Saturday, January 10 2004

Nikki and I have just returned from her soccer practice. We both enjoyed it, her playing with the girls and me watching her. Her team won with two goals difference. She's taking a shower now and then we'll go out shopping so we can rest in the evening and maybe go out if we feel like it. Yesterday I took her parents out for dinner. We went to a restaurant and socialized which we haven't done for a long time. Nikki was there too. They haven't mentioned our relationship much at all but they said a few times it's nice that Nikki and I get along so well. I felt like they didn't want to question me too much while Nikki was present but I might be wrong. It turned out to be a nice dinner and we had a good time, with Nikki's dad telling some jokes.

Last Tuesday after our Yoga class, we went to see Peter Pan. Nikki now has a crush on the boy who plays Peter Pan. I don't blame her because he's kind of cute and sexy and is half naked through the entire movie. This could be the first erotic movie made just for kids.

This was the first time I saw her so mesmerized by a boy because she usually likes looking at young girls in late teens or twenties. She doesn't seem interested in little girls in the same way.

Sometimes we look at pictures of naked girls on the Internet and we both enjoy them but I don't want Nikki to look at them all the time. I think it's all right for her to see it occasionally because she is curious and it makes her feel good and excited but I wouldn't want it to become a habit for her. I think finding satisfaction in real relationships is more important than trying to find it through pictures.

I think most of us want to find girlfriends who will understand that we love little girls when it comes to forming a relationship with another adult but it's very hard, even impossible because it would take many years or even a lifetime to find someone like that by pure chance. I was hoping Ella would be the right person but I was wrong. I doubt I will look for another girl while I'm with Nikki because I don't want to let Nikki down and make her jealous and because I don't want to be disappointed again like I was by Ella's reaction.

Nikki is back from the shower and we will go shopping now.