Language Barrier

(A flash story in 337 words.)

"Condoms!" he exclaimed in a bad accent, "We don' need no steenkeeng condoms!" He cleared his throat. "No stinkeeng condoms!"

He held his picket sign high above his head, proud, even though he wasn't sure exactly what he was protesting. "Be down at the city offices by 8A.M.," his friend Rudy had told him. It was ten till, but he'd rather be early than late, and miss all the action.

He wondered if they were supposed to be protesting against passing out condoms at the high schools. He sure wouldn't want his sister, Rosa, to be in that line. Maybe Eva, that cute number at the video shop, though. Yeah, her maybe.

He adjusted his step as he walked back and forth; it wouldn't do for him to have a boner, not when they were protesting condoms.

Jose scratched his head with his free hand. Maybe they were gonna make it required that the prostitutes, the ones that hung around downtown -- not that he'd know about that sort of thing, being a good Catholic boy -- had to make their johns wear condoms. That'd suck. He knew all about the dangers of sexual diseases, but there was nothing that could beat the feel of a woman's lips closing around his dick. Soft lips, hard dick, warm tongue, tight balls. Shit! If Rudy didn't show up soon, he was gonna have to go get some relief.

He spotted Rudy out of the corner of his eye. Wanting to impress his friend, he stood straighter, held the sign a bit higher, and started to proclaim again, "We don' need no condoms! No condoms!"

Rudy ran up to him, and Jose beamed. Maybe afterward they could go take a ride downtown, see what kind of action they could pick up.

"Jose!" Rudy exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Protesting, jus' like you said." He beamed.

"Jose, you idiot, they're planning on tearing down those apartments next to the baseball field, and putting in a high-rise. We're protesting condominiums, not condoms!"


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