Booger Red & Cowboy
Waddie Greywolf
 
Chapter 6

 
I joined my buddies at the roadside park. They were in no hurry to leave. We were headed for Mason to visit my dad and Uncle Joe before traveling on to Tucson. All they could talk about was the food and hospitality of the Twisslemans. They were impressed. "Gentlemen, I'd like to nominate Billy Gunn the third, better known as Cowboy, for membership into our family, the Clan McInnis," said Bull, "After that feed last night at the Twisslemans, I'll ride with this man anywhere, any time," he completed with dramatic flourish to his finish. Everyone agreed as they laughed.
 
"I'll second that nomination," said Big Jim followed by Charlie and Master Jeb.
 
"Then it's resolved, Billy, you'll have a three month probationary period and then be voted into full membership, but for initiation, you gotta' spend the night with the road captain," Big Beryl said with a huge grin on his face then added as an aside, "It's part of the road captain's perks, ya' know?" he claimed, then threw back his big handsome head and roared with laughter.
 
"Perks be damned, it would be an honor, sir," I replied.
 
"Damn, I like this kid," Beryl said as he hugged me to him, "Learned to ride a bike pert-damn good, too. Good call on his nomination, Bull," complimented Master Beryl, the road captain.
 
They congratulated me on my nomination to the clan. They had to hug and kiss me. Damn, I loved these men for being by my side through this. They knew it was tough on me, and each gave me great unspoken encouragement and strength. They rarely said anything about it but I knew. They let their support be known in small, meaningful ways. It made me feel good these fine men thought enough of me to ask me to become a member of their family. I felt proud and honored and to be honest, I was looking forward to the initiation with the giant man I had come to love and respect.
 
We left the roadside park and headed out to Mason. It was half a day's ride to Mason through the hill country Northwest of San Antonio; a beautiful ride. In an enclosed vehicle you don't appreciate the beauty of the countryside the way you do when you're out in it on a bike. I knew that feeling from riding a horse but never the feeling of burning up the road while being a part of nature. It was a glorious experience, and I could understand why these men relished being on the road. They were a different breed of men when they were on their bikes. It seemed to make them more humble and prouder of their role in nature and humanity. They related more freely to one another, and I felt myself being pulled into their inner circle of comradeship. They each had their pains of life to suffer, but they helped me understand I was not the only person living with pain. They were becoming a part of me, and they just told me they wanted me to become a part of them. I already thought of them as family. By any definition, that's exactly what they were, not only to me, but all the members of their clan, the family clan, 'McInnis.'
 
Certainly, Wes had his share of pain over the years. His biological father wrecked his penis by nailing it to the porch over and over again because he caught Wes playing with himself. Wes was left with a scared, damaged penis and couldn't ejaculate. I thought he was lying when he shared the story of his childhood with me; until, I saw his penis. Then there was no doubt in my mind. It had to be as bad or worse than anything I suffered in life. I lost loved ones, and the pain and grief of loss is real, but the torture Wes went through as a child was incomprehensible. How could any human do that to a child, especially his father, for Christ sake? Master Johnson assured me his story was true, and he bought Wes from his father when he was only ten years old for forty dollars.
 
Wes' story was too horrible for me to understand, although it didn't stop me from making love to him. He was a hot little man, and we pulled our bedrolls together every chance we got. I became his cowboy. Like my obligations to Leon, he, too, had certain responsibilities to Master Jeb and occasionally Big Jim, but we spent a lot of time together. Wes taught me a great lesson about life and my own suffering. No matter how bad we hurt or think no one can understand our pain, consider, there's someone out there living in a Hell that would make your problems seem insignificant by comparison. I remember Pastor McCree at our church in Mason gave a sermon on, ‘I was angry and cursed God because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet.’
 
We arrived in Mason late that afternoon. I phoned dad to let him know we were coming, but we didn't know exactly the day we'd be there. Between Uncle Joe's big house, which he hardly used anymore, and dad's there was plenty of room for everyone. I was going to ask Wes to stay with me, but Master Jeb had need of Wes and I understood. As it turned out Uncle Joe took Bull, Charlie, Master Jeb and Wes to his house. The two giants stayed in separate bedrooms in dad's house.
 
Lester, Uncle Joe, and dad were so glad to see me. Dad looked a lot better. He wouldn't admit it, but Uncle Joe was coloring his hair for him. He looked ten years younger. I couldn't believe it. My old man was borderline handsome. He always was a good looking man in a rugged sort of way, but he looked great; made me old dick drip, he did. We visited and ate dinner together. It was getting late. Everyone was tired and said their good nights. Uncle Joe and his four guests left for his house, the two giants went to their rooms, Lester went off to his room for the night, and dad and I were left alone in the kitchen.
 
"Dad, I know it's unusual for a grown man to ask his dad to share his bed, but we have an unusual relationship. I don't want to stay alone and since Uncle Joe is entertaining guest at his house, would you consider staying the night with your boy?"
 
"I'll be honest with you, Son. Those nights I spent with you before you left for the Johnson ranch were hard on me. Not so much for what you were going through, but because it was like sleeping with and holding your Uncle Bud again. I couldn't keep my old dick from getting hard, and I tried like the Devil to hide it from you."
 
"You failed miserably, Dad," I said and laughed as I looked at him and winked.
 
"Then, you mean...?" he looked at me with a big watermelon grin.
 
"Well, what the fuck, Dad? I was the slave to my biological dad for a little over a year. I loved him as much as you did, still do. Since I learned about man-sex, my real dad – that's you – has made my dick drool in my Wranglers every time I'm home. I have to wear a paper towel in me Wranglers to keep from showing a wet spot. Think I'm shit'n ya'?" I opened my belt, unzipped my Wrangles, shoved them down to my boot tops and showed him my wadded up paper towel. It was wet. He started laughing and couldn't stop. "I don't think it's funny, Old Man. I don't think it's funny a' tall," I said with some disgust. I giggled at my own try at being indignant. Dad only laughed harder at my mock seriousness. "Yore' boy is a' hurt'n here, Dad. Do you have any idea what it's like having a permanent semi-erection the whole time I'm home?" Dad laughed only harder.
 
"I certainly do," he said as a challenge. He undid his belt, unzipped his Wranglers, showed me his stiff cock with a folded paper towel rapped around the head and part of the shaft, held on by rubber bands. It was more wet than my paper towel. I started laughing, and he started laughing again, then we held each other and laughed together.
 
"Oh, fuck, Old Man, we are two sick puppies! What're we gonna' do about it? The way I see's it, if'n his son is a' hurt'n, a caring dad with a boner like you got, would see to it his kid got what he needed," I said.
 
"I'm afraid to ask," Dad said laughing again.
 
"Your boy needs you to fuck the meanness out a' him. I got's me a powerful lot of cowboy meanness backed up in me, Dad, what's gonna' require some in depth, leather slapping, down and dirty, hard riding, cowboy-dad fuck'n to get it out," I expounded. Dad just smiled real big at me.
 
"Damn, you inherited more from Bud than just his good looks, Boy," he said with a grin.
 
"How's that, Dad?" I asked.
 
"His gift of bullshit. He could sling it with the best of 'em," he replied, grinned real big and chuckled.
 
"I'll have to agree," I said, "I heard him spin a yarn or two. Uncle Bud had few peers, but y'ain't answered my question. Hell, Dad, it's the least you could do for your boy," I pleaded.
 
"I think, just maybe, your old man could help you out with your little problem, Son. Lemme' see yore' eyes. No! Hell! I fucked more meanness out a' Joe than you got in you tonight. Might take a couple of injections, though. It's tolerable strong medicine. Wouldn't wanna' give it all to you in the first injection." he said, smiled, and winked at me.
 
"I knew you wouldn't let me down, Dad," I said with a sigh of relief.
 
He laughed again at my nonsense. He grabbed me and pulled me to him. Dad looked me in the eye for a minute, then kissed me as gently as a saint. It was the first time in my life my old man kissed me on the mouth. He would sometimes hug me and kiss me on the cheek, but I could count the number of times on one hand. This kiss made up for lost time. My dear old dad damn near singed the hair off me balls. "That's why I let you and Bud get close," he whispered in my ear, "I knew if you asked him and you wanted it, he'd teach you about man-sex. I knew Bud loved you enough he'd never try to force it on you or try to talk you into it. It would have to be your choice, your decision, and I trusted Bud. He wouldn't lie about you asking him to teach you," Dad said.
 
"You were right to trust him, Dad. I did ask Uncle Bud to teach me. We talked and I didn't lie to him about the hitch in my get a' long. I was honest with him, but he didn't get upset. I told him I loved him and jacked off thinking about having sex with him. He didn't scold me, put me down or nothing. He told me if'n I woke during the night and found his arm thrown over me to think nothing of it, 'cause he was used to rolling over and putting his arms around Aunt Laura. I told him he could put his arms around me right then if he wanted to. We were naked in the bunk with his arms around me. Oh, yes, and Sir Richard the modest down there decided to run up his flag to see if anyone saluted," I said looking down at my crotch. Dad was laughing his ass off. "Uncle Bud laughed at me and jokingly ask if he turned me on. I asked him if I told him 'no' would he believe me? He said he would if'n the little brain between my legs hadn't decided to set itself on a pedestal." Dad was rolling on the bed laughing.
 
"I was the one who asked him to teach me about man-sex. He did, and I couldn't a' had a better, more loving teacher. Damnation, did we have us some sex that year? Woah, dogies! We couldn't get enough of each other. Even if he was my biological father, I don't care. I loved him and other than you, he was the most important man in my life at that time. He taught me to be a man, Dad, and I will always love him for that." I said.
 
"Well, I done me a lot of thinking about it, and I'm happy and proud it was Bud. I knew the minute I saw you guys in Ft. Worth you were fuck'n like minks. I sincerely believe that's why you guys won the finals. You became more than just a roping team. You became an extension of Bud. You operated as one. It stunned folks to see you guys in action. I couldn't a' done what Bud did for you, Son, even though Joe and I done figured you were gonna' grow up with a hanker'n to rodeo with the cowboys. Didn't make me no never mind. Couldn't be more proud you're my boy either way. I wanted you to be what you needed to be. You're just as pretty to me one way or t'other. At least this a' way, I get to try a piece of the cake I baked," he said with a wry smile. We both laughed. "Accepting the responsibility for you as my son all these years meant everything to me. I wanted you to be my boy, my son. I needed to be your dad. That's why I had you in the first place. It was important for me to be your dad, and a dad wouldn't approach his son no matter how handsome and wonderful a man he thought he turned out to be. Might be different the other way around; that is, if'n his son came to him and honestly told him of his desire. By the way, have I told you lately that I love you, Billy?" he asked.
 
I laughed at his aside. "No, not within the last fifteen minutes, but it will be about the twenty-fifth time since I walked though the door. Let me hear it again, Dad. I never get tired of hearing those words from my old man," I said. We laughed together. I cleaned myself then invited dad to the shower. I helped him undress and pulled his old, dusty, brown cowboy work boots off for him. He didn't seem shy at all. He raised me and never taught me my body was anything to hide or be ashamed of. We ran around nude in front of each other for years, 'cause there were no women in the house. Lester was the only one to get upset and of late he just giggled, shook his old head, and shuffled off to his rooms.
 
Dad never ran to cover himself when I came around, and he was naked. I was never taught to be ashamed of being nude. I never had problems in high school being naked in front of my team mates; didn't bother me none. I always admired my dad's big dick even when I was a kid and wondered if mine would be that big. He had a longer foreskin than either Uncle Bud or me, but it just made him more attractive to me. I got my old man in the shower and bathed him slowly. Rubbed his big, tired-old back for him and stood for many minutes just holding him as the hot water ran over our bodies. I forgot how big a man my dad was, everywhere. He was taller and bigger in the shoulders that Uncle Bud and considerably better hung. I took his cock in my hands to clean and rinse it.
 
"No wonder my silly Uncle Joe loves you old man. You been slamming that quarter pounder up his butt all these years. Think you could give your son's butt a taste of that, prime, aged, cowboy beef tonight? He sure would appreciate it," I asked. Dad looked down at me with love in his eyes, wrapped his big arms around me, and kissed me hard as the hot water continued to run over us.
 
"Clean yourself good, Cowboy?" he asked softly.
 
"Yes, sir, real good, for my old man. And, Dad, I love you so much for everything. You've been the greatest dad any kid could hope for," I assured him.
 
"Thank you, Son. You can't know what them words mean to me. You can't measure how much I love you, Billy. I loved your Uncle Bud. I loved him for giving me you, but I've loved you every minute you were with me, still do. I was afraid to show you too much affection, 'cause you grew up looking like a copy of Bud. I was afraid to put my arms around you for fear of you finding out about the other side of me. Maybe we can make up for lost time. I just hope you're getting better and will find love again. God knows, it ain't easy, Son.
 
"By the way, Booger’s called a dozen times or more asking if I know where you are. I hate to lie to him. He's a good man, Billy. So ugly his momma tried to kill him at birth, but he's a good hearted, loving man," Dad said and grinned. I roared with laughter at dad's take on Red's looks, "You could do a lot worse than Booger Red. If'n you want your old man's opinion, I think you should give him a chance. He could help you get back on your feet. You need some control in your life, a little direction, somebody who won't let you dwell on the past. Red is just the man what can do that for you. You accept him as your master and you'll have more loving man than you'll know what to do with, trust me. He'll shape your ass into his good little slave-boy pert-damn quick. If anything, you could use a little discipline in your life.”
 
"I know, Dad, and I'm gonna' face that next. My love for Booger was sort of put on a back burner when I went to Nam and fell in love with Buck. I still have love for Booger, but I ain't been able to let go of Buck yet. I'm going to visit Dan Yates next and try to tell Buck goodbye. Hopefully, it'll get me to the next hill. That next hill will be Booger, I promise. If he calls again tell him I'll find him; give me a little more time; I'll explain when I find him. Ask him to stop looking for me, I'll find him when I'm ready. I can't think about loving anyone yet, not just Red, anyone. Above all, Dad, tell him I still love him. I just don't want to bring half a person to him."
 
We crawled into dad's bed downstairs. His bed was newer with no squeaky springs. We made love for quite a while. I knew he was having a problem taking me. God knows, he wanted to, but there was that thing in the back of his head, he was my dad. He was, but I wanted to pleasures him so much I began to suck on his big cowboy cock. I don't think Uncle Joe sucked his dick too often, 'cause my old man started writhing like a snake in hot ashes, especially when I got my tongue under his foreskin and ran it around to get his taste in my mouth. I cleaned him good in the shower, but any man will start to secrete his juices almost immediately.
 
"Oh, Son! Oh, shit, Boy, that feels so damn good! Oh, fuck! Take the head just a little. Oh, son of a bitch, I love you, Cowboy!" he exclaimed.
 
Hell, that really turned me on for my old man to call me 'Cowboy.' I sucked and tongued his big cock for several minutes, but I wouldn't allow him to come. I wanted to catch him with my ass. Before he knew what I was doing I straddled him, positioned his big cock at my back door and sunk it into me, up my ass, all the way to the base. Damn, he felt good. "Holy shit!" Dad exclaimed, "That was some mount, Cowboy, but 'Houston, we got us a problem,'" he said.
 
"What's 'at, Dad?" I asked.
 
"I done went and shot my load on your mount, deep in yore' fine little ass, Son," he lamented. I leaned over and kissed him gently.
 
"Thanks, Dad, I needed that," I replied. We both laughed, "However, you don't get off that easy, Old Man. You stay up there until you get your second wind then I expect to get the meanness fucked out of me."
 
"You mean the judges gimme' a re-ride on my ornery young bucking bronc?" he asked.
 
"They certainly did, Cowboy. T'was a u-nan-o-muss decision. They want chu' to do it 'til you get it right. I'll make you a bet you can ride your bronco longer than the eight second buzzer," I joked with him.
 
"You're on, Cowboy; although, as good as you’re feel'n right now, I just might lose that bet," he allowed. He laughed with me and talked quietly for a while. I'd give him a good long test stroke with my ass every now and then. I could feel him starting to grow inside me as we talked.
 
"You know, Dad, this is gonna' sound strange, but I'm glad it was you what raised me instead of Uncle Bud," I said.
 
"What makes you say that, Cowboy?" he asked.
 
"He would've spoiled me rotten, and I never would've gotten to do this with either of you men. The way you turned me out is just right-fine with me, Dad. You couldn't a' done no better. I'm proud of you, Dad, proud you're my old man. By the way, have I told you lately I love you?" I asked and grinned.
 
"No, but I'm about to show you some cowboy lovin' you didn't think your old man was capable of. Now, I'm gonna' flip you over and get in the saddle." Dad flipped me over, and I grabbed my legs to let him get his best angle of entry. He took me nice, swift, hard, and deep. The way any true cowboy should mount his worthy steed. I writhed and moaned in pleasure. My old man felt wonderful inside me and I was going to let him know. "Thank you! Thank you, Cowboy! Thanks for taking me that hard, sir! I needed that grand opening. Now, Cowboy, show your kid how a mean and ornery bareback bronc should be rode down hard," I urge him.
 
My old man didn't wait for the chute to open. He started his leather slapping, hard ride in his son's saddle. I teased him and cajoled him enough he was going to get a prize winning ride out of his kid. I swear, if the old son of a bitch was wearing spurs he'd a' used them. He rode me down hard, deep and fast. The more I responded, encouraged, and egged him on the deeper and harder he fucked me. He kissed me and groaned a deep guttural growl on each good stroke he took into the depths of my butt.
 
"Oh, right there! Oh shit, oh fuck! That's some good fucking, Son! Yeah! Hold it up there for your old man. Awwhhh, Hell, yes! Right there! That's some good stuff. Oh, fuck! Damn you got a fuckable ass, Boy. Fuck's 'most same as Bud's. Some damn good fucking right there, Boy! Feel that, Son? You're doing your old man some good. Uh-huh. I'm getting ready to ride you down hard, Cowboy. Work with yore' old man, Boy! Don't be shy! Give it up to him! That's it. That's it, Boy," he growled as he began to ride his pony up the hill. I could feel his cock engorged to the max with blood and knew his climb up the hill was going to get me there, too.
 
I was about ready to holler 'uncle' when he got me there about three seconds before he unloaded his hot cowboy dad cream into me. He was riding me down harder than any man had taken me in a long time. Damn! I'll always love my old man for that; not just for the fucking but for opening up to me, not being shy about taking what he needed from me, and that was exactly what I needed from him. He certainly took what he needed. I didn't have to ask if he enjoyed it. I could see the self-satisfied smile on his face, that little smirk of cockiness that said to me, 'Fucked ya' right good, didn't I, Kid?' He was a bit smug he performed so well and got me off at the same time. I re-enforced his self-assuredness. He damn well deserved to be smug. It was one Hell of a fuck he threw into my ass.
 
"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as my old man collapsed on top of me. He was spent, whispering in my ear how good a fuck I was and how much he loved me.
 
"No wonder both my uncle's love you so damn much, Dad. Now, you have your boy in your cheering section. Damn, if I'd a' know'd you was that good a fuck, Old Man, I'd a' let you and Uncle Joe win at roping once in a while," I spurred him.
 
Dad started laughing, and I thought he was going to wake the whole house. It just struck his funny bone, and he couldn't stop laughing. He pulled out, and I went to the head to get a warm cloth to clean him. He was still laughing when I came back. "You mean that's all it would've taken for me'n Joe to beat you and Bud all them years?" he laughed as he asked.
 
I smiled wickedly. "Bet chore' sweet cowboy ass. If you'd a' throw'd a fuck in me like that, I would've done anything in the world for you, Old Man. As it turns out, I would anyway," I admitted. I kissed him as he grabbed me in his big arms and pulled me on top of him.
 
"I've felt bad for years about doing the wrong thing by having you the way I did. I had a horror of it turning out awful; ending up with you and Bud hating me; ostracized by the town; Joe hate'n me. Having to listen to Lester over and over about what I done wrong," I laughed at him, "but right at this moment, it don't seem to matter much, anymore. I loved Bud so much all those years, but I loved you, too. I lost my Bud. Damn, Son, it ripped me a new asshole when he died so sudden. He was so young, in his prime. We'd grown close again with our love and worry for you. I read him my letters from you, and he'd come over and read Joe and me your letters to him. Then we'd sit and cry together and say a prayer for our boy. I talked to him everyday, either on the phone, he'd drop by here, or come by the shop. He was always welcome. He spent a lot of time with Joe and me.
 
"I didn't tell Joe, but I had to take old Dexter Bains his International Harvester, and as you know it's just beyond the lake were Bud and Laura have their cabin. Dexter can't get around like he used to, and I do things for him from time to time. I told Joe I was gonna' be out there all afternoon helping Dexter with some shit he couldn't get done by his'self. Joe was the one what volunteered me to help him in the first place, but I didn't mind. Dexter don't have no phone. I hurried and got done what Dexter wanted and told him I'd be back in a couple of hours for him to drive me home. He said fine, he'd be there. I walked out to the road and Bud met me in his patrol car. We went to Bud's cabin and made love. We fell back in love, Son. Don't really know whether I fell 'back' in love with Bud, truth is, I never stopped loving him all these years. It just made me remember how much I loved him all those years ago. That was the only time I got to share love with Bud after telling him about you, and I thank God for it. He dropped me off at Dexter's, Dexter drove me back, and Joe was none the wiser.
 
"I didn't see it as cheating on Joe. I didn't want Joe to find out 'cause what he don't know won't hurt him. I'd never cheat on Joe with the idea of just having sex. Bud and I knew there was no future for him and me. He knew I'd never leave Joe, and I knew he'd never leave Laura. We talked afterward and decided it meant so damn much to both of us to spend an hour or so being intimate, we'd try to get together a couple times a year to be with each other for a while. I needed him, Son, and Bud, well, God help us both, Billy, we needed each other. After all, he is the father of my child," he said with a twinkle in his eye. We both laughed at his joke.
 
"For some reason, maybe it was you, we had to have each other again. I can't explain it. We both felt it, strong enough to do something about it and arrange our meeting. He dropped by one afternoon after work to have a beer. We didn't have none in the fridge. Joe volunteered to run to the store. We were there by ourselves and for some unexplainable reason I sensed he was worried about you. I went to him, opened my arms to give him a hug, he looked into my eyes, and I knew.

We kissed and it was wonderful. The love that passed between us in that kiss was the same love we knew twenty-five years ago. I could feel he was hungry for me, and I damn sure was starving for him. He could feel me getting hard, and I could feel him growing as we held each other. "Gunn, would you consider – ?" Before he could finish I said, "Of course, I would! Don't even trouble your mind. We'll plan something and make it soon," I promised him.
 
"Thanks, Gunn, I think we both need it," Bud told me.
 
"I agree, Little Brother, but we gotta' be careful. I don't wanna' hurt either party, Laura or Joe," I said.
 
"We won't," he said, and we didn't. I think I could've explained to Joe, but I didn't wanna' try. It would've been harder on Laura, perhaps; maybe not, I don't know. Bottom line, it was something between Bud'n me we shared outside the continuum of our lives, and we didn't wanna' have to explain to nobody. As long as we weren't hurt'n nobody, it was nobody's damn business but ours.

As much guff as I give Joe, I love him more'n he thinks. Fucking Bud was like fucking my brother. I always though of Bud as my little brother. He knew it, too. Told me he longed to hear me call him little brother again. Well, Hell, Bud and me was always a lot closer than brothers. It was something my little brother needed and his big brother needed to give him. We weren't there to form a relationship or break nobody's heart.

Maybe there's more truth to my joke than I'd like to admit. If men could have children, I would've wanted Bud to have my child, and I even told him so while I's fuck'n him. He assured me I was the only man whose baby he would ever consider having.
 
"He was as great a fuck as I always remembered him to be. He's like you, he put his all into it. If Bud was the one giving it up, the man he was giving it to, got his best. He made me feel like a fuckin' king. Afterwards, Bud lay in my arms with me still way up inside him and cried like a baby. He got me crying. I kept love’n on him and fucking him gently until passion overtook us, he begged me, and I fucked him the second time.

Took me a Hell of a lot longer to come, but he wouldn't let me stop until I did. He worked with me, kept feeding me that good, hot, sweet cowboy ass of his, and when he shot, his come hit the wall behind him. He clamped down on my old dick so hard when he shot, it got me off, too. I suppose, throwing two good, hard fucks into the sheriff of the county, whose uniform and gun were hanging on the chair next to the bed added a little to my excitement," Dad said and laughed at his observation.
 
"We lay together for about half an hour talking, reminiscing, making a little love; I didn't wanna' take my cock out of him; he didn't want me to either, but we had to clean up and get back. Bud reminded me of the times when we were in high school we'd ride our bikes out to the cabin. His dad owned it then. We'd tell our parents we were gonna' go fishing or swimming in the lake. We'd spend a Saturday afternoon in that same bed. He'd make me keep my cock in him for hours. We'd fuck to climax sometimes six to eight times. I'd see him in church the next morning with his folks. He'd wink at me, and I'd pop a boner when I watched him favor his ass as he sat down in the pew. God, we were so in love. I thought I'd have more time with him, Billy, you know, every now and then, sneak off to make love, maybe once or twice a year. We wouldn't a' needed more'n 'nat. It just seemed to consolidate and validate our love for you as well as the love we had for each other as kids. Our love came full circle through sharing you with him. Maybe it was our need to thank each other for you."
 
Dad started sobbing his heart out. I held him and tried to comfort him, but I was still raw from losing Uncle Bud. What he just told me ripped my guts out because as weird as it may have sounded, I understood every word and every damn nuance of his feelings. He just validated and put in perspective my love for my third parent. I was getting stronger, though. I managed to pull myself together and be strong for my dad; he needed me to be strong at that moment. I knew he couldn't tell Uncle Joe how he felt. I was glad he could tell me and get it out. It was his way of letting go. He was much better after that. Dad got himself together, thanked me, and held me in his arms.
 
"Bud told me I still had it, and he was damn proud and honored I shared it with him again. I was, too. He kept thanking me and thanking me for you. He must've thanked me five-hundred times. I'm glad I told him. He was so fucking proud, I swear he walked a foot taller. He loved you like no other, Billy. He gimme you, and I still have you, today, a beautiful son I'm truly proud of for my old age. As weird as it may sound, I still have part of Bud, too. Ever' time I look at you I see the spark of his soul within you, and Sweet Baby, you fuck just like your sire," he declared. We shared a laugh. "Maybe what I did weren't so wrong, and sharing a little love with you like this – well, that ain't wrong neither. To lie here making a little love with you, swapping spit, and talking with you intimately is something I've dreamed about ever since I saw you win in Ft. Worth. I knew that day, you became a man. I didn't worry about that dream being a bit unusual for a dad, 'cause if it ever happened, it would be your decision. I never would've suggested it," he said.
 
"I know, Dad. One of your greatest strengths is your integrity, your ability to know right from wrong and your courage to live by your convictions. You taught me right from wrong. Hell, old man, I'm still learning from you," I told my dad sincerely.
 
"I know you though," dad continued, "I knew one day you'd offer yourself to me. I pondered over it a lot; done me a lot of serious soul search'n, 'bout it; but, I decided if you asked and needed it, my kid was gonna' get the best I had, the best I could give him. I envy the son of a bitch who's gonna' end up with you, Son. He'll be one Hell of a' lucky man," Dad allowed.
 
"Aww, you're prejudiced, Dad, but I love you anyway. I got your best, Old Man. Damn, I ain't been fucked that righteous in a while. You're one Hell of a good fuck, Old Man. No wonder Uncle Bud wanted to sneak off with you. I'm sure he remembered what a great fuck you were. He fucked your kid all the way across the United States and never failed once to get me off. He was the best teacher a kid could've hoped for. He was gentle, kind, understanding, patient, went to great lengths about how it was gonna' feel and why, what to look for, and how to be safe. Sex wasn't all Uncle Bud taught me. He also taught me how to love a man, be his slave, and serve him well. He'll always be my Uncle Bud just as you'll always be my dad. God, I love you, Old Man," I said. Dad cried again, and I cried with him. We both needed it. Together, we were letting go of Uncle Bud.
 
"I'm gonna' tell that uncle of mine to treat you better, and the next time I walk into this house your boots better be cleaned and polished!" I declared and laughed. I'd never do that, but I knew how to make my dad laugh. It felt good to share an intimate moment with him, laugh, and cry with him, and feel the love pass between us that went beyond animal lust. Perhaps, this love was the love I wanted to feel growing up. At that moment, I didn't give a damn about cause and effect, I was soaking up what I needed from him, and he was from me. It was one of those rare moments in your life when you know, where you are, what you're doing, who you're with, and how it feels, is so right. Your personal universe is in perfect sync. Your soul can take a breather. It landed on 'free parking.' You got the jackpot in your arms. I slept in my dad's big arms all night. I don't think he let go of me once.

For the first time in a long time I didn't wake during the night screaming. We lay in bed the next morning, and he commented on it. "You didn't have no flashbacks last night, Son."
 
"It was that damn good fuck you threw into me what done it, Dad. You told me your cock was medicinal. You made a believer out of me. Straightened me right out. I had two good beefy loads of my old man's cowboy cream in me to chase away them screaming green meanies. My ass chowed down on your hot baby batter and wouldn't let the bad dreams through," I said.
 
"Damn, you be slinging some shit again, Boy," dad said and laughed, then added, "but it's a sweet sentiment."
 
I sucked him off before we got up. We needed to get started fixing breakfast for the troops. My old man tasted fine. Almost as sweet and tart as Uncle Bud. Trouble with a man like my dad is, he's like that damn commercial for them potato chips, once you get a taste of him, you don't want to stop with just one. No wonder Uncle Joe got hooked. I'd be my old man's slave in a minute. I never thought of Uncle Bud as my dad after we learned he was my biological father. I was proud to be his offspring, but he wasn't my dad. He never tried to be. He never asked me to call him dad and the one time I did he asked me not to. I understood immediately, and loved him even more for that. The man I spent the night with was my dad. I was so fucking proud of him, I would have laid my life down for him. He was not only my dad, he was my best friend.
 
Everyone, including Uncle Joe knew something was different the next morning. There was no longer any distance between us. All barriers came down. Dad wasn't afraid to brush up against me in the kitchen. When we sat down to eat, he put his arm around me before saying grace. He ran his hand over my head and pulled at my short hair. Later when old Lester returned he kept giving me the fish eye. I looked right at him and winked. Lester and I could communicate volumes with a shrug of the shoulders. He knew immediately what went on and started laughing. He laughed all the way down the hall to his room. Uncle Joe didn't have a clue. I was going to leave it up to dad to tell him if he wanted. Far as I was concerned it was between me and him. I didn't want to come between my dad and Uncle Joe. Dad knew that anyway. It was something I needed from my dad. He was caring enough to give it to me. I'm not sorry I asked either. My old man sure enough fucked the meanness out of his kid that night.
 
Buck and Uncle Bud told me I had to come back for my dad. Now, I realized why. I had to help him let go of Uncle Bud. I also realized if I died in Nam, my dad was much more fragile concerning his and my relationship than I ever guessed, and it very probably would've killed him. We were rushed to Nam the next day after learning Uncle Bud was my biological father. Dad had no idea how I would take the news in the long run. Did I change my mind and become angry with him? Did I still care about him now that I knew? Because of my strong love for Uncle Bud, did I no longer think of him as my dad? Did I no longer need him? Would I want to come home to him? Was he still my dad? These were questions which were very important to him while I never gave it much thought other than to think he was a certifiable hero to be brave enough to tell Uncle Bud and me.
 
All along I thought he understood and knew I loved him. He didn't. He was worried, afraid, and needed to know that in my heart he was still my dad and always would be. I began to understand why those words I said to him in the shower that night meant so much to him. It was solid reassurance of my need for him to be my dad, and somehow, offering myself to him was also a major confirmation. I could've easily settled down with my old man if he didn't have obligations. I'd come to love him that much. I loved Uncle Joe, too, but I wondered sometimes, if he realized what a prize he had in my dad. Of course he did, but I wouldn't find out 'til later.
 
We stayed for almost a week with dad and Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe loved to play host and spent every night in his house with his guest. I spent every night taking care of my old man. I don't think dad ever shared what happened between us that week with Uncle Joe. He and I were forming a new relationship that went beyond father and son. We became friends, buddies; okay, fuck buddies, if you will. I wasn't worried because I knew Uncle Joe was the love of his life. Dad wasn't worried because he knew I appreciated their relationship and needed to go on with my life; but, my old man, God love him, was just the love I needed at that particular moment in my life, and I will always love him for it. I know he did me.
 
He talked to me a lot about Uncle Joe, and I'll have to say no two people loved each other more. He was honest with my mom and told her the truth. He'd be faithful to her, but he and Joe had a relationship going since they were kids. Joe would probably be a part of their lives, but at least she never had to worry about him chasing other women. My mom and Uncle Joe loved each other. It wasn't like dad was bringing in a stranger to their world; after all, Uncle Joe was my mom's brother. She was a bit surprised to find out her brother preferred men, but she loved him and never betrayed dad or Joe's secret.
 
They kept what they did private and away from her. Dad told her about Uncle Joe because, that was the kind of man he was. He was up front about everything with everyone except about stuff that was damn-well nobody's business but his own. Uncle Bud, Dad, Ben Stafford, Big Beryl and Dan Yates were probably the only truly bi-sexual men I ever knew. Maybe Bull, Charlie, and Harley Boone? Dad stayed with Joe after mom died, because it was easier than chasing tail. Then, too, in a small town, the pickings are slim at best. Most women wouldn't consider marrying a man with a baby or even one in grade school. My dad was a strong sexual man. He had needs.
 
Dad decided man-sex was better than no sex, but he really had no preference. He tore my Uncle Joe's ass up every time he bent over and smiled. Uncle Joe never failed to have a smile on his face. He and Joe picked up women together for years; except, Uncle Joe never was interested in women and would suck dad off after they got rid of them. Years later he'd laugh and tell me how hard it was for him to make love and fuck some broad he could’ve cared less about; how distasteful it was for him, but he loved my dad enough to keep up the charade to have him. Joe loved my dad for years. No one in the community knew but Lester and Uncle Bud. Lester knew everyone's secrets in town. He was dad and Uncle Joe's biggest defender. No one dared say anything about them because Lester knew too much about anybody who tried.
 
Besides, they got the reputation of being Hell raisers, good old boys early-on, and it stuck. No one would ever guess my dad was fucking the snot out of Uncle Joe almost every night. I certainly never knew when I was growing up. Sometimes dad would call home and tell me he and Uncle Joe had to work late. They weren't working. They were in the back of the shop. Dad would be having a beer while Uncle Joe sucked him off, or he'd bend him over a work bench and fuck Uncle Joe 'til he whistled like a pig. That's why I was sent to my Aunt Ethel's on Friday evenings and told not to come home 'til Sunday evening after church. Sometimes, they spent their whole weekend in bed relaxing, watching T.V., and fucking. They worked hard together, they played hard together, and according to my dad he'd fuck Uncle Joe pretty damn hard, too. Still, I felt Uncle Joe could've made a better effort to keep dad's boots a little better.
 
When I got home from Nam, I couldn't go to our cemetery to visit Uncle Bud's grave. I asked dad if he would arrange for us to go. I wanted my family with me, including Aunt Laura, and I explained to dad why I wanted my clan family with me. He understood completely. Most of them knew Uncle Bud well. Master Jeb, Big Jim, Master Beryl, Bull and Charlie all knew him. Sam was a close confident of my uncles. Aunt Laura met us at the cemetery, and I rode with dad, Uncle Joe, and Lester. My other family followed.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. There were other people there who hurt as much as I did. I found myself reaching out to them. I had the memory of one complete year with the handsome man to sustain me. Aunt Laura lost it. I held her in my arms, comforted her, and shed a few tears myself. Then dad needed me because of what we shared that week. I don't think he'd done a lot of grief-work for Uncle Bud. Up to that point he hadn't let it out. I was strong for him when I wanted to scream and wail at the top of my lungs.
 
I could almost feel Buck standing beside me telling me like he did a hundred times before, "You can do it, Cowboy. I know you can. I have faith in you." I always would and so I did. I was beginning to think of others and not my own selfish sorrow. Several of my family broke down in my arms. Sam was a vegetable. Big Beryl held me and cried. I shed my tears for Uncle Bud every night in Glen Rose for three months. It wasn't because I couldn't cry, I was beginning to see things differently. I wanted to be strong for those I loved. If I had to break down it would be in my room after I got home. That's exactly what happened. Dad tip-toed up the stairs, heard me in my room crying my heart out, came in, and comforted me. I didn't have to say a word, he knew; after all, he was my dad.
 
After a week, I could tell my buddies in the clan were getting itchy to get on the road again. I had a good visit with my family. It was time to move on and let them get back to their normal routines. My family couldn't believe the change in me. I guess we don't see the larger picture of our recoveries because of our day to day struggle out of the pit; however, those we love who haven't seen us for awhile are able to notice dramatic changes. I was coming to appreciate my family more as I got older. They were a bit different, but that can be said for everyone's family.

I was beginning to form a new family as well. The Clan McInnis became the most loving and caring group of men I ever knew. They became important to me. They loved me, were kind and unconditionally good to me. I loved them in return. They had their rough spots, but what family doesn't? I called Dan and guesstimated we would be in Tucson in about two or three days. He seemed thrilled to hear from me and was looking forward to seeing us. It would be the hardest part of my journey, but somehow I was looking forward to it.
 
* * * * * * *
There's a lot of desolate country between Mason and El Paso. Ft. Stockton is little more than a glorified truck stop. Yet it's a pretty good stretch from there to the border of New Mexico. We didn't push it too hard and stayed the night in a cheap motel in Ft. Stockton. Big Beryl and I stayed together. I didn't want to have to wait for my initiation. Besides, I really liked the old man. I thought he was a sexy Devil. He certainly was that. I thought Leon was big. Sweet Baby James, no wonder they called him Big Beryl; however, I'd been broken in by the best and had no problem accommodating the big man. I think I surprised him when I took all of him on my first mount. They don't call me 'Cowboy' for nothing. Hell, there ain't nothing I'm afraid to ride. I asked him after the third fuck he threw into me, how many times I had to go through initiation?
 
"Until you get it right, Son, – 'til you get it right," he said gruffly, smiled, and winked at me wickedly.
 
"Well, then, Master Beryl, could I have a re-ride?" I asked.
 
"We'll see what we can do, Cowboy? I'll speak to the judges," he'd say. We would hug and laugh together. I was damn good, and he knew it. So was he. We thoroughly enjoyed each other. Hell, I'd go through that initiation as many times as that old man wanted me to. It became a running joke between him and me and the rest of the family. They began taking odds on whether Cowboy would ever pass initiation. We got a lot of raised eyebrows the next morning at breakfast, and Big Beryl just let the son's of bitches squirm. (his words) He winked at me, and I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted the suspense to built their curiosity until the weakest, or strongest, depending on your point of view, just had to ask. Bull was the man. He just had to know.
 
"Well, Dad, did our cowboy pass initiation?" Bull asked.
 
"You know, Bull, all this time I thought they called him 'Cowboy' 'cause he was a rodeo man. Well, he's that all right and a damn good one, but that ain't why they call him 'Cowboy.' Nooo, sir," Big Beryl said emphatically setting Bull up.
 
"It ain't?" asked Bull. Bull took the bait, now Master Beryl was going to set the hook.
 
"That man's a cowboy, no doubt. He can ride anything. All I can say, Bull, is he's one Hell of a buckaroo, but I gotta' warn you – if'n you ever invite him to your bed – don't never let him wear his spurs. He damn near killed this old man," Beryl threw back his handsome head and roared with laughter. They all had a good laugh. I loved that old man. He was a treasure. We spent many a night after that in each other's arms. When we weren't laughing and giggling keeping the rest of the family awake we were fucking like pit full of snakes.
 
* * * * * * *
We arrived in Tucson early that evening. We were going to stay in a motel until the next morning, but when I called Dan Yates, he wouldn't hear of it. "Like Hell you are! You guys ain't a' gonna' stay in no fucking motel. Ain't no way! We done got supper ready for you men. Now, where are you?" he asked.
 
I told him and he gave me instructions to take the road South of town, and he'd meet us at a Texaco station about five miles down the road. We took the road and there he was waiting for us in his truck. I introduced him to my new family, and we followed him to his ranch. It was a big ranch with two huge barns, several out buildings and well kept corrals, horses, and cattle grazing in planted fields, irrigated pasture land and farm land for animal feed crops. Dan had a nice operation. He didn't have to run it alone. He had several hired hands and an older woman for a cook and housekeeper. She was an employee and had her own double-wide trailer for her and her teenage son, Tim. Tim earned spending money working on the ranch.
 
Dan had a big rambling Santa Fe style adobe, ranch house. The huge house had a second story on the right wing with four bedrooms upstairs and four downstairs. There were two more bedrooms and a den downstairs in the left wing of the house. The master bedroom, Dan's, was on the left side. There was an enclosed, private courtyard, with swimming pool and two spas; one on the pool and another self contained.
 
His cook and house keeper, Mrs. Russell, had dinner on the table when we arrived. Fried chicken with all the fixings. Damn, it was good. Mrs. Russell was a fine cook. She kept Dan's house spotless. It was furnished in the Southwest style, not overdone, with more thought to comfort than design. You weren't afraid you were going to break some expensive objet d'art. It made you feel comfortable. Dan gave everyone their choice of rooms that were neat, clean, and had comfortable beds. Each room had its own private bath. Better than a fucking motel by a long shot. I didn't choose a room right away.
 
"Where would you like to stay, Son? You have the run of the place. Stay anywhere you like," Dan said.
 
"Well, I know where I'd like to stay, Dad," I said and smiled at him sheepishly. He smiled back knowing what I meant.
 
"Well, Hell, don't be shy about it, throw your stuff in my room. I'd love to have you bunk it in with me. It's the biggest one downstairs in the left wing. Buck's room is across the hall, but it's locked. I ain't allowed nobody in there, but you and I can go in later, if you're up to it." I understood, but I didn't know if I would be up to it. I threw my stuff in his room and started to relax.

My clansmen were not shy men. After a few beers and a good meal they headed straight for the spa and pool. Dan encouraged them to take advantage of them. He felt comfortable around the men after having dinner with them. They were affable and easy going men. Dan was impressed by their gentility and their strength of camaraderie especially toward me. He could sense their love for me in their gentle kidding. Bull kept going on about riding with Cowboy anywhere, "'Cause everywhere he takes us we get the best damn chow." We laughed with him. I told Dan about the feed at the Twissleman's.
 
Dan and I decided to join the men in the spa. We undressed in his bedroom. I had my back to him. He finished before I did and stood waiting. I turned and almost fainted when I saw Dan in the raw. I was stunned, almost catatonic for a moment. It wasn't Dan I was seeing. I don't know why I should have been surprised, but he was almost a physical duplicate of Buck. A bit older, but at his age, Buck would've looked like a twin of his dad.

Dan was standing at the right angle I'd seen Buck stand and had the same hard, lean, mean-ass, cowboy look about him Buck did. 'Course neither of them were that way, except in bed. A tear ran down my cheek as I stood speechless and stared at him. I was surprised when he walked slowly to me and took me in his arms, our naked bodies warm against each other, and held me close. I knew it must be the first time Dan held another man this way, but he wasn't the least bit shy about it.
 
"I didn't think..." was all I managed to get out.
 
"It's all right, Son. I'm not Buck," he whispered softly, "For your sake, I wish't I was," he added sincerely. I was quiet for a minute.
 
"I'm sorry, Dad, I'll be all right," I said quietly. He held me at arms length and looked at my scars which were still purple and bruised. He touched my shoulder wound and then my leg near my inner thigh. He got tears in his eyes and just shook his head as he pulled me to him again and held me. In that moment, volumes passed between us. He looked into my eyes and gently kissed me. I responded with a little more than a gentle kiss, and he let go as well. We didn't need to say anymore.
 
My clansmen surprised Dan with their conversation. He was amazed they were intelligent, caring, and sensitive men. They knew a lot about many things and expressed opinions. Dan seemed to like the fact Beryl was once a straight man but now preferred men, simply because he found men easier to deal with, especially on the road, and few women could take him repeatedly. Most women would find a cock the size of Beryl's hurt or at best be uncomfortable. A clean young man would open right up for him. I held up my hand to everyone's laughter. Big Beryl beamed at me with pride.
 
I was a little taken aback by his size, but Beryl was experienced. He knew how to work his partner to a point where, before his partner realized, he was taking all of Beryl with ease. Not only that, he would be begging Beryl for more, then seem disappointed when Beryl assured his partner he was getting his all. Big Beryl was one of the finer fucks I ever had; not because of his size but because of his ability to care and satisfy his partner as well. We bunked together many nights.

I knew any night I got invited to bunk-it-in with Master Beryl I was in for a treat. I never turned down an invitation from my road captain to try and pass that damn initiation again. I knew and loved Big Beryl many years, and he kept working with me night after night to help me pass initiation. That giant of a man had the patience of a saint and was truly understanding. God, I loved him. He gave me chance after chance. I tried and tried to do my best. You know what? I ain't never passed that damn initiation yet.
 
Dan was impressed with Bull and Charlie, who were straight, were family members, and why. Bull and Charlie saw some pretty bizarre sexual appetites in their travels. They didn't choose to ride with the McInnis clan because of any thought to sexual preference or their brother's preferences. They felt the unwritten code and the way these men conducted themselves was comfortable and desirable for them. Everyone left everyone else alone and made no comments or condemnation about anyone's sexuality. If someone chose to ride with a trained pig, that was their choice and several did. If they were family, he and his pig were accepted. Bull and Charlie brought along a couple of their ladies when they had them.
 
That didn't mean they were exempt from some gentle razzing from the men. If you chose to ride with these men you quickly developed a tough hide. Nothing was sacred to them. Everything was fair game for their humor. They found the damnedest things amusing and would have you rolling on the ground with laughter. They could be lethal and enormously funny in their comments, but for paybacks, one just waited.

Sooner or later, you'd catch them with their pants down, and then, go for the kill. They kept Dan laughing until I thought he was going to be sick. They told some of the funniest, most outrageous stories. We had a great time with them. After the men decided to go to their rooms, Dan and I retired to Dan's large bedroom. I turned once and found myself surrounded by his arms. I could tell he never held a naked man before that evening. He didn't seem shy as he pulled me into his big cowboy arms; maybe, a little unsure of himself but not uncomfortable.
 
"You don't know how many times I wanted to hold Buck like this, Billy, to be closer to him; no sexual intent, no hidden agendas, just to let him know how much I loved him; maybe, pet him a little. Some folks might think that's sick for a man to want to hold his son close."
 
"Not at all, Dad. A lot depends on the son, I guess. I spent last week sleeping in my dad's arms. I needed my old man to hold me and whisper to me everything was gonna' be all right. I pleasured him and gave him comfort every night, and I'm proud of it. I needed him, and he needed me. It never happened before, and it may never happen again, because he has my Uncle Joe for a steady love; but, what we shared we'll have for the rest of our lives. God, I love my old man. My Uncle Bud was my real father; still, I love the man what raised me every bit as much as I loved Uncle Bud. He will always be my dad, my old man. Uncle Bud was my biological father, but he will always be Uncle Bud." I paused for a moment. "I don't know if I should tell you this, but Buck dreamed of more with you, Dad," I said.
 
"How do you know?" Dan asked.
 
"He told me. His exact words were, 'I wish't I could've had a relationship with my dad like you had with your Uncle Bud. My dad never knew it, but I not only loved him as my dad, I loved him as a friend.' Maybe I shouldn't tell you the rest, but what the Hell, he told me he'd a' sucked your dick in a cowtown minute if you'd a' let him. He never thought you'd go for it and was so afraid if he told you, you might not understand," I said.
 
Dan started weeping quietly, and I put my arms around him to hold him. I started crying, too. "I never knew," he cried softly, "I feel cheated, not by Buck, but the way life is and the oppressive, puritanical mores of our society. They become embedded in our subconscious and are damn near impossible to put aside. They blind you and dampen your soul to the possibilities of greater love. Few escape the oppressive weight to allow themselves to be free," he said.
 
"Would you have given him what he wanted if you'd a' known, Dad?" I asked.
 
"I've thought about it a lot, and to be honest, I wouldn't have before knowing you and your Uncle Bud. It certainly hasn't seemed to harm you none. If anything, you're one of the strongest, finest, most well-adjusted young men I ever met. I can sense you've learned to love deeply and aren't afraid to love. I felt the love that passed between you and your dad and was envious of that closeness you and he shared. We thought Bud was your dad.

“I wanted it. I wanted it for Buck and me. I wondered if Buck, and I could've shared something like that. Because we didn't, weren't Buck's fault. It was my own puritanical mores. I wanted it, yet I was brainwashed to believe it was wrong. The night before Buck left to visit you in Mason, then return to Ft. Ord, I made him let me hold him while lying across his bed. I told him I needed to hold him I was so afraid of losing him. He didn't resist or think about it. He was in my arms instantly. In fact he surprised me by holding me as tight and as close as he did. We cried with each other. We were both afraid. We soothed each other's fears.
 
"I kissed him about the face, and he returned my affection. Finally, he looked me in the eye with the greatest feeling of love and need and said softly, "Fuck it, Dad, I may never get another chance. Kiss me, and don't be afraid," he said, and we did. It was not a father/son kiss. It was a kiss of fear and passion I will remember the rest of my life. That was the closest my son and I ever got.

“That memory opens a great hole in my gut that will never be filled because I never allowed my son to love me the way he dreamed. After witnessing you and your uncle, getting to know your dad and Uncle Joe, I feel like I robbed Buck and myself of something we both needed and could've shared with each other. To answer your original question, if I was convinced it was something he truly wanted and needed from me, yes, I would.
 
"Billy, I don't wonder why my boy fell in love with you. After being with you that week in Mason, reading Buck's letters describing you, watching you for a year on the circuit, and since you've been here, I know why he fell in love with you. Truthfully, I think he fell in love with you while we were on the circuit together. Hell, I fell in love with you and your Uncle Bud before Buck ever noticed you.

“I knew the two of you were in love. I could tell the way you related to each other. I could see it in the way you roped together. What you had was more than just uncle and nephew. I could see the way you looked at him. You worshiped him, and he was so fucking proud of you. You and your dad, we didn't know different, were a handsome couple, and you looked enough like him to be his twin.
 
"You should've heard the talk among the rodeo crowd. They thought the two of you were what rodeoing should be about. Two fine, good looking, cowboys, a man and his son, who were tops in their area, generous, humble, and gracious to a fault. When I found out you and Buck were going to Vietnam together I couldn't have been happier you were going with him. I thought, 'He'll have Billy and they can take care of each other.' After that week you spent together at your place and the letters I got from Buck, I knew – I just knew. I was thrilled the two of you were in love. I kept thinking, 'What two finer young men to find love with each other.'
 
"I found a journal Buck kept during our year on the circuit. I never saw him writing in it. He must have gotten off by himself to write because I never saw it until I went through his things after we buried him. He wrote about everything imaginable and kept accurate records of our wins, expenses, winnings, travel time, dates, cities, even what the arenas were like. It's amazing in its detail. I'll let you read it later. The most important thing to me was, he wrote very personal things about everybody he came in contact with; whether he liked them or not and why.

“He wrote extensively about me and his love for me. He wrote pages about you and your dad. He thought your dad was the singular, best looking man, and cowboy he ever saw. You were a close second. Actually, he debated the subject endlessly in his journal. One entry you were definitely his choice, the next one your dad. He included conversations, in detail, you and he had; even the date, time and place.

“Buck didn't miss writing about his envy for your closeness and love for your dad. Of course we thought Bud was your dad. That intrigued him no end. He mentioned he envied your unspoken communication with your dad, the unbroken flow of love and understanding that passed between you, he felt he didn't have with me. Reading that broke my heart. Then toward the last he writes about falling in love with you and how it pained him because he never thought it could be; that it was, at best, a pipe dream.
 
"He didn't think a cowboy like you, as dedicated as you seemed to be, could possibly be interested in another man. He wrote about catching you looking at him like you might be wondering, too, but you'd always quickly look away then blush. He thought you might like men when he saw the big biker kiss you on the mouth after you guys won in Ft. Worth. He wasn't upset about him kissing you so much as he was hoping you might, one day, share his need. That day at the induction center when he turned to you and told you if he could pick someone to go through basic with it would be you, he meant it. He was already in love with you."
 
I couldn't believe what Dan was telling me. All that time, I had the major hots for Buck and we both were afraid of the other finding out. We were together a lot and yet we might as well have been on different planets. I assumed he and his dad were straight. I didn't even began to think about Dan until I received several of his letters at Glen Rose. He wrote openly and candidly. He never mentioned anything sexually overt, but I could read between the lines and felt his needs. I still didn't know for sure, but I began to wonder. I knew I had to find out. Then I began to think, 'Why should I be surprised? I've been living every day for the last couple of weeks with a perfect example, Bull and Charlie.'
 
"So you see, Cowboy, I can't help love you, too," Dan added.
 
"You've never been with a man, have you, Dad?" I asked.
 
"No, Billy, I haven't, but I'd like to. I wanted to hold you and make love to you in the worst way that week you came home, but you were still hurting, and I was inexperienced. I didn't know what to do. That afternoon in the park before I left I'll remember forever. When we held each other for so long, I wondered if you could feel my need. I wanted so badly to lie down with you, feel your body against mine, hold you, comfort you, try to take some of the pain away, to whisper to you everything would be okay, it will be all right, to make love to you and let our spirits heal each other. I'd like to now, I'm just not sure what to do. I'm going to tell you something you may not believe. Buck's mother was the last person I made love to. I had sex with her to get her pregnant with Buck.
 
"She never fully recovered after complications from Buck's birth and passed away two and half years later. She remained too fragile and ill to even consider resuming normal relations. I loved her and always will. We were really young. I inherited this ranch from my maternal grandfather and was only eighteen when I found myself married, with a kid, and a huge ranch to manage. I was just a kid myself. I grew up learning to run this ranch and make it pay. After my wife passed away I found myself trying to raise a kid by myself. Between the two, all my time was consumed by responsibilities. As you well know, running a ranch is a full time job and we ain't talking nine to five. We're talking fourteen to eighteen hours a day. I had no social life other than Mrs. Russell and Buck.
 
"I took Buck to church now and then. He was my life. I lived for him. There wasn't time to date women or even consider going with a man. I never thought about it until I began to try to understand Buck and his needs. Then I saw you and your uncle and thought this is something I have to have for myself. Not you in particular, but the unconditional love that passed between the two of you was so powerful it was almost unbelievable. I never knew two people could love each other like that. I wanted it for myself and didn't realize it was right under my nose.
 
"Everyone in the rodeo crowd wanted to be around the two of you. You both radiated so much love everyone wanted to be near to feel it and share it. Most didn't have a clue as to why or any hint you and your dad were sharing a wonderful love. The two of you were gracious and generous with your time with everyone. They loved you. Buck and I couldn't believe the numbers of folks who came from all over the country to cheer you on. We were staggered. You didn't dare lose. How could you lose? We both agreed their presence helped the two of you win," Dan said.
 
"Well, I'd like nothing better than to share love with you, Dad. That's why I wanted to bunk in here. I feel funny though, 'cause I need to tell Buck goodbye tomorrow. I wanted to ask his blessing if you should offer yourself to me. I have no fear Buck would be upset. On the contrary, knowing Buck like I did, I know he'd dance a gig knowing we were lying in each other's arms this evening. He probably already knows.

“My friends want to go with us to the cemetery. It's important to them to be included. They stood by me and helped me visit Ken and Rowley's grave. It's also important for me to include them. I love them, Dad. They're good, caring, and generous men. They've become family to me. They voted me into their clan as a new probationary member. I'm proud and honored they think enough of me to want me to be a part of their family. After tomorrow I'll do my damnedest to please you, Dad. They have to move on to Los Angeles, but I'd like to stay here with you for a while if it's all right," I said.
 
"Son, you're welcome to come live here if you wish. Nothing would make me happier. Sounds like you know your mind though. Funny thing is, I understand and respect your feelings so let's get some sleep and be fresh for tomorrow," he said.
 
"You were counting on something tonight, weren't you, Dad?" I asked.
 
"Not 'counting on', perhaps anticipating, not really knowing what to expect. Hoping maybe, but not knowing for what? If you've never been to a place, you don't know what it looks like," he explained.
 
"Fuck it, Dad, you're cock is poking me in the stomach, and it's harder than a rail. Don't say anymore, Dad. Lie back, relax, and let your boy take care of you. I'll tell Buck tomorrow you needed me. He'll be jealous as Hell, but he'll understand," I laughed as I explained to Dan. I don't think I ever got any man off faster than Dan Yates. He was primed and ready to have another person share something, anything with him physically. I made love to his big cock, went down on him three or four times and bamm! He shot, and shot his hot, mature, cowboy cream into my waiting mouth and down my hungry throat. He tasted just like Buck. I wanted more, but I didn't want him to think bad of me. I'd get some more in the morning, I thought.
 
As it turned out we made love after that and he held me close all night in his big arms. In the wee hours of the morning, I took him again. Then I took him again after we woke up. He didn't want to get out of bed. He kept making love to me, and I wasn't holding back. Finally, I got him to the shower and bathed him. Dan never had anyone pamper him, and he loved it. I toweled him dry and rubbed his back for him. I helped him on with a good looking pair of cowboy boots. He was a man aglow from a brief glimpse into the possibilities of a new world.
 
 
End Chapter 6 ~ Booger Red & Cowboy
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12/19/2015