Title: So Your Mehbooba (Darling, Lover) Has Run Off with Her Shudra Yar ....
 Author: Nawabzada Taj-ood-Deen Khan Lakhnavi "Chota Lund Gora Londa"
 Item: Joke

 Maybe it was because in the caste restrictions in your Shahr (town) were too relaxed.  Or maybe it was because
there were none at all. Maybe you were living in a Muslim mohalla (neighbourhood). Or you were silly enough to
let your precious Bibi (wife) go on a "pilgrimage", a "tour" or a "visit to relatives" to the Dravidian or
Kolarian lands. Or maybe you were idiotic enough to let your Mehbooba (darling, girlfriend, lover) go to
Hyderabad to see some Sufi shrines or Vishnu Temples when she actually wanted to worship a Dravidian Linga-Deva
(Penis-God). Or maybe she told you she was going to Hyderabad to enjoy the White Qootb-Shahi Charminar, when in
fact she was enjoying the Black Dravidian Charminar instead. Or maybe told you she was going to Hyderabad to
shop for pearls, when in fact she was shopping for that Shakespearean "pearl in beauteous womens' eyes": the
Black Shudra Man ! Whatever the reason, you have discovered that your Bibi has run off with a Shudra Yar (Lover),
leaving you to masturbate all alone at night.

 Don't worry. All is not lost. Fortunately, personal names in most places are given after some special inherited
attributes, so you can know what to do to win her back, just from the name of the lucky Shudra. So, here is a
guide for those Aryan husbands whose pretty fair Bibis have run over to the dark side, and have been
Dravidianized. 

 If his name is ....

 1. Pancha-Lingam. This means "five penises" and implies that her Shudra has a penis five times larger and five
times better than the average. So don't worry. Your Bibi is being well taken care of.

 2. Dasa-Lingam. This is a mixture of the Sanskrit word "das", meaning ten, and the Dravidian word "lingam",
meaning penis. Allegorically, it means the person has a penis which is ten times bigger, and ten times better
than the normal penis. But how can that be ? For that, you would have to travel south of the Krishna river and
see for yourself. But don't expect your Bibi back any time soon. 

 3. Lingam. This is the Dravidian word for "penis". This means just "penis" and not "five penises" or "ten
penises". So this means your Bibi's lover has an average-sized member. But before you become too happy, this
means average-sized in the Dravidian lands, where more than four-fifths of the population is Shudra. So how large
are they then ? As per the Kamasutra, the average in the Dravidian lands is much larger than the average in the
Aryan regions. For exact numbers, we have to turn to the Ananga-Ranga, where the learned sexologist states that
the Shudra average is twelve angulis, ie twelve inches or three palm-widths, being significantly larger than the
Aryan average which ranges from six to ten angulis (inches) (Ananga-Ranga, III.1-3). For this reason the
Ananga-Ranga and the Lizzat-ul-Nissa refer to the Shudra man as the "horse-man". Sorry, your puny pink Aryan
member only approaches that size in your dreams at night. And that is also the only place where you will see
your Bibi from now on. Make sure that, when she does meet you there, you have a Shudra-Lingam for her. Otherwise
she will stop seeing you in your dreams as well.

 4. Brahmana-Lingam. In the Dravidian languages, these words mean "Brahmin penis", and is probably his
colloquial and not real name, which could be some Namboodiripad or some Acharya. As per the Ananga-Ranga
(III.1-3), the Brahmin Sheeshna averages four angulis (inches) or one palm-width. Good news! Your Bibi was
stupid enough to end up with some Tamil Brahmin, a Telugu Brahmin, or a Malayali Brahmin. Thank you stars she
has not yet been stretched by some huge Shudra pole. Act quick! With some efforts and love-letters, you sould be
able to win her back. And she might come back on her own.

 5. Lingammu. This is a Telugu variant of the Old Dravidian "lingam". See above for what this name means.

 6. Musahar. Your Bibi's Yar belongs to the caste of Kolarian rat-eaters. Good news is that she is probably not
too far away, most likely somewhere in the Rajmahal hills. She will probably tire of her lover's poverty and
will come back. Make sure the Kala Bacha (black child) she will push forth from between her legs after she
returns does not grow up eating rats too.

 7. Papa-Lingam or Parpaan-Lingam. This means "penis of a Brahmin" or "penis of a priest". She might be staying
with a Brahmin in the fabulously wealthy Tirupati temple, or with some incredibly rich Shankaracharya. This
means that she was not a size queen after all and was only after money.  If that is so, then you have to change
your job to become a stock broker on Dalal Street or get some lottery to win her back.  And if she is staying
with a normal temple priest, it means she has found a new source of various stimulants, hallucinogens and
aphrodisiacs. She is probably addicted to them by now. Study the different recipes for these chemicals to win
her back. I have heard that there is one aphrodisiac which makes your partner hallucinate that your short fair
Aryan penis is a big black Shudra one instead. If you ever find out about that, make sure you send me the recipe!

 8. Shiva-Lingam. This denotes "Shiva's penis", and means that the males bearing this name have inherited an
oversized and very potent member, like that of the Dravidian God Shiva. Don't confuse the black Dravidian God
Shiva with the fair Aryan God Rudra of the Vedas. Unfortunately for us, Shiva is NOT an Aryan God, is not
mentioned in the Vedas, and is depicted in the pre-Vedic Harappan seals as a seated yogi. Chances are, your
Bibi, once converted, will never stop worshipping Shiva-Lingams.  There is no way you can sexually compete with
a Dravidian, let alone a Dravidian God. You would have to convert to Shaivism to have a meager chance of getting
her back. Make sure that you do not live in a pure Vedic or Vaishnava area, as the inhabitants tend to thrash
those who publicly or secretly worship Shiva-Lingams. Move to a Shaivite or Smarta (pantheist) area. 

 9. Arya-Lingam. Good news! There are only about 10% Aryan men in Tamil Nadu, and slightly more in the other
Dravidian lands, typically comprising 3% Brahmins, 3% Aryan Muslims, and a handful of Portugis (Portuguese),
Gujaratis, and Banias. Somehow, your silly Bibi managed to end up with one of these as a lover. Your rival is
more or less your size! Now, unless she is with some Pathan or Arab Jehadi, she will come back if you buy her
some expensive gifts and pay some attention once again.

 10. Ali-Lingam. This would be the Dravidian name for somebody whose actual name is likely Khan Sahib or Ali
Sahib. Half of the Muslims living in the Dravidian lands are immigrants from further north. They keep their
Perso-Arabic names, but the Dravidians still give them some name with this lingam or that lingam in it. Make
sure that he is Ashrafi and not a Shudra convert.  If she liked Irano-Arab men, she would go to Punjab,
Afghanistan and Oudh, not Dravida, so this is an not very probable. In the unlikely event that he is Irano-Arab,
this means your Bibi likes them pruned in youth, slightly larger than average in size, and above all, prizes
endurance. Good news is, she is not yet a size queen.  So go, convert to Islam, get a circumcision, wait for
your organ to grow a bit bigger and become less sensitive. Maybe hang some weights - chances are you are not too
far behind in size. Then pump some weights to get a body like some Pathan Jehadi and lighten your skin with some
creams. Then you have a good chance you will get your Bibi back. Difficult, but not impossible.

 11. Ravana-Lingam. In Dravidian, this means "Ravana's penis". This name is given in the Dravidian lands to men
who are very aggressive, dominant and very muscular, like the legendary King of Lanka.  So an evil demonic black
Ravana has taken away your fair Sita. Ravana was fortunate enough to inherit his head from his Brahmin father
(he had ten-heads, ie. was very intelligent) and to inherit the rest of his body neck-down from his Shudra
(Rakshasa) mother. Both the Ramayana and the Ravayana agree that your Bibi will never come back of her own free
will, because your rival Ravana has the money, power and penis size of the King of Lanka.  So this means your
Bibi is now with the leader of some gang of Shudra Goondas, or some Dravidian Kalari-Payyatu martial warrior. 
Never make the mistake of meeting Ravana-Lingam alone unless you like being beaten and made into a Koonee
(faggot) by a Kala Shudra Goonda.  The only way to get her back is to raise an army of thousands, defeat his gang
of Rakshasas (ie. demonic Shudra Goondas) and capture her. But beware. Your Sita will always pine for Ravana's
huge Kala Lingam and won't be satisfied by your short pink Aryan member. You will have to guard her well. 

 12. Rakshasa-Linga. This means "demon's penis".  Your Bibi is seeing some extremely ugly Kala Shudra Goonda
(black Shudra thug). Now, she is definitely not staying with him because of his looks. She wraps her white feet
around his muscular body because his big Kala Rakshahsa Linga stretches her tight pink Aryan Kussi much better
than your short pink Aryan Lingam does. Bad news, dost. Your Bibi is not coming back any time soon. 

 13. Mekka-Lingam, Maka-Lingam, Makka-Lingam or Maga-Lingam. This means "penis of Mecca", and is a reference to
the belief that the Black Stone in the Kaaba is a Shiva-Lingam. Usually, Shudra men who take this name specialize
in satisfying Muslim Begums and Banus. So, if your Bibi's Shudra Yar has this name, chances are you are Muslim,
or your Bibi is. Or she dresses and looks like one. Or you come from a very Persianized or Iranianized region up
North like Punjab, Oudh or maybe East Bengal. Maybe she wears some very tight colourful shalwar kameezes, or
black burqas to remain anonymous when trying to find her black pearls. That would mean she would have gone to
the Shudra Mohallas where these Musulmanis resort, which are analogous to, as acceptable as, and often near the
tawaifi (whore) districts where Musulman men resort to. Good news is that men bearing this name are often paid
gigolos (male prostitutes) hired by Musulmani Begums, Khanums, Banus and Shahzadis in these areas.  So, you will
have to adopt the old Navabi tactic of keeping Begums at home by hiring a pure-blooded Shudra Naukar (servant) to
perform your duties in bed so she won't have to go to Hyderabad to find a Mekka-lingam. Sometimes, she may
insist that you convert to that particular sect of Islam which believes that the Black Stone of the Kaaba is a
Shiva-Lingam. Note that Islamic Orthodoxy describes this as the first stone of Abraham's temple, so do not
publicise your belief too much if your mohalla does not subscribe to your views.

 14. Naga-Lingam. This means "snake penis". If your Bibi writes back from Hyderabad, saying she has found a
Telingana Black Snake, it means her new man is probably named Naga-Lingam in the local language. And if your
Bibi tells you she wants a Malabar Black Snake for her birthday, do not make the proverbial Navab of Bengal's
mistake of getting her a reptile. 
 
 15. Kala-Lingam. "Kala" means "black" or "time" in Dravidian, and from there has spread to many languages. 
This is another Dravidian name for Shiva.  To see what your Bibi's new Shudra lover's penis looks like, go to any
of the Shaivite temples in the Dravidian lands of Tamil Nadu, Telingana, Malabar or Kara-Nadu.  Yes, those
incredibly long and very thick black granite Shiva-Lingams are representative of what is going inside your
Bibi's precious Yoni each night. After you realize the sublime truth of this supreme Cosmic Principle, bow down
and kiss the black granite Shiva-Lingam and pray that you are born with one like that in your next life.

 The End