brcb_22

Booger Red & Cowboy
Waddie Greywolf

Chapter 22

I could tell Booger's brother was upset we weren't staying longer. I made excuses for us. We were touring with two cousins of mine from my family; they rode on to Mason. One of them's ill, and we need to be there; we're worried about him. Booger thanked me later. I said my private goodbyes to Griz. After spending another sublimely wonderful night in my great Bear's arms, I grew to care more for the big man the longer I was around him. Sometimes we would walk together holding hands and not say a word. We were content just to be with each other. We both knew what we felt, we didn't have to sully it with words. I had several opportunities to talk quietly with Briz away from our masters. He was reasonable, but he was fully convinced, someday, he would have me for his own.

I didn't encourage him because my life was already such a mess, but another one of my voices told me not to discourage him either. I knew what it was to have your hopes and dreams dashed. Sometime, it's all we have. We were quiet for a moment. I began looking deep into his beautiful amber eyes, and it suddenly hit me. An epiphany flashed across my mind accompanied by sirens, trumpets, gongs, bells and banjos, and one damn kazoo what made a glissando up my spine and made my scalp crawl away in opposite direction. Could Griz be the giant hairy beast-man, Buck, Uncle Bud, and the Old Man, himself, said would need me one day? Is Griz the one they were talking about? He certainly fits the description. I turned away from him like I'd been shot.

"What's a' matter, Little Cub?" he asked gently putting his big paw on my shoulder. I turned back to him in frustration at the blood being pumped to my face. We were too much with each other. We knew the secrets of each other's hearts. We couldn't keep a secret from each other if our lives depended on it. I looked into his eyes, took him into my arms to hold him, and I swear by all that's holy, I don't know where the words came from for I told him next. "Griz, listen very carefully to my words and remember them: hold on to your dream! Don't never let go of that dream and don't never give up hope. Sometimes, hope is the only thing we have to keep us going, and if it's what you truly want, if'n you're really sure it's what your heart needs, God will give it to you. You only have to ask him. Never stop hoping, my beautiful, big Bear-man! Most of all, never lose faith in your dream. It's a beautiful dream, a wonderful dream, and I will make this bond with you, I will share the same dream with you all the days of my life or until it comes true," I swore to him and sealed my promise with a goodly kiss.

"I'll remember, Cowboy. I love you, Billy," he said.

"God knows, I love you, too, Big Man. Never, ever doubt my love for you. Remember one other thing. Its important, too, Griz! If you ever find yourself in a position you need help, you feel alone or frightened, with no one to turn to, it don't matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm the first one you contact. Got that? Promise me!" he nodded his huge head. "I couldn't be more serious, Griz. Even if you don't know where I am or how to contact me, I gave you my dad's address and phone number in Mason. He'll always know where I am and how to get in touch with me. Do you understand, Big Man?" I asked.

"I understand, Master Billy," he replied.

"Promise me, Griz! It's very important and someday I'll be able to tell you why, but I can't right now. Why, because I don't even know why right now, but I know it's important. Please, promise me, Bear-Man," I begged him again.

"I promise, Master Billy, with all my heart. I love you so much, Cowboy, I don't never want nobody else but you, 'cep'n my master." I watched as one big tear rolled down his cheek. I gently raised his ring and kissed him goodbye. He held me in his big arms. He didn't want to let me go. He started crying again, and I couldn't help myself, I sobbed right along with him. God help me, I didn’t want to let him go either. There was a huge lump in my throat and a hole in my gut when we finally parted, and I waved my last goodbye. That lump remained in my throat all damn morning. I felt like I left a major part of my soul behind in Houston, Texas.

I couldn't even talk with my master later when we stopped for breakfast and coffee. Every time I did, I got a lump in my gut and throat so painful I couldn't speak. Tears would involuntarily come to my eyes and I'd just shake my head.

"Griz, Baby?" Booger asked tenderly as he took another bite of his breakfast. He saw a tear roll down my cheek as I nodded affirmative, and he let me be for a few minutes. "Griz is the friend of the Old Man, ain't he, Son?" he asked. I nodded affirmative again. I finally dissolved the lump with some hot coffee and a few bites of breakfast.

"I'm sorry, Master, but yes, he's the one. There ain't no doubt in my mind. I don't know why I didn't see it right away; it was right there in front of me, all along. It didn't hit me until we were saying goodbye who Griz is and why he means so much to me. I swear to you, my good Master, words were put into my mouth to tell him, Booger. Words what didn't come from my brain. Master, I know it sounds crazy, but I guess it's why I'm having these Griz withdrawal pangs," I said. I laughed a little, and I felt better. I went on to tell him what I told Griz, and apologized again to him.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Cowboy. I believe you completely. I witnessed too much with you to doubt you at this late stage of the game. I secretly wondered several times, even before we got to my bother's, if'n Griz might be the one. I'm glad to see he won your heart since you'll be responsible for him one day. I figured as much but knew you'd tell me when you wanted me to know. Griz is a lucky man, my sweet buckaroo, a very lucky man, indeed," he said.

My master meant only to lovingly compliment his slave, but it broke the dam inside. I cried into my napkin until I regained my composure. I felt better after I got it out, and then, we had a wonderful breakfast. Nothing more was said about Griz. Booger and I rode to Mason to join up with Boots and Sonny. We were going to visit for a while and go from there.

Dad, his new son, and grandson were thicker than fleas on a hound by the time we got there. The three of them could read each other's minds. Boots was in heaven with my dad. Dad became the loving dad he never had, and he loved being around him. Dad became granddad to Sonny, and the two of them fell in love. He was already teaching Boots and Sonny how to rope and ride. He couldn't keep his big hands off either one of them. He was constantly holding or petting one or the other. They ate it up.

Dad took Sonny to get a couple of shakes from the D.Q. and drove to the park where he could talk with him alone. Boots cried in Dad's arms begging him to tell Sonny because he didn't think he could. "Son," dad said to Sonny, "I brought you here under false pretenses, to get you away from the house. Your dad, old Booger, and Cowboy want me to tell you something they don't have the heart to tell you. I brought you here to talk with you man to man about it because I agree with them, coming from a third party, like me, who loves you very much, is probably the best way to tell you."

"Tell me what, Granddad? What could be so bad?" Sonny asked.

"Son, there ain’t no easy way to tell you this, and what I'm about to tell you ain't no joke. I'd never do that to someone I love as much as you. Booger Red's dying, Sonny. He has a brain tumor they can't operate on and seven months ago they gave him six to eight months to live. He's beginning to show signs. That's why he didn't want you going with him to his brothers. He stopped there to tell him about his condition and to say goodbye."

Dad watched as he saw a vibrant young man, his kin, become twisted with the pain of knowing his beloved master he grew to love so deeply the past seven months would be taken away from him, forever. Sonny left the table and wandered aimlessly across the deep St. Augustine grass of the park only to stumble and fall under a large shade tree. He was crying so uncontrollably he couldn't get up and continued to lie there in a fetal position. Dad was right behind him, sat down beside the young man and gathered him up into his arms. Sonny sobbed in Dad's arms like his heart would break. All the while my old man was trying to soothe and comfort him. Dad said he knew it was going to be rough, but he didn't expect this. Sonny slowly got himself together. He couldn't cry any more. He was sore all over from heaving while he was sobbing.

"I suspected something was wrong all along," he said. Sonny was quiet for a long time. "My dad would shine me on about some concern I had about my master. Cowboy was always so reassuring I couldn't get anything out of him. I began to think the three of them shared a deeper love I couldn't be a part of. I told myself it was all right, I had more than my fair share with my dad, Red for a master, and Cowboy for my brother." He was again quiet and wept a little more with his unspoken realization that it was a deeper love they shared, but it was for him. "Why didn't anyone tell me sooner, Granddad? My dad, Cowboy, or even Master Red himself?" he asked.

"Wasn't Cowboy or your dad's fault. Booger asked them not, too, Son. He loves you Sonny and wanted you to have a good half year or more with him without the knowledge looming over your head his time was growing short, and it eating you up. I agreed with them, Son. He done the right thing. You may not see or understand it for a good while, but those three men gave you over half a year of being able to love Red as your master uncomplicated by his declining health. Son, it's a statement of their love for you; their gift to you to want to protect you from the inevitable. Look what the news did to you today. Can you imagine how it might have affected you if they told you before you started on the trip. That's why Booger spent as much time with you as he could and not slight Cowboy. Your dad told me Cowboy was generous to a fault sharing Red with you knowing he only had this amount of time left to love him.

"I didn't know, Dad. I've thanked Cowboy and thanked him for being so generous to share Master Red. He's neither been jealous nor felt threatened. If anything he's encouraged me. This only makes me love him all the more. What a big heart he has. It ain't like that though, Dad. I weren't in competition with Cowboy. Red sees me as a slave son or a second slave. He never held back from me, but I know cowboy's the apple of his eye. I don't begrudge either one their love. They worked hard for it. They deserve it. It was more like family between the four of us. I know Cowboy loves to be with my dad and my dad thinks Cowboy sets the stars out at night. From the first night we met Red, he sort of adopted us as his family. Three men he loved with the same name. What are the chances, Dad?

"Red took me under his wing that first night. I never been with a real master before, Dad, other than to get fucked by several. Boy, was Master Red an eyeopener. After that first night with him I knew I had to be a slave to some man. Maybe not Master Red, but if my dad didn't want to become my master, I knew I had to find one for myself; I had to find me a good man to love and serve. I knew I could never have Red like Cowboy, but he offered to train me and I ate it up, Dad. I served him as much as I could during our time together. I've felt some urgency in him sometimes, but it only made him more patient with me. Master Red made me his second slave. I was so honored and thrilled he asked me to be his second slave, but if I'd a' know'd this I would've gratefully declined. I love Cowboy too much."

"Can't you see, Sonny? That's exactly why they didn't tell you. They wanted you to know the joy of being Red's slave."

"Cowboy's become a true slave, Dad. He would never think of questioning any decision Master Red made. There ain't no two people on this Earth what love each other more. I told him if Master Red only wanted me to lie across their doorway and he and Cowboy used me to clean their dirty boots on, I would be there in a minute to be their faithful boot-wipe."

"Red talked to me one evening while you were in South Carolina with the two cops," my dad said quietly, "He called me on his phone card he carries, and we talked about an hour. In that hour there were two topics he kept returning to, Cowboy and you. He wasn't being unfaithful to Cowboy when he told me how much he loves you, Sonny. He don't love you the same way he loves Cowboy. That ain't to say one is better than another. We all love in different ways depending on the person. Red didn't want you for yourself alone. He feels strongly you and your dad should be master and slave. He loves Boots as much as you and Cowboy. He told me he's never had a relationship with another man the way he does with your dad. He'd do anything in the world for both of you. Red told me there was never a moment's regret you and your dad went along with them on their trip."

"Dad, we had a wonderful time. It's something I'll remember the rest of my days as one of the most relaxed, happy, joy filled times of my life."

Dad was finally getting through the pain with Sonny and knew that after acceptance, healing would begin.

* * * * * * *
When Red and I arrived in Mason, it was like homecoming. Cowboy was home again. Boots and Sonny couldn't believe how the town rallied to say hello and wish us well. The diner that next morning was packed with people waiting outside to see the four Gunns. Word got around town two long lost Son of Gunn's were visiting Big Gunn. They were amazed at the family resemblance. They had to see Boots and Sonny's driver’s license. They wouldn't believe there were two more Billy Gunns. Louise and Suzy pulled a couple of the largest tables together and had them waiting for us when we got there.

We called Phil and Wilma Jo and they joined us. Louise and Suzy flirted with Sonny and Boots. They hadn't figured things out yet; wouldn't make a difference to them if they had. Boots and Sonny were with the cowboy and Big Gunn. They were family. I don't think Boots and Sonny ever knew people to be as friendly and want to know about them as they did in our little diner that morning. We were there for several hours, eating, visiting, laughing, drinking coffee, and relaxing. We had a great time.

Booger wanted to relax and let us go. The trip from his brother's place to Mason was not far, but we didn't rush. We stopped several times for gas, lunch, and snacks but Red was tired when we arrived. I could see it in his face, so did Boots and Sonny who got me aside to talk. I couldn't tell them anything because Booger was the one who would have to let me know if more signs were beginning to show. Red didn't want a fuss made over him. He wanted to be left alone; let him be.

He wanted me to go and be with my friends and relatives. He wanted to rest and have me with him in the evenings. I could tell he was slowing down. Things weren't working right for him anymore. He could still ride his bike, but his sense of balance was making it difficult. His vision would sometimes blur for hours and then come right back; he'd be okay for a while. I asked him several times to quit riding the bike. I invited him to ride with me. He wouldn't until one afternoon the four of us were riding around town and his vision cut out. He had enough sense to stop dead in the street and let Boots and I help him to the curb. He was getting scared. We took him home. Dad drove me and Sonny back to get his bike. We pulled it into dad's big barn of a garage, and it never came out again.

Booger decided he wanted to die in Mason. I wanted him to be near a larger city to be closer to medical facilities. He reasoned they couldn't do anything for him anyway, why bother. He felt comfortable in the big house with me, Lester, Dad, and Uncle Joe. There was plenty room for his small family to be with him. He had come to love Boots and Sonny like they were his family as well as mine. They couldn't have loved Red more. Booger and I both felt Boots was on the verge of a great self discovery which would carry him into the world of becoming a fine master capable of providing his son with what he needed. Red got certain things from Boots he couldn't get from me or Sonny. Boots became a project for Booger to leave a small legacy behind. He grew to love Boots more and more and looked on him as if he were passing him the master's torch. Red had a paternal, encouraging, teaching attitude toward Boots. He wanted to leave something of himself behind even if it was nothing more that to encourage Boots to be the master Sonny needed and Booger knew he could be.

Red's classroom efforts and my lab work with Boots was paying off. Booger wanted to know every detail of our nights together. Didn't upset me, I knew what he was doing. He had the right as my master to expect me to answer any question he put to me as truthfully as possible. Actually it became a big turn on for me to describe in detail before my master what Boots required of me. Red would never have questioned me if he wasn't so driven to get Boots where he wanted him. Usually, my descriptions were so graphic it would get him horny as Hell, and I'd get the snot fucked out of me again. You couldn't get the smile off my face. The more we rode together Boots became more collected and sure of himself. Red told me he thought, for the first time in his life, Boots was making an effort to grow up and accept the responsibility of becoming an adult. I had to admit it made a lot of sense.

Boots shared with me he made up his mind, after Red passed he was taking Sonny to Master Jeb and Big Jim's in Los Angeles for slave training. Everyone agreed, it would be the best thing for Sonny to help him get over the pain of Booger's death. During our journey, Boots shared with me several times he never wanted to try to live without Sonny. Sonny's love for Red was an eyeopener for Boots of a possible future without his boy, but he wasn't the least threatened by Sonny's love for Red or Red's for Sonny. Boots accepted Red as family. I was blood family, he had an open door to me, and it balanced in his mind. It did in all our minds. It wasn't like Booger was spending every evening with Sonny either, maybe one or two nights a week, rarely more.

Red was right when he warned Boots, sooner or later some scooter bum was going to come along and take Sonny away from him. Boots was convinced after talking to my family, Master Jeb, Big Jim, Big Beryl, my dad, Uncle Joe and even Master Ben, he wouldn't let that happen. The biggest influences were Ben Stafford, Booger, my dad, Walker, and Master Jeb. They told him he had a treasure on his hands, why give it away to someone else when he could have it for himself? No one wanted to see them apart. Sonny cried in Booger's arms many nights asking Red to talk his dad into becoming his master. Booger broke down in my arms one night at Brant and Ralph's knowing how his death was going to affect Sonny.

He felt Sonny was vulnerable because of his deep emotional attachment to Booger. Boots and I agreed with him. It made me feel good my master experienced the love of two other men who became family to both of us. Booger was comforted by the fact that Boots finally made up his mind there was no other course he could take. He assured Booger he didn't feel like he would've considered it if Booger didn't care as much as he did and acted as a mentor for Boots. You can bet that made Old Iron Sides shed a few.

Boots didn't meet one of our family who didn't encourage him to become his son's master. I told him to pray about it and ask for guidance. He told me he did, and it was only after that his heart felt peaceful he knew it was the right thing to do. Everyone, to a man, told him it was important for Sonny to go through slave training and become bonded to him. No one foresaw any problems, his son already worshiped his dad, and wanted to become his slave. Unbeknown to the three of us, Booger paid Master Jeb and Big Jim in advance for Sonny's training before we left Los Angeles months ago.

Master Ben flew out to be with us for a week and he lifted Booger's spirits. He sat and talked with Ben for hours. Tim and Harry came with Ben and spent most of their time with me. I grew closer to Tim and he was a great comfort during Booger's decline in health. Harry, of course, was Harry. He was wonderful. Anything I needed, Booger needed, Master Ben, or Tim, or any of my family, Harry saw to it; it was taken care of immediately. Harry had become a great friend to Booger and me. We loved him. When they left, I thought it would break Harry in two when he had to say goodbye to Master Red for the last time. It wasn't easy for Ben or Tim either.

Cal and Steve were wonderful. They became so attached to us we felt like brothers. We had keys to their house in Vegas and felt comfortable dropping by anytime. They were always happy to see us. Cal grew close to Booger. He hid a lot of himself from people, but he hid nothing from Booger Red. He looked on Booger as the father he never had and told him the secrets of his heart. Red would never betray a confidence, even to me. I didn't think Cal was going to be able to but he pulled himself up, went in to say goodbye to Booger and didn't shed a tear, until he got outside.

I thought sure Booger would want to spend his final days in Los Angeles or Glen Rose, but he didn't. Dad, Uncle Joe, and Lester didn't have any problem with him dying in Mason. They loved having Boots, Sonny, and me around. Boots and Sonny spent a lot of time helping out at the shop. Dad said Boots was a pretty fair mechanic, and Sonny was a quick study. That was high praise from my dad. They went about their lives and pretty much left us to ourselves. They were there if we needed them, and we often did.

My three dads were a great support and comfort during this trying time. Dad shared with me Booger asked him if he minded if he stayed in Mason to die. My dad, God love him, assured Booger it was fine. He was glad to have all of us there. Dad was in his element. He had a new son to love and a grandson he could spoil. He thought Sonny was the greatest thing since popcorn was invented.

We took over the newer bedroom my family originally fixed up for Ben and me. It was clean and comfortable. It was sunny most of the day and Booger was comfortable. Boots and Sonny checked in with us twice a day but didn't stay long. They were giving me and Booger the most of our last days to be together. Sonny fell apart when my dad took him to the park and told him. It took him three days to recover enough before he could handle coming to Booger's room to visit. Then he could only hold Red's hand. Booger understood and talked like a father to Sonny for hours.

The fifth week Booger's eyesight went altogether. He could barely make out shapes. His balance was almost gone, and he had to be near a bed to protect himself from falling. I couldn't carry him to the bath. I had to do everything for him that week. I didn't mind. He hated to have me feed and clean him. I jokingly told him to shut up, “I love you, Old Man. After all, I'm cleaning myself up, not just you alone. You told me yourself I'm now a part of you." I'd pull his cock out, drive him crazy teasing him until he threatened me with my life, then I'd suck him off. He always felt better after that.

Sonny pulled himself up by his boot straps and decided it was time for him to become a man for his masters and his brother. He took turns cleaning and helping Booger. He would've done it all himself if I let him, but it was important for me to do those things for Booger, as well. I wrote Dave and Barn a letter and told them that the end was near. I wrote a letter to the VA ward and told them our trip was done, but my master, Booger Red, was dying. I got phone calls from practically every one in Ten Sleep. The Bartletts were sad but supportive. Dave and Barn wanted to drive down. While I would have loved to see them, I knew they couldn't do anything, and they had a ranch to run. I got fifty-six letters of sympathy and encouragement from every man in the VA in Cheyenne. They named their television the Booger Red & Cowboy T.V. I shared most of their letters with Booger during our quiet times together.

Booger would get frightened, cry and want me to hold him. I never refused. We hired around the clock nurses to help with him. Sonny didn't want me to. He thought we could do it, but everyone began to see the toll it was taking on Sonny and me. It showed in his face and his walk. In some ways we watched a part of Sonny die along with his master. Dad talked with him, and Sonny finally realized a nurse was in everyone's best interest. My dad had a calming effect on people when they were hurting. Lord knows I climbed into those big cowboy arms many times over the years. They were always open for me.

The doctors told us, once vision and balance went, Booger would slip into a coma and may remain that way for a week or two. After that it was a matter of time before he passed. It was hard for me to watch the strong vibrant bull of a man, my magnificent beast, whom I loved so much waste away in front of my eyes. I slept with him every night. I held him all night and prayed Buck and Uncle Bud would come for him soon; not because I wanted him go, but because I knew the fear and confusion in his mind. I could feel it when I held him.

We had a steady stream of visitors. Our clan family from Los Angeles rode out to say goodbye. Master Earl, Wes, Big Beryl, Sam, Bull, Charlie, Zack, Big Jim and Jeb. Numbers of other family members came with them. Harry, Ben, Tim ,Cal, Steve, Master Walker, Xander, and even Leon rode his bike to Mason to say goodbye to him. Harley Boone, a fine looking man, rode out to be with Booger and me. At his side was his companion, Mutt. They were still leaning on each other from their earlier experiences with Spider. Booger couldn't see or sit up too well, but he could talk and visit with folks. He knew who they were and was delighted they came to tell him goodbye. I called his brother and Griz to come to Mason.

"How is he?" Bro Red asked.

"He's still sitting up with help, but his vision's gone. He's lucid, but he's just before going into a coma. I think you and Griz should come say your goodbyes, Master Red, before he lapses," I said. He and Griz were there the next day. They stayed two days, two nights, and the next day with us before leaving to go back to Houston. I think his brother was relieved he didn't have to be there when Booger passed. I don't think he could have handled it. He was satisfied Red was being taken care of by folks who loved him best. He knew we would see him through to the end.

I told Sonny about Griz before he and Bro Red got there. Sonny wasn't prepared for Griz. When he first saw Griz, he stood looking at the huge man in an awestruck daze. I told him to close his mouth and wipe the spittle from his chin. I checked a couple of times to see if he was breathing. I elbowed him; I spoke his name several times to get his attention; still no response from Sonny. Finally, I slapped my knee and fell out laughing at him. Poor Sonny blushed and gave me a frustrated look. Sonny thought Griz was a huge fury chunk of heaven that dropped from the sky. I always liked that about Sonny, he confirmed my taste in men. Griz and Sonny took to each other right away. Sonny got me aside to talk with me. "That big, ugly monster's a slave, Cowboy?" he asked like he was disappointed.

"Don't judge what's inside until you've unwrapped the package, Little Brother. First of all, he ain't ugly to me. He's one of the finest men I ever met. That's not to say the first time I saw him I didn't have the same reaction, but I fell deeply in love with that big monster. Trust me, you will, too. You'll be surprised how his appearance changes once he's got all fifteen inches up your butt.

"Naw, no fuck'n way! You're shit'n me. No man has – on the other hand – he's awful damn big, and you ain’t the type to blow smoke up my ass, I've learned that. Holy jumpin' jehosaphats, and know'n you, you little piggy, you took every damn inch and begged for more, right?" Sonny pointed at me and laughed.

"Hey! You keep forget’n, Little Brother, I'm a cowboy. I can ride anything," I said and smiled wickedly at Sonny. "It's true, Griz is a slave. His master, Booger's brother, had that ring permanently welded in place the second week he owned him, but don't let that ring bother you none, Griz won't disappoint you. I guaran-damn-tee-ya.' Take it from your bother, he won't never tell you wrong. Griz has something very special about him what will rip you a new asshole, and it ain't the size of his horse cock. I won't go into it, I'll leave it for you to find out for yourself, but I promise, you will come to love him as much as I do," I said with conviction.

About that time Griz walked up, and I introduced him to Sonny. Sonny took Griz's big paw. He could barely speak, but finally blurted out to Griz, "I could love you, Big Man." As shy as I knew Griz to be I was curious how he would answer such a blatant comment like that.

He grinned at me, turned to Sonny and gave him the warmest smile. "That would make me very happy, if you would, Mr. Sonny. Then I would love you, too," Griz said.

Sonny stood with his mouth open. He was stunned. He wasn't expecting such a genuine, honest, disarming, childlike response from such an imposing man.

"It's good to meet you, Griz," Sonny said quietly and sincerely.

"It feels good to meet you, too, Mr. Sonny," Griz said, grabbed Sonny in his massive arms, and hugged him. Sonny almost swooned. I caught Boots out of the corner of my eyes, laughing his ass off at Sonny. He knew only too well, Griz would trip Sonny's switch to the 'on' position."

"Just call me Sonny, Griz. If we're to love each other I don't want you calling me 'mister,'" Sonny insisted.

"Thank you, Sonny. I'm jes' Griz," he said.

Griz let Sonny go and opened his arms to me. They were the arms of love. He held me as I cried. He petted and consoled me. Griz was a great comfort. Just to be held in the big man's arms was a spiritual experience. He had a way of petting me while making his strange but relaxing humming sound. It wasn't a tune or a growl, it was a barely audible humming sound that vibrated at exactly the same frequency as my soul. For a few minutes the big man absorbed all the pain in my heart and gave me strength to carry on. If it hadn't been for that visit from Griz and Bro Red, I don't know if I could have made it. Damn, once again I smelled the sweet fragrance of roses about him and for the first time I got confirmation from someone else. Sonny agreed with me.

"I been talking with God, Master Billy, like you done told me to," Griz said softly to me so no one else could hear, "I asked him what you told me to ask him, and he said he'd think about it, if I was good and did the things he wanted me to," Griz said without nuance.

Okay, so, a man tells you he talks with God. 'Yeah, right!' Then you think, 'You know the big man's slow, he just means he prayed. Give him a break. Yeah, but then he said God talked back to him.' A flush came over me while he was holding me. Thoughts were racing through my mind only to lead back to the only plausible explanation. Griz talked to God. 'Why would you even question the big man? The Old Man talked to you; told you, his'self, he was a personal friend of the big man's. You ain't so special. If'n he got pissed enough to talk to you, call you a 'twit' and straighten your sorry ass out, then how hard is it to believe he loves Griz and enjoys talking with him? You can't be a friend to someone unless you talk with them.' I thought to myself.

"Griz, do the things he asks and no matter my obligations, he'll find a way for us to be together; if that's what you really want," I told him.

"I do, Master Billy, with all my heart," he said.

"Can I ask a favor, Griz?"

"I'd do anything for you, Master Billy."

"Next time you talk with him, ask him if he ain't too busy, if'n he sees fit, to fill me with his love and to give me the strength I'm gonna' need to see my master through this. I want to be strong for my master like he was for me."

"I'll tell him, Master Billy, but I already done talked with him some about you. I hope you don't mind. I ask him to come to you in your worst moment, put his arms around you and show you love like he does me. He promised me he would. When he puts his big arms around me and holds me, Master Billy, he gives me such peace and love. He don't do it too often, he said he don't wanna' spoil me none. He tells me that, but then he does it almost every time we walk together. I think he needs it from me, too, Master Billy. I put my arms around him and tell him how much I love him."

Son of a bitch, the big man ripped my heart out, and I cried again at his tenderness and sincerity. Somehow, I had no doubt, the Old Man would be there for me when I needed him. "Thanks, Big Man, I love you for that." I said when I got myself together.

"I love you, too, Master Billy," he said tenderly. I don't know why I never corrected Griz when he called me 'Master.' A voice inside told me, "No, he needs to think of you as his master. Give back to Griz some of what your master gave to you."

* * * * * * *
I was holding up better than I thought I might. I was being strong for Booger when I wanted to run and rage at everything holy and beat someone or anything up with my fist. Booger and I lay together for hours at a time and talked. "What do you think it will be like, Billy?" Booger asked like a little boy afraid of the dark.

"I know what it will be like, Master, I been there, remember? You'll simply rise out of your body when the time comes. Buck, Uncle Bud, and the cowboys, Ken and Rowley will come for you. They'll take your hand and lead you home."

"How can you be so sure?" he asked with doubt.

"Buck told me months ago, he and my uncle would be here to help you pass over so's you won't have to make the journey by yourself. Lots a' folks have to find their own way and some get lost. That's how you get there is to have those you loved who took your love back with them, come to lead you over. You have friends and loved ones who will guide you. Uncle Bud took your love with him, and he'll be here to show you the way. He never stopped loving you, Booger."

"Then why would Buck and his buddies come for me?" he asked.

"Because you'll be taking my love with you. Their love becomes a part of that love. They'll explain it to you on the way. 'Member how many times you demanded I trust you as my master? Well, I ain't demanding, but I'm asking you to trust your slave about this. It ain't that big a deal, Master. It will be for me to lose my master, but when you rise up out of your body, you're gonna' think, 'Why the Hell, was I afraid of this? Cowboy was right. This is better'n being there.'"

"Well, you've never lied to me, Cowboy. Don't see no reason you'd start now. I know you well enough to know, you wouldn't make this shit up just to console a dying man," he reasoned.

Booger made sure all his money and personal belonging were signed over to me. He had a little over half a million dollars in the bank. The only personal property he owned was his bike and a small cabin in the desert in Morongo Valley, California he never told me about. He told me to do what I wanted with it. He asked how I felt about leaving his bike to Sonny. Booger's Harley was a much newer and nicer bike. I told him I thought it was a wonderful idea. He couldn't leave it to anyone who would appreciate it more than Sonny. He told me he wouldn't say anything to Boots or Sonny. He wanted me to take care of it. I assured him I would.

My Master slipped into a coma the end of the sixth week we were in Mason and remained that way for almost two and a half weeks. He couldn't take in food or water so we put him on intravenous feeding. He would have gone quicker if we did what he wanted and withheld the IV. I knew he could hear me. I told him if the tumor was going to take him away from me, it's God's will, so be it, but I wouldn't sit by and watch my master starve to death. I felt the slightest squeeze on my hand.

I still slept with him every night and held him through the long, dark nights. I sat with him all day and way into the night. Most times, I just held his hand. He knew I was there. I would talk to him by the hour. I would talk about the damnedest shit; funny things, some good, wonderful sex we had, some funny, knock down, drag out, hard won sex scenes we could laugh about now; some wonderful and beautiful things we saw and experienced together on our tour across the U.S. I revealed to him the secrets of my heart I'd hidden from him for so long; how I'd become hooked on the rough sex and didn't want things to go back the way they were because I was afraid he'd stop taking it away from me; how I fell so much more in love with him than before, but I wouldn't show it to him until he had me in the height of passion. Then it would come spilling out of me uncontrollably. I told him underneath my stubbornness I loved him so damn much, but I was afraid and my foolish pride wouldn't let me show him the love I wanted to.

I told him how close he came to breaking me down to a gelatinous mass of quivering, sex crazed flesh. If he refused me his rough sex for only a week I would've crawled on my belly for a mile across a desert of broken glass, in the noon day sun, for the taste of his boots and would’ve called him my master, my owner, my only need in life; begged him to use me, to take me, just give me another 'Booger fix.' I would've admitted to him, he won. I would no longer deny I was addicted to his using me for any purpose he wanted. He would've never had to force me to eat his ass out again. I admitted to him how much I loved to clean him out; how I would feign disgust to keep him from knowing how much I really enjoyed it, and how much I loved him forcing me to do it. I would have insisted he never piss in a toilet again. On and on I babbled about these things.

I knew he heard me, he'd get a roaring hard-on. I'd have the nurse take a break or a long lunch. I'd lock the door to the bedroom, throw back the sheet, make the proper love to his shaft as my master would require, run my tongue around under his foreskin to clean him. Then, I'd take him. I'd suck on him, sometime fucking my throat with his erect shaft, then I'd skin his foreskin back from his beautiful cock, take him down my throat several times and he'd shoot every time. Afterward, I'd clean him, tell him how good he tasted and thank him for letting his slave have more of his wonderful master cream.

His breathing would become more relaxed. He wouldn't seem so tense, and he would have a glow about his face with the faintest of smiles. I'd take his hand again and feel the slightest squeeze of my hand in thanks. It became routine, I took him almost every day around noon. I'd suck him off while the nurse went to lunch. I usually gave her extra time so I'd have more time with him by myself. He had to know when it was near noon. Maybe, he heard the nurse getting ready to go to lunch, but after a couple of days he'd get a roaring boner right at noon in anticipation. The sheet would look like a damn circus tent. After the end of the first week, I relieved the nurse to go to lunch, told her she didn't have to be back for an hour and a half and let her go.

"Have you noticed Mr. Grainger gets erect every day around noon?" she asked.

I looked over at Booger and sure enough it looked like Ringling Brothers had come to town.

"No, ma'am, ain't never noticed before, but I can see he does. Is it important?" I asked.

"I don't know, I'll ask the doctor," she said and left.

I was holding Booger's hand and started laughing. "You dirty old man, I can't take you anywhere!" I told Red laughing and very faintly felt him squeeze my hand.

"Okay Booger, I felt that," I told him, "now calm down, you don't have to get so excited, you'll get your blow-job. I called in a guest slave to suck you off this afternoon while I hold your hand and talk dirty to you," I told him.

I laughed my ass off when I felt another slight squeeze. I shared with Sonny I'd been sucking Booger off every day for several days around noon. He didn't ask, but I could see the need as tears gathered in his eyes. I knew Sonny so well by this time I knew he'd cut his arm off rather than intrude. Anytime I needed him, he was right there, ready. I knew he wouldn't ask. "Sonny, my Brother, I know what Master Red means to you, and I wouldn't share this with you only to leave you out. Would you like to take him a couple of times?" I asked. Sonny grabbed me, hugged, and kissed me as he cried and cried. After the nurse left Sonny came in, and I locked the door. He was amused at our master's erection. I told him it happens the same time everyday. I took Booger's hand. Sonny took the sheet down, and I acted as master by proxy. "Make love to your master's cock, Slave. Show your good master how much you want to taste his beautiful cock and have him honor you with his seed."

Sonny was a great lover of cock and Booger was right, he could really beg for some dick. I told him to beg his fine master and his other slave would tell him when his master said he could have him. Sonny begged, pleaded, cleaned, and kissed his master's big dick. Booger couldn't have been harder. Finally, I felt a slight squeeze on my hand. I told Sonny, his master squeezed my hand. Our master gave his slave permission to take him. I hadn't seen Sonny in action for sometime. Our master taught him well. Sonny could fuck his throat quite deep with Red's big cock and not just once or twice, but repeated heavy face fucking. He went on for sometime and I felt another slight squeeze from Booger. I told Sonny to skin him back he wanted to come. Sonny did, took only two hits on his master's cock and got a big mouthful of his Booger's come. He pointed to his mouth if I wanted to share it with him, and I shook my head no. He had the ecstasy of swallowing our master's hot load. Sonny sat on the floor with his head back on the bed and jacked himself off as he allowed a small bit at a time of his master's cream to trickle down his throat.

We had rubber sheets under the bed sheet because of accidents. Sonny or I would clean him up and change the sheets. It only happened a couple of times. Then because he wasn't taking in solid food there was nothing to come out. He was still taking in fluids through the IV. He would piss a couple of times a day. The nurse wanted to catheter him. I told her absolutely not and called my friend who was a nurse and ask his advice. He sent me a rubber type contraption called a Texas catheter that slipped over the head of Red's penis and had a tube running out the end to collect the urine. It worked fine.

Afterward, Sonny and I would crawl into bed with him and put our arms around him. We'd tell him how much we loved and appreciated him being our master. We knew Booger could hear us but nothing worked. It must have been horrible lying there, aware, conscious, not being able to move, speak, or open your eyes. If he was aware he must have had moments of terrible panic. Much like a dream where you want to turn over or move your body but you feel paralyzed and try as you might you can't move a thing, then you began to drift further and further into sleep with the horrible feeling if you don't move something you may never wake up.

Nurse Brunhilde, I called her, assured me Mr. Grainger was completely out. That's what a coma is, he's unconscious, he can't hear you, his brain is turned off. I tried to tell her a couple of times I could feel him squeeze my hand, but she insisted it was my imagination; I simply wanted to feel him squeeze my hand. I suppose Booger becoming so sexually aroused enough to reach climax was my imagination, too. Funny, it sure tasted like my master's hot load when I was swallowing it. Sonny agreed. It was also strange she never seemed to notice his erection was gone when she returned.

When I talked about something that really touched him I could feel him gently squeeze my hand to let me know he heard me. The light was dim but he was still in there. After that day, I redoubled my effort to stay by his side as much as possible or until I felt my chatter might be exhausting him. I would tell him I was going to shut up for a while to give him a rest, but I wouldn't leave him; I'd be there. Once again, I'd feel a slight squeeze of my hand in thanks. It sounds strange but those quiet times, sitting there, holding his hand were powerfully spiritual for me; not from sorrow for his decline in health but just being by my master's side; there, for his use.

Maybe that's what I loved most about Booger was he used me to my fullest. I wanted to be there for him to use until his last breath. With Booger I never felt unwanted; I never felt unneeded. There was still an unspoken communication between us as strong as the first night we kissed and he sent me the message, he was my master, I was his slave. He loved me for asking him to make the choice for me, and he made that choice. He told me not to fear, to be comfortable with his decision. You will be my slave, you will serve me well, and you will love me.

Though out our time together touring, occasionally I would do something unexpected to please him. Every time, he would look at me with the greatest love and tell me, "You done it again, Kid," he would say. He didn't have to say more, I understood; but, now, he was reversing the flow, and I could feel it. He surrounded me with his demanding, yet unconditional love. Those were wonderful times he held my soul a willing prisoner within his heart. My captor would feed it, comfort it, and breathe into it his strength. When he set me free, I would never leave him. I didn't want to be strong. I wanted to fall apart. He wouldn't let me.

To his last breath he was going to be my master and he damn well expected and demanded my best. It was his due as my master. To Booger, my best was having the strength and courage to see him through to the end. I might stumble, fall, break apart, but I knew he'd put his big hand under my elbow to help me up. I could hear him whisper, "Goddamn it, Cowboy, I didn't become your master and make your decision to become my slave if I didn't believe and know you're stronger than that. Straighten up, Son! Remember, you're still my slave. Be proud, I trained you better than that. You're no ordinary slave, you're Booger Red's slave. I expect you to make it to the finish, Son, with your head held high." I wasn't going to let him down.

The town folk were wonderful. Suzie and Louise brought food for everyone from the restaurant. Someone was forever dropping off a pot of homemade soup, a pie, a beautiful cake. They knew we were suffering. They'd all been there and back. They just wanted to say they cared but didn't want to intrude. Aunt Laura came and sat with me several afternoons for a couple hours. I appreciated her being there, she was a great comfort.

Wednesday morning of the eighth week around eight thirty in the morning Booger woke up. He sat up, looked around, and he could see. I thought, perhaps, God gave us a miracle. Lord knows, I prayed for one. Maybe he experienced spontaneous remission. "Booger, it's good to see you again, Master."

"You don't know how good it is to see your sweet face, Cowboy," he said with a smile.

"Do you think you're getting better, Master, maybe going into remission?" I asked.

"No, Son, the Old Man's given me this morning to be with you to say goodbye. I had a long talk with your Uncle Bud last night. Damn, he's still a good looking man; looks just like you, Son. It was hard not to think I was sitting there talking with you. I always loved your uncle even after we came back from Korea. You were right, he still loves me. You were right about Buck, and the cowboys. I met them last night. Your uncle introduced 'em to me. Great bunch of guys, no wonder you loved 'em so much; they love you a lot. They're proud of you, Billy. Dan Yates' boy, Buck? Woooh. What a man. I realize what you must have gone through to lose a prize like him. He's a good man, Son. Loves you beyond measure. Your buddy Rowley is a big fine looking big hearted man. He, too, is one Hell of a man, Son. That Ken White is a funny little dude, had me laughing my ass off.

"Well, you met Ken, all right." I laughed, paused and got serious with him. "Booger, Master, I don't think I can tell you goodbye," I said and started crying as he held me in his arms. "I don't want to tell you goodbye, Master. I don't want you to leave me. A slave needs his master, Booger, and God knows I need you," I cried.

"There, there, Sweet Buckaroo, we won't have to say goodbye. Your uncle told me to tell you, ‘On down the road, Cowboy, on down the road.’" I cried again knowing that would be exactly what Uncle Bud and Buck would tell him to say.

"You're not afraid anymore, are you, Master?" I asked.

"No, Son, I ain't. It's my time, Cowboy. You were right all along. I guess I never learned to trust you about these things, but that was my fault. You never gave me reason to doubt you. It was just hard for me to believe, Billy. I want you to remember one important thing, Son."

"What's that, Master?" I asked.

"You were the one great love of my life, Cowboy, and I want to thank you for picking old ugly out of all those handsome men that night at the Johnson Ranch. You'll never know what that did for me. I loved you from that moment. You knew, same's I did, it just felt right between us; still does; always will. You have to promise me something."

"What's that, Master?"

"Once I'm gone, I want you to run to Dan Yates' arms, Son. Don't hesitate and don't think about grieving for me until you're with him. He loves you, he needs you, and you need him. He's waited patiently for your love and you've been more than faithful to me long enough, so make me that promise. I won't rest thinking you're wasting precious time grieving for me when you could be in that big cowboy's loving arms, loving him, and doing what grieving for me you need to. He can help you though it when no one else can, Billy. He once needed you to lean on but now you need him. Lean on Dan, Billy; trust him, serve him, and love him. I had a good, long talk with Buck and if Dan Yates is half the man his son is, you'll have more lovin' man on your hands than you'll know what to do with. He'll be a wonderful master for you who you can serve with pride and dignity."

Booger made me start crying again. "I'll try, Master, but it ain't gonna' be easy."

"I know you, Cowboy. You'll spend a year or more grieving for me before you go to him. Don't! Go to him immediately! I've already talked to your dad and told him the same thing. He agrees with me. I've entrusted your dad with your slave contract and a couple other legal documents he'll tell you about after I'm gone. I been accused of being jealous of your love for Dan, but the God's honest truth is, you never gave me a minutes doubt of your love for me, so how could I have been jealous? I only wish circumstances had been different, and I could've gotten to know Dan. I know, without a doubt, he'd be a man I'd love and admire. Now, I can't leave knowing you're gonna' be hurt'n for some long period of time missing me. Don't do that to me, Cowboy! You must obey me 'cause that's my last order to you as your master. It was hard enough to have you watch me die let alone the idea you might spend your precious time in this life being miserable grieving for me.

"Your dad will talk with you about some things I made sure of would be done for you. I know you trust me. Your master knows what's best for his slave. Oh, and by the way, I heard every word you said those days you sat by my side and talked to me. I couldn't respond, but I heard you and you'll never know how far that went to take the fear and panic from my heart. And, what can I say about the times you got me hard talking that wonderful, dirty shit you talked about; your confessions to me. Then you'n Sonny would take me in your hot little mouths. You and Sonny would lie here and sucked each other off next to me. I wanted to be holding both of you in my arms so badly, but I couldn't. Son, you'll never know what that meant to me. I couldn't respond, but it was some of the best sex you or Sonny ever gave me. Yours was the most unselfish act of love I ever experienced, and I love you for it.

"As long as I could hear your sweet voice and the wonderful shit you talked about I was calm and my heart was at peace. I got down on my knees, cried, begged, and pleaded with the Old Man to let me come back for a while just to tell you that. I'm so grateful he understood and gave me this time with you. Your Uncle Bud wanted me to tell you something about him and me before we went to Korea. I'm gonna' ask you to ask Sam Jenkins, Walker, or your dad about it, they'll know. When you hear the story, hold what I told you in your heart and keep it in mind, Cowboy. You, my young handsome slave, were the one great love of my life. It was you, yourself, I loved and no other."

I cried my heart out in his big arms knowing the end was near. He realized it, too. I don't think I fully understood how much Booger really loved me and what a big heart he had. I didn't know if I was going to be able to obey his last order. I didn't want to disobey my master but, at that point, my head was so confused, all I could think about was I had precious few moments left with the man I loved and cared about.

Booger sat up, ate some toast and jam, drank a cup of coffee and chatted with our family. They came to say goodbye one last time. I alerted them the end was near. The nurse was amazed he was lucid and could see. She never saw this sort of thing before but confirmed the possibility the time was near. Booger thanked Sonny and Boots for their love and told Sonny to become a good slave for his dad. Then Booger told Sonny something he talked to me about before.

"Sonny, my love, my son, my slave, Cowboy and I talked about it, and if I could've stayed around longer I was going to put you through slave training, have you recognized by our family as my slave, and have you sign my contract. I would've held on to you until I knew you were ready and your master was ready for you, then sold you to him for a dollar. I realize now, I won't have to do that. You're ready, Son. Once you decided to trust and never question your master you worked hard at becoming my slave. You're there, Billy-three. You're ready to serve a good master and your master is ready for his slave to serve him. You'll serve him well, Son. I know it. I love you, Sonny."

That broke Sonny's heart. He broke down again but pulled himself together. "Oh, God, Master Red, I love you so much. Take my love with you, sir."

"I will, Son, I promise." Sonny kissed him goodbye.

Boots took Red's hand. "That ain’t gonna' get it, Billy Junior, Master Gunn, and you know it." Booger smiled as he spoke to Boots. Boots leaned over to kiss him and Booger hugged him one last time.

* * * * * * *
Everyone left to let Booger and I be alone. He wanted to take a nap, and I let the nurse take a long lunch break. I sat by his side on the bed holding him in my arms, not moving for fear of waking him. It was a still, early spring afternoon. There was no breeze. I watched as the curtains moved softly, once, twice, three times. "Well, Hell, you just gonna' stand out there with yore' finger up yore' butt, White?" I asked with disgust. I heard White's laugh and the curtain moved the final time. We were not alone in the room. "Okay, Guys, I know you're here, I can feel you. You may as well let me see you." I saw Uncle Bud standing there, smiling at me. Then Buck, Ken, and Rowley appeared. My celestial cowboys. I looked at them and notice Rowley gained some weight; filled out to look like his dad. He was a handsome man. "You gained weight, Rowley. Looks good. You look just like yore' handsome old man," I said.

"I told ya' he'd notice, Buck. Yeah, I have, Cowboy. Ken likes me a little heavier, says it all turns to cock at midnight," he replied. They had a good laugh. "We been rodeoing hard over here, and I been eatin' more," he added.

"You rodeo over there?" I asked surprised.

"What da' ya' think? We sit around playing harps all damn day?" Rowley winked at me then laughed.

"Well, I just, never thought... oh, what the Hell, well, it's good to see you guys again." I reached over and kissed Booger on his forehead. It woke him, he opened his eyes, and saw them.

"Howdy, Guys. I want you to thank the Big Guy for letting me have this morning to say goodbye. It meant a lot to me," he said weakly to them, barely able to get it out.

"Get out of that tire old body, Old Man, come with us, and you can thank him yourself, it's time. We come to take you home," Uncle Bud said. The cowboys smiled at Booger.

Uncle Bud turned to me, and somehow, I knew Booger couldn't hear him. "You have to tell him he can go, Cowboy. You have to let go. Your hold on him is too strong. You have to tell him it's all right, you'll be okay. He wants to hang on, 'cause he's worried about you. He won't let go until he's satisfied you'll obey his last command and go to Dan Yates after he's gone. It's important to him, Billy."

"I can't do it, Uncle Bud. Don't ask me, I can't. It ain't all right for him to go and leave me. It weren't all right for you, Buck, Ken, or Rowley to go and leave me. I still ain't told the four of you 'goodbye.' How the Hell can I tell this man it's all right if I don't believe it in my own heart? 'Sides, you done taught me to tell the truth, and I'd be telling my master a bald faced lie. Furthermore, I don't know if I can love someone again right away, and it would only confuse Dan. I can't do that to him."

"You have to, Son. You heard Booger. It's what your master wants for you. Are you his total slave or not? Booger's waiting to hear you tell him you're going to let him go. If you truly love him, Cowboy, you will. Remember a long time ago, you and I had a conversation, and I told you there comes a time when we must say goodbye to all things in life, even life itself? As far as Dan is concerned, you have to give him that option. Be brutally honest with him if you wish, but don't leave Dan out of the equation. You need him, he needs you and together you'll find your way. Trust me, Billy. Trust Dan Yates, but more importantly, trust yourself to be strong and do what must be done. Booger needs to know you'll be all right. He needs to hear you say it. He won't come with us unless you do; unless you let him go. You won't be telling him a lie if you mean it. Let him go, Son."

"Oh, God, Uncle Bud, I don't think I can."

"Be strong, Cowboy, Hell-far and damnation, I know you can. I seen you take on bigger than this and bulldog it to the ground," Buck added, "Set your master free, we've come for him. Unless you let him go, and he goes with us, he'll wander by himself aimlessly trying to see to your happiness, and he won't be able to find his way the longer he hangs around."

I kissed Booger gently on his mouth and he returned it. "Booger, you know I love you, but what I'm about to tell you may be the single, hardest, damn thing I've ever had to do in my life. Listen carefully, Master, and believe the words I'm going to say. It's all right for you to go with them, I'll be all right. Your slave is setting his beloved master free. I know it's time I must let you go, Master Red. God knows I don't want to, I wanna' hold on like a mother, but I got to let you go. Go with Uncle Bud and the cowboys, Master. My love goes with you."

I broke down and started crying. I felt Buck put his hand on my shoulder and found the strength to finish. "I give you my word as a cowboy, I will abide by your wishes. I promise I'll obey your last order, I'll go to Buck's dad, Dan Yates. I love you so much, Booger, I promise to go to Dan, but you must promise to go with Uncle Bud and the cowboys." I hugged him and cried.

"I love you, too, Cowboy, I always will. You've never lied to me so I know you'll do as I ordered. I promise, I'll go with them. God bless you, Son. I love you, Billy," he whispered. My master, my magnificent beast, breathed deeply, held his breath for a second, let it out with a satisfied sigh and was gone. Then he appeared with the cowboys, smiled at me, mouthed the words, 'I love you,' gave me the okay, thumbs up sign. Uncle Bud took one hand, Buck took the other and Booger Red, my master, left with them out the door of the room.

A great calm came over me. I felt the arms of God, Himself, thrown 'round about me and He was, for a moment, absorbing all hurt, all pain. My heart was at peace. Buck said the Old Man might drop by to check on me and so did Griz. He remembered. He came to me. He was holding me in his big arms. It was one of the most serene moments of my life. It was like I'd been removed from the continuum of time, held in His arms, close to His big heart. He knew I'd be okay.

He told me, "It may take a while, but loss ain't as hard for you to deal with now that you're older. Obey your master's order, go to Dan Yates, he'll help. Booger was right, Dan's a good man; one of my favorites. I picked him for you, you know. He owns you now. You'll become his slave, and he'll become your new master. I really love his boy. I love you, too, Son, but you got more things to do in this world. You're important to me. I love you almost as much as Buck does." the Old Man laughed softly, "After you got your head from up your butt, you did what I asked, and I'm damn proud of you. You'll be rewarded; probably far more than you ever imagined. My rules are simple: You gives, you gets. Nothing to it. Your life with your new master, Dan Yates, is part of your reward, but I have a couple more surprises for you. You have one other person, another magnificent beast, who will need you and Dan, Son, and then I'll ask no more of you than to enjoy your life to the fullest. You were right, Griz is the giant man I want you to take care of. He'll come to you later when I take his master. He's a close personal friend of mine, Son. I couldn't think of two finer men than you and Dan Yates who would take better care of him and love him the way he deserves. I don't have to tell you to trust me anymore, do I?"

I shook my head 'no.'

"Good, you've learned your lesson. Thank goodness!" he exclaimed, "'Cause I don't happen to have a two by four with me this afternoon." He made me laugh, "You and Dan will receive a great blessing and joy from loving Griz, and I will be most grateful. He has special talents I gave him. Some he won't develop until he comes to you and Dan. Be good to him, Billy. I know you will. I know you love him already without measure. His love will only strengthen your and Dan's love. Trust him, Billy, he has a soul of purest innocence. He will amaze you and many. Remember, I talk to him almost every day. I love him and enjoy his company. The only time I ever miss talking with him is when all Hell breaks loose, and I can't get away; but, I always send a messenger to tell him and spend some time with him.

"Griz has a trusting spirit, and he'll listen to you, Cowboy. You and Dan will become his masters. Griz is one example of a man who is best served by being owned by a master. In the case of you and Dan, he will have two good masters. You will be Griz's master as well. You'll work it out. I ain't told him yet, but I have told him about our conversation. He knows you didn't lie to him about talking to me. You can't know how much Griz loves you, Billy. He's prayed to me, non-stop, to let him be with you. Of course, I put the bug in your ear to tell him that, but what the Hell, he listened to you. You don't tell him either, I want him to think he's being rewarded for doing what I asked of him, and so he is."

I thanked the Big Man for holding me in His arms and comforting me. I told Him it meant a lot to me. I assured Him I had no further doubts and would accept Griz into my life with open arms. Finally, I ask Him to receive my master with all the love we shared and with all the love he shared with Boots and Sonny. He assured me He would and was, even now. "And, Master, please tell him for me, sir, 'I will obey you, my beloved Master.' He'll understand, sir."

The Old Man's voice cracked as he replied, "I promise, Son, I will."

The nurse came into the room and asked who those cowboys were who just left the room. She could have sworn one was Sheriff Cummings and one looked like Booger Red. I smiled and told her the truth. She didn't believe me; thought I was crazy from grief, and took Booger's pulse. I sat on the side of the bed and quietly told her he was gone, he left with the cowboys. I sat there holding Booger's hand. I told her the exact time Booger left his body. She noted the time of death for the doctor to sign the death certificate. I let her go and asked her to send my dad up. Dad came into the room and held me as I finally let go and broke down in his big arms. He comforted and soothed me. He went downstairs and called the funeral home in our small town. They came and picked up Booger's body and took it away. Dad, Uncle Joe, Lester, Boots, Sonny, and I made all the arrangements that day.

Booger wanted to be buried in Mason in our family plot and his brother didn't have any objections. His funeral was to be three days later. I was amazed. The entire town shut down and came to Booger's funeral. Motorcycles started arriving early the afternoon the day before the funeral from all over the country. There were folks camping out in the park; in front of the court house; all over the place. Ben, Harry, Tim, Keshan, Cal, and Steve flew in from Reno. There was well over five hundred motorcycles parked in front of our small church or around the town square. The entire clan family came from Los Angeles. Master Jeb, Big Jim, Master Earl D., Wes, Master Zack, Big Beryl, Master Sam, Bull, Charlie and about two hundred other family members.

Booger's brother and Griz couldn't believe the turn out of people. There was standing room only and people standing on the walk and lawn in front of our church. My family from Glen Rose came. Leon, Master Walker and Xander plus their household help. Big Ben Stafford and his new slave, Ben Jr. flew in from Calgary. It was wonderful to have their support. Brant and Ralph kept in touch and knew the end was near. They drove all the way from South Carolina hoping to arrive before Booger passed but didn't get there in time. They stayed for the funeral then returned almost immediately. Brant and Ralph were devastated but tried to be strong for me, Sonny and Boots.

When everyone gathered and just before the service was to begin a huge black limo pulled up out front. Ben's father and bodyguards got out and walked into the church. The crowd parted to allow him entry. He walked slowly to Red's casket and laid a single red rose on top. It was the kindest, most moving, gesture any man could have made. He came to me, hugged me to him and held me as I broke down in his big arms. He comforted me. I composed myself and spoke to him. "Thank you for coming your Highness. Please, won't you join our family; your family as well."

"I would be honored, my Son." He sat next to me and held my hand throughout the service. I was so glad he came and he had no idea how much his simple gesture and presence meant to me. Our town was agog over the Sultan of Bahrain coming to our town for Booger Red's funeral. Red's brother knew the Sultan personally, and they renewed their association. Bro Red and Booger worked many times in Bahrain putting out oil rig fires. The Sultan remembered Griz and warmly shook his hand.

After we took Booger to the cemetery and said our goodbyes, there was to be a reception and picnic in the town park. The women of the town went all out cooking and providing food. I arranged food through the diner as well. I paid a couple thousand for food and tipped Louise and Suzie five hundred each to help. I didn't have to, they would have done it because they loved me, but it made me feel better. They could always use it. Waitresses in small towns don't make much. The Sultan and his men joined us. Everyone displayed the proper respect and gave him his privacy. Tim was by his side translating and helping the Sultan with his English. He was getting a lot better with his English and was able to join in our conversations.

You never saw such a mixed crowd of people in your life. The Sultan was amazed I introduced Lester as one of my dads. Tim explained Lester had been a family member for years, lived with my dad and Uncle Joe and helped raise me. He understood the concept immediately, and he and Lester became good friends. The Sultan fell in love with my dad and Uncle Joe. He thought they were two of the finest men he ever met. The Twisslemans came and met Ben's dad. Little Sister was all a' twitter but Mrs. Twissleman was the picture of dignity and grace. She would have been at home on the ranch or in a palace. She knew how to charm. Mr. Twissleman was equally charming, bragging about the Sultan's son, Ben, and how much his family thought of him. Ed Twissleman could have been a diplomat.

Little Sister fell in love with Boots and Sonny. She knew in a minute what they were all about. They couldn't help fall for her, too. Everyone was about through eating when a newer pickup truck pulled up and Tim ran to it. In it was his mother and Dan Yates. I was right behind Tim. I ran to Dan's open arms and hugged both Mrs. Russell and him. "I didn't know whether to come or not," he said nervously, "but your dad and Mrs. Russell urged me to, so we jumped in the truck and came. Hope it's all right."

"All right? It's more than all right, Dad, it's wonderful to see you again. You're more than welcome. It means more to me than you'll ever know." I kissed him on the cheek. Tim took his mother by the hand to meet the Sultan, and I took Dan's hand to meet him as well. The Sultan was having a great time. He was a people man and loved to meet all kinds of people. He wanted to know who was related to whom and how these people were connected. He made a number of associations and connections himself.

He knew Dan was Buck's father and expressed his deepest sympathies for the loss of his son. Of course Master Ben came over and hugged Mrs. Russell and Dan. He became big friends with Dan and went with Tim to visit the ranch regularly. It was a wonderful, love filled day, one Booger would have been proud of. I know he was watching. I was sad, but I had so much love around me I couldn't stop long enough to be morose. My master wouldn't want me to be anyway. Sometimes, I could almost feel him next to me, whispering in my ear. "Enjoy yourself, Cowboy. Accept the love. I'm with you."

* * * * * * *
Big Ben Stafford and his slave, Ben Jr. flew in from Calgary to be with me. Dad picked them up at the San Antonio airport. They were supportive during my master's decline in health. Sam Jenkins renewed acquaintance with Big Ben and met his son. My dad was glad to meet Ben and Ben Jr. Walker and Xander were happy to see Ben Stafford and to meet his son. They were all sitting at a table when I walked up and heard Sam tell someone, "Naw, I think you're both wrong. I think we should tell him."

"Well, if you guys won't, I will. That kid means more to me, Leon, and Xander than you can know," Walker Johnson said.

"Tell me what, Master Sam, Master Walker?" I asked. Several of the men turned red and didn't know I just walked up.

"Did Booger ever tell you why he wanted to be buried in your family plot?" Sam Jenkins asked me.

"No, Master Sam, there were lots of things I didn't know about my master. A few dropped out here and there unexpectedly," l replied.

I told them the story of Brant and Ralph. How Brant told Booger in jest if he thought he could do better he'd loan him his horse and rope. "Booger got on the horse, let out Brant's rope, recoiled it the way he wanted, got into the stocks, told me to ride heeler and rope the hinders; he would ride header and rope the head. I swear to all that's holy, after we broke the timing barrier, Booger caught the steer, turned it, and was backing his horse almost immediately after the steer cleared the gate. Best time I ever logged with any partner. Booger rode back over to the kid and told him to let that be a lesson, never challenge an old man unless you know all about him." They looked at each other and fell out laughing at my story.

I continued, "I was stunned. Here I'd been with this wonderful man almost four years and he was as good or better with a rope than I was. It made me realize there must be many things about my master I didn't know. It didn't bother me much. It only made me love him more. I thought Booger would tell me if he wanted me to know. He never said a word. I never asked. He was my master. I trusted him. The morning he crossed over he said he talked to Uncle Bud and my cowboys. He said Uncle Bud wanted him to tell me something about them before Korea. He told me to ask you, Master Sam, or you, Master Walker, and you would tell me. He also told me to remember as I heard the story I was the one great love of his life," I said.

Big Ben Stafford looked at me with love in his eyes. "I agree with Sam and Walker, I think it would only make Cowboy love his master more. Cowboy brought Booger Red by when they were touring the country, stayed a week with us, and I got to know him pretty well. He told me the story and asked me to tell Cowboy if no one else would. Billy, Red, Boots, and Sonny are responsible for me and my boy coming to know and love each other. I owe Cowboy for that," Ben Stafford said.

"What's this all about, Gentlemen?" I asked.

"Tell him Sam," my dad said to Sam Jenkins

"Did you ever wonder why your Uncle Bud told you, you made the best possible choice of the men who were at the Johnson ranch; why he was so easy about you being attracted to Booger and encouraged it?"

"I thought he wanted to cushion the pain of him and I having to separate after being together for a year," I replied.

"That was the main reason, you're right, but did you notice there were seven other fine looking men there that night, and me makes eight; although, I ain't what you'd call a raving beauty? Then there was old ugly, he called himself, Booger Red. Did you ever wonder about that, Cowboy?"

"No, sir, my eyes stopped at Master Red and I didn't pay much attention to any of the others except you, Master Sam. You asked me, why I picked Booger?"

"Yes, and I remember your answer. Without thinking you gave me the best possible reply to that question. It was honest, correct, and from the heart. You told us Booger Red just felt right to you. That's what happens when two men bond, it just feels right. Well, those good looking men were there because your uncle called Walker and set it up with him. He wanted some good looking available masters there to tempt you into an affair with one of 'em so's it would temper the pain of your parting. It would show you, you could love others and not break your heart over losing Bud. He loved you enough to do that for you. He specifically asked Walker to invite Booger to come, but not for you, for him."

I knew my uncle spoke of Booger in reverence when he spoke about him. I remembered they shared something in Korea. I was beginning to feel uneasy like I wasn't really sure I wanted to hear this story, but my master wanted me to. I trusted him. Once I gave myself to him totally, he always made the right decisions for his slave. "I know what you're thinking, but the story don't end there, Son. There's more. Most of the men sitting here, at one time or another, rode the rodeo circuit together. Ben and your uncle were roping partners, and master and slave for about, what Ben, five, six years?" Sam asked.

"Six," replied Big Ben Stafford. "I loved your uncle without measure, Billy. You have to know that. I was so in love with that man. He was the perfect partner for me; even tempered, concerned, giving and one Hell of a roper; a lot better'n I was. We won some, but we never made it to the finals. Bud could've picked any cowboy he wanted for a partner. Many were a lot better'n me 'cause Bud was damn good. He rarely missed. I wanted a family and to be a rancher. I knew I wasn't good enough to be a champion roper. Rodeo life can be exciting, but it's for young men, Son.

"I was getting older when your uncle come along, and he wanted to become my slave. I never been with a man before. Truth was, I never been with a woman at that time either. I wasn't saving myself, Hell, we were too damn busy getting to the next rodeo. Bud and I were together 24/7. Well, you know how it is from your year with Bud. I don't know to this day how it happened but like you told Sam about Booger, it just felt right me loving and being with Bud. So, I extended my rodeo career another six years to be with the handsome cowboy I fell in love with.

"My time was running out, and I had nothing to show for it. I banked my half of the prize money your uncle and I won but in those days the prizes weren't as big as they are today. It broke my heart and Bud's, but I left him to get married, settle down, and raise a family. For years I had regrets until I had my first son. Then I knew I done the right thing. I had a hole in my heart for years afterward for Bud that never went away. If I hadn't done what I did, I probably wouldn't have this handsome young cowboy sitting next to me for my slave." Ben put his big arm around Ben Jr., pulled him close and kissed him on the forehead. Ben Jr. smiled and blushed. It was obvious they were very much in love.

Master Sam picked up the story, "Bud damn near went crazy grieving for Ben, until this big ugly cowpoke came along on the circuit out of nowhere, and he was a wizard with a fucking rope. At that time, I'd say Bud was just about the best roper on the circuit. Any arguments, Gentlemen?" Sam asked the men at the table. They all nodded their heads and allowed he was right. "Well this buckaroo may have been ugly as homemade soap, but he was better'n Bud. He could out rope anybody, and I mean anybody, on the circuit. He was deadly accurate and never missed a throw, especially in competition. He was a fierce competitor and steady under pressure. He never got nervous. He was cool, calm, and collected when he was in the arena. Guess who that ugly cowpoke was, Son?" Master Sam asked somewhat rhetorically.

"My master?" I asked. I managed to get the question out without breaking down.

"That's right, Son," Sam confirmed. "Booger Red. That's the name he went by even then. I think Bud was the only cowboy on the circuit who knew his real name. Red saw your uncle rope with Ben, found out Bud didn't have a partner anymore and ask him to partner with him at several rodeos. Bud agreed, and they won every time. Booger quickly got a reputation as a bad-ass and nobody fucked with him. He was pretty mellow to a point, but a couple of times one of the cowboys pushed him past his flash point. They never did it the second time. After seeing a couple of men who got into a fight with old Booger, nobody else was stupid enough to cross him. He was a good man but there are assholes in this world who just have to see how far they can push a man.

"Bud was the type, a man's looks weren't important to him. It was what's inside him he was drawn to. He didn't know Booger all that well to begin with. They didn't associate much outside of rope'n together. Bud knew Booger's reputation, but he also knew a damn good roper when he saw one. Bud and Booger began to burn up the rodeo circuit. The more they paired up the better they got. Didn't seem like nobody could beat 'em. Bud approached Booger one day and ask him to throw in with him, be his roping partner. Booger was thrilled. Not only was Bud the second best roper on the circuit he was the best looking cowboy. There were a lot of buckaroos who would have loved to had Bud for their partner. So, Bud and Booger became roping partners, but only roping partners. Booger was straight; never been with a man. He was tolerant of men who went with other men; however, he let everyone know he was a straight arrow and didn't care to bunk it in with men.

"Well, everyone on the circuit knew Bud was Ben's slave for six years and Bud wasn't the kind of man to bunk it in with a cowboy without being truthful with him. When he asked Booger to throw in with him, Bud laid his cards on the table. Since they were gonna' be together a lot he wanted Booger to know he wasn't interested in him that way. He knew Booger was straight and Bud accepted it. As long as Booger respected him, Bud would respect Booger. He wouldn't bother Booger if Booger didn't bother him. They'd be sleeping in the same bunk in a camper over Bud's truck. Could he handle it? Booger thought it over for a second and agreed. At first, Bud wasn't the least interested in Booger sexually. He was homely, to be kind; however, you dress old Booger Red up in cowboy clothes, a big, wide brimmed hat and he was as authentic a looking buckaroo as any of us on the circuit. Granted, one of the meanest, ugliest looking cowboys on the circuit, but he had a certain rugged masculine appeal that turned many a cowboy's head for a second look.

"Well, they won everything, including the national finals that year. I know he never told you, but Bud won three nationals with Booger. They partnered four years. After the first year, Bud was smitten, head over heals in love with the big ugly cowboy. Every cowboy on the circuit wanted a chance with Bud, but he wouldn't go with anybody, even though he and Booger weren't having sex. Booger didn't have a clue, but he knew something was happening. He was feeling something for Bud because he and Bud were inseparable.

Everyone saw what was happening but didn't understand it. We jokingly called them beauty and the beast. One night, we was all sitting around some picnic tables behind the rodeo grounds drinking beer. Booger was there with Bud. One of the young cowboys, new to the circuit, thought Bud was about the finest looking cowboy he ever saw. He casually asked Bud if he'd consider bunking it in with him sometime. The cowboy knew they were roping partners but everyone told him Booger was straight and the two men went their own way.

"Before Bud could answer, Booger jumped the young cowboy and almost beat the poor kid to death; beat the living fuck out of him. Took five men to pull him off and another three to separate them. They called an ambulance and took the kid to the hospital to put him back together. He required something like forty-two stitches in his face and upper body. It weren't pretty. The kid came back from the hospital all bandaged with his arm in a sling.

The rodeo association wanted to throw Booger out. The kid was a cowboy and believed in the cowboy code. He went before the association, told them it weren't Booger's fault, it was a misunderstanding. He didn't realize it at the time, but he pushed Booger to far. They were both at fault. If they threw Booger out, then by rights, they should throw him out, too. They believed him and since he was truthful about it, so they thought, they forgave both of them.

End Chapter 22 ~ Booger Red & Cowboy
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12/22/2015