My year older brother, Joe, is a dumbass.  Now before you condemn me for such name calling know that is our father’s name for him when he is trying to pound some sense into his thick skull for school.  I was the bright star in my father’s eyes for I am definitely not a dumbass.  I am a smart aleck.  Yeah, one of those annoying know it all guys.  But I actually do know it all in some areas.© Y Lee Coyote

But to be fair I was subjected to dad’s brow beating Joe a great deal and I learnt it better than he did.  Dad was meticulous and I have details precisely correct about many things.  I even helped tutor Joe.  He hated the idea but loved that he got spanked less by dad because of it.  As part of the agreement that I tutor big brother I insisted on spanking rights.

Of course, I exercised those rights when Joe was particularly dense.  I would sit on his bed and lower his pants and briefs.  Then with him over my lap I would use his heavy, wide hairbrush to roast his sorry ass.  He accepted it as it was easier than dad’s spanking and it relieved my tension due to the stress of tutoring him.

Life is full of tradeoffs.

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m now a sophomore in high school.  I have the reputation that matches being a smart aleck and class clown confers.  Seriously reflecting on my behavior after several discussion with the Vice Principal, I realized that it is not random but related to quality of the lecture.  The better the lecture the better (as defined by teachers) is my behavior.  Give a stupid (like my brother) lecture or be dull (as droning) the more likely I am to act up.

I suspect that Mr. Naylor is the major contender for the Worst Teacher in my school and probably in the state.  I wanted to transfer to another geometry class but that was not possible.  The man does not understand nor appreciate the beauty of The Works of Euclid in the least.  I don’t understand why he became a math teacher but that is beyond the scope of this work.

Mr. Naylor was doing his usual mangling of a simple problem that had been assigned.  He was constantly being interrupted by questions and could not explain anything better.

I admit I did not help him with my witty stage whisper remarks.  He got exasperated and snapped: “If you know it all, why don’t you teach the class, Ryan?” holding out the chalk.

I jumped at the opportunity and rushed to the front.  “Sure will!” I said delighted and taking the chalk.  The class was silent waiting to see what I was going to do.  “Let’s continue with homework problem #2.”  I proceeded to draw the figure on the blackboard and started to discuss it.

Naylor was just standing there so I decided to put him in his place.  “Naylor, you’re disturbing the class standing there.  Take your seat.” pointing to the one I just vacated.

I continued with the problems calling on my fellow students both to help and answering their questions.  It went smoothly until #5 when Naylor interrupted stating that I misspoke.  “No.  You’re wrong.  Please stop interrupting, Naylor.” I said.

Naylor persisted and I asked the class to find the theorem I used in the textbook.  Rich raised his hand and I called on him to read the relevant part out loud.  He did so and even added “Just as you said, Ryan, so you are correct.”

“Thank you, Rick.” I said making a mark on his Delaney card.

“Naylor you’re being in violation of the code of conduct Section 13C.  Get your butt up here, pronto.” I said in my most commanding voice as I reached into the desk for the paddle I knew was there.

The silence was deafening.  Naylor just a first year teacher apparently had not outgrown his long impressed obedience to the lecturer in charge and, to my great delight, followed my orders.

“Bend over the desk.” I commanded and he did.  I would have loved to have pulled down his pants and undies but I did not dare.  With Naylor in position I proceeded to deliver the standard quota of pops.

As the paddle spoke the class counted – “One”  “Two”  “Three”  “Four”  “Five”  “Six” – as the practice was in our school for classroom paddlings.

“Return to your seat and don’t interrupt again with misinformation.” I ordered and continued with the problem.  After I went through all the problems I even assigned homework – “Read the next chapter and do the first five problems.” by the time the bell rang.

Everyone (but Naylor) packed up and moved onto their next class.

I got a batch of kudos from my classmates leaving my biceps sore.  It was the best class ever.

It was hours later that I began to wonder and worry about repercussions.