Dear Mary,

I promised to write directly when to school I returned.
But I think when this letter is finished 'twere better by far it were burned;
For a girl has just now returned to us, and bought while in town she has been
The last improvement in dildoes - the new patent Fucking Machine.

At night when we go to our bedrooms, we go in for a jolly good spree,
And first I perform upon Fanny and then she performs upon me.
It beats the old "flatcocks" a long way, you know the old game that I mean,
Oh! mustn't a man be galoptious if he beats the new Fucking Machine?

It beats fingers by far too - a long way, its shape is just like a tool,
The girl who owns it is good-natured, she has fucked, I believe, the whole school;
She has it herself much too often, and is getting most awfully lean,
And her pussey's quite tender with using the patent new Fucking Machine.

It gives a delightful sensation, your breath comes too quickly to speak,
Whilst Fanny was doing it for me I bit a piece out of her cheek;
And when you feel yourself spending and clasp it your legs in between,
Oh! I should die if it ever got broken, God preserve the new Fucking Machine!

A new girl arrived, dearest Mary, and slept during last night with me;
When I put the machine to her "cunny," she said, "None of that sort for me!"
She turned up her nose at our patent, and said we were "awfully green,"
To injure ourselves with such habits, and not have the real Fucking Machine.

That the men are all dying to have us, if only we'll give them the chance;
She was herself had in the carriage, coming home from the Lord Mayor's dance.
Now directly I get home next Xmas, I'll spoon my young cousin Jack Green,
And I swear he'll be only too ready, to lend me his Fucking Machine.