Chapter 3

Maq:

The next morning I groaned out of bed, turned on the coffee and checked out the computer.  I had an email from Jill.  Here it is, in its entirety:

To:  maquido@hotmail.com

From:  Jill

Subject:  Last Night

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Maq:

I want to thank you, again, for being such a special friend.  I confess, I’ve wondered how people enjoy “cyber sex” or phone sex, but now, I’ve indulged just a little bit and I enjoyed.  There is a freedom that is exhilarating to someone like me (especially someone like me who is psycho about the privacy thing).  I told you last night that I’ve always been extremely sexual.  At times I’ve wondered if there was something wrong with me.  That was part of what came up in therapy.  The therapist ended up hitting on me.  Then, I found out later, he’d not kept my confidence.  I sicced the lawyers on everybody.

I ramble.  I’m sorry.

The point is I am frustratingly sexual and really do feel it is impossible to act upon.  I know some of my peers do not seem shy about acting on their desires, but if you notice, very few can transcend the stigma that attaches.  Not if their artistic goals are similar to mine.  Anyway, you, my dear friend, have allowed me to enjoy a little of what I cannot enjoy.  Sex is best when shared, don’t you agree.  That’s what it is all about.

I promised you I would tell you about my private response to our sexy conversation.  I’m not sure how to do that.  I find myself shy.  I do not want you to think bad of me, but somehow, I don’t think you will.  Just please know I’m giving you more trust than I’ve ever given anybody.  So, if you’ll excuse my inexperience, I will try to put into words what I did after we signed off our chat.

I lay in bed for the longest, on top of the sheets, just thinking about all the things out there I am denied.  I can’t go into a sex-shop and buy those toys.  I can’t get wild in public.  I can’t have wild, mindless sex.  And I really, really enjoy the idea of wild sex.

I really was in a robe and panties while we chatted.  I lay in bed in just the panties.  I imagined being able to surrender to urges without fear and decided that in the context of where I was—in my own bed, about to masturbate, thinking of you and things you said--I would surrender.  I took off my panties.

I masturbate a lot.  I lie under the sheets, usually curled up on my side and slip my hand between my legs and please myself.

Not last night.

Last night, the first thing I did was grab each breast in a hand and push them together (do you prefer the word tits?).  My nipples were erect, and, I might add, had been since our chat.  I licked one and then the other.  (You know, don’t you, that my breasts are all my own?  I mean you’ve seen me on the screen, have you ever thought I’d been enhanced?)  I’d left a small light on and it was extremely hot that I could see my nipples glistening.

Okay, I’ve finished this email and as I re-read I realized I am being shy and not fair to you.  So, I’m adding the following.  I started pretending that my nipples were wet from the tongue of a lover.  Maq, I hope you realize how much I trust you when I say:  I imagined that they were wet from a man’s sperm and then I imagined that they were wet from where I’d pressed them into the pussy of Chloe Spencer.  I don’t even know if such a thing could be done in real life, but it could in my head.

Speaking of pussy.  Mine was tingling.  I was pressing my legs together, stimulating myself with the pressure.

Then, keeping with the theme of being wild, I spread my legs.  I could feel that I was wet.  I was leaking.  I could feel my wetness.

Maq, I keep running into this civil shyness, but I’ve decided to go all out with you.  I’m going to use words I’d never use with someone in person and tell you in sexy, graphic, nasty terms what I was feeling.  I hope that’s okay.  I am blushing and just realized I was kind of hunched over the computer as I typed this, as if someone could read over my shoulder.  I am home alone and there’s nobody here.  To reinforce my commitment to exploring all the details of this stuff with you, I just stripped and now, as I type this, I am not hunched over.  I am on the edge of my chair with my legs spread a little and my breasts (tits?) proudly naked.  So, on with what I really felt.

Last night, after I spread my legs, I could feel my wetness leaking and making me wet in the crack of my ass.  That, my friend, is really wet.

I raised my knees.  I tried to conjure up exactly what you look like (remind me--send me a picture).  I imagined you on the end of my bed, on your knees, between my spread legs with your cock in your hand.  As I thought of you getting closer and closer, I put my hand between my legs and rubbed myself.  Two of my fingers were your cock as you pressed into me.

Maq, I came as soon as my fingers pressed inside my pussy.  What have you done to me?

Your sticky fingered friend,

Jill

PS  I’ll leave you with this thought, as I sit here, naked with my legs spread, I can smell that I am aroused again.  I’m about to finger myself, again.

PPS  Attached is a picture of my cousin and me at her place last year.

To: Jill

From: Maq

Subject: re Last Night

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Jill:

Wow.  I am humbly aroused that I got a role in your fantasy.

First, to answer the questions you asked.  I use the word breasts.  I find tits to usually be vulgar and demeaning when used by men.  Having said that, I find it terribly exciting and sexy when a lady uses the word and invites me to use the word with her in mind.  Strange, no?  It is an invitation to sexual abandonment and intimacy.  Just like the mother of all words: cunt.  Sadly, that word is often considered the worst of all possible words.  Sadly, because it is the strongest, most powerful sounding word to refer to a lady’s sexual organ.  Comparable to “cock.”  There is a book written by a lady titled “Cunt.”  She addresses it as an empowering word.  So, the connection to our topic?  I would never use the word cunt or tits in the throes of sex.  At least not until I knew she liked it or she said, “fuck my cunt” or “fuck my tits.”  Her inviting use of the word I consider to be trust and intimacy.  She trusted me to appreciate the raw, mindless sexuality of the word without any connotation that she was “a cunt” as used badly by idiots.

Now, back to your breasts.  Funny you should ask if I thought they were enhanced.  Here, I’ve tried to present myself as high-minded and above the commoners who dwell on actor’s breasts, but when you ask—I must admit that yes, I have considered your breasts on the screen and always thought they were real.  Great nipples from what I could tell.

Speaking of nipples, I can attest to the fact that it is possible to press a nipple into a pussy and get it wet enough that the flavor can be enjoyed.  My friend, her friend, me, a wild night.  You know.

Thinking of you last night and again this morning pleasuring yourself has me hard again.  I confess.  I almost wrote several paragraphs about me stroking my hard rod of seething man-flesh into submission after we got off the computer last night just to return the favor.  Truth is—in the interest of maintaining honesty--I fell asleep and did not abuse myself.  And, dammit, I have no time to do so now.  I will later though.  And I will imagine you and your cousin.  She is pretty hot herself by the way.

Attached is a picture of me.  I don’t include a picture of my hard cock for your imagination, but will upon request.

Jill, I have to go.  We crossed a major boundary in our electronic communication last night.  If, upon sober reflection, you are bothered by that, please let me know.

Your turgid friend,

Maq

Later that day:

To: Maq

From: Jill

Subject: Re: Re: Last Night

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Maq:

I will address your concern (my, aren’t we formal?):  Yes, we did pass a boundary and I did so with excitement and pleasure.  Remember?  I get so horny I thought I had a psychological problem.  You’ve helped confirm that what I feel is real and valid.  That’s what I was supposed to figure out in therapy.  My sexuality is not the problem.  My job is the problem.  I have to balance the demands of the fame with what is natural in me.  You and your friends and the things you’ve done make it clear that my desire for a wilder, freer sex life can be natural.  I just choose not to indulge because of what I do for a living.

So, we will keep this up if you want. It will be my indulgence.  It helps me to express in words and deeds, even if solo, what excites me sexually.  We will not lose the other, the friendship and we will continue to gossip and bitch and talk of mundane things, but I want to continue to talk dirty with you if that’s all right.

You’ll be glad to know that in my short, mind blowing fantasy last night, I pictured you very well.  The picture you sent confirms that I remembered you well.  A picture of your hard penis (do you invite me to say cock? Just kidding)?  A picture of your hard cock?  Yeah, that idea excites me.  I know girls aren’t supposed to get turned on by pictures, but I always have.  If you do that, think somehow of me to get hard, send it, and tell me what you were thinking.

I’m glad that you have enjoyed my nipples on the big screen.  Having said that, I wonder if you just created a problem.  Appearing braless is something often expected.  I never have thought about somebody actually focusing on the fact that my nipples are apparent.  I mean, I know it’s going to happen, but it’s never been something I’ve actually had in mind.  You know what’s going to happen now.  I’ll be acting some part braless, and I’m going to think about you watching and seeing me and it is going to make my nipples hard.  You better, by God, enjoy.

I think I understand what you meant about the words tits and cunt.  When used right those words are somehow more intimate, aren’t they?  I mean, I’ve had sex with guys who have used the word pussy and it doesn’t bother me.  Perhaps it even excited me.  I’ve had sex with a couple that used the word cunt and I did not appreciate it, but, you’re right, I didn’t appreciate it because they were not a close enough friend to use the word.  I didn’t mind them fucking my pussy, but they had no right to fuck my cunt.  Interesting.  I might have to find that book you mentioned.  Damn.  Another thing I can’t be seen buying.  Well, there are ways.

Damn, again.  All this talk of cocks and cunts is getting me excited.  I’m already two up on you.  I’m sorry you didn’t have time to jack-off and think of me.  Please do so soon.  I really do love the freedom of talking to you, don’t I?  But, you owe me.  I want to hear in detail about some time when you got together with two women.  Deal?

So, if you send me a picture of your cock, do you want me to send you a picture of my pussy?  I have a digital camera you know.  I will, if you swear . . . well, you know.

And, let’s schedule a chat.  Earlier in the day this time.  I have a couple of weeks alone here at the house.  You name the time.

Your really close friend,

Jill