Getting to Know the Regent
by Saklani
NAME: Worf, son of Mogh

SEX:  My new pet, Garak, provides me with plenty

HOME:  The universe is mine!!! MINE MINE MINE!!!

HEIGHT:  I dwarf all others

EYES:  Of course I have eyes, what kind fo stupid question is that?

HAIR:  Are you saying you don't know I have a long, wodnerous, full mane of hair?  Are you saying you think I am bald??!!!  *ROAR*

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TRIVID SHOW?  Never watch them.  I prefer live shows.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?  *BLANK LOOK*

FAVORITE MAGAZINE:  "Regent Worf's Universe"  what else?
 
FAVORITE SMELL:  Garak after ten rounds of sex.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being beaten by those Terran scum.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:  Taking out my frustrationson Garak.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Same thing I do everyday.  Klingons do not beleive in weekends.
 
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: "Grilka Sings Klingon Opera"  Nobody has pipes like that daughter of a targ, except Garak.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?  I do little thinking until late afternoon when I think at all.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? I see, first you say the Regent is bald, then you accuse him of getting motion sickness.  Perhaps you are angling for a one way tickt to the mines of Praxis.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?  What are you babbling about now?

PEN OR PENCILS?  Huh?

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE COMM?  I have slaves to answer the Comm for me, and they better get it after the first ring!
 
FAVORITE FOODS: Gagh, what else?

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?  Dishonroable scum!

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? I am Regent!  I have immunity.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?  Those are Terran foods.  How dare you insinuate that I eat Terran foods!!!

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS? I will slit your throat and drink the blood as it pours out, if you do not cease to ask me dishonorable questions like these!
 
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?  I have Junior Officers to drive for me, and they better drive smooth.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?  Does Garak count?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?  Already have one, a Cardassian on a leash.  There's nothing better.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY KIND OF ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Because I am a compassioante Regent, I am going to pretend you did not ask this foolish question.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?  Boring.
 
IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?  Kahless, so i could kill him and become a God.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Bloodwine, mixed with the blood of a Terran rebel. Refreshing!

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?  Huh?

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?  That had better not be another Terran food.

GUYS--WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GAL FOR HER SHIRT?  I do not ask, I TEAR off!

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?  God of the Universe.  Nothing else is good enough.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Dye my glorious mane?

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?  I have a dagger tattooed on my arm for every person I kill.  I am running out of room and will switch to my legs soon.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?  Love is for the weak!

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: <BLANK LOOK>

WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?  I have a collection of Klingon weapons up, of course!

IS THE GLASS HALF-EMPTY OR HALF-FULL?  Huh?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE?  Well, the previous Regent's neck made a nice snappling sound when I broke it.  Oh, that's snapping?

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS?  Ambidextrous.  A killing machine all around.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?  I have Junior officers to type for me.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Huh?

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? That's where I keep my collection of teeth.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? Huh?

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?  Car?  Are you deliberately making these questions hard to confuse me?

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? Car?  I hate this survey thing.

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH:  Watch?  I prefer to participate!

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.  The Intendant....  she lost Terok Nor to terrans, how can i say anything nice about her?  Oh fine, she knows some interesting positions that I will try on Garak.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?  Martok, because he was assassinated shortly after I sent it to him.

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