Friday, December 03 2004

It was getting late last night and I had to get some sleep because I was feeling tired. Today I went to gym after work. I haven't been there for a few weeks and when I don't go to the gym I don't feel in shape. Tomorrow is Saturday and when Nikki comes over we will decorate a Christmas tree. We always have a fun time doing this. Anyway, I was talking about Monika and New Year before I went to bed. I met Monika earlier this week. We went out for lunch and I told her I'm looking for somewhere to go this New Year and I'm taking a teen girl with me. So naturally she asked me who the girl is and I told her about Nikki and how we've know each other for a long time and how I look after her from time to time. Then she said she'd love to meet her and how she's planning a party with some of her friends and we are welcome to join them. So now I don't know if we should go to the party or if we should go somewhere on our own away from the city. I would like to be alone with her because I'm so tired of parties and people and noise. I just want some quite, romantic time for us but I know Nikki would love to go to the party instead. I will talk to her about it but I already know what her answer will be.

Back to Monika... I think she's really really pretty. I'm kind of scared to say I'm in love with her because I don't want to be in love with anyone but Nikki and after getting burnt by Ella, it looks dangerous too. Later she told me about herself and how she works as a kindergarten teacher. I told her it's a great job but she said kids can be stressful. She was a student not long ago and this is her first job. She shares a house with two other girls. They know she's lesbian but they are not. Later I told her about myself and how I'm a typical vegetarian, Buddhist lesbian and it made her laugh. I said we should keep in touch and that maybe we'll see each other at the party. I forgot to ask her if Ella will come to the party because I don't know if she will say anything when she sees Nikki there.

I think it's easier for guys to talk to girls and ask them out on dates. I see pretty girls around often but I'm shy talking to them. I always think they'll think I'm weird if I start flirting with them. Mostly the chances are that they are not lesbian or bisexual so they'll think I'm disgusting if I find them pretty. But if a guy talks to them, it would be considered normal.