Wednesday, March 23 2005

I stayed at home today because I'm feeling sick. I think it's only a cold. It's been raining here but it's also getting warmer too. That's good because we will go out with our bicycles again and plant flowers.

I went to Nikki's home last time. It was great because I stayed for dinner with her parents and we played on her computer and listened to her music. She showed me her new bed too. She has a new bed because she's grown up and her old bed was too small for her. It's blue with pink pillows and she keeps her sleeping bag on it. I don't know why she sleeps in her sleeping bag but she says she likes it that way. Her mom asked me questions during the dinner about my job and Ella. I don't know why she thought me and Ella were still together. She also said Nikki likes going to LGBT club at her school. She said she's proud of her which made me feel good. I think that was on Sunday and on Saturday we helped Monika with her cabinet. It was funny because she didn't know what she wanted so we kept looking for the right cabinet but she wasn't happy with any we found or the ones she liked were too expensive. It took us whole day until we found an old second-hand cabinet that she liked and then the guys from the shop helped us put it in the car.

I think me and Nikki have forgiven each other everything that happened but I think she is trying to have more freedom now. She likes going to the club at school and she goes out with her friends on some weekends. There is a 15-year-old girl at the LGBT club in her school who asked her out to the movies. I think Nikki said they will go out this Friday. I don't know if this will turn into something more but even if it does I feel happy for her. I hope she finds someone she will love and enjoy living with. It's only natural that she outgrows our relationship and moves on. I'm only afraid when she finally leaves me, I will feel depressed again like I did before, years ago when I first met her and fell in love with her. It will be hard to let her go and find someone else after being together for so many years.

I'm going to make some hot tea because my throat hurts. It's good Nikki is not here or I would give it to her. I hope to get better by Saturday because we were planning to go to a nursery to buy some new flowers and then plant the flowers into pots. We do it every spring and then we take care of them until autumn when it gets cold again.