shout 1 - Lola's Story

Shout 1
Lola's Story

A Angel (AA): Welcome to Shout! This is where we interview some people that have experienced the taboo of incest and abuse by an adult. The language on this show is very direct. Nothing has been censored. We have done this so nothing is hidden, and you know what really happens. So far we have planned 3 episodes.

I would like to introduce our first brave girl. Her name is Lola. She comes from Russia. She is a model for a famous pay site. Let us all welcome Lola to Shout


AA: Welcome to the show Lola. You are very brave for being here. Let’s start at the beginning, what was your family?

Lola (L): I lived in a big city in Russia. My mother died because she was killed by some teens that wanted her money. She had no money, so they killed her.  You see we were poor. The police never did catch the killers. I don’t think that they really tried.


AA: What about your father?

L: He really loved mum. After she was killed, you might as well say he died with her. He started drinking and taking drugs. He always owed money to the mafia and I often went to bed with just a few crumbs to eat. My clothes were small and old. That wasn’t the worse. I lost my mum, and my father just gave up with life. He was the shell of the man that I knew. He had no feelings what so ever. It was like that I lost a Mom and Dad


AA: So you were a sad and neglected child?

L: Many would say that. But when I saw other children, they lived on the streets and had no mum or dad. They often died of sniffing glue. Compared to them, I had a good life. Once in a while, Dad gave me money to go to the beach. I loved it here because it was so quiet and I could get away from everything.


AA: Is it at the beach where you first met Nikita?

L: Yes


AA: How old were you when you first met her?

L: It was a few days after I was 9


AA: So what happened the first time you met Nikita?

L: I was at the beach alone. I often went alone because Dad didn’t have the energy. I was lying down on the sand and this beautiful woman came up to me. She said that she was a photographer. I was wearing a one-piece suit that was white and small and old.


AA: So you were not naked at the beach when you first met Nikita?

L: No way! My swimming suit was small and nearly see-through. And it was embarrassing because it gave me a camel toe; you know you can see the outline of my pussy.


AA: Did Nikita say that?

L: No, she asked to take a picture of me, because she liked the way the sunlight was on me. I said OK, and she took a lot of pictures. I just sat there and did nothing. She took some pictures and just sat beside me and we talked.


AA: What did you talk about?

L: We talked about school. She asked did I have a boyfriend and I laughed and said no. Then she said I could be a model.


AA:  Why did she say you could be a model?

L:  She said I was photogenic or something. She said I had a nice body and cute face and my hair was just like a models.


AA: What did you think when she said that?

L: I think I went red. No one ever said I was pretty before. Now she was offering that I would be a model. I was confused. She kept on saying that I could be a famous model. When she was saying this, she was stroking my face. I closed my eyes pretending that she was my mother. Then she started feeling my chest, which was flat, and I didn’t understand why she was feeling it.


AA: How did you feel when she touched your flat boobs? Did she touch you anywhere else? 

L:  No. She didn’t touch me under my bathing suit. I felt strange. I even spread my legs but I didn't know why. It just felt ticklish when she felt me and kept on saying that I was pretty and could be a model. 


AA: So did you agree to be a model? 

L: Yes, but she said I would have to get Dad to sign papers. Then I became embarrassed and said I would be an ugly model. So I said to have more confidence. She gave me papers that he should sign and I could meet her here in two weeks. She also gave me the money so I could take the bus back to the beach that day. I said I would come if the weather was good.


AA: Did anything else happen with your first meeting with Nikita? 

L: She also gave me an MP3, and said there was cool music on it and I should listen to it when I slept.


AA: So, when you came home, what did your Dad say? 

L: I told my Dad about Nikita saying that she said I could be a model and that he had to sign papers. He was drunk, but he asked how much money he would get. Then I showed him the papers and then he found a number to Nikita and rang to her


AA: What did they talk about?               

L:  I couldn’t hear what she was saying. But I remember what Dad said. He got a bit mad first saying that he thought those days were over and he didn’t want to change again. Then he was happy and asked will they pay for the “protection” and for new furniture and things? Then he was happier because I remember him saying that he would get so much money. Finally, he said that he understood that the agency would pay for everything and that he understood that they decided what pictures they took and there would be no limits and he would not interfere.


AA: So what did you think about what you heard?                

L: I really didn’t understand much. They were talking about protection and I thought bodyguards. Then they talked about new furniture and no limits. I really didn’t understand what was happening. One minute I was going to the beach, and hours later, I was home and Dad was signing papers that I could be a model.


AA: So, this MP3 music, did you listen to it?               

L: Yes. Dad reminded me to listen to it and I listened to it every night when I slept. The music was good and it was soothing.


AA: What happened while you were waiting to meet Nikita again?              

L: The first night, I listened to the song. I couldn’t sleep. I kept and twisting in the bed. Dad came in. He was sober then. He said it was just because I had an eventful day. He asked me if there was anything I needed to help me sleep. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t know what I needed


AA: What about the second night               

L: The same happened. I listened to the music and couldn’t sleep. When Dad came in, he asked me what would help? Without thinking I said a pacifier. I was shocked. I didn’t use one since I was a baby. Why did I say this? Dad had one in his pocket and gave it to me. I thought that it was comfortable and I sucked it and feel asleep. The next morning I cried because I wet the bed. Dad told me not to worry; it was probably the change that was happening in my life.


AA: What happened so?                

L:  I wet the bed nearly every night then. After three days Dad came home with a box. They were diapers.


AA: You must have felt like a baby, what did he do?                

L: I did! Diapers are only for babies. I was wetting for a few nights when he bought the box. I was confused why I was wetting and suddenly I liked the pacifier. I was using it all the time at home. Then we came home with the diapers, he put me on the bed and I was crying my head off. It did feel better when he washed my pussy. He rubbed it for a few minutes saying I would be a famous model.


AA: You mean that your father touched your pussy?               

L:  Well, he was cleaning with his fingers. I suppose he cleaned more than he should have. But it felt good and I honestly didn’t know he was molesting me. After he put the diaper on me, I just looked in a mirror. It made me look like a huge baby. What was worse was that I was sucking a pacifier. I just went to bed and slept while listening to my new MP3. Of course, I was wet the next morning


AA: So you were now wetting the bed and a diaper girl?               

L:  Yes. I felt bad about it because I never saw a girl model wearing diapers. I was afraid that I couldn’t be a model. But every night I continued wetting the bed. It was good that everyone would find out and tease me. I didn’t understand why I got so addicted to my pacifier and Dad never got mad.  It got worse. I started wetting at day and Dad just said I should wear all day and all night.


AA: This was bad just before you were supposed to meet Nikita again.          

L:  I asked Dad if we should go to the doctor. He kept saying no, that he didn’t have the money. That was strange because pampers must cost a lot of money. Then he would tell me it felt nice when he cleaned my pussy and I will always be his girl. He would say to listen to my MP3 music.


AA: You were listening to a lot to that MP3 you got as a present from Nikita?        

L:  Yes, it felt soothing. When I listened to it, I felt like that being a baby was no big deal and I should just accept it. I should even love showing my diapers to others. Sometimes this would be in my head and I would walk around the house just with a diaper on. Other times I would leave my curtains upon where my neighbour would stare in. I was sometimes embarrassed but just thought that it’s fun showing to others, and I wasn’t that pretty. I had no boobs. But he probably thought that I was a big baby because of my diaper.


AA: So after a week, you met with Nikita again          

L: Yes, I took the bus down to the beach. I was happy to be on the beach because I didn’t wear diapers. But I was sad at the same time. I was used to them even though it was only a few days. Nikita wasn’t there and I thought it was just a dream. But at last, she came and told me we can go to an area where the agency was taking pictures.


AA: So where did Nikita take you?         

L: We walked and walked. She laughed every time I had to pull my swimming costume from getting stuck in my butt. Then we came to a place on the beach where two girls in swimming suits were dancing when someone was taking pictures of them. She said I should sit down while I watched them. I said they were very pretty, and I could never be a model like them.


AA: But your dad signed the contract?           

S: That’s what she said after I said I wouldn’t be pretty enough. Then I told her that I had bad news. I needed diapers. She said that was great because she needed someone that would take pictures and look like a baby and act like a baby. I was shocked at this; I was going to take pictures of a baby? Then she said that none of my friends would see it and I would be famous outside Russia. She also said that my bedroom is being changed so it will help me act like a better baby.


AA: What else happened at the beach?         

L: The girls were suddenly taking their clothes off. They were dancing naked and there were photos being taken of them. I mean you could see their flat boobs and their hairless pussies. This was so new to me. How could they dance like that? Then Nikita said their families were also poor, and they were helping their family. She also said they were proud of their bodies and they didn’t mind. While she was doing this she started rubbing my chest again. It felt so nice. Her hands went under my bathing suit and I must admit that it was much better. Her hand was so soft and warm. Then she started going lower to she was rubbing my pussy. I opened my legs, even though I was embarrassed that the two dancing girls could see. She pulled my bathing suit aside as she started rubbing back and forth. I told her it was nice. She said my reaction was good because then she wouldn’t have to give me a needle to make me like it. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed it, even when her finger went in. She moved it in and out. At the beginning, it hurt a bit, but then she said I was getting wet. She kept fingering me while I looked at the naked girls dancing. At the end I was shaking so much, I thought I would die. Then she stopped and said in a week, I would start being a model, and she knew I would be very good.


AA: Did you realise that this was a lesbian act?          

L: Not until after, when I was on my way back in the bus. There were tears but at the same time I liked it and I really wanted to be a model. I thought she might say no because I wore diapers and maybe that’s why I let her. Plus it did feel nice.


AA: So what happened when you came home?         

L:  My bedroom was gone. They put a crib in it and a huge changing table. Dad showed me my new clothes. They looked stupid because they had baby drawings on them and if I put on a skirt, it showed my diaper. The first night I slept in my crib, Dad was a bit drunk but he explained that the agency said it would help me be a better model if I was a baby once again. I started crying saying I didn’t want to be a baby and then he just gave me a bottle of milk. It was a baby’s bottle. I listened to my MP3 and then after a few minutes thought it wasn’t bad being a baby. Men will like seeing me as a baby. That went through my head several times. Men will like me as a baby. They will like to see me with diapers and will like to see me sucking. That’s what a model does.


AA: So what was the week like at home?         

L: I soon got used to being a baby. Every time I thought it was strange and I was too old, I kept thinking that men like me as a baby and they want to see me in a diaper and suck. Once I couldn’t find my pacifier and I started crying and crying. Dad came and gave me a pacifier. I stopped crying and then without thinking asked him could I have my bottle, even though it was still in the day. He said OK and that I was ready to be a model. I was ready. I was a big baby and every time when Dad was sitting down and drinking, I would show open my legs so he could see my diaper. I liked when he saw it and I could see the tent in his pants. After a few days, I asked him if he would help me take a bath, and he said OK. I liked when he saw my body and washed me. It made my heart go fast and I felt funny in my stomach.


AA:  At this stage, you were 9. Did you not think it was strange being a baby and liking your father seeing you naked?        

L:  I know it’s strange. But every time I thought this is not normally a voice went through my head saying that men like my body and they like me wearing diapers. Dad said I was very pretty so it must be true. I don’t know why, but I think it was ok and liked when he looked at me or washed me especially my pussy


AA:  So how was your first experience as a model?         

L:  I came to the studio and they told me to put some white baggy panties on as well as a little dress that had strings down the side. It looked like the dress had a front and back and then it was stuck together at the sides with strings- and it was short. Then I was driven to a store where Nikita told me to buy some diapers. They stood outside the shop and were taking pictures. I felt so embarrassed. I walked in and then took a basket. I walked and found them and put them in my basket. Then I walked up to the counter. She asked me if I was famous because someone was taking photos outside. Then I asked her in a low voice if these nappies are big enough for me. Then she laughed and said that some girls my age wets the bed. I must be one of them! I paid for the diapers and went out. I was so embarrassed.


AA: I would be too if it was me.         

L: Then we came back to the studio, which was just a house. I sat on the bed and they took pictures of me looking at a diaper and then I took my panties off. The photographer must have taken a thousand pictures and when my panties were off, he told me to sit still and open my legs. Then he came up close and started taking pictures of my pussy. I just smiled and thought who would want to see that? Then I put on my diaper and I went around the house as he followed me taking pictures. He took pictures of me looking out the window, watching a DVD and brushing my hair. Then I sat on the floor. He told me to spread my legs. He started taking more pictures even when I had to scratch inside my leg. Then he took pictures of me lying on the sofa and sucking my pacifier and drinking the milk. At last, he took pictures of me doing the same things inside a crib. I was used to a crib by now.


AA: What did you think about the first photo shoot as a model?              

L: I thought I would be wearing different clothes. I didn’t think that I would just be going around wearing a diaper and a pink top with the word pampers on it. But that’s what Nikita wanted so I really didn’t think about it. At least, I did not have to go naked down at the beach.


AA:  So what happened the next time you had to model?             

L:  I came to the same house. Then we started by taking pictures like the last time. I had a diaper on and a Pampers top and was going through the house doing things. Nikita told me that the last set of pictures were the most popular on their site, where they sold them. She said I even sold more than the two naked girls at the beach. She showed me the sales and I was surprised that my name was on the top.

Then she took my top off and a new diaper on. The diaper had the word slut on it. That shocked me a bit, as it was rude. I just went around while I wore the diaper. At the beginning, I was covering my flat boobs but after a while, I forgot about them. Some voice went through my head that men like to see me in diapers. So I was doing things just in a diaper that said slut on it. I didn’t think that I was a slut. I wasn’t like those two girls that were naked at the beach.

At the end, Nikita asked if I was thirsty I said yes. I thought I would get a bottle but she told me to go in the bedroom. When I came in the room, there was a naked fat woman with the largest boobs I ever was seen. She told me to lie down and to drink. I looked puzzled at her. She had no bottle and why was she naked? Then she pointed to her huge boobs. So slowly I moved my mouth closer to them and started sucking. I couldn’t get any milk out, but she said to keep sucking. They were even taking pictures of this. I was sucking and then she started feeling my flat boobs. It felt nice when she did this and I put my arm around her while I spread my legs. Her hands were rubbing me up and down and I felt like there were a thousand butterflies in my stomach. Then she started touching around the elastic in the diaper around my legs. She whispered do I mind? I said no. Then she asked do I mind that they are taking pictures. I was a bit confused and then I said that men like to see me in diapers.

She put her hand in my diaper and started feeling my pussy. It felt soft and nice and I opened my legs even more. She said I was being a good slut for the camera. I looked at her confused and didn’t say a word. Just because I liked her feeling my pussy, doesn’t mean that I was a slut. Even when her fingers were going in and out, I didn’t mind. It was hard concentrating on her feeling me and pretending I was drinking her milk. But I did Ok.


AA: Did you like being a model?            

L: It wasn’t what I expected. I mean I thought models used to try on lots of beautiful clothes. I was just going around in a diaper where they were taking pictures of that. You could even see my boobs. I did like the way they did my hair. They always put it in some beautiful style that I couldn’t do myself.

The next time I took pictures, they just put me in thongs. I was afraid I would wet them. She told me that I was their top model, and their customers wanted to see what I would look like if I were a big girl. I sat on the bed pretending I was asleep. They were taking a video and pictures. All the time, they were saying to spread my legs. That’s what the men wanted to see. Every time I closed my legs, she would remind me to open them.

Then she told me to slowly take my thong off. I thought maybe I would be put in a diaper. The words men like girls that wear diapers kept going through my head. However, this did not happen. They just kept taking pictures of me naked on the bed. All the time telling me to bend over my head and to smile while once in a while to spread my legs. I did what they wanted me to. Nikita told me that men liked me in pampers, but they would like me naked. I looked like a supermodel when I was naked.


AA: They were taking nude pictures of you; did you not even think that men would buy them and wank when they were looking at you?           

L:  I was just on a bed rolling around while they were taking pictures. I didn’t know who was going to look at them and I really didn’t think that they would be interested in a naked girl.


AA:  Lola, in all honesty, did you never hear about paedophiles?           

L:  You mean pervs. Of course, I heard about them. But they were fat sweaty men that wanted beautiful girls. Even though I was the agencies top model in such a short time, I never considered myself beautiful.

After I took the nude pictures, I was swimming at a swimming hall. I was wearing my old white swimming suit. You think with the money I got as a model that I could get one that fits, but Daddy used it all on drugs and drink. He said when I grew up and wasn’t a baby, I could get a new one.

I loved swimming and I was sitting at the side of the swimming pool where this man came up to me and put his hands on my thighs. He said he couldn’t believe it was me. He called me Lola from the little girl’s agency. He told me that he had all my pictures. I went so red. Then he said that I looked like a whore when I was naked on the bed. While he was doing this he was rubbing my legs. I was afraid that someone would see.

He said that he would like to fuck me. If I didn’t want all my friends to see me in a diaper and naked, I would let him fuck me! Then his finger touched my pussy. I got up and ran away


AA: What did you feel when he recognized you? And wanted to have sex with you?           

L: I was shocked. He used rude words. He was touching me in a weird way that made me feel funny. But I was also afraid. He was pushing his finger into my pussy. He didn’t look like a perv. He was skinny and he had muscles. But the way he was threatening to tell all my friends and show them the pictures that would embarrass me. I didn’t want to have sex with him. I didn’t fancy him and he scared me.


AA: Did you not understand the pedo you met? He had seen pictures of you naked and with diapers on. He thought you were a slut.           

L: Maybe I was a slut, but it was only as a model on pictures. I wasn’t a model when he wanted to molest me.


AA: But the picture sessions changed, how did they change?           

L: The next time I came, I told Nikita about the man at the swimming pool. She told me that only people outside Russia would see the pictures, and this man at the swimming pool said he saw me. Nikita smiled and said that I have become more famous than they expected.

She told me to put on this nightdress that looked like it was for adults. I mean it was lace and see-through. Underneath it, I had my diaper on. Then I went into a bedroom. There was a girl sitting there. She was 10. Her name was Alana and she was very beautiful.

I was told to “sleep” beside her. I did and they started taking pictures of us. Alana “woke up first” and then pulled the bed sheet off of me. She lifted up my nighty and could see that I had a diaper on. Then she started laughing and pointing at it. I knew it was an act. I took my pillow and started fighting with her. All the time Nikita was telling us to spread our legs. That’s hard to remember when you are having a pillow fight.

Alana took off my nightdress and diaper. She was giving me hugs. I really liked her. She was pretty and funny. She was also was also warm when I hugged her. Nikita told me to take off Alana’s clothes, and to spread my legs when I was doing this. It was embarrassing taking off Alana’s clothes, especially when I saw her small boobs. I touched them a bit and then pulled away quickly because I thought Alana would think that I was lesbian.

We then started jumping around. Sometimes we would lay on our back teasing Nikita by lifting our legs and spreading our legs so much as we could. Alana was a bit shyer than I was. But she was great fun.

Then we went into a large bath and started washing. Sometimes we washed each other. Nikita told us not to wash each other’s pussies, but we can wash each other’s hair and bodies. This was great fun. We were laughing so much that we forgot that Nikita kept on telling us to spread our legs.

This was the best photo shoot so far. Maybe it was because I was not naked alone and Alana was so fun to play with, that I forgot that there was someone taking pictures and that we were being filmed.


AA: Then the photos caught up to you and you experienced the bad side of being a model with little girls model agency?            

L: Before I started taking the nude photos and the ones with diapers, I would have said no way. It was gross. But every time I thought about this, a voice in my head convinced me that men liked it. Then I would listen to Nikita's MP3 and I would feel better.

One day when I was taking the bus home. There was no one on it. I sat at the back. Then this old man came and sat next to me. He kept on looking at me and I thought about the man from the pool. I looked out the window. Then without a warning, he lifted my skirt.

“It’s true, you do wear diapers. I thought it was you. You are Lola. I have all your pictures. The Internet is full of them. I only thought you took baby pictures for the fun of it. Then again, you are good at modelling a baby slut”

“I am not a slut”

“Anyone who takes pictures of themselves naked is a magnet for men. They are sluts. I saw the way you smiled when that fat lady was fingering your pussy”


AA: You must have been very humiliated being called a slut?            

L:  In the back of the bus, yes, and I was happy no one was on it to hear what he was saying. Then he untied my diaper. He was too strong and I felt like screaming. I should have screamed. He started fingering my pussy. His hand wasn’t as soft as Nikita’s. He was a bit rough telling me how lucky he is that he found me. He told me that he cummed a lot to my pictures dreamt that one day he would meet me. Think that I lived in the same city as him. I thought he was gross.

It hurt when he was fingering me, and I asked him to stop. He didn’t even listen to me. Then I don’t know what he did but he stuck his finger so long in that it hurt crazy. I screamed and started crying. He said he broke my cherry, whatever that was. He kept fingering despite I was crying and said I was the world’s best pedo toy.

Then he told me to get on my knees. I refused but he took me by my hair and yanked me down to my knees. He took out his cock. It was the first time I really saw one so close. I mean it was touching my nose. Then he told me to suck it. I didn’t know what he meant. He forced it in my mouth and told me not to bite on it. It was big and warm and smooth. I licked it a bit with my tongue and wanted to spit it out. But after playing with it with my tongue, I pretended that it was a pacifier and played more with it. He was calling me cocksucker and slut and saying I loved doing it. I felt like biting it off but was too afraid. He started pushing it in and out. At first, I thought he couldn’t decide if he wanted it in our out. Then I could hear him moan saying I had a great cocksucking mouth. I will tell you the truth, I didn’t mind it. It wasn’t as gross as I thought it would be until he started squirting the white stuff in my mouth. I was choking and spitting it out. He quickly got up and left the bus. I sat in the corner shaking.


AA: What happened when you came home?

L:  Dad was high and drunk. I went to my room and changed my clothes. There was blood in my diaper. I started crying. I thought that I was dying. I was so afraid that he did something bad to me. Dad came up and he saw the blood. He was not himself. He was like some monster laughing when I told him what happened. Then I told him that I sucked the man, Dad asked how. I was doing my best to explain. Then Dad got mad and said he don’t want me to explain it. He wants me to show him. He took his cock out. I said I didn’t want to. He said why do you think you have been sucking on pacifiers? They are to help me  get good at sucking men’s cocks. Now it was time to try the real thing.

I put his cock in my mouth. It was much bigger than the man’s cock. I started licking the top with my tongue and he started moaning. Then slowly I put more and more of it in my mouth and start going back and forth. He also called me a slut whore and I just looked up at him with his cock going in and out. I liked the warm feeling but I remembered when I nearly choked to death when the man squirted in my mouth. Dad said he was about to cum, and warned me that I had to swallow it all. He squirted and I swallowed the cum. It stuck to my throat and I didn’t really like the salty taste. Then more came and I swallowed. More came… and more came. Only a bit was running down my cheek. He called me his cum girl.

I knew this was my father's fault. It was the drugs and the drink thinking for him.


AA: Was this the only time that your father made you give him a blowjob?

L: No. He did it every day. He said he was the father of the most popular child porn star in the world, and he could get it for free while other men could only dream of getting their cocks in my cocksucking mouth. I was now a slut


AA: Now you knew that men liked you sexually. Did this stop you from being a model?

L: No the next time I went to the agency, I told Nikita. She said I should sit at the front of the bus. She also said that it’s true, they were having problems with my pictures being posted free on the Internet. But I was still making them lots of money

Then she told me not to wear clothes but go on the big bed. I did. Alana was there. We started wrestling and playing on the bed, I was happy once again. Alana was a good friend and I loved how pretty she was.

Nikita told us that it would be cute if we kissed each other. First, we gave small kisses on the lips and then Alana stuck her tongue in my mouth. I was so surprised and it felt so good. I loved kissing her. Our tongues were exploring each other’s mouths as we felt each other’s asses and boobs. I felt sorry for her because I had no boobs.

We forgot all about the video and the pictures being taken.

Then Nikita told me to kiss Alana’s boobs. I did this while she was sitting up, then she felt back on the bed and I kissed her mouth and then her boobs. I wasn’t afraid like with the man on the bus. This was actually fun. We rolled around on the bed kissing and touching.

Nikita said that Alana should kiss my pussy. She started to say no way, but then Nikita asked does she need a needle. Alana looked afraid and said no. She started kissing my pussy. I let out a groan and Nikita said it was good I was smiling but remember to spread my legs. She kissed slowly and then she started licking with her tongue. It felt so good that I was smiling and groaning so high.

Then she told us to change places. I started kissing her pussy. Nikita interrupted and told me to hold back my hair so the camera and video can see what I was doing. I had to do this and kiss and lick her at the same time. I loved the taste of her pussy and she was very wet. Then we were told to lick each other at the same time. This was hard, as I had to feel her tongue, and lick her and keep my hair out of the way.

At the end, we were kissing and fingering each other. Alana told me that she loved me. I said that I loved her, and I meant it


AA:  Did you really love her? Are you lesbian?

L:  I loved Alana and she was so pretty. I liked when we did things together, including if it’s was a bit rude and we kissed and things. Maybe I am a lesbian.


AA:  I think it sounds like you are. What was home like and school like when you were not taking photos?

L:  At home, I was taking care of my Dad. I hated when he was drunk or high on drugs. I had to cook and clean the house. He didn’t really love me anymore. I was just someone that earned him money. Maybe he stopped loving me because he saw what pictures I was taken. Then he didn’t see me as a little girl but a slut.

He liked that I had no control of my bladder. That meant that he could change me. When he did this, he took a long time. He would finger me and make me say I was his slut. Then I would suck him and swallow his cum. He didn’t love me, he thought I was a cum dump. Then he would put on my diaper.

One night when he was changing me, he was fingering like he always did. I heard his zipper open and I started to sit up thinking he wanted me to be a cocksucker. Then he shoved me back and I could feel something big pressing against my pussy.

Even though I cried no, he didn’t listen. He pushed his cock in my pussy. I was nearly 10 by now but he was fucking me. It hurt so much that I was crying and screaming. He didn’t stop. He just told me to shut up and if I was going to take whore pictures, I could also feel his cock in me. It was so warm and big and I felt like he was going to kill me. It was like a knife in my stomach. I knew now that he didn’t love me. I was just his sex toy. I was relieved when I could feel him squirting in me.

I cried that night.


AA: What about School? Was that better?

L:  It was hard to hide the fact that I wore diapers. I didn’t want anyone to find out, otherwise, they would tease me. I was also afraid they would find out about my crib and what Dad did to me, so I never invited anyone home.

Once at school, this girl said that my bum looked big. Then she slapped me on the bum and looked confused. She asked was I wearing a diaper? I said no. Only babies wear diapers. Then I ran away.

I was afraid that people would find out about the pictures. One day there was a picture in my school bag. Someone put it there when I was eating lunch. I nearly died when I saw it. It was a picture of me with no top and just a diaper on. Someone knew who I was and they went to my own school


AA:  Did your dad continue abusing you?

L:  Yes. I was his fuck toy and he fucked me all the time. Otherwise, I would suck him. I liked sucking and swallowing. But I was afraid every time he fucked me. I was afraid that he didn’t love me anymore; he only wanted to fuck me.


AA: Did you still continue being a model?

L: Alana and I took more photo shots. We were doing the same kissing and feeling. We also fingered and licked each other. In between shots, we kissed each other too. We really loved each other. Then she died because she sniffed glue. I cried for weeks after she died. It was like my only friend in the world was gone.

Nikita told me that I had to take more pictures, and this time it would be a man. I told her I was not ready. I still missed Alana. She told me that Alana would want me to do it. I cried again because she was dead. Nikita stuck me with a needle and told me it will help me. This was the first time I saw the needle and I knew that Alana hated it, so I thought Nikita was telling me a lie.

Suddenly I started feeling dizzy. It was like all the voices were echoes around everything and me were swinging. It was like there was a rainbow on the ceiling. I just started laughing as they put me in a white dress and tights, of course with my diaper. I couldn’t really move my arms or legs, so I just let them dress me. I knew what was happening, and it was embarrassing that I was giggling so much.

Nikita took me in a room where there were two black men. I laughed at them and said they looked very black. They were naked of course. One of them put me over his knee and started spanking me. “You think you can tease us. We will teach you not to tease adults. You’re just a white bitch” He spanked me and spanked me and I started crying.

Then they took off my clothes and started feeling me all over my body. One asked did I like a black finger in my pussy and ass. I just moaned looking at the rainbow. Then he told me to look at the camera and say I was a slut. I looked at him and thought did he really mean to do this? Did he want me to tell the whole world that I was a slut? He lifted his hand, as he was about to spank me again. I looked into the camera and said, “I am a slut”

Then he whispered something in my ear. I looked into the camera as I said to his friend, “Can I suck you? I want to swallow your cum”

I moved over to the other black man and was on my hands and knees. I put his cock in my mouth and started sucking. Even though I was still dizzy and weak, I felt the cock in my mouth and I could hear the echoes of their speech as they called me cocksucker and slut and white bitch.

Then the other man moved behind me and stuck his cock in my pussy, I felt it enter my pussy. He shoved about three times. He said I must like it, as I wasn’t crying. How could I cry? I had my mouth full with another cock and I was feeling funny after the needle. I moved my pussy back against him to try to get it all in.

I stopped sucking and said to his friend, “Please cum in my mouth”. I didn’t know why I said this. I just did. After sucking him for a few minutes, he squirted in my mouth. I swallowed black man’s cum for the first time.

The other man was on his back, and I sat on his cock again, but this time he made it go in my ass. It hurt, but I was too dizzy to complain. I just went up and down while he fucked me there. Something I never thought he would do. At the end, he came in my ass.

I laid on the bed too tired. I was getting a headache one whatever was in the needle was wearing off. Nikita just came in and said, “Now, that wasn’t so bad. No, you can do lots of things in the future, Men, Girls, women, dogs. It’s time to go home pampers girl”


AA: Did you realise now that you were a child porn star and not just a model?

L: yes. I was 10. Everything at home was about sex. The model shots were now one man after another. If I didn’t say yes, they would give me the needle that made me look happy. I knew what sex was. I knew what pedos were. I knew what I was


AA: And what were you?

L: A pampers girl, a baby, a lezzie, a fuck hole, a sex toy, a cunt, a slut, a whore and a cocksucker. I was the most famous child porn star.


AA: You must have been happy at school

L:  No, I never did find out who put that picture in my bag, and there were more pictures that followed.

One day someone put a picture of me in a diaper on the bulletins. By Lunchtime, the pictures were everywhere. I was wearing a skirt that day and everyone went around lifting my skirt and laughing because I was wearing diapers.

Then someone put a picture of Alana and me up where we were kissing. Everyone called me lezbo. Those that said they were my friends would not even talk to. They were afraid that I would kiss them.


AA: You ran away from Home, why did you do this?

L:  It was one night when I came home. Dad told me to come downstairs. I don’t know why I did, but I looked out the window. I could see my neighbour’s computer through his window. There was a picture of the black guys and me.

I came down stairs and who was there? My neighbour!  My dad said that he had seen my pictures and gave my father some money so I would suck him.

I went down on my knees and opened my mouth. Then the neighbour told me that he wanted a naked cocksucker. I took off my clothes and then went on my knees. His cock smelled and it did not taste good. I was a good cocksucker by now as I played with it with my tongue until I could taste the pre-cum. Then I moved it in and out, feeling it hit the back of my throat. After a bit, he came in my mouth

Dad cheered and said I was the best cocksucker. He will make lots of money off of me and I would be the busiest whore in town


AA: Is that why you ran away from home?

L: My dad didn’t love me anymore. He only wanted to rent me out. If I was going to be a whore, I might well keep the money myself. I cried at home because he no longer loved me. Now I just wanted to be alone. I ran away


AA: So what do you do now?

L: I live in an old factory with other children. Most are younger than me. I am like their big sister. No way will I let them sell their bodies. If we need money then I would find some pedo and have sex with him. Or I would meet with Nikita.


AA: Where do you see yourself in a few years?

L:  Dead. I like and need when Nikita gives me the needle. I also sniff glue because many of the other children do. My pictures still sell, but I need money to help the other children, so I have sex with pedos. Some are mean and they hit me. I think I will be dead in a few years.


AA: I hope not Lola. I hope people will pray for you and I hope your life improves. I would love to take you home with me!

2008, rewritten 2017. Alexander Temple

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