6
Johannes met her outside a restaurant, not far from the lake where the view of the Jet d´Eau dominated Geneva´s views even more than Mont Blanc. Johannes returned her hug, but his kiss seemed somehow hesitant. Helen felt a frisson of something she couldn´t identify.
The spring evening was cool, so they sat inside the wide glass windows where they could see the lake and the trees that lined the promenade. When they had ordered, Helen was sure there was something happening, and she took it head on. “What´s up Johannes? You´re all a mess. Tell me about it, so it won´t get in the way when we get into bed. I´m really looking forward to that.”
Johannes turned pale. “I should have known you´d notice, Helen. No one fools you for long. So, let´s get it over with. I´m not going to take you to bed tonight.”
Helen knew it wasn´t because he didn´t want to. His gaze had been skating over her face and her body just as always. There was something very wrong. She took a deep breath.
“All right, what is it? Have you got another lover? Have you fallen in love? Or have I done something?”
Johannes frowned, scrutinizing the tablecloth. Their food began to arrive, and he paused, raising a finger to indicate he couldn´t respond just then.
When the waiter left them in privacy, he said, “None of those, Helen. At least not the way you mean it. I´m sure you know I´ve had other lovers, just as I know you do. So another lover wouldn´t make a difference for us. And, you´ve done nothing at all that has to do with this.”
“And, you haven´t fallen in love, then?”
“No. I almost wish it were that.”
“Well, then, what the hell is it?”
“Very simple, in an ugly sort of way. I´ve got HIV.”
Helen managed to put her knife and fork down without a clatter, her face pale. “Oh, shit, Johannes.” She put her hands to her face, covering her eyes, then looked at him, her face framed by her fingers. His expression was stricken. She reached for his hand. “Johannes, I´m so sorry. How did it happen, do you know?”
Johannes seemed to have lost his appetite as well. He looked across the table at her. He nodded slightly.
“It was another woman I know. I met her after you´d been here last fall, and we got friendly very quickly. It wasn´t until I got sick around Christmas – I thought it was the flu – and went to the doctor, that I found out. I don´t know what prompted him to give me a blood test, but it came back positive.”
“So what happens now?” Helen asked him.
“So, I´m taking the medication, and I may never get AIDS. That´s the good news.”
“Is there more bad news? HIV positive is enough bad news for me.”
“Not more bad news really, but it means I won´t be making love to you again. And I can see you´re upset and unhappy. That´s pretty bad news for me.”
“What about her? The one you got it from?”
“As soon as I found out, I told her to get a test. And of course, she is positive, too. She´s on the meds now.” Johannes reached for her hand across the table. “I… I think it would be a good idea if you got tested, too, Helen,” he went on. “I´m really very sure I wasn´t positive before this happened, but you need to check.”
“I will. Count on it. What do you do for sex? Masturbate?”
“I do, of course. I always have. And now and then, this woman, Jeanne, and I get together. Very carefully, you can be sure.” He spoke quietly, still looking mostly at the table, his food mostly untouched. “It´s all pretty scary. Fortunately, she´s a good person and we like each other. We have no idea where she got it.”
Helen reached across the table and took his hand. “I´m sorry, Johannes. Scary isn´t the word.” She looked at her own half-eaten plate, her hands in her lap again. She took a deep breath and looked him in the face.
“I can´t sleep with you again, Johannes. You´ve said it yourself. But I´m still your friend, you know. I always will be. You´ve always been someone I can trust, someone who understands me and my… peculiarities.” She reflected for a moment on just how rare that was. And another thought carried her on. “Are you feeling all right? Is the medication working? You will keep in touch with me, won´t you?” Helen was aware of her confused response, but could not think of any way to continue, other than speak as things came to mind.
Johannes responded. “Thank you, Helen, for understanding. It certainly isn´t the way I expected things to turn out in my life. It´s too early to tell how effective the meds will be, but it looks good so far; the blood work looks good. I won´t disappear on you, Helen. We´ve always been more than lovers, and that won´t change unless you want it to.”
“How about this lady you mentioned? You still see her; do I get to meet her? Is she as good a person as you say?”
By the time they had said all there was to say, Helen felt sad and depressed. She walked back toward her hotel, semi-regretting and sort of dreading a meeting she had committed herself to later in the week with Johannes and his very unusual new girlfriend, if that was the word for her.
‘And I need to see a doctor. Tomorrow.´
.oOo.
There was voice mail for her at the hotel. Schellen´s voice said, “Mme Wallace, I´ve decided to look more closely at your alternate proposal. I would appreciate it if you would call me first thing in the morning. We could meet at 11:00, if that is convenient. Please feel free to bring M Harms. Au revoir, à bientôt.”
In her sleep, she dreamt of finding Theo. Again.