourselves at the center, as they found 10 blacks who were willing to come into our lily-white town and allow we junior-league types to teach them how to read.

I was assigned to teach Lamar. Lamar was a forty-year-old ex-convict. He'd been in for armed robbery since he was twenty years old, and had just been released a few months before, and was now living in a halfway house. He was only allowed out to work under supervision at a local gym as a janitor, and to come to the literacy class. Aside from the Nigerian boy who sang in the Up With People concert my school had sponsored the year before, Lamar was the first black man I had ever seen.

He was a very big man; about 6'5", jet black, and had to weight at least 220 lbs. He was very muscular, as he said, "Ain't nuffin to do in de pen but wo'k ou' ". He scared me a little at first, but soon my white liberalism took over, and I was comfortable being around him. Lamar wasn't a very good student, though he did try hard. He seemed anxious to learn how to read, because it was one of the conditions of his getting out of the halfway home.

He would come up for review in just two months, and if he couldn't read by then, he would have to wait another six months before coming up for review again. The night before his first review, I arranged for him to come to the center for a few hours of extra counseling. I got the keys to the building, and Lamar's parole officer dropped him off at 5pm. He would come back to pick him up at 9pm.

We began work, and slowly the building emptied out till it was just us. We worked straight through till 8, when I suggested a study break. I got up to stretch, and walked over to the window. It was dark now, and the parking lot was empty, except for my little convertible that Daddy had given me for my birthday the month before. I stood there, fingering the necklace that Biff had given me at the same time - a locket that had "Biff and Muffy 4-eva" engraved on it, and daydreamed about the coming weekend, when Biff would be home to take me to the prom.

Suddenly, Lamar grabbed my from behind, and dragged my away from the window. He clapped one huge black hand over my mouth, and using his huge muscular body, forced me down on the floor. Using his free hand, Lamar ripped my dress off completely and then made short work of my lace panties and bra. He lifted his hand from my mouth and tied my hands to the radiator using my torn dress. I lay there naked, helpless, as this monstrous black buck gazed lustfully at my virgin body. He was wearing dirty old jeans and a muscle shirt, and I could see the sweat glistening on his huge arms and baldhead.

I trembled with fear as he slowly unzipped the fly of his jeans. His enormous manhood sprang out of the fly, a black snake, looking like it was a foot long, and enormously swollen. He was the first naked man I had seen, but even I knew that he was huge. He grinned at me, showing his gold teeth and said, "Oh, bitch, you's gonna get a fuckin' now!" He leaned over and began kissing me all over, his huge, black, and rubbery lips kissing the lips that only Biff had kissed, sucking at my tits where NO man had ever kissed, and pawing at my ... my ... womanly areas with his black paws.

"NO!!! You can't rape me!!! I'm a cheerleader and class valedictorian!!! I understand the plight of the Negro - you can't do this to me!!!" He only laughed at me and wiggled his grotesque prong in my horrified face. "Oh yes, I's gonna fuck you good. You knows you wants it. You's been askin' ole Lamar to make you his woman. Struttin' roun' me all de time, wiggling yo' tits in my face. I ain't had a woman in twenny year', and now I's gonna fuck me a fine white bitch. Startin' wid' yo titties".

With that, he grabbed my breasts in his huge black hands and squashed them over his massive erection, and began rubbing himself between my breasts. I could feel the tip of his evil back member hit my chin. My mind raced; there was nothing I could do! The civic center was completely empty, there was no security guard, the whole place was set back about a mile from the road, I could scream forever, and it wouldn't do me any good.

I wasn't expected back home till after nine, Lamar had an hour to have his evil way with me! And it was obvious that he was going to do just that. He moaned and groaned as he breast-raped me."Oh yeah ... ooooh, bitch, them tits of yo's sho' feel good. Mmmm, them brothers in de pen wuz right, ain't nuffin like a white bitch". "No ... please Lamar, stop!!! Don't do this!!!", I pleaded with him.

In response, he came right in my face. I was such a virgin that I didn't even know what that meant at the time. My parents hadn't let me take sex education when it was offered at school, instead they had me take Father O'Felcher's "Only when you're married" seminar at the parish church. As a result, I thought he'd peed in my face! Some of it got in my mouth, and I choked and gagged, trying to spit it out. "Aww, come on, bitch, you knows you likes it!", Lamar laughed grabbing my log hair and using it to clean his prong.

"And dat's jus' de beginnin' . I's gonna make you Lamar's bitch, an' ruin you fo' sho'. Ain' never fucked me no white bitch befo' , and I's gonna fuck me one now". While he was talking, his black prick began to swell again. In less than five minutes he was swollen huge and hard as a rock again. He saw me staring at his black rod and laughed. "Cain't wait to have it in you, huh bitch? I knows you wants me to fuck you, I been comin' heyah for months, watchin' you actin' like a dog-bitch in heat. You needs a man to give you a good fuckin', and I's jus' de man to do de job. Yeah, I's ready fo' you now, bitch. Well, heya's yo' dream come troo!" He forced open my legs using his knee, and mounted me like a stallion. Then, with one enormous thrust he plunged all the way inside of me, tearing me apart, and taking my precious virginity. "Mmmm-mmm! Oh, you sho' is nice an' tight! Diddint figger on gettin' me a virgin white pussy!!", he groaned as he began to pump away inside of me. "Yep, sho is a fine world when dey be givin' white bitches like you away fo' free! Mmmm-mmm, work dat pussy,white ho'! ".

I could only lie there, awash in horror, my body being violated, my head being smacked into the radiator with each of his powerful thrusts. I didn't feel any pleasure, just agonizing pain and devastations as I lay there, watching Lamar above me. He thrust into me over and over again; sweat dripping off his huge black body and onto me, mixing with my tears of pain and shame. His ugly black face was smeary with bliss, and his voice thick as he moaned and gasped his pleasure as he raped me.

"Oh yeah ... Oh yeah ... bitch, you feels good! Mmm, damn good! I knews you'd be a good fuck! Mmm-mmm! It been a long time since I's fucked a woman, and you's almost wuth de wait. You's gonna give me a baby, ho'! Oh yeah ... ahhh ... oh yeah ... oh bitch, here I comes!" And with that, he gave one last, final thrust inside me, and spewed his hot black seed deep inside of me. This time, I thought he'd peed inside me. Lamar collapsed on top of me, crushing me with the weight of his huge, sweaty body.

I was overcome with shame. A black man had raped me and now I was no longer pure! Lamar lay on top of me for a few minutes, then got up. He looked at the clock - it was nearly nine. "Well, bitch I's gots to go now. De officer be pickin' me up. I sho enjoyed de lessens. Course, I could read befo' dis, I jus' wanted to see iffen I could fin' me a fine piece of white ass. Dey ain' let me near no wimmin since I got out of de' joint. I wuz gettin desprit. Don' feel bad, bitch. You's been fucked by Lamar, and you's my woman now. I bets I mades a lil' black baby wid' you, dat'll be sumthin' to remember ole Lamar by! "

A car horn sounded, Lamar quickly pulled up his jeans, waved at me and left. I managed to get myself untied, found an old painting smock and wore that home. I let myself in the side door, and cleaned up before my parents could see me. I wondered what he'd meant by a baby. After all, he hadn't FRENCH-kissed me, so I couldn't be pregnant! I never reported it. I was convinced that I had somehow encouraged Lamar to rape me, and besides, if I'd told, Biff and everyone would know that I had been taken by a huge black buck, and wasn't a virgin!

That weekend, I danced with Biff at the prom, feeling so ashamed as Biff, looking so blond and handsome in his tux held me in his arms, never knowning that I, his precious Muffy, had been ravished and lost my viriginity to a black man. What would his fraternity brothers at Kappa Alpha think? I tried to forget the rape, and went on with my life. The rape happened in early May, and I graduated the first week in June. I was sick graduation day, throwing up and all, but I managed to give my valedictorian speech, with Biff and my parents gazing proudly at me in the first row.

It wasn't until August that the throwing up and weight gain made me reconsider my theories on human conception. I went to a clinic in the city, and the nice Doctor there explained it to me, and then told me that I was four months pregnant. There was no way to forget the rape now. I was pregnant with my black rapist's baby! I told my parents that I had been raped by a black man and was going to give birth to his baby. They didn't believe me when I said that I had been raped, and threw me out of the house. I moved to the city, got on welfare, and took a one-room apartment in a terrible neighborhood.

I wrote Biff a Dear John letter - I couldn't bear his scorn, and knew my parents wouldn't tell him that his precious Muffy was pregnant with a black man's baby. I told him that I'd decided to help lepers in India instead of going to college. He tracked me down in late October, and his eyes popped out of his head when he saw my belly, bulging with a black man's child. I heard a few months ago that he finished law school and married Bootsie Berringer, my best friend in high school. As luck would have it, Lamar worked in my neighborhood. I didn't see him till I was nearly seven months along, and he flashed a gold-toothed grin when he saw that he had gotten me pregnant.

I lived alone in my one room apartment, watching my belly get bigger and bigger, till nine months to the day Lamar raped me, I gave birth to his black son. I decided to keep our baby. I had convinced myself that I was ruined for all other men -who would want a girl who had made a black man rape her? Who would want a woman who had gotten herself pregnant with an illegitmate baby, who would want a stepson that was as black as the ace of spades?

It wasn't the baby's fault, I owed it to him to raise him, since I had caused him to be. I decided to dedicate my whole life to raising Lamar's son. I didn't know what to name him. Despite the fact that he was the result of a rape, I wanted him to be proud of being black, so I gave him the only black name I knew - Lamar Jr. Lamar came by when his son was about a month old. I didn't want to see him, but decided that Lamar Jr. should know his papa and that Lamar Sr. had a right to see his son.

This was five years ago. Lamar doesn't pay any child support - he still works as a janitor, and has three young kids by other women besides me, plus his two sons from before he went to jail - but he comes around every now and again. I decided that Lamar Jr. needed a brother or sister, and since no white man will have me now, Lamar fucks me when he comes around. We have three more sons now, Jamal and Shamal (they're twins), and Deion. Plus, Lamar brought his oldest son Laquan around one night after they'd been drinking. Of course I ended up pregnant with his baby, Laquan Jr., my youngest.

I'm pregnant again now (it's Lamar's) and due to give birth in about two weeks. I hope it's a girl. If it is I'll name her Lamara. But remember, my life was ruined because of rape. Instead of being a housewife, married to a lawyer, and living in Greenwich, I'm now the pregnant welfare mother of five, living in a Harlem shithole. Well, at least most of them have the same daddy!

The End