Chapter III

Conclusion of the Evening, Spencer reads his Tale of of Vanessa.

"And quite as well," exclaimed Fuckatilla, "it was beginning to get painfully cruel. I like tender love best."

"So do I, that is exactly what I think, although a few skilful strokes of the twigs are delicious provocatives to sensual enjoyment, I don't like going to extremes," said Spencer. "Now I vote for a bit of fun, then I will read you a tale called Vanessa, which I have got ready especially for this evening, and trust you may approve of its not too florid style, as I have tried to write it something in the style of 'Fanny Hill'."

"I shall call on Jack Turdey for a song first. Mind, my boy, it is one of the newest out," said their host.

"You shall have, 'Under the Garden Wall,' I got it at a convivial a night or two ago," said Jack, clearing his throat, "here goes!"

UNDER THE GARDEN WALL

I went to piss 'gainst a walnut tree,
Under the Garden Wall,
When I saw such a sight that startled me,
Under the Garden Wall,

At first it was dark, but I soon made out,
Under the Garden Wall,
A male and a female were there without doubt;
Under the Garden Wall,
I wasn't long guessing what they were about,
Under the Garden Wall.

CHORUS: —

Under the garden wall, the fellow was young and tall;
The lady was fair beyond compare,
She little suspected that I was there;
Her clothes were up, and her arse was bare!
Under the Garden Wall.

I saw she'd a pair of delightful thighs,
Under the Garden Wall;
And he had a prick of enormous size,
Under the Garden Wall;

I heard her exclaim, "What a beauty, dear Jim!
Be quick you old ducky, and do put him in;
Go gently at first, or you'll split my young quim,
Under the Garden Wall.

CHORUS: — Under, &c.

I then heard a groan, and I then heard a grunt,
Under the Garden Wall;
Said she, "How I love you to tickle my cunt,
Under the Garden Wall;

The sight gave me palpitation of the heart,
When I saw how she squirmed on his blooming dart,
With excitement, when one of them let a loud fart,
Under the Garden Wall.

CHORUS: — Under, &c.

My prick got stiff 'gainst the walnut tree,
Under the Garden Wall;

And I found no inclination to pee,
Under the Garden Wall;

The sight gave me a peculiar shock,
I found myself rubbing my sensitive jock,
They had real turtle, and I had the mock,
Under the Garden Wall.

CHORUS: — Under, &c.

"That's something like a song, can't you, Mr. Bigcock, sing us another?" said the vivacious Nelly, who had joined heartily in the chorus.

"No, you little darling!" laughed their host, "but I will just give you a new Aesthetic Nursery Rhyme, and then have Mr. Spencer's tale."

An Aesthetic young miss of Calcutta,
Set all the men's hearts in a flutter,
Her bubs were intense,
Her arse was immense,
And her cunt quite too utterly utter!

Taking up his manuscript, "My tale," said the reader, "is called 'Vanessa, the Story of a Milliner's Apprentice, or Memoirs of a Lady of Pleasure in London'."