Cabbage
Patch
Cowboy
By
Waddie Greywolf
Chapter
3
The
Parable
of
the
Old
Man
and the Young
So
Abram
rose,
and
clave
the
wood, and went,
And
took
the
fire
with
him,
and a knife.
And
as
they
sojourned
both
of
them together,
Isaac
the
first-born
spake
and
said,
My Father,
Behold
the
preparations,
fire
and
iron,
But
where
the
lamb
for
this
burnt-offering?
Then
Abram
bound
the
youth
with
belts and strops,
And
builded
parapets
and
trenches
there,
And
stretched
forth
the
knife
to
slay his son.
When
lo!
an
angel
called
him
out of heaven,
Saying,
Lay
not
thy
hand
upon
the lad,
Neither
do
anything
to
him.
Behold,
A
ram,
caught
in
a
thicket
by its horns;
Offer
the
Ram
of
Pride
instead
of him.
But
the
old
man
would
not
so, but slew his son,
And
half
the
seed
of
Europe,
one by one.
Wilfred
Owens
~
WWI
British
Poet
Things got worse
instead of better. Waddie wouldn't respond to anything Morgan
tried. Finally, in desperation, Morgan pulled one of Waddie's
protective boxes of toys out of the closet and crawled in next to his
son. He pulled him up into his arms to hold him. He kissed
him gently on his forehead to wake him. The small listless body was
cold and unresponsive. Waddie wasn't
asleep. He was unconscious. He could hear and feel Morgan,
but he couldn't answer. He lay there for a night and a day
drifting in and out of consciousness due to hunger and
dehydration. Waddie was so weak he couldn't get up to walk to the
old chamber pot he kept under his bed to piss in on cold nights. He
soiled himself and his bed on the floor of the closet.
Depression, then called melancholia, can be more severe, even life
threatening in children than adults. An adult has life
experiences to draw upon to cushion the downward spiral of depression.
Many times a
child will just give up. Once a child's brain is convinced there
is no hope, it will close down the need centers of hunger and fluid
intake. After a certain point, he has no urge to sustain his body
and dies of starvation or dehydration. Waddie reached a point of
hanging in the balance between life and death. He was barely
breathing. His pulse rate was declining rapidly. He was
beginning to feel chilled because the blood was not pumping through his
small body at the correct rate. He was aware of Morgan taking him
into his arms, but he couldn't move or respond. His body was limp
and appeared lifeless. He couldn't make his eyes open. His
spark of life was but a fading ember.
What a sad
comment on the adults caring for him to allow this to happen. Waddie
overheard Willie tell his sister he hoped the little bastard
died, then he'd have the upstairs to himself again. Waddie's ma
never climbed the stairs to check on him in his self-imposed
isolation. She could've cared less. Morgan was to blame
most of all because he knew the boy hadn't eaten in several days, he
didn't remember how many. An adult can go much longer without
food and water, but a child won't last very long. Still Morgan
refused to consider he may have been wrong about Waddie and defuse the
situation. He kept telling himself, if he just gutted it out and
waited, Waddie would come around and see things his way. For
Morgan to admit he was wrong would mean he had to reevaluate his need
for family and the cost of that dream to him and his adopted son.
His child
should've come first, but he knew if he admitted to Waddie he believed
him, it would require a major decision on his part. How could he
trust his wife if she participated in such a dastardly deceit? If, what
Waddie told him was true, he'd been framed all these times, Morgan
realized his ideal of having a family would have to be severely
reevaluated; perhaps, even terminated. Morgan held the misguided
belief, 'By God, we're family and families work their problems out
together. They help one another, and stay together, no matter
what.' Morgan's almost pathological need for his dream was
greater than his love for Waddie. For that ideal, and his denial
of reality, he was unwittingly sacrificing his son on the alter of
pride.
Whether he meant
it or not, Morgan could've thrown the child a bone of hope he might
reconsider. Waddie's attempts to reason with Morgan fell on deaf
ears and a hardened heart. A five year old boy trying to reason
with an adult on his level became too much for the child. He
tried everything his five year old brain could think to get his dad to
listen to him. There is no man so blind as he who will not see,
nor one so deaf as he who will not hear. As Waddie's life was
leaving his small body Morgan still clung to his belief Waddie would
come around when he got hungry or thirsty enough, but Morgan found no
evidence Waddie was drinking liquids. No one saw him go to the
bathroom.
How long does
one play Mexican standoff when a child's life is at stake? The
'wise ape' will spend hundreds of dollars to get a mother cat and her
kittens out of a drain pipe; yet, the same species will ignore a child,
one of their own, slowly slipping away from life at the bottom of his
closet. What irony, three adults murder a five year old,
beautiful, bright, intelligent, and spirited little boy, and because
they didn't use a gun, will never be called to account for their
actions. A child whose depth of love couldn't be measured becomes
the fallen victim of pride, jealousy, hatred, and mendacity.
Morgan loved
Waddie, but almost like a toy or a pet. Throw the ball for him a
little, pat him on the head, tell him he's a good boy, and send him to
his room when you get tired of him. Waddie was a child who needed
love. Show me a child who doesn't. Pinnochio was his
favorite children's book. He would always cry at the end to see
the little wooden boy become a real son to, Geppeto. Too young to
understand the subtle ramifications of psychological transference from
fiction to fact, it's all he wanted from Morgan was to become his real
son. It wasn't like the boy was asking very much. All he
wanted was for his dad to hear and consider what he was telling him and
at least give him the benefit of the doubt. Waddie forgave Morgan
many times for unkept promises and cruelty he suffered at the hands of
his step-brother, step-sister, and the woman pretending to be his
mother.
He would go to
Morgan to tell him of his hurt and Morgan wouldn't even hear the boy
out before he started his standard band-aid collection of homilies; be
brave, be strong, ignore it, think positive, don't let them get to you,
and stay out of their way. Morgan kept 'them' around as a symbol
of a family he so desperately wanted, but in doing so, he unwittingly
fostered the child's torment. Unwitting, only because of
indifference to his son's plight. He tried to downsize Waddie's
fears and complaints while forgetting a child's world is so much
smaller than an adult's, even the smallest of problems loom large on
their abilities to cope. Waddie was Bambi against Godzilla. Like a
bank, Waddie deposited all his love into Morgan for safe
keeping. Morgan spent or squandered Waddie's love until he
bankrupted the account. There was no one else in Waddie's small
world to love but Morgan, and his account registered overdrawn;
insufficient love.
Waddie knew how
stubborn his dad could be and resigned himself, his hope was not to be.
You don't do things like Morgan did to his son and expect the child to
keep loving you, unconditionally. Waddie really didn't stop
loving his dad. Assuming you have a soul, you can't undo
love. Waddie knew it, but he was hoping Morgan didn't. He
wasn't going to show his love for Morgan anymore until Morgan believed
in him again. It was the only thing Waddie had to gamble, but he
found the stakes were too high, he had little with which to
finesse. His bluff was not called, it was completely
ignored, and now his dad held all the cards. Waddie was facing
folding his hand, cashing in his chips. That realization made it
all the more painful for Waddie.
The final blow,
the worst cut of all, far more devastating than Morgan’s whippings, he
was convinced Morgan’s inability to meet him even halfway translated
into lack of care. For all Morgan’s protestations of affections
for his boy, Waddie was sure his dad no longer loved him.
Waddie thought Morgan didn’t care whether he lived or died. So if
Morgan didn't care, Waddie would get out of his hair, and his dad
wouldn't have to deal with a bad boy anymore. He had no thought
of revenge by depriving his dad of his love. It was because of
his love for Morgan, Waddie was ready to cross the threshold. Waddie’s
spirit already left his body to begin its journey when Morgan
felt Waddie's pulse and mouthed out loud, "Oh, my God! I may be
too late."
Morgan yelled to
Judy to run downstairs and call an ambulance. Morgan gently
picked up Waddie and backed out of the closet, turned, and placed him
on his bed. Willie was leaning against the door with a sneer on
his face with no offer to help. "Willie," Morgan said very
quietly, "if you don't want your Goddamn head ripped off you better get
to your room, lock your door, and stay in there until I'm gone. You got
that, you filthy little cocksucker?" Morgan growled at
him like old bear sow guarding her cub. Willie scurried away into his
hole like a mole rat. Morgan ran downstairs and grabbed the phone
out of Judy's hand. It occurred to him if Judy was part of
Willie's deceit, could he really trust her to call an ambulance? To her
credit she did, and Morgan acted like the crazed father he was.
Waddie was
comfortable, he was in no pain. He was beyond feeling any
discomfort. He knew he was dying. He didn't know dying
could be so peaceful. He didn't want to leave like this; after
all, he loved Morgan more than anybody. He wanted to say goodbye
to Morgan to let him know it was all right, he forgave him and would
always love him. He just didn’t want to be a bother to his dad
anymore. Waddie was standing in his room, outside his body,
watching Morgan. He knew all he had to do was leave through the
light portal in front of him. It was calling to him. It was
very tempting. Why should he stay here? He was unloved in
this world. The one person in the world he loved and trusted the
most didn’t love him. His dad just didn’t care enough to save him.
Waddie watched
Morgan sitting on the edge of the bed, tears running down his face,
trying to revive Waddie, speaking to him, begging him to wake up, to
come back to him. "Hold on, Waddie, don't go, Son, don't leave
me. Oh, God, Waddie, I've been such a fool. I put you
through this. I thought you were going through a phase. I
should've known with your passion for life and love you'd rather die
than not have my trust. Son, don't leave me. I don't think
I can survive without you. Waddie, I'm so sorry," Morgan
cried. Waddie knew Morgan couldn't see or hear him. He
placed his small hand on Morgan's shoulder in an effort to comfort his
dad. He knew in that moment, with that gesture, he still had a
great love in his heart for Morgan, and it hurt him even worse to say
goodbye.
“Give up, Dad, I
have,” he said to Morgan, “You never talked with me when I was alive,
yet you continue to talk at me when I'm dead. I'm not a wailing
wall, Morgan, I'm your five year old son who needs his dad to be
strong, loving, and understanding, to keep him from harms way. The time
for talk is past, Dad. Don't call me back to live in a
world filled with hate, meanness, and pain. I only wanted you to
love and trust me, Dad. I don’t think you ever will, so it’s
better if I go. I’m not afraid, Dad, remember, I’m closer to God
than you are. He’ll find room for me. He’ll find someone to
love me. Goodbye, Dad, I'll always love you," Waddie said and
kissed Morgan on his cheek. Morgan raised his hand to his face to
feel a moist area. Chills ran up his spine. He knew he was
not alone in the room. His son was telling him ‘goodbye.’ He put his
head to Waddie’s thin little frame and began to sob
uncontrollably. He knew the life was gone from his son’s body.
Waddie saw a
movement in the light portal and someone walked through it. Suddenly,
there stood a big fine looking man just inside the room with
the portal still flashing behind him like it had a life of its
own. He was wearing a three piece business suit made from the
finest, pure white cloth. He had on a fine looking pair of white
bucks, and carried a white walking stick with a gold handle. He
had a finely woven, white linen handkerchief sticking out of the breast
pocket of his jacket. He was completely bald which gave him the
look of a character Waddie remembered from one of his children’s books
about “Little Orphan Annie.”
He looked like
Daddy Warbucks, but he was much better looking and he had eyes. In
fact, he was down right attractive. The big man stood for a
moment, brushed himself off a bit, and looked around to get his
bearings. He spied Waddie, realized Waddie could see him, smiled
real big, nodded his head in acknowledgment, and walk over to the
bewildered child. He stopped several feet short so as not to
frighten him, squatted on his haunches, and opened his big arms to the
boy. Waddie quickly moved to him and embraced him. Waddie
wasn't afraid, he knew he was an angel sent from God. He cried
his heart out in the angel’s loving arms.
“There, there,
cowboy. It ain’t as bad as all that. You’re safe now. I’m here with
you. Nothing bad can happen to you now. I was
sent to help you cross over. A bright young man like you already
knew you have to go through the portal, but the Old Man thought you
might need a l ittle help. Have you made up you mind, Son?" the
handsome man asked him.
"Naw, sir. I
still love my dad. He just don't know it. Are you an
angel? Have you come for me, sir?" Waddie asked in reply.
The big man
stood, easily taking Waddie up into his arms to hold him. "Well,
you did ask the Old Man to send you a champion. You asked him for
someone to love you and believe in you. The situation down here got out
of
hand. Something had to be done. Since you weren’t ready to
wait for a spell, you asked him to send someone to take you home,
didn’t you?” the angel asked and smiled at Waddie.
"Yes, sir, I
did. You mean he heard me?" Waddie asked in wonder.
"He hears every
prayer, especially the prayers of children. He can't answer all
of them, and there’s reasons why; sometimes we can’t understand, but he
does a good job. Besides, some prayers are best left
unanswered. In your case he was ready to step in. You told
him nobody down here loves you, and maybe the way you're looking at it
that's true. Look at your dad here. He knows you left your
body. He's in anguish over the thought of losing
you. While he might be terribly sorry, and I'm sure he is, his anguish
ain’t
the right kind of regret. In his case, anguish equals loss of
investment. Somewhere along the line, your daddy, Morgan, got some
of his thinking wires crossed and temporarily shorted-out his sense of
compassion and fair play. Granted, he shouldn't have left you
alone to sink further into melancholy.
"Then again, he
ain't had a lot of support from your ma, either. She's equally
guilty; probably more so. The others deceitfulness to help bring this
about is a
matter unto itself. Your half brother and his sister are the
personification of evil. No matter their involvement, you were,
first of all, Morgan's responsibility. He must accept the blame
if you decide to go with me. I'm not going to try to tell you
what to do, 'cause the Old Man told me to let you decide. This is
your call, Son. Whatever you choose to do, He'll go along with
your decision. You'll have His love and blessing either way, but
I have to tell you some of the wonderful things you'll miss out
on if you go with me.
"By the way, I'm
neither here to scold you nor make you feel bad about leaving your
dad. We think you had it pretty rough. Just between us,
cowboy -- His Nibs -- the Almighty Poobah, ain't real pleased with your
daddy
right now. We don't understand how Morgan could love you as much
as he claims and not hear what you're trying to tell him. You already
done spelled out his hyprocrisy for him in capital letters writ large.
He just made himself plumb deaf to reason. Age ain't got
nothing to do with it. If you're five or fifty-five he should
listen. Some folk’s thick-headedness boggles the mind; cowboys in
particular. I don’t think I have to tell you, Willie, his sister
and mother are not nice people. First of all, there's something
you need to know about them, Son. They ain't got no souls as
such. They's meat machines the other side has walking around
hurting good people with well developed souls," * the angel explained.
"If my ma don't
have no soul, then how’d I get one, sir?" Waddie asked.
"Oh, dear. The
Old Man warned me about you. He said you were very bright for
a five year old and had the seeing power of Joseph. You're not
going to let me off with, 'you'll understand later,' are you?" the
angel asked with a grin. Waddie smiled sweetly at him and slowly
shook his head 'no.' "I didn't think so. All right, the
Boss told me I can reveal certain things to you. I will, but first
listen, soulless people manage to host off of good people while sucking
them dry. They try to rob a person with a soul not only of their
resources but the very life essence of their soul as well. They so
desperately want a
soul for themselves, they'll do anything to try to steal yours. They
have no conscience. They can
convince you they love you one day, empty your bank account the next,
all the while sucking your soul dry emotionally, and never have a
second thought about it. It's all in a day's work for them. Your dad
doesn't realize it, but his almost pathological need for
family is sucking his soul out of him. They clouded his
judgement so badly he can't see clearly how to deal with you or
them. If you decide to stay, you have to help him fight
them. You have to wean him away from them. You don't have
to worry 'how' right now. When the time comes, the Old Man will
send me to be by your side. I'll help you. The Old Man was
going to see to it you get to cut Willie's balls off, so to speak, as a
final shot at him; that is, if you decide to stick around. Of
course, you probably wouldn't be interested in retribution," the big
angel said and smiled.
"What's
retribution, sir?" Waddie asked.
"Getting even...
in spades; sort of like the little old lady who hollers 'Tit for Tat'
as she farts at the thunder," the angel said and winked at
Waddie. They shared a laugh. "If you go home with me you'll miss out on
two of the greatest loves of your life. A
little man your same age is moving into the adjacent ranch next to
Morgan's even as we speak. His name is George Gipson Gentry
Justin. Devil of a name, ain’t it?" the angel asked, and they
shared another laugh, “His family calls him George. He
hates the name so you’ll call him 'Gip'; short for Gipson. Then
everyone begins to call him 'Gip.' Sometimes you'll call him
'3G.' It will be your special name of love for him. Within this
very week you'll have a second dad to be the best buddy you ever
had. You and he will become closer than you can ever imagine.
He will become your champion here on Earth. The two of you will share
one of the greatest loves the world has ever
known, and just between us, not to influence you none, but the Old Man
was really looking forward to getting you two together. My Boss is an
old softy. He loves happy endings. Neither of you will have
any idea the power your love can have, but together you will
learn. He'll marry a wonderful woman who you'll come to love
better than your current, shall we say, female keeper," he said.
The beautiful
man-angel went on and on about Buck and Linda Sue and told Waddie some
things which began to give his life some perspective. Waddie
cried his heart out in the arms of the beautiful angel about some of
the things he was telling him. He wondered how something which seemed
so basically simple to him, a five year old child, could become so
convoluted and distorted by adults who were suppose to love each other.
What the large angel shared with Waddie seemed too good to be true,
but the angel assured him they were. After all, he reminded
Waddie, angels and cowboys don’t never tell no lies. Waddie was
devastated by some of the angel’s revelations. The angel
comforted him. They're good at that. Morgan showed Waddie
many pictures of his Uncle Buck and Buck's sweetheart, Linda Sue
Davenport. Waddie fell in love with them from their pictures. A
child is capable of reaching out to touch the palpable love someone has
for another, understand it, and adopt it as their own. The angel
also explained to Waddie how he could have a soul and his ma
didn't. I wasn't complicated. Waddie understood.
The angel told
him many wonderful things. Waddie was told not to reveal any of
this information until the proper time. He would know when that
would be. He was stunned but not totally. It didn't cause
him to lose perspective. It certainly made his heart leap for
joy, and for the first time in a very long while, he was happy. He knew
he couldn't leave knowing what the angel
told him. He had to meet these people, see them for
himself. He wanted to touch them, hold them, kiss them, and tell
them of his love for them. Waddie felt bad for his dad, Morgan,
who had no concept of the truths the angel was telling him. It
might hurt him deeply, but Waddie told the angel he loved Morgan more
than
he wanted to admit; a lot more. Whatever Morgan did to him, Waddie
didn't want his dad hurt or miserable.
"You must
believe me, Waddie, your dad isn't a bad man. I think, down deep
inside, you know his worth. He's a lost man trying desperately to find
his way in life. He’s just going down the wrong path. He
needs to rid himself of some preconceived ideas he’s holding on to
tighter'n an angry dog with a bone. We needed him to take care of you
for a while, but he'll finally have his own awakening. You must
help him, but remember, he will always be your dad, just as
Buck will become your Godfather. Morgan already knows there's no
containing the love you and Buck will have for each other. Intuitively,
he will understand and allow your and Buck’s love to grow. He couldn’t
stop it if he wanted to. It will be like a runaway freight
train or a raging storm. Unstoppable. The love you two will form with
each other will be a
tsunami that will consume everyone who comes close to you. You
and Buck’s love will change many folk’s lives for the better.
"Morgan's going to need you most of all, Son. Your relationship
will change but become stronger over the years. He'll lean on
you, even as young as your are, then you'll lean on him later in your
life. He will become your rock. If you're not here to love
him and see him through, I'm sorry, but he won't make it, Son. You
don't know what this is doing to him now. Your other dad,
your Godfather, Buck, will need you, too. The Old Man wants him to
become sheriff of your county. Buck won't run for office if you
don't suggest it to him and encourage him. He's so modest and
unassuming, he won't even think
about it. You have to rally your buddy, your new little brother
the Old Man’s sending you, and your adult friends to urge Buck to
run. If it looks like you can't convince him, then you can pull
out your trump card. You tell him he must run for the office of
sheriff. If he asks you, 'why?' Ask him if he remembers the
angel who touched him when he lay dying on Iwo Jima and gave him the
strength of ten men to do what needed to be done to come back to
you. I told him my name and so will you," the angel said.
"What’s yore’
name, sir?" Waddie asked.
"Uriel,
Son. Can you remember it?" he asked in reply.
"Yes, sir, Mr.
Uriel, I sure can," Waddie replied with assurance.
The angel
laughed at Waddie enthusaism. "You look him in square in the eye and
tell
him, Uriel told me to tell you, Uncle Buck, it's what you must
do. The Head Wrangler wants Buck to be sheriff, and with your
help, he will be," the angels said resolutely.
About that time
the ambulance paramedics were coming into the room. They lifted
Waddie's lifeless body onto a gurney and headed for the stairs with
Morgan close behind.
"We have to go
with them, Son. Put your arms around my neck," Uriel said. Waddie did
as he was told, and they were instantly inside the
ambulance. The medical team prepared and inserted an IV drip of liquids
into
Waddie's small arm.
"You sure God
won't mind if I go back, Mr. Uriel?" Waddie asked.
"He loves you,
Waddie. He always has, he always will, and he does look after
children like your dad told you. He has one of us running after
you all the time. He wants to know everything. This is your
choice, Son. I'll take you home to be with him right now, or you
can stay and see how it plays out. I'll be honest with you, later
on, your life gets pretty damn rough, but you never lose your faith,
and for that, he sends you a love who will heal and transform
you. One you will be proud to take back to him and lay at his
feet. You'll lose one great love, but he'll send you
another. So, what's it going to be, cowboy?" the big angel asked.
"I can see my
dad's having a real hard time sitting there watching me. I don't
think he can make it by himself. I don't think I can pull out on
him now, sir," Waddie replied quietly.
"He won't make
it by himself, Son. He'll be so distraught over you leaving him,
he won't be paying attention when he should, and he'll be killed
instantly in a bad accident. The Old Man won't let him live
with so much to bear. He'll totally blame himself, and because
he still has some of his soul left and a well developed conscience, he
will accept the blame. We made him responsible for you, and he
messed up. You tried to tell him. The Old Man said, for a
five year old kid you did a damn good job, but for all that, you almost
died, Son. Morgan ain't learned he must listen to you if he
expects you to listen to him. Do expect things to change right away. You're probably
gonna' have to go through several more whippings until Morgan gets it
through his thick head you ain't lying, and you never were lying to
him. Try a new approach. Tell him because he taught you not
to lie you refuse to lie anymore no matter how hard he whips you. Tell
him that, and I promise, I'll have my hand on you. You won't
feel more than the air from his belt. Tell him you still love him
even though he punished you for something you didn't do. If
necessary, I'll appear to the son of bitch and put the fear of
you-know-who in him," the angel said with growl. They both had a
good laugh over that. “You might consider a brief vacation away from
him," the angel added.
"You mean run
away?" Waddie asked.
"Now, now -- I
didn't
say that, did I?" he asked and grinned; howsomever, if you should
decide things get out of hand, and it's time for you to take a vacation
of sorts, I'll be with you
every step of the way and protect you. The Old Man told me to tell
you, if you decide to stay and put up with the shit, he'll make it
worth your while. For a while, he'll give you free-rein to
torment Willie, and then he want's you to use your nuclear secret for
your and His ultimate revenge. You'll actually get to watch
Willie piss his pants," Uriel said. Waddie was overcome by
giggles, and the angel laughed with him. "We can't wait for that.
Everyone up there will see it on their, uh -- home movie screens. (The
angel almost forgot they didn't have television, yet. While it
was invented in 1921 by a fourteen year old high school
student Philo T. Farnsworth, it didn't become a consumer product until
the late forties.) "Get past that, and it's smooth sailing for
you, your new brother, and your two dads. You'll have a choice to
choose one over the other, and I got me a bet with the Old Man on that
one," he said and laughed.
"I have to stay,
sir. I was angry with my dad, but I can't let nothing happen to
him. H’it ain't right to see somebody you love come to harm
because you told them you stopped loving them. Besides, I still
love him too much, Mr. Uriel. Please, sir, may I go back?" Waddie
asked.
"Darn!"
exclaimed the angel.
"What's a’
matter, sir?" Waddie asked.
"The Old Man bet
me the new model 'Terrible Swift Sword' to smite evil do'ers you'd go
back. I honestly didn't think you would, Son. I bet on you
going with me, but I'm glad I lost the bet. I'm happy for you,
because it's the right thing to do. Now, gimme' a big ol' cowboy
hug, a sloppy buckaroo kiss, and I'll send you back," the handsome
angel ordered and grinned real big.
"Tell the Trail
Boss, I said thank you, and tell Him I love Him -- please, Mr. Uriel,"
Waddie said.
"I will, indeed,
youngster," he replied. Waddie hugged and kissed the beautiful
man, and the angel told him one last thing. "When I put you back
into your body, you're gonna' feel like crap. Hold on to your
dad's hand. Don't let go, even as misguided as it is, his love
will give you the energy and strength to pull you through," he said and
paused
for a moment. "Oh, and by the way, if you feel the need to show
your love to your two dad's physically, don't be afraid or ashamed to,
and tell them not to either. They're both good men. They
won't allow you do nothing until they feel your old enough to make the
choice for yourself. You're a sweet, little man, Waddie. I
know you'll make a fine cowboy. I wish't you were going with
me. God loves you, cowboy, and so do I," the angel told Waddie,
hugged him, and stole another kiss.
"I love you,"
Waddie said, but he was already back in his body. His dad heard
him whisper the words and thought it was for him. Sometimes
that's the way the Old Man does things.
"Oh, sweet baby,
I love you, too. I couldn't live without you, Waddie,"
Morgan said and cried.
"I know,
Dad. An angel done told me. He said for you not to let go
of my hand. I need the energy from your love to get better,"
Waddie whispered. The angel was right. He felt like crap.
"I won't,
cowboy, I'm right here," Morgan assured him.
"His pulse is
stabilized and his temperature is coming around. I think he's
gonna' make it," the ambulance attendant said. Waddie's dad
broke down and wept for joy holding his son's hand. They kept
Waddie in the hospital a week, and all the nurses fell in love with
him. He didn't ask for much. He was polite and grateful for any
little thing they did for him. All the nurses spoiled him rotten
and slipped him little things to make his day go easier. The
sixth day a huge cowboy came swaggering through the door of Waddie's
hospital room with all the balls and bravado of a Texas twister,
smiled, and winked at Waddie like he knew him. He had a big
booming voice like he was the bull of the woods. "Where the
hell's this new nephew I been hear'n 'bout. Would that be you,
Son? Yore’ name Waddie?" the big cowboy asked.
"That'ud be me,
sir," Waddie replied, blown away by this larger than life
character. Waddie knew instantly who the cowboy was. He was the earthly
angel Mr. Uriel told Waddie God sent him. Buck Claymore had a
grin on his face a yard wide. Waddie smiled at him, held his arms
out to him, and the big man easily gathered him up. Waddie's
other relatives followed Buck into the room.
* * * * * * *
Deja vu~
"Hey, little
buddy," he said softly, "so you're Uncle Buck's new nephew.
Damned, if you ain't prettier'n a speckled pup. You got
chore’self the cutest little dimple in yore’ chin there. Hell,
Son, yore’ daddy couldn't a' made ju’ no finer looking," the huge
cowboy declared.
"Howdy, Uncle
Buck. Damn, you're big!" the toe-headed kid exclaimed to the
delight of the cowboy holding him. Buck threw back his handsome
head and laughed.
"Waddie!
Y’ain’t suppose to say 'damn,'" scolded his grandma.
"Well, hell,
momma, Waddie's right, Buck is a damn big man,” his dad came to
Waddie's
defense. Everyone laughed.
"Are you gonna'
be my buddy, Uncle Buck?" Waddie asked.
Buck Claymore
hugged the boy tight, and bussed a kiss behind his ear. How could
he say 'no' to this beautiful little boy he held in his arms? "Of
course I'll be your buddy, little one, count on it. You can take
it to the bank. ‘At's the only reason I come home from the war,
because I done hear’d me a rumor they’s a fine look’n young buckaroo
what needs his-self a buddy. I'll be yore’ buddy ‘til the day I
take my last breath, cowboy," Buck pledged his allegiance.
"Well, ‘at's
good, 'cause I'm gonna' need me somebody to rodeo with," Waddie
declared as a matter of fact.
Everyone thought
that was real cute, but Waddie was serious. He'd been to enough
rodeos, he knew the life of a cowboy was what he wanted for
himself. He wanted to be a rodeo cowboy like his dad and Uncle
Buck. Waddie reached up to touch Buck's huge, wide brimmed, felt
cowboy hat. His dad reprimanded him, "Waddie! You don't never
touch a cowboy's hat. H’it just ain’t done. It's bad
manners, Son," Morgan admonished the boy.
"Aww, hell,
Morgan, leave ‘em be. My little buddy kin touch my hat any
Goddamn time he wants to. Here, buckaroo, you wanna' wear old
Uncle Buck's hat, you can." Buck put his size ten and a half hat
on the small boy, and it fell down around his face. Everyone
laughed. "Here, lemme’ adjust it for you, sweet baby," Buck said and
pushed the brim back so Waddie's handsome little face could be seen
framed in his new buddy's huge hat. "Damned, if you don't look like a
gen-u-wine buckaroo, Son," Buck allowed,“Yore’ buddy will git
chu’ one, first thing tomorrow morning, what'll fit ‘tat purdy little
cowboy head a’ yore’n. Would ju’ like that?" Buck asked and
smiled.
"Oh, yes, sir,"
Waddie replied and smiled real big, "I love you, Uncle Buck," he said.
"Oh, sweet baby,
them be the sweetest words this cowboy's ever heard. Yore’ ole
Uncle Buck shore’ as hell loves you, too," Buck declared and stole a
kiss.
End Deja vu~
* * * * * *
Waddie was
totally engulfed by Buck’s larger than life personality, but then, he
caught sight of the beautiful woman whom his new buddy brought with him
to the hospital. He knew who she was from talking with his
angel. He held his arms out to her. He looked directly into
her eyes with tears running down his face. Linda Sue never met
Waddie before Buck brought her to the hospital. Was it her
imagination, or did he look a little like Buck? Waddie cried as
he hugged and kissed her, telling her she was the most beautiful woman
he ever saw. Linda Sue couldn't hold back her tears. She
didn't know why, but she was powerfully overcome by the openness of
this beautiful little boy she was holding in her arms. Buck had
his huge arms around both of them. Those who witnessed the three
of them embracing each other experienced a great feeling of love and
peace, and they knew the presence of something sacred was in the
room. Even the big cowboy had tears running down his face.
"When you git’n
married?" Waddie asked them watching Linda Sue blush.
"Pert-damn
quick, Son. How'd ju' know?" Buck spoke up.
"My angel done
told me on the way to the hospital. He told me he's a friend of
yorn, Uncle Buck," Waddie said.
"Said he was a
friend of mine, cowboy?" Buck asked.
“Yes, sir, said
you'd remember his name and to tell you he said 'hello,' Uncle Buck,"
Waddie replied and nodded.
"What was his
name, Son?" Waddie leaned over and whispered the angel’s name in his
ear. Buck went white, his legs went rubbery under him, and he sat
on the edge of the bed. How could this child know that? "Did he tell
you anything else, Son?" Buck asked with awe.
"Yes, sir, lots
of things. He told me he met you on Ema Jaminna," Waddie said
butchering 'Iwo Jima.'
"Close enough,
cowboy," Buck replied and laughed.
"Said he told
ju,’ you had to go back home, 'cause you had a son to live for what
needed you. That's me, Uncle Buck," Waddie said with
conviction. Buck hugged Waddie tight as another tear ran down his
face.
"He did, indeed,
Son. I believe you, Waddie. I wish't I'd a' been with you
to thank him. I wouldn't be here now if'n it hadna' been for
him," Buck said.
"I thanked him
for us, Uncle Buck. He understands," Waddie assured him.
Buck drew back and looked at Waddie.
"Thanks, Son, I
appreciate that," Buck said.
"Did he really
know the name of the angel who helped you, Buck?" Morgan asked.
"He certainly
did. I'd trust anything this boy tells me. He's been
blessed... same's me," Buck said.
"I'd never lie
to you, Uncle Buck. Angels and cowboys don’t never lie," Waddie
said quoting the angel.
"I believe you,
Son," Buck replied.
"You were sent
to be my buddy, weren't you?" Waddie asked.
"How'd you
know? I never told a soul. Oh, I see, he told you," Buck
said and grinned.
"Yes, sir,"
Waddie confirmed.
"Well, good,
then I'm in the right room. Come with me, cowboy, I think we need
us some fresh air," Buck declared. Without asking anyone, Buck
carried Waddie outside to the small park and sat with him in the warm
sun. The nurses were a' twitter but decided a little fresh air
wasn't going to hurt the boy. Besides, none of them wanted to go
up against the huge cowboy. The rest of the family disbursed and
returned to their homes. Waddie sat in Buck's lap next to Linda
Sue. Morgan sat with them.
Waddie took
Linda Sue's hand and held it in both of his small hands. "You're
so pretty, Aunt Linda," Waddie told her.
"Waddie," Morgan
said, "Linda Sue ain't your aunt yet," he corrected Waddie.
"She will be
soon enough, Dad. Give 'em a break," Waddie said. Buck
howled and Linda Sue kissed Waddie on the cheek.
"I'd love to be
your aunt, Waddie. You and I share something special, we’re in
love with the same cowboy. I think I could love you ever bit as
much as this big buckaroo," she said and motioned towards Buck laughing.
"He is awful
damn big, id-nee, Aunt Linda? Sure am glad he's gonna' be my
buddy. Don't never want him on my bad side," Waddie
declared. They shared another laugh. They talked for a while and Buck
wanted to know why Waddie was in the hospital. Waddie watched
Morgan turn beet red and look down at his boots.
His son saved
him. "I been feeling poorly for several days so the doctor wanted
to put me in here and run some test. They done gimme' me a lube
job, an oil change, and a tune up. I think ma' motor's running
pretty good now. They might let me out of the shop in a day or
so," Waddie declared and grinned.
Buck thought
that was just about the funniest damn thing he ever heard a kid
say. Waddie knew he had an easy audience with his big
buddy. They didn't stay out long and Buck took Waddie back to his
room. Buck and Linda said their goodbyes. Waddie hugged and
kissed them. Linda Sue cried a few more tears and so did
Waddie. They had that effect on each other. Linda Sue
didn't have a clue, but Waddie knew why. They promised to return
the next day. After they left he sat with his dad for a while,
holding his hand and talking quietly. "Thanks, Son, for coming to
my rescue like that. I would've told them the truth. I
c'ain't never lie to Buck," Morgan said.
"I would never
lie to him either just like I would never..." Waddie said,
stopped, and turned away. A tear rolled down his cheek. At
that moment, Morgan felt about the lowest he ever felt in his life.
* * * * * * *
Buck was driving
Linda Sue back to her parents' house. They were quiet when they
got into the car. Buck sat thinking for a minute before he
started the engine. Linda Sue felt his pensiveness, but she
didn't say anything. She thought he'd tell her if he wanted her
to know. Finally he spoke, "Linda? When I was holding
Waddie, and he was hugging you -- when I had my arms around you both --
did you feel...?"
"Like a family?"
Linda Sue completed his sentence quietly.
"Yeah," Buck
said softly then started the engine of the car. As he drove he
looked over and grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I think it was
one of the best feelings I ever felt in my life, Darling... our night
together being first, of course. Do you know what I'm saying,
love?" Buck asked.
"I felt it, too,
Buck. It was overwhelming. I instantly fell in love with the little
cowboy. He's so open and loving like he's a bubbling fount of love,
of whom no one seems to take much notice. He seemed to know
me. He sure knew you," Linda said.
"Yeah," Buck
mused.
Meeting Waddie
settled one thing in Buck's mind. He couldn't figured out how to
tell Linda Sue he wanted to postpone their marriage for a while.
He was invited by his buddy, Audie Murphy, to go to Hollywood and stay
with him a couple of weeks. Now, after meeting his nephew he knew
he couldn't leave. The angel was right. The kid needed him,
and he wasn't going to let him down. Buck couldn't figure out
what was going on, but he knew the kid was in the hospital for some
reason other than a tune up. He giggled to himself, 'Tune
up, indeed -- that little shit. Well, he didn't lie to me. They'd
certainly see to it he was running smoothly before they let him
out,' Buck thought to himself.
"You wanna' go
with me tomorrow to visit him, sweetheart?" Buck asked Linda Sue.
"No, not
tomorrow. You need some time alone with him. He needs to
tell you things he can't with me or his dad there. Things only
best buddies share with each other. You fell in love with him, didn't
you, sweetheart?" she asked him. Buck looked at Linda Sue
and smiled.
"Not the same
way I love you, Darlin,' but, yes, I did. Now, tell me you
didn't?" Buck asked and smiled at Linda Sue.
"You wouldn't
want me to lie to you, would you?" she replied and grinned at Buck.
Buck smiled and
winked at her. "I need to talk privately with your dad for a
minute when we get to your place, honey, do you mind?" he asked and
smiled sweetly.
"No. Not at
all,"
she replied and smiled at him.
Buck got Linda
Sue's dad off to himself. They went for a walk in the field
behind the Davenport's home. Buck offered Mr. Davenport a pull
off his small metal hip flask of Southern Comfort he always carried
with him. The old man was social, took a small pull, and so did
Buck. "Mr. Davenport, I wanna' thank you for your kindness and
understanding toward me when I was home on leave almost five years
ago. I seen a lot of water flow under the bridge in those five
years, sir; damn near got my cowboy ass shot off. Man to man, Mr.
Davenport, my time with Linda Sue and yore’ family was one of my finest
memories what sustained me through the war," Buck told the older man
with tears in his eyes.
"We love you,
Son," Mr. Davenport replied.
"I feel that,
Mr. Davenport, and you know I love ya'll, too. What I need to
tell you is only between you and me. I weren't gonna' go through
with marrying Linda Sue right away. I got it in my head, with all
I been through, the horrors I seen, the lost, and loneliness, I didn't
think I could settle down right away. I got this crazy idea I
wanted to go and sew my wild oats with my buddy Audie, so to speak,"
Buck confided in the man.
"Her mom and I
knew it the minute you got back and walked into our house, Son.
We sensed it. We saw it in your eyes. You weren't the same
man what left here five years ago. I, for one, didn't expect you
to be, but Linda Sue was hopeful. Damn, I didn't think you could
git no bigger, but I swear to God you's a foot taller and must weigh
another fifty pounds. You're a mature man now what's traveled the
world and seen a lot, and you got a far away look in yore' eye what
hears the beat of a different drummer and sees this small town in a
much different light today than six years ago. You done lived a
lifetime in them years you's away, Son. I don't think Linda Sue
wants to admit it, but I think she knows. I'm sure she feels
you're different. She'll be all right, Buck," Mr. Davenport said
patting Buck on the back. "We's jes' glad you's home," he added.
"Well, my point
is, Mr. Davenport, I met a little boy today, Morgan Lovejoy’s boy, my
nephew, who needs me. Some’um ‘bout him made me realize just how
much I need Linda Sue, him, you and yore’ family, and this town in my
life. He made me see what I’s fighting for over there, and it
sure as hell weren't to sew no wild oats. I can't go to Hollywood
and be with my buddy Audie, Mr. Davenport. I have to stay here
and marry Linda Sue. It's what God wants me to do. They's
more to my decision what I ain't telling you right now, but I will in
time. I'm humbly asking yore’ blessing again, Mr. Davenport, to
ask your lovely daughter to be my wife," Buck said sincerely.
The old man
choked up a bit, Buck put his arm around him and held him close to him,
shoulder to shoulder. "Son, you already done got our blessing. Her
mother thinks the ground you walk on should be paved
in gold, and I ain’t far behind her in that estimation. Of course
you have our blessing. We'd be honored and proud to have you as a
member of our family. Hell, we ain't losing us a daughter, we’s git’n
us
the biggest damn son in the county," Mr. Davenport said and the men
shared a laugh.
"Not a word to
Linda Sue, Dad. I'll ask her tomorrow, but today I gotta' go buy
a ring," Buck said and smiled at his future father-in-law.
Buck bought a
beautiful set of rings for Linda Sue. He had the engagement ring
wrapped and went by the hospital late. Visiting hours were just
about over when Buck walked into Waddie's room. He closed the
door, hugged, and kissed Morgan right on the mouth in front of
Waddie. Morgan didn't hold back either. Then he went to
Waddie and kissed him on the mouth. Waddie thought it was
wonderful to have a huge cowboy like Buck give him a real kiss. "Ain't got much
time, gentlemen. Here's the deal," Buck brought out the small
package and handed it to Waddie, "I'm bringing yore’ Aunt Linda by with
me again tomorrow. That's her engagement ring. I want chu’
to give it to her, cowboy. Would you do that for your buddy?" he
asked.
"I'd be
downright proud to, Uncle Buck," Waddie said.
Buck threw back
his head and laughed, "Said like a true buckaroo. Good. Now
you hang on to it, and we'll see you tomorrow. Don't worry, Son,
Linda Sue is gonna' be yore’ aunt. Love you, sweet baby," Buck
said, grabbed Waddie into his big arms and kissed him again.
"I love you,
too, Uncle Buck," Waddie replied.
"Course, I
always loved your daddy -- s’long's I can remember," the big cowboy
said. He hugged and kissed Morgan to say goodbye. He waved
and was out the door.
There was a
great silence, a gulf of tension between Waddie and Morgan. "Why can't
you love and trust me the way you do Uncle Buck, Dad?" Waddie asked.
Morgan looked at
Waddie like he was stunned and couldn't speak. He felt any answer
he gave was going to be wrong. Waddie nailed Morgan to the barn door.
'Be gentle, Morgan,' he told himself, "I never realized I
love you differently than Buck, but now you mention it, I suppose I
do. Maybe it's because you're five, and he's almost thirty years
older than you," Morgan replied.
"But, Dad, you
had the same love for him since you's a kid, and it ain’t changed
none. It's you what’s changed. You think because
you're an adult now you can't love me like a kid. You think it
has to be different. They's a kid inside you what might argue
with you, Dad, if you only listen to him," Waddie said.
"How is it you
know so much about life and love all of a sudden?" Morgan challenged
him in a mean voice.
"'Cause I'm five
years old, Dad. ‘Cause here in the hospital is the first time I
ever remember you talking with me about anything. You always talk
'at' me. You don't never wanna’ hear nothin’ I got to say. I know a lot
of things, but you ain’t never stopped long enough to
listen to what I know. I know'd about love since I's a
baby. Love ain’t some’um only a smart man can understand. Hell,
Dad, even animals know about love. Why is it so surprising
to you I might know about something and have an opinion? You told
me I was closer to God than you were, and I know his love. It
ain't complicated, Dad, in fact, it's so simple a five year old can
understand it just fine. It's grown ups what lose the 'knowing'
of what it means to love and be loved that makes life
complicated. God never meant for it to be that way. I even
heard it said in church you have to become like a child to enter
heaven," Waddie said.
"Did God tell
you that?" Morgan challenged again.
"No, but his
angel did," Waddie replied.
"Why did an
angel come to you, Waddie?" Morgan asked.
"To gimme' a
choice," Waddie replied.
"A choice about
what, Son?" Morgan asked like he was frustrated.
"Whether I
wanted to live or die. I's almost dead, Dad. He came to get
me to take me home to God, but he done gimme' a choice instead. Did
I want to stay or go with him," Waddie
said with conviction.
"Why didn't he
take you then?" Morgan asked without thinking.
"You ain't
listening to me, Dad. You don't never listen to me. I jes' done
told ju' he gimme' a choice," Waddie said with growing frustration, "He
gimme' a choice of going with him or coming back for you. Did you
want him to take me, Dad?" Waddie asked and his face started
moving like he was going to cry. "I almost did go with him,
‘cause I know’d ju’ ain't never gonna' believe me against Judy and her
two monsters. I thought you'd be better off or happier without a
son you thought was a liar and a bad boy what you have to beat all the
time," Waddie said raising his voice in anger.
"No! No,
Waddie, I just wanted to know what happened. God, no! I
ain’t never been so relieved in my life when you came around," Morgan
tried to sound sincere.
"Relieved? You
weren't glad or happy, Dad? Just relieved?" Waddie asked
shocked. He really did start crying, but he wouldn't let Morgan
console him. "The only damn reason I chose to come back was because you
would be dead within three days of my death if I didn't. The
angel done showed me a pitcher of what would happen to you. You'd
be grieving for me, not paying attention to driving, pull out into
traffic, and a big rig truck would a' wiped chore' ass out. Your
life would a' been snuffed out," Waddie snapped his fingers, "just like
that! I love you too damn much to let that happen, but I'm glad
to hear you were, at least, relieved I didn't die, Dad; relieved I
didn't cause you
a lot of embarrassment; relieved because you wouldn't have to explain
my death; relieved because you think me and God forgives you? I
c'ain't tell you how much better that makes me feel, Dad," Waddie said
through his tears.
Waddie was
really gone now, and Morgan didn't know what to do. He felt
terrible, but he didn't blame Waddie. He seemed to be failing at
being a dad, but he just couldn’t figure out why. "Please, Dad,
go home. I don't want you here tonight. I'd rather be
alone. After living with you and them horrible folks you call
family, I'm used to being alone. It's all I've ever known. Even if you
insist on staying I'll still be alone. I'd much
rather be alone, by myself. If I had a closet, here, right now,
I'd crawl in it, but I wouldn't never come out again. And please,
don't come back until you're ready to love and trust me; otherwise, I'm
gonna' tell the doctor what really happened. I'll ask for
protection, and ask to be placed in a foster home. I think I'd do
much better some wheres else. At least maybe they'd pretend to
love me. Hell, you c'ain't even do that," Waddie slammed Morgan
to wall.
"Waddie, please,
Son. I do love you. I didn't mean it the way it sounded,"
Morgan pleaded and apologized.
"Please, Dad,
just go. I won't get no rest unless you do," Waddie said so
quietly it was more powerful than yelling at his dad. His voice
was resigned, beaten down, and filled with pain. Morgan had tears
in his eyes as he left Waddie's room.
Morgan went to
the phone and called Buck. "Buck, this is Morgan,” he said.
"Hey, brother,
how's my little buddy?" Buck asked.
"After you left,
without thinking, I said some things to Waddie what hurt him real
bad. He asked me to go home; said he’d rather be alone
tonight. I’m worried he might climb back into his shell again, and this
time we might not get him out again,"
Morgan said and broke down on the phone.
"I'll be right
there. I'll stay with him. You wait'll I get there," Buck
said. He was still dressed. He explained to his parents
where he would be all night and asked his dad to drive him to the
hospital. He was there in fifteen minutes. Buck and Morgan
talked for a few minutes. Morgan gave him a brief rundown about
his bad choice of words. "Yeah, buddy, a kid as bright as Waddie
would pick up on something like 'at, real quick. You know he's
got to be emotionally raw from having a near death experience," Buck
allowed.
"You don't
believe that near death experience crap he's trying to manipulate me
with, do you?" Morgan asked almost hatefully.
"I sure as hell
do, brother. I been ‘nair. I saw and talked with the same
angel your boy did. I was dying. He done touched me, and
healed me enough to save my buddies and get them back to safety.
You think I won them damn metals by ma'self? No way! I had help. Yore’
boy ain't lying to you, Morgan. You better listen to
him. I'd stake my life on ‘nat kid's word," Buck said strongly.
"Ask him why
he's really in the hospital, Buck. He won't mislead you
again. What he told you was bullshit to save me
embarrassment. I don't deserve that kid, Buck," Morgan said.
"There, there,
buddy, it can't be all that bad," Buck tried to console his friend.
"You may change
your mind, brother. Go to him, Buck, he needs his buddy right
now," Morgen urged him.
Morgan turned
and walked away with tears running down his face. Buck walked
quietly down the hall to Waddie's room and listened for a minute. He
could hear the muffled sound of a young boy sobbing his heart out
trying to hide his sorrow with a pillow. Buck walked in and saw
the beautiful little boy he fell in love earlier in the day, lying
prone, crying into his pillow like his world was coming to an
end. Buck sat down on the bed next to him, but Waddie didn't look
up, he just kept crying into his pillow. Buck moved his platinum
blond hair out of his face, put his hand on his small back, gently
began to rub, and lovingly pat him. Waddie stopped crying, but
still didn't look up. "Hey, cowboy, yore’ old uncle's here to
stay the night with you," Buck said softly.
Waddie popped
up, got up on his knees, threw his arms around Buck's big neck, and
started crying again. "Oh, Uncle Buck, I'm so glad you're
here. I needed another angel right now. I asked God to send
me another angel like Mr. Uriel. I's really ready to go with him
this time, but instead he sent me you. He done heard me again,"
Waddie cried.
"Hey, wait a
minute, I ain't no angel, Son. I'm just old Uncle Buck," the big
cowboy said with humor.
"You love me
don't chu?" Waddie asked.
"With all my
heart, cowboy," Buck replied without hesitation.
"Then you're an
angel, Uncle Buck. You're my angel," Waddie said. Buck held
the small boy tight until he calmed down.
'Something has
to be terribly wrong here,' thought Buck, 'If I had a son this
beautiful and as bright as Waddie, he'd get so much love'n from me he'd
have to sell off the lower forty to manage it. It may be none of
my business, but I have to help this kid or he's going to grow up and
not be a good person.' "Waddie, yore' old
Uncle
Buck wants to know the real reason you's in the hospital. You and me,
we's
buddies, we can tell each other anything, and it won't go no
further. You feel like telling Uncle Buck?" the big cowboy asked.
"Naw, sir, Uncle
Buck, I can't. As much as I want to, I c'ain't," Waddie said
shaking his head.
"Why, Son, are
you afraid of someone?" Buck asked.
"Naw, sir, I
just love my dad a lot, but what I got to tell you ain’t some’um you'll
be comfortable with. I'm just gonna' talk to the doctor tomorrow
and tell him the truth. I'm gonna' ask him for protection from my
family. I’m gonna’ ask him to place me in a foster home," Waddie
said with resolve.
"Is it that bad,
Waddie?" Buck whispered close to Waddie's ear about to steal a kiss.
"Yes, sir, but I
don't want you to think bad about my dad. He loves you, and you
love him. I don't wanna' say nothing what might put you two at
odds," Waddie said.
"You don't think
for a minute yore’ Uncle Buck would let you go into a foster home, do
you? You'll come home with me 'afore I'd ever let that
happen. Waddie, this may be uncomfortable for you to answer, but
I have to ask. Is your dad forcing sex on you?" Buck asked
quietly.
"God, no, Uncle
Buck. Sometimes I wish't he would. At least I'd have some
expression of love from him," Waddie said with disgust.
Buck grinned
real big at his little buddy and the seeming maturity of his
answer. "Ever' one needs someone they can tell the secrets of
their soul to, Waddie. If you believe I'm your angel shouldn't
you trust me like one? Whatever you tell me, even if it's bad, I
won’t take no action less’n you tell me h’it’s all right with
you. I'm here for you, Son. Tomorrow I'm gonna' change my
life around so's I can stay here and be with you. Perhaps it
ain’t right for a grown man to tell a small, five year old boy this,
but I fell in love with you this afternoon, Waddie. I can't think
about nothing else but you, my sweet buckaroo. Come to think on
it, there ain’t nothing wrong with telling yore’ buddy you love him.
"H’it don't
matter none about chore’ age, neither. Buddies is buddies.
Yore’ daddy done asked me to be yore’ Godfather. Of course I
agreed to it immediately, even afore I met chu,’ ‘cause Morgan's my
brother. We's a damn sight closer than brothers. I'd do
anything for your daddy, Waddie. When I walked in this room and
took one look at you, I was in love. I know'd same's you, God
done brought us together; for what purpose I can only guess, but just
to be your buddy's good enough for me. After meet’n you, I told
yore' daddy to become yore’ Godfather would be the most wonderful
thing what could ever happen to me," Buck said.
"Damn, Uncle
Buck. Nobody talks with me the way you do. You talk with me
like I'm somebody; like you love me, and you’re interested in me. You
listen to me and talk ‘with’ me instead of talking ‘at’ me. I
want you to know how much I appreciate it," Waddie said sincerely.
Buck grabbed the
boy in his big arms and held him close. "I promise you another
thing, as yore’ buddy, I will never let you go to bed without hearing
me tell you I love you, unless I'm in a situation what keeps me from
it. Even then, I'm gonna' show you a star in the sky what'll be
our star. All you gotta’ do is look up at it in the night sky and
know wherever I am, I'm looking at it, too, think’n ‘bout you and
sending you my love. If it's lovin' you be need'n, you found the right
man, cowboy. Half of this big body contains love and the other
half bullshit. You wanna' know how you can tell if your old Uncle
Buck's a quart low on bullshit?" Buck asked with a grin.
"How, Uncle
Buck?" Waddie bit.
"My eyes'll turn
blue," Buck said and laughed at his own joke.
"But they's
always blue, Uncle Buck," Waddie replied.
"Yeah!
Well what does that tell ya', cowboy?" Buck asked.
"Ya' got an oil
leak?" Waddie asked.
Buck wasn't
expecting that answer, but hell, it worked. "Close enough,
cowboy. Now get chore’self comfortable and start at the
beginning. I wanna' know the truth about why you's in this, here,
hospital, and why you almost died," Buck demanded gently.
Waddie told
him everything. He left nothing out. When Waddie finished, he told Buck
why he got so upset with Morgan's words. Waddie chose to come
back to save Morgan's life and the best he could feel was
'relieved'? "Hell, Uncle Buck, I thought that meant when you went
to the bathroom and took a big, long piss you been hold'n for a while,"
he said using his growing sense of cowboy hyperbole.
Buck smiled at
Waddie's joke but sat still for a while without saying anything. Waddie
knew Buck was digesting the information. "Well, sweet
buckaroo, if you wanna’ know what I think, I don't think you're lying;
not for a minute. Nor do I think you lied to your daddy. I
think you been telling him the truth all along, and he jes’ don't
wanna’ believe
you. I can't imagine my brother beating a sweet little man like
you. What can I do for you, Waddie? If you could have me do
anything for you, what would it be?" Buck asked.
"You already
done it for me -- you done told me you believe me. ‘At’s all I
want is somebody to just believe me, Uncle Buck. That's all I
ask. Believe me when I tell you I ain't a bad boy or a
liar. Nothing I told you tonight is a lie. I realize some
of the crap I told you about Willie, Dorothy, and Judy sounds
crazy. Well, they's a simple explanation for it, they are crazy. They
be bat-shit crazy people, Uncle
Buck. I ain't asking you to do nothing about it. I'm just
asking you to believe in me. I ain't got nobody, Uncle
Buck. Until you come along, ‘ere ain’t nobody what believed
me," Waddie said.
The boy wasn't
telling Buck these things to cause a reaction. He wasn’t seeking
revenge against his dad or family. He was telling Buck these
things to preserve his sanity. Waddie saw Buck as a giant rock he could
toss a rope around and tie the other end around his own ass to keep
from going down for the count and drowing in their whirlpool of
insanity. He was fighting desperately not to
become one of them. As much as they connived, belittled, bullied,
and tried to emotionally castrate Waddie, he didn't want to be like
them; for that, he had to have someone who would say, "I believe
you. I believe what you’re telling me.” Waddie talked
quietly to his new buddy for a couple of hours until he could no longer
hold
up his little head. The big cowboy was patient to a fault.
He gently laid Waddie back on the bed and brought the covers up to tuck
him in.
Buck kissed him
gently on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Buckaroo. Nothing
bad’s gonna' happen to you on Uncle Buck's watch," he said softly.
If they ever
made saints in giant economy/ industrial strength sizes, Buck Claymore
would surely qualify as one. Buck couldn't say too much, because
he didn't want to intrude on Morgan's handling his own household. Some
of the stories Waddie told Buck were so bizarre and perverse he
wondered if,
perhaps, Waddie exaggerated the truth. In a way, he hoped it was
Waddie's way of getting attention or sympathy, but in his gut Buck knew
his little buddy wouldn't lie. He only met the boy earlier that day,
but
Buck was a pretty good judge of character. War will do that to a
man. There was so much passed between them in such a short period of
time he was exhausted. He committed himself to trust the
boy. Waddie captured Buck's heart and soul, and they were neatly
tucked away in the boy's back pocket. Only two people in his life
ever grabbed his heart and never let go, Morgan and now, Waddie. Buck's
love for Linda Sue grew gradually from teen romance to a fully
mature love.
Buck knew Waddie
was part of Morgan, and yet, Buck had the nagging feeling he was part
of him, too; perhaps, through his love for Morgan. The only thing
he knew for certain, he had to spend as much time with this little boy
as Morgan would allow. For some reason he didn't understand, Buck
was driven to share the secrets of the young cowboy's heart. Linda
Sue was right, Waddie was a large pool of untapped love, and there was
no gage to measure it. Buck was resolved to see if Morgan would
open up to him and talk about what was going on. He certainly
felt he had the right to ask his brother why the hell he was beating a
five year old boy. He could l see the bruises on Waddie's
butt and legs. What most disturbed him was the hand print still clearly
visible on Waddie's face. ‘Why? It just don't
make sense,’ was Buck's last thought before dropping off into a deep
sleep in the chair by Waddie's bed.
* * * * * * *
Buck didn't wake
up during the night. He didn't wake up 'til he smelled Linda
Sue's perfume, breakfast, and coffee. She called to say goodnight
at his house, and his parents told her Buck was siting with Morgan's
boy all night. She made a basket of breakfast for him and a
thermos of coffee. Buck excused himself to go to the men's room
to wash. He cleaned up but on the way back he called Linda Sue's
house. Mr. Davenport answered. "Dad Davenport,
this is Buck. Do me a favor, call my parents and ask them to get
down here to the hospital. You and Mom Davenport get down here,
too," he requested.
"I sure will,
Son, and we'll meet 'em there. Thanks Buck," Mr. Davenport said.
"Just thought my
family would like to be here," Buck said.
"Her mother,
especially. See you in a bit, Son," Mr. Davenport responded.
Buck felt good
and returned to Waddie's room. Linda Sue was by his bed washing
Waddie's face with a damp cloth she found in the small restroom. They
were talking. "You awake,
cowboy?" Buck asked as he walked back into the room.
"Good morning,
Uncle Buck. They may let me go home today. I really dread going home
and
seeing those three awful people. When Willie gets one a’ his
sneers on his face, he looks like a dog eat'n a pile of three day old
cat shit," Waddie allowed in disgust.
"Waddie!" Buck
roared with laughter and nodded toward Linda Sue.
"Oh, I'm sorry,
Aunt Linda, I ain't accustom to being around a real lady, ma'am,"
Waddie
apologized and blushed.
"What about your
ma, Waddie?" Linda Sue asked.
"Hell, Aunt
Linda, if'n she says five words to me in a week, I done figure we've
had a
lengthy conversation," Waddie said in his best cowboy hyperbole.
Linda looked at
Buck then looked down and just shook her head. The nurse brought
breakfast for Waddie, and he introduced her to his aunt and
uncle. She was a woman they went through school with and knew her
well. Buck finished the nice breakfast Linda Sue brought and gave
her a peck.
"Is that all I'm
gonna' get?" she teased.
"S'gonna' be a
long day, Darlin.' Gotta' ration them kisses to get through
it. ‘Ere’s a war on, ya’ know,” he said and grinned, “You don't
want your old fiance’ running out of kisses in the middle of the day,
would ju’?" Buck asked.
Linda Sue
laughed at his kidding. "No, sounds like pretty good reasoning to
me. I'll wait for the main course," she replied.
"H’it should be
along in a few minutes," Buck no sooner spoke when their
parents walked into Waddie's room. Buck introduce them to
Waddie. Linda wanted to know why they came down?
"We heard so
much about this young man we wanted to meet him ourselves, so we
decided to invite Buck's mom and dad to breakfast. We wanted to
stop by to meet the young feller," Mr. Davenport told his daughter.
Mr. Claymore
spoke to Waddie, "Son, you look more like Buck than you do
Morgan. In fact we got pitchers of Buck when he was about chore’
age, and I think we'd have a hard time telling the
difference," he allowed. Buck had to close his mother's mouth for her.
Buck looked over
at Waddie, caught his eye, winked then nodded. "Oh, by the way,
Aunt Linda, I got a gift for you a big cowboy left here last night and
said
to be sure and give it to you today," he said.
Waddie reached
under his pillow and brought out a small, slightly crumpled
package. Linda Sue knew what it was immediately. She
smiled, took it from Waddie, hugged, and kissed him. She
carefully opened the wrapping with both mothers looking over her
shoulder. Then she slowly opened the small black ring case.
There were three simultaneous 'oohs.' Linda looked at Buck and
threw her arms around him.
"Well, now,
lemme’ have it. Let's us do this thing right," he said, took the
ring from Linda Sue and got down on one knee. "My dearest,
Darling, your parents gimme' their blessing to ask for your hand in
marriage. Linda Sue Davenport, would you consider making me the
proudest, most happy man in the world by becoming my wife?" Buck
asked. He wasn't getting up until he heard the words.
"Of course I'll
marry you, Buck Claymore," Linda Sue replied. Buck slipped
the ring on her finger. He stood and gave her a kiss that
would've wiped out the entire day's worth of rations had there been
any. Their parents were clapping, the women hugging, and the men
shaking hands, and slapping each other on the back.
Buck went to
Waddie and shook his hand then couldn't resist pulling him up into his
arms. "I wanted my buddy to be here when his Aunt Linda said
'yes.' You did a fine job of presenting her present to her. Thanks
buddy," Buck said and kissed Waddie behind the ear. Waddie blushed.
Everyone was laughing at him when the phone
rang. Buck picked it up. "Hello. Good mornin,’
brother. Yeah, he's right here,” Buck said and handed Waddie the phone.
"Hi, Dad. No,
Dad, come on down, I miss you. I ain't upset no more. I
know, I love you, too. Uncle Buck just proposed to Aunt Linda and
guess what? She said 'yes'! Okay, Dad, see ya,'" Waddie said and
handed the phone back to Buck.
"Proud of you,
Waddie. You done the right thing, Son. Even daddies make
mistakes, but he's still your dad," Buck allowed.
"I love my dad
but things sure would be a lot easier if you were my dad, Uncle Buck,"
Waddie said and sighed.
"Oh, sweet
buckaroo, don't think that thought ain’t crossed my mine a hun'nert
times last night and this morning. If it gets too bad, cowboy,
you can always come find me. I'll never be far away, and I won't
never turn you away. You're always welcome in this old cowboy's
arms," Buck declared.
"I appreciate
that Uncle Buck. Just knowing someone out there loves me and
believes in me helps a lot," Waddie said.
* * * * * * *
Morgan arrived
at the hospital about thirty minutes after he called Waddie. He
hugged Linda Sue shook Buck's hand to congratulate him.
"I’m gonna’ need
me a best man. I'd be downright proud and honored, brother, if'n
you could see your way clear to stand up for me," Buck said to his
friend. Morgan was almost in tears.
"I'd be the one
honored, brother. I'm so proud of you," Morgan replied. They hugged
again.
“Waddie,” Linda
Sue said, “since you did such a good job of holding my ring for your
uncle would you consider being our ring bearer?" she asked.
“Would I? That
would be wonderful, Aunt Linda. Now can I call her Aunt
Linda, Dad?” Waddie asked in a wry manner.
"Guess it's
official, Son. Don't see why not," Morgan replied.
Buck was
tired. He needed to get home and get a couple hours sleep. He hugged
and kissed Waddie goodbye and told him he'd see him
soon. His Aunt Linda hugged him and held him an extra long
time. Waddie liked that. She smelled wonderful. Even
the older folks wished him well as they were leaving. Morgan told
Waddie he was going to walk them to the front door and left the room.
* * * * * * *
It was late
afternoon and the hospital was releasing Waddie to go home as soon as
the doctor came to check him out one last time. Morgan brought
him some jeans, a western shirt, and his boots. Waddie was
dressed waiting for the doctor. He and Morgan didn't talk
much. Morgan was pensive wondering if Waddie would ask the doctor
to place him in a foster home. Waddie didn't say anything, but he
was awful quiet. “Looking forward
to going home, Son?” Morgan asked.
Waddie didn't
answer right away. “No, sir,” Waddie said quietly. Morgan
look like he felt bad from Waddie's reply. “Sorry, Dad, I didn't wanna’
lie to you. If'n I said 'yes' you'd know I's lying and might whip
me again," Waddie said without nuance.
Morgan hung his
head knowing Waddie was probably going to ask for foster care. He
knew Waddie could probably get it if he wanted it. The doctor
rushed in and began to check Waddie. He asked Morgan to step
outside the room for a few minutes. The doctor closed the door,
returned to Waddie, and sat down next to him on the bed. “Son, I
was the doctor who took care of you when you came in. I saw the
condition you were in, and you were near death. In fact, it's a
miracle you didn't die. The paramedics managed to get some fluids into
you
on the way which stabilized you a little bit, and we took it from
there. It was still touch and go until late afternoon the next
day. I don't know what's going on in your home, but I do care. I could take
you under my supervision until the county can find you a foster
home, but I didn't want to do it until I got a chance to talk with
you in private to ask how you feel about things. I haven't had this
talk
with you before now, 'cause I wanted you to be strong enough to tell me
what you wanted. You may tell me anything, Son, and it will go no
further than this room. No child should ever have to suffer what
you went through as evidenced by your condition when you came in
here. I saw a handsome little boy who gave up on life. You
didn't want to live anymore. Do you know what suicide means,
Son?" the doctor asked.
“When somebody
kills themself?” Waddie asked in reply.
“That's
right. I can't really say you tried to commit suicide. You have
symptoms of severe melancholy which would definitely cause a lack
of interest in food and water, but something has to be terribly wrong
in your home to make you so unhappy you might want to do something like
that. Did you feel like you could stop being in your closet and
eat anytime if you wanted to?" Doctor Dyer asked.
“After the
second day, I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to. I
wanted to die,” Waddie said quietly.
“‘At’s what I’m
talk’n ‘bout, Waddie. That ain’t right, and I wanna’ know why,
Son? Unless you talk with me and tell me what I need to know to
make a sound judgment, I can't release you to go home. It's not
because I'm trying to be a bad guy, it's the law, Son,” he explained.
Waddie didn't
feel comfortable talking about it, but he wanted to go home. He
knew he couldn't lie to the doctor. “My dad stopped loving
me. I didn't wanna’ live no more without his love and
trust. He's the only one at home I do love,” Waddie said.
The doctor let
out a deep sigh. “Okay, I'll get back to that in a minute,
Son. Now, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions, and I want
you to answer them as honestly as you can. First of all do you
know what sexual molestation means?” Doctor Dyer asked.
“I know what sex
means, but I don't know nothing 'bout no mole infestations,” Waddie
replied.
The doctor
chuckled. “Has anyone, man or woman played with your penis or
invited you play with their private parts?” he asked.
“No, sir,”
Waddie replied.
“Is anybody
being mean to you or threatening you?” the doctor asked.
“Well, my dad,
he don't mean to be mean, but he punishes me by whipping me pretty
bad. I got me an older step-brother, and step-sister. My
brother, Willie, he does things he knows my dad will give him a
whippin' for, and he tells my dad I done it. The worst part is,
he gets his sister and his ma to lie for him and tell my dad they saw
me do it. Dad taught me never to lie, and I don't. Then he
takes me to the barn and whips me so hard I gotta' admit to him I done
it to get him to stop. I tell him I didn't do it, but he whips me
anyway.
When I think
I'm gonna' pass out from the whippin' I just have to give in, lie to
him, and tell him I done it. Dr. Dyer, to lie to ma' dad hurts me
worse than the damn whipping. H'it kills what love for him I got inside
me a
little more ever' time he makes me do it. He always tells me how
much more it hurts him than it does me. The last time he whipped
me, I about had it with him 'cause I been whipped so many times for
something my brother done, I lost count.
"I told him it was a
Goddamn lie, it didn't hurt him more'n it hurt me. I asked him
if’n he was gonna' let me whip his ass, 'cause he told me a lie? He told me he
weren't lying and I said, 'Bullshit! Why should I believe
you? You never believe me when I tell you the truth; them son’s
of bitches in our house are all lying.' Then I told him, ‘To Hell
with you, Dad!’ and he hit me hard across the face. I didn't cry
or nothing. I just looked at him, and told him I didn't love him
no more. Then I went and got in the back of my closet and didn't
come out for a long time. I didn't wanna’ eat or drink
nothing. I didn't have no appetite. I was too upset.
Dad just left me alone thinking when I got hungry enough I'd come
around. My birthday done come and went and nobody even so much as
come to my room to wish me a happy birthday. You know how I spent
my birthday, sir? On the bottom of my closet. Dad was on
one of his train runs. It was a dead-end street for me, Doc. I couldn't
see no way out without compromising and cashing in my own self-worth.
"I decided it
t'weren't worth it. I
didn't wanna' live no more if my dad weren't gonna' trust me to tell
him the truth. I saw there weren't no reasoning with him. It's their
word against a five year old kid's. I didn't wanna’
live no more, and I ain't real sure I want to now. When I go home, it's
gonna' be
the same damn thing all over again. Would you wanna' live like
that, Doctor?” Waddie asked. The doctor looked at Waddie and
shook his head 'no.' “My dad is the only person in that house I
love, and he's slowly killing my love for him. I don't think I
wanna’ live no more if my dad don't love me and trust me. If he
gets on my case for talking to you, so be it. I'm telling you the
God's gospel truth. If the truth hurts him, then it ain’t my
fault,” Waddie said and started crying knowing he didn't want anything
to happen to the man he loved most in his life.
“Have you tried
talking to your mom?" the Doctor asked.
“Hell, Doctor,
she can't get her head out of Willie's butt long enough to listen to
me. Why would I wanna' talk to her if she's in cahoots with him?”
Waddie asked the obvious.
“Good point,
Waddie, I didn't think about that,” Doc Dyer said.
“Besides, I
learned on the way to the hospital, she ain't my real mother no ways,”
Waddie said.
“Who told ju’
that, Son?" the doctor asked.
“My angel,”
Waddie replied.
“An angel told
you?” he asked in awe.
“Yes, sir, an
angel come to me when I's dying and gimme' a choice of going through
the light portal with him or coming back here. He told me if I didn't
come
back my dad would be so upset about me dying, he wouldn't be watching
what he was doing and three days he'd be killed instantly while driving
his
truck. I came back 'cause I couldn't let that happen to
him. Anyway, the angel told me Judy weren't my real ma,” Waddie
said.
“Did he tell you
anything else, Waddie?” the doctor asked.
“Yes, sir, he
done told me if I didn't come back, I was gonna' miss having a good
friend and brother who was my age what was moving into the ranch next
to ours
even while we was on our way to the hospital. He told me his name
is George Gipson Gentry Justin. He also told me some other things
I can't tell you 'cause he said not to tell nobody 'til the time is
right. He told me if I told you the name of your baby daughter
who passed away four years ago, you'd believe me,” Waddie said.
“What name did
he tell you, Son?” the doctor asked.
“Linda Gayle
Dyer, sir,” Waddie replied.
Waddie saw the
doctor look visibly shaken and wiped a tear away from his eye. The
doctor excused himself for a minute. He walked to the phone
and dialed. “Agnes, this is Dr. Dyer in the Lovejoy boy's
room. Call the sheriff for me and find out if anyone moved into
that old ranch that's been for sale next to Morgan Lovejoy's. If
so, when they moved in. Find out if they have children and
their names for me; also, Agnes what's their last name? I'll be
here in the room with the boy. Call to his dad and tell him to
get a cup of coffee, we'll be a minute. I need that info ASAP,
and Agnes, thanks, I owe you one.” Waddie smiled when the doctor
set back down. “You're smiling like you know I'm gonna' find out
you're telling me the truth.”
“I'm sorry,
Doctor,” Waddie said humbly. The doctor put his arm around the
boy and pulled him tight.
“Son, my baby
daughter died shortly after birth. My wife and I buried her in an
unmarked grave next to our plots in the cemetery. All the papers
for her death and burial show the name only as ‘Baby Dyer.’ We were so
distraught after losing her we realized we didn't even name her,” he
said. Big tears were coming down the doctors face, and Waddie put
his arm around him in comfort. The doctor pulled Waddie closer to him.
“She
had to have a name, but it wasn't until after she was buried my wife
and I gave her that name. We swore we'd never tell anyone. It would be
known only to her, us, and God. We never told a
soul. I have to believe you, Son, but for my own peace of mind, I
wanted to check out this other thing,” he said.
“I don't blame
you, Dr. Dyer. I know it sounds crazy, but it happened. He
was the same angel what come to my Uncle Buck when he was on Irma
Jammina,” Waddie said.
“You mean Iwo
Jima?" the doctor asked.
“Yes, sir,
that’s it,” Waddie replied.
“Close enough,
Son. Did you tell your uncle? He's Buck Claymore, right?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, I
did. I done told him the angel's name, and he said I was right,” Waddie
replied.
“What was the
angels name, Son?” Doc Dyer asked.
“He didn't tell
me if I could tell folks other than my uncle his...” The boys
face grew pale, as he was staring off into the distance.
“You all right,
Son?” the doctor asked looking at Waddie.
"Uh, yes sir,
sorry,
doctor. He just told me it was all right to tell you. His
name is Uriel,”
“He just appear
to you, Waddie?”
“Yes, sir. Liked
to scared the crap out of me. He was just standing there
holding the hand of a beautiful little girl he told me was your
daughter. She's awful pretty, Doctor Dyer,” Waddie said.
The doctor could feel the boy shaking. The doctor was silent for
a moment taking in the boy's revelation.
“If an angel
appeared to me, Son, I'm afraid it would scare a lot more out of me
than that,” the doctor allowed. The phone rang and the doctor answered.
“Yes,
Agnes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Only the one? Un-huh. Well, I'll be... really
appreciate it,
Agnes. Thanks,” he said and hung up the phone. Waddie was smiling again
as the doctor came and
set down beside him again. “I don't blame you for looking smug,
Waddie. You deserve that. There is, indeed, a family who
moved in there the very day you were brought to the hospital, and they
have only one child named George Gipson Gentry Justin. Your angel
was right, Son. I believe everything you told me. Now, what
are we going to do about it? Do you feel safe going with your
dad?” Doc Dyer asked.
“Yes, sir, but I
know I'm gonna' get whipped again soon's Willie sets me up. I've
learned to survive Morgan's whippings, 'cause the angel's been with me,
and he will be if'n he whips me again. But, doctor, it's the
humiliation I have to go through having my big brother sneer at me like
he's so Goddamn smart he can get me whupped anytime he wants just by
lying to my dad and git’n them other two go along with him,” Waddie
lamented.
“Is he Willie
Devers?”
“Yes, sir, you
know him?”
“Yes, Son, I
do. Tell you what, I made some notes, let me look into to
this. How do you feel about going home with your dad today?” he
asked.
“What choice
have I got? He's my dad, Doctor,” Waddie replied.
“What about your
uncle? Could you stay with him for a while? Hell, Son, you
can come home with me, if you want to. It's just me and my wife,
and I know she'd love to have you stay with us. We got a spare
room you can have. Matter of fact, I'd be right pleased to have
you stay with us,” Dr. Dyer said.
“I thought about
asking my uncle, but I just met him yesterday. I appreciate you
thinking well enough of me to offer me a place to stay, but I guess my
place, my home right now, is with my dad. The angel told me
he's gonna' need me, and I gotta' be there for him. I guess I'll
just go on back with him,” Waddie said like a condemned man resigned to
his fate.
“All right, if
you're sure. Remember, you can always change your mind. I'm
gonna' check on you every couple of days to see how you're doing. I
don't want to talk to your dad, ma, brother, or sister when I call or
come by. I want to talk with you, understand, Son?” he
asked and winked at Waddie.
“I understand,
Doctor,” Waddie replied and threw his arms around the doctor's neck,
hugged, and
kissed him on the cheek, “I love you for caring, Doctor, and believing
me. Now I got two people who believe me but before yesterday, I
didn't have nobody. I promise, doctor, I'll never tell you a lie,”
Waddie said firmly.
“I believe you,
Waddie. Just wish't to hell you were my boy. That ain't no
lie, neither,” The doctor said as he hugged and kissed Waddie back.
“Now, you stay in here for a while. Read, or take a nap, and
we'll be back to get you soon's I'm through talking with your
dad. You're a good boy, Waddie. Here, put this card in your
pocket in case you ever need a friend in a hurry. It's got my
home phone number and my office number. If I'm not in, leave your
name and the phone number where you are with my wife, and I'll get back
to you quick as I can. Sounds to me like you need several folks
to believe in you,” the doctor said.
“Thanks, Dr.
Dyer, for everything and, Doctor, I'm so sorry about your little
girl. Mr. Uriel told me to tell you she's happy, healthy, and
living with God. He loves her a lot, Dr. Dyer,” Waddie tried to
reassured the man.
“Thank you,
Waddie. I needed to hear that, and I believe you,” he said. The doctor
hugged Waddie one more time.
* * * * *
* *
Dr. Dyer wiped
the tears away with his handkerchief as he walked down the hall to the
front desk. “Agnes, you seen Mr. Lovejoy?” he asked.
“Cafeteria,
doctor," the nurse replied.
“Thanks.”
He didn't know
what he was going to say to the man. 'How could he let something
like this happen to such a loveable little boy. All the kid is
asking for is his dad to love and trust him. If I was told
several times a month I was no damn good and a liar I'd probably start
to believe it. I won't let that happen to this boy,' Dr. Dyer
thought. The doctor walked into the cafeteria, grabbed himself a
cup of coffee, and headed for Morgan's table. He set his coffee
down and offered to get Morgan another cup. Morgan thanked him
but refused. The worst part was, he’d grown up with Morgan
Lovejoy and Buck Claymore. They were a bit older than him, but
for all his education, he still saw them as his peers.
Dr. Dyer sat for
a minute, took a sip of his coffee, then looked into Morgan's eyes to
see if they would tell him anything about the man he was now. He
felt a chill run up his back when he felt he was a peeping tom, looking
through a window into the man's soul. What he saw shook
him. He knew instantly, Morgan was not a bad man, but he had
legions of built up hurt, disappointments, and loss he never dealt
with. They were still there in a miasma of conflicting feelings
and loyalties. He saw Morgan needed help. Not deep
correctional therapy but someone to care for him enough for him to lean
on until he could organize and deal with the emotional junk yard that
was in his brain. He wasn't violent, although he could be if
pushed, but at the moment he was fairly stable.
“What did my son
tell you, Doctor?” Morgan asked quietly.
“He told me you
taught him to always tell the truth. He loves you very much, Mr.
Lovejoy, but he told me the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
because you taught him the cowboy way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I
believe part of that unwritten philosophy is cowboys don't never lie,”
the doctor said and watched Morgan's eyes moving swiftly like a
wild animal looking for the nearest escape route. “I don't feel
we have to hash it out here and now, today. You got enough to
deal with from your own conscience and self-doubts right now. Let's
just
say, I know the truth. I would urge you to listen to your son,
Mr. Lovejoy, and learn to trust him. I've only known him a short
while, but I would trust your boy with my most treasured secret and did
just a few minutes ago. I don't think you really appreciate the
treasure you have in that boy. If you did, he would've never come
in here in the condition he was in a week ago. I seriously
considered contacting the sheriff's department and filing criminal
charges against you. Something told me not to, Mr. Lovejoy,” the
doctor said and looked right into Morgan's eyes. He leaned forward like
what he
was about to say was of utmost importance. “Don't make me regret not
filing those charges, Mr. Lovejoy. Do I make myself clear, sir?” he
asked.
“Yes, sir, Dr.
Dyer, I understand. I deserved that. I love my son with all
my heart, but he constantly defies me,” Morgan said with anger.
“How, the fuck,
is he defying you if he's telling you the truth? Hell, Mr.
Lovejoy, you drilled it into the kid, and taught him to tell the truth;
then, when he does, you punish him. I'd defy your ass, too. Hell, I'd
pick up a Goddamn two by four, apply it therapeutically to
the base of your skull to get your attention long enough to tell you I
was, indeed, telling the truth and them other son’s of bitches were
lying. Did it ever occur to you that his mother and her two kids are
lying? You punish the boy when he didn't do it, and you’re
allowing them to drive a wedge between the two of you. If he's too much
for you and you're
tired of caring for that boy, I'll gladly take him off your hands in a
cow-town minute. So, here's the deal, Mr. Lovejoy. Waddie ain't real
happy about going back to your place, but he's going because
he loves you. He's convinced you need him. My God in heaven! What I
wouldn't give to have a kid like him feel that way about me. You got
solid gold in that boy, but you can't see it. You better take your
blinders off, Mr. Lovejoy, so you can see the bigger picture. Sometimes
I'm convinced the universe just ain't fair. Anyway, I'm gonna' be
checking on Waddie regularly. I'll either
phone or drop by, but I expect to talk with him personally in private.
If
you agree to those terms, I'll release him to you this afternoon,”
Doctor Dyer said.
“Certainly,
Doctor. You're welcome to come by or phone to talk with him
anytime,” Morgan replied.
“If I were you,
Mr. Lovejoy, I'd seriously consider having Waddie stay with a relative
or close friend until he's comfortable returning to your place on his
own. Today, he has no choice but to go with you. I'd much
prefer he had more time to think about it and make that decision for
himself, but I’m leaving it up to you. I won't lie to you either,
Mr. Lovejoy, I offered to have him stay with me and my wife for a
while. You
seem to have a lot of things you haven't dealt with in your life. Don't
make that boy a victim of your personal disappointments. Come on then,
I'll sign him out and you can take him home,” Dr. Dyer
said.
“Thank you,
Doctor.”
“No, Mr.
Lovejoy, thank your son. I know I did. I don't know all
that's happened out there at your place, but I know one damn thing,
that boy didn't deserve to find himself with no way out but to will
himself to die,” Doctor Dyer said with conviction.
* * * * *
* *
Morgan followed
the doctor down the hall to Waddie's room. The doctor told Waddie
goodbye again and told him he'd hear from him soon. e shook
Waddie's hand wanting desperately to hug the kid one last time. He
didn't fool Waddie for a minute. Waddie threw his little arms
around his neck for a big hug. Dr. Dyer didn't hold back and
wished him happiness. Waddie followed Morgan to his pickup and
climbed in. He didn't say anything to his dad. Morgan
pulled out and onto the farm road back to the ranch. It was about
eleven miles from town. Morgan was hoping Waddie would say
something, anything, but he didn't. He just rode in silence, not
even bothering to look out the window. Morgan noticed
Waddie began to get a look of extreme dread on his little face like he
was getting closer and closer to something he really didn't want to
face. At one point Waddie looked like he was being driven
to his execution. Morgan watched him out of the corner of his eye
and saw beads of sweat forming on the boy's forehead and arms. It
was a cool autumn day. The closer they got to the ranch the
further down in his seat Waddie sank until he couldn't see out the
front window. Morgan thought he wanted to postpone seeing the
house as long as possible.
‘He's scared to
death, but he won't say nothing,’ Morgan thought to himself.
“You all right, Son?” Morgan asked.
“Yeah,
Dad. I'll... I'll be all right when I get home and can get to the
safety of my room,” Waddie replied
weakly.
“Like hell you
will,” Morgan slowed the truck and made a 'u' turn and headed back to
town.
“What are you
doing, Dad? You're scaring me,” Waddie cried out in fear. Tears began
to run down Waddie's face.
“I'm sorry,
cowboy. Daddy didn't mean to scare you. Come over here, let
daddy put his arm around you,” Morgan said. Waddie moved over beside
his dad and sat
upright in the seat. Morgan put his arm around his boy and pulled
him close. "I watched your reaction as we got closer to our
place, and I saw the stress building in yore' little body. I
don't want you to come home and be scared to death, Waddie. Don't
be frightened, daddy just made up his mind about something. I'm
taking you back to town to stay for a while with your buddy, Uncle Buck
and
his parents, until you're ready to come home. I want you to make
the decision on your own when you feel comfortable. I do love
you very much, Waddie, and I wanna' try'n prove it to you by being
better to you. It may take me a while. I may make mistakes,
but I swear to you, I will never again let happen what you went through
last week.
"I almost lost
the dearest thing in the world to me, and I been so caught up in other
things I ain't told you enough how much I love you. You're the
only thing I got in my life what means a damn to me. You were
right to ask me to leave last night. I got to thinking about what
I said, and I felt terrible. I pulled off the road and
cried. I had to let it out. I realized how I would feel if
someone said something like that to me, especially somebody I
loved. I was overjoyed, Waddie, God and you gimme' another
chance. Last night I pledged myself to be a better dad to you and
take care of the mess we got at home. Taking you to stay with
Buck for a while is a start, Son. I'm trying to think about your
needs and not what I want.
"I gotta' tell
you something about yore’ Uncle Buck you need to know. When he's
home in his area of his parents house, he don't never wear no
clothes. He has the whole upstairs to himself. That's his
house rule. I even have to take my clothes off if I'm gonna' be
with him up there for a while. Don't feel like you have to be shy
around him. If you want to walk up to him and put your hand on
anything just ask him, he'll let you. He'll let you touch
him. He'll let you feel him. I don't want you feeling shy
or embarrassed with your body or seeing anyone else's body. You
might as well know when I come to visit you'll probably see daddy
without his clothes, 'cause them’s Buck's rules. Now, they's an
unwritten rule among cowboys. What you touch on me, gives me the
right to touch on you. Buck is a gentleman and won't make you
feel uncomfortable. He may even invite you to explore around on
him if it makes you more comfortable. You don't never have to
feel embarrassed if you want to feel Buck's big dick, but just ask him
first and be gentle. I promise you one damn thing, that big man
will never hurt you. You're safer in his arms than anywhere else
on this planet. I already talked to him this morning, and he
offered to keep you for as long as it takes,” Morgan explained.
“Thanks,
Dad. I feel a lot more comfortable doing this than going home
right now,” Waddie replied.
“I don't blame
you, Son. I love you, Waddie,” Morgan said.
“I love you,
too, Dad,” Waddie said, reached up and kissed his dad.
Morgan pulled
his truck up in front of the big house. Buck must have been
waiting. He came bounding down the front steps squatted on his
haunches and opened his arms to his buddy. Waddie's little legs
couldn't carry him fast enough to the big cowboy's arms. Buck
enfolded him in an embrace. Waddie never had a feeling like that
toward anyone, not even his own dad. He was in his angel's
arms. Waddie was happy. All fear and anguish seemed to melt
away. For the first time in a long while, his heart was at
peace. Later that evening after his Uncle Buck showed him around
the place and made him feel comfortable, he showered with his uncle and
was lying up against his nude body with Buck's huge arms around him
locking him in tight, like he was afraid his little nephew would get
away. Waddie had no immediate plans to go anywhere. What? And
leave the comfort and security of Buck's huge arms? I don't think
so. He never felt more wonderful, more alive, more welcome, or
more loved in his life.
‘I ain't really
so sure I didn't die,’ he thought, ‘if this ain't heaven it sure as
hell should be.’
End Chapter 3 ~
Cabbage Patch Cowboy
Copyright
© 2004 ~ 2013 Waddie Greywolf
All rights
reserved ~
Mail to:
waddiebear@yahoo.com
Proofed:
12/28/2012
WC 16887
* Yes, sometimes
Angels use the cowboy vernacular to bring comfort to a buckaroo.