Tuesday, November 16 2005

It's November already and soon it will be a new year. This Friday Nikki is going away for a whole week with her parents to a skiing trip north to [...]. She won't be back until until 25th or 26th. I hope she won't break a leg or kill herself, clumsy as she is. We haven't talked about New Year celebration yet. I'm not even sure if she wants to be with me or Else on that night. I feel scared to ask her because of what she might say.

It's very cold out there and I'm daydreaming about living somewhere warmer. I would like to move to southeast Asia where it's warm all the year. Maybe I could be a teacher in Thailand or Sri Lanka. They are mostly Buddhists too so I would fit well with them and the girls are pretty.

Most of the times when I come home from work I just feel lonely. I would love to live with someone. All this time I was waiting for Nikki to get old enough to move in with me but it looks like she will go her own way before that happens. Maybe I'll find someone like Ella again but it will take time and it will never be the same as it is with Nikki. I think it's obvious now I feel depressed. This weather makes it only harder to cope with the fact that I won't see my little girl for a week. I think it's time to stop. I need some sleep.